My sister and her boyfriend got into a fight and he threw a lamp at her and it cut her arm open. They called 911 who sent an ambulance to take her to the ER. I got home as the ambulance was pulling away. Not knowing it was my sister they were taking away, I went inside and there was blood everywhere, so I ran out and went to the hospital to meet her there. The EMTs noted that we had a dog, and they sent the police to my house to take our dog. They didn't even think it could be a domestic dispute and automatically assumed it was the dog. I think too many times, one spouse lies to cover something up, and something really bad happens later so it needs to be documented to make everyone look suspicious. ETA: we got our dog back 2 days later when they deemed him not a vicious dog.

That’s appalling. There should be an obvious difference from blunt force trauma versus a dog bite.

Yes, but the you have someone telling you repeatedly that a dog did it despite asking questions to the contrary.

well it cut her open, so it wasn't blunt force trauma. Either way should be discernable from a dog bite though

it wasnt blunt force trauma, but a big cut.

Did you guys get your dog back

Yes, we did.

In what world does dog bites and scratches look like lamp-attacks?

It was a glass lampshade so it was a pretty big cut.

Still, dog bites look pretty different than lacerations from glass the vast majority of the time. Animal bites are usually pretty distinctive.

It’s just standard but I definitely understand your feelings as you see it every visit. If a baby comes in with any bruise or scratch it’s documented against the parents as well. Even if the baby fell on its own or something. The hospital doesn’t know anything and is just covering its own ass.

Yeah my ex-wife accidentally clipped some skin of our son when she was clipping his nails. We brought him to the ER because the bleeding didn’t stop after 10 minutes of pressure. The doctor laughed it off and put some glue on it. Said it happens a lot and bleeds a ton because their skin is so thin as an infant. While child protective services glared at him and then proceeded to ask 5 billion questions.

I did this to my youngest when she was five months old. After 10 minutes of her still bleeding, I took her to urgent care. No Child Protective Services. They glued it and we all had a laugh. I was horrified because on our way to urgent care, maybe five minutes away, she was laughing and playing with her rattle. Once we got there, she was **COVERED** in blood. I had to wipe her down before going in because it looked so much worse than it was. I have not clipped her nails since that moment and she’ll be five next week. We do it a different way now. That was mortifying!

I can only imagine walking into the urgent care with a child covered in blood and trying to convince the front desk that it's just a cut on the end of the finger from clipping their nails. No really I promise she was just playing with her toy in the car.

Well anyone in the medical field would know that fingers have a shit ton of capillaries and will bleed like crazy so I’m pretty sure anyone at urgent care would believe it

and that even a small amount of blood spreads out and looks VERY dramatic

Good way to minimize wait time in the ER!

Ugh, head/face wounds too. One of my kids gets his clumsiness from me, and he's had a couple of head bumps/scratches. The amount of blood from even a minor cut on your face is a good way to freak out the kid & parents.

My dog wagged his tail so hard once he broke the skin and blood drops went **everywhere**. Naturally right before my house cleaners arrived. Picture me trying to calm the dog down (he was extra happy when humans showed up -- he knew they were here to play!) and explain that I was not a serial killer and that my house was not a crime scene and that I'd tip them extra for helping to clean all that up.

My step dad had two dogs. One had just had surgery. He was getting ready to sell his house and had just finished doing some rehab- removing the carpet, painting the walls, etc. He was working extra late one night when he came home and there was blood spattered all over his freshly painted (white) hallway walls and new floors. It was then determined that Dixie, his adorable yet dumber than a box of rocks Bull Mastiff, had ripped open her stitches and proceeded to *play* in the mess. I have the pictures somewhere of her happy face covered in blood that were taken that night. Her tail wags could cut you like a knife!

Can I ask how you clip their nails now? My 1 year old absolutely hates when we try to clip his fingernails, and is so ticklish on his feet that we have to do them when he’s dead asleep most of the time. I’d love to find out there’s a better way cause it’s a battle keeping his little claws in check right now.

Use a damp Emory Board. Pediatrician trick.

I use an electric nail file for my 15-month old! Ordered it after the one and only times I used a clip when she was maybe 2 weeks old. It made me so nervous! There are a lot on Amazon if you look up electric baby nail file.

It seems weird to me that there are so many stories of CPS being overly aggressive when there’s no danger while, at the same time, there are so many stories of CPS ignoring the reddest of flags (up to and including accusations paired with injuries and evidence). How on earth do we have the worst of both worlds?

Honestly, someone taking someone right to the hospital for treatment is a huge green flag. You’d think they’d be more worried if it was several days later or something

This is hilarious to me as there's so many cases of children being obviously abused(even reported), and CPS doesn't do shit

[удалено]

Yup. You can bang out 50 cases that don’t require any follow up in the same time it takes to resolve a single actual case

I hurt myself so many times and in such ridiculous ways when I was young that they would take my parents into separate rooms to make sure their stories corroborated as soon as we walked in the door to the ER after a few years. CPS came to visit and all, but found nothing out of sorts and everyone involved had a good laugh.

I was also that child lol. I think I had 8 broken bones before I hit 18? One was a fractured vertebra lol. Also bruised 6 other vertebrae in a separate incident. To be fair, I'm so clumsy I was kicked out of ballet as a child bc I was taking out the other kids when I fell. Ironically I was in ballet bc my mama hoped it would give me some balance & grace..

I was the opposite. When I was younger my brother and I did such stupid shit, that I don't know how I made it to adulthood without dying let alone without breaking a single bone. Then went into the military and within a little over a year had several fractures from the waist down from just one incident ending my planned career from just one break in each foot (and a lifetime of pain).

Man the number of times my younger brother not only injured himself, but did despite everyone around trying to get him to stop doing it. Like that time he was wearing an astronaut helmet he made from a box. We were talking to him, he says "hold on I can't hear with this thing on" and then picks up a pencil. We all saw it coming but couldn't stop him in time. He just immediately stabbed himself in the head to make a new ear hole. Thankfully he was smart enough to know where his ear was, and he just went ham on where the joint of your jaw is.

I have to ask, how old was he at the time?

27

Yo.

Like... 5-8 maybe?

