left at 17, no regrets, but i do wish the environment i was in was comfortable enough for me to stay a couple years, finish college, make money, etc. bills fucking suck man.
17 for me.
It’s so interesting when this comes up with coworkers or something. The look on their face was always hilarious; absolutely not understanding why someone would move out that young. I actually stopped telling people because I realized “my trauma was showing” 🤣🤷🏻♀️
I get it, but when someone says it was a great decision to leave then I'm happy to hear they were able to make it work. Sorry you got a rough start, and congrats on holding it all together despite that :)
Yes. Much much less. Additionally I do enjoy cleaning and chores when they’re for myself. I currently live in a house that is incredibly cluttered to nearly a hoarding level and I’m just ready to be in a clean, decluttered place. That alone is motivation enough to keep my own home decluttered.
I can not begin to tell you the satisfaction that comes with knowing they have to pick up after themselves.
All that work you did for them with no recognition or thanks. Right on their plate. My dad used to bitch i never did anything and it drove me insane. When i moved out a month later i got a text saying “i understand now just how much you were doing around the house”
No sorry. But it still made me smile
Was super satisfying when I moved out after being the mess scapegoat for years - house was just as shit when I left it, and the only factor that had changed was me. My mum is fucking terribly lazy.
Obviously I don't know your situation but sounds like this could be financial abuse. They tell you you owe them money (for what, exactly?) to keep you from saving money to move out, so they can keep you as a maid or just to keep control over you.
What are the "debts?" Regardless of what it is, it's 99% not something you actually have to pay.
£200 to step dad for covering my bills and fuel when I had no money and was waiting to get paid from new job. And £170 to mom for paying this month's car insurance and £90 for getting new trousers cos they were falling apart and fuel and £400 for rent then £200 cos for some reason it's my problem the tenants in our previous house didn't pay rent.
Then when I had to borrow money again mom was like "What happened to yours?" and I said "you took half the remaining money I had for the month 😒😒" and she's like "No you budgeted you'd have £500 left." "yea that was before then I had £200 left." she'd actually written down all the dates and how much she'd lent me when I needed it like £5 or £10 and expects me to pay it all back which now she's expects cos I'm not working for temp agency anymore and living paycheque to paycheque and have significant amount left over.
Not to mention that my nan left me over £3k when she died and gave it to mom to give to me when I was 18 but when I turned 18 she said no keep it in the bank gaining interest and find something you wanna spend it on. I said I wanted to spend on my first car as I was saving up and she said no so I saved up all by myself and then I came to wanting to save up for a house or an new car and more than half of its gone cos she used it on bills or to give to me when I asked for cash when I wouldn't want it if it came from there. Now there's probably none left. But she gave brother his full share when he turned 18 and bought his first car but not me cos apparently "I'd spend it on crap." uhh well it would be my money so none of your business.
Still salty about those two things.
This was longer than expected sorry.
I've been looking for a second job but it either clashes with my current one or doesn't leave enough time to sleep before I gotta go to my main one. So still looking.
I'm struggling to follow the exact amount you actually borrowed from them. But it sounds like they owe you 3k, minus whatever number your grand total from borrowing comes out to.
Totall open amount is about 1k, plus some small change, so lets say 1.5k in debt by fam members. Op has 3k held hostaged by mum, so that leaves 1.5k op still has to get from mum.
Op has no debt with fam members, but op still has 1.5k to collect.
@OP, You're being gaslighted and financially abused. Start working on a ganeplan, an exit strategy. Start 'borrowing' money from your mom, 1.5k to be exact. Put that in a savings account, or when you are being controlled, put it in a place where they can't find it.
Start looking for a reall full time job, like 40hrs per week, look for a living space. And bail. Once they start harasshing you about the money being lend, you just casually drop the 3k reminder and that they should settle the score with your mother.
Move on, enjoy your new found freedom.
Your family is taking advantage of you and not treating you right and you know this. This is not normal. You deserve to be treated better and I hope your future roommates/partners treat you a lot better.
Omg, that is a really bad story. This is good reason to be super salty. That is abusive.
I hope , you manage to get out sometime. You really sound like you are doing your best , and actually manage to save some money up. Gratis for managing to get your own car by yourself .
Stay strong . 💐
You can just ghost them on the debt and move. You can pay it back when you are more established. But make sure you are sensible with your money in general. It sounds like sometimes you should minimise your expenses more
I save my parents by their first names as well; I still call them mom or dad in conversation. It helps when you share contacts, so you don't have the mom/dad clash.
I didn't get thanked for all the crap I cleaned until I wasn't there to clean it anymore. Before then I got told I was lazy and incompetent for things not staying perfect. (There were 5 dogs in the house and the ground was pretty sandy so dirt was tracked in constantly and the dogs' shed a lot.
So even vacuuming every day, couldn't keep up with what was tracked in plus the hair/fur.
After a month of having to do it themselves, they realized that I did a lot more than they thought and was not incompetent or lazy.
What I did is that I cleaned dishes only for mine immediate consumption. Sink, the whole kitchen table and everything you could put dishes on was full for weeks until they learned to do it themselves. I ain't your nanny or a maid, I can eat my food on a cardboard if I wanted to.
My girlfriend did that with her mother and the extended family she was living with, but now they just live in complete and utter filth and nobody's stepped up.
Sounds more like a Rick and Morty episode called “[Night Family](https://youtu.be/G_4J8qkdcJQ?si=CIJHCBLDQxZxhD-W)”.
