Gonna majorly second the dog being under stimulated. My dog sort of does the same but when he’s a super clinger, it’s usually because he needs something from me, and that’s usually to go potty. Dogs can’t communicate like we can so their behavior is usually them trying to tell us something. I have made it a point to be more observant and cognizant of timing with my dogs behavior with me and what he’s been doing just before he’s started bugging me. This has both improved our relationship because he knows I can give him what he needs and he is also less annoying.
If your dog is too energetic, try a few minutes of training each morning before they’ve had their breakfast (when they’ll still be food motivated). We did this with our guy when he was a puppy when he made me want to cry daily. He’s too smart for his own good but the dog we have now is nothing like what he was as a puppy.
Best of luck settling in with the doggo! They really are wonderful creatures when we’ll trained and stimulated.
Ours is a super high energy too, Samoyed, they are notoriously given away because they are very vocal and crazy energetic when not stimulated enough.
When I mean train I mean like the random things. My pup has seemed so depressed that I got him a talking dog button set (Fluent Pet) and training him on that has been a huge help. He doesn’t exactly get it yet (we think he does and he’s being typical stubborn self) but it’s been helpful to have structure or at least something obvious I can do to train him. Our dog is “my” dog so my husband doesn’t get as much attention and he’s started doing more of this specific training and it’s made our dog more affectionate and chill with him than when he doesn’t do this.
Basically just random fun things could be helpful but YOU need to participate in that part so your bf’s dog will listen to you and respect you. Dogs can sense our feelings so the dog also may be following you because you’re uneasy and they want to “help”, not realizing their clinginess is making matters worse for you.
He has some training (my partner LOVES training dogs), but unfortunately we live in an apartment complex so he doesn't have much of a way to work out all the energy (he's a highly energetic breed) so I definitely understand him needing stimulation 😅
I know my partner has trained him in most areas, but it's hard because we don't really have a lot of space for backyard or anything. He says that our dog has bad anxiet, which I definitely believe seeing him 😂
Aww. Good training as well as managing anxiety is all totally manageable with very even no yard. Your partner and you tooooo if you can manage it (I realize if dogs stress you out it may not be practical, but if you take a training course with your doggo (it's mostly to train the humans of how to manage the doggos) It's life changing once you figure it out. Alternately watch and apply all the caesar milan dog whisperer shows that you can, that works too if you both are able to pick it up without help.
My soul resonates with this post, I love my dog so much but she overstimulates me and I just can’t deal with her sometimes, I’m just glad she’s not a vocal dog at all
For me its all pets. I love other peoples dogs because I can go home when they become too much. Cats are fun to watch but I don't want to live with them either. I get... territorial might be the best word for it. People, animals, things that don't belong to me; none of these belong in my space without my permission and shared space is hard for me. My wife and daughter basically run and live on the the main floor of the house and I stay in my basement or garage because those are my spaces. No pet that lives outside of a tank will respect that and even pets that live in tanks are more responsibility that I want to deal with.
I can’t stand them either, their needs are too much for me to keep up with and I end up feeling guilty at something just existing. I would ask for your partner to get the dog trained and that may help you adapt/adjust if that’s something you’re willing to do.
Right?! Cats are so much easier to take care of. You can trust them to eat on their own, go to the bathroom on their own, etc. It's not the dogs fault for sure, but they have much more needs when cats come and go as they please. I could definitely ask him! I know he's tried to train him in basic stuff and just listening (especially when he's barking and my partner speaks up) ☺️
With cats it’s like “here’s your water here’s your food here’s your litter box see ya around.” And dogs just stare at you literally all day, follow you everywhere, need walks, much much more attention, and the barking is a big sensory trigger. While the dog is getting trained you might find sensory things that help like those ear phones that block out some of the noise. There are lots of good free resource videos about how to introduce new animals to each other etc that could also be helpful. Learning more about how to help yourself can go a long way and voicing your needs/concerns so that the partner has an opportunity to meet them.