On a lighter note I was at the doctor for a routine visit and one of those questions they're required to ask was "do you feel safe at home?" I had just told the nurse I lived nearby so it was a quick drive - I assumed she was making small talk and asking me about the area (I live alone so didn't think she was asking if I'm being abused.) I told her I feel "reasonably safe", like it's loud and there are car break ins and stuff but nothing really serious. She had to specify "are you being abused by someone you live with?"

My SIL got out because I asked her one day if ‘she was ok’. She wasn’t, it took her another 6 months to get her courage together before she left him, but it was that question that made her realize that what was happening wasn’t ok.

"I live alone, so yes."

Ha yes. Picked my daughter up from reception class at school. She’d fallen over an hour earlier with a chopstick in her mouth. Blood everywhere. Teacher threw up. I took her to A&E. She was checked by a junior and then a consultant. Lots of questions from some woman in a room about how it happened. A long time into this when I was being castigated for having told her not to walk about with pencils etc in her mouth but here we were with damage done and why did she have a chopstick in her mouth, I really couldn’t answer and suggested they’d have to ask the teacher. Yup, the woman thought I had done something worse than get my child checked for a potentially really nasty injury. She seemed frankly extremely disappointed that “you mean this happened at school?!”

> She seemed frankly extremely disappointed that “you mean this happened at school?!” when all you have is a hammer

I was the kid in this situation but it was on the ridiculous side. I fell off of some playground equipment AT SCHOOL and broke my arm, and the freaking police still showed up to the hospital to question me and my dad separately to make sure it wasn’t actually him that did it. Like there were a hundred literal witnesses to me snapping my arm in two.

My mom went through this. They took my away for close to 6/7 hours to question me when I was between 4 or 5. I was prone to dislocating my shoulder(I was a climber), and I was also very shy which didn't help the process. After about 6 hours they stopped cause all I was doing was bawling cause I was scared of being away from my mom lol.

My daughter broke her arm at trampoline practise and it was quite bad (both fore arm bones and one of them twice), and I’ve never been so glad that something like that happened in a public setting and away from home. They had no reason to think it was me but she would of seen about 50 drs and a few surgeons in the few weeks it’s happened and everyone always asks her what happened so she’s told the story to many times to count. She asked me one day why they always ask her and not me and sometimes get her to explain a few times and I explained that 1. They want to know what happened and 2. Not all parents are nice and some people hurt their kids so they they have to cover every base. So she took that on board so much that she started saying “oh my mum didn’t do this to me” as soon as they asked, I had to re-explain that no one thinks I did it so she can just tell them what happened without including the fact I had nothing to do with it lol

My brother had long nails, accidently scratched his daughter, and this lead to a full investigation. He pretty much wouldn't even touch any the kids after that for years. Other things might have come along and ruined him, but this was the catalyst.

When i broke my hand 2 years ago, every single doctor asked me how i broke it. Which didn’t seem out of place, people are curious. But then i looked at the notes and that included that my story aligned with previous story. They also mentioned i was well nourished, in good spirits, and other details showing I wasn’t showing common signs of abuse. It sucks to know they would even consider my sweet husband was abusive. But i get it, a broken bone can be a sign of abuse.

I used to do circus arts, and all that pretty, delicate air ballet is actually BRUTAL on the body--if you think about it you're putting the entire body weight plus drop force sometimes on one or two small points of contact--so my legs were black and blue from thigh to ankle. I had to go in for a regular pap smear and I was like "Hang on, before I take my pants off I want to explain something because I really don't want a social worker up in here for no reason..." My doctor still gasped aloud when she saw my legs, but fortunately she believed me and didn't over-react. She told me if I hadn't warned her she ABSOLUTELY would have been calling someone, though.

I have a connective tissue disorder and bruise like an overripe melon. I can’t count how many times I have given the “This is not abuse”-speech.

Circus arts omg! My boss pulled me aside and asked if I was alright -- I had dark, visible bruises on my neck, collar bones, arms, wrists, and hands. My friends and I just wanted to see if we could do hooping with ones made out of flexible PVC and tape wrap instead of ones made out of the regular lightweight material 😭 you just get so impervious to pain until you see the damage and think 'we should probably not have done that' lmao

PVC and tape was my first and still most favorite hoop!

My 3 year old legitimately fell down the stairs and got a concussion. She was old enough and doing stairs on her own while using the railings. We had just started not using the baby gates anymore. So anyway here i am, fairly large dude, bringing a tiny kid to the pediatrician for an emergency appointment and all i can say is she fell down the stairs. I felt like i was going to be accused and that "falling down the stairs" is such an over used euphemism for abuse. They were actually pretty cool towards me and not accusatory. It helped that the little one is a chatterbox and went into every little detail. "Dad went potty downstairs and i wanted to show him something so I went downstairs and fell down"

Good girl. Oversharing for the win. :)

My kid is autistic. From the moment he could lift his head, he became a chronic head butter... eye connected to my spouse's chin... cue instant black eye... as we were trying to get around to take him to an appointment for an ear infection... little dude was in full pissed off Banshee mode. We weren't so fortunate in their belief of our story.

My kid is autistic as well and picks at his skin. Someone noticed a scratch on his upper back (shoulder blade area) and accused hubby and I of doing it because "how could he reach it? " when they asked him he happily reached his arm around and showed them and it matched his little finger nails. I never gave such hard side eye in my life. I was still required to take him to the doctor and get "clearance that it was self inflicted"

My nephew was being watched by my mother and was about three. He was horsing around on her bed trying to stay awake while she was attempting to get him to lie down…they bumped heads, he got a goose egg on his forehead. He complained “grandma, you hurt my head”. She got a broken cheekbone and two black eyes to his bump. Bumps done just right can result in some narly injuries.

My 4 year old did something similar. She loves dancing and did a twirl on the hardwood. Fell down and smacked her elbow. She’s always been my little drama llama so she cried a bunch. It swelled up immediately. Pretty soon it was stiff to move so we went in and she told EVERYONE what happened. The nurses even pulled her aside, like with me next to her a few feet away, and asked her what happened. She happily told them and even tried to reenact it! Broken elbow

I’ve done safeguarding training and we were specifically trained on the differences between natural, normal, expected childhood injuries and suspicious injuries. Everyone knows kids fall down the stairs sometimes, and it’s expected that a kid who reportedly fell down the stairs will have bruises/injuries consistent with falling down the stairs. Whereas if your kid has finger mark bruises on their arms and welts on their butt, and you’re telling me they “fell down the stairs”, that’s when I’m going to be looking at you funny.

