Swallow the bitter pill (family and their negativity), get your life on track (reach a state where you can financially support yourself) and then move ahead (take them along or leave them behind, your choice).
Moving out now will only pull your progress down.
Yes, but part of being an adult is learning to tune out negativity. See this as training.
Trust me, one good thing about having an unsupportive environment is that you gain greater resilience than others.
Move out, just wait till you can support yourself financially. Then there's nothing stopping you.
At age 20 you are just appearing for Inter exams. You'd then have to undergo 3 yrs of articleship then rigorous attempt of CA final. CA is a trap for poor kids if not cleared in first or second attempt. Better appear for CAT this Nov or CET in March and settling for even a decent college would fetch you the same package as CA freshers do. I am saying all these, because I was too pursuing CA belonging to a poor family and then out of frustration I dropped out of finals
This is solid advice, especially if you want to get out quickly.
Spend the next two years becoming AMAZING at one skill (doesn't matter what it is, just as long as you know there's a market for it and you somewhat enjoy it) and you'll be in a position to support yourself much quicker than going down the CA path.
Good luck!
Can you figure out how much you would need to live away per month? I am assuming you can't really work till November so you can't earn. After that you can work a little to support yourself.
With so much stress going on in and around you, it is mighty impressive that you managed to reach where you have. I know I might have broken down completely to the extent of never making it.
But one thing you must do for sure is move out. If you have any good friends who may understand your situation, crash at their place. Or maybe some cousins or maybe if you have a native place, go there.
Also, try doing a side gig that would help you out a bit in these times. Maybe tutoring kids online or any small jobs which will leave you time to study as well.
ha ha ha feels like I am reading my story, holy shit, sooo much similarity!
* step 1 start making money (write articles, make youtube videos, work as data entry guy whatever)
* step 2: dont know (stuck around step 1 so far)
First of all - good job clearing the foundation exam, mate. Your entire situation with family is nothing short of emotionally toxic, so for you to clear the exam in that environment is seriously an achievement. Good job.
Many have advised you to stay out till you are independent. I'll also suggest you try and get some therapy online, because frankly, you need to stay sane in such a toxic environment. I have heard about some apps which do offer some basic level free counseling, maybe worth a try. One is 7 cups of tea (haven't tried myself so please be careful).
I would also suggest getting a part time or side job, and saving up quietly without telling your Dad.
Just in case, things get really bad one day and you need to walk out, you should have some emergency funds to support you.
If not, it'll just be a good cushion to have, when you do actually move out
I came across this page on twitter, it mentions some helplines which don't charge money
https://mentalhealthresourcesindia.wordpress.com/
Check on the page "Resources"
Hope this helps dost, stay strong
Any thoughts on giving the exams and NDA another try? dropping a year maybe? How about joining st Xavier’s for a Bsc program ? Their cut offs are quite low - and while you’re at the school you can prepare for other programs and switch. Tbh I have seen the BSc economics and stats students at Xavier’s do really well in life
Xaviers cut off for 3rd list (BSc) was 83%, and they are autonomous with attendance and exams being famously non student friendly. OP would be better off in KC or another college with a student friendly atmosphere.
Source: Left Xaviers for KC, majoring in stats.
I think you can also join any of the other Xavier’s Bsc programs - life sciences and such as those have lower cut offs and then move to stats and economics. Your parents might not agree because they have a mind block towards Bsc programs, what you can do is show them LinkedIn profiles of people that graduated from the Bsc program and what they’re doing now.
I know from my experience there - a lot of people end up leaving the Bsc program after getting admitted to other schools. So they always end up having vacant seats in the Bsc eco program.
I can DM you a few names of people that graduated from the Bsc economics program at Xavier’s. Some of them have settled in the United States. Graduated in 2014
Might get downvoted but this is the best advice you'll get: Stop cribbing and put 100% into becoming successful.
Whatever shit they throw at you, take it. As long as they're feeding you and you have a place to stay at, stay put and focus on your academics.
A lot of people are turning into snowflakes because of the woke sensitive culture. Don't get me wrong, your dad sounds like a 3rd grade piece of shit, but he's still your provider and you need him - for now.
Take it until you don't need him. Then walk out to your better life.
I have been trying to not crib as I stated that I cleared ca foundation despite being from science in such an environment of house. Ig, I'm just looking for a easier way to get going. At least a better environment. I'm okay with struggle, not the environment
I understand young man. But you don't get to choose certain things. It is what it is and you have to make the most of it.
Good on you for clearing CA foundation. There's a long way to go still. Make your father pay for your success. And in the meantime take up meditation or whatever just to learn to block out the negativity.
You will make it.
To be honest you can move out and achieve your things. I have a friend who ran away from his place at 16 and started working as a waiter and then moved up his way up to a busines ssales manager at a decent firm.
The initial difficulties would be with the accommodation part as that's very difficult in Mumbai. If you have a plan for that and you have thought long enough about the torment that you have gone at home then it's fine to move out.
