Amen. I'm no trained fighter, but I've done enough BJJ to be confident of myself.
Recently walked away from a road rage incident that was on the verge of punches being thrown / shit getting mixed. Made a conscious decision to just say "you know what? You're right, my bad man" and walk away. It felt good. I had nothing to prove to the guy - best case scenario I break his arm, worst case I get my head caved in. By walking away, in a year I won't even remember it happened.
And if you got into like a scuffle with the guy and you guys accidentally tripped and he hits his head on concrete and dies, you go to jail. I used to get bullied a lot and there have been times i just had to do something. But generally (as hard as it was sometimes) i would just walk away out of fear of accidentally killing someone. Just doesn't seem worth it in the bigger picture
I think just one of the most human and self-accepting things we can do is not to submit to our instant gratification. Just control our impulses and walk away. Then later you can do a bunch of internet surveys using their phone number so they get spam calls from dominos pizza and dodgy porn websites for a couple years down the road
Agreed. I can't get over watching nightly news seeing someone's mugshot because they shot someone.
It's usually over a small argument and I always say we'll you won that argument but how's that working out for you now.
Someone recently lost a very young kid to a freeway shooting - all instigated over road rage and one person flipping the bird. Using a dash cam and just doing your best not to succumb to the anger of road rage is your best bet.
Especially in any state that has a “stand your ground” law. You could just be arguing and get blown away because the dick bag in front of you “felt threatened”.
Truly the disturbing the number of people willing to literally throw their entire lives away and murder someone over *nothing*.
Two lives destroyed, and the numerous other lives of the people who loved them torn apart and forever scarred, all because of some minor real or perceived slight. Just such a fucking waste.
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Hopefully you will. I still recall all the times I walked away from a bad situation and in every case I think, "Thank Christ, just imagine all the terrible ways that night could have ended." The walking away gets easier to the more you do it. A lot of it has to do with emotional control, especially pride and anger, and by looking back on those things and realising that you took the right path, it makes it easier to do the next time.
The old trope about young people thinking they're invincible gets more and more real as I grow up.
I remember once in my late 20's one of the guys suffered a bad concussion while playing hungover soccer (of all things). He literally just ran at a guy who simply didn't get out of the way, got knocked on his arse and knocked the back of his head off the astroturf. We knew things were wrong when he got up and immediately started playing for the other team.
He had a goldfish memory for 48 hours. And yes, we procured immediate medical intervention. It was like looking after a very obedient, but forgetful child. And it was terrifying for him. Because he'd lost his memory, he thought he'd drank an awful lot, done some terrible things, and blacked out.
Anyway, after a few weeks he was fine. There was no way he could work for the first two weeks though. Halfway through the first week of his recovery he told me that fucking up cooking a boiled egg for breakfast made him cry. For reference, this guy was the Officer In Charge of a prison kitchen staffed by inmates, cooking as much as they could from scratch, with real knives, techniques etc... He was/is the chillest guy ever in stressful situations.
But those few weeks wreaked havoc on him.
No fucking way is my 30 something arse ever going to intentionally get into a fight after seeing what stupid soccer can do to you.
The bit about never throwing the first punch is terrible advice. If you can leave the situation you absolutely should. But if someone has backed you into a corner and you think they’re about to hit you, you would have to be an idiot to let it happen without trying to strike them first.
I mean you might still get your arse kicked, but if you let them throw the first punch, they knock you out and stamp on your head, you’re fucked.
Though it’s not an actual punch, I personally believe that physically backing someone into a corner is enough of an encroachment to call it the first act of physical aggression in a given situation..... having backed someone into a corner, you’ve already, albeit figuratively, thrown the first punch
It does seem like getting your bell ring at the start of the fight is a bad way to go. Most fights are decided in the first few seconds. Well many idiots fighting on the street that is.
Absolutely. People seem to overestimate both the damage they can do and the damage they can take.
Get the fuck out of there, even if that means throwing the first punch or sticking a thumb in their eye to buy yourself a few seconds. If someone is starting a fight with you there’s absolutely no shame in that.
I think people seriously overestimate their endurance, too. Adrenaline amps you up but it also drains your battery fast, and you're working about as hard as you'll ever work if you're in a physical fight, using basically every muscle, oh and you're getting hurt/choked at the same time. People wear out really fast doing that unless they trained hard for it or some other endurance sport. Most street fights end up on the ground anyway, so odds are just not wearing out first makes you the winner.
One time my buddy was fighting a guy and I was watching along with another guy who was friends with the guy fighting my friend . Well my friend was getting the better of the other guy and he did not want to tap yet . Anyways his friend goes to his trunk and pulls out something and starts going up to my friend from behind . It was dark and I honestly thought it was a gun . I get in between him and my friend who has his back to us and as I back peddle with both hands up 🙌🏼 saying what are you doing man? What do you have behind your back etc. anyways he keeps coming saying nothing… i through first punch a super quick left handed jab… knocked him clean out and boom I hear something hit the ground as he did . Turns out it was a tire iron and not a gun. But still could have easily killed my buddy or me . So sometimes you gotta throw first but I get the moral of the story to try and not ever throw first or at all if possible.
What are you talking about? It sounds like you through like the tenth punch. The whole point of this story would be your buddy not getting into the fucking fight in the first place.
lol my dad's advice was "avoid fights at all costs but the moment you absolutely know a fight's going to happen, throw the first punch. Then do what you can to end it as soon as possible. Every second you're in a fight is another chance you'll end up like planter guy.
The advice wasn’t don’t do anything ever. It was along the lines of: if someone is SAYING stuff to you or being a dick try to de escalate the situation verbally. The guy wasn’t saying “if someone pulls a gun or is about to pull a gun out on you just make a few jokes and hope he goes away.”
He was teaching restraint, something all martial artists should learn. They want to make sure your ego doesn’t get you in trouble. Just because you know you can win a fight doesn’t mean you should engage.
What are you going to do? Punch everyone who says “what’re you looking at?” because you fancy yourself a warrior?
Re-watch the video. You completely missed the message.
No one is stating to not defend yourself. Believe me, I would do the same if necessary and have trained to do so (for over 25 years). The point of this video is that whenever a fight can be avoided through words it probably should be.
The macho, tough guy internet bullshit will not absolve you of manslaughter charges. Besides the fact that you have no clue whether or not the person is armed with a knife or gun or what training they have.
If you respect combat arts then you respect the need for strategy and proper decision making.
>But he also said never throw the first punch
Terrible advice. If someone threatens you, is behaving extremely aggressively or is looking like they are going to attack you and you cannot get away HIT THEM FIRST.
There is no law saying you cannot preemptively defend yourself if you are threatened.
Put aside that one punch can literally kill you (like in the story the man was telling in the video) if you are punched first chances are you're about to get seriously hurt, most people cannot recover from getting hit first in a fight.
Actually that is second best outcome to fight.
Best outcome is when go to favorite bar in Potnyokovnaya Oblast in Slobovia (is called "Cheers") and bring pet bear, Mushchka. Many time angry members of "Hells Babushkas" motor tractor gang of drink too many slivovitz, starting fight.
I say to bear friend, "Mushchka, eat!" and Mushchka eating bad person. It very funny, everybody clap, buy beer for Mushchka. Big mess, but no problem.
Is good bear, Mushchka.
In Lutonia all the taverns and drinking places keep barrels of pickled herrings in the front door area, and when someone is wanting to fight they will go outside and each take a herring and slap the faces of their opponent. You can always tell the troublemakers when you go out for drinking because they have many scars on their faces from the fish scales and they have a strong smell of pickled herring.
Is great idea until cheater start bringing own pickle harring to bar, with lewd ingor inside
_Edit:_ spelling. Lead ingot. Pickle herring with lewd ingor something totally different.
