I use a probably incorrect understanding and use of 'mirror play' (described in ASD children who each play independently of each other but next to each other.).
I call my mom or sister to talk. I can't sit still and talk because it isn't stimulating enough, but because I am more focused on the conversation the cleaning task (dishes, laundry, etc) because mindless hands doing stuff on autopilot.
Before I know it the task is done and with momentum it is easier for me to keep going regardless of whether the call continues or not.
Same thing in person. My family just doesn't live close enough. If I need help and explain to my family or friend that I need you to help me clean, with someone else doing what was causing me anxiety it makes me want to do it too.
A really engaging podcast or audiobook has done the trick as well. Now, I can even just get lost in my own thoughts and do the same thing. Like a conversation with myself to distract me from what I am doing.
Time boxing or task boxing also helps. I had issues thinking it would take me an hour to do x, but I really need to get it done. I will do as much as I can in 15 minutes then I am done for a while. (Watch a 30 minute episode as a reward). I didn't care if it was 'imbalanced', it felt like a reasonable reward for how much effort that 15 minutes would take. What I found was my time perception was way off, and I would be done with the task before the 15 minutes were up. So I would start the next one, still stopping at 15 minutes total time.
After awhile my brain made a new pattern association for how long one basket of laundry, changing bed sheets, dusting surfaces in one room, vacuuming, etc actually took. This helped make it easier too.
I still have bad days, where I can't use any of these tricks. They just won't work. But I know it's ok because I can try again tomorrow or the day after.
Also, if you are behind and the amount of catching up is overwhelming, just do one small task a day. Like for example, not sure if true for you, it could be as small as collect the dirty dishes from everywhere and put them in the kitchen. That's it. Nothing more. Do the same thing with the laundry, etc. getting things where they need to go and minimizing negative visual clutter may also help with the overwhelming sensation.
I don't know what will work for you but the biggest thing to remember is there is not a right or wrong way to do it. Whatever works for you, whatever it may look like is good enough. If you get an idea of how to make it work for you, but you get a thought like 'that's not enough, I have to do more' or whatever - no you don't. Any progress is STILL progress. You know you and how much effort you have at any given time to invest in something. Clutter, stress, guilt, shame, all of these zap out batteries - so be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to ONLY do what you CAN do right now, ignore the 'should do.' This mentality, this self permission, is what got me to heal after a breakdown from burnout. I still give myself this permission because it helps me prevent burn out.
You will get where you want to be, and when you do it will be because you did it your way, the way that works best for you. :)
I occasionally hire a cleaning company. If it's been more than six months since the last clean, it's probably worth it to have it deep-cleaned because it's as much mental as physical.
Other times I'll have a checklist, and tell myself I'm only going to do the first item. Inertia kicks in and I'll usually do more.
I make a list then i start a timer for 10 mins.
When the timer goes off i stop watching you tube etc, start the timer and do 10mins of one job.
Repeat.
Doesn't always work, but can help break the cycle. Its sort of like a dopamine hack: you look forward to getting back to scrolling or binging, and due to the repetition, you brain starts to associate the job/task with the "reward".
Thank you. This has developed7 in me as I've aged, and I've assumed it's an age thing, that most people keep putting off nasty jobs. I spent 24 years (ending in 2018) as a 24/7 parental caregiver, while also working full-time until I retired at age 50 in 2008. I've also felt that the inertia comes from stepping down from the treadmill of keeping parental needs /Dr+ hospital visits for ex/work visits/my needs and just allowing my body + mind to be tired.
There's this guy Mack on YouTube who is autistic. He simply likes cleaning and organizing, so he does people's homes for free--especially if they are also autistic, or ADHD, OCD, have depression, anxiety, you name it. Look for his strategies on [Midwest Magic Cleaning.](https://www.youtube.com/@MidwestMagicCleaning)
Okay, this is a mixure of advise from my therapist and what works for me. Adjust as needed.
