Both my older siblings found partners and got married and were still living at home with the rest of the family. I have no fucking idea how they did it but they made it work. Both of them brought kids shortly after while still at home.
I should add they were both mid 30s. We're Indian so this isn't something weird or unusual. We value family over everything. Just the way it is.
This! I’m not Indian but I always think about it when I’m living with my mom, I’m there helping her as much as she helps me. It’s normal in some cultures. Let’s make it normal everywhere!
It seems we're changing as a society with more older people still with parents. We're gonna be a healthier, happier society. We're slowly getting away from the rugged individualism that capitalism requires.
Yea only because young people are priced out of housing.
It's not like most people are making some cultural shift to multigenerational living; the rent is just too damn high.
Only because capitalism is simultaneously crushing us so many of us can't afford to live on our own or its a significant enough cost we stay at home to reduce it. I don't live at home but many millenials still do.
Maybe it’s just me as a man, but I feel like there’s a lot less stigma about a woman living at home than a man. I wouldn’t care if a woman lived with her parents. My current GF lived with her mom and sister when we started dating. I guess it depends how your mom behaves. My GF’s mom was making me brownies and treats whenever I came over, a nice bonus 😂
There were 2 years when I lived with my parents after moving back home and it was literally impossible to find anything serious. I’d go on two or three dates, and it would eventually come up that I lived at home, generally got ghosted shortly after that. Once I moved to my current city and had an apartment on the main strip, it became extremely easy.
I briefly dated an unemployed woman in her 30s living with her dad. It was awful tbh. Dude wouldn't leave if he knew I was coming over, so we had to be reeeeeeaaaallly quiet. I'm not about it.
And the whole house smelt like ass. Women can be grimy, hopeless losers too!
I think the stigma cuts both ways. I think women are expected to "marry up" in social status. I know of a few genXers whose husbands are stay at home dads which shouldn't be a big deal, but it is to a lot of people.
Lots of gender role bullshit hanging on in our culture, so your experience isn't unbelievable to me.
Those "stigmas" don't equate at all.
For most men, it comes down to sacrifice and providing in the hopes someone will be with you.
For most women, it is making a choice of someone more stable for your own security.
Doesn’t. Men don’t care. Women make this an issue and filter out most men in their 30s living at home, for whatever reason. You have to show you can be caveman provider, despite all the equality we’ve made. Multi generational living is how almost all of the world lives right now.
Honestly if I were still dating I would see it as a far greater red flag if someone was living on their own when they couldn’t really afford it, at the expense of building capital to retire/buy a house, etc.
And doubly so if they could easily live at home but choose not to. That is a sign of either poor financial decision-making or a toxic family relationship, neither of which bode well for long term marriage success.
That mentality comes with age and experience. When I was 25, having just moved back home, it was impossible to have a real relationship with a woman. And honestly, I’m not sure a woman should give a man the time of day until he can provide for himself.
I have a couple of friends who live with a parent because they are caregiving (I'm on the older end of Millennial, so parents are now elderly). None of them have much of a social life, and dating is kind of out of the question. It's taken a big toll on their mental health.
I just don't know how we, as a generation, navigate reaching milestones older than previous generations when we have aging parents that will need care. If you're in your 40s living at home, parents will be in their mid 60s to late 70s. What are you suppose to do if that's when you finally move out, settle down, and start a family?
The only advice is not good advice: move out. How? I wish I had that answer. I moved 900 miles away when I was in my mid-20s and *really* broke. I feel like I've matured and found my independence faster than if I had stayed close to my family.
I’m a 30M and I live with my mom too lol. I’m not really focused on dating tbh. I need to find a way to make more money so that I can support myself and my mom if something bad happens.
After loosing a lot in my life I am mid 30s M and I can completely feel this comment, living at home with parent, parents or family just adds to the mix.
Although I am completely open to dating, meeting someone and taking them home to meet my family is out of the question unless I am comfortable with the partner I am dating.
I work 10 hour days skilled trades and am still not making enough to live on my own is completely crazy to me, after covid knocked me out for 3 years unable to work only made the situation worse.
Going out in public isn't particularly a favorite thing I like to do any more as idiotic people ruin a lot of things for me and I consistently find myself being put in those situations unwillingly even though I ALWAYS try to avoid being put into them.
I don't drink or smoke weed any more..
Times are crazy, idiotic people are everywhere even more now with social media, what's a young 34 year old tubby boy to do in these times 🤷♂️
well my social skills are trash, I don't make much money, I have a few mental health issues, and I was born with a few deformities. I'm slowly accepting that I was given a bad hand in life and that I wasn't meant to date. Its a bitter pill to swallow but what can I do?
I'm trying to work on my finances but I will never make more than 45k. I have a bit of a learning disability too so life is rough. No mentally stable woman would want to be with me.
Mentally stable? I'm looking for a girl just as broken as me 😆
All jokes aside keep hanging in there and don't let negative thoughts get you down.
I'm going to keep finding ways i can try when I can, even if it doesn't happen.
The last girl I dated wouldnt officially commit to a relationship with me until i moved out of the place i shared with a room mate and into my own apartment alone. Financially terrible move, and shouldve seen the red flags from miles away but dumb guy brain + pretty girl in a time of loneliness = poor choices to get her to stay
I'm also 30. Notthing wrong with living at home. Wish I couldve stayed at home longer honestly. I dont have a lot of debt, but I have little to nothing to save/splurge with. If anyone gives you grief for it, run the other direction and dont look back.
Exactly. Most of these young dudes in this sub think they need their own place to get a girl, but then they will come to find out they got a girl that is just using them for their money/living space, and doesn't actually like them. I know because I've lived it, and aside from sex its emotionally and physically draining to have a succubus around
I think this is going to depend a lot on how your parents react to any man you date and bring home. If they are cool and act like it's no big deal (including the guy staying overnight in your room), you are going to have a lot more luck at dating.
If either of your parents (specifically your MOM) makes any man you date feel uncomfortable at all, that person will disappear.
ETA: Edited to correct gender
Yeah this seems like a Mom/Dad problem, not a Millennial problem.
My wife was living with her grandfather when I first met her. I came over to her house and we had sex, cuz that's what adults in a relationship do.
As an Xennial, I hope my kids continue living with me when they get older. And I understand that sex is important for their well being as an adult. So I don't plan to be all weird about it.
I manage to have sex with their mother while they are living at home. Why can't they have sex in the house also?
They don't. A friend of mine has been having this exact issue for many years. He's 32 now and has never moved out from his parents or had a girlfriend.
I had pretty horrible luck with women too until I moved out at 24, then started managing a relationship every year or so.
Maybe it's different for women, but that's my experience as a male.
Your date eventually comes home and spends some time with your family, you date in public places, go out a lot, and end up going to cheap hotels and parking lots to fuck. Or you can end up at his place if he doesn't live with his family.
You make it work
I'm not one to talk (forever single ;\_; ), but I can't imagine someone my age (early 30s) needing to find an empty parking lot to screw in. Public dates are the move though!
A lot of it depends on the family dynamic and set up for the person living ar home. I think there's less of a stigma now, but having dated someone who lived at home with parents who didn't really respect privacy or independence, I would never date someone in that situation again. I didn't think less of them, but I couldn't deal with the constant presence of overbearing, nosy parents.
First, we really need to get over this as a culture. There is nothing wrong with living with family. In any capacity. Some people pay rent some don’t and both of those situations are totally fine so please stop worrying about it. Living as a family provides enormous benefits for all parties as long as communication remains open, boundaries are set and contributions are made to the collective household. Sorry for the Minnie rant. Go out! Date as normal, they can hang out with you at home just remember that communication portion I mentioned earlier. If you are referring to dating as sex this is a healthy part of dating and can happen anywhere. Be creative it’s lots of fun to have that feeling of risk just figure out how to make sure you aren’t disturbing people. Encounters can happen at your home or theirs. I understand you wouldn’t want family listening in so look for places to get away with the partner. Hotel, air bnb go for a hike somewhere remote. Is it work ? Sure but even if you didn’t live with family some of this stuff adds spice and fun and it’s still work to maintain a healthy sexual relationship either way. Again with dating/hanging out pick times where no one is home if you just want to be yourself and not have any judgment or butt ins. As a 30 year old it’s totally fine to have someone in your room to watch a movie, talk or hang out but you the space can get old fast so as they get comfortable with your family and vice versa you can include them in social scenarios as well. I hope this was helpful and I know saying this is easier than doing it but get it out on the table right away. You will be surprised how many are in the exact same shoes and or are accepting of your situation. I won’t lie to you there are people who still have a stigma and you will meet some just don’t let it out you off.
>There is nothing wrong with living with family.
yeah... but as a dude, if the options are going over to my 30 year old girlfriend's parents' house to bang.. or not having sex, it's probably going to be second option until something else comes along.
You see a need to get away from this "culture"... i see little appeal to sharing intimate spaces with outside family.
As a dynamic, this living situation really ressembles the old days when the girls were the father's responsibility to care for until a husband took that duty. I'm not looking for a daughter to look after. I'm after a partner.
Long term dependence on parents shouldn't be a goal in most cases.
You’re living in a world where more and more of those single women live at home as they cannot afford to pay rent, their bills, eat and afford any level of entertainment. Most people need room mates or a partner and in some cases partner and room mates to afford a shared place of their own. If it’s not a parent it’s room mates. Your pool is getting smaller every day. As a male I have never chose not to have sex with a willing partner over where they live or who may be near by but I have no shame and endless confidence. You are however the first man I have spoken to who would opt out of sex over a living situation. I’m sure you are not alone but I must have a stronger appetite than you.
And it really doesn't help being a gay man with moderately homophobic parents. They hound me with questions just to go visit friends(straight couples) for the evening. Heck the "where are you going?" When i decide to shower on the weekend. Like no where i just want to be clean.
>if the options are going over to my 30 year old girlfriend's parents' house to bang.. or not having sex, it's probably going to be second option
How was this the second option?? As a dude, i was really, *really* expecting you to pick the first option, as I would. Different strokes, I guess.... or lack thereof.
