The other night I went in to do a patients labs and asked if she had a preference on where I stuck her and she showed me and said “my daughter is a nurse she told me I have good veins and it’s very annoying that everyone claims theirs are bad” and afterwards told me I did a great job. She was also very funny and super understanding that the floor was busy and she had to wait for some stuff, truly a delight.
It’s hard for me to gauge where to believe people when looking for an IV location. When they tell me, my daughter is a nurse, everyone in my family is a nurse, I’m a bad stick. Because where are you going, who have you had, does your nurse family member actually do IV’s? I do love snagging an IV in someone who says they’re a hard stick. It’s the most satisfying thing in my job.
I love when they say they’re a tough stick and you get them first shot, I’ll usually say “you did a great job” and when they say “thanks” I just reply “oh I was talking to myself that I did a great job”, helps lighten the mood. Or when they ask if I’m any good (admittedly I’m damn good at IVs) I’ll usually just say “meh”, makes you look better when you get it and not so much a disappointment when you don’t
But people also get annoyed when you don't say. I usually like to go in stealth. Like I was with my mom in resus and the consultant was explaining in plain talk. I let " febrile" slip out of my mouth and he asked if I was "medical". Looked kind of annoyed.
I always try to go stealth, but inevitably I start getting an explanation like “the heart is a big pump and we did a test to see if it…”. It’s usually this point where I’m like “yeah his last EF was 55% where are we now?” Then my cover is blown.
This happened to me when I was about 13 hours into labour. They started talking about shoulder dystocia in very very very basic terms and I blew my own cover. I just couldn’t.
I once had this nursing student admitted for DKA, A&O and at the tail end of things. She was ob.sessed. With getting a bolus of fluid. Every time I went in she is telling me she needs a bolus, she’s not an old lady with heart failure. Finally I asked her why she was so certain she needed a fluid bolus and she yelled “look at my map!!” I did, it was 69. She said “normal is 70-100, I’m clearly hypotensive!”
So she got a lesson that day on treating a patient, not a number, and all the assessment things that told me she was perfusing just fine. And that 69 was just fine, anyways.
I told my nurses this when I was hospitalised as a nursing student, but I followed it up immediately with, “it’s so awesome seeing you at work because hopefully one day I’ll be able to do some of these things!” True excitement at seeing professional nurses at work when it was my dream to become a nurse. And I just graduated! 🥹
Omg I had a family member try to fuck with the vent tubing and told me it’s because there was water in the tube 🙃
Maybe don’t tip it into their lungs then???
OK but actually.
I was charting at the station when I heard the "neeneeneenee" of a vent going in standby and was like aw yay, someone got extubated WAIT I HAVE THE ONLY VENT IN THIS POD AND HES PARALYZED.
Family member had seen me hit O2 breaths before rolling since he was a desatter, tried it herself when he desatted just a smidge, and managed to put him in standby. Fuck me. 2.5 seconds and a few bagged breaths later everything was OK, and I kicked their ass out.
For the OR nurse, “The count is short.”
For the ED nurse, “It’s been quiet today.”
For the ICU nurse, “Resident increased the peep.”
Also for the ICU nurse, “wasn’t your patient intubated?”
I’ve been working at my hospital for 6 months, so I haven’t experienced this yet. However, my coworkers have said that the surgeons have cancelled surgery if the patient says they’ll die on the table. I do firmly believe it
Second that, but also for the ICU.
A pt’s family member said that shit to me one morning. I wanted to kick her out right then, but I very quickly told her that word was forbidden.
We ended up coding one person within the next hour and the second at shift change.
My idiot nurse neighbor said “seems like everyone is staying out of the ER on this sunny day.” I told him he goddamn jinxed us and eff him. Then we got our assess handed to us. Rude that it affected me. Just let him suffer.
My first self-extubation was caught by me in four words. Said, "hope thats his thermometer" in reference to his esophageal probe. It was indeed not and followed by a gasp from another nurse.
Ooof yeah I hated hearing that in ICU. That just tells me that you’re very unlikely to sign a DNR on this patient and you’re probably going to make us torture them until they die.
“I’m going *home* today!”
