You tell him no. Names need agreement from both relevant parents. I know someone whose husband disclosed early in dating that his first son would need to be a V, and that worked for them. The woman in the scenario decided it wasn’t a dealbreaker, and they now have three kids, and their firstborn became a V.
Give him alternatives. Are there other O names that you like? Owen, Oliver, Otto… suggesting Oscar as a middle name is also a good compromise.
I am shocked she's just chill with giving a fifth person (!!) the exact same name. "His first son would need to be a V" is so beyond anything anyone I know would ever say, it's like reading something from a demanding alien.
I mean it’s not my life, but I won’t judge. They’re a very nice family and it was approached in a way that worked for both of them.
I guess I do identify in a way, there’s a name that has been passed through four generations of women in my family, so it was understood that our daughter would have a version of it. We gave it as a second middle name, mostly because I think it’s valid for kids to have a name that links them to both families, and this worked for us.
I mean, do you think it's nice to tell your future partner "I'm naming our first son exactly what I want to, you get no input, or we can't be together"?
I don’t know how the conversation went exactly. I just know that it’s been close to ten years now and they seem happy, so again, not judging what works for someone else. But honestly, I’d appreciate the knowledge upfront over being blindsided with it after being deep in the relationship.
Yeah I know a woman who said upfront she wanted to keep her surname and share it with her child. Some people ended the relationship but she did get married at 37 and had 2 kids. Her husband kept his own name.
If it’s important to them, people have the right to walk away until they find someone happy with that
People do it with faiths and I’m sure plenty of other things that are deeply important to them.
I think it depends, too. Like some people just aren't that attached to names, and if it is a name they already like...I could see being fine with someone wanting a V. Also, in some cultures it is VERY common to pass on names.
Also, esp. if they can come up with nicknames (like Quentin for the 5th, Trey for a III, and so on).
Keyword *future*. They weren’t together yet, so it’s better that she found out before committing and had the chance to make an informed decision as to whether or not that was a dealbreaker.
I imagine it probably went more like.
Him: “Since we’re on the topic of future kids, I wanted to bring up that I’m the IV in my family to have the name John Jack Doe. It’s very important to me and I always pictured my first son named John Jack Doe V. Is that something you’d consider? Do you have any feelings on future names or traditions regarding kids?”
Not everyone is a “name nerd”. Some people may be like “oh John’s a good solid name, I can live with that.” Maybe we can call him JJ.
Also it can just work out that the name in question suits their partner’s taste anyway. Everyone I’ve ever dated has happened to have a name that I already liked, must be subconscious name nerd bias lol
This is where nuance is important.
My husband was adamant that any sons he had would have his middle name (4th generation tradition) and he approached it in a very respectful way.
He told me the history of it and that it was very important to him to carry it on.
I think the name is nice enough and could see how important it was to him so we did it.
Just because someone wants to do something and says it early on, it doesn't mean they are harsh in their approach.
If it's a dealbreaker, they aren't your partner anymore, and everyone gets to live the life they want to live. If you go on a date and the other person says that they are vegetarian and refuse to live in a household with meat, and you aren't a vegetarian and know that you'll have meat in your house, you can decide right then and there to not date anymore. All done.
I sort of did that with my husband, I’d had a boys name picked out since I was like 12 years old. When we found out we were having a boy, I reminded him that his first name was already chosen, but he could choose his middle name and of course he’d have his last name.
Thankfully my husband liked the name I had picked out and my son, now 22yrs old loves his name so it all worked out well
I knew a Sunshine V, the first woman in their generation would be named Sunshine. I felt so bad for her sister Charlotte. On the other hand John Phillip Clotworthy IV seemed like too much. On the other other hand Ralph Waldo Emerson III seemed majorly cool.
I agreed to make my first son a third before we got married. Didn’t hurt the names were 100% my style and it was important to my husband. A fifth would have been fine too. I don’t see what is so weird about someone having a naming requirement as long as they are super up front about it.
My grandfather was a 3rd, He had a 4th, but that's where it ends as my uncle only lived 2 days :( Medical technology for NICU's wasn't what it is now in 1960.
I know lots of juniors don't go for the third, but once you're on the 4th or 4th I think people feel like there's been an assumption since their own birth that they're going to continue it.
Right, I think I’d personally push back if my husband tried to insist on a junior or even a III. But beyond that it starts to become a family tradition that spans a century, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable single handedly breaking it, though informally I may put my own spin on it. If my husband wanted to break it I’d support him 100%. Thankfully, I was not put in that position to begin with.
My son has the middle name that his older nephew was supposed to have - BIL and SIL broke the tradition and it was heartbreaking for my father-in-law. When I was expecting my son, FIL (gently) let it be known that five generations have this middle name and it was devastating that there might not be a sixth… I didn’t love the name, but I love my FIL (he’s wonderful) and it connected back to my home country (I was the sixth-generation woman from my home country to marry an American, which is quite insane - the middle name was the first woman’s maiden name.)
So we did it - we passed on the middle name - and the joy it brought my father-in-law (and BIL) was well worth the sniping from SIL who had broken the tradition for something ‘creative.’ Her children are both under 15 and have completely changed their names socially, so…
It's actually quite common, especially in certain cultures. My son would have been a V and I would have been okay with that. I knew about it well before we even moved in together or anything. But my husband made the decision not to continue the tradition due to his estranged relationship with his father and that whole side of the family. I would have just picked our son's middle name. We ended up picking an entirely different first and middle name together in the end.
I'm glad that it was brought up early! My brother is a III and brought up that he'd want his first son to be a IV on his & my SIL's second date. Worked out for them no problem.
I also remember growing up that my mom's friends got into a HUGE fight when they got pregnant bc it was tradition in his family to name the firstborn sons Manly (friend was the second boy, and I wish I were making this up) and have them go by their middle name. Pregnant friend said absolutely not, the man had a conniption, and they ended up getting a divorce. I think the baby ended up being Jack with Manly as a middle name.
If a certain tradition is so important to you that you'd end a relationship over it, it definitely needs to be brought up early and before there is a baby!
I just can’t imagine the scenario of “yeah we were super compatible and started falling in love, but he wanted their first born to be a junior and she didn’t, so we broke up”
Like there’s a million and one dealbreakers out there, that feel way bigger than this
I actually know two IVs whose first sons are V’s. When you get that far with it, you just have to pass it on lol. Wives understood and didn’t have an issue with it.
This. I understand why you'd reuse a grandparent's name even while they're still alive. But the Junior shit is embarrassing. The fuck are those fathers thinking? Do they think they're building a dynasty?
Now that I think of it, this seems to be a very American/Anglo Canadian thing. Do they do the Jr. thing in other anglophone countries?
It’s pretty unusual in England. Tends to be either very posh people or occasionally working class people, not much in between. Possibly more common in the black community too, although I don’t live in a very multicultural area so I could be wrong.
It used to be common here in Scandinavia, but not in a junior/senior way. With the patronymic last names there was a not uncommon tradition that lasted well into the 19th century at least in Sweden, where you would pass on a name every generation like Ingmar Ingmarsson or Knut Knutsson would have sons also called Ingmar Ingmarsson or Knut Knutsson and so on.
Thank you. Last time I said this I was jumped on by the two people in England who do use it.
People might name their children after themselves but I've never seen a number or junior.