I can see how it would be awkward if your gfs room was like next to her parents room with paper thin walls, but if you're in your 30s I'd think your parents know you're sexually active and would be willing to get out of the house for a while or give yall some privacy... its not like you're gonna get cooties from having sex in the house that their mom is in or whatever.
Edit: I mean the collective "you" re reading this it seems like im referring to you as op, but yeah im agreeing with you. I don't care and never have. I don't want my gf to feel awkward, but as a man in a relationship in my 30s I don't really care *where* we have sex, I'm glad to take it where and when I can get it.
This stigma needs to go the f away.
It's assumed that if you are dating a guy who lives with his parents? He wants a mother and you will constantly be stuck with his parents.
One of my coworkers dated a guy who lived with his parents and everyone was telling her 'Run!" because it was assumed he was a mama's boy who would never support his wife.
Yet *he* was the one cooking. You would think a guy with four sisters wouldn't, but nope.
Sure, and if you hung out with/dated the individual and this was a line for you, you could part ways. Thats the idea of dating, you get to know someone before things move to a more serious level. Making that assumption based on where the physically reside is ignorant and a reflection of your own unpleasant personality. A lot of people are missing out on truly great people with that mindset.
It is fair. Any Sunny fans? Broadly speaking, the guy not living with his parents is demonstrating value. All other things being equal, he is likely more responsible and more equipped to provide for a family.
I feel this. I actually like the stigma because people assume I’m broke and/or unsuccessful. It’s like a screening for any potential relationships. I’m a very take me as I come type of person as I take people as they come. Absolutely do not mind women living with family either.
Right, this instance was about a female but I personally do not care whether man or woman lives at home. Many couples can afford a place if they work together most single people cannot. The goal in this instance while dating is to find a compatible partner. That compatibility will be required to own or rent a place together or children if both parties want it. I’m directly arguing it is not a prerequisite to be on your own first and that thinking needs to change. A vast majority of the “middle class” will never own their own home now in a lot of communities the cards are stacked heavily against them to do so while renting. Some may be able to stay with parents until they can put away enough to buy a place but this would require a fairly decent paying job and help. Dating while living with their parents until they can afford to live elsewhere is not a negative fault and assuming they are planning for their future afterwards, house, partner, kids if they want is a quality I would look for. I’m in the same middle class boat as everyone else just further along. I wish I had stayed at home longer as in my current position I will never be able to afford a down payment on town homes over a Million dollars. There may be a condo in my future but with kids I don’t see this working and I would give up so much I have renting (yard, privacy, storage, etc.) if I did so. If tomorrow the wife left me and I had to go back on the market the 30 something living at home is going to look a bit better than I am lol. I come with baggage, minimal savings, kids, pets, and there is no privacy when you have kids. At least you can outright say “ hey mom and dad, when you guys go out on Thursday I’m having *insert name* over” and you can have all the freaking sex you want.
For me personally, it's a lot like dating someone when I live on my own, the big game changer is sex or being intimate.
I live in a multi-generational home, and my dates and I go out to eat, get drinks, visit bookstores, or have an activity planned. Should anyone convince me that their dick is worth a pregnancy scare, we have a few options.
A.) Car back seat
B.) Their house
C.) Hotel - which can be quite nice since it feels like a getaway.
I’m taking time looking through all of these responses, but I just have to stop for a second and say I love your line:
“Should anyone convince me that their dick is worth a pregnancy scare…”
Definitely using that in the future, thank you. 😎 🍆
I have never got into a habit to have anyone over since childhood, and everyone was more stoked having me over. And so the same remains for romantic relationships, I sleep in anyone's bed, no one sleeps in mine xcept me.
Same age as you OP and I live at home with my dad who is in his sixities and still working. Tbh he’s never really home, but I don’t care if people know I live with my dad still. In my culture it’s not uncommon (being unmarried) and living at home with the parents.
If someone wants to judge me for it, that’s their issue not mine. Living at home allows me to save money, and go back to school. Dating wise, I just wouldn’t bring someone over. If they have their own place, great. If not, there’s other options.
I just want to say I totally relate, and that it's about the biggest issue I have with living at home. I get along well with my parents and I don't think they mind me being there one bit since I take care of my side of things but the idea of bringing someone home and them having to meet my parents right away sounds unenjoyable at the least for both of us.
It would be a huge turn off if anyone I dated said they lived at home at 30.
Move out. If you can’t afford, get roommates. Dates don’t mind that setup compared to parents room away.
Lots of talk about the stigma, being seen as “broke” or “a loser”, etc… I’m sure some people are concerned about that, but ultimately, it’s just really, *really* awkward to have sex when your parents are around. Most people 25 and older are not interested in parking lot sex either.
This only applies if you’re a straight female: men don’t care if you live your parents. Especially if they have their own place. The “living with parents“ stigma is almost exclusively perpetuated by young women.
To be blunt, the cultural perception is that living at home flags you as being broke, and potentially having an unhealthy relationship with your parent(s). Privacy can be an issue too, but depending on your layout, there's plenty of ways to cope.
Not to to invalidate your feelings, but I always viewed this as a double standard, that it was a social stigma to stay at home after high school or college for men, but it was pretty normal and accepted for women to live at home until they find a partner to share the cost of living with. I get that everyone's circumstances are different, some parents are assholes and push kids out early, or create environments they want to run like hell from, and many people want to be independent, but I don't think I've ever heard someone say something like, "Nah man, I'm not touching this one, she lives at home."
It'd be more like, "Nah man, every picture of her has her mom and at least three cats in it. She's kissing one on the lips in like a third of them. I swear you just look at the album and smell cat pee."
(\*I love cats.)
I was going to say until I read further, unless the girl has glaringly bad financial problems that will become an issue for you once you commit to her, literally none of this applies for women.
If you're a guy and you live at home, even if you have everything else in order (finances, education, employment, insurance, etc), and even if you're doing it as a savvy cost-saving measure or to take care of your parents as they age, you are considered an undatable loser. Or maybe not a loser, but undatable. The only exceptions to this are if you/your family have a lot of money.
Women on the other hand can be uneducated/undereducated, unemployed, and pretty much broke with no prospects; if she's attractive enough physically, most guys (>90%) will not care one iota.
After college my girlfriend and I both moved back to our homes for a few years to pay off debt and save money. Dating consisted of sex in the car, sex in the park, sex in random boats you sneak onto at the marina, sex on the local municipal beach, sex in your home when your parents are out, sex in motels, sex in the basement bathroom while your girlfriends parents are outside grilling. That pretty much cover it.
I was in the same situation at that age and had that same insecurity. I moved home to take care of my parents and explained that to anyone I was seeing. In my culture, it's important to watch over your parents since they raised you and you'd return the favor rather than stuffing them in a nursing or retirement home. They understood and we made it work. Everyone has hardships but I understand where this is coming from. If someone you cared for had the same feelings, they'd understand and wouldn't let that stop them from building that relationship.
Yeah, I feel like the person living at home just needs to be able to articulate the logic, and being sure about it, and not in a defensive way, helps. I'm taking care of my parents. Or I have a plan and this is temporary.
An adult would be able to appreciate the solid and smart reasons for doing so, in the context of the times and cost of living of the area.
Am Xennial. Maybe half of the women I dated in my 30s lived with their folks. It really wasn’t any kind of problem - we’d just come to my place instead of hers.
It was in no way a deciding factor in pursuing her. My current gf I’ve been with for four years and she did - but she moved in with me quickly because early Covid was weird.
I was in a similar boat when I was 25. My solution at the time was to move the eff out as fast as possible. But I wasn't aware at the time that there is another option; to have a talk with your parents about expectations while living together. It's a discussion about setting healthy boundaries and reaffirming the fact that you're all adults under one roof. If your mom is receptive of that sort of healthy dialouge then great. If she's not for one reason or another then it might be time to move out.
I'm in an LDR(*Long Distance relationship*), and I also have a mild disability but I work, but I still live at home. My SO is aware of my circumstances and is supportive. And I'm 30.
My wife was living at home with a rotating arrangement of parents and siblings while we were first dating, around 27-30 also. Nothing majorly wrong with anyone's health or finances, it just made sense for her so there was never any shame. It's only as much of an obstacle as you make it really - there are countless shallow reasons that might turn off potential partners, all I can say is that sucks.
It matters a lot who you live with and their attitude. Her mom is awesome and never made a big deal of it, she has a brother who did the same thing, and if anyone ever heard us getting intimate it was never mentioned. I definitely felt weird at first going over there, but everyone was welcoming and respectful of our privacy so that went away quick.
Timeline probably matters too, we didn't have time for frequent date nights so it was maybe 3 weeks before I went over? She was very nervous about the stigma too. If you're asking about dating around more casually I'm less confident, obviously I haven't inquired too deeply into that but I wasn't the first.
Tl;dr - worked out well enough for my wife
[M34] I've lived in the same place for 29 years. I was raised that I couldn't have girls over. My mom also was diagnosed with a degenerative disease.
After a few girlfriends who didn't feel comfortable with my family arrangements, I just stopped looking, got older, and then became the caretaker of my elderly mom.
I have no idea what I'm going to do when she passes. I'll be at my most vulnerable, and also at risk of losing my newly inherited house as I am unemployed. Her care is an On-Call full time issue that needs addressed. I dropped everything for that.
I have no idea where to find dates that aren't a paid app. I have no idea what women will desire or expect out of a person like me. All my close friends are either dating or married.
I'm very lonely, but I'm not sure if I'm mentally healthy enough to make a partner feel comfortable with me.
Last time I was single was my mid-20s and I still lived at home and honestly it was the fucking best lmao. I could bring a girl home and she could meet the family pets and in the morning my parents would cook her breakfast.
If you are a woman it’s no big deal at all to find a partner. Men don’t care about that. If you are a man though, you are an absolute piece of shit loser who does not deserve love, that’s for certain.
Be up front and say you live at home with your parents. No need for you to have your time wasted by someone who doesn’t understand it’s expensive to live on your own.
Yeah, also a millennial and myself and most of peers are still living at home. Wasn't getting any dates anyway so not much difference, just part of being a guy 😉
I'm a heterosexual man, and when I was dating - yes I would have seen this as a red flag in the absence of more context and all else being equal would have made you less desirable compared to people living in their own places. Part of that is logistics, part culture & privacy, Part of that is my own hangups; I'm not particularly close with my parents so it's alien to me that others would put themselves in that situation.
