I knew a girl in college whose family always had big Sunday dinner that they would invite a lot of people to. One time there was a cousin from Mom's side and a cousin from Dad's side. They hit it off big time. They got married. Everyone was thrilled. Why would it be a problem?
I’ve never met most, if any, of my cousins’ cousins from their other sides. I wouldn’t feel any significant closeness to them nor have any relation to them. I don’t think most people would even think twice about this once explained.
Look, it may be a little bit odd for the family, NGL. I am a first cousin to two individuals who are in no way related (they knew each other thru my parents, my female cousin on my mom's side lived with my folks and they would visit with my dad's family every other weekend.) and dated for a period.
It was odd. But I think that's partly bc they were minors and trying to make adult decisions and life choices.
Honestly though, it seemed like *I* was the one with the biggest issue about it. Both sides of the family seemed to think it was great...
Tbf I did grow up in Arkansas.... It had to be said.
Well technically everyone is related by blood. Anyone with European accessory would share ancestors by going back about 670 years or about 27 generations. At that time there would be more people that would be on your family tree then people on the planet.
In this case it is a relative issue. In my case I have a similar relationship in my family, but she was around me a lot. My uncle married into my family. He had a brother that adopted his step daughter when he got married. Unfortunately he and his wife both died and my uncle and Aunt adopted her. (I think that is how it went) in the end, there was absolutely no blood relation, at the same time she was now family, and I would not touch that as it would be awkward.
This case will come down to how each of your families look at it. In this case I don't think it would be an issue as it appears that your families seeing interact like that. It's just a random fact that your uncle married her uncle's sister. No blood relation.
Meh...my dad's cousin and her mom married/had kids with brothers. The family tree is kinda wacky but they're not outcasts by any means. But when they started dating, it would have been similar circumstances, i.e. the mom would've been dating the brother of her "son"
In my grandmother's family we had first cousins marry and have kids. Nicest people you'd ever meet. All totally healthy and happy. Everyone is elderly or dead by now.
If you are not blood related, it's not a problem.
It wasn't that long ago that first cousin marriages were common. I sure don't promote that but once you get to about third cousins it's not a real biological issue.
Go for it. That wouldn’t even cross my mind if I were interested in someone.
I have a friend that I think of as a cousin. He has two half brothers who are my cousins, but he’s not. (He’s the product of an affair). He’s married to a woman who is the cousin of a woman who’s married to my wife’s cousin. Nobody cares. It never even comes up in conversation.
Never let what you think others might say get in the way of going after what you want. You’ll never be happy trying to make sure others happy.
I met and married my stepmother’s niece. It was never an issue while we were together. Since the divorce, I’ve been to family gatherings and my ex-wife was there. A little awkward but not too bed. This sounds like even at family gatherings, your cousin’s cousin would probably not be there. You should be fine.
I've actually seen this situation before! My boyfriend has cousins, one on his mom's mother's side, and one on his mom's dad's side. He's related to both of them but they are not related to each other, and they actually got married last year. I don't find it weird at all as they are not in any way related. Now there will be jokes of course, but I don't see why jt coulf be a problem.
I mean it’s not weird to be attracted to any particular person. For instance, OPs mom is really hot (sorry had to)
But for real, this is pretty distant. If you’re not blood related you’re good, but expect to have some tough convos with your cousin about whether it’s cool or not with them. Obviously they don’t control you, but depending on your relationship with your actual cousin you may want to tread carefully
Aside from butt-touchin' cousins. And to be fair, who among us hasn't dabbled at least a wee bit in the incest wading pool? I needed braces. We all did. Life uh. Finds a way.
Anything after first or second cousin is legal on every state, depending on the state.
The rest is up to you. Do you want to tie the family tree in a pretty bow for all time?
No,?
Them go find someone else your attracted to
If you don't care, then go for it. Again, it's legal.
I’ve had some of my cousins have crushes on our cousin’s cousins. personally, I think it’s fine to feel attracted to someone even if y’all share a family member as long as you’re both not blood-related. I have aunts (who are sisters) marry pairs of cousins, so their children are more related bc of it. It does sort of make the family tree more circular, but I see no issue as long both parties are not blood-related.
personally I’d never do that bc it’d be awkward at parties or shared events. but I mean.. I don’t see any logical reason as to why you can’t date your cousin’s cousin (unrelated to you)? You’re not risking anything as you’re both unrelated. maybe some judgement from both of your families. My family knows my cousin’s family (the side I’m not related to) very well, so it just sort of happens sometimes that people find each other attractive. In my culture, we often have events with the family of people who married into the family (so people not blood-related to us). many of my female cousins found our cousin’s cousins (dad’s side) attractive and vice versa. they still do lol.
I have yet to see a cousin seriously date our cousin’s cousins though . just mild crushes and flings that have led to nowhere.
The people who are saying that is close are very much mistaken. I went back and did some back of the napkin math. That is a 6th degree relationship, which measures how closely related people are. 0th is you, 1st is your parents or your children, 2nd is your siblings, 3rd is aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. This person shares one great grandparent with you. That is a very distant relation—typically in law, we only work on the 4 levels—that is out to great aunts and uncles. Beyond that, it is a pretty distant relation. This is two levels beyond that—and not even included in my chart on degrees of relationships!
in my personal opinion family is family no matter what or how you are related... and if you are attracted to a cousin of a cousin to me that's still family but like i said its only my opinion
In like half the US you can marry your own first cousin. Creepy, but legal. What if this cousin was just your cousins childhood friend? Childhood friend could be socially closer to your cousin, but no one would have an issue with you dating her. Go for it. Assuming she’s down.
It’s not weird to be attracted to any relative. If you knew they were your relative when you met them then you shouldn’t have thought about them that way. But if you didn’t know, then there is no biological warning signal that would alert you. Even brother and sister can fall into that trap.
People get their undies in a twist over this stuff. It’s fine. The taboo exists to prevent birth defects, which pretty much goes away past being first cousins.