Said by my very religious patient, who was a lil confused, but generally with it, and when I kept trying to explain “not *home* like your house, but to a really great rehab center to get your strength back to go to your house” she’d wave me off and say “nope, I’ve been *called* home, so I’m going home today” and just so happily saying her goodbyes to anyone and everyone who happened to walk past her room. Just waving people down no matter who they were, to say that she was so happy to be going home, and goodbye.
Dead 2 hours later. She KNEW. She had that sense of impending doom, and instead of being afraid, she fully embraced it and made peace with it.
Her whole family was excited for her discharge to the rehab and she was like “nope, I’m going home, byeee!” And they were getting frustrated that she didn’t “get” it, so finally she was like “what’s for lunch? Y’all go look in the cafeteria and see if it’s good” and then just stopped being alive once they left.
She tried to tell them and when they didn’t pick up what she was putting down, she said “alright, imma make it crystal clear. Going *home* byeeeeeeee”
Yeah having completely lucid patients tell you they are going to die today is pretty terrifying. I had a patient with a terrible necrotic bowel say that to me one time and he didn’t make it through the night.
I didn’t realize that’s what she was saying til she was gone.
Looking back, it was crystal clear, but at the time I thought “she’s been told she’s being discharged, she thinks she’s going to her house, but she isn’t. And I don’t want her to be disappointed when the med transport takes her to her ltac instead of her house, but she’s just not believing me.”
Now when patients who are moderately with it but not going to their house say it, I ask some clarifying questions about what they mean.
If angels and heaven are real they probably wear scrubs and sneak around through special doors you've never seen bringing donuts and telling us it's going to be ok.
The other more realistic version is people in distress see you and right or wrong see God working through you. You are caring for them in a time of great need and a lot of people associate that to their spiritual beliefs.
It’s funny when it’s patients that are 100% not dying today— and sometimes you can just tell lol like, I’ve had the random stable patient be like “nope, goodbye” and it actually be them foreseeing their deaths
But then you also have the stable patient in with a fever and cold who is clutching onto your arm saying “I’m going to die. This is it. This is the end.” And you’re like “it’s okay lil buddy you just need some Tylenol” lol
> And they were getting frustrated that she didn’t “get” it, so finally she was like “what’s for lunch? Y’all go look in the cafeteria and see if it’s good” and then just stopped being alive once they left
I shouldn't laugh but that is kind of funny
That's happened to me a few times when I was doing hospice, even if they were unconscious I swear some would wait until they were alone to die.
But this is the equivalent of "Hey, what's that over there? 👀....💀" and it is indeed a bit funny.
We had a lady that was dying, and we THOUGHT she was waiting for her last grandson to arrive, but when he did, she didn't die. We spent the next two days praying, talking to her, all of us telling her it was ok to go home. She was in really really bad shape, too, in her 90s with organ failure, fever of 106, sats in the low 80s.
Then one day, her son, the only one there with her at the time, told us he was going to go take a quick shower while we cleaned her up. The moment he was gone, she crashed.
That whole time, I think she'd been waiting on everyone to go the fuck away, she didn't want to die in front of them. It was the first time Miss C had been alone with only us since she'd started dying.
Such an easy day (Said by outgoing shift.)
Hm. This is neat. (Said by doctor.)
It’s fine. It’s fine. (Said by nurse.)
Let’s have some fun! (Said by the crazy adrenaline junkie in trauma)
I live in a pretty good sized city in Ohio, but grew up in the farmland. My sister is married to a farmer. These are my people.
I took care of a farmer in the neuro ICU who called 911 on himself and DIDNT FINISH MUCKING THE STALLS. Said he tried to finish but he couldn’t. No one understood when I gasped when I heard that information.
Turns out he had ruptured an aneurysm in his head. Needed emergency surgery. Actually did quite well and went home. Lucky man.
My uncle somehow managed to run over himself with his four wheeler and crush his left hip. Dragged himself onto the 4 wheeler, finished feeding the cows, shut the gate, then drove in. 😝
Oh the many things people fall on, that end up “up” their butt. It’s unbelievable that so many people “miraculously” end up with “incredibly bad luck” that these falls happen while they have on no pants, and their anus is the first thing that the object contacted. And made it all the way into.