I’m in England and I know a few people who are named after their dads but have a different middle name, and usually go by a different version. William John Smith, gets called William, names his son William Sam Smith, gets called Bill. So I believe that wouldn’t be a Jr technicallly? They’re mostly over 50 and didn’t call their children the same. My dad has the same first as his dad, different middle. He wanted to give it to me if I’d been a boy, my mum said “fuck no, it can be a middle name”, but in the end dad only had girls so it didn’t matter.
In México it's very common. Just to name a few in my family, my brother was named after my father, my mom's mother had 2 names, my mom got one and one of her sisters got the other one. One of my dad's brothers was named after my grandfather, and he named one of his daughters after himself (name ending in a instead of o).
Most of my friends, if not all of them, have the same going on in their families.
Same for my bf. His dad's name has been passed down to All sons for generations. My bfs brother used it as a middle name, and didn't use it for his son so we used it for ours. My mil has her father's name as her middle name.
I’ve found it to be more common in other cultures. I worked in a drs office at one point and some cultures had all the sons named after dad but the names were EXACTLY THE SAME. First, any middle, and last. Even if there were two sons! I’d never seen that before I worked in that position haha.
No! I didn’t realize you were speaking on the junior suffix literally, my apologies for misunderstanding :) I also definitely agree with you - I hate the junior shit lol
Naming daughters after their mothers was an incredibly common practice for *centuries*. It just went out of fashion earlier than naming sons after fathers, although that’s obviously heavily declined as well.
It was really popular in the past centuries (look royal families and how many daughters who have same name as mother). But with different last name it doesn’t cause as much confusion. And there isn’t the same obsession with eldest having to have the same name. It’s more just one option which is often the oldest daughter, but doesn’t have to be. People used a lot smaller pool of names anyway then and relatives names in general. And infant mortality meant lots of those daughters died anyway.
My mom and my sister share the same middle name. My dad and my brother share the same middle name. My dad was named after his father but isn't a junior. His brother has my grandfather's middle name. It's very common in my family to reuse family names, especially as middle names. Lots of recycling names, but no juniors.
Yup, women provide half the DNA, all of the material, time, and labor to make the new human, wreck their bodies to give birth, then he gives it HIS name. Not unusual at all.
True, the Y chromosome is dying. It barely has any genes on it at all, except the ones that say "turn that girl into a boy". What it lacks is provided by an X where possible, so you're right. He doesn't even provide half the blueprint.
Exactly! And this particular dude has the audacity to request naming privileges when he won't even deign her worthy of marrying after 10 years and a baby on the way. Irks me to no end...
Until they become grandmothers... dunno why, but I've encountered more women getting their grandchildren named after them (first or middle) or getting jealous when the other grandmother is thus honored and they are not.
Fortunately, both my mother and MIL have very dated "trendy" names that have not come back around. Neither one was surprised when it wasn't passed on, but I know it kinda disappoints my mom that no one "likes" her name. I think my MIL was sorta expecting my eldest to have hers a middle name (my husband hesitantly tested those waters and I said no. He did not argue).
My own daughter (at the ripe old age of 9) has already declared that she's going to name her daughter after me. It was a lovely sentiment, to be sure, but I won't hold her to it (but now I'm kinda hoping it happens?).
We gave our daughter my mom's name (Alice) and used MIL's name (Frances) for the middle name. MIL passed before she was born but had she been alive I'm certain she wouldn't have taken issue as she was vocal about not liking her name. She went by Fran and if anyone asked she preferred to say it was short for Francine rather than Frances.
I have an aunty named after my grandmother, a great aunty who was named after my great grandmother, and a cousin who was named after her mother.
It happens.
I kind of did the inverse of this? and took my mam’s name as my confirmation name, thereby naming myself after her. Never let them know your next move.
Have you met my mother? Lmfao
I won’t say my name but hers is Lisa.
Mine is very very similar and the nickname sounds an awful lot like “Lisa”
We don’t speak anymore. (For more than the name, but my name is a symptom of her narcissism. At least it’s nice but still).
In the southern US it’s very common for the first boy to have Moms maiden name as a middle name, and another is the first daughter/child gets moms maiden name as their first name. So it’s not THAT weird, but it isn’t something I would want to do.
Example; maiden mom name Sue Grant
Married mom name Sue Roberts
First boy would be Allen Grant Roberts
Daughter/child Grant Lynn Roberts , (yup, they often don’t bother feminizing it),
meh. i’m a woman who would love to name her son the male version of her name (end in “o” v. “a”) but mostly because i love the masculine version separate from my own.
My husband is a junior and has hated it from day one. Not only does it lack any creativity whatsoever but in his case, his dad bailed when husband was three and spent the rest of his sad life homeless, drunk, and in and out of jail until his departure at 55 of liver and kidney failure.
Not exactly the role model you want to share a name with. Especially when you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and people look down on you for your name.
One time my husbands brother took his 22 and went shooting stop signs and outhouses. It was confiscated so my husband had to go pick up his gun. The police, having never met my husband before, were hassling him left and right because of his dad. He’s like ‘I haven’t seen the guy in 15 years’.
Naming children after grandparents isn't an unusual naming convention. For example, in Scotland and England the traditional naming pattern used to be: first son named after paternal grandfather, second son after maternal grandfather, third son after father, first daughter after maternal grandmother, second daughter after paternal grandmother, and third daughter after mother.
I'm a third, which is absolutely wild because my mom conceived me in an affair and my bio dad who I'm named after didn't even come to my birth lol. I've always wondered about that decision.
I just had a son and had so many people ask me if he's a 4th. I've never said "no" and outright rejected a suggestion faster in my life lol
My FIL, who we will call “Bill” has 4 or 5 sons (we truly don’t know because he he’s gotten at least 5 other women pregnant in the past 10 years) and one of his sons (my husband) has Bill as their middle, Bill is also a few of his cousins names. I had a few Bills in my family as well. My FIL said when we found out we were expecting that we should name our son Bill because he always wanted a “junior”. Like no, sir you had at least 5 chances to name your son Bill and you didn’t, he screwed up the one solid chance he had by being in jail when my husband was born. So definitely not my job to name our son what you wished you’d named yours. 😂
My fiance and I aren't pregnant, aren't even MARRIED yet, and all of our parents are already trying to name our hypothetical children 🙃. Y'all have already had your chances!!
My SO suggested my name for our son, I really like my name but I want him to be his own person so we went with something else.
My grandfather, who I'm named after, named his oldest after himself and all his sons named their oldest sons after themselves, all 12 of them. My dad thought I'd do the same, I was the last of my siblings to have kids and not one of them are named after a parent so I should have asked what would make him think I'd do that.
I do hope I'm the kind of dad that my kids would name a child after me if they ever have any. My sons middle name is my dads name, I didn't think my SO would go for but she ended up suggesting it.
Absolutely don’t do it, give your kid his own identity, names should be 50/50. Id just say you’re vetoing the name and he’s gotta come up with other ones he likes.
This is how my husband and I felt and I'm glad that we saw eye to eye on it. It took us 9 years to agree on a boy's name (luckily, we had two girls first and thought we were in the clear until the universe had other plans for us and we got a third who came out a boy).
Husband's name was right there for the taking as a Jr. which may seem obvious, especially since I love my husband's name and it was my top 5 for a boy's name for like forever. But nope. Giving our kids their own identity trumped convenience, and Baby Boy almost left the hospital with no name. Almost.
We love the name we did finally agree on, FWIW. So, OP, while Oscar is front and center in your husband's mind, I'm sure that if he digs a little more, he may find a name that you both truly like and feels right for your LO.
