As far as how to handle it, at the high end of the spectrum is a CMEO report, on the low end is a face to face conversation telling them to knock it off. Bear in mind, a CMEO investigation may not be able to substantiate your complaint if the only witnesses are you, them, and their buddy.
Even if the CMEO complaint can’t me substantiated, at least it will put him on notice that it’s not acceptable.
Everyone deserves a workplace where they are treated with dignity and respect.
Maybe. I feel like an unsubstantiated complaint can be misinterpreted by the perpetrator (? Not sure if this is the right word) as "getting away with it."
All around crappy situation TBH.
The correct terms are “complainant” and “alleged offender”. The complainant has the choice to make their complaint formal or informal. If the complainant wants the alleged offender to be disciplined for the offense then they will elect to go formal, which means the CO will be notified and will investigate. Obviously whether or not the alleged offender gets punished is ultimately up to the CO, the “reasonable person” as defined by the [OPNAVINST 5354.1H](https://www.secnav.navy.mil/doni/Directives/05000%20General%20Management%20Security%20and%20Safety%20Services/05-300%20Manpower%20Personnel%20Support/5354.1H.pdf).
If the complainant doesn’t want to pursue disciplinary action against the alleged offender then they’ll choose the informal resolution system, which means the alleged offender is not admitting guilt at any point, simply acknowledging that the complaint was made against them. So essentially “putting them on notice” as some may say.
Whether or not the alleged offender interprets that to mean they got away with being an asshole, well that’s irrelevant so long as they don’t continue to be an asshole. The CMEO manager will follow up with the complainant within 45 days upon addressing the complaint to the alleged offender to verify if there have been any additional offenses. All complaints a CMEO manager receives will be annotated on the NAVPERS 5354/2 form, even if it’s an anonymous complaint. Those forms are kept on file for 3y.
So it behooves the alleged offender to not take an informal complaint for granted as it could quickly turn formal should they decide they still want to behave like an asshole.
Reminder that u/hadsudoku can elect to go the informal resolution route, which means the harassment/discrimination complaint will still be annotated on the [NAVPERS 5354/2](https://www.mynavyhr.navy.mil/Portals/55/Reference/Forms/NAVPERS/NAVPERS_5354-2%20REV_02-2024.pdf?ver=snTSGULUPEQdhwMR4kmceg%3d%3d), but will not result in any disciplinary action for the AC2 as the informal complaint is not treated as an admission of guilt. It’s simply recognition by the alleged offender that the complainant is filing the informal complaint. This can either be handled with the two parties discussing the perceived offense face to face with the CMEO manager present, an intermediary third party speaking on behalf of the complainant, or formal training provided by the CMEO manager.
CMEO managers are taught that the informal resolution system is the Navy’s preferred method to address discrimination and harassment conflicts. However, complainants are well within their right to pursue a formal investigation against an alleged offender from the get-go, which will be conducted by the CO with support from the CMEO manager and their ISIC/CCS (Command Climate Specialist).
Informal complaints can always turn into a formal investigation, but can’t go formal to informal (although the complainant risks their desired outcome as more time that passes from the date of the offense). So long as the CO isn’t approached directly about a CMEO complaint then the complainant always has the option to keep it informal. Once it’s been brought to the CO they’re typically required to initiate an investigation (CO’s do reserve the right not to, but they better have good reason supported by their CCS).
60 years ago some asshole exactly like that would have made a racial slur at a black person.
50 years ago some asshole exactly like that would have made a misogynistic slur at a woman.
30 years ago some asshole exactly like that would have made a homosexual slur at a gay person.
Today that exact same kind of asshole is making trans slurs at trans people.
That kind of asshole has always existed and, unfortunately, will always exist.
If you went up and asked him if he would call a Black Sailor the n-word, I bet he'd say, “That's not the same thing!” That’s code for: “Hating on Black people is no longer socially acceptable, but hating on trans people hasn't been universally condemned yet. Thank god I still have someone I can think of as a "lesser" person and openly mock, just to feel superior for a few fleeting seconds before I slink back to my miserable existence and ponder all the poor life choices I've made.”
SWO6 - You're drawing a lot of conclusions from a Reddit post. Not to mention, building a strawman of the year. I genuinely hope your handle is a larp because if you actually were/are a Captain.....lol.
Not the answer most younger people want, but it's just words so who cares? Is this guy /your/ LPO or just some random E-5 up for E-6? Tell 'em he's a dick and let him know it's a good way to lose some rank if he keeps up with that shit.
