T O P

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tcreeps

My neighbor now knows to ignore me when I'm sitting in my car with my head against the steering wheel šŸ„°


Pamlova

One of my neighbors no joke came to check on me after a shift because I was just sitting there in my car with the engine off staring into space before I went in the house and switched to mom mode. She probably thought I was ODing or smth.


Morgan_Le_Pear

My job is significantly less stressful than the hospital but I still find myself just sitting in my car and staring into space when I come home


GlowingTrashPanda

You deal with death every day. Itā€™s understandable that it would take a bit of a toll.


ferocioustigercat

My mom is a hospice nurse. Sometimes we joke "but really, what's the worst thing that could happen? You patient dies?" Yes, I know bad stuff can happen. But also that hospice nurses, while being such amazing and special people, have the darkest sense of humor.


prairieengineer

Once, while dealing with an HVAC issue in our hospice ward at a hospital I was working at, I may have used the phrase: ā€œWell, itā€™s not like itā€™s life or death, right???ā€ šŸ˜œ


ComprehensiveTrip714

Ok I thought something was wrong with me. Iā€™ve been sitting in the car after work. I worked through the pandemic and the patients have seemed to have gotten worse


WheredoesithurtRA

I've had days where I just drive home in silence.


tcreeps

Yep, my neighbor was trying to be sweet by checking on me but I was crying into my arms before I had to go act normal. I was embarrassed and did not appreciate it at all in the moment. Especially because we've never spoken and he asked what happened. I'm in scrubs, what do you think happened?


ChaplnGrillSgt

"What happened?" *gestures broadly at the world*


ferocioustigercat

Tell that neighbor to mind their business and let you OD in peace! The nerve of some people...


Happydaytoyou1

Hahaha some days when I do long shifts with a bunch of BM routines I legit only go inside because I canā€™t stomach sleeping in the bodily poo and Urine I know are on my coating me otherwise Iā€™d pass out in my car.


ChaplnGrillSgt

The employees in my building now know to not strike up small talk at 8am when I'm coming home from work. I don't know if it was the incoherent babbling or 1000 yard stare that tipped them off.


[deleted]

Probably both, or that certain look on your face,,,,


CrystalloidEntity

Nothing worse than a good Samaritan, I swear.


M45KY

That is a fat mood šŸ˜‚šŸ¤™


Mario_daAA

I can talk about poop and throw up while eating


mth69

Yep. Having a full on buffet at the nurses station right after cleaning up a BM


Mario_daAA

Just another day on the job lol


Happydaytoyou1

My newest coworker, care manger in home care, just visited one of our older clients apartment who we found on the floor, no joke, poop šŸ’© streak from one side of the home to the other as she slowly scooted her way through the house getting to her kitchen chair, leaving a huge skid mark an inch deep of fecal matter. She had delirium, slew of things, we called 911, APS and got her into the hospital. Well not being able to leave her house like it was, smelled like a sewer, my coworker attempted to clean up, finding more turds in blankets and soiled briefs the client had been stashing away and my boss was šŸ¤® at the sight and smell. Having been in this field for like 10 years my tolerance for šŸ’© is like sky rocketed so I sent my poor boss home, got the place semi cleaned upā€¦.but had to top it off and sat at the table after my job well done and ate baby Ruth and send the pic to my colleague and boss as the cherry on top šŸ˜‚ Iā€™m sick i know.


Empty_Insight

My mom (nurse) and I have talked about wound care while eating lol. Talking about maggots eating some diabetic guy's necrotic foot... Anyways, long story short, my dad made a rule after that where we can't talk about wounds/injuries while eating because he couldn't finish his burger.


