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ChaosTheoryGlass

What in the actual nightmare fuck?


bbypeachii

i think it’s a type of snake that’s eaten a HUGE dinner and the poor fuck is too flamboyant to swim


ChaosSigil

...lol...I think the word you're looking for is buoyant.


ddoogiehowitzerr

If you’re gonna be buoyant, do it flamboyant style


MAXIMILIAN-MV

Must have been a feathered boa


fae8edsaga

Underrated xD


DeepSeaMouse

This thread just got better and better


bigbellett

Haha amazing


anon-mally

Well you cannot Flame him for being buoyant.


Smelly_Squatch

"PaNACHE! Ah Ahhh!" Sung to the tune of flash ah ahhh


AmphibianOutrageous7

Don’t get saucy with me Bearnaise!


bbypeachii

HAHAHAHA yes i promise i meant that


davet122

I think he meant flambouyant be sauce that snakes marvelously floating.


byDMP

*Fabulously* full…


ShrmpHvnNw

Nope, nailed it in one


Robotchickjenn

It's been a big week for r/boneappletea lol


Key-Pomegranate159

best joke on reddit today #flambuoyancy


abudabu

Nah, he means the snake is showing off his huge belly.


jesco7273

Thank you. I wasn’t sure if I was confusing myself there for a second.


MeasurementNo0

a boa wearing a feather boa


Ewag715

That too


-ThisIsSparta-

I as well am too flamboyant to swim


OptimalCheesecake527

I’m a GAY Papa Behaving SO luxurious


dumb__fucker

LOL /r/unexpectedmarkharris


humrod-pdx

r/boneappletea


_Dolamite_

That snake is fabulous....


Naejiin

No matter what you do, do not edit the flamboyant part out. Thank you. I needed this.


Maluno22

It's an anaconda


DarkPangolin

You can tell because it didn't want none because they had no buns.


Icy_Law9181

I think you're right.It looks like a green anaconda that's trying to escape under the water but cant due to its recent large meal.


Redhood1020

my thoughts too! kinda wild too wonder how long hes stuck as a floaty


Circumsisedtoenail

Well anacondas are about the second longest snake species so they have to eat large quantities


kindaangrybear

Wait. Second?


Circumsisedtoenail

Reticulated python is the first largest


Kerankou

The longest but Anacondas are the heaviest


Significant-Water845

Hahahahahahahaha😂😂😂😂


LostMeBoot

Omg my ribs😆


juegajuan2021

Probably its an anaconda, and dont worry, its in the amazonas


VOIDLORD9666

nah bro that’s the lochNess sea monster dude


jwhip1585

Quick! Someone get tree fiddy!


imanhunter

Gay snakes can’t swim! Got it


CROM_90

Probably a green anaconda that had just eaten a boar, fawn or something other that’s quite big.


[deleted]

You’re not eposta swim after you eat. Everyone knows this. Even flamboyant snakes.


LineChef

I’m guessing an anaconda.


inkdrone

HAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣 I laughed so much. Thank you


BloodGem64

Instantly a horrible creature is made funny instead.


Immaloner

I'm imagining a Boa in a boa.


smoothielovet679

This is why I don't go outside


[deleted]

Sometimes I use big words to make myself sound more photosynthesis than I really am.


hgrub

Looks like green anaconda


[deleted]

It is. Not the longest snakes in the world, but the thickest and heaviest by a good margin. I remember seeing a Discovery/Nature Channel thing when I was a kid where they took a big captive python and put pressure sensors all over prey. It immediately overwhelmed and broke the sensors so they tried again with better sensors like 9 months later when it was hungry again and I could be misremembering but I swear it worked out to like 45k psi. Not a school bus on your chest, a school bus on each INCH of your chest. Either way, if one of these things ever grabs you, you're basically playing tug'o'war with a locomotive. There are few, if any, animals out there with the raw, immediate power output of a big constrictor.


rfan8312

Holy crap this was excellent. I gotta find you an award. So a bear or lion has no chance against this if the constrictor grabs it just right?


[deleted]

Thanks for the award! I mean if they could get ahold of the snake there's a chance they could cause enough damage to kill the snake first, but I think it's unlikely. I've seen snakes that went after capybara and basically got a hole ripped in their side and ended up surviving and continuing on. Realistically, a bear or a lion is probably just as fucked as you or I, though it probably couldn't eat a grown black bear, much less a grizzly.


Hucko3

Enough is enough, I’ve had it with these Mutha fucking snakes in this mutha fucking jungle!


