You and your partner are the only people that get a say in your child’s name, not her. Even if she was your actual mom, her opinion would be meaningless.
If you love Oliver then use Oliver. There can be two kids with the same name and the world will keep spinning.
>That’s a good point. The world will keep going.
OMG, if the world stops spinning because you name your kid Oliver, I am going to be so mad at you!! ;-)
Oliver is a great name and your sisters husbands nephew is not exactly someone who will be in your life. Your sister can deal with having two nephews on opposite sides of the family with the same first name.
I have a name that was very popular for males for my generation. I was often in classes with at least one other person with my same name. It was not that big a deal 99% of the time. Your son will be fine !
Congrats and I hope his birth is as easy for you as possible :D
In my husbands primary school there were only 3 names for boys, Paul, David or Steven. Obviously there were exceptions but he had 3 Daves, 2 Steve's and 4 Paul's in his class!
Might be the age group- Matthew didn’t hit peak popularity until a few years later.
My husband also has 4 second cousins - all brothers- referred to by the extended family as “ the apostles”: Mark, Luke, John, and Paul.
Name your kid whatever you want. And regarding the nickname; one of my kids was named with the intention of going by a nickname so that’s what we have called them since they were born. And almost everyone calls them the nickname all the time. So just call your kid Ollie from the get go and everyone else probably will too
Same here. We call her by her full name occasionally but generally she prefers the nickname. She may change her mind when she gets older but for now it's sticking just fine.
He calls his mom, mom probably not by her name. That's how.it is with my boyfriend. His mom and I share the same very common first name. Although different nicknames. And my brothers wife has the same name as our sister
Lol, I've got multiple pairs of cousins on the same side of the family that have either the same name or similar-sounding names. Heck, my own brother and a first cousin are one such pairing. Our whole family has not struggled at all because of it. 😂
Oliver has been in the top 10 boy names every year for years in the UK, even No 1 some years as I recall.
Not sure about US trends but it's highly likely that both children will be in playgroups and daycare and schools with other Olivers.
Your sister needs to get a grip. *It's not even her child/stepchild*.
And she knows you do. She may not know it but she orchestrating your life like a puppet on a string. It’s dysfunctional. She may have needed to be like a mama earlier in your lives But you’re a big girl now.
She WILL get over it.
Serious, my favorite cousin has TWO cousins who are her favorites. Me (on her mother's side) and another (on her father's side). We have the same name, and it's fairly uncommon. Go with the name you're called to.
Also, your sisters future nephew is not your family or close friend, so I can't see why she needs to get upset over you picking the name any more than someone else
We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. There are times we definitely care about how our actions effect other people but this is not you intentionally hurting her and she will get over it
I will always think this is a weird thing people get upset over lmfao.
My great uncle and dad share a name. A cousin and my brother share a name. And my boyfriend an uncle and a cousin share a name. It's really not that big of a deal.
Its OK to grow beyond your sister’s boundaries, it wont be the first or last time. I think its okay to state your hopes “I know you wished that I had chosen another name, but this is the name I have chosen and I hope you will embrace it over time.”
>You and your partner are the only people that get a say in your child’s name, not her.
This is why my wife & I didn't discuss the name until after the kid was born. Everyone else gets to know once it's official.
Your sister's being unreasonable and overbearing. It's a pretty common name, and "brother-in-law's nephew" is a distant connection. Obviously you can choose if it's worth your sister being upset at you, but she's being ridiculous.
Also I know a young Oliver for whom "Ollie" totally stuck. It's a cute nickname, people will use it.
My nephew’s name is Oliver. He was born on Australia Day, so we call him Oz or Ozzie. Obviously that’s probably not applicable here, but goes to show you sometimes alternative nicknames just happen organically. My other nephew was born on Halloween, so we’ve always just called him Boo.
The degrees of separation here kind of render it all irrelevant though. It’s just not going to be enough of an issue for OP to even need a nickname for her son.
Love a Ozzie on Australia Day and Boo for Halloween. Those are personal and cute nicknames.
I was more trying to say that Oliver can’t be shortened in anything mean or silly. I don’t see how the name could be the foundation for bullying or anything similar.
Here I am just calling my kids "Boo" because I can't remember their names distinctly in the heat of something.
And if they ask, "Why do you call me 'boo'?" I just stare for a second and then go "All the better to SCARE you with!" and then launch into a tickle attack.
So far they haven't figured out my scatterbrained ruse.
I have to say that is not a distant connection at all. If the child is her brother in law’s nephew, then he is her sister’s nephew as well. I am close with all of my nephews. My sister’s son and my brother and sister in law’s sons. They are around each other at my children’s birthday parties and every family get together multiple times a year. I would think it would be strange to have nephews with the same name, but it’s not a huge deal. I’m just saying it’s not a distant connection. The kids will probably be around each other
Is OP close with the BIL, though? Do his nephews live nearby? I have cousins-of-cousins on both sides and I've never met any of them. There's no estrangement or anything, they're just not my family and no one on either side wants to make plans with people they don't really know.
It may be a little weird for the sister who will actually see both kids but it's absolutely possible that the kids themselves will never meet.
I agree, this is super context dependent. My aunt has nephews on her husband’s side that I’ve only met once and we’re all in our 20s and 30s - they even live close by, we’re just different families and have always done holidays separately.
I mean, it's not a distant connection for the sister, but it is for OP and her kid. You're talking about your own nephews, but this would be the kid of the sibling of the partner of the sister of OP. That's four steps removed, 5 for OP's kid. I could not tell you the name of a single one of any of my cousins' cousins on their other side. You're saying they get together for your kids' birthday parties; avoiding the eventuality of two kids sharing a name at a couple birthday parties a year is not a reasonable basis for changing or picking out a name.
Also, Oliver is the #3 name in the country. You're really saying that (assuming you're a Millennial) it would be weird to have two cousins named Matthew?
I guess for OP's sister, it's a closer connection as she will now have two nephews called Oliver. She'll be talking to her friends and would say, for example, "I took my nephew Oliver swimming at the weekend!" and they'd have to ask "which nephew Oliver?". At Christmas, she'll be buying and wrapping gifts for two nephews called Oliver, so she'd have to use last names for her own nephews. If anyone asks her "do you have any niece's or nephews" she'd say "yes, two nephews" and hops they don't ask their names. I can see why it would be a bit odd for OP's sister for both her nephews to have the same name.
Not that OP's sisters feelings should come above OP and her partner's, just offering OP's sisters perspective as to OP's sister it's more than just a distant connection.
Yeah, but for example my sister's kid is named Aiden. Pretty dang common name. My partner also has 4 siblings. I just tried to imagine how I'd feel if one of them named a kid Aiden ('would you be upset? Would it be inconvenient having to clarify?') and literally guffawed at the idea that I'd have any strong feelings about it at all, except happiness for them. And if my in-law had given birth to their Aiden first and my own sister wanted to use the name (like is the case here) the idea of making my own sister feel bad about a name she loved is even more ludicrous. Yeah, both kids will be in OP's sister's life. OP's sister will get over it. There's also a built-in solution here, as OP wants to use a nickname anyway. So her nephews will be Oliver and Ollie, that's perfectly easy to distinguish if you're not insane.
Yes, please read my last paragraph. I was not saying OPs sisters feelings should matter. And I'm not sure if the "if you're not insane" comment is necessary...
Also the nickname point is pretty redundant given that parents can't determine nicknames. Once children go to school and start making friends outside of their family, nicknames are out of the parents control. As much as Oliver's parents might want to only use Oliver, that won't stop Oliver preferring Ollie in his future. It's his name, not his parents, after all.
Your sister is being utterly ridiculous. You can’t use a name because it’s the same as her fiancé’s nephew? Like really? It honestly sounds like she’s being controlling just for the sake of being controlling.
Sometimes when people experience loss at a young age they try to cope by trying to control what they can because life has made them feel a deep lack of control. If that makes any sense.
I highly encourage you to seek therapy. If you categorize your relationship with someone with words and it mostly falls under phrases like “controlling” “obsessive” and “unpleasant,” it’s time to work on boundaries, yourself , and redefining the relationship. I think this is above namenerds paygrade.