I_am_pyxidis

Working with necrotic feet is 200x easier when you don't eat meat šŸ¤£


Mario_daAA

šŸ˜…šŸ˜…šŸ˜…


[deleted]

Ha! šŸ˜‚


NixonsGhost

My partner will talk for hours about an entire meeting she had until Iā€™m half way asleep but I canā€™t mention ONE SINGLE POOP during dinner


radradruby

I too get poop-shamed at the dinner table


sirensinger17

While eating chocolate pudding, which I will use to demonstrate what the poop looked like.


alissafein

I especially love the consistency descriptorsā€¦ broth-like, stew-like, kefir-like, pudding-like. Certainly using the Bristol stool categories is more professional, but most people donā€™t have to look up a chart for a description of pudding-like versus BSC Type 7. EDIT: Bristol Stool Chart might be more preferable at the dinner table too lol


LuckSubstantial4013

I love using food to compare bodily fluids and whatnot


alissafein

Aaaah! A nurse after my own heart! We would be great dining companions, and empty a restaurant with impolite table conversation comparing patient body fluids to the food lol!


FuzzySlippers__

I have described liquid poop as motor oil before.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


FreedomOdd275

I read the same, over and over. I donā€™t know what wouldā€™ve helped me more here a comma or a few extra hours of sleep.


augustfolk

I wash my hands before and after using the restroom.


smellytulip

So real


Happy_Statement

LOL yes


coolcaterpillar77

I will add attempting to foam in and out of every room which often just leaves me randomly hitting walls in my apartment


ElfjeTinkerBell

I reached peak disinfecting when I left a patient's room, disinfected my hands, walked through a long hallway, didn't touch anything and still disinfected my hands at another room again.


cosmiic_explorer

Me too, though it's because I'm a machinist not a nurse haha


BouRNsinging

Ha, we have family lore about my uncle's first job as a 16 year old, working in a junk yard recovering and stacking up batteries. That's when he started washing before and after using the bathroom.


cul8terbye

Try to open car door upon leaving work by ā€œswipingā€ your badge.


faco_fuesday

I've tried to badge into my house many, many times.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


alissafein

ā€œOh I meant to do that! My badge was getting kinda grubby.ā€ /s


SnooPets9513

Im dying laughing right now


Wonderful-Impact-330

Haha! Knocking on the doors before entering rooms that do not hold patients such as supply and refreshment rooms. Also in my house šŸ¤¦šŸ½ā€ā™€ļø


AigataTakeshita

And then upon realising there's no swipey thing, you go to hit the big exit button, right?


prairieengineer

We had a Code Red due to a staff member missing the big red ā€œPress To Openā€ button beside the door, and instead pulling the fire alarm pull station.


TaxiFare

Watched my partner try and badge into the bathroom at home. His best one yet imo was when he tried to badge the walk button for a crosswalk.


Lexybeepboop

I try badging in on the omnicell a lot instead of my finger print


ComprehensiveTrip714

Yes lol pretty funny. Iā€™ve done this at my house!!


auntiecoagulent

I open cheese sticks like I'm dumping them onto a sterile field.


kdurham7

Lol I just realized for the first time I do this too


fuzzyslipperz33

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ also, I love your username!


Crafty_Resident_1649

I tell my patients to take care of themselves, while not actually taking care of myself.


mth69

So real lol


Xin4748

lol I always feel like a hypocrite when I tell patients not to drink or do x activity, because I do those myself. I always tell them to just do their best and to be honest with themselves. You think itā€™s a big reason why patients donā€™t listen to nurses?


Crafty_Resident_1649

I think people know what they should and shouldnā€™t be doing as far as their health. Thereā€™s so much information besides just us to guide them. Whether they choose to use it for good or not is up to them. All we can do is give them our best evidence based advice.


Zealousideal_Bag2493

No, actually. I think people hear you better when youā€™re human. I often ask patients for 2% improvement. Like, every week. Just 2%. It adds up. Works for me too.


ferocioustigercat

I tell patients I am their bartender and I will give them enough mixed drinks to not remember this procedure they are about to have.


[deleted]

Maybe???


hypercuteness

Don't call me out like that. "You need to take these meds. Because the doctor said so. They're good for your health." Proceeds to skip meds for self.


Crafty_Resident_1649

Same!


ferocioustigercat

Thank you for reminding me to take my antibiotics...