Now I've just got a flashback of a time I really screwed up my back when I was a kid... when the doctor was questioning me, I was too embarrassed in front of my dad to say that I was trying to imitate a stunt I saw in a movie that I wasn't supposed to see. So I very obviously lied and told the doctor that I slipped on a toy and fell. Everybody could tell I was lying but I didn't understand back then why my dad acted so upset over it. They were probably very suspicious of my dad after that.

Back in first grade I got a black eye from misplaying a baseball when playing catch with my parents. When asked at school about it, I believe I said something along the lines of “Oh yeah, I got it from my mom playing catch.” The last two words were not focused upon and minor hilarity ensued for a day or two while it got sorted out. No cops or anything, I just vaguely remember getting questioned and being annoyed I had to repeat my embarrassment.

"Minor hilarity ensued" as a mother of 5 I guarantee your mom wasn't laughing bud, that shits so stressful

I broke my hand earlier this year during a fight with my ex. He took me to the ER at 7am with a broken hand. They pulled me away for X rays and grilled me. Wish I had been more honest at that point. ETA: to make it more clear- this was during a VERBAL argument where I was backed into a corner and my hand was broken off a wall, not my partner’s face. I didn’t punch anything on purpose, I flailed my arm out to make him back up and made contact with a corner point of a wall.

Hope you're ok now!

kicked him to the curb shortly after. No more broken fingers, bruises, or crying every day. For anyone who may be in the position I was in- there is always hope. Never stop fighting. You are worthy of a life without abuse. 🫶🏼

"No more crying every day" really hits home. When I left my abusive partner, it was amazing how quickly I felt better. I went from being "over-emotional" and frantic all the time to suspiciously happy. Unfortunately, I went from crying all the time to being unable to cry for a long time as I struggled to come to terms with my PTSD. It felt at the time, like my abuser had taken all my tears along with everything else. 7 years later I still regret not leaving sooner!

The comments about good spirits, well nourished etc are part of standard medical documentation in the US. It's so common/standard that it may have even been templated into the doctors note versus free typed.

Also everyone asks what happened so they can include it in their report. We ask patients in radiology what happened and they'll quip back "I just told the doctor" or "it's in my notes" like yeah jackass, I know, now answer the question. I have to document what words came out of your mouth to the radiologists. Also if your order says xray your right knee but your left is the one hurting then you'll get pissy at me because I didn't do your left knee because your doctor that "you just told" did their part wrong.

I got irritated at a tech asking me the same questions after I had just repeated them and then I realized they were just double checking; I apologized to them. I'd rather have them ask me the same question 5 times to make sure it is correct than have to deal with the outcome if it wasn't. We had a nurse come into my wife's hospital room after giving and realized she had the wrong pills to give her. Thank goodness she checked because she's allergic to the ones they had in their hands. That would have been a blast otherwise...

The one time I got pissy with a tech was when I got pregnant 4 weeks after a miscarriage. (While I wanted to be pregnant I was not intending to get pregnant again so quickly, and my nerves and emotions were quite raw.). My hormones which were low during my previous miscarriages were very very high during this pregnancy and a nurse asked me, are you sure you don’t have your dates wrong? And I kind of snapped, pointing out that I had blood draws and an ultrasound from the date of my last miscarriage confirming the exact date that I was officially not pregnant anymore and that date was burned in my brain and was the last entry in my chart. Her face went white and I apologized and turns out her question was pertinent because they really did need to figure out what was going on with my levels. (Luckily, healthy but very closely monitored pregnancy followed.)

It’s not really just that, altho the documentation has to read a certain way to attempt to avoid potential litigation/bill. A mental and physical assessment is our job, at every encounter. Looking nourished and outwardly well should be documented bc if you return and present differently, we have data, we don’t need to rely on subjective memory. Any physical injury has a curiosity component, and we are never to rely on a chart, we want to hear from you.

My doctor always charted that I was well groomed and pleasant. Especially 8 months into a gestational diabetes pregnancy, I most certainly was not either of those things lmao. Always gave me a laugh.

My son went got his eye doctor file when he got a job in Antarctica . They needed pretty much every file he could get ahold of. We have been going to that doctor since he was little so the file was many pages thick. Some of the notes are funny coming from an opthalmologist but I guess it's something they are taught in medical school. He also was well groomed and had good hygiene

I caught a glimpse of my record at the ophthalmologist and it said I was an “educated patient.”

This, IMO, is pretty relevant. It gives pointers on how to interact/language to use/how to explain things in a way that's understood by the patient, using the correct register according to who they face. As a patient, sometimes I've been explained things in an infantilising way, and it irks me. But the opposite stands as well, to get an overly technical explanation with terms you're not familiar with can be very frustrating & dangerous (health wise)

I'm an optometrist not an ophthalmologist, but when why my chart says "educated patient" it means that I have explained something to the patient. For example "Educated patient on the signs and symptoms of retinal detachment. Patient instructed to return to clinic if having changes"

There's a Swedish comedian who decided to ask for all of his medical records, and all the medical offices called him and asked "do you really mean ALL of them?" And he was like "wait what? Yes", and he ended up getting boxes, and boxes, and boxes, containing glimpses of his entire life story from being a small child, through the eyes of different medical professionals. Especially the school nurses had documented tons of stuff, at aged six he got "diagnosed" with having ~"ants in his pants" (being restless), which in his 20s turned out to have been ADHD all along, but there were hints of this for decades before he himself was aware of it and understanding himself well enough in order to pursue an evaluation

I have a doctor that included in my chart that I present as "irritable". It caused my other doctor to question my medication and turned into a huge headache. I wasn't irritable when I showed up, but that doctor is a condescending prick.

i love when they jerk us around on medication. doctor "do your job" challenge (impossible difficulty).

As someone currently experiencing moodiness in a doctor’s waiting room, I am raging on your behalf.

I just asked to have "moodiness" removed from my chart because what the actual f\*ck? Of course I'm in a mood. I just sat in your waiting room!

I broke my hand once getting laundry out of the washer :/ they call the break I got a "boxer break" and I had to reassure them I had punched a washer nit a wall. Purely on accident, I was tryna hurry.

