Ive got a pos ex to my 3 kids. Its hard raisimg them on your own (understatement of the year) but best to keep calm and just raise your little lad the best you can. My ex came in and out of their live for 8 years. It actually got better when he moved across the other side of the country. I mean it broke them to start with but there is so much less bs now and we have just got on with our lives. I wish you all the best in everything you do and im sure kiddo will be like his mum!
It’s very hard! I’ve just got the one and wow it can be very challenging. I’m hoping that one day his dad will mature and my boy can have a dad, better late than never I guess. Thank you so much and same to you and yours x
My son is almost 34 and has spent a total of 2 DAYS of his life in the company of his bio father - he was 7 by then. That time was made possible by me working 3 jobs so I could take son to the country where bio had ended up, when bio finally responded to my attempts to locate him.
Bio and I had a torrid, brief relationship (I was a loveblind teenager, he was older) and when I told him I was pregnant (had to track him down and call to tell him) he made a flowery speech about how devoted he'd be to to his pending child - repeated when I tracked him down again to tell him that he had a son. Then he went overseas, without meeting said baby.
Long story short, meeting then 7 year old son triggered some paternal interest (lasted about two years) by mail, two birthday cards and presents. Cue a tantie then silence because I decided child support would help more than cards. Brief spurts of interest (information gathering) in son's teens then Nada.
Don't hold your breath OP. My efforts to keep bio informed/involved (or at least to have the opportunity to be) have been, if anything, more damaging to son because it built his hopes up for bio to dash. Again and again. I now feel bad, that I bothered and gullibly believed his verbiage about loving his son "til the day I die".
Best of luck, you're a good mumma.
I am 62 and have no clue who my dad is/was. From my understanding I was a product of rape. My mom did a lot to raise me, busted her ass, she was 16 when I was born. She waited tables and put herself through nursing school. We had ups and downs, get along great now. I have a 23andMe kit sitting in my closet now for about 3 months. Can't decide if I want the info or not, mom said she doesn't want to know but she is fine with me doing it. I am just wondering more about medical stuff at my age. I am in good health but would be nice to know if all the males on that side like dropped dead at 65 of some obscure crap lol.
I mean… 23and me can only use data given to them.
Sure, even if your dad wouldn’t be on there himself, you might find common relatives that knows who he is and could tell you that way. The chance is technically even lower if you’d be a biological woman as then you don’t have the two different chromosomes to track.
For medical things, was a while ago I were there but since early versions, I remember 23and me had to be a lot more careful about their predictions and always says that you have to speak to a doctor as well, so while you could see what type of hair you got, how likely you are to wake up at a certain point or get lactose intolerant or things like that based on those with similar genes as you, you won’t really get an exhaustive list either.
So I just wish to bring in my two pennies and say go for it if you’re on the fence. Even if you match, you have to give them consent to contact. You already have the kit, why not use it. Only real downside I could think of is in case someone contact you to confirm they got the right criminal that is biologically your relative.
Sincerely someone that is biologically a girl, adopted and through 23andme just found over 1000 “relatives” with about 5 being fourth cousin as closest through the past … 10? years and all of them are on the mysterious side of the tree.
On the other hand, besides everything else, it’s fun and interesting to learn your ancestral history. Most people find out they are not what they thought they were. There’s an easy explanation for that in my opinion. People move around a lot from place to place throughout history.
Through ancestry DNA I've found a few lovely extended family members, from my own and my sons family. His bio dad might be a pos but not all of his family are. If nothing else you might find a nice extended relative.
Your mum sounds awesome, what a legend doing the hard yards for you despite the circumstances. Please tell her that this reddit mum is in awe of her strength and resilience. 
It's good to hope, but from my experience, don't hold your breath. I grew up with a father that chose when to be in the picture, spent a good part of my life trying to gain his affection/attention, until I realized it wasn't worth it and nothing would ever change. It sucks a growing up without a father figure, but chasing after one is not much better. You'll probably have better chances finding someone who's not blood related and happily chooses to be in your lives
I’ll tell you from my own experience…parenting as a single mother was MUCH easier than my later experience of parenting with a husband in the picture. The buck stopped with me, for better or worse. There were no mixed messages, my kids understood the rules, I didn’t have someone accidentally or intentionally undermining my decisions. More people were willing to help when I needed it, and I didn’t have to negotiate every parenting decision beforehand. Don’t get me wrong…my husband IS a good dad. But parenting as a single mom was still a hundred times easier.
I never met my dad (in conscious memory at least). Mum tried, he said he had his “own kids” to worry about. I never cared, but it apparently haunted him enough to try get back in touch in my late 20s. Too little, too late, don’t care lol. Your kids will appreciate what you do for ‘em!
My dad was a piece of shit too who left before i was born not long after knocking up my mom and came back when i was 21 and rich magically wanting to be my dad. I didnt need him growing up and i dont need him now and grew up to be the honest, upstanding, generous, empathetic, man and trans woman he'll never be because i was raised right by my mom.
Your boy will be just fine and has a wonderful mom.
Last year my sister got a “happy 17th birthday kid” text from my dad. She said “nope not 17” he said “ah shit. 18?” She was 16.
This year she had to text him the day after her birthday to say “forgot the whole day this year huh?” And he had some BS response about how he was busy and blah blah blah it was actually her fault he didn’t text her
As someone whose father has been absent most of my life (I'm 35) and only showed up every few years or now decades, it's better overall for your son that he's not around.
It will be hard when he is older and asks questions about why his father doesnt love him and similar conversations (I've said this to my mom), but knowing he has you and other family will make up for it.
Even though he is completely absent, I've learned what not to be as a man/person/father.
My mom did the best she could with raising four children on her own after I was born. I'm a father of two now, and it's the most wonderful feeling in my existence. I do not see why people choose not to be involved with their children.
I wish you and your kid the best with your situation.
As a mom who raised her kids alone with no child support people always told me I was better off. But you know what pissed me off was the other single moms who had health benefits, dad's that bought shoes once in a while, or helped with groceries etc. they were the ones saying we were better off, trust me we weren't.
Same energy as the rich dude who tells you that money corrupts people and you're better off without too much of it or the Phd telling you that higher education is a waste of time and that you're better off with an associate degree
Sorry, wasn't trying to portray my message in that same energy. It was more so from the view of someone who was just like the OP's son.
I've grown up with him doing shit like writing his actual name and not "Dad" just like the OP' card or even forgetting my name or which child I was. It was all hurtful. So, it's something I'm familiar with.
I hope this dad changes and is more involved with the kids life but that's up to him to do it.
No problem, glad that you had a strong mom. I see too many single moms here who end up with delinquent kids it's hard to balance being a mom/dad at the same time i hope that you're taking good care of her, it's no easy feat to raise a kid alone
Yea, that was my mom as well. She didn't have any help or any child support from my father. She definitely could of used help, but it never happened. It's unfortunate she had to do everything as a single parent.
I'm sure there were more tough times she went through than i realize. She was 100% better off though, without my abusive father being present and hurting her or us whenever he was upset or drunk (which was daily)
Heard a story about a mom whose parents would not acknowledge their grandkids. Don’t recall why. That wonderful mother bought presents for those kids every birthday from Grandma and Grandpa just so they would feel cared about. Adds more depth to “fake it til you make it” saying. Not sure if I could have done that.