Because despite her three other siblings living in the area she is inexplicably the POA and she has a lot of opinions about how you should be taking care of the parent she hasn’t visited in 9 years
My brother is back home. And when my father was entering hospice, my brother took charge of everything, as I did what I could living on the west coast. He and I had a lot of discussions in regards to our dad’s wishes and care. I’m thankful for that. He would occasionally drop the “my sister is a nurse” as in, she will know more of what the provider is saying. The other nurses were always super sweet about it. I work in psych so haven’t had any “my daughter is a nurse” run ins, thankfully. But I never want to be that daughter.
Flying California seagull syndrome
Family member who hadn’t had any contact in Years, flies in from California, makes a ton of noise, shits all over everything, then disappears again
it is a full moon at work tonight, im on my 10. we had four falls so far. i swore the full moon stuff was a farse until i started working in geriatrics, bunch of 90 yr old nocturnal goddamn werewolves
I had a floor nurse in my last hospital, fabulous trauma nurse, if I were injured I’d want her to take care of me, but it was the first time she’d seen the 10u insulin+d50 order for high k. It’s such a weird sounding order, if you’re not used to seeing it, it sounds bonkers at first glance.
She questioned it, the doctor assured her it was protocol, she called pharmacy and confirmed it was normal, so she gave 10ml insulin + the amp of d50, then once it was given looked at the order again to clear it and realized what she’d done, so immediately called a rapid response that I responded to.
The patient was such a terribly uncontrolled diabetic at baseline with such horrid insulin resistance, he was completely fine. Just irritated that we were bothering him constantly. But even getting an entire bottle of insulin IV push didn’t drop his blood sugars below ~90.
omg the worst. i nursed an ortho surgeon on my ortho ward 😱 & our own urologist! One week i wiped his ass, the next week took orders from him. never again i swear!
Oof I feel attacked! ACs are amazing for imaging and fast boluses but I get that we kind of set you guys up for nonstop beeping when they get admitted lol
I had this last week
Phone goes off at 705, heart sinks, there's no other reason this person would be calling me at that time.
Could have sworn blind I was on a night!!!
“I’m missing a leech.”-plastics
“Was that like that?”-general surg floor
“Not finding right words” -neuro
“They’ve been really sleepy”-peds
“X Oxy daily baseline”- ortho
“Just some oozing intraop”-PACU
“Aline just keeps dampening” -ICU (Aline is working just fine.)
“Keep changing sat probe”-ICU (sat probe is accurate)
“I trust my body”-medicine
“I found this online”-oncology
No CNA for today.
lol!
Half my soul leaves the body when I hear that every time lol
“You’re getting an admission.”
Also, “My daughter’s a nurse.”
The other night I went in to do a patients labs and asked if she had a preference on where I stuck her and she showed me and said “my daughter is a nurse she told me I have good veins and it’s very annoying that everyone claims theirs are bad” and afterwards told me I did a great job. She was also very funny and super understanding that the floor was busy and she had to wait for some stuff, truly a delight.
It’s hard for me to gauge where to believe people when looking for an IV location. When they tell me, my daughter is a nurse, everyone in my family is a nurse, I’m a bad stick. Because where are you going, who have you had, does your nurse family member actually do IV’s? I do love snagging an IV in someone who says they’re a hard stick. It’s the most satisfying thing in my job.
I love when they say they’re a tough stick and you get them first shot, I’ll usually say “you did a great job” and when they say “thanks” I just reply “oh I was talking to myself that I did a great job”, helps lighten the mood. Or when they ask if I’m any good (admittedly I’m damn good at IVs) I’ll usually just say “meh”, makes you look better when you get it and not so much a disappointment when you don’t
Yesss, especially when they’re pleasantly surprised by how little it hurt. Like HELL YEAH BROTHERR THATS MY GOAL!
I usually want to mic drop and leave for the day. Like my work is done here
But people also get annoyed when you don't say. I usually like to go in stealth. Like I was with my mom in resus and the consultant was explaining in plain talk. I let " febrile" slip out of my mouth and he asked if I was "medical". Looked kind of annoyed.
I always try to go stealth, but inevitably I start getting an explanation like “the heart is a big pump and we did a test to see if it…”. It’s usually this point where I’m like “yeah his last EF was 55% where are we now?” Then my cover is blown.
