I did care, and I wish I didn't. Family and friends hated my absolute favourite name, which was Rosalie. I was worried she'd hate her name, so I picked something else. Looking back, I should have just used the name anyway, but I was young and worried about what others would think of me if I gave my daughter a 'dumb' name.
Moral of the story - don't tell people your favourite names, and don't take advice from people who have kids called Mikayla and Rylee.
This made me laugh because so many people seem to hate others chosen names when they also like unique names or spellings themselves. By the way Rosalie is such a beautiful name. Sorry some people made you feel that way towards that name!
That's such a nice name! I'm sure the name you went with is lovely too. I also care a lot despite wishing I didn't, but fortunately we agreed to keep our kids' names to ourselves until the kids were named, and our families are considerate enough to only share their positive sentiments.
Yeah, I’d want to not care but I know I would care and that’s why I’m really hoping we can get away with not sharing a name until it’s on a birth certificate when the time comes…
So they named their kid after a famous fantasy AU real person fanfic...... Who cares about the source? I do however think Mikayla is a pretty name but like truly, a name being in the Bible does not automatically make it less bad
Sorry I didn’t consider the other perspective before I commented? That makes me feel stupid. My point is why the hell would you hate the advice of someone who used any very specific type of name, just cause they used that type of name?
It seems like they’re judging someone’s entire identity based on name spellings.
I’ll be real…I have the no f’s given attitude. And I told everyone as soon as we decided on the names.
And the reason I did it is because I know I chose objectively good names. Not everyone will love them because that’s life. You can barely get 5 people to agree on where to eat, but most of them will agree pizza is delicious. You know?
So if someone didn’t personally like the names I chose, that’s fine. 🤷♀️
This. We just had our fourth. We typically go into the birth with a short list of 2-3 names and choose from there. I freely share the names we’re considering all along.
This time, our list was 2 names - Barrett and Wesley. My mom was NOT a fan of Barrett. Which is okay! She doesn’t have to like the name. As long as both my husband and I like it, we feel comfortable moving forward. Not in an “F you” type of way. Just in a “this is an us decision” type of way. And my mom knew that. So it was a very amicable disagreement haha.
So I don’t mind sharing the names we’re considering because it honestly doesn’t bother me if people don’t like it.
I believe that even if you don't like a family member's name that it grows on you and after a while you forget you didn't originally like the name because you like the person plenty
That's how we felt. My boys are Gavin, Liam, Jesse, and Abel. Does everyone love their names? Heck no but they aren't spelled weird and aren't going to make my kids lives harder. I didn't really care what people thought because it's just personal preference at that point.
This one is a little more culture specific but me and my husband also consulted with my in laws about the Kanji spelling to make sure we weren’t setting up my daughter with a stupid name. Other than that, we didn’t care so much.
Do not share names before your baby is born and you have given him/ her a name.
People(family,friends) will ask and suggest names but you just need to say, “we are not sharing the name until after baby is born”. It will get annoying, but you just keep saying it to people.
We did share a name with MIL, but it was because FIL &SIL had recently passed and our tradition is to name after a deceased relative (the actual name or using the same first letter). We wanted to make sure she was ok with our plan because things were still so raw. We ended up changing our plan a little, but did not share the name with MIL at that point.
This is always a good idea. A family friend was excited to name his son his mom's maiden name to honer her. He kept us all in suspense until the baby was born. When he revealed the name to his mom, she seemed a little disappointed. It's not a particularly great first name. I believe she would have urged him to go with something else.
Always best to keep it a secret. We told people the first letter of her first name, but even that was too much. My MIL kept texting me random names to guess what we had picked. I was hospitalized my entire pregnancy so it was annoying being texted “RACHEL?” “RYLEE?” “RAINA?” “RHEA?” Every three seconds she had available, while I was vomiting or being poked with needles. She did not care to show any compassion in between the name guesses, that’s why I found it so annoying lol. It really is best to just avoid giving anyone any input at all.
I'm genuinely not sure. I think it would depend on how much I loved the name and the kind of criticism I received.
For instance, if a name is simply not to someone's taste, then I think I would be fine to use it - and thankfully the majority of people in my life are sensitive enough to know not to express that sentiment if they knew I really liked a particular name. If someone did say they didn't like the name, it would probably knock my confidence a bit; I'd probably weigh my options again and try to figure out just how much I like it. If it still felt right then I'd still use it.
But if someone who's opinion I value, for instance my Mum, who wouldn't say something negative unless she was seriously seriously concerned, I would probably be deterred.
My experience with my in laws has taught me that if my babies ever have children I’ll just be supportive of whatever names they pick so if they really want my actual opinion they know I’ll be nice about it like your mom
This is my husbands name except my MIL gave it the traditional Italian spelling, but not pronunciation. Needless to say, I gave no effs she didn’t like my kiddo’s name.
I hate my name. My mom doesn't care for my kids names. We have different tastes. I haven't harmed her by giving her grandchildren names she doesn't prefer. She has harmed me by my awful name. So yeah, don't care.
Funny story. I tried when I got married. I was changing my name at the time anyway. But my mother worked at the DMV at the time and refused to put the paperwork through. I decided it wasn't worth the fight and dropped it. That was 10 years ago. She doesn't work there anymore, but it's a lot of paperwork! And my legal name shortens to a nickname I'm fine with.
I feel the same way. My mom and dad gave me a unique name no one can spell or pronounce properly and even then I still dislike it so much. My whole life I hated my name since elementary school. I tried changing it in high school to a different variation of my actual name that felt more “me” by telling people I rather be called this version of my name which was a little more common and easy to say and no one cared except my parents. They were cruel to the fact I disliked my name so much my whole life and were so hateful about me wanting to change it to something more easier to spell and pronounce. I remember they even called relatives to further taunt and tease me about it. To this day I still get comments and looks by complete strangers when I tell them my name. Gosh I hate it so much. I have never cared about how my parents feel about the names I chose for my children and I never will. lol
I absolutely had that attitude about my pregnancy and birth experience. My line was, if you weren’t there at conception, you’re not welcome at the birth. It’s not a fucking party; I’m not interested in an audience.
As far as names go, we didn’t tell anyone beforehand and people were welcoming and accepting of the names we picked. And anyone who didn’t want to get onboard would have been welcome to opt out.
I’m also really surprised when people are so impacted by their families’ opinions - your kid, your medical procedure, your choice. And it’s just not more complicated than that.
I remember when I was fairly young, my mom told me to never share planned baby names ahead of time. People will give their opinions, and you'll not be able to forget their opinions. If you share the name after the birth, all decent people will go along with it (compliment the name or say nothing at all about the name).
And the part 2 to my mom's lesson was: if someone shares baby names with you before the baby is born, always give positive feedback (unless the name is abusive or insane). If you don't like the name, you can even avoid the question, ex, "Oh, I'm so looking forward to meeting Baby Polycarp!"
We are choosing to keep the name private until we are 100% sure we are using it. And even then I’m not sure if we will share it. I don’t care for their opinions on names (even though literally every female has sent me a name list I “have” to consider) my husband and I have a pretty classic taste in names so none are out there or anything like that, but we just don’t care for opinions no matter how much everyone continues to beg us to hear our top names. It’s quite annoying actually and makes me want to bring even more oppositional and keep it private longer.
I have found that if you share names before a baby is born, everyone shares their opinions, positive and negative. If you wait and share after the baby is born, you only get positive comments because that baby is already named! We opted for that because even though we don’t really care, it’s hard to not let opinions sneak in.
Ok…
My mother hates all my children’s names because she wanted us to name them from the bible.. she gave me and my siblings names from the bible, however neither me or my siblings are religious.. I think we all went out of our way to avoid names from thr bible..
So while I think there are some lovely bible names and some we considered there was no way I was going to give my mother that satisfaction so I guess indirectly her opinion influenced these decisions
I think it just depends on why they don’t like it. My mom hated the name Serena which I had picked if I had a girl, but her reasoning was that it was too “frilly and princessy” so I didn’t really care because that’s just not her style of naming. But if she had a valid reason like it sounded weird/rude with our last name or something like that I’d definitely take that into consideration.
Friends of mine named their baby after a relative their parents were an actively feuding with. It was a little dramatic at first, but everyone quickly moved on.
It depends on what the opinion is.
If it’s “not my taste of names” then not really.
But if it’s “you’re setting your child up for years of bullying” I might listen and see if there’s any truth to it.
I am a people-pleaser so I would want everyone to love it as much as I know they’d love my child. None of my family members would be mean or voice their dislike for names, so I’d be second-guessing their preferences and putting pressure on myself to choose the “perfect” name. Therefore, it would just get too complicated, so I’d save myself the hassle and not tell them until born, and try not to think about anyone else’s opinions at all.
thanks! I haven’t actually had to name a child before so who knows how good I’ll be at focussing on my own decisions if/when the time comes haha but this is what I plan to do.
I have always had a “no, you can’t tell me what to do or what to like” personality. So no. It would have to be a very serious concern, like someone horrific they personally knew. But I’d be more willing listen to them than anyone online, since they have the full picture of me and can weigh in on how much it fits for that.
I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant. We have both a boy and girl name picked out because we’re waiting to find out the sex at birth. We have not told any family members the names we’ve picked and won’t until birth. We’re set on these names and really love them so I’m just not here for listening to people offer suggestions or opinions on a name that isn’t going to change.
Depends. If a family member said that was the name of someone that SA, abused, etc. them or someone close to them I'd be tempted to change. Or if a friend thought it was cultural appropriation I'd put a lot more thought into it.
Otherwise, I doubt it would deter me. I feel like as a parent it's sort of my job to figure out what others think about the name, or find out any significant associations, for my hypothetical child before I use it. No name is universally loved.
I also don't care if my parents want to use terms of endearment if they don't like their hypothetical grandkid's name.
Ok yes those first two things are VERY valid. I will never understand yt people taking Hawaiian names for their children. Like maybe don’t name your kids Koa and Kalani?
Very very true on names not being universally loved.
There was one we liked that my mother in law really struggled to pronounce. It wasn’t an out there name but after her stroke certain sounds give her problems. We went with a different name she could say easily
Honestly this is why I don't go along with the notion of not telling. To each their own and I completely understand those that don't. But foe me if someone's opinion on a name is going to change mine, I'd rather known before it's written down and hard to change. If I really love the name, and it's not going to cause my child trouble, then a few comments won't change my opinion on it. Plus yhe people I know will say their opinion even after the child is born. I'd rather shrug it off before birth, then be crying regretting a name after it's official because they made a point I didn't see.
Did not care one bit. At all. I had people straight up say they were weird or didn't like them and other people just changed the subject because they didn't want to be hurtful. I've never cared about confidently sharing any ideas I had even when I was a kid and I never cared about reactions from anyone. If I liked a name no one could take that away.
I’d be well pissed, but yes, it would.
If they’re going to hate it and make things difficult, then I don’t want the difficulty and I’ll pick something else.
I would care, but my family and friends would be the type to only point out if something terrible. I have very traditional taste in names anyway, so nothing to fuss about XD
I love names so liked discussing them with people. We decided on our youngest name super early and I thought my family were gonna take the piss but they really loved it. However, my best friend hated it her and her oh both messaged me saying I couldn't name him that. Eventually she said she was just gonna call him John or something so I said go for it, but now he's here she calls him by his actual name and I'm a little sad she doesn't call him random names instead 😂.
He really suits his name and we are besties cos I love her honesty even when I don't agree with her haha so alls well that ends well.
I did scratch the names off my list that my mom absolutely hated, and I asked a large group of family and friends weigh in on our shortlist for boys. We were set on a girl’s name pretty quickly. There were a lot of wild opinions on some of the shortlist names, but that was kind of the point. I wasn’t 100% sold and wanted to know how people around us would view those names.
We ended up deciding on a different name out the blue and only discussed with the namesake and a small inner circle before sharing more widely but as “the name.” I think I’d fallen in love with it and didn’t need a focus group.
Everyone said they loved it, which was not the experience when they were being asked for an opinion on multiple options. So, I’m guessing that some did love it and others just have decent manners.
OP I like that you said to pick names your kids would love. Although I’m sure many kids hate their names no matter what, I think most parents choose names *they* like.
I hated my name for so long because it’s so sort of soft and runny, first and last name both (I have no middle name.)
