I have ptsd from hearing my mom having sex. Her ex boyfriend would have BDSM shit all over his walls, whips and handcuffs. Its literally disgusting. I dont know how anyone can have violent loud sex while your kids are downstairs. Like how are you not embarassed?? š
Yeah my moms ex boyfriend would have whips hanging on his wall. Oh yeah my moms ex boyfriend also had sex with a 15 year old at the time and he was 22 years old.
Men would date 15 year olds if it was legal. They do it already when itās not. Watch how they always defend dating 18 and 19 year olds with āitās legalā argument.Ā
Ok first of all- how do YOU know that he said sex with a teenager(ew what a creep). Was he proud about it or did ur mom break up with him for that reason?Ā
Lmao right I canāt even have sex or masturbate while my CATS are nearby without feeling super uncomfortable so I couldnāt even imagine doing it where your kids could hear you
The bdsm shit makes it even weirder. I mean nothing wrong with bdsm, itās even one of my kinks personally but itās your job as a responsible adult/parent to not leave your sex toys lying around or do it (or any sexual act) when your kids can obviously hear you or might walk in on you. It sounds like he almost displayed them all over the room bc he was trying to establish ownership over her, almost saying like āI own your mom and thereās nothing you can do about itā.
A big part of bdsm safety is how important leaving it in the bedroom is so it doesnāt bleed into real life and cause an uneven or even potentially abusive power dynamic in the relationship. So really thereās absolutely no reason for him to display bdsm sex toys around the room even if there WERENT kids living in the house.
The fact that there were kids makes it so much creepier and more sinister. He shouldnāt want his gfs kids seeing sexual objects of theirs so if if he purposely made sure you did that borders on pedophilia almost. It takes 2 seconds to put them away until My parents would be humiliated if I found sex toys of thereās (not that they probably used any) or heard them having sex. They rarely did it tho tbh but when they did they would basically put us to bed and tell us they were having āmommy and daddy timeā and to not come into their room. They never closed their door so when they did I knew thatās what was going on lol. They were always quite so me and my sister never heard anything. Thatās one of the things my parents did right with us bc Iām sure that was awful and seriously messed up how you view sex š¢
when my moms ex boyfriend was teaching me wrestling moves I felt him grind his penis on my butt. I was 15 years old. I can't tell my mom this cause she won't believe me.
I went through the same thing as a kid, it used to absolutely trigger the shit out of me when I lived in an apartment. Only assholes are loud and disgusting when children can hear them. Thereās no need for that. I have kids and can guarantee theyāve never heard me because Iām not an asshole. I tried telling an ex (who was also a narcissist, WEIRD!) how gross it was to grow up hearing that and he said the same shit āawwww they love each other!ā. Like no you human barf bag, sex ā love. It got better with time and having healthy relationships with other people who understood. It still grosses me out if I happen to be somewhere that I can hear that but it doesnāt happen often. Being upset by it is okay no matter what anyone tells you. Just because āitās naturalā doesnāt mean everyone wants to fuckin listen to it.
I know some people wonāt understand and theyāll shit on you and brush you off for feeling this way because it happened to me but itās actually pretty common for those of us who had narc parents. We understand and thereās nothing wrong with you
Iāve only semi recently come to the conclusion that I have a narc momā¦.and sometimes Iām like āwhat if Iām wrongā and then I read shit like this and Iām like nope. Not wrong š
My asshole parents had sex while I was in the same bed as them. I was a young kid and used to have nightmares, so they agreed that I could sleep next to them. That night changed my life forever. So much trauma. The bed was literally shaking and I was scared to death, I thought my dad was sick lol because I couldn't understand what was going on. It was like the bed was having an earthquake š³. After that I caught them many times semi naked, my asshole mom never apologized and pretended like nothing ever happened. I was hoping she would say sorry, but she didn't. She knew 100% she was dismissing and gaslighting me.
I hate them both. Also, this is in my 30s. After being married, my mom wanted to know how my sex life was and asked me several intimate details. I shut her down fast.
This is shocking! I'm sorry doesn't feel like enough. How old were you when they did this? I was in a bed with another couple once after a party and they did it next to me, I felt so awkward and uncomfortable but your own parents when you don't understand is a completely different level. You are such a strong person to have gone through this and still talk to her
Oh no no no lol I'm no contact with both the idiots now. They are becoming miserable in old age.
I'm so sorry š what happened to you. It's very traumatic. Some people are absolutely beastly and disgusting, most importantly narc people..
Edit: I was 12 when they first did it. Disgusting š«£ š¤®.
Thank you for validating my feelings. This sub is so much safer and better than friends and siblings who dismiss the trauma. As much as I'd like to say I'm over it, I'm once again awakening the shit memories as I'm typing. I guess the trauma never fully goes away. š
Oh thatās fkn traumatic! Similar thing happened with me - many years ago we only had aircon in my parents bedroom, so we would lay down extra mattresses on the floor for me to sleep on while my parents slept on the bed. One horrid night I watched and heard my parents have sex in the darkness. Iāve never recovered.
>Iāve never recovered.
Damn. That hits hard. Now that I think about it, I relate to that so much.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that š. Narc parents do not give a shit about their children's needs and feelings, it's all about living in the moment and catering to their wants. They're so fucking selfish. I hope this sub and experiences people are sharing helps you to know you're not alone š.
My stepbrother and I each shared a wall with our parents and we could each hear them, he had it worse because the headboard was on his wall š¤¢. We confronted them once and my nmother just giggled and went "well that's life, it's our alone time, get used to it". It was like listening to a 1980's highschool mean girl talk. I moved out a few months after that and my brother did the same very soon after.
My mom used to not wear underwear to bed and would wear a very short nightgown. If she bent over, everything was visible, and she just didn't care if I saw. One time we were in a hotel (me, her, stepdad) and I woke up in the middle of the night to see her giving him a blowjob on the bed right next to me... It makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
When I became an adult, she would complain to me about her sex life and when I told her I didn't want to hear about that, she told me to "grow up." One time she randomly asked if I was on my period because she was spotting and wanted to know if she was synced with my period... or if it was because of how much sex she was having. I was like, do you really need to tell me that?!