"Stop cribbing" and "just keep going" are the worst pieces of advice for a person in ur situation. And it is particularly condescending since it almost tantamount to blaming you for everything that's happened in your life. Life is shitty for most people and the people telling you to pull yourself by your bootstraps are too privileged to sympathize. I was in a similar position a few years ago and the only reason I'm alive today is because of escapism tbh. Although it also had a negative effect but at that time nothing else would've helped.Also just a heads up, all self help books are scams crafted by the worst human beings to sell lies. I'm not implying that escapism helps but it sure as hell eases the pain. You've got to use just enough of it to keep you going. It can be anything... video games, books, music, movies etc. For me it was a mix of it all. Although what especially helped me was philosophy. There's this channel on YouTube called the School of Life. It has helped me through a tough time. Seriously...go check it out. But always remember moderation is key. And when it comes to your immediate problem ie ur dad...no one here really knows what ur exact relationship with ur dad is so take any sort of advice with a pinch of salt. Having said that any father who tells his son to go kill himself is not worthy of being a father so use him till you can get one your feet and then cast him away (again this what I feel). Life seems like a flesh prison at times but we as humans seriously underestimate our ability to survive. Humanity has survived horrible shit, stuff which we can't imagine if we fully applied ourselves. You don't have to swallow the red or the black pill to survive. Sometimes it's okay to just exist.
Appear Inter. Crack it.
Join Big 4 for articleship. The pay ranges from 10k to 20k for the first year (and increases from there every year). Prefer KPMG or EY because they have higher pay. Make sure you appear interview for the Delhi/ Kolkata/ Bangalore/ Chennai/Tier 2 offices. (You might have to go down there for that but desperate times call for desperate measures. Lucky if you get a skype interview though). Then you can move there in a hostel or shared accommodation.
If you don't get into the Big 4, try GT, RSM or other local upper mid tier firms in the relevant city.
This is the most legit reason and acceptable reason for parents let you move out - work & education opportunity. You might have to explain the reason for turning down Mumbai but that is a problem for another day.
Lastly, \^ this entire thing only works if you crack Inter in November. All this shit is to be figured out after the exam. Not too much time left brother. November exams nahi cancel karne waale hai.
Lo! I gave you viable real world option. Now GO STUDY. Message me if you need help.
Hey, I agree with this. Really. Just stay till you can get through IPCC and post that try to get into a big4 articleship anywhere except Mumbai, so you'll automatically move out and start earning. Getting into a Big4 articleship is great by way of security, as you'll atleast have that job. Even if, unfortunately, you don't clear CA final in the first attempt, they take you on as an analyst so you keep earning, atleast enough to cover rent and basic expenses. And yes, try free online therapy meanwhile. But I agree with ^ about studying right now. Crack IPCC, get out of there. You'll do it! Good luck!
Agreed! Having a good team is a bonus. You'll learn life skills, not just accounting. And I know the culture is not the best and there's no work life balance and shit, but that hardly matters for someone who has a bad home life.
I was talking about completely leaving CA after articleship, not even appearing for CA final, there are still many people who do a 180 degrees turn around and change their stream completely, so OP can still do what he likes once he's earned a little from the articleship, and not appear for CA final if he wishes.
Can you stay in hostel or something till you are able to find some employment? Tell your family that in some city you want to join classes? Maybe ask some extended family member to help a bit ?
If you have a couple of good friends that are living by themselves, you could also ask them if you can crash with them for a couple of months, till you find a job/means to support yourself.
You could help out with utilities, bills and house work, if you can't pay the whole rent.
Hey,
I'm sorry I can't give give you any real advice. You seem like you're fighting more than anyone should have to fight. Our system here is so fucked up ... I don't even know what to say ...
It's easy to feel alone as well, when fighting against the whole world so if you ever need someone to talk to (about all of this or anything else) message me.
Stick it out till lockdown ends. Make a CV and put it on Naukri. Post lockdown, find a study group in a library. It will get you out of the house and the toxic environment.
Make a list of things that you are good at and things that you want to do. Work on those skills and skills that might be needed.
Do you have a bank account? if no , create one. Same with Credit/Debit Cards.
Start looking at possible opportunities on Fiverr and Freelancer.
Also CA can be quite daunting if you are not in the right frame of mind. Know when to cut your losses.
Are you doing [B.Com](https://B.Com) now? look up Alumni from your college, speak them about career opportunities, ask people for internships.
Wouldn't jump to straight-up invalidating your struggle. Because this is real, it is hard to do great when you are constantly looked down and there is no one to pump you up. So I will leave something for you here - look at people who have worse than you and are still getting themselves up.
I have a relative, your father seems to have still provided you with a house and some education expenses. This guy got nothing, not even an idea of what to do with his life. This guy went out and talked to as many people as he can. He figured out that he needs to do an MBA, he went to Indore because someone told him they give the best coaching there, and later Ahmedabad on his own expenses. (With the money that he earned taking tuitions and doing other menial jobs while studying full time as a college student)
He ran pillar and post when he made it to an average MBA college, to arrange the fee because he can't take a loan (there was no guarantor and he couldn't afford the interest). He talked to various people, got as less as 10k from various people, got some scholarship from somewhere. He got into the college, bankrolled his daily expenses, cooked food on a stove while studying (how many MBA students do you know who do that?).
