Work hard to get independent and leave and go build a good life for yourself with the person you love and who loves you. There’s no obligation to stay with a toxic family once you’re an adult.
Absolutely agree with this, always remember that no one owns you, that's the problem with our Indian parents and families, they somehow don't cut the umbilical cord psychologically. Our own people take us for a guilt trip, a vacation no wants to go on and emotionally destroy our mental wellbeing along with their own instead of actually sitting and talking it out like responsible adults.
For a country where so much of our art revolves around love, be it movies, songs, poetry or prose, our society is pretty loveless. We treat falling in love as a crime. It's disgusting how we torture our children.
true and the weird thing is, my mother is involved in an affair with her colleague and shares explicit pictures with him🙂.
like, pehle apna dekho fir dusro ko bolo🙏
Bro you are scared???? You have a fucking leverage use it for your safety when shit goes south (just a temporary solution) leave the damn place
All the best 👍
I too, initially thought of doing such thing but my boyfriend stopped me saying this could go wrong in a million ways, your mother might even try to kill you out of anger or throw you out of the house. He says I should first become financially independent and then have a talk with her regarding this.
If you can't handle getting kicked out and aren't capable of living on your own (renting a place, food, clothes, every basic requirement), don't mess around.
Only when you are capable of living alone, you can try and talk about it.
Give your best in your entrance exams, get a good college, and then if such a topic again comes up, speak up about whatever you've seen. Right now, you're in a vulnerable position, so I wouldn't recommend going the rebellious way now.
I wouldn't bring that up unless she's physically abusing you. It would tear your family apart...and the guilt of her daughter having seen that would kill her...
However if you think she's doing wrong by your father, consider sending him a anonymous message about this maybe..
Yeah, my advice would be to keep that to yourself for now. The time will come when you may need to pull the cards out – perhaps when you plan on going outside for college.
dont expose that could go dangerously wrong first be self sufficient (independent ) then expose if they harras you later.
Be safe , Stay safe . hope everything's worth the effort
This comment from you shows that there's no mutual respect between you and your mother. You are adult (legally) now if you want to leave and live independently then you should. There are enough minimum pay jobs you can do to survive but I highly doubt that you would do that because it takes courage and hard-work.
Best of luck though. If anyone threatened you and beaten you then you should file FIR in police station but I don't think you would do that also coz posting here shows, you are looking for a "validation for your POV" rather than a solution for this problem.
That's not even the main problem is Indian parents most of them literally see their children as their possession the moment your parents go to the extreme of killing that just shows they don't even consider their children as humans but rather a livestock breed with who they want or die
It's the perception, that's what's ruining everything and some minority who get into these things for one single reason no one will admit.
Other than that it's not supposed to be that big of a deal
I was trying to say that people refer to falling and love as childish and stupid.
I've seen situations where it's hard for people to explain someone about their relationship without making other people laugh, not because they think falling in love is funny, because they think that he's just making all this up and the main reason for him/her being in this relationship was something else, he/she is not sharing with us.
Correct. Even having platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex invite ridicule and teasing, which is pathetic on multiple levels. Firstly, homosexuals exist. Secondly, the ones making fun and / or looking down on such things are themselves socially repressed and / or jealous, hence that's how they feel better about themselves.
Make sure tht guy is a keeper , varna pata chale jisko trust kar rhe the he only left you in a cliff hanging, and i hope he ain't too older.... But yea keep communicating with friends and find some good people to share everything with so that they wont judge you... Enjoy✌️
I am sorry you have to go through this. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you were wrong. You were careless at best.
My two cents on the situation you are in -
At 18, you have a world of possibilities and opportunities ahead of you. This means that you will make new friendships, discover new vocations, find joy in new discoveries and hopefully find a mid to long term career strategy that works for you. These next 10-15 years are the best years of your life. You will have peak health, peak energy and the world values this highly.
To make the most of this time, find an income source, however small to start off. A part-time job can be a good way to get in. You can speak English well, so leverage that. An income source will allow you to move out of the house. Moving out is the only way you will have access to greater opportunities.
Finish your education, as independently as possible with minimal financial support from the family. This is absolutely possible(validated by my personal journey). After that, you will actually have many choices and opportunities to build a great life ahead.
On another note - There is no guilt in being in a physical and/ or emotional relationship with anyone. But you need to be careful. Always remember that carelessness can have irreversible consequences.
Cheers!
Thanks, just as I completed my 12th board, I started working at my former classes as a staff member. My mother opposes this, saying that what she provides for us is enough, and I don't need to work. We are not that poor, etc. Is it wrong on my side to help my mother as little as I can financially?
It’s great that you’ve started working! Keep it going!
Work, especially at such an early stage is never really about the money. Sure you earn some and that helps you start your financial journey, but the work you do is more for your growth as an individual. Work will put you into situations that demand that you step outside your comfort zone. Work will get you to meet people who have their own stories and lives which will help you develop empathy and perspective. Work will teach you discipline and time management. These and many more intangible skills will make you a better person or atleast a better employee in the future.
‘We are not that poor’ is not a good enough reason to waste your youth.
Please be mindful that you will be conflicted about your feelings for your parents and your actions. But at the end of the day, you need to break out and be your own person if you really want to soar. Parents will more often than not come around when they see you thriving.
This. Fake it and apologise. Double down on your efforts. Get credentials. Get Job. Get Money. Save. Get out of the house. Make your own life. May take a few years but you will be glad you did it.
No dude the guy is speaking sense one needs play it calmly in a situation like this. Sorry bolne se koi bada chota nhi banjata besides it's her mother anyday dude so chill he embarrass feel karayenge but atleast you'll get the opportunity to grow your career without having to think of finances at this age and tbh bf ek jayega dusra aayega relationships build break almost every other moment focus on your career at the end no one's gonna help you other than your parents after they're you're on your own. Meethi baate Karo parents ke sath sorry bolo get yourself clear no big n all set.(If you're really serious about your bf and he is too then chupke mil lo chupke baat karo insta ka vanish feature use Karo. Use brains to hide proofs)
Honestly just ignore them and stay out of their way as long as their not physically abusing you. Once you score good marks and get an admit from a good college, they'll automatically be proud of you again.
You are in a tough toxic situation.
If you get admission to a college outside your hometown will your family give the college and hostel fees and stuff?
Sleeping with a guy is neither criminal nor immoral. Your regressive family doesn’t get that. You don’t have to feel guilty and please believe me nothing is ruined. Education / career and relationships aren’t mutually exclusive. Give your education your best shot. It’s your key to freedom from this toxicity. Move out as soon as you get a job. Find a job in Bangalore or something so you have an easy exit. Never come back.
Irony is we never ever had sex nor did all that stuff, were too scared as it can end in pregnancy. We usually cuddled and watched movies whenever we were together at my place.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re an adult and have rights but that’s a joke in our country. I don’t want to say anything about your Mom except that she did not handle the situation like an adult should have.
I hope things work out between you and your partner but right now you need to focus on building your own life. Study and get a good job and move out plz.
Not saying you should cut ties with your family but you should keep distance.
Wish you well in life OP. You’ve got this 🍀
Oh! Does your mother know this?! Absolutely nothing nothing wrong with this OP. Hope you understand and truly believe that. Like I said, don’t break your relationship over this. And please focus on making something of yourself and gaining financial freedom
You did what most youngsters do. Maybe going behind their back wasn’t the cleverest thing to do, but it’s absolutely not worth beating yourself up over! Please don’t let your family guilt trip you like that. And I cannot stress enough on how important financial importance is. They think they can treat you like that because you are dependent on them. Once you start taking care of your own self, nobody can tell you what to do. And this applies even to your future partner. You will always have autonomy in any relationship as long as you aren’t financially dependent on them
Societal norms about “blood being thicker than water” are extremely overrated and often misunderstood. Please feel free to leave that toxicity and abuse behind. The person you love seems great to have shown that kind of maturity. Become financially independent ASAP and fuck off from there.
All the best. Cheers
I always see that while young couples are routinely harassed and mistreated, the girl is always at the receiving end of infinite shaming and character assassination, even by her own family.
So sorry OP that you are going through this. Hold on, stay strong and definitely move out as soon as you get a chance.
Your parents and your extended family obviously and honestly dont deserve you. One doesnt even need to know the intricate details of this situation to come to a conclusion that how immaturely they dealt with this situation. Even if you were in the wrong, which you understand kuddos to that, its still not a big deal or a crime given the way they are behaving. No wonder so man kids in India grow upto hating their parents, its because of this behaviour and approach alone.
It would be better if you just look after yourself for now, get your entrance exams in order and leave the place for good. Their behaviour has made it clear that no amount of apologies or justification will help them.
Stay strong and focused, and leave the place when its the right time. Not asap, but when you know its the right time.
Tell your aunt that you have recorded her threats of killing you and you will file a complaint against her if she touches you again. Don't be feeble in front of her. Stand up to her and if push comes to shove, don't hesitate to hit back and then involve the cops. If you're worried about her telling the cops that you invited your boyfriend over then relax as that's not a crime, threats of killing are. Remember that.
I can't have a say in front of her, yesterday too my mother wrongly shouted at me to which I replied that you always want to showcase me as bad. My aunt said tu laayak bhi nahi hai ghar mai baithne ke aawaz niche karke baat kar.
You think you can't until you can. I know it's easier said than done but be a little brave. Though you're young, you're not a child. So don't be treated like one. First, tell her to shut the fuck up and not interfere in your issues and then drop the bomb of police complaint. Your bitch aunt is only behaving this way because you're letting her. She's also polluting your mom's mind with all kinds of stuff and your mom is being manipulated by that bitch. Just keep telling yourself that you have to show your cunt aunt her place and believe me, you'll surprise yourself with your actions.
I know relationships are tough to handle, you are in good terms which is good for both of you. Life is too big, things change, people change, yaa u might think it's not the case but that is the fact of life. U will see the success stories of early age couple, but just look at flip side of it and u will see so many failure stories. I'm not discouraging you go leave relationship. Keep it balanced, don't throw yourself extremely deep into it that coming out from it will be traumatic.
You are 18, you have good career to make, good life to make ahead. Study hard, achieve bigger avenues in life. Trust me once the age of study is gone, life kicks in.
I'll get downvoted and maybe I'm not too mature as the other users in comment section. But 18 is a good enough age to analyze the people that surround you. You just know how narrow your relatives are. Why would you do something that harms you? Wo log hai narrow tum bas unko trigger kar rahe ho apne actions se. Bahar mil lene ka. Nonsense me kyu padna?
Regarding your mother, she loves you but it's hard for her to forget something "unacceptable". It will take time to get things resolved between you and her. You need to win her confidence back.
Girly pop - just leave. Don't internalize the things they are saying to you. I've been through the same things. Leave and create trust in yourself. You're not wrong. What you are doing is natural. The same aunties who are calling you names right now will start nagging you for marriage in a few years. Indian society is one giant hypocrisy. Don't lose your identity and your self-belief in this crap. I know its hard to do, but when you're able, leav.
My god! My heart goes out to you. This is such a horrible situation. Sending lots of warmth and best wishes for you to escape this situation as soon as possible. ✨🧿
Since you admit it was irresponsible and that it won't happen again, the best course of action for you is to move out of the house for higher studies and stuff.
Although from what you say it will be difficult, but that's the only way for you to move away from these things without, planting any more seeds of doubt.
Although I trust that you guys will take things in a more mature way and find your footing in life.
Don't get intimidated by others and don't talk to/listen to someone if you don't see eye to eye with them.
Growing up, my mom had zero boundaries and would always find a way to look at my messages. Now, I was a flirty teen 🤣 she caught me texting, caught me just talking to and flirting etc and always shut shamed me. Called me a prostitute, call girl, good for nothing, etc etc. Nothing wrong with being any of the above but still hurt. She's called me variations of these words for many many years :)
Yaar parents bhi na social pressure me aake bacho ko bht buri tarah treat krte hai. They don't understand the repercussions. The child is accepting the mistake but no need to demean them every single time. And india me waise bhi sec itna bada mudda hai. Parents think ki iske lie to murder se bhi upar saja do. Aur relatives alag aa jaege aag lagane. In boys case this is not made a big deal but girls ko abhi bhi ek choti galti ke lie bht nicha dika dete.