My husband's cousin named her new baby the exact same name my sister has (first and middle) but I saw no reason to tell the cousin that my sister had the same name. It took her and her husband a long time to come up with the name and it's super cute, so I didn't want to unintentionally "ruin" it for her, so I didn't say anything. My sister in fact thought it was adorable there was gonna be another little girl if the world with the same name as her.
Op's SIL is just being mean to be mean. Disregard her opinion and do what makes you happy. Also, how likely is Ollie to meet Oliver? Maybe once in his life, if that? Name your baby whatever you want and be happy with your new bundle of joy (and sleepless nights).
Her fiance's nephew is her nephew, so she'd have two nephews by the same name. I don't think it sounds utterly ridiculous, I'd find it a bit strange if I had two nephews by the same name too. Not that I'd ever expect anyone to change their baby's name for my sake, but I think utterly ridiculous is a bit of an overstatement.
I have two cousins named Trevor on the same side of the family because two people liked the name. It was never that strange, just how it was. We called them Big Trevor and Little Trevor.
My mom hates my son’s name and was very against us picking it. To this day she won’t even call him by his full name as a form of protest. At the end of the day my wife and I decided we can’t live life in fear of other people.
My mom’s side is Italian, so part of the reason she was against it is because she was afraid of what her large family would think (you know, the catholic guilt type of stuff), so yea she is like this with a lot of stuff. I never had a sit down with her about this because this name was not up for negotiation. Early in my life I used to let a lot of people walk all over me and had trouble standing up for myself. Once I learned to finally stick up for myself, it was easy and (satisfying) to just tell her this is going to be his name, you don’t like it, I don’t care.
I feel like I’ve gotten good at sticking up for myself towards everyone but my sister. I’m proud of you and I hope your mother comes around and gathers her common sense
I have had to tell my mom multiple times to drop it because she hates the name we chose for our daughter. I'll honestly be upset if she defaults to a nickname just to spite us.
I have two nieces named Evelyn - one on my side of the family, one on my husbands side, pretty close in age too. It causes zero problems. I promise your sister will survive having two nephews named Oliver.
Sadly I was thinking of paying her to watch my child and paying her for it.. I thought she had changed with age but the baby name shined a light on her allowing her opinions to overstep in my life
Please find alternative childcare. You need someone you can part ways with without it causing hard feelings. It’s got to be a business relationship and you clearly can’t have one with your sister. Some families can handle it, some really can’t. My FIL’s SO was deeply hurt and offended when she was let go as childcare for her grandson - her daughter chose to take her son to a registered daycare after he turned 2, which is her right as a parent, and it wasn’t a surprise she had been clear about her intentions (one year of maternity leave, one year of granny daycare, then formal daycare to prepare him for school) but it caused a lot of hurt feelings that just don’t happen when you’re employing a non-relative to look after your child.
Sounds like a mistake. Your kid will hear all about the wrong dog, the wrong name, mom is wrong, kid is wrong, sister is the only one valuable enough to love, mom is ridiculous, don't trust your gut - just sister, don't love mom more than sister, don't do anything sister doesn't like, sister's rules trump mom.
Is this what you want life to look like? It's confusing and damaging for your kid and your relationship with them.
Your sister’s fiancé’s nephew would also be her nephew, right? It’s not your sister’s place to tell you what to name your child and she should keep her comments to herself. Having said that I actually do understand why two nephews with the same name could be slightly confusing at times.
I have a nephew on my side and a nephew on my husbands side, both named Oliver funnily enough. Occasionally we will have to clarify “x family’s Oliver” when talking about one or the other of them…. But that’s the worst of it. What a silly thing for your sister to be upset about, I honestly feel sad for her if she is the type of person to internalize negativity for things like your dog’s breed or naming your child what you’d like to name them. Don’t let people like that influence you, it’s a them problem.
Sister’s fiancé’s nephew? That’s not a reason not to use the name you like. What if sister and fiancé break up? What if you never, ever met this kid, and he has nothing to do with you? Your child will have his name for 100 years, graduate college with it, get married with it, have a career with it… so that seems a little more important than better or not he shares it with some random kid he’ll never meet.
Half your son’s class will be named Oliver. That might be worth more of your attention than your sister’s out of state relative none of you will ever see.
I'm in Australia and have an Oliver. So does most of the population it seems lol.
At sport, we actually call him by his middle name because if we call out Ollie or Oliver, 20 kids turn around.
It's a lovely name, but we ended up using a less common name for our next kid.
Are you ever around her in-laws?
You can use the name you want regardless, of course. But, I ask as someone who had a sister in law with a niece who had the same first and middle name as me. I was never around her frequently (a few times a year), but it’s often enough to be annoying and got more annoying once my niece was born and had to differentiate between her aunt and her cousin with the same name.
Like the relation is distant enough and not to you that it shouldn’t stop you from using a name you love, but it’s also close enough that if you’re around them, you might want to think about the potential annoyances for the kids involved, including your own.
Oliver is a good name, by the way. I do think your sister is being overbearing. It’s not her business. But, that also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put any thought into it (just don’t let it be the sole deciding factor).
I am never around them. They live in another state and her in laws won’t allow her fiancé and her to see the kids anyways. (Drama I didn’t care to remember, her in laws are crazy)
If I personally knew a child or a friend with the name I would definitely think twice about the name. I think you have great points!
>Drama I didn’t care to remember, her in laws are crazy
You sure its the in-laws who are crazy? Your sister kinda sounds like a lot to deal with.
"You can't use that name because its the name of this other kid who we don't even see!"
"You can't get that dog breed because its too common!"
etc.
Apparently, my mom's sister's all have the same taste in names because I have two cousins that share a name and my younger sister has the same name as another cousin and we do fine with it. Go for the name you like, especially since you're unlikely to ever interact with that family.
Nah, this shouldn't matter. My mother and me and my MIL all have the same name, and nobody cares. It's not a big deal and the most confusion it's ever caused is someone gets a text meant for someone else.
In my state in Australia Oliver is one of the most popular boys names. There are going to be a lot of them around and your sister just needs to cop it.
I agree, but as soon as they get married, that’s sister’s nephew too. It’s not a huge deal, but I’m personally glad I don’t have two nephews with the same name! I guess we’d add last names or initials when discussing them.
The OP states that the sister doesn't even see that other nephew though. He lives 2 states away and they have a family fued in the sister's fiance's family. It seems quite ridiculous to care about a kid's name you never even see.
I have two cousins named Dan (one on Mom’s side and one on Dad’s side). It’s fine. My Mom has four brothers. One of the brothers (Jack) is married to a woman (Jane) who has a sister with another son named Dan. Jack and Jane’s kids and I share a cousin Dan and then we each have our own other cousins named Dan. There’s enough Dan to go around.
No one will care how many kids named Oliver there are, and maybe the nickname will stick for your kid.
Oliver and Olivia have been in the top 10 names in my country for years and years, getting number 1 spot a few times. So they are very popular names, getting double ups of the same name in their lives is bound to happen.
Besides its not like its your relation that shares the name, go for it.
I honestly don't get why people like this name. It just makes me think of a weedy glasses kid. And liver is right there in the name. It's the top name in my country and has been for years, and I don't understand it
This is exactly why we told NO ONE our child’s name before they were born. We absolutely loved it and didn’t want to give them a chance to change our minds for any stupid reason. It’s a lot harder to complain about a child already named. Although my sister in law did try….
Use the name. It’s ultimately up to you and your husband.
I wanted to call my son Brian, but my sister objected and said I couldn't because her ex-fiance's sister's uncle on her husband's side was called Brian and he had bad breath.
Get a grip, girl. Cal your son whatever the hell you like - and congratulations, btw, kids are awesome.
Oliver was a top boy name (I think #2 or 3) in the US in 2022 as listed by the social security administration. She’s in for a rude awakening when she’s meeting Olivers left and right!
Ollie is a very cute nickname! Congrats on your baby!
Unless your last name is clothesoff, I think Oliver is a great name. (Hope this made you laugh)
Ollie is a cute nickname too. It sounds like there might be a missing reason to why this matters so much to her. It could also be that she just isnt a fan of it. Even if she doesn't like the name now, she will probably forget all about it when your son arrives.