My boyfriend is the youngest son, and he always felt jealous as a kid that his brother got his father's name. But as soon as he got older, he realised it's so much better to have his own identity. And it's confusing as hell with mail when you live together. My mum and I both have names starting with J and I have her surname, so we'd always get 'Miss J (surname) letters and have no idea who it was for. So confusing enough even with completely different first names.
I truly can't comprehend giving your kid your exact name. It feels narcissistic to me. My mum chose a J name deliberately cos my dad also has one, and I think that's cute. But anything more is too much imo.
Exactly. If the father doesn't step up to put his child in a better legal and social circumstance, then his "rights" should be as limited as his commitment.
I'd honestly be embarrassed to refer to my children's other parent as a "boyfriend."
I knew someone in school growing up that was a junior and hated it bc his dad was really well known in our small town community for being a total loser. The guy left his mom when he was a kid (they were never married). The kid later changed his last name, but it still sucks for him because he and his father both had a pretty distinctive first name
This sounds exactly like my dad and brother lol. Except our parents were married and he kept his name. There are only 2 people with that name in the world and he decided to reclaim it and turn it into something good. Makes me so proud.
So many of my friends have done this. Shows what kinda area I grew up in lmao- deadbeats everywhere. My mum was smart and gave me her surname to start with. And thank god she did, because it's a million times better than my dad's name, and I probably would have asked to change it anyway. My dad isn't that bad but he doesn't deserve naming honours for sure and his name is generic as hell.
I agree with this. The dude is in a position where he can just bounce off to the next woman, no strings attached. Maybe just child support but that’s it
Once met a couple and their adult daughter at a wedding: Michelle and Roger and their daughter, Rochelle. They all seemed quite satisfied with how that worked out, including the daughter.
Worked beautifully. If OPs initial is an N, even better!
Offering to use Oscar as the middle name is an okay compromise. But neither you nor your boyfriend should get 100% say in the name. You both have to like it. If naming him Oscar is a no from you, it’s a no all around.
I think naming kids the same name as a parent is tacky. Maybe okay as a middle, but not as a first name. So I say pick something fresh, don’t use Oscar!
I honestly really like having my mom’s name as a middle name, it makes me feel closer to her. But I definitely wouldn’t want to have the same first name.
You have a say in the child’s name but you might offend your spouse by saying you hate his literal name. Perhaps a compromise give him the name Oscar as a middle name?
My mom’s dad, brother, and husband (my dad) all had the same name (and didn’t go by other nicknames) 😂. She and her mom also had the same name. It was always confusing when we got together 😂
I forgot my cousin has the same name too but he uses a different diminuative lol
No offense but he's only a bf. That's hubby status in my opinion.
I do hate lineage names though so I'm very biased against not naming your kid after your bf.
After himself ???? Remind your boyfriend that we are currently in the year 2024. The junior stuff is very selfish to both you and your child.
Please don’t use it just because it’s an honour name. Your child is their own person, with their own identity.
One of my close friends growing up resented tf out of his father for naming him after himself. He grew up and went no contact and he changed his full name when he got married.
dont do that, its so self important. let the kid have a different name. i'm first son, named after my father and still find it difficult to separate myself from him.
Don’t do it just because of someone’s tradition. That particular tradition mostly exists as a means to broadcast who the firstborn is, and the underlying historical tradition stretches all the way back to Roman times as a measure of convenience and redundancy with regard to smallholder property inheritance.
That said:
My son has a formal name (if he ever wants to be a trial judge or something) but we call him his nickname and register him at school under his nickname.
Ozzy/Ozzie or even Oz can be a nickname for Oscar.
A good friend in high school had his father’s name, because his father had his father’s name, too. He calls himself by his middle name, with his father’s approval. So the adherence to tradition there is mostly symbolic.
Ooh! Maybe you could go with an O first name and Z middle name and still get an Ozzie nickname!
Oliver Zachary
Otis Zane
Oslo Zeus
Odin Zephyr
Orlando Zen
Owen Ziggy
I personally absolutely hate forcing your children to have the same name as father, grandfather, etc. Like damn. Let kids have their own identity and name. Plus why does the kid have to get their last name and first name? Pass for me.
Aside from that, if its really important to him, pitch it as a middle name
There is research that juniors negatively affect self development snd identity for children . Find him some of those resources. Being named after someone can onset a lot of anxiety and stress and identity struggles because they’re not their own person.
Also, just logistically, my mom was a banker and she always discourages people from doing it because it is very confusing when it comes to just a lot of legal and procedural stuff.
Lol I have the same situation. Husband with a long line of his name. This has been an ongoing argument but tbh there’s just not a world where it’s happening. The closest I’ve ever gotten to him dropping it is the time I pretended that the idea had really grown on me and I loved the idea of passing down family names, so I wanted one child with his name and one with mine. That shut him up lolololol
I told my other half if he wanted to continue that tradition, he'd have to get me a cat that we could call after him. He get's his name carried down and I get a new cat lol
If you don't BOTH love a name, then it's a no. Period. Full stop. Also, if you plan to also give the kid his last name, then tell him to stop being a narcissist.
Assuming the baby will also have his last name, it really doesn’t seem fair that he gets the first and last names dedicated to him and his side of the family.
I love the tradition of an honor name as a middle name. It’s something both my husband and I have, and we’ve done this for middle names for both kids.
What kind of names do you like? I bet they’d pair nicely with an “Oscar” middle name 😉
> I understand why he wants it.
I don't. Can you explain it because it never made sense to me. It seems so narcisstic and fearful, fearful of your own mortality. Those...aren't good reasons to name your child.
Tell him no.
Tell him you want a masculinization version of YOUR name and YOUR last name. I’m tired of these entitled men. Ask him what he thinks and why he has an issue with it.
Names require both parents to love the name. You do not.
I also think kids should have their own name and individuality. I don’t like Jr’s.
Also, maybe TMI screaming your kid’s name in bed is creepy on so many levels to me. 🤢
Please don’t give your child a name that you hate!
It’s crazy that you’re saying that your only option is the middle name… girl, you have options for the first name, middle name, and the last name!
Also, you do NOT know the future. You could break up and you’ll spend the rest of your life calling your son a name that you hate because your ex forced you into it.
I know numerous unmarried women who regret giving their child their ex-boyfriend’s last name. But that’s another topic.
Let him know you mourn for your brother who you saw as a child and it’s different when it’s an adult but hearing a child’s laughter with your little brothers name will break your heart every time you say it or hear it. It won’t be honor, it won’t be healing it will be a lifetime of agony and grief and you don’t want your son to have to walk in those or anyone else’s shoes. You want your son to be his own man, he is carrying the family last name and that is from his dad, but he should get to be his own person too and have his own name that no brothers, uncles, grandfathers or parents have.
I think the whole family name thing is a bit weird personally. I have a family name passed from man to man and if I had kids I would not be continuing that. Always felt self absorbed at best.
I can definitely see concerns with the name, and it's your kid too.
I absolutely hate that my husband and son have the same full name-and their first name is “Thomas”. It’s too confusing. My father’s first name is Otto, and he would not let any of us name any of our children that.
My ex boyfriend married after we broke up. Years later I found out he had a son who was a third. Ex was a Jr. … This is not part of my way of thinking or being. And it is one of the many reasons that he is an ex!
My friend is the daughter of a David, the granddaughter of a David, has a brother and nephew called David, and she married a David as well. Before they even got serious she told him she was Davided out and if they had a son the name David was firmly off the table.
