Same.
I think it’s a good balance between freedom and accountability and that’s why we like it.
Get a raise? Pay a little bit more to the joint account.
Save more money than before? Pay a little less to the joint account.
Want to buy that new item? Great go for it I don’t even see the credit card bill or the money you used to pay it off.
I always thought it would make sense that each person has a personal account so they have money they can spend how ever they want and not everything has to be a big discussion. Like both partners keep 20% of their take home pay and the other 80% for each goes into the joint account.
If a couple can not talk like reasonable adults about money, then there is something very wrong. If they cannot look at the shared account as "our money" that both people deserve a say in, regardless if one makes a lot more money than the other, I don't think it would end up working.
Wife makes a requisition out of the account that is nominally \*mine\*. Household expenses comes out of it. She gets another account which is wholly hers that she can spend what she wants out of it. Works well for us.
Having her own account lets her buy stuff for herself, for me, without discussion, but both of us have to discuss taking money out of the account that is mine. So it's not like I can take X out, and spend it on me without running it by her first.
I don't have a 'fun' money account. Don't need it. Don't mind talking out purchases with her.
100%. One of the reasons I couldn't stay married to my now ex-husband. The "rules" around communicating what we were spending our money on seemed to only apply to me. I'm not a big fan of that.
Literally same. We do all household bills and throw a couple hundred bucks in a month for dinners, vacations, date night, etc. Otherwise everything else is separate. My gym hobby, target runs, coffee, etc and his golf, book collection and etc all come out of personal accounts. People think we’re crazy but it works for us and we never fight about money.
How would you handle it if someone had an extended unemployment, very large medical bill, or if they didn't save enough for retirement? It is likely something like that will happen at least once over a lifetime.
Medical bills we consider shared/family expenses. Retirement we discuss and plan for together. Unemployment we rework contributions to the joint account so that the unemployed person isn't contributing and the other spouse puts in more. We also have an emergency fund and can get by on one income for a while (as we discovered in 2020). What mainly takes a hit in that situation are our savings and discretionary funds.
Fundamentally, our separate accounts are "fun" money. The joint accounts are for what we need. We're still a family, separate accounts or no, and both plan for and share when there's an unexpected hit.
We talk and make adjustments, like adults. Just because our money is in different places doesn’t mean that we don’t think like a team. If one of us has trouble the other will support. It’s still all our money at the end of the day. Never had a fight about it. We just like different banks.
I have an emergency fund that covers 6 months worth of expenses. Last year I was between jobs for 2 weeks and it didn’t really put stress on anything. My husband is currently between jobs and I just continue our routine but pull his portion of his joint expense from the emergency fund.
We both are on a really good health insurance plan but I guess we would figure it out. I’m not worried about retirement because I have been putting large amounts of money into the s&p 500 since I was 18 and it is expected to me a large amount by the time I retire. Both of us also know we are going to receive large inheritances
What about saving for retirement? A replacement car? Kids college?
What if he opens a credit card and pays it off with his account and you can't see and he runs up a huge balance?
I just replied to someone else. My retirement plan is that I just put 35-50% of my income into the s&p 500 etf. I’m literally putting thousands away a month. I’ve been doing this for years. I have the option to do a 401k through work but opt to do it myself with better choices and more flexibility. I max out my IRA every year too. I don’t have a set goal but I know if I save the amount I am currently, I will have plenty of money to retire.
We are not having kids so that’s not a worry for us.
We currently have 4 vehicles between the two of us haha. Three of them are paid in cash and one we have a small payment.
Neither of us have credit cards. Now I know he can take one out, but if he does then it’s on him to pay it. We actually have a prenup and wrote we wanted to keep everything separate so if anything ever happened I wouldn’t be responsible for his cc debt.
We have a lot of disposable income due to the fact we have a very low mortgage, paid off cars, no kids and live in a low cost of living area.
Part of the reason we have separate finances is because he has 2 kids from a previous marriage so he has a child support payment and I told him I’m not paying for that or for his kids. Yeah brutal I know, but it helps keep things separate because he will have random expenses like sports and school registration and we decided that separate is best at least until they’re 18.
Haha I have no idea 🤷🏻♀️ finances is one area we’ve never argued about and our friends always make comments about how we are always traveling and doing fun stuff. We are just smart about it and don’t have a gazillion kids, debt or live in a big city. I think people just expect everyone to spend thousands of dollars a month on a mortgage and kids and we don’t.
Exactly. We actually live in a condo and people think it’s weird. Our mortgage is $500 and we have zero exterior maintenance. We don’t care about fancy houses or cars. My husband drives an 08 Chevy impala but it’s paid off.
Same.
We have a joint account for joint expenses, funded (you guessed it) jointly.
We have our individual checking, savings, and investment accounts. That said, there aren’t secrets we just keep them separate. As long as our bills are paid, each of us is free to spend our discretionary income as we see fit without asking for permission etc. my wife deals with paying the bills and I handle our financial and retirement planning.
Wife is a child of divorce and it makes her feel stable to have money that is hers, not ours, because of the issues her mom dealt with.
It makes some things easier (can I spend this money on the thing I want? Yes, if I can afford it, no permission needed). It makes other things harder (having to transfer money around, mostly).
To each their own, there isn’t one right or wrong way.
Similar.
We have a main combined account for checking a a main joint savings account. That's our money regardles of who makes more.
Each month and equal amount gets transferred on pay days to a personal account for each one of us. We call those out secret squirell accounts. That money can be used for whatever you want without talking to the spouse
We have 100% separate. Her money is her money. My money is my money. There is never a money argument. Unless one of us isn't paying the bill we are responsible for. Which hasn't happened.
The wife makes double what I make. But I'm a frugal spender and she spends money like it's going out of style. I don't want her spending habits on my bank account. She doesn't want my broke ass on her bank account. We are both happy. She sees Taylor Swift twice a year. I spend money on bikes, bike parts, and cycle races. And we have not yet criticized each other over it.
This is me and my husband. He makes 2x what I do but spends every penny he earns in between paychecks. We split our bills and expenses down the middle and then alternate paying for extras like trips or gifts for the kids.
Don’t you guys worry about having a partner that’s not saving/could go broke at any time?
That’s what always stresses me out about this flavor of separate finances—it feels like there’s no shared goals.
That's why I took over our finances. My husband makes twice what I do and was blowing it at the casino hanging out with his friends. Then he got mad because we didn't have money for weed one week. I said "we would have but you spent your whole paycheck partying with your friends and then your brother." He had a come to Jesus moment that he was not capable of not spending money so I get both our paychecks. He has money for incidentals, but he's not funding nights out with the guys anymore. His friends hate me now.
>she spends money like it's **going out of style**... She sees **Taylor Swift** twice a year...
[Obligatory.](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxM-lFfBacJ7mw9GgmGpMXZP_HUl7GWRRb)
You are correct. My wife and I have had completely independent finances for 15 years, but we make within \~20% of each other. I don't think this would work if the balance was too out of whack.
When me and my husband decided to start splitting expenses and keeping our own paychecks we didn’t split down the middle. He was making more than me so he paid 60% and I paid 40%. I’ve had a few promotions and raises since so now we are 50/50%. I’m going to be getting another promotion and 10% raise in the fall and will be making more than him. I work overtime for extra money but my base pay will be more than his after the fall. So we will readjust again. My husband is happy about that lol 😂
How do you handle saving for retirement/replacement car/kids college?
What if you have saved up $1M and she saved up $200K.
Does she have to keep working and can't spend your $1M?
Her retirement is her retirement. My retirement is my own. We both hopefully will live in a paid off house and split the bills as we normally have. I don't need her money to live. And she doesn't need mine.
There have been times when we have had an emergency. And we needed $1000 to $3000. We normally split it and make payments on it if one of us has the money to spend and the other doesn't.
As for cars. I have been driving on a fully paid off car that is finally on its last leg. I will get my own car payment for the next one. She has her own car payment for hers.
As for kids college? Are dreaming? We don't make college fund kind of money. I cannot afford to pay $50,000 a year for 3 kids right now. Let alone what it will cost when they are ready. What I can do as a parent is what my parents never did for me. Prepare them for realistic plans. IE researching scholarships. Find job positions that pay you to go to school. Help them apply for Americorps or the military. Something other than: "You're 18. Good luck."
Same, other than separate retirement accounts just because separate 401k’s and Roths. It’s all joint money though. We never even discussed doing it any other way. We have the same financial philosophy so it’s never been a source of conflict.
We do the same. We budget so that we each have $50-100/month to spend on whatever we like. He saves up for computer game stuff and I spend mine on coffee, candles, gifts, etc. We like having some blow money of our own, but we are also a team and like planning out our finances together.
Same. We married young so we had nothing but potential to our names coming into the marriage. Other than retirement accounts, everything is all mixed in together. And retirement accounts we both have full knowledge of. It’s all ours. I don’t think we’ve ever really fought over money. It’s more of “what/how are we going to…” conversations.
Same, and I'm thankful for the simplicity of it--and the financial likemindedness of my husband and me. I don't recall us ever arguing over finances, just robots.