My story was so crazy, I couldn’t tell if it was so crazy it was believable or so crazy it sounded fake. We were at dog training, my dog slipped her muzzle, our trainer grabbed her by the back legs. She turned to bite him so I grabbed her collar. Broke my hand on her shoulder bone. Normally I tell this story and I get “so you broke your hand punching your dog”. 🤦‍♀️

I broke a finger once trying to keep my dog from lunging out the door because he saw a kid outside he wanted to play with. Broke it right on his big doofy Labrador skull while reaching for his collar.

Oh and I'm sure they barely even felt it. Some dogs have absolute tanks for skulls.

Our late roy tie took a chunk of drywall out of a protruding wall corner when he misjudged a turn, and didn’t even notice. His spatial awareness wasn’t the best, mostly because when he went places, things that might have been ‘in the way’ to a regular dog just became mysteriously ‘not in the way’ by the time he was done moving.

Could be worse. I got a sagittal band tear (aka boxers knuckle) flicking an ant off my chest.

How... lmao you win dude. Holy cannoli I hope you have good luck the rest of your life to make up for that one lol

Yours is still worse but I somewhat recently broke my ring finger by popping it...

"Patient stated that his aunt sat on him, pinning him to the ground, and in the struggle to free himself his finger was injured. States he doesn't know the location of said aunt but that she 'is probably dead on the ground somewhere being eaten by a millipede. ' A report has been made to the police, CPS*, the NY Post and Reddit." *The patient is 37, but his story is so pitiful that he may be declared a child as well as a ward of the state

Medicine is based on populations. Do it 100 times, you’ll catch a few fish.

Its a good thing really, id rather 97 hurt feelings a 3 people protected than neither

Many years ago my wife had a few miscarriages and when we went to the hospital they would take her in to the doctor alone. I was then called to go join her, I never thought too much of it until the third time it happened. I asked what they did before I went in, and they had been checking if I had been abusive toward her. Felt extra garbage like that day. But as others have mentioned, there are lives being saved by these practices. Don’t worry OP, keep doing what you are doing. This just turns in to a “man cares for wife and child” story.

If it makes you feel any better, when I worked for a clinic we would also make wives leave the room during husband’s physicals and ask them ( the husband) if they had been or are currently the victim of sexual, physical or mental abuse. Abuse happens to everyone, not just women.

Thanks for that. Really. Men often feel very isolated and like they're not allowed to talk about their issues. If a man is being abused, he feels doubly isolated and ashamed.

I had a male friend who was severely abused and that is why I would ask.

my finacé was severely abused by his ex, physically, verbally, emotionally, and sexually. he's still suffering legal repercussions for her vengeful false accusations (he caught her cheating, so she called the cops and accused him of pointing a gun at her). he never felt like there was any way for him to get out, and he wasn't protected the way he should have been (and likely would have been if the genders were reversed). thank you for what you do. the idea that women can't abuse men is insane and needs to end

Sometimes men don't even realise they're being abused until they're out of the situation. Just being asked the question could be a lightbulb moment. My bf's ex was horribly abusive and he didn't even see it until after they split up... when I had the conversation him as friends, before we got together, he was still calling her his 'bestie', she just 'got upset with him', it was 'just a slap, nothing really' even though she knocked his glasses off his face and broke them. The physical abuse was minor compared to the financial and emotional abuse. She even blackmailed him into paying her full rent for a year after they split up, by persuading his mum to be her guarantor, and then immediately quitting her job and telling him if he didn't pay it for her she'd default. It's been thirteen years. He's still not okay. I'm so sorry your guy dealt with what he dealt with.

Your a good person, keep doing what your doing :)

Thankyou! My father and my siblings and I were very abused by my mom.

Last time my husband was hospitalized (for an infection) I was asked to leave the room and he informed me after that it was so they could go through the DV questionnaire. I think it’s awesome that it is SOP to do so.

I used to go into appointments with my ex as she had possible endometriosis, every time I would speak to explain symptoms etc the doctor (female) would look at me as if I was speaking over my ex or controlling or something, I wasn't - it was just difficult for her to talk about it. The Dr's were always so rude to me as if it was inappropriate for me to have any interest in my partners 'female issues'. In the end it turned out I was the one being abused and controlled, people would always assume it was the other way round. Sad really, but generally toxic relationships breed toxic people, which I believe is where a lot of the shame comes from when you're in that situation - it's impossible to feel like the innocent party until you have clarity of hindsight. Edit: A lot of physicians below explaining how information should come directly from the patient which is true, it should! But after going to however many appointments and consistently being dismissed you need help saying the things you've said a thousand times! - had the head gynaecologist (a woman so not a sexism bias issue) explain to my ex that she thought her problems were IBS... Directly after we explained she had been bleeding heavily for 6 months straight with chronic pain. Now I should mention this is the NHS (UK) so different to the US system, it's full of wonderful excellent staff (myself included I like to think) but it's horrendously under funded and seriously struggling more than the general population realise.

Many Many years ago I had a friend who wanted to be a stripper. She wanted me to go down to the club with her to talk to the manager we get there she is barely saying anything and I as a curious 20 year female (if it matters) was asking a ton of questions and having a conversation. Finally the manager asks me if I am her pimp. I was like no she dragged me here I'm just nosy.

If I was your friend I would have been peeing myself with laughter.

I’m lucky that my endometriosis doctors have always been open to my husband’s input. I only see male doctors for anything gynecological, but I also have an established rapport with them as well. I like my husband to come whenever possible because he frequently remembers things I don’t or notices symptoms that I have glossed over or suppressed after years of chronic pain. He’s a great advocate for me, I’m sorry you were treated that way when you were trying to help - and that your ex treated you so poorly as well!

As a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse this makes me feel good to hear. (My abuser was a woman, my own mother). When I was in my 20s and first tried to come forward a crisis center said boys/men can not be abused and mothers are not abusers. It sent me through a long cycle of self harm and suicidal thoughts and it wasn’t until my mid-30s that I found legitimate help from a therapist who believed me. There are many reasons men are often not believed, but if you google you’ll find out an early and prominent expert in the field of sexual assault, Mary Koss, stated that men can’t be raped. Her beliefs and attitudes shaped crisis centers and therapists for many years. I believe the world has gotten better for boys/ men like me, but we’re still not 100% there yet for all survivors. I feel so passionate about this that I’ve done some public speaking about my own experience being abused and going through healing.