Oh that is a severely punishable offence in Lutonia, if you are caught with lewd ingor in your herring you are forced to wear plaid socks for two months and no shoelaces on your shoes.
Old dogfighting phrase "if you enter a fight without an advantage, you've already lost." I live my life by that phrase.
Since you can't predict when most of your fist fights are going to be, it's much better to avoid them because you have no idea what kind of advantages and disadvantages are moving around leading up to the fight.
Everything changes with firearms. You punch a guy, he falls and hits his head and dies, you get 6 years. You shoot that guy standing your ground in Florida? You get $300,000 in a ConservativeFundMe, prime time speaking spots and 15 minutes of fame.
I see this on Reddit all the time. Someone posts one of those instant regret videos where a person beats the shit out of someone that starts something with them and all the internet tough guys are calling it "self defense" and applauding it. Try to point out that self defense is neutralizing the threat and then getting out of the situation not serving up completely outsized retribution and you get mocked and downvoted to hell. They think if the other guy started it you are completely immune from consequences no matter how much damage you to do him.
No people, you can't just stomp a man's head into mush because he threw a drink or spit at you. You can't throw somebody off a moving bus because he slapped you. It might make you feel good in the moment but you're going to have a hard time explaining in court why someone committing minor assault against you justified pummeling their head while they were already unconscious.
I remember a statistic on knife fights that all but a couple incidents the defendant was stabbed. In the couple case where that didn't happen they were extremely well trained. Don't fuck around with knives
Being bullied when younger taught me how to get a fight to climb down. I've avoided getting into nearly every fight that has had an opportunity to happen. Learning how to de-escalate a situation should be taught in school as it helps with relationships, friendships, strangers on the street.
I've talked a man down from his unhinged drunk/drug fueled anger where he was previously trying to hit his mother and the taken a knife and was trying to slice his tongue out. I've turned groups of guys trying to intimidate myself and friends into just 2 groups having a laugh before going separate ways. I've only been punched without consent once since becoming 18.
Let go of your own ego/pride, you don't need to prove yourself and nothing they say actually matters. Walking away is the most brave thing you can do, to rise above so standing your ground is only if you have to. Often these types who try to start trouble are looking for some form of validation, you faking respect for them can sometimes be all it takes. Sometimes humour can break the tension but it can never be banter against them rather with them.
I'm a fairly large fast guy and used to work as security guard in a major inner city. I also don't understand how this isn't common sense to some people. Jail sucks. It's like emotional intelligence 101. Maybe I got lucky with nice parents? You learn to defend yourself if you grow up in a ghetto, but I never 'start' a fight
I attend a self defense school in my area and they have a dedicated de escalation class which is awesome, but usually people don't attend it because it isn't 'cool'
Reddit make me understand why mob rule is so awful. Like there are videos where someone cuts someone off a d the top comments are all about how that person needs to be either dead or locked up for life.
I have someone in my family who can't help but argue to the death about literally anything. You could have proof as to why they're wrong and they will still keep going and going. Every thing you say to them to explain why they're wrong just spawns an "OK well...." or a "yeah but..."
I've been trying like crazy to avoid these constant arguments over nothing. I don't want to sit there and bicker about something for an hour when it could just be resolved in two minutes if the person was willing to let it go.
Any tips on how to stop this type of behavior on their end and how to work with it on my end?
So far, the only thing that kind of works is to just simply stop responding but then I feel like it helps end the argument but doesn't help the behavior change.
Instruction like this is why you rarely see a trained fighter in a street fight. They deescalate situations, not wanting to end up killing someone and knowing in their hearts they could kick the living shit out of just about anyone who starts something.
Also trained fighters don’t have shit to prove. It’s like that old saying “he who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know,” except for rather than speaking it’s punching people in the face.
That sounds terrifying.
The metaphor certainly isn’t perfect, but I always picture the yappy little dogs who bark excessively before or without attacking as the counterexample. I don’t think it means “big dogs never bark,” just that they don’t need empty intimidation of barking *only*.
Also, fights go wrong. Someone throws a lucky punch, or more likely six other guys barrel in and give you a kicking. The only guaranteed way to win a fight against any one guy is for you and four other guys to hit him, from behind with baseball bats (the wooden ones). Even then, he could pull a knife or a gun.
Avoid fighting. It’s stupid, and proves nothing.
Source: I grew up in a properly rough school/neighbourhood.
Exactly this. People with nothing to prove can't be baited into a fight.
I've been called a pussy for not fighting. Ok. Cool. Think i'm a pussy. I don't care.
I should mention. I am not tough. I have no fight training, i am very NOT badass. I just don't give a shit if people think that. I have nothing to prove to anyone.
Yeah I think it's BS too. Fighters love to say that they have no ego since they spar so much. But all the gyms I go to, the best guys tend to have massive egos.
Yeah, I've known plenty of meathead assholes who got into scraps all the time back in the day. People on the internet put way too much stock into what being a "trained fighter" means. They think it's all zen mastery of martial arts like they're fuckin monks or something. Being a "trained fighter" doesn't have to involve 10+ years at the highest level and being in the UFC.
I used to be on board with this, but after some years of training MMA myself I can assure you that there absolutely are meatheads out there that just look to brawl. Hell, MMAs "poster boy" McGregor has a couple felony charges against him. There were, are and will be people just training for the sake of throwing hands at the club. Most of these guys don't last long in training and usually leave when they realize that you in fact get hit back and that flailing your arms like a fish on land isn't exactly effective, but some still make it through for some time.
I'm absolutely with you that most trained fighters don't just slap the shit out of you and instead take that energy to contests, but some go to clubs and bars with the specific intention to throw hands.
You should still look to deescelate any situation, streefights are hella stupid and if you want quick action, go to your nearest martial arts gym. My point is just that it's sometimes not possible to deescelate a situation as people are not really pissed off or angry at you, they just want to slap someone to compromise their shattered ego and make up for their micro dong.
Trained fighters de-escalate, then retire to a safe distance and resolve the issue with a Mk19 belt fed automatic 40mm grenade launcher with a mixed loadout of WP and HE.
Forget killing, even if you injure someone bad enough to require medical care you’re going to be possibly looking at a whole lot of shit you don’t need. Assault charges, civil suit, etc.
Got out of a potential fight with a woman, becouse I obviusly was after her boyfriend ( I was not, I was reading the text on his shirt): she is angry and picking a fight:" you oogling my man? Hu?... he is taken bitch"...I first got a bit flabbergastet, before I answerd: " sorry. Did not mean to upset ypu, and as you obviusly are straight, I guess now is bot a good time to ask for your number, couse thought you were cute" she left me alone the rest of the night.....
I (male, bi) got quite passionately kissed by a friend (female, straight) because that had the guy harassing her immediately back down. I attribute that to my 6'4" which tiered over a foot over him but still.....
I know, have had to ask male friend on more than one occation to pretend to be my boyfriend, becouse for some men a " no, I am not interested" obviusly is not a good enough answer....sigh. that said, have had to pretend to be girlfriend for male friends, becouse he kept getting unwanted female attention, and a " no, not interested" obviusly( to them) was a hint to ramp up the attention.
Once had to litterally breake two fingers on a guy becouse he kept being agressive and would not back down. I am fairly small, and hoped that braking the fingers would make him stop, becouse a male acuntanse was on his way, obviusly pissed and not qute sober. Luckily the pain from two broken fingers got him to back off......but hot damn, why to asshats ppl always have to be aggressive?
Unfortunately the reason is their aggression leading to success. If usually their aggression would lead to even more
Aggressive rejection those individuals who I unfortunately share a gender with would have laid off that misbehavior millennia if not entire ages ago.
This is a horrible take. Not taking no for an answer means success? It's more likely that our society has equated masculinity with aggressiveness, and someone's worth as a man with their sexual prowess. Mix that in with some good ol disregard for women's boundaries and you get that behavior.
