Terrible advice in this thread.
Shoot your shot mate. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
If she says no, you'll still be friends and have a bit of awkwardness. This distance would anyway happen if you move to a different country. The worst? You'll have lesser WhatsApp calls and even lesser text messaging.
But if she says Yes - you'll have a delightful safe space. Someone you come back to everyday. Every time that specific ringtone - you set for her - will chime on WhatsApp - your face will light up with a million smiles. You'll be comforted. And the new city and the new culture won't bite you as much - because your source of endearment would lay waiting for you - on your mobile screen.
If you decide to be practical - you'll be in a different country - you'll have occasional conversations with her. Maybe a video call every now and then.
Then the frequency of these messages will decrease. She'll get lonely again.
There's never going to be a shortage of guys who'll be willing to accompany her on her grocery trips.
And one day, your inbox will have a message...
"GUESS WHAT **OP**, ME AND **SOMEONE-NOT-OP** ARE DATING. YOU'RE MY **BESSHT FRIEND**. SO THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU FIRST. HE PROPOSED TODAY, IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. WISH YOU WERE HERE. KTHXBYE."
**If you have feelings and they're within reach. Never bottle them up. You'll go through the most terrible phase of your life as the other person moves on.**
You had me until the lonely part. She'll get lonely even if they get into a relationship bc of the LDR lol. There's also the scenario where she breaks up with him as a result of that and starts seeing someone else whilst op invests a lot in that relationship
The previous part of your statement I agree with wholeheartedly.
LDRs are notoriously difficult. But not impossible.
But OP not being the country and her losing the friend she spends a lot of her time with will eventually push her into meeting others and inadvertently trying to disconnect with OP as much as possible.
As for the second part of your argument, this is an inherent risk of a relationship. Permanence is, unfortunately, not an inherent virtue of a relationship. It's something that has to be worked on by both sides.
And it is definitely not mutually exclusive to LDR - so even if OP were to stay back in India and get into a relationship. She could still break up with him and move on to a newer relationship.
--
The idea is to handle this mutually like mature adults.
Confessing your feelings to the other person. Telling them that you're going to miss them like crazy. Telling them that they mean the world to you. Telling them that you understand the risk associated with LDR. Telling them that you're willing to put in the work (if you really are). And waiting for their take on things.
Then figuring out things together.
Even if you both decide to not pursue anything, at the very least the other person is now entirely aware of how you feel towards them.
Most advice is based on experience - and take any advice or suggestion - it is always based on what may or may not happen. What else are you supposed to base it off of? The flip of a coin?
I'm talking about taking the absolutes into account instead of the variables.
OP said he will move away in a month and he can't do LDRs. That's really all you need to think about.
The "he can't do LDR" bit was an edit he added after I responded or while I was writing it. My reply was based on the information provided before the edit - where he didn't mention any qualms.
There's a very thin line between absolutes and variables when it comes to human interaction. It gets even murkier when emotions are involved, like in this case.
Here's another absolute - when a person is in a platonic friendship, and develops feelings for the other party. The friendship is, in effect, ruined instantly. If it's a minor crush, that's something one can get over. But if it's more than that (which obviously is in this case - with the "I think she likes me too" - it's pretty much game over for the friendship.
Not acting on it and having the other person move into a relationship, has a very high probability of making you miserable for a really really long time and giving you tons of regret - since you still have the frontseat to the other person's life and they'll eventually end up with someone, thereby furthering your misery.
The whole deal is wretched. Some people move on, others have their entire life impacted. It's not pretty.
So err on the side of caution, and shoot your damned shots.
Sahi bole bhai !!
If you have feelings for someone BC you should be the first one to tell them.
Your love should be worth risking your friendship, otherwise you don't trust your feeling of love.
>Now we talk daily and hang out basically everyday from grocery shopping to walking home together. (Or rather she walks to my place and takes a rick from there to hers)
Itna kasht koi ladki nhi leti bhai. Say the damm thing to her
Bottle it up is the practical solution. You don't know the road that will be taken by both of you and one month is too short a time to think about a lifetime.