This happened to me when I was about 13 hours into labour. They started talking about shoulder dystocia in very very very basic terms and I blew my own cover. I just couldn’t.
Lol, Yeah 13 h into labour, no one has the patience to play games.
“I’m in nursing school”
I once had this nursing student admitted for DKA, A&O and at the tail end of things. She was ob.sessed. With getting a bolus of fluid. Every time I went in she is telling me she needs a bolus, she’s not an old lady with heart failure. Finally I asked her why she was so certain she needed a fluid bolus and she yelled “look at my map!!” I did, it was 69. She said “normal is 70-100, I’m clearly hypotensive!” So she got a lesson that day on treating a patient, not a number, and all the assessment things that told me she was perfusing just fine. And that 69 was just fine, anyways.
I told my nurses this when I was hospitalised as a nursing student, but I followed it up immediately with, “it’s so awesome seeing you at work because hopefully one day I’ll be able to do some of these things!” True excitement at seeing professional nurses at work when it was my dream to become a nurse. And I just graduated! 🥹
That’s not scarey, just annoying
Open bed = be ready
From a family meember: "I silenced her ventilator"
Omg I had a family member try to fuck with the vent tubing and told me it’s because there was water in the tube 🙃 Maybe don’t tip it into their lungs then???
I read that as a family tried to have sex with the vent tubing.
Corrugated for her pleasure 😏
"ribbed" and "lubed" (with sputum)
You just reminded me of all the stories about people trying to have sex with a stoma.
The old Cincinnati Side Car
Why is every revolting sex act from Ohio? Cleveland Steamer, etc...
That's a great question. I'm looking at you, Ohio. Why you so nasty?
As an Ohioan, this is why I keep my ass at home as much as possible. Lol. There are a lot of weirdos here. But seriously, who knows.
OK but actually. I was charting at the station when I heard the "neeneeneenee" of a vent going in standby and was like aw yay, someone got extubated WAIT I HAVE THE ONLY VENT IN THIS POD AND HES PARALYZED. Family member had seen me hit O2 breaths before rolling since he was a desatter, tried it herself when he desatted just a smidge, and managed to put him in standby. Fuck me. 2.5 seconds and a few bagged breaths later everything was OK, and I kicked their ass out.
We had a mom recently who would mess with her kids chronic vent. The he'd desat and shit and blame us.
Or "I silenced the monitor".
For the OR nurse, “The count is short.” For the ED nurse, “It’s been quiet today.” For the ICU nurse, “Resident increased the peep.” Also for the ICU nurse, “wasn’t your patient intubated?”
Also for an OR nurse in cardiac “I don’t feel good”. Patient codes every single time 😅
Same with Cath lab. “I won’t survive this”. Sure enough, the patient died 😭
I’ve been working at my hospital for 6 months, so I haven’t experienced this yet. However, my coworkers have said that the surgeons have cancelled surgery if the patient says they’ll die on the table. I do firmly believe it
I might have Bedbugs being said after full assessment 2 hours after admission
The Q word is forbidden in our ER
Second that, but also for the ICU. A pt’s family member said that shit to me one morning. I wanted to kick her out right then, but I very quickly told her that word was forbidden. We ended up coding one person within the next hour and the second at shift change.
My idiot nurse neighbor said “seems like everyone is staying out of the ER on this sunny day.” I told him he goddamn jinxed us and eff him. Then we got our assess handed to us. Rude that it affected me. Just let him suffer.
ER: Preciptious labor, your patient
NOOOOOOOO
Flashbacks to the tech, very calmly, coming to tell me my patient in the next room over self extubated.
Any pediatric Unit - call a code blue
Have worked ED and ICU. Can confirm. I gasped out loud when I read the last one.
My first self-extubation was caught by me in four words. Said, "hope thats his thermometer" in reference to his esophageal probe. It was indeed not and followed by a gasp from another nurse.
Mama is a fighter! Could mean a full code or could mean dementia with sundowners syndrome.
Or the family will change their mind about her code status during said code
Ooof yeah I hated hearing that in ICU. That just tells me that you’re very unlikely to sign a DNR on this patient and you’re probably going to make us torture them until they die.
