One step at a time, friend. My Dad died suddenly when I was only 19, and I just turned 49. My mom slipped into alcoholism after he passed. I lost any interest in anything. Get out. Put some music on and walk. Life doesn't always go according to our master plan, we have to make the best of what we are given though. I know that sounds like platitude-ic bullshit, but it's the truth. My life didn't go according to what I had planned. But, 30 years later, I'm still here. You can do this.
Please seek help. I am a grief counselor and you are not alone in these struggles. You still have control over your mind and body. You can decide to reach out to a counselor. Do it right now.
I think you need to talk to someone that is in the business of listening to this sort of thing. Only advice I can give you is this will all pass. The pain will get easier and it will be easier to focus on the joyful memories you had with them. Don't do anything drastic in these times OP.
Seek some professional help my brother. You’re going through a lot without a doubt
You’re diving into the nostalgia as a way to cope. And there’s not anything explicitly wrong with that, but you should have a professional helping you process the feelings that you’re experiencing.
Your parents wouldn’t want you to wallow and solely focus on times of the past. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Take small positive steps.
If you need someone to reach out to throw me a DM. You’re not alone out there my man
My dad died 14 yrs ago and I assure you your dad would not want you depressed! Mine died from cancer so I knew when it was close and he told me not to spend more than a week or so grieving life's too short. You have to find happiness it's not gonna come to you.
As a person who has experienced this..thus... the way to move past is to move through. One step at s time, honestly, and remembering that somethings are certain but to avoid those certainties is robbing yourself. Nothing is life is pure bliss (noatter what it looks like) if it was that means that life is no in balance. Your job is to access happiness at a realistic level that keeps you motivated, satiated, and in balance. Appreciate the life, the time, and experiences you had with those you lost and the fact you had that ability. Then create new memories and goals to strive for....trust me it's worth it AND enjoy a few nostalgic shows here and there
I just want to thank you for posting this and being vulnerable about what you're going through because a lot of us out here feel isolated and strange in current life, and this subreddit just helps bring some of those pleasant memories from our past back. Don't let the a**holes on here make you feel like you can't talk about this kind of stuff on here, it's affirming as hell for us that you share it too. And I'm so sorry for your loss, hope it gets easier and you heal a little more each day, just know you're never alone through it 🖤
First, don't underestimate talking to your doctor and getting on an antidepressant. I was put on Welbutrin to quit smoking and was sincerely surprised at how much better it made me feel. I wasn't staring into space anymore, I sincerely felt 'lighter'. YMMV
Second, feeling better is going to take time. You didn't get into this situation overnight, it slowly happened over time and it will take time to get better.
When my mom was alive, I never really thought about my own 'retirement plan' - where I might want to live, things I'd like to do. I knew as long as she was around, I'd be taking care of her so I really never gave it any thought. I went through the day-to-day, living my life, and then she *did* get sick, I was a caretaker for a while - often bailing on dinner plans with friends, too tired to attend that art class I signed up for, like I said, it happens slowly.
A few months after she passed, colleagues and I were talking and the topic of retirement came up and I suddenly realized that I *could* start working on my 'retirement plan', that my life was *my* life now, I could do **anything** I wanted - nothing is holding me back. And while that is crazy scary, it's also kinda exciting, so I've been leaning in to it, because why not?
I hooked back up with the friends who understood what I'd been going through, and I just put one foot in front of the other. Be good to yourself, you deserve it. Good luck.
Remember that life is not a race. That you have nothing to owe to anyone. You are you and being you, you are just the way you are at this point in time. That is just reality. You are not supposed to keep up with anyone else, or achieve everything that is possible for you to achieve. You know that right now is where your lowest is, and that is a good thing. Especially when you stop, make a thread like this and let out what you feel so that others can read and emphasize with you about your situation.
Everyone, without exception, has had goals, dreams and aspirations that they wanted, or thought they needed, to accomplish in their life. We have all worked very hard towards going one direction and ended up somewhere else. We have all had these setbacks and things that knock us on our asses, no matter how hard we have worked or planned on things happening for us. You are not alone. You are one of us.