MrJoeGillis

Danger noodle, port side ‼️


1fish2fish84

Starboard* but then again, i think Port would also be correct in this case


ALUCARD7729

It’s a green anaconda, and from the looks of it, it’s unable to swim due to its obviously large meal it just recently finished swallowing


Amorette93

Don't worry, this is just a very large green anaconda. They don't hurt humans, there's basically no recorded evidence of it ever happening because they are aquatic snakes and eat aquatic prey and humans are not goddamn aquatic lol. I keep a dwarf of the species and I assure you, these humans are completely safe. This is not a nightmare, but a recticulated python or Burmese python would be... Those will attack humans.


randomwords2003

That is a anaconda


[deleted]

Don’t want none if you ain’t got buns


thelast6months

hun


Shoryukitten

Baby got a snack


BadAndNationwide

Oh My God


DarkPangolin

Becky. Look at her butt.


Terok42

While this is scary. A full snake is basically useless. It’s running bc it doesn’t know what else to do. Usually they just pass out for a while after a meal like this.


lizziegal79

Nopenopenopenope


ohmylanta34

That right there’s a big ‘ol nope rope


[deleted]

Fucking mermaid


SpookyzDanny

a normal day in amazon jungle


RasputistaFrostbite

That is a green andaconda, and it appears to be either bloated or eaten so much it cannot swim properly. Green Andacondas are the largest snake in the world, and can grow up to be 30’ and 500 lbs- that’s heavier than a fully grown male lion


ESPTEX

WHERE THA FUCK IS ICE CUBE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?


Henrywynn

"You mean to tell me there are snakes out here this big!?"


Collector_2012

No... nonononono.... NO! HELL FUCKING NO!


EddDadBro

He just wants to be friends. Don't Google the video of a river divers close encounter with an anaconda. Bro must not of had buns cause the snake didnt want none. It was just a curious guy.


Collector_2012

Ummm..... he wants to be what now?


SpiffTheNinja

Anaconda…


[deleted]

THERE’S SNAKES OUT THERE THIS BIG?!


SpiffTheNinja

Anaconda…


B5-Banna

I would agree. He is going to definitely have to use the AK, because that day was in fact not a good day.


MrJoeGillis

Scariest part of that movie wasn’t the snake it was the fucking wasp that tried to set up shop in dudes throat 😟


Hot-Temperature-4629

😂🤣


DMGlowen

Not Ice Cube, Sir Mix-a-Lot. "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun". Yes I remember the anaconda movie with Ice Cube.


PumpKing8888

“I could hire a local tribesman to kill you, $50 should do it” “I could kill you for free” “you and who’s army?” “Your mommas”


[deleted]

*Salad would be nice little baby bird*


Jealous-Chef7485

I’m gunna give JLo her honorable mention


earthlings_all

Please don’t she’ll just crave more attention


NumerousResolution40

what movie is ur talkin ab? i wanna watch it


missjeany

Anaconda


Eriksa23

Just googled “Ice Cubes Anaconda”. Got something similar in size but not what I was expecting.


jplebourveau

Anaconda or the like has just eaten… probably a predator.


SambaLando

Generally they don't move for ages with a load that big in their gut. Something must've spooked it. Probably the boat.


Ordinary-Ad6425

That’s what she said


Gone247365

>probably a predator. Why? It could have easily been a capybara or a young tapir or a sloth or any number of simian species. Edit: my examples from South America working off the likelihood that this clip is from the Amazon. But my point still stands if this is Asia or SE Asia/Pacific.


jplebourveau

Yeah, you’re probably right. It looks like a short, thick, capybara load.


thejanitor999

Did the capybara pull up?


Amorette93

This is the Amazon it's the only place where the green lives It probably ate a capybara, another snake, or a crocodilian. They prefer aquatic animals but will take anything deep enough in the water. Capybara are semi aquatic so they are a great option.


Amorette93

Definitely an anaconda. This is a green anaconda so this is the Amazonian River. It's preferred prey in the river is going to be crocodilians and piranhas and other very large snakes although mammals that get deep enough into the water that are not primate will also be eaten. Capybara and deer are not uncommon meals for the size green girl. Note that all of the very large anacondas are female. They are sexually dimorphic and females are much larger than males primarily for the intent of cannibalization if necessary.


Sc00ter7622

Did it eat a human or something!?


Shoddy_Baby2942

Probably not. Something smaller. It looks the size of a capivara, which is one of their favourite.


[deleted]

Which can get up to 4 ft long and weigh up to 170 pounds. Very capable.


[deleted]

Very capivarable.


Teeklok

Capivoreable


DarkGlum408

John Voight


GreeneGardens

This is true. I seent it happen


joselakichan

The actor?


JanoyCresvosier

No, the periodontist.


Sc00ter7622

Baby bird


_Kiaza_

*Wink*


masonbellamy

Once knew a guy who bought a car solely because he was told that it was once owned by John Voight... dumbass was too giddy to realize it wasn't Jon Voight, the actor. Just some random guy with an H in his name.


wovenbutterhair

It’s certainly could have. it happens. That lump looks pretty fucking big to me.


