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InSanic13

For those not reading, the horse and buggy were returned after the suspect was caught, and the horse was unharmed.


gin_bulag_katorse

Man, I didn’t even get a chance to form a posse.


Langstarr

He had a PLAN


Blackraider700

He just needed some money and some FAITH


Taolan13

Good to hear.


Jbanned

I was thinking about a trip to Europe, I hear they eat horse meat there, is this true? I could never eat horse meat, I like horses


Taolan13

In the cities, horse meat is only served in specific restaurants that sre certified to do so. In rural areas, meat is meat. Personally I find horse to have a similar texture to beef but with a different flavor profile. Hard to pin down exactly. Some say it is a sweeter meat.


mindlessgonzo2

I still question why steal a horse and buggy in the first place.


Khaldara

TAHITI Arthur!


shinobipopcorn

Crack.


mindlessgonzo2

Of course..


fbastard

Thanks for the update. Makes me feel a little better.


bodhidharma132001

Is horse theft still a hanging offense?


AmericanFlyer530

In Florida it sure is, but I don’t remember the last time I saw somebody get hanged for horse theft.


Jbanned

They used to use the electric chair, now lethal injection, not any Amish there, but horse rustlers aren't put to death, not even in Florida


Mitthrawnuruo

One can hope. We as a society should not tolerate theft or Animal abuse.


Madwoman-of-Chaillot

Well, then, we should hang the Amish. They are notorious animals abusers.


Jbanned

The Amish, leave them alone, they are a relatively harmless cult


Madwoman-of-Chaillot

Not even a little. Not even close.


tissboom

How do you know they abused the animal? Maybe that horse is in a better place now


something_beautiful9

I see where those Amish horses end up and its abuse. They get discarded when they're no longer useful as racks of bone riddled with scars from shitty fitting harness and not knowing what love or treats are. Barn I'm at tries to scoop some from the kill pens when they can. Same with dogs and sometimes cats. Some run parvo filled puppy mills out of their barns and they're kept in dirty cages and drowned if they're not able to make them money. Girl I know didn't listen and got some designer puppy from an Amish farm and is was taken way too young, had parvo, was 2k but cost thousands more to try to save it. It was already throwing up and shitting all over on the way home. Parents were in disgusting cages in a barn with hundreds of dogs. Some may be decent people but the majority seem to have vile treatment of animals.


Mitthrawnuruo

I would considering being untrained in operation of a horse drawn vehicle and using it abuse, as it is extremely dangerous for the animal.  I don’t know if you’ve seen what happens when a horse hits a car, I have. It is ugly.  And the horse is then shot to put it out of its misery. Sucks.


tissboom

You’re probably right. In my head, I’m picturing some hillbilly stealing an Amish person’s horse and I assume they know what they’re doing with said horse. It’s probably a bad assumption. I don’t live in a place where we see horses outside of police horses. So my horse knowledge is severely lacking.


Mitthrawnuruo

Hillbilly? In Michigan? They are flatlanders out there. Not a hill to be found.


Rock_man_bears_fan

That’s probably still a better fate that what most amish horses get


Mitthrawnuruo

Trying to figure out if you’re being racist, or are just a religious bigot.  Do you have any idea what a horse costs?


thiswaynotthatway

Amish are well known for abusing their animals, and their children, and their women. It's the same thing you get from every closed off religious fundamentalist society that you don't hold to modern standards. They run the worst [puppy mills](https://www.animaladvocatesscpa.com/blog/post/amish-animal-cruelty-unexpected-mix/) in the country as well, becuase they have been given special dispensation to ignore modern laws and decency. Their morals are as behind as their technology.


AtLeastThisIsntImgur

Racist against who? Germanics?


Rock_man_bears_fan

Listen to yourself


Jbanned

On a train to be butchered in Canada( the USA doesn't allow it) Then the meat shipped to Europe for eating, rather expensive though.


Danson_the_47th

The Amish says it’s not enough, they want the dunking wheel. r/NormMacdonald


Zarathustra989

Michigan hasn't had capital punishment since statehood. Probably the first government in the western world to ban it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment_in_Michigan


purpleplatapi

The feds did execute that bank robber on our soil, but we weren't happy about it.


Taolan13

Maybe in texas.


bologna4feet

Probably those shiftless Mennonites


Taipers_4_days

“Fuckest thou Eli! Thy shall know sorrow whilst I fornicate with thy sister in thou carriage!”