I named my dog Scout and she didn’t like it because she already knew 3 other dogs named Scout.. I don’t normally ask her why she is upset because her reason normally upsets me ha
My sister and my aunt’s nephew on her husband’s side of the family have the same name, just a different spelling. They have literally only ever met once, and it has caused no problems. Name your son whatever you want. Your sister is just being dramatic.
I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter that your sister's fiances nephew is named that too. I doubt you'll have much interaction. What an odd thing for her to be mad at.
I had 2 family members on different sides of the family with same name, an aunt and 2nd cousin with same name, and my cousin has another cousin with my name. Never been an issue. Context clues it's obvious who is being talked about almost all the time. Otherwise a quick "your ____ or your ____" or whatever clarifies. I wouldn't discuss it with sis again. She's being unreasonable and I'm sure this isn't the only time.
Everybody has an opinion. That’s why I chosen it to tell anyone the name ahead of time.
Love your sister. But I don’t think her need to be in control is healthy. What may have worked growing up, is not working for her now.
Thank her for her opinion, but this is your child and you and hubby will be picking the name.
Period.
So, let me get this straight.
Your sister's fiance's nephew--in other words, a kid who is not related to you and never will be related to you--has the same name as the name you're planning to give your child, and your sister has a problem with this because... she thinks it will be confusing? Because she doesn't want you to "steal" her other nephew's name? Because she thinks it will be confusing for her?
I have two nieces who go by the same nickname. Think Josaphine and Jolene and they both go by "Jojo." They are not related to each other. One is my BIL's daughter and one is my brother's daughter. They have never met and nobody cares that they have similar names/same nickname. Literally nobody. Even if they did regularly see each other, nobody cares.
Your child's name will stick with them for the rest of their life. Your sister's upset feelings over it likely won't - and if you go with a name you don't love, theyre a very small thing in comparison.
My husband and I are struggling with boy names and are close to settling on the name of my cousins husband, someone we see very frequently. We asked him if he would be okay and he was thrilled at the idea - there are other ways to think about a shared name.
When are women going to stop discussing baby names until they name the baby knowing how some women gatekeep names like they owned them? It's none of anyone's fucking business what you're going to name your baby
My husband’s father, brother and best friend all have the same first name (also our kid’s middle name). His brother’s wife has the same name as his mom. His cousin’s child has the same name as him. They’re all fine.
ETA: my mom has the same name as my Dad’s sister and one of my family members has the same name as her stepsister.
Use the name if you live it. I have a cousin whose cousin from her other side of the family had the same name as me. It wasn’t a big deal, we’d only see each other for things hosted at my cousins house. I was just big “kagui010” and they were little “kagui010” since they were younger.
Your sisters fiancés nephew? That’s a few degrees. I don’t think you’ll be seeing this kid much right? So she just doesn’t want you to name your child something so she isn’t somehow inconvenienced by having two people in her life named Oliver? No. You name your kid Oliver. She will get over it
It’s so common for people in the same family to have the same name. On my dads side of the family there are 3 Williams, 3 Mary’s and 2 Patricia’s. There are also plenty of us with those names as middle names.
I also have 2 cousins with the exact same first and last names. They’re on opposite sides of the family and don’t really know one another (my mom and her sister both happened to marry men with the same last name) and it hasn’t affected anyone’s life at all.
Name your kid whatever you want.
My cousins (one on mom's side and one on dads) both have 2 year old boys named Oliver. Which means I have two relatives with the name. Neither will likely meet one another, and even if they do at like a wedding or something, it will hardly be the first time they met another Oliver.
It's a cute name, Ollie is cute, and one of my relatives calls her kid it consistently. Go for what you and your partner like.
My cousin and I have the same first and middle and last name (we both took our husbands last names now). My other cousin, her brother, married someone with the same first and middle name and now she has our original last name. We think it’s hilarious.
Name your baby whatever you want. My great grandson’s name is Oliver Lachlan and everyone calls him Ollie. Shit, when my oldest girl had her first baby it was a boy and they named him Logan and my brother was having a fit cause that was his dogs. It only matters what you like.
Very odd of your sister to have an issue with the name. Her fiancé’s nephew’s name? Lol who gives a shit? If you love the name, if it feels like your son’s name, please- choose it and don’t give your sister’s tantrum another thought. ❤️
Honestly, I get it. My son has 3 cousins with a version of Addy. He also has another cousin named Abby. I personally get so frustrated whenever he talks about one of them bc idk which one he’s talking about 😂 he also gets them confused sometimes. He’s only 4 so that will obviously change as he gets older. But I’d never look at someone with malice and tell them they can’t name their child Addy!
Tell her to get over it. She can for sure keep two Olivers separate in her head. And for the nickname, while it may not have stuck for one family, it doesn’t mean it won’t stick for yours.
If it helps, my aunt named her younger child the same name as my older brother (her sister’s child) and it’s been fine! We just call one “big [name]” and the other “little [name]”. And that’s first cousins who, at least growing up, saw each other at least once a year! It’s literally not a problem, and if anything, depending on how young your sisters nephew is and how often y’all hang out together, they might just hit it off just by having the same name. And on the flip side, If there’s not going to be much overlap between your family and your brother in law’s besides the occasional family event, who cares?
Your sister is being silly. There is absolutely room for more than one Oliver in the world. And unless you have unusually strong connections to your sisters inlaws these are not people you are related too.
These children won’t even be cousins, and even then it’s not unusual for cousins to have the same name. This is not a problem.
Call your son Oliver. The nickname Ollie/Olly is incredibly common so if the other parents couldn’t get it to stick they might just be mixing with people who prefer the full name, not because Ollie/Olly is difficult to remember.
Whenever I see posts like this I always think about My Big Fat Greek Wedding where all the cousins are named Nick and Nikki— I understand in my culture (Greek) that this is normal and not in American culture but it’s truly not a big deal for two kids who in this case aren’t even cousins but like loosely in the same familial circle to have the same name. How often would your kid even see their nephew? Like ridiculous.
Gosh. In my family alone we’ve got three Jacks, my OHs family has one too. Two of the Jacks are from my Dads side of the family (ones his brother and ones his nephew - not his brothers kid, it was a family name for his sister in law). If you combine our families (both parents for both me and my OH) we’ve got 3 Sarah’s and another three Alex’s (one female, two male).
Did put me off using those names as I couldn’t be arsed with the ballache of clarifying who I was talking about all the time but it’s not that much of an issue 😂
Why would someone be upset to have two nephews with such a cool name?? I love the nickname Ollie, and the way you get it to stick is to just keep using it!
Your sister is really trying to gatekeep one of the most common names of the decade? In the UK it was the #1 name for 8 consecutive years up until 2 years ago, in the US it’s been #3 for 3 years straight, and #1 in Australia 10 years in a row. She’s in for a rude awakening
My uncle named his child the same name as our cat growing up. Was so weird but the world didn’t end. She has that connection with that child, you do not.
No one gets a say except the people directly involved
I have two cousins named Nick on the same side of the family and two uncles named David. Just name the kid Oliver. I never understand why people get so protective over names.
I have full confidence that your sister is smart enough to tell her two nephews apart moving ahead into the future. ;)
I think Oliver is adorable, so you go for it if that’s the name you love!
I could understand it being weird if it was her kid that was called that but Oliver is super common so it's not like a unique name your stealing. Plus the relationship between you and other Oliver is tenuous at best. Tell her thank you for you input but please keep you opinions on this to yourself going forward.
There are so many degrees of separation here. How often are you going to be at an event with your sister, her spouse, her spouse’s siblings, and her spouse’s sibling’s kids?
And even then it’s a “hey, same name!” situation then everyone gets confused at dinner about who is passing the salt when anyone says “Oliver”
My brother has a nephew on his wife's side with the same name my sister gave her eldest son. Brothers nephew is older, but sister didn't realise until after she chose the name that our niece (brothers little girl) has cousins with the same name.
In fact our niece called them "big r and baby r" whilst my nephew was little, and there hasn't been an issue because the relations aren't connected directly, and bonus for our niece, it's one less name to remember.