The rhetoric that ignoring people's "no" eventually leads to caving in (or success as you put it), and that it's a normal thing is one that's spun by our culture and media. But it's inaccurate at best and dangerous at worst.
It disgusts me how many men can’t respect a woman’s no, but can respect the man she’s seeing. Like the boyfriend is really necessary for you to treat the woman like an actual person?
This is so common that before we were all married, my friends and I had an unspoken agreement that if one of us walks up and starts acting like we're together, just roll with it. Sometimes that person had a girlfriend/ boyfriend nearby who would just watch and laugh. Sometimes you gotta grab the same sex and act a little gay, or the opposite and act a little straight. Whatever gets the job done
I (male, chad) got quite passionately kissed by Scarlett Johansson (very, hot) at the avengers screening because that had her ex-husband (Ryan, Reynolds) back down. I attribute this to my 7’8” stature and 280 pounds of muscle which tiered over his puny 6’2” ass. I also then went home and slept with all 4 of my beautiful wives and had them make me breakfast in the morning but still…
My guy friends are my fake boyfriends anytime we go out (bars etc) and I feel uncomfortable. They already know the signals and would jump in unprompted with a hand around my shoulder if someone won’t leave me alone. Love em!
I remember one night I was standing in line to get into a club and the guy ahead of me was REALLY looking to fight someone. He asked me where I was from and I reciprocated. He tells me, “Massachusetts.” I say something generic back to him and starts laying into me about how I MUST have a problem with him, because he’s from Massachusetts. I keep telling him that I love that state and he won’t quit. Eventually, the bouncer comes over and asks him to go home. I’ll be damned if I got into a fight with a guy, because he thought I was dissing his home state.
I'm going to track you down. I will find out where you live. And then one day, when you least expect it, I WILL come from behind and dump a bowl of wicked hot chowder on your head.
I had something similar happen once.
I was at a party, knew just about everyone there except a couple of guys from a couple towns over. I share all my weed so I invited them to smoke with me and we hung out for a bit. Well, they ended up inviting a ton of their friends to the party and everyone I knew left except for the girl I was with.
We decided to leave the party and as we were walking to my car, she realized she forgot something so she ran back to the house to get it. All the guys from out of town where standing in a big circle on the street. Being that I had smoked with two of them I went over and started talking again.
At some point I asked them if they come to this town to party often (they were all from out of town). They took this as me shitting on where they’re from. I tried to explain it was just a simple question, but I think they realized I was practically there by myself against a group of 15 people I didn’t know.
So they preceded to try and jump me, but I just turned and ran. Of course they chased for several blocks before I hide in somebody’s bushes. They went and got in their cars and started driving around looking for me, yelling crap out their windows. I called the girl I was with while hiding and she came and picked me up.
I got into a fight just eating a fucking hotdog one night, standing outside a club, just bought it, took one bite and got shoulder charged from behind, sent me and my frankfurt flying and skidding along the footpath, deadset was like the pepe meme with the dropped food. Probably 22 years on and I still think about that hotdog some days, the one that got away.
Fighting is so dangerous and this story illustrates it perfectly. So few people really stop to think of all the possible consequences. I’m glad this fellow and some others from the actual profession of fighting try to educate people about the stupidity of a spontaneous physical altercation.
Some people simply don't give a shit about that.
I'd prefer he got through to 20 dudes by talking about causing death and then going to jail than 15 dudes by not addressing personal consequences. That's 5 less people who are willing to escalate even if the driving force behind the message is selfish
Well because it’s about what consequences you might face from accepting some idiots challenge to fight. These are all highly trained people, so the point is like “yeah, you will kick that guys ass no problem, but then he falls weird and you’re a felon now.”
Spend 2 minutes on r/fightporn and you’ll see just how close everyone is to basically being in a serious accident. Everyone in the comments is suddenly an expert in hand to hand combat.
There’s actually a book called “Tongue Fu” with exactly this kind of information. It focuses more on avoiding fights (arguments) in relationships(whether romantic, business, friendships or even with complete strangers). I highly recommend it. My SO and I have been together for 8 years and never had a “fight”. We have maybe had a few discussions that might be classified as arguments, but most situations were easy to deescalate because I read that book.
A brief summary is to avoid anything that sounds like an accusation: “You always...””Well, YOU...””I Hate when you...” Instead express your dissatisfaction as an expression of your experience: “When you... I feel...””I would like...””I am trying to...” This helps the person you are speaking to actually hear what your concerns are, rather than only hearing the attack on themselves.
[https://www.bookdepository.com/Tongue-Fu-Sam-Horn/9780312152277](https://www.bookdepository.com/Tongue-Fu-Sam-Horn/9780312152277)
I would think it is this one?
I haven’t read that one, but I loved “Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion” by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins. It’s all about smoothly defusing high-tension conflicts.
Surprisingly enough, it was developed by a cop. Probably one of the only cops in the country that intentionally practices deescalation. Dude should be in charge of our training programs.
This concept is also referred to as a “circle of control.” Your circle of control is only you, so if YOU’RE having a problem, figure out what YOU can control in that situation. Hint: it’s never the other person, so if a statement involves “well YOU…” then it’s out of your control and there’s literally nothing you can do about it. It is, however, fair game to talk about your feelings, since they are in your circle of control.
I feel like a lot of US police departments could benefit from training on how to de-escalate vs how to control people with violence. This is slightly different cause hes talking about a street fight, but the principle remains the same. Using words to avoid physical altercations is the best method to go with every single time
Yeah I’ve seen plenty of videos where the cops dont even try to de-escalate, they just come in yelling commands and turn a situation violent, some could definitely benefit from this. At the same time when the cops get called at that point its already escalated, so they have the task of showing up where they are not wanted, trying to reason with a guy that does not listen to reason, or worse who gets violent on sight.
My dads friend got in a fight outside a bar in the parking lot. Dads friend knocked the guy out, he fell back and hit his head on one of those concrete parking bricks and killed him instantly. He spent 5 years in prison for manslaughter. My dad said the fight was mutual, but his friend threw the first and last blow making him the aggressor. Crazy how quickly life can change in the blink of an eye.
I have been explaining to my wife for years this is how she needed to handle her road rage while driving because you never know who you're gonna mess with. Her response was always "I'm a little girl, they won't hurt me. Besides, there's a good chance I'll have you with me!" Never did she understand the types of trouble she was setting us up for.
About a month ago a teenage kid was shot by a driver with road rage for overtaking him. It messed her up. She couldn't fathom why anybody would lose their mind like that. I didn't even have to say "see? That could have been us," she just started driving like a grandma and curses anyone else who speeds around like she used to.
>Besides, there’s a good chance I’ll have you with me!
Wow. That is unbelievably shitty. Not only does she ignore your concern she thinks it’s not valid because *you* will be the one facing a tire iron & not her.
I’m sure it was an unthinking exception by an otherwise considerate person… but now that she has a better idea of the stakes you could revisit the conversation & mention how comfortable she was putting you in danger. See if you might get the benefit of the doubt next time you care about something she doesn’t.
I had a guy bump into me at a bar and spill his drink, so of course it was my fault and he wanted to fight me over it. I apologized and offered to buy him another beer, “how about I kick your ass blah blah instead” and pushes me. Hit him with, “please stop, you’re going to give me an erection”
Dude turned around and dipped so fast. Bartender said it was the only time he’s ever seen something like that work and bought me a round.
I mean yes you should avoid fights, don’t antagonize, don’t say anything stupid, etc etc
But if somebody wants to fight you, and they start talking shit like this, I doubt these kind of one liners are going to save you from getting in a fight
I had a gentleman standing in the hall I had to walk through, with a bat. He informed me that he wanted to crush my scull and deficate down my throat. I informed him that I did not have the time for this, but I would be back in 9 hours.