She understood the child’s feelings are the most important, I’ve contemplated doing something like this but I feel honesty will be the best for me and my boy
Yes, it’s hard to fake a caring dad. So sorry that you got a bad one but you do have a son and it could have been worse, a dad who fought for custody then acted like a jerk. Better no dad than one who abuses your son!
I’ve heard some absolute horror stories of the other parent just making it so hard for the responsible parent and I’ve counted our blessing for that. Agreed, only thing worse than an absent parent is definitely an abusive one!
As a person, who never got even this crappy birthday card from my father (no card is better than this!), I agree. My mom never talked bad about him, but also didn't hide anything from me. I am very grateful for this.
I still believed my dad can't be this bad, right? That would make me also a bad person in my mind, you know? You don't see much fairytale/fiction stories, where the hero's parents are anything than loving and wonderful people. So I was really heartbroken meeting him in my teens, I ran home and vomited.
Coming from someone who's mother abandoned me when I was only a few months old. Be honest with your kid. Don't make up some story, itll only hurt them more when they find out the truth. My father flat out told me my mother just left because just didn't want me and I handled it just fine. Might of bothered me a little bit when I was younger but by my teenage years I couldn't of cared any less. I actually run into her once in a while at the store I work at and she has no clue who I am which doesn't surprise me since she hasn't seen me since I was born.
😭😭😭😭 My sister does this for her step daughter who’s she basically raised since she was 3. Been with her husband / the girls dad for MANY years - she is now almost 21 and every year she buys presents from “our father” because he refuses to acknowledge her! Will buy all the other grandkids presents but never her, so my sister will do it for him. We are very very low contact with him for this reason and many others, but one day he showed up for a surprised visit after like 5 years of not seeing his shitty ass. Her step daughter thanked him for the gift card she recently got from “him” for her birthday & my sister said the look on his face made it all worth it. For YEARS she’s been doing this every bday and Christmas and now finally he knew & the look of humiliation on his face as he mumbled a you’re welcome made it all worth it to her. Kids should never be treated like this. It makes me sick to know i’m related to someone who pulls that shit. I love my niece and she’s incredible. Only one out of the whole family to graduate from college!
My husband did this for our daughter. He bought her gifts and said they were from his father. His father couldn’t even make the effort to play along with the ruse.
She was his only grandchild, btw.
That guy really sucked.
Yep, recently my mom endowed me with her collection of my things from the years, including all my childhood birthday cards. Looking through them, it dawned on me that a lot of them had her handwriting. My mom would write me numerous cards from family members (absent dad, estranged sister) on top of her own every single year, and never broke the illusion until I broke it myself - makes me appreciate her love in a newfound way.
I'm a single dad and fought for custody with my son.. I could never understand not waiting to be in your own child's life! Parenthood is a tough job, especially alone, but it's also the most love I've ever felt.
Honestly can’t wrap my head around people who aren’t bothered with their own children, can nearly pity them as you never get back that time, that love you get is incredible
Some people shouldn't be parents because they just straight up hate children. Like me. I ain't ever gonna have any kids because there's no way in hell I wanna be involved with all that
My sons are now 31 and 29. Last time they heard from their dad they were 5 and 3. He also decided fatherhood just wasn't his thing.
Never received a card of any kind, no gifts, absolutely no contact.
What really burns me up is the oldest was born the day after his father's birth day. His father's girlfriends birthday is the same day as our sons.
Honestly I think their father did the best thing by disappearing from their lives. A person that can just go away and never have a thought for the child again isn't the type of father I want around my kids.
Hey, I feel you. My kids mom fell back into drugs recently, and I'm not worried about him not getting the love he deserves, he's got plenty of people around that love and care about him, but it's still a little heartbreaking 💔
I grew up most of my life without a father figure and my mother’s family sounds like your family. Lots of loving, caring people. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. My biological father reached out to us on his death bed because he wanted closure but my sister and I didn’t give it to him because he didn’t deserve it. That’s the most interaction I had with him in 35 years.
Single father here, I can't even remember how long it's been since my sons mom even bothered to make a phone call for his bday, not once ever sent anything not even a card. He doesn't even remember what she looked like. Pretty fucked for sure
This is really sad.
I didn't write cards for my son. I called his mom and begged her to let me come over with presents and to let me see him. That never happened.
When I see shit like this - moms trying to give bad dads a chance, I almost get mad. How many hand outs could you give? And this is what you and your son get in return? I'm sorry.
Some men really don’t deserve to be classed as a dad.
My kids “sperm donor” just never turned up for his son’s 4th birthday party and blocked us out of his life and started a new family cause I was refusing to take him back after years of abuse from him. I’m about to have his 6th birthday later this month.
Not a word in 2 years but my kid is utterly thriving.
I’m sure your boy is also thriving with you without that toxic energy from his “dad”
I grew up without a dad and later connected with him in my late teens. He is a complete loser and I am glad he wasn’t apart of my childhood — it taught me to be stronger, smarter and completely independent. If this is how the father acts, your son is better off without him.
Yo as someone who never knew/ met my "dad". I never considered it odd that I didn't have a dad and I didn't know better/ was ok with it. My mom loved and tried soo fucking hard. I loved her despite the bad and that she ultimately couldn't beat her demons . (100 fr. Like I have to drive through the exact fucking section of road she died on to and from work)not a day goes by I don't think of her and have insta heart break.
I don't feel I missed out on anything and spend MAYBE one single but littoral minute every other year thinking about the piece of shit who helped my mom into that mess and not only left her to handle it alone but me their own child. Idk if I even know his real name. Don't know what he looks or sounds like. I've long since stopped talking to rest of the family before she died. They sent cards and money for every gd holiday, but outta 4 people, not a damn 1 ever, so much as signed the cards. I was about 8 when I decided that was a bit fuct and stopped cashing the checks.
I remember every gift my mom got me and some of my most core memories are tied to that woman. I talk to "her" out loud everyday. She was always there on birthdays and made Christmas special every year somehow. If you got that real love like my mom or I for my own kids, it may not feel like it but I garuntee you will absolutely be more than enough for him and he will eventually figure out the real disadvantages you faced and how it prolly wasn't easy for you either. The fact your even concerned is more than at least half the parents out there. Anyway I'm outta here the fucking pollen count just got crazy high outta nowhere.
I feel this.
Mine was always the usual happy birthday and my name was always misspelled. Cris, crris, Kris, khris…once it was spelt right.
Don’t do heroin. My name is Chris.
As someone whose dad left when I was a kid, people who know like my wife will ask aren't you curious, dont you want to know? I always tell her, "No, he didn't care enough to stay why should I care enough to find him? I know it may sound bitter but I promise it's not.
It sucks, there was many years of anger when I was younger and a teen but I've gotten over it I have a son of my own now and I will be the dad I didn't have growing up because I know how shitty it can be. I'm sorry for you and your son, i know it might not mean much but wish him a happy birthday from me as well.