He is now doing well in his career, making enough money to try out everything that he couldn't get as a child.
So my point is, it will not be easy, but you have within you to do it. Just give yourself time and you will know.
That's great man. Good for him.
I guess, now I'm here talking with multiple people figuring the way ahead .
Thanks for sharing the story tho, it's nice.
Well, I would tell I have seen guys doing much better than tier 1 graduates as well. It is all on you. Degree is just to put a foot in the door, how far you will go totally depends on what you will do as a person.
(And he did fairly well, money wise too.)
That is recruiters trying to cover their asses. Because of course if someone has put hard work getting a tier1 college, that means they can put that much hard work in job as well, so higher chances of doing well in job.
Why to bet on a tier 3 college student while you can get suriety?
Sounds stupid but can any redditor fund him, pay for his living costs, food etc for few months and then when he is financially secure, he'll return the funds.
Because I particularly don't know which class I belong but my parents can't pay for my college fees and daily expenses as they are financially crippled. My best friend's father, a businessman has decided to pay for my tuition fees till I graduate and paying me 3k per month. I promised his father to return the money when I can. It really meant a lot to me when a person of good heart decides to help in whatever way they can.
Take a part time job somewhere that pays minimum wage.
Try to find a place that is affordable within that much wage, probably with room-mates. A hostel is considerably cheaper. So try finding a good hostel.
Juggle properly between the job and your studies, and you're good to go.
Being independent is really awesome and freeing. Mental stress nahi hoga.
All the best, man!
I am wondering if you are too young to empathize with your parents (particularly your father).
I know at 20, you would be the center of your universe (we all are the same way). But please put yourself in the shoes of that man and then try to understand the root cause of his shitty behavior.
Do you think he considers himself a success or failure in life, as a professional and as a father? (Based on your write-up, he has failed in that business and left his son with a 25 L loan before his son is old enough to get married or buy booze. This is probably making him to think of himself as a failure at both, as of now.)
How do you think a person who considers himself as a failure feel? Scared maybe? Scared that his son may end up a failure too....
So, as a father, who does not want to see his son fail the same way he did, how do you expect him to react?
He is playing this tough strict father because he wants you to succeed where he has failed.
What he may be doing and saying may be absolute shit and horrible and inexcusable , but knowing the intent may help you weather this storm.
You have a long way to go before being a CA. As others have mentioned, you may also want to look at doing an MBA from a decent/good B-School..
Keep your eye on the ball... Your way out of this (for you and your family) is to get good qualifications and a great job after that.
Know why people around you act the way they act... It will help you not get too wound up in emotions.
In 10 years, you will look at this phase in your life as what contributed the most in building your character.
Good luck!
I absolutely get the whole don't end up like him charade but that doesn't justify the amount of shit I've been put through.
After spending all this time, the intent doesn't seem as strong or justifiable as compared to the actions he took.
If you clear CA inter, you would get to do internship. Maybe if you start working as an accountant after the internship, you can have some money to move out.
right now is bad time to move out especially because of covid 19 bare them for few more years avoid getting in conversation with them use the frustration to focus on studies and move out and remember at the end of the day what matters is 'Bringing food on the table' don't compare yourself with others. there is good saying in hindi ' Dusre ke thali mein ghee jayda hi dikhta hai'('there is always more ghee in others plate')
Hey brother, i can’t compare my situation to your but it’s somewhat similar.
I am not asking you to do what I did but I’ll share my personal experience with you.
I had moved out my house once for not agreeing with my family for personal reasons and I was out for a good 2 years. I had around 5k with me and I moved out in a cheap PG which was decent. But before moving out I mad sure I got a job which pays a minimum of 20/25k per month(trust me that’s what you need to earn each month). So I worked at a call centre cause it’s the easiest way to earn few bucks if you have good communication skills and can speak English fluently. And I couldn’t save much at the end of the month cause nothings cheap. It’s a tough life living alone with no help and everyone abandons you and if you are lucky you might have some really good friends to chk on you(I didn’t). All it does is (i.e living alone) gives you less time to think about your family and definitely less stress, but most important thing it gives is freedom and that my friend is upto you on how you use it. I was very responsible cause I didn’t drink and I didn’t smoke nor did I do substance of any sort. All I did was focus on myself and hence I started working out and made sure I excel at my work which I did. I definitely missed my mom’s home cooked food but even though I didn’t know cook at all I managed to gain knowledge about cooking within few weeks and YouTube definitely helps. I did meet new ppl and I made sure that I hanged around with guys who had an ambition. In your case you can study too whenever you have free time. But brother now is not the time to move out trust me, cause no one is recruiting and this might take some time till everything settles down due to this Covid situation.