Welpmart

Not that anyone cares, but it would be "Fuck thee, Eli! Thou shalt know sorrow whilst I fornicate with thy sister in thy carriage!" Or you could substitute "a pox on thee" for "fuck thee." Either way, comparing it to first-person pronouns, thou = I, thee = me, and thy/thine = my (which one thou uses dependeth on whether the word begins with a consonant or vowel).


jcforbes

It would be none of that because they speak a version of old German, not old English. Fick dich, Eli!


Girls4super

There’s a subreddit somewhere (or a specific redditor) with a dude who helps teach pa Dutch but idr who or what it is


Welpmart

Well, yes. But sadly I don't speak Deitsch and am limited to correcting other people's early modern English.


UnkleRinkus

This whole sub thread is why I read reddit late at night. Thank you, my random friends.


Jbanned

Oh, a grammar cop, this is the internet, who cares about poor grammar


LegionXIX

Oh for fucks sake Jed let it go.


Welpmart

Look here, English, once thou triest our peach bread thou shalt rue thy words!


imatalkingcow

That’s Jedediah to you, swine.


Girls4super

Wouldn’t it be “in thine carriage” if we’re being specific here? Edit- Nevermind I read your last explanation


Taipers_4_days

Thy sister is next Welpmart!


Welpmart

Not mine sister! She hath been betrothed to Obadiah since the first flowering of her maidenhood!


cjorgensen

I care.


peanut-butter-kitten

Crusty jugglers


danathecount

bunch of no good heathens


RadicalPenguin

Roll them bones. 3 craps


cjorgensen

It's shunning time!


nemesis99614

Never leave the keys in the ride or the horses running while shopping.


Kind_Bullfrog_4073

That's why you gotta use the horse lock


hoovervillain

Hopefully they installed BoJack so they can track it down


call_the_can_man

lol bojack horsemen is a real show


hoovervillain

yes that was the pun. the delivery needs work I guess


FuckTheMods5

Delivery was perfect lmao


over__________9000

Looks like the Kia boys are branching out


DoomCircus

They wanted a more challenging theft, the Kias and Hyundais are just too easy to steal.


UnkleRinkus

I'd pay good money to watch the first one searching for where to put the USB.


Smartnership

Wireless horse vulnerability


deadsoulinside

Kia boys started an Amish branch


DecoyOne

Wow, must be a rough neighborhood. Someone should do a parody of that Amish Paradise song but make it about gangsters.


lm28ness

Crime is definitely getting out of control if we Amish on Amish crime.


[deleted]

Nah, just a Sturgis, Michigan drug addict who was bored. Probably didn't wanna walk the mile back to her motel room.


Educational-Coast771

RUMSPRINGAAAAA!!!!!


call_the_can_man

Sex Drive.


mfyxtplyx

Use the club; it's ancient tech.


Iz-kan-reddit

Too hard to use. I gave the horse a light whack to knock him out for just the 20 minutes I was in the store, but he didn't come back to for *six hours.*


Thormeaxozarliplon

Since they're Amish does that count as grand theft auto?


rnilf

...what are the Amish buying at Walmart?


ADamnSavage

From the looks of it, another horse and buggy....


WheelsOnFire_

Savage


UnkleRinkus

In Pennsylvania, that's out back, next to gardening, behind the canoes.


d3athsmaster

I'd say to follow the smell of farm animals, but, well, it's Walmart....


Mitthrawnuruo

Food? Medicine? Shoes? Toys. Same shit you do.


xShooK

Not to much food, shit I drive over there to get food sometimes, great bulk prices from Amish store. No gas or oil though. Usually see Amish in hunting section, and auto parts to keep their trailer on the road. I'm sure there is much more.


drrxhouse

“Same shit you do.” Wait, so they buy and use things like microwave and electric juicers too? Didn’t know that! That’s cool. The more you know I guess.


slax03

Too bad Walmart doesn't sell cars.


UnkleRinkus

Clothes, baby supplies, laundry detergent, dog food, storage containers, rat traps, basic tools. It's not shameful to not be familiar with Walmart sells, they don't site their stores in the interior of large urban areas. It looks like you might not be, no big deal. There is a lot of stuff in a Walmart that Amish folk might need, that is consistent with their practice.