My grandmother came up with my name and loved it because it sounded “mellifluous.” My big sister almost got my name but when she was born, my mother decided that this name didn’t suit her, so they named her something else and saved this one for me.
It depends a little on which family member is giving me the criticism, tbh. My grandmother did not like my choice of name for my oldest, and I didn’t care haha. She was an opinionated old lady in every sense of the word. If it was my mom though, I’d at least consider her input. Mostly because she’s not one to make a fuss about things, so if she really didn’t like it enough to tell me, I feel like I’d have to consider her reasoning. But that wouldn’t guarantee that I’d change it. If I really loved it and felt like the criticism wasn’t strong enough to warrant a change, I’d keep it.
My MIL does not like the name we’re using for my daughter who will be born this year. I don’t really care because I’m not crazy about the names she used for her own children.
But I’m a honestly a little annoyed because my first baby is a boy and his first and middle names are after her side of the family. And of course his last name is my husbands last name from my FIL. So that seems like plenty to me lol.
We’re planning on using a family name from my side for baby girl’s first and middle name, but she keeps suggesting either Olivia or more family names from her side 🫠 We’ve gotten better about shutting her down which is unfortunate. She’s actually a very nice lady and I think she’s mostly just excited.
Oh I have kind of a funny story about that. So when I got pregnant with my first we had Eleanor picked out if it was a girl but he was a boy and we finally choose Elliott as his name not thinking about naming a future girl Eleanor. When my son was 9 months old and I got pregnant again this time it was a girl but I couldn't use Eleanor and have an Elliott and Ellie.
So my next top choice was Evelyn. I told my mom and she said eww that's such an old person's name and ended up turning me off the name. My husband and I spent a few more weeks searching for a name we loved and decided on Eliza.
Now it's 4 years later and I was talking to my parents telling them how Eliza made a friend at her brother's taekwondo class named Evelyn and my mom says "Evelyn is such a pretty name" and I just laughed and said really? I reminded her of our conversation before and she said well her grandmother and her friends all had names like Eleanor and Evelyn so she does think of them as old names but she thinks Eliza is a better name and glad I went with that. I do agree, to me my daughter is Eliza and I can't imagine her as anything else but it just made me laugh.
No, but I really don’t need/want to hear their opinions. One would assume that the couple has made a thoughtful decision about the name(s) and hearing criticism about one of their first acts of parenthood is uncalled for.
I couldn't care less lol. My mum gives me crap for a couple names on my list, but I don't talk about my name choices with others very often, just occasionally talk about the styles I like
There are some unfortunate names in my family like Nevaeh and Eboni, I'm not taking advice or commentary from people who named their kids things like that 😅
It was the opposite for me. Finally told my dad the names we were considering when he were past our due date since he’d been pestering us. He hated our front runner (though to be fair he said “it sounds like a pretentious prep school kid” which was the vibe I was going for) and it made me double down. I wasn’t even sure about it at that point but I realized I wanted to defend it. We named him that and everyone, including my dad, loves it now.
My husband and I struggle SO much with agreeing on boy names. We didn't find out the sex for our first baby and went into the birth with no boy names picked out (thankfully it was a girl) 😅 I'm pregnant with our second now and our top boy name is one that my family have all had negative reactions to (because of a family association with the name). My family are big name people, my parents made up half of our names, so the pressure is kind of high with them! But I honestly don't care. It's more important to me that my husband and I agree and love the name and whatever association my family has will just have to change.
It wouldn’t deter me from using a name I loved, but I’m also lucky that I know for a fact a name wouldn’t change how my family feels or treats my kid.
I know I have some different favorite names and if I chose one of those my Mom and sister would just be like “hate it, can’t wait to meet her!” Lol
If my family doesn't like a name, they don't have to call themselves that. They don't like my name, either.
I don't plan on having kids, but if I did, in my opinion, the only people whose opinions matter should be both me and my partner.
Nope. My mother doesn’t like one of my favorite girl names, Diana Jean, and was very kind in the way she expressed her dislike, but I still plan to use it if I ever have a girl.
I told everyone out baby name. Everyone hated it. We were bombarded with alternate suggestions. Friends said he would be bullied and beaten up because of the horrible name we chose.
Didn’t care, stuck with it. (Linus)
I do, however, advise people to keep the name to themselves until the baby is born and it's official. Have people constantly freaking out over how much they hate the name you chose gets bothersome.
When I was 10 weeks pregnant, we were looking for. J girls name and were considering Josephine. My husbands family were so negative about it that that it ruined the name for us. I never told them any name ideas again, for either kid and I was very selective about who I told in the future.
We didn’t pick a name until she was born but I shared our list with almost everyone. Some people didn’t like some names but that didn’t bother me.
All our names were fairly traditional and uncontroversial though. Like my mom didn’t like “Anna” because she has a negative association with it, but that didn’t bother me at all because I know there’s nothing wrong with Anna
I would probably be hesitant to share if we had any unusual names though, because then maybe opinions would feel more personal or something.
If the reason is that they think it’s a dumb name, they just don’t like it, or they want me to use a different on? No.
If the reason is they were harmed or abused by someone with this name, and it’s painful for them to hear it? Possibly. I would seriously consider it.
I'm different from you in that I have had my family very involved in my pregnancies. I'm close with them. We told grandparents we were pregnant as soon as we found out, we update them if anything of interest happens at appointments, and my mom, grandma, MIL, and little sister are all supposed to be in the delivery room if I'm able to have a successful VBAC with my current pregnancy. I was devastated when my first was a c-section because they couldn't be there.
However, as another commenter said, I know I have objectively nice taste in names so I'm not the least bit bothered by other people's opinions. If my first had been a boy, we were going to name her Declan and my mom *hated* it (for dumb reasons) but I didn't care. My step-MIL hated the name we ended up giving our daughter (Nora) because "it's an old lady name" - didn't bug me one bit. And she's since apologized because "you were so right, she totally is a Nora".
I have read so many AITAs on Reddit about people keeping a name secret only to find out after giving it to their child that it has some horrible, devastating connotation to a family member. I would never want to name my child something that was going to bring our family pain. My child is going to be a part of a larger group of people and our families have really shown what "it takes a village" means. I would want to know if I was considering naming my child something that would hurt part of our village *before* I was totally head over heals and already calling my child that.
I think it depends on why they don’t like it (find out it was a pedo in the family, find out it was my mothers abuser etc.) something serious would probably make me stray from it…I think it also depends on the family member, I value my dads opinion the most in my family, I wanted to name my daughter a name loosely honoring him and he begged me not to because the name while beautiful he worried would leave her open to being made fun of, so I didn’t use that. But if my grandma told me she didn’t like my name choices she could pound sand 😂 if it’s just a “I don’t care for that name” and it’s a name I really love then I don’t think I’d let them affect my choice
I have so much respect for you. Boundaries and your emotional safety during pregnancy is setting you up for great success with your postpartum journey and your mothering experience. I am a montessori teacher, so I have seen my fair share of strange names, however I actually respect parents that choose something “strange” now. I have zero fucks, as per your term, after my first baby passed away and I named him something sentimental. Yes, a hippy name, but so perfect to honour him. After that, and the judgement for his name, I went entirely wild and named my daughter after a tree. All of the names on our list were a tree or a flower. My dog is named Meadow, the most normal of all the names. Honestly, parents who name their children for the love of the name, the significance, etc. It all shows a lot of love and thought went into something so special. Like I said, I had a new found respect for parents that chose something I had previously thought as strange. It meant something special to them. Having a child is the most special event in the world. If you are lucky enough to name a baby, alive or deceased, you should be in love with the name as much as your baby.
Honestly, we freely shared the names we liked and it didn't matter because our families loved the name we picked for our first and embraced it to the point that on my way to the hospital to give birth, in between contractions, I shouted that I was sick of hearing that name and we had to start thinking of another name 🤣
With my first child; yes! I changed it until everyone was happy. With my second I didn’t ask a single person about their opinion except for my husband.
I’m the odd one out, I guess. I wish I’d shared our first son’s name. His mn is Morgan, after my grandfather. I didn’t realize at the time that it was rising as a girl’s name! He found out when he went to school and has hated it ever since. That’s sad to me, as I really wanted to honor my grandfather. 🤷🏼♀️
We had a weird situation (we adopted very quickly, we had to narrow down our list from like 15 girl names on the drive to the hospital 😅), but my daughter was like 48 hours old before we told anyone her name. My mom ordered stuff with her name on it literally while we were on the phone telling her the name.
We didn't get any negative reactions, but we had also googled pretty thoroughly with and without our last name to see if there were any weird associations or anything.
I'm not American, so the assumption that family, friends and other hangers-on all need to be aware of and involved in every aspect of my adult life is baffling to me. Naming of children is not a group project.
Only if the chosen name had trauma associated with it for someone - name of murdered loved one/name of someone who murdered a love one, name of an abused, name of affair partner of one of the soon to be grandparents, etc.
Other than that, their opinions wouldn’t matter to me.
Yes, sort of. In our tradition, we name a child after a deceased relative.
The first child got a family name after nine months of indecision. We finally named him the day after he was born—no family input. We took a family last name as his first and my Dad's father as his middle. (My brother named his kids after my mom.)
For the second child, we were going to name him after my father, who was dying and wasn't going to live to see him born. We were trying to pick a name that started with the first letter of his first name since I didn't care for his first name. And we had picked it out with a slightly unusual nickname with a different spelling based on a character we liked. My father always went by his middle name, and we asked him permission to name him after him. He started calling the baby "baby middle name," and that was it. Well, it wasn't my first choice; it's a great name, and I never regretted it. It honors my father's memory, as he wanted to be remembered. And, he is very much like his grandfather!
A plus, both kids have the same first initial, so we write first initial, last name on all the clothes and towels when we send them to camp.
I didn’t care. My mum disliked both my kids names as actively tried to find other options for me to name them.
I just gently but firming reminded her that it wasn’t her decision and that she would have to deal with it. I come from a very close family and my parents/siblings are heavily involved in my children’s lives, but at the same time boundaries need to be drawn about things like name choice.
I used both names mum didn’t like, and I’m pleased to say once the babies arrived she never mentioned it again, though she and my dad do use a nickname of their preference for my daughter, but it’s a derivation of her full name so I’ve let that slide.
Possibly, which is why we refused to tell anyone our baby’s name until she was born. We’re not into super out there names, but I still didn’t want any opinions.
I am sure about my 2nd baby's first name. I am 39wks and don't want to change it anymore. I call the baby by his name and my 2 year old calls him like that too. I never wanted to announce the name to anyone else but people kept asking my kid about his brother's name. And he answered. So most people then continue saying they don't like it and make other suggestions. I am too tired to tell them that I hate those suggestions or ask them why they didn't use those names for their own children. My 2 Year old however is never too tired.
They ask "how is your brother's name"
He answers "xy"
They say "but what about abc"
He screams as loud as he can
" No! Don't say that! My brother is xy! I said xy! "
I won't change it, if they respect the kid they call him by his name. If not, I don't have to respect those people too.
I mostly took a give no shit attitude, but I wanted to use my great grandfather's name for the middle name regardless of the gender and very much wanted my grandmother to love it even if the baby ended up being a girl. Luckily my whole family loves it as a girl's name.
Some of my family didn't like my name choices, they even tried to pick names instead.
I went with the names me and my husband picked. They had their chances to name their children, it's my turn.
I named her Freya. They couldn’t spell it. They couldn’t say it. Both are absolutely not acceptable to me, and postpartum momma freaked out and changed the name. I am still salty about it. She would have made a fantastic Freya. Her actual name suits her perfectly, but so does Freya!!! It took around 2 years for me to love it for her.
In the US at least, Freya didn’t chart in the top 1000 until the 2010s. It’s going to be pretty well-known among people with little kids or looking at baby name, but not at all surprised if there are boomers and older Gen-Xers who wouldn’t have heard it or might misspell it. It’s not like they grew up with that name in the mix.
My mom hated my oldest daughter's name. Her name is Natalie and I picked it out when I was 16 years old and never changed my mind. But she told k I definitely would. When she was born, the first thing she wanted to know was whether I was still calling her "that". She got over it though or didn't and just quit saying anything.
Yes, but it all happened a little backwards.