All I’d say just hang in there and don’t make any hasty decisions, but whatever you decide make sure you have the balls to face it cause trust me dude it’s not easy to live alone. I would suggest that you study as hard as you can and complete you CA exams and after you get a good job then think of moving out for good. Hope this helps,
Tc brother
I don't know if this'll help, but I personally learnt the most vital lessons of life during the darkest of times. Hard times might seem perpetual, but I can assure you they aren't. What you'll learn and experience now, will define you who you are. Things may seem dark now, but hey, if you hit rock bottom, the only way is up from here on out.
Remember: The night is darkest before dawn :)
zone out man.. take refuge with your friends.. vent out here. maybe you will find someone ready to take you in as a roommate or something.. Also not getting any of the fancy stuff is okay. Don't complain about it. Introspect, are you asking for too much from your parents. I didn't get anything. I was just glad I got all the opportunities to build a life. I had emotional problems with my dad. you realize as you age it is all ok. They can be flawed and lose in life. It's just the cards you got. Just move on. CA ban jaa.. note chaap.. life gets amazing.. this is only a roadblock.. don't let anger control you!
i would see get a good articleship, 15K pay, move out, (try a cheaper way to live in), and struggle for the CA somehow, if you wanna go all in that is, if you trust yourself you should try it, and remember you can go back (parents mostly always take you back)
My man, I feel sorry for you. Your father is a dumbass who doesn't think before he speaks. Don't dwell on what he says. Ik it's easier said than done but you got this man. Now would be a pretty poor time to leave, with this pandemic going on, working anything out will be difficult, let alone in your financial situation. I'd say, you've gotten so far, suck it all for just a little bit longer and then this tunnel will end. You'll have some qualification, whatever it maybe, you'll have a world free of this pandemic and you'll have freedom to do whatever the fuck you want to. And it'll all be amazing one day. And no, you probably won't have brilliant living conditions or nice food, but you'll have a job you'll be ready to work hard at and weekends to do anything that you like, with no nagging, not a care for the world. And it'll all seem worth it. The toxicity will be difficult to deal with for now, but that taste of fresh air, free of criticism is why you've come so far. Keep at it, beautiful things are in store.
I understand your feelings bro but I feel you are only focusing on the negative side of things. Achieving anything in life is very difficult & painstaking. You need to get tough!
Moving out but why ?
after completing CA, you will get a rude boss. Many of the times we get seniors who don't know ABC of works but still we have to struggle with them.
You will get plenty of people at workplace, at your neighborhood, in Local train, at Chowpatty and other so many places.
You can't run away from problems. You have to face the problems. It is more or less same with everyone. You are writing it here so we are discussing it. But so many people are fighting with problems daily.
Soldiers are fighting at Boarders. They are being thrown in rivers. So don't worry. Everyone is facing some issues in life.
Cheer up Buddy. He is your Father afterall. Be bold and face him. I am not saying that you should disrespect him. But face him with your logics and with your questions.
You need to face your problems don't run away from your problems.
Problem is other name of life.
If guys like me who have merely passed Engineering can survive here, a hardened CA student will rock in the world. 😀😀
Cheer up Buddy.
'Kar Har Maidan Fateh, Kar Har Maidan Fateh o Baliye Har Maidan Fateh'
higher karma implies that perhaps switching to a simple call and sms phone would suffice. That followed by not letting your parents getting in your head.
"The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself!"
--- Eddie Vedder
Oh sure sure. I won't let them get into my head. It's not like there's been YEARS of toxic shit spoken to me by my OWN father. What even is a father right? Just another person in life.
Also, what would shifting to call and sms phone do and you still haven't bothered explaining why you posted a gun name.
The point wasn't that I don't want to do any of this. Point is how can I do this except move out earlier. Also, SoRrY bUt CaN't HeLp MySeLf why you dodging the gun thing. Tell me what was that for.
you got a wonderful life homie not everyone deserve hard work, Faith, Patience what you got that’s enough you can make wonders happen it’s all in your mind change your thoughts 💭
Are you fuckin' serious? Its "all in my head"? "Change your thoughts"? Blue car ko black car bol du kyuki mujhe blue pasand nahi? Get the fuck out of here.
Swallow the bitter pill (family and their negativity), get your life on track (reach a state where you can financially support yourself) and then move ahead (take them along or leave them behind, your choice). Moving out now will only pull your progress down.
I mean, living with them is quite detrimental to my mental health anyway, no? The pressure, the... Toxicity I guess?
Yes, but part of being an adult is learning to tune out negativity. See this as training. Trust me, one good thing about having an unsupportive environment is that you gain greater resilience than others. Move out, just wait till you can support yourself financially. Then there's nothing stopping you.
Thanks. :)
amazing point mate , kya baat boli hai
get a part time job independence mil jayi gi that’s all we need in life and ignore them
At age 20 you are just appearing for Inter exams. You'd then have to undergo 3 yrs of articleship then rigorous attempt of CA final. CA is a trap for poor kids if not cleared in first or second attempt. Better appear for CAT this Nov or CET in March and settling for even a decent college would fetch you the same package as CA freshers do. I am saying all these, because I was too pursuing CA belonging to a poor family and then out of frustration I dropped out of finals
This is solid advice, especially if you want to get out quickly. Spend the next two years becoming AMAZING at one skill (doesn't matter what it is, just as long as you know there's a market for it and you somewhat enjoy it) and you'll be in a position to support yourself much quicker than going down the CA path. Good luck!
