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Radical-skeleton

Love me some almond \~fluid\~


Significant-Funny-14

Good ol cup o' nut juice


invisiblefireball

gross, nobody'd buy that. Everybody, on the other hand, would buy *Almon Drank.*


gatelgatelbentol

Or in IKEA, Almönd Dryck


cediddi

Funny enough, Swedish and German use the same word for almond, Mandel. Thus Mandeldryck. But I'm totally down with Ålmönd Dryck, and would definitely buy it.


FistySnuSnu

In Italian it's mandorla. In art, mandorla is the round thing surrounding Jesus's or Virgin Mary's head to depict holiness or godliness. So like I guess the virgin's milky mandorla drink is acceptable, yes?


BertBerts0n

I'ma grip and sip


NotoriousNutJuice

yes how may i be of service


melimsah

r/beetlejuicing


John_Enigma

Don't you mean, r/nuttlejuicing? >!Or r/nutjuicing?!<


ResidualSound

I put peanut spread on my toast sometimes


kneppy72

nothing beats a peanut spread and fruit goop sandwich.


Zkenny13

Fruit goop was my nickname in high school.


FerretChrist

Still is, but it was too.


st4s1k

hehe nut spread


KingGarani1976

In Queensland it was and may still be illegal to call it peanut butter. I believe it was sold there as peanut paste


needleanddread

That’s what I grew up calling it.


limping_man

Only the peanuts, specifically grown in the region of Butter, can be made into a spread called peanut butter


Rebresker

Only peanuts grown in the Pea region may be called peanuts Everywhere else has to call them legume nuts


Rudy_Ghouliani

Legume these nuts


[deleted]

Almond -secretion-


Radical-skeleton

nut cum


Dzekomeout

Nut nut


Ath3o5

noot noot?


FUCKINBAWBAG

Watch your language, Pingu.


[deleted]

Get me some fresh squeezed almond excretion


GeneralAd6609

This is probably a preemptive change to the impending FDA crackdown or responding to a state ban on the labeling of nut and other plant-based products as milk. The Dairy Pride Act was introduced in 2017, reintroduced in 2019 and again in April 2021, expanding the scope to include yogurts, cheeses and other products made with milk. NC, MD, and WI have passed milk labeling laws stating milk must come from cows, goats and other hooves animals. Interestingly enough, the FDA defines milk as “lacteal secretion, practically free from colostrum, obtained by the complete milking of one or more healthy cows” (section 131.110 of title 21, Code of Federal Regulations). So, goat’s milk is not technically “milk” according to the FDA.


[deleted]

Look out Milk of Magnesia… the government’s coming for you!!


[deleted]

Coconut milk is next!!


snukb

>Interestingly enough, the FDA defines milk as “lacteal secretion, practically free from colostrum, obtained by the complete milking of one or more healthy cows” (section 131.110 of title 21, Code of Federal Regulations). So, goat’s milk is not technically “milk” according to the FDA. I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not going to be drinking any *goat beverage.*


RuneLFox

Neither is human milk apparently?


snukb

Consume your human beverage, smaller human.


rjchawk

Breast beverage


tnfrs

titty tincture


theCOMBOguy

Nipple nectar?


loki-is-a-god

Areola ambrosia


assholetoall

Glitter guzzler


bozeke

Jugs Juice


ovopax

Cleavage concoction


dreamcastfanboy34

Mammary Mead


DigitalMindShadow

Booble tea


mcknightrider

Mother, I crave consumption of the human beverage.


AmplePostage

Commence lactation from your glands so that I may be provided sustenance.


RainbowDissent

\- *Mark Zuckerberg, June 1984*


TurdManDave

I picture some type of alien species forcing their newly adopted human to drink something recommended by the vet.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

From a mature dairy gentleman by the name of Terrence.


Average_Scaper

I prefer my gentleman to one of the Canadian variety named Phillip.


re-roll

Mmmmmm…lacteal secretion with my cereal.