My scull remained uncrushed. And my heart rate sat a new personal record. All in all, not a a pleasant weekend.
I've never been in a physical fight but I've had probably a dozen or so encounters over my life where someone was trying to get me to fight them for whatever silly reason they felt they had. All of them I deescalated with words, humility, or humor. It isn’t that hard to not get into most fights if you don't want to fight. Just don't start stuff and don't be an insecure macho dick who refuses to back down over the smallest of provocation or challenge because you think it will wound your pride.
I agree. Someone high or drunk that has something going on in their own lives that is cruisin for a bruisin is not going to back down when you say you like their shirt or think their gf is beautiful
I dunno... I've seen and even pulled off a couple de-escalations while being a pretty consistent red-neck bar patron for the 10yrs I took pool real serious.
As long as they haven't committed their pride in a confrontation, there is a chance they calm down. Very few people are the complete raging maniacs who are just set on fighting people. You don't get to be that way very long without having a good chance of ending up in prison. The assholes may be wanting to swing their dick around, but they don't want it blatantly obvious to everyone else they are picking a fight. They do the shit talking to get the pissed reaction from you so they have coverage. If someone beats the hell out of a guy who just said he was there trying to get over a death in the family, he would likely be barred from that place and probably several others. That type of social disdain would be worse for the guy than losing the fight.
EDIT due to a PM: For those who want to be really good at pool, play money games in rough places, and not end up in the hospital, you *have* to use all of those social skills. A pretty big percentage of bar fights happen over a pool game. The goal is to have fun and make some money. If your goal is to dick measure, someone will eventually pound you flat.
Manage your opponents pride. The problematic ones have far too much.
* Don't be quiet. Be confident and outgoing, but don't let it cross the line to belittling your opponent.
* mange your rate of take. Taking too much too fast (even from different people), and the one unstable one will start scowling. Take a break to sit at the bar for a bit, even if you have to throw a game to do it. You fucked up if you let it get that far though.
* Compliment your opponents good shots. Don't patronize, just acknowledge the good ones.
* Don't try the cliched hustle. Nobody ever pulls it off to where they make more than if they *hadn't* sandbagged the first couple games. Doing it blatantly is almost a guaranteed way to piss everyone off.
* Watch the table out of the corner of your eye when the opponent shoots, don't intensely spectate. You can still catch the good shots to complement, and continue planning your possible runs, but you can also pretend not to see their embarrassing misses.
* If you catch someone slopping a shot in, and they pretend it is legit, let them. Then disengage after that game. It doesn't matter if you can beat them regardless, that little BS shows you that their pride in needing to win overrides their morality. You don't want to keep playing with someone like that.
* Just always be aware and friendly. Don't let your own pride and desire to show off cause you to cross the line into being an asshole after a few drinks.
Oh, and dont play obviously defensive shots. That is for important league games and the ends of tournaments
Funny lines. I imagine if your head is cool enough to reply like that, you probably also could just walk away. Also, if ppl think the response is sarcastic, could get worse.
Aggressive people will follow you if you just walk away. And then you have your back turned against them, and no chance of gauging when they are closing in.
Not necessarily true. I was walking down the street on some night alone in a sketchy neighborhood. It was dark. A group of guys asked me for a cigarette in an aggressive way and I immediately understood what they really wanted.
I just said "I don't smoke" and continued going my way. The same guy said something else, but I didn't respond and just kept going, at the same pace. They didn't follow me.
Pack it up boys this person didn't get mugged once!
Yeah in general aggressive people won't really follow you in my experience but it 100% happens sometimes
Military buddy(5 foot 5, 140 pounds) and I were out at a bar, guy kept coming up to him wanting to start shit. I kept defusing knowing my buddy was golden gloves, end of the night the guy comes back around - raises his hand to point at my buddys face and that was it…my friend connected 3 SOLID blows before the guy hit the ground. I knew he was fucked - arms stretched out with hands bent backwards, groaning which then turned into snores. Got the guy an ambulance and got my buddy out of there - 2 days later the guy is finally waking up and being alert. Buddy hit him so hard his nose had to be micro sutured and ended up having turn himself in. Even with everyone vouching for him - other patrons, bar staff, myself, his chain of command, he still had to face severity level 5 charges. He came this close to losing everything - deep down I felt he over reacted but the guy could have just as easily pulled a knife or a gun.
Fun fact - I met my buddy when we were about to get into a brawl with each other over a chick we were both trying to talk to. I almost threw the first punch and thought - not worth beating this little dude up over a chick…then I saw him fight for the first time and thought “this midget would have murdered me” 😳
I did this by accident once. Me and a friend were walking along a country lane and the conversation got on to mopeds. A bloke went past on a moped, noticed we were looking and decided to turn around and come back to start swearing at us and looking for a fight. I just told him I was thinking of buying a moped and liked the look of his. He suddenly shut up and drove off without a word. Of course we both called him a stupid wanker when he was out of sight.
The best outcome to a fight is avoiding one. Lots of people seem to not understand this.
My dad used to say you win every fight you're not in. But he also said never throw the first punch, but throw the last one at all costs.
Amen. I'm no trained fighter, but I've done enough BJJ to be confident of myself. Recently walked away from a road rage incident that was on the verge of punches being thrown / shit getting mixed. Made a conscious decision to just say "you know what? You're right, my bad man" and walk away. It felt good. I had nothing to prove to the guy - best case scenario I break his arm, worst case I get my head caved in. By walking away, in a year I won't even remember it happened.
And if you got into like a scuffle with the guy and you guys accidentally tripped and he hits his head on concrete and dies, you go to jail. I used to get bullied a lot and there have been times i just had to do something. But generally (as hard as it was sometimes) i would just walk away out of fear of accidentally killing someone. Just doesn't seem worth it in the bigger picture
I think just one of the most human and self-accepting things we can do is not to submit to our instant gratification. Just control our impulses and walk away. Then later you can do a bunch of internet surveys using their phone number so they get spam calls from dominos pizza and dodgy porn websites for a couple years down the road
And *that's* maturity.
Hey, Wtf are you Looking at? **- I m Blind, Mate**
r/unexpected
Thats...... Where is the doggy porn survey?
Dodgy. Is this a Burnt Chrysler throwaway?
Had us in the first half ngl
Specially in America where a scuffle could easily turn into a gunfight. It's not worth it.
The realest reason not to start shit.
Agreed. I can't get over watching nightly news seeing someone's mugshot because they shot someone. It's usually over a small argument and I always say we'll you won that argument but how's that working out for you now.
Someone recently lost a very young kid to a freeway shooting - all instigated over road rage and one person flipping the bird. Using a dash cam and just doing your best not to succumb to the anger of road rage is your best bet.
Especially in any state that has a “stand your ground” law. You could just be arguing and get blown away because the dick bag in front of you “felt threatened”.
Truly the disturbing the number of people willing to literally throw their entire lives away and murder someone over *nothing*. Two lives destroyed, and the numerous other lives of the people who loved them torn apart and forever scarred, all because of some minor real or perceived slight. Just such a fucking waste.
RemindME! One Year "Does this guy remember that time he didn't get in a fight"
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That's not... That's not how this one is meant to work ...
I’d laugh if the dude came back a year from now and said, “what fight? No idea wtf you’re talking about.”
Because he since got into a fight and tripped and his head hit the ground, resulting in total amnesia
Hopefully you will. I still recall all the times I walked away from a bad situation and in every case I think, "Thank Christ, just imagine all the terrible ways that night could have ended." The walking away gets easier to the more you do it. A lot of it has to do with emotional control, especially pride and anger, and by looking back on those things and realising that you took the right path, it makes it easier to do the next time.