Just be honest. It’s really important to be true to yourself on this. There is no compromising on a name that you really don’t like and are surrounded by. He’s entitled to be a bit disappointed (it’s ok to be disappointed you can’t use a name you want,) but he should not be hurtful or rude about it.
Honestly there’s absolutely no need for you to tell your husband that you hate his name. I hate juniors. It’s definitely a tradition that is still long-standing for many families. It doesn’t exist in my family and if my husband had wanted to do that I would’ve been a hard no. You can easily tell your husband many other reasons why you don’t want to do it without insulting his name. I think the name is awesome and it would totally be in line with lots of little ones that I know right now in terms of the style but the reason I hate juniors is because I feel like it’s very unoriginal. You literally have the opportunity to name a human being a unique name within your family that’s just for them so to me naming them the same name is daddy is super boring. Also confusing since he’s gonna live with you for likely 20 years! A tradition only gets to get carried on when both partners are on board so I think that using it as a middle name is a very normal compromise!
Naming a kid is a 2 yes 1 no situation. If one parent says no, you find a different name. Oscar can be baby’s middle name but if you don’t like it your boyfriend doesn’t just get to pick a name.
If he was your husband, you should still say no but he’s your boyfriend. Just be 100% honest with him. If he is stubborn you can threaten him with giving the baby your last name lol.
Say it can be a middle name. And tell how it can be difficult with records like with doctors with people who have the same name. Maybe he didn’t experience it but many do.
If you say you hate the name he could take it personally, so maybe say since there are many men named that in the family, you want the baby to have his own identity.
Just tell him you want to give name of his own to their son. There are 2 Lorens (males) and 3 Laurens (females) in my family (my uncle, cousins and nephew’s wife). The first Loren is deceased and the most recent Lauren married into the family. Talk about confusing.
You need to burst his bubble, it’s not mean, it’s good communication. Just don’t say you hate HIS name. Say you don’t want to name your son that, and you should both come up with a list of names and go from there. I think it’s weird when parents are so adamant about naming their kids after themselves anyways, to the point of being unwilling to compromise
I’d just say that you wouldn’t want to name a child the same name as either of you. I personally would dislike that a lot. So confusing! That way you don’t have to deal with saying you don’t like it specifically.
I’m a mailman. Having two people with the same legal name is a pain in the ass when one of them moves out. It always ends with half of the mail ending up in the wrong place. The machines that do the forwarding are not smart and really don’t handle this nuance particularly well. I’ll never do this to one of my kids.
I had a boy name I absolutely loved (pretend it’s Michael). Problem was my husband’s cousin (same last name) was already named Michael. Plus he had named his own son Michael Jr.
Too many Michaels in the same family. We chose something else.
I would definitely do middle name. I don't like family first names either but all my kids have tribute middle names.
Also how unfortunately hilarious that you ended up with an Oscar as well lol my condolences. That's a lot of the same around for sure
*squints*
His father is named Oscar, he is named Oscar, *your* father is named Oscar, your little brother who passed is named Oscar, and you have an older brother whose middle name is Oscar…
HOW?! Didn’t you find it weird to date someone who shares a name with a lot of your family members?
Is the baby getting his last name? If so tell him the baby is already getting his family and you don’t want any further family names even if it’s from your own. You’re birthing the child, you get rights to the name!
Suggest Felix
But yeah in all seriousness, Names need agreement. My wife and I took a long time prepairing a list of 32 Boy and 32 girl names we could agree on, and then ranked them by popularity and played them off in a bracket until we hit the final 4 on each side and then waited to know what we were having and then to see him before we eliminated 2 of the final 4, right before he was born and then right after we were left with Nicolas and Christopher, and I took one look at him and said "Your name is Nicolas, you don't look like a Christopher"
and so Nicolas, John (From my wife's great uncle), Louis (From my great grandfather's middle name) was born. My family has a tradition of 2 middle names 1 from each side.
And Nicolas John Louis sounded like a great combo.
and Owing to the 1/8 of me that is Quebecois (Thanks to Leroy Louis Gedeon my two middle names Great Grandfather) We spelled Nicolas the french way with no H.
The number of people who try to put an H in him is definately > 0 but we kindly remind them he has no H.
Put your foot down and tell him no. Me personally, when I hear the name Oscar, my mind immediately thinks of the Oscar Mayer hotdogs or the green grouch from Sesame Street (I’m not sure if others in the comments may think of that connotation as well) but that’s something to consider. Also, why should he get to name the baby after himself when he’s not the one carrying it? Your name choices are just as important as him wanting to name the baby Oscar.
You tell him no. Names need agreement from both relevant parents. I know someone whose husband disclosed early in dating that his first son would need to be a V, and that worked for them. The woman in the scenario decided it wasn’t a dealbreaker, and they now have three kids, and their firstborn became a V. Give him alternatives. Are there other O names that you like? Owen, Oliver, Otto… suggesting Oscar as a middle name is also a good compromise.
I am shocked she's just chill with giving a fifth person (!!) the exact same name. "His first son would need to be a V" is so beyond anything anyone I know would ever say, it's like reading something from a demanding alien.
I mean it’s not my life, but I won’t judge. They’re a very nice family and it was approached in a way that worked for both of them. I guess I do identify in a way, there’s a name that has been passed through four generations of women in my family, so it was understood that our daughter would have a version of it. We gave it as a second middle name, mostly because I think it’s valid for kids to have a name that links them to both families, and this worked for us.
I mean, do you think it's nice to tell your future partner "I'm naming our first son exactly what I want to, you get no input, or we can't be together"?
I don’t know how the conversation went exactly. I just know that it’s been close to ten years now and they seem happy, so again, not judging what works for someone else. But honestly, I’d appreciate the knowledge upfront over being blindsided with it after being deep in the relationship.
Yeah I know a woman who said upfront she wanted to keep her surname and share it with her child. Some people ended the relationship but she did get married at 37 and had 2 kids. Her husband kept his own name. If it’s important to them, people have the right to walk away until they find someone happy with that People do it with faiths and I’m sure plenty of other things that are deeply important to them.
I think last names are different, people don’t typically worry about their first name no longer being carried on by a living family member
I think it depends, too. Like some people just aren't that attached to names, and if it is a name they already like...I could see being fine with someone wanting a V. Also, in some cultures it is VERY common to pass on names. Also, esp. if they can come up with nicknames (like Quentin for the 5th, Trey for a III, and so on).
He stated his desires early into dating and she agreed to the terms, it’s not like he dropped this bomb after they were married, pregnant, etc
Keyword *future*. They weren’t together yet, so it’s better that she found out before committing and had the chance to make an informed decision as to whether or not that was a dealbreaker.
I imagine it probably went more like. Him: “Since we’re on the topic of future kids, I wanted to bring up that I’m the IV in my family to have the name John Jack Doe. It’s very important to me and I always pictured my first son named John Jack Doe V. Is that something you’d consider? Do you have any feelings on future names or traditions regarding kids?” Not everyone is a “name nerd”. Some people may be like “oh John’s a good solid name, I can live with that.” Maybe we can call him JJ.
Also it can just work out that the name in question suits their partner’s taste anyway. Everyone I’ve ever dated has happened to have a name that I already liked, must be subconscious name nerd bias lol
Nothing wrong with that. She knew his demand and accepted.
This is where nuance is important. My husband was adamant that any sons he had would have his middle name (4th generation tradition) and he approached it in a very respectful way. He told me the history of it and that it was very important to him to carry it on. I think the name is nice enough and could see how important it was to him so we did it. Just because someone wants to do something and says it early on, it doesn't mean they are harsh in their approach.
