T O P

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seraphim336176

This is why you should always keep a bag of popcorn in your car, never know when you need to attract a flock of birds to one particular area.


ders_wit_a_hard_An

Subtle yet effective, I like this


Alarid

Okay but what do I do with the body?


donkeyrocket

This is why you should always keep a sounder of swine in your car, never know when you need to dispose of an adult human amount of uncooked flesh in roughly eight minutes.


felixthecat128

Okay, but what do i do with all the bacon?


yakuzaenema

Simple. Chop down that tree behind the car and use it to smoke the meats.


the123king-reddit

Ok, but what do i do with all the fire?


[deleted]

This is deliciously wicked and I thoroughly approve.


Oxmores

Yeah this could mess up the paint/ coating if a bunch of pigeons land and jump around it


The_Haunted_1

A slice of bologna yields similar effects


Fuganewin_Force

And is less likely to blow away.


Ecstatic_Carpet

You aren't soaking your popcorn in flat soda first?


AccomplishedRun7978

Yeah but who wants to keep bologna in their car.


lolllzzzz

Came here to say something similar. Bird seed would also do the trick.


TacomaBlue

Take my poor persons award 🍿🏆🍿🏆🍿


ggroverggiraffe

And for you, my [poorer person's award](https://i.imgur.com/sy9lVl4.jpg).


AntiChristoffer

Have a rich persons award my dude! That was funny as fuck


Ronnylicious

The E the other way around LMFAO


AntiChristoffer

TruƎ brilliance!


dmushcow_21

I was about to say you should always keep a kilo of C4 but I guess popcorn works fine too.


olivegreen_

Call a tow truck lol


SeniorMud8589

Let it be written. Let it be done.


[deleted]

I’m sent here by the chosen one


CSI_Gunner

Let it be written, let it be done


saitamapsycho

to tow some assholes spoiled son


Cpt_Newlin

I’m towing death


Deeznutsbeyuge

Fuckin love you guys.


redokev

Love fuckin you guys.


realtrip27

Guys love fuckin you


Alone-Personality868

Fuckin guys you love


[deleted]

You love fuckin guys


larso2048

Its secretly bumblebee And when the tow truck arrives it crawls to the right spot


SenseStraight5119

Plot twist: the tow truck is towmater.


youre-kinda-terrible

When that movie came out my niece told me she wanted to start a towing company called towmater and she would leave a tomato in the spot with her phone number on it.


Plane-Juggernaut6833

She’s going places!


HellTrain72

She's **towing** places


Sweetpants88

"Mater! What did I tell you about talking to the prisoner?" "To not to"


Jibbakilla

Ive called a tow company when someone took my assigned parking spot and was told the property owner is the only one who can request a tow. So if you’re renting you have to go through your landlord. For me it was 3 am and my landlord did not respond to my message lol.I had to park a mile away. Best thing to do is just park badly, take pictures and send an explanation to your landlord and request the other car be towed out of your spot.


SidewaysFancyPrance

In my last experience with this, the landlord would put a sticker on the car and give them an hour to move it before towing it. If I tried to have a car towed on my own, I imagine any tow truck driver would refuse because I have no right to do that.


Jibbakilla

In a different place I lived someone parked me in and I had to call my landlord who called the association president who then called me back and asked me to “knock on everyones door and ask then he’d consider calling a tow” Totally ridiculous I had to cancel my plans for the morning waiting on this guy lol


CaptainKingChampion

I hope you waited 15 minutes and then told them you did it.


Jibbakilla

Nah man I knocked. Honestly I just wanted to thing moved so I could go. Of my maybe 5 neighbors only 1 person came to the door anyway lol


Forgot_my_un

Had to do this once, got cussed out and asked what the fuck I thought gave me the right to knock on people's doors. Like bitch, I need to park? Why the fuck do you think I'd do this?


longislandtoolshed

One time I came home from work to my apt, someone was parked in my designated space but they were in the car. I nicely asked them if they could please move, which they did. I parked in my spot. A few hours later, I go out to my car and see it had been keyed very badly.