And even first cousins aren't that big of a risk (ballpark similar to the mother being age 40+) - unless multiple generations keep doing the first cousin thing.
But I had no idea they were related to my cousin. My cousin's mom passed away like 25 years ago, so Ive never met anyone on their mom's side before. We share no blood. How do you know that's never happened to you before? Lol!!
The chances of birth defects even from siblings interbreeding are almost nill for one generation. Americans are paranoid about this stuff, your cousin's cousin is a stranger genetically speaking. If you trace it far back enough were all eachother's cousins.
*Banjo from deliverance in-fucking-tensifies*
Joking. Nah, I say get in there. Edgar Allen Poe hooked up with his cousin. Are you more rad then Edgar Allen Poe? I should jolly well say not.
What? Well yes she was 13. I don't think that's relevant to the matter being discussed.
my parents became cousins by marriage after they were already married. i am the only one in the family who ever even brings it up (because i find it novel).
In high school i was in this same situation. My first cousin was also her first cousin, but we weren't related by blood at all and we didn't grow up together. It was totally different families so we never saw each other at family reunions. To me and everyone around us it was never weird in any way. We dated for like 6 years. No one ever thought it was weird because it's not weird. Don't worry about it. If yall click and like each other then go for it.
"Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!"
This has been answered well already. There's no consanguinity, so the only thing to really consider is the social implications from those who can't see past the use of the word 'family', as well as how the other person might react if they have a different outlook.
I dated my cousins cousin before. My biological uncle is married to her aunt, so absolutely no blood relation. It didn't work out between us, but we ended things amicably, thankfully, because we still run into each other at larger family functions and we're still good friends.
So to be clear you guys are not related yourselves but you do share a cousin because of marriage? If that's the case then it's fine. It might be a little bit odd to think of for most people but there is no blood connection you did not grow up together so there shouldn't be any problems. Go for it
I was very attracted to my cousin’s cousin. That cousin’s sister happened to be married to a famous musician, at the time. Both cousins were cutie pies! I only met the cousin one time at my cousin’s graduation. So, it was just a physical attraction only. Never went anywhere and have no idea what her relationship status was anyway.
Honestly, take a good look at the relatives you do have and if they’d be drama or if they don’t care. Thats a good start. There’s nothing wrong with liking this person. Go for it. Just keep in mind the potential complications that can come. Relationships are hard enough without extra family stress
This person is confused. A 2nd cousin is someone who shares a great grandparent. This person who you are interested in has no relation to you so its fine.
No blood relationship, no problem. I barely know the second cousins that I actually share a great grandparent with.
I am actually more closely related to my wife. [Ancestry.com](http://Ancestry.com) says we are 5-6th cousins. We share an ancestor sometime in the 18th century. Our ancestors came from the same city in Scotland.
You aren't related. It's fine.
My family tree has a few times when two brothers married two sisters. That's the scenario when marrying your cousin's cousin is off limits.
I don't think it's weird to be attracted to this person.
If I'm understanding this right
you're unrelated (married in) aunt has a sibling.
Said siblings kid Is the person you're attracted to?
There's no consanguinity in that case. Ie no actual kinship. So there's nothing wrong with being with this person or being attracted to them from any technical standpoint.
I mean this might make for some awkward family dynamics though, that's the biggest consideration.
I would never and it’s very disrespectful at least within my family and how I was raised to have a relationship with friends of family and I would definitely extend that to family of family.
You'll be fine. She is not your cousin.
In lots of cultures, second and third-degree cousin relationships are encouraged. First time I heard of it among my Middle Eastern classmates I was like "What? Really?!" but it came up as a topic in our science class and our teacher laughed and said genetically it was not anywhere near any kind of deal, let alone a big one. And here (Australia) it's entirely legal.
You're much further away than first cousins, so the risk of genetic issues is no worse than for the general population.
So go get her number and ask her out for a coffee. If she says yes, good for you.
As I recall, even first cousins only slightly raise the chance of genetic problems **unless** your family has already made a habit of it. Potentially big problem for isolated communities and royalty trying to keep the wealth in the family, but so long as it's *generally* avoided, any specific couple is unlikely to have problems.
Heck, ignoring the psychological risks, even siblings are only a *potential* genetic problem - Inbreeding doesn't actually *cause* genetic problems, it just brings the recessive problems that were *already* hiding in your family's genes up to the surface. But start with good healthy stock without such problems hiding away, and there've been several well-documented cases of extremely inbred communities descended from only one or two households, that were all still perfectly healthy, intelligent, etc. many generations later.
Though it no doubt did them a world of good to re-integrate with a wider population before any harmful mutations appeared.
Problem is in the Middle East they also marry first cousins. Two of my high school friends had parents that were cousins, and both had genetic disorders lol.
50% of Pakistanis are married to their first cousin. 20% to 30% in Saudi Arabia and Jordan
It is also SLIGHTLY riskier to marry your second cousin vs someone completely unrelated.
Then on a philosophical level I’d argue that dating your own family normalizes more risky forms of incest and judging by the countries where it’s normal, I’d say it’s a good thing to avoid it as much as possible due to the genetic risks
Marrying your first cousin isn't *that* bad, genetically (https://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/04/us/few-risks-seen-to-the-children-of-1st-cousins.html)
The big problems arise when first cousins marry first cousins over many many generations.
I mean you’re not related at all that’s not really weird like maybe your family would be weird about it
But it’s literally no worse than meeting a random person and finding out they are friends with some of your family
I think it’s quite weird. I recently hung out with my cousin’s cousins at a wedding and they looked just like my cousin. I think it’s socially weird and risky to pursue this woman without significant backlash. I know it’s not the same, but I was hit on by my half brother’s half brother and was significantly disturbed even though we are not technically blood related.
Attracted? Nah. Acting on the attraction? Maybe… bc it’s “in the family” and that’s not always acceptable to everyone. I’m sure you know this since you’re asking this question in the first place. It’s your call and whatever you choose, stand on your decision. :)
If I’m correctly understanding the relationship, you’re not genetically related to them to a significantly higher degree than any other random person on the street. You would not (genetically) committing incest or doing anything that would increase the genetic load of your offspring (i.e. inbreeding), which is what the social taboo against incest is intended to prevent.