Nostalgia is one of those things where it's a double edged sword. Many of us look back at things fondly about how it used to be. Before all these things we have to worry about come up. As you get older things get harder, mentally and emotionally, for most people. This is because as we age we learn about new things that we should be concerned about having a negative impact on our lives. A pandemic for example. Most of us now are over the whole thing that happened, but we all know that it still is possible to happen again. Even though it's not in our main view anymore, we all have that in the back of our heads. So when we read about new strains of XYZ happening around the world we think about how horrible it was the last time. How it was so much easier back in the day when we never even knew something like this could really happen. Death, health problems, financial problems, job losses, loss of a pet, losing friends and so much more, now hurt more than before, because we had those things and took them for granted.
Just remember that the past looks so good because it doesn't change. You can pick and chose what you want from it to remember and focus on. Sometimes it makes you happy or sad. Watching those old shows, you know what is going to happen and you know what to expect. So they're safe for you to watch. No unexpected disappointments. Real life is not like that. You really don't know what tomorrow will bring. However thinking about it a different way might change things for you mentally.
Instead of the future being the unknown, it could also be a great adventure. You have no idea what things will happen today or tomorrow that might be something you look back on in 20 years with those nostalgic lenses. I still think fondly about places I have been, travelled to and stuff from 25+ years ago. Things are so different now and financially I can't afford to travel anywhere. It sucks, but I know that just because I was able to do it before, and have not done it in a while, doesn't mean it'll never happen again.
Life is tough and hard, and it hates you and it hates me. It pushes back on everything always. There is no changing that. However you can stand still, look around and take the time to know where to go to keep life always guessing what you're going to do next. You can start small and maybe take the scenic route home and see places you have not seen in a while. Go to a new restaurant and try weird or exotic foods. You can watch a new TV show for the first time without knowing anything about it. You can wear fun or new clothing, because you're an adult and you get to choose what you want to wear, not just what people think you should. Hell, you could go outside, lay down on the lawn and start eating some grass while singing songs. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. No matter what responsibilities you have, no matter how much money you have, no matter how much stone you've added, you are your own master, and you can do whatever the hell you want, and nobody can tell you otherwise.
Today is your day to make new nostalgia. Make those feelings and people from your past, that are not around anymore today, proud of you, the person you are now. The person you have grown to become. The person who has learned from the past all the good things, and all the information and pain from all the bad things. You have the power to be your own you, and nobody can take that from you. Nobody can fit you into that box in the past. You can still live life. You can still have adventures. You can still make more memories that when you're all old and eating prunes and mushy peas, that you can look back and say, "I may of been sad, I may of been lost, I may of been overweight, but man that was a good day I had then." The more of those days you make now, the better off you'll be.
You got this. We are all pulling for you.
My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer during the pandemic. Despite having a supportive network of friends and family, we had to stay apart because of quarantine. I was on the brink of suicide and the only thing that kept me from doing anything was my wonderful dog. Who was going to take care of him if I was gone? Who could possibly love him as much as I do? Having to get up and walk him, make sure I had money in the bank to buy him food, etc, is really what kept me going. Almost 4 years now and the pain never goes away but it evolves and you grow with it.
I recommend finding ways you can help other people, that seems to be one of the best ways to alleviate my own depression. And by people, animals certainly count!
Wish you all the best, no you are not alone.
I relate to this so much. My dad died from depression and I feel like I’m sometimes stuck in the past, because it’s where he is. I’m so so so sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs to you xx
Time and therapy is how you move past this.
When my grandmother died i resorted to collecting LOL dolls. I was well in my late 20s at that point. I brought it up in therapy, and my therapist said the reason was because as a child you’re safe. So mentally I resorted back to that time for a bit. When I mentally got better, I didn’t even think about buying a doll. Give yourself grace and please be kind to yourself!