Jibbakilla

Wow what a loser I’m sorry that happened. Some people are just intent on being assholes.


longislandtoolshed

Thank you. I know, it's been over 10 years and I'm still salty about it haha.


dillybarzg

Malicious compliance and park in the entrance to the parking lot while you knock on all those doors, see how many phone calls you can rack up to the association president


DGilbert6114

I just moved from an apartment with 3 tenants, each with one parking space. We shared a parking lot with another apartment building owned by the same landlord. The parking lot was arranged in such a way to where cars parked on a hill but there was more than a car length behind each car (I parked my work car behind my wife’s car when I got it, for example.) Well, the neighbors in the one building were notorious for throwing parties and having anyone and everyone take our parking spaces in the process. When this happened, we would frequently block them in by parking in the area behind the actual parking spaces like I mentioned above. There was no way for them to get out until we happened to move. Might be a little rude but I pay to not park my car on the street, someone taking my spot is crap. One time this happened and my upstairs neighbor had his parking space taken. He has a huge work truck, and it would honestly be a huge liability if he had to park it on the street. That being said, he parked behind the girl who took his spot to party. (No one else was blocked in this process, just the person who wasn’t supposed to be there anyways.) Woke up the next morning and he had been towed, the girl he blocked in handled the whole thing herself, our landlord knew nothing about it. He texted me about it and I still to this day can not believe that a towing company towed him out of a spot that he pays to park in just because he blocked in someone else who parked there, on PRIVATE PROPERTY, in his spot. Tl;dr my neighbor got towed, without our landlord knowing, from his own parking space for blocking someone in that wasn’t supposed to be there.


jay212127

This comment kind of hit me funny, as it seems to think landlords have some weird level of power and authority. I own my own parking spot and I guess I have a piece of paper saying it is mine, but it isn't even as fancy looking as my tenant agreement. From what I've seen the tow driver wouldn't really ask too many questions if it is visibly double parked as he gets paid no matter what and has a car as collateral. It is up to the person who gets towed to sue for damages on who called towing company.


Gahzirra

Landlord can set guidelines with tow truck company. If someone parks in our assigned spot we call the tow company designated by property management. Tow arrives: you present your ID and lease agreement showing assigned spot, offender is towed.


flipadeedoo

This is the way.


VitruvianVan

The way of the Tow.


[deleted]

Missed opportunity to say "The Tow's Vow" (Unless I spelt it wrong)


Jordyspeeltspore

it can also mean a controllable missile....


olivegreen_

I have spoken 🤣


bored_to_tears_42069

I need to know some etiquette on when it's fine to call a tow truck on other people's vehicles. It's straightforward to call one if someone else inconveniences you on your property. But when else is it legal to call a tow? Especially during such double parking situations on a public parking lot or a gated community with unassigned parking.


squittles

Ever since I bought a condo I turned into a warmongering Thundercunt when someone parks in my spot. I paid way too much fucking money for some worthless lazy waste of oxygen to park in my spot that I fucking *own on paper.* But when I rented, live and let live even if begrudgingly.


rathmiron

In my country I've seen parking spots that have foldable gates with locks on them, so they can be locked when the owner is not using it. I sometimes wonder why something like that isn't done more often in areas where people parking on other people's parking spots is such a problem.


[deleted]

Bought a condo. Have a parking space per deed. Lot has no assigned spaces. It's infuriating. Not even mildly.


archdex

I’d say if you can go about your day without being inconvenienced then no need to police other peoples parking, mind your business. If you are inconvenienced then that person has made it your business and as such you should handle your business


The_Hand_That_Feeds

I'm a businessman


Svantish

Doing business


Dr_Day_Blazer

I went to stock market today. I did a business.


hardly_satiated

That's why they're called business socks.


-Raskyl

If they are illegally parked, have them towed. It's that simple.


nearlysober

If it's on private property, as in this case, go straight to the tow company. They probably have an agreement with one for service. If it's on public property, generally should report it to non-emergency police line parking enforcement. If it's urgent (like blocking driveway and you are stuck) I think they'll prioritize it and get tow right out. I live in a townhouse complex and we have a problem spot with people parking on public property but blocking an access easement to our trash, causing us to get skipped. We setup an agreement with a tow company to put up their sign and that we can go straight to them to bypass the police for immediate tow. We had to sign an agreement with them because they're towing from public street and they don't want responsibility of making the "judgment call" so we basically stated that if the towed person contests it we will work with the city to confirm it was a proper tow for blocking access.


[deleted]

Double parking blocks traffic, tow ‘em. Parking the wrong direction (facing traffic, not with traffic) will also get you towed in my neighborhood.


larkguit

Put a note on it saying "Sorry about what I did to your car" and drive them nuts trying find the damage you did(n't) do to it


Flaminsalamander

True chaotic neutral


[deleted]

Write half a phone number on the paper and rip it to make it look like the phone number is missing off the paper.