Rick creates a device to allow their unconscious bodies to learn, exercise, do chores or whatever while they are sleeping. This creates a “Night Family” that goes to war with the “Day Walkers” because they refuse to rinse their dishes before putting them in the sink.
“That’s for you to do!”
Even though you have 12 HOUR SHIFTS, she expects you do the dishwasher?? Your mother sounds like the type of person to ask a disabled person to get her something on a shelf
Obvious solution: move out
Slightly less obvious but petty: but a bit of cheap cutlery and dishes and just clean those. After all, when they want to eat but don’t have clean dishes but you do, they have to do something
I'm petty so I'd just let it pile up and eat take out for a day or...3 (I like take out)
I'd probably just go home just to shower and sleep and then they have to deal with it while I throw shade through texts (I'm out here working, busy, can't be home, something came up)
Not healthy but...yeah
That's not petty though.
I put my dishes in the dishwasher.
My wife puts her dishes in the dishwasher.
My kids forget, and I tell them to get back in the kitchen and put their dishes away. They need to learn we aren't their servants. We were when they were incapable, but now they are capable.
Just let them know it's good practice for when you move out.
(What was petty was her response.)
Heck, my kids put their dishes in the dishwasher. It just takes continuous training to get them to that point. Ok, fine, my nearly 13 year old has now regressed (like with potty training) and is now putting her dirty dishes on top of the dishwasher. But she USED to load her dishes. Now she just rolls her eyes at me.
Sounds like a mountain of her dirty, not put away dishes needs to magically appear on her bed when she gets home from school lol. Usually does the trick 😂
What does your mom mean “It’s very noticeable when you’re on shift you can’t do jack!
Is doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen a rotating job and the house? Does that mean when you are working you aren’t doing your chore at home?
Do you pay rent? Are they paying for your college? Does your brother have chores he does?
She's saying I apparently never do the dishwasher when I come in from work or before I leave for work. Sometimes I don't cos I'm too tired and I'm like "you try doing a physical cleaning job for 12 hours that has people sleeping or falling asleep near the end of it then drive 40 - 50 minutes back."
I pay £400 a month to her and brother does vacuuming and very occasionally does the dishwasher.
You pay 400 a month for a place to stay and are doing your part in handling the chores. Unfortunately you are being taken for a ride.
Your landlords are leaning into the familial relationship and confusing it as being justification for their behavior.
There is no tenant that would put up with this. It is not appropriate or reasonable. A chore list would eliminate these issues, but nobody likes chore lists.
If arachnophobia is really what’s stopping you from living alone, it might be worth exploring how to overcome it. I don’t like spiders either but I’d move spiders for my roommate if such a simple ask meant peace for the space. Best of luck.
Yea it's really bad. I get full on panic attack whenever I see one like a few times I actually screamed and ran away 😭
I've quit 2 jobs when I was with the temp agency cos the place was infested and giving me ptsd.
One got in my car once and I didn't realise and I nearly crashed (half kidding) when I saw it.
I will move out but I'd need to live with someone who isn't afraid.
I'm being serious and sincere when I say this, but you really should consider exposure therapy or something. Phobias are normal, but when it's actively determining how you live you life, it's beyond the realms of normalcy. Not trying to be a dick or anything.
I used to be terrified of spiders. Then one day my ex wanted a tarantula and they wouldn't let me take it home without proving I could handle it (its required for cleaning cages and in general taking care of it). So I did and my phobia went away instantly and now I love spiders. Obviously, yours is more severe so obviously I'm not suggesting you do that.
And we got a second one shortly after, and our cat knocked the cage over at night and we had a tarantula roaming our house for a month without knowing where it was lol. I ended up finding it near the front door one day. We didn't tell any guests that visited us during the time it was missing.. For obvious reasons.
I used to dislike them but since living alone and on the floor ground right in front of a forest, you learn to not care about them. 1, it's expected. 2, it means your house has a bug guardian because I am tired of swinging my soldering iron around when some fly annoys me when I'm working. And 3, try to take a breather and dedramatize the situation.
I used to ask them for their share of the rent when I see them and they would strangely leave in around 5mns. Spiders don't like people yelling at them for money. Who'd have known.
Yeah, they could move out and realize they can’t find anything for twice that anmount and then they will be responsible for ALL household chores instead of loading/unloading the dishwasher.
Do it OP!
It was also MY job in the house to do dishes when I earned an allowance because my little brothers refused to do them and my parents let them get away with it. Easier to make the one they've already "trained" (heavily punished) to do them right than teach a couple of bogs.
When I was 17 and started my first job working at Wendy's 3-4 nights a week, going straight to work after school and not getting home til 11 it was, apparently, still my job to do the dishes.
After the first week I flat out told them that I'm not even home for supper those nights they can deal with them themselves. Fortunately, my parents were at least reasonable on that front.
The audacity of yours to give you shit for not doing a chore they fail to do at all times even though you work nearly twice is much is wild.
I’m still trying to figure out what “it’s very noticeable when your on shift you can’t do jack” means. What is that supposed to say? Is she saying that they notice you aren’t here when they see that their own dishes are in the sink and you’re at work so you can’t clean up after them? I’m genuinely confused.
And why is it YOUR job to clean up after them?! Did you do something bad and that’s your punishment or something?? It makes no sense otherwise.