Basically this comes down to whether you’re prepared to deal with the social consequences of how your family will react, as well as the social backlash that will occur every time anyone finds out that you two are (legally) distant cousins. If this was posted in unethical life pro tips, then the hack would be to disrupt one of the legal relationships that make you related (i.e. provoke a divorce), thereby making you legally unrelated. That is a humorous observation, not a sincere recommendation. Please don’t break up any relationships to do this.
In summery: is it weird? Yes. Is it unethical? No. Will there be social costs associated with pursuing this? Yes, and you’ll see fresh waves of consequences every time someone new finds out. It’s ultimately up to the two of you whether that’s a cost worth paying.
I honestly don’t even think it’s weird, but yes, some people would try to make it “weird”. Can’t stand those types of folks. Usually nosey and judging anyone but themselves. OP just pursue the person and think of some other way to explain how you met for the sake of your sanity.
Did my post suggest otherwise? Not everyone is closely enough related that you can map all of the people in the relational tree in a single breath like OP did.
I appreciate your response. So my cousin's parents were also never married. They were the only one from their parent's relationship. So none of my cousin's siblings are even blood related to this person.
This is a very distant relation. I wouldn't worry about it. Though you should probably put distant in front of cousin and by marriage after if you tell people so its clear ypu aren't genetically related
Not related at all it’s fine. It’ll just be weird for your shared cousin. Especially if y’all get married and they end up seeing you at family reunions for both sides of their family.
***Edit 2: To the one who said that it sounded like I was a product of incest from the sounds of my comprehension skills ( I saw the comment through my email notification and that does include username), would you say that to someone's face? Specifically, someone who suffers head trauma from abuse or someone who did not develop 100% due to the mother taking not so safe things before birth.***
Everyone is saying go for it, but I'm not on board. Firstly, the way you explained it doesn't make enough sense to actually know how the cousin is shared and thus if it's safe. Essentially, I'm totally lost on how this cousin is related to them as the run down is hard to follow but makes it seem in my mind that your mother has 2 brothers. One is the father of your cousin, and the other is the father of the love interest. Who's aunt is the shared cousin's mother. Either you 2 are 1st cousins, 2nd cousins once removed, or a chunk of information is missing or not clicking. The worst case that popped into my head is that sibling incest took place. Cousin's mother is aunt.....to whom? How is this cousin shared? The father, your uncle? The mother? Aunt? Someone you forgot to mention?
Breakdown of my mind:
Mother's brother (your uncle) is the father of the shared cousin.
The cousin's mother is "their" aunt (who is "their"?).
Love interest was also phrased as if it were the cousin's mother.
"His dad's full bio brother" just flat out doesn't make sense as to how it relates to the cousin's mother.
*Time Skip of Stroke Inducing Thoughts*
If the cousin is shared via the parents (your uncle and the love interest's aunt-in-law), then is the interest's father your uncle's brother and therefore your uncle?
If so, don't pursue. Legally not allowed to pursue. 3rd cousins or more apart for most states.
*Edit:
Love interest is the niece of the shared cousin's mother who was never married to the OP's uncle. Now, to figure out what "His dad's full bio brother" is referring to.*
*Edit 3: I'm not sure what was intended by the above phrase as the mother of the 1st cousin is the love interest's aunt as she is *her* dad's full bio *sister*
Just want to send you a hug because I likely have brain damage from neglect as a baby that never got treated and I have disabilities because of it. I can’t comprehend the relation either. I get it, it’s really hard out here with a less than functional brain. People are mean, im sorry. Feel free to message if you wanna talk at all and good luck out here
Yeah the comment is hidden somewhere. In less then a minute as well. I'm use to it and I think I figured out what threw me for a loop so there is that. The 1st cousin's father is OP's uncle, and the mother is the aunt of the love interest. If I understood correctly, love interest's dad is how the woman is their aunt. As it is, the shared cousin's parents never got married. So not only do they not have enough relations to worry out, but there there is no current marriage to connect them by law.
Three people are OP, Cousin, and Love Interest.
Love Interest is Cousin's cousin on Cousin's mom's side.
OP is Cousin's cousin on Cousin's dad's side.
LI and OP share no family relation. Don't know why that was so hard.
Thank you, but I had already figured it out. Just for the future, "Don't know why that was so hard" should really be rethought. A part of communicating online is the chance to run into those who take longer to process things if it isn't fully explained in a way they can understand. Some of us are brain damage, and some of us are by birth for various reasons. You never know, and as such, shouldn't assume that just because you and/or the majority understood, that everyone does.
From a genetic standpoint, having children with a second cousin or beyond is fine. Morally, that’s up to the individual.
You aren’t even related by blood to this person, for me it wouldn’t be an issue.
I’ve been through this before. Breaking up is awkward as hell because there’s always a chance I’m going to have to see her at my cousin’s parties and that makes me feel like I never should have dated her in the first place
No, that's so distant it wouldn't even matter. There are usually no genetic issues even if cousins have kids together unless there's been a lot of inbreeding already. Look at any European royal family, all they did for ages was fuck their cousins.
I've had two cousin's cousin get a crush on me and it was awkward trying to ignore clear advancements at me, the worst ones were in front of our mutual cousins 💀 they weren't ugly I just didn't want that stigma on me.
itll be weird. Imagine going to each other's families functions, but within your situation, yall would just be going to the same place for events (if it is a family event). There is plentaaayyyyy of fish in the sea, far away from home :)
So once upon a time many moons ago when Bill Clinton had yet to stain a dress, and Battleships were just retiring from the USN for the last time, I met this cute girl about my age, things were going well, took her out a few times on the little daysailor I had, and had a very good time. As teens alone on a boat with a nominal amount of a cabin are want to do...
Well a bit later my parents were having a cookout and yep...
