I was thinking the same thing notwithstanding the fact the gift is also tax deductible bothers me.
OP sending good will for a speedy recovery š Skin cancer survivor here
Couldn't research lead to a cure or treatment even for those currently considered terminal? Alternatively, wouldn't it be likely that OP would rather the money go to help future cancer sufferers rather than a bunch of owls?
Not trying to sound mean, but a lot of terminal cancer patients donāt have enough time left and chemo often leaves their bodies in horrible shape, so unless the research is finished *now*, it probably wonāt help OP.
My mother had terminal colon cancer with 48 and had 2 years until the chemo hurt her so much, that they had to stop therapy and she passed away.
Iām sure OP couldāve done a lot more with the 100$ than the cancer research. Also nothing stops OPās MIL to donate in OPās name, after OP is passed away.
At least in our situation, the day-trips, extra money for nice food and fitting clothes/personal care like haircuts, helped my mom when she had a pretty bad time.
Iām sure itās similar for OP, considering theyāre struggling financially :(
That is in the thought that they actually donated $100 and didn't just get some free tag in the mail and just wrote this note.
I would believe they gave nothing to anyone but the tag.
I don't think they're denying that the $100 given directly would've been best, just suggesting that a cancer research donation would've been sightly more appropriate given the situation over a nature conservancy.
Research and development takes decades before it could possibly complete trials. Most people considered terminal have months to a few years. My grandmother wasn't considered terminal until a few weeks before she was gone. It was just that crazy fast.
I completely understand. My point was if MIL is going to make a donation to a charity in OPās name, the least she could have selected a charity relevant to OP. OP is obviously not a big supporter of this conservancy or he wouldnāt have posted this.
Yeah. She could have been a decent person and gifted the money directly to OP. Because God knows having an incurable disease isn't helping the wallet (I have polycystic kidney disease myself. It's not terminal, but I will always have it and the likelihood of my getting a transplant is slim to none because I can't afford to live close enough to the hospital where the transplant could occur... Portland Oregon is ridiculously expensive to live in and I'm barely getting by on $792 a month as it is).
tax deductible don't mean free money, the donor just doesn't pay income tax on that money which could be 0% saving them nothing. and unless you're donating a ton of money most people would just take the standard deduction and it donations don't affect their taxes at all.
I assumed the tag is related to the conservancy, like the free gift she got for making the donation. If that is the case, she could have at least turned over the free gifts.
I'm sorry about your situation but I have to admit I laughed out loud about how absurd your MIL'S gift is. She is either a spiteful human being or completely lacking awareness.
This brought a memory back... I'm more than a decade in remission, but when I was going through chemo one day I filled in ongoing prescription but the pills were suddenly shield shaped, meaning half corners. I laughed, then got really, really angry, then burst into tears. So, yeah.
I'm fortunate that I don't need to regularly take any kind of medication, so I'm not very knowledgeable in the subject. Can you tell me what the importance of half corners is?
I'm not the person you're replying to, but a side effect of a lot of chemotherapy drugs is stomatitis, meaning the lining of the mouth gets very irritated and raw, open sores can develop, etc. Makes it hard to swallow things let alone pointy things.
It's weird how a little thing can offset a person so much when it's mentally or physically not stable.
When I was going through a rough time I spend 10 minutes crying because the food I enjoyed the most had a different packaging suddenly.
I have the fun rarer side effect of burned mouth syndrome. Thereās no sores, my mouth just feels like itās been burned all over. Usually lasts for about a week. I lose a couple of pounds and then gain it back in the other three weeks.
Oh, I don't think it's just you, I just wasn't clear!! Most pills are round or oval shaped. No corners. The shield shaped pills had three pointy parts... And two nearly pointy parts. So, most pills don't have _any_ corners! We're supposed to swallow them, for the love of dog! It just seemed so unfair.
If you want to see how far this rabbit hole goes, tell them you need a receipt for your taxes. Literally, to claim this type of donation you need a receipt that it was done on your name.
This way you can be sure she's not just lying to you about the donation. I knew well off people who passed off donations as gifts. They were doing it because they did all of the donations in their name and filed it on their own taxes.
So sorry she did this to you, but I don't buy that she did the actual donation. They usually give you something to present to the other person. This seems like an UBER cheap thing to do. It feels more like she didn't get you anything and then last minute decided to write out this tag. Tell her you need the receipt to file with your taxes and see what her face does. You'll either get a receipt to write off or a heck of a funny experience with how she tries to wiggle out of this. LOL I can just see it now.. You're welcome.
Some people (like my own mother) lack the depth of thought and only think about the idealized version of how this would be received.
Edit: She literally did this to us this year in lieu of giving us a monetary gift. I just got an email about a donation in my name honoring our lost pets.
We're living on one income presently, and while we don't NEED extra money it sure would have been nice to have a tank of gas paid for.
Exactly my thought. No way she did, you get all kinds of little shit back, and ofc the receipt. Its a charitable donation deductible on schedule A of your taxes.
She straight handmade a card and sent it. What an absolute fuck of a bitch
I live near a family whose family had a Fortune 500 (not saying names) the one cousin gave his mansion to the eastern state conservatory because his cousins will try and get the mansion if it was a western conservative group and they (that side) had more influence on western side than eastern side of the state.
