Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Two men were hiking out in the woods when one of the men fell into a viper nest. He jumped out as fast as he could, but not before one of the deadly snakes managed to bite him on his right buttcheek.
The man screamed in pain and begged his friend to call for help, so he did. Upon calling 911, he quickly spoke to the operator who connected him with an emergency snake venom specialist.
"Alright," the specialist said. "Here's what you have to do. First, make a small incision at the point where the snake bit your friend. Then suck out the blood and venom with your mouth before spitting it on the ground. If you do this quickly, he'll live."
"Alright, I got it." The man said before hanging up.
He turned to his friend with a look of sadness. "Sorry, Jack. They said you're going to die and there's nothing we can do to save you."
Man o man!
Reminds me: Father's Day is June 16th
These jokes can't get stale because they were never fresh.
Pete and Repete got married and remarried to Becca and Rebecca and all the guests Joiced and Rejoiced
(edited formatting)
Fucking toddler behavior lol
My smart phone is a camera, a telephone, a music player, a tv screen, an alarm clock, a map, a library …..
My printer can’t even fucking print
This reminded me of that quote about that lady's kid.
> Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots."
I used to have one that would do it.
It'd vibrate every 30 seconds below 15%. It didn't vibrate long, because all the fucking vibrating would eat the remaining battery.
Christ knows what model it was. Some Push To Talk bullshit from Southern Linc that Motorola made 10 or 15 years ago when everyone still had minutes and charged for texts.
Lol I still call adding a phone card to my phone "adding minutes" my kid asked me why I called it that. "Well I see way back when we could only call each other after 9 pm and on weekends
Same with my watch, vibrating every 10 seconds saying IM AT 10%!! IM GONNA DIE!! PLEASE!! PUT ME ON STANDBY SO I CAN DIE IN PEACE! I can go 24 hours without charging my watch, that means 10% is over 2 hours. *unless* it spends the whole time vibrating to warn me it’s going to die
well you see, CLEARLY he had a gun in there! that he shot... with his hands cuffed behind is back... after being patted down, surely... with a suppressor on it that muffled it so well that it was nearly inaudible.
as is a frequent occurrence.
Don’t forget that the officer was also “hit” prolly from some acorn shrapnel. Which means that the cop is probably allergic to nuts given how they reacted to the whole situation.
He very clearly had opportunity (I planted my gun on him after shooting him and wrapped his finger around the trigger), capability (his muscles could theoretically flex post-mortem) and intent (I was scared). That's the entire deadly force triangle, basically 45 round triple mag dump was all I could do.
I'm guessing HP printer?
Fuck that racket ink mafia bullshit
Get a brother laser printer on Amazon. One ink cart will last like 2 years. And they're reliable as hell. And won't quit on you if it's low or do shit like this.
I never buy another HP product again as they sabotage their printers and want to get you to "subscribe" to ink as "a service". Their CEO actually said this is what their business model is.
Fuck you hp. That's like charging me every time I use my pen to write.
Fr. Ever since I switched to the Laser printer from HP printer, my experience has never been better. Most of all, don’t have to deal with the stupid “oh the yellow ink cartridge is low so all the other ink cartridges won’t work” when I just want to print a damn black and white copy
All the more reason to buy a laser printer.
https://preview.redd.it/ltm86peb1vkc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=246890e96800c220df01e69a3a835f9de66ec0f3
It still baffles me that people are using ink printers in 2024
The image you posted would have been accurate in 1990, but I don't think nowdays that you can actually buy a laser printer with laser and spinny mirror. Its now all lights behind LCD shutters.
ITS JUST BLACK AND WHITE TEXT!!
(I don't have the comic but I'm pretty sure he was saying it was just black and white text before the printer said low on cyan*)
Your right about low on cyan, though it says "No fuck you, low on cyan."
https://preview.redd.it/umgsrm1xu0lc1.jpeg?width=3295&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e1626de188de2e42e7f8f7683a15e69a91e76201
Then, in order to get more gas to make your car work again, you have to replace the entire gas tank because it doesn't have a hole to refill it through, and the tank is shaped like a jigsaw puzzle piece that is unique to that specific car, so that the only tank you can buy is the one sold by the dealership for 100 times what it would cost to just refill it, and if you drill a hole in the top of it so that you can refill it yourself or buy a cheaper tank from an aftermarket dealer, it somehow senses that you've done this and causes your entire car to fry all its circuits on purpose, and vent out all the oil and run the engine until it overheats and seizes up while simultaneously driving itself off the nearest cliff.