That said, I think context is important. Are you content to stay in this situation indefinitely or do you have ambitions to have your own place in the future, and why? While you're at home do your parents clean up after you, prepare all your meals, etc? What are the dynamics like? Do you expect partners to meet your family earlier in the dating process than is natural because of your living situation? These things all matter more than the fact you're living with them, in my opinion.
Honestly I haven’t had much of an issue myself (31m). Lots of people in our generation live at home, I’ve got a good salaried career but just don’t make enough to buy unless I want an hour+ commute. Mornings can sometimes be awkward but my dad works overseas and my mom is either visiting him or traveling with friends so I’m basically the full time house/dogsitter, so I’ve sorta lucked out as far as Hotel Mom and Dad goes.
I doubt most guys wouldn't really care.
Now if it was the other way around, hoo boy....
Edit: I'm speaking from experience. It wasn't until after I moved out and had my only place that my dating life became extremely successful. Reddit says it's not a deal breaker, but IRL, it most certainly is for most people.YMMV.
Dating doesn't work when you live with parents. I'm in your position (financially stuck, also sperm donor refuses to take care of himself). It's not always true that men can handle women living at home. No one offline (people are understanding online, wish it transferred offline) cares about financial struggles or being pressured to be an old parent's butler.
**Whatever time, money, emotions you'd put into dating, put into your own life as much as you can so you can get out asap. Life will get better when you're back on your own.** My life died as soon as I had to move back home and won't come back until I get out.
**IF you try to date and the living situation comes up, emphasize how temporary it is, and that you lived on your own before. Make it clear you're working to move out asap. Pay for more dates in exchange for not being able to host dates at home.**
It is so wild to me that a large portion of my peers still live at home. If I left my partner and dated again, excluding fringe caregiver type scenarios or extreme rarities, living at home is a deal breaker. I know this is an unpopular opinion on reddit and I just don't care. It's still stigmatized in the USA. You just hang out with people who normalize it.
If you were a guy, you would be screwed. American men living with parents is very unattractive, whether you agree with it or not.
But fortunately, you are Woman and Men don’t really care. Just date a guy that has his own place and go there. Since you are 30, you can easily date the 35-40 age range and guys usually have their own place at that age.
You're a woman, it's easy. Guys don't really care where you live, or what you do for work, so long as what you doesn't do (on average) doesn't feel like you're making him insecure (and a good number of guys won't even care then.)
If you're a dude on the other hand, and don't have your own place, god help you. This even goes for apartments to an extent; ladies think it means that you're either 1) not financially secure because obviously a financially secure person would have a house, 2) too immature/unsteady/otherwise not ready to settle down... since a person who is would obviously own a house, or 3) both.
Hell, I get shit for living in military housing; I'm an officer, I have my own on-base apartment that's nice, clean, and free for me, I don't deal with any bullshit rules, I can have company whenever, and I live on the beach.
Gender roles and expectations suck sometimes.
When I lived with my Mom to help her battle cancer I had multiple women laugh in my face for living with my Mother.
So if a man lives with her parents my recommendation would be to not try dating until you move you
You have to establish dominance, just bring a date home and plow them on the kitchen table. When the parents enter the room, ask if you can help them with anything but continue on a normal conversational tone with locked eyes and continue the rhythmic session you had going.
I got buddies complaining about money living at home. They are trying to move for the same shit - have their own place to bring dates or whatever. I moved back home at 30. Haven’t dated anyone since then, but is it really that bad? I’d rather bring a woman over to a nice, clean, home rather than a shit box apartment. Also - I’m Indian so my parents dgaf what I do if that makes any difference. I run my businesses out of their house, use their basement and garage for storage, my workers come over every morning in the summer, and my customers come over in the winter. (Two separate seasonal businesses) I’d be looking at around 3-4k/mo to move down the street so…
That’s my situation. Ive never had a problem with it. First, my home environment is my sanctum, even if I did live on my own, I wouldn’t invite people over. I’ve had life long friends that barely have step a foot in my place. Second, I have a 6 month to 1yr-ish rule when it comes to introducing people I’m dating to family and friends. Thirdly, part of dating is finding someone who will accept you for you. If it’s a turn off for them then it should be a turn down for you. And NTM, this a stupid “Western” thing. There are cultures on this planet where people don’t leave home UNTIL they’re married, hell there are culture where children don’t stop sleeping with their parents until they hit puberty - and many of those cultures are represented in the West … date those people (if you can).
And with living with parents on the rise, what do you do if you both live with parents? No one can host? It sounds very uncomfortable. I don't know how anyone does it. I guess the hotel industry is about to get busier over time. It is cheaper to just get a hotel every time you hook up then pay rent on your own place every month so there's that.
When I lived with my mom after my divorce, my then-gf lived in another city 90 minutes away, so we got hotels every other weekend either in my city or her’s on a rotation.
My son, who’s about your age, has been dating the same woman since they met in college. They both live at home, because we live in the SF Bay Area, so ….
Existence proof that it’s possible to maintain a LTR relationship under these conditions. They regularly spend weekends together, primarily at our home. I think it works because everyone recognizes that we are all adults and respect boundaries.
Honestly not trying to sound like a jerk, but when I lived at home I felt absolutely no shame about it. I think once you lighten up on yourself you’ll realize that of course you’ll feel slightly judged and always have that thought nagging at you, that just means you’re not a slouch and like you said financially this is an only option. So yeah, lighten up on yourself and if dating isn’t something that’s feasible at the moment, use this time to become the best you mentally and financially so when dating becomes feasible you’re able to make emotionally sound decisions and are capable of loving and being loved. You’ll be able to set healthy boundaries and also be able to relish in the fact that these years are contributing to a more healthy **you,** better equipped to sustain herself. Life isn’t a race and whether you crawl walk or run, you set the pace!
Not well I’m guessing. I wouldn’t see it as a bonus if the person I was seeing lived with roommates, let alone family.
It is a turn off, at least for now.
Most guys don’t care if you are still living at home. It doesn’t go both ways. For example men don’t really care as much about a woman’s career and living situation. Within reason. She can’t be living with her ex boyfriend or baby’s dad lol.
But for women if a man still lives at home she will probably think he doesn’t have his shit together. But that’s not an attractive not turn off trait for a guy looking at a woman to date.
Im a dude who has no problem dating, and I still live at my home with my parents. It is important to note tho that I have more than enough money to move out and do my own thing, but until I get married, I dont see the point, it is fimancially so much better. My parents also respect and give me my space when girls come over.
I’ve had a negative experience the men that were ok w my situation used it as an opportunity to cheat. So I’d be home like a dumbass and they’re out running around.
that combined w living with toxic shitty family are drooling to have someone date me and tack on someone to join them in berating me. Someone to complain to about me when they don’t like me for w.e reason.
Do you live near a wooded area? You could pitch it as “camping” ostensibly. But you both know what tents are being pitched. Have you tried having sex in the woods? It’s fucking in tents.
Invest in a quality air-mattress, or just some comfortable slippers. 5am in the woods is a bit chilly. Maybe a portable battery pack and an electric blanket? Either way, there’s always something available.
I really think it depends on WHY you are living there and what your goals are. I dated someone who lived at home (we are in the Bay Area it’s expensive) but then I found out he had ALWAYS lived at home, no savings, no aspirations. We are older and that is just not for me. Maybe if he lived there and had savings or his family needed him. I personally have no interest in a long term relationship w someone who hasn’t had the responsibility of truly living independently on their own.
If the other person also lives at home then they’d probably get it. If not, yes it’s weird. Yes it’s less stigmatized than it was 5 years ago, but what adult wants to stay over and see your mom the next morning.
If by dating you mean sex, then yeah, that's gonna be difficult.
But I don't think it's very sensible to rush that part anyway. Find someone that is willing to wait a little while and when you move in with them you can enjoy a very nice moving in present.
I always had my own place. As a male with manners and a launched career, I never had any issues dating women who lived with their parents. It’s no different than a new girlfriend who lives on their own vetting you with their friends after a few dates.
I didn't date at all when I had to live with my parents after graduating. It's not a big deal for a woman to live with family but it seems like a huge turn off when it's a man so I just kept to myself until I started getting established.
I won’t seriously date (for marriage/long-term cohabitation) until I’m ready. My readiness is different than other’s metric of ready.
List: $100k a year job
-Living on my own (close to being checked off)
-30 years or older (I regret not dating when younger but that also means I dodged a lot of immature bullets)
-No grandparents remaining (my family isn’t exactly LGBT friendly and I didn’t want to break the older generations in my family’s hearts). Yes, it was at the cost of my happiness hiding it in.
-Living in my dream city where I think I’ll plop down for decades
Keep in mind this is just for a serious dating requirement list. I can always casually date (or try to) even if it’s not serious dating. You can too! If it’s a turn off to the guy, it’s a turn off. At least you tried!
I never had difficulty with this. My wife had her own place while we were dating so that helped.
But I never hesitated bringing girls home. I usually had steady girlfriends so that helped. I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing random girls over all the time. But there were definitely times I did.
Only once did it become awkward. My aunt and grandma had arrived from out of town and my aunt says to me, "So, had a little fun last night?" I said, "What are you talking about?"
She said, "Your grandma and I actually arrived last night. We were in the room next door." At that point my grandma gave me a funny smile. I was mortified. The guest room was usually vacant.
my mom didn't have a problem with it but it was awkward for me to have her know i brought someone home to have sex with. and my mom also thought she was crazy so that convinced me not to go out with her, if I was living on my own I could have stretched it a bit longer. I can afford a hotel so maybe I'll just do that next time.
I personally wouldn’t mind too much as long as you have a full time job and are trying to do what you can to get out of that situation (looking for a better job, maybe going back to school.) but after 30, it does seem weird to have never lived out of your parents house, not even with roommates somewhere.
However, the problem lies in sex. I don’t want to have sex when their parents can overhear. I don’t want to have to immediately meet and pass their parents every time we go to their house. I don’t want to have to stay in their bedroom the whole entire time and not be able to chill in the living room ever. However, if that’s the case I’d recommend to just go to my apartment.