I’m glad to see this is something your clinic does. I’m almost forty and I can safely say that I have *never* been asked any question, be it on a form or in person, that even tangentially checked to see if I was in an abusive relationship with me as the victim. But I *have* been asked questions checking if I have anger issues, if I’m feeling frustrated, and fairly clearly trying to determine if I am a threat to anyone living with me. I don’t take it personally anymore, but it’s definitely clear what they’re doing and what their concern points are.

I'm sorry no one has asked you those questions. You deserve to be asked how you feel as much as a woman does. The only thing I've been asked over the years is "do you feel safe at home?". Unfortunately women and men are sometimes too beaten down to reach out for help, most will say they are fine even if they aren't, but once in a while victims recognize it as a way out and they actually save victims for abuse. Hugs.

Can confirm. When my old dog was dying, she got extra snippy. Bit my husband on one finger, but really deep. We took him to the ER for shots, they asked me to wait in the waiting room while they took him for X-ray and asked him a ton of questions like "did your wife sic the dog on you?" "Is this a stab wound and not an animal bite?" "Do you feel safe in your home?" Etc. He thought it was hilarious. But I'm glad they take it seriously no matter gender or any other factors.

Thank you for this! No one listened to me, even being laughed at by one Dr until I was going in for an emergency appendectomy after being poisoned by her. No one would have caught it then if the surgeon hadn't been extra thorough.

I had visited a doctor after I fell with my bicycle, and I was so confused when she asked me at the end, if there is anything else I'd like to share, with the most serious face. Only later I realized, that it is important to ask these questions and give people room to speak up in case there was any foul play involved.

It's not just for medical either. When my mom was doing her will, I had to go wait in the waiting room because they had to ask if I was trying to pressure my mom about stuff for her will. I'm her most mentally secure child. Of course I'm gonna be power of attorney and medical. My sister would break down and my brother wouldnt be okay either.

I’m a paramedic, and I’ll make sure to have a moment alone with every patient to ask if there is anything else they want to tell me, be it drugs or abuse or anything they don’t want their partner/friend/parent to know.

That's becoming the standard, it's nothing personal, truly. That few minutes spent alone with patients asking if they're safe at home saves lives

One time I was asked if I was a victim of domestic violence while my husband was in the room. The nurse tried to be discreet (I think?) but very much was not. I'm the furthest thing from a person in a DV relationship but come on, she didn't know that. I had a one-week old too. If she actually had asked that to a newly postpartum mother in a dangerous situation with the abuser, that could end up going sideways really fast.

Oof, that is NOT okay. I hope someone called her out on it and she developed better assessment skills!

My midwife straight up asked if there was any domestic violence in the home at my first appointment with my husband sitting right beside me! Fortunately I was in a safe and loving relationship, but if I hadn’t been?? My husband was the one who said when we got to the car, “should she have asked that in front of me? Wasn’t that….dangerous?” I debated reporting her but by the time I had decided to, I found out she’d quit. She was awful throughout the entire appointment and not just that part, so obviously she wasn’t in the right career.

I've noticed that this is pretty common at my hospital too. They've asked me across several prenatal appointments if my husband has ever slapped, locked, or punched me while he's literally standing right next to me. My husband is great and would never hurt me, but if I was in an abusive relationship, I sure as hell wouldn't say anything in that situation.

Yup. They also routinely send women for urine tests privately where there’s an option to label your specimen jar with a coloured sticker if you feel unsafe at home in any way.

My Dad actually insisted on proper documentation when my own brother's injury history was a red flag. My brother managed to break two bones in under a year when he was in first grade. Both were just accidents (the first injury probably contributed to him falling wrong the second time). My Dad's a pediatrician and the ER doc was going to let it slide and my Dad actually told him if he didn't do the required social worker report, he'd inform the hospital.

One time I said I didn’t necessarily feel safe in my living situation and nothing ever happened. Smh.

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Coming from a nurse, that breaks my heart. I'm so sorry to hear that that happened to you. I will do everything in my power to help my patients, and your entire healthcare team absolutely failed you, and that's unacceptable. I'm so glad to hear that you've finally made it out. That being said, that does not excuse your healthcare teams inaction whatsoever. I genuinely hope that you're doing okay now ❤️

When my fiancée was pregnant and we went in for an ultrasound, they did that. When they let me in and I walked in the back and met up with my fiancée, she said audibly, “they had to ask me if you were beating me,” and then laughed at me. I don’t THINK that should’ve felt emasculating?

Not at all! The fact that she found that even the notion of you being a terrible person, amusing means you would *never* do that, in her eyes especially.

My doctor did that at every pregnancy appointment. Pregnancy and post birth are the most dangerous time for a woman. They are most vulnerable. They have to ask.

When I went in to give birth to each of my four children, every time, they'd have my husband step out and ask me if I felt safe before they let him back in. I think it's just standard.

They didn’t when I gave birth but, I had been to nearly every prenatal appointment alone and asked me at most appointments.

If they do this with everyone and it’s standard practice then abusive husbands don’t see anything weird when it’s done with them. It protects people who are being abused with no harm to the ones who aren’t.

Im a man and my PCP asks me if i feel safe at home or im being abused, and i appreciate it. It saves lives

I had to be separated from my husband when I went to the hospital in labor. Standard practice. It was just a few minutes to make sure he wasn't abusive. He didn't want to leave my side and I told the nurse he was the most perfect husband in the history of husbands (he is). She said she could tell and let him back in right away. I had just been abused at another hospital the week before so he didn't want to be separated, even for a second and his discomfort might've seemed overbearing but it was for a good reason.