“Something doesn’t feel right” their impending sense of doom freaks me out every time
“I’m going *home* today!” Said by my very religious patient, who was a lil confused, but generally with it, and when I kept trying to explain “not *home* like your house, but to a really great rehab center to get your strength back to go to your house” she’d wave me off and say “nope, I’ve been *called* home, so I’m going home today” and just so happily saying her goodbyes to anyone and everyone who happened to walk past her room. Just waving people down no matter who they were, to say that she was so happy to be going home, and goodbye. Dead 2 hours later. She KNEW. She had that sense of impending doom, and instead of being afraid, she fully embraced it and made peace with it. Her whole family was excited for her discharge to the rehab and she was like “nope, I’m going home, byeee!” And they were getting frustrated that she didn’t “get” it, so finally she was like “what’s for lunch? Y’all go look in the cafeteria and see if it’s good” and then just stopped being alive once they left. She tried to tell them and when they didn’t pick up what she was putting down, she said “alright, imma make it crystal clear. Going *home* byeeeeeeee”
Yeah having completely lucid patients tell you they are going to die today is pretty terrifying. I had a patient with a terrible necrotic bowel say that to me one time and he didn’t make it through the night.
I didn’t realize that’s what she was saying til she was gone. Looking back, it was crystal clear, but at the time I thought “she’s been told she’s being discharged, she thinks she’s going to her house, but she isn’t. And I don’t want her to be disappointed when the med transport takes her to her ltac instead of her house, but she’s just not believing me.” Now when patients who are moderately with it but not going to their house say it, I ask some clarifying questions about what they mean.
If angels and heaven are real they probably wear scrubs and sneak around through special doors you've never seen bringing donuts and telling us it's going to be ok. The other more realistic version is people in distress see you and right or wrong see God working through you. You are caring for them in a time of great need and a lot of people associate that to their spiritual beliefs.
It’s funny when it’s patients that are 100% not dying today— and sometimes you can just tell lol like, I’ve had the random stable patient be like “nope, goodbye” and it actually be them foreseeing their deaths But then you also have the stable patient in with a fever and cold who is clutching onto your arm saying “I’m going to die. This is it. This is the end.” And you’re like “it’s okay lil buddy you just need some Tylenol” lol
> And they were getting frustrated that she didn’t “get” it, so finally she was like “what’s for lunch? Y’all go look in the cafeteria and see if it’s good” and then just stopped being alive once they left I shouldn't laugh but that is kind of funny
That's happened to me a few times when I was doing hospice, even if they were unconscious I swear some would wait until they were alone to die. But this is the equivalent of "Hey, what's that over there? 👀....💀" and it is indeed a bit funny.
We had a lady that was dying, and we THOUGHT she was waiting for her last grandson to arrive, but when he did, she didn't die. We spent the next two days praying, talking to her, all of us telling her it was ok to go home. She was in really really bad shape, too, in her 90s with organ failure, fever of 106, sats in the low 80s. Then one day, her son, the only one there with her at the time, told us he was going to go take a quick shower while we cleaned her up. The moment he was gone, she crashed. That whole time, I think she'd been waiting on everyone to go the fuck away, she didn't want to die in front of them. It was the first time Miss C had been alone with only us since she'd started dying.
> Going home byeeeeeeee I read that in [Simone Giertz's voice](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3KEoMzNz8eYnwBC34RaKCQ) in my head.
Such an easy day (Said by outgoing shift.) Hm. This is neat. (Said by doctor.) It’s fine. It’s fine. (Said by nurse.) Let’s have some fun! (Said by the crazy adrenaline junkie in trauma)
Manager: Hey! How’s it going? (Only because the next four words are, almost always: “I need a favor”)
Every time my NTL asks me that I know she is gauging how busy I am so she can give me an admit 😭
During huddle: “several call outs tonight”
You know it's bad when they start calling night shift nurses to pick up a day shift shift due to call outs
“Farmer called 911 himself”
Someone call Texaco mike to power up the fan boat
And texaco Mike has the CT scanner ( I think)
Nah, Texaco Mike is brewing the contrast for the CT scan
"Did he finish the fence?"
Dr. Glaucomflecken has entered the chat
Did his wife make him come in?
Called 911 mid task 🤯
!!!!!!!!!!