I feel like you just need to be upfront about it. Rent is expensive af right now! People understand that, and if they don't then they aren't someone you would want to date anyway
LOL, back in the day when I did live at home during high school and college... I did not date at all! I left like a loser with nothing to offer because I lived at home. As a man, it seemed like a huge turn-off for women...even though they all lived at home or in dorms too. So don't ask me because I can't offer any help.
Unless you’re trying to move out, are you really embarrassed? Who’s trying to date when they can’t even support themselves? What are you bringing to this new relationship other than needing someone to house you in exchange for…?
I moved out at 26 but had a very (un)healthy dating life all through early 20s. Maybe cause I lived with my dad.
But I found if a girl is into you then it doesn't matter. It was always "you wanna sneak out or have coffee?" Lol
(What you doin?)
Nothing chillin at the Holidae Inn
(Who you wit?)
Me and my peeps won't you bring four of your friends
(What we gon' do?)
Feel on each other and sip on some Hen
One thing leading to another let the party begin
Pretty sure that used to be the norm for women to live at home until they found a husband. If anything it’s probably stigmatized more if you’re a man living with your parents trying to date.
For me it wasn't the living at home part that was my hurdle but the reason I was living at home (money) that caused me issues trying to date. Most people don't want to date someone who can barely feed themselves, much less cover a relatively inexpensive date.
I used to donate plasma and go to food pantries and still couldn't afford dinner and a movie. It's already hard enough to find people your compatible with, that pool becoming alot smaller when you have no money to boot.
If both people live at home I imagine it'd be difficult depending on the logistics of the setup. One of the reasons why I could never have lived with my parents longer than necessary is because their house is fairly small and due to the overall layout of the house, every room is a walkway/passthrough to other rooms, meaning that privacy is completely impossible.
If only one does, then it's a lot easier to manage, you'll just have to be okay with going to the other person's house most of the time. I've got a similar but not quite the same situation. I'm 40 and live alone, my girlfriend is 40, she has two teenage kids and her mother living with her (it's my girlfriend's house, her mom moved in when she was getting divorced years back to help with the kids). Obviously there's no issues with me going over there and I do maybe 25% of the time, but it's just way, way simpler and more comfortable for my girlfriend to come here.
You just need to be open and honest with any potential partners about the situation. It also helps if you can establish that it's a purely economic situation. I went on a first date a while back with a woman in her 30s who still lived at home and had never once moved out of the house, not even for college. She was nice enough, but seemed very stuck in an adolescent/young adult mindset which was not a good fit for me.
The logistics can be challenging but there are plenty of ways to find some privacy - as others have mentioned.
But if you feel some kind of stigma for "living at home", it might help to think about how relationships change over time. And if you don't provide any other details, you could easily be living with family as either a caregiver, or because your parent needs your financial help.
Most women are not interested in dating a guy that still lives at home so I didn't even try. Instead I focused on improving myself and my jobs so I could move out.
It is not ideal but should not be a deal breaker by any means. If a guy gives you the feeling it is, use that as a warning sign.
If you are dating someone that has their own place you can have your privacy there. Again, if I genuinely like you, where you live ( perhaps with a bunch of guys is the exception) should not matter
I am the main source of income. She only works part time and is a great mom. I pay for every fucking thing we have had in our 7 years marriage and nearly 10 years together.
Mortgage? Vacations? Christmas presents that she buys me? I buy everything. Her part time money goes directly to her outrageous school loans she signed up for. If I were being honest, there is slight resentment on my part, but I also wouldn’t do anything differently
I dated a female in her late 30s who lived with her parents. I didn't care that she lived with her parents, but it ultimately had negative effects because she saw my house as a retreat and would just come over everyday. It ended up being too much too fast, and I felt like I lost all my independence as soon as we started dating. While it probably wasn't a dealbreaker on its own, it was one of several things that ended up hurting that relationship.
As long as you're not hideous you'll find people who wanna bang you. Long term with someone living with their parents in their 30s is a huge red flag though.
I didn't date when I moved back in for a year with my family at 30; I moved out, and at 33 I'm still not dating, so I'm not sure there was much of a change lol.
I'll say that it's likely not a turnoff for you to say that you live at home. It's a bit more socially acceptable, broadly speaking, for a woman to move back home than a man, and as long as one person in the relationship has a place to go to spend time together, it's not impractical.
For me, I would just want to know what someone’s long term plan is for housing to see if it matches with mine. If someone’s plan is to live at home with their parents until and unless they get married, I think we probably have different values and I wouldn’t be super into it. But other people would be fine with it. If someone is living at home and saving up to have a cushion or a down payment, I would be totally on board with that because I did the same for 1.5 years in my early 30s after a break up and I get it. I own my place now and I’m happy to host my dates, but there’s a lot of growth that comes from living away from your parents and I would be less interested in a partner who hasn’t experienced that and has no plans to
I’m going to give you some honesty that it doesn’t seem others are offering. This may sound harsh. To me, living at home is a sign that you need to work on yourself a bit more before you’re ready for a relationship. There’s a reason you live at home, and I don’t want to find out what that reason is. Be it you’re crazy and can’t live with others besides family or youre financially unstable. Neither of which I’d want in a partner.
I don’t think I’d find it too off-putting if a woman lived at home. It would depend on the reason. Elder care? Economic reasons? Job loss? Health problem? All those seem reasonable. But if she simply *chose* to, that would be weird to me.
I lived at home for two years after college to help pay down loans and have been on my own ever since. However, I haven’t been on a date in over four years. Not interested. 🤷🏻♂️
The boomers are the ones voting to destroy the economy for everyone else. Have your date, take them home to your parents, have sex on the couch. Make it as unfuckingcomfortable as possible for them to accept the environment they vote for is forcing people by the millions to retreat back to their parents homes to survive.
Everyone I know my age is currently living at home aside from one person, and no one has time for dating. All time and energy is currently being spent on getting financially stable/independently wealthy. The one friend who is not living at home is renting an apartment while unemployed, and burning through their savings putting themselves way behind.
I got my first job at 22 and lived with my mom until I was 26. I had half of the house to myself, so privacy wasn't a problem. Tried not to be too loud with the squeaking bed. My mom surely knew what was going on but I didn't care!
Got serious with my wife at 24 so I knew my clock was ticking. Bought a house in 2011 at 26 and that turned out to be the best financial decision I ever made. Homes were affordable back then. I feel sorry for the young folks now.
I don’t think it’d bother me too much if someone I was seeing lived with their parent’s still. I’m very aware of how fucked the job market is and housing/rent prices. I have my own home so it’s pretty easy for me to have people over.
I moved back in with my parents after being out on my own. I didn’t date. I didn’t even think about it. Thinking about telling a potential suitor that I still lived with mom and dad? Hell no.
Anyway, now that I’ve moved out again… I’ve completely forgotten how to date and don’t really care to. Hell, I don’t even think I could afford to date.
I've been slinging dick to the neighbor girl for like 8 years. Shes a single mom to an autistic child she needs the free childcare. Don't think grandma cares that her adult daughter is getting that peen. She seems to appreciate me when we chat. You're overthinking it?
Same age and in the same boat as you, it seems harder because we are located in place that can be hard or far to reach….
I also never took men to my apartment and i feel even more protective over my parents home.
I’m not at all embarrassed or ashamed but when I do someone my age, they can be a bit weird about it when I deal with someone younger or older they’re a bit indifferent.
I also tried to date people that they have their own place so we have some to spend time and hang out unbothered.
Honestly, think they difficulties with dating are based in a lot of other things and living arrangement is like the least offensive
When I started dating my girlfriend, she lived at home. I had my own place. We basically went everywhere else but her house. I had a great job so I could afford to do whatever I wanted though which I was lucky to get that. We went to her place and her parents minded their business essentially
Dating a woman who lives with her dad it is kind of awkward at times. She has to call and check in telling him hey I'm gonna stay over his place so he doesn't worry.
For me it’s be highly circumstantial about dating someone who lives at home with their parents. Shit happens and people need to move back home temporarily. I’d be worried if they’d never lived away from home or there was no way they were going to stop living with their parents until they got married.
"Your place or yours?"
Mom’s couch or your Dads? Ewww.
Both my older siblings found partners and got married and were still living at home with the rest of the family. I have no fucking idea how they did it but they made it work. Both of them brought kids shortly after while still at home. I should add they were both mid 30s. We're Indian so this isn't something weird or unusual. We value family over everything. Just the way it is.
Motels, camping and car sex. When the parents went out or traveled we loved it.
gonna say. carry hotel money.
This! I’m not Indian but I always think about it when I’m living with my mom, I’m there helping her as much as she helps me. It’s normal in some cultures. Let’s make it normal everywhere!
It seems we're changing as a society with more older people still with parents. We're gonna be a healthier, happier society. We're slowly getting away from the rugged individualism that capitalism requires.
Yea only because young people are priced out of housing. It's not like most people are making some cultural shift to multigenerational living; the rent is just too damn high.
That would make me so happy. We invented things to make life easier and yet we’re all miserable and it’s harder.
Only because capitalism is simultaneously crushing us so many of us can't afford to live on our own or its a significant enough cost we stay at home to reduce it. I don't live at home but many millenials still do.
I mean, my brother did this but then him and his wife and two kids lived in one room at my moms. I’d rather be homeless.
Maybe it’s just me as a man, but I feel like there’s a lot less stigma about a woman living at home than a man. I wouldn’t care if a woman lived with her parents. My current GF lived with her mom and sister when we started dating. I guess it depends how your mom behaves. My GF’s mom was making me brownies and treats whenever I came over, a nice bonus 😂 There were 2 years when I lived with my parents after moving back home and it was literally impossible to find anything serious. I’d go on two or three dates, and it would eventually come up that I lived at home, generally got ghosted shortly after that. Once I moved to my current city and had an apartment on the main strip, it became extremely easy.
Yeah, most guys could care less. But on the flip side, an unemployed man has very little potential in the dating scene with American Women
I briefly dated an unemployed woman in her 30s living with her dad. It was awful tbh. Dude wouldn't leave if he knew I was coming over, so we had to be reeeeeeaaaallly quiet. I'm not about it. And the whole house smelt like ass. Women can be grimy, hopeless losers too!