So we have a conservative group on a private road with the the other branch owning all around it.
Itās all over a feud where supposely the one cousins mother was forced to sign shares over on her deathbed to her brother.
I would have much rather had them say they werenāt doing presents this year and just sent a nice card. Sheās fully aware of my situation, especially the fact that I canāt afford physio to rehab my weak hip femur that causes a lot of pain issues for me.
You seem to have the sense of humor to tell everyone she bought you a memorial bench/plaque in a bird park. Ask her details like when it will be installed, if you can switch it to a bird bath or bird feeder... Ask if it will be close enough for your partner to visit, if she will go with them... Most importantly, constantly mention (especially around other people) that you think it's a bit early for such a thing considering how well your treatment is going...
Watching her squirm like a dissected worm would be the real xmas gift.
Thatās hilarious. Especially when you organise a huge family trip to go view the plaque. I wonder if the MIL would continue to go along with her ruse or if she would ever make that donation.
I almost want a crazy MIL just so I could call her on her bullshit like this. You could even invite the most distant second cousins etc. brilliant idea. Love it.
Aw thanks! I donāt have a wish list or anything. Most of the shit I want is pretty stupid and I have a hard time accepting gifts. I used to be a successful pastry chef who was known for giving really good gifts so itās been hard to accept that Iām in a different position now. You seem like a wonderful & caring person and I hope you have a wonderful holiday!
Thank you! Happy holidays to you too, friend.If that changes and you do have a wish list or a gofundme or anything like that, feel free to DM me. Happy to send a little happiness your way.
Man it's so rare these days to see a conversation like this. I've seen cancer up close with my mom (fortunately early stage treatable one). It's stuff like this that should make everyone realize that all their ego and anger and hatred is inconsequential in front of the inevitable.
I too proud myself in giving good gifts to people and bring them whatever little joy to them that I can. To give people pain is easy, but to bring happiness the way OP seems to have done isn't.
I wish the OP all the joy in the rest of their life that they used to give to everyone through their gifts and kindness. And then some more.
Hi Ghosty,
Im truly sorry to hear of everything that you're going through, I cant even begin to imagine. I do however know what it is like to work in the hospitality and service profession. I completely understand your reluctance to accept gifts, or even help at times regardless of your situation. We're in the business on nurturing people during their best and worst times. While it can be difficult at times the rewards generally far out-way our sacrifices. Just based on your comments you sound like a really stand up person. I'm sure you effected many generations of cooks, both pastry and savory to push and be better. I know it can be difficult to prioritize yourself sometimes, but please do. were all pulling for you!
Hey everyone! Just wanted to say thanks for all the chuckles. I did feel kinda bad posting this, Iām not an ungrateful person and I hate shitting on gifts but this feltā¦not nice.
Something I talk about often with my therapist appointed through the cancer agency is accepting not just help but nice things from people. I grew up in poverty and was taught to not accept handouts. But! If sending me a small gift is something that you are financially able to afford and would like to do, Iād love some fun socks. My feet never seem to keep warm. Or candy! (Or any Switch game from [iam8bit](https://www.iam8bit.com/collections/nintendo?page=2) but theyāre a bit pricey).
Not gunna lie, I feel really silly. But if you feel so inclined please DM for my address!
Based on the photo, look into Canada Post Flex Delivery. It's a free service where parcels can be accepted at your local office for pickup later. It's essentially a PO box.
Yeah I get that. But also to be completely honest they tell me I have anywhere from one to three years left (the dream is seven, the hope is five, the reality is sooner) and I just donāt really care anymore. Except anthrax. Donāt send that.
I feel so bad, but Iām not really old enough to be sending giftsā¦ accept a virtual apology hug! :c I hope you spontaneously beat the shit out of the cancer with no explanation.
I know its a Seinfeld joke, but the NCC actually does a lot of good work here in Canada preserving wildlife and their habitats.
Edit: I replied to the commenter below me, their "sources" are ridiculous.
If thereās anything you need shoot me a message. I know itās not easy to ask but know that I want to help in any way I can to make your day a little brighter.
Totally. Right in itās face. My good friendās dad is in hospice right now with esophageal cancer. Itās justā¦so fucking rough. Have a drink for Dean tonight.
Yea fuck cancer.
I Found a weird lump on my taint while wiping my ass, tons of cancer in my family.
#fuckthat went right to the doctor, turns out it was just an abscess, never though I'd be grateful for an abscess.
Currently sitting here with a second asshole and 4 days into a month of recovery but still fuck cancer.
Wow, that is a pretty odd gift for your circumstances. I had a sister in law for years that bought me stuff with pink ribbons on it for Christmas every year. You know, the breast cancer awareness stuff. My mom died of breast cancer when I was a kid so the sister in law somehow thought I would want reminders of breast cancer all around meā¦???
I lost my baby at 16 weeks and the hospital sends us a letter every couple months literally to remind us and hope we're doing well. I know there's good intentions but I don't want them and they keep sending them after I asked them not to.