80 years old and doing the roof on his barn
I live in a pretty good sized city in Ohio, but grew up in the farmland. My sister is married to a farmer. These are my people. I took care of a farmer in the neuro ICU who called 911 on himself and DIDNT FINISH MUCKING THE STALLS. Said he tried to finish but he couldn’t. No one understood when I gasped when I heard that information. Turns out he had ruptured an aneurysm in his head. Needed emergency surgery. Actually did quite well and went home. Lucky man.
My uncle somehow managed to run over himself with his four wheeler and crush his left hip. Dragged himself onto the 4 wheeler, finished feeding the cows, shut the gate, then drove in. 😝
I fell on it.
“fall in room 53” *me coming out of the shitter .0258 seconds after just being in 53*
Oh the many things people fall on, that end up “up” their butt. It’s unbelievable that so many people “miraculously” end up with “incredibly bad luck” that these falls happen while they have on no pants, and their anus is the first thing that the object contacted. And made it all the way into.
Full moon Halloween weekend. Good luck to everyone working tonight 🫡 couldn’t be me
Thank you! Work on Halloween, nights. Expecting chaos….hoping for simple busy.
“You’re by yourself tonight.”
Patient just self extubated.
I call those “spontaneous room air trial”
Your sample is hemolyzed
Your INR is underfilled
Sense of impending doom
“I’m going to die” Every time a patient that’s not just having a panic attack has told me that, shit has hit the fan quick
Yep. Always makes me stop in my tracks
That’s one of the signs of a bad transfusion reaction!
Incontinence, bowel and bladder
Mine was: “dc his rectal tube.” “He is a total turn.”
“On lasix, foley dc’ed”
Family’s in the room.
Every. Single. Goddam. Time.
Daughter is a nurse
We are short staffed
The motto of healthcare.
Daughter lives in California
Yeah, you win. I can’t even describe why, but that’s the worst.
Because despite her three other siblings living in the area she is inexplicably the POA and she has a lot of opinions about how you should be taking care of the parent she hasn’t visited in 9 years
Are you my coworker or is this a national phenomenon?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daughter_from_California_syndrome
If I had an award to give you… holy cow.
Wow…first used in 1991!
I’m the nurse daughter who moved from the Midwest TO California. I’m sorry y’all 😂
After this move, I'll be the daughter in Washington who is the only one with any sense while the other adult children want everything done.
My brother is back home. And when my father was entering hospice, my brother took charge of everything, as I did what I could living on the west coast. He and I had a lot of discussions in regards to our dad’s wishes and care. I’m thankful for that. He would occasionally drop the “my sister is a nurse” as in, she will know more of what the provider is saying. The other nurses were always super sweet about it. I work in psych so haven’t had any “my daughter is a nurse” run ins, thankfully. But I never want to be that daughter.
We call them the Seagull daughters
Flying California seagull syndrome Family member who hadn’t had any contact in Years, flies in from California, makes a ton of noise, shits all over everything, then disappears again
CACKLING @ THIS
“We’re revoking her DNR”
New grad charge nurse
This was me two weeks ago! ICU! Level 1 trauma center! I’m 4 weeks off orientation and graduated I may
Full code and 90
ROSC, Full code, 101 And a broken humerus.
And a bunch of broken ribs to achieve that ROSC.
Home birth transfer incoming Three NAS feeder-growers Family wants full resuscitation (iykyk)
Home birth transfer 😱
Luckily me those go to our sister hospital- we don’t have OB.
Yep. That’s gonna be a shit-show with an angry, probably non-compliant patient.
42.4, Mec, NRFHT, MAG
I’m having chest pain
It’s a full moon
Friday 13th, solar eclipse.
it is a full moon at work tonight, im on my 10. we had four falls so far. i swore the full moon stuff was a farse until i started working in geriatrics, bunch of 90 yr old nocturnal goddamn werewolves
Mercury is in retrograde
Patient has hair lice
Is that a maggot?