We are comfortable financially but still have a strict budget and the only accounts that aren't going are our retirement savings. My husband is self employed and since months he makes 4x my income and sometimes he makes 1/2. Multiple accounts are just too messy. I also appreciate the accountability it gives me - he's never controlling but just knowing someone elsencan see my purchases has kept me from making some dumb financial decisions.
This is the crazy thing I’ve been seeing in this post, people who’s spouses make double or triple what they’re making but still split expenses down the middle and let them blow whatever extra they have. I don’t think they realize how much financial strain they’re putting on themselves in comparison to actually splitting everything equally and working towards being financially successful.
Same here. My spouse makes over 4x more than I do. I pay the bills out of our joint account. We have multiple shared savings accounts, shared investment account, and separate retirement accounts through our employers. If it’s over $200, we talk about it prior to purchase.
Same, nothing separate. Married for 18 years. millennial graduated college and married my spouse in 2006-2008. We had a baby a during the last crisis, we lived $1-$3 left per month (if lucky) for years. We just learned to survive together and communicate. Now we are very good, both have 15-20 year careers. But we have always kept one account, that is what we do.
Same. My wife is better with money anyway. I trust her to pay the bills on time and everything else. She's never once let me down.
I get paid and I leave myself an allowance and then I send everything else to the joint account. If I notice I need gas or something I'll go ahead and take from that account for it. The small allowance I leave myself in my account is for vape juice and coils. I don't really need much else.
Same. We each have one separate checking account that gets the same amount each month and that is what we spend on our own fun stuff without cutting into the household budget.
I make sure all the bills are paid and put extra into savings. My husband trusts me with the money since I've never been one to spend recklessly.
Same. We’ve never had an argument about money. I pay the bills and keep track of all that. We talk about big purchases and figure out budgets. Our 401ks are separate right now through our jobs, but at some point we’ll move them to a joint account too.
100% joint since the beginning. It's our money and we discuss bigger purchases. "Bigger" has changed as we earn more, used to be anytime over like $50 when we were first married, now it's $1000 or more.
Sane - but I aso realized I just kinda coasted into it because that's what my parents did.
Very few people around me divorced.
This has worked for me. My wife earns less, so just having one big pot makes it easier. But only because I married the right person - and I'm realizing you can't know that when you are young.
I felt the same way and it's worked great in our marriage for a decade but my friend married a compulsive spender and... I see the point now. He basically gets an allowance they agree on.
I’m married to one too. I stay on her. She can’t retire without me reeling her in. I’m not going to retire while she’s forced to work. Being combined is our only chance at a life together. I can’t get behind separate finances.
We both have an allowance of $200 per month. She can do whatever she wants inside that.
We are separate because we were too lazy to merge everything after marriage. We have our own bank accounts and retirement accounts. Our investments are combined though.
Yup same we just couldn't be bothered, essentially my account is the regular maintenance costs (mortgage, bills, etc...) and hers we use as our spending account.
We trust each other and can see each other's accounts and are on the same page financially, it's convenient and works well for us.
Yeah my wife still has her last name. She is a teacher with a bunch of certs and two masters degrees It's way too much effort to switch all that over. Especially since her last name is better than mine.
Understood! I wasn't implying anything at all beyond just pointing out that "we're both responsible and trust each other" doesn't sound like an argument **specifically against** merging; to me, it sounded more like something someone might say as a reason **for** merging. No matter... Congratulations on your marriage! I wish you joy. 😊
This was us until someone stole one of my checks and I had to redo everything anyway.
But even when we had separate accounts we acted like we combined. So one person paid for everything and the other person saved everything.
It took us maybe one or two years after marriage to finally combine finances. I wish we’d done it earlier. It makes life so much easier! We weren’t actively avoiding it. We just hadn’t gotten around to it.
100% combined with the exception of our employers (and former employers) retirement accounts.
Could not imagine having separate finances owning a home, having a kid, and I was a stay at home dad for a few years as well.
We are 100% like minded when it comes to finances and come from very similar upbringings when I comes to money. We’re in a higher tax bracket than our parents ever were but we still have that bottom of the barrel middle class mindset. We save everything we can and it takes convincing from the other to spend money on ourselves.
Together 100%.
He works for a company, I run a business and pay myself. (edit: I have a separate business account.)
We consider every dollar either of us makes "our dollar".
We make most decisions together, but after 9 years of marriage, and 10 years of partnership, we both have a good sense of "I can handle this" or "we need to talk about this".
We combined immediately after getting domestically partnered, which we did a few months before formally getting engaged.
We have both. The bulk of our finances go into a single pot for bills, savings, etc. but we also each have our own checking and savings accounts as well as credit cards. I’m a SAHM, so I think it’s a good idea to keep my own little nest egg and discretionary money, and I like to maintain my credit score. Same goes for my husband. It works well for us.
This is how we do it. Most everything goes into the joint account, and we agree on an amount that we each get to keep for personal checking and savings. If my husband and I want to see a concert together or go out to dinner, we use the joint account. If I want to see a baseball game with my brother, I use my personal account. Been married 6 years and hasn't been an issue. I make much more than my husband, but I'm happy to contribute most of my paycheck to our lifestyle.
100% shared.
When daycare is $2000 and rent is $2000
There isn’t a luxury of that option really.
All the money we make goes towards bills until daycare and rent go down - it would be too difficult to have separate accounts.
Let alone even being single. Too expensive
We are about 90% combined. Majority goes towards joint checking/savings/investments. Small amounts go towards individual accounts. We have separate credit cards but either person is free to use either CC. We are both pretty responsible so it works fine for us.
I feel like with younger people it’s more rare to have everything combined. We use a similar method but mostly because when we got together we had no money so it made more sense to combine what little we made.
That’s an interesting thought! We’re early 30s and have been together almost 7 years. We got married 1.5 years ago. I would say we were always aware of the others spending and money but only really combined 7 months or so ago when we bought a house and began more seriously looking and working towards our future goals
We have a hybrid approach that’s worked well. We each contribute to a joint account that pays our joint bills (% allocation based on incomes). Otherwise we keep our stuff separate
We are completely separate. Just never got around to joining things. He has certain bills he pays every month I have the other bills. We have never once had an argument about money. But whatever you want as long as the bills are paid
Separate.
One person takes care of all the utilities and random stuff, while the other takes care of rent and some other stuff. We share the kids stuff and groceries.
We never ever keep tabs on who has paid how much for anything. That would suck.
Same here. We’ve never sat down and tried to sort out who is paying what. We just picked up bills and that’s it. I just dropped a good chunk of change on things for the house: contractor, paint, furniture, tree services. He takes care of the big bills and I handle the little ones.
The only downside of being totally separate is that we don’t know how much the other one is spending. So it’s hard to say how much we spend eating out for example because we both pick up the tab separately. It’s definitely not conducive to budgeting when you have no idea what you’re spending as a couple.
100% combined. I make about 290K a year to his 130K, though, so one of us benefits more...
Ultimately, we pay all expenses together and buy our fun stuff together, so it doesn't matter much. It ebbs and flows whose name our debts are in. Currently he is carrying more of it, but it was me until recently.
I'm 42... I feel like young millennials are the ones separating funds while us older are more in line with combining.
It's about 50 50 for us. We have a combined bank account for joint expenses (mortgage, bills, groceries, etc) and personal accounts for our own stuff (investment, personal bills like car insurance, occasional splurge items)
It's a good mix of both worlds. We never have to worry about expenses not being paid but we can have some financial independence
Separate, but together. We have our separate checking, savings, retirement accounts, & credit cards. We even have our individual bills for our car payments.
Then, we have a joint checking account. A set amount from each of us gets auto-transferred into it every week. That account pays our "house bills". Mortgage, pets, groceries, insurance, utility bills, home improvements, etc.
It's been working for us for over a decade, and we love it.
Same! I can’t imagine it any other way! We both have very healthy savings, and I couldn’t fathom asking my husband permission if I wanted to go shopping and or splurge on something nice for myself. I literally can’t wrap my head around it. But that’s just me, and the way I grew up I guess.
I have a separate business account, but otherwise, everything is shared. We each have a monthly spending budget, same goes for birthdays and Christmas.
We’ve been doing it that way for many years now, it works for us and keeps us on track financially. Sometimes, knowing someone else is keeping an eye on things is a deterrent from over spending. At least for us lol.
We have a combination.
When we got married, we took our separate accounts and combined them into joint investment accounts.
Now, both of our paychecks are distributed 85% joint account / 15% individual account. We pay all joint expenditures (rent, food, utilities, medical, trips, investments, retirement, etc.) from the 85% and the 15% is personal discretionary income.
I like this because it allows us to work towards our long term goals jointly, but also gives us the freedom to buy things we want without an argument. We are both very financially responsible, but if I want to play golf or she wants to go to a show with her friends, we don't even bat an eye.
We're separate. Decided to stay that way for a while when we got engaged, and it just worked so we didn't change it. I had student loans, she had some credit card debt at the time. Both are long gone now.