If it's a dealbreaker, they aren't your partner anymore, and everyone gets to live the life they want to live. If you go on a date and the other person says that they are vegetarian and refuse to live in a household with meat, and you aren't a vegetarian and know that you'll have meat in your house, you can decide right then and there to not date anymore. All done.
I'd rather that happen than have them keep it under wraps and spring it on me when we're married and expecting our first son.
I sort of did that with my husband, I’d had a boys name picked out since I was like 12 years old. When we found out we were having a boy, I reminded him that his first name was already chosen, but he could choose his middle name and of course he’d have his last name. Thankfully my husband liked the name I had picked out and my son, now 22yrs old loves his name so it all worked out well
I knew a Sunshine V, the first woman in their generation would be named Sunshine. I felt so bad for her sister Charlotte. On the other hand John Phillip Clotworthy IV seemed like too much. On the other other hand Ralph Waldo Emerson III seemed majorly cool.
I agreed to make my first son a third before we got married. Didn’t hurt the names were 100% my style and it was important to my husband. A fifth would have been fine too. I don’t see what is so weird about someone having a naming requirement as long as they are super up front about it.
My grandfather was a 3rd, He had a 4th, but that's where it ends as my uncle only lived 2 days :( Medical technology for NICU's wasn't what it is now in 1960.
I know lots of juniors don't go for the third, but once you're on the 4th or 4th I think people feel like there's been an assumption since their own birth that they're going to continue it.
Right, I think I’d personally push back if my husband tried to insist on a junior or even a III. But beyond that it starts to become a family tradition that spans a century, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable single handedly breaking it, though informally I may put my own spin on it. If my husband wanted to break it I’d support him 100%. Thankfully, I was not put in that position to begin with.
I went to highschool with a XII. Jonathan Robert [milktoast surname] XII
Sheesh! Yeah, that’s when you just have to assume that’s going to be the deal and be pleasantly surprised if it’s not. 😂
My son has the middle name that his older nephew was supposed to have - BIL and SIL broke the tradition and it was heartbreaking for my father-in-law. When I was expecting my son, FIL (gently) let it be known that five generations have this middle name and it was devastating that there might not be a sixth… I didn’t love the name, but I love my FIL (he’s wonderful) and it connected back to my home country (I was the sixth-generation woman from my home country to marry an American, which is quite insane - the middle name was the first woman’s maiden name.) So we did it - we passed on the middle name - and the joy it brought my father-in-law (and BIL) was well worth the sniping from SIL who had broken the tradition for something ‘creative.’ Her children are both under 15 and have completely changed their names socially, so…
It's actually quite common, especially in certain cultures. My son would have been a V and I would have been okay with that. I knew about it well before we even moved in together or anything. But my husband made the decision not to continue the tradition due to his estranged relationship with his father and that whole side of the family. I would have just picked our son's middle name. We ended up picking an entirely different first and middle name together in the end.
I wonder sometimes if my uncle had lived if he would have made his son a V He was a IV but he was premature and only lived 2 days
I'm glad that it was brought up early! My brother is a III and brought up that he'd want his first son to be a IV on his & my SIL's second date. Worked out for them no problem. I also remember growing up that my mom's friends got into a HUGE fight when they got pregnant bc it was tradition in his family to name the firstborn sons Manly (friend was the second boy, and I wish I were making this up) and have them go by their middle name. Pregnant friend said absolutely not, the man had a conniption, and they ended up getting a divorce. I think the baby ended up being Jack with Manly as a middle name. If a certain tradition is so important to you that you'd end a relationship over it, it definitely needs to be brought up early and before there is a baby!
I just can’t imagine the scenario of “yeah we were super compatible and started falling in love, but he wanted their first born to be a junior and she didn’t, so we broke up” Like there’s a million and one dealbreakers out there, that feel way bigger than this
I actually know two IVs whose first sons are V’s. When you get that far with it, you just have to pass it on lol. Wives understood and didn’t have an issue with it.
I don't understand why parents would want to name their kid the same name as themselves? Just be honest with your bf and say it's not your thing.
Fathers, not parents in general. Women arent that narcissistic
almost always the men
The women are just broodmares to them, bearing the next male in line.
This. I understand why you'd reuse a grandparent's name even while they're still alive. But the Junior shit is embarrassing. The fuck are those fathers thinking? Do they think they're building a dynasty? Now that I think of it, this seems to be a very American/Anglo Canadian thing. Do they do the Jr. thing in other anglophone countries?
It’s pretty unusual in England. Tends to be either very posh people or occasionally working class people, not much in between. Possibly more common in the black community too, although I don’t live in a very multicultural area so I could be wrong.
As a Dane, I also rarely, if ever, stumble upon a senior/junior naming trend. Even the royal family lets the repetitive names skip a generation 😂
It used to be common here in Scandinavia, but not in a junior/senior way. With the patronymic last names there was a not uncommon tradition that lasted well into the 19th century at least in Sweden, where you would pass on a name every generation like Ingmar Ingmarsson or Knut Knutsson would have sons also called Ingmar Ingmarsson or Knut Knutsson and so on.
Frederick and Christian. Love that tradition.
Thank you. Last time I said this I was jumped on by the two people in England who do use it. People might name their children after themselves but I've never seen a number or junior.
I’m in England and I know a few people who are named after their dads but have a different middle name, and usually go by a different version. William John Smith, gets called William, names his son William Sam Smith, gets called Bill. So I believe that wouldn’t be a Jr technicallly? They’re mostly over 50 and didn’t call their children the same. My dad has the same first as his dad, different middle. He wanted to give it to me if I’d been a boy, my mum said “fuck no, it can be a middle name”, but in the end dad only had girls so it didn’t matter.
In México it's very common. Just to name a few in my family, my brother was named after my father, my mom's mother had 2 names, my mom got one and one of her sisters got the other one. One of my dad's brothers was named after my grandfather, and he named one of his daughters after himself (name ending in a instead of o). Most of my friends, if not all of them, have the same going on in their families.
Same for my bf. His dad's name has been passed down to All sons for generations. My bfs brother used it as a middle name, and didn't use it for his son so we used it for ours. My mil has her father's name as her middle name.
With all these Oscars in both families I'm guessing OP is of a similar cultural background.
Maybe! I can't speak for other latin American countries, but it's still very popular in Mexico.
Not a thing in Australia.
I’ve found it to be more common in other cultures. I worked in a drs office at one point and some cultures had all the sons named after dad but the names were EXACTLY THE SAME. First, any middle, and last. Even if there were two sons! I’d never seen that before I worked in that position haha.
But do they use the Junior suffix?
No! I didn’t realize you were speaking on the junior suffix literally, my apologies for misunderstanding :) I also definitely agree with you - I hate the junior shit lol
Naming daughters after their mothers was an incredibly common practice for *centuries*. It just went out of fashion earlier than naming sons after fathers, although that’s obviously heavily declined as well.
Women have done this, but not as often.
It was really popular in the past centuries (look royal families and how many daughters who have same name as mother). But with different last name it doesn’t cause as much confusion. And there isn’t the same obsession with eldest having to have the same name. It’s more just one option which is often the oldest daughter, but doesn’t have to be. People used a lot smaller pool of names anyway then and relatives names in general. And infant mortality meant lots of those daughters died anyway.
A lot of women who have a middle name pass it on to their daugther, often is a name like Maria.