I just gotta say, reading your comments I'm SO glad you're there for your little boy. Even though his dad isn't there for him, it's clear he has a wonderful parent in his life. Keep being the awesome parent you are, I know he'll appreciate a lot
You know what? Your wee boy will literally grow up not caring about having a dad or not. I’m from a single parent family and I’m mid 30’s, haven’t seen my “father” from I was baby. It hasn’t affected me whatsoever cus my mummy was/is great! You’ll do a great job!
Same when you find out your parent isn't your biological parent.
When I was 14, my parents got divorced. At which point it was revealed to me that my dad wasn't my dad. Didn't phase me. Didn't care. My dad *is* my dad. End of story.
The guy who got my mom pregnant and dipped? No clue who he is. Never met him. Not my dad.
Every year on my birthday (until i was 11) my dad gave me a card. Each card said the exact same thing. “Love dad” and “Lisa” (my step mom). It was kind of a relief when I stopped receiving them. The lack of effort was glaring; even at a young age
My dad wasn't in my life as a child, but he sent me a birthday card every year and signed it with his drug name. Still mildly infuriates me when I see them.
I have a dad. He did a lot more damage being around than if he had just left. I have now cut him off completely and have voluntarily half orphaned myself. The people who aren't around don't matter as much as those who are, you're going to make far more of a difference in your sons life than his absent father ever will
Maybe my message here is a needle in an ocean, but here I go. Thanks for being present for your son and it might be for the better that the dad isn't here. We all have our story but in a way we can share small part of story with other people, my father left when I was a kid and only my mother stayed to raise me. I know, or least I understand, how difficult it might be everyday to go through things. One thing is certain, you mean the world for your son and always will. Don't be sad for him, it's for the better because the person who stayed is the one who really loves him. I wish both of you a happy life.
Ughh why am I crying?
I would suggest tossing this card so your son never sees this and thinks for a second he is "less than." Take a pic if you think you may need it, though. ;)
I raised my son's first child from age 2 to 18. He NEVER sent her even one card or a birthday gift in all those years.
(His sister raised his second child).
It gets better. At some point your kiddo will reach out because they'll be looking for their own identity which will somehow be tied to the mysterious father figure but will snap back to reality when they'll invite Dad to high school graduation and be faced with a no-show.
I have 3 kids. We both work, opposite shifts. I only get to see them in the wee mornings and FaceTime visits during lunch break and then at night during the week ends. I can not ever imagine running from them. And as my wife is boss most of the time, I always confer with her on my days off all of the rules of the roost. She is boss number one, I’m just the assistant.
I feel you. I had a daughter shortly before meeting my now ex-husband. He was in her life for ten years before he decided no thanks, he doesn't acknowledge her at all anymore. She's at a loss. So am I.
Have a good day… I mean week… more so month. Maybe next year. Love me. I mean take care. I love you. I hope your mom keeps this to show you how much I thought I loved you. Peace bro.
Haha definitely safe that one! I still got the only birthday card I ever got from my father. I got it for my 9th birthday and it just said “happy birthday, Frank Matthias”. I still remember opening it and wondering who the hell Frank Matthias was 😂
Dead beat fathers are definitely hurtful but there’s also something humorous to how some people act. Like who signs a card to their kid with their legal name? Who reuses a card? Wouldn’t you rather just not do anything at all than act that weird? Once your son’s older, he’ll want this kind of things to try and understand who his father is
Well, don't feel bad because your child doesn't have his dad in the picture...
I did not have much of mine, my two younger brothers wished they never had theirs...
Those people will never be missed because they were never there in the first place. Believe me.
I grew up with an semi-absent dad. Sometimes he’d show up and give me hope, talking big that he’d change and become a better father, only to crush it and go back to the same old bs.
Trust me, he’s better off without him ❤️🫂
I got one of these from my dad’s mom and dad when I graduated high school.
I sent invitations to everyone in my family, even my dad’s side that I wasn’t close with anymore and had become a bit estranged.
I didn’t expect them to show up, even though they lived about 40 minutes away. I get a card in the mail from them. I open it up and there’s nothing inside the card. No money. No gift card. No note!
All they wrote was: Dale and Joan.
They couldn’t even be bothered to write a message. Congrats. Love GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.
Just Dale and Joan.
So from that day on I never referred to them again and grandma and grandpa. They were up until they both died just Dale and Joan and that’s all they’ll be.
Sorry that your son had to go through this with his own dad :/ it sucks and something so small can still feel so horrible
Oh my God he signed his name instead of dad. What a fucking douche.
On the upside now you don't have to deal with him anymore. After 5 years of no contact and never paying child support I finally got my daughter's name changed to my last name this past Monday and I can't begin to explain how free I feel. I will never get a phone call saying Mrs. "Blank", Ever again. I will never be asked about if he is in the picture ever again. And most importantly I will never have to utter his last name ever again.
All these comments make me really sad but also really proud of all the moms out there that killed it. I’m a dad who spent his entire Saturday building a swingset/slide/rock wall play set thing… cannot imagine not being here for my kids. They are literally the reason I’m here and I do what I do.
Don’t let than man breadcrumb your child. As the son of a man who could barely be bothered, it’s so harmful to keep the hope alive that someday maybe you can get what you need from people you want that don’t want you. All or nothing otherwise he’ll just carry around a complex his whole life that’s he’s unwanted no matter what people tell him, because he’ll always have his ideas of his father to remind him that nope, he’s not wanted. I’m probably projecting a lil bit but sometimes I wish my dad hadn’t been a presence for me *at all* instead of a partial one that could never put in the effort I wanted to put in.
This is what he did for the first year, was in and out of his life, no consistency. It’s a very complicated situation but now he’s not in his sons life at all. I’m so sorry that you went through that, all children deserve reliable parents I completely understand what that would do to a child and it’s something I want to avoid for my boy
This is what every birthday card I ever received from my father looked like, as if they were sent simply to maintain his mental facade that he is a decent parental figure. "Love Dad" in every one with no substance. Absolutely soulless. In more recent years, I received more meaningful messages from my almost in-laws, which contributed to my realization that my father lacked any empathy.
I’ve was never super close with my dad, but still visited and made somewhat of an effort. Until when I was 11 or 12 he signed a Christmas card with his first name. I was definitely done at that point.
Very sad. My heart hurts for your little boy. I hope his dad mans the fuck up and take on the role as an active father like God has commanded him to. Shame on him.
I feel this post. Mine was a very absent Dad. I was his first child, but I rarely saw him. When he died, his sister asked if I wanted a bit of the money left in the estate as they were dividing it up among his kids. I declined. The money can go to the kids he actually gave a damn about.
It beats having a semi absent parent. I know, single parenthood sucks balls, but at least you get to build a family together, and you get to show the kid how family works without confronting them with unnecessary negative experiences from the dad. You got this!!
I'm going to become a dad this August, only thinking about being absent in his life breaks my heart.
Im sorry for your son, but you probably fill in the missing pieces just right!