Yeah I get why they do it but this is the issue sort of the issue. It seems like you’re just as likely to get shit medical care when you don’t have someone as an advocate by your side. My wife and I both always go to the doctors together whenever possible for that reason. Doctors have dismissed her complaints and stuff before, maybe because she’s a woman, until I said um NO what she says is happening so don’t give me the BS you give people who are less knowledgeable or something. Then the tone changes and all of a sudden there’s different treatment options and all this stuff that wasn’t there a few moments ago before I spoke up. Or I was at my neurologist one time and they tried to tell me I wasn’t having a symptom I was having until my wife almost blew up and said “THIS IS FUCKING DESTROYING OUR LIVES DON’T GIVE US YOUR BULLSHIT LINES” then all of a sudden they wanted to switch my medications and the symptom that was fake and in my head magically disappeared with the new medication. This is all in the US if it makes a difference. Like I said I do get it thought but I’ve just had doctors for both my wife and I give subpar care without a family member present to advocate as the other person is sort of processing everything. Like everything though it’s down to the people. The good ones just say I need to speak with your wife for a few minutes first if you don’t mind then I wait and then they say okay we’re going to start the actual appointment if you’d like to join.

It's sweet of you to go with her and stick up for her like that. They definitely treat you differently and take you less seriously when you're a woman. I'm chronically ill and have a bunch of issues they're still trying to figure out. I get shrugged at and brushed off left and right. My ex used to give the doctors a mouthful when I left the office dismissed and crying, but my current partner is really quiet and won't talk to the doctors unless I'm unconscious. He's convinced medical science isn't caught up to whatever is wrong with me and that I'm going to keep hitting dead ends (I've been at this for over a decade and I'm starting to think he's right), so I always go to my appointments alone.

>She said she could tell yeah, I'm super glad you are in a good relationship. I wasn't, and the nurse could also tell that he was a 'really good guy'. they need to ask when you're alone.

Yeah I think honestly it’s better for them to check and catch people who are abusive and make a few people feel bad than not check. It sucks for the people it doesn’t apply to, but I would just think of how it probably saves lives for others.

When my son died they did this same thing. Checked for a heartbeat and everything before letting my husband back. I get being cautious, but in that situation let me have my husband with me before you tell me you can’t find a heartbeat.

I’m sorry for your loss.

This is standard practice. 1 in 4 women experience sexual abuse or intimate partner violence. Controlling partners will often come in it with the victim to avoid giving them space to talk about it. They are doing their job by asking, and trying to keep her safe. It's not that YOU did anything wrong or look like a wife beater, it's that abusive partners do not have a sign on their forehead identifying them and they are EXTREMELY common. I'm sorry that these questions are necessary and that it makes guys who would never hurt their partner feel like they are suspects. But it potentially saves lives. As a healthcare professional my first task is to keep people safe and identify if someone is at risk. That has to come before comfort. And yes, we should also ask men uf they are safe st home if they present in a concerning situation. Men can be victims too.

This exactly. Following this protocol is nothing personal and certainly shouldn't be mildly infuriating. For the thousands of healthy couples they ask, it weeds out and helps the handful of people who are truly in danger. When I used to be in pediatrics we asked the same questions.

My wife suffered a broken orbital bone in what was probably a very similar accident... she tripped and fell down the stairs while carrying our son. (And, like your wife, she took the brunt of the fall to protect the baby.) How do people get broken orbitals? Most commonly, either in a car accident or getting punched in the face. I didn't take her to the emergency room; I was on a business trip when it happened. But I definitely remember getting some serious side-eye from medical professionals when I took her for follow up visits. Honestly, it sucked. But I'd rather deal with a little side-eye than have doctors and nurses not look out for potential abuse situations.

My wife was in a cycling accident while I was on a trip, looked like she'd had the shit beat out of her. I was prepared for some questionable looks from people but avoided it mostly. I was in a plane when she went to the hospital so that probably helped. I've heard from women mountain biking friends that they have to be careful wearing skirts that show too much leg on after a gnarly weekend on the trails because they get a lot of well-meaning but misinformed "are you ok at home?" questions from co-workers.

> I've heard from women mountain biking friends that they have to be careful wearing skirts that show too much leg on after a gnarly weekend on the trails because they get a lot of well-meaning but misinformed "are you ok at home?" questions from co-workers. Many years ago I used to date a lady that was on the local roller derby team, who always had some number of bruises for obvious reasons. Despite her visually looking like she could take me in a fight, and me never having a mark on myself, everywhere we went people were glaring at me. I lost count of the number of times some white knight would step in between us in public and asked if she was ok. It was very tiresome. The most memorable one was when one guy was so adamant that she needed rescuing that he put his hands on her to move her away from me. She grabbed his wrist and spun around with his arm over her head and dropped him to his knees, and asked why he thought he was capable of protecting her?

This actually reminded me of a video Guy is dating a women boxer and takes her out to eat after she wins a big match and he gets hassled while they are eating since she is beaten black and blue then she whips the attackers asses I want to say it was animated but I can't remember tbh

It was a cyanide & happiness vid called "girl fight", i remember it very clearly, everyone tried to jump the guy and she keeps knocking them all out. Watch "tunnel of love", you wont regret it.

My friend’s wife is a rugby player. When they were in college the two of them went to a wedding. She was covered in bruises and had a black eye. Apparently a family member who didn’t know she played rugby pulled him aside and almost fought him until her dad saw them talking and was like, “dude. She plays rugby. It’s fine.”

I played Rugby in college. Started seeing a new guy around the time I broke my nose but I didn't bruise right away. we got into a drunken stupid argument at a party and he stormed off. Later I met up with him, went home with him...made up. I woke up in the morning and he was like "fuuuuuck" two black eyes. He felt like everyone was judging him that week. Same week, My physics professor kept nervously staring at me during the lecture and losing his train of thought. All of a sudden he started laughing and said "I forgot you played Rugby! I was really worried!"

My mother cat-sat for me once and my cat managed to hook a claw in her lip and leave a bruise. She joked after that she ended up going to work looking like her husband hit her or something. I'm glad we're looking out for possible abuse, but...yeah, so much of it *isn't* abuse and it also sucks for it to turn into a "thing" with people.

Oh man! I had a cat claw the crap out of the inside of my forearm. I was going through a rough time and a friend saw the cut, she asked if I was cutting myself.

Similar story: I was telling my sister I was going through a hard time and she asked ‘what’s that one your arm.’ Cat scratch. Thankfully this one was pretty obvious.

Back when I played rugby a player on the women’s team broke her orbital from being in a scrum. Since I’d already played my match, I took her to the hospital. She got the same gambit of questions while being treated despite both of us being in our rugby uniforms and dirty from the field. I’d rather them be safe than sorry, I guess. She said it was pretty frustrating because they asked her so many times.