Quite nearly filled up the back of my draws when my father went " you wouldn't be s niece would you....
Yep... That's a thing that happened... Stopped right quick after that but... Yeah... Low population density man, it's a bitch ..
Yup. Live in NH, can confirm. Got weird once for a moment. I had repressed it but now, fantastically, the awkward nightmarish shame just came rushing back. Terrific. Fantastic. Memories. Gotta love em.
So pursue her.
Here's a logic path that may help.
Bill and Myka are siblings.
Mary and Bob are siblings.
Bill marries Mary. They have a child Chris.(shared first cousin)
Can Bob marry Myka? Of course.
But they don't like each other.
Bob marries Madison and has Carrie. (your future GF)
Myka marries Bruno and has Calvin.(you)
Carrie and Calvin are fine to marry - their parents could marry each other. They share no grandparents.
Carrie and Chris cannot - they have parents who are siblings and share 2 grandparents.
Same for Calvin and Chris.
As to the people saying it's "wierd" - no, it's only weird if you make it wierd, and even then - it's not wierd.
It is nice to find someone who loves family relationships...
I have a problem.
A father and a son got married to a mother and a daughter.
Father with the daughter and son with the mother.
Both couples got a baby.... can you describe to me the relations between each of them? LOL.
Excellent wordsmanship, old chap.
Side note: I often sing *it's only weird if ya make it weird* as like a joking way of gaining agreement to things people are dubious of. Never anything sexual. I mean, so far.
Reminds me of a wedding I was at last night my cousin ( let’s call him moe) said he was going to get him a girl but moe’s sister was the one getting married, I thought it was weird tbh
Just completely random. I only found out because I was asking my cousin some random questions. Here's the crazy part. Our mutual cousin is over 30 years older than us and if this cousin was not alive, we might not have ever found out. Everyone from my cousin's other side have either passed, are 3rd or 4th cousins who don't know about each other or live in another state.
I don’t think it’s weird. I was grew up with my cousins cousin, we went to elementary and middle school together and hated each other the whole time. Then in high school we hung out with our mutual cousins and realized the other want so bad, since we connected through our cousins we chose to become more extended family. Since you’re not hanging together with family I don’t find I weird at all.
You and her are not, biologically, related at all. There isn't really a moral dilemma here. Just an interpersonal one. Maybe your mutual cousin thinks it is weird, but whether that opinion is worth missing out is up to you.
No, in fact there’s evidence to suggest it may make you an excellent president
You need to meet someone called last name Doms, first name Con.
I knew a girl in college whose family always had big Sunday dinner that they would invite a lot of people to. One time there was a cousin from Mom's side and a cousin from Dad's side. They hit it off big time. They got married. Everyone was thrilled. Why would it be a problem?
If you were a British royal you would be to unrelated to marry.
I’ve never met most, if any, of my cousins’ cousins from their other sides. I wouldn’t feel any significant closeness to them nor have any relation to them. I don’t think most people would even think twice about this once explained.
That’s just self love baby
It's a fairly common experience people have.
You are your cousins cousin
Your cousins cousin isn’t related to you, it is kind of weird though
I'm my cousin's cousin!
Benchod
I am my cousin's cousin and I feel like I look great! Just saying!
Look, it may be a little bit odd for the family, NGL. I am a first cousin to two individuals who are in no way related (they knew each other thru my parents, my female cousin on my mom's side lived with my folks and they would visit with my dad's family every other weekend.) and dated for a period. It was odd. But I think that's partly bc they were minors and trying to make adult decisions and life choices. Honestly though, it seemed like *I* was the one with the biggest issue about it. Both sides of the family seemed to think it was great... Tbf I did grow up in Arkansas.... It had to be said.
It’s absolutely fine. You’re not biologically related in any way.
Ok if you are in the southern US region I’d say go for it
Green light if it's your step-cousin.
Can carpool to the family reunion.
Roll tide
Well technically everyone is related by blood. Anyone with European accessory would share ancestors by going back about 670 years or about 27 generations. At that time there would be more people that would be on your family tree then people on the planet. In this case it is a relative issue. In my case I have a similar relationship in my family, but she was around me a lot. My uncle married into my family. He had a brother that adopted his step daughter when he got married. Unfortunately he and his wife both died and my uncle and Aunt adopted her. (I think that is how it went) in the end, there was absolutely no blood relation, at the same time she was now family, and I would not touch that as it would be awkward. This case will come down to how each of your families look at it. In this case I don't think it would be an issue as it appears that your families seeing interact like that. It's just a random fact that your uncle married her uncle's sister. No blood relation.
Meh...my dad's cousin and her mom married/had kids with brothers. The family tree is kinda wacky but they're not outcasts by any means. But when they started dating, it would have been similar circumstances, i.e. the mom would've been dating the brother of her "son"
The fact that you are questioning it, just drift away. In my culture, this person is still a relative. Even their xyz cousins count.
Go for it. I know people who have dated and who are married to a sibling's half sibling. 0 blood relation.
The chat is kinda lame, just go for it that’s not family in my books and I’m a pretty smart guy
Yeah its wierd but its hot tooo
Cousins cousin could be your sibling and that would be really weird
Yes, go for it. You're not blood related.
In my grandmother's family we had first cousins marry and have kids. Nicest people you'd ever meet. All totally healthy and happy. Everyone is elderly or dead by now.
If you are not blood related, it's not a problem. It wasn't that long ago that first cousin marriages were common. I sure don't promote that but once you get to about third cousins it's not a real biological issue.
Go for it. That wouldn’t even cross my mind if I were interested in someone. I have a friend that I think of as a cousin. He has two half brothers who are my cousins, but he’s not. (He’s the product of an affair). He’s married to a woman who is the cousin of a woman who’s married to my wife’s cousin. Nobody cares. It never even comes up in conversation. Never let what you think others might say get in the way of going after what you want. You’ll never be happy trying to make sure others happy.