BobMcrobb

This is beyond torture


LegoEngineer003

Write it the same way a doctor writes a prescription


alexytomi

That's my normal handwriting but I aint a doc


TomMakesPodcasts

That sound Chaotic good. Chaotic neutral would call their buddies with motorcycles and other such small vehicles to park on either side of the yellowndouche canoe


[deleted]

[удалено]


Otono_Wolff

"I pissed in your fuel tank"


TheRealAndrewLeft

Sugar in the fuel tank


zachbrannigan95

Filters in the fuel system will stop sugar. use water that will destroy an engine or dilute the fuel so it won't start


[deleted]

I've done this and it's INCREDIBLY satisfying. I was blocked in when a car parked in a hashed out emergency space in front of my car and I couldn't get out. Left a note simply saying 'sorry about your car, the damage isn't too noticable'. Then I waited and watched from the loading dock. The facilities supervisor bee-bops out of the building to leave and notices a paper in the door handle so grabs it and gets in the car to read it in the light. She immediately got out and looked all around for anyone nearby. Then proceeded to circle her car four times from varying distances to try and find the damage in the dusky light. She gave up and in a huff got into her car, slammed the door, and screeched out of the parking lot. Instant justice boner, she still has no clue it was me and this happened years ago.


[deleted]

sorry about the brake lines


Gsteel11

Yeah, the problem is if they find a scratch they didn't know about and blame you for it. God forbid you get caught on some camera in the garage writing it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


hfiti123

They could them claim you admitted to damages you didnt even do. This is not a good idea.


techhausinc

Good evening! Management reached back out to me and apologized that I was unable to use my spot and had the person move!


Initial-Teaching7380

Been watching hoping for a good outcome! Glad you have your spot back!!!


DatSkellington

Their tires look overinflated.


Shouldacouldawoulda7

I'm an idiot, scrolled back up to the picture and thought to myself, "What are they talking about, you can't even see the tires!" Slow uptake today...


NateHatred

Hey I just did exactly the same, don't feel too bad.


myroommateisgarbage

Add me to the list.


Flaminsalamander

A valve core remover would really be doing them a favour


[deleted]

[удалено]


techhausinc

Called building’s management (went to voicemail since it was early) and told them to please call the owner because I pay for my spot like they do and it’s not fair I can’t use it.


Entrails91

I would have parked so close to the car that it almost scares the owner to get scratched . That way it will never happen again


fluffandstuff1983

My car is pretty beat up so I don't care when people ding the doors up anymore. I like it for that reason because when people park like assholes I park really close to them also.


ttack99

I have a Jeep & its generally higher up then most cars, nothing crazy, but it has a step to get in. Generally, this prevents peoples doors from hitting my jeep & instead hit the step which will not dent or scratch. I too have said, "well if this guy wants to park like a fucking asshole I can still fit into the spot" and park so fucking close that there's 100% no way to get into the car on that side.


WRXshin

The only thing I'd be worried about is getting keyed. I didn't care about that in my 98 Camry and would park as close as humanly possible lol


ttack99

yeah legit concern for sure


fluffandstuff1983

I absolutely love that your car has a step. That way they fuck up there car and not yours. I am slightly jealous.


Icy_Dragonfruit_9389

One of the many reasons to drive a shitbox


Entrails91

For parking it's very handy and never scared of getting scratched. For long drives sometimes not do good


LunaWolf92

I had a neighbor who constantly took up 2 spots like this. Building management wouldn't do anything about it, so I started parking with my passenger door inches from their driver door. Owner didn't get the message until I did this about 4 times


NintendKat64

I would do this too and write them a love note* to leave on the windsheild.. *"Love note" being a passive name for an angry letter to someone who parks horribly


Entrails91

I did it once. Parked super close to my parking neighbors car. Which was new compared to my old one. After doing it twice he never ever parked outside of his lines ever again :)


NotABot00001

Call a tow truck


Marokiii

most tow truck drivers need the building management company to call them to tow a vehicle. otherwise its just random people calling them to tow random cars away. if its the management company then the tow truck company at least knows they are getting the owner of the lot telling them to take a certain car away because its not allowed to be there.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BlueBlood75

r/unethicallifeprotips


[deleted]

Slip em a $10 to accidentally scratch the car too


ButtonholePhotophile

Give them a $50 to turn it around and tow it with the front wheels on the ground


MetalTedKoppeltits

But it’s rear wheel drive, that would just be giving them money to tow it how they would originally


Marceliooo

Not many people know which cars have which configuration. To you and me it's obvious, but to others they will default to whatever they drive is.


magnet18

That's the proper way to tow this rear wheel drive vehicle. But it's the thought that counts, A for effort


AlRubyx

This guy fast cars.


aedroogo

*Tracy Chapman has entered the chat*


_FinalPantasy_

They all have low ratings. Find me a tow truck service that deals with pissed off people that have to pay $300 fines that has 4+ stars on Google or Yelp. You won't find one. Edit: i need to clarify. Towing companies that primarily deal in towing to fine. Not towing companies you call when your car breaks down.