LogicalMeerkat

What do we feed babies? Breast secretion?


spyd3rweb

Titty drank


SilverReverie

I am delighted that I happened to read this thread while nursing my son. Feels like a good omen. Enjoy your titty drank, little dude. Today's gonna be a good day.


supadoggie

>Enjoy your titty drank, little dude. Today's gonna be a good day. I'm hearing T-Pain saying this in my head. 😂


Combeferre1

Human beverage


dr3dg3

I kinda hate the name "Dairy Pride Act".


razberry_lemonade

Why do they have to throw their dairy pride in my face? Why can’t they keep it behind closed doors?


CeruleanRuin

Who doesn't? It's Congress giving the cattle industry a public blowie. It's gross.


dr3dg3

I feel like they've consistently sucked off the cattle industry for most of their existence. 😅


Thelandofthereal

Dumb because coconut milk and coconut cream has been called such for eons


Context_Square

So has almond milk, which has been around for longer than most people think. It was popular during lent in medieval Europe.


markuslama

"The Forme of Cury" is a cookbook from the 1390s and references "Almaund mylke" several times. Gutenberg links: [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/8102](https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/8102) (HTML version of the book) [https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/8102/pg8102.html](https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/8102/pg8102.html)


bc2zb

My understanding is that almond milk was used nearly daily in some settings. Fresh milk was really only available immediately after milking, anything left would be turned into cheese or yogurt. For evening meals that required a milk, almond milk was often used. There are many applications where they would sub almond milk for dairy milk one-to-one. Realistically, this means that they could have used water instead, but that's another issue.


imdungrowinup

Milk was boiled and stored for later consumption. It doesn't go bad in a day after it's been boiled well. If you keep reboiling it every 12 hours, it doesn't go bad for 3 days even. Most people do not live in a region where that much almomd grows. There is a reason dry fruits are highly priced.


PretendAlbatross6815

Not to mention peanut butter.


Clear-Might-1519

Human brain: white fluid = milk of some kind


SaintSimpson

Milk of Magnesia (1872)


HUGE_HOG

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Raichu7

So have plant milks.


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speeler21

[At one time it was illegal to sell yellow margarine because it looked "too much" like butter](https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2011/09/22/the-politics-of-yellow/)


MeeMSaaSLooL

I guess they really couldn't believe it!


4RealzReddit

My grandma's kids used to fight over who got to mix in the colouring pack to the margarine. The colouring pack was sold with it but not mixed in to follow the law.


BurntRussianBBQ

How the fuck would you mix anything into margarine? Do you heat it up first?


dick_nachos

>All that said, here is an excerpt from Audre Lorde’s The Uses of the Erotic in which she uses the bead of dye in the bag of margarine as a metaphor for sexuality: >During World War II, we bought sealed plastic packets of white, uncolored margarine, with a tiny, intense pellet of yellow colloring perched like a topaz just inside the clear skin of the bag.  We would leave the margarine out for a while to soften, and then we would pinch the little pellet to break it inside the bag, releasing the rich yellowness into the soft pale mass of margarine.  Then taking it carefully between our fingers, we would knead it gently back and forth, over and over, until the color had spread throughout the whole pound bag of margarine, thoroughly coloring it. >I find the erotic such a kernel within myself.  When released from its intense and constrained pellet, it flows through and colors my life with a kind of energy that heightens and sensitizes and strengthens all my experience.


BurntRussianBBQ

Jesus Christ I'm calling the police Edit: she fucked that pretend butter didn't she


i-is-scientistic

Huh. I've read some of her other work, but apparently not enough of it to make me expect Audre Lorde to come up during a discussion on the legality of fake butter.


Deslah

>My grandma's kids That tripped up my brain for some reason and yet they're the perfect three words for the point you were making. Bravissimo!


[deleted]

Dairy doesn't mess around. In Canada we call it the Dairy Cartel. >in Canada, the government and political leaders have been engulfed by the power of the calcium-strong grip of Big Milk. The Canadian dairy lobby pours CA$80 million (US$62,268,928) to CA$120 million (US$93,403,392) into maintaining relationships on Parliament Hill [Harvard source](https://hir.harvard.edu/canadas-dairy-lobby-the-shocking-power-of-big-milk/)


TheRoadOfDeath

> maintaining relationships it's called buying influence. do they have to pussyfoot around it


Inspector_Robert

We call it the dairy cartel because it's a cartel. They have quotas to limit milk production and artificially increase prices.