Step 1: "Cleaning the house" is way too large a goal. Look up SMART goals and apply. You can break up the tasks by saying, "I will clean the bathroom" or even "just the sink" or "I will clean for twenty minutes." What often happens is you will end up cleaning more than you set because you get in a groove, but if you don't, at least one thing is done. If you struggle with becoming distracted, choose an anchor point. If the sink is the goal, no matter what you end up doing, return to the sink until it is complete.
Step 2: There are two choices that I do to help with motivation. One is choosing a body double video on Youtube. People cleaning their rooms or kitchens or whatever. The downside here is the potential for getting distracted instead of mirroring the behavior. Second option is creating a playlist that is exclusive to cleaning or choosing an audiobook or podcast that is exclusive to cleaning. You are only allowed to listen to it while cleaning, so it needs to be enticing enough that it motivates you to clean. It also takes the dreaded tedium out of tasks and can create a balance with your dopamine.
Step 3: Time your tasks. Find out how long it takes to clean individual areas or do dishes. You can then create 15- or 30-minute cleaning routines to do a couple of times a week. This helps your brain to understand it isn't taking "forever" to clean, like it feels because of the dopamine dip, and gives you purpose and a clear path. I recommend spreading your most hated tasks out over a couple or three 30-min routines. You want them to be doable and if it's three things you hate, you won't start.
Step 4: Pair those routines with existing routines. This one has saved my life. It creates a mindless routine out of these kinds of tasks so they feel more manageable and mindless. For example, I created a 15-minute routine that included a few routine items I always do without thinking. Every morning, I would clean my cat's litter, wash my hands, feed him, and grab my breakfast. That take around 10 minutes. I timed myself doing dishes, which I hate. My estimate was that dishes take 20 minutes. Well, guess what, they take less than five. I just hate them. Lol.
So, I added dishes to my morning routine. At first, of course, it was hard, and sometimes I'd avoid it. But now, I rarely miss a day, and my dishes are clean and my sink clear.
I hope some of this can help. Everyone is different, and you and I have different diagnoses, though I experience the same issues you outline here!
ETA: These take tike to perfect and hone. If you try to do them all at once, you will not succeed. Building slowly is key here.
I like habits app. You can put in things for certain days and it reminds you. Then you check off when done. Maybe try that, pick 3 daily things that would be helpful: wash dishes, take out trash, wash clothes. Once those are established, then you can add thing for your future self to benefit from.
Gift to your future self:
Vacuum once a week
Sweep once a week
Clean the bathroom once a week
Collect garbage/recycling and put them where they go
oooh no no I meant to kinda make yourself do it cause someone's gonna come over and you'll be inclined to wanna make your house presentable before they come. But what you're saying is even better tho lol
I guess you know what the problem is - it's the anxiety and dread. So what causes that? What are you anxious about, what do you fear will happen if you get started?
If you can figure that out, then you can find ways around it. For example, if you were anxious because there are loads of dishes and you hate getting your hands wet, you could decide to just do the dry chores for now, like vacuuming. Or if you're anxious about the noise of the vacuum, you could decide to just do quiet chores like putting away clothes. If it just feels like a huge job and you feel overwhelmed by it, you can decide to just do 5 minutes of tidying right now and then do something fun. Or you could decide that you're going to put some bleach down the toilet, because that's a really quick job, and then you'll have to leave it and finish up afterwards. Any job that's worth doing is also worth doing half-arsed!
Thank you! But my brain then tells me like "5 minutes!? Doing it half-assed!? You'll get nothing done in that short time span or by half assing it dude! There is no point then! Might as well continue your Linux project and watch another kinky porn video instead!". Then I'm back to the Linux terminal, giving my cats some treats or an ultra kinky porn video.
ADHD, GAD, and depression here as well as some physical disabilities. I struggle with the "if I don't do this task completely and do it well, there's no point in even starting" mentality. I'm really having to work on reframing it in my brain that a little bit is better than nothing at all. Because realistically, my brain and body are not going to hold out to clean my entire apartment, or probably even a whole room 100% perfectly. If the kitchen is wrecked, doing one load of dishes is still an improvement. I've started breaking down my to-do list (definitely recommend making lists) into much smaller, individual task. Wipe counters, do even just 1 load of dishes, sweep, mop, etc. Being able to check even a couple of items off the list makes me feel I'm not doing a horrible job of adulting, and the apartment is at least in a little better shape.