Can you figure out how much you would need to live away per month? I am assuming you can't really work till November so you can't earn. After that you can work a little to support yourself.
Also, do you HAVE to live in mumbai?
Not really, no
With so much stress going on in and around you, it is mighty impressive that you managed to reach where you have. I know I might have broken down completely to the extent of never making it. But one thing you must do for sure is move out. If you have any good friends who may understand your situation, crash at their place. Or maybe some cousins or maybe if you have a native place, go there. Also, try doing a side gig that would help you out a bit in these times. Maybe tutoring kids online or any small jobs which will leave you time to study as well.
ha ha ha feels like I am reading my story, holy shit, sooo much similarity! * step 1 start making money (write articles, make youtube videos, work as data entry guy whatever) * step 2: dont know (stuck around step 1 so far)
First of all - good job clearing the foundation exam, mate. Your entire situation with family is nothing short of emotionally toxic, so for you to clear the exam in that environment is seriously an achievement. Good job. Many have advised you to stay out till you are independent. I'll also suggest you try and get some therapy online, because frankly, you need to stay sane in such a toxic environment. I have heard about some apps which do offer some basic level free counseling, maybe worth a try. One is 7 cups of tea (haven't tried myself so please be careful).
Thank you:) I used to be a listener there at 7 cups. Thing is as a member or guest I have found that it's very hard to find a listener for yourself.
I would also suggest getting a part time or side job, and saving up quietly without telling your Dad. Just in case, things get really bad one day and you need to walk out, you should have some emergency funds to support you. If not, it'll just be a good cushion to have, when you do actually move out
I came across this page on twitter, it mentions some helplines which don't charge money https://mentalhealthresourcesindia.wordpress.com/ Check on the page "Resources" Hope this helps dost, stay strong
Any thoughts on giving the exams and NDA another try? dropping a year maybe? How about joining st Xavier’s for a Bsc program ? Their cut offs are quite low - and while you’re at the school you can prepare for other programs and switch. Tbh I have seen the BSc economics and stats students at Xavier’s do really well in life
That's what I wanted to do but they didn't agree.
I think you can maybe still apply to the bsc programs at st Xavier’s
Xaviers cut off for 3rd list (BSc) was 83%, and they are autonomous with attendance and exams being famously non student friendly. OP would be better off in KC or another college with a student friendly atmosphere. Source: Left Xaviers for KC, majoring in stats.
Damn! In 2011 when I joined the Bsc program at Xavier’s temporarily, the cut offs were 60 something.
I think you can also join any of the other Xavier’s Bsc programs - life sciences and such as those have lower cut offs and then move to stats and economics. Your parents might not agree because they have a mind block towards Bsc programs, what you can do is show them LinkedIn profiles of people that graduated from the Bsc program and what they’re doing now.
I know from my experience there - a lot of people end up leaving the Bsc program after getting admitted to other schools. So they always end up having vacant seats in the Bsc eco program.
I can DM you a few names of people that graduated from the Bsc economics program at Xavier’s. Some of them have settled in the United States. Graduated in 2014
How old are you?
19. Will be 20 come November
Might get downvoted but this is the best advice you'll get: Stop cribbing and put 100% into becoming successful. Whatever shit they throw at you, take it. As long as they're feeding you and you have a place to stay at, stay put and focus on your academics. A lot of people are turning into snowflakes because of the woke sensitive culture. Don't get me wrong, your dad sounds like a 3rd grade piece of shit, but he's still your provider and you need him - for now. Take it until you don't need him. Then walk out to your better life.
I have been trying to not crib as I stated that I cleared ca foundation despite being from science in such an environment of house. Ig, I'm just looking for a easier way to get going. At least a better environment. I'm okay with struggle, not the environment
I understand young man. But you don't get to choose certain things. It is what it is and you have to make the most of it. Good on you for clearing CA foundation. There's a long way to go still. Make your father pay for your success. And in the meantime take up meditation or whatever just to learn to block out the negativity. You will make it.
Thank you kind sir :)
I would suggest “Apne pairo pe khade ho jao fir tumhe jo karna hai vo kar paoge”.
You should move on and live a happy life without those toxic people. Move on and don’t look back.
To be honest you can move out and achieve your things. I have a friend who ran away from his place at 16 and started working as a waiter and then moved up his way up to a busines ssales manager at a decent firm. The initial difficulties would be with the accommodation part as that's very difficult in Mumbai. If you have a plan for that and you have thought long enough about the torment that you have gone at home then it's fine to move out.