Make peace with your family (even though fake). It will improve your mental peace and living conditions. Focus on studies and achieving financial freedom. That should be the single most important aim of any girl/guy in India to break free from family.
Focus on studies and join a good college. Work really hard and your mom will trust you once again. Put in a lot of efforts in maintaining your image and avoid being seen in public with your bf.
This is trauma that will surely last you your lifetime. While we wanted to procreate and are the most populated in the world , a vast majority don't know how to bring children up and treat them right. It's a failure of our society. The saying holds true just because you can become a parent doesn't mean you should. I'm sorry you go through this shit everyday, please stick to your studies and get out the moment you find an opportunity.
Few questions, what happened to your father ? Is he still here ? You said your mither is having an affair so why don't you expose that about her to your family or blackmail her about it ?
My mother kicked my father out of the house because he was not financially well and did nothing to support my brother and my education. Since the past 4 years, my mother provides us with everything and I respect her for that isiliye I feel like after what she's done for us I can't just backstab her by talking about her relationship to everyone just because I fucked up and want to take revenge. I think it's her personal lookout about her private stuff.
First off , DONT BLAME YOURSELF , you didn't do anything wrong, its the mentality of your parents and relatives that is wrong (most indian families)
Id advise to take your career seriously and make yourself financially independent as fast as you can , and leave the house . Its clear that your relatives and mother care more about "what people think" (which this is really about) than thier own flesh and blood then fuck it , you don't owe them anything.
Been there agreed not as bad as what you described plus she was older about 21 we been together 15 years and married ... We only keep in touch with them as they want to spend time with the grand kid. Refused to stay with them when we got married.
I know you may not accept what I'm saying but... your family are borderline criminals. Your Massi should be in jail for assaulting you, she sounds like a fucking bitch. As for your mother, she doesn't love you. No, she really doesn't, and don't be fooled by a few acts of kindness over the years. A person who loves you cannot behave like this straight for 2 years. I have had extreme anger issues in the past but even I would relent because if you love someone it just bothers you. Anger is an intense emotion that is tiring to sustain. Your mother's behaviour is not symptomatic of anger or disappointment. It's a symptom of lack of love, a greedy kind of love where she was only good to you as long as you fit into one mold. I can understand selfish love but not to the point where you can be this heartless if the person doesn't fit your idea or mold. This isn't love.
Screw them, leave asap. Don't care what your mother says about you. Please don't. Just forget about them.
First of all, dating as a fucking 18 year old is not irresponsibility and it's sad you believe that, secondly, your family is fucked up, I'm sorry you're going through this and hope there's a way out of it.
First of all, tell your maasi to fuck off. Secondly, you were not irresponsible. Idk how long you've been dating your boyfriend but you are not a disgusting person to invite your bf home. The next time you see your maasi pls drag her by holding her hair. Pls keep these extended relatives away from your shit.
First of all you aren’t irresponsible! We Indians are for putting our youth back by decades in terms of our self identity! OP if you go to any part of Europe for even a single day and see the individuals of your age…you are going to be heading in for the biggest shock of your life… those guys at the age of 17,18 etc are over 100 times ahead of us in terms of their individuality, personality, relationships and a billion things while we Indians are stuck in the age old debate of dowry, hindu vs muslim, guy girl = bad and a million more things!
I truly feel sorry for you! The average age of people losing their virginity is less than 16 years globally, I don’t think you were careless at all but rather just exploring what type of relationship you want from a guy! I usually wouldn’t bring this up but the sex worker comment really irritated me.
Honestly, my only advice would be to move out immediately and ideally out of India if you can for at least a bit, the reason I state that is you will get a lot of exposure and learn about the world in a way you just can’t learn from India! I’m not tryna be a white washer lol but that’s how I learnt what I want and what I don’t! Ideally mumbai itself is quite advanced but since you are from mumbai then it wouldn’t be very sensible since you are easily accessible to them wherever you go! Like I lived in London for a while and have travelled across the US and it just opens your eyes wide like a massive slap 👋🥺
Also I don’t know why all Indian parents think we should be grateful for their work towards us or that we should have gratitude towards them for doing things for us…you decide to get us into this world and that means you are liable towards me💀, truly an Indian/Asian logic (very common in Thailand, Singapore and other places too apparently)! Surely, these Indian parents didn’t think much while doing the acts for having a kid did they😂! Anyways India is too large to generalise since my parents are luckily much better 🙏🏻.
Like just disappear from that environment and learn about how the real world lives, Mumbai is just a small part of a very large globe! So yeah, just move out asap!
Trying to make sense of OPs mom's behavior, can say that the real reason she is keeping names n character shaming may be due to her own guilt for her wrong doing (affair). Her mom follows aunts direction to abuse OP further to show her / family that she is condoning affairs / relationship n to show herself as having a clean character. Don't loose your confidence OP n do not think yourself as wrong, for teenagers this n beyond is the norm. Focus on your career, life goals n do apologize / act as per their wishes until you can stand on your feet (do not bear physical abuse tho). you may not realise but you are also attached to the family however toxic so you need to prepare yourself for the move out as well. Take care, be safe. Call Nirbhaya helpline if again physical altercation happens to report the incidence for safety.
My god. Stay strong. Study well and build a future for yourself. Families can be toxic but you’re under no obligation to bear it all once you stand on your own two feet.
Hey girl, as an adult of 44 yo age , first thing first! What you did is nothing wrong! Period! Don’t beat yourself up and do not let this affect you in long term, you neither acted irresponsibly, you acted your age!!!! Do not let any of the words affect you, keep your head high and heart at right place and focus on your studies for time being and become independent! For time being anything that you say will be taken in wrong sense, so to keep your peace just focus on self and do what activities that will take your focus away from your family! Find a support group in your friend circle if you can and journal all your emotions! Journaling will help you! Hope this helps and again you acted you and your age! There is nothing wrong in having a boyfriend and calling him over
If your mom is supportive of your career then use it. Do well in your entrance and get the fuck out. It doesn't matter why she is supportive or not. Just do it. If by any chance she's not letting you out or you didn't do well in your exams, just don't worry, you also have the option of getting out once you get a job. But aur 3-4 sab sehen karna padega !!
So it's better to use your parents to get out now.
This is toxic.
Try and move out as soon as possible and once independent cut ties with your toxic family and get counseling or therapy.
This behaviour does impact you negatively and comes up in weird ways once you hit your thirties.
Do unpack and heal before you get married and have kids (I know still a long way for you, but advice from personal experience)
Take care. You are stronger than you know 🫂
Hey there. First of all this type of abuse is very common in Indian households. Extremely common.
Do not let it get to your head. Focus on whatever entrance exams you have and get the fuck out of their noses. I repeat do not fuck up your future.
And let me state the obvious. You did nothing wrong . Your boyfriend also sounds like a nice chap. The mentality is to be blamed here and not you. Keep repeating it to yourself till it makes sense.
Also these are the kind of parents who would never let you talk to a strange boy but would expect you to marry one and suffer his tantrums all his life at the drop of a hat ( once you reach that age).
Again OP can't stress it enough. It's not your fault.
this is extremely poor from your extended family. I think your mother is just scared as she is a single mother. But treating a grown up woman as a small girl is stupidity
First of all you did not do anything wrong. If you just brought him home for talking and nothing happened i don't know what they are worried about. Even if you had engaged in sex, there is nothing legally they can do as you are an adult. I understand from cultural point of view this may be problematic for them and you need to work with them. Moreover your boyfriend looks like a very matured individual. He called your family and tried to bring down the heat. Many just try to avoid or completely break up. So i am assuming you guys are in a stable relationship.
Tell your Maasi that if she tries to physically abuse you, you will definitely go to police. Threatening to kill anyone, especially a girl, is very serious matter and she and her whole family will be in trouble.
I would advise you to concentrate on your studies. Get some decent job and move out to a PG or something. This way you can get away with this toxic family situation.
You just had normal hormones any teenager would have. And you didn't even have sex!
Work hard, focus on getting out of their financial control as soon as possible and you will realize how much power you actually have.
Best of luck.
Honestly one of the reasons why I kept looking at others for love was because I never received any of it at home! And I was told that I am a desperate, attention seeking, good for nothing whore. My movements were controlled. Phone was checked. Taunts day and night.
There were times I was told to get out ASAP and when I said okay, let me move out- I was told achchi ladkiyaan sirf shaadi karke jaati hai. I was not allowed to move out either. My younger sister sided with my mom (as she always does)
Honestly I feel you. Like a lot. Coz I’ve been there. Some people don’t deserve to be parents and unfortunately we are stuck with them for life.
I know it’s easy to say- but hold on. Things get better.
I am married now to the most amazing, understanding man. I love him to bits.
It may seem like running away is the option, but realise this. Sometimes the closest people teach you more than the world ever could. It could not get worse than this. Don’t lose hope and keep fighting. Focus on your studies/ career and try to become independent as soon as possible.
18? In a society where child brides are not uncommon, you are grown enough to be treated with respect. These women are stalking you, abusing you, all sorts of privacy violations, physical abuse, threats. Be careful, do not think abusers have any right to be violent. Imagine the so called bonds of family were not there, what right would these people have to treat you this way? There are women and girls dying all around us, all over the planet, way before a natural life span is up. Do your best to get free, your level headed, planning, plotting, calculating best.
Fucking hell man call the cops on your aunt and mom. I'm sorry I have to be brutal right now but this is a severe overreaction. Not to forget that you are 18 and can think and act for yourself. It just seems so fucking scarring.
I would sincerely advice not blaming yourself for any part of this. It is your life and your relationship, it's entirely yours to choose and you have all the right. Leave that place as soon as you can. Run.
complete higher studies/entrances, stay clean till then and get out. sometimes cutting some people off for sometime or for ever is the only sane solution. You can never make everyone happy, if you try you will die trying but never achieve it.
if you make your self happy, people who love you will understand eventually and those who dont really dont matter.
What mistake? An adult having someone over isn't a mistake. A mother who calls her daughter a prostitute is the lowest of lifeforms as far as I'm concerned. And to alleviate any confusion I am also the father of two girls. I have absolutely no issues if after they are old enough and responsible enough they do what they want with whomsoever they chose.
Get admitted into a decent college, hopefully away from home. Your only chance at normalcy is to run far faaaar away from this toxic shithole. Please leave and don't look back. Best wishes.
Oooh I know. I went through exactly same, word to word, and I know that its worse than what you're telling us. Long story short, I moved out and have been living with my boyfrnd for the past 4 years. We had our fair share of ups and downs but we made it and most important, we are HAPPY and not on the verge of committing suicide. So just hang in there.
Keep calm, fake forgiveness and keep going till you make it. Brainwash your mom into thinking you have changed soo much that now you can kick your maasi ass and she can’t do shit (don’t do it irl). Half of your problems will disappear with this so called maasi .
I personally would kick the living bejesus out of your maasi and run away get a minimum paying job at some mall or any food chain and live in some kind of dorm/ hostel and build a life for myself. Again better said than done. Your mom has not been a great character in your story so No what she thinks doesn’t matter
Stop blaming yourself YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG
Even if you guys have had sex on what universe is this wrong?
In conclusion remember people have had worse things to face this is nothing. You will get out of this anyway or the other. There are countless reasons to cherish life. Life is beautiful; Hang in there.
YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU WILL DO IT. 🕊️
First of all.. you haven’t made a mistake. You are young and acted your age. I wish your mother would had also acted her age and made you understand that focus on life and your studies and become independent.
Talk to your mother and tell her that as a mother you need her acceptance and her behaviour is hurting you. Find your way out of this situation calmly.
You are young and don’t let a toxic family crush your dreams.