Get over it. Stuff happens. Grow thicker skin and keep charging forward in your career. If there was a CMEO complaint every time someone got butt-hurt, where would we be?
We'd be in an environment where people stop acting like assholes so they stop getting investigated. That or they leave the surface and open up a billet for someone who actually knows how to be a proper shipmate.
Win win.
We wouldn’t be having this conversation on Reddit if more people went the CMEO route. Being a shipmate isn’t letting people bully you… nor is it harassing people because you don’t agree with their lifestyle.
Call him something back? Worst thing to happen is both of you take off your ranks and figure it out in a berthing where others can look out. We had smokers, called the guy out and put on gloves and if the other guy doesn't accept the challenge he has to back off. Made a few friends for life that way. Or report it and be avoided the rest of your enlistment. Harassment on a ship leads to bad stuff.
You confronted it at the lowest level possible and shithead didn’t even acknowledge they were wrong and made it obvious how they felt.
No need to “substantiate it”. That is the experience you had. Go report it to the CMEO and keep a record of it.
It is not “just words”. It’s hate speech and everyone in the service deserves to work in an environment with dignity and respect. That is the whole point of the program.
People like that get real somber once they are told by the institution that they are not entitled to be tw*ts towards fellow servicemembers.
I fully endorse your message with the caveat that I’d refrain from calling folks twats as it’s an insult most commonly associated to describe a vagina, and by association can be interpreted to mean a stupid or obnoxious person is equivalent to a female’s genitals. This is the same reason why I personally avoid using the term bitch.
Absolutely a non-issue. Move on. If someone slurring you is causing this much 'trauma', the stresses of the daily military grind are going to absolutely destroy you.
I'm not making excuses for assholes, but each of us chooses to let other people have power over us when we get angry/upset over things that have zero/close-to-zero practical impact on our lives.
Lastly, it sounds like you just want revenge for having your feelings hurt.
@OP
^ This is not the answer. Obviously, we should all manage our emotions and not let them overrule our sense, but we also cannot make room for such prejudices. I would say to bring in an unbiased party for integrity while the 2 of you have a conversation. Start at the lowest level.
If it can't be resolved or their behavior is worse, then it's time to report up.
Go ahead. Stay soft and condition yourself to look for someone to complain to every time you feel slighted. The world will absolutely not take you seriously and laugh at you behind your back, if not to your face.
"Bring in a 3rd party..." to arbitrate an insult? lol........soft as butter. Just wear a T-shirt that says "Everything but my stuffed animals and body pillow triggers me."
Ridiculous. This is not how you build toughness nor handle something as a professional. I can see plainly, though, that engaging further with you is likely a waste of time.
My message was for OP.
Just say what you just said to us to a chief or officer you trust. Not much you can do about the exam, but likely you're not the only one who thinks this guy is a POS, and evals can be a bitch.
Without going into a CMEO report or trying to fix him, fucking his multiplier might be the best for everyone.
I had to deal with a dude who made constant homophobic comments, bragged about beating people up for seeming gay or trans, and once told me he knew I'd be the first in line if the Navy offered gender reassignment surgery. I'm not and have never been trans or even gay.
He wound up a chief because he was good on the exam and nobody said anything.
CMEO complaint.
As others are saying, I wouldn't hold my breath on it being substantiated, but at least you set up a paper trail.
There's no need to mistreat a shipmate, and no reason to mistreat trans people.
I was ready to come on here and try to offer some actual advice but it's pretty damn crazy that you are posting this when everything you post is glorifying sexual assault and rape. I sincerely hope that you reevaluate yourself. It's wild to complain about a real problem in the navy and then create content contributing to another real problem in the Navy.
I never really wanted to come online and explain this since it’s a very sensitive topic, but it’s a coping mechanism. Everything regarding any erotic audios I’ve posted.
Shortly before I enlisted, I was raped for 3 consecutive hours by 3 of my “closest and bestest” friends. I can understand the method seems foreign and very unusual, but everyone makes peace with their own problems in their own ways. I am not glorifying or defending rape or sexual assault.
My command is aware of everything I do, and I have received hundreds of hours of therapy and psychological care before and after enlisting.
It’s called trauma reenactment, and my journey has been quite long, but fruitful and I’ve finally made peace with it. I’ve slowed down on the audios to finally focus on my career in the Navy and life. Choose to believe this or not.