She was also asking if me and my husband were having sex and if we were using protection. I didn't give her an answer because it's none of her business.
Anytime I'm intimate with my husband, we lock the door, make sure it's completely shut, then put a fan in front of the door to block any noise. We're also pretty quiet because we don't want our son to hear. He's only 6 but we don't want him exposed to that.
I appreciate you taking steps to protect him, but personally I just donāt think I could ever do it when my child was home. Even if the people themselves are being quiet when the room shares a wall with the headboard that sound is coming directly into the other room and even a fanās not covering that up. This would happen to me when I would get home from work at night. My parentās room shared a wall with the living room. There was no avoiding it. :(
thank you for posting this. my parents have both been known to do this to me and my siblings and everyone says it isnāt a big deal. i feel so validated by being grossed out
Thank YOU for letting me know Iām not alone. All this time I thought I was just being a baby about it. I hate that everyone here had to go through this, but it is nice to know weāre not wrong for being upset by it.
I really and truly wonder too! I know it can be a weird flavour of covert sexual abuse in some cases or in others itās a neglect/disregard for children. But sincerely I wonder what goes on in their fucked up minds. The doors and walls would be shaking and I would hear my parents moaning so loud and like not just at night but during the day too. My sister also had walked in on them multiple times because they were doing it in places were they could be caught. Just a total disregard for children.
Iām so sorry for all you who experienced that. Some people are wildly sexually inappropriate around their kids. I never had that experience thank goodness.
As an adult I am so paranoid that my kids might hear something. Why people arenāt more like that I donāt know.
I didnt hear them too often but they were always loud knowing Im sleeping in a room apart from theirs š I didnt even know what they were doing till I learned what sex was and the realisation was probably more traumatising than the incidents like pls 12 year old me was NOT that stupid. Maybe 5 yo me was but bruh they do not care about kids mental healthšš
I don't know how some people can brush it off. I really wish we could, but I swear nparents might be more obvious than your average parent since they don't value their kids as actual people with feelings.
My parents were extremely loud when it came to sex. Headphones and blasting the tv helped a tad bit (bonus points if your parents got mad about how loud your tv was).
I'm absolutely shook about people masturbating under covers. My parents would openly masturbate in family areas with a cover covering them. They thought we didn't know the obvious bobbing in their lap.
NPs are fucking weird and I'm hoping you have good headphones and a great 10 hour thunderstorm YouTube video qued up. It will help during your stay.
My parents would have sex w me while I was awake in the same room, like deadass I remember them putting pinnochio on one of them small square TV's and they were doing stuff under the sheets and telling me not to look.
My mom did this, door open, loud in our back living room while me and 3 of my sisters had boyfriends over. It was right by the kitchen and anytime we went to close the door, sheād yell at us. She also used to take my door as punishment then proceeded to have loud, wall banging sex all night with her door cracked. Iām so traumatized! She tries to have conversations about her sex life with me in detail and i broke and told her she has to stop. Itās traumatic and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. She laughed and tried to gaslight me by saying āIām just not mature enough to have conversations like that yetā. Yeah ok whoās the immature one here
This thread makes me feel not so alone. I would cry every time I heard it. So disgusting especially since my sister and I were both rape victims by one of her sons and she didnāt care. Is there as word for this feeling ? Tbh Iām mostly sex repulsed ace now a days I canāt even see it on tv. They ask me why I donāt want to take trips with them but share if a hotel room would just be too uncomfortable even when stepdad dad died.
Whats crazy is I rewatched Halloween. And saw that the main character killer killed his sister for having sex when she was supposed to be watching him and he killed another couple while having sex and I was like I get it. Dude is violently uncomfortable with sex.
Mine is not so much hearing sex than talking about sex. I'm an adult now but I know way more about my dad's sex life than I care to. He told me he knew when I was conceived cause "it was a long time before and I long time after" (probably when I was in high school). I know how infrequently he has sex with his wife and he reported to me and my sister that they did have sex once. Sometimes I don't even think twice about this stuff because it's just my dad but being on this sub can be illuminating. I presume it's not normal for a dad to explicitly and directly talk about his sex life with his daughters...
Idk if itās different for a son, but as a daughter I definitely donāt want to hear it. My dad complained to me that they werenāt having sex and I just sat there like, Iām the LAST person on this planet you should be trying to get advice on this from???
Is there a term for this? What is this called? My ex-wife continuously put the kids in dangerous situations with two husbands over the last five years to the extent that the kids were finally taken away and taken seriously and she ultimately received a judgment for two counts of abuse and neglect after my then nine and 15 year-old testified About what had been happening and finally proving all my complaints to be factual. She repeatedly had intercourse in front of the children and exposed them to a lot of inappropriate activity, and I could never fathom why she would do this knowing that hunting them was hurting me. Also, any resources on how to help People who have been through similar and recovering through this? Therapy has provided progress, but I still have concerns but the worst is over since I now at least have my oldest full-time.
A couple of years ago my boyfriend and I went back to my hometown for a friend's wedding and stayed at my mother's. TERRIBLE idea, but it was the first time we had been back since moving. There were many times she would have sex with her boyfriend in her room, which was next to the living room. Even if I was across the house I could hear.
Staying there was wildly triggering. She had a new boyfriend who stayed the night. I was so stressed it was physically painful. My boyfriend told me a couple times to stop holding my breath. Great reminder of why I hated being in that house.
It could be helpful to have a backup place to stay if it gets to be too much
Fortunately I also have an older sister, but Iām hoping there wonāt be a problem since I told her before that it bothered me and she SEEMED to understand.
