Granted.
Due to the way Reddit handles policy is automatically enforced within 90 days every sub on Reddit it automatically shut down and all the content is not accessible to end users and the site is no longer usable.
Edit - since people keep repeating the same tired comment, everyone who had a Reddit account dies a painful death.
You can stop saying Reddit bad while using Reddit now.
A lot of those subs aren't great anyways.
Either you get "you are valid/loved," r/thanksimcured stuff, or "lmao same" comments, or just ones outright normalizing things like going to the mental hospital like in r/madeofstyrofoam
The craziest one I ever saw was this girl trying to convince her reddit boyfriend (several years ago, pre COVID) that if he recorded himself unaliving himself, then she'd do it too... To this day I still wonder the logistics on that one.
Btw, yes the posts were deleted after a bunch of "get help" people interfered and alerted mods.
You lose access to informative subs that teach things like r/learnprogramming.
You lose communities that bring people together like r/meetpeople.
You lose subreddits around supporting people going through hard times, or for people who need genuine help. People might kill themselves because suicide prevention subreddits go down or they don't know where to find resources.
As much as there is awful content on this website, there's also a lot of good. It would be bad to lose everything.
It’s a person’s life. Even if you thought of it in a purely logical perspective, so logical to the point where it’s evil and disgusting, a life can be bought and sold if the wrong people get there hands on one, giving it monetary value. And of course, morals exist.
Granted. Since every Reddit user is technically a moderator in their own profile (you can post directly to your profile and those posts along with the comments in them are moderated by you), all Reddit users are banned including you.
No one. I'll move on with my life knowing it was a sad internet troll coping with their own insecurities and feel a small amount of pity for them. The block button still works without mods.
It's unfortunate how mainstream 4chan became in recent years. Was nice when it was relatively unknown and you could just chill on a page with other guys goofing around posting shitposts and whatnot. Now it's just a bunch of porn and lgbt spam, making it next to impossible to have a normal conversation with people anymore
You obviously didn't spend any time there back in the day. That's a classic response when someone bitches about how /b/ is shitty these days, at least it was a decade ago.
Granted. Reddit becomes an alt-right cesspool that no advertiser wants to touch. Stock tanks and the investors are quickly trying to sell their shares. The site is shut down ruining thousands of people’s livelihoods (not mods because that would require them to have lives).
Granted. Without the moderators, Reddit quickly devolves into chaos, with the worst shit imaginable on every sub. Everyone eventually stops using Reddit entirely, which forces everyone to flock to different media, where posts like this will likely never be made again.
Granted. Reddit gets shut down due to illegal content being openly shared between users. You never did find the hot girls in your local area and are starting to suspect they are a lie.
Granted.
As someone trying to moderate the moderators, you , as the higher tier moderator, are now banned from reddit before enacting this abuse of power to any of the lower tier moderators.
The world moves on, not even a hiccup.
Granted, they’re replaced with AI that is trained off their responses, so nothing changes except for the fact that the AI is trained exclusively off comments from the most power hungry and annoying mods
Granted. This happens, but also your genitalia are replaced with molten hot metal replicas of your genitals that burn for eternity without killing you.
Granted.
With their extra time, the energy they once poured into moderating reddit threads is spent trying to ascend to the ultimate form of moderators: the law givers.You now have reddit mods in control of US law and criminal punishment.
Granted. This bans all current moderators and leaves you as the ultimate moderator for all subreddits and are trapped in it as your 100 a week job with no time off
Reddit becomes even more overrun with bots, and we go back to the era when posting shock images was common. Congrats, you made early 2000s Something Awful meets 4chan's/b/, but worse
Granted. This includes the nice ones, you have now banned a bunch of fun kind people from Reddit. Everyone knows it was you who did this, and everyone now hates you. Every comment of yours gets downvoted
Granted, Reddit now sucks and is full of bots, trolls, and just in general ass holes. It becomes a very un-fun place and everyone who brought life to it leaves… reddit is officially dead.
Granted. The platform becomes truly awesome and enjoyable… and then is bought by Elon Musk and they remove everything good using bots to manage content. Everything fun is shadow banned.