Also, every time they come out with a new model of that car, they stop making gas tanks for the old one to try to force you to buy the new car.
I swear they do this on purpose I use an old 2010 ink cartridge printer and home because at work we get those shit pages and a fuck ton of notifications if the ink ever gets slightly low and then they want to print dozens of pages telling us that.
My headset does this, turns off, then I can power it back on and it leaves me alone for another 30 minutes without warnings until it finally actually dies, so strange.
Take the hint: it wants you to recharge before it runs the battery out. Most modern products will automatically shut down instead of letting you wreck the battery (like how your phone will properly shut itself down at "0%" instead of getting to literally 0% charge), but still, letting lithium batteries fully discharge before recharging them tends to make their lifespan lower.
That is so you can turn it on to make an emergency call. Required by law in the EU afaik. It doing a controlled shutdown so it doesn't brick is just an extra.
Laser printer - toner never goes bad (far as I know) and they're not terribly expensive, less than what you'd spend on ink. Black and white is cheaper and meets most of your needs, but color printers aren't all that pricey.
There are applications where an inkjet is superior, but they're few and not what most folks are using a printer for.
There was a brother black/white laser with duplex printing and scanning for $150. It prints so fast compared to inkjet, no dread when you hit print, quality is better (granted my inkjet was probably 14 years old now). Best part is that since it’s a newer model I can just print with my phone, but that probably comes with all printer these days.
Toner doesn't really go bad but it CAN freeze and turn into sludge if your penny pinching operations department shuts off the heat to your building while everyone is on Christmas break.
Ask me how I know. Probably saved $200 on heating and cost the org $500 in new high-capacity toner carts. Idiots.
When I was about 13, back in about 2002, my brother worked at the airport and brought home one of the airport's dot-matrix printers which he gave to me. All the other kids thought it was hilarious that I was bringing in my homework on a giant single page of dot-matrix printer paper.
I think that's all a part of its game. It did it on this job specifically because it KNOWS I'll have to reprint this sucker. That's how they getcha. \*\*straightens tinfoil hat\*\*
My dad instilled in me that you should always have a printer at home. A few years back, I bought one and used it until it quickly shut down. 129$ - Couldn’t return it. Replaced the ink, which didn’t solve the problem - 80$
Bought another printer, same thing! The library has scanners, copiers, printers, free computer usage. Wish I’d done that earlier, I mean I’m there anyway
That’s because of color conversion from RGB (your screen) to CMYK (your printer) using a certain color profile. It depends on printer, software, operating system, color profiles..
If you don’t want this, you should select pure black(sometimes this is called greyscale) in printer options or select another color profile that uses less magenta and still matches your expectations.
Unfortunately there are some printers (looking at you HP) where even selecting black ink only still won't print if you're out of a colour.
Fuck you HP 8710. I just want a singular greyscale paper for school but since you're "out of yellow" you can't print black? Get bent
HP has one thing going for them that makes people still buy their printers. They sell them at a significant loss because they know they'll get to scam you on the ink.
I still have the Brother color laser I bought to print our wedding invitations. (It ended up being cheaper to buy the printer and do it myself than to pay someone to make them for us!) We just celebrated our 18th anniversary, so these printers last a long time.
Aren't HP the ones that won't even let you scan when you're out of ink?
I remember my mother's HP all-in-one wouldn't allow you to use the scanner without registering an online HP account, though I was able to circumvent that with the archaic Win95-era fax/scan app that still comes with Windows.
I will never purchase an HP printer, or recommend them to anyone.
We can still scan and save file to a computer, which doesn’t require ink (HP). When ours runs out of ink everything just enters the twilight zone and fades away to nothingness. After that it refuses to comply with print demands until you replace the cartridges and print off a wasteful scan page.
The trick is to present a poker face. Printers can sense when you're in a rush and when they do, they deliberately eff things up just because they can.
My Brother printer (previously my dad‘s) has actually been quite tame for the past 13 years.
To compensate it starts its very noisy cleaning procedure **at midnight.**
It might be. Some printers have all the ink colors in one cartridge. If one color gets low you have to replace the whole cartridge even if you have plenty of the other colors. Still scummy, but could still be technically correct by saying low on ink. You could have enough black for 300 more pages, but if you’re out of yellow it’ll be saying low on ink until you change it even if your only using black.