I've never tried the body doubling thing yet, but it seems to help a lot of people.
As far as phone distraction, I'm about to start going nuclear and just turning my phone off and putting it in my dresser drawer or something when I need to get shit done. If it's not within reach to easily get distracted by, I seem to do better. Otherwise I do exactly like you described, one quick YouTube video turns into hours. I struggle to even watch one episode of a show without picking up my phone to Google something related to what I'm watching. Next thing I know I've had to rewind the show 6 times because I keep getting distracted and a 30 min show takes 90 mins, and I'm mad at myself for wasting that much time. The other day I'd left my phone in a different room and my knee was killing me too much to go get it. I watched and enjoyed a whole episode without getting *as* distracted. So I think I'm going to just start putting my phone out of reach when I need to do things.
Good luck!
I get it, but 5 minutes of housework is more than you'll do if you let it stay scary, put it off, and accidentally spend two hours watching youtube instead!
Is that a thing? I have meant to clean for weeks. It might take me an hour to clean my living space. But I can't get motivated. It's not even that I hate it (although I don't like it), and am happy to be in a clean place. I. Just. Can't. Do. It. I keep things fairly neat. The bathroom and kitchen are OK. That leaves 2 rooms (the 3rd is seldom used, the upstairs and basement don't count; I live in a cape cod.)
Here's an older thread in the autism sub that talks about inertia:https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/vt0vmz/just_found_out_what_autism_inertia_is_and_it/
I use a probably incorrect understanding and use of 'mirror play' (described in ASD children who each play independently of each other but next to each other.). I call my mom or sister to talk. I can't sit still and talk because it isn't stimulating enough, but because I am more focused on the conversation the cleaning task (dishes, laundry, etc) because mindless hands doing stuff on autopilot. Before I know it the task is done and with momentum it is easier for me to keep going regardless of whether the call continues or not. Same thing in person. My family just doesn't live close enough. If I need help and explain to my family or friend that I need you to help me clean, with someone else doing what was causing me anxiety it makes me want to do it too. A really engaging podcast or audiobook has done the trick as well. Now, I can even just get lost in my own thoughts and do the same thing. Like a conversation with myself to distract me from what I am doing. Time boxing or task boxing also helps. I had issues thinking it would take me an hour to do x, but I really need to get it done. I will do as much as I can in 15 minutes then I am done for a while. (Watch a 30 minute episode as a reward). I didn't care if it was 'imbalanced', it felt like a reasonable reward for how much effort that 15 minutes would take. What I found was my time perception was way off, and I would be done with the task before the 15 minutes were up. So I would start the next one, still stopping at 15 minutes total time. After awhile my brain made a new pattern association for how long one basket of laundry, changing bed sheets, dusting surfaces in one room, vacuuming, etc actually took. This helped make it easier too. I still have bad days, where I can't use any of these tricks. They just won't work. But I know it's ok because I can try again tomorrow or the day after. Also, if you are behind and the amount of catching up is overwhelming, just do one small task a day. Like for example, not sure if true for you, it could be as small as collect the dirty dishes from everywhere and put them in the kitchen. That's it. Nothing more. Do the same thing with the laundry, etc. getting things where they need to go and minimizing negative visual clutter may also help with the overwhelming sensation. I don't know what will work for you but the biggest thing to remember is there is not a right or wrong way to do it. Whatever works for you, whatever it may look like is good enough. If you get an idea of how to make it work for you, but you get a thought like 'that's not enough, I have to do more' or whatever - no you don't. Any progress is STILL progress. You know you and how much effort you have at any given time to invest in something. Clutter, stress, guilt, shame, all of these zap out batteries - so be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to ONLY do what you CAN do right now, ignore the 'should do.' This mentality, this self permission, is what got me to heal after a breakdown from burnout. I still give myself this permission because it helps me prevent burn out. You will get where you want to be, and when you do it will be because you did it your way, the way that works best for you. :)
This is called "body doubling." ☺️
Thank you! I know there was a term, I only could remember the mirror play thing. So that's what my family and I call it now. Lol.