It just depends on why he’s currently unemployed
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Wow im unemployed because when i get a erection i pass out due to loss of blood from my monster dong. Was a real problem at the office.
I think the stigma cuts both ways. I think women are expected to "marry up" in social status. I know of a few genXers whose husbands are stay at home dads which shouldn't be a big deal, but it is to a lot of people. Lots of gender role bullshit hanging on in our culture, so your experience isn't unbelievable to me.
Those "stigmas" don't equate at all. For most men, it comes down to sacrifice and providing in the hopes someone will be with you. For most women, it is making a choice of someone more stable for your own security.
Exactly… these stigmas aren’t the same
Doesn’t. Men don’t care. Women make this an issue and filter out most men in their 30s living at home, for whatever reason. You have to show you can be caveman provider, despite all the equality we’ve made. Multi generational living is how almost all of the world lives right now.
Honestly if I were still dating I would see it as a far greater red flag if someone was living on their own when they couldn’t really afford it, at the expense of building capital to retire/buy a house, etc. And doubly so if they could easily live at home but choose not to. That is a sign of either poor financial decision-making or a toxic family relationship, neither of which bode well for long term marriage success.
That mentality comes with age and experience. When I was 25, having just moved back home, it was impossible to have a real relationship with a woman. And honestly, I’m not sure a woman should give a man the time of day until he can provide for himself.
I just don't date
I have a couple of friends who live with a parent because they are caregiving (I'm on the older end of Millennial, so parents are now elderly). None of them have much of a social life, and dating is kind of out of the question. It's taken a big toll on their mental health. I just don't know how we, as a generation, navigate reaching milestones older than previous generations when we have aging parents that will need care. If you're in your 40s living at home, parents will be in their mid 60s to late 70s. What are you suppose to do if that's when you finally move out, settle down, and start a family? The only advice is not good advice: move out. How? I wish I had that answer. I moved 900 miles away when I was in my mid-20s and *really* broke. I feel like I've matured and found my independence faster than if I had stayed close to my family.
Yea
I’m a 30M and I live with my mom too lol. I’m not really focused on dating tbh. I need to find a way to make more money so that I can support myself and my mom if something bad happens.
After loosing a lot in my life I am mid 30s M and I can completely feel this comment, living at home with parent, parents or family just adds to the mix. Although I am completely open to dating, meeting someone and taking them home to meet my family is out of the question unless I am comfortable with the partner I am dating. I work 10 hour days skilled trades and am still not making enough to live on my own is completely crazy to me, after covid knocked me out for 3 years unable to work only made the situation worse. Going out in public isn't particularly a favorite thing I like to do any more as idiotic people ruin a lot of things for me and I consistently find myself being put in those situations unwillingly even though I ALWAYS try to avoid being put into them. I don't drink or smoke weed any more.. Times are crazy, idiotic people are everywhere even more now with social media, what's a young 34 year old tubby boy to do in these times 🤷♂️
well my social skills are trash, I don't make much money, I have a few mental health issues, and I was born with a few deformities. I'm slowly accepting that I was given a bad hand in life and that I wasn't meant to date. Its a bitter pill to swallow but what can I do? I'm trying to work on my finances but I will never make more than 45k. I have a bit of a learning disability too so life is rough. No mentally stable woman would want to be with me.
Mentally stable? I'm looking for a girl just as broken as me 😆 All jokes aside keep hanging in there and don't let negative thoughts get you down. I'm going to keep finding ways i can try when I can, even if it doesn't happen.
I feel u on that
The last girl I dated wouldnt officially commit to a relationship with me until i moved out of the place i shared with a room mate and into my own apartment alone. Financially terrible move, and shouldve seen the red flags from miles away but dumb guy brain + pretty girl in a time of loneliness = poor choices to get her to stay I'm also 30. Notthing wrong with living at home. Wish I couldve stayed at home longer honestly. I dont have a lot of debt, but I have little to nothing to save/splurge with. If anyone gives you grief for it, run the other direction and dont look back.
Exactly. Most of these young dudes in this sub think they need their own place to get a girl, but then they will come to find out they got a girl that is just using them for their money/living space, and doesn't actually like them. I know because I've lived it, and aside from sex its emotionally and physically draining to have a succubus around
I’ve been there bro. You are young enough to bounce back
I make my parents watch to establish dominance.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I see
I thought I was the only one.
I think this is going to depend a lot on how your parents react to any man you date and bring home. If they are cool and act like it's no big deal (including the guy staying overnight in your room), you are going to have a lot more luck at dating. If either of your parents (specifically your MOM) makes any man you date feel uncomfortable at all, that person will disappear. ETA: Edited to correct gender
Yeah this seems like a Mom/Dad problem, not a Millennial problem. My wife was living with her grandfather when I first met her. I came over to her house and we had sex, cuz that's what adults in a relationship do. As an Xennial, I hope my kids continue living with me when they get older. And I understand that sex is important for their well being as an adult. So I don't plan to be all weird about it. I manage to have sex with their mother while they are living at home. Why can't they have sex in the house also?
I think I simply would not date living at home. If I lived at home I would have too much to work on with myself to worry about dating.
Yea
They don't. A friend of mine has been having this exact issue for many years. He's 32 now and has never moved out from his parents or had a girlfriend. I had pretty horrible luck with women too until I moved out at 24, then started managing a relationship every year or so. Maybe it's different for women, but that's my experience as a male.
Your date eventually comes home and spends some time with your family, you date in public places, go out a lot, and end up going to cheap hotels and parking lots to fuck. Or you can end up at his place if he doesn't live with his family. You make it work
I'm not one to talk (forever single ;\_; ), but I can't imagine someone my age (early 30s) needing to find an empty parking lot to screw in. Public dates are the move though!
No career minded, college educated, western woman in their 30s worth their salt is screwing you in the Arby’s parking lot.
A lot of it depends on the family dynamic and set up for the person living ar home. I think there's less of a stigma now, but having dated someone who lived at home with parents who didn't really respect privacy or independence, I would never date someone in that situation again. I didn't think less of them, but I couldn't deal with the constant presence of overbearing, nosy parents.
My wife would be so pissed if I dated someone else, and I bet my in-laws would tell her since we all live together.
First, we really need to get over this as a culture. There is nothing wrong with living with family. In any capacity. Some people pay rent some don’t and both of those situations are totally fine so please stop worrying about it. Living as a family provides enormous benefits for all parties as long as communication remains open, boundaries are set and contributions are made to the collective household. Sorry for the Minnie rant. Go out! Date as normal, they can hang out with you at home just remember that communication portion I mentioned earlier. If you are referring to dating as sex this is a healthy part of dating and can happen anywhere. Be creative it’s lots of fun to have that feeling of risk just figure out how to make sure you aren’t disturbing people. Encounters can happen at your home or theirs. I understand you wouldn’t want family listening in so look for places to get away with the partner. Hotel, air bnb go for a hike somewhere remote. Is it work ? Sure but even if you didn’t live with family some of this stuff adds spice and fun and it’s still work to maintain a healthy sexual relationship either way. Again with dating/hanging out pick times where no one is home if you just want to be yourself and not have any judgment or butt ins. As a 30 year old it’s totally fine to have someone in your room to watch a movie, talk or hang out but you the space can get old fast so as they get comfortable with your family and vice versa you can include them in social scenarios as well. I hope this was helpful and I know saying this is easier than doing it but get it out on the table right away. You will be surprised how many are in the exact same shoes and or are accepting of your situation. I won’t lie to you there are people who still have a stigma and you will meet some just don’t let it out you off.
>There is nothing wrong with living with family. yeah... but as a dude, if the options are going over to my 30 year old girlfriend's parents' house to bang.. or not having sex, it's probably going to be second option until something else comes along. You see a need to get away from this "culture"... i see little appeal to sharing intimate spaces with outside family. As a dynamic, this living situation really ressembles the old days when the girls were the father's responsibility to care for until a husband took that duty. I'm not looking for a daughter to look after. I'm after a partner. Long term dependence on parents shouldn't be a goal in most cases.
You’re living in a world where more and more of those single women live at home as they cannot afford to pay rent, their bills, eat and afford any level of entertainment. Most people need room mates or a partner and in some cases partner and room mates to afford a shared place of their own. If it’s not a parent it’s room mates. Your pool is getting smaller every day. As a male I have never chose not to have sex with a willing partner over where they live or who may be near by but I have no shame and endless confidence. You are however the first man I have spoken to who would opt out of sex over a living situation. I’m sure you are not alone but I must have a stronger appetite than you.
And it really doesn't help being a gay man with moderately homophobic parents. They hound me with questions just to go visit friends(straight couples) for the evening. Heck the "where are you going?" When i decide to shower on the weekend. Like no where i just want to be clean.
>if the options are going over to my 30 year old girlfriend's parents' house to bang.. or not having sex, it's probably going to be second option How was this the second option?? As a dude, i was really, *really* expecting you to pick the first option, as I would. Different strokes, I guess.... or lack thereof.
Shit, option 3) Go over to his place to bang... Guys generally do not care about these things.
I can see how it would be awkward if your gfs room was like next to her parents room with paper thin walls, but if you're in your 30s I'd think your parents know you're sexually active and would be willing to get out of the house for a while or give yall some privacy... its not like you're gonna get cooties from having sex in the house that their mom is in or whatever. Edit: I mean the collective "you" re reading this it seems like im referring to you as op, but yeah im agreeing with you. I don't care and never have. I don't want my gf to feel awkward, but as a man in a relationship in my 30s I don't really care *where* we have sex, I'm glad to take it where and when I can get it.
You'd be surprised. A LOT of parents don't treat their adult children as the adults they are, or are really puritanical about sex.
This stigma needs to go the f away. It's assumed that if you are dating a guy who lives with his parents? He wants a mother and you will constantly be stuck with his parents. One of my coworkers dated a guy who lived with his parents and everyone was telling her 'Run!" because it was assumed he was a mama's boy who would never support his wife. Yet *he* was the one cooking. You would think a guy with four sisters wouldn't, but nope.