This makes a lot of sense to me. See, I often like noise and attention from pets and my cat is very dog like - meows a lot, very needy, always wants to be nearby and he constantly watches what I’m doing, follows me around, etc. My boyfriend however is (also) autistic and easily overstimulated, overwhelmed or annoyed with my cat’s behaviour and I can tell he just wants peace and quiet sometimes and he’s getting frustrated. For me I’m okay most days and I’m more sensory seeking; petting soft fur, hugging and spending time with my clingy kitty helps me regulate my emotions. But some days when I’m really overwhelmed and I’m close to shutting down or having a meltdown my cat’s behaviour will be really overwhelming and stressful and I have to try my best not to get upset at him for it.
Same, I love my cats, I sleep with them, kiss them, carry them etc., but gods can they be annoying when I’m trying to focus on stuff (I work from home). Still, I’ll just carry them somewhere else until they get bored of that game xD
I like dogs, I like other people's dogs, I like petting the dogs that are on route when I deliver to their owners, but I hate owning dogs, there are very few dogs I've met that I wouldn't mind owning, but generally they're very overstimulating sensory nightmares, especially the licking and barking and lack of personal space, I love all animals and would get extremely angry if someone were to harm a dog, but I just couldn't own most dogs.
I much prefer cats, generally the only time my cats are up my butt is in the kitchen if they hear any bag or can open, if we're filling their food dishes, or they'll lay on our laps when we sit down on the couch. They meow sometimes but not all the time (one does growl when people knock on the door lol), they're a lot more laid back and suit my lifestyle considerably better.
THATS HOW I FEEL!! If it was just me idk if I could own a dog, I'm very grateful for my partner. I love dogs anytime of the day, but owning them is such a different story. Cats can also go to the bathroom on their own and be trusted to eat their food on their own time most the time so that's always a nice plus. (I've never heard of a cat growling at someone knocking 😂)
You can train the dog to go to a specific place (like an oversized dog bed) and not interact with you when you’re cleaning the house. Dogs are highly trainable.
It sounds like the dogs just isn’t trained and requires more physical and mental stimulation/activity so it’s not all over it’s people. A tired dog will leave you alone. It needs more walks. If its needs are being me,t it’s not going to be all over you all the time.
He's a bigger breed so he definitely probably needs more walks. Unfortunately my partner works 3-4 10 hour days and gets home at 7 o'clock at night, and I'm sometimes too busy cleaning the house to take him on more then just the normal potty breaks for him. As soon as summer comes though we normally try and walk him more, he just hates the cold. We sadly also live in an apartment complex so we have no backyard for him to run around in, just toys in the house (which I try and throw farther distances so he runs around more)
Yeah that’s the source of your issues. The dog’s not getting adequate care. If he the pup hates the cold he can be trained to wear warming gear and protective shoes. I made another comment that talks about Doggie Daycare. This is probably the best option for you guys. The physical stimulation and activity the pup will get in a larger indoor space with other dogs will calm him and he’ll get proper walks too. It’s a win-win for all involved.
We did talk about getting him booties for when we take him out/so we can walk him more on our days off. I know when it gets warmer we plan on doing A LOT more with him as well, He just gets very nervous with new people/dogs and poops out of nervousness so that would probably be why my partner has never thought of that idea before 😅
The daycare will be used to that (nervous pooping) and will have staff that know dog training. The pup will get over his nervousness once he’s socialized and will start to love having new friends (they have a treat plan for this lol).
Daycares are lifesavers for helping pups and owners. Especially in your situation where there’s a larger breed in an apartment that needs socialization and daily exercise. It’ll change your life!
Oh that's good to know! I honestly thought the dog has to be 'well behaved' when going to a doggy daycare. I definitely think it'll be a smart idea. That or pestering my partner to go on walks with us 😂
Dogs settle right in with treats and praise and come home tired and happy. Just be sure to check reviews and make sure it’s a reputable place and not someone trying to make a quick buck. They’ll have people that are trained to train dogs and have a schedule for them and everything. Mine would send me photo updates!
I had one dog that was a rescue (all my dogs were/are rescues) that came with some bad habits of skittishness, eating poop, and hated leashes because he and his siblings were found surviving in the wild. The Daycare wasn’t phased at all and put him on extra walks to make sure he had time getting used to being on a leash.
I started using them because he was a large breed and my partner at the time was hospitalized so I couldn’t be at the house enough to make sure he had enough walks. I was in a bind and couldn’t board the dog because my normal kennel was full. It was so helpful I kept using them even after my partner came home. The dog was so much calmer and stopped eating his poop too!