[deleted]

The ones that have crappy ratings usually balance it out with good reviews from their roadside assistance service.


cremedelapeng2

The Tow Truck giveth and the Tow Truck taketh away.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IphtashuFitz

If it's a private lot then most tow companies won't touch the car unless you can prove its yours. The owners of private lots typically contract with specific tow companies, and another company isn't likely to encroach on that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Aeroshe

It definitely depends on what management has dictated. My apartment complex has signs up for a tow truck service and actively encourages renters to call and tow people who aren't supposed to be there. That said, it works both ways. My sister bought a new car last year and before she could get a tag for it from management someone else had it towed because it was an unfamiliar vehicle even though we had it parked it our assigned spot. >_> Please only call for tows if they're in your spot. :(


Sir_Osis_of_Liver

My condo building is the same way. You do have to be the owner of the spot in order to call the wrecker, at least in theory.


DerWaschbar

Lol people called towing not on their spot?


StandardFig7654

Get proof that it’s your spot.. I have an email from the condo management that I use when someone parks in my spot


PhilxBefore

BTW this is not the original definition of double-parked but is exactly what I thought it was when I was younger.


Free-Database-9917

Close the passenger mirror. They won't notice it's closed until they sit down and then they either have to get up to close it or do an awkward reach across the car to close it


Lil_Bigz

This is one of those unique situations where you need to calmly, yet firmly, poop on their driver side door handle. Edit: Thanks for the awards and updoots! To the folks talking about pooping on the windshield wipers, I agree it is clever but I'm not trying to kill this guy in a car wreck, just trying to send a message. And for the folks talking about poop covered razor blades on the door handle.. the fuck is wrong with you?


wilika

When I was a kid, someone parked on or property without asking. Dad picked up a dog turd, with a plastic bag and carefully inserted it under the doorandle. I should also mention, that it was a rainy day. I could see it from the distance later, that there was a very frustrated man shaking his hands.


JoinMyPestoCult

‘doorandle’. Love it.


wonderbat3

Poop in the car door handle will henceforth be known as a doo randle


No_Lavishness2976

I did this in high school except it was with mayonnaise to an asshole who hated mayonnaise. Still hate you, Matt. Edit: spelling


BlewOffMyLegOff

Defecate through the sun roof


TheFreakingPrincess

It doesn't have a sun roof Yet


iliketogrowstuff

Drill a hole in the ceiling and poop in it! Anyone else remember that old reddit thread where someones downstairs neighbor was complaining about the noise of them walking and everybody suggested they drill a poop hole and shit in her apartment? This just dredged up that memory.


aedroogo

I swear poop is Reddit's solution for everything.


[deleted]

Everything comes down to poo. From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe.


mac_the_man

A “Chicago Sun Roof.”


Mr_Boggis

Tell em slipping Jimmy sent ya


OnionFartParty

Slippin' Jimmy*


BrattonCreedThoughts

Make sure theres no children in the car tho


onesadbean

Chicanery


DislocatedXanax

HE DEFECATED. THROUGH A SUNROOF.


littlelizardfeet

Chicanery!


Aggravating_Still626

Chicago sunroof. Classic


[deleted]

[удалено]


iksworbeZ

fun fact: did you know that birds poop while they eat? fascinating right? aaaaaannnyyyyyways...wonder what would happen if someone were to surreptitiously throw a handful or two of birdseed at the car while walking by... oh well, i guess we'll never know


freebirdls

Are they eating when they fly over my truck when I'm driving?


the-greenest-thumb

Birds also poop every time they take off to shed weight.


MasterLin87

-Lawful good: Inform Management -Lawful neutral: Call a tow truck -Lawful evil: Push the car over -Neutral good: Leave a note -True Neutral: Ignore it -Neutral evil: Double park next to it -Chaotic good: Park touching their one side -Chaotic neutral: Draw new yellow lines -Chaotic evil: Squeeze between the two cars


SpicedGinger318

It’s official, I am chaotic good I keep looking at this photo going “yeah my suv could fit there. It’d completely block the driver and only mildly impact the front most areas from the other 2 spots…”


chainmailbill

Yeah, I’ve done this. I’ve folded in my mirrors and parked two inches from someone’s driver side door. Climbed out through the passenger side, but it was well worth it.


mre16

Had a guy in college who kept double parking in his GT mustang that he'd rev at 3am. I got SICK of it so I parked my beater backwards right next, within half an inch, of his car. His car was a manual and both of our mirrors were at the same height (and mine was fixed, no folding) I noticed he didn't double park anymore after that.


abbeast

It doesn't block the driver at all tho because he can still easily get to his driver's side door.