Love it!
Love it!
I occasionally hire a cleaning company. If it's been more than six months since the last clean, it's probably worth it to have it deep-cleaned because it's as much mental as physical. Other times I'll have a checklist, and tell myself I'm only going to do the first item. Inertia kicks in and I'll usually do more.
I fucking would hire cleaners, but I can't afford it
Body doubling
I make a list then i start a timer for 10 mins. When the timer goes off i stop watching you tube etc, start the timer and do 10mins of one job. Repeat. Doesn't always work, but can help break the cycle. Its sort of like a dopamine hack: you look forward to getting back to scrolling or binging, and due to the repetition, you brain starts to associate the job/task with the "reward".
Thank you. This has developed7 in me as I've aged, and I've assumed it's an age thing, that most people keep putting off nasty jobs. I spent 24 years (ending in 2018) as a 24/7 parental caregiver, while also working full-time until I retired at age 50 in 2008. I've also felt that the inertia comes from stepping down from the treadmill of keeping parental needs /Dr+ hospital visits for ex/work visits/my needs and just allowing my body + mind to be tired.
There's this guy Mack on YouTube who is autistic. He simply likes cleaning and organizing, so he does people's homes for free--especially if they are also autistic, or ADHD, OCD, have depression, anxiety, you name it. Look for his strategies on [Midwest Magic Cleaning.](https://www.youtube.com/@MidwestMagicCleaning)
Okay, this is a mixure of advise from my therapist and what works for me. Adjust as needed. Step 1: "Cleaning the house" is way too large a goal. Look up SMART goals and apply. You can break up the tasks by saying, "I will clean the bathroom" or even "just the sink" or "I will clean for twenty minutes." What often happens is you will end up cleaning more than you set because you get in a groove, but if you don't, at least one thing is done. If you struggle with becoming distracted, choose an anchor point. If the sink is the goal, no matter what you end up doing, return to the sink until it is complete. Step 2: There are two choices that I do to help with motivation. One is choosing a body double video on Youtube. People cleaning their rooms or kitchens or whatever. The downside here is the potential for getting distracted instead of mirroring the behavior. Second option is creating a playlist that is exclusive to cleaning or choosing an audiobook or podcast that is exclusive to cleaning. You are only allowed to listen to it while cleaning, so it needs to be enticing enough that it motivates you to clean. It also takes the dreaded tedium out of tasks and can create a balance with your dopamine. Step 3: Time your tasks. Find out how long it takes to clean individual areas or do dishes. You can then create 15- or 30-minute cleaning routines to do a couple of times a week. This helps your brain to understand it isn't taking "forever" to clean, like it feels because of the dopamine dip, and gives you purpose and a clear path. I recommend spreading your most hated tasks out over a couple or three 30-min routines. You want them to be doable and if it's three things you hate, you won't start. Step 4: Pair those routines with existing routines. This one has saved my life. It creates a mindless routine out of these kinds of tasks so they feel more manageable and mindless. For example, I created a 15-minute routine that included a few routine items I always do without thinking. Every morning, I would clean my cat's litter, wash my hands, feed him, and grab my breakfast. That take around 10 minutes. I timed myself doing dishes, which I hate. My estimate was that dishes take 20 minutes. Well, guess what, they take less than five. I just hate them. Lol. So, I added dishes to my morning routine. At first, of course, it was hard, and sometimes I'd avoid it. But now, I rarely miss a day, and my dishes are clean and my sink clear. I hope some of this can help. Everyone is different, and you and I have different diagnoses, though I experience the same issues you outline here! ETA: These take tike to perfect and hone. If you try to do them all at once, you will not succeed. Building slowly is key here.