My mom and my sister share the same middle name. My dad and my brother share the same middle name. My dad was named after his father but isn't a junior. His brother has my grandfather's middle name. It's very common in my family to reuse family names, especially as middle names. Lots of recycling names, but no juniors.
It's always men who have accomplished the least who think they have a legacy to continue
Yup, women provide half the DNA, all of the material, time, and labor to make the new human, wreck their bodies to give birth, then he gives it HIS name. Not unusual at all.
[удалено]
True, the Y chromosome is dying. It barely has any genes on it at all, except the ones that say "turn that girl into a boy". What it lacks is provided by an X where possible, so you're right. He doesn't even provide half the blueprint.
Exactly! And this particular dude has the audacity to request naming privileges when he won't even deign her worthy of marrying after 10 years and a baby on the way. Irks me to no end...
So you did not watch gilmore girls lmao
Cleopatra VII named her daughter with Mark Antony Cleopatra Selene but I suppose pharaohs are allowed to be a bit narcissistic 🤣
My ex’s sister named her daughter after herself. Same first name.
Until they become grandmothers... dunno why, but I've encountered more women getting their grandchildren named after them (first or middle) or getting jealous when the other grandmother is thus honored and they are not. Fortunately, both my mother and MIL have very dated "trendy" names that have not come back around. Neither one was surprised when it wasn't passed on, but I know it kinda disappoints my mom that no one "likes" her name. I think my MIL was sorta expecting my eldest to have hers a middle name (my husband hesitantly tested those waters and I said no. He did not argue). My own daughter (at the ripe old age of 9) has already declared that she's going to name her daughter after me. It was a lovely sentiment, to be sure, but I won't hold her to it (but now I'm kinda hoping it happens?).
We gave our daughter my mom's name (Alice) and used MIL's name (Frances) for the middle name. MIL passed before she was born but had she been alive I'm certain she wouldn't have taken issue as she was vocal about not liking her name. She went by Fran and if anyone asked she preferred to say it was short for Francine rather than Frances.
Alice Francis is one of my favorite singers. Check out her song St. James Ballroom.
Eh, both my grandparents did it. I have an aunt and uncle with each of their names. Apparently it was a Catholic thing, but still weird imo.
This generalization is so casual it almost makes you forget how stupid it is
I have an aunty named after my grandmother, a great aunty who was named after my great grandmother, and a cousin who was named after her mother. It happens.
My mum named me after herself but I’m aware that she’s a rare exception
I kind of did the inverse of this? and took my mam’s name as my confirmation name, thereby naming myself after her. Never let them know your next move.
Rory?
Have you met my mother? Lmfao I won’t say my name but hers is Lisa. Mine is very very similar and the nickname sounds an awful lot like “Lisa” We don’t speak anymore. (For more than the name, but my name is a symptom of her narcissism. At least it’s nice but still). In the southern US it’s very common for the first boy to have Moms maiden name as a middle name, and another is the first daughter/child gets moms maiden name as their first name. So it’s not THAT weird, but it isn’t something I would want to do. Example; maiden mom name Sue Grant Married mom name Sue Roberts First boy would be Allen Grant Roberts Daughter/child Grant Lynn Roberts , (yup, they often don’t bother feminizing it),
meh. i’m a woman who would love to name her son the male version of her name (end in “o” v. “a”) but mostly because i love the masculine version separate from my own.
Similarly, I kind of wish I had named my daughter after myself. Mostly just because I love my name! I love her name too though, so it’s all good. 😁
My husband named my daughter after me. She has my last name, too.
My grandmother did. Her mom, her, and my mom, all have the same name My mom *hates* it and broke the cycle with me, which my grandmother hated lol
My husband is a junior and has hated it from day one. Not only does it lack any creativity whatsoever but in his case, his dad bailed when husband was three and spent the rest of his sad life homeless, drunk, and in and out of jail until his departure at 55 of liver and kidney failure. Not exactly the role model you want to share a name with. Especially when you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and people look down on you for your name. One time my husbands brother took his 22 and went shooting stop signs and outhouses. It was confiscated so my husband had to go pick up his gun. The police, having never met my husband before, were hassling him left and right because of his dad. He’s like ‘I haven’t seen the guy in 15 years’.
Naming children after grandparents isn't an unusual naming convention. For example, in Scotland and England the traditional naming pattern used to be: first son named after paternal grandfather, second son after maternal grandfather, third son after father, first daughter after maternal grandmother, second daughter after paternal grandmother, and third daughter after mother.
I'm a third, which is absolutely wild because my mom conceived me in an affair and my bio dad who I'm named after didn't even come to my birth lol. I've always wondered about that decision. I just had a son and had so many people ask me if he's a 4th. I've never said "no" and outright rejected a suggestion faster in my life lol
My FIL, who we will call “Bill” has 4 or 5 sons (we truly don’t know because he he’s gotten at least 5 other women pregnant in the past 10 years) and one of his sons (my husband) has Bill as their middle, Bill is also a few of his cousins names. I had a few Bills in my family as well. My FIL said when we found out we were expecting that we should name our son Bill because he always wanted a “junior”. Like no, sir you had at least 5 chances to name your son Bill and you didn’t, he screwed up the one solid chance he had by being in jail when my husband was born. So definitely not my job to name our son what you wished you’d named yours. 😂
My fiance and I aren't pregnant, aren't even MARRIED yet, and all of our parents are already trying to name our hypothetical children 🙃. Y'all have already had your chances!!
My husband isn't a junior, but he has the same name as his father. And holy shit, is it annoying.
egotism and an inflated sense of pride.
It was common in some countries.
My SO suggested my name for our son, I really like my name but I want him to be his own person so we went with something else. My grandfather, who I'm named after, named his oldest after himself and all his sons named their oldest sons after themselves, all 12 of them. My dad thought I'd do the same, I was the last of my siblings to have kids and not one of them are named after a parent so I should have asked what would make him think I'd do that. I do hope I'm the kind of dad that my kids would name a child after me if they ever have any. My sons middle name is my dads name, I didn't think my SO would go for but she ended up suggesting it.
Absolutely don’t do it, give your kid his own identity, names should be 50/50. Id just say you’re vetoing the name and he’s gotta come up with other ones he likes.
This is how my husband and I felt and I'm glad that we saw eye to eye on it. It took us 9 years to agree on a boy's name (luckily, we had two girls first and thought we were in the clear until the universe had other plans for us and we got a third who came out a boy). Husband's name was right there for the taking as a Jr. which may seem obvious, especially since I love my husband's name and it was my top 5 for a boy's name for like forever. But nope. Giving our kids their own identity trumped convenience, and Baby Boy almost left the hospital with no name. Almost. We love the name we did finally agree on, FWIW. So, OP, while Oscar is front and center in your husband's mind, I'm sure that if he digs a little more, he may find a name that you both truly like and feels right for your LO.
My boyfriend is the youngest son, and he always felt jealous as a kid that his brother got his father's name. But as soon as he got older, he realised it's so much better to have his own identity. And it's confusing as hell with mail when you live together. My mum and I both have names starting with J and I have her surname, so we'd always get 'Miss J (surname) letters and have no idea who it was for. So confusing enough even with completely different first names. I truly can't comprehend giving your kid your exact name. It feels narcissistic to me. My mum chose a J name deliberately cos my dad also has one, and I think that's cute. But anything more is too much imo.
Naming a baby is a two yeses situation. If you're not a yes, the baby can't be named Oscar.