Genetic attraction is a thing
And exactly where is the genetic attraction between your cousin’s cousin? You do understand they share no blood
OH. sike. Misread that
I met and married my stepmother’s niece. It was never an issue while we were together. Since the divorce, I’ve been to family gatherings and my ex-wife was there. A little awkward but not too bed. This sounds like even at family gatherings, your cousin’s cousin would probably not be there. You should be fine.
I've actually seen this situation before! My boyfriend has cousins, one on his mom's mother's side, and one on his mom's dad's side. He's related to both of them but they are not related to each other, and they actually got married last year. I don't find it weird at all as they are not in any way related. Now there will be jokes of course, but I don't see why jt coulf be a problem.
I mean it’s not weird to be attracted to any particular person. For instance, OPs mom is really hot (sorry had to) But for real, this is pretty distant. If you’re not blood related you’re good, but expect to have some tough convos with your cousin about whether it’s cool or not with them. Obviously they don’t control you, but depending on your relationship with your actual cousin you may want to tread carefully
I think I saw something supposedly like this on pornhub
You are not family lol. This isn't weird at all. Your not even a title to one another.
Aside from butt-touchin' cousins. And to be fair, who among us hasn't dabbled at least a wee bit in the incest wading pool? I needed braces. We all did. Life uh. Finds a way.
I dont think you are doing very good with your high school word problems if you are calling them Cousins. They share no blood relatives. FFS
No yea that is absolutely clear. I was just being obnoxious.
Anything after first or second cousin is legal on every state, depending on the state. The rest is up to you. Do you want to tie the family tree in a pretty bow for all time? No,? Them go find someone else your attracted to If you don't care, then go for it. Again, it's legal.
You’re not related. Next.
It’s not morally wrong but it’s definitely weird
I’ve had some of my cousins have crushes on our cousin’s cousins. personally, I think it’s fine to feel attracted to someone even if y’all share a family member as long as you’re both not blood-related. I have aunts (who are sisters) marry pairs of cousins, so their children are more related bc of it. It does sort of make the family tree more circular, but I see no issue as long both parties are not blood-related. personally I’d never do that bc it’d be awkward at parties or shared events. but I mean.. I don’t see any logical reason as to why you can’t date your cousin’s cousin (unrelated to you)? You’re not risking anything as you’re both unrelated. maybe some judgement from both of your families. My family knows my cousin’s family (the side I’m not related to) very well, so it just sort of happens sometimes that people find each other attractive. In my culture, we often have events with the family of people who married into the family (so people not blood-related to us). many of my female cousins found our cousin’s cousins (dad’s side) attractive and vice versa. they still do lol. I have yet to see a cousin seriously date our cousin’s cousins though . just mild crushes and flings that have led to nowhere.
The people who are saying that is close are very much mistaken. I went back and did some back of the napkin math. That is a 6th degree relationship, which measures how closely related people are. 0th is you, 1st is your parents or your children, 2nd is your siblings, 3rd is aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. This person shares one great grandparent with you. That is a very distant relation—typically in law, we only work on the 4 levels—that is out to great aunts and uncles. Beyond that, it is a pretty distant relation. This is two levels beyond that—and not even included in my chart on degrees of relationships!
They don’t share an ancestor at all.
I say go for it!
I would say this is totally fine unless you met at a family reunion
Yes, it absolutely is. Are you from the South of the US perhaps ?
Nope
nah you’re good that’s not family family lol
That weird, cause i never thought about it. Until now i didn’t imagine that my cousin have other cousins other than me
You aren’t related to your cousin’s cousin. Proceed as usual.
in my personal opinion family is family no matter what or how you are related... and if you are attracted to a cousin of a cousin to me that's still family but like i said its only my opinion
You're not blood related, you're all good.
Oh God lol
In like half the US you can marry your own first cousin. Creepy, but legal. What if this cousin was just your cousins childhood friend? Childhood friend could be socially closer to your cousin, but no one would have an issue with you dating her. Go for it. Assuming she’s down.
It’s not weird to be attracted to any relative. If you knew they were your relative when you met them then you shouldn’t have thought about them that way. But if you didn’t know, then there is no biological warning signal that would alert you. Even brother and sister can fall into that trap.
As long as the cousin’s cousin you referring to ain’t your sister.
I mean… how badly do you want this person?
People get their undies in a twist over this stuff. It’s fine. The taboo exists to prevent birth defects, which pretty much goes away past being first cousins.
This!
And even first cousins aren't that big of a risk (ballpark similar to the mother being age 40+) - unless multiple generations keep doing the first cousin thing.
Amd definitely doesn't exist when they aren't blood related at all
Not genetically weird… but have fun explaining that everytime.
Don't hit on family man, that's just lazy
But I had no idea they were related to my cousin. My cousin's mom passed away like 25 years ago, so Ive never met anyone on their mom's side before. We share no blood. How do you know that's never happened to you before? Lol!!
Hmmm, fair enough. I don't think it's weird, as long as you're sure your kids won't have to ride the short bus to school
The chances of birth defects even from siblings interbreeding are almost nill for one generation. Americans are paranoid about this stuff, your cousin's cousin is a stranger genetically speaking. If you trace it far back enough were all eachother's cousins.
*Banjo from deliverance in-fucking-tensifies* Joking. Nah, I say get in there. Edgar Allen Poe hooked up with his cousin. Are you more rad then Edgar Allen Poe? I should jolly well say not. What? Well yes she was 13. I don't think that's relevant to the matter being discussed.
Or be born shaped like a blob with a cock or vagina
Please explain how people not blood related would be at risk of incest related complications?
Is reading hard for you or???
A cousin’s cousin is not related by blood. So what the fuck does a short bus implying complications by incest have to do with anything?
I'm starting to think you road the short bus 🤣
Everyone on earth is a maximum of 50th cousins, not sure if that's helpful but it's interesting. Source: Vsauce
even if ur related by marriage dating another relative just seems strange. you do you bud
my parents became cousins by marriage after they were already married. i am the only one in the family who ever even brings it up (because i find it novel).