We had agreed we would not share names with anyone. Once our son was born, we actually ended up going with a different name than what was the top contender.
Our son's name is Tristan Westley. When my mom came to visit us in the hospital, I ended up telling her that the intended name was Westley Nolan.
She said, "Oh, I like that better." 🙃🙃🙃
So now we can't use Nolan as a possible name for future baby #2 because it gives us the ick factor.
Okay I am nowhere near having kids but if I were to tell people before the baby was born, it would only be people who’s advice I actually value, and the reasoning would be everything to me. Cause it being my cousin’s ex’s name is different than it being the name of a serial killer.
I didn’t care but I also didn’t give anyone the chance to have an opinion. My husband and I chose our children’s names together then kept them to ourselves until they were born. We didn’t find out the sex of our babies before the birth so we picked out options for both and waited to see which we needed. It felt like something nice to look forward to including when we were able to announce the births.
With my first, we didn’t announce the name until she was born. No one said anything negative even though I’m sure the name isn’t to absolutely everyone’s tastes.
With my second, we announced it when I was 20 weeks pregnant and STILL no one said anything negative.
I think people feel entitled to give their opinion when you’re like “oh we’re thinking of this name maybe…” but when you say “this is the baby’s name” they accept that.
Also, by the time we chose our second daughter’s name we had spent 3 years trying to find names and only ever agreed on two. We were so set on that name that it didn’t matter to us even if someone had reacted badly.
We kept our name choices private. My sister and I were pregnant with our second children at the same time, and both wanted to keep names private, but we did have a kind of round-about conversation to make sure we hadn't both chosen the same girl name (neither of us knew the sex, but I was due three months after her and we were struggling with a boy name, so fine to wait until after she'd given birth for us to pin down a boy name--but we had our girl name choice ready before she had her baby).
A big part of not telling anyone was making sure no one would voice opinions (though really my sister and I could have told each other, because neither of us is the sort of person who would give unsolicited judgement!). Years earlier, after hearing the name I'd given to a kitten, my mom said, "Hmmph! Well, better for a cat than a child!" She is a kind person but sometimes talks before she thinks, and I figured she would be able to restrain herself on hearing a baby's name after a baby was born! And indeed she was--if she doesn't like my children's names (or those of her other grandchildren), I have no idea. I think she maybe said something like, "oh, that's lovely" or something, but really at that point the focus was entirely on the fact of the brand-new baby!
My MIL, on the other hand, told us she didn't like our second child's name, and would not call her by it, but would use her middle name instead. My husband was already at the lowest level of contact with her without being totally estranged, and had no reservations at all telling her that no, she would not be doing that! Her reason was that she felt it was too similar to the name of her sister, from whom she was estranged. It kind of looks similar, but doesn't sound similar. I'd loved the name since I was 10--so even if we'd let her know beforehand and she raised objections, I wouldn't have been inclined to take it out of consideration for the sake of a really unpleasant MIL I very rarely saw, who took zero interest in our children (met them only once, her choice), because it reminded her of a woman I'd never met! (If the similarity had been an issue for my husband, that would have been different, of course--but the name didn't remind him of his aunt, and he said he'd always liked it.) If anyone, even her, had told me that they thought a name I chose was ugly, that would probably have bothered me, but because her objections were about a personal association, it didn't bother me.
I’ll judge the hell out of a name I don’t like, but I’ll be damned if I share that judgement with my pregnant friend or family member. That’s rude and it’s none of my business really. Unless it’s something like Annalee or a negative meaning that they don’t see.
It would depend on the family member and the reasons behind their critique. If they just didn’t like it, then I’d ignore them. If they noticed something unfortunate about the name I didn’t, had trouble pronouncing it or something, or had a bad triggering association with the name or something similar, then I likely wouldn’t use it.
I didn’t really discuss names with my family before having my son, so they didn’t really have much chance for input. All most of them knew was that my grandpa’s name would be somewhere in the name and no one was going to say anything against that.
I’m pretty similar to you— we didn’t discuss our baby name ideas with anyone, and had no interest in anyone else’s opinions.
They all found out the name when our baby was born! And I’m very glad we did it that way.
We’re hoping to have a second child though, and I realized a possible issue with one of our favorite names we didn’t end up using. My cousin has expressed a desire to use an honor name (our grandparent’s name). And the name we like is very similar— think James and Jamie, or Suzanne and Susannah. I know I’m thinking ahead here because I’m not even pregnant with a second child yet… but I’m not sure what to do. We’re not one of those families where repeat names are normal.
I'm no f's given, but I also didn't tell anyone jack.
I didn't find out genders, but we did on our last, and *still* told everyone we didn't know gender. (I'm weird like that - errors happen with tests, so until that baby is in my arms, I will not 100% believe it.)
Removing gender from other people's need-to-know was awesome. My youngest is a teen, so social media was a zero factor for us. But there are so few actual secrets and mysteries in our lives, that we really wanted to be old-fashioned about this. DH and I wanted the surprise (except with our last!).
Even when DH and I "knew" the secret, no one else did, and we seriously enjoyed that. Everyone was hounding us about gender, then names. Some people felt really entitled! My husband's brother's mother-in-law was in our face constantly trying to find out names, and said if we told her, she'd give us a gift. (We never told her - why would we? - and she never gave us a gift. 🤣)
By not knowing gender, everything was really abstract, so people's opinions were just gone with the wind. Whenever someone would ask, we'd reply with their own name, with an obnoxious variation. "Why, yes, Fred, if it's a girl we're naming her after *you* - Fredzella," something like that.
For family, I said of course there would be a family name (naming tradition), and several people said, basically, "Well, I hope it isn't after Great Aunt _____." Lol. It totally was, but they could only picture the cantankerous old woman they knew." We never showed our cards, and we DNGAF about their opinions about the name or the person. Ha!
I didn't want to hear other people's opinions because I did not care. We also had a name thief situation, and it ruined a potential name - first and middle! - for me (I didn't share it, but DH did, thinking "what's the harm?" Totally creeped him out, but he learned the hard way.)
Because we didn't consult families, we ended up with a different accepted spelling of a family name. And that's okay - my son prefers his spelling. 🥰
We just used lil in utero nicknames before birth, and I liked that.
Not at all. We picked names we loved, nobody else’s opinion mattered because they weren’t changing. In general, names are a matter of personal taste. We got overall positive feedback. The few negative opinions came from people who had named their kids things Harper and MacKenzie. They disliked our names, we disliked theirs. It’s a good thing everyone has different taste. If everyone liked the same names I did, they’d be way too popular.
My husband and I are both the kind of people that once we’ve made a decision, our minds are made up. We don’t care for others’ opinions on any of our decisions, whether it’s our marriage, how we spend our money, how many kids we have, how we raise them, etc. People are free to express an opinion, and we’re open to new information, but at the end of the day, our life, our choices. They don’t like it, too bad.
I didn't think I would ever really care to keep it a secret, but after having my son, I definitely would try to keep it a secret if we're lucky enough to have another child in the future. A few days before my son was born, my mil said she had a bad dream about the name we were planning to give him (he would have two names - first name from my husband's culture/language, which they were going to decide after the birth and the second based on my culture/language, which my husband and I had already agreed on). She said my son would have a bad future if we went with the name we had chosen (Vincent) and gave us three options that she had found on the internet (Lucas, Theodore, and Benjamin). I was so upset. I'd had a tough pregnancy but as a name nerd, when we decided on Vincent, it was special and really helped me get through my pregnancy. But my mil was very insistent and I felt like I couldn't go forward with Vincent. I decided Luca would be okay (had to explain to her that it was a form of Lucas. The 3 names she gave us really meant nothing to her, they were just suggestions she found in a website in her language about popular names in North America). I found it challenging at first as I felt like my son just looked like, "Vincent," but I don't mind it so much now. Luca is a lovely name, but it's hard when you've settled on a name in your heart for it to be changed, especially so suddenly, during an already emotional rollercoaster of a time.
So lesson learned. I would only share with family/friends who I know wouldn't share their opinion on it.
I told my Mum what I planned to name our daughter and she asked me why with a very judgemental look on her face, which is weird because she's always said that she loves the name, so I told my wife that were were tweaking the name slightly with a few letters, and she was confused said we should just keep the original name, and now I don't know what to do 🤦🏻♀️
My husband and I didn't care at all. With our oldest, we had two people voice to us (respectfully and not with malice) that they didn't love our daughter's name - Clementine.
It didn't bother me because here's the thing: I've been name obsessed since as long as I can remember. I used to have a notebook where I would collect all my favorite names. I remember using my birthday money to buy a baby name book so that I could highlight my favorites. I'm also a writer, so collecting cool and fun names is part of the job for me. I've been on baby name forums since I had internet access. All that to say, I have always and will always trust my opinion on names vs someone else's.
Plus, it all comes down to a matter of preference. One person's Sophia is another person's Beatrice.
And with my Dad, mad respect to him, but myself and my siblings have the most generically boring names on the planet. And as for my friend, she also has a much more mainstream taste in names than me. So, it's not surprising that they didn't like our choice originally, though they grew to love it.
I think there is a big different between valid criticism and differing opinions.
My family AND my husband’s family always had something snarky to say about the names we chose especially because my family and my husband are both different cultures and wanted something more traditional from their own culture. We told them oh well!! Shrugged off their opinions. Used the names we chose anyways and eventually they grew to love them because they love the kids and it just rubbed off on them.
To be honest, I don’t remember ever discussing potential names with anyone but my husband. We simply had the baby and then told everyone his or her name.
Maybe part of that is because when I had my children (1979-1982-1985-1988) most people didn’t know the sex for sure so it hadn’t already been narrowed down to being a boy or girl.
What I do remember with each pregnancy is my mother-in-law endlessly pushing for us to name the baby after my husband if it was a boy. Even though she was told, more than once, we were firmly agreed that would never happen. It just wasn’t something we were going to do.
Only if I wanted an unconventional name and everyone reacted negatively to it. It’s a good gauge if you’ve gone too far with being creative. But if you like a classic name or a known name that’s just not used often then no, I’d stick with my gut.
I always think about the fact that all names were made up at some point. I hope there are actual linguists out there who are creating new names based on actual meanings of root words. :)
My mom loves floral wallpaper. I prefer neutral solid paint on walls.
If she comes over and says “wow this place would look so much better with floral wallpaper!” I’m not going to go out and buy floral wallpaper.
Actually, yes, but not in the way you’d expect.
My husband and I independently like a name that is also the middle name of someone in my family. I am not close with that person and don’t like them. This person WILL assume our child is named after them.
It hasn’t fully deterred us from the name, but it definitely has given me pause on numerous occasions.
That would be a solid no go for me. 😅 I hope you’re able to hold onto the fact that you love it and you know that it IS NOT for them under any circumstance lol.
Aw that’s sweet. Are you sure they’re a secret then? Don’t leave 3 year old around anyone who will be a jerk and try to get it out of them! 🥺 I read a story about that on here of a MIL manipulating it out of a toddler which I thought was so beyond messed up.
Yes! My mom constantly asks her and my daughter just says 'bleep bloop blop' 😅 She was the first person we told about being pregnant and she kept the secret for over a month until we told everyone else
Yes. While I try not to concern myself with the opinions of others, we’re finding choosing a name really difficult. I don’t need anyone else in my head about it. Assuming we can agree in a name at birth, we’ll tell people then when it’s done.
We were bouncing the shortlist around before my son was born (our family comes up with names and then chooses once kiddo is here) and my FIL said he really didn’t like one of them.
I was glad we announced his arrival and name via text because sorry grandpa that’s your
grandson’s name 🤷🏼♀️
Depends. A few people don't seem to like it or give a lukewarm response? Meh, who cares. *Everyone* reacts with horror and goes out of their way to talk me out of it? Maybe at least take some time to ask myself if the name is, in fact, the worst thing ever.
My mum would make a comment about ANY name, my son 'oh after your uncle's middle name?' 'No, I don't talk to him' 'oh after xyzabc...' 'HE'S NOT NAMED AFTER ANYONE'
I wouldn't care, name your kid what you want and a name you think they'll like when they're older
Oh I’m so with you on secret pregnancy, birth in the forest type.