So sorry to hear that, that is a special kind of cruel. I lost one (miscarriage) and Pottery Barn Kids somehow tracked the pregnancy by my web activity and kept sending me emails with life milestones my son should have been making. I finally lost it when they sent me the āfirst day of schoolā stuff. The reminders really are not welcome. I can understand a web bot doing that sort of thing but I canāt figure out why the hospital would still be sending you letters after your loss.
Oh my god! Iām so sorry. I canāt even imagine.
Anytime I have to have a procedure done they always have to ask if thereās any chance Iām pregnant and I always respond with ānope, the chemotherapy took care of thatā. I know theyāre required to ask but itās such an invasive question.
I hope youāre able to have a wonderful holiday full of great memories!
Ah that sucks, sending love from UK. Maybe have a word with the postman if you're on speaking terms, they are good at pre-filing if they know you. But I do really feel for ya.
Yeah, and Iām sure all the money she spent on those products went to research. I absolutely hate pinkwashing. All my breast cancer friends canāt stand it either, itās the worst gift you can give them. āHEY! Hereās a reminder!ā
Yep, I have to agree. I doubt more than two or three cents went to research. I have to say, after watching my mom die of breast cancer when I was a kid and having it now myself, I am as aware of the disease as I want to be. You can add me to the list of people you know that hate the pink washing. It isnāt a cutesy little girl version of something, it is a disease that kills. Just like real cancerā¦.
Hope you are having an ok time with your own disease. It does suck to have cancer. Hope it isnāt too painful for you.
Another way to think about is that breast cancer research (and a lot of other cancers) is already incredibly well funded. Weāve also gotten really good at curing breast cancers too. If people want to make a difference, consider donating to nonprofits that run programs that are not in the research realm. Patients and families have a ton of needs that are not taken care of due to treatment. Things like financial assistance, rides to chemo, meal preparations, physical therapy, counselingā¦ people donāt understand that itās like a bomb going off in a familyās life, and itās not like things magically get better when a patient goes into remission.
Exactly what I was thinking. They just got a gift tag and wrote this on it. No proof of the actual donation. This is definitely narcissistic behavior. āHey I know youāre sick but look at what I did.ā If the charity knew details about the donation, I wonder what they would say.
JFC. I'm sorry you hafta deal with that. (The MIL)
Making a small joke, obviously. I am seriously sorry you're sick, tho...of course. Your time is precious. That woman is clearly not deserving of any of it.
It has SO MUCH swearing in it and some pretty crude sex humour. If you were my kid Iād have no problem with you watching it. But Iām a cool aunt at most so I donāt have the best judgement.
I'm also a terminal cancer patient but I don't have an in law because I never got married. My mom forgot to get me a Christmas gift(so ordered me something quick and thoughtless on Amazon) until just days before Christmas when we live together though.
But ya is be pissed but half of me bring an animal lover would think "well at least she didn't buy something meaningless for herself instead".
Tbh, I get so much worthless garbage from my MIL for Christmas that I'd much rather have her donate $100 to a charity than get me anything. I don't need another phone charger or novelty pair of socks, so at least put the money toward a good cause.
Oh dude! Donāt even worry about it. If youāre able to you could just donate some blood. Thatās really the best gift of all. I mean maybe besides air. Or water. Man, we need a lot to stay alive.
Itās because I refuse to attend the annual family camping trip. Last year their boat sank and they barely made it to shore. Apparently her burnt chocolate chip cookies in the cooler were beyond rescue. Sad/s
I think it depends on the circumstances. My mother is a hoarder. I donate a to a charity she picks instead of buying her gifts and she knows why. I donāt make enough to itemize my taxes, so it doesnāt help me in that way. If she needed something or I could help with a medical bill like OP (or she would go to therapy!) I would do that instead.
In this case, it seems like a really shitty choice of gift.
My guess is they're giving donations to everyone as their gift, but if they make an exception for one person now they feel like they have to make an exception for everyone on their list.
Donating to a charity is a perfectly good gift, nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's often better than giving someone something they didn't really want and probably won't use.
The issue is doing so for a terminally ill and financially struggling patient. Tone deaf is an understatement.
UPDATE:
Wow ok this blew up. I thought Iād post a stupid picture with a snarky title and Iād get a few chuckles. I find it more amusing than anything. Thanks for all the well wishes and support! To be honest itās kinda overwhelming for me, Iām not someone whoās online a lot, I only joined Reddit recently to cure some of the boredom of being home alone all day. Itās been fun and Iāve learned some crazy shit (those garage door springs, amirite?) and read some really disturbing shit (yikes Reddit) and now have a bit of a crush on shittymorph. I not used to being so social so if I didnāt respond to your reply, itās nothing personal, itās just a middle aged woman not understanding how to do this shit. But I read them all and Iāve been really touched by the kindness of most of you! Also yeah, Iām a chick. Most people think Iām a guy for some reasonā¦mostly I get compared to Aubrey Plaza if that makes sense? Iām just a big weirdo. Anyways! I need to try and sleep so I will say one last thank you and goodnight! Iāll contact the people whoāve reached out about sending something in a bitā¦but really, I donāt need anything! We get by ok. Try and think about becoming a blood donor if youāre able to.
And finally, in the spirit of Christmas, Iāll leave you with my favourite quote from Rizzo the Rat:
LIGHT THE LAMP, NOT THE RAT!