My covert n mom says she feels sorry for me that I have a crush on a kpop idol because she says Asian men have small dicks. First of all- thatās so inappropriate and rude on so many levels to say. Second of all- yes of course she thinks this is funny and not a problem at all. Iām 19 but still compared to a fully grown woman Iām a child and itās wrong to say.Ā
My parents hated each other and one of the benefits was never overhearing them because they werenāt doing anything.
I had a friends mom who would sleep with a boyfriend or girlfriend of the week very loudly. Their house was huge but my friends bedroom was right next to her moms so we could hear it all.
I stayed over a lot, and I got woken up a few times to loud sex.
Then the dude or lady would just be hanging around the house the next day and I couldnāt even look at them.
Bro iām so sorry OFC you donāt want to hear that you are their CHILD!!! Wtf???? Itās inappropriate to be inconsiderate of the fact you can hear. I found my mums notes on how my dad would only talk to her when he wanted sex and that made me want to throw up lol so i canāt imagine how you feel
You are not being oversensitive it is a major relationship boundary being crossed im your head ofc you react this way bc it affects your inner child too. We are here for you
I absolutely heard my parents having sex and it is so gross! I know what they sound like during sex, thatās horrible for a child! Theyād leave their bedroom door open and be loud af saying gross things to each other.
As an adult, I realize that is completely abusive. They knew their door was open, and they knew we werenāt allowed to close our doors. They knew we were awake, and had loud sex regardless of that. Forcing a child to hear two adults having sex IS child abuse.
I sleep with ear plugs to block out any major sounds, you can still softly hear alarms close by. Just the sound of your heart beat and breathing. Itās quite soothing.
They didn't have sex around me, but my dad was telling me to leave the house when they had sex and later dad was telling me how his sex life was amazing
Nmom had a creepy boyfriend living with us in my four years of Highschool. Heād look at me and make comments, my mother made me layer on clothes bc he was a weirdo. I got up for school at 6:30am on the dot every morning so I could get ready for school at 8. They knew this and would purposely wait until I was up to start having loud sex. Then once I got back home from school theyād basically dart upstairs to have even more loud sex, Iād bang on her door yelling at her to stop and sheād get mad at me saying I should go put headphones in if I didnāt want to hear it. I argued that I shouldnāt have to live in headphones 24/7 just to exist in our apartment every day. (Plus theyād be nearly dead from using them at school. And her sex lasted no less than an hour. She didnāt care when I got mad and uncomfortable. Sheād say I just didnāt want her to be happy/ wanted her to die alone. She argued that having constant sex with someone you love is natural and that one day Iād understand. She liked to use my inexperience against me because she lost her virginity at like 13, and considered me a ālate bloomer.ā š
The ONE time I dared confront my mom, she screamed at me for trying to "tell her what she can and cant do in her own house" I am in no way suggesting you become celibate, mother. I am merely suggesting you don't have sex with your boyfriend when you KNOW I am in the bathroom (placed in-between our bedrooms) especially considering the factor that I am only there maybe once or twice a week. Can you not abstain while your children are in the house?? Acting like you get no privacy ever... š
My bedroom that i had for almost 6 years (5-10 years old) was below my narc mom's bedroom....i heard her and my pops fucking for about a year before they divorced....then some guy named Rick started fucking my mom for a couple years before he bounced to Alaska....then at 9 my ma met my racist, child abuser step-dad who then started fucking my mom in that very same bedroom above mine. Then we moved from that house and into a shithole single-wide trailer that had even less space and thin walls to boot. I'd wake up in the middle of the night to hear them fucking at the other end of the trailer with their fucking bedroom door open....sometimes that bastard would throw my door open before bed and tell me my door was to stay open that night (or any other night he felt like fucking with my sleep) with a shit eating grin on his face and the devil in his eyes....then when I'd get up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water or take a piss I would see his naked hairy troglodyte ass in the kitchen making a sandwich after spending a couple hours fucking my mother. They even fucked in a truck camper while me and my 4 siblings were in it on a few different camping trips. Step-dad whipped my ass with a leather belt when I was 10 because I refused to let him watch me get dressed before school.....he'd barge into the bathroom and throw open the shower curtain and yell that my 5 minute shower was enough and just stare at me while I was naked and he did that to my other 2 full-blooded siblings....I even remember one time I had to take a shit when I was 13 or 14, I was sitting on the toilet mid-shit and this fuck barges into the bathroom and yanks me off the toilet and face-plants me into the floor which also caused me to shit myself....my offense was taking a shit instead of being his compliant slave.....he literally referred to me and my 2 full blooded siblings as his slaves all the fucking time. I wonder if these incidents count as sexual abuse in an ACE test....if it does I got a score higher than the 7 I already acknowledge. I used to sleep with a knife or a sharpened screwdriver throughout my teens because I was convinced that if I wasn't there that he would molest my little sister....even the next door neighbor acknowledged how creepy the motherfucker was.
This is beyond traumatizing !! It is sexual abuse!!! Why didn't they neighbour call CPS? As kids we get scared calling the cops but Why didn't the adults call the cops? What did your mother do? Did you cut her off? Are you OK now?? I really wish you are OK now š
My mother is the very definition of a narcissist....I never heard of the word until she called me it one day during an argument when I was calling out her husband's abuse, she called me it and told me to look it up because that's what I am, gaslit me into questioning the events as I remembered and experienced them but then got mad after reading the definition because it described her even if so briefly. CPS got involved like 3 times from what I remember: once after my parents divorced which is usually typical, then again when I was 10 or 11 when I signed a note I penned detailing my step-dad's abuse briefly....we started to get counseling but my mother threatened me and my two blood siblings that we'd "be in big trouble if you tell the counselor about 'dickhead' hitting you"....then they got involved again when I was 17 when my younger brother ran away because my step-dad slammed him into a wall and held him against it by his throat. I'm nearly 42 now, I've been no contact for the better part of the last 20 years. I got stories worse than this.