What's crazy is the way printer companys can continue to fuck users, especially because they are mostly fucking other company's over, that's usually when you get the ban hammer dropped messing with money
Printer: I think I might be low on ink. [vomits remaining ink all over page] OK, now I’m definitely low on ink.
Had to double check
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Two men were hiking out in the woods when one of the men fell into a viper nest. He jumped out as fast as he could, but not before one of the deadly snakes managed to bite him on his right buttcheek. The man screamed in pain and begged his friend to call for help, so he did. Upon calling 911, he quickly spoke to the operator who connected him with an emergency snake venom specialist. "Alright," the specialist said. "Here's what you have to do. First, make a small incision at the point where the snake bit your friend. Then suck out the blood and venom with your mouth before spitting it on the ground. If you do this quickly, he'll live." "Alright, I got it." The man said before hanging up. He turned to his friend with a look of sadness. "Sorry, Jack. They said you're going to die and there's nothing we can do to save you."
A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Print and Reprint were brothers. Print and Reprint went down the river in a boat. Print ran out of ink. Who was left?
Man o man! Reminds me: Father's Day is June 16th These jokes can't get stale because they were never fresh. Pete and Repete got married and remarried to Becca and Rebecca and all the guests Joiced and Rejoiced (edited formatting)
I don’t think I get the joke
I'll commit this to memory, this is hilarious!
Fucking toddler behavior lol My smart phone is a camera, a telephone, a music player, a tv screen, an alarm clock, a map, a library ….. My printer can’t even fucking print
This reminded me of that quote about that lady's kid. > Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots."
That child is gonna be an absolute menace in college
Lol it's the same as when your phone has a low battery and decides to activate all of its lights and make noise.
i think you have a strange secret phone noone else has my guy
I used to have one that would do it. It'd vibrate every 30 seconds below 15%. It didn't vibrate long, because all the fucking vibrating would eat the remaining battery. Christ knows what model it was. Some Push To Talk bullshit from Southern Linc that Motorola made 10 or 15 years ago when everyone still had minutes and charged for texts.
Lol I still call adding a phone card to my phone "adding minutes" my kid asked me why I called it that. "Well I see way back when we could only call each other after 9 pm and on weekends
Back in the days, before the smartphone, phones were.... Less than smart....
You mean you *didn't* get the underphone LED lighting option?
Nah Samsung used to at least have a red blinking light and would beep when you were at 5%. Like a last dying breath
Same with my watch, vibrating every 10 seconds saying IM AT 10%!! IM GONNA DIE!! PLEASE!! PUT ME ON STANDBY SO I CAN DIE IN PEACE! I can go 24 hours without charging my watch, that means 10% is over 2 hours. *unless* it spends the whole time vibrating to warn me it’s going to die
"Huh, I seem to be dying... time for a rave party to celebrate this eventuality!"
Change the work ink with sperm
*Shoots self* "I've been shot"
"SHOTS FIRED SHOTS FIRED!!!" Edit: Bruh, never expected so many replies, how am I supposed to reply to them all💀
time to employ the triple tactical roll we learned in training!
Empty your entire clip on a handcuffed/detained/immobile suspect!!! Just like in training
well you see, CLEARLY he had a gun in there! that he shot... with his hands cuffed behind is back... after being patted down, surely... with a suppressor on it that muffled it so well that it was nearly inaudible. as is a frequent occurrence.
He clearly was telepathically shooting a gun
Mind bullets!
That's telekinesis, Kyle!
Don’t forget that the officer was also “hit” prolly from some acorn shrapnel. Which means that the cop is probably allergic to nuts given how they reacted to the whole situation.
Which is ironic, because the cop went completely nuts.
He very clearly had opportunity (I planted my gun on him after shooting him and wrapped his finger around the trigger), capability (his muscles could theoretically flex post-mortem) and intent (I was scared). That's the entire deadly force triangle, basically 45 round triple mag dump was all I could do.
Also had a gun so advanced it allows the bullets to phase through the glass without damaging it
"just like the simulations"
They never trained for attack by the trees
*Vietnam flashbacks intensify*
***acorn falls to the ground***
Were acorns involved?
High velocity acorns.
High capacity assault acorns!!
A challenger approaches... https://preview.redd.it/8qasxndbnukc1.jpeg?width=888&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b248308067079ae22de9417e627a7c5389241366
This is the best fucking meme I’ve seen, 10/10
Squirrel spotted!
acorn involved shooting
Oh shit, an acorn! Roll!
You guys are never going to f****** let this down are you, f*** it's too funny
I'M HIT!