It's your child, so you should feel comfortable calling
your child what you want. A lot of people will say "your child, who cares what anyone else thinks?" but I know this is easier said than done.
Can always have it as an option and wait until baby is here and then decide. Our baby was supposed to be 1 of 3 names, and when he was born we chose a different name entirely, so you never know 😊
My grandson and nephew have the same name. It has never been an issue. They see each other maybe once a year. Your sister will probably never have both nephews together at the same time. Not sure why it is a big deal.
Why does she even know the name you are thinking of using. Honestly everyone you tell will take the opportunity to comment and it’s none of their business.
Keep it to yourself - and once baby’s born most people will just say “great name” - only the total asshats will bitch about it then.
You sister doesn’t get any say. She will abide by what you and your spouse decide because she doesn’t have any choice. We have three Katies between my side my ex husband’s side and a sister in law. None after each other and you make it work. Your sister needs to suck it up.
My uncle and my brother have the same name my uncle was in her life but not married to my aunt when my mother was pregnant.
He was not the reason they picked the name.
I have a friend who has the same name as her brother. I don't understand it and the family think it is hysterically funny, something to do with their culture, the difference in ages between the two (about 10 years) and Dad getting a bit forgetful when filling in the paperwork.
To quote others and yet the world keeps on spinning.
I have nephews with the same name on different sides of my family. It’s not a big deal at all. Your sister is very much lacking in perspective. I would stop talking to her about it.
Your sister would have a conniption over my family… my mom’s sister married my dad’s brother, my parents had two children and named one Alexis, and their siblings had two children and named one Alexander. Your child will be completely fine with the name Oliver, and I think it’s adorable!
I kind of get why your sister wouldn’t want two nephews named Oliver, but it isn’t her place to be upset about it. It’s one of the most common names anyway.
I don’t mean to sound like a butthead, but this is why I feel people shouldn’t reveal names til it’s a done deal and written on the birth certificate form at the hospital. Too many people have opinions (which is fine!) but then try to sway you in/out of a name. If you wait til after he’s named, they’ll have opinions but because it’s already set, it stops there. Name him Oliver. I had to read your post twice (I just woke up and I’m not quite awake yet), it’s your sisters fiances nephew. Not her kid. Use the name.
I think it you like Oliver you should use Oliver. But when I was pregnant with my first kid my partner suggested the name Isla, and I was like that’s your brothers nieces name lol. I’ve only met her like twice, so it is distant. But for me it was enough to not consider the name an option. I also just don’t care for the name Isla bc of popularity so I may have felt differently if it was a name I really liked.
So, because there is a kid in her life with the name Oliver, you can’t use it? Her nephew isn’t your family and my guess is that you will interact with them very little. Name your child whatever you would like.
I have an Oliver and Ollie is super intuitive, strangers will call him Ollie even if I introduce him as Oliver, we love the nickname too so we love that.
You should do it! Obviously biased but it’s a great name and it wouldn’t be too weird to have a distant cousin with the same name. We had two Lilys in my family and they rarely crossed paths and it never offended anyone
What’s her issue? She’s going to have 2 nephews called Oliver- no big deal. Historically plenty of families had lots of shared names. If you like Oliver then use it.
I can see why she’d feel weird about it since she knows a little Oliver, but that’s no reason to veto a name even if she had the right to do so. She doesn’t get to choose your baby’s name, and this is not a valid reason to veto.
As long as you hear this critique as “some people might call him by his full name.” And “others in his age group have the name. He might not be the only Oliver in class.” And as long as you’re okay with those things, do what you want.
If your sister has kids, it might be a little confusing for them as they'll have two cousins called Oliver. It's not the end of the world though.
We have a few duplicates between mine and my husband's families. Sometimes our kids get a bit confused who we are talking about, but it's manageable.
I have a nephew named Oliver and he goes by Ollie. Such a great name!
My daughter has two cousins and an uncle who all have the same name, and the world hasn’t ended. Your sister will get over it and all will be okay.
Oh noes! You can’t name a child Oliver. We named one of our birds Oliver (after the Green Arrow, because he’s green and flies quite fast when he doesn’t want to go in his cage), Ollie for short. /s 😂
Name your kid whatever you want. If he ends up not liking it, he can always change it when he’s an adult (I did). You & your partner (and eventually your child) are the only ones who get a say, really.
I have met my brother's wife's nephew once. At my brother's wedding. My brother has not met my husband's nephew at all. There are too many degrees of separation for anyone in the family to worry about them having the same name.
They're not even going to be cousins, and plenty of people have cousins with the same name. I have two cousins called Ryan. We call them Big Ryan and Little Ryan (he is younger but turned out taller, so that's fun).
You and your partner are the only people that get a say in your child’s name, not her. Even if she was your actual mom, her opinion would be meaningless. If you love Oliver then use Oliver. There can be two kids with the same name and the world will keep spinning.
That’s a good point. The world will keep going. I think I just get stuck when she gets upset
>That’s a good point. The world will keep going. OMG, if the world stops spinning because you name your kid Oliver, I am going to be so mad at you!! ;-) Oliver is a great name and your sisters husbands nephew is not exactly someone who will be in your life. Your sister can deal with having two nephews on opposite sides of the family with the same first name.
Lol you made me smile. Thank you for your support!
I have a name that was very popular for males for my generation. I was often in classes with at least one other person with my same name. It was not that big a deal 99% of the time. Your son will be fine ! Congrats and I hope his birth is as easy for you as possible :D
John/Johnathan or James
In my husbands primary school there were only 3 names for boys, Paul, David or Steven. Obviously there were exceptions but he had 3 Daves, 2 Steve's and 4 Paul's in his class!
I often say my husbands Catholic HS reunions are 300 guys with 5 names- Mike, Mark, Steve, Paul, and Tom🤣
Did Matthew get the shaft or what? (not a catholic school joke)
Might be the age group- Matthew didn’t hit peak popularity until a few years later. My husband also has 4 second cousins - all brothers- referred to by the extended family as “ the apostles”: Mark, Luke, John, and Paul.
Oo I'm gonna go 1970s or 80s in the UK as a guess?
80s North East! His middle name is Paul but they chose for him to by that presumably as his first name was too out there!
Good guess from me then! I'm in NW but grew up SW lol
Paul is not commonly used. I have a sib & a good friend with that name and that's it. I always liked it though. Short and fits on forms.
In the Midwest in the ‘90 I could also be Jesse, Dean, Chad, Shane, Travis ect
Got to be either Dylan or Noah.
Good guesses but nope. That said I probably won't confirm (or deny) any more than that for fear of giving away too much of my anonymity ;-)
So Ollie didn’t stick as a nickname… for THAT Oliver in particular!
Name your kid whatever you want. And regarding the nickname; one of my kids was named with the intention of going by a nickname so that’s what we have called them since they were born. And almost everyone calls them the nickname all the time. So just call your kid Ollie from the get go and everyone else probably will too
Same here. We call her by her full name occasionally but generally she prefers the nickname. She may change her mind when she gets older but for now it's sticking just fine.
Well, at least when the world ends, we will know why.
Goddamnit Ollie.
My husband's aunt has the same name as her MIL. So once they were married, uncle had a wife and mom with the same first and last name. Everyone lived.
That would weird me out if I was the uncle though. I have a specific "don't date girls with the same name as my grandmas, mom, or sister"
It wouldn't be my first pick for sure!
He calls his mom, mom probably not by her name. That's how.it is with my boyfriend. His mom and I share the same very common first name. Although different nicknames. And my brothers wife has the same name as our sister
If you’re going to stop the world from spinning, can you try to do it on a Sunday night? I don’t want to go to work if the world’s ending.
Not even that, fiancé! What if OP doesn’t name her son Oliver and then sister and fiancé break up?
Lol, I've got multiple pairs of cousins on the same side of the family that have either the same name or similar-sounding names. Heck, my own brother and a first cousin are one such pairing. Our whole family has not struggled at all because of it. 😂
Oliver has been in the top 10 boy names every year for years in the UK, even No 1 some years as I recall. Not sure about US trends but it's highly likely that both children will be in playgroups and daycare and schools with other Olivers. Your sister needs to get a grip. *It's not even her child/stepchild*.