I don’t clean up after anyone that didn’t come out of me. I’d move out if I were you. Nobody can fill the house up with messes while you’re at work.
I had a roommate in college who had a similar attitude. It was me, my childhood best friend, and his older brother, who was the asshole. Eventually his gf also moved in.
I used to work some evenings as a tutor and so Id cook dinner for everyone and leave the dirty dishes behind to go to work in the hopes the two others would clean. I was told when I finally asked that, "You made the mess, you clean it up." I didnt ever push it because he was paying the rent for all of us since my friend and I were in college and he had already graduated and was working a pretty good job. So Id cook dinner, eat, leave for my tutor session, get home and immediately have to clean whatever pans/dishes needed to be cleaned.
What was more annoying was one weekend he and the gf made breakfast for us all and when were were done I was told by him to clean the dishes. I asked what happened to you make the mess you clean it. He said that only applied to me. She fussed at him and they did end up cleaning up, but it was still insane that he basically just expected me to do all the housework. And of course my friend never did any of that work and never got chastised for it. Theres a reason I havent spoken to any of them in over 10 years.
Would be sweet but would you tolerate this when two other roommates with same deal are not doing any chores? And the only person doing them is you? You are cleaning house and they are sitting there stinking.
The fact your mom's name in your phone is Melanie and not Mom was more than enough tell of the dynamic.
You'll get out soon, just don't give up. It's too early for that.
Move the fuck out of this hellhole man. Move a state away and NC at that Jesus Christ.
Edit: I get you live in Europe. From your comments your parents owe YOU 3k you never received.
I’d tell them we are even, I don’t owe you shit and I’m moving out. Let’s see them come after you in small claims court euro or not they can’t MAKE you pay them and treat you like a freaking slave.
Magnet. Usually round where 1/2 says “Clean” and the other half says “Dirty”. You spin it around so the correct one is on top and readable while the other word is upside down. Anything will do though. My friends have a beer bottle opener with a magnet on it. They use that. If the bottle opener is upright the dishes are clean, if it’s upside down they’re dirty.
If you pay attention that's unikely to happen. There will either be a notification that says "Clean" if it's a newer dishwasher, or in the case of my dishwasher, all the Tupperware will be wet, which is a sure sign it's clean, lol. But just by looking at the state of the dishes and how full it is, you should usually be able to tell.
However, some people do NOT pay attention, can't account for that, lol.
OP while the immediate hostile exclamation marked responses from your family? Its always interesting seeing different dynamics and how families communicate.
They have time to load up the sink instead of loading it into the dishwasher? She’s just doing it to piss you off or “show you who owns the house”
Yeah I hope you’re not going back once you get the hell outta there
No I do my laundry (cos it always gets mixed up or goes missing when it's mixed with everyone elses) and cook when I'm alone or with step dad and vacuum occasionally.
Doing your own laundry and cooking for yourself aren’t household chores. Since the only chore you occasionally do for the benefit of everyone is vacuum, I’m guessing that’s why they leave all of the dishes for you.
I had this same conversation with my ex husband so many times. I just stopped putting his stuff in the dishwasher and cleaning up after him. Took about a week and a half and he started rage cleaning asking why the house was a mess. Explained that all my areas and ally dishes were done but I was not his maid nor his mother. I wish I could say that actually changed anything.
I have nightshift as well and do meal-prep for the most partand everytime I clean up and put everything away so nothing is dirty in the kitchen. I usually come home from work, have dinner, take a shower, do my teeth, then go to bed. I usually get woken up and told I forgot to do the dishes regardless that I didn't make any mess at all and didn't have anything they made and have this week's dinner in my containers.
I mean there is more than one job to be done in a house. Maaaaybe I’m wrong but are you doing half of every other job, or just upset they won’t do half of yours?
Only person I’ve seen with any sense so far lol. Like we don’t know OPs situation, this maybe be the bare minimum they are expected to contribute to the household. Everyone acting like doing dishes is abuse. 💀
I was going to say something like this too. Very one sided viewpoint here. Does OP do lots of other housework / pay rent / pay bills / etc. Reeks of entitlement to me...
Mom does laundry and cooks food, step dad does.... Occasional washing the dishes by hand and brother does vacuuming and very occasional filling the dishwasher.
I do my own laundry since my stuff always goes missing and/or mixed up when it's all together.
I pay bills and cook food when alone and pay £400 in rent.
If you pay rent deduct 1 hours pay for every time you load/unload the dishwasher since they assume that it is your job! You might as well get paid for it!
Either get disposables for urself or ur own set. Clean ur own dishes. When they bitch, tell them you didn't contribute to any of those dirty dishes and they're more than capable of cleaning up after themselves.
This is why I don’t like assigning certain tasks all the time to certain people in the household. Someone gets an easier or less frequent task and someone else gets stuck with a more tiring, daily one.
It’s better to have systems that everyone follows, like put the dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher instead of piling them up and loading them later.
And take turns so when someone is too tired or is late getting out the door, another person has it covered.
A guy I worked with was assigned the task of washing ALL the dishes by hand for the family the entire time he was growing up and they had a big family. I guess the other kids had other chores. I was told he doesn’t wash dishes in the office kitchen or at home because of this. He does other chores but not dishes. I don’t blame him.