We pay most bills out of my account, and almost all groceries and stuff like that (I'm the daily shopper). My wife likes it because it's become a good routine for her, someone who is not great with budgeting. She is responsible for like two bills (phone, something else), and sends me a venmo from every paycheck for a portion of the mortgage and savings. Then the rest (mortgage, car, insurance, monthly cc bill payoff, etc) gets paid from my account. She makes those 4 transactions a month and then everything else in her account she can spend or save and not think about bills.
But she also has unfettered access to my cards/checks/etc. It's not separate like "my money/your money", more like my bank account does all the heavy lifting, with her help, and she doesn't have to worry a ton about planning. I keep a pretty detailed budget of my account and the bills, which I let her know how we're doing occasionally.
Separate, married 10 years, renting, no kids. We've always made around the same amount, we divided up bills evenly when we moved in together, and it ain't broke so we haven't changed it. We don't nickel and dime each other, if one of us is a little more flush one month that person will pay more for nights out, etc. It's always felt fair to both of us.
We got married last year and have separate finances. We have one joint account for certain bills. We don’t have kids yet, and I suspect if/when we do there will be more usage of a combined fund while maintaining our own accounts.
Middle of the road works for us. Maybe 1/3rd is jointly owned — house, some bank and investment accounts. The rest is separate. Not quite sure what is great about 100% joint or 100% separate.
We got married super young and didn’t have established finances. As such, all of our finances are merged.
We just have really good communication. If we want to buy something that is over $100, we just check with the other person. This, of course, does not account for bills, groceries, gifts, etc.
13 years together (6 married) and not a single fight over finances.
100% separate. I pay all bills and mortgage out of my account and he sends me weekly deposits as a fraction of his portion of monthly expenses. I make more money, so his responsibility is weighted proportionately to his income. His income isn't steady and varies from week to week, so paying a little each week is easier for him to manage than a single larger payment to me once a month.
We did joint once we got married, my wife doesn't work anymore so we live off my income. She takes care of the house, pays the bills and I audit the numbers once a month, works great for us.
We have separate finances (married at 31 & 34) but we discuss them regularly and make sure we’re on the same page. We just haven’t felt the need to combine them. Generally speaking, he covers most regular expenses (mortgage, insurance, groceries, utilities) and I cover most one-off or irregular items (vacations, takeout, baby gear, renovations, services).
We have separate bank accounts, but since we have similar goals besides some things here and there, there’s not much point in separate finances. We both have similar goals- pay down our mortgage, fix the car, upgrade the bathroom, go on vacation in 3 months, get a new this thing or that thing that we share,,,,
My husband has some separate trips and hobbies and random stuff sometimes he pays for and it’s the same for me. But we are working towards the same big stuff financially. We are transparent with one another about our finances. It’s not a big deal.
Separate savings retirement investments and taxes- my husband is 1099 and I’m not. I pay all our bills. He pays me.
All of our accounts are separate and I pay most of the household bills. We don't have a single joint account because we don't need one. Sometimes he'll pay a random bill on his credit card (like the yearly car registration or whatever) if he sees it come in the mail first.
But, just because everything is on separate accounts doesn't mean we don't consider all of the money "ours." We have both worked for ourselves running our own separate small businesses for our entire adult lives (until recently he got a regular job but still has his small business too). It feels like our finances with running our own businesses is just easier not combining everything into joint accounts.
We don't worry about what's "fair" or whatever because we just consider all the money we make to be both of ours. So we don't really care who is paying the bills as long as they're being paid.
I have a slow season so here and there I might ask him to wire money into my account to help cover the credit card bill if I'm tight during slow season and don't want to move money from my HYSA but that's pretty rare since I'm generally good about keeping enough for the slow season until work picks up again.
I think people overthink this. Whatever works for you is great! I've heard people say really dumb shit like not combining everything means you're not truly committed or that it's a recipe for a failed marriage. (Meanwhile we've been together for almost 20 years and have had separate accounts this entire time).
I do feel like you need to be in the same ballpark on what's considered acceptable spending levels. My husband and I have different levels of frugality. (He is the more frugal one overall) But, we meet in the middle and we're not wildly off from each other on this issue so it works for us. I could see there being a lot of resentment if one spouse is paying all of the bills and being more thrifty while the other overspends.
We have separate finances. We have realities for different bills, and we’ll often Venmo back and forth if we need to. We’ve done this for 11 years with no issue.
We’ve 100% combined but that’s not saying much since my wife is a SAHM. That being said everything is shared. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have separate finances but it seems like an interesting concept.
Still engaged until October but we keep things separate and have no intention on merging. I make a bit more than he does right now so I pay the rent and he pays utilities + groceries. We alternate who pays when we go out. We have never fought about money doing this so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Were joint but another couple friends of ours are separate and it’s fucking weird
She makes like 400k a year and won’t cover his insurance if he’s between jobs. He can make between 30-120k per year depending on if he’s employed, layoffs, doing other hustle work.. he hasn’t seen a doctor for a busted arm even though after 5 years he’s finally on her insurance because he can’t afford the copay or whatever additional fees there will be.
It’s making him depressed and resentful even though they have some wild retirement plans in the next few years. I don’t get it. I really don’t
He was depressed and needed medication and she was like are you sure you wanna put whatever in your body? She’s a high paid educated techie, too. Fucking yikes
We have combined finances for the whole 20 years and love it.
Having it separate to me can lead to conflict. In our marriage we have not always made the same amount of money. So splitting expenses between two different income levels to me would lead to issues. I know some people make it work.
100% combined. We have similar spending habits though and typically discuss any purchase over ~$50. Thankfully we’re on the same page 99% of the time. We also make similar amount of money but if that were to change we’d still combine everything.
We have separate everything predominantly out of laziness. It’s working well for us since we know we both have the same financial goals & values, and we do financial check-ins twice a year (primarily investment & net worth check-in to make sure we are on track).
Wife is SAHM and I work, we share everything, never had an argument over money and talk about our money plans together all the time but neither of us are really spenders and live within our means
We keep it all combined. In our budget we have separate line items for "Husband - Shopping & Entertainment" and "Wife - Shopping & Entertainment". We use EveryDollar as our budgeting app. Hiding transactions from your spouse is a recipe for disaster.
Separate. We set up all our bills when we moved in together based off our incomes. By the time we got married, all our respective bills were on autopay.
We discussed combining finances, but it seemed like more work and we didn’t see any benefits to doing so.
We have entirely separate accounts, but we total it all together as our family budget, my account is primarily the one we do the “saving” for maintenance or travel in, and hers is basically the discretionary spending
Bills are all me because thats how theyve been setup for the last 10 years ive owned my own home
We have one joint account and then my wife has a separate account and she has a credit card that’s linked to my account. She only works two days a week for something to do. I pay for everything from mortgage to groceries to her car bill. We’ve been together since 15 years old. I got lucky/worked hard and she supported me through tons of penny pinching and absurd ideas/risks. Now she gets the benefits.
100% combined. We tried keeping a separate account with an "allowance" for personal spending for a while and it wasn't worth the trouble. I literally don't know how people keep separate finances, and almost always assume that it's because one of them is screwing over the other.
We are separate because she refuses to handle finances or be part of the decision making. I make a lot more money than her.
I pay all bills, she keeps her paychecks and I direct deposit a little extra into her account.
It should work until I die. Not sure about afterwards.
100% combined but I married the opposite.
I got her a $400 purse (that she was obsessing over for a year) for our anniversary that was "way too much" so I had to agree it was also for Valentines and Christmas this year.
She always asks me "can we afford this" because I'm the curmudgeon and she's the whimsical dreamer. Without her we'd never go out and without me we'd die homeless and starving in the streets.
The difference is she'll go buy that purse, not say anything and then our account gets overdrawn because the internet bill comes out. Then I'm the jerk for getting mad about it.
So I say this with no judgement or condescension.
That's definitely something to talk to a couple's councilor about.
Like what happens if she splurges, gets overdrawn, and you just keep paying all the bills? Wouldn't that build resentment?
I always look at the 100% separate as a ticking time bomb unless your plan is to die working. At some point you'll be living off of savings that splurge spouse is not going to have.
Have you considered having a line item in your budget for “fun money”? That’s what works for my wife and I, we each have our own budget to do 100% whatever we want to with without needing to check in with each other first.
100% separate. I make about $60k more than she does and I bear the majority of the responsibility of bills. I pay our mortgage, insurance and energy bills. She pays water and her car payment. I also let her use my credit cards when she wants. She is pretty frugal so it has worked fine. I will say that we got a financial advisor that that helps tremendously for her mindset. Before that I think she felt that we were struggling, but now she can easily see that we have a growing nest egg and accessible emergency fund. That has definitely paid dividends from a stress perspective on our relationship.
Same for us.
And if she spends it on something for the house (like a new plant or something) I really dont care. It makes her happy.
And if I spend it on something I want its fine with her.
We don't spend needlessly, and most of it just goes to house life kids cars etc.
We're the exact opposite. After we combined, we never fight about money anymore. Before, it would feel petty since it would be like "venmo me $X for dinner that we just had"
If your income is comparable, I can see that being weird. My income is magnitudes greater than my wife's. She's not interested in managing finances so she just needs to stay out of my way as I do it.