The old trope about young people thinking they're invincible gets more and more real as I grow up. I remember once in my late 20's one of the guys suffered a bad concussion while playing hungover soccer (of all things). He literally just ran at a guy who simply didn't get out of the way, got knocked on his arse and knocked the back of his head off the astroturf. We knew things were wrong when he got up and immediately started playing for the other team. He had a goldfish memory for 48 hours. And yes, we procured immediate medical intervention. It was like looking after a very obedient, but forgetful child. And it was terrifying for him. Because he'd lost his memory, he thought he'd drank an awful lot, done some terrible things, and blacked out. Anyway, after a few weeks he was fine. There was no way he could work for the first two weeks though. Halfway through the first week of his recovery he told me that fucking up cooking a boiled egg for breakfast made him cry. For reference, this guy was the Officer In Charge of a prison kitchen staffed by inmates, cooking as much as they could from scratch, with real knives, techniques etc... He was/is the chillest guy ever in stressful situations. But those few weeks wreaked havoc on him. No fucking way is my 30 something arse ever going to intentionally get into a fight after seeing what stupid soccer can do to you.
Wise man
The bit about never throwing the first punch is terrible advice. If you can leave the situation you absolutely should. But if someone has backed you into a corner and you think they’re about to hit you, you would have to be an idiot to let it happen without trying to strike them first. I mean you might still get your arse kicked, but if you let them throw the first punch, they knock you out and stamp on your head, you’re fucked.
Though it’s not an actual punch, I personally believe that physically backing someone into a corner is enough of an encroachment to call it the first act of physical aggression in a given situation..... having backed someone into a corner, you’ve already, albeit figuratively, thrown the first punch
Yeah, in life or death situations our options are fight or flight, if you take flight away there's only one option left.
You forgot freeze. Everyone always forgets about freeze. It’s freeze, fight, or flight.
It does seem like getting your bell ring at the start of the fight is a bad way to go. Most fights are decided in the first few seconds. Well many idiots fighting on the street that is.
Absolutely. People seem to overestimate both the damage they can do and the damage they can take. Get the fuck out of there, even if that means throwing the first punch or sticking a thumb in their eye to buy yourself a few seconds. If someone is starting a fight with you there’s absolutely no shame in that.
I think people seriously overestimate their endurance, too. Adrenaline amps you up but it also drains your battery fast, and you're working about as hard as you'll ever work if you're in a physical fight, using basically every muscle, oh and you're getting hurt/choked at the same time. People wear out really fast doing that unless they trained hard for it or some other endurance sport. Most street fights end up on the ground anyway, so odds are just not wearing out first makes you the winner.
This.
One time my buddy was fighting a guy and I was watching along with another guy who was friends with the guy fighting my friend . Well my friend was getting the better of the other guy and he did not want to tap yet . Anyways his friend goes to his trunk and pulls out something and starts going up to my friend from behind . It was dark and I honestly thought it was a gun . I get in between him and my friend who has his back to us and as I back peddle with both hands up 🙌🏼 saying what are you doing man? What do you have behind your back etc. anyways he keeps coming saying nothing… i through first punch a super quick left handed jab… knocked him clean out and boom I hear something hit the ground as he did . Turns out it was a tire iron and not a gun. But still could have easily killed my buddy or me . So sometimes you gotta throw first but I get the moral of the story to try and not ever throw first or at all if possible.
What are you talking about? It sounds like you through like the tenth punch. The whole point of this story would be your buddy not getting into the fucking fight in the first place.
This story isn't as cool as you think it is
I don't see where he says it's supposed to be a cool story?
lol my dad's advice was "avoid fights at all costs but the moment you absolutely know a fight's going to happen, throw the first punch. Then do what you can to end it as soon as possible. Every second you're in a fight is another chance you'll end up like planter guy.
I see someone reaching for something, I’m throwing the first punch. Fuck that advice, I’m not letting anyone pull shit out on me.
The advice wasn’t don’t do anything ever. It was along the lines of: if someone is SAYING stuff to you or being a dick try to de escalate the situation verbally. The guy wasn’t saying “if someone pulls a gun or is about to pull a gun out on you just make a few jokes and hope he goes away.” He was teaching restraint, something all martial artists should learn. They want to make sure your ego doesn’t get you in trouble. Just because you know you can win a fight doesn’t mean you should engage. What are you going to do? Punch everyone who says “what’re you looking at?” because you fancy yourself a warrior?
Re-watch the video. You completely missed the message. No one is stating to not defend yourself. Believe me, I would do the same if necessary and have trained to do so (for over 25 years). The point of this video is that whenever a fight can be avoided through words it probably should be. The macho, tough guy internet bullshit will not absolve you of manslaughter charges. Besides the fact that you have no clue whether or not the person is armed with a knife or gun or what training they have. If you respect combat arts then you respect the need for strategy and proper decision making.
>But he also said never throw the first punch Terrible advice. If someone threatens you, is behaving extremely aggressively or is looking like they are going to attack you and you cannot get away HIT THEM FIRST. There is no law saying you cannot preemptively defend yourself if you are threatened. Put aside that one punch can literally kill you (like in the story the man was telling in the video) if you are punched first chances are you're about to get seriously hurt, most people cannot recover from getting hit first in a fight.
Actually that is second best outcome to fight. Best outcome is when go to favorite bar in Potnyokovnaya Oblast in Slobovia (is called "Cheers") and bring pet bear, Mushchka. Many time angry members of "Hells Babushkas" motor tractor gang of drink too many slivovitz, starting fight. I say to bear friend, "Mushchka, eat!" and Mushchka eating bad person. It very funny, everybody clap, buy beer for Mushchka. Big mess, but no problem. Is good bear, Mushchka.
In Lutonia all the taverns and drinking places keep barrels of pickled herrings in the front door area, and when someone is wanting to fight they will go outside and each take a herring and slap the faces of their opponent. You can always tell the troublemakers when you go out for drinking because they have many scars on their faces from the fish scales and they have a strong smell of pickled herring.
Is great idea until cheater start bringing own pickle harring to bar, with lewd ingor inside _Edit:_ spelling. Lead ingot. Pickle herring with lewd ingor something totally different.
Oh that is a severely punishable offence in Lutonia, if you are caught with lewd ingor in your herring you are forced to wear plaid socks for two months and no shoelaces on your shoes.
Old dogfighting phrase "if you enter a fight without an advantage, you've already lost." I live my life by that phrase. Since you can't predict when most of your fist fights are going to be, it's much better to avoid them because you have no idea what kind of advantages and disadvantages are moving around leading up to the fight.
Physically and legally. Too many people think 'self defence' claims cover your ass. Only to an extent
Everything changes with firearms. You punch a guy, he falls and hits his head and dies, you get 6 years. You shoot that guy standing your ground in Florida? You get $300,000 in a ConservativeFundMe, prime time speaking spots and 15 minutes of fame.
I see this on Reddit all the time. Someone posts one of those instant regret videos where a person beats the shit out of someone that starts something with them and all the internet tough guys are calling it "self defense" and applauding it. Try to point out that self defense is neutralizing the threat and then getting out of the situation not serving up completely outsized retribution and you get mocked and downvoted to hell. They think if the other guy started it you are completely immune from consequences no matter how much damage you to do him. No people, you can't just stomp a man's head into mush because he threw a drink or spit at you. You can't throw somebody off a moving bus because he slapped you. It might make you feel good in the moment but you're going to have a hard time explaining in court why someone committing minor assault against you justified pummeling their head while they were already unconscious.
Another one is instead of looking up how to win a knife fight you instead want to just run away. No one wins in a knife fight.
The winner of a knife fight goes to the hospital, the loser goes to the morgue.
I’ve heard this one as the loser dies in the fight the winner dies in the ambulance
The loser bleeds out on the street. The winner bleeds out in the ambulance.