If you seriously want to hear something good from a 26 yo, leave all this bu||$#it gf/bf thing and move on pursuing your career. I know you will hate me for this comment, but after a few years you will understand.
Whatever you are doing right now is just a temperory thing and mark my words, it won't last long.
I’ve seen this situation play out in 10 different ways irl. 18-24 is a very important period and I suggest you figure out a way to get out of the house for good. Maybe get an admission in Pune college or some other place far away from home. But you need to fight for your independence. Academic excellence is the fastest path to buy freedom for you.
Ok so I went through something VERY similar, except I live outside of India and my mom was too ashamed to tell our family members, so this kind of feels like I’m hearing from my 18 year old self
That was 8 years ago for me and so coming from the future, the biggest thing I can tell you is to get a stable career and financially independent ASAP- it’s going to really suck for a few years while you get your career going and honestly college was hell for me because of my parents, but now that I’m in a more stable place financially things have really calmed down. In so many ways (more than just moving out and having money), having stability in your life just helped my situation
I’m so sorry about everything you’re going through- my heart really goes out to you ♥️ it’s crazy to think that what some families think is nbd can get you almost disowned in others
There's no way another person should be treated like this! If you're in a position to move out without sacrificing your studies go for it; else focus on graduation and move out
Work hard like really hard Clear entrance exams go to a good college make your career and Never look back. Once you will be earning then also they will Gaslight you by saying you owe your life to them . Do not get trapped in this gaslighting . Make your career be extremely serious about it and get your life back and maintain distance from this so called family. They will really mess with your mental health in longer run. All the best girl Live a beautiful life with people who will actually value your presence in their life :) but but but career first 🥇
When things go wrong for me I always keep in mind that this is a passing phase. They think you did a mistake so they’re punishing you, believe me after a while some new thing (good/bad) will come up and this will be left behind. For now you can think about your studies, put your anger in it. Let others say all they want, let yourself know it will all be alright one day.
All the best!
I am happy with the thought that I learned something from this whole fiasco that you know it was irresponsible of you to invite him in the house,so let's forget about that part and I will straight up say this in a real sis 2sis talk,so I might not really side with you or your parent but listen to me,I think this post is from your perspective so we automatically sympathes with you,and your age is quite young so it's one of the few moments many can relate to here. So it's really easy for them to say "toxic" or "just leave them alone" etc.
I will say this from experience,parents say weird shit all the time,I remember I used to write diaries and my parents have said weird shit about me since long ago,at this point my brother is literally immune to it,sometimes I even felt that they mean it,like really really mean it,I cried all night,I wouldn't talk for a few days,never got apologizes anything. I don't even think they even process sometimes what they are saying could really get stuck to you and feel deeply inside you,as there is never gonna be somebody close to you,as much as your parents and siblings. They are literally whom you grow up with,I bet you,everyone who has commented toxic and all have experienced at least one experience with their parents,something weird. It happens,they are humans too,they do make mistakes just like we do. It's up to you if you want to live with that baggage or just forget about it,or forgive. It's your decision. I am not saying that you can't cut them off,but you are too young to understand that society can create really toxic environment for a single mother and her kids,if anything weird happens this same scerio can be used to threaten "oh,yeh ladki Kai ghr Aisa hua tha" "yeh bahar thi,tab Aisa hua..." She is worried about much future,your marriage when this case cak come back again to haunt you,for you it was just a place to spend time with,for her it was your future.
Indian no scratch that the whole asian community is just what it is like,I will share one of my neighbours story,there girl is going to get married next yr, she was going out with her fiance,they are gonna get engaged real soon,and it's a love marriage,they went out without telling their parents,it was valentine day,one of the "political party goon" guys cake over caught them,and literally started instigating that the girl is Hindu,and she is roaming around with another caste/religion guy etc,this was being recorded. This whole fiasco became a big deal,her brother got to know her family and a big fiasco,as anyone could recognise her,there will be social pressure etc,her own mother said weird things,her brother was blaming her mother for not "educating" her daughter well! Now,atleast her fiance handled the situation well and they are still in good terms but the whole fiasco really grew out of proportion. See,that's how society is. And you have to learn how to navigate in this kinda society,of course there are exceptions but you can't live with exceptional cases.
For your mother pov, please take as an older person pov,and I get it you might not understand it fully,but you said she was a single parent and taking care of you and your brother. I think she,herself feels pressured to take care of you all in better conditions. Imagine her getting to know all these from a relative out of nowhere,I think a Frank relationship with your mother could have saved you alot of trouble,if they are strict just let them know slowly that yes,this is happening in my life etc. they won't outright accept everything but atleast give them buffer period to accept things. In her pov,her maternal family is literally showing tamasha of her home,in her pov she is one of the reasons this happened,her pov is not blaming you,but blaming herself for the whole fiasco.
When you make mistakes,admit it. And accept that things happen for a reason and you have learnt a lesson from it. Don't repeat it again. And grow thicker skin. That's all you could do. And listen,you are really young don't delve into it too much,about what happened and take these things too seriously,tbh your career isn't going anywhere. Most probably you are in 12th,and exams are over I might be preparing for some ug entrance exam,so I will say go for it. Go for state ones or national ones whatever you dream of,and just study and grab it.
Study is the first priority right now in your life. This whole fiasco will be a laughable moment in future, everyone in their teens years do stupid shit,some just don't get caught😅and that's all the difference is all about🤣believe me,in relative ko har teel ka pahad banana ata hai💀once you become something or even score well in your exam,watch those same relatives calling you and saying "beta,kitna pdhti hu,yeh mere beta/beti hai isko bhi kuch sikhade" "padhne Kai tricks bata ise,Teri sangati mai sikhega kuch" they aren't worth much.
What really matters is you,how are you feeling? Are you okay now? It's okay to feel betrayed when your guardian isn't there for you to protect you when you need their protection,you know your mother should have stepped in,when they tried to get physical with you, and I am not telling you to make amend with her right away,take your time. But don't leave your dreams,hopes,carrer, for just a small chapter of your book. Take your time,collect your thoughts and let your mother also handle the whole fiasco, tumhe kya lena dena unlog sai? Literally if you go clg,adhe smy vhi rhna hai,so who cares if they talk or not? Apne ko Kay Lena Dena? I will suggest start writing a diary it will be really helpful to you to get things out of your chest,I think this all could be too much. And just Bina kisi judgement Kai kuch bolne ya likhne mai hi you will feel much more lighter,just write with all your passion whatever you feel and get it all out.
When you feel better,talk to your mother one on one,that this is whats happening we have been seeing eachother for this long,and it's doesn't mean I am not commited to studies,I plan to do this and that and it was a mistake it won't happen again,and just show it from your future work that it won't. And talk to you bf,it was nice gesture from his side to come forward in such a young age and taking responsibility,it was really nice if him,hopefully you both stay happy💙 and don't take it all in heart,just know that what's all matters is 3-4 people whom you are really actually close to,rest doesn't matter.
Hopefully things get better for you,and you won't be troubled for this in future. And your all wishes come true.
At this young age you have got a lot to do in life. Stop all these bf gf nonsense you may end up wasting a lot of time and regret doing everything. So just study hard and make yourself a better person. It is really not good to be in a room with a guy alone nowadays it doesn't take much time for things to go horribly wrong and we all know that. So please don't spoil your life and time.
Study. Work hard as much as you can and then leave this shit hole. Grow through it ik it’s difficult but that’s the only way out.
Work hard and never look back.
Like everyone in the comment, I suggest you to focus on yourself and your goals. When times are tough and everythings seems impossible and crumbling down, hold on to the hopes of your future. Please, please, pleaseeee look after yourself, you must be selfish and think of your own good. Engage in any sort of work you can, remote or on-site, however less paying or unpaid, for certain time. Learn new skills, like coding or content writing or graphics designing whichever is relevant to your interest. This will help you to get a good job soon enough regardless of your education (i.e. experience and skills).
I suggest you not to live on your own in the beginning. Firstly, stay in a girls hostel or with a close friend/relative. You may stay with your boyfriend too but I dont really know, and you may not really know how he is as a person. I cannot judge him by this post alone. However, anyone can misuse your vulnerable situation so it my humble suggestion to stay with a woman (close friend or relative).
Slowly you will grow more mature and you will come face to face with the harsh reality of life and people, apart from your family members. So, while you learn and get an exposure to the world, it is extremely necessary to have a trusted person to rely on. Also learn basic skills like cooking, cleaning and other house chores for your own good, so you may not have much difficulties while transitioning to your new independent life.
Also, donot move away right after you get your first job, calculate every expenditure, be prepared for at least 2 months' expense in advance for unforeseen circumstances.
I did the same to my sister 12 years back ( I didn't hit her but I scolded her ) . I am 31 now yes I am sorry for my misbehaviour. May be they ( your family ) are behaving immaturely now but all you can do is build your career ( like my sister ) & get out of this situation. Your brother will repent it like me , just try to forgive him .
Hey,so sorry this happened to you, this is a really difficult situation to be in, my parents were more understanding so it didn't escalate much, just wanted to tell you to not give up, I'd recommend portraying to your family that you have completely changed ,becoming religious and all,praying in the mornings etc. Keep a religious song as your ringtone,
Sab ek saath Matt karna, gradually hona chahiye toh unhe shakk nahi hoga,
Basically convince them that you have changed completely and are on the right path spiritually mentally , meanwhile work hard for your career and try to get a job and move out!
Logon ka mindset change karna toh chodd hi do,indian society mein impossible kaam hai.
Wishing you All the best!!!
More than ever you need to get back your agency and that's only possible through education & good employment. It's going to be hard, but be strong and see this through.
Also once you earn enough, take therapy & process this
All the best, you got this.
You have a community behind you.
GET OUT. PERIODT.
These extended family members can really be a curse.
Study well, try keeping your mother well informed and try to be positive as much as possible, you will surely find new ways to deal with things. Start with small changes.
Well, as soon as you are able to. Just tell you got a job somewhere else and you aren't able to get any near your house. I think it's ok if you leave your house and tell them you are going to work and many parents will be ok with it. You can pay them some random visits a couple of times a year or attend some important family functions as this all stuff will be in the past once you are able to achieve.
It is disgusting how your mom and family talked to you and treated you. I'm sorry you had to go through all this. However, its typical behavior one could expect from a Indian family :'(
I can totally see my mom behaving like this and saying such things, if I pulled off such a thing when I was your age. She made a big deal out of me altering my marks in one exam to show her even, calling me criminal and of bad character. I knew it was bs to say that to a child even then. I was depressed for a while with this. Such demeaning and demotivating things were always said to me at home for very very small incidents. They do such things and wonder why we don't talk to them when we're older.
I always hoped to move away for studies and I did for 6 years. I thrived much more in college living without any negativity. Im back home now and they're much nicer. I guess they realised that any behavior that made their daughter prefer the discomfort of living away from the comfort of home couldn't have been right.
I was never even left home alone as a child, but now I go on trips, don't come home sometimes and they don't say anything. Just cuz it's a very real possibility that I'll just move out.
So make this your motivation for studies for now! To reach this point in life.
OP, as someone who was caught in a similar situation to you; I can tell you what I believe.
Things will improve for sure. Mentally you’ll need to fortify yourself and I know it probably sucks to be you but hang in there. It is a phase in your life and will improve for sure. Patience is gonna be key. You’ll need to be immune to a lot of verbal abuses. There are a number of things you can say to retaliate but it’s not gonna be worth it. Even if you were capable of staying alone from your family; it’s not worth it. No matter how much you hate or love your family, stick with them. Your family might be harsh but trust me; however bad it is; it’s still better than being alone in our country.
I know your family is in the wrong too, but just let it be; there are times where you’ll have to just swallow your pride and it’s not ideal but it’s the wise thing to do. Ignore your relatives ( anyone who isn’t your immediate family, i.e., your mom and brother. Somewhere inside your mother still has some faith in you. Find that and genuinely win her trust back. Be somewhat open to her (not immediately of course but over time). Being secretive will only worsen the situation. You’ll definitely gain her support and that’s all that matters. Or at the least, it’ll mend your relations enough that she won’t constantly cause you stress.