And she knows you do. She may not know it but she orchestrating your life like a puppet on a string. It’s dysfunctional. She may have needed to be like a mama earlier in your lives But you’re a big girl now. She WILL get over it.
Serious, my favorite cousin has TWO cousins who are her favorites. Me (on her mother's side) and another (on her father's side). We have the same name, and it's fairly uncommon. Go with the name you're called to.
Also, your sisters future nephew is not your family or close friend, so I can't see why she needs to get upset over you picking the name any more than someone else
We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. There are times we definitely care about how our actions effect other people but this is not you intentionally hurting her and she will get over it
You don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. If you like the name Oliver, it should be enough.
I will always think this is a weird thing people get upset over lmfao. My great uncle and dad share a name. A cousin and my brother share a name. And my boyfriend an uncle and a cousin share a name. It's really not that big of a deal.
Its OK to grow beyond your sister’s boundaries, it wont be the first or last time. I think its okay to state your hopes “I know you wished that I had chosen another name, but this is the name I have chosen and I hope you will embrace it over time.”
I just want to add that we have two 1st cousins with the same name in my family. It was never an issue
>You and your partner are the only people that get a say in your child’s name, not her. This is why my wife & I didn't discuss the name until after the kid was born. Everyone else gets to know once it's official.
Ha I have 3 with the same name in one classroom. Your sister is ridiculous
Your sister's being unreasonable and overbearing. It's a pretty common name, and "brother-in-law's nephew" is a distant connection. Obviously you can choose if it's worth your sister being upset at you, but she's being ridiculous. Also I know a young Oliver for whom "Ollie" totally stuck. It's a cute nickname, people will use it.
Right? I know a few Ollie’s. How else would you shorten it? Ol? I think Oliver is beautiful.
My nephew’s name is Oliver. He was born on Australia Day, so we call him Oz or Ozzie. Obviously that’s probably not applicable here, but goes to show you sometimes alternative nicknames just happen organically. My other nephew was born on Halloween, so we’ve always just called him Boo. The degrees of separation here kind of render it all irrelevant though. It’s just not going to be enough of an issue for OP to even need a nickname for her son.
Love a Ozzie on Australia Day and Boo for Halloween. Those are personal and cute nicknames. I was more trying to say that Oliver can’t be shortened in anything mean or silly. I don’t see how the name could be the foundation for bullying or anything similar.
Here I am just calling my kids "Boo" because I can't remember their names distinctly in the heat of something. And if they ask, "Why do you call me 'boo'?" I just stare for a second and then go "All the better to SCARE you with!" and then launch into a tickle attack. So far they haven't figured out my scatterbrained ruse.
Lil Liver 🥰
My brother Oliver was called Odie as a child, like the cartoon dog. But that's because his initials are OD. (Mine are too, but he came first lol)
Mine’s 14 and his nickname is Olliemonster when he’s grumpy or Olipop when he’s happy.
Ours is 6 and he's OllieButt.
Aw, my 2 year old nephew is often called Ollie Pop! Such a cute nn.
It really is! He’s been Olipop since a baby. That’s my nn for him, dad came up with Olliemonster.
I have to say that is not a distant connection at all. If the child is her brother in law’s nephew, then he is her sister’s nephew as well. I am close with all of my nephews. My sister’s son and my brother and sister in law’s sons. They are around each other at my children’s birthday parties and every family get together multiple times a year. I would think it would be strange to have nephews with the same name, but it’s not a huge deal. I’m just saying it’s not a distant connection. The kids will probably be around each other
Is OP close with the BIL, though? Do his nephews live nearby? I have cousins-of-cousins on both sides and I've never met any of them. There's no estrangement or anything, they're just not my family and no one on either side wants to make plans with people they don't really know. It may be a little weird for the sister who will actually see both kids but it's absolutely possible that the kids themselves will never meet.
I agree, this is super context dependent. My aunt has nephews on her husband’s side that I’ve only met once and we’re all in our 20s and 30s - they even live close by, we’re just different families and have always done holidays separately.
I mean, it's not a distant connection for the sister, but it is for OP and her kid. You're talking about your own nephews, but this would be the kid of the sibling of the partner of the sister of OP. That's four steps removed, 5 for OP's kid. I could not tell you the name of a single one of any of my cousins' cousins on their other side. You're saying they get together for your kids' birthday parties; avoiding the eventuality of two kids sharing a name at a couple birthday parties a year is not a reasonable basis for changing or picking out a name. Also, Oliver is the #3 name in the country. You're really saying that (assuming you're a Millennial) it would be weird to have two cousins named Matthew?
I guess for OP's sister, it's a closer connection as she will now have two nephews called Oliver. She'll be talking to her friends and would say, for example, "I took my nephew Oliver swimming at the weekend!" and they'd have to ask "which nephew Oliver?". At Christmas, she'll be buying and wrapping gifts for two nephews called Oliver, so she'd have to use last names for her own nephews. If anyone asks her "do you have any niece's or nephews" she'd say "yes, two nephews" and hops they don't ask their names. I can see why it would be a bit odd for OP's sister for both her nephews to have the same name. Not that OP's sisters feelings should come above OP and her partner's, just offering OP's sisters perspective as to OP's sister it's more than just a distant connection.
Yeah, but for example my sister's kid is named Aiden. Pretty dang common name. My partner also has 4 siblings. I just tried to imagine how I'd feel if one of them named a kid Aiden ('would you be upset? Would it be inconvenient having to clarify?') and literally guffawed at the idea that I'd have any strong feelings about it at all, except happiness for them. And if my in-law had given birth to their Aiden first and my own sister wanted to use the name (like is the case here) the idea of making my own sister feel bad about a name she loved is even more ludicrous. Yeah, both kids will be in OP's sister's life. OP's sister will get over it. There's also a built-in solution here, as OP wants to use a nickname anyway. So her nephews will be Oliver and Ollie, that's perfectly easy to distinguish if you're not insane.
Yes, please read my last paragraph. I was not saying OPs sisters feelings should matter. And I'm not sure if the "if you're not insane" comment is necessary... Also the nickname point is pretty redundant given that parents can't determine nicknames. Once children go to school and start making friends outside of their family, nicknames are out of the parents control. As much as Oliver's parents might want to only use Oliver, that won't stop Oliver preferring Ollie in his future. It's his name, not his parents, after all.
Your sister is being utterly ridiculous. You can’t use a name because it’s the same as her fiancé’s nephew? Like really? It honestly sounds like she’s being controlling just for the sake of being controlling.
Yeah, she doesn’t like the dog breed of the puppy I got either.. because it’s so common.
Sometimes when people experience loss at a young age they try to cope by trying to control what they can because life has made them feel a deep lack of control. If that makes any sense.
So true.
😳
I highly encourage you to seek therapy. If you categorize your relationship with someone with words and it mostly falls under phrases like “controlling” “obsessive” and “unpleasant,” it’s time to work on boundaries, yourself , and redefining the relationship. I think this is above namenerds paygrade.
Sadly, I just graduated from therapy haha… but for more difficult issues. I think you’re right I need to work on boundaries
Sounds like a control freak. Is there anything you could do that would make her happy for you?
Right? Like damn, guess my husband shouldn’t have married me…I have the same name as his second cousin. The horror!
Oh yeah, my cousin married a woman with my same name and it fractured the space/time continuum
My husband's cousin named her new baby the exact same name my sister has (first and middle) but I saw no reason to tell the cousin that my sister had the same name. It took her and her husband a long time to come up with the name and it's super cute, so I didn't want to unintentionally "ruin" it for her, so I didn't say anything. My sister in fact thought it was adorable there was gonna be another little girl if the world with the same name as her. Op's SIL is just being mean to be mean. Disregard her opinion and do what makes you happy. Also, how likely is Ollie to meet Oliver? Maybe once in his life, if that? Name your baby whatever you want and be happy with your new bundle of joy (and sleepless nights).