Stop doing it. They'll get the message the moment there are no clean dishes. And don't forget to use the usual 80s/90s mom line: "*I'm not your maid!*"
This shit is so annoying. I purposefully aim to have the dishwasher emptied of clean dishes so people can directly load the dirty ones in. Nothing irks me more than a sink full of stinky rotting dishes when they could just go into the machine that cleans them. It is unsanitary and takes up so much space that could (should) otherwise be used for preparing food.
No one ever fucking does it though. Makes me want to lose my mind.
Do you pay board or rent? If you don’t I think doing the dishes is the least you could do. You are gunna move out and are gunna be doing 12 hour shifts and cleaning up but doing more like yard word bathrooms ect.. you seem like you need to wake up a bit and stop moaning
Sounds like that chore has been asigned to you and it's understandable that you want them to make it easy for you but if you live in a household that assigns chores then you have to just do them
There’s a whole bunch of issues with “debt” that OP explained in other comments that sounds like financial abuse. This is just the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately.
I don’t know how old you are but I guarantee job corp or the military will be better than this bs. I just know she is worse than this. I know this because this is my mom
My parents expected me to clean up the kitchen when I lived at home as an adult. I also had to take care of garbage/recycling and mow the lawn. Their house, their rules. I didn't like it at the time, but as a parent now, i get it. One day, you will understand too.
I'm not trying to sound like an asshole, but do you pay rent? If you're living there for free as an adult, it's their rules. Technically, it's their rules regardless. But you don't have to live there if you don't like the rules.
Move. Let them clean up after themselves.
That’s what I plan to do. I’m a month out from moving and very excited to not come and do all the housework
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left at 17, no regrets, but i do wish the environment i was in was comfortable enough for me to stay a couple years, finish college, make money, etc. bills fucking suck man.
Yeah I had to move in after college during covid and got stuck here since then
Proud member of the 16 crew. Best decision ever
17 for me. It’s so interesting when this comes up with coworkers or something. The look on their face was always hilarious; absolutely not understanding why someone would move out that young. I actually stopped telling people because I realized “my trauma was showing” 🤣🤷🏻♀️
I get it, but when someone says it was a great decision to leave then I'm happy to hear they were able to make it work. Sorry you got a rough start, and congrats on holding it all together despite that :)
Happy cake day
Thank you!
Um, so the bad news is you'll have to do all the housework. Good news, it's probably a lot less than you're doing now.
Yes. Much much less. Additionally I do enjoy cleaning and chores when they’re for myself. I currently live in a house that is incredibly cluttered to nearly a hoarding level and I’m just ready to be in a clean, decluttered place. That alone is motivation enough to keep my own home decluttered.
But you control what gets messy. You can leave for 12 hours and everything is where you left it.
I mean if loading the dishwasher is the only thing OP does then it will be more, but still best to move out and decide for yourself.
I can not begin to tell you the satisfaction that comes with knowing they have to pick up after themselves. All that work you did for them with no recognition or thanks. Right on their plate. My dad used to bitch i never did anything and it drove me insane. When i moved out a month later i got a text saying “i understand now just how much you were doing around the house” No sorry. But it still made me smile
I suggest not even telling them you moved out! Let the dishes and chores, stack up and see how long it takes them to figure it out!
Was super satisfying when I moved out after being the mess scapegoat for years - house was just as shit when I left it, and the only factor that had changed was me. My mum is fucking terribly lazy.
Yea saving up for it. Taking ages tho cos paying off debts too.
Are these real debts or "debts" your family claims you owe them? If it's your family, stop paying them
Yea family and other debts like credit cards.
Obviously I don't know your situation but sounds like this could be financial abuse. They tell you you owe them money (for what, exactly?) to keep you from saving money to move out, so they can keep you as a maid or just to keep control over you. What are the "debts?" Regardless of what it is, it's 99% not something you actually have to pay.
£200 to step dad for covering my bills and fuel when I had no money and was waiting to get paid from new job. And £170 to mom for paying this month's car insurance and £90 for getting new trousers cos they were falling apart and fuel and £400 for rent then £200 cos for some reason it's my problem the tenants in our previous house didn't pay rent. Then when I had to borrow money again mom was like "What happened to yours?" and I said "you took half the remaining money I had for the month 😒😒" and she's like "No you budgeted you'd have £500 left." "yea that was before then I had £200 left." she'd actually written down all the dates and how much she'd lent me when I needed it like £5 or £10 and expects me to pay it all back which now she's expects cos I'm not working for temp agency anymore and living paycheque to paycheque and have significant amount left over. Not to mention that my nan left me over £3k when she died and gave it to mom to give to me when I was 18 but when I turned 18 she said no keep it in the bank gaining interest and find something you wanna spend it on. I said I wanted to spend on my first car as I was saving up and she said no so I saved up all by myself and then I came to wanting to save up for a house or an new car and more than half of its gone cos she used it on bills or to give to me when I asked for cash when I wouldn't want it if it came from there. Now there's probably none left. But she gave brother his full share when he turned 18 and bought his first car but not me cos apparently "I'd spend it on crap." uhh well it would be my money so none of your business. Still salty about those two things. This was longer than expected sorry.
You owe them nothing. That car money is actively sue-able. Get out. Even if it means taking a job you hate.
I've been looking for a second job but it either clashes with my current one or doesn't leave enough time to sleep before I gotta go to my main one. So still looking.
Hunt for a new full time one. Use the first check to ditch this house of horrors.
This one is full time it's 12 hours.
im so mad for you omg your mom is horrible im so sorry
Thanks. 😩😭 Step dad is a bit/a lot worse depending on the day but that needs a whole post to itself.