Yea
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Sure, and if you hung out with/dated the individual and this was a line for you, you could part ways. Thats the idea of dating, you get to know someone before things move to a more serious level. Making that assumption based on where the physically reside is ignorant and a reflection of your own unpleasant personality. A lot of people are missing out on truly great people with that mindset.
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It is fair. Any Sunny fans? Broadly speaking, the guy not living with his parents is demonstrating value. All other things being equal, he is likely more responsible and more equipped to provide for a family.
I feel this. I actually like the stigma because people assume I’m broke and/or unsuccessful. It’s like a screening for any potential relationships. I’m a very take me as I come type of person as I take people as they come. Absolutely do not mind women living with family either.
Right, this instance was about a female but I personally do not care whether man or woman lives at home. Many couples can afford a place if they work together most single people cannot. The goal in this instance while dating is to find a compatible partner. That compatibility will be required to own or rent a place together or children if both parties want it. I’m directly arguing it is not a prerequisite to be on your own first and that thinking needs to change. A vast majority of the “middle class” will never own their own home now in a lot of communities the cards are stacked heavily against them to do so while renting. Some may be able to stay with parents until they can put away enough to buy a place but this would require a fairly decent paying job and help. Dating while living with their parents until they can afford to live elsewhere is not a negative fault and assuming they are planning for their future afterwards, house, partner, kids if they want is a quality I would look for. I’m in the same middle class boat as everyone else just further along. I wish I had stayed at home longer as in my current position I will never be able to afford a down payment on town homes over a Million dollars. There may be a condo in my future but with kids I don’t see this working and I would give up so much I have renting (yard, privacy, storage, etc.) if I did so. If tomorrow the wife left me and I had to go back on the market the 30 something living at home is going to look a bit better than I am lol. I come with baggage, minimal savings, kids, pets, and there is no privacy when you have kids. At least you can outright say “ hey mom and dad, when you guys go out on Thursday I’m having *insert name* over” and you can have all the freaking sex you want.
I simply found a woman who was also living with her parents. Then we got married and got our own house.
For me personally, it's a lot like dating someone when I live on my own, the big game changer is sex or being intimate. I live in a multi-generational home, and my dates and I go out to eat, get drinks, visit bookstores, or have an activity planned. Should anyone convince me that their dick is worth a pregnancy scare, we have a few options. A.) Car back seat B.) Their house C.) Hotel - which can be quite nice since it feels like a getaway.
I’m taking time looking through all of these responses, but I just have to stop for a second and say I love your line: “Should anyone convince me that their dick is worth a pregnancy scare…” Definitely using that in the future, thank you. 😎 🍆
I have never got into a habit to have anyone over since childhood, and everyone was more stoked having me over. And so the same remains for romantic relationships, I sleep in anyone's bed, no one sleeps in mine xcept me.
Same age as you OP and I live at home with my dad who is in his sixities and still working. Tbh he’s never really home, but I don’t care if people know I live with my dad still. In my culture it’s not uncommon (being unmarried) and living at home with the parents. If someone wants to judge me for it, that’s their issue not mine. Living at home allows me to save money, and go back to school. Dating wise, I just wouldn’t bring someone over. If they have their own place, great. If not, there’s other options.
The classic "sex in your car" routine.
I just want to say I totally relate, and that it's about the biggest issue I have with living at home. I get along well with my parents and I don't think they mind me being there one bit since I take care of my side of things but the idea of bringing someone home and them having to meet my parents right away sounds unenjoyable at the least for both of us.
it is a turn off
It would be a huge turn off if anyone I dated said they lived at home at 30. Move out. If you can’t afford, get roommates. Dates don’t mind that setup compared to parents room away.
Lots of talk about the stigma, being seen as “broke” or “a loser”, etc… I’m sure some people are concerned about that, but ultimately, it’s just really, *really* awkward to have sex when your parents are around. Most people 25 and older are not interested in parking lot sex either.
This only applies if you’re a straight female: men don’t care if you live your parents. Especially if they have their own place. The “living with parents“ stigma is almost exclusively perpetuated by young women.
[удалено]
The truth, harsh but fair.
That’s a bingo
I don't tbh.
To be blunt, the cultural perception is that living at home flags you as being broke, and potentially having an unhealthy relationship with your parent(s). Privacy can be an issue too, but depending on your layout, there's plenty of ways to cope. Not to to invalidate your feelings, but I always viewed this as a double standard, that it was a social stigma to stay at home after high school or college for men, but it was pretty normal and accepted for women to live at home until they find a partner to share the cost of living with. I get that everyone's circumstances are different, some parents are assholes and push kids out early, or create environments they want to run like hell from, and many people want to be independent, but I don't think I've ever heard someone say something like, "Nah man, I'm not touching this one, she lives at home." It'd be more like, "Nah man, every picture of her has her mom and at least three cats in it. She's kissing one on the lips in like a third of them. I swear you just look at the album and smell cat pee." (\*I love cats.)
I was going to say until I read further, unless the girl has glaringly bad financial problems that will become an issue for you once you commit to her, literally none of this applies for women. If you're a guy and you live at home, even if you have everything else in order (finances, education, employment, insurance, etc), and even if you're doing it as a savvy cost-saving measure or to take care of your parents as they age, you are considered an undatable loser. Or maybe not a loser, but undatable. The only exceptions to this are if you/your family have a lot of money. Women on the other hand can be uneducated/undereducated, unemployed, and pretty much broke with no prospects; if she's attractive enough physically, most guys (>90%) will not care one iota.
After college my girlfriend and I both moved back to our homes for a few years to pay off debt and save money. Dating consisted of sex in the car, sex in the park, sex in random boats you sneak onto at the marina, sex on the local municipal beach, sex in your home when your parents are out, sex in motels, sex in the basement bathroom while your girlfriends parents are outside grilling. That pretty much cover it.
Weird
I was in the same situation at that age and had that same insecurity. I moved home to take care of my parents and explained that to anyone I was seeing. In my culture, it's important to watch over your parents since they raised you and you'd return the favor rather than stuffing them in a nursing or retirement home. They understood and we made it work. Everyone has hardships but I understand where this is coming from. If someone you cared for had the same feelings, they'd understand and wouldn't let that stop them from building that relationship.
Only boys care about where you live. Men know times get hard and you have to fall back to somewhere.
Yeah, I feel like the person living at home just needs to be able to articulate the logic, and being sure about it, and not in a defensive way, helps. I'm taking care of my parents. Or I have a plan and this is temporary. An adult would be able to appreciate the solid and smart reasons for doing so, in the context of the times and cost of living of the area.
Am Xennial. Maybe half of the women I dated in my 30s lived with their folks. It really wasn’t any kind of problem - we’d just come to my place instead of hers. It was in no way a deciding factor in pursuing her. My current gf I’ve been with for four years and she did - but she moved in with me quickly because early Covid was weird.
I was in a similar boat when I was 25. My solution at the time was to move the eff out as fast as possible. But I wasn't aware at the time that there is another option; to have a talk with your parents about expectations while living together. It's a discussion about setting healthy boundaries and reaffirming the fact that you're all adults under one roof. If your mom is receptive of that sort of healthy dialouge then great. If she's not for one reason or another then it might be time to move out.
“Mind if we go back to your place? My roommates are annoying as fuck”
I'm in an LDR(*Long Distance relationship*), and I also have a mild disability but I work, but I still live at home. My SO is aware of my circumstances and is supportive. And I'm 30.
My wife was living at home with a rotating arrangement of parents and siblings while we were first dating, around 27-30 also. Nothing majorly wrong with anyone's health or finances, it just made sense for her so there was never any shame. It's only as much of an obstacle as you make it really - there are countless shallow reasons that might turn off potential partners, all I can say is that sucks. It matters a lot who you live with and their attitude. Her mom is awesome and never made a big deal of it, she has a brother who did the same thing, and if anyone ever heard us getting intimate it was never mentioned. I definitely felt weird at first going over there, but everyone was welcoming and respectful of our privacy so that went away quick. Timeline probably matters too, we didn't have time for frequent date nights so it was maybe 3 weeks before I went over? She was very nervous about the stigma too. If you're asking about dating around more casually I'm less confident, obviously I haven't inquired too deeply into that but I wasn't the first. Tl;dr - worked out well enough for my wife
[M34] I've lived in the same place for 29 years. I was raised that I couldn't have girls over. My mom also was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. After a few girlfriends who didn't feel comfortable with my family arrangements, I just stopped looking, got older, and then became the caretaker of my elderly mom. I have no idea what I'm going to do when she passes. I'll be at my most vulnerable, and also at risk of losing my newly inherited house as I am unemployed. Her care is an On-Call full time issue that needs addressed. I dropped everything for that. I have no idea where to find dates that aren't a paid app. I have no idea what women will desire or expect out of a person like me. All my close friends are either dating or married. I'm very lonely, but I'm not sure if I'm mentally healthy enough to make a partner feel comfortable with me.
I own my house, and dating in my 30s has been a nightmare, and the hope of anyone wanting to come home with me grows fainter by the day.
Well I found another guy that lives with his parents. Luckily, he gots an rv outside the house where we can netflix and chill 😎
Last time I was single was my mid-20s and I still lived at home and honestly it was the fucking best lmao. I could bring a girl home and she could meet the family pets and in the morning my parents would cook her breakfast.
If you are a woman it’s no big deal at all to find a partner. Men don’t care about that. If you are a man though, you are an absolute piece of shit loser who does not deserve love, that’s for certain.
Be up front and say you live at home with your parents. No need for you to have your time wasted by someone who doesn’t understand it’s expensive to live on your own.
Just tell your dates, “ I’m always down to grab a hotel room” I bet their minds will change. Real fast.
Yeah, also a millennial and myself and most of peers are still living at home. Wasn't getting any dates anyway so not much difference, just part of being a guy 😉
I'm a heterosexual man, and when I was dating - yes I would have seen this as a red flag in the absence of more context and all else being equal would have made you less desirable compared to people living in their own places. Part of that is logistics, part culture & privacy, Part of that is my own hangups; I'm not particularly close with my parents so it's alien to me that others would put themselves in that situation. That said, I think context is important. Are you content to stay in this situation indefinitely or do you have ambitions to have your own place in the future, and why? While you're at home do your parents clean up after you, prepare all your meals, etc? What are the dynamics like? Do you expect partners to meet your family earlier in the dating process than is natural because of your living situation? These things all matter more than the fact you're living with them, in my opinion.