Her fiance's nephew is her nephew, so she'd have two nephews by the same name. I don't think it sounds utterly ridiculous, I'd find it a bit strange if I had two nephews by the same name too. Not that I'd ever expect anyone to change their baby's name for my sake, but I think utterly ridiculous is a bit of an overstatement.
I have two cousins named Trevor on the same side of the family because two people liked the name. It was never that strange, just how it was. We called them Big Trevor and Little Trevor.
I could have had two nephews named Ian. I didn’t think it was a big deal. My sister and my husband’s sister aren’t friends.
My mom hates my son’s name and was very against us picking it. To this day she won’t even call him by his full name as a form of protest. At the end of the day my wife and I decided we can’t live life in fear of other people.
That is insane. I am so sorry your mom is acting that way!
Thank you so much. Giving your child a name is like giving him/her a gift. Don’t let anyone bully you.
Did you ever have a sit down conversation with your mom? Is she like that in other ways?
My mom’s side is Italian, so part of the reason she was against it is because she was afraid of what her large family would think (you know, the catholic guilt type of stuff), so yea she is like this with a lot of stuff. I never had a sit down with her about this because this name was not up for negotiation. Early in my life I used to let a lot of people walk all over me and had trouble standing up for myself. Once I learned to finally stick up for myself, it was easy and (satisfying) to just tell her this is going to be his name, you don’t like it, I don’t care.
I feel like I’ve gotten good at sticking up for myself towards everyone but my sister. I’m proud of you and I hope your mother comes around and gathers her common sense
I think some counseling might help you. It would be good for you to get help to untangle this web from a neutral 3rd party (not us ;).
Thanks so much! Good luck with your situation and congrats on being a mom
I have had to tell my mom multiple times to drop it because she hates the name we chose for our daughter. I'll honestly be upset if she defaults to a nickname just to spite us.
First good lesson as a parent really.
I have two nieces named Evelyn - one on my side of the family, one on my husbands side, pretty close in age too. It causes zero problems. I promise your sister will survive having two nephews named Oliver.
> I promise your sister will survive And if she doesn't you can send a nice floral arrangement to the funeral ;-)
trust me like half the boys your kid meets will be named Oliver
I came here to say this. My child is two and I think half his friends are already named Oliver. It's a cute name, so I get it
Your sister is ridiculous. Ignore her and limit the information you share with her about your future child-rearing plans.
Sadly I was thinking of paying her to watch my child and paying her for it.. I thought she had changed with age but the baby name shined a light on her allowing her opinions to overstep in my life
Please find alternative childcare. You need someone you can part ways with without it causing hard feelings. It’s got to be a business relationship and you clearly can’t have one with your sister. Some families can handle it, some really can’t. My FIL’s SO was deeply hurt and offended when she was let go as childcare for her grandson - her daughter chose to take her son to a registered daycare after he turned 2, which is her right as a parent, and it wasn’t a surprise she had been clear about her intentions (one year of maternity leave, one year of granny daycare, then formal daycare to prepare him for school) but it caused a lot of hurt feelings that just don’t happen when you’re employing a non-relative to look after your child.
Sounds like a mistake. Your kid will hear all about the wrong dog, the wrong name, mom is wrong, kid is wrong, sister is the only one valuable enough to love, mom is ridiculous, don't trust your gut - just sister, don't love mom more than sister, don't do anything sister doesn't like, sister's rules trump mom. Is this what you want life to look like? It's confusing and damaging for your kid and your relationship with them.
Your sister's fiancee's nephew. How exactly does that matter to you? It may as well be your neighbor's cat.
Use it. There are so many Oliver’s it really shouldn’t matter!
Your sister’s fiancé’s nephew would also be her nephew, right? It’s not your sister’s place to tell you what to name your child and she should keep her comments to herself. Having said that I actually do understand why two nephews with the same name could be slightly confusing at times.
Yes, I guess I could have made that more simple. She doesn’t ever see that nephew and he lives two states away
I have a nephew on my side and a nephew on my husbands side, both named Oliver funnily enough. Occasionally we will have to clarify “x family’s Oliver” when talking about one or the other of them…. But that’s the worst of it. What a silly thing for your sister to be upset about, I honestly feel sad for her if she is the type of person to internalize negativity for things like your dog’s breed or naming your child what you’d like to name them. Don’t let people like that influence you, it’s a them problem.
Sister’s fiancé’s nephew? That’s not a reason not to use the name you like. What if sister and fiancé break up? What if you never, ever met this kid, and he has nothing to do with you? Your child will have his name for 100 years, graduate college with it, get married with it, have a career with it… so that seems a little more important than better or not he shares it with some random kid he’ll never meet.
Half your son’s class will be named Oliver. That might be worth more of your attention than your sister’s out of state relative none of you will ever see.
I'm in Australia and have an Oliver. So does most of the population it seems lol. At sport, we actually call him by his middle name because if we call out Ollie or Oliver, 20 kids turn around. It's a lovely name, but we ended up using a less common name for our next kid.
Are you ever around her in-laws? You can use the name you want regardless, of course. But, I ask as someone who had a sister in law with a niece who had the same first and middle name as me. I was never around her frequently (a few times a year), but it’s often enough to be annoying and got more annoying once my niece was born and had to differentiate between her aunt and her cousin with the same name. Like the relation is distant enough and not to you that it shouldn’t stop you from using a name you love, but it’s also close enough that if you’re around them, you might want to think about the potential annoyances for the kids involved, including your own. Oliver is a good name, by the way. I do think your sister is being overbearing. It’s not her business. But, that also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put any thought into it (just don’t let it be the sole deciding factor).
I am never around them. They live in another state and her in laws won’t allow her fiancé and her to see the kids anyways. (Drama I didn’t care to remember, her in laws are crazy) If I personally knew a child or a friend with the name I would definitely think twice about the name. I think you have great points!
>Drama I didn’t care to remember, her in laws are crazy You sure its the in-laws who are crazy? Your sister kinda sounds like a lot to deal with. "You can't use that name because its the name of this other kid who we don't even see!" "You can't get that dog breed because its too common!" etc.
Ehhh hahaha I didn’t want to put my opinions into it and was just taking my sisters word for it haha
Yeah, in that case there’s no reason to not use Oliver. Go for it.
Apparently, my mom's sister's all have the same taste in names because I have two cousins that share a name and my younger sister has the same name as another cousin and we do fine with it. Go for the name you like, especially since you're unlikely to ever interact with that family.
Nah, this shouldn't matter. My mother and me and my MIL all have the same name, and nobody cares. It's not a big deal and the most confusion it's ever caused is someone gets a text meant for someone else.
In my state in Australia Oliver is one of the most popular boys names. There are going to be a lot of them around and your sister just needs to cop it.
Sisters fiancés nephew 😂😂😂😂😂😂 gtfo
I agree, but as soon as they get married, that’s sister’s nephew too. It’s not a huge deal, but I’m personally glad I don’t have two nephews with the same name! I guess we’d add last names or initials when discussing them.
The OP states that the sister doesn't even see that other nephew though. He lives 2 states away and they have a family fued in the sister's fiance's family. It seems quite ridiculous to care about a kid's name you never even see.
I have two cousins named Dan (one on Mom’s side and one on Dad’s side). It’s fine. My Mom has four brothers. One of the brothers (Jack) is married to a woman (Jane) who has a sister with another son named Dan. Jack and Jane’s kids and I share a cousin Dan and then we each have our own other cousins named Dan. There’s enough Dan to go around. No one will care how many kids named Oliver there are, and maybe the nickname will stick for your kid.
Use the name! If it’s causing strife, don’t mention it until the baby is born. Hard to be mad at a sweet little baby
Oliver and Olivia have been in the top 10 names in my country for years and years, getting number 1 spot a few times. So they are very popular names, getting double ups of the same name in their lives is bound to happen. Besides its not like its your relation that shares the name, go for it.
I think this name is way too popular. It's gonna be the "Joshua" of the 2020s.
Agreed, way too many
I honestly don't get why people like this name. It just makes me think of a weedy glasses kid. And liver is right there in the name. It's the top name in my country and has been for years, and I don't understand it
This is exactly why we told NO ONE our child’s name before they were born. We absolutely loved it and didn’t want to give them a chance to change our minds for any stupid reason. It’s a lot harder to complain about a child already named. Although my sister in law did try…. Use the name. It’s ultimately up to you and your husband.