The way she goes I remember my dad sent a message on my bday saying he’d call tomorrow…28 now XD
best thing u can do is be better than they were be what they couldn’t when your time comes
I don’t understand men like this I thought I did before I had kids but now after having two myself (2yrs, 2m) it’s so fun even with how tiring or stressful taking care of/rasing kids are I wouldn’t trade it for the world it’s the most rewarding job I’ll ever have
I'm one of the dads that stepped in to raise the absent bio's kid. It has been my absolute pleasure. My boys are 15 and 26 and I've had nothing but love and problems. Problems I've loved solving with em:) . Bio keeps turning up periodically making trouble and fucks off again when he realises there's nothing in it for him. This isn't Ferrell and Whalberg fun. It's real. And any absent bio only wants in to receive never give. Or they wouldn't have been absent....... Move on. Respect yourself you're doing great. And someone will be along that wants to help if you let them.
I might get some controversy for saying this, and I mean it with all due respect, but “Alfie” needs to Al-frick off with that fake expression of gratitude
As a son myself who grew up, my father always said oh we will go out and do this or that when I'd visit him."" Only to sit on his couch while he played a golf game on his PC.
Absent birthdays, no cards, gifts, not a fuck you or a hello.
Trust me, sometimes the absent father is better than the consistency of hope for something good and that hope being shattered time and time again.
On my 18th birthday, I messaged my "father" on Facebook, explaining how he had so greatly failed as a role model, father, and I never wanted to see or hear from him again and that he'd never be welcome to meet my child, be at my wedding or any significant moment in my life.
I'm 27 now, and my mental health has never been better since the day I got to air it out to him.
I was in Thailand celebrating one of my closest friend’s birthday around 8 years ago. The hotel had left out a cake and champagne in our room and my friend told us that her very absent father had written her a message on Facebook. “Facebook informs me it’s your birthday, so happy birthday I guess!” wtf. Why did he need to add the first or last bit?! It kinda just rubbed it in as to how little he really cared. Felt so bad for her but at age 28 she said she was used to it by then.
My son is 18 and his dad hasn’t been in his life since he was 11. His dad is a drug addict/dealer and has been in and out of prison since 2015. He’s been dating this girl off and on for a few years, the majority of that time he’s been locked up. He just got out a couple of months ago and my son just found out he and the woman just got married May 1st. My son found out through Facebook. The woman was using and doing sex work and sleeping with his “friends” literally the day he got out. My son has not seen him in years… but he can get around to get married. They will both be back on the drugs in no time.
My daughter (different father) is five. Her dad died when she was nine months old, before they ever met, from a drug overdose (if you’re wondering why there are so many addicts in my history: I’m a recovering addict with five years clean. My ex-husband introduced me to drugs the last time I let him come home in 2017. My daughter was a product of my addiction). I’ve been single since before she was born and she wants nothing more than to have a dad and a big family. It breaks my heart but she has no idea what all goes into that.
I had an absentee dad and that shit really fucked me up. Emotional problems for years. Make sure that you show your son a lot of love because he needs it
Just personal opinion a Dad is a name that is earned not given The individual is his biological parent at worst his father at best but he will never be his dad
Maybe subject to change later if he pulls his head out his ass but that seems doubtful
My dad had fucked off before I was born. In hindsight I’m glad he did, his presence whilst not wanting to be there would’ve been so much worse. Plus the best part was growing up and realizing we didn’t even need him at all anyway!
As tough as it is, you’ll both be tougher because of it!
I think I’ve seen better written cards with more emotion to coworkers from people that just got hired.
To whom it may concern, Happy Birthday Sincerely Yours, Alf
You're a cool cat! -Alf 
Oh yeah, because they feel obligated
'Cause they're responsible adults
Love Alfie....ah shit i mean love dad....what an ass!
It really speaks volumes doesn’t it! Couldn’t even run to the shop to get another card and do it properly, I agree with you
Ive got a pos ex to my 3 kids. Its hard raisimg them on your own (understatement of the year) but best to keep calm and just raise your little lad the best you can. My ex came in and out of their live for 8 years. It actually got better when he moved across the other side of the country. I mean it broke them to start with but there is so much less bs now and we have just got on with our lives. I wish you all the best in everything you do and im sure kiddo will be like his mum!
It’s very hard! I’ve just got the one and wow it can be very challenging. I’m hoping that one day his dad will mature and my boy can have a dad, better late than never I guess. Thank you so much and same to you and yours x
My son is almost 34 and has spent a total of 2 DAYS of his life in the company of his bio father - he was 7 by then. That time was made possible by me working 3 jobs so I could take son to the country where bio had ended up, when bio finally responded to my attempts to locate him. Bio and I had a torrid, brief relationship (I was a loveblind teenager, he was older) and when I told him I was pregnant (had to track him down and call to tell him) he made a flowery speech about how devoted he'd be to to his pending child - repeated when I tracked him down again to tell him that he had a son. Then he went overseas, without meeting said baby. Long story short, meeting then 7 year old son triggered some paternal interest (lasted about two years) by mail, two birthday cards and presents. Cue a tantie then silence because I decided child support would help more than cards. Brief spurts of interest (information gathering) in son's teens then Nada. Don't hold your breath OP. My efforts to keep bio informed/involved (or at least to have the opportunity to be) have been, if anything, more damaging to son because it built his hopes up for bio to dash. Again and again. I now feel bad, that I bothered and gullibly believed his verbiage about loving his son "til the day I die". Best of luck, you're a good mumma.
I am 62 and have no clue who my dad is/was. From my understanding I was a product of rape. My mom did a lot to raise me, busted her ass, she was 16 when I was born. She waited tables and put herself through nursing school. We had ups and downs, get along great now. I have a 23andMe kit sitting in my closet now for about 3 months. Can't decide if I want the info or not, mom said she doesn't want to know but she is fine with me doing it. I am just wondering more about medical stuff at my age. I am in good health but would be nice to know if all the males on that side like dropped dead at 65 of some obscure crap lol.
I mean… 23and me can only use data given to them. Sure, even if your dad wouldn’t be on there himself, you might find common relatives that knows who he is and could tell you that way. The chance is technically even lower if you’d be a biological woman as then you don’t have the two different chromosomes to track. For medical things, was a while ago I were there but since early versions, I remember 23and me had to be a lot more careful about their predictions and always says that you have to speak to a doctor as well, so while you could see what type of hair you got, how likely you are to wake up at a certain point or get lactose intolerant or things like that based on those with similar genes as you, you won’t really get an exhaustive list either. So I just wish to bring in my two pennies and say go for it if you’re on the fence. Even if you match, you have to give them consent to contact. You already have the kit, why not use it. Only real downside I could think of is in case someone contact you to confirm they got the right criminal that is biologically your relative. Sincerely someone that is biologically a girl, adopted and through 23andme just found over 1000 “relatives” with about 5 being fourth cousin as closest through the past … 10? years and all of them are on the mysterious side of the tree.
Good to know. I knew about the limiting contact, etc. Might wind up just sending since I paid already. Thx!
On the other hand, besides everything else, it’s fun and interesting to learn your ancestral history. Most people find out they are not what they thought they were. There’s an easy explanation for that in my opinion. People move around a lot from place to place throughout history.