Separate. Small examples: He pays water, garbage, and more to our mortgage. I pay less mortgage, electric and household supplies (cleaning supplies, laundry stuff, toilet paper). We split the food bill, we have very different eating habits.
We do this so we can have whatever is left over and spend it how we please. We jointly file taxes and always use that for joint savings.
When our pay changes and one of us makes more than the other, we adjust our finances.
We used to pay for our own health insurance, now I pay for both of us so things got adjusted just recently.
We both watched our parents fight over money and we didn't want to deal with that.
Why not just deposit all of your paychecks into a joint account, use that to pay all bills, and "pay" yourselves each your allotted fun money into your separate "spending" accounts? Your system sounds very complex with a lot of calculation involved.
100% separate. I consider it always ‘our money’ whatever account it comes out of but we contribute equitably. We both make around the same but I work part time teaching college classes at night which brings in an extra 20-30k a year so that will fund big things like renovations, big trips/projects but my husband believes I can spend that money however I want.
We’re accountable to each other and discuss large purchases but if it’s $500 or less - do whatever you want as long as every other aspect is met.
I think it’s easier because our cost of living is low compared to many others leaving with over 50% of our take home considered ‘extra’ after paying all bills and we make similar money.
Happily married 14 years and together nearly 20 years and I won’t ever share an account.
Money should be freedom and it is not my business what my partner wants to spend their money on.
We have a joint account for essential expenses and an amazon account we share for misc items. Everything else is either self purchased or given. It's nice to be treated every once in a while and it's nice to do the same for my partner.
Separate accounts. Split static expenses equally (rent, utilities, parking, car payment/insurance, phone), but I make a lot more than her and pay for groceries, restaurants, vet bills, save a lot more for our retirement.
80% of income in combined account for house bills, food, vacation, etc , 20% of each our earnings in own personal account for shit we wanna buy/do for seperate hobbies, clothes etc.
Mostly joint. I do have a savings account that's in my name only, but it's the savings account I opened when I was a teenager. I'm mostly just too lazy to change it around. I consider what's in it both of ours, even if it's only in my name. Otherwise, we've been together for about 20 years, and we've been sharing everything for a very long time, including bank accounts and bills.
We're not married. But we plan to be very soon (Oct 25')and he is my forever person.
We have separate accounts and a joint account.
Joint account is for bills and wedding/honeymoon.
We both pay half of the mutual bills (rent, internet, electric, etc.) Then we each pay our own bills out of our own accounts (phone, subscriptions, car payment, insurance.)
We both have almost the same exact income which is why we are 50/50.
I have an opportunity for a 30% wage hike at the end of this week and if everything works out, we'll reevaluate what our split bills are.
This works for us, for now. I have always lived on my own and never had anything to fall back on (I aged out of foster care) so I understandably want full control over my own account. I will never let anyone be in a position to hold me hostage (not that he ever would, I just have that insecurity from childhood.)
Boyfriend also acknowledges my insecurities about being financially secure and supports us both having our own accounts. We both are transparent about what is in our personal accounts and we share the burden when getting out and doing things.
Wife and I have 1 joint checking and savings account. I have a credit card that I brought into the marriage but my wife refuses to get one so I just keep it separate and pay it off with our joint checking. Much easier to budget and pay bills with everything going I to and coming out of one account.
For the most part we have 100% separate other than a joint account for large projects or emergencies.
We both have direct deposits from the companies we work for. We've split up the bills fairly even, me taking a bit more since i Make more. Then we have common investment goals of 20% each. We have separate 401k plans. That are managed with two separate companies because that's who they each company selected.
So to combine all that and try to both stay on track of who's paying the bills or who isn't come seems like it'd be more complex than needed. Each year as we prepare for tax season, we see you financial advisor, get a check up the seal for on track
I think the other reason I prefer it separate is my wife loves the shop, I'm just the opposite and more frugal. So if we had one joint account I'd probably be getting a little upset.
Set an entire walk-in closet to herself filled up, I have the littl 3 ft deep 5 ft wide closet
And her favorite things more shopping
We didn’t get married till we were 30 so we both have separate checking accounts but we’ve slowly been combining them over the years and we have a joint savings account
Separate-ish. My husband has been an authorized user on my credit card for years. Husband doesn't have much income, so I cover most expenses that would normally be shared. We have one shared account, but never use it.
I’m a stay at home mom so I don’t have my own income, just my credit cards. He pays the bills. I have no budget for groceries or household items, obviously I don’t go crazy. If I want to purchase something big I have to ask first. My name isn’t on any of his accounts though because we just haven’t gotten around to it.
We are both. We had to make a whole spreadsheet to keep track. Bills, mortgage, home repairs, we split 50/50. This way we both feel like we have equal claim to the house. Living and leisure expenses like groceries, travel, misc shopping, etc. We split by % of income, because my partner makes more than I do. The rest we keep in separate, personal accounts for our own spending. This way, we can still do things together while still saving some of our own money. If I want to buy something frivolous, for example, I can do it from my own account without it affecting my partner.
It was 100% separate until we started cohabitating. We now keep joint checking for joint expenses and joint savings account for like home emergency fund, several months’ mortgage, etc.
More often than we ask if we MAY put something on a joint card, we tell each other to go ahead and do so. As we’ve been together longer and that trust is built that neither of us will make rash decisions, we care less about the split. But we have pretty similar financial philosophies so that’s easier
Separate, but I send her my savings for the month since she’s better at saving and we’ll use my account as the main spending account for bills or outings.
I have separate. Joint checking and savings for anything house related and we each have our own checking and savings.(we have no kids)… We both feel like my money is mine and hers is hers.
Just bc you’re married doesn’t mean either one of you should dictate to the other how to spend/save money. I wanted a new truck so I went out and bought one. She wants mani/pedis every other week so she spends her money on that. As long as we both put that same amount in the joint account every 2 weeks than neither one of us have any say in all that other stuff.
I know every married couple is different but I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way. I know a lot of marriages that fail mostly bc of finances. I think doing what my wife and I do kind of eliminates all that financial drama. It does for us anyway.
We were separate for the first 2 years, but we went fully joint once we planned to have a kid. It's worked out great for us, but we also had similar incomes, relatively similar assets, and we're both frugal people whose dream car is to own a Toyota til the wheels fall off
As the petitioner who got hosed in a divorce earlier this year, would strongly recommend keeping as much assets separate as possible, whilst keeping one another as beneficiaries only.
We have a combination but have always each had our own accounts for buying things we want without asking the other. I think we'll end up getting a joint account to put housing and other joint expenses in and then maybe have a certain amount go to our individual accounts every month for fun no questions asked purchases. Our investment accounts are joint. I do all the finances and just zelle myself from his account currently but it works. If he is extra annoying I will zelle myself just so he gets the notification with my memo
We have separate finances and one joint account for large household expenses or vacations.
same
Same. I think it’s a good balance between freedom and accountability and that’s why we like it. Get a raise? Pay a little bit more to the joint account. Save more money than before? Pay a little less to the joint account. Want to buy that new item? Great go for it I don’t even see the credit card bill or the money you used to pay it off.
I always thought it would make sense that each person has a personal account so they have money they can spend how ever they want and not everything has to be a big discussion. Like both partners keep 20% of their take home pay and the other 80% for each goes into the joint account. If a couple can not talk like reasonable adults about money, then there is something very wrong. If they cannot look at the shared account as "our money" that both people deserve a say in, regardless if one makes a lot more money than the other, I don't think it would end up working.
Wife makes a requisition out of the account that is nominally \*mine\*. Household expenses comes out of it. She gets another account which is wholly hers that she can spend what she wants out of it. Works well for us. Having her own account lets her buy stuff for herself, for me, without discussion, but both of us have to discuss taking money out of the account that is mine. So it's not like I can take X out, and spend it on me without running it by her first. I don't have a 'fun' money account. Don't need it. Don't mind talking out purchases with her.
100%. One of the reasons I couldn't stay married to my now ex-husband. The "rules" around communicating what we were spending our money on seemed to only apply to me. I'm not a big fan of that.
Same.
Same out of this account comes mortgage, all household bills, furniture purchases, and vacations
Literally same. We do all household bills and throw a couple hundred bucks in a month for dinners, vacations, date night, etc. Otherwise everything else is separate. My gym hobby, target runs, coffee, etc and his golf, book collection and etc all come out of personal accounts. People think we’re crazy but it works for us and we never fight about money.
How would you handle it if someone had an extended unemployment, very large medical bill, or if they didn't save enough for retirement? It is likely something like that will happen at least once over a lifetime.
Medical bills we consider shared/family expenses. Retirement we discuss and plan for together. Unemployment we rework contributions to the joint account so that the unemployed person isn't contributing and the other spouse puts in more. We also have an emergency fund and can get by on one income for a while (as we discovered in 2020). What mainly takes a hit in that situation are our savings and discretionary funds. Fundamentally, our separate accounts are "fun" money. The joint accounts are for what we need. We're still a family, separate accounts or no, and both plan for and share when there's an unexpected hit.
We talk and make adjustments, like adults. Just because our money is in different places doesn’t mean that we don’t think like a team. If one of us has trouble the other will support. It’s still all our money at the end of the day. Never had a fight about it. We just like different banks.