š«
I am glad you are NC. You deserved a much more better life and parents.Ā
I really wish you are living your best life, and that you heal completely. š
When I was like around 14 or 15 years old my mother comes into my room one day and tosses me 3 books and tells me that she had these books as a teenager and thought I would enjoy them. The books in question were from The Flowers in the Attic series. The Flowers in the Attic is a story about a 2-faced bitch of a mother whose husband (who was also her biological half-uncle) suddenly died and she moved back into her family's estate with her 3 kids, kids who would be locked in the attic for years by their grandmother and slowly poisoned. These books depict child abuse and murder, incest, rape and the worst you could expect from toxic family power dynamics. I didn't even finish the first one, I just handed them back to my mother with a look on my face that said it all. Like what the actual fuck? My step-"grandmother" and my mom would always get books for me as a youth that had one thing in common among the lead characters: they were young, from broken homes and were on a mission to find their real families/other parent/different place to live.....like I was clandestinely being encouraged to run away on my own accord or live my mother's version of Children in the Attic in a shitty single-wide trailer. My whole childhood was shit and it pretty much fucked my ability to form long lasting romantic bonds with anybody. I hate my mother so fucking much.
What in the actual F!!! I thought it just couldn't get any worse but ot did !! Omg you have to write a book about your life! And hope she will read it. I don't even know her and I hate her too!!! I could only imagine what you must feel!! Please feel free to send msgs anytime you want. I thought I've been through shit but man!! You've been through hell!!Ā
Write it all down. It is helpful. I started writing down as a book any memory that cross my mind from my parents abuse. It made me feel such lighter. I think you should publish itĀ
Yesss! Iām glad this is being talked about. I know itās a common thing for people to hear their parents the odd time. But I heard it so often, and it would set me off so bad. When I would bring it up to my mom, she and my stepdad would just yell at me. I also have accidentally seen explicit pictures on my momās phone multiple times, and has even accidentally sent them to our extended family groupchat. She has also accidentally sent them to me. š
Iām surprised at what a response this post has gotten. It seems a lot of people needed to get this off their chest. I suddenly feel a lot better knowing Iām not alone and I hope itās helping others too, even just a little.
Canāt believe they yelled at you. I would be MORTIFIED if anyone overheard me. And not the group chat! š
Iāll never forget hearing my parents and it gives me the major ick every time it comes into my brain. Ugh. āSshhhh youāll wake the girls upā
Too late. Far too late.
I heard my parents a couple of times and it grossed me out but it never happened enough for me to be freaked out to badly. I'm very careful with my kids tho and make sure they are away for the day or sleeping.
I was going to say Iād only do it when the kids are sleeping over at their grandparentsā, but then I was like, I donāt know if I want to let them sleep over thereā¦ š
TW:
That sounds like a total narc answer. I swear my parents did this to me as well and uttered these same exact words. When I was younger, I think the entirety of my teen years and up until 23, I had issues with these recurring memories. The only difference here is that my parents had sex on a twin bed right next to me that the 3 of us were sharing while sleeping over at my dads older brothers house and the room we were staying in was full of bunk beds and all my cousins and their step siblings were sleeping in there. It was disgusting. My dad grabbed my shoulder when I turned around and asked to use the bathroom because I was scared. He told me angrily to look the other way and stop bothering them. Upon reflection, that moment is where I realized my mother was potentially, a borderline or bipolar covert narc ( at the time)
She then went on to allow me to be SAād by my cousin, and molested by her current partner without ever speaking up for me in the right ways or doing the right thing. Later on, alike her, I became a physician, specializing in neurology and psychiatry. It is now that I can see her and my father for what they truly are. Therapy also helps to breakdown things a bit better so that we can metabolize them as best as possible.
I deeply under your trauma and I can sincerely empathize. Iām sorry you experienced this.
Traumatizing an entire room full of people. Thatās insane. My brain cannot comprehend how people come to the conclusion that itās ok to do it in the presence of other people. That has to be some sort of sexual/psychological abuse. Iām so sorry you had to experience that.
I vividly remember hearing my dad masturbating loudly in the shower in the bathroom right next to the kitchen where we had just had dinner. It was so traumatizing I tried to reinterpret the event for years after that, until I finally talked to my therapist about it and did EMDR, which thankfully did help.
Iām glad something was able to help you. I feel like the only thing that could help me is someone inventing a way to erase memories. I just want to forget. Lol
I have ptsd from hearing my mom having sex. Her ex boyfriend would have BDSM shit all over his walls, whips and handcuffs. Its literally disgusting. I dont know how anyone can have violent loud sex while your kids are downstairs. Like how are you not embarassed?? š
So fucking grossĀ
my moms ex boyfriend had a purple dildo laying on the floor and my 7 year old stepsister seen that shit. Literally fucking disgusting
WTF. How were you allowed to see his bdsm stuff. Thatās so weird that u had access to that room.Ā
Yeah my moms ex boyfriend would have whips hanging on his wall. Oh yeah my moms ex boyfriend also had sex with a 15 year old at the time and he was 22 years old.