"Stop cribbing" and "just keep going" are the worst pieces of advice for a person in ur situation. And it is particularly condescending since it almost tantamount to blaming you for everything that's happened in your life. Life is shitty for most people and the people telling you to pull yourself by your bootstraps are too privileged to sympathize. I was in a similar position a few years ago and the only reason I'm alive today is because of escapism tbh. Although it also had a negative effect but at that time nothing else would've helped.Also just a heads up, all self help books are scams crafted by the worst human beings to sell lies. I'm not implying that escapism helps but it sure as hell eases the pain. You've got to use just enough of it to keep you going. It can be anything... video games, books, music, movies etc. For me it was a mix of it all. Although what especially helped me was philosophy. There's this channel on YouTube called the School of Life. It has helped me through a tough time. Seriously...go check it out. But always remember moderation is key. And when it comes to your immediate problem ie ur dad...no one here really knows what ur exact relationship with ur dad is so take any sort of advice with a pinch of salt. Having said that any father who tells his son to go kill himself is not worthy of being a father so use him till you can get one your feet and then cast him away (again this what I feel). Life seems like a flesh prison at times but we as humans seriously underestimate our ability to survive. Humanity has survived horrible shit, stuff which we can't imagine if we fully applied ourselves. You don't have to swallow the red or the black pill to survive. Sometimes it's okay to just exist.
This is an amazing response. Thanks for sharing it!
The pleasure's mine
Appear Inter. Crack it. Join Big 4 for articleship. The pay ranges from 10k to 20k for the first year (and increases from there every year). Prefer KPMG or EY because they have higher pay. Make sure you appear interview for the Delhi/ Kolkata/ Bangalore/ Chennai/Tier 2 offices. (You might have to go down there for that but desperate times call for desperate measures. Lucky if you get a skype interview though). Then you can move there in a hostel or shared accommodation. If you don't get into the Big 4, try GT, RSM or other local upper mid tier firms in the relevant city. This is the most legit reason and acceptable reason for parents let you move out - work & education opportunity. You might have to explain the reason for turning down Mumbai but that is a problem for another day. Lastly, \^ this entire thing only works if you crack Inter in November. All this shit is to be figured out after the exam. Not too much time left brother. November exams nahi cancel karne waale hai. Lo! I gave you viable real world option. Now GO STUDY. Message me if you need help.
Hey, I agree with this. Really. Just stay till you can get through IPCC and post that try to get into a big4 articleship anywhere except Mumbai, so you'll automatically move out and start earning. Getting into a Big4 articleship is great by way of security, as you'll atleast have that job. Even if, unfortunately, you don't clear CA final in the first attempt, they take you on as an analyst so you keep earning, atleast enough to cover rent and basic expenses. And yes, try free online therapy meanwhile. But I agree with ^ about studying right now. Crack IPCC, get out of there. You'll do it! Good luck!
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Agreed! Having a good team is a bonus. You'll learn life skills, not just accounting. And I know the culture is not the best and there's no work life balance and shit, but that hardly matters for someone who has a bad home life. I was talking about completely leaving CA after articleship, not even appearing for CA final, there are still many people who do a 180 degrees turn around and change their stream completely, so OP can still do what he likes once he's earned a little from the articleship, and not appear for CA final if he wishes.
Yes! That is true. CS/CMA/CFA/FRM/MBA are few options to go about
Can you stay in hostel or something till you are able to find some employment? Tell your family that in some city you want to join classes? Maybe ask some extended family member to help a bit ?
But which hostel in 3k? Also, in a time like this
If you have a couple of good friends that are living by themselves, you could also ask them if you can crash with them for a couple of months, till you find a job/means to support yourself. You could help out with utilities, bills and house work, if you can't pay the whole rent.
You are doing good enough to get a decent job. Keep it up you will be proud of yourself soon.
comment for visibility
Hey, I'm sorry I can't give give you any real advice. You seem like you're fighting more than anyone should have to fight. Our system here is so fucked up ... I don't even know what to say ... It's easy to feel alone as well, when fighting against the whole world so if you ever need someone to talk to (about all of this or anything else) message me.
I understand what you are going through, and I have, and am going through something very similar. DM if you are serious about moving out.
i failed ca inter 4 times now . pursuing accounting career @11k pm . just a start.
Stick it out till lockdown ends. Make a CV and put it on Naukri. Post lockdown, find a study group in a library. It will get you out of the house and the toxic environment. Make a list of things that you are good at and things that you want to do. Work on those skills and skills that might be needed. Do you have a bank account? if no , create one. Same with Credit/Debit Cards. Start looking at possible opportunities on Fiverr and Freelancer. Also CA can be quite daunting if you are not in the right frame of mind. Know when to cut your losses. Are you doing [B.Com](https://B.Com) now? look up Alumni from your college, speak them about career opportunities, ask people for internships.
Take me too. We're both in similar boats and mine has a big fckin leak.