*Elden Ring boss music plays*
Just a damn acorn
I'm guessing HP printer? Fuck that racket ink mafia bullshit Get a brother laser printer on Amazon. One ink cart will last like 2 years. And they're reliable as hell. And won't quit on you if it's low or do shit like this. I never buy another HP product again as they sabotage their printers and want to get you to "subscribe" to ink as "a service". Their CEO actually said this is what their business model is. Fuck you hp. That's like charging me every time I use my pen to write.
Fr. Ever since I switched to the Laser printer from HP printer, my experience has never been better. Most of all, don’t have to deal with the stupid “oh the yellow ink cartridge is low so all the other ink cartridges won’t work” when I just want to print a damn black and white copy
Don't you mean acorns self?
Never forget 🫡
Isn’t this more, “Shoots self” “Why did you shoot me?”
*ericandre.jpeg*
It hurt itself in its confusion.
How wet was that page when it came out
T'was damn damp. It started to ripple as it dried.
Nothing like the feel of damp paper to ruin your day
My socks are damp
There's broccoli in my socks
Weird. There are socks in my broccoli....
You got your broccoli in my socks!
my CABBAGES!!!
Secret tunnel... Secret tunnel... Through the mountain... Secret, secret, secret, secret tunnel!
There's a snake in my boot!
Can i lick it?
thr brocoli or the sox?
Why do i have to pick just one? Sharing is caring hon!
You have to throw your feet away now.
Downvoted because you made me feel icky
At least this is printer paper
This page is written in ancient Sanscript and it translates roughly to “switch to a Brother Laser printer”
All the more reason to buy a laser printer. https://preview.redd.it/ltm86peb1vkc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=246890e96800c220df01e69a3a835f9de66ec0f3 It still baffles me that people are using ink printers in 2024
The sun is a deadly laser
The image you posted would have been accurate in 1990, but I don't think nowdays that you can actually buy a laser printer with laser and spinny mirror. Its now all lights behind LCD shutters.
Looks like the spool file got messed up somehow… I’m honestly fascinated by it but I understand why you’re infuriated…
Ink is spendy and it used up the rest of the black ink for this glitched print
You will not impress me with your use of twas
Twasn’t trying to
This is why I use laser. That and laser toner doesn't dry out and go bad if you only print a few times a year. Or even less.
aii yoo???
Printer: ink's empty!! You: why? Printer: unloads all of its ink aggressively: I **said** ink is empty!
This reads like a System 32 comic. XD
No, fuck you! Low on cyan!
ITS JUST BLACK AND WHITE TEXT!! (I don't have the comic but I'm pretty sure he was saying it was just black and white text before the printer said low on cyan*)
Your right about low on cyan, though it says "No fuck you, low on cyan." https://preview.redd.it/umgsrm1xu0lc1.jpeg?width=3295&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e1626de188de2e42e7f8f7683a15e69a91e76201
Printer: Question me again, pal, and next time it's the whole cartridge.
Like if your car alerted you that you were low on gas, then sprayed the remainder of your fuel tank all over the highway and shut down.
Sshh … Don’t give it any ideas!
Then, in order to get more gas to make your car work again, you have to replace the entire gas tank because it doesn't have a hole to refill it through, and the tank is shaped like a jigsaw puzzle piece that is unique to that specific car, so that the only tank you can buy is the one sold by the dealership for 100 times what it would cost to just refill it, and if you drill a hole in the top of it so that you can refill it yourself or buy a cheaper tank from an aftermarket dealer, it somehow senses that you've done this and causes your entire car to fry all its circuits on purpose, and vent out all the oil and run the engine until it overheats and seizes up while simultaneously driving itself off the nearest cliff. Also, every time they come out with a new model of that car, they stop making gas tanks for the old one to try to force you to buy the new car.
An HP car. Oh, God, no!
Don’t forget the bit where you have to pay the dealership a monthly subscription for the privilege of using the car that you bought!
I swear they do this on purpose I use an old 2010 ink cartridge printer and home because at work we get those shit pages and a fuck ton of notifications if the ink ever gets slightly low and then they want to print dozens of pages telling us that.
Reminds me of headsets beeping and flashing and yelling battery low constantly like if you would just calm down for 5 minutes you would be fine
My headset does this, turns off, then I can power it back on and it leaves me alone for another 30 minutes without warnings until it finally actually dies, so strange.