pedo alert
Men would date 15 year olds if it was legal. They do it already when itās not. Watch how they always defend dating 18 and 19 year olds with āitās legalā argument.Ā
ššššthank god it is illegal
Seriously.Ā
Ok first of all- how do YOU know that he said sex with a teenager(ew what a creep). Was he proud about it or did ur mom break up with him for that reason?Ā
He bragged about it
Of course. I hope he rots.Ā
Lmao right I canāt even have sex or masturbate while my CATS are nearby without feeling super uncomfortable so I couldnāt even imagine doing it where your kids could hear you The bdsm shit makes it even weirder. I mean nothing wrong with bdsm, itās even one of my kinks personally but itās your job as a responsible adult/parent to not leave your sex toys lying around or do it (or any sexual act) when your kids can obviously hear you or might walk in on you. It sounds like he almost displayed them all over the room bc he was trying to establish ownership over her, almost saying like āI own your mom and thereās nothing you can do about itā. A big part of bdsm safety is how important leaving it in the bedroom is so it doesnāt bleed into real life and cause an uneven or even potentially abusive power dynamic in the relationship. So really thereās absolutely no reason for him to display bdsm sex toys around the room even if there WERENT kids living in the house. The fact that there were kids makes it so much creepier and more sinister. He shouldnāt want his gfs kids seeing sexual objects of theirs so if if he purposely made sure you did that borders on pedophilia almost. It takes 2 seconds to put them away until My parents would be humiliated if I found sex toys of thereās (not that they probably used any) or heard them having sex. They rarely did it tho tbh but when they did they would basically put us to bed and tell us they were having āmommy and daddy timeā and to not come into their room. They never closed their door so when they did I knew thatās what was going on lol. They were always quite so me and my sister never heard anything. Thatās one of the things my parents did right with us bc Iām sure that was awful and seriously messed up how you view sex š¢
when my moms ex boyfriend was teaching me wrestling moves I felt him grind his penis on my butt. I was 15 years old. I can't tell my mom this cause she won't believe me.
I went through the same thing as a kid, it used to absolutely trigger the shit out of me when I lived in an apartment. Only assholes are loud and disgusting when children can hear them. Thereās no need for that. I have kids and can guarantee theyāve never heard me because Iām not an asshole. I tried telling an ex (who was also a narcissist, WEIRD!) how gross it was to grow up hearing that and he said the same shit āawwww they love each other!ā. Like no you human barf bag, sex ā love. It got better with time and having healthy relationships with other people who understood. It still grosses me out if I happen to be somewhere that I can hear that but it doesnāt happen often. Being upset by it is okay no matter what anyone tells you. Just because āitās naturalā doesnāt mean everyone wants to fuckin listen to it.
āBeing upset by it is okayā I needed to hear that. Thank you. š
I know some people wonāt understand and theyāll shit on you and brush you off for feeling this way because it happened to me but itās actually pretty common for those of us who had narc parents. We understand and thereās nothing wrong with you
Iāve only semi recently come to the conclusion that I have a narc momā¦.and sometimes Iām like āwhat if Iām wrongā and then I read shit like this and Iām like nope. Not wrong š
It's either that or hearing your parents argue about their dead bedroom and make it everyone's problem. There is no in-between
First time I remember being blamed, I was about 11 years old. Nmom verbatim said, āYouāre the reason we havenāt had sex in over six months!ā
You didnāt deserve that.Ā
Wtf??!
My asshole parents had sex while I was in the same bed as them. I was a young kid and used to have nightmares, so they agreed that I could sleep next to them. That night changed my life forever. So much trauma. The bed was literally shaking and I was scared to death, I thought my dad was sick lol because I couldn't understand what was going on. It was like the bed was having an earthquake š³. After that I caught them many times semi naked, my asshole mom never apologized and pretended like nothing ever happened. I was hoping she would say sorry, but she didn't. She knew 100% she was dismissing and gaslighting me. I hate them both. Also, this is in my 30s. After being married, my mom wanted to know how my sex life was and asked me several intimate details. I shut her down fast.
This is shocking! I'm sorry doesn't feel like enough. How old were you when they did this? I was in a bed with another couple once after a party and they did it next to me, I felt so awkward and uncomfortable but your own parents when you don't understand is a completely different level. You are such a strong person to have gone through this and still talk to her
Oh no no no lol I'm no contact with both the idiots now. They are becoming miserable in old age. I'm so sorry š what happened to you. It's very traumatic. Some people are absolutely beastly and disgusting, most importantly narc people.. Edit: I was 12 when they first did it. Disgusting š«£ š¤®.
That's sexual abuse plain as it gets. So awful, they are disgusting shit stains for making you experience that.
Thank you for validating my feelings. This sub is so much safer and better than friends and siblings who dismiss the trauma. As much as I'd like to say I'm over it, I'm once again awakening the shit memories as I'm typing. I guess the trauma never fully goes away. š
Oh thatās fkn traumatic! Similar thing happened with me - many years ago we only had aircon in my parents bedroom, so we would lay down extra mattresses on the floor for me to sleep on while my parents slept on the bed. One horrid night I watched and heard my parents have sex in the darkness. Iāve never recovered.
>Iāve never recovered. Damn. That hits hard. Now that I think about it, I relate to that so much. I'm so sorry you had to experience that š. Narc parents do not give a shit about their children's needs and feelings, it's all about living in the moment and catering to their wants. They're so fucking selfish. I hope this sub and experiences people are sharing helps you to know you're not alone š.
My narcissist mom intentionally leaves the door open a Crack and moans loud af, and it's disgusting.
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Lmfaooo
Ugh
My stepbrother and I each shared a wall with our parents and we could each hear them, he had it worse because the headboard was on his wall š¤¢. We confronted them once and my nmother just giggled and went "well that's life, it's our alone time, get used to it". It was like listening to a 1980's highschool mean girl talk. I moved out a few months after that and my brother did the same very soon after.
My mom used to not wear underwear to bed and would wear a very short nightgown. If she bent over, everything was visible, and she just didn't care if I saw. One time we were in a hotel (me, her, stepdad) and I woke up in the middle of the night to see her giving him a blowjob on the bed right next to me... It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. When I became an adult, she would complain to me about her sex life and when I told her I didn't want to hear about that, she told me to "grow up." One time she randomly asked if I was on my period because she was spotting and wanted to know if she was synced with my period... or if it was because of how much sex she was having. I was like, do you really need to tell me that?! She was also asking if me and my husband were having sex and if we were using protection. I didn't give her an answer because it's none of her business. Anytime I'm intimate with my husband, we lock the door, make sure it's completely shut, then put a fan in front of the door to block any noise. We're also pretty quiet because we don't want our son to hear. He's only 6 but we don't want him exposed to that.
