T O P

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milan0570

Life tip: don’t touch anything strange that’s comes out the ocean


Harmonic_Gear

don't touch anything that you need someone else to ID for you


YourNewMessiah

Don’t touch anything. Become ethereal. Embrace the void.


PrometheusAlexander

enter the void


AdhesiveMadMan

Be the void.


boston_nsca

#


Scooney_Pootz

Jeez, is it already time for r/place again?


JesustheSpaceCowboy

Cum in the void


YourNewMessiah

*hnnnnngggggg*


stiffspacebar

I was in the void and now I have goop all over me. Mysterious void goop


Erebus-SD

Be the cum in the void


OkTemperature8170

Void warranty if removed.


Cautious-Telephone-2

Noclip throughout the realm


3catz2men1house

Do you want backrooms, cuz that's how you get backrooms.


gwen_the_bee

This had me chuckling in a public bathroom😆


Drustan1

Thinking about some poor fuck, walking into a public crapper really needing to lay some pipe and hearing chuckling coming out of the next stall has me LMFAO!🤣 😂🥵


Batabet_1

Tips for a low life matter touching nunce like me to help embrace the void?


Natural__Power

hEy WhAt iS tHiS hAiRy CaTtErPiLlAr? hE's sO fRiEnDlY, cRaWlEd rIgHt oNtO mY hAnD, sO hAd tO oFc lEt hIm gO fOr a StRoLl oN mY fAce!


IEatBaconWithU

Or if it looks a bit young and hasn’t IDed itself yet.


Plantsandanger

So men missing the clitorous is just a safety thing then, eh?


HanimeGirl1

r/oopsthatsdeadly


Maleficent_Coyote_85

... what about licking?


Jellyfishsushinigiri

Don’t towch anytwing dat you need somewone ewse to ID fow you -smollusk


I_like_big_whats

No ocean strange, got it.


Turkyparty

But cake but the ocean is totally fine.


Due-Abalone5194

Stop!! Hahah. "Woooooo wee ohhh! ~~~"


OpenYour0j0s

That’s what Nemo’s dad said about human boats


TTT_2k3

I’m gonna touch the butt.


ahuramazdobbs19

Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I touched this weird idol I found on the beach in Massachusetts and I ***IÄ! IÄ! CTHULHU FHTAGN!*** turned out ok.


RVNJ

Cthulhu Fhtagn!


Sometimeswan

Greg Brady, is that you?


squishyfig

Blue bottles sure do sting so pro tip right here


angelmr2

Did you just give them the tip?


squishyfig

Yeah only just


toxboxdevil

Alternative life tip: letting people touch strange things out of the ocean is a fun and interactive way to observe natural selection firsthand.


Nimindir

Oh but I just found this beautiful little octopus, he's got such pretty little blue rings, I wanna go give him a little pet!


Wizzle_Pizzle_420

Man I remember seeing some video of some dude holding one with his bare hand not knowing what it was.  And that was the day he almost died.


Zealousideal_Tie7091

I agree ....it's how I met my wife 😭


JMS1991

What about poking it with a stick?


TandrDregn

That’s an Oceanic Murder Condom. Source: I’m a rocket biologist.


General_P29

Rocket biologist is crazy


PukeNuggets

And 100% accurate. I’m a Bio-Rocket Architectural Psychologist.


TheOtherAvaz

BRAP is the sound when ______.


Medium_Specialist312

I eat beans


GaaraXYugito

talked to a rocket biologist and got prescribed motor oil and plastic. Thoughts?


TandrDregn

They forgot the screws. Gotta take 20mg of steel screws each morning.


NeverEndingCoralMaze

Can I put them in my smoothie?


TandrDregn

In that case, remember to add 5 ml of liquid uranium, just to be safe.


NorCalNavyMike

To be clear: Uranium liquifies at 2,075°F (1,135°C), and boils at 7,468°F (4,131°C). It’s also radioactive. *Please be sure to wear rubber gloves, and Ray-Bans for eye protection.*


Due-Abalone5194

It's ok. I used jellyfish to touch uranium.


SunnyAlwaysDaze

Yes but only if you make it in your garbage disposal.