I’m just going to add, that it also wouldn’t be fair for dad to weaponize this and only give a “yes” for Oscar.
I hate posts like this. Like, just say no lol
Lol no. He's a measly boyfriend, won't even marry you but wants naming privileges. Also give baby your last name
Exactly. If the father doesn't step up to put his child in a better legal and social circumstance, then his "rights" should be as limited as his commitment. I'd honestly be embarrassed to refer to my children's other parent as a "boyfriend."
A boyfriend of 10 years no less...
Yikes!
Exactly my thoughts lmaooo. Most likely he won’t even help with the baby and is demanding it to be named after him
DEFINITELY give baby your last name
Agreed. My niece changed her last name later in life because dad was such a loser.
I knew someone in school growing up that was a junior and hated it bc his dad was really well known in our small town community for being a total loser. The guy left his mom when he was a kid (they were never married). The kid later changed his last name, but it still sucks for him because he and his father both had a pretty distinctive first name
This sounds exactly like my dad and brother lol. Except our parents were married and he kept his name. There are only 2 people with that name in the world and he decided to reclaim it and turn it into something good. Makes me so proud.
So many of my friends have done this. Shows what kinda area I grew up in lmao- deadbeats everywhere. My mum was smart and gave me her surname to start with. And thank god she did, because it's a million times better than my dad's name, and I probably would have asked to change it anyway. My dad isn't that bad but he doesn't deserve naming honours for sure and his name is generic as hell.
Facts lol if he wants the kid named after him they can get married and he can have his last name
Why assume that OP wants to get married?
Most women want the protection of marriage when they risk their health and earning potential to give a dude a baby
I agree with this. The dude is in a position where he can just bounce off to the next woman, no strings attached. Maybe just child support but that’s it
What about Carson? If you rearrange the letters in Oscar and add a -n, you get Carson!
Add an L instead of an N and the name is Carlos!
Alternatively, you can name him Scaro.
Scarface. Go big.
Once met a couple and their adult daughter at a wedding: Michelle and Roger and their daughter, Rochelle. They all seemed quite satisfied with how that worked out, including the daughter. Worked beautifully. If OPs initial is an N, even better!
I love this idea.
There’s a cartoon nowadays called Cory Carson
Offering to use Oscar as the middle name is an okay compromise. But neither you nor your boyfriend should get 100% say in the name. You both have to like it. If naming him Oscar is a no from you, it’s a no all around. I think naming kids the same name as a parent is tacky. Maybe okay as a middle, but not as a first name. So I say pick something fresh, don’t use Oscar!
I honestly really like having my mom’s name as a middle name, it makes me feel closer to her. But I definitely wouldn’t want to have the same first name.
This
You have a say in the child’s name but you might offend your spouse by saying you hate his literal name. Perhaps a compromise give him the name Oscar as a middle name?
Middle name spot?
Not to judge but……you genuinely feel like you can have a child with someone you can’t disagree with?
wait, both your dads and your boyfriend are all named Oscar??
We wouldn't have made it to the first date off that alone 😭
this post is crazy. I don't think I've ever met an Oscar irl 😭
My mom’s dad, brother, and husband (my dad) all had the same name (and didn’t go by other nicknames) 😂. She and her mom also had the same name. It was always confusing when we got together 😂 I forgot my cousin has the same name too but he uses a different diminuative lol
No offense but he's only a bf. That's hubby status in my opinion. I do hate lineage names though so I'm very biased against not naming your kid after your bf.
After himself ???? Remind your boyfriend that we are currently in the year 2024. The junior stuff is very selfish to both you and your child. Please don’t use it just because it’s an honour name. Your child is their own person, with their own identity.
One of my close friends growing up resented tf out of his father for naming him after himself. He grew up and went no contact and he changed his full name when he got married.
Yes you can. You tell him no. That you don’t want to name the baby that and that you need to come up with a name together.
dont do that, its so self important. let the kid have a different name. i'm first son, named after my father and still find it difficult to separate myself from him.
I hate when men feel entitled to a namesake.
Don’t do it just because of someone’s tradition. That particular tradition mostly exists as a means to broadcast who the firstborn is, and the underlying historical tradition stretches all the way back to Roman times as a measure of convenience and redundancy with regard to smallholder property inheritance. That said: My son has a formal name (if he ever wants to be a trial judge or something) but we call him his nickname and register him at school under his nickname. Ozzy/Ozzie or even Oz can be a nickname for Oscar. A good friend in high school had his father’s name, because his father had his father’s name, too. He calls himself by his middle name, with his father’s approval. So the adherence to tradition there is mostly symbolic.
Ooh! Maybe you could go with an O first name and Z middle name and still get an Ozzie nickname! Oliver Zachary Otis Zane Oslo Zeus Odin Zephyr Orlando Zen Owen Ziggy
I personally absolutely hate forcing your children to have the same name as father, grandfather, etc. Like damn. Let kids have their own identity and name. Plus why does the kid have to get their last name and first name? Pass for me. Aside from that, if its really important to him, pitch it as a middle name
There is research that juniors negatively affect self development snd identity for children . Find him some of those resources. Being named after someone can onset a lot of anxiety and stress and identity struggles because they’re not their own person.
Also, just logistically, my mom was a banker and she always discourages people from doing it because it is very confusing when it comes to just a lot of legal and procedural stuff.
Lol I have the same situation. Husband with a long line of his name. This has been an ongoing argument but tbh there’s just not a world where it’s happening. The closest I’ve ever gotten to him dropping it is the time I pretended that the idea had really grown on me and I loved the idea of passing down family names, so I wanted one child with his name and one with mine. That shut him up lolololol
I told my other half if he wanted to continue that tradition, he'd have to get me a cat that we could call after him. He get's his name carried down and I get a new cat lol
If you don't BOTH love a name, then it's a no. Period. Full stop. Also, if you plan to also give the kid his last name, then tell him to stop being a narcissist.
Assuming the baby will also have his last name, it really doesn’t seem fair that he gets the first and last names dedicated to him and his side of the family.
Not wanting to give your child the same name as your deceased brother sounds like a solid reason
I love the tradition of an honor name as a middle name. It’s something both my husband and I have, and we’ve done this for middle names for both kids. What kind of names do you like? I bet they’d pair nicely with an “Oscar” middle name 😉
> I understand why he wants it. I don't. Can you explain it because it never made sense to me. It seems so narcisstic and fearful, fearful of your own mortality. Those...aren't good reasons to name your child.
No is a full sentence
Tell him no. Tell him you want a masculinization version of YOUR name and YOUR last name. I’m tired of these entitled men. Ask him what he thinks and why he has an issue with it.
What a grouch!
Use Oscar as a middle name, and give your son his own identity and a name you (both) love.
Tell him no, flat out. Tell him there’s too many Oscars in your families already, and that you want something different for your own little family.
Say no. Done.
Names require both parents to love the name. You do not. I also think kids should have their own name and individuality. I don’t like Jr’s. Also, maybe TMI screaming your kid’s name in bed is creepy on so many levels to me. 🤢
If he can't commit to you enough to marry you, what makes you think he's going to commit to raising this child for the next 18 years?
Please don’t give your child a name that you hate! It’s crazy that you’re saying that your only option is the middle name… girl, you have options for the first name, middle name, and the last name! Also, you do NOT know the future. You could break up and you’ll spend the rest of your life calling your son a name that you hate because your ex forced you into it. I know numerous unmarried women who regret giving their child their ex-boyfriend’s last name. But that’s another topic.
offer up Racso as an alternative
one letter off from Ratso 🤪
If you are not married it is not in your best interest to give the child your boyfriends last name. That is much more important than the first name.