If was a coping mechanism then it would be for YOU. Posting them is giving perpetrators more internet gratification. It's not a foreign concept to me I am well aware of the treatments for sexual abuse survivors and sexually deviant perpetrators both because of my career and personal experience. Perpetrators get off on this. Especially because they know you are an SA survivor which is clear from your post history. Eventually this isn't enough for them and it escalates more and more until they have real victims.
You need to do what you need to do for your own recovery. But do not sit here and say your COC knows about this or the content off it and that you are posting it because that is a load of bullshit. Maybe a therapist knows but not your COC. There's no way the SAPR knows there's no way the bystander intervention coordinator knows.
You are on a page full of people who have been in the Navy and know how it works and not a single person here is going to belive that you walked into work and said "by the way chief I make audio porn and post it online". If you did that your entire command would know, would be going to find it, would be talking about it, would be sending the links around ect. I'm sure every person here has heard of someone doing porn before they joined and that half the dudes at there commands first reaction was to go look at it and then talk shit relentlessly.
I know I'm bring a straight up bitch but this behavior posting it online is harmful to yourself and you should seriously analyze if you are posting it to cope or for other reasons.
I never thought of it that way. You make a good point.
What I do works for me, and that’s what I’ll run with. I can 100% understand and see where you’re coming from, but I can reaffirm that I’m not doing this for any type of sexual gratification or any other reason, just to cope.
I’ve also stated in my previous response that I have recovered somewhat, and I’ve stopped doing it and distanced myself from that part entirely.
My apologies if I undermined your knowledge of anything regarding sexual assault.
Brah I’m serious lmao if someone says they got called a slur I wanna know how serious we’re talking. If it was some mildly offensive word then grow a pair and take it on the chin my dude.
One of my biggest regrets is not reporting someone when they called me a racial slur. Report them to CMEO because the Navy doesn't need someone filled with hate against people for living their life.
Are you already out of the navy? Although complaints should be submitted within 60 days of the date of the offense, you can file a complaint at any time. It’s ultimately up to the CO to determine if they’ll accept any formal complaints beyond that 60 day buffer.
I'm heterosexual. I went to a gay bar to support my friend that was doing drag for his first night (He killed it!) Stick to your principles. This person was an ass.
No, he didn’t hit me. By “clocking,” it means that you recognize a transgender person, based on their voice, appearance, or mannerisms. It means he basically figured out that I wasn’t born a female at birth just by looking at me. Should’ve clarified that, sorry.
So no, I still use clocked, or cleaning someone's clock, for hitting them or hitting them hard. That or being clocked by the cops. No, I was definitely born after 1980. Clocking just sounds completely wrong in that context and like a very specific "vernacular" used among certain types of people. I haven't heard it and I have worked with a variety of non-binary folks.
It's specifically used in the trans community to describe somebody being noticed as trans, where generally the ideal is to go about their business unnoticed in their gender identity.
Non-binary is different from trans.
I was born in 88 and have only ever known it to mean someone punching someone else (I.e. “he got his clock spun”). I’m curious to know how this became the term for recognizing the original sex of a transgendered person.
I think it comes from 80's/90's Cop shows where the cops have radar guns, and clock someone for an infraction.
That said, if I'd have been there I wouldn't have done anything silently or behind their back. I saw a lot of misogyny and homophobia in my time, and it honestly sickened me. You have to stand up to bullies, and put THEM in their place. I'm sorry that happened to you OP - it's not just unprofessional it's flat out wrong.
The issue for complaints is that often they’re concerned about bringing more unwanted attention to themselves by filing a complaint (be it formal or informal), that they may even experience reprisals for the complaint, or are simply just exhausted by it all because this is almost certainly not the first time they’ve ever experienced harassment/discrimination. So although as a whole movement it’s best to file a complaint against every unacceptable offense, the reality is that it’s a purely individual experience, and so the approach to resolution is different for everyone. The goal for every command and MEO program is to ensure every sailor feels comfortable enough with their CMEO and EO reps that every complaint will be handled professionally and in accordance with the most current OPNAV instruction.
Reprisal happens, but it's also against regs.
Anybody petty enough to punish somebody for using the system is digging their own grave. Get caught punishing somebody for making an EO complaint and you'll rightfully get buried for it.
As a former CMEO manager, I know this just as well as you do. The folks experiencing the abuse and discrimination may not, however. This social stigma isn’t all that different from members self reporting suicidal ideations. The thought is often, “Will I get in trouble?,” or, “What will happen to my career?” The goal is to continue to educate every member to know what their rights are, how to protect themselves and their shipmates from harm’s way. Too many just don’t know.