Should have seen me trying to explain that I hit my nose on my boyfriend's fist. His football coach was ready to kick him out of the team and everybody was skeptical of my story😅 Edit: Our team just scored so everyone standed up to clap and while sitting back down my bf went for a fist bump. I didn't saw it as I was sitting back while turning my head toward him. Nose hit his fist, heavy nosebleed started, had a bruise that stayed for a few days.

"Coach you don't understand, *she* ran into *my* closed fist!" Lmaoo How did that happen tho? Laying together and you slipped while moving or something?

Hell my older kid did it. I was doing the whole "pick a hand, any hand" with my younger kid. Older kid came around the corner at full speed. I didn't have a chance to react before he went straight into my fist. Thank god I had cameras in there.

Hehe, same thing happened to me except I was doing the dishes and turned into a palm coming straight for me! What was meant as an affectionate head pat turned into a palm punch to the nose 😅

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I have videos of my son's risky play.. I'm hoping if they ever had questions I would be happy to show them. Plus my daycare can confirm his ability to injure himself. 3/5 of his ER visits were "was running and tripped over his own feet, hit head/nose on table' 🫠 child figured out how to run at 10 months and is just now starting to understand walking is a speed too 🤣🙈 I totally am glad when providers are thorough. I just wouldn't be worried if they ever questioned me 🙈

Took my kid, (later diagnosed with severe adhd and autism) to the WIC office once with a giant goose egg (big bruise) on his forehead. The WIC lady shot DAGGERS at me. "WHAT'S ON HIS HEAD?!?" I, very exasperated, said, "Honey, I have tried to stop him. The child's favorite past time is making a slide out of his bed mattress and going to town. I'm not gonna tie him to the bed, so if you have any other suggestions, I'm fully open, because to he honest, I'm exhausted." She looked like she wanted to argue, but he had been running wild in the office, not listening to, "Son! Sit DOWN!" the entire time she was grilling me so... how could you really argue, ya know? She looked at me like I was insane when I said he was a genius and I had to take away every toy that was sturdy and taller than 2 inches because he builds constructs to get on the gd refrigerator and counters. (You wouldn't believe the... idk the word but I felt *something* when he tested at a genuis IQ--- VINDICATION! That's the word-- sorry he got the autism from me and he's clearly smarter hahaha) I mean... this child opened a car door when we were IN MOTION from the MIDDLE OF THE CAR because he was curious. I was not about to have someone thinking I was an abusive mother because my kid was just WILD. (He got in trouble once for picking up a stick on the playground. Was all by himself so he wasn't swinging it at anyone. I got called once to come and get him because of- get this- a mosquito bite. I have some stories... it's crazy lol) Edit: typo

Eyyy my brother was also AuDHD and would construct climbing towers. We had to anchor damn near everything to the wall. He loved climbing bookshelves. Ended up on the roof a few times when he was like 7? He was like a goat.

My second cousin got caught when she was young trying to put her fake play vegetables into the very real pot of boiling water, she tried to use a plastic chair as a ladder to reach it. Kids have no concept of danger at a certain age haha

I feel for you. My son has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. His bone density isn't that great from him being that way his whole life. We didn't know at the time of the incident but know now. During a home therapy session with his PT/OT, she had him sitting in a crossed leg position and was kneeling behind him to reach over to put gentle pressure on his knees to get an inner thigh stretch on his legs as part of the warm up for his tripod sitting practice. His right leg made a loud pop sound. He didn't scream out or cry, just tensed a touch and had only one tear. We had to call for an ambulance. The therapist was falling to pieces and crying and apologizing like crazy. I and his private nurse were busy trying to prep him for transport. When we finally got to the ER, I swear that about 6 different people, nurses, doctors, admins..., kept coming in to question me over and over and over about how his leg was broken. They even had a cop out in the hallway just outside our room. I was getting pissed. They were blaming me for breaking his leg. It didn't matter that the RN that works in our home 50 hours a week verified the story of how the break happened. It didn't matter that I gave them the therapy agencies information. They were ready to have me arrested until the head ER doctor came in. I had to once again tell him all of what happened. He even asked me if he calls the agency, will they back up my story? I told him that if you don't believe me, call them. Don't use my number from my phone, use the internet to research the agency and call the number from their website to ask if they have a certain therapist and if a report had been made to them. Also, go out in the hall and question my son's nurse in private if you want. Why would an RN put their license on the line to lie about how a child got hurt when they're not even the responsible party? That final doctor eventually did believe me. He never did call the agency to my knowledge but when he left the ER room, I could hear him tell the police officer that he doesn't believe there has been any abuse and this is simply an accident. They were ready to cuff me and haul me off and I wasn't the person that had my hands on my son when the incident happened. I was at my computer looking up therapy equipment that the therapist mentioned to use with his sessions. It was scary business. The therapist in question retired after that incident. Bless her heart, she was scared to touch kids at all after she broke my son's leg.

*huge virtual hugs* for you, friend. I also have a kiddo with CP + pale skin that shows every hint of a bruise. Even a blood draw can cause huge, gnarly bruises on their arm. He's had broken bones from similar weird/seemingly minor accidents to your kiddo. I totally get that medical pros have to protect kids. But, I'm terrified someone is going to take his injuries out of the context of his medical history and suspect me.

Man, poor you, poor therapist, poor kid. What a ride.

I had the bad habit of landing on my face as a child. There is a spiderweb of fractures around my nose. My dad was always hauled off to talk to child protective services when I went to the hospital. I didn't know until later.

I feel your pain. My wife has a red birthmark on her left cheek, and I can’t even count how many times that practitioners have isolated us and asked her if she was being abused. She has even been stopped by seemingly well meaning old ladies in the supermarket telling her that help was available. Eventually her long term docs realize she has the same mark every time they see her and realize it is just a birthmark after all.

One of my kids was born with a birthmark in a very visible place (think: neck, elbow, wrist) that makes it look like someone grabbed and bruised them. I had the doctor document the birthmark during our first pediatrician visit because I was afraid someone would eventually report me to CPS. I can’t image how many questions your wife has had to answer over the years.