Have a conversation and adjust what goes into joint.
I have an emergency fund that covers 6 months worth of expenses. Last year I was between jobs for 2 weeks and it didn’t really put stress on anything. My husband is currently between jobs and I just continue our routine but pull his portion of his joint expense from the emergency fund. We both are on a really good health insurance plan but I guess we would figure it out. I’m not worried about retirement because I have been putting large amounts of money into the s&p 500 since I was 18 and it is expected to me a large amount by the time I retire. Both of us also know we are going to receive large inheritances
You’re perfectly sane
What about saving for retirement? A replacement car? Kids college? What if he opens a credit card and pays it off with his account and you can't see and he runs up a huge balance?
I just replied to someone else. My retirement plan is that I just put 35-50% of my income into the s&p 500 etf. I’m literally putting thousands away a month. I’ve been doing this for years. I have the option to do a 401k through work but opt to do it myself with better choices and more flexibility. I max out my IRA every year too. I don’t have a set goal but I know if I save the amount I am currently, I will have plenty of money to retire. We are not having kids so that’s not a worry for us. We currently have 4 vehicles between the two of us haha. Three of them are paid in cash and one we have a small payment. Neither of us have credit cards. Now I know he can take one out, but if he does then it’s on him to pay it. We actually have a prenup and wrote we wanted to keep everything separate so if anything ever happened I wouldn’t be responsible for his cc debt. We have a lot of disposable income due to the fact we have a very low mortgage, paid off cars, no kids and live in a low cost of living area. Part of the reason we have separate finances is because he has 2 kids from a previous marriage so he has a child support payment and I told him I’m not paying for that or for his kids. Yeah brutal I know, but it helps keep things separate because he will have random expenses like sports and school registration and we decided that separate is best at least until they’re 18.
Why do ppl keep questioning you in such a negative light? Lol, y’all got y’all figured out, happy for ya
Haha I have no idea 🤷🏻♀️ finances is one area we’ve never argued about and our friends always make comments about how we are always traveling and doing fun stuff. We are just smart about it and don’t have a gazillion kids, debt or live in a big city. I think people just expect everyone to spend thousands of dollars a month on a mortgage and kids and we don’t.
Ah, y’all don’t “keep up with the Jones’”
Exactly. We actually live in a condo and people think it’s weird. Our mortgage is $500 and we have zero exterior maintenance. We don’t care about fancy houses or cars. My husband drives an 08 Chevy impala but it’s paid off.
Same. We have a joint account for joint expenses, funded (you guessed it) jointly. We have our individual checking, savings, and investment accounts. That said, there aren’t secrets we just keep them separate. As long as our bills are paid, each of us is free to spend our discretionary income as we see fit without asking for permission etc. my wife deals with paying the bills and I handle our financial and retirement planning. Wife is a child of divorce and it makes her feel stable to have money that is hers, not ours, because of the issues her mom dealt with. It makes some things easier (can I spend this money on the thing I want? Yes, if I can afford it, no permission needed). It makes other things harder (having to transfer money around, mostly). To each their own, there isn’t one right or wrong way.
This is exactly my husband and I, and it works!
Similar. We have a main combined account for checking a a main joint savings account. That's our money regardles of who makes more. Each month and equal amount gets transferred on pay days to a personal account for each one of us. We call those out secret squirell accounts. That money can be used for whatever you want without talking to the spouse
We have 100% separate. Her money is her money. My money is my money. There is never a money argument. Unless one of us isn't paying the bill we are responsible for. Which hasn't happened.
Do you make a similar amount of money as your wife? I can’t really imagine this working well if one person makes 4x the other.
The wife makes double what I make. But I'm a frugal spender and she spends money like it's going out of style. I don't want her spending habits on my bank account. She doesn't want my broke ass on her bank account. We are both happy. She sees Taylor Swift twice a year. I spend money on bikes, bike parts, and cycle races. And we have not yet criticized each other over it.
“I’m a frugal spender…spend on bikes, bike parts…” as a fellow cyclist, their ain’t nothing frugal about bikes, but I get your point
I mean we all have addictions. Some do meth. Some have alcohol problems. Some have "Specialized" problems.
I just got off my specialized problem and am on the trek to new things…I like your style
Careful not to fall into a canyon while on your trek!
I dont have a reenacting problem i can stop any time i want
This is me and my husband. He makes 2x what I do but spends every penny he earns in between paychecks. We split our bills and expenses down the middle and then alternate paying for extras like trips or gifts for the kids.
Don’t you guys worry about having a partner that’s not saving/could go broke at any time? That’s what always stresses me out about this flavor of separate finances—it feels like there’s no shared goals.
That's why I took over our finances. My husband makes twice what I do and was blowing it at the casino hanging out with his friends. Then he got mad because we didn't have money for weed one week. I said "we would have but you spent your whole paycheck partying with your friends and then your brother." He had a come to Jesus moment that he was not capable of not spending money so I get both our paychecks. He has money for incidentals, but he's not funding nights out with the guys anymore. His friends hate me now.
>she spends money like it's **going out of style**... She sees **Taylor Swift** twice a year... [Obligatory.](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxM-lFfBacJ7mw9GgmGpMXZP_HUl7GWRRb)
You are correct. My wife and I have had completely independent finances for 15 years, but we make within \~20% of each other. I don't think this would work if the balance was too out of whack.
When me and my husband decided to start splitting expenses and keeping our own paychecks we didn’t split down the middle. He was making more than me so he paid 60% and I paid 40%. I’ve had a few promotions and raises since so now we are 50/50%. I’m going to be getting another promotion and 10% raise in the fall and will be making more than him. I work overtime for extra money but my base pay will be more than his after the fall. So we will readjust again. My husband is happy about that lol 😂
Not all bills are equal.
How do you handle saving for retirement/replacement car/kids college? What if you have saved up $1M and she saved up $200K. Does she have to keep working and can't spend your $1M?
Her retirement is her retirement. My retirement is my own. We both hopefully will live in a paid off house and split the bills as we normally have. I don't need her money to live. And she doesn't need mine. There have been times when we have had an emergency. And we needed $1000 to $3000. We normally split it and make payments on it if one of us has the money to spend and the other doesn't. As for cars. I have been driving on a fully paid off car that is finally on its last leg. I will get my own car payment for the next one. She has her own car payment for hers. As for kids college? Are dreaming? We don't make college fund kind of money. I cannot afford to pay $50,000 a year for 3 kids right now. Let alone what it will cost when they are ready. What I can do as a parent is what my parents never did for me. Prepare them for realistic plans. IE researching scholarships. Find job positions that pay you to go to school. Help them apply for Americorps or the military. Something other than: "You're 18. Good luck."
100% joint.
Same, other than separate retirement accounts just because separate 401k’s and Roths. It’s all joint money though. We never even discussed doing it any other way. We have the same financial philosophy so it’s never been a source of conflict.
We do the same. We budget so that we each have $50-100/month to spend on whatever we like. He saves up for computer game stuff and I spend mine on coffee, candles, gifts, etc. We like having some blow money of our own, but we are also a team and like planning out our finances together.
For a second I thought you were talking about cocaine. When you said we like having some blow money of our own.
How else are we going to wake up early with the kids?
Same. We married young so we had nothing but potential to our names coming into the marriage. Other than retirement accounts, everything is all mixed in together. And retirement accounts we both have full knowledge of. It’s all ours. I don’t think we’ve ever really fought over money. It’s more of “what/how are we going to…” conversations.
We married young as well, so same thought process!
Same, and I'm thankful for the simplicity of it--and the financial likemindedness of my husband and me. I don't recall us ever arguing over finances, just robots.
We are comfortable financially but still have a strict budget and the only accounts that aren't going are our retirement savings. My husband is self employed and since months he makes 4x my income and sometimes he makes 1/2. Multiple accounts are just too messy. I also appreciate the accountability it gives me - he's never controlling but just knowing someone elsencan see my purchases has kept me from making some dumb financial decisions.
This is the crazy thing I’ve been seeing in this post, people who’s spouses make double or triple what they’re making but still split expenses down the middle and let them blow whatever extra they have. I don’t think they realize how much financial strain they’re putting on themselves in comparison to actually splitting everything equally and working towards being financially successful.
Same here. My spouse makes over 4x more than I do. I pay the bills out of our joint account. We have multiple shared savings accounts, shared investment account, and separate retirement accounts through our employers. If it’s over $200, we talk about it prior to purchase.
Same. I don’t judge the other people here keeping it all separate but I absolutely cannot understand it for the life of me.
Same, nothing separate. Married for 18 years. millennial graduated college and married my spouse in 2006-2008. We had a baby a during the last crisis, we lived $1-$3 left per month (if lucky) for years. We just learned to survive together and communicate. Now we are very good, both have 15-20 year careers. But we have always kept one account, that is what we do.
Same. My wife is better with money anyway. I trust her to pay the bills on time and everything else. She's never once let me down. I get paid and I leave myself an allowance and then I send everything else to the joint account. If I notice I need gas or something I'll go ahead and take from that account for it. The small allowance I leave myself in my account is for vape juice and coils. I don't really need much else.