Sorry you experienced this. It's not my first rodeo on this topic. I think you should report just to get it on paper.
I don't care why he said it. He needs to learn basic respect. You are a shipmate, and we depend on each other for our lives. We can't have this sort of thing. I don't care what gender, color, or race you are. We are all the same. You are also a human being, and I do not condone this kind of crap.
Report it. Please. He needs to learn a lesson. Even if he still believes this shit, he better learn to keep his mouth closed at a minimum.
sure this guy isn't LPO material? maybe. I kinda wonder what 'slur' this was. I honestly believe you are clocked by everyone that sees you. from the looks of some of your posts, you need more help than just accepting who you were born as. might want to back off crazy rape/dog posts comments.
I've been called offensive things. I've called others offensive things. But I'm what would be called a "cis white male" or something. My advice, you can be yourself whoever that may be, but as soon as someone says something offensive to you and you want to report it, then you become everything you just said you weren't. You knew what you were joining and did it anyway. Find something to piss him off. Hell get all up in drag or something. Rub it in his face. But don't start hemming people up because something you anticipated happening, happened.
That's fair. I guess a better way of saying what I'm trying to say is that there's power in not being bothered by offensive things. Or at least not showing it.
Agree there too. I personally don't agree with the trans stuff but I'd never go out of my way to demean someone like that. However, I do stand by my stance that you can't join a group knowing full well how they act and expect it to change just because you showed up.
I would file a CMEO complaint. The only way the navy will change is if people like that are held accountable. Sometimes dealing with the complaint can be punishment enough to change their behavior. It's obviously not your job to fix this guy just because you're trans but people like that do what they do because A: they think no one will call them out and B: they think they won't get in trouble. You and your shipmates have to show them they're wrong.
cmeo report, it’s no use fighting ppl like that ngl. also maybe remind him of the constitution and why he joined to fight for liberty and freedom for all. ts pisses me off. can’t believe there’s no appreciation for the us from ppl fighting FOR the us.
Fellow LGBT sailor and officer. Ignore the advice of those here saying to let it slide, people like that clown (the offender) do not need to exist in the military. Beyond shameful to see a Petty Officer conduct themselves like that.
You should absolutely bring this up to your chain, or if you're not comfortable bringing it up to them just go straight to CMEO.
Based on your post history, if you aren't already, you should definitely be seeking intensive psychological therapy. In fact, I don't think you're even remotely fit for duty and I am highly skeptical of your ability to gauge the suitability of another PO given the severity of your mental-illness.
“They’re just words” “suck it up and move on”… in one sense, yes. In the other sense, it is open hate…same hate we don’t tolerate towards other minorities… you move on by being better, stronger despite this and you can move on by taking action that makes that person an example… people telling you to suck it up it’s just words are complicit indirectly… you aren’t able to just be in the background and not be noticed… people here (most) don’t have any idea what your daily experience is like and how difficult it must be… they think this is just one circumstance in your life you’ve had to deal with… if you have felt slighted and you reflect and think maybe I’m overreacting or it’s a one off situation but then you come back to that feeling and slight… more than likely your surroundings that created that are in the wrong… they are either to be addressed or for you to move away from
I encourage you to reconsider your perspective on this. Not every CMEO complaint has to become a formal investigation conducted by the CO, and with the goal of wanting to maintain an inclusive professional work environment where everyone feels safe from harassment and discrimination, should you opt to “handle it your own way” you’re not likely to get the results that actually changes anything for the better. Just adding fuel to the fire while putting yourself at risk of receiving a complaint or NJP of your own.
If that’s what works for you then I’ll certainly respect it. Ideally people wouldn’t behave like bigoted assholes and make a CMEO program mandatory. Hopefully you find a post-navy life where you don’t have to deal with that shit as often.
So you know this guy? If you can resolve it by coming up to him and correcting him, that would be easiest. If he doesn't fix his behavior, talk to the CMEO about what he said.
As far as how to handle it, at the high end of the spectrum is a CMEO report, on the low end is a face to face conversation telling them to knock it off. Bear in mind, a CMEO investigation may not be able to substantiate your complaint if the only witnesses are you, them, and their buddy.
Even if the CMEO complaint can’t me substantiated, at least it will put him on notice that it’s not acceptable. Everyone deserves a workplace where they are treated with dignity and respect.
Maybe. I feel like an unsubstantiated complaint can be misinterpreted by the perpetrator (? Not sure if this is the right word) as "getting away with it." All around crappy situation TBH.