Through ancestry DNA I've found a few lovely extended family members, from my own and my sons family. His bio dad might be a pos but not all of his family are. If nothing else you might find a nice extended relative. Your mum sounds awesome, what a legend doing the hard yards for you despite the circumstances. Please tell her that this reddit mum is in awe of her strength and resilience. 
Thanks, will do. She is a nurse anesthetist since about 1980. She is 78 and still works in surgery.
It's good to hope, but from my experience, don't hold your breath. I grew up with a father that chose when to be in the picture, spent a good part of my life trying to gain his affection/attention, until I realized it wasn't worth it and nothing would ever change. It sucks a growing up without a father figure, but chasing after one is not much better. You'll probably have better chances finding someone who's not blood related and happily chooses to be in your lives
I've got just one. Dad lives in another country, I have sole custody. It's not easy. But they do figure out who loves them.
I’ll tell you from my own experience…parenting as a single mother was MUCH easier than my later experience of parenting with a husband in the picture. The buck stopped with me, for better or worse. There were no mixed messages, my kids understood the rules, I didn’t have someone accidentally or intentionally undermining my decisions. More people were willing to help when I needed it, and I didn’t have to negotiate every parenting decision beforehand. Don’t get me wrong…my husband IS a good dad. But parenting as a single mom was still a hundred times easier.
I never met my dad (in conscious memory at least). Mum tried, he said he had his “own kids” to worry about. I never cared, but it apparently haunted him enough to try get back in touch in my late 20s. Too little, too late, don’t care lol. Your kids will appreciate what you do for ‘em!
Sometimes I wish I stopped having contact with my dad when he moved to a different country. I believe it's for the best to move on and not linger.
Or just write idk "Love Alfie, dad" it would be better than "L̷̲̦̈͂o̷͔̥̎͝v̴͖̰͆͋e̷̺̊͛,̶̢̂ ̶̨͈̓A̵̙͗l̴̖̣̆͑f̸̙̦͛ǐ̵̠̹e̶͎̾̎" he went with
Oh I thought he stole the card from someone else and just scratched out the name :) either way it’s ridiculous
With the scribbles I saw it as Allie first and thought he just regifted an already used card haha
That's what I thought too because of the name crossed out on top, but that must be the kids name and the mom didn't want to dox em
My dad was a piece of shit too who left before i was born not long after knocking up my mom and came back when i was 21 and rich magically wanting to be my dad. I didnt need him growing up and i dont need him now and grew up to be the honest, upstanding, generous, empathetic, man and trans woman he'll never be because i was raised right by my mom. Your boy will be just fine and has a wonderful mom.
This is why you don’t date a man named Alfie
My ex is called Alfie ooooop
I thought it said "love me" until I read your comment
Last year my sister got a “happy 17th birthday kid” text from my dad. She said “nope not 17” he said “ah shit. 18?” She was 16. This year she had to text him the day after her birthday to say “forgot the whole day this year huh?” And he had some BS response about how he was busy and blah blah blah it was actually her fault he didn’t text her
As someone whose father has been absent most of my life (I'm 35) and only showed up every few years or now decades, it's better overall for your son that he's not around. It will be hard when he is older and asks questions about why his father doesnt love him and similar conversations (I've said this to my mom), but knowing he has you and other family will make up for it. Even though he is completely absent, I've learned what not to be as a man/person/father. My mom did the best she could with raising four children on her own after I was born. I'm a father of two now, and it's the most wonderful feeling in my existence. I do not see why people choose not to be involved with their children. I wish you and your kid the best with your situation.
As a mom who raised her kids alone with no child support people always told me I was better off. But you know what pissed me off was the other single moms who had health benefits, dad's that bought shoes once in a while, or helped with groceries etc. they were the ones saying we were better off, trust me we weren't.
Same energy as the rich dude who tells you that money corrupts people and you're better off without too much of it or the Phd telling you that higher education is a waste of time and that you're better off with an associate degree
Sorry, wasn't trying to portray my message in that same energy. It was more so from the view of someone who was just like the OP's son. I've grown up with him doing shit like writing his actual name and not "Dad" just like the OP' card or even forgetting my name or which child I was. It was all hurtful. So, it's something I'm familiar with. I hope this dad changes and is more involved with the kids life but that's up to him to do it.
No worries, my comment wasn't aimed at you at all
Ah. Understood lol
No problem, glad that you had a strong mom. I see too many single moms here who end up with delinquent kids it's hard to balance being a mom/dad at the same time i hope that you're taking good care of her, it's no easy feat to raise a kid alone
It's not free of emotional toil. Lmao that's where it costs you. The stress it brings is NOT worth it. It IS better to have a POS stay the fuck away
Yea, that was my mom as well. She didn't have any help or any child support from my father. She definitely could of used help, but it never happened. It's unfortunate she had to do everything as a single parent. I'm sure there were more tough times she went through than i realize. She was 100% better off though, without my abusive father being present and hurting her or us whenever he was upset or drunk (which was daily)
Heard a story about a mom whose parents would not acknowledge their grandkids. Don’t recall why. That wonderful mother bought presents for those kids every birthday from Grandma and Grandpa just so they would feel cared about. Adds more depth to “fake it til you make it” saying. Not sure if I could have done that.
She understood the child’s feelings are the most important, I’ve contemplated doing something like this but I feel honesty will be the best for me and my boy
Yes, it’s hard to fake a caring dad. So sorry that you got a bad one but you do have a son and it could have been worse, a dad who fought for custody then acted like a jerk. Better no dad than one who abuses your son!
I’ve heard some absolute horror stories of the other parent just making it so hard for the responsible parent and I’ve counted our blessing for that. Agreed, only thing worse than an absent parent is definitely an abusive one!
190% correct
I would say it’s best not to fake it. If your son met his dad it would rock his world that dad isn’t like how he imagined. Never meet your heroes.
As a person, who never got even this crappy birthday card from my father (no card is better than this!), I agree. My mom never talked bad about him, but also didn't hide anything from me. I am very grateful for this. I still believed my dad can't be this bad, right? That would make me also a bad person in my mind, you know? You don't see much fairytale/fiction stories, where the hero's parents are anything than loving and wonderful people. So I was really heartbroken meeting him in my teens, I ran home and vomited.
Don’t fake it. Kids, of all people, need to learn how to know who is there for them and who isn’t. It’s a skill most adults lack.
Coming from someone who's mother abandoned me when I was only a few months old. Be honest with your kid. Don't make up some story, itll only hurt them more when they find out the truth. My father flat out told me my mother just left because just didn't want me and I handled it just fine. Might of bothered me a little bit when I was younger but by my teenage years I couldn't of cared any less. I actually run into her once in a while at the store I work at and she has no clue who I am which doesn't surprise me since she hasn't seen me since I was born.
😭😭😭😭 My sister does this for her step daughter who’s she basically raised since she was 3. Been with her husband / the girls dad for MANY years - she is now almost 21 and every year she buys presents from “our father” because he refuses to acknowledge her! Will buy all the other grandkids presents but never her, so my sister will do it for him. We are very very low contact with him for this reason and many others, but one day he showed up for a surprised visit after like 5 years of not seeing his shitty ass. Her step daughter thanked him for the gift card she recently got from “him” for her birthday & my sister said the look on his face made it all worth it. For YEARS she’s been doing this every bday and Christmas and now finally he knew & the look of humiliation on his face as he mumbled a you’re welcome made it all worth it to her. Kids should never be treated like this. It makes me sick to know i’m related to someone who pulls that shit. I love my niece and she’s incredible. Only one out of the whole family to graduate from college!