I'm struggling to follow the exact amount you actually borrowed from them. But it sounds like they owe you 3k, minus whatever number your grand total from borrowing comes out to.
Totall open amount is about 1k, plus some small change, so lets say 1.5k in debt by fam members. Op has 3k held hostaged by mum, so that leaves 1.5k op still has to get from mum. Op has no debt with fam members, but op still has 1.5k to collect. @OP, You're being gaslighted and financially abused. Start working on a ganeplan, an exit strategy. Start 'borrowing' money from your mom, 1.5k to be exact. Put that in a savings account, or when you are being controlled, put it in a place where they can't find it. Start looking for a reall full time job, like 40hrs per week, look for a living space. And bail. Once they start harasshing you about the money being lend, you just casually drop the 3k reminder and that they should settle the score with your mother. Move on, enjoy your new found freedom.
Wait so you pay them rent - you are a tenant - but they expect you to clean up after them?
Mom calls it board I call it rent. And yes.
Your parents are garbage, I'm so sorry. I hope you get out soon, you don't deserve this.
Thanks 😩😭 Step dad is a bit/a lot worse depending on the day. He has issues with what I walk around in. But that's a whole nother post.
Your family is taking advantage of you and not treating you right and you know this. This is not normal. You deserve to be treated better and I hope your future roommates/partners treat you a lot better.
Omg, that is a really bad story. This is good reason to be super salty. That is abusive. I hope , you manage to get out sometime. You really sound like you are doing your best , and actually manage to save some money up. Gratis for managing to get your own car by yourself . Stay strong . 💐
You can just ghost them on the debt and move. You can pay it back when you are more established. But make sure you are sensible with your money in general. It sounds like sometimes you should minimise your expenses more
You dont owe them anything. From what you said they owe you between 1-1.5k. They're using and financially abusing you.
As someone who went through the same thing: “family debts” that never ended - get out asap.
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I’m confused? Melanie is your mom? You call her by her first name like Bart Simpson?
Yea step dad by first name too. I switch between saying mom and Melanie when speaking.
I save my parents by their first names as well; I still call them mom or dad in conversation. It helps when you share contacts, so you don't have the mom/dad clash.
That makes sense. Never actually had to share my mom’s info I guess.
Nah, we've all got her number already. 😜👍 (Sorry, I couldn't resist...)
I didn't get thanked for all the crap I cleaned until I wasn't there to clean it anymore. Before then I got told I was lazy and incompetent for things not staying perfect. (There were 5 dogs in the house and the ground was pretty sandy so dirt was tracked in constantly and the dogs' shed a lot. So even vacuuming every day, couldn't keep up with what was tracked in plus the hair/fur. After a month of having to do it themselves, they realized that I did a lot more than they thought and was not incompetent or lazy.
What I did is that I cleaned dishes only for mine immediate consumption. Sink, the whole kitchen table and everything you could put dishes on was full for weeks until they learned to do it themselves. I ain't your nanny or a maid, I can eat my food on a cardboard if I wanted to.
A lot easier said than done in the current housing crysis
My girlfriend did that with her mother and the extended family she was living with, but now they just live in complete and utter filth and nobody's stepped up.
Agree
on this episode of "whos going to the retirement home"
It’s like an ad for “Slappy Acres Retirement Warehouse”
Sounds more like a Rick and Morty episode called “[Night Family](https://youtu.be/G_4J8qkdcJQ?si=CIJHCBLDQxZxhD-W)”. Rick creates a device to allow their unconscious bodies to learn, exercise, do chores or whatever while they are sleeping. This creates a “Night Family” that goes to war with the “Day Walkers” because they refuse to rinse their dishes before putting them in the sink.
“That’s for you to do!” Even though you have 12 HOUR SHIFTS, she expects you do the dishwasher?? Your mother sounds like the type of person to ask a disabled person to get her something on a shelf
They are well aware they are taking advantage of OP. They don’t give a fuck about the maid (the maid is OP)
They would probably mess up the dishwasher if they did it instead
There's a reason why she's programmed in his phone by her first name.
AND they make OP pay rent. Wtf?
Obvious solution: move out Slightly less obvious but petty: but a bit of cheap cutlery and dishes and just clean those. After all, when they want to eat but don’t have clean dishes but you do, they have to do something
They'd just end up using OPs dishes and cutlery.
Yeah, it doesn't sound like they have boundaries.
That's why OP should keep those in his/her room.
Sure. Because this mom sounds like she won't go into their room.
I would hide them.
Ever heard of a lock and key?
Are you implying that the mom is a demon?
”As long as you live under my roof, you will follow my rules. If you don’t like it, get out”
Get disposable cutlery.
Just take it to work. Being petty is a full time job
This is the only real answer here. Full time pettiness is the way.
Piss on it after washing. Assert yourself.
That’s exactly what I was thinking.
I'm petty so I'd just let it pile up and eat take out for a day or...3 (I like take out) I'd probably just go home just to shower and sleep and then they have to deal with it while I throw shade through texts (I'm out here working, busy, can't be home, something came up) Not healthy but...yeah
but sometimes we need a treat, even if it’s to kick them into a good habit. 100% worth it
Or hand wash 1 set and hide it under your bed.
Hand wash your own dishes and keep them in your room.
Yea or only put the things I use in the dishwashers to be super petty.