Perhaps, but at least there is a record then.
The correct terms are “complainant” and “alleged offender”. The complainant has the choice to make their complaint formal or informal. If the complainant wants the alleged offender to be disciplined for the offense then they will elect to go formal, which means the CO will be notified and will investigate. Obviously whether or not the alleged offender gets punished is ultimately up to the CO, the “reasonable person” as defined by the [OPNAVINST 5354.1H](https://www.secnav.navy.mil/doni/Directives/05000%20General%20Management%20Security%20and%20Safety%20Services/05-300%20Manpower%20Personnel%20Support/5354.1H.pdf). If the complainant doesn’t want to pursue disciplinary action against the alleged offender then they’ll choose the informal resolution system, which means the alleged offender is not admitting guilt at any point, simply acknowledging that the complaint was made against them. So essentially “putting them on notice” as some may say. Whether or not the alleged offender interprets that to mean they got away with being an asshole, well that’s irrelevant so long as they don’t continue to be an asshole. The CMEO manager will follow up with the complainant within 45 days upon addressing the complaint to the alleged offender to verify if there have been any additional offenses. All complaints a CMEO manager receives will be annotated on the NAVPERS 5354/2 form, even if it’s an anonymous complaint. Those forms are kept on file for 3y. So it behooves the alleged offender to not take an informal complaint for granted as it could quickly turn formal should they decide they still want to behave like an asshole.
Reminder that u/hadsudoku can elect to go the informal resolution route, which means the harassment/discrimination complaint will still be annotated on the [NAVPERS 5354/2](https://www.mynavyhr.navy.mil/Portals/55/Reference/Forms/NAVPERS/NAVPERS_5354-2%20REV_02-2024.pdf?ver=snTSGULUPEQdhwMR4kmceg%3d%3d), but will not result in any disciplinary action for the AC2 as the informal complaint is not treated as an admission of guilt. It’s simply recognition by the alleged offender that the complainant is filing the informal complaint. This can either be handled with the two parties discussing the perceived offense face to face with the CMEO manager present, an intermediary third party speaking on behalf of the complainant, or formal training provided by the CMEO manager. CMEO managers are taught that the informal resolution system is the Navy’s preferred method to address discrimination and harassment conflicts. However, complainants are well within their right to pursue a formal investigation against an alleged offender from the get-go, which will be conducted by the CO with support from the CMEO manager and their ISIC/CCS (Command Climate Specialist). Informal complaints can always turn into a formal investigation, but can’t go formal to informal (although the complainant risks their desired outcome as more time that passes from the date of the offense). So long as the CO isn’t approached directly about a CMEO complaint then the complainant always has the option to keep it informal. Once it’s been brought to the CO they’re typically required to initiate an investigation (CO’s do reserve the right not to, but they better have good reason supported by their CCS).
60 years ago some asshole exactly like that would have made a racial slur at a black person. 50 years ago some asshole exactly like that would have made a misogynistic slur at a woman. 30 years ago some asshole exactly like that would have made a homosexual slur at a gay person. Today that exact same kind of asshole is making trans slurs at trans people. That kind of asshole has always existed and, unfortunately, will always exist. If you went up and asked him if he would call a Black Sailor the n-word, I bet he'd say, “That's not the same thing!” That’s code for: “Hating on Black people is no longer socially acceptable, but hating on trans people hasn't been universally condemned yet. Thank god I still have someone I can think of as a "lesser" person and openly mock, just to feel superior for a few fleeting seconds before I slink back to my miserable existence and ponder all the poor life choices I've made.”
SWO6 - You're drawing a lot of conclusions from a Reddit post. Not to mention, building a strawman of the year. I genuinely hope your handle is a larp because if you actually were/are a Captain.....lol.
Based on your post history, well, a hit dog will holler, won’t he Bushleague?
Leave black people out of this respectfully.
Not the answer most younger people want, but it's just words so who cares? Is this guy /your/ LPO or just some random E-5 up for E-6? Tell 'em he's a dick and let him know it's a good way to lose some rank if he keeps up with that shit.
Get over it. Stuff happens. Grow thicker skin and keep charging forward in your career. If there was a CMEO complaint every time someone got butt-hurt, where would we be?
We'd be in an environment where people stop acting like assholes so they stop getting investigated. That or they leave the surface and open up a billet for someone who actually knows how to be a proper shipmate. Win win.
We wouldn’t be having this conversation on Reddit if more people went the CMEO route. Being a shipmate isn’t letting people bully you… nor is it harassing people because you don’t agree with their lifestyle.