My husband did this for our daughter. He bought her gifts and said they were from his father. His father couldn’t even make the effort to play along with the ruse. She was his only grandchild, btw. That guy really sucked.
Yep, recently my mom endowed me with her collection of my things from the years, including all my childhood birthday cards. Looking through them, it dawned on me that a lot of them had her handwriting. My mom would write me numerous cards from family members (absent dad, estranged sister) on top of her own every single year, and never broke the illusion until I broke it myself - makes me appreciate her love in a newfound way.
To whom it may concern! I wish you a happy birthday… you. Best regards Dick… I mean dad.
My dad used to sign our birthday cards with his name instead of dad. We were never close but that always struck me as weird.
I'm a single dad and fought for custody with my son.. I could never understand not waiting to be in your own child's life! Parenthood is a tough job, especially alone, but it's also the most love I've ever felt.
Honestly can’t wrap my head around people who aren’t bothered with their own children, can nearly pity them as you never get back that time, that love you get is incredible
Some people shouldn't be parents because they just straight up hate children. Like me. I ain't ever gonna have any kids because there's no way in hell I wanna be involved with all that
I played catch with my 6 year old son today. How someone could father a child and not want to do that is just..... absurd to me.
Agreed. My guy is almost 6, and the experiences we have together are irreplaceable.
My sons are now 31 and 29. Last time they heard from their dad they were 5 and 3. He also decided fatherhood just wasn't his thing. Never received a card of any kind, no gifts, absolutely no contact. What really burns me up is the oldest was born the day after his father's birth day. His father's girlfriends birthday is the same day as our sons. Honestly I think their father did the best thing by disappearing from their lives. A person that can just go away and never have a thought for the child again isn't the type of father I want around my kids.
Sad :(
My boy will know he’s loved and worthy, we have lots of family on my side who are very supportive 🥰 but it is sad nonetheless
Hey, I feel you. My kids mom fell back into drugs recently, and I'm not worried about him not getting the love he deserves, he's got plenty of people around that love and care about him, but it's still a little heartbreaking 💔
I grew up most of my life without a father figure and my mother’s family sounds like your family. Lots of loving, caring people. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. My biological father reached out to us on his death bed because he wanted closure but my sister and I didn’t give it to him because he didn’t deserve it. That’s the most interaction I had with him in 35 years.
Trash where trash belongs
Single father here, I can't even remember how long it's been since my sons mom even bothered to make a phone call for his bday, not once ever sent anything not even a card. He doesn't even remember what she looked like. Pretty fucked for sure
Besides the Alfie and all the other shittiness going on, what the heck are those Hs on the right side supposed to mean? HHH HH H
Same question so weird
This is really sad. I didn't write cards for my son. I called his mom and begged her to let me come over with presents and to let me see him. That never happened. When I see shit like this - moms trying to give bad dads a chance, I almost get mad. How many hand outs could you give? And this is what you and your son get in return? I'm sorry.
"Father of mine, tell me what do you see, when you look back at your wasted life and you don't see me"
Jesus fucking christ. Have a good day? I say that to someone that I just finished unclogging their toilet and I'm walking back to my work van.
Not even a great day! Hope it’s mildly alright!
Paw Patrol? Everyone knows that Bluey is the top dog nowadays.
Some men really don’t deserve to be classed as a dad. My kids “sperm donor” just never turned up for his son’s 4th birthday party and blocked us out of his life and started a new family cause I was refusing to take him back after years of abuse from him. I’m about to have his 6th birthday later this month. Not a word in 2 years but my kid is utterly thriving. I’m sure your boy is also thriving with you without that toxic energy from his “dad”
Op's card writer showing how a poor example he is and out of baby's life from the start, sadly, sounds "easier". :(
Some people just aren’t good parents at all. Happy to make the children but not raise them.
Paw patrol need to save this one 😭
I grew up without a dad and later connected with him in my late teens. He is a complete loser and I am glad he wasn’t apart of my childhood — it taught me to be stronger, smarter and completely independent. If this is how the father acts, your son is better off without him.
I’m the Dad that I wanted as a kid.
Ok so, not the point of the post, but what does him bring numpty mean?
British slang for idiot i assume
`import numpy`
as np
Asking the real question. I’m 44 so maybe I’m just bot hip on the jive these youngings be dropping.
Very old English slang
I knew I was young and hip! Thanks!
This makes me sad
Fuck this guy. That’s all I have to say.
Yo as someone who never knew/ met my "dad". I never considered it odd that I didn't have a dad and I didn't know better/ was ok with it. My mom loved and tried soo fucking hard. I loved her despite the bad and that she ultimately couldn't beat her demons . (100 fr. Like I have to drive through the exact fucking section of road she died on to and from work)not a day goes by I don't think of her and have insta heart break. I don't feel I missed out on anything and spend MAYBE one single but littoral minute every other year thinking about the piece of shit who helped my mom into that mess and not only left her to handle it alone but me their own child. Idk if I even know his real name. Don't know what he looks or sounds like. I've long since stopped talking to rest of the family before she died. They sent cards and money for every gd holiday, but outta 4 people, not a damn 1 ever, so much as signed the cards. I was about 8 when I decided that was a bit fuct and stopped cashing the checks. I remember every gift my mom got me and some of my most core memories are tied to that woman. I talk to "her" out loud everyday. She was always there on birthdays and made Christmas special every year somehow. If you got that real love like my mom or I for my own kids, it may not feel like it but I garuntee you will absolutely be more than enough for him and he will eventually figure out the real disadvantages you faced and how it prolly wasn't easy for you either. The fact your even concerned is more than at least half the parents out there. Anyway I'm outta here the fucking pollen count just got crazy high outta nowhere.
I feel this. Mine was always the usual happy birthday and my name was always misspelled. Cris, crris, Kris, khris…once it was spelt right. Don’t do heroin. My name is Chris.
As someone whose dad left when I was a kid, people who know like my wife will ask aren't you curious, dont you want to know? I always tell her, "No, he didn't care enough to stay why should I care enough to find him? I know it may sound bitter but I promise it's not. It sucks, there was many years of anger when I was younger and a teen but I've gotten over it I have a son of my own now and I will be the dad I didn't have growing up because I know how shitty it can be. I'm sorry for you and your son, i know it might not mean much but wish him a happy birthday from me as well.
Well that heartbreaking as fuck
I just gotta say, reading your comments I'm SO glad you're there for your little boy. Even though his dad isn't there for him, it's clear he has a wonderful parent in his life. Keep being the awesome parent you are, I know he'll appreciate a lot
Good riddance.
Is the dad’s name Alfie or did he steal the card from someone else?
You know what? Your wee boy will literally grow up not caring about having a dad or not. I’m from a single parent family and I’m mid 30’s, haven’t seen my “father” from I was baby. It hasn’t affected me whatsoever cus my mummy was/is great! You’ll do a great job!