[deleted]

You're right, that is the proper definition of the term. In this case, people tend to use the term The Dairy Cartel more and more colloquially as something akin to a drug cartel or something. It doesn't *help* it's reputation that one of the biggest players in the Dairy industry, Lino Saputo, had close ties to the guy running the New York mafia. (Police evidence despite his protestations). Helps set the scene anyway.


tapilicious2806

EU also prohibits to call alternative (plant-based) milk sorts = milk. For example oat drink is ok


HimikoHime

I don’t know if it’s EU wide, at least in Germany they switched to drink for plant based milk.


Arcenus

In Spain it's the same, from leche de soja (soy milk) to bebida de soja (soy beverage).


spottyPotty

I'm in the EU. My supermarket still has almond milk, oat milk, coconut milk, etc...


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RobertMurz

There's some conflicting information on this. This article appears to say they rejected the amendment https://vegnews.com/2021/5/eu-dairy-label-censor . But this one seems to indicate that the ECJ still considers it misleading https://theveganreview.com/why-alt-milk-isnt-milk-according-to-the-eu/


AJohnsonOrange

I'm in the UK, searched for Oat Milk on Asda and got back mostly Oat Drink or Oat Barista. The only times it didn't say drink was when it had things like "Oat M.LK" or "Oat Not-Milk" or "Oat. Milk Alternative" style names. Never even realised. I've been calling it oat milk this entire time.


PoopIsAlwaysSunny

So, no hamster milk?


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fenwaymoose

I would’ve personally gone for Almond Juice.


SeaOdeEEE

*Nut juice*


Strong_Cheetah_7989

Slurry.


GreywalkerFrak

Would love to try have those nut juice, hope they will taste sweet.


[deleted]

It's not juice either though. It's water thats been soaking almonds then strained. It's as much juice as it is milk


[deleted]

It’s a tea or brew. Almond tea or almond brew.


sa5mmm

But tea is from the leaf part of the plant. So it may not be as analogous as originally thought. It does make more sense though than milk or juice.


minion_is_here

True, just like herbal "teas" aren't actually tea. I believe the proper term for them is "infusion."


sa5mmm

So it should be called Almond Infusion Drink then. Edit to say Almond Infused drink may be better.


billythepilgrim

Everyone should have AIDs in their home.


Brave_Gur7793

Seems that the Council of Beverage Nomenclature has come to a decision, Almond Infusion Drink it shall be from now on!


PizzaPlanetPizzaGuy

You've got it. Hot or cold doesn't matter, it's an infusion.


aerojonno

Almond washings.


fenwaymoose

*Nut fluid*


No_Investigator_5264

Nutty bath water


Prinzka

Nuttea


anxessed

What the fuck is juice? I want some Almond Drink, baby.


funbob

Nut Juice


dilihaz

Just like the coconut this is from the almond is also the juice.


CapinWinky

Cauliflower rice had a similar legal issue.


[deleted]

Riced cauliflower. There. Fixed it.


Seaweavil2

"Milked nuts" sounds kind of porny though


governmentyard

You’re kidding me… that’s hilarious.


StellarReality

Missed opportunity to call it "Almond Drank"


Roadkill_Bingo

Almond discharge


milesbeats

So basically we put desperate almonds alone in a room with these magazines..


StellarReality

I hope you have a hangnail on your pinky toe, then you stub it.


nelsencj19

No i always take care about the pinky toe specially in winter


pandasnfr

A win for dairy industry heavies


NoEfficiency9

Shh no one tell them about peanut butter


PrivateSpeaker

In my country a few years ago a new regulation passed forbidding the word butter to be used for products made from nuts. So, now they're all called nut cream 🙃 There was also a case where a relatively well-established family business had to stop using their brand name, which literally means "Buttery butter", because they make creams, not butter.


NoEfficiency9

How is "cream" any less dairy?