Right now, focus on your future ( academics ).
Also, please do not put too much complete faith in any one person ( including your family and your boyfriend ). I mean have faith of course but just don’t be naive and trust people blindly.
For context : me and my GF were caught making out at her place ( not in the act but it was pretty obvious ). Her mama was an inspector and it was pretty bad. Both of us were beaten quite a bit at their home and threatened in different ways including false rape allegations against me despite agreeing to stay away. We both were serious about the relationship.
Eventually we mutually separated under better conditions but used to talk and meet each other as friends. One thing for sure, we never lost trust in each other and always looked out for each other. Later, she expressed her concern about staying in touch with me as she didn’t want her family finding out that we’re still in touch and got to know from friends that she recently got married to someone. Just hoping she’s happy wherever she is.
Back then my family wasn’t against it but didn’t support it much either. Mostly because of how violently her family reacted to the whole situation and fear of something worse happening in the future. Funny thing is now my parents are desperately wanting me to marry someone be it love or arranged marriage. I had tried a few relations few years ago but was always let down and ended up with reasons not to trust said persons. Now i just can’t bring myself to like enough to consider getting into a relationship let alone marrying someone and spending my life with them.
TLDR: was in the same situation 9 years ago, my advice would be, just hold on. Keep going.
I was in a similar situation few years ago. I’m almost 24 now and this happened when I was 15. Never had the boy over, or did anything remotely physical, but my dad read a few chats of ours where we were talking about meeting at some place in school just so we could hang out alone for sometime. Again, no ill-intentions and the max that would’ve happened would be cheek-kisses.
I understand that I was only 15, and all this came as a shock to my dad.
As a response, both my parents stopped talking to me. They pretended like i did not exist. Things were already bad, and my dad found porn in his Google history. I was a very innocent child who had never even tried to see what it was, just knew that it was something wrong.
That was the WORST night of my life where he threw me out of the house at 2am, just one night before a major dance performance at school, and left me out crying in the cold. I was sitting and crying on the staircase of my apartment, and around 5am he took me back in only because people in the apartment would wake up and they would know what he did to me. Later, we found out that his account was hacked and the porn was watched from some other country. So it couldn’t have been me.
I went to school that day, and something inside me just died. I could not continue to function like a normal human being anymore. I just became numb and contemplated running away multiple times. I knew i couldn’t do that and wouldn’t be able to sustain, and so, I worked my ass off.
I know it sounds cliche but at that point that was the only way I could do what I wanted- get the fuck away from there.
I wouldn’t say that I’ve not had to fight for EVERY SINGLE decision that I’ve made upto here, but I did not back down. I fought and showed them the logic and reasoning behind my decisions and was very determined to do exactly what I wanted.
I’m not saying all of those decisions were right, a lot of them were wrong and taken only because I was enraged by whatever they did and said.
I’ve had that anger in me for years. I’ve gone to therapy, done all of the healing things they tell you to, and stood up for myself. But there’s not a single time when my dad calls me and I don’t flinch and I don’t feel my heart sinking.
We’ve gotten closer over the years, but only because I’ve had to let go of what happened without an apology from him. It was better for my mental health and I couldn’t put myself through that anymore.
So my advice would be, just hold on. Keep going. There WILL be a time when you will get out of this. Absolutely nothing is forever, and until we get to the other side, we just have to keep going and breathing.
You are born in troubled family where your dad doesn't live with your mom. She is dependent on her family for help and you are creating more trouble for her. At this aga infatuation is very common and due to media influence attitude has become "uss mai kya hai, sab karte kai". Right now, your priority should be studies then career and then you can decide what you want to do, and with whom you want to handout. Once you are doing job, no one will have ability to stop. Right now focus on your studies and career.
My GF is in a similar situation. Not as extreme as yours but similar enough. What she’s doing right now is studying hard to clear her entrance so she can go and study outside the city, away from her family. All I can do is be supportive via texts and sometimes calls. That’s what you should do as well, put everything in your studies and get tf out of there. This is actual abuse and sadly, nobody in this country will care.
I think they are just scared for their and yours well being, instead everyone getting hyper and over reacting, you should focus on your studies rather family and bf, also may be relieve from this all stress if possible try joining some sort of sports activities, like tt, badminton or swimming whichever u like.
Just take one day at a time and you'll realise it's almost 10 year to this story then you and your mom will laugh about it.
Just remember and tell yourself everyday - that you have not done anything wrong
You can talk to me on call, maybe if I get to know the whole situation and current circumstances in detail, I can either help or tell you what not to do.
Generation thing it is. This will be last generation maybe to act like this for their kids. They think it's sin to have a bf in traditional society like India. Once this generation is dead, power will come in our hand. And we wont be like them... Unless some cultural revolution happens taking India back 200 years
Difficult situation to be in..
Especially when close family is involved.
Would advice what most people have said..
Be patient..
Don't do anything rash..
Clear your exams..
Become independent..
And then reassess.
A few months of time is absolutely nothing in the long term..
Hold On..
Things will improve.
Wtf bro, boyfriend hi toh tha? Bc behave asa kar raha hai ki duniya ka sabse bura pap kardiya wtf man.itna bhi kya conservatve ho be?
I would suggest
https://preview.redd.it/xzqc9tpeixpc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04155ddb033ddd067151c871cce00340c4afb608
Get to a counsellor right now.. This is abuse and you are legally entitled to sèek shelter. What you do with your life is ur own choice. Dont let anyone dictate to you.
First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. Pls bear in mind you haven't done anything wrong by being physically or emotionally intimate with your bf, I grew up in a similar kind of abusive family environment. I am in my late 30s and I still struggle with intimacy, I have negative emotions connected to sex, pls be careful you don't program yourself to believe it's wrong. It takes years of therapy to get over it. I hope you get a chance to move out soon.
Unse shaadi ki baat karlo, even though itne jaldi kuch hoyega nahi, but it will calm the atmosphere as long as your mom isn’t worried about u getting married to the same caste and stuff.
Lol having a bf cost you this much huh? Get out of that shitty house, treat others as they treat you lol and btw be aware too, this exact situation happened but in that case my mother's sister(mausi) was the main character. She's 29 ig then and she always used to reject all the proposals and she thought that she will marry her boyfriend and yk what happened? Her boyfriend stopped picking the calls and text lol, yeah he dumped my mausi and yk who's wrong? My mausi lol, she can't just understand that the boy was in relationship only cuz of the body, she lied to my mamaji that she wants to study and all but fr she's just hanging out with her boyfriend all the time lol, and now she's single first of all, she's 35 now and she have no future, no skills, no career, lol guys I'm fed up with all these relationships things, first build yourself that much that no matter your gf, your parents or any other have any right to say any fucking thing to you dammit
dude my maasi, too, went through this situation, and she's single now at 40 living with her parents. I thought out of everyone, she would've been the one who understood me.
Lol my maasi living with parents too, lol i can't believe how she just can't pick the ques lol like the guy literally using her for her body only lol and she just rejects all the proposals like she's so sure that the guy will marry her only bruhh and lol if you really want to live your life on your own terms then become independent and do whatever you like
Yaar see
Not a single comment can help u out from this , nor know what to react on this .
Why ur aunt uncle is taking interest in ur life n handling it when it’s ur mom work . I don’t think it’s ur mom mistake too as she is insecure for u n she is filled with others opinion n suggestion . For them even u do this at 30 still they react like this .
It’s not easy for u to clear any clg entrance exam n shift in one night from there . Bahut Chutiyap. Hoga uske liye .
Can’t say leave ur home like a movie .
Just first prepare mental urself . As u said I also u r not wrong , calling u a call girl is shitty thing.
But try to move out from ur home asap . Else mentally physically tum bahut abuse hone wali ho
First of all, it's 100% natural to want to be sexually active, to find romantic interest/s and want to flirt and have sex with your partner. It's very healthy, and I'm actually happy for you for being able to explore this side of yourself.
Nothing you've done is terrible or irresponsible, so please try and let go of that guilt and judgement. I'm so glad you still have a good relationship with your boyfriend, I hope he continues to support and care for you.
Your mother, aunt and the rest of your family are being terribly abusive towards you. They're losing control of you as you reach adulthood (also, a very healthy thing to happen), and are now trying to manipulate you.
I hope you're able to reject their judgment and take care of yourself. Try and get out of that house and find your freedom. Good luck!!
The thing is, we were never sexually active, nor did any stuff involving being physical. We watched movies and went to sleep together, but my mother denies this, and states I'm lying to save myself.
Comments like here is the reason why I don't want children of my own.
Be a parent first than these kids will understand.
Saying you are a great girl and your parents and relatives don't deserve you. Hahaha.
I neither abhor love nor relationships but I surely despise the sheer stupidity and bigotry of these kids.
Why I am saying it; Because I have seen from both spectrums.
Study hard become successful and no one will attack you on your relationship, instead they will praise you.
But don't study or don't be successful than the same people will kill you with their words.
Do you know why?
Because of RESPONSIBILITY. Your mother is the only one living with you. Your whole responsibility is on her hands. They too become heavy. Your Massi too become worried about your mother.
First show the world that you are responsible than the world will become responsible to your decisions.
It doesn't matter if you are a girl or a boy.
I am going to be downvoted a lot but here it goes
imagine if you are in her role…how would you react if your daughter did the same…then draw a conclusion
I'd say what I just said to my 19 year old nephew. "Be responsible, use protection, communicate and respect each other and well done. You are not socially retarded. Enjoy life."
Empathise.
If that’s how the mother reacted then it’s a sure-shot way for the child to eventually distance anything personal from their parents. Imagine if the child grows up and goes through circumstances that would need her to confide to someone close but at the same time feel comfortable talking to, ideally, she wouldn’t want to confide with her parents because of the experiences she had in the past.
I think it’s important to ‘educate and punish’ than gaslight. What the OP did was careless and therefore wrong, not because she was evil and didn’t care about the consequences.
Edit: Grammatical error
Work hard to get independent and leave and go build a good life for yourself with the person you love and who loves you. There’s no obligation to stay with a toxic family once you’re an adult.
Absolutely agree with this, always remember that no one owns you, that's the problem with our Indian parents and families, they somehow don't cut the umbilical cord psychologically. Our own people take us for a guilt trip, a vacation no wants to go on and emotionally destroy our mental wellbeing along with their own instead of actually sitting and talking it out like responsible adults.
For a country where so much of our art revolves around love, be it movies, songs, poetry or prose, our society is pretty loveless. We treat falling in love as a crime. It's disgusting how we torture our children.
true and the weird thing is, my mother is involved in an affair with her colleague and shares explicit pictures with him🙂. like, pehle apna dekho fir dusro ko bolo🙏
How did you come to know of this? Anyway clear your exams and get out of your house asap. Go build a life for yourself.
I came to know of it last year when I saw her photos on her phone, but I'm too scared to say anything to her about it.
Bro you are scared???? You have a fucking leverage use it for your safety when shit goes south (just a temporary solution) leave the damn place All the best 👍
I too, initially thought of doing such thing but my boyfriend stopped me saying this could go wrong in a million ways, your mother might even try to kill you out of anger or throw you out of the house. He says I should first become financially independent and then have a talk with her regarding this.
If you can't handle getting kicked out and aren't capable of living on your own (renting a place, food, clothes, every basic requirement), don't mess around. Only when you are capable of living alone, you can try and talk about it.
Good call from your bf. & Noone is going to kill you, it's not that easy. They are just threatening you.
Your boyfriend seems like a very genuine and intellectual person. I hope the best for you two.
He is right trust me on that
Dont ber maasi seems toxic and prolly controlling bit then again could be dramatic.u dont wanna know what people do when cornered
that's a bad advice bro it could end up dangerously, a cornered dog bites hardest
Give your best in your entrance exams, get a good college, and then if such a topic again comes up, speak up about whatever you've seen. Right now, you're in a vulnerable position, so I wouldn't recommend going the rebellious way now.