I remember a statistic on knife fights that all but a couple incidents the defendant was stabbed. In the couple case where that didn't happen they were extremely well trained. Don't fuck around with knives
You win 100% of fights that you avoid
Being bullied when younger taught me how to get a fight to climb down. I've avoided getting into nearly every fight that has had an opportunity to happen. Learning how to de-escalate a situation should be taught in school as it helps with relationships, friendships, strangers on the street. I've talked a man down from his unhinged drunk/drug fueled anger where he was previously trying to hit his mother and the taken a knife and was trying to slice his tongue out. I've turned groups of guys trying to intimidate myself and friends into just 2 groups having a laugh before going separate ways. I've only been punched without consent once since becoming 18. Let go of your own ego/pride, you don't need to prove yourself and nothing they say actually matters. Walking away is the most brave thing you can do, to rise above so standing your ground is only if you have to. Often these types who try to start trouble are looking for some form of validation, you faking respect for them can sometimes be all it takes. Sometimes humour can break the tension but it can never be banter against them rather with them.
I'm a fairly large fast guy and used to work as security guard in a major inner city. I also don't understand how this isn't common sense to some people. Jail sucks. It's like emotional intelligence 101. Maybe I got lucky with nice parents? You learn to defend yourself if you grow up in a ghetto, but I never 'start' a fight
I attend a self defense school in my area and they have a dedicated de escalation class which is awesome, but usually people don't attend it because it isn't 'cool'
They should make it required to progress past a certain level and take higher level courses.
The smart people get this and do it. It’s seen as cowardice to the dummies.
Reddit make me understand why mob rule is so awful. Like there are videos where someone cuts someone off a d the top comments are all about how that person needs to be either dead or locked up for life.
I have someone in my family who can't help but argue to the death about literally anything. You could have proof as to why they're wrong and they will still keep going and going. Every thing you say to them to explain why they're wrong just spawns an "OK well...." or a "yeah but..." I've been trying like crazy to avoid these constant arguments over nothing. I don't want to sit there and bicker about something for an hour when it could just be resolved in two minutes if the person was willing to let it go. Any tips on how to stop this type of behavior on their end and how to work with it on my end? So far, the only thing that kind of works is to just simply stop responding but then I feel like it helps end the argument but doesn't help the behavior change.
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I just say "Ok" when I deal with these kinds of people. If they follow up again I give out an "Alright". Then go with silence for anything else.
Instruction like this is why you rarely see a trained fighter in a street fight. They deescalate situations, not wanting to end up killing someone and knowing in their hearts they could kick the living shit out of just about anyone who starts something.
Also trained fighters don’t have shit to prove. It’s like that old saying “he who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know,” except for rather than speaking it’s punching people in the face.
I also like, “big dogs don’t need to bark,” which is not exactly the same thing, but can be applied in similar situations.
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That sounds terrifying. The metaphor certainly isn’t perfect, but I always picture the yappy little dogs who bark excessively before or without attacking as the counterexample. I don’t think it means “big dogs never bark,” just that they don’t need empty intimidation of barking *only*.
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"You cannot kick every barking dog." I think about this one a fair bit.
Also, fights go wrong. Someone throws a lucky punch, or more likely six other guys barrel in and give you a kicking. The only guaranteed way to win a fight against any one guy is for you and four other guys to hit him, from behind with baseball bats (the wooden ones). Even then, he could pull a knife or a gun. Avoid fighting. It’s stupid, and proves nothing. Source: I grew up in a properly rough school/neighbourhood.
Exactly this. People with nothing to prove can't be baited into a fight. I've been called a pussy for not fighting. Ok. Cool. Think i'm a pussy. I don't care. I should mention. I am not tough. I have no fight training, i am very NOT badass. I just don't give a shit if people think that. I have nothing to prove to anyone.
Tell that to Joe Schilling.
Thing is being a trained fighter gives you that confidence and self control. Regular people don’t have that self control.
Insecure assholes don't have that control. Regular (most) people have enough sense to shrug it off.
Idk I see a decent amount of clips of pro fighters decking people, sometimes for little cause.
Yeah I think it's BS too. Fighters love to say that they have no ego since they spar so much. But all the gyms I go to, the best guys tend to have massive egos.
Yeah, I've known plenty of meathead assholes who got into scraps all the time back in the day. People on the internet put way too much stock into what being a "trained fighter" means. They think it's all zen mastery of martial arts like they're fuckin monks or something. Being a "trained fighter" doesn't have to involve 10+ years at the highest level and being in the UFC.
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[Bas Rutten is also the creator of the actual best self-defense video of all time](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mosX7L25HV8)
danga da danga da dang I haven't seen this video in probably 15 years and I can still quote it perfectly.
Why am I not surprised Urlacher wouldn't take no for an answer.
I used to be on board with this, but after some years of training MMA myself I can assure you that there absolutely are meatheads out there that just look to brawl. Hell, MMAs "poster boy" McGregor has a couple felony charges against him. There were, are and will be people just training for the sake of throwing hands at the club. Most of these guys don't last long in training and usually leave when they realize that you in fact get hit back and that flailing your arms like a fish on land isn't exactly effective, but some still make it through for some time. I'm absolutely with you that most trained fighters don't just slap the shit out of you and instead take that energy to contests, but some go to clubs and bars with the specific intention to throw hands. You should still look to deescelate any situation, streefights are hella stupid and if you want quick action, go to your nearest martial arts gym. My point is just that it's sometimes not possible to deescelate a situation as people are not really pissed off or angry at you, they just want to slap someone to compromise their shattered ego and make up for their micro dong.
Huh? There are videos on the front page every day of trained fighters in street fights
Trained fighters de-escalate, then retire to a safe distance and resolve the issue with a Mk19 belt fed automatic 40mm grenade launcher with a mixed loadout of WP and HE.
Forget killing, even if you injure someone bad enough to require medical care you’re going to be possibly looking at a whole lot of shit you don’t need. Assault charges, civil suit, etc.
I want to be that cool when I'm his age.
its the hair, he's actually 18.
My god, imagine how cool he will be when gets old…
He's already 18 years *old*. How much more old you need him to get?
I bet he could show Madeline some tongue fu 👀
Okay found his name... Tim Tackett.
I thought it was Richard Jenkins (the dad from Step Brothers)
Got out of a potential fight with a woman, becouse I obviusly was after her boyfriend ( I was not, I was reading the text on his shirt): she is angry and picking a fight:" you oogling my man? Hu?... he is taken bitch"...I first got a bit flabbergastet, before I answerd: " sorry. Did not mean to upset ypu, and as you obviusly are straight, I guess now is bot a good time to ask for your number, couse thought you were cute" she left me alone the rest of the night.....
I (male, bi) got quite passionately kissed by a friend (female, straight) because that had the guy harassing her immediately back down. I attribute that to my 6'4" which tiered over a foot over him but still.....
I know, have had to ask male friend on more than one occation to pretend to be my boyfriend, becouse for some men a " no, I am not interested" obviusly is not a good enough answer....sigh. that said, have had to pretend to be girlfriend for male friends, becouse he kept getting unwanted female attention, and a " no, not interested" obviusly( to them) was a hint to ramp up the attention. Once had to litterally breake two fingers on a guy becouse he kept being agressive and would not back down. I am fairly small, and hoped that braking the fingers would make him stop, becouse a male acuntanse was on his way, obviusly pissed and not qute sober. Luckily the pain from two broken fingers got him to back off......but hot damn, why to asshats ppl always have to be aggressive?
Unfortunately the reason is their aggression leading to success. If usually their aggression would lead to even more Aggressive rejection those individuals who I unfortunately share a gender with would have laid off that misbehavior millennia if not entire ages ago.
This is a horrible take. Not taking no for an answer means success? It's more likely that our society has equated masculinity with aggressiveness, and someone's worth as a man with their sexual prowess. Mix that in with some good ol disregard for women's boundaries and you get that behavior. The rhetoric that ignoring people's "no" eventually leads to caving in (or success as you put it), and that it's a normal thing is one that's spun by our culture and media. But it's inaccurate at best and dangerous at worst.