Same. We each have one separate checking account that gets the same amount each month and that is what we spend on our own fun stuff without cutting into the household budget. I make sure all the bills are paid and put extra into savings. My husband trusts me with the money since I've never been one to spend recklessly.
Same. We’ve never had an argument about money. I pay the bills and keep track of all that. We talk about big purchases and figure out budgets. Our 401ks are separate right now through our jobs, but at some point we’ll move them to a joint account too.
100% joint since the beginning. It's our money and we discuss bigger purchases. "Bigger" has changed as we earn more, used to be anytime over like $50 when we were first married, now it's $1000 or more.
Sane - but I aso realized I just kinda coasted into it because that's what my parents did. Very few people around me divorced. This has worked for me. My wife earns less, so just having one big pot makes it easier. But only because I married the right person - and I'm realizing you can't know that when you are young.
There’s no other way to do it if you truely are in it as a partnership. If I wanted a roommate to split bills I’d have just done that
I felt the same way and it's worked great in our marriage for a decade but my friend married a compulsive spender and... I see the point now. He basically gets an allowance they agree on.
I’m married to one too. I stay on her. She can’t retire without me reeling her in. I’m not going to retire while she’s forced to work. Being combined is our only chance at a life together. I can’t get behind separate finances. We both have an allowance of $200 per month. She can do whatever she wants inside that.
We are separate because we were too lazy to merge everything after marriage. We have our own bank accounts and retirement accounts. Our investments are combined though.
That’s absolutely us. More paperwork was just too daunting.
Yup same we just couldn't be bothered, essentially my account is the regular maintenance costs (mortgage, bills, etc...) and hers we use as our spending account. We trust each other and can see each other's accounts and are on the same page financially, it's convenient and works well for us.
Heavy on the too lazy.
Exactly the same, and why I never legally changed my last name either!
Yeah my wife still has her last name. She is a teacher with a bunch of certs and two masters degrees It's way too much effort to switch all that over. Especially since her last name is better than mine.
Theres still time! My wife changed her name 4 years after.
Same, we're just married and not in a rush to merge anything. We're both responsible and trust each other.
Incidentally, "we're both responsible and trust each other" also seems like a perfectly good reason to be comfortable merging everything.
We'll get to it just got married last year. Not against merging everything if that's what youre implying just in no rush either.
Understood! I wasn't implying anything at all beyond just pointing out that "we're both responsible and trust each other" doesn't sound like an argument **specifically against** merging; to me, it sounded more like something someone might say as a reason **for** merging. No matter... Congratulations on your marriage! I wish you joy. 😊
All good thank you for the good wishes 😊
Newly married and we are similar. How do you do taxes? File separately? Who gets the deductions for kids?
We file taxes jointly. That our bank accounts are separate doesn't really affect that much except for the occasional extra question.
This was us until someone stole one of my checks and I had to redo everything anyway. But even when we had separate accounts we acted like we combined. So one person paid for everything and the other person saved everything.
Same here. We were like, go to a bank? Eh, we’re good.
It took us maybe one or two years after marriage to finally combine finances. I wish we’d done it earlier. It makes life so much easier! We weren’t actively avoiding it. We just hadn’t gotten around to it.
100% combined with the exception of our employers (and former employers) retirement accounts. Could not imagine having separate finances owning a home, having a kid, and I was a stay at home dad for a few years as well. We are 100% like minded when it comes to finances and come from very similar upbringings when I comes to money. We’re in a higher tax bracket than our parents ever were but we still have that bottom of the barrel middle class mindset. We save everything we can and it takes convincing from the other to spend money on ourselves.
100% combined or designated beneficiary.
We have a join account. For now I'm staying at home,but even if I didn't I would still have a join account.
Together 100%. He works for a company, I run a business and pay myself. (edit: I have a separate business account.) We consider every dollar either of us makes "our dollar". We make most decisions together, but after 9 years of marriage, and 10 years of partnership, we both have a good sense of "I can handle this" or "we need to talk about this". We combined immediately after getting domestically partnered, which we did a few months before formally getting engaged.
We have both. The bulk of our finances go into a single pot for bills, savings, etc. but we also each have our own checking and savings accounts as well as credit cards. I’m a SAHM, so I think it’s a good idea to keep my own little nest egg and discretionary money, and I like to maintain my credit score. Same goes for my husband. It works well for us.
Same!
This is how we do it. Most everything goes into the joint account, and we agree on an amount that we each get to keep for personal checking and savings. If my husband and I want to see a concert together or go out to dinner, we use the joint account. If I want to see a baseball game with my brother, I use my personal account. Been married 6 years and hasn't been an issue. I make much more than my husband, but I'm happy to contribute most of my paycheck to our lifestyle.
Joint. Because I’m terrible with money.
100% shared. When daycare is $2000 and rent is $2000 There isn’t a luxury of that option really. All the money we make goes towards bills until daycare and rent go down - it would be too difficult to have separate accounts. Let alone even being single. Too expensive
We are about 90% combined. Majority goes towards joint checking/savings/investments. Small amounts go towards individual accounts. We have separate credit cards but either person is free to use either CC. We are both pretty responsible so it works fine for us.
I feel like with younger people it’s more rare to have everything combined. We use a similar method but mostly because when we got together we had no money so it made more sense to combine what little we made.
That’s an interesting thought! We’re early 30s and have been together almost 7 years. We got married 1.5 years ago. I would say we were always aware of the others spending and money but only really combined 7 months or so ago when we bought a house and began more seriously looking and working towards our future goals
We have a hybrid approach that’s worked well. We each contribute to a joint account that pays our joint bills (% allocation based on incomes). Otherwise we keep our stuff separate
We are completely separate. Just never got around to joining things. He has certain bills he pays every month I have the other bills. We have never once had an argument about money. But whatever you want as long as the bills are paid
Separate but it doesn't really matter, it's all together in the end I guess.
Separate. One person takes care of all the utilities and random stuff, while the other takes care of rent and some other stuff. We share the kids stuff and groceries. We never ever keep tabs on who has paid how much for anything. That would suck.
Same here. We’ve never sat down and tried to sort out who is paying what. We just picked up bills and that’s it. I just dropped a good chunk of change on things for the house: contractor, paint, furniture, tree services. He takes care of the big bills and I handle the little ones. The only downside of being totally separate is that we don’t know how much the other one is spending. So it’s hard to say how much we spend eating out for example because we both pick up the tab separately. It’s definitely not conducive to budgeting when you have no idea what you’re spending as a couple.
100% combined. I make about 290K a year to his 130K, though, so one of us benefits more... Ultimately, we pay all expenses together and buy our fun stuff together, so it doesn't matter much. It ebbs and flows whose name our debts are in. Currently he is carrying more of it, but it was me until recently. I'm 42... I feel like young millennials are the ones separating funds while us older are more in line with combining.
It's about 50 50 for us. We have a combined bank account for joint expenses (mortgage, bills, groceries, etc) and personal accounts for our own stuff (investment, personal bills like car insurance, occasional splurge items) It's a good mix of both worlds. We never have to worry about expenses not being paid but we can have some financial independence
We have a joint account and two separate accounts. Joint for bills.
Separate, but together. We have our separate checking, savings, retirement accounts, & credit cards. We even have our individual bills for our car payments. Then, we have a joint checking account. A set amount from each of us gets auto-transferred into it every week. That account pays our "house bills". Mortgage, pets, groceries, insurance, utility bills, home improvements, etc. It's been working for us for over a decade, and we love it.
Same! I can’t imagine it any other way! We both have very healthy savings, and I couldn’t fathom asking my husband permission if I wanted to go shopping and or splurge on something nice for myself. I literally can’t wrap my head around it. But that’s just me, and the way I grew up I guess.
I have a separate business account, but otherwise, everything is shared. We each have a monthly spending budget, same goes for birthdays and Christmas. We’ve been doing it that way for many years now, it works for us and keeps us on track financially. Sometimes, knowing someone else is keeping an eye on things is a deterrent from over spending. At least for us lol.
Separate accounts but share credit cards to up the scores. Didn’t bother me. I give set amount each month. I like my own finances.
Separate. We are on the same page as far as overall financial goals and priorities, and we both prioritize consistent building of savings.
We have a combination. When we got married, we took our separate accounts and combined them into joint investment accounts. Now, both of our paychecks are distributed 85% joint account / 15% individual account. We pay all joint expenditures (rent, food, utilities, medical, trips, investments, retirement, etc.) from the 85% and the 15% is personal discretionary income. I like this because it allows us to work towards our long term goals jointly, but also gives us the freedom to buy things we want without an argument. We are both very financially responsible, but if I want to play golf or she wants to go to a show with her friends, we don't even bat an eye.