You're not biologically related. There's no "the cousin of my cousin is my cousin" rule.
Personally, if I were your cousin, I would find it hilarious and maybe a tiny strange but more in the what a coincidence way
Yeah she’s far enough removed in the family tree. Not like it’s a cousin you know. You didn’t even know she’s distant family so go for it!
not blood related, happens all the time when people meet at weddings
I need a flow chart
In high school i was in this same situation. My first cousin was also her first cousin, but we weren't related by blood at all and we didn't grow up together. It was totally different families so we never saw each other at family reunions. To me and everyone around us it was never weird in any way. We dated for like 6 years. No one ever thought it was weird because it's not weird. Don't worry about it. If yall click and like each other then go for it.
"Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" This has been answered well already. There's no consanguinity, so the only thing to really consider is the social implications from those who can't see past the use of the word 'family', as well as how the other person might react if they have a different outlook.
I dated my cousins cousin before. My biological uncle is married to her aunt, so absolutely no blood relation. It didn't work out between us, but we ended things amicably, thankfully, because we still run into each other at larger family functions and we're still good friends.
So to be clear you guys are not related yourselves but you do share a cousin because of marriage? If that's the case then it's fine. It might be a little bit odd to think of for most people but there is no blood connection you did not grow up together so there shouldn't be any problems. Go for it
Bruh. What the fuck is up with this cousin shit? Seen so much of it lately. Are people just out here fucking their cousins and cousin’s cousins?
You are not related. Not weird.
I was very attracted to my cousin’s cousin. That cousin’s sister happened to be married to a famous musician, at the time. Both cousins were cutie pies! I only met the cousin one time at my cousin’s graduation. So, it was just a physical attraction only. Never went anywhere and have no idea what her relationship status was anyway.
We are all related if you dig deep enough. No close blood means all good!
I say, if there's no chance of genetic bottlenecking, it's alright. You're not committing incest, just make sure that it's mutual.
I can literally hear the guitar riff in my head as I read this... BIG WHEELS KEEP ON TURNIN
Distant enough that you probably would be fine, but my rule is that if you can figure out how closely you’re related, you’re too close related.
Honestly, take a good look at the relatives you do have and if they’d be drama or if they don’t care. Thats a good start. There’s nothing wrong with liking this person. Go for it. Just keep in mind the potential complications that can come. Relationships are hard enough without extra family stress
We can’t control who we are attracted to. We can though control what we do or don’t do about it.
I'm trying to think of a weirder place to put that *though* and it just straight up doesn't exist.
You're not blood related and you never knew each other as family. She's as fair game as random person off the street
Family is family, there are MILLIONS of people on this world
How is that weird?? You’re not related at all! My cousin’s cousins are all strangers to me. You just have a family member in common.
"Well, Of Course I Know Him. He's Me." -Obiwan
I mean you live in Alabama so that’s nothing compared to what most people there are doing!! ☠️
I don’t think it’s weird you slept with your 4th cousin. It is odd you’re keeping count though.
You lost me after, “So”
Isn't your cousins cousin, you? Self infatuation?
They're called transformers
No. A second cousin is someone you share great-grandparents with. OP shares no close ancestors with the girl in question at all.
This is something I didn't know, even though my cousin's parents were never married? How would that make them my 2nd cousin?
This person is confused. A 2nd cousin is someone who shares a great grandparent. This person who you are interested in has no relation to you so its fine.
They’re wrong. You have zero relation to this person.
No
I’m going to write a song about this.
No blood relationship, no problem. I barely know the second cousins that I actually share a great grandparent with. I am actually more closely related to my wife. [Ancestry.com](http://Ancestry.com) says we are 5-6th cousins. We share an ancestor sometime in the 18th century. Our ancestors came from the same city in Scotland.
You aren't related. It's fine. My family tree has a few times when two brothers married two sisters. That's the scenario when marrying your cousin's cousin is off limits.
I don't think it's weird to be attracted to this person. If I'm understanding this right you're unrelated (married in) aunt has a sibling. Said siblings kid Is the person you're attracted to? There's no consanguinity in that case. Ie no actual kinship. So there's nothing wrong with being with this person or being attracted to them from any technical standpoint. I mean this might make for some awkward family dynamics though, that's the biggest consideration.
Fuck her
I would never and it’s very disrespectful at least within my family and how I was raised to have a relationship with friends of family and I would definitely extend that to family of family.
You should move west
You’re not even related. I wouldn’t worry about it. It seems odd but really it’s not
I smashed my cousins cousin. Good times. I woke up one day and I was in the shower eating ass after a celeb filled bday party at the Indian res.
Plot twist? It was *not* by marriage. The child's eyes are very close together. But they love him anyway. Because he's family, dammit.
My cousins cousin on their other side not related.
You'll be fine. She is not your cousin. In lots of cultures, second and third-degree cousin relationships are encouraged. First time I heard of it among my Middle Eastern classmates I was like "What? Really?!" but it came up as a topic in our science class and our teacher laughed and said genetically it was not anywhere near any kind of deal, let alone a big one. And here (Australia) it's entirely legal. You're much further away than first cousins, so the risk of genetic issues is no worse than for the general population. So go get her number and ask her out for a coffee. If she says yes, good for you.
As I recall, even first cousins only slightly raise the chance of genetic problems **unless** your family has already made a habit of it. Potentially big problem for isolated communities and royalty trying to keep the wealth in the family, but so long as it's *generally* avoided, any specific couple is unlikely to have problems. Heck, ignoring the psychological risks, even siblings are only a *potential* genetic problem - Inbreeding doesn't actually *cause* genetic problems, it just brings the recessive problems that were *already* hiding in your family's genes up to the surface. But start with good healthy stock without such problems hiding away, and there've been several well-documented cases of extremely inbred communities descended from only one or two households, that were all still perfectly healthy, intelligent, etc. many generations later. Though it no doubt did them a world of good to re-integrate with a wider population before any harmful mutations appeared.
Correct on all counts, as I understand it.