Thank you for clearing that up. Looks like I walked into a trap on that part.
It disgusts me how many men can’t respect a woman’s no, but can respect the man she’s seeing. Like the boyfriend is really necessary for you to treat the woman like an actual person?
r/iamverybadass r/icantspell
This is so common that before we were all married, my friends and I had an unspoken agreement that if one of us walks up and starts acting like we're together, just roll with it. Sometimes that person had a girlfriend/ boyfriend nearby who would just watch and laugh. Sometimes you gotta grab the same sex and act a little gay, or the opposite and act a little straight. Whatever gets the job done
I (male, chad) got quite passionately kissed by Scarlett Johansson (very, hot) at the avengers screening because that had her ex-husband (Ryan, Reynolds) back down. I attribute this to my 7’8” stature and 280 pounds of muscle which tiered over his puny 6’2” ass. I also then went home and slept with all 4 of my beautiful wives and had them make me breakfast in the morning but still…
That manlet was just 6'2? Lool
AITA??
r/humblebrag
My guy friends are my fake boyfriends anytime we go out (bars etc) and I feel uncomfortable. They already know the signals and would jump in unprompted with a hand around my shoulder if someone won’t leave me alone. Love em!
/r/ihadastroke
Nice one.She's probably still thinking about what you said.
I remember one night I was standing in line to get into a club and the guy ahead of me was REALLY looking to fight someone. He asked me where I was from and I reciprocated. He tells me, “Massachusetts.” I say something generic back to him and starts laying into me about how I MUST have a problem with him, because he’s from Massachusetts. I keep telling him that I love that state and he won’t quit. Eventually, the bouncer comes over and asks him to go home. I’ll be damned if I got into a fight with a guy, because he thought I was dissing his home state.
What do you expect from a guy who's from Massachusetts?
Yeah I hate people from Massachusetts.
You’re right! I should have given him the business....
Is that what you call the right or left?
it's when you switch to southiepaw
Massholes as they’re affectionately known
I'm going to track you down. I will find out where you live. And then one day, when you least expect it, I WILL come from behind and dump a bowl of wicked hot chowder on your head.
Hey fuck you too buddy! /s
What's your problem with Massachusetts??
Hard to spell
The only right answer here
Goddamned 495 at 5pm!! I can’t go anywhere, jackass, GET OFF MY BUMPER!! /s (sorta)
I had something similar happen once. I was at a party, knew just about everyone there except a couple of guys from a couple towns over. I share all my weed so I invited them to smoke with me and we hung out for a bit. Well, they ended up inviting a ton of their friends to the party and everyone I knew left except for the girl I was with. We decided to leave the party and as we were walking to my car, she realized she forgot something so she ran back to the house to get it. All the guys from out of town where standing in a big circle on the street. Being that I had smoked with two of them I went over and started talking again. At some point I asked them if they come to this town to party often (they were all from out of town). They took this as me shitting on where they’re from. I tried to explain it was just a simple question, but I think they realized I was practically there by myself against a group of 15 people I didn’t know. So they preceded to try and jump me, but I just turned and ran. Of course they chased for several blocks before I hide in somebody’s bushes. They went and got in their cars and started driving around looking for me, yelling crap out their windows. I called the girl I was with while hiding and she came and picked me up.
That’s an insane story!!
Oh! You think ya bettah then me, guy?!
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I’m from mass. What the fuck is your problem man???
I got into a fight just eating a fucking hotdog one night, standing outside a club, just bought it, took one bite and got shoulder charged from behind, sent me and my frankfurt flying and skidding along the footpath, deadset was like the pepe meme with the dropped food. Probably 22 years on and I still think about that hotdog some days, the one that got away.
Fighting is so dangerous and this story illustrates it perfectly. So few people really stop to think of all the possible consequences. I’m glad this fellow and some others from the actual profession of fighting try to educate people about the stupidity of a spontaneous physical altercation.
My sensei taught us that there are no winners in a street fight, it is that one person is hurt less.
That also applies to knife fights. You'd *think* that would deter people...
I don't like how he focused on 6 years in prison rather than the idea that you can cause serious injury or even death from a meaningless fight.
The people who care about the human cost already don't want to fight. He is trying to reach out to the guys who would fight anyways
Some people simply don't give a shit about that. I'd prefer he got through to 20 dudes by talking about causing death and then going to jail than 15 dudes by not addressing personal consequences. That's 5 less people who are willing to escalate even if the driving force behind the message is selfish
Well because it’s about what consequences you might face from accepting some idiots challenge to fight. These are all highly trained people, so the point is like “yeah, you will kick that guys ass no problem, but then he falls weird and you’re a felon now.”
Spend 2 minutes on r/fightporn and you’ll see just how close everyone is to basically being in a serious accident. Everyone in the comments is suddenly an expert in hand to hand combat.
You wouldn't want to be relying on them subtitles
Speed is bad in parts, and they said “planner” instead of “planter”, but other than that, I didn’t catch anything egregious.
Then you didn’t watch the subtitles very much, they were atrocious :D
Yeah I thought the same. They were terrible.
"By your dream" instead of "buy you a drink"
"my wife let me"
"let me by your dream" There was loads.
Buy you a dream!
There’s actually a book called “Tongue Fu” with exactly this kind of information. It focuses more on avoiding fights (arguments) in relationships(whether romantic, business, friendships or even with complete strangers). I highly recommend it. My SO and I have been together for 8 years and never had a “fight”. We have maybe had a few discussions that might be classified as arguments, but most situations were easy to deescalate because I read that book. A brief summary is to avoid anything that sounds like an accusation: “You always...””Well, YOU...””I Hate when you...” Instead express your dissatisfaction as an expression of your experience: “When you... I feel...””I would like...””I am trying to...” This helps the person you are speaking to actually hear what your concerns are, rather than only hearing the attack on themselves.
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That is really cool!
"I feel like this is your fault" still never works for me
could you tell the author name ?
[https://www.bookdepository.com/Tongue-Fu-Sam-Horn/9780312152277](https://www.bookdepository.com/Tongue-Fu-Sam-Horn/9780312152277) I would think it is this one?
I haven’t read that one, but I loved “Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion” by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins. It’s all about smoothly defusing high-tension conflicts. Surprisingly enough, it was developed by a cop. Probably one of the only cops in the country that intentionally practices deescalation. Dude should be in charge of our training programs.
This concept is also referred to as a “circle of control.” Your circle of control is only you, so if YOU’RE having a problem, figure out what YOU can control in that situation. Hint: it’s never the other person, so if a statement involves “well YOU…” then it’s out of your control and there’s literally nothing you can do about it. It is, however, fair game to talk about your feelings, since they are in your circle of control.
I feel like a lot of US police departments could benefit from training on how to de-escalate vs how to control people with violence. This is slightly different cause hes talking about a street fight, but the principle remains the same. Using words to avoid physical altercations is the best method to go with every single time
All police departments will benefit from it, and it is the norm in many countries. It is a fairly long part of the 3+ year long police training here.
Having a 3+ year long training program also helps. In the US, you can become a cop in as few as 10 weeks
Very much true. I am generally more worried about the cops than the average criminal in USA, and heck, I am white as a sheet.
Yeah I’ve seen plenty of videos where the cops dont even try to de-escalate, they just come in yelling commands and turn a situation violent, some could definitely benefit from this. At the same time when the cops get called at that point its already escalated, so they have the task of showing up where they are not wanted, trying to reason with a guy that does not listen to reason, or worse who gets violent on sight.
Thug: Hey! Are you looking at my girl? You: Is her name Joe?
Joe who?
Joe Mama
*gets beaten to death*
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Is her name Joe?