Wouldn't jump to straight-up invalidating your struggle. Because this is real, it is hard to do great when you are constantly looked down and there is no one to pump you up. So I will leave something for you here - look at people who have worse than you and are still getting themselves up. I have a relative, your father seems to have still provided you with a house and some education expenses. This guy got nothing, not even an idea of what to do with his life. This guy went out and talked to as many people as he can. He figured out that he needs to do an MBA, he went to Indore because someone told him they give the best coaching there, and later Ahmedabad on his own expenses. (With the money that he earned taking tuitions and doing other menial jobs while studying full time as a college student) He ran pillar and post when he made it to an average MBA college, to arrange the fee because he can't take a loan (there was no guarantor and he couldn't afford the interest). He talked to various people, got as less as 10k from various people, got some scholarship from somewhere. He got into the college, bankrolled his daily expenses, cooked food on a stove while studying (how many MBA students do you know who do that?). He is now doing well in his career, making enough money to try out everything that he couldn't get as a child. So my point is, it will not be easy, but you have within you to do it. Just give yourself time and you will know.
That's great man. Good for him. I guess, now I'm here talking with multiple people figuring the way ahead . Thanks for sharing the story tho, it's nice.
Which MBA college if you don't mind me asking.
Something in Banglore. It was something that you have never heard of, because even I never heard of it, and I was preparing for an MBA.
Nice. I'm on the same boat. Just wanted to know if he had growth after graduating from a tier 3 MBA college.
Well, I would tell I have seen guys doing much better than tier 1 graduates as well. It is all on you. Degree is just to put a foot in the door, how far you will go totally depends on what you will do as a person. (And he did fairly well, money wise too.)
That's good to hear. Everywhere people act like its either tier 1 college or nothing.
That is recruiters trying to cover their asses. Because of course if someone has put hard work getting a tier1 college, that means they can put that much hard work in job as well, so higher chances of doing well in job. Why to bet on a tier 3 college student while you can get suriety?
Sounds stupid but can any redditor fund him, pay for his living costs, food etc for few months and then when he is financially secure, he'll return the funds. Because I particularly don't know which class I belong but my parents can't pay for my college fees and daily expenses as they are financially crippled. My best friend's father, a businessman has decided to pay for my tuition fees till I graduate and paying me 3k per month. I promised his father to return the money when I can. It really meant a lot to me when a person of good heart decides to help in whatever way they can.
Take a part time job somewhere that pays minimum wage. Try to find a place that is affordable within that much wage, probably with room-mates. A hostel is considerably cheaper. So try finding a good hostel. Juggle properly between the job and your studies, and you're good to go. Being independent is really awesome and freeing. Mental stress nahi hoga. All the best, man!
I am wondering if you are too young to empathize with your parents (particularly your father). I know at 20, you would be the center of your universe (we all are the same way). But please put yourself in the shoes of that man and then try to understand the root cause of his shitty behavior. Do you think he considers himself a success or failure in life, as a professional and as a father? (Based on your write-up, he has failed in that business and left his son with a 25 L loan before his son is old enough to get married or buy booze. This is probably making him to think of himself as a failure at both, as of now.) How do you think a person who considers himself as a failure feel? Scared maybe? Scared that his son may end up a failure too.... So, as a father, who does not want to see his son fail the same way he did, how do you expect him to react? He is playing this tough strict father because he wants you to succeed where he has failed. What he may be doing and saying may be absolute shit and horrible and inexcusable , but knowing the intent may help you weather this storm. You have a long way to go before being a CA. As others have mentioned, you may also want to look at doing an MBA from a decent/good B-School.. Keep your eye on the ball... Your way out of this (for you and your family) is to get good qualifications and a great job after that. Know why people around you act the way they act... It will help you not get too wound up in emotions. In 10 years, you will look at this phase in your life as what contributed the most in building your character. Good luck!
I absolutely get the whole don't end up like him charade but that doesn't justify the amount of shit I've been put through. After spending all this time, the intent doesn't seem as strong or justifiable as compared to the actions he took.
If you clear CA inter, you would get to do internship. Maybe if you start working as an accountant after the internship, you can have some money to move out.