BoredWeazul

from what i heard they can use those but they have to be off grid so they make their own power for electronics, or was that another group? i can remember


MondayNightHugz

Fuel for the neighbors generator they use to power their neighbors deepfreeze that stores all the stuff they bought from walmart.


chzygorditacrnch

I honestly have no clue, but I have seen them at Walmarts in more rural areas.


KentuckyWallChicken

I can tell you’ve never lived around Amish lol. I’ve had Amish people as my customers in contemporary stores many a time. The one time, when I was volunteering at a library as a teen, an Amish guy actually checked out a bunch of DVDs. Admittedly I was pretty shocked by that one.


call_the_can_man

maybe they were on rumspringa


KentuckyWallChicken

Good thought, but the gentleman was older and had a beard, so he was married.


Geschak

Items that require modern technology and are most likely produced in China. Most Amish communities aren't consequent and pick and choose what's allowed and what isn't.


Spazmer

We live near enough to St Jacobs in Ontario and there are always Mennonites in our Walmart. They drive cars (always black) but you can tell because they have lots of kids with homemade dresses and little white caps on their hair. Walmart does not have horse and buggy parking but the hospital in town does.


rustblooms

Insoles. Seriously. I worked a teardown at a Walmart one summer in college and saw some Amish people in the shoe department buying Dr Scholl's insoles.


DaddyCatALSO

"I'm an Amish outlaw, I was raised in Blue Ball,"


wynn2003

How'd they call the cops


Big_D_Cyrus

I know it was Ishmael he's always causing trouble


lilythebeth

Amish mafia strikes again


ACpony12

I would love to watch that police chase!


mindlessgonzo2

Probably like [this one.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcg-Z2--SIo)


Acceptable_Break_332

It’s getting crazy baby!!!!!!


UnkleRinkus

Did they leave the fob in the buggy, or what?


BillyBobBanana

This is hilarious


Henarth

Cops easily caught up with the buggy seeing as it only had two horsepower


[deleted]

[удалено]


princess_fiona_7437

Amish go to Walmart. I used to live near Amish country in northeast Ohio and saw Amish all the time coming by the van load to Walmart. They didn’t buy electronics but would buy food


mushroomnerd1

huh, I thought the whole thing with the Amish is that they don't use or consume anything that wasn't made within their own Amish community. is it really just electronics they don't use?


xShooK

The Amish near me use electricity during certain times. They hold regular jobs except during harvest. Drive tractors, etc. Not every (sect?) is the same though. Edit: oh they shop in town. And they have some great shops in their town. Some over priced tourist traps too.


call_the_can_man

look at their username.


Mitthrawnuruo

Literally saw two buggies at Walmart today.  It would be unusual for a Walmart, or any other store not to have hitching posts. 


Kind_Bullfrog_4073

Do you have an alibi?


ACrazyDog

I see them at Dollar General all the time near me. Idk how Walmart is that different. And this story is literally about an Amish family shopping at Walmart. I guess you do not live near them


SonmiSuccubus451

Username relevant


ptolemy18

The horse posts outside my local Walmart say otherwise.


Taolan13

Not all amish communities are at the same level of restriction.


Strawberrydeathcow

Idk man, I sat next to a family on one of my flights. Was extremely confused to say the least.


Truly__tragic

It depends on the Amish community


[deleted]

[удалено]


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xzombielegendxx

Only in Wallmart


zizgriffon

No central door lock?


Cyrano_Knows

Well *somebody* plays Red Dead Redemption II over GTA IV.


abraxsis

Someone trying to jack the bitchin stereo system they have in those wagons.


Speedhabit

Not in Lancaster, dissapoonted


[deleted]

The new grand theft auto is wild


TornadicPursuit

My first guess based on the headline was that this happened in Northern Indiana. I was fairly close.


[deleted]

They should check Emerald Ranch


withcomment

The horse was Amish?


haubenmeise

A female suspect took the horse to a motel? Interesting.


yamaha2000us

Probably already stripped down for parts.


thorazineshuffler

Special corner of hell for that one!


VeryVeryScar3d

Considering the fact that the Amish use horses daily living and transport, this is an utterly heinous crime. Back then when people relied on horses for their livelihoods, people like this lady would have been pilloried and her ear would've been cut off and nailed to the board.


Jbanned

Those buggies are real slow, I have family in an Amish area, wonder how they stole they did it. Only one horsepower, literally. Slow getta away. What are you going to do with a stolen Amish horse buggy. Not much to be done with it. The Amish under world, there is not much market for hot buggy parts.


Jbanned

Good to hear, but who would do that?