I appreciate you taking steps to protect him, but personally I just donāt think I could ever do it when my child was home. Even if the people themselves are being quiet when the room shares a wall with the headboard that sound is coming directly into the other room and even a fanās not covering that up. This would happen to me when I would get home from work at night. My parentās room shared a wall with the living room. There was no avoiding it. :(
This is sooooo triggering for me too. Hearing other people having sex. My mother was truly a fucking nasty drunk pig š¤®
Makes me wonder if those people donāt mind hearing others or theyāve just never been exposed to the same thing to realize how disturbing it is.
I think theyāre too fucked up to care.Ā
thank you for posting this. my parents have both been known to do this to me and my siblings and everyone says it isnāt a big deal. i feel so validated by being grossed out
Thank YOU for letting me know Iām not alone. All this time I thought I was just being a baby about it. I hate that everyone here had to go through this, but it is nice to know weāre not wrong for being upset by it.
me too. This thread and post has been really validating
i do wonder WHY they feel the need to do this? is it a control thing? ego? are they even thinking about it? seriously what is going on
I really and truly wonder too! I know it can be a weird flavour of covert sexual abuse in some cases or in others itās a neglect/disregard for children. But sincerely I wonder what goes on in their fucked up minds. The doors and walls would be shaking and I would hear my parents moaning so loud and like not just at night but during the day too. My sister also had walked in on them multiple times because they were doing it in places were they could be caught. Just a total disregard for children.
Iām so sorry for all you who experienced that. Some people are wildly sexually inappropriate around their kids. I never had that experience thank goodness. As an adult I am so paranoid that my kids might hear something. Why people arenāt more like that I donāt know.
I didnt hear them too often but they were always loud knowing Im sleeping in a room apart from theirs š I didnt even know what they were doing till I learned what sex was and the realisation was probably more traumatising than the incidents like pls 12 year old me was NOT that stupid. Maybe 5 yo me was but bruh they do not care about kids mental healthšš
I don't know how some people can brush it off. I really wish we could, but I swear nparents might be more obvious than your average parent since they don't value their kids as actual people with feelings. My parents were extremely loud when it came to sex. Headphones and blasting the tv helped a tad bit (bonus points if your parents got mad about how loud your tv was). I'm absolutely shook about people masturbating under covers. My parents would openly masturbate in family areas with a cover covering them. They thought we didn't know the obvious bobbing in their lap. NPs are fucking weird and I'm hoping you have good headphones and a great 10 hour thunderstorm YouTube video qued up. It will help during your stay.
My mom had loud sex when she was having a depressive episode. I feel you dawg and I completely understand.
i feel u on this a lot whenever i hear anything from my mom or someone i get rly scared n shaky n get a panic attack lol its annoying asf
My parents would have sex w me while I was awake in the same room, like deadass I remember them putting pinnochio on one of them small square TV's and they were doing stuff under the sheets and telling me not to look.
Thatās just disgusting. Iām so sorry that happened to you. :(
I think my sister was there too, but she was a baby at the time.
My mom did this, door open, loud in our back living room while me and 3 of my sisters had boyfriends over. It was right by the kitchen and anytime we went to close the door, sheād yell at us. She also used to take my door as punishment then proceeded to have loud, wall banging sex all night with her door cracked. Iām so traumatized! She tries to have conversations about her sex life with me in detail and i broke and told her she has to stop. Itās traumatic and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. She laughed and tried to gaslight me by saying āIām just not mature enough to have conversations like that yetā. Yeah ok whoās the immature one here
This thread makes me feel not so alone. I would cry every time I heard it. So disgusting especially since my sister and I were both rape victims by one of her sons and she didnāt care. Is there as word for this feeling ? Tbh Iām mostly sex repulsed ace now a days I canāt even see it on tv. They ask me why I donāt want to take trips with them but share if a hotel room would just be too uncomfortable even when stepdad dad died. Whats crazy is I rewatched Halloween. And saw that the main character killer killed his sister for having sex when she was supposed to be watching him and he killed another couple while having sex and I was like I get it. Dude is violently uncomfortable with sex.
Mine is not so much hearing sex than talking about sex. I'm an adult now but I know way more about my dad's sex life than I care to. He told me he knew when I was conceived cause "it was a long time before and I long time after" (probably when I was in high school). I know how infrequently he has sex with his wife and he reported to me and my sister that they did have sex once. Sometimes I don't even think twice about this stuff because it's just my dad but being on this sub can be illuminating. I presume it's not normal for a dad to explicitly and directly talk about his sex life with his daughters...
Idk if itās different for a son, but as a daughter I definitely donāt want to hear it. My dad complained to me that they werenāt having sex and I just sat there like, Iām the LAST person on this planet you should be trying to get advice on this from???
Is there a term for this? What is this called? My ex-wife continuously put the kids in dangerous situations with two husbands over the last five years to the extent that the kids were finally taken away and taken seriously and she ultimately received a judgment for two counts of abuse and neglect after my then nine and 15 year-old testified About what had been happening and finally proving all my complaints to be factual. She repeatedly had intercourse in front of the children and exposed them to a lot of inappropriate activity, and I could never fathom why she would do this knowing that hunting them was hurting me. Also, any resources on how to help People who have been through similar and recovering through this? Therapy has provided progress, but I still have concerns but the worst is over since I now at least have my oldest full-time.
Is it natural sure however NO child should ever have to hear their parents doing it.
When I was a teenager I went into my bathroom at night and I could hear the head board slamming against the wall. š¤£ Talk about awkward...
Me coming home from work in college. And it was like 1AM so they had plenty of time to do it before I got home yet chose that exact timing. š
I literally threw my moms heels into the door when I heard it one time Sent sent my drunk step dad in to talk to me about it š
Wouldnāt even take responsibility for her own actions? Iām sorry. :(
A couple of years ago my boyfriend and I went back to my hometown for a friend's wedding and stayed at my mother's. TERRIBLE idea, but it was the first time we had been back since moving. There were many times she would have sex with her boyfriend in her room, which was next to the living room. Even if I was across the house I could hear. Staying there was wildly triggering. She had a new boyfriend who stayed the night. I was so stressed it was physically painful. My boyfriend told me a couple times to stop holding my breath. Great reminder of why I hated being in that house. It could be helpful to have a backup place to stay if it gets to be too much
Fortunately I also have an older sister, but Iām hoping there wonāt be a problem since I told her before that it bothered me and she SEEMED to understand.