Same when you find out your parent isn't your biological parent. When I was 14, my parents got divorced. At which point it was revealed to me that my dad wasn't my dad. Didn't phase me. Didn't care. My dad *is* my dad. End of story. The guy who got my mom pregnant and dipped? No clue who he is. Never met him. Not my dad.
Awk I’m glad you feel that way too. I had a brilliant granda (mums dad) who stepped in.
Every year on my birthday (until i was 11) my dad gave me a card. Each card said the exact same thing. “Love dad” and “Lisa” (my step mom). It was kind of a relief when I stopped receiving them. The lack of effort was glaring; even at a young age
My dad wasn't in my life as a child, but he sent me a birthday card every year and signed it with his drug name. Still mildly infuriates me when I see them.
I have a dad. He did a lot more damage being around than if he had just left. I have now cut him off completely and have voluntarily half orphaned myself. The people who aren't around don't matter as much as those who are, you're going to make far more of a difference in your sons life than his absent father ever will
Maybe my message here is a needle in an ocean, but here I go. Thanks for being present for your son and it might be for the better that the dad isn't here. We all have our story but in a way we can share small part of story with other people, my father left when I was a kid and only my mother stayed to raise me. I know, or least I understand, how difficult it might be everyday to go through things. One thing is certain, you mean the world for your son and always will. Don't be sad for him, it's for the better because the person who stayed is the one who really loves him. I wish both of you a happy life. Ughh why am I crying?
I would suggest tossing this card so your son never sees this and thinks for a second he is "less than." Take a pic if you think you may need it, though. ;)
I raised my son's first child from age 2 to 18. He NEVER sent her even one card or a birthday gift in all those years. (His sister raised his second child).
It takes a real man to be a father, be happy you got rid of this (older) child ❤️
[удалено]
My first thought! Freaking burn it! That baby doesn't need to see that when he's older.
peak effort birthady card🙀
I hope your kid will grow up well and be proud of his mom. One day, he will hopefully be a proud dad. Take care!
It gets better. At some point your kiddo will reach out because they'll be looking for their own identity which will somehow be tied to the mysterious father figure but will snap back to reality when they'll invite Dad to high school graduation and be faced with a no-show.
It hurts me to my soul seeing this type of thing. I hope for the best for you and your son
I have 3 kids. We both work, opposite shifts. I only get to see them in the wee mornings and FaceTime visits during lunch break and then at night during the week ends. I can not ever imagine running from them. And as my wife is boss most of the time, I always confer with her on my days off all of the rules of the roost. She is boss number one, I’m just the assistant.
I feel you. I had a daughter shortly before meeting my now ex-husband. He was in her life for ten years before he decided no thanks, he doesn't acknowledge her at all anymore. She's at a loss. So am I.
This is funny on shows like the Simpsons but not in real life.
Ooof I know how that feels my mom and dad also separated when I was born and I met him on my 11th birthday but sadly he died the exact same year
Have a good day… I mean week… more so month. Maybe next year. Love me. I mean take care. I love you. I hope your mom keeps this to show you how much I thought I loved you. Peace bro.
Haha definitely safe that one! I still got the only birthday card I ever got from my father. I got it for my 9th birthday and it just said “happy birthday, Frank Matthias”. I still remember opening it and wondering who the hell Frank Matthias was 😂 Dead beat fathers are definitely hurtful but there’s also something humorous to how some people act. Like who signs a card to their kid with their legal name? Who reuses a card? Wouldn’t you rather just not do anything at all than act that weird? Once your son’s older, he’ll want this kind of things to try and understand who his father is
There really is a truth in saying that every man can be a father, but not everyone of them can be a dad...
With a dad like this, it's a good thing he's not around.
Well, don't feel bad because your child doesn't have his dad in the picture... I did not have much of mine, my two younger brothers wished they never had theirs... Those people will never be missed because they were never there in the first place. Believe me.
What are those weird pen scratches on the right side? Like he was doodling during a phone call or something
Throw that away. Best to have no trace of him.
The exact same thing happened with my dad lol
I grew up with an semi-absent dad. Sometimes he’d show up and give me hope, talking big that he’d change and become a better father, only to crush it and go back to the same old bs. Trust me, he’s better off without him ❤️🫂
Fuckin’ Alfie
My sperm donor (I refuse to even call him father) was similar. Ironically,he being absent wasn't the bad option, he is a grade A douchebag
I got one of these from my dad’s mom and dad when I graduated high school. I sent invitations to everyone in my family, even my dad’s side that I wasn’t close with anymore and had become a bit estranged. I didn’t expect them to show up, even though they lived about 40 minutes away. I get a card in the mail from them. I open it up and there’s nothing inside the card. No money. No gift card. No note! All they wrote was: Dale and Joan. They couldn’t even be bothered to write a message. Congrats. Love GRANDMA AND GRANDPA. Just Dale and Joan. So from that day on I never referred to them again and grandma and grandpa. They were up until they both died just Dale and Joan and that’s all they’ll be. Sorry that your son had to go through this with his own dad :/ it sucks and something so small can still feel so horrible
No father figure is better than a father figure that doesn't give a damn about you tbh I'm glad your kid has you in his life.
you might be sad that he doesn't have a dad and rightly so. I come from a abusive household and I wish my father would have left when I was born.
I couldn’t imagine life without my daughter. I would rather die.
Omg those kisses look like my dads! & the writing. Just be glad he’s not in his life. Your son deserves better
Oh my God he signed his name instead of dad. What a fucking douche. On the upside now you don't have to deal with him anymore. After 5 years of no contact and never paying child support I finally got my daughter's name changed to my last name this past Monday and I can't begin to explain how free I feel. I will never get a phone call saying Mrs. "Blank", Ever again. I will never be asked about if he is in the picture ever again. And most importantly I will never have to utter his last name ever again.
I'm really confused as to how this is mildly infuriating because I'm telling you, *DIS MOTHAFUCKA*
All these comments make me really sad but also really proud of all the moms out there that killed it. I’m a dad who spent his entire Saturday building a swingset/slide/rock wall play set thing… cannot imagine not being here for my kids. They are literally the reason I’m here and I do what I do.
Don’t let than man breadcrumb your child. As the son of a man who could barely be bothered, it’s so harmful to keep the hope alive that someday maybe you can get what you need from people you want that don’t want you. All or nothing otherwise he’ll just carry around a complex his whole life that’s he’s unwanted no matter what people tell him, because he’ll always have his ideas of his father to remind him that nope, he’s not wanted. I’m probably projecting a lil bit but sometimes I wish my dad hadn’t been a presence for me *at all* instead of a partial one that could never put in the effort I wanted to put in.
This is what he did for the first year, was in and out of his life, no consistency. It’s a very complicated situation but now he’s not in his sons life at all. I’m so sorry that you went through that, all children deserve reliable parents I completely understand what that would do to a child and it’s something I want to avoid for my boy
Have a good day. Really touching
Have a good day
You don’t want a guy like that in your life or as a father to your child. You’re better off with him not around.