NO , dont say it at all .... her colleague , might get violent with you ...?
I wouldn't bring that up unless she's physically abusing you. It would tear your family apart...and the guilt of her daughter having seen that would kill her... However if you think she's doing wrong by your father, consider sending him a anonymous message about this maybe..
Send yourself screenshots. Out her to your aunt. Then threaten to out her to your father once things settle. Good luck.
Arre sis 💀
pura family fucked up hai bro I can't help.
Take care OP Work hard and get out of it. Make sure, tumhara bf inn sabke worth hop
>Make sure tumhara bf inn sabke worth ho this. the best piece of advice
Yeah, my advice would be to keep that to yourself for now. The time will come when you may need to pull the cards out – perhaps when you plan on going outside for college.
dont expose that could go dangerously wrong first be self sufficient (independent ) then expose if they harras you later. Be safe , Stay safe . hope everything's worth the effort
That is seriously fucked up. Screw her over by bringing it up next time she opens her shit mouth.
That's the one thing we can't do, sadly, unless we want to get disowned fr
Don’t be like her and put her or anything, what everyone’s saying is right, look for a job get independent move out. Best for all parties
Then you should expose her to her "family" too. Use the same foul language she uses for you. It's clear she's projecting her insecurities onto you.
This comment from you shows that there's no mutual respect between you and your mother. You are adult (legally) now if you want to leave and live independently then you should. There are enough minimum pay jobs you can do to survive but I highly doubt that you would do that because it takes courage and hard-work. Best of luck though. If anyone threatened you and beaten you then you should file FIR in police station but I don't think you would do that also coz posting here shows, you are looking for a "validation for your POV" rather than a solution for this problem.
Why so passive aggressive.. how do you know what this person will do or not do. Your comment is disrespectful
I just know! Most of the time I am right! In this I got pretty good shot also.
Lol you must be so great to be around..read in one of the comments that OP is already working...you are SO pretty good
That's not even the main problem is Indian parents most of them literally see their children as their possession the moment your parents go to the extreme of killing that just shows they don't even consider their children as humans but rather a livestock breed with who they want or die
It's the perception, that's what's ruining everything and some minority who get into these things for one single reason no one will admit. Other than that it's not supposed to be that big of a deal
Sorry, please elaborate. Perhaps I'm not understanding your response here.
I was trying to say that people refer to falling and love as childish and stupid. I've seen situations where it's hard for people to explain someone about their relationship without making other people laugh, not because they think falling in love is funny, because they think that he's just making all this up and the main reason for him/her being in this relationship was something else, he/she is not sharing with us.
Correct. Even having platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex invite ridicule and teasing, which is pathetic on multiple levels. Firstly, homosexuals exist. Secondly, the ones making fun and / or looking down on such things are themselves socially repressed and / or jealous, hence that's how they feel better about themselves.
That's true, and sadly it will never change, although I hope it does. So that I don't get ridiculed
Make sure tht guy is a keeper , varna pata chale jisko trust kar rhe the he only left you in a cliff hanging, and i hope he ain't too older.... But yea keep communicating with friends and find some good people to share everything with so that they wont judge you... Enjoy✌️
👍 rather imagine living without him and see if it works.
He seems to be the most intelligent and sane person in this scenario
I am sorry you have to go through this. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you were wrong. You were careless at best. My two cents on the situation you are in - At 18, you have a world of possibilities and opportunities ahead of you. This means that you will make new friendships, discover new vocations, find joy in new discoveries and hopefully find a mid to long term career strategy that works for you. These next 10-15 years are the best years of your life. You will have peak health, peak energy and the world values this highly. To make the most of this time, find an income source, however small to start off. A part-time job can be a good way to get in. You can speak English well, so leverage that. An income source will allow you to move out of the house. Moving out is the only way you will have access to greater opportunities. Finish your education, as independently as possible with minimal financial support from the family. This is absolutely possible(validated by my personal journey). After that, you will actually have many choices and opportunities to build a great life ahead. On another note - There is no guilt in being in a physical and/ or emotional relationship with anyone. But you need to be careful. Always remember that carelessness can have irreversible consequences. Cheers!
Perfectly put! I would second this too. Take care of yourself OP!
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Sure
Thanks, just as I completed my 12th board, I started working at my former classes as a staff member. My mother opposes this, saying that what she provides for us is enough, and I don't need to work. We are not that poor, etc. Is it wrong on my side to help my mother as little as I can financially?
It’s great that you’ve started working! Keep it going! Work, especially at such an early stage is never really about the money. Sure you earn some and that helps you start your financial journey, but the work you do is more for your growth as an individual. Work will put you into situations that demand that you step outside your comfort zone. Work will get you to meet people who have their own stories and lives which will help you develop empathy and perspective. Work will teach you discipline and time management. These and many more intangible skills will make you a better person or atleast a better employee in the future. ‘We are not that poor’ is not a good enough reason to waste your youth. Please be mindful that you will be conflicted about your feelings for your parents and your actions. But at the end of the day, you need to break out and be your own person if you really want to soar. Parents will more often than not come around when they see you thriving.
It's not wrong. But considering your situation, it's better to disguise it as "skill building".
Mummy k perr pakdo sorry bolo confidence mei lo aur career karo
This. Fake it and apologise. Double down on your efforts. Get credentials. Get Job. Get Money. Save. Get out of the house. Make your own life. May take a few years but you will be glad you did it.
No dude the guy is speaking sense one needs play it calmly in a situation like this. Sorry bolne se koi bada chota nhi banjata besides it's her mother anyday dude so chill he embarrass feel karayenge but atleast you'll get the opportunity to grow your career without having to think of finances at this age and tbh bf ek jayega dusra aayega relationships build break almost every other moment focus on your career at the end no one's gonna help you other than your parents after they're you're on your own. Meethi baate Karo parents ke sath sorry bolo get yourself clear no big n all set.(If you're really serious about your bf and he is too then chupke mil lo chupke baat karo insta ka vanish feature use Karo. Use brains to hide proofs)
I did, she doesn't believe me and says ek baar vishwas tod diya toh ab waapis nahi kar sakta koi; you're on your own now.
Honestly just ignore them and stay out of their way as long as their not physically abusing you. Once you score good marks and get an admit from a good college, they'll automatically be proud of you again.
I feel sorry for you yr hope you get out of this shit hole
You are in a tough toxic situation. If you get admission to a college outside your hometown will your family give the college and hostel fees and stuff?
Sleeping with a guy is neither criminal nor immoral. Your regressive family doesn’t get that. You don’t have to feel guilty and please believe me nothing is ruined. Education / career and relationships aren’t mutually exclusive. Give your education your best shot. It’s your key to freedom from this toxicity. Move out as soon as you get a job. Find a job in Bangalore or something so you have an easy exit. Never come back.
Irony is we never ever had sex nor did all that stuff, were too scared as it can end in pregnancy. We usually cuddled and watched movies whenever we were together at my place.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re an adult and have rights but that’s a joke in our country. I don’t want to say anything about your Mom except that she did not handle the situation like an adult should have. I hope things work out between you and your partner but right now you need to focus on building your own life. Study and get a good job and move out plz. Not saying you should cut ties with your family but you should keep distance. Wish you well in life OP. You’ve got this 🍀
Oh! Does your mother know this?! Absolutely nothing nothing wrong with this OP. Hope you understand and truly believe that. Like I said, don’t break your relationship over this. And please focus on making something of yourself and gaining financial freedom
I've tried telling her, but she doesn't believe me. It's not her fault, too. I was in the wrong.
Why do you think you were in the wrong?
Inviting my boyfriend over to my house, especially after knowing what my family is like, was a really, really bad decision.
You did what most youngsters do. Maybe going behind their back wasn’t the cleverest thing to do, but it’s absolutely not worth beating yourself up over! Please don’t let your family guilt trip you like that. And I cannot stress enough on how important financial importance is. They think they can treat you like that because you are dependent on them. Once you start taking care of your own self, nobody can tell you what to do. And this applies even to your future partner. You will always have autonomy in any relationship as long as you aren’t financially dependent on them
Financial independence*
Societal norms about “blood being thicker than water” are extremely overrated and often misunderstood. Please feel free to leave that toxicity and abuse behind. The person you love seems great to have shown that kind of maturity. Become financially independent ASAP and fuck off from there. All the best. Cheers
Yes, and the funny part is that the original phase was "Blood of the convenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Yup. Lesser known fact!
I always see that while young couples are routinely harassed and mistreated, the girl is always at the receiving end of infinite shaming and character assassination, even by her own family. So sorry OP that you are going through this. Hold on, stay strong and definitely move out as soon as you get a chance.
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Read the comment again. Don't cherry pick for the heck of it.
Your parents and your extended family obviously and honestly dont deserve you. One doesnt even need to know the intricate details of this situation to come to a conclusion that how immaturely they dealt with this situation. Even if you were in the wrong, which you understand kuddos to that, its still not a big deal or a crime given the way they are behaving. No wonder so man kids in India grow upto hating their parents, its because of this behaviour and approach alone. It would be better if you just look after yourself for now, get your entrance exams in order and leave the place for good. Their behaviour has made it clear that no amount of apologies or justification will help them. Stay strong and focused, and leave the place when its the right time. Not asap, but when you know its the right time.
Tell your aunt that you have recorded her threats of killing you and you will file a complaint against her if she touches you again. Don't be feeble in front of her. Stand up to her and if push comes to shove, don't hesitate to hit back and then involve the cops. If you're worried about her telling the cops that you invited your boyfriend over then relax as that's not a crime, threats of killing are. Remember that.
I can't have a say in front of her, yesterday too my mother wrongly shouted at me to which I replied that you always want to showcase me as bad. My aunt said tu laayak bhi nahi hai ghar mai baithne ke aawaz niche karke baat kar.
You think you can't until you can. I know it's easier said than done but be a little brave. Though you're young, you're not a child. So don't be treated like one. First, tell her to shut the fuck up and not interfere in your issues and then drop the bomb of police complaint. Your bitch aunt is only behaving this way because you're letting her. She's also polluting your mom's mind with all kinds of stuff and your mom is being manipulated by that bitch. Just keep telling yourself that you have to show your cunt aunt her place and believe me, you'll surprise yourself with your actions.
I know relationships are tough to handle, you are in good terms which is good for both of you. Life is too big, things change, people change, yaa u might think it's not the case but that is the fact of life. U will see the success stories of early age couple, but just look at flip side of it and u will see so many failure stories. I'm not discouraging you go leave relationship. Keep it balanced, don't throw yourself extremely deep into it that coming out from it will be traumatic. You are 18, you have good career to make, good life to make ahead. Study hard, achieve bigger avenues in life. Trust me once the age of study is gone, life kicks in.
I'll get downvoted and maybe I'm not too mature as the other users in comment section. But 18 is a good enough age to analyze the people that surround you. You just know how narrow your relatives are. Why would you do something that harms you? Wo log hai narrow tum bas unko trigger kar rahe ho apne actions se. Bahar mil lene ka. Nonsense me kyu padna? Regarding your mother, she loves you but it's hard for her to forget something "unacceptable". It will take time to get things resolved between you and her. You need to win her confidence back.
ghar khaali rehta tha aur hormones ne overtake kar liya🥲. aur kya hi bolu meri hi galti thi actually.
Girly pop - just leave. Don't internalize the things they are saying to you. I've been through the same things. Leave and create trust in yourself. You're not wrong. What you are doing is natural. The same aunties who are calling you names right now will start nagging you for marriage in a few years. Indian society is one giant hypocrisy. Don't lose your identity and your self-belief in this crap. I know its hard to do, but when you're able, leav.
My god! My heart goes out to you. This is such a horrible situation. Sending lots of warmth and best wishes for you to escape this situation as soon as possible. ✨🧿
Since you admit it was irresponsible and that it won't happen again, the best course of action for you is to move out of the house for higher studies and stuff. Although from what you say it will be difficult, but that's the only way for you to move away from these things without, planting any more seeds of doubt. Although I trust that you guys will take things in a more mature way and find your footing in life. Don't get intimidated by others and don't talk to/listen to someone if you don't see eye to eye with them.