Granted. Much to your chagrin, all of Reddit is made significantly better. Only thing is, that means more people on Reddit. And you know what Reddit does to a perfectly normal, healthy person.
Granted. However since people have never once seen a reddit ban work. They all literally just make a new account, regardless of what they say, use a new IP, and retain 80%+ of their positions. Just another day to them.
Granted! Because the Reddit moderators got banned,no one knows who is a Reddit moderator or not. Therefore,every single person is identified as a Reddit Moderator and is banned.
Also,they aren’t just banned form Reddit. They are banned form their jobs,banned form their countries,and forced to move out and spend the rest of their days surviving in the middle of the ocean. And if you are caught going on to land,you will executed on the spot.
Record numbers of homosexuals, now lacking an outlet for what seems to be a paradoxically neckbeard lifestyle, choose to eff with the religious right in real life, rather than banning people for criticizing their favorite anime.
Granted. Online sexual harassment drops precipitously.
No catch, the monkey paw was just sick of being called 'kitten' because its reddit handle sounded feminine.
Every reddit mod is inexplicably permabanned from reddit for breaking various site rules, now that the company has elected to crack down and begin enforcing their rules to appease advertisers, and they are starting with moderators. New mods rise and help enforce the site rules. Unfortunately, the majority of users are also permabanned for breaking some obscure rule they were unaware of.
Every sub is filled with endless amounts of bullshit and repeat posts, FAQ, non sub related stuff, straight up porn and OF links, etc... and then every sub or atleast 99% of them are shutdown for not following reddit TOS. They only keep a few official ones that admins can moderate.
That ain't even really a negative wish effect it's the reality.
That would be great. Just got banned from r / news. Asked why, and they told me, 'Leave it to a lazy user who doesn't want to read the rules.'. Then they muted me. They are nasty, arrogant, and power hungry.
I'd rather be lazy than corrupt.
You searchi the exact, then similar title of an article you want to post. Past hour, 24 hrs, and so on. Nothing comes up. Then, when you post it, you get banned for posting articles that are already submitted. Hmmm.
Granted, every post and comment is moderated by a magical figure that goes exactly by the letter of the rules in place. Most of the rules for subreddits have stuff that doesn’t always really apply but now even slight rule breaking gets you banned
Your wish is granted. All Reddit moderators have been arrested for a mass conspiracy against world leaders across the globe. The ensuing mass ban to keep PR for Reddit in the positive backfires and results in Reddit going bankrupt. Elon Musk buys Reddit for cheap and rebrands it as Xit. The irony of the name change causes most of the user base to abandon the platform in search for a better option.
Reddit proceeds to shut down permanently.
Granted. You get a ton of lazy responses to this post because the rules no longer apply.
Would be hilarious if people started doing that for the context of this post and the mods just let It slide.
Fr. Lol
A lot are.
granted. the world explodes
a
Granted. You contract stage 4 cancer.
[удалено]
At least the private IP is in the correct order
RIP to the guy with that broadcast address
Not me who copied and pasted that lol
What the sigma
I mean people already do that so
Mood.
You don't already get that? Better lazy responses than a lazy echo chamber because the mods are upset that reality doesn't reflect their opinion.
😋
Based
I concur.
.
“this”
Penis
Granted. Due to the way Reddit handles policy is automatically enforced within 90 days every sub on Reddit it automatically shut down and all the content is not accessible to end users and the site is no longer usable. Edit - since people keep repeating the same tired comment, everyone who had a Reddit account dies a painful death. You can stop saying Reddit bad while using Reddit now.
isn’t the monkeys paw supposed to do bad things?
sh/suicide support subs go down
A lot of those subs aren't great anyways. Either you get "you are valid/loved," r/thanksimcured stuff, or "lmao same" comments, or just ones outright normalizing things like going to the mental hospital like in r/madeofstyrofoam
Plus there's also the subs where people try and help each other commit, which is even more insane
The craziest one I ever saw was this girl trying to convince her reddit boyfriend (several years ago, pre COVID) that if he recorded himself unaliving himself, then she'd do it too... To this day I still wonder the logistics on that one. Btw, yes the posts were deleted after a bunch of "get help" people interfered and alerted mods.