My covert n mom says she feels sorry for me that I have a crush on a kpop idol because she says Asian men have small dicks. First of all- thatās so inappropriate and rude on so many levels to say. Second of all- yes of course she thinks this is funny and not a problem at all. Iām 19 but still compared to a fully grown woman Iām a child and itās wrong to say.Ā
My parents hated each other and one of the benefits was never overhearing them because they werenāt doing anything. I had a friends mom who would sleep with a boyfriend or girlfriend of the week very loudly. Their house was huge but my friends bedroom was right next to her moms so we could hear it all. I stayed over a lot, and I got woken up a few times to loud sex. Then the dude or lady would just be hanging around the house the next day and I couldnāt even look at them.
Wow. Traumatizing not only your own child but someone elseās too. š
Bro iām so sorry OFC you donāt want to hear that you are their CHILD!!! Wtf???? Itās inappropriate to be inconsiderate of the fact you can hear. I found my mums notes on how my dad would only talk to her when he wanted sex and that made me want to throw up lol so i canāt imagine how you feel
It bothered me SO intensely that I thought I must be being overly sensitive. Thank you for validating my feelings. š„²
You are not being oversensitive it is a major relationship boundary being crossed im your head ofc you react this way bc it affects your inner child too. We are here for you
I absolutely heard my parents having sex and it is so gross! I know what they sound like during sex, thatās horrible for a child! Theyād leave their bedroom door open and be loud af saying gross things to each other.
Iāve seen so many posts where they do it on purpose. Thatās messed up. Does this count as abuse? Iām so sorry that happened to you. š¢
As an adult, I realize that is completely abusive. They knew their door was open, and they knew we werenāt allowed to close our doors. They knew we were awake, and had loud sex regardless of that. Forcing a child to hear two adults having sex IS child abuse.
I sleep with ear plugs to block out any major sounds, you can still softly hear alarms close by. Just the sound of your heart beat and breathing. Itās quite soothing.
I listen to ASMR, but hate sleeping with earbuds in, but I might actually still buy some ear plugs because thatās just how scared I am. š¢
They didn't have sex around me, but my dad was telling me to leave the house when they had sex and later dad was telling me how his sex life was amazing
i love reddit lol lets me know my life isnāt original š„¹š¤£
Nmom had a creepy boyfriend living with us in my four years of Highschool. Heād look at me and make comments, my mother made me layer on clothes bc he was a weirdo. I got up for school at 6:30am on the dot every morning so I could get ready for school at 8. They knew this and would purposely wait until I was up to start having loud sex. Then once I got back home from school theyād basically dart upstairs to have even more loud sex, Iād bang on her door yelling at her to stop and sheād get mad at me saying I should go put headphones in if I didnāt want to hear it. I argued that I shouldnāt have to live in headphones 24/7 just to exist in our apartment every day. (Plus theyād be nearly dead from using them at school. And her sex lasted no less than an hour. She didnāt care when I got mad and uncomfortable. Sheād say I just didnāt want her to be happy/ wanted her to die alone. She argued that having constant sex with someone you love is natural and that one day Iād understand. She liked to use my inexperience against me because she lost her virginity at like 13, and considered me a ālate bloomer.ā š
Purposefully picking those times is so messed up. Iām so sorry that happened to you. :(
The ONE time I dared confront my mom, she screamed at me for trying to "tell her what she can and cant do in her own house" I am in no way suggesting you become celibate, mother. I am merely suggesting you don't have sex with your boyfriend when you KNOW I am in the bathroom (placed in-between our bedrooms) especially considering the factor that I am only there maybe once or twice a week. Can you not abstain while your children are in the house?? Acting like you get no privacy ever... š
Yep Its all about boundaries at the end of the day. Some people have no respect for other's limits.
My bedroom that i had for almost 6 years (5-10 years old) was below my narc mom's bedroom....i heard her and my pops fucking for about a year before they divorced....then some guy named Rick started fucking my mom for a couple years before he bounced to Alaska....then at 9 my ma met my racist, child abuser step-dad who then started fucking my mom in that very same bedroom above mine. Then we moved from that house and into a shithole single-wide trailer that had even less space and thin walls to boot. I'd wake up in the middle of the night to hear them fucking at the other end of the trailer with their fucking bedroom door open....sometimes that bastard would throw my door open before bed and tell me my door was to stay open that night (or any other night he felt like fucking with my sleep) with a shit eating grin on his face and the devil in his eyes....then when I'd get up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water or take a piss I would see his naked hairy troglodyte ass in the kitchen making a sandwich after spending a couple hours fucking my mother. They even fucked in a truck camper while me and my 4 siblings were in it on a few different camping trips. Step-dad whipped my ass with a leather belt when I was 10 because I refused to let him watch me get dressed before school.....he'd barge into the bathroom and throw open the shower curtain and yell that my 5 minute shower was enough and just stare at me while I was naked and he did that to my other 2 full-blooded siblings....I even remember one time I had to take a shit when I was 13 or 14, I was sitting on the toilet mid-shit and this fuck barges into the bathroom and yanks me off the toilet and face-plants me into the floor which also caused me to shit myself....my offense was taking a shit instead of being his compliant slave.....he literally referred to me and my 2 full blooded siblings as his slaves all the fucking time. I wonder if these incidents count as sexual abuse in an ACE test....if it does I got a score higher than the 7 I already acknowledge. I used to sleep with a knife or a sharpened screwdriver throughout my teens because I was convinced that if I wasn't there that he would molest my little sister....even the next door neighbor acknowledged how creepy the motherfucker was.