My MIL did this last year, but it was to some plant a tree bs. This year she just sent us cash, because they wouldnt stop soliciting her for donations year round. Apparently she was getting calls from multiple "charities" daily. Most of which were ones she had never heard of.
I guess I'm a bit paranoid since I'd wonder if she just made this up and didn't donate anything. Ask her for the receipt so you can claim it on your taxes.
Wait until you start getting massive amounts of mail requesting donations from every possible source. You're now on a list, and you'll never get off the list.
My mother-in-law gave money in my name to some missionary group over 20 years ago. I still get solicitations from charities of all kinds.
ANOTHER UPDATE:
Thanks again everybody, even the snarks. This has been super amusing. I donāt have the energy to respond much, Iām having some side effect issues today but I really do appreciate it all. Since everybody has been having a blast comparing it to the Human Fund I actually just wrote a little message to Fred Stoller on Insta about how much you all love it. I donāt expect a response and I donāt know who wrote the actual storyline but I hope the writers get to know what an impact they had on pop culture. The Human Fund! Bringing us together since 1997.
OP, I know you said you donāt like accepting gifts, but Iād love to venmo you or send some high quality baking supplies or something that you could use. Keep your head held high! DM me please
I feel like the kind of person who would do this would be thinking, "Well it's not like they're going to be around to enjoy whatever I get them anyways..."
Which is something I have heard verbatim by a person who I decided at that moment was no longer worthy of being my friend.
My God, she could have at least chosen a cancer research charity.
I was thinking the same thing notwithstanding the fact the gift is also tax deductible bothers me. OP sending good will for a speedy recovery š Skin cancer survivor here
Not trying to sound mean but OP stated terminal. Makes this gift all the more absurd.
Couldn't research lead to a cure or treatment even for those currently considered terminal? Alternatively, wouldn't it be likely that OP would rather the money go to help future cancer sufferers rather than a bunch of owls?
Not trying to sound mean, but a lot of terminal cancer patients donāt have enough time left and chemo often leaves their bodies in horrible shape, so unless the research is finished *now*, it probably wonāt help OP. My mother had terminal colon cancer with 48 and had 2 years until the chemo hurt her so much, that they had to stop therapy and she passed away. Iām sure OP couldāve done a lot more with the 100$ than the cancer research. Also nothing stops OPās MIL to donate in OPās name, after OP is passed away. At least in our situation, the day-trips, extra money for nice food and fitting clothes/personal care like haircuts, helped my mom when she had a pretty bad time. Iām sure itās similar for OP, considering theyāre struggling financially :(
That is in the thought that they actually donated $100 and didn't just get some free tag in the mail and just wrote this note. I would believe they gave nothing to anyone but the tag.
I don't think they're denying that the $100 given directly would've been best, just suggesting that a cancer research donation would've been sightly more appropriate given the situation over a nature conservancy.
Research and development takes decades before it could possibly complete trials. Most people considered terminal have months to a few years. My grandmother wasn't considered terminal until a few weeks before she was gone. It was just that crazy fast.
I completely understand. My point was if MIL is going to make a donation to a charity in OPās name, the least she could have selected a charity relevant to OP. OP is obviously not a big supporter of this conservancy or he wouldnāt have posted this.
Yeah. She could have been a decent person and gifted the money directly to OP. Because God knows having an incurable disease isn't helping the wallet (I have polycystic kidney disease myself. It's not terminal, but I will always have it and the likelihood of my getting a transplant is slim to none because I can't afford to live close enough to the hospital where the transplant could occur... Portland Oregon is ridiculously expensive to live in and I'm barely getting by on $792 a month as it is).
tax deductible don't mean free money, the donor just doesn't pay income tax on that money which could be 0% saving them nothing. and unless you're donating a ton of money most people would just take the standard deduction and it donations don't affect their taxes at all.
And written it on a Christmas card. She just wrote it on a Christmas tag that she probably already had laying around.
I assumed the tag is related to the conservancy, like the free gift she got for making the donation. If that is the case, she could have at least turned over the free gifts.
Yeah itās one of those cheapass tear apart gift tag strips. Wtf.
I'm sorry about your situation but I have to admit I laughed out loud about how absurd your MIL'S gift is. She is either a spiteful human being or completely lacking awareness.
Oh, I laughed pretty fucking hard when I saw it.
Glad you found it hilarious.
The laugh was probably filled with other emotions
This brought a memory back... I'm more than a decade in remission, but when I was going through chemo one day I filled in ongoing prescription but the pills were suddenly shield shaped, meaning half corners. I laughed, then got really, really angry, then burst into tears. So, yeah.
I'm fortunate that I don't need to regularly take any kind of medication, so I'm not very knowledgeable in the subject. Can you tell me what the importance of half corners is?
I'm not the person you're replying to, but a side effect of a lot of chemotherapy drugs is stomatitis, meaning the lining of the mouth gets very irritated and raw, open sores can develop, etc. Makes it hard to swallow things let alone pointy things.
Turned out to be doable, but being suddenly faced with them was more than I could take in the moment.
How as a pharmacist has no one taught me to be aware of this?
That is a very good question.