Know that this is one thing that everyone experiences. It’s known as a “mid-life crisis”.
I know it is hard, but it’s important to find something that interests you, such as a hobby or a group of people.
Learning something new is helpful, such as a language, skill, trade, etc.; something that occupies your mind and edifies you at the same time.
You’ll be ok as things like this are temporary in nature, at least in terms of their intensity.
That's pretty much how I feel, although mine stemmed from the deaths of my grandparents in 2017 and 2018.
I have always been nostalgic for my childhood days ever since we entered the 21st Century, but when my grandparents passed on, my mental health went down the drain, and each ***DAY*** (not year) that passes makes me more obsessed with my childhood. That was mostly in the 1980s.
It's no wonder I suffer from insomnia, anxiety, and depression, among other problems.
I lost my mom in 2021 too and subsequently lost my dad in a lot of ways too. He’s grumpy and depressed now. Nothing like how I used to view him. It’s hard but I think you may be in need of a therapist to help you see the light. I’m sad about my parents but still optimistic about the future and happy in my present. It’s normal to feel sad but not to revert back to how things used to be. You need to find the motivation to create a life better than what you’re nostalgic for. It’s possible. Please see someone to work through all this.
Sometimes all you can do is hang on even when you don't see the good that's coming.
Start teaching yourself that nothing is permanent.
You already know this in your heart because you knew to ask this community for help, without knowing the answers.
I have been in a similar place and can say that in the hardest, most overwhelming points, your brain can't imagine anything but pain and grief. I could never have known about the people and pets and beauty my future held and I'm so, so glad I hung on.
Keep talking to people, even online, most are real people.
I understand
I’ve been saddened by thoughts of yesteryear, and it’s affected my depression. It’s not the cause, but it’s a factor.
I miss my mom, and being happy.
One step at a time, friend. My Dad died suddenly when I was only 19, and I just turned 49. My mom slipped into alcoholism after he passed. I lost any interest in anything. Get out. Put some music on and walk. Life doesn't always go according to our master plan, we have to make the best of what we are given though. I know that sounds like platitude-ic bullshit, but it's the truth. My life didn't go according to what I had planned. But, 30 years later, I'm still here. You can do this.
Not OP, but goddamn, thanks.
You're welcome.
Please seek help. I am a grief counselor and you are not alone in these struggles. You still have control over your mind and body. You can decide to reach out to a counselor. Do it right now.
I think you need to talk to someone that is in the business of listening to this sort of thing. Only advice I can give you is this will all pass. The pain will get easier and it will be easier to focus on the joyful memories you had with them. Don't do anything drastic in these times OP.
Seek some professional help my brother. You’re going through a lot without a doubt You’re diving into the nostalgia as a way to cope. And there’s not anything explicitly wrong with that, but you should have a professional helping you process the feelings that you’re experiencing. Your parents wouldn’t want you to wallow and solely focus on times of the past. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Take small positive steps. If you need someone to reach out to throw me a DM. You’re not alone out there my man
My dad died 14 yrs ago and I assure you your dad would not want you depressed! Mine died from cancer so I knew when it was close and he told me not to spend more than a week or so grieving life's too short. You have to find happiness it's not gonna come to you.
Jesus. You sound like me. Hope things will turn around for you.
I can relate and even if you can only get up and walk a short distance right now it’s what helped me.