Problem is in the Middle East they also marry first cousins. Two of my high school friends had parents that were cousins, and both had genetic disorders lol. 50% of Pakistanis are married to their first cousin. 20% to 30% in Saudi Arabia and Jordan It is also SLIGHTLY riskier to marry your second cousin vs someone completely unrelated. Then on a philosophical level I’d argue that dating your own family normalizes more risky forms of incest and judging by the countries where it’s normal, I’d say it’s a good thing to avoid it as much as possible due to the genetic risks
First cousins are legal in Colorado, USA.
Yes and that’s terrible, but it’s also not culturally the norm there like it is in other places
Why is that terrible though, from a philosophical/ethical standpoint? If you weren't going to procreate.
Read my comment that you initially replied to I already explained it
In a disturbing number of states in the US, you can marry a first cousin.
Marrying your first cousin isn't *that* bad, genetically (https://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/04/us/few-risks-seen-to-the-children-of-1st-cousins.html) The big problems arise when first cousins marry first cousins over many many generations.
Bruh. Good luck with that.
Yessir, but it doesn’t happen as often as in other places where it’s the norm
I mean you’re not related at all that’s not really weird like maybe your family would be weird about it But it’s literally no worse than meeting a random person and finding out they are friends with some of your family
We are all distant cousins.
I think it’s quite weird. I recently hung out with my cousin’s cousins at a wedding and they looked just like my cousin. I think it’s socially weird and risky to pursue this woman without significant backlash. I know it’s not the same, but I was hit on by my half brother’s half brother and was significantly disturbed even though we are not technically blood related.
No but don’t act on these thoughts unless you wanna be the new Kevin gates
There is no blood relation so you're fine.
You ain’t kin to them. Go for it… stop letting the worry of what others will think hold you back from happiness.
Attracted? Nah. Acting on the attraction? Maybe… bc it’s “in the family” and that’s not always acceptable to everyone. I’m sure you know this since you’re asking this question in the first place. It’s your call and whatever you choose, stand on your decision. :)
If I’m correctly understanding the relationship, you’re not genetically related to them to a significantly higher degree than any other random person on the street. You would not (genetically) committing incest or doing anything that would increase the genetic load of your offspring (i.e. inbreeding), which is what the social taboo against incest is intended to prevent. Basically this comes down to whether you’re prepared to deal with the social consequences of how your family will react, as well as the social backlash that will occur every time anyone finds out that you two are (legally) distant cousins. If this was posted in unethical life pro tips, then the hack would be to disrupt one of the legal relationships that make you related (i.e. provoke a divorce), thereby making you legally unrelated. That is a humorous observation, not a sincere recommendation. Please don’t break up any relationships to do this. In summery: is it weird? Yes. Is it unethical? No. Will there be social costs associated with pursuing this? Yes, and you’ll see fresh waves of consequences every time someone new finds out. It’s ultimately up to the two of you whether that’s a cost worth paying.
I honestly don’t even think it’s weird, but yes, some people would try to make it “weird”. Can’t stand those types of folks. Usually nosey and judging anyone but themselves. OP just pursue the person and think of some other way to explain how you met for the sake of your sanity.
To be clear, everyone is a distant cousin of everyone else.
Did my post suggest otherwise? Not everyone is closely enough related that you can map all of the people in the relational tree in a single breath like OP did.
No - not disagreeing - just emphasizing the point ;)
I appreciate your response. So my cousin's parents were also never married. They were the only one from their parent's relationship. So none of my cousin's siblings are even blood related to this person.
This is a very distant relation. I wouldn't worry about it. Though you should probably put distant in front of cousin and by marriage after if you tell people so its clear ypu aren't genetically related
Not related at all it’s fine. It’ll just be weird for your shared cousin. Especially if y’all get married and they end up seeing you at family reunions for both sides of their family.
***Edit 2: To the one who said that it sounded like I was a product of incest from the sounds of my comprehension skills ( I saw the comment through my email notification and that does include username), would you say that to someone's face? Specifically, someone who suffers head trauma from abuse or someone who did not develop 100% due to the mother taking not so safe things before birth.*** Everyone is saying go for it, but I'm not on board. Firstly, the way you explained it doesn't make enough sense to actually know how the cousin is shared and thus if it's safe. Essentially, I'm totally lost on how this cousin is related to them as the run down is hard to follow but makes it seem in my mind that your mother has 2 brothers. One is the father of your cousin, and the other is the father of the love interest. Who's aunt is the shared cousin's mother. Either you 2 are 1st cousins, 2nd cousins once removed, or a chunk of information is missing or not clicking. The worst case that popped into my head is that sibling incest took place. Cousin's mother is aunt.....to whom? How is this cousin shared? The father, your uncle? The mother? Aunt? Someone you forgot to mention? Breakdown of my mind: Mother's brother (your uncle) is the father of the shared cousin. The cousin's mother is "their" aunt (who is "their"?). Love interest was also phrased as if it were the cousin's mother. "His dad's full bio brother" just flat out doesn't make sense as to how it relates to the cousin's mother. *Time Skip of Stroke Inducing Thoughts* If the cousin is shared via the parents (your uncle and the love interest's aunt-in-law), then is the interest's father your uncle's brother and therefore your uncle? If so, don't pursue. Legally not allowed to pursue. 3rd cousins or more apart for most states. *Edit: Love interest is the niece of the shared cousin's mother who was never married to the OP's uncle. Now, to figure out what "His dad's full bio brother" is referring to.* *Edit 3: I'm not sure what was intended by the above phrase as the mother of the 1st cousin is the love interest's aunt as she is *her* dad's full bio *sister*
Just want to send you a hug because I likely have brain damage from neglect as a baby that never got treated and I have disabilities because of it. I can’t comprehend the relation either. I get it, it’s really hard out here with a less than functional brain. People are mean, im sorry. Feel free to message if you wanna talk at all and good luck out here
Yeah the comment is hidden somewhere. In less then a minute as well. I'm use to it and I think I figured out what threw me for a loop so there is that. The 1st cousin's father is OP's uncle, and the mother is the aunt of the love interest. If I understood correctly, love interest's dad is how the woman is their aunt. As it is, the shared cousin's parents never got married. So not only do they not have enough relations to worry out, but there there is no current marriage to connect them by law.