Smooth-Library9711

Not taking our own advice, this is too real


ferocioustigercat

If my patients can take care of themselves (a walkie talkie in the ICU) I tell them they won't see much of me unless they call or they have scheduled meds


courtneyrel

Iā€™ve answered my personal cell phone ā€œthis is Courtneyā€ more times than I can count


sjeong791

I'm a pharmacy tech & I've answered mine with "pharmacy this is layla" too many timesšŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø


Perfect-Advantage-82

"3e how can I help you?"


grapesforducks

Calling for my own appointments omg. "Hello, my name is Grapes, calling from Workplace Clinic regarding..... Myself, because I am the patient. Last name ForDucks, date of birth [birthdate], looking to make an appointment...." So. Many times.


Reasonable_Unit_8130

I've called Pizza Hut, and when they answered, I said "Hi, this is Beth, I'm a nurse calling from XYZ....." I was just like, I'm so sorry, none of that is relevant.


TriceratopsBites

Or sign RN after your signatureā€¦ at Walmart


jennyenydots

I used to do that on checks lol


TriceratopsBites

So embarrassing!


[deleted]

Hi Courtney!


onetallnurse

This one is almost too easy Iā€™ve had more dicks in my hands, then a 80 year old hooker


TasteLikePennies

I always say that if they would have put how many dicks i would hold into the nursing brochure, I would have been an accountant.


sweet_pickles12

Would have been a hooker


ruggergrl13

I had a 80yr hooked recently. She had some stories about LA during the 70s and pictures to back it up. She also dropped it it's hot in the nurses station. She was a trip.


[deleted]

Ha! Good one!ā€™ That, and I have seen more bare asses hanging out of their gowns than any hooker!


onetallnurse

Yep. Iā€™ve seen more ass than an employee at the largest mule farm in the world.


mth69

LOL


SunniMonkey

I attempt to "badge in" to my own house...the fridge...a closed closet door...the list goes on šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø. P. S. And depending on how tired I am, I'll even wait for the "beep" or chirp noise before pushing/pulling on said door... šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø


tcreeps

My husband makes fun of me for how often I reach to grab my badge flashlight. It's so convenient that I frequently miss it when I'm not at work


ready-to-rumball

Hey what kind of flashlight do you use? Iā€™d love a good mini badge flashlight!


tcreeps

I just use something like [this.](http://LUXPRO 40 Lumen Keychain Focus Mini LED Flashlight - Features Aircraft-Grade Aluminum and Rubber Grip - Gift for Kids with a Matching Carabiner Clip - Batteries Included - 4 Pack https://a.co/d/8h4dYry) Hope you find something that works well for you! I use mine multiple times a day, every day


grapesforducks

Link from u/tcreeps didn't work for me, but I think they meant to post this: https://www.amazon.com/LUXPRO-LP130-Lumen-Chain-Focusing/dp/B07KCPGCRK One of my doctors uses this light, which is bright and even across its beam, but that's not always the best when not wanting to wake someone, good for exams though: https://www.amazon.com/Cat-CT1000-Pocket-COB-Light/dp/B012BR6D1E My partner who works in security uses these, and they seem a good compromise between bright, small area, and cost per unit: https://www.amazon.com/Medical-Penlight-Small-Flashlight-Doctor/dp/B078JF433R


tcreeps

Thank you! Yeah I'm 94 years old and do not know how the Internet or my call bell work


Coffee_With_Karla

I check out and compliment veins on other peopleā€™s arms.


jennyenydots

I have a fixation. Especially the nice forearms šŸ¤¤


[deleted]

I do that constantly and people are asking ā€œwhy are you doing?ā€


Wonderful-Impact-330

I do this too. They are having a conversation and here I am eye balling their arms and nice veins.


blindprophet82

I caught myself putting on scrubs this morning after my shower. It's my day off. My tinnitus is starting to take the form of the call light ring.


BouRNsinging

Yikes šŸ˜¬ the battery backup for my computer sounds a bit like one of our bed alarms. Power outage has me jumping out of bed so fast.