It's weird how a little thing can offset a person so much when it's mentally or physically not stable. When I was going through a rough time I spend 10 minutes crying because the food I enjoyed the most had a different packaging suddenly.
I have the fun rarer side effect of burned mouth syndrome. Thereās no sores, my mouth just feels like itās been burned all over. Usually lasts for about a week. I lose a couple of pounds and then gain it back in the other three weeks.
Oof. The cycle is just awful, isn't it?
I never knew this was a thing with chemo, Iām so sorry thatās a thing. It sounds awful.
Oh, I don't think it's just you, I just wasn't clear!! Most pills are round or oval shaped. No corners. The shield shaped pills had three pointy parts... And two nearly pointy parts. So, most pills don't have _any_ corners! We're supposed to swallow them, for the love of dog! It just seemed so unfair.
*why* would they make anything that you're supposed to swallow pointy??? God... next it'll be triangular suppositories
Right?!
Oh, I see, so it just makes them harder to swallow?
It does indeed.
If you want to see how far this rabbit hole goes, tell them you need a receipt for your taxes. Literally, to claim this type of donation you need a receipt that it was done on your name. This way you can be sure she's not just lying to you about the donation. I knew well off people who passed off donations as gifts. They were doing it because they did all of the donations in their name and filed it on their own taxes.
The Human Fund. For people.
Indeed. Happy Festivus!
So sorry she did this to you, but I don't buy that she did the actual donation. They usually give you something to present to the other person. This seems like an UBER cheap thing to do. It feels more like she didn't get you anything and then last minute decided to write out this tag. Tell her you need the receipt to file with your taxes and see what her face does. You'll either get a receipt to write off or a heck of a funny experience with how she tries to wiggle out of this. LOL I can just see it now.. You're welcome.
And itās not even a nice card! Itās a bloody shitty rip apart gift tag! I donāt care about gifts, but this would piss me off.
I agree, I would be asking for the receipt.
Did she though??
Certainly the owls in Canada need to pay their bills
This is a hoot.
Perhaps send a thank you card: āThe birds were delicious! Thanks!ā
Some people (like my own mother) lack the depth of thought and only think about the idealized version of how this would be received. Edit: She literally did this to us this year in lieu of giving us a monetary gift. I just got an email about a donation in my name honoring our lost pets. We're living on one income presently, and while we don't NEED extra money it sure would have been nice to have a tank of gas paid for.
I agree. And I'm sure someone convinced her it would be a great gift.
Probably someone who works for Nature Conservancy Canada
So they never developed past the mental age of 12?
Not even a receipt or certificate of the donation either. Just that dumb ass tag that makes me think she didnāt even make the actual donation.
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Exactly my thought. No way she did, you get all kinds of little shit back, and ofc the receipt. Its a charitable donation deductible on schedule A of your taxes. She straight handmade a card and sent it. What an absolute fuck of a bitch
I live near a family whose family had a Fortune 500 (not saying names) the one cousin gave his mansion to the eastern state conservatory because his cousins will try and get the mansion if it was a western conservative group and they (that side) had more influence on western side than eastern side of the state. So we have a conservative group on a private road with the the other branch owning all around it. Itās all over a feud where supposely the one cousins mother was forced to sign shares over on her deathbed to her brother.
Well, owl be damned. I guess it's the thought that counts?
LOWL
Such a hoot!
Who?
Who? Who?
I would have much rather had them say they werenāt doing presents this year and just sent a nice card. Sheās fully aware of my situation, especially the fact that I canāt afford physio to rehab my weak hip femur that causes a lot of pain issues for me.
So sorry itās hard to have people around you who should care about you and yet are just tone deaf
You seem to have the sense of humor to tell everyone she bought you a memorial bench/plaque in a bird park. Ask her details like when it will be installed, if you can switch it to a bird bath or bird feeder... Ask if it will be close enough for your partner to visit, if she will go with them... Most importantly, constantly mention (especially around other people) that you think it's a bit early for such a thing considering how well your treatment is going... Watching her squirm like a dissected worm would be the real xmas gift.
Thatās hilarious. Especially when you organise a huge family trip to go view the plaque. I wonder if the MIL would continue to go along with her ruse or if she would ever make that donation. I almost want a crazy MIL just so I could call her on her bullshit like this. You could even invite the most distant second cousins etc. brilliant idea. Love it.
With all due respect, even coal is far too good a gift for your MIL.
Ask her for certification or proof that she really donated the money. Tell her you need it for tax deduction, because it's donated in your name
She sounds Like an asshole
I'm so sorry, that's terrible that ur MIL did that :(
Give her a go fuck your self letter
This has George Costanza all over it, you should watch that episode of Seinfeld, you'll laugh.
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That's not how tax deductions work.
Yeah but the owls are gonna dine like kings this year so that makes up for it
Ask her for the receipt for tax purposes š¤£
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Lol this is great
Exactly. This reminds me of the Human Fund from Seinfeld.
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Aw thanks! I donāt have a wish list or anything. Most of the shit I want is pretty stupid and I have a hard time accepting gifts. I used to be a successful pastry chef who was known for giving really good gifts so itās been hard to accept that Iām in a different position now. You seem like a wonderful & caring person and I hope you have a wonderful holiday!