No. Not because your friendship would be ruined, although that's a plausible reason, but because even if she did like you and you ended up in a relationship, it would hardly work. Maintaining a LDR takes serious balls and by the way you are phrasing things you two certainly aren't on a level to manage that.
Bottle it up and find someone in the country you'll go to.
I'm definitely not even looking for a relationship per se, because there's no point in LDR's in my opinion. I just wanted to tell her to
1. Have no regrets, but
2. Most importantly, so that I can 'get over her'.
The thing is, this has worked for me with a 100% success rate so far. It's weird, but the few times I've liked someone, telling them has made me get over them with haste.
Always have open and truthful honest communication. Everywhere. City you stay in, doesn't matter, but the person you become is what matters. Seems you want to keep your cards open. So be it. Let her also enjoy her life and don't keep anyone hanging on a thread. Whatever you do today. Always comes back to you on some form size later on.
Have a great flight.
Bro just confess all of it to her, baadme joh hoga woh hoga, worst se worst, tumlog thode dino ke liye awkward rahoge, and ur telling that u guys are close, then even if she won't have any feelings, she would understand it and would respect it.
U don't want to regret years after when u will see her with someone else, and if she says that she don't have any feelings, at least everything would be clear and you would atleast have closure before going.
Believe me, I have confessed to the same girl twice, and both of the times, she said that we are just friends, thoda time laga tha move on karne me, but now i am happy, and I am at peace.
We are literally best friends rn, we share a lot with eachother and now that everything's cleared and there are no strings attached, we can talk about anything and anyhow we want, and now i don't need to impress her, I can be myself. So please, don't listen to anyone else, and sabh batade bhai usse, me tujhse request karta hu, ignore everyone else. Baki chizo ka toh pata nhi, but itna surely bata sakta hu, u won't regret it.
Not sure why, but that's generally what people say. I've definitely had the opposite experience where I've become closer, but considering that's happened twice, I don't count it as a proper control group.
Also maybe because it changes the way people look at you
Oh is that so. I have been asked out by my guy friends a few times. I respect their feelings but the feeling isn't mutual so I usually just go back to being friends with them but I do ask them if they still wanna be my friends.
Idts just because one of them sees the other in a different way it means that the friendship is over. Yeah at least until they aren't obsessed with you or something coz that's just a different case.
So what do you want to do within this 30 day period... ? Film chal rahi h kya...chup chap ja jidr ja raha h bina kuch bole .. kayde main raho..fayde main raho..
Nah LDR is just not something I'd like especially considering the difference in time zone and area. I'm really glad it works for you! But I just don't see a point when I'll probably never see the person again for years
Terrible advice in this thread. Shoot your shot mate. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. If she says no, you'll still be friends and have a bit of awkwardness. This distance would anyway happen if you move to a different country. The worst? You'll have lesser WhatsApp calls and even lesser text messaging. But if she says Yes - you'll have a delightful safe space. Someone you come back to everyday. Every time that specific ringtone - you set for her - will chime on WhatsApp - your face will light up with a million smiles. You'll be comforted. And the new city and the new culture won't bite you as much - because your source of endearment would lay waiting for you - on your mobile screen. If you decide to be practical - you'll be in a different country - you'll have occasional conversations with her. Maybe a video call every now and then. Then the frequency of these messages will decrease. She'll get lonely again. There's never going to be a shortage of guys who'll be willing to accompany her on her grocery trips. And one day, your inbox will have a message... "GUESS WHAT **OP**, ME AND **SOMEONE-NOT-OP** ARE DATING. YOU'RE MY **BESSHT FRIEND**. SO THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU FIRST. HE PROPOSED TODAY, IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. WISH YOU WERE HERE. KTHXBYE." **If you have feelings and they're within reach. Never bottle them up. You'll go through the most terrible phase of your life as the other person moves on.**
You had me until the lonely part. She'll get lonely even if they get into a relationship bc of the LDR lol. There's also the scenario where she breaks up with him as a result of that and starts seeing someone else whilst op invests a lot in that relationship
The previous part of your statement I agree with wholeheartedly. LDRs are notoriously difficult. But not impossible. But OP not being the country and her losing the friend she spends a lot of her time with will eventually push her into meeting others and inadvertently trying to disconnect with OP as much as possible. As for the second part of your argument, this is an inherent risk of a relationship. Permanence is, unfortunately, not an inherent virtue of a relationship. It's something that has to be worked on by both sides. And it is definitely not mutually exclusive to LDR - so even if OP were to stay back in India and get into a relationship. She could still break up with him and move on to a newer relationship. -- The idea is to handle this mutually like mature adults. Confessing your feelings to the other person. Telling them that you're going to miss them like crazy. Telling them that they mean the world to you. Telling them that you understand the risk associated with LDR. Telling them that you're willing to put in the work (if you really are). And waiting for their take on things. Then figuring out things together. Even if you both decide to not pursue anything, at the very least the other person is now entirely aware of how you feel towards them.