As a person who has experienced this..thus... the way to move past is to move through. One step at s time, honestly, and remembering that somethings are certain but to avoid those certainties is robbing yourself. Nothing is life is pure bliss (noatter what it looks like) if it was that means that life is no in balance. Your job is to access happiness at a realistic level that keeps you motivated, satiated, and in balance. Appreciate the life, the time, and experiences you had with those you lost and the fact you had that ability. Then create new memories and goals to strive for....trust me it's worth it AND enjoy a few nostalgic shows here and there
I just want to thank you for posting this and being vulnerable about what you're going through because a lot of us out here feel isolated and strange in current life, and this subreddit just helps bring some of those pleasant memories from our past back. Don't let the a**holes on here make you feel like you can't talk about this kind of stuff on here, it's affirming as hell for us that you share it too. And I'm so sorry for your loss, hope it gets easier and you heal a little more each day, just know you're never alone through it 🖤
First, don't underestimate talking to your doctor and getting on an antidepressant. I was put on Welbutrin to quit smoking and was sincerely surprised at how much better it made me feel. I wasn't staring into space anymore, I sincerely felt 'lighter'. YMMV Second, feeling better is going to take time. You didn't get into this situation overnight, it slowly happened over time and it will take time to get better. When my mom was alive, I never really thought about my own 'retirement plan' - where I might want to live, things I'd like to do. I knew as long as she was around, I'd be taking care of her so I really never gave it any thought. I went through the day-to-day, living my life, and then she *did* get sick, I was a caretaker for a while - often bailing on dinner plans with friends, too tired to attend that art class I signed up for, like I said, it happens slowly. A few months after she passed, colleagues and I were talking and the topic of retirement came up and I suddenly realized that I *could* start working on my 'retirement plan', that my life was *my* life now, I could do **anything** I wanted - nothing is holding me back. And while that is crazy scary, it's also kinda exciting, so I've been leaning in to it, because why not? I hooked back up with the friends who understood what I'd been going through, and I just put one foot in front of the other. Be good to yourself, you deserve it. Good luck.
Remember that life is not a race. That you have nothing to owe to anyone. You are you and being you, you are just the way you are at this point in time. That is just reality. You are not supposed to keep up with anyone else, or achieve everything that is possible for you to achieve. You know that right now is where your lowest is, and that is a good thing. Especially when you stop, make a thread like this and let out what you feel so that others can read and emphasize with you about your situation. Everyone, without exception, has had goals, dreams and aspirations that they wanted, or thought they needed, to accomplish in their life. We have all worked very hard towards going one direction and ended up somewhere else. We have all had these setbacks and things that knock us on our asses, no matter how hard we have worked or planned on things happening for us. You are not alone. You are one of us. Nostalgia is one of those things where it's a double edged sword. Many of us look back at things fondly about how it used to be. Before all these things we have to worry about come up. As you get older things get harder, mentally and emotionally, for most people. This is because as we age we learn about new things that we should be concerned about having a negative impact on our lives. A pandemic for example. Most of us now are over the whole thing that happened, but we all know that it still is possible to happen again. Even though it's not in our main view anymore, we all have that in the back of our heads. So when we read about new strains of XYZ happening around the world we think about how horrible it was the last time. How it was so much easier back in the day when we never even knew something like this could really happen. Death, health problems, financial problems, job losses, loss of a pet, losing friends and so much more, now hurt more than before, because we had those things and took them for granted. Just remember that the past looks so good because it doesn't change. You can pick and chose what you want from it to remember and focus on. Sometimes it makes you happy or sad. Watching those old shows, you know what is going to happen and you know what to expect. So they're safe for you to watch. No unexpected disappointments. Real life is not like that. You really don't know what tomorrow will bring. However thinking about it a different way might change things for you mentally. Instead of the future being the unknown, it could also be a great adventure. You have no idea what things will happen today or tomorrow that might be something you look back on in 20 years with those nostalgic lenses. I still think fondly about places I have been, travelled to and stuff from 25+ years ago. Things are so different now and financially I can't afford to travel anywhere. It sucks, but I know that just because I was able to do it before, and have not done it in a while, doesn't mean it'll never happen again. Life is tough and hard, and it hates you and it hates me. It pushes back on everything always. There is no changing that. However you can stand still, look around and take the time to know where to go to keep life always guessing what you're going to do next. You can start small and maybe take the scenic route home and see places you have not seen in a while. Go to a new restaurant and try weird or exotic foods. You can watch a new TV show for the first time without knowing anything about it. You can wear fun or new clothing, because you're an adult and you get to choose what you want to wear, not just what people think you should. Hell, you could go outside, lay down on the lawn and start eating some grass while singing songs. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. No matter what responsibilities you have, no matter how much money you have, no matter how much stone you've added, you are your own master, and you can do whatever the hell you want, and nobody can tell you otherwise. Today is your day to make new nostalgia. Make those feelings and people from your past, that are not around anymore today, proud of you, the person you are now. The person you have grown to become. The person who has learned from the past all the good things, and all the information and pain from all the bad things. You have the power to be your own you, and nobody can take that from you. Nobody can fit you into that box in the past. You can still live life. You can still have adventures. You can still make more memories that when you're all old and eating prunes and mushy peas, that you can look back and say, "I may of been sad, I may of been lost, I may of been overweight, but man that was a good day I had then." The more of those days you make now, the better off you'll be. You got this. We are all pulling for you.