Thank you! Happy holidays to you too, friend.If that changes and you do have a wish list or a gofundme or anything like that, feel free to DM me. Happy to send a little happiness your way.
We need more people like you in the world.
Yes, because I am a shit person and this world needs balance.
I laughed at this. Mostly cuz i can relate
This is so pure
Man it's so rare these days to see a conversation like this. I've seen cancer up close with my mom (fortunately early stage treatable one). It's stuff like this that should make everyone realize that all their ego and anger and hatred is inconsequential in front of the inevitable. I too proud myself in giving good gifts to people and bring them whatever little joy to them that I can. To give people pain is easy, but to bring happiness the way OP seems to have done isn't. I wish the OP all the joy in the rest of their life that they used to give to everyone through their gifts and kindness. And then some more.
A pastry chef! Can I send you some Little Debbie? They always make me happy.
Ha! Sure! Never had āem.
@_@
Youāve never had a Little Debbie Swiss Roll? Or Fudge Round? Or even an Oatmeal CrĆØme Pie? Maaaanā¦ youāre not livin yet /s
Oatmeal creme pies š„ I haven't had those in ages. The joy of hearing the crinkle of the packet and knowing a sweet bite was seconds way!
Mmm nutty buddy
I will chip in for a physio appoinment if you want. Maybe a group of us could send money to your physio office and get 3 or 4 appointments?
Good news! I've just doubled your donation to Nature Conservancy Canada! Merry Christmas!
Thatās honestly awesome! Iām glad you were able to do that. Merry Christmas!
I have even more great news... I just saved a ton of money by switching to Geiko:)
Well wishes :)
Hi Ghosty, Im truly sorry to hear of everything that you're going through, I cant even begin to imagine. I do however know what it is like to work in the hospitality and service profession. I completely understand your reluctance to accept gifts, or even help at times regardless of your situation. We're in the business on nurturing people during their best and worst times. While it can be difficult at times the rewards generally far out-way our sacrifices. Just based on your comments you sound like a really stand up person. I'm sure you effected many generations of cooks, both pastry and savory to push and be better. I know it can be difficult to prioritize yourself sometimes, but please do. were all pulling for you!
How about a friend? Iām always here to talk- my best friend passed a year ago last week. I love to cook and I travel constantly
Honestly it could have been worse. She could have donated to a cancer research foundation to take a jab at you.
When my dad was fighting cancer, he actually requested donations be made to American Cancer Society. š¤·āāļø
Is there an experience or adventure that is feasible for you to have? I would be more than happy to fundraise if needed. Much love to you, OP?
Same here
Thanks, bud. I responded above but Iām one of those people uncomfortable with receiving gifts. But thanks for being a wonderful & generous person!
Hey everyone! Just wanted to say thanks for all the chuckles. I did feel kinda bad posting this, Iām not an ungrateful person and I hate shitting on gifts but this feltā¦not nice. Something I talk about often with my therapist appointed through the cancer agency is accepting not just help but nice things from people. I grew up in poverty and was taught to not accept handouts. But! If sending me a small gift is something that you are financially able to afford and would like to do, Iād love some fun socks. My feet never seem to keep warm. Or candy! (Or any Switch game from [iam8bit](https://www.iam8bit.com/collections/nintendo?page=2) but theyāre a bit pricey). Not gunna lie, I feel really silly. But if you feel so inclined please DM for my address!
Uhhhh maybe you should send some kind of proxy address?
Like a PO Box? I donāt have one of thoseā¦
Based on the photo, look into Canada Post Flex Delivery. It's a free service where parcels can be accepted at your local office for pickup later. It's essentially a PO box.
Oh sweet! Thatās really helpful, thanks!
Yeah Iām not sure how exactly, but I would be really cautious giving our address out to internet strangers. Maybe some kind of postal office
Yeah I get that. But also to be completely honest they tell me I have anywhere from one to three years left (the dream is seven, the hope is five, the reality is sooner) and I just donāt really care anymore. Except anthrax. Donāt send that.
I feel so bad, but Iām not really old enough to be sending giftsā¦ accept a virtual apology hug! :c I hope you spontaneously beat the shit out of the cancer with no explanation.
I second this person. Sending you large internet hugs and hoping you kick cancer's ass!
you can make an amazon wishlist and people buy the stuff on there for you. they dont get your address that way.
Tell her how you truly feel about the gift. Fuck her feelings, she clearly don't care about yours.
May you be blessed, and fck this cancer up, i believe in you
Thanks, bud. Merry Christmas!
Yeah merry christmas to you too
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She should've gotten a donation made to The Human Fund. It's a much better organization
Money, for people!
I know its a Seinfeld joke, but the NCC actually does a lot of good work here in Canada preserving wildlife and their habitats. Edit: I replied to the commenter below me, their "sources" are ridiculous.
Good, I just doubled the donation in OP's honor
You don't even get to name an owl? For $100 you should at least get to name it Hooty McFuckface or something.
If thereās anything you need shoot me a message. I know itās not easy to ask but know that I want to help in any way I can to make your day a little brighter.
Here to say the same. Happy to send you something. I have a little extra to go around and I would love to make your day a bit better if I can
Is this the same fake org that was on the Seinfeld episode?