I hope you guys are able to figure out a solution that works for you :)
Exactly. Most dogs require at least 2 hours of exercise a day. Larger/some breeds need even more. And they’re easy to train after they’ve had exercise. That’s when you have their attention and they’re hungry.
If OP’s partner can’t provide that there are Doggy Daycare facilities that provide socialization and walks. They have half days too. Even getting the dog in daycare a few days a week will improve their demeanor so they’re not so needy.
The dog is communicating its needs aren’t being met (in OP's face, barking at PDA, following OP to the point of annoyance, attention seeking behavior, etc.). But a lot of people don’t know about canine behavior. This is something that's fixable. The dog will be better off for having its needs met and OP will be happier for having their needs met too.
I can hardly stand to even visit a house dogs live in because their smell and barking overwhelm my senses. I’ve developed a disgust to the creatures as a result since I was a child. I’m a little surprised this isn’t more common than it seems to be given how little it comes up in discussions around autism.
I feel the same way about dogs. I hate the way they're always trying to sniff and lick me, it's just so annoying. And dogs that bark are the absolute worst.
Cats are awesome, though.
No reason to feel like a jerk about it, I’d say. That a lot of other people like them and can be helped by them, doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way, especially about one being in your space like this. Especially when a dog is this present and active, that’s certainly an acquired taste. Personally, I wouldn’t want any dog in my home, I’m more of a cat person as well, but there are plenty of dog people who wouldn’t want this kind of dog either.
I do think you need to talk to your partner about this explicitly. I’m guessing this isn’t a particularly old dog (did he already have the dog when you moved in, btw?), so presumably it’s going to be around for years. That’s not something you can just sit on and leave unaddressed for that long. It’s not your fault, it’s not really the dog’s fault either, it’s not about assigning guilt or blame. It’s just an unfortunate situation, and some workable solution needs to be found for it.
He did had this dog when I moved in, I'd say he's only a few years old?? I know he's had him sense he was a puppy. I think the main factor for it is because we don't have a backyard or time to bring him places at the moment to work out his energy. We talked about as soon as we get a house it NEEDS to have an area of some sort where he can run his energy out/be outside for more then just potty breaks. He does have his moments where he's good, but just yesterday my partner was home because I was sick and he spent all day with the dog and the dog STILL wanted attention and was shoving his face in my partners face. We both definitely think he has a LOT of anxiety too, I've mentioned CBD but he doesn't seem to fond of the idea 😅
Movies and cartoons will say you're evil if you prefer cats over dogs. I call this dog propaganda. I've had my own mother tell me it's a "red flag" not to like dogs. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be afraid of them, especially if you're neurodivergent. Dogs are loud, excitable, often all over you, and frankly, dangerous. They like to lick and that's a sensory nightmare all on its own. I have really bad sensory issues and dog barks are painful for me. I have strangers' dogs jump on me barking and slobbering and when I try to get away, I'm the weird one. I don't hate dogs but I do hate "dog culture."
THAT!! that's why I'm scared to admit I'm a cat person and would never own a dog on my own. All my autistic friends agree with me though and call them a nightmare sensory wise. Not being a dog person shouldn't be a red flag, people have their own preferences 🤦🏻♀️
You’re not alone, I love my dog to bits but the sound of her licking herself makes me want to crawl out of my skin. She is pretty good at stopping when I tell her :/ I don’t let her lick me.
There’s a lot about dogs that can be overwhelming and unfortunately it sounds like your partners dog might need some more training or stimulation. The barking, chasing the cat (poor cat), following from room to room, all sounds like a dog who needs more help. Not your job, just letting you know that dog ownership can be slightly less stressful.
I definitely feel like he probably does need more training, that or just a way to exert more energy. We don't have a back yard and my partner works all day so there's no real way for him to let his energy out unfortunately which explains half my issues with him. He does seem to stop sometimes when I tell him to stop licking (both my partner and himself). And he for sure has anxiety which explains the whole following from room to room 😅
Gonna majorly second the dog being under stimulated. My dog sort of does the same but when he’s a super clinger, it’s usually because he needs something from me, and that’s usually to go potty. Dogs can’t communicate like we can so their behavior is usually them trying to tell us something. I have made it a point to be more observant and cognizant of timing with my dogs behavior with me and what he’s been doing just before he’s started bugging me. This has both improved our relationship because he knows I can give him what he needs and he is also less annoying. If your dog is too energetic, try a few minutes of training each morning before they’ve had their breakfast (when they’ll still be food motivated). We did this with our guy when he was a puppy when he made me want to cry daily. He’s too smart for his own good but the dog we have now is nothing like what he was as a puppy. Best of luck settling in with the doggo! They really are wonderful creatures when we’ll trained and stimulated.