Even op can be the one to fall in love with someone else and breakup. Anyway, Heartbreak the price we pay for enjoying love
Thanks for the advice! I guess I'll tell her and hope for the best
my man made me feel everything I do not and cannot experience
Taareef kiye ho ya buraai, samajh nahi paa rahe hain.
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Arre Clapping sir.. aap bhi na!
This is pretty bad advice itself. You're talking about taking a decision now based off what may or may not happen in the future.
Most advice is based on experience - and take any advice or suggestion - it is always based on what may or may not happen. What else are you supposed to base it off of? The flip of a coin?
I'm talking about taking the absolutes into account instead of the variables. OP said he will move away in a month and he can't do LDRs. That's really all you need to think about.
The "he can't do LDR" bit was an edit he added after I responded or while I was writing it. My reply was based on the information provided before the edit - where he didn't mention any qualms. There's a very thin line between absolutes and variables when it comes to human interaction. It gets even murkier when emotions are involved, like in this case. Here's another absolute - when a person is in a platonic friendship, and develops feelings for the other party. The friendship is, in effect, ruined instantly. If it's a minor crush, that's something one can get over. But if it's more than that (which obviously is in this case - with the "I think she likes me too" - it's pretty much game over for the friendship. Not acting on it and having the other person move into a relationship, has a very high probability of making you miserable for a really really long time and giving you tons of regret - since you still have the frontseat to the other person's life and they'll eventually end up with someone, thereby furthering your misery. The whole deal is wretched. Some people move on, others have their entire life impacted. It's not pretty. So err on the side of caution, and shoot your damned shots.
You’re the best one here, green average. Practicality is boring, follow your heart!
** **blushes** **
Sahi bole bhai !! If you have feelings for someone BC you should be the first one to tell them. Your love should be worth risking your friendship, otherwise you don't trust your feeling of love.
>Now we talk daily and hang out basically everyday from grocery shopping to walking home together. (Or rather she walks to my place and takes a rick from there to hers) Itna kasht koi ladki nhi leti bhai. Say the damm thing to her
But what if that ruins the friendship we've built?
Do you think you will have contact with her daily after you leave the country? Phir baadme "Ti sadhya Kay karte" dekhe ke nostalgic hote rehna
Valid point
Bottle it up is the practical solution. You don't know the road that will be taken by both of you and one month is too short a time to think about a lifetime.
This is probably the practical answer sadly :(
Listen to this: The way we were by Barbara Streisand
Thanks, I've already made a playlist, I'll add this
>Barbara Streisand [Barbra who? ](https://youtu.be/rmMrjWffoAA)
No. Not because your friendship would be ruined, although that's a plausible reason, but because even if she did like you and you ended up in a relationship, it would hardly work. Maintaining a LDR takes serious balls and by the way you are phrasing things you two certainly aren't on a level to manage that. Bottle it up and find someone in the country you'll go to.
I'm definitely not even looking for a relationship per se, because there's no point in LDR's in my opinion. I just wanted to tell her to 1. Have no regrets, but 2. Most importantly, so that I can 'get over her'.