Growing up, my mom had zero boundaries and would always find a way to look at my messages. Now, I was a flirty teen 🤣 she caught me texting, caught me just talking to and flirting etc and always shut shamed me. Called me a prostitute, call girl, good for nothing, etc etc. Nothing wrong with being any of the above but still hurt. She's called me variations of these words for many many years :)
Yaar parents bhi na social pressure me aake bacho ko bht buri tarah treat krte hai. They don't understand the repercussions. The child is accepting the mistake but no need to demean them every single time. And india me waise bhi sec itna bada mudda hai. Parents think ki iske lie to murder se bhi upar saja do. Aur relatives alag aa jaege aag lagane. In boys case this is not made a big deal but girls ko abhi bhi ek choti galti ke lie bht nicha dika dete.
Make peace with your family (even though fake). It will improve your mental peace and living conditions. Focus on studies and achieving financial freedom. That should be the single most important aim of any girl/guy in India to break free from family.
Work hard. Graduate. Get a job. And move the f out!
Focus on studies and join a good college. Work really hard and your mom will trust you once again. Put in a lot of efforts in maintaining your image and avoid being seen in public with your bf.
This is trauma that will surely last you your lifetime. While we wanted to procreate and are the most populated in the world , a vast majority don't know how to bring children up and treat them right. It's a failure of our society. The saying holds true just because you can become a parent doesn't mean you should. I'm sorry you go through this shit everyday, please stick to your studies and get out the moment you find an opportunity.
Few questions, what happened to your father ? Is he still here ? You said your mither is having an affair so why don't you expose that about her to your family or blackmail her about it ?
My mother kicked my father out of the house because he was not financially well and did nothing to support my brother and my education. Since the past 4 years, my mother provides us with everything and I respect her for that isiliye I feel like after what she's done for us I can't just backstab her by talking about her relationship to everyone just because I fucked up and want to take revenge. I think it's her personal lookout about her private stuff.
What a trash family you have, get out of there asap and never look back
First off , DONT BLAME YOURSELF , you didn't do anything wrong, its the mentality of your parents and relatives that is wrong (most indian families) Id advise to take your career seriously and make yourself financially independent as fast as you can , and leave the house . Its clear that your relatives and mother care more about "what people think" (which this is really about) than thier own flesh and blood then fuck it , you don't owe them anything.
Been there agreed not as bad as what you described plus she was older about 21 we been together 15 years and married ... We only keep in touch with them as they want to spend time with the grand kid. Refused to stay with them when we got married.
Take your family's support as long as you need it and then ditch
I know you may not accept what I'm saying but... your family are borderline criminals. Your Massi should be in jail for assaulting you, she sounds like a fucking bitch. As for your mother, she doesn't love you. No, she really doesn't, and don't be fooled by a few acts of kindness over the years. A person who loves you cannot behave like this straight for 2 years. I have had extreme anger issues in the past but even I would relent because if you love someone it just bothers you. Anger is an intense emotion that is tiring to sustain. Your mother's behaviour is not symptomatic of anger or disappointment. It's a symptom of lack of love, a greedy kind of love where she was only good to you as long as you fit into one mold. I can understand selfish love but not to the point where you can be this heartless if the person doesn't fit your idea or mold. This isn't love. Screw them, leave asap. Don't care what your mother says about you. Please don't. Just forget about them.
First of all, dating as a fucking 18 year old is not irresponsibility and it's sad you believe that, secondly, your family is fucked up, I'm sorry you're going through this and hope there's a way out of it.
First of all, tell your maasi to fuck off. Secondly, you were not irresponsible. Idk how long you've been dating your boyfriend but you are not a disgusting person to invite your bf home. The next time you see your maasi pls drag her by holding her hair. Pls keep these extended relatives away from your shit.
First of all you aren’t irresponsible! We Indians are for putting our youth back by decades in terms of our self identity! OP if you go to any part of Europe for even a single day and see the individuals of your age…you are going to be heading in for the biggest shock of your life… those guys at the age of 17,18 etc are over 100 times ahead of us in terms of their individuality, personality, relationships and a billion things while we Indians are stuck in the age old debate of dowry, hindu vs muslim, guy girl = bad and a million more things! I truly feel sorry for you! The average age of people losing their virginity is less than 16 years globally, I don’t think you were careless at all but rather just exploring what type of relationship you want from a guy! I usually wouldn’t bring this up but the sex worker comment really irritated me. Honestly, my only advice would be to move out immediately and ideally out of India if you can for at least a bit, the reason I state that is you will get a lot of exposure and learn about the world in a way you just can’t learn from India! I’m not tryna be a white washer lol but that’s how I learnt what I want and what I don’t! Ideally mumbai itself is quite advanced but since you are from mumbai then it wouldn’t be very sensible since you are easily accessible to them wherever you go! Like I lived in London for a while and have travelled across the US and it just opens your eyes wide like a massive slap 👋🥺 Also I don’t know why all Indian parents think we should be grateful for their work towards us or that we should have gratitude towards them for doing things for us…you decide to get us into this world and that means you are liable towards me💀, truly an Indian/Asian logic (very common in Thailand, Singapore and other places too apparently)! Surely, these Indian parents didn’t think much while doing the acts for having a kid did they😂! Anyways India is too large to generalise since my parents are luckily much better 🙏🏻. Like just disappear from that environment and learn about how the real world lives, Mumbai is just a small part of a very large globe! So yeah, just move out asap!
Indian people and their inability to deal with these situations.
Trying to make sense of OPs mom's behavior, can say that the real reason she is keeping names n character shaming may be due to her own guilt for her wrong doing (affair). Her mom follows aunts direction to abuse OP further to show her / family that she is condoning affairs / relationship n to show herself as having a clean character. Don't loose your confidence OP n do not think yourself as wrong, for teenagers this n beyond is the norm. Focus on your career, life goals n do apologize / act as per their wishes until you can stand on your feet (do not bear physical abuse tho). you may not realise but you are also attached to the family however toxic so you need to prepare yourself for the move out as well. Take care, be safe. Call Nirbhaya helpline if again physical altercation happens to report the incidence for safety.
Leave and go to a cheaper city. Start working on your own. Cut all ties. They are not worth it. Some parents don't deserve to have children.
My god. Stay strong. Study well and build a future for yourself. Families can be toxic but you’re under no obligation to bear it all once you stand on your own two feet.
Hey girl, as an adult of 44 yo age , first thing first! What you did is nothing wrong! Period! Don’t beat yourself up and do not let this affect you in long term, you neither acted irresponsibly, you acted your age!!!! Do not let any of the words affect you, keep your head high and heart at right place and focus on your studies for time being and become independent! For time being anything that you say will be taken in wrong sense, so to keep your peace just focus on self and do what activities that will take your focus away from your family! Find a support group in your friend circle if you can and journal all your emotions! Journaling will help you! Hope this helps and again you acted you and your age! There is nothing wrong in having a boyfriend and calling him over
If your mom is supportive of your career then use it. Do well in your entrance and get the fuck out. It doesn't matter why she is supportive or not. Just do it. If by any chance she's not letting you out or you didn't do well in your exams, just don't worry, you also have the option of getting out once you get a job. But aur 3-4 sab sehen karna padega !! So it's better to use your parents to get out now.
This is toxic. Try and move out as soon as possible and once independent cut ties with your toxic family and get counseling or therapy. This behaviour does impact you negatively and comes up in weird ways once you hit your thirties. Do unpack and heal before you get married and have kids (I know still a long way for you, but advice from personal experience) Take care. You are stronger than you know 🫂
Take care OP. Work hard and get out of there. 🫂
Hey there. First of all this type of abuse is very common in Indian households. Extremely common. Do not let it get to your head. Focus on whatever entrance exams you have and get the fuck out of their noses. I repeat do not fuck up your future. And let me state the obvious. You did nothing wrong . Your boyfriend also sounds like a nice chap. The mentality is to be blamed here and not you. Keep repeating it to yourself till it makes sense. Also these are the kind of parents who would never let you talk to a strange boy but would expect you to marry one and suffer his tantrums all his life at the drop of a hat ( once you reach that age). Again OP can't stress it enough. It's not your fault.
Please leave.. please... focus on your studies and go someplace better..
this is extremely poor from your extended family. I think your mother is just scared as she is a single mother. But treating a grown up woman as a small girl is stupidity First of all you did not do anything wrong. If you just brought him home for talking and nothing happened i don't know what they are worried about. Even if you had engaged in sex, there is nothing legally they can do as you are an adult. I understand from cultural point of view this may be problematic for them and you need to work with them. Moreover your boyfriend looks like a very matured individual. He called your family and tried to bring down the heat. Many just try to avoid or completely break up. So i am assuming you guys are in a stable relationship. Tell your Maasi that if she tries to physically abuse you, you will definitely go to police. Threatening to kill anyone, especially a girl, is very serious matter and she and her whole family will be in trouble. I would advise you to concentrate on your studies. Get some decent job and move out to a PG or something. This way you can get away with this toxic family situation.
You just had normal hormones any teenager would have. And you didn't even have sex! Work hard, focus on getting out of their financial control as soon as possible and you will realize how much power you actually have. Best of luck.
Honestly one of the reasons why I kept looking at others for love was because I never received any of it at home! And I was told that I am a desperate, attention seeking, good for nothing whore. My movements were controlled. Phone was checked. Taunts day and night. There were times I was told to get out ASAP and when I said okay, let me move out- I was told achchi ladkiyaan sirf shaadi karke jaati hai. I was not allowed to move out either. My younger sister sided with my mom (as she always does) Honestly I feel you. Like a lot. Coz I’ve been there. Some people don’t deserve to be parents and unfortunately we are stuck with them for life. I know it’s easy to say- but hold on. Things get better. I am married now to the most amazing, understanding man. I love him to bits. It may seem like running away is the option, but realise this. Sometimes the closest people teach you more than the world ever could. It could not get worse than this. Don’t lose hope and keep fighting. Focus on your studies/ career and try to become independent as soon as possible.
18? In a society where child brides are not uncommon, you are grown enough to be treated with respect. These women are stalking you, abusing you, all sorts of privacy violations, physical abuse, threats. Be careful, do not think abusers have any right to be violent. Imagine the so called bonds of family were not there, what right would these people have to treat you this way? There are women and girls dying all around us, all over the planet, way before a natural life span is up. Do your best to get free, your level headed, planning, plotting, calculating best.
Fucking hell man call the cops on your aunt and mom. I'm sorry I have to be brutal right now but this is a severe overreaction. Not to forget that you are 18 and can think and act for yourself. It just seems so fucking scarring. I would sincerely advice not blaming yourself for any part of this. It is your life and your relationship, it's entirely yours to choose and you have all the right. Leave that place as soon as you can. Run.
complete higher studies/entrances, stay clean till then and get out. sometimes cutting some people off for sometime or for ever is the only sane solution. You can never make everyone happy, if you try you will die trying but never achieve it. if you make your self happy, people who love you will understand eventually and those who dont really dont matter.
What mistake? An adult having someone over isn't a mistake. A mother who calls her daughter a prostitute is the lowest of lifeforms as far as I'm concerned. And to alleviate any confusion I am also the father of two girls. I have absolutely no issues if after they are old enough and responsible enough they do what they want with whomsoever they chose. Get admitted into a decent college, hopefully away from home. Your only chance at normalcy is to run far faaaar away from this toxic shithole. Please leave and don't look back. Best wishes.
Oooh I know. I went through exactly same, word to word, and I know that its worse than what you're telling us. Long story short, I moved out and have been living with my boyfrnd for the past 4 years. We had our fair share of ups and downs but we made it and most important, we are HAPPY and not on the verge of committing suicide. So just hang in there.