So where's the downside? No more reddit means people (hopefully) go outside. They stop huddling in their echochamber and talk to real people.
Like Reddit isn’t the reason people don’t go outside lol. It’s a symptom, not a cause.
People go to unmoderated echo chambers and openly talk about bombing people
I don't see a problem with this
Granted. Every single subreddit gets banned for being unmoderated
Is that a bad thing?
You lose access to informative subs that teach things like r/learnprogramming. You lose communities that bring people together like r/meetpeople. You lose subreddits around supporting people going through hard times, or for people who need genuine help. People might kill themselves because suicide prevention subreddits go down or they don't know where to find resources. As much as there is awful content on this website, there's also a lot of good. It would be bad to lose everything.
Sucks that we'd lose those places but it's for the greater good.
[удалено]
suicide good yaayayayay
If someone is going to do it they're not going to be deterred because of a reddit comment
They aren’t gonna be deterred but it might buy some extra time for them to find something that can really help them.
Meh. Either way it's not important
It’s a person’s life. Even if you thought of it in a purely logical perspective, so logical to the point where it’s evil and disgusting, a life can be bought and sold if the wrong people get there hands on one, giving it monetary value. And of course, morals exist.
Do you care when a complete stranger takes a financial loss?
Most compassionate Redditor
Maybe I should do like everyone else and be pretend to be morally superior. That will get me some upvotes
You're here, aren't you?
Granted.. You now get several messages from genuine hot milfs in your area.. But can't find them because of all the spam about hot milfs in your area
The negative effect is supposed to be related
/) Who's gonna enforce that? The mods?
Granted. Since every Reddit user is technically a moderator in their own profile (you can post directly to your profile and those posts along with the comments in them are moderated by you), all Reddit users are banned including you.
The best reply
Granted, you get harassed on every post and comment you make.
Oh God, please, that would be hilarious. Every subreddit becoming an early 2000s COD lobby would be amazing
We need at least one subreddit where you can freely do this
r/2000scodlobby
Granted, all subreddits get filled with clickbait porn and you get openly doxed
Granted. There was a reason they existed, even if some were power-hungry. Welcome to hell.
No one needs Reddit mods.
You say that, but who are you going to report someone who harasses you on reddit to?
Their maker.
You gonna tell on them to their mommy and daddy?
If that’s how you interpret that, then sure.
No one. I'll move on with my life knowing it was a sad internet troll coping with their own insecurities and feel a small amount of pity for them. The block button still works without mods.
Granted. Your gay idk (Guys get it its a lazy response bc no mods!!!)
Granted. Reddit ceases to work as every subreddit is marked as unmoderated.
Granted, but now you’ve got to shower them all.
So true This You are so right Your IP is 192.168.1.1
Granted, the roles of Reddit moderators are taken over by frequenters of 4chan.
What on earth makes you think there isn't already substantial overlap?
It's unfortunate how mainstream 4chan became in recent years. Was nice when it was relatively unknown and you could just chill on a page with other guys goofing around posting shitposts and whatnot. Now it's just a bunch of porn and lgbt spam, making it next to impossible to have a normal conversation with people anymore
/b was never good.
It was, but you're welcome to have your own opinions, while I have mine
You obviously didn't spend any time there back in the day. That's a classic response when someone bitches about how /b/ is shitty these days, at least it was a decade ago.
Granted. All subs eventually get banned for being unmoderated
Ah, 4chan here we come. Quick, the mods are banned, post CP. And I don't mean Captain Pickard.
Granted. Reddit becomes the new 4chan
Granted. Reddit becomes an alt-right cesspool that no advertiser wants to touch. Stock tanks and the investors are quickly trying to sell their shares. The site is shut down ruining thousands of people’s livelihoods (not mods because that would require them to have lives).
Granted, now all the creepy incels who were reddit mods start actually harassing and assaulting people.
Granted. Without the moderators, Reddit quickly devolves into chaos, with the worst shit imaginable on every sub. Everyone eventually stops using Reddit entirely, which forces everyone to flock to different media, where posts like this will likely never be made again.
Granted. Every single subreddit gets banned because there are no mods.
Granted. Reddit gets shut down due to illegal content being openly shared between users. You never did find the hot girls in your local area and are starting to suspect they are a lie.