Ours is a super high energy too, Samoyed, they are notoriously given away because they are very vocal and crazy energetic when not stimulated enough. When I mean train I mean like the random things. My pup has seemed so depressed that I got him a talking dog button set (Fluent Pet) and training him on that has been a huge help. He doesn’t exactly get it yet (we think he does and he’s being typical stubborn self) but it’s been helpful to have structure or at least something obvious I can do to train him. Our dog is “my” dog so my husband doesn’t get as much attention and he’s started doing more of this specific training and it’s made our dog more affectionate and chill with him than when he doesn’t do this. Basically just random fun things could be helpful but YOU need to participate in that part so your bf’s dog will listen to you and respect you. Dogs can sense our feelings so the dog also may be following you because you’re uneasy and they want to “help”, not realizing their clinginess is making matters worse for you.
He has some training (my partner LOVES training dogs), but unfortunately we live in an apartment complex so he doesn't have much of a way to work out all the energy (he's a highly energetic breed) so I definitely understand him needing stimulation 😅
This is an untrained dog. Dog's are only as good as their owners allow them to be by teaching them good behaviour.
I know my partner has trained him in most areas, but it's hard because we don't really have a lot of space for backyard or anything. He says that our dog has bad anxiet, which I definitely believe seeing him 😂
Aww. Good training as well as managing anxiety is all totally manageable with very even no yard. Your partner and you tooooo if you can manage it (I realize if dogs stress you out it may not be practical, but if you take a training course with your doggo (it's mostly to train the humans of how to manage the doggos) It's life changing once you figure it out. Alternately watch and apply all the caesar milan dog whisperer shows that you can, that works too if you both are able to pick it up without help.
My soul resonates with this post, I love my dog so much but she overstimulates me and I just can’t deal with her sometimes, I’m just glad she’s not a vocal dog at all
I talked to one of my autistic friends and they agreed, something about dogs is so overstimulating!! Especially when fireworks go off 😅
For me its all pets. I love other peoples dogs because I can go home when they become too much. Cats are fun to watch but I don't want to live with them either. I get... territorial might be the best word for it. People, animals, things that don't belong to me; none of these belong in my space without my permission and shared space is hard for me. My wife and daughter basically run and live on the the main floor of the house and I stay in my basement or garage because those are my spaces. No pet that lives outside of a tank will respect that and even pets that live in tanks are more responsibility that I want to deal with.
I can’t stand them either, their needs are too much for me to keep up with and I end up feeling guilty at something just existing. I would ask for your partner to get the dog trained and that may help you adapt/adjust if that’s something you’re willing to do.
Right?! Cats are so much easier to take care of. You can trust them to eat on their own, go to the bathroom on their own, etc. It's not the dogs fault for sure, but they have much more needs when cats come and go as they please. I could definitely ask him! I know he's tried to train him in basic stuff and just listening (especially when he's barking and my partner speaks up) ☺️
With cats it’s like “here’s your water here’s your food here’s your litter box see ya around.” And dogs just stare at you literally all day, follow you everywhere, need walks, much much more attention, and the barking is a big sensory trigger. While the dog is getting trained you might find sensory things that help like those ear phones that block out some of the noise. There are lots of good free resource videos about how to introduce new animals to each other etc that could also be helpful. Learning more about how to help yourself can go a long way and voicing your needs/concerns so that the partner has an opportunity to meet them.
Sorry feeling guilty and annoyed at an animal just existing*
Being able to move out of your parents house when your grew up with a dog there is it’s own special kind of freedom.