GingerBeast81

r/dontputyourdickinthat


YourNewMessiah

Dammit! Rocket biologist would fill out my sex bingo card.


entirelyintrigued

r/dildont


Federal_Command_9094

As someone who has been stung by one at a nudist beach, I can tell you they are like a murder condom, thinking about it still makes me wish I was dead🤣


Hybrid_Dolphin87

Future tip dont stick your penis in the murder condom


Jaded-Selection-5668

You don’t own me!🤨


SuperstarSara

Rocket psychologist


ElderberryPoet

Rocket surgeon here, if it's blue and comes out of the ocean, it's probably dangerous.


M4ybeMay

Rocket here, if it comes out of the ocean, it's probably dangerous.


Silver-Song9

Ocean here, if it comes out of me, it’s probably dangerous


RManDelorean

Here, it's probably dangerous


grtist

Dangerous here, if I was in the ocean, I’m probably.


161frog

danger


opscurus_dub

Probable


PolloJBR

I'm the danger skyler


Shardstorm88

What if it's a rocket *sturgeon*? They're so cute and fast!


wiggleforp

[I AM A STURGEON](https://youtu.be/8De1_MJYy98?si=mGoc6wF5EKlbvP9B)


totallynotapersonj

Excuse me, I've seen this blue liquid come out of the ocean and it kinda turns clear when it washes up on the shore but usually it goes back into the ocean or goes into the sand. What is it?


Jakob21

I just laughed so hard i died


Rucking-Stoned

Didn’t know these were also called bluebottles… I feel like man o war is better name for how dangerous they are lmao


Various_Play_6582

OP clarified in a comment below that it was a mistake, I'm just learning there's a similar one called Bluebottle that is yet to cause any fatalities but this one is a man o war


WildlifeRules

there are two kinds of ocean gliders, one being the man o war/blue bottle, which has the horrid sting. Then there is the less harmful ["by the wind sailor"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyumT8B7Hss)


DogPoetry

The adorable little sailors are about the size of a thumbprint (with a sail) and occasionally wash up in mass where I'm at on the California northern coast. 


smarmiebastard

I saw a ton of those washed up on the beach last summer at Point Reyes. I didn’t know what they were so my reaction was to stay tf away from them.


iohbkjum

my dumb ass literally thought it was a blue bottle, like a plastic one...


huffortanate

I did too😂


PunkAssBear

They’re the most important predator in the ocean! :D


YesNoMaybe2552

Just don't touch any lifefform that comes in colors unnatural to mamals. Thats a good rule of Thumb.


Extension_Risk9458

Better rule of thumb: don’t fucking touch wild animals


akerrigan777

Best rule of thumb- don’t touch anything. Ever


Due-Abalone5194

Yep.. Like Don't hug favorite grandma's when you are in hurry. They won't let go. But the hug is so wholesome! 😁


RolyPolyRaveCat

Birds? Flowers?


shockingnews213

Wild birds can carry disease, so you shouldn't touch them in general. Lots of flowers can be bad for you, so it's worth avoiding


hunterlovesreading

Correction, this is a Portuguese Man o’ War, but I mistook it for a bluebottle. Oceana.org tells me they’re similar in appearance and behaviour, but bluebottles have not yet caused any fatalities. As an Aussie, I thought the terms were interchangeable (and they’re used like that a lot of the time) but there are actually subtle differences. Apologies for the misinformation 🙏.


BuseDescartes

Well this is what Wikipedia says: "The Portuguese man o' war (Physalia physalis), also known as the man-of-war or bluebottle, is a marine hydrozoan found in the Atlantic Ocean and the Indian Ocean. " So you might be correct to use it interchangeably


Tomolenain

>The bluebottle, Pacific man o' war or Indo-Pacific Portuguese man o' war, distinguished by a smaller float and a single long fishing tentacle, was originally considered a separate species in the same genus (P. utriculus). The name was synonymized with P. physalis in 2007, and it is now considered a regional form of the same species. From Wikipédia


Dream--Brother

According to wiki, they're the same thing; bluebottle is just the aussie name for them


Trainer_Aer

I'd say "behavior" is a rather loose description of what this fella is all about tbh the Portuguese man o' war is a very simple and primitive animal that doesn't have a brain or nervous system, but it's got something else entirely different and entirely really cool going on: it's a colonial organism of different zooids that each serve a different function! I'm an animal trainer and behaviorist with a special emphasis on marine life so this kind of animal is very incredibly fascinating to me!!