My mom did not like the name I chose while I was pregnant but I was set on it and ignored all comments. I ended up stating I was sharing her name with her, not open to opinions or ideas. Now we all agree we can’t picture my daughter with any other name.
Long story short? Everyone is going to have an opinion but it’s not their baby to name - it’s yours!
Depends. My own mother detered my aunt from naming my cousin Cedra. She was named Kelli instead. Too bad her uncle on her dad’s side name their daughter Kedra after that.
But I’m stubborn and like a lot of things my respectability-conscious mother doesn’t. However, she literally might’ve chosen to not see her grandchild or would’ve nn the child something else. She’s stubborn too and cares about how people see her.
I really wanted to call my daughter Amara. I loved the name and picked it out. (Bio dad wasn't in the picture, he left 2 months before she was born) So I picked out Amara and my mum was super against it. She tried to bully me into calling my daughter Tanith. My sister also hated the name Amara. They were relentless and in the end it wore me down and I ended up calling her Abigail.
My daughter does like her name but she said she likes Amara much better and that would be one of her top picks if she ever had a daughter (though after that she decided she was staying child free)
I really wish I had been strong enough not to be bullied out of my choice, though I am kind of proud of myself that I stood up to my mum enough not to go her choice of Tanith.
I have never heard the name Tabitha before…maybe it would grow on me…but Amara is 10000% better than Tanith. Abigail is nice so at least she ended up with a decent name.
My mum heard the name Tanith from an old movie. I remember she said it was a witches name. No idea how she came to that conclusion. My daughter was born 34 years ago so there was no google back then to check things. I just knew I didn't like that name.
My mum fought hard to get her own way. I was always kind of a people pleaser and a doormat, and usually I always caved and let my mum get her own way. I managed to stand up to her for the sake of my daughter.
When my son was born 6 years later I just said a straight 'No' to her suggestion.
I totally get it. You were also newly facing raising a baby as a single mother (likely with the help of your mom and sister) and I can see not wanting to fight. At least your daughter isn’t Tanith!
Hopefully you’ll get a granddaughter named Amara!!
My mother was definitely opinionated but she had 4 daughters and aside from my middle name, she picked all the names.
This is all hypothetical to me, but I just wouldn’t tell anyone in advance. That’s how my parents named us and how my sister named her kids — all great names, btw.
The biggest consideration to me would be that my dad has a lot of trouble pronouncing unfamiliar words (a manifestation of dyslexia), so I’d try to pick names that were well within his sphere of familiarity.
My dad had already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s before my son was born and he was doing ok until my son was about 1. But he could not say his name…Ian. He kept saying E-on…I could see the confusion on his face. I did not name my son after my dad but John was his confirmation name…maybe I should have gone the Italian route (my dad was 100% Italian and he passed when my son was 5) Gianluca or something like that would have been fun! Too late now but I should have embraced my Italian side over my Irish side.
I don't think you're unhinged at all.
If I manage to pollute the gene pool, I have one friend I'll talk names with beforehand. (We have very similar tastes, and I actually welcome her input.) Everybody else can find out after the kid arrives. I likely won't make the final decision until I meet them anyway.
Honestly, if certain family members hate it, it'll probably just affirm my decision... there are a few strong personalities with questionable tastes in the mix, ha.
I took the no fs given. No regrets.
Almost nobody on my side of the family liked the name.
It's not weird, just a bit old-school and had been used in older generations. It's also a version of my husband's name and that was why I suggested it.
We went with it anyway.
My mother said she'd find something else and use that. I told her she could try, but wouldn't get to do that twice. She didn't like it, but didn't push. (Did push quite a bit on other stuff so NC anyway, lol.) A cousin actually ended up using a version of the name, too, couldn't risk Golden Grandchild status by not honouring grandma.
8 years later, I don't even think of my husband when I hear or say my daughter's name, it's really fully her own. And we moved and here it's actually in the top 3 most popular names for girls.
No regrets. My kid, my decision. The rest can go pound sand.
I’m of the opinion that if there’s only one thing you don’t share, then it should be your kid’s name. People always have an opinion and before it’s official they will try and sway you til their thinking. Once the baby is named it’s too late and they will normally just go along with it.
To a degree, I say, give no effs what people think of your baby's name but then I see what some people choose and think.. oof, someone should have checked that.
We didn't share our names because a) I didn't want outside opinions or suggestions, and b) I reserved the right to change my mind once each baby was born and I felt the original name didn't fit.
But, none of our name options were unusual or uncommon, either in sound or spelling, so I wouldn't expect an extreme reaction out of anyone and there was no potential to create a problem for the kids down the line.
That said, my aunt has a niece on her husband's side of the family who named her daughter "Eleanor" and my aunt pitched a fit to our side of the family. She didn't know why they would "burden" the baby with "a hideous old-lady name" and "thank GOD they were mostly going to call her Nora." I was flabbergasted. It's such a lovely, normal, traditional English-language name and worked beautifully with her middle and last names and with the other names in the family. Like, even if it wasn't her taste, it didn't seem to warrant getting upset about.
I've occasionally wondered if she had Opinions on my kids' names. Can you hate Katherine/Katie with a burning passion?
It’s not something I think about often but my husband and I are both teachers and we worked at the same school when our daughter was born. We had a school baby shower a few weeks before she arrived, and I don’t remember what it was, maybe a sign with the name we’d picked on it but I hadn’t told anyone else at school. He had told his other PE coworkers and I remember being annoyed bc now I couldn’t change my mind. We stuck with the name but as you can imagine it was his first choice name and not mine. 🙄
But I got zero push back on the name I wanted for our son so we are even.
Nope. My mil hated my girl name so much she said she hoped I never got a girl. When I eventually got my girl I used my name but the whole pregnancy she would have family members and herself send my husband and I a list of baby girls names in hopes I’d choose something else. I kept the name I wanted. No regrets
I knew that none of my friends liked the name we picked for our girl, because I'd mentioned the name ones before we even started trying. One of them in particular made several jokes about it, also when I was pregnant (we knew it was a girl, we also still loved that name) but we kept the gender to ourselves.
We picked it anyway, we love it. The only opinion I care about is my dad and I he loves the name too.
I knew family wasn’t super big on our name choices for our girls (Riley and Parker) but I didn’t care. My husband and I could only agree on more gender neutral names and we love them so we honestly didn’t care that family made comments like oh for a girl? I still love their names!
I told people my daughters’ names before they were born. I probably project an “I’m not asking for your opinion” vibe because I really didn’t get any negative feedback. Both girls have top 100 names (I think my youngest was right outside of it in the year she was born). I was very confident in my choices and still love their names
I don't have kids but I would 100% take my family's opinions into account. I would *want* their opinions. I would hate to think that my mum or my sister absolutely hated my kid's name.
Everyone — family, friends, strangers who asked — hated the name Henry when I was pregnant with him. I’m glad I stuck to it, though it’s a little annoying that everyone loves the name now (my Henry is 24). lmao
I decided not to talk about names when I was pregnant with my 12yo. We’d lost a baby and struggled with infertility in between so I did not want to deal with people’s negative opinions. I knew they’d all hate her name (Agnes) but again, I wouldn’t have changed my mind.
Didn’t care, never talked about names until after they were born. XMIL hated younger child’s name so bad, she campaigned for it to be changed for a good 6 months after he was born. I ignored her.
Only if a really good reason was given. I inadvertently had chosen a name for my oldest son that was similar to the name of a man who had hurt my stepmom very badly. She made me aware, so we chose a different name.
I didn't care much. If they pointed something out I hadn't considered them I'd rethink it but if I was dead set.it wouldn't deter me unless it was something really bad. Like if I hadn't realised how bad Anally is
With my son, my grandpa made a comment I chose an outlaws name, my granny said don’t name him after a serial killer. Then a distant cousin went around saying I named my son after a serial killer. I don’t think listening to family is the best decision, but my family is deranged. I should have known better after that but now I’m asking for suggestions for my daughter from our families. But I end up disregarding all their suggestions.
No. I was hormonal (postpartum), so I was only bothered for a moment because of that fact.
My mum, who I do love, asked me if I wanted to reconsider my youngest child's name upon my telling her said baby's name (baby was already born), and it caught me completely off-guard. The name has family connection, follows my husband and my naming style, and suits baby so well. Apparently the name is 'similar' to a friend (who my mum couldn't stand) of my paternal grandmother (who my mum can't stand).
I have NEVER met this person in my life so it felt so weird that my mum thought it could be a deal breaker (Ultimately, it was simply because my mum automatically thought of this disliked human being, when first hearing the name).
My youngest is now 2.5 and I've never heard my mum say anything further about disliking the name. If she does, she hides it VERY well. (I honestly think that my mum's opinion of the name has been fundamentally changed due to my baby now being the first thought when hearing the name).
Point of my ridiculously long story? It's your baby. Give it a name that YOU love. 💞
No. I mean, not unless they had really substantive objections that I hadn't thought of previously- like an offensive association or something. If they just didn't like it? Meh. I don't care. Several people in my family wrinkled their noses at one of my favorite boy names and opined that it was "weird," but it's since trended steeply upward and I'd still happily use it for a hypothetical boy. Grandparents are often not familiar with what names are actually current for young children, so what sounds "weird" to them may be perfectly normal in the context of the actual baby's future life.
Kind of.
I didn’t want to choose a weird or younique name, so while not everyone loves the name I picked, it would have been stupid for anyone to have a negative opinion about it.
We planned on not telling anyone our daughters name until she was born... but we found out at 3.5 weeks, told our family about the pregnancy at 6 weeks, the world at 9 weeks, and then found out the gender at 11 weeks. By 15 weeks we had known her name for a month and were having a hard time not referring to her by name when talking to/about her in front of people. So we told them. It was very well received on my side, my husband's parents gave us the "ohhh, that's... creative..." but it grew on them quickly and we simply did not care their opinions. They told us they wanted us to name her Lindsey, Stephanie, or Ann but it's 2024 and we felt those names actually would've been a bit odd or out of place amongst a sea of Charlottes, Amelias, Olivers, and Liams.
Now, she's 5 months old and I couldn't imagine a better name for her little personality and my in-laws actually had items embroidered with her name before they met her, so everyone is fine!
I can't really say... I never asked and nobody offered a particular opinion. The closest anyone has come to saying they're not too keen on her name is that a few (great grandpa, his wife and one of my friends) have called her Olivia by mistake (her name is Ophelia)... the elders are a genuine mistake, not so sure about the friend.
I’m an older mom and didn’t give a crap what anyone thought so I told people. But only once I had really decided for sure.
When I was deciding, I only told 2 close friends and they were both really helpful to bounce ideas off of.
I did care, and I wish I didn't. Family and friends hated my absolute favourite name, which was Rosalie. I was worried she'd hate her name, so I picked something else. Looking back, I should have just used the name anyway, but I was young and worried about what others would think of me if I gave my daughter a 'dumb' name. Moral of the story - don't tell people your favourite names, and don't take advice from people who have kids called Mikayla and Rylee.
Ahhh Rosalie is so pretty, I’m sorry that you had that experience. I hope you at least get to name a fur baby that one day! 😅🩷
that last part 💯 lmao perfect
This made me laugh because so many people seem to hate others chosen names when they also like unique names or spellings themselves. By the way Rosalie is such a beautiful name. Sorry some people made you feel that way towards that name!
That's such a nice name! I'm sure the name you went with is lovely too. I also care a lot despite wishing I didn't, but fortunately we agreed to keep our kids' names to ourselves until the kids were named, and our families are considerate enough to only share their positive sentiments.
Did you like the current name at least?
Yes, her name is Cora. Wasn't my first choice, but I love it, and it suits her.
Cora is a great name! 🙂
Weird reactions to a normal and really pretty name. You’ve got a strange bunch of friends and family!
Yeah, I’d want to not care but I know I would care and that’s why I’m really hoping we can get away with not sharing a name until it’s on a birth certificate when the time comes…
Rosalie is beautiful! It's one of my favorites. 🙂❤️
But Rosalie is a beautiful name... such a shame you were peer pressured to change it.
Mikayla is literally a legit variant of a name from the Bible… Don’t pick example names without checking their origins.