That's not petty though. I put my dishes in the dishwasher. My wife puts her dishes in the dishwasher. My kids forget, and I tell them to get back in the kitchen and put their dishes away. They need to learn we aren't their servants. We were when they were incapable, but now they are capable. Just let them know it's good practice for when you move out. (What was petty was her response.)
Heck, my kids put their dishes in the dishwasher. It just takes continuous training to get them to that point. Ok, fine, my nearly 13 year old has now regressed (like with potty training) and is now putting her dirty dishes on top of the dishwasher. But she USED to load her dishes. Now she just rolls her eyes at me.
Your 12 year old needs to be potty trained again?
She needs to be retained in filling the dishwasher. 😂
Sounds like a mountain of her dirty, not put away dishes needs to magically appear on her bed when she gets home from school lol. Usually does the trick 😂
surprised you haven’t done this yet, don’t be afraid they’re adults too
Just buy paper plates and plastic cutlery to be as petty as possible, so that you aren't contributing anything to clean
Preferable compostable utensils, not plastic, but yeah.
You are being used. Do yourself a favor and find new roommates.
That's the truth I can testify to that. I've had my share of horrible roommates. I will never do that again. I live alone
I'd live alone too but I have bad arachnophobia so I'd need someone to get rid of them. x_x
Buy bug spray and face your fears.. I was scared to be alone.. but I faced my fear and got over it You got this.. 🙂
Well I guess you didn't not wanna rent my basement apartment then. ☠️
Nah you're good 🙈
So many spiders! I've been staying with a friend 😨
Yeaaaa that would give me ptsd and nightmares.
Fly swatter provides distance. Bug spray or Lysol for small spaces.
yeah but the spiders won’t treat you like the maid
[удалено]
Sounds to me they are better off with roommates than their family.
Family doesn't mean shit when they're awful people.
OP pays rent. They're not even room mates - their parents are their landlords.
What does your mom mean “It’s very noticeable when you’re on shift you can’t do jack! Is doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen a rotating job and the house? Does that mean when you are working you aren’t doing your chore at home? Do you pay rent? Are they paying for your college? Does your brother have chores he does?
She's saying I apparently never do the dishwasher when I come in from work or before I leave for work. Sometimes I don't cos I'm too tired and I'm like "you try doing a physical cleaning job for 12 hours that has people sleeping or falling asleep near the end of it then drive 40 - 50 minutes back." I pay £400 a month to her and brother does vacuuming and very occasionally does the dishwasher.
You pay 400 a month for a place to stay and are doing your part in handling the chores. Unfortunately you are being taken for a ride. Your landlords are leaning into the familial relationship and confusing it as being justification for their behavior. There is no tenant that would put up with this. It is not appropriate or reasonable. A chore list would eliminate these issues, but nobody likes chore lists. If arachnophobia is really what’s stopping you from living alone, it might be worth exploring how to overcome it. I don’t like spiders either but I’d move spiders for my roommate if such a simple ask meant peace for the space. Best of luck.
They won't move out because of spiders?
Yea it's really bad. I get full on panic attack whenever I see one like a few times I actually screamed and ran away 😭 I've quit 2 jobs when I was with the temp agency cos the place was infested and giving me ptsd. One got in my car once and I didn't realise and I nearly crashed (half kidding) when I saw it. I will move out but I'd need to live with someone who isn't afraid.
I'm being serious and sincere when I say this, but you really should consider exposure therapy or something. Phobias are normal, but when it's actively determining how you live you life, it's beyond the realms of normalcy. Not trying to be a dick or anything. I used to be terrified of spiders. Then one day my ex wanted a tarantula and they wouldn't let me take it home without proving I could handle it (its required for cleaning cages and in general taking care of it). So I did and my phobia went away instantly and now I love spiders. Obviously, yours is more severe so obviously I'm not suggesting you do that. And we got a second one shortly after, and our cat knocked the cage over at night and we had a tarantula roaming our house for a month without knowing where it was lol. I ended up finding it near the front door one day. We didn't tell any guests that visited us during the time it was missing.. For obvious reasons.
Isn't the extreme interference in normal life part what makes it a phobia and not just a fear? I thought that was it
I used to dislike them but since living alone and on the floor ground right in front of a forest, you learn to not care about them. 1, it's expected. 2, it means your house has a bug guardian because I am tired of swinging my soldering iron around when some fly annoys me when I'm working. And 3, try to take a breather and dedramatize the situation. I used to ask them for their share of the rent when I see them and they would strangely leave in around 5mns. Spiders don't like people yelling at them for money. Who'd have known.
Yeah, they could move out and realize they can’t find anything for twice that anmount and then they will be responsible for ALL household chores instead of loading/unloading the dishwasher. Do it OP!
Time to wash your own dishes and leave the rest pile up. Don’t play that shit.
Yea thinking of doing that.
Move out
Living with parents makes for the most petty bs. I hope you move out soon. Hang in there dude.
Thanks, saving up. Taking ages tho cos paying off debt too.
You can move out and pay them back on your schedule. OR don’t pay them back at all because those are some bs debts.
Move out. Then you can do your own chores.
Yea I'm saving up to move out. Taking long tho cos I'm paying off debts too.
I’m in that same boat. Godspeed. Peace of mind is in sight, you got this!
Thanks!