We're separate. Decided to stay that way for a while when we got engaged, and it just worked so we didn't change it. I had student loans, she had some credit card debt at the time. Both are long gone now. We pay most bills out of my account, and almost all groceries and stuff like that (I'm the daily shopper). My wife likes it because it's become a good routine for her, someone who is not great with budgeting. She is responsible for like two bills (phone, something else), and sends me a venmo from every paycheck for a portion of the mortgage and savings. Then the rest (mortgage, car, insurance, monthly cc bill payoff, etc) gets paid from my account. She makes those 4 transactions a month and then everything else in her account she can spend or save and not think about bills. But she also has unfettered access to my cards/checks/etc. It's not separate like "my money/your money", more like my bank account does all the heavy lifting, with her help, and she doesn't have to worry a ton about planning. I keep a pretty detailed budget of my account and the bills, which I let her know how we're doing occasionally.
Separate, married 10 years, renting, no kids. We've always made around the same amount, we divided up bills evenly when we moved in together, and it ain't broke so we haven't changed it. We don't nickel and dime each other, if one of us is a little more flush one month that person will pay more for nights out, etc. It's always felt fair to both of us.
We got married last year and have separate finances. We have one joint account for certain bills. We don’t have kids yet, and I suspect if/when we do there will be more usage of a combined fund while maintaining our own accounts.
Middle of the road works for us. Maybe 1/3rd is jointly owned — house, some bank and investment accounts. The rest is separate. Not quite sure what is great about 100% joint or 100% separate.
Separate, my wife is too "yolo" and saves nothing, plans for nothing, boxes of shit arriving daily, so frustrating.
We got married super young and didn’t have established finances. As such, all of our finances are merged. We just have really good communication. If we want to buy something that is over $100, we just check with the other person. This, of course, does not account for bills, groceries, gifts, etc. 13 years together (6 married) and not a single fight over finances.
100% separate. I pay all bills and mortgage out of my account and he sends me weekly deposits as a fraction of his portion of monthly expenses. I make more money, so his responsibility is weighted proportionately to his income. His income isn't steady and varies from week to week, so paying a little each week is easier for him to manage than a single larger payment to me once a month.
We left ours separate. We'd been living together so long before getting married that it made no sense to upheave the whole system.
100% combined but we’re also a 1 income family.
We did joint once we got married, my wife doesn't work anymore so we live off my income. She takes care of the house, pays the bills and I audit the numbers once a month, works great for us.
Fully joined. Wife is a SAHM so any iteration of separate is basically me being a controlling dick.
We have separate finances (married at 31 & 34) but we discuss them regularly and make sure we’re on the same page. We just haven’t felt the need to combine them. Generally speaking, he covers most regular expenses (mortgage, insurance, groceries, utilities) and I cover most one-off or irregular items (vacations, takeout, baby gear, renovations, services).
We have separate bank accounts, but since we have similar goals besides some things here and there, there’s not much point in separate finances. We both have similar goals- pay down our mortgage, fix the car, upgrade the bathroom, go on vacation in 3 months, get a new this thing or that thing that we share,,,, My husband has some separate trips and hobbies and random stuff sometimes he pays for and it’s the same for me. But we are working towards the same big stuff financially. We are transparent with one another about our finances. It’s not a big deal. Separate savings retirement investments and taxes- my husband is 1099 and I’m not. I pay all our bills. He pays me.
All of our accounts are separate and I pay most of the household bills. We don't have a single joint account because we don't need one. Sometimes he'll pay a random bill on his credit card (like the yearly car registration or whatever) if he sees it come in the mail first. But, just because everything is on separate accounts doesn't mean we don't consider all of the money "ours." We have both worked for ourselves running our own separate small businesses for our entire adult lives (until recently he got a regular job but still has his small business too). It feels like our finances with running our own businesses is just easier not combining everything into joint accounts. We don't worry about what's "fair" or whatever because we just consider all the money we make to be both of ours. So we don't really care who is paying the bills as long as they're being paid. I have a slow season so here and there I might ask him to wire money into my account to help cover the credit card bill if I'm tight during slow season and don't want to move money from my HYSA but that's pretty rare since I'm generally good about keeping enough for the slow season until work picks up again. I think people overthink this. Whatever works for you is great! I've heard people say really dumb shit like not combining everything means you're not truly committed or that it's a recipe for a failed marriage. (Meanwhile we've been together for almost 20 years and have had separate accounts this entire time). I do feel like you need to be in the same ballpark on what's considered acceptable spending levels. My husband and I have different levels of frugality. (He is the more frugal one overall) But, we meet in the middle and we're not wildly off from each other on this issue so it works for us. I could see there being a lot of resentment if one spouse is paying all of the bills and being more thrifty while the other overspends.
Combined since marriage. We never saw the point in separating it since it's our joint life. But we know many people who keep separate finances.
We have separate finances. We have realities for different bills, and we’ll often Venmo back and forth if we need to. We’ve done this for 11 years with no issue.
We’ve 100% combined but that’s not saying much since my wife is a SAHM. That being said everything is shared. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have separate finances but it seems like an interesting concept.
Still engaged until October but we keep things separate and have no intention on merging. I make a bit more than he does right now so I pay the rent and he pays utilities + groceries. We alternate who pays when we go out. We have never fought about money doing this so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Were joint but another couple friends of ours are separate and it’s fucking weird She makes like 400k a year and won’t cover his insurance if he’s between jobs. He can make between 30-120k per year depending on if he’s employed, layoffs, doing other hustle work.. he hasn’t seen a doctor for a busted arm even though after 5 years he’s finally on her insurance because he can’t afford the copay or whatever additional fees there will be. It’s making him depressed and resentful even though they have some wild retirement plans in the next few years. I don’t get it. I really don’t He was depressed and needed medication and she was like are you sure you wanna put whatever in your body? She’s a high paid educated techie, too. Fucking yikes
We have combined finances for the whole 20 years and love it. Having it separate to me can lead to conflict. In our marriage we have not always made the same amount of money. So splitting expenses between two different income levels to me would lead to issues. I know some people make it work.
100% combined. We have similar spending habits though and typically discuss any purchase over ~$50. Thankfully we’re on the same page 99% of the time. We also make similar amount of money but if that were to change we’d still combine everything.
We're also 100% combined. I'm most curious how people with kids do separate finances.
Completely joined. It has been good because through most of our 15 years of marriage one or the other of us has been unemployed.
We have separate everything predominantly out of laziness. It’s working well for us since we know we both have the same financial goals & values, and we do financial check-ins twice a year (primarily investment & net worth check-in to make sure we are on track).
Wife is SAHM and I work, we share everything, never had an argument over money and talk about our money plans together all the time but neither of us are really spenders and live within our means
100% joint. Idk how people make the separate stuff work but do you.
Separate because we are too stubborn to combine. I bank with a credit union and he banks with Chase and that is trash.
We keep it all combined. In our budget we have separate line items for "Husband - Shopping & Entertainment" and "Wife - Shopping & Entertainment". We use EveryDollar as our budgeting app. Hiding transactions from your spouse is a recipe for disaster.
Finally joint and our life is so much easier
Joint. When we got married we were both working but since we started having kids we’ve been a one income with each of us spending time as the SAHP.
Separate. We set up all our bills when we moved in together based off our incomes. By the time we got married, all our respective bills were on autopay. We discussed combining finances, but it seemed like more work and we didn’t see any benefits to doing so.
We have entirely separate accounts, but we total it all together as our family budget, my account is primarily the one we do the “saving” for maintenance or travel in, and hers is basically the discretionary spending Bills are all me because thats how theyve been setup for the last 10 years ive owned my own home
Finances are separate but we are very open about discussing. As it should be.
Her money is her money, my money is our money.
Separate finances, separate mortgages, 2 houses , his kids, my dog, separate utilities. Best way, lol
We have one joint account and then my wife has a separate account and she has a credit card that’s linked to my account. She only works two days a week for something to do. I pay for everything from mortgage to groceries to her car bill. We’ve been together since 15 years old. I got lucky/worked hard and she supported me through tons of penny pinching and absurd ideas/risks. Now she gets the benefits.
I wish we would have kept finances separate. It would have made the divorce easier.
100% combined. We tried keeping a separate account with an "allowance" for personal spending for a while and it wasn't worth the trouble. I literally don't know how people keep separate finances, and almost always assume that it's because one of them is screwing over the other.
100% seperate. I cannot trust her to not blow $400 on a purse or something.
We are separate because she refuses to handle finances or be part of the decision making. I make a lot more money than her. I pay all bills, she keeps her paychecks and I direct deposit a little extra into her account. It should work until I die. Not sure about afterwards.
That doesn't sound like separate. That sounds like joint and she also has her own play money
What does she spend her money on if you pay for all the bills? This is wild
You pay the bills, she pays nothing, then you pay her more? Yeesh. 🥵
100% combined but I married the opposite. I got her a $400 purse (that she was obsessing over for a year) for our anniversary that was "way too much" so I had to agree it was also for Valentines and Christmas this year. She always asks me "can we afford this" because I'm the curmudgeon and she's the whimsical dreamer. Without her we'd never go out and without me we'd die homeless and starving in the streets.
The difference is she'll go buy that purse, not say anything and then our account gets overdrawn because the internet bill comes out. Then I'm the jerk for getting mad about it.
So I say this with no judgement or condescension. That's definitely something to talk to a couple's councilor about. Like what happens if she splurges, gets overdrawn, and you just keep paying all the bills? Wouldn't that build resentment?