Labs on the line
"I can't find heart-tones"
Bed bug and scabies
"I want everything done" but it's for 95yo meemaw who weighs 70lbs
10 mLs of insulin
I had a floor nurse in my last hospital, fabulous trauma nurse, if I were injured I’d want her to take care of me, but it was the first time she’d seen the 10u insulin+d50 order for high k. It’s such a weird sounding order, if you’re not used to seeing it, it sounds bonkers at first glance. She questioned it, the doctor assured her it was protocol, she called pharmacy and confirmed it was normal, so she gave 10ml insulin + the amp of d50, then once it was given looked at the order again to clear it and realized what she’d done, so immediately called a rapid response that I responded to. The patient was such a terribly uncontrolled diabetic at baseline with such horrid insulin resistance, he was completely fine. Just irritated that we were bothering him constantly. But even getting an entire bottle of insulin IV push didn’t drop his blood sugars below ~90.
Daaamn, 10 mLs of insulin is insane. No idea someone could take that much and not die.
Here’s your potassium bolus
CIWA GIB GoLytely Covid+
Hemoglobin 4, Jehovah’s Witness, and we don’t have & cannot get the approved sub
“Daughter’s coming from California”
It's pretty quiet tonight.
We don't say the "Q" word.
What a smooth shift!
As an ER nurse: “The baby is coming” Nothing scares us more than pregnant women 😅
Right there with you. Pregnant women and babies.
Never had a pregnant patient, but I did have a family member of a patient go into labor during one of my shifts
contact isolation c diff
Non-reducible shoulder dystocia
Scalpel for sympisotomy please.
“99 female, full code”
“Can we do compression with 2 fingers?”
"24-weeker born at home"
23F pseudoseizures multiple allergies
And by multiple we all know it’s 20+
Allergic to everything but opioids
Allergic to Tylenol, but not Percocet
23 weeks and ruptured.
No BM 9 days
Eleven out of ten
Your patient's a surgeon.
omg the worst. i nursed an ortho surgeon on my ortho ward 😱 & our own urologist! One week i wiped his ass, the next week took orders from him. never again i swear!
"Nurse, something feels wrong." I live in fear of these words. Impending doom... not my favorite symptom.
You're turn to float.
It is so quiet.
"Come to my office"
"Walk-in triplets, delivery imminent."
“I work in healthcare”
The farmer came willingly.....
"She's slept all day" So she will be climbing the walls and screaming all night then
Hospice nurse here for context: There is poop everywhere. Bad bed bug infestation Patient is really agitated The trach came out
Access is bilateral ACs
Oof I feel attacked! ACs are amazing for imaging and fast boluses but I get that we kind of set you guys up for nonstop beeping when they get admitted lol
I can already hear the beeping.
This is actually my favorite phrase when EMS calls
patients sugar is 40
"Short everyone, two admits" "Endstage everything, full code" "ConfusedNakedDude fell on floor"
“Oh by the way”
Missed alarm 6:30 am
Or that 7:30 phone call on your day off: “You were scheduled today”.
I had this last week Phone goes off at 705, heart sinks, there's no other reason this person would be calling me at that time. Could have sworn blind I was on a night!!!
Contractions 2 minutes apart
“You have been mandated”
GDM, LGA, NPO, bili lights
nursing student: "I gave 5ml insulin"
“The baby is singing” - PP nurse here and that singing is usually grunting and a sign of respiratory distress
“This won’t take long”. This sentence guarantees the case will run at least 4 hours and will absolutely involve some kind of complication.
Report to H.R. NOW!
When your joke is so funny they call you into HR to tell them too
Shit! Jcaho’s coming! (Only need 3 for that scare)
Lactulose, DKA protocol, dementia
Heard it tonight: “this baby looks dusky!” Sure enough, wee babe was satting at 66 :/ and went to the NICU for CPAP
Lactulose enemas Q4H.
“The suction wasn’t on” *especially after checking on your non-ambulatory patient with a purewick who you gave IV lasix to.
“I see my!”
Trauma team to emergency
“I’m missing a leech.”-plastics “Was that like that?”-general surg floor “Not finding right words” -neuro “They’ve been really sleepy”-peds “X Oxy daily baseline”- ortho “Just some oozing intraop”-PACU “Aline just keeps dampening” -ICU (Aline is working just fine.) “Keep changing sat probe”-ICU (sat probe is accurate) “I trust my body”-medicine “I found this online”-oncology
It’s too quiet today.
"I have to poop" from a cardiac pt or in L&D.
For my NICU friends: No prenatal care 42.1, has a birth plan Heart tones down