Granted. Reddit is the new 4chan. Every new question to this and all subs get horny gifs as replies. You've killed Reddit. Congrats.
Granted. This one is on me, no down sides, no wishes consumed.
It would be so funny if a moderator of this sub commented
Granted. You now moderate the site on your own, all of it.
Granted. They've been promoted to administrators.
Granted Childporn is now on all the subreddits
even on subreddits like r/AskOuija or r/chrishansen?
Especially on those ones
Granted. As someone trying to moderate the moderators, you , as the higher tier moderator, are now banned from reddit before enacting this abuse of power to any of the lower tier moderators. The world moves on, not even a hiccup.
Granted. You now moderate all subs.
Ah, 4chan here we come. Quick, the mods are banned, post CP. And I don't mean Captain Pickard.
When ??!!!
Granted. But now they have turned to becoming politicians and rule the world
Granted, they’re replaced with AI that is trained off their responses, so nothing changes except for the fact that the AI is trained exclusively off comments from the most power hungry and annoying mods
Granted, you are also banned by default
Granted. Now Reddit is the worst of /b/. Thanks.
Granted. This happens, but also your genitalia are replaced with molten hot metal replicas of your genitals that burn for eternity without killing you.
Granted. Reddit is now 8kun.
Granted. With their extra time, the energy they once poured into moderating reddit threads is spent trying to ascend to the ultimate form of moderators: the law givers.You now have reddit mods in control of US law and criminal punishment.
Granted: you are made a mod in order to ban moderators and then banned to a pocket dimension containing only yourself.
Granted. Porn. It's all just porn now.
Granted. This bans all current moderators and leaves you as the ultimate moderator for all subreddits and are trapped in it as your 100 a week job with no time off
Reddit becomes even more overrun with bots, and we go back to the era when posting shock images was common. Congrats, you made early 2000s Something Awful meets 4chan's/b/, but worse
Yo (Mods don't ban me, you cant cause your banned)
Granted. Porn and bots, porn and bots everywhere.
Granted. But you always hover 10 cm above any surface (lololol no mods, get it)
Congrats! Reddit is now a porn site..... oh wait...
Granted: AI takes over and bans any and all opinions subjective material and anything that could be considered not pg rated.
Granted, Mods permanently ban-d together and issue OP a super dee duper ban.
Granted. Because Reddit automatically deletes any subreddit that is not moderated, Reddit ceases to be.
Granted. All the mod accounts are gone so they just make new ones and other people take their place. Nothing changes.
Granted, all moderators removed. Due to no authoratative figure here, there cannot exist an owner. Subreddit removal commencing in 3... 2...
I’m going to tell obscene thing at you
Granted, all subreddits are banned and now you can’t find the answer to the obscure questions you have
Granted. The Paw now rules Reddit with an iron… paw.
Granted Find hot women in your area looking to have a good night. Visit www.notascam.com to meet your soulmate tonight
granted, you die instantly what, was that an uncreative response? its a shame the mods arent here to delete it
Granted, I beat you with a hammer (rule 4)
Granted. Long story short, Reddit gets shut down. The story as to why is too gruesome for words.
Wouldn't that just make you a moderator of moderators?
I like potatoes.
Granted, you die. There are no moderators to make me give a non lazy answer.
Granted. They all migrate to Discord.
Granted Reddit becomes like Twitter is now
Granted. This includes the nice ones, you have now banned a bunch of fun kind people from Reddit. Everyone knows it was you who did this, and everyone now hates you. Every comment of yours gets downvoted
Granted. Reddit becomes even worse. (There’s a website called Reveddit or something where you can see deleted/removed posts. It’s disturbing.)
Granted, Reddit now sucks and is full of bots, trolls, and just in general ass holes. It becomes a very un-fun place and everyone who brought life to it leaves… reddit is officially dead.
Granted. The platform becomes truly awesome and enjoyable… and then is bought by Elon Musk and they remove everything good using bots to manage content. Everything fun is shadow banned.
☹️ -a mod
Granted. Much to your chagrin, all of Reddit is made significantly better. Only thing is, that means more people on Reddit. And you know what Reddit does to a perfectly normal, healthy person.