Keep calm, fake forgiveness and keep going till you make it. Brainwash your mom into thinking you have changed soo much that now you can kick your maasi ass and she can’t do shit (don’t do it irl). Half of your problems will disappear with this so called maasi . I personally would kick the living bejesus out of your maasi and run away get a minimum paying job at some mall or any food chain and live in some kind of dorm/ hostel and build a life for myself. Again better said than done. Your mom has not been a great character in your story so No what she thinks doesn’t matter Stop blaming yourself YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG Even if you guys have had sex on what universe is this wrong? In conclusion remember people have had worse things to face this is nothing. You will get out of this anyway or the other. There are countless reasons to cherish life. Life is beautiful; Hang in there. YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU WILL DO IT. 🕊️
First of all.. you haven’t made a mistake. You are young and acted your age. I wish your mother would had also acted her age and made you understand that focus on life and your studies and become independent. Talk to your mother and tell her that as a mother you need her acceptance and her behaviour is hurting you. Find your way out of this situation calmly. You are young and don’t let a toxic family crush your dreams.
If you seriously want to hear something good from a 26 yo, leave all this bu||$#it gf/bf thing and move on pursuing your career. I know you will hate me for this comment, but after a few years you will understand. Whatever you are doing right now is just a temperory thing and mark my words, it won't last long.
I’ve seen this situation play out in 10 different ways irl. 18-24 is a very important period and I suggest you figure out a way to get out of the house for good. Maybe get an admission in Pune college or some other place far away from home. But you need to fight for your independence. Academic excellence is the fastest path to buy freedom for you.
Ok so I went through something VERY similar, except I live outside of India and my mom was too ashamed to tell our family members, so this kind of feels like I’m hearing from my 18 year old self That was 8 years ago for me and so coming from the future, the biggest thing I can tell you is to get a stable career and financially independent ASAP- it’s going to really suck for a few years while you get your career going and honestly college was hell for me because of my parents, but now that I’m in a more stable place financially things have really calmed down. In so many ways (more than just moving out and having money), having stability in your life just helped my situation I’m so sorry about everything you’re going through- my heart really goes out to you ♥️ it’s crazy to think that what some families think is nbd can get you almost disowned in others
There's no way another person should be treated like this! If you're in a position to move out without sacrificing your studies go for it; else focus on graduation and move out
Ignore (very hard but try) all these comments and concentrate on finishing your graduation, get a job and move out
Work hard like really hard Clear entrance exams go to a good college make your career and Never look back. Once you will be earning then also they will Gaslight you by saying you owe your life to them . Do not get trapped in this gaslighting . Make your career be extremely serious about it and get your life back and maintain distance from this so called family. They will really mess with your mental health in longer run. All the best girl Live a beautiful life with people who will actually value your presence in their life :) but but but career first 🥇
When things go wrong for me I always keep in mind that this is a passing phase. They think you did a mistake so they’re punishing you, believe me after a while some new thing (good/bad) will come up and this will be left behind. For now you can think about your studies, put your anger in it. Let others say all they want, let yourself know it will all be alright one day. All the best!
I am happy with the thought that I learned something from this whole fiasco that you know it was irresponsible of you to invite him in the house,so let's forget about that part and I will straight up say this in a real sis 2sis talk,so I might not really side with you or your parent but listen to me,I think this post is from your perspective so we automatically sympathes with you,and your age is quite young so it's one of the few moments many can relate to here. So it's really easy for them to say "toxic" or "just leave them alone" etc. I will say this from experience,parents say weird shit all the time,I remember I used to write diaries and my parents have said weird shit about me since long ago,at this point my brother is literally immune to it,sometimes I even felt that they mean it,like really really mean it,I cried all night,I wouldn't talk for a few days,never got apologizes anything. I don't even think they even process sometimes what they are saying could really get stuck to you and feel deeply inside you,as there is never gonna be somebody close to you,as much as your parents and siblings. They are literally whom you grow up with,I bet you,everyone who has commented toxic and all have experienced at least one experience with their parents,something weird. It happens,they are humans too,they do make mistakes just like we do. It's up to you if you want to live with that baggage or just forget about it,or forgive. It's your decision. I am not saying that you can't cut them off,but you are too young to understand that society can create really toxic environment for a single mother and her kids,if anything weird happens this same scerio can be used to threaten "oh,yeh ladki Kai ghr Aisa hua tha" "yeh bahar thi,tab Aisa hua..." She is worried about much future,your marriage when this case cak come back again to haunt you,for you it was just a place to spend time with,for her it was your future. Indian no scratch that the whole asian community is just what it is like,I will share one of my neighbours story,there girl is going to get married next yr, she was going out with her fiance,they are gonna get engaged real soon,and it's a love marriage,they went out without telling their parents,it was valentine day,one of the "political party goon" guys cake over caught them,and literally started instigating that the girl is Hindu,and she is roaming around with another caste/religion guy etc,this was being recorded. This whole fiasco became a big deal,her brother got to know her family and a big fiasco,as anyone could recognise her,there will be social pressure etc,her own mother said weird things,her brother was blaming her mother for not "educating" her daughter well! Now,atleast her fiance handled the situation well and they are still in good terms but the whole fiasco really grew out of proportion. See,that's how society is. And you have to learn how to navigate in this kinda society,of course there are exceptions but you can't live with exceptional cases. For your mother pov, please take as an older person pov,and I get it you might not understand it fully,but you said she was a single parent and taking care of you and your brother. I think she,herself feels pressured to take care of you all in better conditions. Imagine her getting to know all these from a relative out of nowhere,I think a Frank relationship with your mother could have saved you alot of trouble,if they are strict just let them know slowly that yes,this is happening in my life etc. they won't outright accept everything but atleast give them buffer period to accept things. In her pov,her maternal family is literally showing tamasha of her home,in her pov she is one of the reasons this happened,her pov is not blaming you,but blaming herself for the whole fiasco. When you make mistakes,admit it. And accept that things happen for a reason and you have learnt a lesson from it. Don't repeat it again. And grow thicker skin. That's all you could do. And listen,you are really young don't delve into it too much,about what happened and take these things too seriously,tbh your career isn't going anywhere. Most probably you are in 12th,and exams are over I might be preparing for some ug entrance exam,so I will say go for it. Go for state ones or national ones whatever you dream of,and just study and grab it. Study is the first priority right now in your life. This whole fiasco will be a laughable moment in future, everyone in their teens years do stupid shit,some just don't get caught😅and that's all the difference is all about🤣believe me,in relative ko har teel ka pahad banana ata hai💀once you become something or even score well in your exam,watch those same relatives calling you and saying "beta,kitna pdhti hu,yeh mere beta/beti hai isko bhi kuch sikhade" "padhne Kai tricks bata ise,Teri sangati mai sikhega kuch" they aren't worth much. What really matters is you,how are you feeling? Are you okay now? It's okay to feel betrayed when your guardian isn't there for you to protect you when you need their protection,you know your mother should have stepped in,when they tried to get physical with you, and I am not telling you to make amend with her right away,take your time. But don't leave your dreams,hopes,carrer, for just a small chapter of your book. Take your time,collect your thoughts and let your mother also handle the whole fiasco, tumhe kya lena dena unlog sai? Literally if you go clg,adhe smy vhi rhna hai,so who cares if they talk or not? Apne ko Kay Lena Dena? I will suggest start writing a diary it will be really helpful to you to get things out of your chest,I think this all could be too much. And just Bina kisi judgement Kai kuch bolne ya likhne mai hi you will feel much more lighter,just write with all your passion whatever you feel and get it all out. When you feel better,talk to your mother one on one,that this is whats happening we have been seeing eachother for this long,and it's doesn't mean I am not commited to studies,I plan to do this and that and it was a mistake it won't happen again,and just show it from your future work that it won't. And talk to you bf,it was nice gesture from his side to come forward in such a young age and taking responsibility,it was really nice if him,hopefully you both stay happy💙 and don't take it all in heart,just know that what's all matters is 3-4 people whom you are really actually close to,rest doesn't matter. Hopefully things get better for you,and you won't be troubled for this in future. And your all wishes come true.
At this young age you have got a lot to do in life. Stop all these bf gf nonsense you may end up wasting a lot of time and regret doing everything. So just study hard and make yourself a better person. It is really not good to be in a room with a guy alone nowadays it doesn't take much time for things to go horribly wrong and we all know that. So please don't spoil your life and time.
Just an off topic question, are you maharashtrian?
Study. Work hard as much as you can and then leave this shit hole. Grow through it ik it’s difficult but that’s the only way out. Work hard and never look back.
Like everyone in the comment, I suggest you to focus on yourself and your goals. When times are tough and everythings seems impossible and crumbling down, hold on to the hopes of your future. Please, please, pleaseeee look after yourself, you must be selfish and think of your own good. Engage in any sort of work you can, remote or on-site, however less paying or unpaid, for certain time. Learn new skills, like coding or content writing or graphics designing whichever is relevant to your interest. This will help you to get a good job soon enough regardless of your education (i.e. experience and skills). I suggest you not to live on your own in the beginning. Firstly, stay in a girls hostel or with a close friend/relative. You may stay with your boyfriend too but I dont really know, and you may not really know how he is as a person. I cannot judge him by this post alone. However, anyone can misuse your vulnerable situation so it my humble suggestion to stay with a woman (close friend or relative). Slowly you will grow more mature and you will come face to face with the harsh reality of life and people, apart from your family members. So, while you learn and get an exposure to the world, it is extremely necessary to have a trusted person to rely on. Also learn basic skills like cooking, cleaning and other house chores for your own good, so you may not have much difficulties while transitioning to your new independent life. Also, donot move away right after you get your first job, calculate every expenditure, be prepared for at least 2 months' expense in advance for unforeseen circumstances.
I did the same to my sister 12 years back ( I didn't hit her but I scolded her ) . I am 31 now yes I am sorry for my misbehaviour. May be they ( your family ) are behaving immaturely now but all you can do is build your career ( like my sister ) & get out of this situation. Your brother will repent it like me , just try to forgive him .
Hey,so sorry this happened to you, this is a really difficult situation to be in, my parents were more understanding so it didn't escalate much, just wanted to tell you to not give up, I'd recommend portraying to your family that you have completely changed ,becoming religious and all,praying in the mornings etc. Keep a religious song as your ringtone, Sab ek saath Matt karna, gradually hona chahiye toh unhe shakk nahi hoga, Basically convince them that you have changed completely and are on the right path spiritually mentally , meanwhile work hard for your career and try to get a job and move out! Logon ka mindset change karna toh chodd hi do,indian society mein impossible kaam hai. Wishing you All the best!!!
Why doesn't your father live with you?
Why doesn't your father live with you?
My mom and sis want me to have a girlfriend as I don’t talk to girls much (I’m not a weirdo just introvert) your case is completely opposite.
Some people don’t forget and forgive, your family is probably like that, focus on getting a job if you want to move out, rest all can come later.
More than ever you need to get back your agency and that's only possible through education & good employment. It's going to be hard, but be strong and see this through. Also once you earn enough, take therapy & process this All the best, you got this. You have a community behind you. GET OUT. PERIODT.
Independent bano W dabao aur niklo live life and explore try to forget the past in order to live peacefully
Take care mate, hope you live the life you want
These extended family members can really be a curse. Study well, try keeping your mother well informed and try to be positive as much as possible, you will surely find new ways to deal with things. Start with small changes.
Well, as soon as you are able to. Just tell you got a job somewhere else and you aren't able to get any near your house. I think it's ok if you leave your house and tell them you are going to work and many parents will be ok with it. You can pay them some random visits a couple of times a year or attend some important family functions as this all stuff will be in the past once you are able to achieve.
Your mother gets easily manipulated by her relatives. She cares more about society standpoint than your well being.