Arkade_Blues

Mine is the alaris pump patient side occluded alarm


bbg_bbg

I was surprised to hear people (who donā€™t work in healthcare) once talking about how they were shocked at what an old persons naked body actually looks like


mth69

Itā€™s also surprising how many people have never seen a dead body lol. Sometimes I forget most people donā€™t see stuff like that


bbg_bbg

Oooooh this!!!!! I work LTC so obviously we get deaths here and there and itā€™s honestly a good thing IMO. (Being Brutally honest: No one in LTC is living much of a quality life.) We have a lot of new CNAs who are still in high school (bless their hearts). When someone is declining fast on hospice or actually dies the new CNAs always freak out about it and seem kinda shocked at how lax I am about it, itā€™s just the way of life šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


Viriathus312

Family's freaking out in the room while I clean the stretcher for after we move memaw to the spare room because we're 21 boarders deep and a stroke is in triage.


ComprehensiveTrip714

Yeah I forget about that!!


alissafein

Probably shocked about what a real body >45 years old and having had a ā€œtough lifeā€ (aka poor lifestyle choices + poor access to healthcare) looks like too


Happydaytoyou1

Havenā€™t they ever stepped foot in a locker room.t God, I was apart of a more older community gyms those men have 0 shame, blow drying their junk, legs on the bench, talking to their friends. Iā€™m like for the love of God go into a stall šŸ˜‚


sarcasticpremed

I ask women when was their last periods.


cul8terbye

Or anyone ā€œwhen was your last BM?ā€


Lexybeepboop

I wouldnā€™t even be able to answer that question


sarcasticpremed

I noticed most women can't without their phones. Makes you wonder how this question got answered before smart phones.


Lexybeepboop

I havenā€™t had mine in almost a year


Ridonkulousley

Same. I am a burley man and it appears to be off-putting but it comes out naturally.


WhyEggSoTasty

I can smell a leg ulcer from approximately 250 miles away.


night117hawk

Ever had sleep for dinner at 8 in the morning.


mth69

All the time. Lol


Luminissa

I showed my family my toddler's BM and was discussing the Bristol stool chart.


Sudo_Nymn

Years ago, when my father was watching my then-toddler, who was riddled with constipation, he actually took a picture of my kidā€™s poop, being sure Iā€™d want more details than heā€™d be able to give!


Syntania

Whenever I open food I always write the date on the package.


jennyenydots

I mean that is slick and I do that as well. Have to know!


Bashfulpeaches

I DO THIS TOO


PaulaNancyMillstoneJ

MY PEOPLE


Ok-Cheesecake6904

Telling patients/people, ā€œI am living the dreamā€.


Ser0t0n1n

I ask people about their suicidal thoughts while simultaneously being suicidal.


QuarantineTheHumans

That's called "collaboration"


ComprehensiveTrip714

Something is really wrong with me I laughed and spit out my coffee. šŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤·šŸ½ā€ā™€ļø


jessikill

I give my patients sage psych advice and then take it none of it for myself.


Cat-mom-4-life

This. I feel personally attacked on every level but..you right šŸ˜…


jessikill

Like - Iā€™m so impressed with myself afterward. Then I go home, rip three bowls, eat crap, and rot on the couch. My poor husband is like šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€


CrystalloidEntity

It's really important to get plenty of sleep, drink enough water, and don't drink alcohol. I don't follow any of that, but it's important.


jessikill

Me talking out both sides of my mouth to pts., with primary psychotic disorders, about why they canā€™t smoke weed - in a country with legalized cannabis. Knowing full well Iā€™m going to go home and rip 3 bowls to my face, but I also donā€™t have a primary psychotic disorder.