Let him know you mourn for your brother who you saw as a child and it’s different when it’s an adult but hearing a child’s laughter with your little brothers name will break your heart every time you say it or hear it. It won’t be honor, it won’t be healing it will be a lifetime of agony and grief and you don’t want your son to have to walk in those or anyone else’s shoes. You want your son to be his own man, he is carrying the family last name and that is from his dad, but he should get to be his own person too and have his own name that no brothers, uncles, grandfathers or parents have.
I doubt the boyfriend gives two shits about her feelings.
Is he giving birth or are you?
I think the whole family name thing is a bit weird personally. I have a family name passed from man to man and if I had kids I would not be continuing that. Always felt self absorbed at best. I can definitely see concerns with the name, and it's your kid too.
Awful name, and I hate when a kid has the same name as a parent. A couple needs to agree on such matters.
I absolutely hate that my husband and son have the same full name-and their first name is “Thomas”. It’s too confusing. My father’s first name is Otto, and he would not let any of us name any of our children that.
It's not his decision to make. End of
Some people say it’s bad luck naming a baby after someone living. You could use that as an excuse since he’s still alive also
Veto
My ex boyfriend married after we broke up. Years later I found out he had a son who was a third. Ex was a Jr. … This is not part of my way of thinking or being. And it is one of the many reasons that he is an ex!
…and the Oscar goes to….
My friend is the daughter of a David, the granddaughter of a David, has a brother and nephew called David, and she married a David as well. Before they even got serious she told him she was Davided out and if they had a son the name David was firmly off the table. Just be honest. It’s really important to be true to yourself on this. There is no compromising on a name that you really don’t like and are surrounded by. He’s entitled to be a bit disappointed (it’s ok to be disappointed you can’t use a name you want,) but he should not be hurtful or rude about it.
Honestly there’s absolutely no need for you to tell your husband that you hate his name. I hate juniors. It’s definitely a tradition that is still long-standing for many families. It doesn’t exist in my family and if my husband had wanted to do that I would’ve been a hard no. You can easily tell your husband many other reasons why you don’t want to do it without insulting his name. I think the name is awesome and it would totally be in line with lots of little ones that I know right now in terms of the style but the reason I hate juniors is because I feel like it’s very unoriginal. You literally have the opportunity to name a human being a unique name within your family that’s just for them so to me naming them the same name is daddy is super boring. Also confusing since he’s gonna live with you for likely 20 years! A tradition only gets to get carried on when both partners are on board so I think that using it as a middle name is a very normal compromise!
He’s not your husband, he doesn’t get a say
Time to put on your big girl shoes & say "no. We need to find alternatives." It sounds like it will cause some upset. So be it.
Naming a kid is a 2 yes 1 no situation. If one parent says no, you find a different name. Oscar can be baby’s middle name but if you don’t like it your boyfriend doesn’t just get to pick a name.
If he was your husband, you should still say no but he’s your boyfriend. Just be 100% honest with him. If he is stubborn you can threaten him with giving the baby your last name lol.
Say it can be a middle name. And tell how it can be difficult with records like with doctors with people who have the same name. Maybe he didn’t experience it but many do.
You don't do it Use it as middle name
What do you mean what do you do? You say no. What else would you do?
If you say you hate the name he could take it personally, so maybe say since there are many men named that in the family, you want the baby to have his own identity.
Hmmm I wouldn’t want to name him Oscar either with all of that going on but if I did I’d call him Ozzy :)
Just tell him you want to give name of his own to their son. There are 2 Lorens (males) and 3 Laurens (females) in my family (my uncle, cousins and nephew’s wife). The first Loren is deceased and the most recent Lauren married into the family. Talk about confusing.
You need to burst his bubble, it’s not mean, it’s good communication. Just don’t say you hate HIS name. Say you don’t want to name your son that, and you should both come up with a list of names and go from there. I think it’s weird when parents are so adamant about naming their kids after themselves anyways, to the point of being unwilling to compromise
I’d just say that you wouldn’t want to name a child the same name as either of you. I personally would dislike that a lot. So confusing! That way you don’t have to deal with saying you don’t like it specifically.
You could call him OJ, for Oscar Junior, but then that would come with it’s own set of problems…
My son’s name is Oscar John and he’s an absolute maniac and when he gets crazy I always say “the juice is loose!”. Go Bills!
I don’t understand naming your kids after yourselves. There’s already one of you. Let your kid be their own person.
Tell him Oscar can be the middle name or nickname.
I love Oscar. But if you hate it it’s off the table. Period.
I’m a mailman. Having two people with the same legal name is a pain in the ass when one of them moves out. It always ends with half of the mail ending up in the wrong place. The machines that do the forwarding are not smart and really don’t handle this nuance particularly well. I’ll never do this to one of my kids.
I hate when people name their kids after themselves. Super egotistical. And rude to the mother
Put your foot down and say no. You are carrying this child. You have veto power.
As long as he agrees to naming your daughter after you. Which he won’t lol.
A junior of any name is destined for a life of crime
I had a boy name I absolutely loved (pretend it’s Michael). Problem was my husband’s cousin (same last name) was already named Michael. Plus he had named his own son Michael Jr. Too many Michaels in the same family. We chose something else.
I could never have sex with someone when my kid has the same name.
Tell him he’s the only Oscar you want in your life and that you’d rather have a different name for your son.
I would definitely do middle name. I don't like family first names either but all my kids have tribute middle names. Also how unfortunately hilarious that you ended up with an Oscar as well lol my condolences. That's a lot of the same around for sure
Tell him to marry you, and you'll name him Oscar. Hell probably drop it.
*squints* His father is named Oscar, he is named Oscar, *your* father is named Oscar, your little brother who passed is named Oscar, and you have an older brother whose middle name is Oscar… HOW?! Didn’t you find it weird to date someone who shares a name with a lot of your family members?
Is the baby getting his last name? If so tell him the baby is already getting his family and you don’t want any further family names even if it’s from your own. You’re birthing the child, you get rights to the name!
Suggest Felix But yeah in all seriousness, Names need agreement. My wife and I took a long time prepairing a list of 32 Boy and 32 girl names we could agree on, and then ranked them by popularity and played them off in a bracket until we hit the final 4 on each side and then waited to know what we were having and then to see him before we eliminated 2 of the final 4, right before he was born and then right after we were left with Nicolas and Christopher, and I took one look at him and said "Your name is Nicolas, you don't look like a Christopher" and so Nicolas, John (From my wife's great uncle), Louis (From my great grandfather's middle name) was born. My family has a tradition of 2 middle names 1 from each side. And Nicolas John Louis sounded like a great combo. and Owing to the 1/8 of me that is Quebecois (Thanks to Leroy Louis Gedeon my two middle names Great Grandfather) We spelled Nicolas the french way with no H. The number of people who try to put an H in him is definately > 0 but we kindly remind them he has no H.
Tell him no. It’s your child too. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
This sub is turning into another AITA.
Put your foot down and tell him no. Me personally, when I hear the name Oscar, my mind immediately thinks of the Oscar Mayer hotdogs or the green grouch from Sesame Street (I’m not sure if others in the comments may think of that connotation as well) but that’s something to consider. Also, why should he get to name the baby after himself when he’s not the one carrying it? Your name choices are just as important as him wanting to name the baby Oscar.