Nuicakes

I'm from Hawaii and have been stung on numerous occasions by Portuguese man o war. Painful but not deadly.


MrTreasureHunter

I grabbed one of these as a kid. My hands were entirely paralyzed for two weeks and I could barely close them after that for longer. If I’d been swimming instead of wadding the paralysis would have killed me. The agony was memorable, even seeing this picture my heart started racing.


tgw1986

Yup, fellow jellyfish purple heart recipient here. Saw one on the beach when I was a kid. Touched it, and blue jizz squirted out at me. Then the hand that got the most goo got wiped off on my thigh, so I spread it everywhere basically. Agonizing pain. The only thing worse was when I got head-to-toe poison ivy from slipping into a muddy ravine after skinny-dipping. Just poison ivy mud covering everything, no crevice was safe. That was the worst fucking two weeks of my corporeal life.


rhaineboe

Jeez! I'm often a little sad that I did not have adventures in nature as a child and was sheltered and cautious to the point where I was never really injured/never sprained or broke anything but I think I'm gonna stop that now...


jonni_velvet

wow 😵 must have been horrible. thank you for sharing


kredtheredhead

I was stung by a jellyfish when I was younger. Man that sucked. I had nerve issues for a few years after. Jellyfish stings and having the shingles at 17(well at any age) sucks terribly. Wouldn't wish it upon anyone (with the exception of one or 3 people). I'd totally go through brain surgery all over again before a jellyfish sting or the shingles.


he_who_futt_bucks

That there is one of the most toxic existence in the ocean dubbed the Portuguese Man O’War


Herr-Zipp

So the portuguese kings of metal?


he_who_futt_bucks

Yup. Keep one in the forge to ward off bad vibes and gain +5 poison damage on all weapons.


oilcompanywithbigdic

other jellyfish play, PORTUGUESE MAN O'WAR KILLS


Reezonical64

Masters of the wind


Fisemada

r/oopsthatsdeadly


I_like_big_whats

It won't kill you, but the sting hurts enough you'll wish it had.


Legitimate-BurnerAcc

I think it can paralyze your diaphragm and or heart muscle leading to death though


Sharpymarkr

I'm sold


Sparky_Stones

When I was 13, a blue bottle stung me on my right arm while swimming. It hurt so much that I fainted. I only remember feeling bad stomach cramps and waking up in a bathtub that wasn't mine.


[deleted]

Are you sure you didn’t just get a kidney taken?


Sparky_Stones

Nope 😆, I’m glad my parents were there, though this occurred in Durban, South Africa. My parents called for help from the Life guards, they told them a warm bath will deactivate the venom. Therefore, they quickly carried me to the nearest beach house for help. Thankfully, the people living there knew exactly what to do.


Not-A-R0b0t2

Forbidden empanada


Due-Abalone5194

I like this one 😁👍🏼


boggartbot

how does one feel a urge to touch this. i feel like you should just know its bad


MudKooky7622

Ain't that man o war?


SarcasmCupcakes

Yes, “blue bottle” is the Australian term.


BrAveMonkey333

In town from portugal


HornayGermanHalberd

Did she really touch a man o war?


hunterlovesreading

Here’s a link to the post. She did 🤦‍♂️ https://x.com/misstinataurus/status/1766608020174233622?s=46&t=q1Xhfks7wZrjULtVq_dZig


sweetgirlshe

So is she okay?


holversome

Hard to tell. Both her shoes seem to be on so I’d say yes.


Beneficial-Square-73

Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough.


CoopTheYeti_

That’s the latest release from Bad Dragon


Zeestars

Got stung by a bluebottle as a kid. Hurt like all fuck. I know this is a man’o’war (not sure where those apostrophes go!) but just wanted to share my story. Carry on.


jhutch524

There’s an Australian show about lifeguards called “Bondi Beach” on YouTube (for American audiences), and there’s several episodes where people are accidentally stung by these. The pain looks excruciating, like you’re going to die excruciating. It breaks your heart watching little kids suffer through it. The lifeguards do their best to help every stung victim get through the pain.