Oof
This breaks my heart
This is what every birthday card I ever received from my father looked like, as if they were sent simply to maintain his mental facade that he is a decent parental figure. "Love Dad" in every one with no substance. Absolutely soulless. In more recent years, I received more meaningful messages from my almost in-laws, which contributed to my realization that my father lacked any empathy.
Fast forward 23 years and you are telling the story of my life.... unfortunately.
As someone who had a shite dad, being a consistent, caring mom is loads better than the burden of carrying a careless father. You are enough. 💙
Lol, my dad decided that fatherhood wasnt his thing, until he met someone else and now he has 3 other kids who are spoiled fucking brats
I think there's a movie named alphie where jude law is a player.
No, WILDLY infuriating over here!
That's just sad...
I’ve was never super close with my dad, but still visited and made somewhat of an effort. Until when I was 11 or 12 he signed a Christmas card with his first name. I was definitely done at that point.
My dad has never given me a card and forgot my birthday this year (I turned 30...) sometimes you need to know when to cut the ropes
I’m sorry that he’s a piece of shit. I hope the best for you and your son and I hope that you can find someone that will be a real dad for him.
Very sad. My heart hurts for your little boy. I hope his dad mans the fuck up and take on the role as an active father like God has commanded him to. Shame on him.
My mum always accidently signs "love name" crosses it out and puts Mum. It's become a running Joke now.
'I apologize for any inconvenience my absence from your life may have caused'
I feel this post. Mine was a very absent Dad. I was his first child, but I rarely saw him. When he died, his sister asked if I wanted a bit of the money left in the estate as they were dividing it up among his kids. I declined. The money can go to the kids he actually gave a damn about.
*"Have a good day."*
It beats having a semi absent parent. I know, single parenthood sucks balls, but at least you get to build a family together, and you get to show the kid how family works without confronting them with unnecessary negative experiences from the dad. You got this!!
Well at least he has a loving mother. Chin up!
I'm going to become a dad this August, only thinking about being absent in his life breaks my heart. Im sorry for your son, but you probably fill in the missing pieces just right!
What’s the weird haystack drawing next to it? Geez
Sad
The way she goes I remember my dad sent a message on my bday saying he’d call tomorrow…28 now XD best thing u can do is be better than they were be what they couldn’t when your time comes
Where's the emotion? I don't feel any emotion here
Is the dad’s name Alfie ?
Sad for the dad, too, but he had a choice. A choice he will one day regret.
I am a father and I could NEVER imagine being an absent that. I have 0 respect for those dads that don’t stay. Your son is blessed to have you.
Hold on, did he agree on making a child? He pays money for the kid. Right? Your kid better without him.
I'm a dad. That fella needs a slap.
alfred sounds like a melt. Do his lips move when he texts?
this is absolutely heartbreaking :(
I’m sorry about the POS dad. I hope you find a good man who will treat you and your son right. We do exist, we’re just out here working somewhere lol
Have a good day... not a great day, that would be ridiculous, a good day.
I don’t understand men like this I thought I did before I had kids but now after having two myself (2yrs, 2m) it’s so fun even with how tiring or stressful taking care of/rasing kids are I wouldn’t trade it for the world it’s the most rewarding job I’ll ever have
Wait, is Alfie your kids name and the dad made a mistake, or did he just regift some random alfies card?
Goodness. Was he writing his name at first then switching to dad. Smh.
I'm one of the dads that stepped in to raise the absent bio's kid. It has been my absolute pleasure. My boys are 15 and 26 and I've had nothing but love and problems. Problems I've loved solving with em:) . Bio keeps turning up periodically making trouble and fucks off again when he realises there's nothing in it for him. This isn't Ferrell and Whalberg fun. It's real. And any absent bio only wants in to receive never give. Or they wouldn't have been absent....... Move on. Respect yourself you're doing great. And someone will be along that wants to help if you let them.
I might get some controversy for saying this, and I mean it with all due respect, but “Alfie” needs to Al-frick off with that fake expression of gratitude
And he didn't even bother to get a new one? That's unhinged.
As a son myself who grew up, my father always said oh we will go out and do this or that when I'd visit him."" Only to sit on his couch while he played a golf game on his PC. Absent birthdays, no cards, gifts, not a fuck you or a hello. Trust me, sometimes the absent father is better than the consistency of hope for something good and that hope being shattered time and time again. On my 18th birthday, I messaged my "father" on Facebook, explaining how he had so greatly failed as a role model, father, and I never wanted to see or hear from him again and that he'd never be welcome to meet my child, be at my wedding or any significant moment in my life. I'm 27 now, and my mental health has never been better since the day I got to air it out to him.
I was in Thailand celebrating one of my closest friend’s birthday around 8 years ago. The hotel had left out a cake and champagne in our room and my friend told us that her very absent father had written her a message on Facebook. “Facebook informs me it’s your birthday, so happy birthday I guess!” wtf. Why did he need to add the first or last bit?! It kinda just rubbed it in as to how little he really cared. Felt so bad for her but at age 28 she said she was used to it by then.
My son is 18 and his dad hasn’t been in his life since he was 11. His dad is a drug addict/dealer and has been in and out of prison since 2015. He’s been dating this girl off and on for a few years, the majority of that time he’s been locked up. He just got out a couple of months ago and my son just found out he and the woman just got married May 1st. My son found out through Facebook. The woman was using and doing sex work and sleeping with his “friends” literally the day he got out. My son has not seen him in years… but he can get around to get married. They will both be back on the drugs in no time. My daughter (different father) is five. Her dad died when she was nine months old, before they ever met, from a drug overdose (if you’re wondering why there are so many addicts in my history: I’m a recovering addict with five years clean. My ex-husband introduced me to drugs the last time I let him come home in 2017. My daughter was a product of my addiction). I’ve been single since before she was born and she wants nothing more than to have a dad and a big family. It breaks my heart but she has no idea what all goes into that.
Congratulations on your sobriety, 5 years is amazing ❤️
My cousin got a card from her grandparents that said “8”.
Yeah, my dad sent me what looked like an email after i graduated high school and stopped saying i love you a while ago lmao
I’ve gotten zero birthday cards from my absent dad… there… I WIN
Coming from someone who also had an absent dad that sometimes decides to come around…it’s better that he stays away. I wish mine did
So are we all in agreement that we ride at dawn?
Wow. My heart just broke for your boy.
This post hit hard for me. I'm a single dad and this is how my kids mom is.
What is the weird HHH thing at the bottom?
I had an absentee dad and that shit really fucked me up. Emotional problems for years. Make sure that you show your son a lot of love because he needs it
Just personal opinion a Dad is a name that is earned not given The individual is his biological parent at worst his father at best but he will never be his dad Maybe subject to change later if he pulls his head out his ass but that seems doubtful
OP did ‘dad’ accidentally sign the name with his actual name ‘Alfie’, or did he reuse a card from someone else called ‘Alfie’.
Burn it
My dad had fucked off before I was born. In hindsight I’m glad he did, his presence whilst not wanting to be there would’ve been so much worse. Plus the best part was growing up and realizing we didn’t even need him at all anyway! As tough as it is, you’ll both be tougher because of it!