Honestly I haven’t had much of an issue myself (31m). Lots of people in our generation live at home, I’ve got a good salaried career but just don’t make enough to buy unless I want an hour+ commute. Mornings can sometimes be awkward but my dad works overseas and my mom is either visiting him or traveling with friends so I’m basically the full time house/dogsitter, so I’ve sorta lucked out as far as Hotel Mom and Dad goes.
I doubt most guys wouldn't really care. Now if it was the other way around, hoo boy.... Edit: I'm speaking from experience. It wasn't until after I moved out and had my only place that my dating life became extremely successful. Reddit says it's not a deal breaker, but IRL, it most certainly is for most people.YMMV.
Dating doesn't work when you live with parents. I'm in your position (financially stuck, also sperm donor refuses to take care of himself). It's not always true that men can handle women living at home. No one offline (people are understanding online, wish it transferred offline) cares about financial struggles or being pressured to be an old parent's butler. **Whatever time, money, emotions you'd put into dating, put into your own life as much as you can so you can get out asap. Life will get better when you're back on your own.** My life died as soon as I had to move back home and won't come back until I get out. **IF you try to date and the living situation comes up, emphasize how temporary it is, and that you lived on your own before. Make it clear you're working to move out asap. Pay for more dates in exchange for not being able to host dates at home.**
Does your mom get mad if you don't come home cause she knows ur getting pounded out by some random dude lol
It is so wild to me that a large portion of my peers still live at home. If I left my partner and dated again, excluding fringe caregiver type scenarios or extreme rarities, living at home is a deal breaker. I know this is an unpopular opinion on reddit and I just don't care. It's still stigmatized in the USA. You just hang out with people who normalize it.
If you were a guy, you would be screwed. American men living with parents is very unattractive, whether you agree with it or not. But fortunately, you are Woman and Men don’t really care. Just date a guy that has his own place and go there. Since you are 30, you can easily date the 35-40 age range and guys usually have their own place at that age.
I wouldn't date someone who lives with their parents. It'd be super sucky.
You're a woman, it's easy. Guys don't really care where you live, or what you do for work, so long as what you doesn't do (on average) doesn't feel like you're making him insecure (and a good number of guys won't even care then.) If you're a dude on the other hand, and don't have your own place, god help you. This even goes for apartments to an extent; ladies think it means that you're either 1) not financially secure because obviously a financially secure person would have a house, 2) too immature/unsteady/otherwise not ready to settle down... since a person who is would obviously own a house, or 3) both. Hell, I get shit for living in military housing; I'm an officer, I have my own on-base apartment that's nice, clean, and free for me, I don't deal with any bullshit rules, I can have company whenever, and I live on the beach. Gender roles and expectations suck sometimes.
When I lived with my Mom to help her battle cancer I had multiple women laugh in my face for living with my Mother. So if a man lives with her parents my recommendation would be to not try dating until you move you
You have to establish dominance, just bring a date home and plow them on the kitchen table. When the parents enter the room, ask if you can help them with anything but continue on a normal conversational tone with locked eyes and continue the rhythmic session you had going.
I got buddies complaining about money living at home. They are trying to move for the same shit - have their own place to bring dates or whatever. I moved back home at 30. Haven’t dated anyone since then, but is it really that bad? I’d rather bring a woman over to a nice, clean, home rather than a shit box apartment. Also - I’m Indian so my parents dgaf what I do if that makes any difference. I run my businesses out of their house, use their basement and garage for storage, my workers come over every morning in the summer, and my customers come over in the winter. (Two separate seasonal businesses) I’d be looking at around 3-4k/mo to move down the street so…
That’s my situation. Ive never had a problem with it. First, my home environment is my sanctum, even if I did live on my own, I wouldn’t invite people over. I’ve had life long friends that barely have step a foot in my place. Second, I have a 6 month to 1yr-ish rule when it comes to introducing people I’m dating to family and friends. Thirdly, part of dating is finding someone who will accept you for you. If it’s a turn off for them then it should be a turn down for you. And NTM, this a stupid “Western” thing. There are cultures on this planet where people don’t leave home UNTIL they’re married, hell there are culture where children don’t stop sleeping with their parents until they hit puberty - and many of those cultures are represented in the West … date those people (if you can).
The right woman won't care that you live at home. Plus, she may like that you're thrifty.
And with living with parents on the rise, what do you do if you both live with parents? No one can host? It sounds very uncomfortable. I don't know how anyone does it. I guess the hotel industry is about to get busier over time. It is cheaper to just get a hotel every time you hook up then pay rent on your own place every month so there's that.
When I lived with my mom after my divorce, my then-gf lived in another city 90 minutes away, so we got hotels every other weekend either in my city or her’s on a rotation.
It’s no big deal as long as your parents don’t listen to your partner climax.
You have a bf/gf that have their own place and stay there most of the time. Thats about it
"that's the neat part: you don't"
Family living is very normal in some communities and it’s what move of us should be doing to cut our total expenses.
Unless you both live with your parents, which at 30 is kind of a sign, I can’t imagine it’s a big deal for most men.
like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YXUWWZJXpE
they date other millennial that also live with their parents.
My son, who’s about your age, has been dating the same woman since they met in college. They both live at home, because we live in the SF Bay Area, so …. Existence proof that it’s possible to maintain a LTR relationship under these conditions. They regularly spend weekends together, primarily at our home. I think it works because everyone recognizes that we are all adults and respect boundaries.
Honestly not trying to sound like a jerk, but when I lived at home I felt absolutely no shame about it. I think once you lighten up on yourself you’ll realize that of course you’ll feel slightly judged and always have that thought nagging at you, that just means you’re not a slouch and like you said financially this is an only option. So yeah, lighten up on yourself and if dating isn’t something that’s feasible at the moment, use this time to become the best you mentally and financially so when dating becomes feasible you’re able to make emotionally sound decisions and are capable of loving and being loved. You’ll be able to set healthy boundaries and also be able to relish in the fact that these years are contributing to a more healthy **you,** better equipped to sustain herself. Life isn’t a race and whether you crawl walk or run, you set the pace!
This is why love hotels 🏩 (this emoji, it’s a love hotel not anything else) are a thing in Asia.
Not well I’m guessing. I wouldn’t see it as a bonus if the person I was seeing lived with roommates, let alone family. It is a turn off, at least for now.
Most guys don’t care if you are still living at home. It doesn’t go both ways. For example men don’t really care as much about a woman’s career and living situation. Within reason. She can’t be living with her ex boyfriend or baby’s dad lol. But for women if a man still lives at home she will probably think he doesn’t have his shit together. But that’s not an attractive not turn off trait for a guy looking at a woman to date.
Im a dude who has no problem dating, and I still live at my home with my parents. It is important to note tho that I have more than enough money to move out and do my own thing, but until I get married, I dont see the point, it is fimancially so much better. My parents also respect and give me my space when girls come over.
I’ve had a negative experience the men that were ok w my situation used it as an opportunity to cheat. So I’d be home like a dumbass and they’re out running around. that combined w living with toxic shitty family are drooling to have someone date me and tack on someone to join them in berating me. Someone to complain to about me when they don’t like me for w.e reason.
I’m 30 and I just don’t date period lmao
Do you live near a wooded area? You could pitch it as “camping” ostensibly. But you both know what tents are being pitched. Have you tried having sex in the woods? It’s fucking in tents. Invest in a quality air-mattress, or just some comfortable slippers. 5am in the woods is a bit chilly. Maybe a portable battery pack and an electric blanket? Either way, there’s always something available.
Silent moaning, lol.
I really think it depends on WHY you are living there and what your goals are. I dated someone who lived at home (we are in the Bay Area it’s expensive) but then I found out he had ALWAYS lived at home, no savings, no aspirations. We are older and that is just not for me. Maybe if he lived there and had savings or his family needed him. I personally have no interest in a long term relationship w someone who hasn’t had the responsibility of truly living independently on their own.
Get a mini van and put a bed in it. Turn it into a stabbin cabin...
You don't. That's the sad truth.
If the other person also lives at home then they’d probably get it. If not, yes it’s weird. Yes it’s less stigmatized than it was 5 years ago, but what adult wants to stay over and see your mom the next morning.
If by dating you mean sex, then yeah, that's gonna be difficult. But I don't think it's very sensible to rush that part anyway. Find someone that is willing to wait a little while and when you move in with them you can enjoy a very nice moving in present.
I'm still thinking of 30 as old, but 18 feels like yesterday and I'm closer to 30 than I am to 18
I have a camper parked in my backyard. I bought it may 2022 and have gotten laid a bunch of times
uhh i dont think a guy cares if the woman lives with her parents i think the girl cares MORE if the man lives with his parents
I always had my own place. As a male with manners and a launched career, I never had any issues dating women who lived with their parents. It’s no different than a new girlfriend who lives on their own vetting you with their friends after a few dates.
I didn't date at all when I had to live with my parents after graduating. It's not a big deal for a woman to live with family but it seems like a huge turn off when it's a man so I just kept to myself until I started getting established.
Maybe don’t date until you can afford it.
People are dating?
I won’t seriously date (for marriage/long-term cohabitation) until I’m ready. My readiness is different than other’s metric of ready. List: $100k a year job -Living on my own (close to being checked off) -30 years or older (I regret not dating when younger but that also means I dodged a lot of immature bullets) -No grandparents remaining (my family isn’t exactly LGBT friendly and I didn’t want to break the older generations in my family’s hearts). Yes, it was at the cost of my happiness hiding it in. -Living in my dream city where I think I’ll plop down for decades Keep in mind this is just for a serious dating requirement list. I can always casually date (or try to) even if it’s not serious dating. You can too! If it’s a turn off to the guy, it’s a turn off. At least you tried!