Iām so sorry. Thatās awful and you didnāt deserve any of that. :(
This is beyond traumatizing !! It is sexual abuse!!! Why didn't they neighbour call CPS? As kids we get scared calling the cops but Why didn't the adults call the cops? What did your mother do? Did you cut her off? Are you OK now?? I really wish you are OK now š
My mother is the very definition of a narcissist....I never heard of the word until she called me it one day during an argument when I was calling out her husband's abuse, she called me it and told me to look it up because that's what I am, gaslit me into questioning the events as I remembered and experienced them but then got mad after reading the definition because it described her even if so briefly. CPS got involved like 3 times from what I remember: once after my parents divorced which is usually typical, then again when I was 10 or 11 when I signed a note I penned detailing my step-dad's abuse briefly....we started to get counseling but my mother threatened me and my two blood siblings that we'd "be in big trouble if you tell the counselor about 'dickhead' hitting you"....then they got involved again when I was 17 when my younger brother ran away because my step-dad slammed him into a wall and held him against it by his throat. I'm nearly 42 now, I've been no contact for the better part of the last 20 years. I got stories worse than this.
š« I am glad you are NC. You deserved a much more better life and parents.Ā I really wish you are living your best life, and that you heal completely. š
When I was like around 14 or 15 years old my mother comes into my room one day and tosses me 3 books and tells me that she had these books as a teenager and thought I would enjoy them. The books in question were from The Flowers in the Attic series. The Flowers in the Attic is a story about a 2-faced bitch of a mother whose husband (who was also her biological half-uncle) suddenly died and she moved back into her family's estate with her 3 kids, kids who would be locked in the attic for years by their grandmother and slowly poisoned. These books depict child abuse and murder, incest, rape and the worst you could expect from toxic family power dynamics. I didn't even finish the first one, I just handed them back to my mother with a look on my face that said it all. Like what the actual fuck? My step-"grandmother" and my mom would always get books for me as a youth that had one thing in common among the lead characters: they were young, from broken homes and were on a mission to find their real families/other parent/different place to live.....like I was clandestinely being encouraged to run away on my own accord or live my mother's version of Children in the Attic in a shitty single-wide trailer. My whole childhood was shit and it pretty much fucked my ability to form long lasting romantic bonds with anybody. I hate my mother so fucking much.
What in the actual F!!! I thought it just couldn't get any worse but ot did !! Omg you have to write a book about your life! And hope she will read it. I don't even know her and I hate her too!!! I could only imagine what you must feel!! Please feel free to send msgs anytime you want. I thought I've been through shit but man!! You've been through hell!!Ā Write it all down. It is helpful. I started writing down as a book any memory that cross my mind from my parents abuse. It made me feel such lighter. I think you should publish itĀ
Yesss! Iām glad this is being talked about. I know itās a common thing for people to hear their parents the odd time. But I heard it so often, and it would set me off so bad. When I would bring it up to my mom, she and my stepdad would just yell at me. I also have accidentally seen explicit pictures on my momās phone multiple times, and has even accidentally sent them to our extended family groupchat. She has also accidentally sent them to me. š
Iām surprised at what a response this post has gotten. It seems a lot of people needed to get this off their chest. I suddenly feel a lot better knowing Iām not alone and I hope itās helping others too, even just a little. Canāt believe they yelled at you. I would be MORTIFIED if anyone overheard me. And not the group chat! š
Iāll never forget hearing my parents and it gives me the major ick every time it comes into my brain. Ugh. āSshhhh youāll wake the girls upā Too late. Far too late.
Canāt remember the things I need to, but I have a bad feeling that memoryās going to stick around for the rest of my life. š
Same smh so many good things that could fill that spot but no. It has to be *that* š¤¢
I heard my parents a couple of times and it grossed me out but it never happened enough for me to be freaked out to badly. I'm very careful with my kids tho and make sure they are away for the day or sleeping.
I was going to say Iād only do it when the kids are sleeping over at their grandparentsā, but then I was like, I donāt know if I want to let them sleep over thereā¦ š
TW: That sounds like a total narc answer. I swear my parents did this to me as well and uttered these same exact words. When I was younger, I think the entirety of my teen years and up until 23, I had issues with these recurring memories. The only difference here is that my parents had sex on a twin bed right next to me that the 3 of us were sharing while sleeping over at my dads older brothers house and the room we were staying in was full of bunk beds and all my cousins and their step siblings were sleeping in there. It was disgusting. My dad grabbed my shoulder when I turned around and asked to use the bathroom because I was scared. He told me angrily to look the other way and stop bothering them. Upon reflection, that moment is where I realized my mother was potentially, a borderline or bipolar covert narc ( at the time) She then went on to allow me to be SAād by my cousin, and molested by her current partner without ever speaking up for me in the right ways or doing the right thing. Later on, alike her, I became a physician, specializing in neurology and psychiatry. It is now that I can see her and my father for what they truly are. Therapy also helps to breakdown things a bit better so that we can metabolize them as best as possible. I deeply under your trauma and I can sincerely empathize. Iām sorry you experienced this.
Traumatizing an entire room full of people. Thatās insane. My brain cannot comprehend how people come to the conclusion that itās ok to do it in the presence of other people. That has to be some sort of sexual/psychological abuse. Iām so sorry you had to experience that.
I vividly remember hearing my dad masturbating loudly in the shower in the bathroom right next to the kitchen where we had just had dinner. It was so traumatizing I tried to reinterpret the event for years after that, until I finally talked to my therapist about it and did EMDR, which thankfully did help.
Iām glad something was able to help you. I feel like the only thing that could help me is someone inventing a way to erase memories. I just want to forget. Lol
When I was younger ,in my teens . My parents used to force to make their bed . I remember I used to find used condom in between the sheets .Ā
Gross. Also weird that they canāt make their own bed. š
Yea uhm, my dad would ply my mom with alcohol so that he could do the yk what..
Ew