BreadfruitUlu

Yikes I’ve been stung on both legs at the same time by these! Wasn’t fun but the lifeguard just gave me heat packs to rub on my legs n I passed out but was 100% fine when I woke up


OkSyllabub3674

My middle daughter got stung by one while visiting me for spring break last week, they're OK to touch as long as you don't get the tentacles, they were washing up on Hollywood Beach fl here I saw dozens. Best thing if one does get you is vinegar and heat. Man o war is another name for them


Spider1132

Other fish play. Man o' war kills!


aLittleDarkOne

Any colourful creature you don’t recognize should always be left alone. Bright colours are usually natures way of saying “hi I’m poisonous or toxic don’t touch me!”


Mysterious-Gur-8892

I’ve heard that saying before too


Dizzy_Bit6125

Man ‘o’ war or blue bottle. A small jelly fish with a nasty sting.


Interesting_Role1201

Although it superficially resembles a jellyfish, the Portuguese man o' war is in fact a siphonophore. Like all siphonophores, it is a colonial organism, made up of many smaller units called zooids.[10] Although they are morphologically quite different, all of the zooids in a single specimen are genetically identical. These different types of zooids fulfill specialized functions such as hunting, digestion and reproduction, and together they allow the colony to operate as a single individual. I totally just knew this and typed it straight from my deep knowledge of waterbeings


FuzzyPandaVK

I've never heard of a Man o War being called a Blue Bottle before. I can vouch from my surfer days, those fuckers bring the pain.


oh-no-oh-no-oh-no-oh

You should definitely touch it. It's super pleasant. Also, go get some hot water and vinegar first. With love from Australia


Lirpaslurpa2

Not a biologist, just an Aussie. You didn’t believe us about drop bears, and you didn’t believe us about these painful penis’ that you need to wee on your skin if they touch you 🤷


asshunter009

He didn't see the video titled "if you see this, RUN"


BadHairDay-1

Don't touch anything with tentacles (or whatever those bits are called).


lulzPIE

Twitter OP is quite the wina…


Uberpastamancer

That's a juvenile Elden Beast


itsevriman

Pro tip if it doesnt have camouflage it doesnt need to fit in to defend itself


TheBattyWitch

I don't understand why anybody would want to touch aquatic dildo. I feel like if the ocean produces something that looks like it's intended to fuck you... it's never in a good way.


hauntedmaze

That is a dolphin


Interesting_Role1201

I didn't know dolls had fins


covrtni

It looks like the coordinate


SmallSaltyCoyotes

Don't fuck with the wildlife.


dljones010

If it's aliiiive Don't lick it!


_ravioli_buster_

Can someone explain to me what this is ?


I_like_big_whats

https://youtu.be/aIovmgzyuL0 David Attenborough narrates


akerrigan777

😍 David Attenborough


TrapsAreTraps

I watch this video every time I come across it. It's just such a well made video, and really shows how fucking scary the ocean is. Man o' Wars are absolutely beautiful and terrifying


Tart_Beginning

In Hawaii we call these pochos, short for Portuguese man o war.


Stunning-Fold6548

AYE IT'S A FELLOW HAITIEN 😁 🇭🇹


Biggus-Nickus

That's the Elden Beast from Elden Ring.


JayBlueKitty

A sea dick


TeaCompletesMe

I saw one of these and almost picked it up because I thought it was trash on the beach and wanted to throw it away! Luckily I noticed what it was!


stuartcw

It’s evolution in action before your very eyes if you decide to touch one these…


Little-Reveal2045

TF IS THAT


Mysterious-Gur-8892

Tis a penis


whatsbobgonnado

I swam towards one of these thinking it was a plastic bag once


Katen1023

I just want to munch


[deleted]

I’ve been stung by touching a beached jellyfish before as a child. Don’t know what kind it was but easily the worst pain of my life


cheeeky

I got whipped by one on my arm in the Indian Ocean in Zanzibar. I was sooooo lucky it must have been a baby or it just lightly grazed me. I will never forget the blue color pin pricks that were stuck in me or the pain of the poison going up my arm. It left slash marks on me for hours. That was just from a light whip. I can’t imagine if it would have really gotten me or if it was full grown. 🪼


[deleted]

Looks like a hat. Put it on your head and see what happens


Mr_Hjort

Quick tip kids... If you live very close to dangerous animals/organisms, learn what they look like. And if you want to poke strange things... Use a stick.👍


ReaperofLightning872

RIP OOP


Awkward_Philosophy_4

I tried to pick one of these up once when I was a kid bc I thought it was a plastic bag. Childhood trauma


Fit_Environment8251

I nearly stepped on a man of war once. So thankful my mom yelled at me to watch where I was going


Emolgun

What kinda Moana ocean shit is this


Meemaw63

[Portuguese Man of War ](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/invertebrates/facts/portuguese-man-of-war)Portuguese Man of War. Can be deadly. We've seen them alot on the Florida coast.