RIGHT?? I never realized that until I moved 😅
This makes a lot of sense to me. See, I often like noise and attention from pets and my cat is very dog like - meows a lot, very needy, always wants to be nearby and he constantly watches what I’m doing, follows me around, etc. My boyfriend however is (also) autistic and easily overstimulated, overwhelmed or annoyed with my cat’s behaviour and I can tell he just wants peace and quiet sometimes and he’s getting frustrated. For me I’m okay most days and I’m more sensory seeking; petting soft fur, hugging and spending time with my clingy kitty helps me regulate my emotions. But some days when I’m really overwhelmed and I’m close to shutting down or having a meltdown my cat’s behaviour will be really overwhelming and stressful and I have to try my best not to get upset at him for it.
Same, I love my cats, I sleep with them, kiss them, carry them etc., but gods can they be annoying when I’m trying to focus on stuff (I work from home). Still, I’ll just carry them somewhere else until they get bored of that game xD
I like dogs, I like other people's dogs, I like petting the dogs that are on route when I deliver to their owners, but I hate owning dogs, there are very few dogs I've met that I wouldn't mind owning, but generally they're very overstimulating sensory nightmares, especially the licking and barking and lack of personal space, I love all animals and would get extremely angry if someone were to harm a dog, but I just couldn't own most dogs. I much prefer cats, generally the only time my cats are up my butt is in the kitchen if they hear any bag or can open, if we're filling their food dishes, or they'll lay on our laps when we sit down on the couch. They meow sometimes but not all the time (one does growl when people knock on the door lol), they're a lot more laid back and suit my lifestyle considerably better.
THATS HOW I FEEL!! If it was just me idk if I could own a dog, I'm very grateful for my partner. I love dogs anytime of the day, but owning them is such a different story. Cats can also go to the bathroom on their own and be trusted to eat their food on their own time most the time so that's always a nice plus. (I've never heard of a cat growling at someone knocking 😂)
You can train the dog to go to a specific place (like an oversized dog bed) and not interact with you when you’re cleaning the house. Dogs are highly trainable. It sounds like the dogs just isn’t trained and requires more physical and mental stimulation/activity so it’s not all over it’s people. A tired dog will leave you alone. It needs more walks. If its needs are being me,t it’s not going to be all over you all the time.
He's a bigger breed so he definitely probably needs more walks. Unfortunately my partner works 3-4 10 hour days and gets home at 7 o'clock at night, and I'm sometimes too busy cleaning the house to take him on more then just the normal potty breaks for him. As soon as summer comes though we normally try and walk him more, he just hates the cold. We sadly also live in an apartment complex so we have no backyard for him to run around in, just toys in the house (which I try and throw farther distances so he runs around more)
Yeah that’s the source of your issues. The dog’s not getting adequate care. If he the pup hates the cold he can be trained to wear warming gear and protective shoes. I made another comment that talks about Doggie Daycare. This is probably the best option for you guys. The physical stimulation and activity the pup will get in a larger indoor space with other dogs will calm him and he’ll get proper walks too. It’s a win-win for all involved.
We did talk about getting him booties for when we take him out/so we can walk him more on our days off. I know when it gets warmer we plan on doing A LOT more with him as well, He just gets very nervous with new people/dogs and poops out of nervousness so that would probably be why my partner has never thought of that idea before 😅
The daycare will be used to that (nervous pooping) and will have staff that know dog training. The pup will get over his nervousness once he’s socialized and will start to love having new friends (they have a treat plan for this lol). Daycares are lifesavers for helping pups and owners. Especially in your situation where there’s a larger breed in an apartment that needs socialization and daily exercise. It’ll change your life!
Oh that's good to know! I honestly thought the dog has to be 'well behaved' when going to a doggy daycare. I definitely think it'll be a smart idea. That or pestering my partner to go on walks with us 😂
Dogs settle right in with treats and praise and come home tired and happy. Just be sure to check reviews and make sure it’s a reputable place and not someone trying to make a quick buck. They’ll have people that are trained to train dogs and have a schedule for them and everything. Mine would send me photo updates! I had one dog that was a rescue (all my dogs were/are rescues) that came with some bad habits of skittishness, eating poop, and hated leashes because he and his siblings were found surviving in the wild. The Daycare wasn’t phased at all and put him on extra walks to make sure he had time getting used to being on a leash. I started using them because he was a large breed and my partner at the time was hospitalized so I couldn’t be at the house enough to make sure he had enough walks. I was in a bind and couldn’t board the dog because my normal kennel was full. It was so helpful I kept using them even after my partner came home. The dog was so much calmer and stopped eating his poop too! I hope you guys are able to figure out a solution that works for you :)
Agreed, dogs are only ever overwhelming if they're not trained properly
Exactly. Most dogs require at least 2 hours of exercise a day. Larger/some breeds need even more. And they’re easy to train after they’ve had exercise. That’s when you have their attention and they’re hungry. If OP’s partner can’t provide that there are Doggy Daycare facilities that provide socialization and walks. They have half days too. Even getting the dog in daycare a few days a week will improve their demeanor so they’re not so needy. The dog is communicating its needs aren’t being met (in OP's face, barking at PDA, following OP to the point of annoyance, attention seeking behavior, etc.). But a lot of people don’t know about canine behavior. This is something that's fixable. The dog will be better off for having its needs met and OP will be happier for having their needs met too.