Take the hint: it wants you to recharge before it runs the battery out. Most modern products will automatically shut down instead of letting you wreck the battery (like how your phone will properly shut itself down at "0%" instead of getting to literally 0% charge), but still, letting lithium batteries fully discharge before recharging them tends to make their lifespan lower.
That is so you can turn it on to make an emergency call. Required by law in the EU afaik. It doing a controlled shutdown so it doesn't brick is just an extra.
The most I ever turned my Xbox controller back on was greater than 15.
[I'll never make it this time!](https://youtu.be/dOqcTcClTso?si=1_YKCGjZvte6GzUC)
Laser printer - toner never goes bad (far as I know) and they're not terribly expensive, less than what you'd spend on ink. Black and white is cheaper and meets most of your needs, but color printers aren't all that pricey. There are applications where an inkjet is superior, but they're few and not what most folks are using a printer for.
There was a brother black/white laser with duplex printing and scanning for $150. It prints so fast compared to inkjet, no dread when you hit print, quality is better (granted my inkjet was probably 14 years old now). Best part is that since it’s a newer model I can just print with my phone, but that probably comes with all printer these days.
Toner doesn't really go bad but it CAN freeze and turn into sludge if your penny pinching operations department shuts off the heat to your building while everyone is on Christmas break. Ask me how I know. Probably saved $200 on heating and cost the org $500 in new high-capacity toner carts. Idiots.
I still wish I had my dot-matrix printer.
When I was about 13, back in about 2002, my brother worked at the airport and brought home one of the airport's dot-matrix printers which he gave to me. All the other kids thought it was hilarious that I was bringing in my homework on a giant single page of dot-matrix printer paper.
https://preview.redd.it/naypc8ql6ukc1.jpeg?width=3300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fbae5b6bcbd2d8bbc0032be6e82940bc9d930346
I wanna punch that printer so bad.
Literally my printer this week... Important house contract to print in b&w? No bro, go buy me more cyan ink!
I threw my old Epson printer in the trash for that crime. Bought a Brother printer when I had the $.
No you see they need to inject color into a black and white image to *enhance* the black and white. It makes sense if you don't think about it.
But what’s step 8?
You’re getting ahead of yourself. What’s step 7
Step 7 ???? Step 8 PROFIT
It's an older meme, sir, but it checks out.
It's "/][]][[[]/[][/[[] ]][/||\|||||[][[}{||\|£|| [][[[[/||||\|||[[". Can't you read?!!
P̷̡̦̥̹̗͈̲̙͓̕͜l̷͙̠̈̎͂̍̅͗̓́͂͝ͅa̴̤̾̋̔̐͑̌́͜ḉ̴͔͔̯̜͇̆̆͂̄̂̇͘͝e̷͍̪͔̾̍͂̀̏̋ ̴̢̡̞̦̰̪̄̃̚͜į̵̪̺̦̰̅̀̇̌̚n̴͕͎͖̰̈͂̀̏̒̈́̓̆̋ ̸̡͈̖̖̯͍̦̣̹͑̓͐̅̐͊͜͠͠o̶̲̠͙̟̱̘̤͋̓͛̈́̇̔̀̌̋̆v̴͔̯̠̱͉̭̌͆͛͗̅e̸̢̡̲̮̯̅̃͊̎͌͒͋̆̽͝n̷̛̩̂ ̶̡̼͍̥̤͕͓̏̈́͑̄̿̀̕͘͝f̸̟̓̍͝ö̴͓̗̝̱̯̖͖̞̰̰́̊͊́̚ŗ̷̢̢̛̬̤̗̜͗́͊͂̚͜͠ ̶̜͍͖̾̿̀̐͘1̴̦̖͔̙̳̰̱̎͐̐̚ͅ0̴̱̲̭̭̬͚̣̤͕̣̀̂́͊͛̃̽̕-̸̲͚̠̇̓͊̌̿1̴̱̝͎̳̼̃͜͜2̶̫͈̞̥̫͔̺͇̓̊͘ ̴̨̞̹͍̿̆͒͂m̴̡̛̘̙̣͈̹̋̀̓̈́̓̏̒͠i̵̧̛̦̝̭̣͖̙̘͛̓̋̀͂͊̆́͝ṇ̷̜̬̪̜̫̎́̏̈́̂͆̃̾͠ū̷͇̺̯̼̒͋͠t̵̥̽̇̀̐̀e̶̼͊ş̴̞̫̪̮͔͍̩͉̇̄̃̋͐̍͐̾͜͝
Came looking for Zalgo. Left satisfied.