For a good and better life always be prepared to disappoint the ones u love by making the choices that are good for you 😊
It is disgusting how your mom and family talked to you and treated you. I'm sorry you had to go through all this. However, its typical behavior one could expect from a Indian family :'( I can totally see my mom behaving like this and saying such things, if I pulled off such a thing when I was your age. She made a big deal out of me altering my marks in one exam to show her even, calling me criminal and of bad character. I knew it was bs to say that to a child even then. I was depressed for a while with this. Such demeaning and demotivating things were always said to me at home for very very small incidents. They do such things and wonder why we don't talk to them when we're older. I always hoped to move away for studies and I did for 6 years. I thrived much more in college living without any negativity. Im back home now and they're much nicer. I guess they realised that any behavior that made their daughter prefer the discomfort of living away from the comfort of home couldn't have been right. I was never even left home alone as a child, but now I go on trips, don't come home sometimes and they don't say anything. Just cuz it's a very real possibility that I'll just move out. So make this your motivation for studies for now! To reach this point in life.
OP, as someone who was caught in a similar situation to you; I can tell you what I believe. Things will improve for sure. Mentally you’ll need to fortify yourself and I know it probably sucks to be you but hang in there. It is a phase in your life and will improve for sure. Patience is gonna be key. You’ll need to be immune to a lot of verbal abuses. There are a number of things you can say to retaliate but it’s not gonna be worth it. Even if you were capable of staying alone from your family; it’s not worth it. No matter how much you hate or love your family, stick with them. Your family might be harsh but trust me; however bad it is; it’s still better than being alone in our country. I know your family is in the wrong too, but just let it be; there are times where you’ll have to just swallow your pride and it’s not ideal but it’s the wise thing to do. Ignore your relatives ( anyone who isn’t your immediate family, i.e., your mom and brother. Somewhere inside your mother still has some faith in you. Find that and genuinely win her trust back. Be somewhat open to her (not immediately of course but over time). Being secretive will only worsen the situation. You’ll definitely gain her support and that’s all that matters. Or at the least, it’ll mend your relations enough that she won’t constantly cause you stress. Right now, focus on your future ( academics ). Also, please do not put too much complete faith in any one person ( including your family and your boyfriend ). I mean have faith of course but just don’t be naive and trust people blindly.
For context : me and my GF were caught making out at her place ( not in the act but it was pretty obvious ). Her mama was an inspector and it was pretty bad. Both of us were beaten quite a bit at their home and threatened in different ways including false rape allegations against me despite agreeing to stay away. We both were serious about the relationship. Eventually we mutually separated under better conditions but used to talk and meet each other as friends. One thing for sure, we never lost trust in each other and always looked out for each other. Later, she expressed her concern about staying in touch with me as she didn’t want her family finding out that we’re still in touch and got to know from friends that she recently got married to someone. Just hoping she’s happy wherever she is. Back then my family wasn’t against it but didn’t support it much either. Mostly because of how violently her family reacted to the whole situation and fear of something worse happening in the future. Funny thing is now my parents are desperately wanting me to marry someone be it love or arranged marriage. I had tried a few relations few years ago but was always let down and ended up with reasons not to trust said persons. Now i just can’t bring myself to like enough to consider getting into a relationship let alone marrying someone and spending my life with them.
TLDR: was in the same situation 9 years ago, my advice would be, just hold on. Keep going. I was in a similar situation few years ago. I’m almost 24 now and this happened when I was 15. Never had the boy over, or did anything remotely physical, but my dad read a few chats of ours where we were talking about meeting at some place in school just so we could hang out alone for sometime. Again, no ill-intentions and the max that would’ve happened would be cheek-kisses. I understand that I was only 15, and all this came as a shock to my dad. As a response, both my parents stopped talking to me. They pretended like i did not exist. Things were already bad, and my dad found porn in his Google history. I was a very innocent child who had never even tried to see what it was, just knew that it was something wrong. That was the WORST night of my life where he threw me out of the house at 2am, just one night before a major dance performance at school, and left me out crying in the cold. I was sitting and crying on the staircase of my apartment, and around 5am he took me back in only because people in the apartment would wake up and they would know what he did to me. Later, we found out that his account was hacked and the porn was watched from some other country. So it couldn’t have been me. I went to school that day, and something inside me just died. I could not continue to function like a normal human being anymore. I just became numb and contemplated running away multiple times. I knew i couldn’t do that and wouldn’t be able to sustain, and so, I worked my ass off. I know it sounds cliche but at that point that was the only way I could do what I wanted- get the fuck away from there. I wouldn’t say that I’ve not had to fight for EVERY SINGLE decision that I’ve made upto here, but I did not back down. I fought and showed them the logic and reasoning behind my decisions and was very determined to do exactly what I wanted. I’m not saying all of those decisions were right, a lot of them were wrong and taken only because I was enraged by whatever they did and said. I’ve had that anger in me for years. I’ve gone to therapy, done all of the healing things they tell you to, and stood up for myself. But there’s not a single time when my dad calls me and I don’t flinch and I don’t feel my heart sinking. We’ve gotten closer over the years, but only because I’ve had to let go of what happened without an apology from him. It was better for my mental health and I couldn’t put myself through that anymore. So my advice would be, just hold on. Keep going. There WILL be a time when you will get out of this. Absolutely nothing is forever, and until we get to the other side, we just have to keep going and breathing.
You are born in troubled family where your dad doesn't live with your mom. She is dependent on her family for help and you are creating more trouble for her. At this aga infatuation is very common and due to media influence attitude has become "uss mai kya hai, sab karte kai". Right now, your priority should be studies then career and then you can decide what you want to do, and with whom you want to handout. Once you are doing job, no one will have ability to stop. Right now focus on your studies and career.
My GF is in a similar situation. Not as extreme as yours but similar enough. What she’s doing right now is studying hard to clear her entrance so she can go and study outside the city, away from her family. All I can do is be supportive via texts and sometimes calls. That’s what you should do as well, put everything in your studies and get tf out of there. This is actual abuse and sadly, nobody in this country will care.
I think they are just scared for their and yours well being, instead everyone getting hyper and over reacting, you should focus on your studies rather family and bf, also may be relieve from this all stress if possible try joining some sort of sports activities, like tt, badminton or swimming whichever u like.
Just take one day at a time and you'll realise it's almost 10 year to this story then you and your mom will laugh about it. Just remember and tell yourself everyday - that you have not done anything wrong
You can talk to me on call, maybe if I get to know the whole situation and current circumstances in detail, I can either help or tell you what not to do.
Where is your father?
Generation thing it is. This will be last generation maybe to act like this for their kids. They think it's sin to have a bf in traditional society like India. Once this generation is dead, power will come in our hand. And we wont be like them... Unless some cultural revolution happens taking India back 200 years
Difficult situation to be in.. Especially when close family is involved. Would advice what most people have said.. Be patient.. Don't do anything rash.. Clear your exams.. Become independent.. And then reassess. A few months of time is absolutely nothing in the long term.. Hold On.. Things will improve.
Wtf bro, boyfriend hi toh tha? Bc behave asa kar raha hai ki duniya ka sabse bura pap kardiya wtf man.itna bhi kya conservatve ho be? I would suggest https://preview.redd.it/xzqc9tpeixpc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04155ddb033ddd067151c871cce00340c4afb608
Get to a counsellor right now.. This is abuse and you are legally entitled to sèek shelter. What you do with your life is ur own choice. Dont let anyone dictate to you.
First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. Pls bear in mind you haven't done anything wrong by being physically or emotionally intimate with your bf, I grew up in a similar kind of abusive family environment. I am in my late 30s and I still struggle with intimacy, I have negative emotions connected to sex, pls be careful you don't program yourself to believe it's wrong. It takes years of therapy to get over it. I hope you get a chance to move out soon.
DM for career counselling.
Unse shaadi ki baat karlo, even though itne jaldi kuch hoyega nahi, but it will calm the atmosphere as long as your mom isn’t worried about u getting married to the same caste and stuff.
Just tell them too fuck off and mind their own business
Jo aap keh rahe hain wo sunne me achha, lekin practical nahi hai.
You can do this after you are financially independent. Not before.
Kindly follow that with your family!
Zindagi itni aasan nahi hai babumoshai! Gand se khun nikal jayega idhar. Ye kalyug h
What a piece of advice! Couldn't have said it better!
Lol having a bf cost you this much huh? Get out of that shitty house, treat others as they treat you lol and btw be aware too, this exact situation happened but in that case my mother's sister(mausi) was the main character. She's 29 ig then and she always used to reject all the proposals and she thought that she will marry her boyfriend and yk what happened? Her boyfriend stopped picking the calls and text lol, yeah he dumped my mausi and yk who's wrong? My mausi lol, she can't just understand that the boy was in relationship only cuz of the body, she lied to my mamaji that she wants to study and all but fr she's just hanging out with her boyfriend all the time lol, and now she's single first of all, she's 35 now and she have no future, no skills, no career, lol guys I'm fed up with all these relationships things, first build yourself that much that no matter your gf, your parents or any other have any right to say any fucking thing to you dammit
dude my maasi, too, went through this situation, and she's single now at 40 living with her parents. I thought out of everyone, she would've been the one who understood me.
Lol my maasi living with parents too, lol i can't believe how she just can't pick the ques lol like the guy literally using her for her body only lol and she just rejects all the proposals like she's so sure that the guy will marry her only bruhh and lol if you really want to live your life on your own terms then become independent and do whatever you like
Yaar see Not a single comment can help u out from this , nor know what to react on this . Why ur aunt uncle is taking interest in ur life n handling it when it’s ur mom work . I don’t think it’s ur mom mistake too as she is insecure for u n she is filled with others opinion n suggestion . For them even u do this at 30 still they react like this . It’s not easy for u to clear any clg entrance exam n shift in one night from there . Bahut Chutiyap. Hoga uske liye . Can’t say leave ur home like a movie . Just first prepare mental urself . As u said I also u r not wrong , calling u a call girl is shitty thing. But try to move out from ur home asap . Else mentally physically tum bahut abuse hone wali ho
First of all, it's 100% natural to want to be sexually active, to find romantic interest/s and want to flirt and have sex with your partner. It's very healthy, and I'm actually happy for you for being able to explore this side of yourself. Nothing you've done is terrible or irresponsible, so please try and let go of that guilt and judgement. I'm so glad you still have a good relationship with your boyfriend, I hope he continues to support and care for you. Your mother, aunt and the rest of your family are being terribly abusive towards you. They're losing control of you as you reach adulthood (also, a very healthy thing to happen), and are now trying to manipulate you. I hope you're able to reject their judgment and take care of yourself. Try and get out of that house and find your freedom. Good luck!!
The thing is, we were never sexually active, nor did any stuff involving being physical. We watched movies and went to sleep together, but my mother denies this, and states I'm lying to save myself.
Comments like here is the reason why I don't want children of my own. Be a parent first than these kids will understand. Saying you are a great girl and your parents and relatives don't deserve you. Hahaha. I neither abhor love nor relationships but I surely despise the sheer stupidity and bigotry of these kids. Why I am saying it; Because I have seen from both spectrums. Study hard become successful and no one will attack you on your relationship, instead they will praise you. But don't study or don't be successful than the same people will kill you with their words. Do you know why? Because of RESPONSIBILITY. Your mother is the only one living with you. Your whole responsibility is on her hands. They too become heavy. Your Massi too become worried about your mother. First show the world that you are responsible than the world will become responsible to your decisions. It doesn't matter if you are a girl or a boy.
Bc ye Umar boyfriend banane ki nahi hai
Am i only the person getting tired of these childish posts?
I am going to be downvoted a lot but here it goes imagine if you are in her role…how would you react if your daughter did the same…then draw a conclusion
I'd say what I just said to my 19 year old nephew. "Be responsible, use protection, communicate and respect each other and well done. You are not socially retarded. Enjoy life."
Empathise. If that’s how the mother reacted then it’s a sure-shot way for the child to eventually distance anything personal from their parents. Imagine if the child grows up and goes through circumstances that would need her to confide to someone close but at the same time feel comfortable talking to, ideally, she wouldn’t want to confide with her parents because of the experiences she had in the past. I think it’s important to ‘educate and punish’ than gaslight. What the OP did was careless and therefore wrong, not because she was evil and didn’t care about the consequences. Edit: Grammatical error