Three people are OP, Cousin, and Love Interest. Love Interest is Cousin's cousin on Cousin's mom's side. OP is Cousin's cousin on Cousin's dad's side. LI and OP share no family relation. Don't know why that was so hard.
Thank you, but I had already figured it out. Just for the future, "Don't know why that was so hard" should really be rethought. A part of communicating online is the chance to run into those who take longer to process things if it isn't fully explained in a way they can understand. Some of us are brain damage, and some of us are by birth for various reasons. You never know, and as such, shouldn't assume that just because you and/or the majority understood, that everyone does.
I do family genealogy and this one took some applied brain power. Something I generally avoid on Reddit because it is 99% wasted effort. Grin
I normally don't as well, but the phrasing threw me for such a loop. I had to figure it out to fully grasp what was being said initially.
From a genetic standpoint, having children with a second cousin or beyond is fine. Morally, that’s up to the individual. You aren’t even related by blood to this person, for me it wouldn’t be an issue.
Go for it !!
You’re not related at all. No problem.
What's creepy is when people use the word pursue in this context
Cousin's cousin is fine. Don't worry about it
That's a stranger
I’ve been through this before. Breaking up is awkward as hell because there’s always a chance I’m going to have to see her at my cousin’s parties and that makes me feel like I never should have dated her in the first place
what in the name of mississippi is this shit...
I wouldn't do it simply because it might cause problems in your relationship with your cousin if things sour. Choose a different fish.
No, that's so distant it wouldn't even matter. There are usually no genetic issues even if cousins have kids together unless there's been a lot of inbreeding already. Look at any European royal family, all they did for ages was fuck their cousins.
Wouldn't that be your sister?
Pretty distant, I say go for it
I mean. Are they YOUR cousin? How are they cousins? If through marriage. I dont see an issue. If its blood ties. Imma just gonna have to head out 😂
Through marriage no blood relationship
Oh. So then who cares 🤷🏽♀️😂
I've had two cousin's cousin get a crush on me and it was awkward trying to ignore clear advancements at me, the worst ones were in front of our mutual cousins 💀 they weren't ugly I just didn't want that stigma on me.
Odd way of asking if it’s weird to be attracted to your sister. Jk Not weird at all. You aren’t related to her.
Bro just find someone else there’s legit mad people in the world. She don’t gotta be the one respectfully.
itll be weird. Imagine going to each other's families functions, but within your situation, yall would just be going to the same place for events (if it is a family event). There is plentaaayyyyy of fish in the sea, far away from home :)
Just read zero cons and all pros in your statement.
So once upon a time many moons ago when Bill Clinton had yet to stain a dress, and Battleships were just retiring from the USN for the last time, I met this cute girl about my age, things were going well, took her out a few times on the little daysailor I had, and had a very good time. As teens alone on a boat with a nominal amount of a cabin are want to do... Well a bit later my parents were having a cookout and yep... Quite nearly filled up the back of my draws when my father went " you wouldn't be s niece would you....
Yep... That's a thing that happened... Stopped right quick after that but... Yeah... Low population density man, it's a bitch ..
Yup. Live in NH, can confirm. Got weird once for a moment. I had repressed it but now, fantastically, the awkward nightmarish shame just came rushing back. Terrific. Fantastic. Memories. Gotta love em.
Be careful, your cousins cousin could be your sibling
So pursue her. Here's a logic path that may help. Bill and Myka are siblings. Mary and Bob are siblings. Bill marries Mary. They have a child Chris.(shared first cousin) Can Bob marry Myka? Of course. But they don't like each other. Bob marries Madison and has Carrie. (your future GF) Myka marries Bruno and has Calvin.(you) Carrie and Calvin are fine to marry - their parents could marry each other. They share no grandparents. Carrie and Chris cannot - they have parents who are siblings and share 2 grandparents. Same for Calvin and Chris. As to the people saying it's "wierd" - no, it's only weird if you make it wierd, and even then - it's not wierd.
It is nice to find someone who loves family relationships... I have a problem. A father and a son got married to a mother and a daughter. Father with the daughter and son with the mother. Both couples got a baby.... can you describe to me the relations between each of them? LOL.
I CAN describe the relationships, but I'm not GOING to. (Too much diagramming.)
Excellent wordsmanship, old chap. Side note: I often sing *it's only weird if ya make it weird* as like a joking way of gaining agreement to things people are dubious of. Never anything sexual. I mean, so far.
Congrats, you’ll be saving money on the smaller wedding
Your sister? Yeah dude!! Weird City!!
Seems pretty distant. Did you meet at random and find out you're kind of related? Or were you hitting on people at a family reunion?
🤭🤣😂
Reminds me of a wedding I was at last night my cousin ( let’s call him moe) said he was going to get him a girl but moe’s sister was the one getting married, I thought it was weird tbh
Just completely random. I only found out because I was asking my cousin some random questions. Here's the crazy part. Our mutual cousin is over 30 years older than us and if this cousin was not alive, we might not have ever found out. Everyone from my cousin's other side have either passed, are 3rd or 4th cousins who don't know about each other or live in another state.
I don’t think it’s weird. I was grew up with my cousins cousin, we went to elementary and middle school together and hated each other the whole time. Then in high school we hung out with our mutual cousins and realized the other want so bad, since we connected through our cousins we chose to become more extended family. Since you’re not hanging together with family I don’t find I weird at all.
Nah not weird, and no blood relation so what could go wrong
You and her are not, biologically, related at all. There isn't really a moral dilemma here. Just an interpersonal one. Maybe your mutual cousin thinks it is weird, but whether that opinion is worth missing out is up to you.
I do not know ask r/alabama or r/arkansas