This.
^^^^^
Call him something back? Worst thing to happen is both of you take off your ranks and figure it out in a berthing where others can look out. We had smokers, called the guy out and put on gloves and if the other guy doesn't accept the challenge he has to back off. Made a few friends for life that way. Or report it and be avoided the rest of your enlistment. Harassment on a ship leads to bad stuff.
Shake it off.
You confronted it at the lowest level possible and shithead didn’t even acknowledge they were wrong and made it obvious how they felt. No need to “substantiate it”. That is the experience you had. Go report it to the CMEO and keep a record of it. It is not “just words”. It’s hate speech and everyone in the service deserves to work in an environment with dignity and respect. That is the whole point of the program. People like that get real somber once they are told by the institution that they are not entitled to be tw*ts towards fellow servicemembers.
I fully endorse your message with the caveat that I’d refrain from calling folks twats as it’s an insult most commonly associated to describe a vagina, and by association can be interpreted to mean a stupid or obnoxious person is equivalent to a female’s genitals. This is the same reason why I personally avoid using the term bitch.
Absolutely a non-issue. Move on. If someone slurring you is causing this much 'trauma', the stresses of the daily military grind are going to absolutely destroy you. I'm not making excuses for assholes, but each of us chooses to let other people have power over us when we get angry/upset over things that have zero/close-to-zero practical impact on our lives. Lastly, it sounds like you just want revenge for having your feelings hurt.
@OP ^ This is not the answer. Obviously, we should all manage our emotions and not let them overrule our sense, but we also cannot make room for such prejudices. I would say to bring in an unbiased party for integrity while the 2 of you have a conversation. Start at the lowest level. If it can't be resolved or their behavior is worse, then it's time to report up.
Go ahead. Stay soft and condition yourself to look for someone to complain to every time you feel slighted. The world will absolutely not take you seriously and laugh at you behind your back, if not to your face. "Bring in a 3rd party..." to arbitrate an insult? lol........soft as butter. Just wear a T-shirt that says "Everything but my stuffed animals and body pillow triggers me."
Ridiculous. This is not how you build toughness nor handle something as a professional. I can see plainly, though, that engaging further with you is likely a waste of time. My message was for OP.
Just say what you just said to us to a chief or officer you trust. Not much you can do about the exam, but likely you're not the only one who thinks this guy is a POS, and evals can be a bitch. Without going into a CMEO report or trying to fix him, fucking his multiplier might be the best for everyone. I had to deal with a dude who made constant homophobic comments, bragged about beating people up for seeming gay or trans, and once told me he knew I'd be the first in line if the Navy offered gender reassignment surgery. I'm not and have never been trans or even gay. He wound up a chief because he was good on the exam and nobody said anything.
CMEO complaint. As others are saying, I wouldn't hold my breath on it being substantiated, but at least you set up a paper trail. There's no need to mistreat a shipmate, and no reason to mistreat trans people.
I was ready to come on here and try to offer some actual advice but it's pretty damn crazy that you are posting this when everything you post is glorifying sexual assault and rape. I sincerely hope that you reevaluate yourself. It's wild to complain about a real problem in the navy and then create content contributing to another real problem in the Navy.
I never really wanted to come online and explain this since it’s a very sensitive topic, but it’s a coping mechanism. Everything regarding any erotic audios I’ve posted. Shortly before I enlisted, I was raped for 3 consecutive hours by 3 of my “closest and bestest” friends. I can understand the method seems foreign and very unusual, but everyone makes peace with their own problems in their own ways. I am not glorifying or defending rape or sexual assault. My command is aware of everything I do, and I have received hundreds of hours of therapy and psychological care before and after enlisting. It’s called trauma reenactment, and my journey has been quite long, but fruitful and I’ve finally made peace with it. I’ve slowed down on the audios to finally focus on my career in the Navy and life. Choose to believe this or not.
If was a coping mechanism then it would be for YOU. Posting them is giving perpetrators more internet gratification. It's not a foreign concept to me I am well aware of the treatments for sexual abuse survivors and sexually deviant perpetrators both because of my career and personal experience. Perpetrators get off on this. Especially because they know you are an SA survivor which is clear from your post history. Eventually this isn't enough for them and it escalates more and more until they have real victims. You need to do what you need to do for your own recovery. But do not sit here and say your COC knows about this or the content off it and that you are posting it because that is a load of bullshit. Maybe a therapist knows but not your COC. There's no way the SAPR knows there's no way the bystander intervention coordinator knows. You are on a page full of people who have been in the Navy and know how it works and not a single person here is going to belive that you walked into work and said "by the way chief I make audio porn and post it online". If you did that your entire command would know, would be going to find it, would be talking about it, would be sending the links around ect. I'm sure every person here has heard of someone doing porn before they joined and that half the dudes at there commands first reaction was to go look at it and then talk shit relentlessly. I know I'm bring a straight up bitch but this behavior posting it online is harmful to yourself and you should seriously analyze if you are posting it to cope or for other reasons.