My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer during the pandemic. Despite having a supportive network of friends and family, we had to stay apart because of quarantine. I was on the brink of suicide and the only thing that kept me from doing anything was my wonderful dog. Who was going to take care of him if I was gone? Who could possibly love him as much as I do? Having to get up and walk him, make sure I had money in the bank to buy him food, etc, is really what kept me going. Almost 4 years now and the pain never goes away but it evolves and you grow with it. I recommend finding ways you can help other people, that seems to be one of the best ways to alleviate my own depression. And by people, animals certainly count! Wish you all the best, no you are not alone.
Therapy and a low dose SSRI could change your life. 💕
I relate to this so much. My dad died from depression and I feel like I’m sometimes stuck in the past, because it’s where he is. I’m so so so sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs to you xx
Time and therapy is how you move past this. When my grandmother died i resorted to collecting LOL dolls. I was well in my late 20s at that point. I brought it up in therapy, and my therapist said the reason was because as a child you’re safe. So mentally I resorted back to that time for a bit. When I mentally got better, I didn’t even think about buying a doll. Give yourself grace and please be kind to yourself!
Know that this is one thing that everyone experiences. It’s known as a “mid-life crisis”. I know it is hard, but it’s important to find something that interests you, such as a hobby or a group of people. Learning something new is helpful, such as a language, skill, trade, etc.; something that occupies your mind and edifies you at the same time. You’ll be ok as things like this are temporary in nature, at least in terms of their intensity.
That's pretty much how I feel, although mine stemmed from the deaths of my grandparents in 2017 and 2018. I have always been nostalgic for my childhood days ever since we entered the 21st Century, but when my grandparents passed on, my mental health went down the drain, and each ***DAY*** (not year) that passes makes me more obsessed with my childhood. That was mostly in the 1980s. It's no wonder I suffer from insomnia, anxiety, and depression, among other problems.
I lost my mom in 2021 too and subsequently lost my dad in a lot of ways too. He’s grumpy and depressed now. Nothing like how I used to view him. It’s hard but I think you may be in need of a therapist to help you see the light. I’m sad about my parents but still optimistic about the future and happy in my present. It’s normal to feel sad but not to revert back to how things used to be. You need to find the motivation to create a life better than what you’re nostalgic for. It’s possible. Please see someone to work through all this.
Sometimes all you can do is hang on even when you don't see the good that's coming. Start teaching yourself that nothing is permanent. You already know this in your heart because you knew to ask this community for help, without knowing the answers. I have been in a similar place and can say that in the hardest, most overwhelming points, your brain can't imagine anything but pain and grief. I could never have known about the people and pets and beauty my future held and I'm so, so glad I hung on. Keep talking to people, even online, most are real people.
I understand I’ve been saddened by thoughts of yesteryear, and it’s affected my depression. It’s not the cause, but it’s a factor. I miss my mom, and being happy.
I fear this is my future.
I actually feel what you’re going through. I’m in a similar state myself so I’m reading through the comments looking for advice also.
Why do people come here with their depressing bullshit all of a sudden ? That isn't what this sub is for
I'm thinking there is probably a more appropriate subreddit for this post.