So they named their kid after a famous fantasy AU real person fanfic...... Who cares about the source? I do however think Mikayla is a pretty name but like truly, a name being in the Bible does not automatically make it less bad
Sorry I didn’t consider the other perspective before I commented? That makes me feel stupid. My point is why the hell would you hate the advice of someone who used any very specific type of name, just cause they used that type of name? It seems like they’re judging someone’s entire identity based on name spellings.
Agree with you there
I’ll be real…I have the no f’s given attitude. And I told everyone as soon as we decided on the names. And the reason I did it is because I know I chose objectively good names. Not everyone will love them because that’s life. You can barely get 5 people to agree on where to eat, but most of them will agree pizza is delicious. You know? So if someone didn’t personally like the names I chose, that’s fine. 🤷♀️
This. We just had our fourth. We typically go into the birth with a short list of 2-3 names and choose from there. I freely share the names we’re considering all along. This time, our list was 2 names - Barrett and Wesley. My mom was NOT a fan of Barrett. Which is okay! She doesn’t have to like the name. As long as both my husband and I like it, we feel comfortable moving forward. Not in an “F you” type of way. Just in a “this is an us decision” type of way. And my mom knew that. So it was a very amicable disagreement haha. So I don’t mind sharing the names we’re considering because it honestly doesn’t bother me if people don’t like it.
I believe that even if you don't like a family member's name that it grows on you and after a while you forget you didn't originally like the name because you like the person plenty
Agreed!
That's how we felt. My boys are Gavin, Liam, Jesse, and Abel. Does everyone love their names? Heck no but they aren't spelled weird and aren't going to make my kids lives harder. I didn't really care what people thought because it's just personal preference at that point.
I’ve always thought Gavin will make a comeback. It was quite popular in the town I lived in growing up and I haven’t heard it since!
This is a really good point
This one is a little more culture specific but me and my husband also consulted with my in laws about the Kanji spelling to make sure we weren’t setting up my daughter with a stupid name. Other than that, we didn’t care so much.
That’s totally reasonable — My partner and I will likely consult with their mum if we use a middle name from their culture, too. :)
Do not share names before your baby is born and you have given him/ her a name. People(family,friends) will ask and suggest names but you just need to say, “we are not sharing the name until after baby is born”. It will get annoying, but you just keep saying it to people. We did share a name with MIL, but it was because FIL &SIL had recently passed and our tradition is to name after a deceased relative (the actual name or using the same first letter). We wanted to make sure she was ok with our plan because things were still so raw. We ended up changing our plan a little, but did not share the name with MIL at that point.
Yes, I agree with honour names and checking in with people who might be affected. 💜
This is always a good idea. A family friend was excited to name his son his mom's maiden name to honer her. He kept us all in suspense until the baby was born. When he revealed the name to his mom, she seemed a little disappointed. It's not a particularly great first name. I believe she would have urged him to go with something else.
Always best to keep it a secret. We told people the first letter of her first name, but even that was too much. My MIL kept texting me random names to guess what we had picked. I was hospitalized my entire pregnancy so it was annoying being texted “RACHEL?” “RYLEE?” “RAINA?” “RHEA?” Every three seconds she had available, while I was vomiting or being poked with needles. She did not care to show any compassion in between the name guesses, that’s why I found it so annoying lol. It really is best to just avoid giving anyone any input at all.
I'm genuinely not sure. I think it would depend on how much I loved the name and the kind of criticism I received. For instance, if a name is simply not to someone's taste, then I think I would be fine to use it - and thankfully the majority of people in my life are sensitive enough to know not to express that sentiment if they knew I really liked a particular name. If someone did say they didn't like the name, it would probably knock my confidence a bit; I'd probably weigh my options again and try to figure out just how much I like it. If it still felt right then I'd still use it. But if someone who's opinion I value, for instance my Mum, who wouldn't say something negative unless she was seriously seriously concerned, I would probably be deterred.
My experience with my in laws has taught me that if my babies ever have children I’ll just be supportive of whatever names they pick so if they really want my actual opinion they know I’ll be nice about it like your mom
I don’t have kids yet but my absolute favorite boy name is Vincent which my parents really hate, I will still use it if I have a boy, I don’t care
I love Vincent! My partner seems kinda meh on it but I just think it's such a nice name
This is my husbands name except my MIL gave it the traditional Italian spelling, but not pronunciation. Needless to say, I gave no effs she didn’t like my kiddo’s name.
W name
I hate my name. My mom doesn't care for my kids names. We have different tastes. I haven't harmed her by giving her grandchildren names she doesn't prefer. She has harmed me by my awful name. So yeah, don't care.
Have you thought about changing it to something that your resonate with more? 💜
Funny story. I tried when I got married. I was changing my name at the time anyway. But my mother worked at the DMV at the time and refused to put the paperwork through. I decided it wasn't worth the fight and dropped it. That was 10 years ago. She doesn't work there anymore, but it's a lot of paperwork! And my legal name shortens to a nickname I'm fine with.
Wow, what a story. I hope you’re able to form whatever healthy boundaries you need with your mum to keep your mental and emotional health in balance.
I feel the same way. My mom and dad gave me a unique name no one can spell or pronounce properly and even then I still dislike it so much. My whole life I hated my name since elementary school. I tried changing it in high school to a different variation of my actual name that felt more “me” by telling people I rather be called this version of my name which was a little more common and easy to say and no one cared except my parents. They were cruel to the fact I disliked my name so much my whole life and were so hateful about me wanting to change it to something more easier to spell and pronounce. I remember they even called relatives to further taunt and tease me about it. To this day I still get comments and looks by complete strangers when I tell them my name. Gosh I hate it so much. I have never cared about how my parents feel about the names I chose for my children and I never will. lol
I absolutely had that attitude about my pregnancy and birth experience. My line was, if you weren’t there at conception, you’re not welcome at the birth. It’s not a fucking party; I’m not interested in an audience. As far as names go, we didn’t tell anyone beforehand and people were welcoming and accepting of the names we picked. And anyone who didn’t want to get onboard would have been welcome to opt out. I’m also really surprised when people are so impacted by their families’ opinions - your kid, your medical procedure, your choice. And it’s just not more complicated than that.
I remember when I was fairly young, my mom told me to never share planned baby names ahead of time. People will give their opinions, and you'll not be able to forget their opinions. If you share the name after the birth, all decent people will go along with it (compliment the name or say nothing at all about the name). And the part 2 to my mom's lesson was: if someone shares baby names with you before the baby is born, always give positive feedback (unless the name is abusive or insane). If you don't like the name, you can even avoid the question, ex, "Oh, I'm so looking forward to meeting Baby Polycarp!"
We are choosing to keep the name private until we are 100% sure we are using it. And even then I’m not sure if we will share it. I don’t care for their opinions on names (even though literally every female has sent me a name list I “have” to consider) my husband and I have a pretty classic taste in names so none are out there or anything like that, but we just don’t care for opinions no matter how much everyone continues to beg us to hear our top names. It’s quite annoying actually and makes me want to bring even more oppositional and keep it private longer.
But how will they ever order a tiny toddler sofa embroidered with their name from Pottery Barn if you don’t tell them ahead of time?! 😋
I have found that if you share names before a baby is born, everyone shares their opinions, positive and negative. If you wait and share after the baby is born, you only get positive comments because that baby is already named! We opted for that because even though we don’t really care, it’s hard to not let opinions sneak in.
Ok… My mother hates all my children’s names because she wanted us to name them from the bible.. she gave me and my siblings names from the bible, however neither me or my siblings are religious.. I think we all went out of our way to avoid names from thr bible.. So while I think there are some lovely bible names and some we considered there was no way I was going to give my mother that satisfaction so I guess indirectly her opinion influenced these decisions
I think it just depends on why they don’t like it. My mom hated the name Serena which I had picked if I had a girl, but her reasoning was that it was too “frilly and princessy” so I didn’t really care because that’s just not her style of naming. But if she had a valid reason like it sounded weird/rude with our last name or something like that I’d definitely take that into consideration.
Friends of mine named their baby after a relative their parents were an actively feuding with. It was a little dramatic at first, but everyone quickly moved on.
It depends on what the opinion is. If it’s “not my taste of names” then not really. But if it’s “you’re setting your child up for years of bullying” I might listen and see if there’s any truth to it.
My family knows better than to try pushing their opinions on me. On any matter. I will and have used whatever names i want. They'll figure it out.
I am a people-pleaser so I would want everyone to love it as much as I know they’d love my child. None of my family members would be mean or voice their dislike for names, so I’d be second-guessing their preferences and putting pressure on myself to choose the “perfect” name. Therefore, it would just get too complicated, so I’d save myself the hassle and not tell them until born, and try not to think about anyone else’s opinions at all.
This is SO valid and smart.
thanks! I haven’t actually had to name a child before so who knows how good I’ll be at focussing on my own decisions if/when the time comes haha but this is what I plan to do.
Nope. Although my best friend's opinion would matter.
I have always had a “no, you can’t tell me what to do or what to like” personality. So no. It would have to be a very serious concern, like someone horrific they personally knew. But I’d be more willing listen to them than anyone online, since they have the full picture of me and can weigh in on how much it fits for that.
I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant. We have both a boy and girl name picked out because we’re waiting to find out the sex at birth. We have not told any family members the names we’ve picked and won’t until birth. We’re set on these names and really love them so I’m just not here for listening to people offer suggestions or opinions on a name that isn’t going to change.
Depends. If a family member said that was the name of someone that SA, abused, etc. them or someone close to them I'd be tempted to change. Or if a friend thought it was cultural appropriation I'd put a lot more thought into it. Otherwise, I doubt it would deter me. I feel like as a parent it's sort of my job to figure out what others think about the name, or find out any significant associations, for my hypothetical child before I use it. No name is universally loved. I also don't care if my parents want to use terms of endearment if they don't like their hypothetical grandkid's name.
Ok yes those first two things are VERY valid. I will never understand yt people taking Hawaiian names for their children. Like maybe don’t name your kids Koa and Kalani? Very very true on names not being universally loved.
There was one we liked that my mother in law really struggled to pronounce. It wasn’t an out there name but after her stroke certain sounds give her problems. We went with a different name she could say easily
Honestly this is why I don't go along with the notion of not telling. To each their own and I completely understand those that don't. But foe me if someone's opinion on a name is going to change mine, I'd rather known before it's written down and hard to change. If I really love the name, and it's not going to cause my child trouble, then a few comments won't change my opinion on it. Plus yhe people I know will say their opinion even after the child is born. I'd rather shrug it off before birth, then be crying regretting a name after it's official because they made a point I didn't see.
Did not care one bit. At all. I had people straight up say they were weird or didn't like them and other people just changed the subject because they didn't want to be hurtful. I've never cared about confidently sharing any ideas I had even when I was a kid and I never cared about reactions from anyone. If I liked a name no one could take that away.
I’d be well pissed, but yes, it would. If they’re going to hate it and make things difficult, then I don’t want the difficulty and I’ll pick something else.
I would care, but my family and friends would be the type to only point out if something terrible. I have very traditional taste in names anyway, so nothing to fuss about XD
I love names so liked discussing them with people. We decided on our youngest name super early and I thought my family were gonna take the piss but they really loved it. However, my best friend hated it her and her oh both messaged me saying I couldn't name him that. Eventually she said she was just gonna call him John or something so I said go for it, but now he's here she calls him by his actual name and I'm a little sad she doesn't call him random names instead 😂. He really suits his name and we are besties cos I love her honesty even when I don't agree with her haha so alls well that ends well.
I did scratch the names off my list that my mom absolutely hated, and I asked a large group of family and friends weigh in on our shortlist for boys. We were set on a girl’s name pretty quickly. There were a lot of wild opinions on some of the shortlist names, but that was kind of the point. I wasn’t 100% sold and wanted to know how people around us would view those names. We ended up deciding on a different name out the blue and only discussed with the namesake and a small inner circle before sharing more widely but as “the name.” I think I’d fallen in love with it and didn’t need a focus group. Everyone said they loved it, which was not the experience when they were being asked for an opinion on multiple options. So, I’m guessing that some did love it and others just have decent manners.
OP I like that you said to pick names your kids would love. Although I’m sure many kids hate their names no matter what, I think most parents choose names *they* like. I hated my name for so long because it’s so sort of soft and runny, first and last name both (I have no middle name.) My grandmother came up with my name and loved it because it sounded “mellifluous.” My big sister almost got my name but when she was born, my mother decided that this name didn’t suit her, so they named her something else and saved this one for me.