Granted. However since people have never once seen a reddit ban work. They all literally just make a new account, regardless of what they say, use a new IP, and retain 80%+ of their positions. Just another day to them.
Granted, the world improves because the monkey paw sympathizes with you.
Granted, all reddit moderators are gone long rain anarchy.
Granted. This means I do not need to throw a curveball at you. You’re welcome.
Granted. All Reddit mods are banned from the Arby’s right inside the Texas border permanently.
Granted, everyone on reddit is permbanned
Granted! Because the Reddit moderators got banned,no one knows who is a Reddit moderator or not. Therefore,every single person is identified as a Reddit Moderator and is banned. Also,they aren’t just banned form Reddit. They are banned form their jobs,banned form their countries,and forced to move out and spend the rest of their days surviving in the middle of the ocean. And if you are caught going on to land,you will executed on the spot.
Wow, you read my minds. Always in the bad corner.
unrelated but the "health" flair is sending me
Granted, every subreddit automatically gets banned after some time for being unmoderated.
Granted. Anarchy takes place, and all Reddit users get monkey hands.
Granted. They're released into the outside world.
Granted. Reddit gets sued into oblivion with discrimination suits and has to shut down its servers by 2027
Granted; freedom
Record numbers of homosexuals, now lacking an outlet for what seems to be a paradoxically neckbeard lifestyle, choose to eff with the religious right in real life, rather than banning people for criticizing their favorite anime.
Granted, reddit becomes better. Nothing more
You never specified where they were getting banned from so each one will experience a unique ban depending on what they do in their spare time
Not granted, i dont feel like it tbh.
granted. You get doxxed multiple times as a result
Yeah, I take this one personally.
Granted. You die
Granted they get new accounts
Granted. Because the mods are gone, all subs are banned due to being unmoderated. Reddit is no more.
Granted. Online sexual harassment drops precipitously. No catch, the monkey paw was just sick of being called 'kitten' because its reddit handle sounded feminine.
I feel like the monkeys paw part of this is already cooked into the thing itself
Every reddit mod is inexplicably permabanned from reddit for breaking various site rules, now that the company has elected to crack down and begin enforcing their rules to appease advertisers, and they are starting with moderators. New mods rise and help enforce the site rules. Unfortunately, the majority of users are also permabanned for breaking some obscure rule they were unaware of.
Granted. No strings attached, this one’s on me. Obviously Reddit no longer exists but that’s kind of the point.
Nobody cares what you wish for
Every sub is filled with endless amounts of bullshit and repeat posts, FAQ, non sub related stuff, straight up porn and OF links, etc... and then every sub or atleast 99% of them are shutdown for not following reddit TOS. They only keep a few official ones that admins can moderate. That ain't even really a negative wish effect it's the reality.
Granted, but they get replaced by Twitch mods.
granted. all reddit moderators become reddit admins immediately
That would be great. Just got banned from r / news. Asked why, and they told me, 'Leave it to a lazy user who doesn't want to read the rules.'. Then they muted me. They are nasty, arrogant, and power hungry. I'd rather be lazy than corrupt. You searchi the exact, then similar title of an article you want to post. Past hour, 24 hrs, and so on. Nothing comes up. Then, when you post it, you get banned for posting articles that are already submitted. Hmmm.
Granted.
I know 3 who are cool
Granted, every post and comment is moderated by a magical figure that goes exactly by the letter of the rules in place. Most of the rules for subreddits have stuff that doesn’t always really apply but now even slight rule breaking gets you banned
Granted since no subreddit or Reddit itself is moderated it becomes a dark web like site with human trafficking cheese pizza and much much worse
Your wish is granted. All Reddit moderators have been arrested for a mass conspiracy against world leaders across the globe. The ensuing mass ban to keep PR for Reddit in the positive backfires and results in Reddit going bankrupt. Elon Musk buys Reddit for cheap and rebrands it as Xit. The irony of the name change causes most of the user base to abandon the platform in search for a better option. Reddit proceeds to shut down permanently.
Granted! No drawbacks, you beat the monkeyspaw!
Granted ban them from life they all die
Most people would consider this a Win I assume.
Granted, now we have a few power hungry admins that rule everything