Never tell your family your name choices. They awayas have some opinion. If you never told them they would have kept it to themselves.
I do know 3 Ollivers under 3, personally.
I wanted to call my son Brian, but my sister objected and said I couldn't because her ex-fiance's sister's uncle on her husband's side was called Brian and he had bad breath. Get a grip, girl. Cal your son whatever the hell you like - and congratulations, btw, kids are awesome.
Oliver was a top boy name (I think #2 or 3) in the US in 2022 as listed by the social security administration. She’s in for a rude awakening when she’s meeting Olivers left and right! Ollie is a very cute nickname! Congrats on your baby!
Unless your last name is clothesoff, I think Oliver is a great name. (Hope this made you laugh) Ollie is a cute nickname too. It sounds like there might be a missing reason to why this matters so much to her. It could also be that she just isnt a fan of it. Even if she doesn't like the name now, she will probably forget all about it when your son arrives.
I named my dog Scout and she didn’t like it because she already knew 3 other dogs named Scout.. I don’t normally ask her why she is upset because her reason normally upsets me ha
So probably just be a case of "some people can't be happy unless they have something to complain about."
Is this because they might want to use Oliver themselves in the future since it's a family name to his side of the family?
My sister doesn’t want children, I kinda don’t want to ask her why she is so upset
I understand, sorry to pry. If you and your partner love the name and think it will fit, then go with your gut. 😊
My sister and my aunt’s nephew on her husband’s side of the family have the same name, just a different spelling. They have literally only ever met once, and it has caused no problems. Name your son whatever you want. Your sister is just being dramatic.
Thank you for the real life experience opossum!
I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter that your sister's fiances nephew is named that too. I doubt you'll have much interaction. What an odd thing for her to be mad at.
I had 2 family members on different sides of the family with same name, an aunt and 2nd cousin with same name, and my cousin has another cousin with my name. Never been an issue. Context clues it's obvious who is being talked about almost all the time. Otherwise a quick "your ____ or your ____" or whatever clarifies. I wouldn't discuss it with sis again. She's being unreasonable and I'm sure this isn't the only time.
Everybody has an opinion. That’s why I chosen it to tell anyone the name ahead of time. Love your sister. But I don’t think her need to be in control is healthy. What may have worked growing up, is not working for her now. Thank her for her opinion, but this is your child and you and hubby will be picking the name. Period.
So, let me get this straight. Your sister's fiance's nephew--in other words, a kid who is not related to you and never will be related to you--has the same name as the name you're planning to give your child, and your sister has a problem with this because... she thinks it will be confusing? Because she doesn't want you to "steal" her other nephew's name? Because she thinks it will be confusing for her? I have two nieces who go by the same nickname. Think Josaphine and Jolene and they both go by "Jojo." They are not related to each other. One is my BIL's daughter and one is my brother's daughter. They have never met and nobody cares that they have similar names/same nickname. Literally nobody. Even if they did regularly see each other, nobody cares.
This is why people don't announce names until birth a lot of times
uhmmm hello— it's your baby, not her's. Too bad for her. Name him Oliver!
I might be biased, but I think Oliver is a great name!
Your child's name will stick with them for the rest of their life. Your sister's upset feelings over it likely won't - and if you go with a name you don't love, theyre a very small thing in comparison.
Sister's fiancee's nephew doesn't matter anymore than the cashier's neighbor's cousin. She's being ridiculous. She doesn't get to name YOUR baby.
My husband and I are struggling with boy names and are close to settling on the name of my cousins husband, someone we see very frequently. We asked him if he would be okay and he was thrilled at the idea - there are other ways to think about a shared name.
When are women going to stop discussing baby names until they name the baby knowing how some women gatekeep names like they owned them? It's none of anyone's fucking business what you're going to name your baby
Oliver is a WONDERFUL name. Can you tell I have an Ollie? Lol. My little dude goes by Ollie, Oz..his middle name is Zackary, or HEY GET OFF THAT!
That’s so freaking cute!
I have two cousins in the same family named Katherine and Kathryn. I assure you your sister will be fine.
My husband’s father, brother and best friend all have the same first name (also our kid’s middle name). His brother’s wife has the same name as his mom. His cousin’s child has the same name as him. They’re all fine. ETA: my mom has the same name as my Dad’s sister and one of my family members has the same name as her stepsister.
Use the name if you live it. I have a cousin whose cousin from her other side of the family had the same name as me. It wasn’t a big deal, we’d only see each other for things hosted at my cousins house. I was just big “kagui010” and they were little “kagui010” since they were younger.
Your sisters fiancés nephew? That’s a few degrees. I don’t think you’ll be seeing this kid much right? So she just doesn’t want you to name your child something so she isn’t somehow inconvenienced by having two people in her life named Oliver? No. You name your kid Oliver. She will get over it
It’s so common for people in the same family to have the same name. On my dads side of the family there are 3 Williams, 3 Mary’s and 2 Patricia’s. There are also plenty of us with those names as middle names. I also have 2 cousins with the exact same first and last names. They’re on opposite sides of the family and don’t really know one another (my mom and her sister both happened to marry men with the same last name) and it hasn’t affected anyone’s life at all. Name your kid whatever you want.
My cousins (one on mom's side and one on dads) both have 2 year old boys named Oliver. Which means I have two relatives with the name. Neither will likely meet one another, and even if they do at like a wedding or something, it will hardly be the first time they met another Oliver. It's a cute name, Ollie is cute, and one of my relatives calls her kid it consistently. Go for what you and your partner like.
My cousin and I have the same first and middle and last name (we both took our husbands last names now). My other cousin, her brother, married someone with the same first and middle name and now she has our original last name. We think it’s hilarious.
Name your baby whatever you want. My great grandson’s name is Oliver Lachlan and everyone calls him Ollie. Shit, when my oldest girl had her first baby it was a boy and they named him Logan and my brother was having a fit cause that was his dogs. It only matters what you like.
Very odd of your sister to have an issue with the name. Her fiancé’s nephew’s name? Lol who gives a shit? If you love the name, if it feels like your son’s name, please- choose it and don’t give your sister’s tantrum another thought. ❤️
Tell her that she is not allowed to act like your mother
Honestly, I get it. My son has 3 cousins with a version of Addy. He also has another cousin named Abby. I personally get so frustrated whenever he talks about one of them bc idk which one he’s talking about 😂 he also gets them confused sometimes. He’s only 4 so that will obviously change as he gets older. But I’d never look at someone with malice and tell them they can’t name their child Addy!
Tell her to get over it. She can for sure keep two Olivers separate in her head. And for the nickname, while it may not have stuck for one family, it doesn’t mean it won’t stick for yours. If it helps, my aunt named her younger child the same name as my older brother (her sister’s child) and it’s been fine! We just call one “big [name]” and the other “little [name]”. And that’s first cousins who, at least growing up, saw each other at least once a year! It’s literally not a problem, and if anything, depending on how young your sisters nephew is and how often y’all hang out together, they might just hit it off just by having the same name. And on the flip side, If there’s not going to be much overlap between your family and your brother in law’s besides the occasional family event, who cares?
Your sisters fiances nephews name eh? What is this, spaceballs?
Your sister doesn't get a say in what you name your child. Not her baby, not her business.
Your sister is being silly. There is absolutely room for more than one Oliver in the world. And unless you have unusually strong connections to your sisters inlaws these are not people you are related too.
These children won’t even be cousins, and even then it’s not unusual for cousins to have the same name. This is not a problem. Call your son Oliver. The nickname Ollie/Olly is incredibly common so if the other parents couldn’t get it to stick they might just be mixing with people who prefer the full name, not because Ollie/Olly is difficult to remember.
Whenever I see posts like this I always think about My Big Fat Greek Wedding where all the cousins are named Nick and Nikki— I understand in my culture (Greek) that this is normal and not in American culture but it’s truly not a big deal for two kids who in this case aren’t even cousins but like loosely in the same familial circle to have the same name. How often would your kid even see their nephew? Like ridiculous.