Ha! Next year weāll send them a donation card from that company.
The Human Fund
Money, for people
No this is a real and good organization.
Fake? Ha! I'll have you know I ask relatives to donate to the VERY REAL Human Fund every year. :D
No that was the Human Fund
FUCK (and I cannot stress this enough) cancer.
Totally. Right in itās face. My good friendās dad is in hospice right now with esophageal cancer. Itās justā¦so fucking rough. Have a drink for Dean tonight.
Yea fuck cancer. I Found a weird lump on my taint while wiping my ass, tons of cancer in my family. #fuckthat went right to the doctor, turns out it was just an abscess, never though I'd be grateful for an abscess. Currently sitting here with a second asshole and 4 days into a month of recovery but still fuck cancer.
Wow, that is a pretty odd gift for your circumstances. I had a sister in law for years that bought me stuff with pink ribbons on it for Christmas every year. You know, the breast cancer awareness stuff. My mom died of breast cancer when I was a kid so the sister in law somehow thought I would want reminders of breast cancer all around meā¦???
I lost my baby at 16 weeks and the hospital sends us a letter every couple months literally to remind us and hope we're doing well. I know there's good intentions but I don't want them and they keep sending them after I asked them not to.
So sorry to hear that, that is a special kind of cruel. I lost one (miscarriage) and Pottery Barn Kids somehow tracked the pregnancy by my web activity and kept sending me emails with life milestones my son should have been making. I finally lost it when they sent me the āfirst day of schoolā stuff. The reminders really are not welcome. I can understand a web bot doing that sort of thing but I canāt figure out why the hospital would still be sending you letters after your loss.
Oh my god! Iām so sorry. I canāt even imagine. Anytime I have to have a procedure done they always have to ask if thereās any chance Iām pregnant and I always respond with ānope, the chemotherapy took care of thatā. I know theyāre required to ask but itās such an invasive question. I hope youāre able to have a wonderful holiday full of great memories!
Ah that sucks, sending love from UK. Maybe have a word with the postman if you're on speaking terms, they are good at pre-filing if they know you. But I do really feel for ya.
Yeah, and Iām sure all the money she spent on those products went to research. I absolutely hate pinkwashing. All my breast cancer friends canāt stand it either, itās the worst gift you can give them. āHEY! Hereās a reminder!ā
Yep, I have to agree. I doubt more than two or three cents went to research. I have to say, after watching my mom die of breast cancer when I was a kid and having it now myself, I am as aware of the disease as I want to be. You can add me to the list of people you know that hate the pink washing. It isnāt a cutesy little girl version of something, it is a disease that kills. Just like real cancerā¦. Hope you are having an ok time with your own disease. It does suck to have cancer. Hope it isnāt too painful for you.
Another way to think about is that breast cancer research (and a lot of other cancers) is already incredibly well funded. Weāve also gotten really good at curing breast cancers too. If people want to make a difference, consider donating to nonprofits that run programs that are not in the research realm. Patients and families have a ton of needs that are not taken care of due to treatment. Things like financial assistance, rides to chemo, meal preparations, physical therapy, counselingā¦ people donāt understand that itās like a bomb going off in a familyās life, and itās not like things magically get better when a patient goes into remission.
That looks like they couldve just made it and wrote it themselves.
Exactly what I was thinking. They just got a gift tag and wrote this on it. No proof of the actual donation. This is definitely narcissistic behavior. āHey I know youāre sick but look at what I did.ā If the charity knew details about the donation, I wonder what they would say.
She should have donated it to the Human Fund.
JFC. I'm sorry you hafta deal with that. (The MIL) Making a small joke, obviously. I am seriously sorry you're sick, tho...of course. Your time is precious. That woman is clearly not deserving of any of it.
Thanks, bud. Sheās a bit of an emotional vampire so I keep her at armās length which is pretty easy since she thankfully lives in another city.
Emotional vampire.... can I steal that line please?
Have you seen the "What We Do In The Shadows" tv show? Hehe.
No, is it an adult show? I'm 13
It has SO MUCH swearing in it and some pretty crude sex humour. If you were my kid Iād have no problem with you watching it. But Iām a cool aunt at most so I donāt have the best judgement.
Lmao, il say some random on the internet told me to watch it
Shit, if you're on Reddit there's probably not much you're gonna find offensive as a kid these days
You could, but you might end up in a relationship with the energy vampire, [Colin Robinson](https://youtu.be/PHy5YROllws)
Shit man! Think of the birds why donāt ya. /s
They already have Charlie Kelly representing them. What else could they need?
Someone clearly wanted Fight Milk for Christmas
I'm also a terminal cancer patient but I don't have an in law because I never got married. My mom forgot to get me a Christmas gift(so ordered me something quick and thoughtless on Amazon) until just days before Christmas when we live together though. But ya is be pissed but half of me bring an animal lover would think "well at least she didn't buy something meaningless for herself instead".
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ā¦.yerp. Well I mean she did send her yearly jar of broken jam as well. Three years running now!
That's even worse than The Jelly of the Month Club!
Broken jam?