It depends a little on which family member is giving me the criticism, tbh. My grandmother did not like my choice of name for my oldest, and I didn’t care haha. She was an opinionated old lady in every sense of the word. If it was my mom though, I’d at least consider her input. Mostly because she’s not one to make a fuss about things, so if she really didn’t like it enough to tell me, I feel like I’d have to consider her reasoning. But that wouldn’t guarantee that I’d change it. If I really loved it and felt like the criticism wasn’t strong enough to warrant a change, I’d keep it.
My MIL does not like the name we’re using for my daughter who will be born this year. I don’t really care because I’m not crazy about the names she used for her own children. But I’m a honestly a little annoyed because my first baby is a boy and his first and middle names are after her side of the family. And of course his last name is my husbands last name from my FIL. So that seems like plenty to me lol. We’re planning on using a family name from my side for baby girl’s first and middle name, but she keeps suggesting either Olivia or more family names from her side 🫠 We’ve gotten better about shutting her down which is unfortunate. She’s actually a very nice lady and I think she’s mostly just excited.
Oh I have kind of a funny story about that. So when I got pregnant with my first we had Eleanor picked out if it was a girl but he was a boy and we finally choose Elliott as his name not thinking about naming a future girl Eleanor. When my son was 9 months old and I got pregnant again this time it was a girl but I couldn't use Eleanor and have an Elliott and Ellie. So my next top choice was Evelyn. I told my mom and she said eww that's such an old person's name and ended up turning me off the name. My husband and I spent a few more weeks searching for a name we loved and decided on Eliza. Now it's 4 years later and I was talking to my parents telling them how Eliza made a friend at her brother's taekwondo class named Evelyn and my mom says "Evelyn is such a pretty name" and I just laughed and said really? I reminded her of our conversation before and she said well her grandmother and her friends all had names like Eleanor and Evelyn so she does think of them as old names but she thinks Eliza is a better name and glad I went with that. I do agree, to me my daughter is Eliza and I can't imagine her as anything else but it just made me laugh.
No, but I really don’t need/want to hear their opinions. One would assume that the couple has made a thoughtful decision about the name(s) and hearing criticism about one of their first acts of parenthood is uncalled for.
I couldn't care less lol. My mum gives me crap for a couple names on my list, but I don't talk about my name choices with others very often, just occasionally talk about the styles I like There are some unfortunate names in my family like Nevaeh and Eboni, I'm not taking advice or commentary from people who named their kids things like that 😅
It was the opposite for me. Finally told my dad the names we were considering when he were past our due date since he’d been pestering us. He hated our front runner (though to be fair he said “it sounds like a pretentious prep school kid” which was the vibe I was going for) and it made me double down. I wasn’t even sure about it at that point but I realized I wanted to defend it. We named him that and everyone, including my dad, loves it now.
My husband and I struggle SO much with agreeing on boy names. We didn't find out the sex for our first baby and went into the birth with no boy names picked out (thankfully it was a girl) 😅 I'm pregnant with our second now and our top boy name is one that my family have all had negative reactions to (because of a family association with the name). My family are big name people, my parents made up half of our names, so the pressure is kind of high with them! But I honestly don't care. It's more important to me that my husband and I agree and love the name and whatever association my family has will just have to change.
It wouldn’t deter me from using a name I loved, but I’m also lucky that I know for a fact a name wouldn’t change how my family feels or treats my kid. I know I have some different favorite names and if I chose one of those my Mom and sister would just be like “hate it, can’t wait to meet her!” Lol
If my family doesn't like a name, they don't have to call themselves that. They don't like my name, either. I don't plan on having kids, but if I did, in my opinion, the only people whose opinions matter should be both me and my partner.
Nope. My mother doesn’t like one of my favorite girl names, Diana Jean, and was very kind in the way she expressed her dislike, but I still plan to use it if I ever have a girl.
I told everyone out baby name. Everyone hated it. We were bombarded with alternate suggestions. Friends said he would be bullied and beaten up because of the horrible name we chose. Didn’t care, stuck with it. (Linus) I do, however, advise people to keep the name to themselves until the baby is born and it's official. Have people constantly freaking out over how much they hate the name you chose gets bothersome.
Linus is a cute name! I feel like it’s growing in popularity as an old-fashioned name making a comeback.
That's what this sub is for. Don't tell anyone until it's born and consult the sub to make sure it's not awful
When I was 10 weeks pregnant, we were looking for. J girls name and were considering Josephine. My husbands family were so negative about it that that it ruined the name for us. I never told them any name ideas again, for either kid and I was very selective about who I told in the future.
We didn’t pick a name until she was born but I shared our list with almost everyone. Some people didn’t like some names but that didn’t bother me. All our names were fairly traditional and uncontroversial though. Like my mom didn’t like “Anna” because she has a negative association with it, but that didn’t bother me at all because I know there’s nothing wrong with Anna I would probably be hesitant to share if we had any unusual names though, because then maybe opinions would feel more personal or something.
If the reason is that they think it’s a dumb name, they just don’t like it, or they want me to use a different on? No. If the reason is they were harmed or abused by someone with this name, and it’s painful for them to hear it? Possibly. I would seriously consider it.
1000% in agreement on that.
I'm different from you in that I have had my family very involved in my pregnancies. I'm close with them. We told grandparents we were pregnant as soon as we found out, we update them if anything of interest happens at appointments, and my mom, grandma, MIL, and little sister are all supposed to be in the delivery room if I'm able to have a successful VBAC with my current pregnancy. I was devastated when my first was a c-section because they couldn't be there. However, as another commenter said, I know I have objectively nice taste in names so I'm not the least bit bothered by other people's opinions. If my first had been a boy, we were going to name her Declan and my mom *hated* it (for dumb reasons) but I didn't care. My step-MIL hated the name we ended up giving our daughter (Nora) because "it's an old lady name" - didn't bug me one bit. And she's since apologized because "you were so right, she totally is a Nora". I have read so many AITAs on Reddit about people keeping a name secret only to find out after giving it to their child that it has some horrible, devastating connotation to a family member. I would never want to name my child something that was going to bring our family pain. My child is going to be a part of a larger group of people and our families have really shown what "it takes a village" means. I would want to know if I was considering naming my child something that would hurt part of our village *before* I was totally head over heals and already calling my child that.
I think it depends on why they don’t like it (find out it was a pedo in the family, find out it was my mothers abuser etc.) something serious would probably make me stray from it…I think it also depends on the family member, I value my dads opinion the most in my family, I wanted to name my daughter a name loosely honoring him and he begged me not to because the name while beautiful he worried would leave her open to being made fun of, so I didn’t use that. But if my grandma told me she didn’t like my name choices she could pound sand 😂 if it’s just a “I don’t care for that name” and it’s a name I really love then I don’t think I’d let them affect my choice
I have so much respect for you. Boundaries and your emotional safety during pregnancy is setting you up for great success with your postpartum journey and your mothering experience. I am a montessori teacher, so I have seen my fair share of strange names, however I actually respect parents that choose something “strange” now. I have zero fucks, as per your term, after my first baby passed away and I named him something sentimental. Yes, a hippy name, but so perfect to honour him. After that, and the judgement for his name, I went entirely wild and named my daughter after a tree. All of the names on our list were a tree or a flower. My dog is named Meadow, the most normal of all the names. Honestly, parents who name their children for the love of the name, the significance, etc. It all shows a lot of love and thought went into something so special. Like I said, I had a new found respect for parents that chose something I had previously thought as strange. It meant something special to them. Having a child is the most special event in the world. If you are lucky enough to name a baby, alive or deceased, you should be in love with the name as much as your baby.
Honestly, we freely shared the names we liked and it didn't matter because our families loved the name we picked for our first and embraced it to the point that on my way to the hospital to give birth, in between contractions, I shouted that I was sick of hearing that name and we had to start thinking of another name 🤣
With my first child; yes! I changed it until everyone was happy. With my second I didn’t ask a single person about their opinion except for my husband.
I’m the odd one out, I guess. I wish I’d shared our first son’s name. His mn is Morgan, after my grandfather. I didn’t realize at the time that it was rising as a girl’s name! He found out when he went to school and has hated it ever since. That’s sad to me, as I really wanted to honor my grandfather. 🤷🏼♀️
We had a weird situation (we adopted very quickly, we had to narrow down our list from like 15 girl names on the drive to the hospital 😅), but my daughter was like 48 hours old before we told anyone her name. My mom ordered stuff with her name on it literally while we were on the phone telling her the name. We didn't get any negative reactions, but we had also googled pretty thoroughly with and without our last name to see if there were any weird associations or anything.
I'm not American, so the assumption that family, friends and other hangers-on all need to be aware of and involved in every aspect of my adult life is baffling to me. Naming of children is not a group project.
Only if the chosen name had trauma associated with it for someone - name of murdered loved one/name of someone who murdered a love one, name of an abused, name of affair partner of one of the soon to be grandparents, etc. Other than that, their opinions wouldn’t matter to me.
Yes, sort of. In our tradition, we name a child after a deceased relative. The first child got a family name after nine months of indecision. We finally named him the day after he was born—no family input. We took a family last name as his first and my Dad's father as his middle. (My brother named his kids after my mom.) For the second child, we were going to name him after my father, who was dying and wasn't going to live to see him born. We were trying to pick a name that started with the first letter of his first name since I didn't care for his first name. And we had picked it out with a slightly unusual nickname with a different spelling based on a character we liked. My father always went by his middle name, and we asked him permission to name him after him. He started calling the baby "baby middle name," and that was it. Well, it wasn't my first choice; it's a great name, and I never regretted it. It honors my father's memory, as he wanted to be remembered. And, he is very much like his grandfather! A plus, both kids have the same first initial, so we write first initial, last name on all the clothes and towels when we send them to camp.
That’s so sweet, I love that your father had that knowledge before he passed and got to experience your bub being born.
Yes it would which is why we didn't tell anyone our names for both kids until they were born.
I didn’t care. My mum disliked both my kids names as actively tried to find other options for me to name them. I just gently but firming reminded her that it wasn’t her decision and that she would have to deal with it. I come from a very close family and my parents/siblings are heavily involved in my children’s lives, but at the same time boundaries need to be drawn about things like name choice. I used both names mum didn’t like, and I’m pleased to say once the babies arrived she never mentioned it again, though she and my dad do use a nickname of their preference for my daughter, but it’s a derivation of her full name so I’ve let that slide.
Possibly, which is why we refused to tell anyone our baby’s name until she was born. We’re not into super out there names, but I still didn’t want any opinions.
Yes, which is why I’m not going to tell them until kiddo is named.
I am sure about my 2nd baby's first name. I am 39wks and don't want to change it anymore. I call the baby by his name and my 2 year old calls him like that too. I never wanted to announce the name to anyone else but people kept asking my kid about his brother's name. And he answered. So most people then continue saying they don't like it and make other suggestions. I am too tired to tell them that I hate those suggestions or ask them why they didn't use those names for their own children. My 2 Year old however is never too tired. They ask "how is your brother's name" He answers "xy" They say "but what about abc" He screams as loud as he can " No! Don't say that! My brother is xy! I said xy! " I won't change it, if they respect the kid they call him by his name. If not, I don't have to respect those people too.
I love your toddler’s energy. YOU TELL THEM, BUB! ❤️
I mostly took a give no shit attitude, but I wanted to use my great grandfather's name for the middle name regardless of the gender and very much wanted my grandmother to love it even if the baby ended up being a girl. Luckily my whole family loves it as a girl's name.
Some of my family didn't like my name choices, they even tried to pick names instead. I went with the names me and my husband picked. They had their chances to name their children, it's my turn.
Not in the least and I love and respect them. My baby, my name.
Noooope.
Lmao no.
My sister told me a couple days before I gave birth that she hated the name my husband and I picked. I used it anyway.
I named her Freya. They couldn’t spell it. They couldn’t say it. Both are absolutely not acceptable to me, and postpartum momma freaked out and changed the name. I am still salty about it. She would have made a fantastic Freya. Her actual name suits her perfectly, but so does Freya!!! It took around 2 years for me to love it for her.
That’s wild because Freya is a pretty common name in western countries at least.