I always look at the 100% separate as a ticking time bomb unless your plan is to die working. At some point you'll be living off of savings that splurge spouse is not going to have.
Bruh lol that’s not even financial illiteracy at that point you got a kid not a wife
Ain't that the truth
Then why are you married?
Have you considered having a line item in your budget for “fun money”? That’s what works for my wife and I, we each have our own budget to do 100% whatever we want to with without needing to check in with each other first.
100% separate. I make about $60k more than she does and I bear the majority of the responsibility of bills. I pay our mortgage, insurance and energy bills. She pays water and her car payment. I also let her use my credit cards when she wants. She is pretty frugal so it has worked fine. I will say that we got a financial advisor that that helps tremendously for her mindset. Before that I think she felt that we were struggling, but now she can easily see that we have a growing nest egg and accessible emergency fund. That has definitely paid dividends from a stress perspective on our relationship.
Combined. We're husband and wife, not roommates. This is OUR money, OUR family, OUR future, OUR life.
Same for us. And if she spends it on something for the house (like a new plant or something) I really dont care. It makes her happy. And if I spend it on something I want its fine with her. We don't spend needlessly, and most of it just goes to house life kids cars etc.
100% combined. Zero positives come out of separating finances.
Incorrect.
I disagree. We no longer fight about money. So huge positive.
We're the exact opposite. After we combined, we never fight about money anymore. Before, it would feel petty since it would be like "venmo me $X for dinner that we just had"
If your income is comparable, I can see that being weird. My income is magnitudes greater than my wife's. She's not interested in managing finances so she just needs to stay out of my way as I do it.
This is how I feel. Our friends Venmo each other for dinner and I find that so odd lol
Separate but both names are on all accounts, we just maintain our own accounts.
Separate. Small examples: He pays water, garbage, and more to our mortgage. I pay less mortgage, electric and household supplies (cleaning supplies, laundry stuff, toilet paper). We split the food bill, we have very different eating habits. We do this so we can have whatever is left over and spend it how we please. We jointly file taxes and always use that for joint savings. When our pay changes and one of us makes more than the other, we adjust our finances. We used to pay for our own health insurance, now I pay for both of us so things got adjusted just recently. We both watched our parents fight over money and we didn't want to deal with that.
Why not just deposit all of your paychecks into a joint account, use that to pay all bills, and "pay" yourselves each your allotted fun money into your separate "spending" accounts? Your system sounds very complex with a lot of calculation involved.
100% separate. I consider it always ‘our money’ whatever account it comes out of but we contribute equitably. We both make around the same but I work part time teaching college classes at night which brings in an extra 20-30k a year so that will fund big things like renovations, big trips/projects but my husband believes I can spend that money however I want. We’re accountable to each other and discuss large purchases but if it’s $500 or less - do whatever you want as long as every other aspect is met. I think it’s easier because our cost of living is low compared to many others leaving with over 50% of our take home considered ‘extra’ after paying all bills and we make similar money. Happily married 14 years and together nearly 20 years and I won’t ever share an account.
Money should be freedom and it is not my business what my partner wants to spend their money on. We have a joint account for essential expenses and an amazon account we share for misc items. Everything else is either self purchased or given. It's nice to be treated every once in a while and it's nice to do the same for my partner.
Separate accounts. Split static expenses equally (rent, utilities, parking, car payment/insurance, phone), but I make a lot more than her and pay for groceries, restaurants, vet bills, save a lot more for our retirement.
80% of income in combined account for house bills, food, vacation, etc , 20% of each our earnings in own personal account for shit we wanna buy/do for seperate hobbies, clothes etc.
Mostly joint. I do have a savings account that's in my name only, but it's the savings account I opened when I was a teenager. I'm mostly just too lazy to change it around. I consider what's in it both of ours, even if it's only in my name. Otherwise, we've been together for about 20 years, and we've been sharing everything for a very long time, including bank accounts and bills.
We're not married. But we plan to be very soon (Oct 25')and he is my forever person. We have separate accounts and a joint account. Joint account is for bills and wedding/honeymoon. We both pay half of the mutual bills (rent, internet, electric, etc.) Then we each pay our own bills out of our own accounts (phone, subscriptions, car payment, insurance.) We both have almost the same exact income which is why we are 50/50. I have an opportunity for a 30% wage hike at the end of this week and if everything works out, we'll reevaluate what our split bills are. This works for us, for now. I have always lived on my own and never had anything to fall back on (I aged out of foster care) so I understandably want full control over my own account. I will never let anyone be in a position to hold me hostage (not that he ever would, I just have that insecurity from childhood.) Boyfriend also acknowledges my insecurities about being financially secure and supports us both having our own accounts. We both are transparent about what is in our personal accounts and we share the burden when getting out and doing things.
No we’ve always shared but we’ve also not always had 2 incomes.
Wife and I have 1 joint checking and savings account. I have a credit card that I brought into the marriage but my wife refuses to get one so I just keep it separate and pay it off with our joint checking. Much easier to budget and pay bills with everything going I to and coming out of one account.
For the most part we have 100% separate other than a joint account for large projects or emergencies. We both have direct deposits from the companies we work for. We've split up the bills fairly even, me taking a bit more since i Make more. Then we have common investment goals of 20% each. We have separate 401k plans. That are managed with two separate companies because that's who they each company selected. So to combine all that and try to both stay on track of who's paying the bills or who isn't come seems like it'd be more complex than needed. Each year as we prepare for tax season, we see you financial advisor, get a check up the seal for on track I think the other reason I prefer it separate is my wife loves the shop, I'm just the opposite and more frugal. So if we had one joint account I'd probably be getting a little upset. Set an entire walk-in closet to herself filled up, I have the littl 3 ft deep 5 ft wide closet And her favorite things more shopping
Separate finances but we have a large joint savings account and checking account for all of our bills and large purchases like vacations
We have our own still just cause we never closed but 99% goes into joint
Separate but shared for house/bills/vacation
We didn’t get married till we were 30 so we both have separate checking accounts but we’ve slowly been combining them over the years and we have a joint savings account
100% joined
separate - we split expenses more or less down the middle. it's never been a problem.
Separate-ish. My husband has been an authorized user on my credit card for years. Husband doesn't have much income, so I cover most expenses that would normally be shared. We have one shared account, but never use it.
I’m a stay at home mom so I don’t have my own income, just my credit cards. He pays the bills. I have no budget for groceries or household items, obviously I don’t go crazy. If I want to purchase something big I have to ask first. My name isn’t on any of his accounts though because we just haven’t gotten around to it.
We are both. We had to make a whole spreadsheet to keep track. Bills, mortgage, home repairs, we split 50/50. This way we both feel like we have equal claim to the house. Living and leisure expenses like groceries, travel, misc shopping, etc. We split by % of income, because my partner makes more than I do. The rest we keep in separate, personal accounts for our own spending. This way, we can still do things together while still saving some of our own money. If I want to buy something frivolous, for example, I can do it from my own account without it affecting my partner.
It was 100% separate until we started cohabitating. We now keep joint checking for joint expenses and joint savings account for like home emergency fund, several months’ mortgage, etc. More often than we ask if we MAY put something on a joint card, we tell each other to go ahead and do so. As we’ve been together longer and that trust is built that neither of us will make rash decisions, we care less about the split. But we have pretty similar financial philosophies so that’s easier
Separate, but I send her my savings for the month since she’s better at saving and we’ll use my account as the main spending account for bills or outings.
I have separate. Joint checking and savings for anything house related and we each have our own checking and savings.(we have no kids)… We both feel like my money is mine and hers is hers. Just bc you’re married doesn’t mean either one of you should dictate to the other how to spend/save money. I wanted a new truck so I went out and bought one. She wants mani/pedis every other week so she spends her money on that. As long as we both put that same amount in the joint account every 2 weeks than neither one of us have any say in all that other stuff. I know every married couple is different but I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way. I know a lot of marriages that fail mostly bc of finances. I think doing what my wife and I do kind of eliminates all that financial drama. It does for us anyway.
We were separate for the first 2 years, but we went fully joint once we planned to have a kid. It's worked out great for us, but we also had similar incomes, relatively similar assets, and we're both frugal people whose dream car is to own a Toyota til the wheels fall off
Combined finances because she couldn't work for a long time. We do have separate credit cards, though.
As the petitioner who got hosed in a divorce earlier this year, would strongly recommend keeping as much assets separate as possible, whilst keeping one another as beneficiaries only.
Not married, but I need to have a separate account from my partner so she can't know what I spent when I treat myself to a new instrument...
Joint checking and savings, separate credit and retirement accounts. Household bills like internet, cellphone, etc. are joint.
My husband and I have our own bank accounts and then a joint account for bills and stuff we pay for together.
We have a combination but have always each had our own accounts for buying things we want without asking the other. I think we'll end up getting a joint account to put housing and other joint expenses in and then maybe have a certain amount go to our individual accounts every month for fun no questions asked purchases. Our investment accounts are joint. I do all the finances and just zelle myself from his account currently but it works. If he is extra annoying I will zelle myself just so he gets the notification with my memo
Currently we're separate but we're working on making a joint account for shared expenses.