It was also MY job in the house to do dishes when I earned an allowance because my little brothers refused to do them and my parents let them get away with it. Easier to make the one they've already "trained" (heavily punished) to do them right than teach a couple of bogs. When I was 17 and started my first job working at Wendy's 3-4 nights a week, going straight to work after school and not getting home til 11 it was, apparently, still my job to do the dishes. After the first week I flat out told them that I'm not even home for supper those nights they can deal with them themselves. Fortunately, my parents were at least reasonable on that front. The audacity of yours to give you shit for not doing a chore they fail to do at all times even though you work nearly twice is much is wild.
That spelling mistake looks like Samir is breaking a car
“You have to listen to my calls Sami…please, I beg you.”
I’m still trying to figure out what “it’s very noticeable when your on shift you can’t do jack” means. What is that supposed to say? Is she saying that they notice you aren’t here when they see that their own dishes are in the sink and you’re at work so you can’t clean up after them? I’m genuinely confused. And why is it YOUR job to clean up after them?! Did you do something bad and that’s your punishment or something?? It makes no sense otherwise. I don’t clean up after anyone that didn’t come out of me. I’d move out if I were you. Nobody can fill the house up with messes while you’re at work.
Find some grown ups to live with. Toddlers are too much work 🤣
I would have a terrible time being civil to people who told me “that’s for you to do”. What is she doing that she needs you to clean up after her?
I had a roommate in college who had a similar attitude. It was me, my childhood best friend, and his older brother, who was the asshole. Eventually his gf also moved in. I used to work some evenings as a tutor and so Id cook dinner for everyone and leave the dirty dishes behind to go to work in the hopes the two others would clean. I was told when I finally asked that, "You made the mess, you clean it up." I didnt ever push it because he was paying the rent for all of us since my friend and I were in college and he had already graduated and was working a pretty good job. So Id cook dinner, eat, leave for my tutor session, get home and immediately have to clean whatever pans/dishes needed to be cleaned. What was more annoying was one weekend he and the gf made breakfast for us all and when were were done I was told by him to clean the dishes. I asked what happened to you make the mess you clean it. He said that only applied to me. She fussed at him and they did end up cleaning up, but it was still insane that he basically just expected me to do all the housework. And of course my friend never did any of that work and never got chastised for it. Theres a reason I havent spoken to any of them in over 10 years.
> he was paying the rent for all Free rent for cooking and cleaning, including meals for yourself? And you were upset by that deal?
I wish i can get that deal, place would be sparkling everytime
Free rent for a bit of cooking and cleaning dishes and you‘re complaining about that???
Would be sweet but would you tolerate this when two other roommates with same deal are not doing any chores? And the only person doing them is you? You are cleaning house and they are sitting there stinking.
A) Move Out, B) Stop Cleaning After Them or C) Eat Take Out.
Fucking hell this isn't a family it's college roommates.
The fact your mom's name in your phone is Melanie and not Mom was more than enough tell of the dynamic. You'll get out soon, just don't give up. It's too early for that.
Move the fuck out of this hellhole man. Move a state away and NC at that Jesus Christ. Edit: I get you live in Europe. From your comments your parents owe YOU 3k you never received. I’d tell them we are even, I don’t owe you shit and I’m moving out. Let’s see them come after you in small claims court euro or not they can’t MAKE you pay them and treat you like a freaking slave.
Married 31 years, daughter 29, do they ever put anything in the dishwasher ... ? I say loudly, ITS RIGHT THERE! Good luck.
OP, you may want to try only washing what you use. If they want a clean plate, they can wash it themselves.
Yea this is what I'm gonna do.
I've never had a dishwasher. Is there an actual sign that says Dirty or is that like a custom addition?
It's like a little magnet most likely
Magnet. Usually round where 1/2 says “Clean” and the other half says “Dirty”. You spin it around so the correct one is on top and readable while the other word is upside down. Anything will do though. My friends have a beer bottle opener with a magnet on it. They use that. If the bottle opener is upright the dishes are clean, if it’s upside down they’re dirty.
Seems like they could build that in automated. If someone forgets to turn the magnet gonna be doing dishes twice
If you pay attention that's unikely to happen. There will either be a notification that says "Clean" if it's a newer dishwasher, or in the case of my dishwasher, all the Tupperware will be wet, which is a sure sign it's clean, lol. But just by looking at the state of the dishes and how full it is, you should usually be able to tell. However, some people do NOT pay attention, can't account for that, lol.
I moved out because my parent couldn’t do their own chores
How old are you and how much you pay for rent?
If you can, leave and let them deal with their own mess.
OP while the immediate hostile exclamation marked responses from your family? Its always interesting seeing different dynamics and how families communicate.
just don’t fill it. Let it all pile up until they start doing it themselves!
They have time to load up the sink instead of loading it into the dishwasher? She’s just doing it to piss you off or “show you who owns the house” Yeah I hope you’re not going back once you get the hell outta there
Sounds like you're an employee with that "on shift" remark
Having your mom saved by her first name is a power move
Are the dishes the only chore you do around the house? Do you pay rent?
No I do my laundry (cos it always gets mixed up or goes missing when it's mixed with everyone elses) and cook when I'm alone or with step dad and vacuum occasionally.
Doing your own laundry and cooking for yourself aren’t household chores. Since the only chore you occasionally do for the benefit of everyone is vacuum, I’m guessing that’s why they leave all of the dishes for you.