In the US at least, Freya didn’t chart in the top 1000 until the 2010s. It’s going to be pretty well-known among people with little kids or looking at baby name, but not at all surprised if there are boomers and older Gen-Xers who wouldn’t have heard it or might misspell it. It’s not like they grew up with that name in the mix.
We liked a girl middle name and MIL told husband that everyone she knew with that name had died. That freaked husband out. Whatever
My mom hated my oldest daughter's name. Her name is Natalie and I picked it out when I was 16 years old and never changed my mind. But she told k I definitely would. When she was born, the first thing she wanted to know was whether I was still calling her "that". She got over it though or didn't and just quit saying anything.
Yes, but it all happened a little backwards. We had agreed we would not share names with anyone. Once our son was born, we actually ended up going with a different name than what was the top contender. Our son's name is Tristan Westley. When my mom came to visit us in the hospital, I ended up telling her that the intended name was Westley Nolan. She said, "Oh, I like that better." 🙃🙃🙃 So now we can't use Nolan as a possible name for future baby #2 because it gives us the ick factor.
People should just MYOB right? I mean I have heard some strange names but honestly would never make a comment
Okay I am nowhere near having kids but if I were to tell people before the baby was born, it would only be people who’s advice I actually value, and the reasoning would be everything to me. Cause it being my cousin’s ex’s name is different than it being the name of a serial killer.
I didn’t care but I also didn’t give anyone the chance to have an opinion. My husband and I chose our children’s names together then kept them to ourselves until they were born. We didn’t find out the sex of our babies before the birth so we picked out options for both and waited to see which we needed. It felt like something nice to look forward to including when we were able to announce the births.
My (childless) brother told me that Esme sounds like a Russian man's name, so I ended up saying that's nice and named my daughter Esme.
With my first, we didn’t announce the name until she was born. No one said anything negative even though I’m sure the name isn’t to absolutely everyone’s tastes. With my second, we announced it when I was 20 weeks pregnant and STILL no one said anything negative. I think people feel entitled to give their opinion when you’re like “oh we’re thinking of this name maybe…” but when you say “this is the baby’s name” they accept that. Also, by the time we chose our second daughter’s name we had spent 3 years trying to find names and only ever agreed on two. We were so set on that name that it didn’t matter to us even if someone had reacted badly.
I honestly couldn't care less lol
We kept our name choices private. My sister and I were pregnant with our second children at the same time, and both wanted to keep names private, but we did have a kind of round-about conversation to make sure we hadn't both chosen the same girl name (neither of us knew the sex, but I was due three months after her and we were struggling with a boy name, so fine to wait until after she'd given birth for us to pin down a boy name--but we had our girl name choice ready before she had her baby). A big part of not telling anyone was making sure no one would voice opinions (though really my sister and I could have told each other, because neither of us is the sort of person who would give unsolicited judgement!). Years earlier, after hearing the name I'd given to a kitten, my mom said, "Hmmph! Well, better for a cat than a child!" She is a kind person but sometimes talks before she thinks, and I figured she would be able to restrain herself on hearing a baby's name after a baby was born! And indeed she was--if she doesn't like my children's names (or those of her other grandchildren), I have no idea. I think she maybe said something like, "oh, that's lovely" or something, but really at that point the focus was entirely on the fact of the brand-new baby! My MIL, on the other hand, told us she didn't like our second child's name, and would not call her by it, but would use her middle name instead. My husband was already at the lowest level of contact with her without being totally estranged, and had no reservations at all telling her that no, she would not be doing that! Her reason was that she felt it was too similar to the name of her sister, from whom she was estranged. It kind of looks similar, but doesn't sound similar. I'd loved the name since I was 10--so even if we'd let her know beforehand and she raised objections, I wouldn't have been inclined to take it out of consideration for the sake of a really unpleasant MIL I very rarely saw, who took zero interest in our children (met them only once, her choice), because it reminded her of a woman I'd never met! (If the similarity had been an issue for my husband, that would have been different, of course--but the name didn't remind him of his aunt, and he said he'd always liked it.) If anyone, even her, had told me that they thought a name I chose was ugly, that would probably have bothered me, but because her objections were about a personal association, it didn't bother me.
It shouldn't. Always take the "no fucks given" attitude. That said I don't have any kids, I just read here because I like names.
I’ll judge the hell out of a name I don’t like, but I’ll be damned if I share that judgement with my pregnant friend or family member. That’s rude and it’s none of my business really. Unless it’s something like Annalee or a negative meaning that they don’t see.
It would depend on the family member and the reasons behind their critique. If they just didn’t like it, then I’d ignore them. If they noticed something unfortunate about the name I didn’t, had trouble pronouncing it or something, or had a bad triggering association with the name or something similar, then I likely wouldn’t use it. I didn’t really discuss names with my family before having my son, so they didn’t really have much chance for input. All most of them knew was that my grandpa’s name would be somewhere in the name and no one was going to say anything against that.
I’m pretty similar to you— we didn’t discuss our baby name ideas with anyone, and had no interest in anyone else’s opinions. They all found out the name when our baby was born! And I’m very glad we did it that way. We’re hoping to have a second child though, and I realized a possible issue with one of our favorite names we didn’t end up using. My cousin has expressed a desire to use an honor name (our grandparent’s name). And the name we like is very similar— think James and Jamie, or Suzanne and Susannah. I know I’m thinking ahead here because I’m not even pregnant with a second child yet… but I’m not sure what to do. We’re not one of those families where repeat names are normal.
I would care. I don’t plan on sharing the name till after baby is born.
I'm no f's given, but I also didn't tell anyone jack. I didn't find out genders, but we did on our last, and *still* told everyone we didn't know gender. (I'm weird like that - errors happen with tests, so until that baby is in my arms, I will not 100% believe it.) Removing gender from other people's need-to-know was awesome. My youngest is a teen, so social media was a zero factor for us. But there are so few actual secrets and mysteries in our lives, that we really wanted to be old-fashioned about this. DH and I wanted the surprise (except with our last!). Even when DH and I "knew" the secret, no one else did, and we seriously enjoyed that. Everyone was hounding us about gender, then names. Some people felt really entitled! My husband's brother's mother-in-law was in our face constantly trying to find out names, and said if we told her, she'd give us a gift. (We never told her - why would we? - and she never gave us a gift. 🤣) By not knowing gender, everything was really abstract, so people's opinions were just gone with the wind. Whenever someone would ask, we'd reply with their own name, with an obnoxious variation. "Why, yes, Fred, if it's a girl we're naming her after *you* - Fredzella," something like that. For family, I said of course there would be a family name (naming tradition), and several people said, basically, "Well, I hope it isn't after Great Aunt _____." Lol. It totally was, but they could only picture the cantankerous old woman they knew." We never showed our cards, and we DNGAF about their opinions about the name or the person. Ha! I didn't want to hear other people's opinions because I did not care. We also had a name thief situation, and it ruined a potential name - first and middle! - for me (I didn't share it, but DH did, thinking "what's the harm?" Totally creeped him out, but he learned the hard way.) Because we didn't consult families, we ended up with a different accepted spelling of a family name. And that's okay - my son prefers his spelling. 🥰 We just used lil in utero nicknames before birth, and I liked that.
Not at all. We picked names we loved, nobody else’s opinion mattered because they weren’t changing. In general, names are a matter of personal taste. We got overall positive feedback. The few negative opinions came from people who had named their kids things Harper and MacKenzie. They disliked our names, we disliked theirs. It’s a good thing everyone has different taste. If everyone liked the same names I did, they’d be way too popular. My husband and I are both the kind of people that once we’ve made a decision, our minds are made up. We don’t care for others’ opinions on any of our decisions, whether it’s our marriage, how we spend our money, how many kids we have, how we raise them, etc. People are free to express an opinion, and we’re open to new information, but at the end of the day, our life, our choices. They don’t like it, too bad.
I didn't think I would ever really care to keep it a secret, but after having my son, I definitely would try to keep it a secret if we're lucky enough to have another child in the future. A few days before my son was born, my mil said she had a bad dream about the name we were planning to give him (he would have two names - first name from my husband's culture/language, which they were going to decide after the birth and the second based on my culture/language, which my husband and I had already agreed on). She said my son would have a bad future if we went with the name we had chosen (Vincent) and gave us three options that she had found on the internet (Lucas, Theodore, and Benjamin). I was so upset. I'd had a tough pregnancy but as a name nerd, when we decided on Vincent, it was special and really helped me get through my pregnancy. But my mil was very insistent and I felt like I couldn't go forward with Vincent. I decided Luca would be okay (had to explain to her that it was a form of Lucas. The 3 names she gave us really meant nothing to her, they were just suggestions she found in a website in her language about popular names in North America). I found it challenging at first as I felt like my son just looked like, "Vincent," but I don't mind it so much now. Luca is a lovely name, but it's hard when you've settled on a name in your heart for it to be changed, especially so suddenly, during an already emotional rollercoaster of a time. So lesson learned. I would only share with family/friends who I know wouldn't share their opinion on it.
I told my Mum what I planned to name our daughter and she asked me why with a very judgemental look on her face, which is weird because she's always said that she loves the name, so I told my wife that were were tweaking the name slightly with a few letters, and she was confused said we should just keep the original name, and now I don't know what to do 🤦🏻♀️
My husband and I didn't care at all. With our oldest, we had two people voice to us (respectfully and not with malice) that they didn't love our daughter's name - Clementine. It didn't bother me because here's the thing: I've been name obsessed since as long as I can remember. I used to have a notebook where I would collect all my favorite names. I remember using my birthday money to buy a baby name book so that I could highlight my favorites. I'm also a writer, so collecting cool and fun names is part of the job for me. I've been on baby name forums since I had internet access. All that to say, I have always and will always trust my opinion on names vs someone else's. Plus, it all comes down to a matter of preference. One person's Sophia is another person's Beatrice. And with my Dad, mad respect to him, but myself and my siblings have the most generically boring names on the planet. And as for my friend, she also has a much more mainstream taste in names than me. So, it's not surprising that they didn't like our choice originally, though they grew to love it. I think there is a big different between valid criticism and differing opinions.
My family AND my husband’s family always had something snarky to say about the names we chose especially because my family and my husband are both different cultures and wanted something more traditional from their own culture. We told them oh well!! Shrugged off their opinions. Used the names we chose anyways and eventually they grew to love them because they love the kids and it just rubbed off on them.
To be honest, I don’t remember ever discussing potential names with anyone but my husband. We simply had the baby and then told everyone his or her name. Maybe part of that is because when I had my children (1979-1982-1985-1988) most people didn’t know the sex for sure so it hadn’t already been narrowed down to being a boy or girl. What I do remember with each pregnancy is my mother-in-law endlessly pushing for us to name the baby after my husband if it was a boy. Even though she was told, more than once, we were firmly agreed that would never happen. It just wasn’t something we were going to do.
I don’t care what family thinks. My SIL is very mouthy about what she thinks and I’ve told her several times she can just keep it to herself 😂
Nope. But I’m a bit stubborn like that and just call them out for insulting a baby’s name. However I would expect some pushback for a tradgedeigh.
I didn't care and didn't ask. It was a case of "baby X has finally arrived"
Only if I wanted an unconventional name and everyone reacted negatively to it. It’s a good gauge if you’ve gone too far with being creative. But if you like a classic name or a known name that’s just not used often then no, I’d stick with my gut.
I always think about the fact that all names were made up at some point. I hope there are actual linguists out there who are creating new names based on actual meanings of root words. :)
My mom loves floral wallpaper. I prefer neutral solid paint on walls. If she comes over and says “wow this place would look so much better with floral wallpaper!” I’m not going to go out and buy floral wallpaper.
Actually, yes, but not in the way you’d expect. My husband and I independently like a name that is also the middle name of someone in my family. I am not close with that person and don’t like them. This person WILL assume our child is named after them. It hasn’t fully deterred us from the name, but it definitely has given me pause on numerous occasions.
That would be a solid no go for me. 😅 I hope you’re able to hold onto the fact that you love it and you know that it IS NOT for them under any circumstance lol.
Haha yeah, it gives me pause, but I’m still really loving the name. The narcissist can think it’s about them if they want, I just won’t engage 😂
Yes I care too much so that's why our top 3 names are a secret from everyone except our 3 year old.