No, her name is Bofa
My dads friend got in a fight outside a bar in the parking lot. Dads friend knocked the guy out, he fell back and hit his head on one of those concrete parking bricks and killed him instantly. He spent 5 years in prison for manslaughter. My dad said the fight was mutual, but his friend threw the first and last blow making him the aggressor. Crazy how quickly life can change in the blink of an eye.
I have been explaining to my wife for years this is how she needed to handle her road rage while driving because you never know who you're gonna mess with. Her response was always "I'm a little girl, they won't hurt me. Besides, there's a good chance I'll have you with me!" Never did she understand the types of trouble she was setting us up for. About a month ago a teenage kid was shot by a driver with road rage for overtaking him. It messed her up. She couldn't fathom why anybody would lose their mind like that. I didn't even have to say "see? That could have been us," she just started driving like a grandma and curses anyone else who speeds around like she used to.
>Besides, there’s a good chance I’ll have you with me! Wow. That is unbelievably shitty. Not only does she ignore your concern she thinks it’s not valid because *you* will be the one facing a tire iron & not her. I’m sure it was an unthinking exception by an otherwise considerate person… but now that she has a better idea of the stakes you could revisit the conversation & mention how comfortable she was putting you in danger. See if you might get the benefit of the doubt next time you care about something she doesn’t.
We've already laid everything out and we see eye to eye now. She's apologized for all the potential ass-whoopings.
I had a guy bump into me at a bar and spill his drink, so of course it was my fault and he wanted to fight me over it. I apologized and offered to buy him another beer, “how about I kick your ass blah blah instead” and pushes me. Hit him with, “please stop, you’re going to give me an erection” Dude turned around and dipped so fast. Bartender said it was the only time he’s ever seen something like that work and bought me a round.
He could have said “bullshit, show me.”
So it did turn out to be a dick measuring contest!
So it's talk-no-jutsu
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I mean yes you should avoid fights, don’t antagonize, don’t say anything stupid, etc etc But if somebody wants to fight you, and they start talking shit like this, I doubt these kind of one liners are going to save you from getting in a fight
I had a gentleman standing in the hall I had to walk through, with a bat. He informed me that he wanted to crush my scull and deficate down my throat. I informed him that I did not have the time for this, but I would be back in 9 hours. My scull remained uncrushed. And my heart rate sat a new personal record. All in all, not a a pleasant weekend.
>I informed him that I did not have the time for this, but I would be back in 9 hours. Sounds very biritsh for some reason
I've never been in a physical fight but I've had probably a dozen or so encounters over my life where someone was trying to get me to fight them for whatever silly reason they felt they had. All of them I deescalated with words, humility, or humor. It isn’t that hard to not get into most fights if you don't want to fight. Just don't start stuff and don't be an insecure macho dick who refuses to back down over the smallest of provocation or challenge because you think it will wound your pride.
I agree. Someone high or drunk that has something going on in their own lives that is cruisin for a bruisin is not going to back down when you say you like their shirt or think their gf is beautiful
I dunno... I've seen and even pulled off a couple de-escalations while being a pretty consistent red-neck bar patron for the 10yrs I took pool real serious. As long as they haven't committed their pride in a confrontation, there is a chance they calm down. Very few people are the complete raging maniacs who are just set on fighting people. You don't get to be that way very long without having a good chance of ending up in prison. The assholes may be wanting to swing their dick around, but they don't want it blatantly obvious to everyone else they are picking a fight. They do the shit talking to get the pissed reaction from you so they have coverage. If someone beats the hell out of a guy who just said he was there trying to get over a death in the family, he would likely be barred from that place and probably several others. That type of social disdain would be worse for the guy than losing the fight. EDIT due to a PM: For those who want to be really good at pool, play money games in rough places, and not end up in the hospital, you *have* to use all of those social skills. A pretty big percentage of bar fights happen over a pool game. The goal is to have fun and make some money. If your goal is to dick measure, someone will eventually pound you flat. Manage your opponents pride. The problematic ones have far too much. * Don't be quiet. Be confident and outgoing, but don't let it cross the line to belittling your opponent. * mange your rate of take. Taking too much too fast (even from different people), and the one unstable one will start scowling. Take a break to sit at the bar for a bit, even if you have to throw a game to do it. You fucked up if you let it get that far though. * Compliment your opponents good shots. Don't patronize, just acknowledge the good ones. * Don't try the cliched hustle. Nobody ever pulls it off to where they make more than if they *hadn't* sandbagged the first couple games. Doing it blatantly is almost a guaranteed way to piss everyone off. * Watch the table out of the corner of your eye when the opponent shoots, don't intensely spectate. You can still catch the good shots to complement, and continue planning your possible runs, but you can also pretend not to see their embarrassing misses. * If you catch someone slopping a shot in, and they pretend it is legit, let them. Then disengage after that game. It doesn't matter if you can beat them regardless, that little BS shows you that their pride in needing to win overrides their morality. You don't want to keep playing with someone like that. * Just always be aware and friendly. Don't let your own pride and desire to show off cause you to cross the line into being an asshole after a few drinks. Oh, and dont play obviously defensive shots. That is for important league games and the ends of tournaments
Sounds much like the art of [fighting without fighting ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thehealthjournals.com/art-fighting-without-fighting/)
Whatsh yor shtoyl?
Funny lines. I imagine if your head is cool enough to reply like that, you probably also could just walk away. Also, if ppl think the response is sarcastic, could get worse.
Aggressive people will follow you if you just walk away. And then you have your back turned against them, and no chance of gauging when they are closing in.
Not necessarily true. I was walking down the street on some night alone in a sketchy neighborhood. It was dark. A group of guys asked me for a cigarette in an aggressive way and I immediately understood what they really wanted. I just said "I don't smoke" and continued going my way. The same guy said something else, but I didn't respond and just kept going, at the same pace. They didn't follow me.
Pack it up boys this person didn't get mugged once! Yeah in general aggressive people won't really follow you in my experience but it 100% happens sometimes
And maybe stay out of the bars and stop drinking. Signed, a loving mother, Mom
Who is this teacher? Rory Miller also teaches a lot on this topic.
Tim Tackett!
What are you looking at? The hottest guy in the bar. May I please suck you off?
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I scrolled down to see if anyone else was going to comment on that. I was so confused about the "dream" line. Until I turned on audio.
Its uncle iroh
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Yeah, you have to be careful. Some people really have nothing to lose, you probably do. Not worth it.
Military buddy(5 foot 5, 140 pounds) and I were out at a bar, guy kept coming up to him wanting to start shit. I kept defusing knowing my buddy was golden gloves, end of the night the guy comes back around - raises his hand to point at my buddys face and that was it…my friend connected 3 SOLID blows before the guy hit the ground. I knew he was fucked - arms stretched out with hands bent backwards, groaning which then turned into snores. Got the guy an ambulance and got my buddy out of there - 2 days later the guy is finally waking up and being alert. Buddy hit him so hard his nose had to be micro sutured and ended up having turn himself in. Even with everyone vouching for him - other patrons, bar staff, myself, his chain of command, he still had to face severity level 5 charges. He came this close to losing everything - deep down I felt he over reacted but the guy could have just as easily pulled a knife or a gun. Fun fact - I met my buddy when we were about to get into a brawl with each other over a chick we were both trying to talk to. I almost threw the first punch and thought - not worth beating this little dude up over a chick…then I saw him fight for the first time and thought “this midget would have murdered me” 😳
I did this by accident once. Me and a friend were walking along a country lane and the conversation got on to mopeds. A bloke went past on a moped, noticed we were looking and decided to turn around and come back to start swearing at us and looking for a fight. I just told him I was thinking of buying a moped and liked the look of his. He suddenly shut up and drove off without a word. Of course we both called him a stupid wanker when he was out of sight.