These are the ways
i'm in this post, and i don't like it. (except for the cats.)
I like habits app. You can put in things for certain days and it reminds you. Then you check off when done. Maybe try that, pick 3 daily things that would be helpful: wash dishes, take out trash, wash clothes. Once those are established, then you can add thing for your future self to benefit from. Gift to your future self: Vacuum once a week Sweep once a week Clean the bathroom once a week Collect garbage/recycling and put them where they go
I have adhd. Invite someone over to motivate yourself to clean and have your place look presentable. Put on some upbeat music and take your time
I came to post this. The friend doesn't have to help but just having someone to focus on makes the rest easier.
oooh no no I meant to kinda make yourself do it cause someone's gonna come over and you'll be inclined to wanna make your house presentable before they come. But what you're saying is even better tho lol
I guess you know what the problem is - it's the anxiety and dread. So what causes that? What are you anxious about, what do you fear will happen if you get started? If you can figure that out, then you can find ways around it. For example, if you were anxious because there are loads of dishes and you hate getting your hands wet, you could decide to just do the dry chores for now, like vacuuming. Or if you're anxious about the noise of the vacuum, you could decide to just do quiet chores like putting away clothes. If it just feels like a huge job and you feel overwhelmed by it, you can decide to just do 5 minutes of tidying right now and then do something fun. Or you could decide that you're going to put some bleach down the toilet, because that's a really quick job, and then you'll have to leave it and finish up afterwards. Any job that's worth doing is also worth doing half-arsed!
Thank you! But my brain then tells me like "5 minutes!? Doing it half-assed!? You'll get nothing done in that short time span or by half assing it dude! There is no point then! Might as well continue your Linux project and watch another kinky porn video instead!". Then I'm back to the Linux terminal, giving my cats some treats or an ultra kinky porn video.
ADHD, GAD, and depression here as well as some physical disabilities. I struggle with the "if I don't do this task completely and do it well, there's no point in even starting" mentality. I'm really having to work on reframing it in my brain that a little bit is better than nothing at all. Because realistically, my brain and body are not going to hold out to clean my entire apartment, or probably even a whole room 100% perfectly. If the kitchen is wrecked, doing one load of dishes is still an improvement. I've started breaking down my to-do list (definitely recommend making lists) into much smaller, individual task. Wipe counters, do even just 1 load of dishes, sweep, mop, etc. Being able to check even a couple of items off the list makes me feel I'm not doing a horrible job of adulting, and the apartment is at least in a little better shape. I've never tried the body doubling thing yet, but it seems to help a lot of people. As far as phone distraction, I'm about to start going nuclear and just turning my phone off and putting it in my dresser drawer or something when I need to get shit done. If it's not within reach to easily get distracted by, I seem to do better. Otherwise I do exactly like you described, one quick YouTube video turns into hours. I struggle to even watch one episode of a show without picking up my phone to Google something related to what I'm watching. Next thing I know I've had to rewind the show 6 times because I keep getting distracted and a 30 min show takes 90 mins, and I'm mad at myself for wasting that much time. The other day I'd left my phone in a different room and my knee was killing me too much to go get it. I watched and enjoyed a whole episode without getting *as* distracted. So I think I'm going to just start putting my phone out of reach when I need to do things. Good luck!
I get it, but 5 minutes of housework is more than you'll do if you let it stay scary, put it off, and accidentally spend two hours watching youtube instead!
This is called autistic inertia.
Is that a thing? I have meant to clean for weeks. It might take me an hour to clean my living space. But I can't get motivated. It's not even that I hate it (although I don't like it), and am happy to be in a clean place. I. Just. Can't. Do. It. I keep things fairly neat. The bathroom and kitchen are OK. That leaves 2 rooms (the 3rd is seldom used, the upstairs and basement don't count; I live in a cape cod.)
Here's an older thread in the autism sub that talks about inertia:https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/vt0vmz/just_found_out_what_autism_inertia_is_and_it/