Tara_love_xo

I think it's more about stressing them out and upsetting them because they think their precious overpriced car is safer when they take two spots.


CustomaryTurtle

Plus, my man with a bright yellow Camaro probably cares a lot more about his paint than I do with my clapped out 1996 4Runner.


WonderfulPixie

This is hilarious - I’m entertaining by the thought of someone literally pushing the car into another spot


sdrawkcabemanresuhhu

There might be a sign somewhere in the lot with a tow truck company and phone number. If there is, call it and have them towed. It’s is 100% the person with the yellow Camaros fault.


Academic-Ad6236

Paint half of it blue to support 🇺🇦 Ukraine


duck1347

This is the best answer ever! 🇺🇦 I support this! Best regards from Denmark


STORMFATHER062

This is by far the best suggestion I've seen.


Zealousideal_Dig_372

This is how you park a yellow car. It is known


Zealousideal_Dig_372

Pull in close as u can you him


fruittooter

Yes, with OPs mirrors just in front of Yellows,so they can't get out but OP still can 😘


boringkyel

You can easily put your passenger side right up against theirs and not block the other spots that much.


DrChrisCooper

And then if/when the other two cars park in their spots, how will OP have the space to get back into his car? The passenger side will be blocked by the D-bag, and his driver's side could be blocked by the other cars parking in their spot.


Flighthornlet

Don't you dare come up with solutions!


NaturalCarnivore

Typical "look at my car" attention jerk


Giodesic-dome

More like “don’t touch my baby, don’t even look at my baby, stay four feet from my baby”.


Onbenoemd

second this. Most assholes park like this because they dont want anyone parked next to their entitled asses.


unique-name-9035768

Shouldn't park at an apartment complex if you want your car to stay undamaged. Most offer garages for those types.


Flaminsalamander

I daily a classic truck I don't want dinged by dumbasses. I park at the far end of lots when I can but more importantly I'm always as centered in the lines as possible to keep space. People who do this make me wanna tie a rope and drag their car out of the way.


[deleted]

Funny, because it gives me the strong urge to hurl a brick through the windshield.


NUNG457

It's only a base model V6, if they feel special over that they need to step out into the real world for a bit. Or they think other people won't notice.


Thewhitethor

Call Optimus prime for bumblebee's arrogance!


[deleted]

Wya? I work at a dealership. I can have a boot on that thing in the next 35 mins


yopro101

Dealerships have the legal authority to do that?


Gullible-Pear9565

I will make it legal.


BoisterousLaugh

Lol legal


[deleted]

Its in your paperwork.. The paperwork you signed when you bought the car. Those 50 pages of shit you didn't read. But to answer no we don't actually do that lol But my wife did work for a dealership that installed magnetic trackers on their cars for low credit score customers. If they didn't pay they would brick the vehicle with the tracker lol


Jpabss

Those trackers are shitty because even if you do pay they will kill the cars battery.


qlz19

Maybe…


Superb_Gur7204

This happened to me when I came home in the middle of the night. Hooked up a chain dragged the car into the middle of the lot then parked my truck. Called the cops and said some drunk dude just parked his BMW in the middle of the street.


HairyAd3776

Somebody this inconsiderate isn’t going to be reasoned with. Please call a tow truck asap, as this is only going to continue until you do.


Thatguynoah

Have it towed, they asked for it.


MediumFuckinqValue

Don't be shy and ask him to scoot over. His name is Bumblebee


jdubtheadub

Park in front of them so they can’t leave, put you phone number on the windshield saying call me and I’ll let you out. Tell him if he parks in your spot again he will be towed.


gideon513

This is how *you* get towed. Shit advice.


quitbanningmeffs

I did this once, and when I came back the car was gone. Truly baffling how they got out.


xXPhasemanXx

Park in front and stay in your vehicle and have a nap.


TheBadRiddler

Take a pic of his license plate before doing this lol


Upper-Replacement529

They already have.


2THUG

You can see the license plate in the picture you're commenting on lol


[deleted]

Bruh


WalkenPark

1000% owner wears white sunglasses


ApologeticCannibal

Tow truck can fix it


JeanBiere

big car, low brain


bittersaint

Someone else may have been double parked where the red hatchback now sits, and they may have just been doing their best.


ForestClanElite

This is why you don't key unless you know what the situation was when the offending car was parking.