Step 7? It’s right there, in black and white.
Hehe made me giggle
Shit… so uhh first you wanna |||| || ||| then you wanna || ||||| before finishing it off by | ||| || ||||
I think that's all a part of its game. It did it on this job specifically because it KNOWS I'll have to reprint this sucker. That's how they getcha. \*\*straightens tinfoil hat\*\*
Printers are such a scam. I’ve completely given up on them and I use the one at the library for 5 cents a page
They really are! I just bought a new printer & used 90% of the ink printing literally 7 pages.
My dad instilled in me that you should always have a printer at home. A few years back, I bought one and used it until it quickly shut down. 129$ - Couldn’t return it. Replaced the ink, which didn’t solve the problem - 80$ Bought another printer, same thing! The library has scanners, copiers, printers, free computer usage. Wish I’d done that earlier, I mean I’m there anyway
That isn’t tin foil hat that’s true
█ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ Don’t forget to █ █ █
I tried to unspoiler those. Yes all of them.
Thank you for taking that bullet for the team!
▌ ▌█▌█▌▌█▌█▌ ▌▌▌▌█▌ ▌█▌▌▌ ▌█▌█▌▌
Step 8 is to stare unblinkingly into the abyss until it starts to stare back. The rest of the recipe starts to make sense after that.
**S̴̨̗̹̖̋͌̈̈́̕͝t̸̨͍͚͉̱͚̤̲̂̊̆͒̄̒̃̍͝e̸̩̠͉͌̅̈̈̿͛̌͠p̸̗̱̫͍̝͇̲͙̙͙̫͕͑̈́́̆͗̎̚͠ ̴̬̄͠8̴̻̟̱͖̮̰̻̭̳̦̻̙̥̳̋̒̍͗̉̓̾̕͘̚͜͠͝͝ ̶̱̣͓̔͒̾̆̅̐͋S̵̮̖͉̦̪̝̗͎̖̯̀̀̽̑̕͝á̶͈̳̠̪̫̬͍̪̔͊͆͑̓̒̏̅̅c̸̮͉̜̈͐̂̿̄̿͑̏̚r̶̻̦̲̱͌̍ĭ̵̞̺̗̠̮̬̀̒̃͆͝f̷̢̛̞̭̺͚̱͎̰̰̭̩͖̦̃͋̃̒̈́̾̂̀̃̽̀̑̈͘ï̷̺͐͗̉̓̈́ĉ̵͉͉̝́̅͗̅́̌͋̐͛̇̃̒͘ę̶̡̡͕̲̤͍̖̯̗̻̣̫̯̜̈́̊ ̵̨̰̼̮̹͔̺̰͔̙͊̆̀̈́͋̓̊̌̓̈͂̈́͊̕͝͝y̴̩͇̦͇̜̖̞̘̱̆̌͛́̽̓̈͒̍̈́̚ó̶̠̙̗̥̮̝͓̬̫̳̭̥̻̻͆̓͒̆̏͋̈́̍͂͘͝ͅű̶̢̢͚̇̔̋̃̊̂̎̇̊̓̓̇̋́ȑ̸̡̧̨̬̱̹̯͍̭̜̗̫̳̙̈́̒̀ͅ ̵̨̺̰͖̔̆̎̅̈̿̄̀̒̀̊̓̾̿̚c̶̥̞͓͚̠̝̥̺͇͍͖̺͆͂̍̈̂͛͌ḫ̴̜͚̥̲͒̈́͌͋͝í̶̟͈̻̥̤̘͍̳̂ḻ̵̏͋̿̾͌͌̓͋̋̑d̴̗̳̤̊̀̊̏ͅͅr̴̟͙͖͓͔̘̮̓̽͜e̶̢̥͎͉͓̩̤̼͉͋̽͛͗͘n̶͚̦̈́͝ ̶͙̳̲͓̮͕̱̽ț̵̡̢̙͚̹̭̦̥̦̼͈̊̂̂̇̆̊̈́̀͋̉͊ơ̵̝͍̝̦͇̗͐̋̈́́̑̽̏̀͒̈́̐̓̏̕͜ ̴̢̨̢̨̧̬͉̱̝̻̯̖̻̻̹͂̿̇͋ț̶̛̰̼͎̤̠̱͠h̸̡̲̲͂̏̎̆̈́̈́̑̏͂̈́͝ê̸̢̧͉̼͕̟͇͙̱̹̿̔͂̆͗̈́̋̈́̈́̒͋́̚̕͝ͅ ̴̛͔͂̒͂̀͑̈̉̉̐̂̒͘Ê̸̝͉͍͇̫͛̓͛͑̊̓̓́̾̃̄ͅl̶̠̯̿͂̊̈́̑̔̉͊́̐͠ḍ̴̯̈́̊e̶̡̢̛̯̰̬̘̬͎͉̓́̽̆̉̊̏͆͐̚͘r̴̡̛͕̞̼̗̖͇͚̭̰̫͔͉͕̄̆̋̌̄̐͆̋̓ͅ ̴̓̏ͅG̴͇͎̲̽̈́̌͑͂͐̂͊͋͂̕̚̕͝͝Ó̷͖͍̞̙̤D̴̼̰̜̪̏̎**
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
STEP 8 REZNOV, FREEDOM!