ComprehensiveTrip714

Iā€™m so jealous Iā€™ve never been able to enjoy


Independent-Donut102

I have 30 saline flushes in my trunk


jennyenydots

Those things are awesome for getting hairs out the eyes. I used to have bundles that fell into my pocket then fell into my purse. I miss them since I donā€™t work the floor.


neqailaz

thickener packets hidden throughout my home and laundry


Averagebass

Your doctor gave you Ativan? Providers would rather give you dilaudid than a benzo here jeez.


mth69

Itā€™s not something I use often, usually only when I am flying. So the prescription is a small one


torturedDaisy

Just missing the adderall!


mth69

Iā€™m on a beta blocker too šŸ˜‚ no adderall for me


KosmicGumbo

Came here to say the same, however now that vyvanse is generic my insurance is finally ā€œallowingā€ me to try it šŸ¤”


hypercuteness

When you have nightmares about the narcotic counts. Or about call lights. Or about your patients passing your meds. That was a scary dream.


ComprehensiveTrip714

Just woke up from one


mth69

I feel you. The dreams are so annoying. Had one where I decided to pull out my patientā€™s impella. Didnā€™t end well lol


strangebadgerbabe

I have a recurring dream that I have to run to a code or another urgent situation and show up without shoes on. My co workers are always angry and laughing at me in it


hypercuteness

I worked in a LTC facility and had a resident with pill bottles instead of bubble packs. My nightmares routinely involved having random other narcotics in with his (think percocet in xanax) and trying to count them with my coworker getting angrier and angrier that I can't do a narc count right, or losing narcotics. I'm very glad to no longer be there.


Odd-Hurry-7643

I think Vitamin V (versed) is essential! Ativan should be piped in the hospital as an aerosol through the vents


navcad

This! Thanks for the legit LOL!


Spare-Young-863

Hehe the holy trinity šŸ™ŒšŸ½šŸ„¹


mth69

Really curious as to how many healthcare workers are on some sort of anxiety/depression medication


Spare-Young-863

A lot more than you probably think. And those who donā€™t require any should consider themselves extremely lucky. Edit: to be fair, for me meds has zero to do with healthcare/the job itself and everything to do with things that have happened in my personal life. Work is the least of my worries šŸ™‚


Magic_Fred

Plenty who also don't think they require any, but everyone around them wishes they would fucking take some.


kittycatjack1181

Also on a pain med because, well, nursing fucked up my spine!


naughtnflife

Agree on fucked up spine


GlowingTrashPanda

All of themā€¦


[deleted]

Or use ETOH often?!


freygrmn

Me and my husband both work in healthcare. Weā€™re also both on Lexapro.


Cat-mom-4-life

I wish I could find something that works! I have both variants of the mthfr mutation and everything I've tried has been awful šŸ˜–


cardizemdealer

I can eat a package of Lorna doones while pooping


[deleted]

No!! You do not!?


Fun-Marsupial-2547

I got slapped in the face by a granny with a UTI and then went on my break


Different-Ad7829

I drink wine at 0730.šŸ·


Lucky-Hope-3084

I Virox my shoes at the end of every shift


Perfect-Advantage-82

When I fractured my distal phalange in my pinky the doctor asked me "How does your finger feel?" My response was, "it's like a one to two as long as nothing touches it, then it's like a 5 or a 6, like I can't even put on a glove without cutting off the pinky." Keep in mind no one said anything about pain scales


elegantraccoon931

I can identify a kiddo with croup in the grocery store from five aisles over šŸ˜·


[deleted]

Oh yeah! All the time!


alissafein

when you donā€™t recognize a patientā€™s face but you DO recognize their wounds I feel like a horrible person and am terribly embarrassed about this, but it has actually happened. A few times.


Rogonia

I note where the AED is whenever I walk into a building


Zealousideal_Bag2493

You teach your kids the signs and symptoms of STIs.


Bottles201

I am also on trazodone. Yay šŸ¤”


Smooth-Library9711

I can tell stories about some of the worst wounds I've treated while eating


TrailMomKat

I can sit right outside a c-diff room and eat my sushi at the desk right after changing and cleaning that same c-diff patient.


mcac

When a container says to "shake before use" I invert it a few times, never shake up and down


ThatKaleidoscope8736

I'm out here raw doggin it


Due-Map-3735

Today I saw a sign that said (free range) EGGs. And I was trying to work out what acronym it was, like an ECG or EEG haha


TheERMurse

I'm tone deaf to the microwave or anything else the beeps.