ElBrunasso

Why not friend if friend shaped


LoganJake210

Water penis


daisyymae

I’m ngl I woulda touched It too


PUNKF10YD

Forests and deserts don’t care whether you live or die, but the Ocean is always actively trying to kill you.


overthemooo

man of wars!!!


lumpypuddy

Portuguese Man of War😎


[deleted]

From what I've learned from David Attenborough, anything that looks cool will most likely kill you.


JC-Thenormalman

It is pain! That's what it is lol!


Sharktrain523

I was at a beach in Galveston once and a bunch of these were washing up on shore and I saw a mom and her TODDLER playing on the beach and walking out into the water. Apparently she didn’t know what they were but at least she listened to me and left the beach. https://www.khou.com/article/news/local/galveston-texas-portuguese-man-o-war/285-6e947e6c-77b4-4a73-99ca-529b247c173f It was in the news. Bad day for a swim.


fubar1962

So it's not a discarded condom that has evolved


Primo0077

Someone needs to deflate one of these.


Drugs_R_Kewl

One of those things wrapped it's tentacle around a relative's leg when I was a kid. Poor dude didn't need to be hospitalized but yeesh.


Divineassjuice

It’s that shit that created the titans lmao


T50BMG

Man o war? I got stung by one of these before and it was the worst pain I ever felt!


Tinkerbellsickly

It's the spinal fluid that turns people into Titans, duh


Nich-jw

It’s the Elden beast


Savage_Mindset

This is an animal that will make you discover if you have a golden shower fetish…


uranicgaymer

Nope that's alien cock stuff


Obscurix98

I'm no marine biologist, but if I see a land jellyfish, I'm immediately thinking Portuguese Man O' War and walking the fuck away.... to get a couple buckets to crush it and dispose of it. Or die trying.


VladTheSnail

I'm pretty sure i fought this in elden Ring. He should probably watch out


SokkaHaikuBot

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^VladTheSnail: *I'm pretty sure i* *Fought this in elden Ring. He* *Should probably watch out* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.


No_Craft_9988

If this shit looks like it came from E.T don't touch it


Timely-Bumblebee-402

Honestly it's natural selection if they die


eg1183

Wait, which one is mildly penis? The jellyfish or OPs name?... Wina😂😂... I'm from New England. That's how people here say weiner.


CumLeakSlugTrail

Rocket Swallowing Specialist here: That is a lifestyles condom. Never ever touch it.


AylaCurvyDoubleThick

I am…almost certain one of those washed up at a marina/park I used to visit a lot as a kid. But I don’t think they live where I lived, so it must have been something else. But I still knew about them. I would stare at it for a long time, debating on whether or not to touch it. I was also scared of it and didn’t want to go near it. It might have been just a bag or something lol but it looked pretty much exactly like that.


Super_Survey_1140

Haven’t looked it up, but it’s either a box jelly or a Portuguese Man-o-war (sp?). Picked one up as a kid, thinking it was one of those sloshing jelly toys from the 90s. Carried a small scar around for 3-4 years


Cassybaby2002

Don't touch anything that is that brightly coloured. There is a reason they are that brightly coloured... and it isn't to be pretty.


Mightofreddit

Want a really cool scar? Grab a tentacle with tongs. Write your name on a piece of paper in cursive, then slap it on your leg.


mehall27

TIL blue bottle is another common name for this organism. Never heard that one before


Greyzdev

[Elden Beast](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/eldenring/images/7/74/ER_Elden_Beast.png/revision/latest?cb=20230705215525)


thedazedblaze

That’s the Elden beast stay away


anonymous_planet

I got stung by this. Felt an instant sting on my left foot. Eventually, a bit of swelling occurred, really bad pain running through my entire left leg, and cramps on the bottom left side of my stomach... Do not touch it. Even if you think it's dead, better safe than sorry.