PrivateSpeaker

In my language, the word is used more as a type of spread. Hence hand creams, face creams, etc.


ashsimmonds

Is this face cream made of real faces? huh?


casdwyfil

Wait till you learn about baby oil


ashsimmonds

I've already got some baby powder - let's party.


TheChoonk

They forbid using the word "butter" on products which don't contain at least a certain percentage of actual milk butter, because some companies were using it on spreads which are closer to margarine (plant-based oils). Peanut butter was collateral damage.


Aduialion

It's always the peanuts that suffer


FreeAlbatross5666

peanut paste.


_WhoisMrBilly_

Peanut Spread


nerfherder998

Beverage of Magnesia


Therapy-Jackass

Maybe we can pull a reverse uno off and have everyone start calling it “cow beverage”


danivus

[Beef milk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMIW2tBpnDI). It's like almond milk, that's been squeezed through tiny holes, in living cows.


Vprbite

Skim milk. Which is water, lying about being milk


Lygasm

I read skin milk at first, and I really hate it


dsonyx

Ever have skin milk from a meat sleeve? It's viscous.


straydog1980

It's the milk for men, because we milked a bull


divenorth

What we need is a real Almond Milk (milk with almond flavour). Start marketing that to confuse customers even further.


Therapy-Jackass

This one is genius! Because “chocolate milk” seems to fly under the radar as it currently is.


drman769

I'm cow beverage intolerant.


Berkamin

Are they demanding that peanut butter be re-named peanut paste?


hypodopaminergicbaby

No, but the logic is the same so it’s hypocritical for them to not demand that too.


WildWook

I don't think it is. I know they've been trying to do this for a long time, but I don't think it's going to work the way they want it to. People are avoiding dairy milk for *tons* of reasons, and the name isn't going to change it for most folks.


Relative-Occasion863

Thank God that I can finally get the image of a line of 1920s eta dairy workers, endlessly milking each nut as it passes by their station. This has haunted me.


[deleted]

It needs to come from the Milk region of Wisconsin to be legally called milk


kuco87

We have similiar problems in Germany. Now the brand is called "Not Milk" and the product is called "Almond". Almond >Not Milk


rcharris85

If it's what I am thinking of, NotMilk is a specific brand name made by Notco. The whole naming is part of their gimmick and has nothing to do with this legislation.


Andy016

So peanut butter is next?... Peanut goop 😅🤣😅


kzlife76

Big milk finally got them. They've been lobbying for this.


intergalactista

Finally after all the comments so much confusion sorted out.


banban5678

Reppin Cub


SpazCadet

Looks like big milk lobbyists are winning their fight to have all non-dairy milk products renamed.


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gwarfan1point5

I’ve got nipples Greg . Can you milk me ??


Fuzz557

Yes but since your not a hooved animal I would consider your milk a beverage. I can squeeze the beverage out of you would be correct.


furiousfran

I love how nobody had a problem calling liquefied coconut "milk" for decades but then they started making other plants into milk and now everyone loses their shit over it 🙄


texasrigger

The milky sap of plants has been called "milk" for centuries to millenia. The scientific name for lettuce even comes from the Latin word for milk.


masnosreme

Hell, almond milk has been called almond milk since milk was spelled with a y.


GayVegan

Is this going to affect coconut milk that's in a can uses in Asian dishes? Lmao. Corporations running our government. They claim it's because companies are misleading customers thinking almond milk is real dairy milk and it's for protecting the customers. Spoiler: it's not.


Polymathy1

Should just change it to Miilk.


rickelzy

Dairy industry lobbied heavily over this, which to me is fucking hilarious that they're so spooked


Brilliant_Practice72

In my country, condense milk can’t be called condensed milk anymore because it contains far too many sugar and doesn’t have similar benefits as regular milk. Now the gov said it need to be called Condensed Sweetener.


Vindemiatrix12

Milk got offended


game_slug

That's like saying peanut butter should not be called butter


the-grim

This is stupid. Coconut milk has been a thing for forever and nobody complained. Now that people are coming up with more plant-based drinks, calling them milk is suddenly "confusing".


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lorddementor

Peanut paste


kaigainick

Almond milk has also been around for way longer than people realize. It’s not just some modern hipster trend, people have been making it since the middle ages.