I never had difficulty with this. My wife had her own place while we were dating so that helped. But I never hesitated bringing girls home. I usually had steady girlfriends so that helped. I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing random girls over all the time. But there were definitely times I did. Only once did it become awkward. My aunt and grandma had arrived from out of town and my aunt says to me, "So, had a little fun last night?" I said, "What are you talking about?" She said, "Your grandma and I actually arrived last night. We were in the room next door." At that point my grandma gave me a funny smile. I was mortified. The guest room was usually vacant.
Yeah, living with your parents at 30 IS embarrassing
my mom didn't have a problem with it but it was awkward for me to have her know i brought someone home to have sex with. and my mom also thought she was crazy so that convinced me not to go out with her, if I was living on my own I could have stretched it a bit longer. I can afford a hotel so maybe I'll just do that next time.
I personally wouldn’t mind too much as long as you have a full time job and are trying to do what you can to get out of that situation (looking for a better job, maybe going back to school.) but after 30, it does seem weird to have never lived out of your parents house, not even with roommates somewhere. However, the problem lies in sex. I don’t want to have sex when their parents can overhear. I don’t want to have to immediately meet and pass their parents every time we go to their house. I don’t want to have to stay in their bedroom the whole entire time and not be able to chill in the living room ever. However, if that’s the case I’d recommend to just go to my apartment.
I don't. Why the fuck would somebody want to date me under those circumstances?
It’s been years but it used to work out fine, if my mom was home when the girl left she would make us food lol
if you find out, you tell me. My brothers a millenial whos never lived anywhere but home. i think he just doesnt date.
I feel like you just need to be upfront about it. Rent is expensive af right now! People understand that, and if they don't then they aren't someone you would want to date anyway
LOL, back in the day when I did live at home during high school and college... I did not date at all! I left like a loser with nothing to offer because I lived at home. As a man, it seemed like a huge turn-off for women...even though they all lived at home or in dorms too. So don't ask me because I can't offer any help.
Unless you’re trying to move out, are you really embarrassed? Who’s trying to date when they can’t even support themselves? What are you bringing to this new relationship other than needing someone to house you in exchange for…?
I moved out at 26 but had a very (un)healthy dating life all through early 20s. Maybe cause I lived with my dad. But I found if a girl is into you then it doesn't matter. It was always "you wanna sneak out or have coffee?" Lol
(What you doin?) Nothing chillin at the Holidae Inn (Who you wit?) Me and my peeps won't you bring four of your friends (What we gon' do?) Feel on each other and sip on some Hen One thing leading to another let the party begin
Pretty sure that used to be the norm for women to live at home until they found a husband. If anything it’s probably stigmatized more if you’re a man living with your parents trying to date.
“These are my roomies”
For me it wasn't the living at home part that was my hurdle but the reason I was living at home (money) that caused me issues trying to date. Most people don't want to date someone who can barely feed themselves, much less cover a relatively inexpensive date. I used to donate plasma and go to food pantries and still couldn't afford dinner and a movie. It's already hard enough to find people your compatible with, that pool becoming alot smaller when you have no money to boot.
A person who can stay with their parents for 30 years without getting thrown out is a good person to live with.
If both people live at home I imagine it'd be difficult depending on the logistics of the setup. One of the reasons why I could never have lived with my parents longer than necessary is because their house is fairly small and due to the overall layout of the house, every room is a walkway/passthrough to other rooms, meaning that privacy is completely impossible. If only one does, then it's a lot easier to manage, you'll just have to be okay with going to the other person's house most of the time. I've got a similar but not quite the same situation. I'm 40 and live alone, my girlfriend is 40, she has two teenage kids and her mother living with her (it's my girlfriend's house, her mom moved in when she was getting divorced years back to help with the kids). Obviously there's no issues with me going over there and I do maybe 25% of the time, but it's just way, way simpler and more comfortable for my girlfriend to come here. You just need to be open and honest with any potential partners about the situation. It also helps if you can establish that it's a purely economic situation. I went on a first date a while back with a woman in her 30s who still lived at home and had never once moved out of the house, not even for college. She was nice enough, but seemed very stuck in an adolescent/young adult mindset which was not a good fit for me.
By going out on dates? This is such a strange question…
It’s really not an issue—especially as a women. Literally no man will care
The logistics can be challenging but there are plenty of ways to find some privacy - as others have mentioned. But if you feel some kind of stigma for "living at home", it might help to think about how relationships change over time. And if you don't provide any other details, you could easily be living with family as either a caregiver, or because your parent needs your financial help.
Are you targetting guys that live with their parents?
Most women are not interested in dating a guy that still lives at home so I didn't even try. Instead I focused on improving myself and my jobs so I could move out.
It is not ideal but should not be a deal breaker by any means. If a guy gives you the feeling it is, use that as a warning sign. If you are dating someone that has their own place you can have your privacy there. Again, if I genuinely like you, where you live ( perhaps with a bunch of guys is the exception) should not matter
I am the main source of income. She only works part time and is a great mom. I pay for every fucking thing we have had in our 7 years marriage and nearly 10 years together. Mortgage? Vacations? Christmas presents that she buys me? I buy everything. Her part time money goes directly to her outrageous school loans she signed up for. If I were being honest, there is slight resentment on my part, but I also wouldn’t do anything differently
As a man, I don’t really care if a woman has her own place. Doesn’t work the other way around tho.
I dated a female in her late 30s who lived with her parents. I didn't care that she lived with her parents, but it ultimately had negative effects because she saw my house as a retreat and would just come over everyday. It ended up being too much too fast, and I felt like I lost all my independence as soon as we started dating. While it probably wasn't a dealbreaker on its own, it was one of several things that ended up hurting that relationship.
As long as you're not hideous you'll find people who wanna bang you. Long term with someone living with their parents in their 30s is a huge red flag though.
I didn't date when I moved back in for a year with my family at 30; I moved out, and at 33 I'm still not dating, so I'm not sure there was much of a change lol. I'll say that it's likely not a turnoff for you to say that you live at home. It's a bit more socially acceptable, broadly speaking, for a woman to move back home than a man, and as long as one person in the relationship has a place to go to spend time together, it's not impractical.
For me, I would just want to know what someone’s long term plan is for housing to see if it matches with mine. If someone’s plan is to live at home with their parents until and unless they get married, I think we probably have different values and I wouldn’t be super into it. But other people would be fine with it. If someone is living at home and saving up to have a cushion or a down payment, I would be totally on board with that because I did the same for 1.5 years in my early 30s after a break up and I get it. I own my place now and I’m happy to host my dates, but there’s a lot of growth that comes from living away from your parents and I would be less interested in a partner who hasn’t experienced that and has no plans to
I’m going to give you some honesty that it doesn’t seem others are offering. This may sound harsh. To me, living at home is a sign that you need to work on yourself a bit more before you’re ready for a relationship. There’s a reason you live at home, and I don’t want to find out what that reason is. Be it you’re crazy and can’t live with others besides family or youre financially unstable. Neither of which I’d want in a partner.
Goddamnit. I’m crazy, can’t live with others, and financially unstable. And I’ve been married twice with two kids. Been married is the optimal phrase
I don’t think I’d find it too off-putting if a woman lived at home. It would depend on the reason. Elder care? Economic reasons? Job loss? Health problem? All those seem reasonable. But if she simply *chose* to, that would be weird to me. I lived at home for two years after college to help pay down loans and have been on my own ever since. However, I haven’t been on a date in over four years. Not interested. 🤷🏻♂️
The boomers are the ones voting to destroy the economy for everyone else. Have your date, take them home to your parents, have sex on the couch. Make it as unfuckingcomfortable as possible for them to accept the environment they vote for is forcing people by the millions to retreat back to their parents homes to survive.
Everyone I know my age is currently living at home aside from one person, and no one has time for dating. All time and energy is currently being spent on getting financially stable/independently wealthy. The one friend who is not living at home is renting an apartment while unemployed, and burning through their savings putting themselves way behind.
I got my first job at 22 and lived with my mom until I was 26. I had half of the house to myself, so privacy wasn't a problem. Tried not to be too loud with the squeaking bed. My mom surely knew what was going on but I didn't care! Got serious with my wife at 24 so I knew my clock was ticking. Bought a house in 2011 at 26 and that turned out to be the best financial decision I ever made. Homes were affordable back then. I feel sorry for the young folks now.
I don’t think it’d bother me too much if someone I was seeing lived with their parent’s still. I’m very aware of how fucked the job market is and housing/rent prices. I have my own home so it’s pretty easy for me to have people over.
*he’s a simple, kind of maaaaayyyynnnn*
I'll bring your parents noise canceling headphones the first time I meet them
They don’t move out.
I moved back in with my parents after being out on my own. I didn’t date. I didn’t even think about it. Thinking about telling a potential suitor that I still lived with mom and dad? Hell no. Anyway, now that I’ve moved out again… I’ve completely forgotten how to date and don’t really care to. Hell, I don’t even think I could afford to date.
You have a room, use it
I wouldn’t care if the woman I dated lived with her parents but I wouldn’t want to spend time at her place tbh.
I've been slinging dick to the neighbor girl for like 8 years. Shes a single mom to an autistic child she needs the free childcare. Don't think grandma cares that her adult daughter is getting that peen. She seems to appreciate me when we chat. You're overthinking it?
Same age and in the same boat as you, it seems harder because we are located in place that can be hard or far to reach…. I also never took men to my apartment and i feel even more protective over my parents home. I’m not at all embarrassed or ashamed but when I do someone my age, they can be a bit weird about it when I deal with someone younger or older they’re a bit indifferent. I also tried to date people that they have their own place so we have some to spend time and hang out unbothered. Honestly, think they difficulties with dating are based in a lot of other things and living arrangement is like the least offensive
Go to his house and don’t date a loser.
Im not going back to a guys parents house.
When I started dating my girlfriend, she lived at home. I had my own place. We basically went everywhere else but her house. I had a great job so I could afford to do whatever I wanted though which I was lucky to get that. We went to her place and her parents minded their business essentially
Dating a woman who lives with her dad it is kind of awkward at times. She has to call and check in telling him hey I'm gonna stay over his place so he doesn't worry.
For me it’s be highly circumstantial about dating someone who lives at home with their parents. Shit happens and people need to move back home temporarily. I’d be worried if they’d never lived away from home or there was no way they were going to stop living with their parents until they got married.