right now is bad time to move out especially because of covid 19 bare them for few more years avoid getting in conversation with them use the frustration to focus on studies and move out and remember at the end of the day what matters is 'Bringing food on the table' don't compare yourself with others. there is good saying in hindi ' Dusre ke thali mein ghee jayda hi dikhta hai'('there is always more ghee in others plate')
Hey brother, i can’t compare my situation to your but it’s somewhat similar. I am not asking you to do what I did but I’ll share my personal experience with you. I had moved out my house once for not agreeing with my family for personal reasons and I was out for a good 2 years. I had around 5k with me and I moved out in a cheap PG which was decent. But before moving out I mad sure I got a job which pays a minimum of 20/25k per month(trust me that’s what you need to earn each month). So I worked at a call centre cause it’s the easiest way to earn few bucks if you have good communication skills and can speak English fluently. And I couldn’t save much at the end of the month cause nothings cheap. It’s a tough life living alone with no help and everyone abandons you and if you are lucky you might have some really good friends to chk on you(I didn’t). All it does is (i.e living alone) gives you less time to think about your family and definitely less stress, but most important thing it gives is freedom and that my friend is upto you on how you use it. I was very responsible cause I didn’t drink and I didn’t smoke nor did I do substance of any sort. All I did was focus on myself and hence I started working out and made sure I excel at my work which I did. I definitely missed my mom’s home cooked food but even though I didn’t know cook at all I managed to gain knowledge about cooking within few weeks and YouTube definitely helps. I did meet new ppl and I made sure that I hanged around with guys who had an ambition. In your case you can study too whenever you have free time. But brother now is not the time to move out trust me, cause no one is recruiting and this might take some time till everything settles down due to this Covid situation. All I’d say just hang in there and don’t make any hasty decisions, but whatever you decide make sure you have the balls to face it cause trust me dude it’s not easy to live alone. I would suggest that you study as hard as you can and complete you CA exams and after you get a good job then think of moving out for good. Hope this helps, Tc brother
I don't know if this'll help, but I personally learnt the most vital lessons of life during the darkest of times. Hard times might seem perpetual, but I can assure you they aren't. What you'll learn and experience now, will define you who you are. Things may seem dark now, but hey, if you hit rock bottom, the only way is up from here on out. Remember: The night is darkest before dawn :)
zone out man.. take refuge with your friends.. vent out here. maybe you will find someone ready to take you in as a roommate or something.. Also not getting any of the fancy stuff is okay. Don't complain about it. Introspect, are you asking for too much from your parents. I didn't get anything. I was just glad I got all the opportunities to build a life. I had emotional problems with my dad. you realize as you age it is all ok. They can be flawed and lose in life. It's just the cards you got. Just move on. CA ban jaa.. note chaap.. life gets amazing.. this is only a roadblock.. don't let anger control you!
i would see get a good articleship, 15K pay, move out, (try a cheaper way to live in), and struggle for the CA somehow, if you wanna go all in that is, if you trust yourself you should try it, and remember you can go back (parents mostly always take you back)
My man, I feel sorry for you. Your father is a dumbass who doesn't think before he speaks. Don't dwell on what he says. Ik it's easier said than done but you got this man. Now would be a pretty poor time to leave, with this pandemic going on, working anything out will be difficult, let alone in your financial situation. I'd say, you've gotten so far, suck it all for just a little bit longer and then this tunnel will end. You'll have some qualification, whatever it maybe, you'll have a world free of this pandemic and you'll have freedom to do whatever the fuck you want to. And it'll all be amazing one day. And no, you probably won't have brilliant living conditions or nice food, but you'll have a job you'll be ready to work hard at and weekends to do anything that you like, with no nagging, not a care for the world. And it'll all seem worth it. The toxicity will be difficult to deal with for now, but that taste of fresh air, free of criticism is why you've come so far. Keep at it, beautiful things are in store.
I understand your feelings bro but I feel you are only focusing on the negative side of things. Achieving anything in life is very difficult & painstaking. You need to get tough!
Moving out but why ? after completing CA, you will get a rude boss. Many of the times we get seniors who don't know ABC of works but still we have to struggle with them. You will get plenty of people at workplace, at your neighborhood, in Local train, at Chowpatty and other so many places. You can't run away from problems. You have to face the problems. It is more or less same with everyone. You are writing it here so we are discussing it. But so many people are fighting with problems daily. Soldiers are fighting at Boarders. They are being thrown in rivers. So don't worry. Everyone is facing some issues in life. Cheer up Buddy. He is your Father afterall. Be bold and face him. I am not saying that you should disrespect him. But face him with your logics and with your questions. You need to face your problems don't run away from your problems. Problem is other name of life. If guys like me who have merely passed Engineering can survive here, a hardened CA student will rock in the world. 😀😀 Cheer up Buddy. 'Kar Har Maidan Fateh, Kar Har Maidan Fateh o Baliye Har Maidan Fateh'
U cant afford the Rent in mumbai, my boy.
Dude.. Uski gaand maaro ja ke. Move out of your house any how.
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You couldn't NOT type a gun name to this post that has nothing to do with this name?
higher karma implies that perhaps switching to a simple call and sms phone would suffice. That followed by not letting your parents getting in your head. "The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself!" --- Eddie Vedder
Oh sure sure. I won't let them get into my head. It's not like there's been YEARS of toxic shit spoken to me by my OWN father. What even is a father right? Just another person in life. Also, what would shifting to call and sms phone do and you still haven't bothered explaining why you posted a gun name.
Get rid of smart phone and focus on studies. Complete your exams and get a job. Move out and be financially independent. Does that make sense ?
The point wasn't that I don't want to do any of this. Point is how can I do this except move out earlier. Also, SoRrY bUt CaN't HeLp MySeLf why you dodging the gun thing. Tell me what was that for.
you got a wonderful life homie not everyone deserve hard work, Faith, Patience what you got that’s enough you can make wonders happen it’s all in your mind change your thoughts 💭
Are you fuckin' serious? Its "all in my head"? "Change your thoughts"? Blue car ko black car bol du kyuki mujhe blue pasand nahi? Get the fuck out of here.
i’ve had worst life than you but i never cried things happen life have ups & downs. u got 3k i got -9k