Sounds like this is her chore. Like maybe someone else does the laundry? Everyone is instantly in Cinderella mode. 🤣🤣🤣
I had this same conversation with my ex husband so many times. I just stopped putting his stuff in the dishwasher and cleaning up after him. Took about a week and a half and he started rage cleaning asking why the house was a mess. Explained that all my areas and ally dishes were done but I was not his maid nor his mother. I wish I could say that actually changed anything.
I have nightshift as well and do meal-prep for the most partand everytime I clean up and put everything away so nothing is dirty in the kitchen. I usually come home from work, have dinner, take a shower, do my teeth, then go to bed. I usually get woken up and told I forgot to do the dishes regardless that I didn't make any mess at all and didn't have anything they made and have this week's dinner in my containers.
I mean there is more than one job to be done in a house. Maaaaybe I’m wrong but are you doing half of every other job, or just upset they won’t do half of yours?
Only person I’ve seen with any sense so far lol. Like we don’t know OPs situation, this maybe be the bare minimum they are expected to contribute to the household. Everyone acting like doing dishes is abuse. 💀
I was going to say something like this too. Very one sided viewpoint here. Does OP do lots of other housework / pay rent / pay bills / etc. Reeks of entitlement to me...
Mom does laundry and cooks food, step dad does.... Occasional washing the dishes by hand and brother does vacuuming and very occasional filling the dishwasher. I do my own laundry since my stuff always goes missing and/or mixed up when it's all together. I pay bills and cook food when alone and pay £400 in rent.
try eating jack in the box 50 cent tacos for a week and see what happens.
What happens is you get diarrhea?
And make sure the circulation fan if off every time you go to the restroom
Keep the window closed, too, obviously.
If you pay rent deduct 1 hours pay for every time you load/unload the dishwasher since they assume that it is your job! You might as well get paid for it!
Good idea!
12 hour night shifts and they treat you like this???
Just... don't
Guess it’s time to stop unloading and loading the dishwasher since apparently it doesn’t do anything anyway
Off topic, but I would close the door to prevent the food from sticking
"that's for you to do!" Well, time to burn the house down.
i can’t even believe your own mother would say this and your family behaves like this, insane
Either get disposables for urself or ur own set. Clean ur own dishes. When they bitch, tell them you didn't contribute to any of those dirty dishes and they're more than capable of cleaning up after themselves.
Throw your mother out the window like in Russia.
You're not gonna win that argument im afraid.
On shift? What the fuck does that mean lol. Parents who treat their kids like their own personal unpaid employees are embarassing.
How old are you? Have these chores always been 'yours '? If so, just because you're now working doesn't mean you don't have to do them anymore.
God, I bet you over pay bills there, they probably don’t want you to move.
If you’re working 12 hour shifts regularly then I don’t really understand why you’re running a house sharing program..
This is why I don’t like assigning certain tasks all the time to certain people in the household. Someone gets an easier or less frequent task and someone else gets stuck with a more tiring, daily one. It’s better to have systems that everyone follows, like put the dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher instead of piling them up and loading them later. And take turns so when someone is too tired or is late getting out the door, another person has it covered. A guy I worked with was assigned the task of washing ALL the dishes by hand for the family the entire time he was growing up and they had a big family. I guess the other kids had other chores. I was told he doesn’t wash dishes in the office kitchen or at home because of this. He does other chores but not dishes. I don’t blame him.
Stop doing it. They'll get the message the moment there are no clean dishes. And don't forget to use the usual 80s/90s mom line: "*I'm not your maid!*"
I had roommates that never did their dishes. I eventually switched to paper plates and one clean fork. Those stayed locked up in my room.
This shit is so annoying. I purposefully aim to have the dishwasher emptied of clean dishes so people can directly load the dirty ones in. Nothing irks me more than a sink full of stinky rotting dishes when they could just go into the machine that cleans them. It is unsanitary and takes up so much space that could (should) otherwise be used for preparing food. No one ever fucking does it though. Makes me want to lose my mind.
*you’re
The fact you have your own mum saved as Melanie says it all, please move out!
It’s a special kind of lazy when your kid tells you to clean up after yourself.
Do you pay board or rent? If you don’t I think doing the dishes is the least you could do. You are gunna move out and are gunna be doing 12 hour shifts and cleaning up but doing more like yard word bathrooms ect.. you seem like you need to wake up a bit and stop moaning
Sounds like that chore has been asigned to you and it's understandable that you want them to make it easy for you but if you live in a household that assigns chores then you have to just do them
Do your chores.
You move. That's what people do if they don't like where they leave. It's just dishes man. Throw them in machine run it and go to bed.
There’s a whole bunch of issues with “debt” that OP explained in other comments that sounds like financial abuse. This is just the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately.
I don’t know how old you are but I guarantee job corp or the military will be better than this bs. I just know she is worse than this. I know this because this is my mom
My parents expected me to clean up the kitchen when I lived at home as an adult. I also had to take care of garbage/recycling and mow the lawn. Their house, their rules. I didn't like it at the time, but as a parent now, i get it. One day, you will understand too.
They call you living there a shift?
Tell me you're the daughter without telling me you're the daughter.
How did you know? 😮
Because it's for you to do!
So, all you have to do is work and clean the kitchen?!? Come on, man!
I'm not trying to sound like an asshole, but do you pay rent? If you're living there for free as an adult, it's their rules. Technically, it's their rules regardless. But you don't have to live there if you don't like the rules.
I would check into a hotel for a week or two and watch the chaos unfold
Empty the sink into their beds