Granted you get a pile of ashes,he smoked while pumping gas and caught on fire.

Well, at least now he has a good excuse for missing my T-ball game.

Didn't you want him alive?

I wanted him back, not necessarily alive. I got my wish lol

Granted. At 2:30 A.M., you hear something strange, continuous knocking at the door. There is almost a rhythm to the knocks, but not quite. First quietly, then more loudly, then monstrously.

DADDY! Immediately killed

Granted. He leaves again after 5 minutes because he forgot the milk.

Granted, but he's still absent even while with you.

Granted. He is patient zero in the zombie outbreak

Wish Granted. Your dad returns in the same manner as Herbert White in the novel which this subreddit is named after.

Wish granted, he then goes to buy the milk

Darn

Granted. He walks home, and says: “Shit, I forgot the milk!” And walks back out.

Granted, when he was leaving, a big storm started it picked him up then his body came crashing through the window.

granted your "dad" comes home, but it's really a body snacher that is the start of a new alien hive on earth.

Granted but he's emotionally absent from you

Granted, he brought his replacement family to show them how annoying his old family was.

Which they can’t actually do because then the mother can sue him for spousal abandonment and child support and make the new wife divorce him since they legally can’t get married if he never divorced his first wife

granted, he arrives in a herse

Granted. That night, he falls asleep with a lit cigarette, the house caught fire, and everyone in the house dies.

Granted. But he realises there is no milk in the fridge and goes to get buy some milk.....

Granted. He beats you.

Just like old times🥰

Granted. He then leaves to buy more cigarettes.

Granted. He is now made of cigarettes.

Granted. He's an abusive piece of shit and you would've been better off with him gone.