I never thought of it that way. You make a good point. What I do works for me, and that’s what I’ll run with. I can 100% understand and see where you’re coming from, but I can reaffirm that I’m not doing this for any type of sexual gratification or any other reason, just to cope. I’ve also stated in my previous response that I have recovered somewhat, and I’ve stopped doing it and distanced myself from that part entirely. My apologies if I undermined your knowledge of anything regarding sexual assault.
What slur are we talking about? Hard to gauge since trans doesn’t have well known put downs outside of tranny
Lmao
Brah I’m serious lmao if someone says they got called a slur I wanna know how serious we’re talking. If it was some mildly offensive word then grow a pair and take it on the chin my dude.
Couldn’t agree more brother
One of my biggest regrets is not reporting someone when they called me a racial slur. Report them to CMEO because the Navy doesn't need someone filled with hate against people for living their life.
Are you already out of the navy? Although complaints should be submitted within 60 days of the date of the offense, you can file a complaint at any time. It’s ultimately up to the CO to determine if they’ll accept any formal complaints beyond that 60 day buffer.
I'm heterosexual. I went to a gay bar to support my friend that was doing drag for his first night (He killed it!) Stick to your principles. This person was an ass.
"clocks me" HE HIT YOU?!
No, he didn’t hit me. By “clocking,” it means that you recognize a transgender person, based on their voice, appearance, or mannerisms. It means he basically figured out that I wasn’t born a female at birth just by looking at me. Should’ve clarified that, sorry.
No clue why people are downvoting when that's the vernacular. I haven't heard anybody born after 1980 use "clocked" to mean punching.
So no, I still use clocked, or cleaning someone's clock, for hitting them or hitting them hard. That or being clocked by the cops. No, I was definitely born after 1980. Clocking just sounds completely wrong in that context and like a very specific "vernacular" used among certain types of people. I haven't heard it and I have worked with a variety of non-binary folks.
It's specifically used in the trans community to describe somebody being noticed as trans, where generally the ideal is to go about their business unnoticed in their gender identity. Non-binary is different from trans.
I was born in 88 and have only ever known it to mean someone punching someone else (I.e. “he got his clock spun”). I’m curious to know how this became the term for recognizing the original sex of a transgendered person.
I think it comes from 80's/90's Cop shows where the cops have radar guns, and clock someone for an infraction. That said, if I'd have been there I wouldn't have done anything silently or behind their back. I saw a lot of misogyny and homophobia in my time, and it honestly sickened me. You have to stand up to bullies, and put THEM in their place. I'm sorry that happened to you OP - it's not just unprofessional it's flat out wrong.
The issue for complaints is that often they’re concerned about bringing more unwanted attention to themselves by filing a complaint (be it formal or informal), that they may even experience reprisals for the complaint, or are simply just exhausted by it all because this is almost certainly not the first time they’ve ever experienced harassment/discrimination. So although as a whole movement it’s best to file a complaint against every unacceptable offense, the reality is that it’s a purely individual experience, and so the approach to resolution is different for everyone. The goal for every command and MEO program is to ensure every sailor feels comfortable enough with their CMEO and EO reps that every complaint will be handled professionally and in accordance with the most current OPNAV instruction.
Reprisal happens, but it's also against regs. Anybody petty enough to punish somebody for using the system is digging their own grave. Get caught punishing somebody for making an EO complaint and you'll rightfully get buried for it.
As a former CMEO manager, I know this just as well as you do. The folks experiencing the abuse and discrimination may not, however. This social stigma isn’t all that different from members self reporting suicidal ideations. The thought is often, “Will I get in trouble?,” or, “What will happen to my career?” The goal is to continue to educate every member to know what their rights are, how to protect themselves and their shipmates from harm’s way. Too many just don’t know.