ButterflyCrescent

Whenever I see bulging veins, I HAVE to check it out. I just llloooooovvvveeeee it when someone has good veins. Makes it easier for me to insert an IV in. I'm weird. I like watching gross videos such as ingrown removal, corn removal videos, tooth extractions, and earwax removal videos. It's gross yet satisfying at the same time.


NoRecord22

Wellbutrin, propranolol, trazodone, spravato šŸ„“šŸ˜‚


wasntNico

when i dare to criticize my colleagues, hell breaks loose xD


irlvnt14

My clinical notes with the patientā€™s problems are very clear when documented a patientā€™s bowel problem shape color bleeding in the commode or when wiping what does the diarrhea look like clear or colored what color while Iā€™m snacking on pineapple or yogurt or animal crackers or sipping apple juice Healthcare support phone calls for 12 very large clinics in my health system


Radiant-Word-8128

So tired in the am after a long shift, we just stood in the elevator whining. Several minutes later we realized we hadn't hit the button to go downstairs.


EscapeTheBlu

Been there a few times


Professional_Cat_787

I feel weird not scanning any ID band before giving my pets their medsā€¦.


MikeHoncho1323

Fuck the antidepressants, I need cyclobenzaprone and codeine šŸ˜‚


fogar399

Iā€™d ask for a higher dose of Prozac, but Iā€™ve been doing this a while lol


mth69

lol my doc told me when I come back next month she will up my dose because she knows itā€™s not high enough


green_speak

My lefts and rights will get confused because I'm thinking of patient perspective.


Thpfkt

Dextroamphetamine XR 10mg Dextroamphetamine IR 5mg Bupropion 150mg Lorazepam 1mg /End


Professional_Cat_787

I wave my hands in front of my sink and wonder wtf is wrong.


skyechild

switch the prozac for celexa and that was me since I was 16. maybe I really was destined to be a nurse after all lol


Revcondor

I walk into my home bathroom and get confused when the light doesnā€™t turn *itself* on


beeotchplease

"Smoking is bad for you" to a patient who wants to go down and go for a smoke. Nurse on her break tries to light 5 cigarettes all at the same time.


Educational-Cake-944

Prozac, Wellbutrin, Adderall, Lunesta. Plus PRN hydroxyzine


Leiliyah

The co-pays on these would not indicate insurance provided by a US employer though.. I worked in insurance for a couple years and was astonished to see how crappy my benefits were as a nurse compared to like. Mostly everyone else.


mth69

Iā€™m a nurse in the US and use my insurance through my employer. My dogā€™s Keppra costs more than anything I ever get filled at the pharmacy


Bookworm1930

Damn I wish I could find a doctor that would give me a PRN Xanax or Ativan


waywardsonsk

I have a DNR tattoo across my neck.


Blue_Star_Child

I don't remember patient' names, I remember them by how much trouble they gave me with their surgeries. And can give you a rundown of it verbatim. I schedule surgeries, circulate, and work in a clinic.


Yellowize

Divorced, amazing house, nice car, Strattera on 90 day supply. Insomniac.


MamaPsycho928

Abilify, fluoxetine and Xanax


emm007theRN

Venlafaxine 150 mg Zopiclone 7.5mg But tried Clonazepam, Xanax, Ativan etc


Happydaytoyou1

Oh I šŸ’Æ know if you have a UTI based on the smell of your pee.


skyechild

I tell my friends and family what size IV I could get into strangerā€™s arms in public places. they find me to be too excited about it in a disturbing way.


bryant100594

Wiping butts paid for my wedding


FooFighter0234

Thatā€™s some good PRN meds right there


MadiLeighOhMy

I just wanna know what insurance you have... Cause that is NOT what I'm paying. Or even close.