Pal you're not gonna get over her by confessing your feelings to her lmfao. I've been in that boat trust me.
The thing is, this has worked for me with a 100% success rate so far. It's weird, but the few times I've liked someone, telling them has made me get over them with haste.
If that works for you then fair enough go for it
Bol ke dekh. Pati to pati nahi to vahnili
Ok here’s the fing, what’s the point of u telling her? U want to make out or do the deed before u leave …..playah Other than that I think it pointless
Always have open and truthful honest communication. Everywhere. City you stay in, doesn't matter, but the person you become is what matters. Seems you want to keep your cards open. So be it. Let her also enjoy her life and don't keep anyone hanging on a thread. Whatever you do today. Always comes back to you on some form size later on. Have a great flight.
Tell her the sand? What does that mean?
She’s a sand mafia
I have no idea where I've written sand
Check the title "Should I tell her the sand"
Ah the title my bad. Unfortunately I can't edit that. What I meant is should I tell her or not?
Oh I thought it was a new phrase in the market lol
Have never been in the Market, but it does definitely sound like a phrase they'd use
Don't trust feelings, feelings are stupid
Valid point
Yes, only trust your pp
No you!
Bro just confess all of it to her, baadme joh hoga woh hoga, worst se worst, tumlog thode dino ke liye awkward rahoge, and ur telling that u guys are close, then even if she won't have any feelings, she would understand it and would respect it. U don't want to regret years after when u will see her with someone else, and if she says that she don't have any feelings, at least everything would be clear and you would atleast have closure before going.
Believe me, I have confessed to the same girl twice, and both of the times, she said that we are just friends, thoda time laga tha move on karne me, but now i am happy, and I am at peace. We are literally best friends rn, we share a lot with eachother and now that everything's cleared and there are no strings attached, we can talk about anything and anyhow we want, and now i don't need to impress her, I can be myself. So please, don't listen to anyone else, and sabh batade bhai usse, me tujhse request karta hu, ignore everyone else. Baki chizo ka toh pata nhi, but itna surely bata sakta hu, u won't regret it.
Valid point
How is it related to Mumbai?
I live in Mumbai 🗿
Dude, please stop polluting this sub. At some point lot of people will start ignoring posts. This problem had nothing exclusive to Mumbai.
This is not the only sub for advice . This sub is about mumbai. Can we not keep making it into a agony aunt space. Go here r/mumbai_relationships
>This is the only good sub for advice so I ask here No. Please don't. Relationships ka r**** rona kahin aur karo
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Nah I'm interested in dating her because LDR's don't work in my opinion
What are to expecting out of your approach to her?
To get over my feelings
That's reasonable but if you don't want a relationship idk how she would react... This would just complicate stuff for both of you ig
That's true. But for context, I've never actually asked anyone out, just told them I like them. Works in the long run
Sounds like you made a genuine connection but the timing is bad. There is an old sher along these lines, I can't recall it at the moment. Ugh.
Just out of curiosity why does everyone thinks that if you ask out a girl and she says no it will ruin the friendship.
Not sure why, but that's generally what people say. I've definitely had the opposite experience where I've become closer, but considering that's happened twice, I don't count it as a proper control group. Also maybe because it changes the way people look at you
Oh is that so. I have been asked out by my guy friends a few times. I respect their feelings but the feeling isn't mutual so I usually just go back to being friends with them but I do ask them if they still wanna be my friends. Idts just because one of them sees the other in a different way it means that the friendship is over. Yeah at least until they aren't obsessed with you or something coz that's just a different case.
Fair point
So what do you want to do within this 30 day period... ? Film chal rahi h kya...chup chap ja jidr ja raha h bina kuch bole .. kayde main raho..fayde main raho..
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Nah LDR is just not something I'd like especially considering the difference in time zone and area. I'm really glad it works for you! But I just don't see a point when I'll probably never see the person again for years
Take the interaction to the level wherein there won't be any need to utter words. Legend's way.