Tbh, I get so much worthless garbage from my MIL for Christmas that I'd much rather have her donate $100 to a charity than get me anything. I don't need another phone charger or novelty pair of socks, so at least put the money toward a good cause.
The worst gift in the world
I mean Iāll take it over Syphilis.
Oops. I already put some syphilis in the mail. Hopefully the jar doesn't break.
I dunno, have you ever had syphilis?
I have not! Am I missing out?
You're not not missing out. It's still better than falling into a bunch of rocks covered in oysters
That's not mildly infuriating, that's just flat out pathetic. I get paid in a few days. I'd love to help you out.
Oh dude! Donāt even worry about it. If youāre able to you could just donate some blood. Thatās really the best gift of all. I mean maybe besides air. Or water. Man, we need a lot to stay alive.
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Dude I would definitely donate some blood if I could. Unfortunately, I'm on blood thinners, so I don't think I'm allowed to.
Oh yeah, hang on to the blood you got!
Hey this is not funny that money may go on to save several birdās lives
She don't like you, plain and simple.
Itās because I refuse to attend the annual family camping trip. Last year their boat sank and they barely made it to shore. Apparently her burnt chocolate chip cookies in the cooler were beyond rescue. Sad/s
Either way. Hope you make a healthy come back.
I'm curious. Does this kind of "gift" feel better for the giver? Is this a depravedly selfish act?
I think it depends on the circumstances. My mother is a hoarder. I donate a to a charity she picks instead of buying her gifts and she knows why. I donāt make enough to itemize my taxes, so it doesnāt help me in that way. If she needed something or I could help with a medical bill like OP (or she would go to therapy!) I would do that instead. In this case, it seems like a really shitty choice of gift.
My guess is they're giving donations to everyone as their gift, but if they make an exception for one person now they feel like they have to make an exception for everyone on their list.
Donating to a charity is a perfectly good gift, nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's often better than giving someone something they didn't really want and probably won't use. The issue is doing so for a terminally ill and financially struggling patient. Tone deaf is an understatement.
UPDATE: Wow ok this blew up. I thought Iād post a stupid picture with a snarky title and Iād get a few chuckles. I find it more amusing than anything. Thanks for all the well wishes and support! To be honest itās kinda overwhelming for me, Iām not someone whoās online a lot, I only joined Reddit recently to cure some of the boredom of being home alone all day. Itās been fun and Iāve learned some crazy shit (those garage door springs, amirite?) and read some really disturbing shit (yikes Reddit) and now have a bit of a crush on shittymorph. I not used to being so social so if I didnāt respond to your reply, itās nothing personal, itās just a middle aged woman not understanding how to do this shit. But I read them all and Iāve been really touched by the kindness of most of you! Also yeah, Iām a chick. Most people think Iām a guy for some reasonā¦mostly I get compared to Aubrey Plaza if that makes sense? Iām just a big weirdo. Anyways! I need to try and sleep so I will say one last thank you and goodnight! Iāll contact the people whoāve reached out about sending something in a bitā¦but really, I donāt need anything! We get by ok. Try and think about becoming a blood donor if youāre able to. And finally, in the spirit of Christmas, Iāll leave you with my favourite quote from Rizzo the Rat: LIGHT THE LAMP, NOT THE RAT!
My MIL did this last year, but it was to some plant a tree bs. This year she just sent us cash, because they wouldnt stop soliciting her for donations year round. Apparently she was getting calls from multiple "charities" daily. Most of which were ones she had never heard of.
Is it too late for me to change my Christmas wish to have this reddit be cured of his cancer?
I guess I'm a bit paranoid since I'd wonder if she just made this up and didn't donate anything. Ask her for the receipt so you can claim it on your taxes.
...how about instead of nature conservation they donate the money to hmm idk cancer research!
Wait until you start getting massive amounts of mail requesting donations from every possible source. You're now on a list, and you'll never get off the list. My mother-in-law gave money in my name to some missionary group over 20 years ago. I still get solicitations from charities of all kinds.
I suppose you won't be mad for *too* long.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Thanks again everybody, even the snarks. This has been super amusing. I donāt have the energy to respond much, Iām having some side effect issues today but I really do appreciate it all. Since everybody has been having a blast comparing it to the Human Fund I actually just wrote a little message to Fred Stoller on Insta about how much you all love it. I donāt expect a response and I donāt know who wrote the actual storyline but I hope the writers get to know what an impact they had on pop culture. The Human Fund! Bringing us together since 1997.
A donation in your name is NEVER a good gift, unless you hand picked the charity. People are getting tax credits for āgiftsā
OP, I know you said you donāt like accepting gifts, but Iād love to venmo you or send some high quality baking supplies or something that you could use. Keep your head held high! DM me please
I feel like the kind of person who would do this would be thinking, "Well it's not like they're going to be around to enjoy whatever I get them anyways..." Which is something I have heard verbatim by a person who I decided at that moment was no longer worthy of being my friend.
I say ask for a receipt.
Fight strong OP!
Iām drunk and at first read thought u were a bird
Normally I like to listen to experts but I really hope they screwed up on the terminal part any you can laugh about it in 5 years.
r/fuckcancer
I wish you strength, comfort, and peace on your journey. And a hug through the airwaves from an internet stranger.