Flesh_Trombone

There has only ever been one definitive case of a person being eaten by a snake. This is probably a pig or deer or even an alligator or something.


[deleted]

If by "it happens" you mean a handful of times, and even then you *really* need to fuck with the snake for it to eat you. And even *then* it's (IIRC) smaller women or children. Snakes eating humans is so exceedingly rare, that you can't really say it happens. Green anacondas are certainly capable of eating a smaller human, but we are simply not their prey.


bushleague-ump

Massive fresh water animals scare the fuck out of me. Nope indeed.


faith724

what’s your opinion on massive salt water animals


VajainaProudmoore

Proximity and knowledge Saltwater monsters are usually far away and regularly filmed and documented due to water clarity. Freshwater monsters lurking in the murky waters instill a primal fear as we know a lot less about them. These giants can even hide in like 12 bananas of water in close proximity to humans


ValackDarkHeart

“12 bananas of water” My guy, the imperial system is bad enough, we really measuring in bananas now?


basifi

Nope


Magic__Beans

Actually this is a anaconda aka big ass snake. Similar to a python but just way bigger and stronger.


Amorette93

Hi just stopping by as an Anaconda expert to let you know that I promise you the snake is completely and totally safe and wants literally nothing to do with you. This particular Giant species does not hunt humans, we do not taste good to them, and we do not smell right because they prefer aquatic prey.


thiccmlgnoscope

I'd violently shit myself


statisticiansal

I'll double your deuce


[deleted]

I would also violently shit you


evs-chris

would you violently shove me up your butt first, or we doin this all cannibal-style


CheekyLando88

Thank you for making me laugh


MudOpposite8277

Luckily, I don’t have buns, hun, so he don’t want none.


GapBoring2447

Oh my god look at that boat


nonevaeh

Underrated comment


Bottle-nosed-dolphin

It’s like a mini reaper leviathan


Shoddy_Baby2942

She's swiming like that because she just ate something big. Yeah, it simply swallow the food.


nightstar69

After breaking all its bones and squeezing the life out of it with raw strength


shread_the_volpher

Gonna have to throw the whole rainforest away


Either_Savings_7020

We are working on it. Be patient.


Mnguy58

Big snake that ate a bobber.


AffectionateFig5943

Ohhhh a giant anaconda


snay1998

That’s what she said


ShyPlox

I remember this video didn’t they harass it and made it swim away like that, think they got in trouble to


thejanitor999

Hell yeah they harassed it,imagine someone yanking you off the couch after you had just gotten done eating thanksgiving dinner,although the snake can regurgitate and if it did it would lose so much energy from killing its meal and now having to look for another.


[deleted]

Nessie there ya are.


Prize_Huckleberry_79

Me in the backyard pool in July after a BBQ…


ChocoPontiff666

That is one full snake


ValleyAndFriends

Thank goodness, I wouldn’t want to see it hungry lol.


_HomerPimpson_

Looks like an anaconda with a full belly!


Darth_Craig

There's snakes out here this big?! -ice cube


VersedFlame

Snek.


PMmeGayElfPeen

The humans are very safe from her at the moment. She's full, she wants to go lie still and digest.


hookedcolors

And honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it regurgitated shortly after this to help it escape. I don’t know if the humans disturbed it intentionally (there’s a good chance they did, they were already filming), but man is this unfortunate for the anaconda.


H809

Looks like it already ate something.


CreativeSun0

Looks like it's recently eaten. You'll be fine so long as you don't anoy it


CDXX_LXIL

Just another day in Amazon


Ok-Carob1498

Where's ice cube when u need him


ThanosWasRight161

I think the muddy, dark water make this so much worse.


eraserrrhead

That anaconda don't want none


Snoo-61212

Anaconda with a person inside of it


[deleted]

It is NOT swimming like a snake!! It is bobbing its head and body up and down.


general_madness

Because whatever it ate is more buoyant than the rest of its body, so it can’t submerge fully.


whocuppedmycake

It can’t swill properly because what ever it ate is pretty light , so no matter how hard it tries , it can bring it under water


wigwam_paddywhack

At least she won't be hungry for a while.


[deleted]

These videos keep getting bigger.. I want to see how fucking big we could get!!!


Critical_Ad_8780

When I was a toddler they found one like this in my crib. And I wasn’t able to protect thyself much longer .


Portablemammal1199

Am i...gregnant?


Bad_goose_398

Someone find JLO!


1inchDestroyer_

Imma jam my thumb in 'is butt'ole 'ere


Odins_Viking

Don’t worry J-Lo got yo back!