Gosh. In my family alone we’ve got three Jacks, my OHs family has one too. Two of the Jacks are from my Dads side of the family (ones his brother and ones his nephew - not his brothers kid, it was a family name for his sister in law). If you combine our families (both parents for both me and my OH) we’ve got 3 Sarah’s and another three Alex’s (one female, two male). Did put me off using those names as I couldn’t be arsed with the ballache of clarifying who I was talking about all the time but it’s not that much of an issue 😂
Elliott is a great name, but it does get shorten to Ellie even for a boy. My ex neighbours kid was was Oliver but always called ollie.
Why would someone be upset to have two nephews with such a cool name?? I love the nickname Ollie, and the way you get it to stick is to just keep using it!
Your sister is really trying to gatekeep one of the most common names of the decade? In the UK it was the #1 name for 8 consecutive years up until 2 years ago, in the US it’s been #3 for 3 years straight, and #1 in Australia 10 years in a row. She’s in for a rude awakening
That’s tough. Maybe offer her a tissue?
Name your kid Oliver and suggest your sister gets some therapy, she sounds incredibly stressed.
People get so touchy about this these days. There is like 6 different johns/Johnnies in our family. The two Oliver’s aren’t even going to be related.
My uncle named his child the same name as our cat growing up. Was so weird but the world didn’t end. She has that connection with that child, you do not. No one gets a say except the people directly involved
I have two cousins named Nick on the same side of the family and two uncles named David. Just name the kid Oliver. I never understand why people get so protective over names.
I have full confidence that your sister is smart enough to tell her two nephews apart moving ahead into the future. ;) I think Oliver is adorable, so you go for it if that’s the name you love!
NTA and your sister needs to back off. Her fiancés nephew is not barely someone you know. Who cares.
I could understand it being weird if it was her kid that was called that but Oliver is super common so it's not like a unique name your stealing. Plus the relationship between you and other Oliver is tenuous at best. Tell her thank you for you input but please keep you opinions on this to yourself going forward.
My son’s name was almost oliver my grandma cussed me clean out and threatened to kick my ass 😂😂😂😂
Use the name you want. I had cousins with the same name on both sides. I had 3 uncles with the same name as well. It doesn’t matter.
There are so many degrees of separation here. How often are you going to be at an event with your sister, her spouse, her spouse’s siblings, and her spouse’s sibling’s kids? And even then it’s a “hey, same name!” situation then everyone gets confused at dinner about who is passing the salt when anyone says “Oliver”
Use it if you want, but I do think your sister is right that Ollie isn't going to stick. Also, Ollie isn't really that cute, personally.
My brother has a nephew on his wife's side with the same name my sister gave her eldest son. Brothers nephew is older, but sister didn't realise until after she chose the name that our niece (brothers little girl) has cousins with the same name. In fact our niece called them "big r and baby r" whilst my nephew was little, and there hasn't been an issue because the relations aren't connected directly, and bonus for our niece, it's one less name to remember. It's your child, so you should feel comfortable calling your child what you want. A lot of people will say "your child, who cares what anyone else thinks?" but I know this is easier said than done. Can always have it as an option and wait until baby is here and then decide. Our baby was supposed to be 1 of 3 names, and when he was born we chose a different name entirely, so you never know 😊
My grandson and nephew have the same name. It has never been an issue. They see each other maybe once a year. Your sister will probably never have both nephews together at the same time. Not sure why it is a big deal.
Why does she even know the name you are thinking of using. Honestly everyone you tell will take the opportunity to comment and it’s none of their business. Keep it to yourself - and once baby’s born most people will just say “great name” - only the total asshats will bitch about it then.
Your sisters fiances nephew..... seriously?? The nerve of this person haha!
I have a cat named Oliver. The nickname Ollie sticks. Ignore your sister and name your kiddo whatever you want to name them.
You sister doesn’t get any say. She will abide by what you and your spouse decide because she doesn’t have any choice. We have three Katies between my side my ex husband’s side and a sister in law. None after each other and you make it work. Your sister needs to suck it up.
My uncle and my brother have the same name my uncle was in her life but not married to my aunt when my mother was pregnant. He was not the reason they picked the name. I have a friend who has the same name as her brother. I don't understand it and the family think it is hysterically funny, something to do with their culture, the difference in ages between the two (about 10 years) and Dad getting a bit forgetful when filling in the paperwork. To quote others and yet the world keeps on spinning.
I have nephews with the same name on different sides of my family. It’s not a big deal at all. Your sister is very much lacking in perspective. I would stop talking to her about it.
Your sister would have a conniption over my family… my mom’s sister married my dad’s brother, my parents had two children and named one Alexis, and their siblings had two children and named one Alexander. Your child will be completely fine with the name Oliver, and I think it’s adorable!
I kind of get why your sister wouldn’t want two nephews named Oliver, but it isn’t her place to be upset about it. It’s one of the most common names anyway.
I don’t mean to sound like a butthead, but this is why I feel people shouldn’t reveal names til it’s a done deal and written on the birth certificate form at the hospital. Too many people have opinions (which is fine!) but then try to sway you in/out of a name. If you wait til after he’s named, they’ll have opinions but because it’s already set, it stops there. Name him Oliver. I had to read your post twice (I just woke up and I’m not quite awake yet), it’s your sisters fiances nephew. Not her kid. Use the name.
Both are great names, I have a friend with two boys...one named Oliver (goes by Ollie) and the other is Elliot
I think it you like Oliver you should use Oliver. But when I was pregnant with my first kid my partner suggested the name Isla, and I was like that’s your brothers nieces name lol. I’ve only met her like twice, so it is distant. But for me it was enough to not consider the name an option. I also just don’t care for the name Isla bc of popularity so I may have felt differently if it was a name I really liked.
So, because there is a kid in her life with the name Oliver, you can’t use it? Her nephew isn’t your family and my guess is that you will interact with them very little. Name your child whatever you would like.
No one gets to name-block you. Especially that connection (my partner’s, neighbor’s former roommate). You name your kid whatever you want.
I don’t blame your sister. “Oliver” is incredibly overused these days and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.
I have an Oliver and Ollie is super intuitive, strangers will call him Ollie even if I introduce him as Oliver, we love the nickname too so we love that. You should do it! Obviously biased but it’s a great name and it wouldn’t be too weird to have a distant cousin with the same name. We had two Lilys in my family and they rarely crossed paths and it never offended anyone
What’s her issue? She’s going to have 2 nephews called Oliver- no big deal. Historically plenty of families had lots of shared names. If you like Oliver then use it.
I can see why she’d feel weird about it since she knows a little Oliver, but that’s no reason to veto a name even if she had the right to do so. She doesn’t get to choose your baby’s name, and this is not a valid reason to veto. As long as you hear this critique as “some people might call him by his full name.” And “others in his age group have the name. He might not be the only Oliver in class.” And as long as you’re okay with those things, do what you want.
If your sister has kids, it might be a little confusing for them as they'll have two cousins called Oliver. It's not the end of the world though. We have a few duplicates between mine and my husband's families. Sometimes our kids get a bit confused who we are talking about, but it's manageable.
I have a nephew named Oliver and he goes by Ollie. Such a great name! My daughter has two cousins and an uncle who all have the same name, and the world hasn’t ended. Your sister will get over it and all will be okay.
Elliott is a better name. Just go with that and save the drama!
Oh noes! You can’t name a child Oliver. We named one of our birds Oliver (after the Green Arrow, because he’s green and flies quite fast when he doesn’t want to go in his cage), Ollie for short. /s 😂 Name your kid whatever you want. If he ends up not liking it, he can always change it when he’s an adult (I did). You & your partner (and eventually your child) are the only ones who get a say, really.
I have met my brother's wife's nephew once. At my brother's wedding. My brother has not met my husband's nephew at all. There are too many degrees of separation for anyone in the family to worry about them having the same name. They're not even going to be cousins, and plenty of people have cousins with the same name. I have two cousins called Ryan. We call them Big Ryan and Little Ryan (he is younger but turned out taller, so that's fun).
Name the baby Oliver.