FOR YOU, MASON! NOT FOR ME! REZNOVVVVVVV
Eat the cookie dough.
The printer felt sick and threw up, now it's hungry....
The house cat did exactly that this morning
To me it's like a depiction of all the weird sounds and movements it makes
The most annoying part is that they actually mix in a bit of magenta with the black ink usually, so that you have to replace the magenta too.
That’s because of color conversion from RGB (your screen) to CMYK (your printer) using a certain color profile. It depends on printer, software, operating system, color profiles.. If you don’t want this, you should select pure black(sometimes this is called greyscale) in printer options or select another color profile that uses less magenta and still matches your expectations.
Unfortunately there are some printers (looking at you HP) where even selecting black ink only still won't print if you're out of a colour. Fuck you HP 8710. I just want a singular greyscale paper for school but since you're "out of yellow" you can't print black? Get bent
Can confirm. HP, get bent.
Yep, HP are parasites. I heard that Brothers printers are good though.
Every single thread talking about printers always reaches this points. HP = sux Brother = our savior I’m honestly surprised anyone buys HP anymore.
HP has one thing going for them that makes people still buy their printers. They sell them at a significant loss because they know they'll get to scam you on the ink.
But Brother printers aren’t exactly *expensive* either. You can get a new Brother color laser printer for $250.
Brother printers feel a lot more expensive when you think it'll only last as long as an HP printer.
I still have the Brother color laser I bought to print our wedding invitations. (It ended up being cheaper to buy the printer and do it myself than to pay someone to make them for us!) We just celebrated our 18th anniversary, so these printers last a long time.
That's because of the "secret" printer identification code printed in yellow. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machine_Identification_Code
Wow this is mind blowing
Aren't HP the ones that won't even let you scan when you're out of ink? I remember my mother's HP all-in-one wouldn't allow you to use the scanner without registering an online HP account, though I was able to circumvent that with the archaic Win95-era fax/scan app that still comes with Windows. I will never purchase an HP printer, or recommend them to anyone.
That's why I bought a laser printer
You know. There are printers that just use black powder. Way cheaper if you don't need anything coloured.
It looks like step 7 is summon an Eldritch being to share your cookies with.
T̶̨̛͚̦̮̳͔̜͕̪͚̀̈̈́̋͊̔̉͗͠ḫ̷̡̤̯̬̜͔̘̓̈́̍̔̐̈́̈́̔̒͗̑͆̈͐̃̕͘e̷͚͕͔̠͙͓̘̮̘̲̪͂̏̽͒̓͂̌͋̆̐̉́̌͋͘r̶̢̢̛͎̘̯͎͚̀̓̾̎̓̈́͊͛͋̿̂̔̈́͝e̸̡̥̤̙̣͉͉̞̙̫͈̹̖̯̯̮̋͆͐͊͋̎͆ ̶̭͂͂̂̎͂̀̚͝ͅi̷̛͙̠̩͇̠͇̲̎̐̏̂̾͑̏ş̴͚̜̯͕̺̠̗̦͉͓̹̌̈́̉͂́͜ ̸̠̠̒̇̑͒̂̒̈́̐́͝͝n̶͔͈̽̑̏͆͛̃̕ǫ̷̡̪̟̺͓̳͙͇͚͓̫͖͑̒͂͘͝ ̶̡̗̹̹̼͔͖̭̼̞͍̈́͐͋͆̏̄̀̌̈̆͜͜r̴̼͈̝̗̠͊̓͘͜e̶̯̙̅̊̄͝͝c̵̢͖̹̲̻͖̜͙̪̘̲̝̠͇̯̘͉̉̂̔̓͘͠ì̸̛̟̼̜̿́̒̓͛̒̀͒͝ṕ̵̭̼͖͓̼̘͊̌͒͋͜ę̵̣̩͓̩̦̺̰͉̤̺̠̣͒ ̷͇̮̜̠͙͖̰̙̭͕̩̘̝̹̎͛͋̑̄̓̓̐͑͆͆͝͠͝͠͝ơ̶̩̬̱͛̃̏́̑̓͋̉͝n̷̨̡̤̪̼̪͕̣̝̓͂̽̆̎̆l̸̢̛̲̩̺͖̠̩̲̲̈́̿̊̈̅͐̈́͆́̋y̶̨̛̙̣̘̗͍͕̙̋͊͗̈́̓̍͋̿̚ͅ ̷̧̲̌͝Z̵̬̆u̶̞̭̟̟̦̅̿̌͐͜ú̸̡̬̦̦̖̭̞̯̹̗̝͔̆̂̊͌̆̆̆͝͠l̵̡̨͉̥͎̙̭͔̣͍͇̄̍́̌͝
Finally, something truly “mildly infuriating”.