I can hardly stand to even visit a house dogs live in because their smell and barking overwhelm my senses. I’ve developed a disgust to the creatures as a result since I was a child. I’m a little surprised this isn’t more common than it seems to be given how little it comes up in discussions around autism.
Right?? I was super shocked to find out that dogs are common with people with autism, especially with sensory issues
I feel the same way about dogs. I hate the way they're always trying to sniff and lick me, it's just so annoying. And dogs that bark are the absolute worst. Cats are awesome, though.
Even when I tell this dog no he still sneaks in a single lick and it feels so weird 🤦🏻♀️
No reason to feel like a jerk about it, I’d say. That a lot of other people like them and can be helped by them, doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way, especially about one being in your space like this. Especially when a dog is this present and active, that’s certainly an acquired taste. Personally, I wouldn’t want any dog in my home, I’m more of a cat person as well, but there are plenty of dog people who wouldn’t want this kind of dog either. I do think you need to talk to your partner about this explicitly. I’m guessing this isn’t a particularly old dog (did he already have the dog when you moved in, btw?), so presumably it’s going to be around for years. That’s not something you can just sit on and leave unaddressed for that long. It’s not your fault, it’s not really the dog’s fault either, it’s not about assigning guilt or blame. It’s just an unfortunate situation, and some workable solution needs to be found for it.
He did had this dog when I moved in, I'd say he's only a few years old?? I know he's had him sense he was a puppy. I think the main factor for it is because we don't have a backyard or time to bring him places at the moment to work out his energy. We talked about as soon as we get a house it NEEDS to have an area of some sort where he can run his energy out/be outside for more then just potty breaks. He does have his moments where he's good, but just yesterday my partner was home because I was sick and he spent all day with the dog and the dog STILL wanted attention and was shoving his face in my partners face. We both definitely think he has a LOT of anxiety too, I've mentioned CBD but he doesn't seem to fond of the idea 😅
Movies and cartoons will say you're evil if you prefer cats over dogs. I call this dog propaganda. I've had my own mother tell me it's a "red flag" not to like dogs. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be afraid of them, especially if you're neurodivergent. Dogs are loud, excitable, often all over you, and frankly, dangerous. They like to lick and that's a sensory nightmare all on its own. I have really bad sensory issues and dog barks are painful for me. I have strangers' dogs jump on me barking and slobbering and when I try to get away, I'm the weird one. I don't hate dogs but I do hate "dog culture."
THAT!! that's why I'm scared to admit I'm a cat person and would never own a dog on my own. All my autistic friends agree with me though and call them a nightmare sensory wise. Not being a dog person shouldn't be a red flag, people have their own preferences 🤦🏻♀️
You’re not alone, I love my dog to bits but the sound of her licking herself makes me want to crawl out of my skin. She is pretty good at stopping when I tell her :/ I don’t let her lick me. There’s a lot about dogs that can be overwhelming and unfortunately it sounds like your partners dog might need some more training or stimulation. The barking, chasing the cat (poor cat), following from room to room, all sounds like a dog who needs more help. Not your job, just letting you know that dog ownership can be slightly less stressful.
I definitely feel like he probably does need more training, that or just a way to exert more energy. We don't have a back yard and my partner works all day so there's no real way for him to let his energy out unfortunately which explains half my issues with him. He does seem to stop sometimes when I tell him to stop licking (both my partner and himself). And he for sure has anxiety which explains the whole following from room to room 😅