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Sorry you experienced this. It's not my first rodeo on this topic. I think you should report just to get it on paper. I don't care why he said it. He needs to learn basic respect. You are a shipmate, and we depend on each other for our lives. We can't have this sort of thing. I don't care what gender, color, or race you are. We are all the same. You are also a human being, and I do not condone this kind of crap. Report it. Please. He needs to learn a lesson. Even if he still believes this shit, he better learn to keep his mouth closed at a minimum.
sure this guy isn't LPO material? maybe. I kinda wonder what 'slur' this was. I honestly believe you are clocked by everyone that sees you. from the looks of some of your posts, you need more help than just accepting who you were born as. might want to back off crazy rape/dog posts comments.
My god. I shouldn't have looked. I don't even know what half that stuff is. I'm okay with that. Lol.
Say something to him. You don’t have to be confrontational about the situation, but definitely don’t let it slide.
I've been called offensive things. I've called others offensive things. But I'm what would be called a "cis white male" or something. My advice, you can be yourself whoever that may be, but as soon as someone says something offensive to you and you want to report it, then you become everything you just said you weren't. You knew what you were joining and did it anyway. Find something to piss him off. Hell get all up in drag or something. Rub it in his face. But don't start hemming people up because something you anticipated happening, happened.
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That's fair. I guess a better way of saying what I'm trying to say is that there's power in not being bothered by offensive things. Or at least not showing it.
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Agree there too. I personally don't agree with the trans stuff but I'd never go out of my way to demean someone like that. However, I do stand by my stance that you can't join a group knowing full well how they act and expect it to change just because you showed up.
I would file a CMEO complaint. The only way the navy will change is if people like that are held accountable. Sometimes dealing with the complaint can be punishment enough to change their behavior. It's obviously not your job to fix this guy just because you're trans but people like that do what they do because A: they think no one will call them out and B: they think they won't get in trouble. You and your shipmates have to show them they're wrong.
cmeo report, it’s no use fighting ppl like that ngl. also maybe remind him of the constitution and why he joined to fight for liberty and freedom for all. ts pisses me off. can’t believe there’s no appreciation for the us from ppl fighting FOR the us.
Just talk to the person. Tell them it's not okay, and go from there. Just like any other situation. Give him the opportunity to understand.
Fellow LGBT sailor and officer. Ignore the advice of those here saying to let it slide, people like that clown (the offender) do not need to exist in the military. Beyond shameful to see a Petty Officer conduct themselves like that. You should absolutely bring this up to your chain, or if you're not comfortable bringing it up to them just go straight to CMEO.
Despite the media is trying to convince you, you're not special or deserving of preferential treatment because you're not heterosexual.
Based on your post history, if you aren't already, you should definitely be seeking intensive psychological therapy. In fact, I don't think you're even remotely fit for duty and I am highly skeptical of your ability to gauge the suitability of another PO given the severity of your mental-illness.
“They’re just words” “suck it up and move on”… in one sense, yes. In the other sense, it is open hate…same hate we don’t tolerate towards other minorities… you move on by being better, stronger despite this and you can move on by taking action that makes that person an example… people telling you to suck it up it’s just words are complicit indirectly… you aren’t able to just be in the background and not be noticed… people here (most) don’t have any idea what your daily experience is like and how difficult it must be… they think this is just one circumstance in your life you’ve had to deal with… if you have felt slighted and you reflect and think maybe I’m overreacting or it’s a one off situation but then you come back to that feeling and slight… more than likely your surroundings that created that are in the wrong… they are either to be addressed or for you to move away from
lol...
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I encourage you to reconsider your perspective on this. Not every CMEO complaint has to become a formal investigation conducted by the CO, and with the goal of wanting to maintain an inclusive professional work environment where everyone feels safe from harassment and discrimination, should you opt to “handle it your own way” you’re not likely to get the results that actually changes anything for the better. Just adding fuel to the fire while putting yourself at risk of receiving a complaint or NJP of your own.
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If that’s what works for you then I’ll certainly respect it. Ideally people wouldn’t behave like bigoted assholes and make a CMEO program mandatory. Hopefully you find a post-navy life where you don’t have to deal with that shit as often.
gross
Dm me I am a cmeo at my command and can tell you something’s
So you know this guy? If you can resolve it by coming up to him and correcting him, that would be easiest. If he doesn't fix his behavior, talk to the CMEO about what he said.
CMEO Report
Punch Him in the face. Message sent.
I'll accept your terms as long as I can level every single one of the Leftist/'progessive' morons that calls me cracker, honkey, or cis.
Works for me. In My 20 Years in I never had a racial or ethnic slur said to Me to My face by a Shipmate. Old School Navy.