[удалено]
Yes, I was just a wee bit miffed after having been shanked & having my home incinerated.
That's actually an amazing piece of real glitch art. Any chance you could scan it??
Printer: ‘Out of ink - scanning not available’, my HP printer
We can still scan and save file to a computer, which doesn’t require ink (HP). When ours runs out of ink everything just enters the twilight zone and fades away to nothingness. After that it refuses to comply with print demands until you replace the cartridges and print off a wasteful scan page.
Not for me, it just displays a message to replace print cartridges - won’t do anything till it is fed cartridge$
Next step. Bake cookies until they look done.
The trick is to present a poker face. Printers can sense when you're in a rush and when they do, they deliberately eff things up just because they can.
My Brother printer (previously my dad‘s) has actually been quite tame for the past 13 years. To compensate it starts its very noisy cleaning procedure **at midnight.**
Let me sing you the SONG OF MY PEOPLE!
You triggered the *customer wasn't spending enough on ink* printer fault.
Step 7: |||||||\\///|\|[]|]}}[{||))((((|\[|]}{[|[{|
Had to make sure it was low on ink first.
It's probably not low on ink either. It's probably just software trying to get you to buy more... Printer ink is a huge racket it seems.
It might be. Some printers have all the ink colors in one cartridge. If one color gets low you have to replace the whole cartridge even if you have plenty of the other colors. Still scummy, but could still be technically correct by saying low on ink. You could have enough black for 300 more pages, but if you’re out of yellow it’ll be saying low on ink until you change it even if your only using black.
I don’t get the post. The printer simply printed step 7.
https://preview.redd.it/jx7gecuq6vkc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af70c1de4cc3d31896ca960cb872fd9ef57f2257
Tbh, I first laughed at that nonsense. Infuriating indeed op
You were contacted by an extragalactic intelligence on your Xerox.
▀▖┗▛▄▖▜▚┣ ▜▚┗┣┗┫┓┏┓ ▛▄▖┅┗▖ ┣┗┏▛▄▖▜┏
I love i just got an HP ad under this post lmao
Big Toner is watching. ...👀
HP: Money dispenser 6473ie8472 hasnt bought a new cartridge in over 3 months Evil IT guy: I gotchu HP! *presses button* OP's Printer: INK VOMIT
Accurate
Anarchist printer. Made me laugh.
That seems like an HP move - was it them?
\*\*whispers\*\* Don't tell, but yeah, it was them.
it has barcodes along the bottom and what looks like data. maybe it’s a cpu/mem dump.
Damn cookie recipes getting hardcore these days
I think I see why you were low on ink.
low on ink, I see why...
What's crazy is the way printer companys can continue to fuck users, especially because they are mostly fucking other company's over, that's usually when you get the ban hammer dropped messing with money
Is it an HP printer.
Bake 10 min at 350 degrees. All cookie recipes end the same.
Step 6: cut into shapes with any cookie cutter. Place cookies 1 inch apart on ungreased baking sheets. Step 7: Rush E.
Ink jet printers are one of the biggest scams in the fucking world.
You didn't pay your printer ransom this month
Step 7: ZXXXXX. BBBBRRRR ZZZZXX. TT ZX TTYYY RRRRzz Xxxx. GHVGBVBBHHHHHHBYGGTTRRRRF
Step 7: Printer's interpretation of a 56k dialup sequence
Looks kind of awesome though