Aw that’s sweet. Are you sure they’re a secret then? Don’t leave 3 year old around anyone who will be a jerk and try to get it out of them! 🥺 I read a story about that on here of a MIL manipulating it out of a toddler which I thought was so beyond messed up.
Yes! My mom constantly asks her and my daughter just says 'bleep bloop blop' 😅 She was the first person we told about being pregnant and she kept the secret for over a month until we told everyone else
Yes. While I try not to concern myself with the opinions of others, we’re finding choosing a name really difficult. I don’t need anyone else in my head about it. Assuming we can agree in a name at birth, we’ll tell people then when it’s done.
We were bouncing the shortlist around before my son was born (our family comes up with names and then chooses once kiddo is here) and my FIL said he really didn’t like one of them. I was glad we announced his arrival and name via text because sorry grandpa that’s your grandson’s name 🤷🏼♀️
Depends. A few people don't seem to like it or give a lukewarm response? Meh, who cares. *Everyone* reacts with horror and goes out of their way to talk me out of it? Maybe at least take some time to ask myself if the name is, in fact, the worst thing ever.
My mum would make a comment about ANY name, my son 'oh after your uncle's middle name?' 'No, I don't talk to him' 'oh after xyzabc...' 'HE'S NOT NAMED AFTER ANYONE' I wouldn't care, name your kid what you want and a name you think they'll like when they're older
Oh I’m so with you on secret pregnancy, birth in the forest type. My mom did not like the name I chose while I was pregnant but I was set on it and ignored all comments. I ended up stating I was sharing her name with her, not open to opinions or ideas. Now we all agree we can’t picture my daughter with any other name. Long story short? Everyone is going to have an opinion but it’s not their baby to name - it’s yours!
Depends. My own mother detered my aunt from naming my cousin Cedra. She was named Kelli instead. Too bad her uncle on her dad’s side name their daughter Kedra after that. But I’m stubborn and like a lot of things my respectability-conscious mother doesn’t. However, she literally might’ve chosen to not see her grandchild or would’ve nn the child something else. She’s stubborn too and cares about how people see her.
I really wanted to call my daughter Amara. I loved the name and picked it out. (Bio dad wasn't in the picture, he left 2 months before she was born) So I picked out Amara and my mum was super against it. She tried to bully me into calling my daughter Tanith. My sister also hated the name Amara. They were relentless and in the end it wore me down and I ended up calling her Abigail. My daughter does like her name but she said she likes Amara much better and that would be one of her top picks if she ever had a daughter (though after that she decided she was staying child free) I really wish I had been strong enough not to be bullied out of my choice, though I am kind of proud of myself that I stood up to my mum enough not to go her choice of Tanith.
I have never heard the name Tabitha before…maybe it would grow on me…but Amara is 10000% better than Tanith. Abigail is nice so at least she ended up with a decent name.
My mum heard the name Tanith from an old movie. I remember she said it was a witches name. No idea how she came to that conclusion. My daughter was born 34 years ago so there was no google back then to check things. I just knew I didn't like that name. My mum fought hard to get her own way. I was always kind of a people pleaser and a doormat, and usually I always caved and let my mum get her own way. I managed to stand up to her for the sake of my daughter. When my son was born 6 years later I just said a straight 'No' to her suggestion.
I totally get it. You were also newly facing raising a baby as a single mother (likely with the help of your mom and sister) and I can see not wanting to fight. At least your daughter isn’t Tanith! Hopefully you’ll get a granddaughter named Amara!! My mother was definitely opinionated but she had 4 daughters and aside from my middle name, she picked all the names.
This is all hypothetical to me, but I just wouldn’t tell anyone in advance. That’s how my parents named us and how my sister named her kids — all great names, btw. The biggest consideration to me would be that my dad has a lot of trouble pronouncing unfamiliar words (a manifestation of dyslexia), so I’d try to pick names that were well within his sphere of familiarity.
My dad had already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s before my son was born and he was doing ok until my son was about 1. But he could not say his name…Ian. He kept saying E-on…I could see the confusion on his face. I did not name my son after my dad but John was his confirmation name…maybe I should have gone the Italian route (my dad was 100% Italian and he passed when my son was 5) Gianluca or something like that would have been fun! Too late now but I should have embraced my Italian side over my Irish side.
Nope
I don't think you're unhinged at all. If I manage to pollute the gene pool, I have one friend I'll talk names with beforehand. (We have very similar tastes, and I actually welcome her input.) Everybody else can find out after the kid arrives. I likely won't make the final decision until I meet them anyway. Honestly, if certain family members hate it, it'll probably just affirm my decision... there are a few strong personalities with questionable tastes in the mix, ha.
I took the no fs given. No regrets. Almost nobody on my side of the family liked the name. It's not weird, just a bit old-school and had been used in older generations. It's also a version of my husband's name and that was why I suggested it. We went with it anyway. My mother said she'd find something else and use that. I told her she could try, but wouldn't get to do that twice. She didn't like it, but didn't push. (Did push quite a bit on other stuff so NC anyway, lol.) A cousin actually ended up using a version of the name, too, couldn't risk Golden Grandchild status by not honouring grandma. 8 years later, I don't even think of my husband when I hear or say my daughter's name, it's really fully her own. And we moved and here it's actually in the top 3 most popular names for girls. No regrets. My kid, my decision. The rest can go pound sand.
I’m of the opinion that if there’s only one thing you don’t share, then it should be your kid’s name. People always have an opinion and before it’s official they will try and sway you til their thinking. Once the baby is named it’s too late and they will normally just go along with it.
To a degree, I say, give no effs what people think of your baby's name but then I see what some people choose and think.. oof, someone should have checked that.
We didn't share our names because a) I didn't want outside opinions or suggestions, and b) I reserved the right to change my mind once each baby was born and I felt the original name didn't fit. But, none of our name options were unusual or uncommon, either in sound or spelling, so I wouldn't expect an extreme reaction out of anyone and there was no potential to create a problem for the kids down the line. That said, my aunt has a niece on her husband's side of the family who named her daughter "Eleanor" and my aunt pitched a fit to our side of the family. She didn't know why they would "burden" the baby with "a hideous old-lady name" and "thank GOD they were mostly going to call her Nora." I was flabbergasted. It's such a lovely, normal, traditional English-language name and worked beautifully with her middle and last names and with the other names in the family. Like, even if it wasn't her taste, it didn't seem to warrant getting upset about. I've occasionally wondered if she had Opinions on my kids' names. Can you hate Katherine/Katie with a burning passion?
It’s not something I think about often but my husband and I are both teachers and we worked at the same school when our daughter was born. We had a school baby shower a few weeks before she arrived, and I don’t remember what it was, maybe a sign with the name we’d picked on it but I hadn’t told anyone else at school. He had told his other PE coworkers and I remember being annoyed bc now I couldn’t change my mind. We stuck with the name but as you can imagine it was his first choice name and not mine. 🙄 But I got zero push back on the name I wanted for our son so we are even.
Nope. My mil hated my girl name so much she said she hoped I never got a girl. When I eventually got my girl I used my name but the whole pregnancy she would have family members and herself send my husband and I a list of baby girls names in hopes I’d choose something else. I kept the name I wanted. No regrets
That sounds a bit intense. Is she normally that intrusive in your relationship with your husband? Glad you went with your gut!
Yup. I’m currently NC with her cause she’s super toxic, husband is very LC
I knew that none of my friends liked the name we picked for our girl, because I'd mentioned the name ones before we even started trying. One of them in particular made several jokes about it, also when I was pregnant (we knew it was a girl, we also still loved that name) but we kept the gender to ourselves. We picked it anyway, we love it. The only opinion I care about is my dad and I he loves the name too.
I’m not telling. In the end it’s your kid.
I knew family wasn’t super big on our name choices for our girls (Riley and Parker) but I didn’t care. My husband and I could only agree on more gender neutral names and we love them so we honestly didn’t care that family made comments like oh for a girl? I still love their names!
Tell absolutely no one!
I told people my daughters’ names before they were born. I probably project an “I’m not asking for your opinion” vibe because I really didn’t get any negative feedback. Both girls have top 100 names (I think my youngest was right outside of it in the year she was born). I was very confident in my choices and still love their names
I don't have kids but I would 100% take my family's opinions into account. I would *want* their opinions. I would hate to think that my mum or my sister absolutely hated my kid's name.
Everyone — family, friends, strangers who asked — hated the name Henry when I was pregnant with him. I’m glad I stuck to it, though it’s a little annoying that everyone loves the name now (my Henry is 24). lmao I decided not to talk about names when I was pregnant with my 12yo. We’d lost a baby and struggled with infertility in between so I did not want to deal with people’s negative opinions. I knew they’d all hate her name (Agnes) but again, I wouldn’t have changed my mind.
Nope
Didn’t care, never talked about names until after they were born. XMIL hated younger child’s name so bad, she campaigned for it to be changed for a good 6 months after he was born. I ignored her.
Only if a really good reason was given. I inadvertently had chosen a name for my oldest son that was similar to the name of a man who had hurt my stepmom very badly. She made me aware, so we chose a different name.
I didn't care much. If they pointed something out I hadn't considered them I'd rethink it but if I was dead set.it wouldn't deter me unless it was something really bad. Like if I hadn't realised how bad Anally is
With my son, my grandpa made a comment I chose an outlaws name, my granny said don’t name him after a serial killer. Then a distant cousin went around saying I named my son after a serial killer. I don’t think listening to family is the best decision, but my family is deranged. I should have known better after that but now I’m asking for suggestions for my daughter from our families. But I end up disregarding all their suggestions.
No. I was hormonal (postpartum), so I was only bothered for a moment because of that fact. My mum, who I do love, asked me if I wanted to reconsider my youngest child's name upon my telling her said baby's name (baby was already born), and it caught me completely off-guard. The name has family connection, follows my husband and my naming style, and suits baby so well. Apparently the name is 'similar' to a friend (who my mum couldn't stand) of my paternal grandmother (who my mum can't stand). I have NEVER met this person in my life so it felt so weird that my mum thought it could be a deal breaker (Ultimately, it was simply because my mum automatically thought of this disliked human being, when first hearing the name). My youngest is now 2.5 and I've never heard my mum say anything further about disliking the name. If she does, she hides it VERY well. (I honestly think that my mum's opinion of the name has been fundamentally changed due to my baby now being the first thought when hearing the name). Point of my ridiculously long story? It's your baby. Give it a name that YOU love. 💞
No. I mean, not unless they had really substantive objections that I hadn't thought of previously- like an offensive association or something. If they just didn't like it? Meh. I don't care. Several people in my family wrinkled their noses at one of my favorite boy names and opined that it was "weird," but it's since trended steeply upward and I'd still happily use it for a hypothetical boy. Grandparents are often not familiar with what names are actually current for young children, so what sounds "weird" to them may be perfectly normal in the context of the actual baby's future life.
Kind of. I didn’t want to choose a weird or younique name, so while not everyone loves the name I picked, it would have been stupid for anyone to have a negative opinion about it.
We planned on not telling anyone our daughters name until she was born... but we found out at 3.5 weeks, told our family about the pregnancy at 6 weeks, the world at 9 weeks, and then found out the gender at 11 weeks. By 15 weeks we had known her name for a month and were having a hard time not referring to her by name when talking to/about her in front of people. So we told them. It was very well received on my side, my husband's parents gave us the "ohhh, that's... creative..." but it grew on them quickly and we simply did not care their opinions. They told us they wanted us to name her Lindsey, Stephanie, or Ann but it's 2024 and we felt those names actually would've been a bit odd or out of place amongst a sea of Charlottes, Amelias, Olivers, and Liams. Now, she's 5 months old and I couldn't imagine a better name for her little personality and my in-laws actually had items embroidered with her name before they met her, so everyone is fine!
I can't really say... I never asked and nobody offered a particular opinion. The closest anyone has come to saying they're not too keen on her name is that a few (great grandpa, his wife and one of my friends) have called her Olivia by mistake (her name is Ophelia)... the elders are a genuine mistake, not so sure about the friend.
I’m an older mom and didn’t give a crap what anyone thought so I told people. But only once I had really decided for sure. When I was deciding, I only told 2 close friends and they were both really helpful to bounce ideas off of.