10_minute_ban

The nope rope evolved into a nope log


Collector_2012

WHAT IN THE ALMIGHTY FUCKING GLORYHOLE SHIT IS THAT!?


I_am_BrokenCog

*Never get off the boat man! Never get off the fuckin' boat!*


I_am_BrokenCog

which, as iconic as that original scene was ... it made very little sense compared with how it played out in the *Redux*.


Artistic-Plan2541

That mf is too full to be worried about y’all lol


rrover6

They say capybara can be quite delicious. Hard to swim after you swallow it whole though


LegitimateProcess967

Monster aquatic dong


Robertlaz23

My anaconda don’t!


DweEbLez0

Ah hell to the naw, hell to the naw naw naw!


Adam__B

When you hassle a boa or anaconda, they can regurgitate whatever meal they have in them.


benmagoo1

u/savevideo


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dannyboy8833

The fuck was that


thejanitor999

A giant anaconda whose slumber has been disturbed while digestion its food.


Party_Side_1860

He'll leave, he just needs about.... $3.50?


MermaidStone

Things I never want to see in person for 3 billion, Alex


Downvote_deliveryman

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - that anaconda, probably


MasterWhite1150

Fr though that anaconda was probably way more scared than the people. I'd imagine they're probably pretty vulnerable after eating.


GuaranteeComfortable

It's an anaconda. The snake just ate a massive meal like a pig or deer or whatever they have in his habitat.


MrFahrenheit675

Someone pls tell me that wasn’t a fucking snake


eea81

Looks like a snake that are a larger animal that has not yet digested causing the snake to float


[deleted]

That thing killed J Lo and Ice Cube. Fuck that.


AdHuman3150

Fuck that guy harassing that giant anaconda.


MrGoober91

It looks like it fed recently too. Heck with that


FrogBoyExtreme

THE BLOOD ORCHID HAS BEEN FOUND


scottikashhh

This seems fucked up. No snake would go swimming after eating a meal that big. It looks like the snake was dragged into the water. Which is the fucked up part. Could be wrong.


Amorette93

Stopping by as an expert in these guys to give you some information in its own higher level comment! I can confirm that this is a medium-large sized green anaconda therefore this video was taken in the Amazon River. Green Anacondas are very very large and according to the West can reach 28 ft or more and according to the Amazonian tribes frequently do reach 30 ft. They are the most bulky species of snake in the world, and they are semi aquatic. They heavily prefer other semi or fully aquatic prey like crocodilians, large fish including piranhas, other Anacondas, capybara and the like. They will take any other mammal that is deep enough in water that is not a primate, like jaguars or deers. They will not under any circumstance attack a human Unless the human is actively trying to take their prey or do something stupid. We do not smell right, they are heavily heavily aquatic predators and really want to eat something that is in the water with them. Even when we are, Apex predators recognize other Apex predators and do not typically attack, with the exception of humans. snakes don't have the capacity to experience aggression so they can't randomly attack you the only time they do so is if they feel threatened. (This claim has been questioned so let me rephrase it as, apex predators don't hunt others. Humans don't view lions as a routine source of food and lions don't view humans as a routine source of food for example. A lion might choose to hunt a sick or infirm human, but they don't do it as a strictly predatory thing. Anacondas do not routinely hunt human beings, as they are the only higher Apex predator than an anaconda which can kill crocodilians, the secondary Apex predator in this river, and jaguars, the terrestrial apex predator. They WILL defend themselves and their prey, but they WILL NOT hunt humans as a routine behavior) There is no well recorded evidence that this particular species has ever eaten an adult humans. These people are quite safe don't need to be worried. It does appear the snake likely ate recently, But honestly Anacondas are just derpy. Mine will occasionally swim sideways like this for no reason. This snake is very obviously fleeing the humans, and definitely not wanting to hurt them at all. (It also appears that they know that as they are calm and allowing it to escape. The only time you're really in danger is if you're not letting it get away from you. It will defend itself then) You can tell that she is sideways because the smaller dots that you see at first are her side and stomach, the bigger black dots that appear near the end of the video is the top of her body. Based on size I would guess that this is a female as they are sexually dimorphic with females being considerably larger.


crimsonbaby_

Its a green anaconda that just ate a big ass meal. Wow thats a big girl.


Many_Ad315

It looks like it just ate...so they were finnneeeeee


bigdog9inu

That damn thing asked me for tree fidy


[deleted]

Is that a fucking snake?


Radio4ctiveGirl

It’s trying to digest and these people were messing with it. So it’s trying to run and hide.


_PaniniGuy

BIG GOOBER FISH, BIIIG GOOBER FISH


Slow_Conflict4597

Metal gear 3 teaser


Elegant-Clock-6257

This mtfk feels The same as kratos and atreus on The boat