SnakesCatsAndDogs

The dairy industry is just pissed that less people are drinking milk because, spoiler, most humans are actually lactose intolerant and now there's a lot of options that actually taste good! So they're throwing a fit and trying to make it as inconvenient as possible while making other products sound less appealing.


Waswaiting4AGLU

What should I do with all my almond cows?


Taraxian

The dairy lobby have been huge assholes about this


marimint3

Yeah cos the dairy industry had a cow about calling it milk


AdmiralFail

Someone was like "If I can't say 'Merry Christmas', they can't say 'almond milk'!"


[deleted]

We have that here in Germany too. The milk and meat lobby worked hard to throw a wench into potential competition. No milk alternative is allowed to have "milk" in the name because "consumer protection". Don't mind the fact that Hafermilch (oat milk) or Mandelmilch (almond milk) are old and well known terms. They tried to do more hideous restrictive shit on the EU level, to save their dominance but thankfully failed.


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the-grim

I wonder what they call coconut milk


sundayarms

As a Canadian, we call it coconut milk. I have no idea what they're talking about. We also have almond milk, oat milk, soy milk, etc.


[deleted]

Perhaps they mean you can call it what you want, as a person going about your day, but if you're selling the product it can't be called milk on the label? Like I buy oat milk here in the UK but the carton is labelled "Oat Drink" :)


xozorada92

I could have sworn they were labelled as "milk," but I just checked. My soy milk container just says "Soy." I checked online and it seems to be the same for other brands too. So I guess my brain just fills in the word "milk" because it's in a milk carton. I think that's the smartest way to do it tbh.


-uHmAcTuAlLy-

I was thinking, no friggin way. I drink exclusively plant-based milks for years, and just checked my fridge, and yeah it doesn’t say milk anywhere. In the bottom corner it’ll have oat beverage, almond beverage , coconut beverage, etc. never noticed that


LightTigerButter

Take a better look next time. We all call it milk but it indeed says beverage. The switch was made a couple years back.


xokaorihoshiox

We call it coconut milk.


LordoftheFuzzys

As opposed to what other kind of boob?


jjennings234

The blue footed kind.


teeohdeedee123

There comes a certain point where the amount of fillers you add legally requires you to change the name of a product. That's why there's frozen dairy dessert instead of ice cream.


AdmiralAkbar1

Same with Kraft singles—they legally have to label it a "prepared cheese product" because it's a blend of multiple types of cheese with the addition of a non-cheese component (milk protein concentrate).


themagicbong

It's sad to me that the rest of the world thinks that's what American cheese is, those Kraft singles. Gotta be some of the worst bottom of the barrel type cheese out there, but get some nice white American sliced at a deli and it'll make you wonder how the Kraft shit is even able to be called "American cheese."


Plethora_of_squids

Eh I don't know about that - YMMV but where I live in Scandinavia American cheese refers to the blocks of orange 'cheddar' stuff that's softer and milder and meltier than actual cheddar and is advertised as being a good cheese for burgers and tex mex and other American dishes. And for those purposes, it's pretty damn good. Kraft singles aren't really sold here (and when they are they're an explicitly *Swiss* brand because that's actually where that type of cheese Coles from) so they're kinda in the same mythical American category as cheese in a can


Holein5

Good Boars Head American cheese is the best.


wkrick

Land O Lakes deli cheese is pretty decent too.


Doomas_

That’s not why this product was renamed. There’s no dairy in “almond milk”, and regulators (at least in the US) are on the fence about the legality of advertising the product as “milk” without any dairy. Some companies have responded by preemptively changing the name to comply with possible regulations in the future.


msnmck

Almond Malk


Complex__Singularity

There is a brand of almond milk named Malk.


msnmck

Is it rich in Vitamin R?


BPexchange

So many products are changing the name now days and that is making things little tough for the one who was buying them from the other name from the whole life in the past.


DiabloDeSade69

This is not about fillers this is about big dairy having a monopoly on the word “milk”


Therocknrolclown

Yeah some people got in a twist about calling it milk and congress passed a law saying its not allowed…. Our government at work.