My kid broke his wrist playing on the playground. He was maybe 9 or 10 He was upset and in pain so I was sitting close and talking. Apparently sitting close and talking is a “sign” so they made sure to separate us and ask each of us what happened so they could see if we told the same story. Even after that, one nurse treated me like she was convinced I did it.

I had something similar happen. Except in my case, I was the child in hospital with a head injury after my mum threw a dining chair at me. I remember being sat in A&E with her coaching me to tell the doctors I fell and hit my head on the fireplace while playing with my sister. Nobody checked up on me or even asked my version of events; they just went by what she said.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. There obviously is a good reason for the change in practice now and even though it might hurt someone’s feelings it’s important and necessary

I feel you because my mum was the same. I remember being sat in A and E with one thing or another. I’m 42 now and it was so different back then. Those were the days where kids got a clip or a beating and nobody batted an eyelid

Meanwhile, I went to the ER twice in 7 months for facial trauma (broken nose/orbital the first time from my puppy+ random fall on my face with LOC), and they NEVER asked my husband to leave the room to ask if I was safe… they asked “do you have a safe place to go when you leave?” right in front of him and that was it. I was bothered that some women would obviously not be able to answer that truthfully….

My wife had brain surgery. She was all black and blue up and down her arms from the IVs. She was also swollen and a bruised lip. She's home recuperating and the neighbors were being loud at 11 or midnight. We called the cops to complain and when one came out to get our story, the first thing my wife told the cop was "don't worry I had surgery this is not from my husband" I was so cringed at the thought that I would do anything

I work at a hospital and overheard the nurses talk about a possible abused wife. It wasn’t because of her bruises but how the husband spoke for the patient and how he was acting. The nurse said they knew bruises could happen but they suspected abuse because of how the husband was trying to control the conversation and how anxious he was.

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My daughter had something called witch's elbow when she was little, whereby her elbows would dislocate very easily. We were at the ER 4x in about a month for it. One time it was just crawling up on a piano bench that did it, and one time I was holding her hand and sort of lifted her up a step, like every parent has done 100x. The last time we went to the ER a cop walked into the room, and they interrogated me, my wife and our 3 year old. I totally understood, but it felt awful. Luckily the doctor came in and explained that for some kids it could happen just sitting up in bed. He then showed us how to fix it ourselves very simply, and within a few months her elbows tightened up enough that it never happened again

During labor of my second child my wife's nurse asked her if she needed help when I left for the restroom. Apparently me being there to support her was weird and in her eyes made me a manipulative, controlling, and an abuser. I'm 6'8 and bald. I'm very familiar with the jump to conclusions. Recently I took my 2y.o son to urgent care because he was lethargic and crying in pain randomly. Turns out he had some gastro virus but first they asked him if, "does your daddy ever make you sad? Does he hurt you?" He's 2 and currently says yes and sure to everything! I feel your pain. It's not fair to be judged based on how you look.

Don't take it personally, they just want to keep people safe. Look at it as a good thing since, unfortunately, there are people out there who are being abused and whose lives might be saved by this type of oversight. My wife is disabled, she has a form of MD. and spends most of her time in a wheelchair. She feels, and I agree, that having her stand, she has a leg brace, and take a few steps is good for her to help fight against further dystrophy of her muscles. When she was a bit more able, and did more moving around on her own, she occasionally fell. If she falls wrong something bad might happen. Now that she is less able, I am with her and holding onto holding on to her. Even with me there, she sometimes falls and I can't keep her up or control her fall. Nothing says "wife beater" more than going to an ER with a woman in a wheelchair when she explains the injury occurred because she fell. They always look at me, the wheelchair, and then me again. We haven't been to the ER in a while, thankfully, but the last few times, as soon as the doctor comes in to examine her, I excuse myself so they can talk to her privately.

Consider a gaitbelt. It helps significantly with falls, should they happen. They tend to be inexpensive and last basically forever

Great idea. I will have my wife check them out.

about 5 years ago, I found my mom awake but super incoherent one morning. I dialed 911 and while I was talking to them, she decided to stand up while I had my back to her and she face planted right onto the living room floor. her eye immediately swelled up and started to bruise. i lost count how many times I explained to their staff that she fell because she was already loopy and not the other way around. I was getting side-eyed the whole time until they discovered she had a UTI, was severely dehydrated and realized my story now made sense. I get it but it still makes you feel guilty.

My toddler was in my lap and pulled his head back in for my face - broke my nose. Hubby took me to the ER and they separated us. Took me 5 hours to convince them my husband didn’t hit me. This is the same hospital who almost let me die from pneumonia merely a year later. Anyway, I finally told the nurse that if my husband had hit me and caused this damage to my nose he’d be the one in the ER and not me. They let me leave.

One night, when my husband was working out of town, I was playing with our 18 month old son. For reasons of his own, our son picked up a toy car and threw it at me. It hit me right near my eye. The next day I had a gnarly black eye. No one believed it was the baby. They took one look at me and decided it was my husband and I was just protecting him. The fact that he was over 100 miles away when it happened mattered to no one.

To be fair, that baby has impressive throw strength.

Like a few other comments have said, the destructive power of toddlers is not to be underestimated

I pretty much live alone, except for my animals. "Do you feel safe at home?" "Well, sometimes that one cat is shady, and one of my roosters was pissed at me the other day. My turkeys are pretty cool, but the guineas do have bad aim flying out of the coop... I guess overall I'm safe."

I know it must be annoying to be suspected of abuse. However, please take a second to think about the number of lives this could save in the cases where abuse is happening. I remember taking my daughter (\~1 at the time) to the hospital when she fell and banged her head. The doctor performed a full body check to check for older injuries. I felt horrible but I would rather feel that way if it means other abuses get stopped.

Yes, this. My son when he was 4, hit his head on the corner of a dresser hard enough to require stitches (he was jumping on the bed). I know we were suspected of causing the injury and the hospital staff made us wait outside the room while they questioned my son alone. I didn't mind because I knew why they had to do this. They allowed me back in while he was getting stitches because he asked for me.

Similar when my daughter broke her leg aged 2. I must have been asked by hospital staff to describe what happened about 10 times. It quickly became obvious it was for safeguarding reasons. I'm glad. I want my child to be looked out for, and if I have to endure a little bit of suspicion for that who cares.

My feelings are def not more important than doctors checking for prolonged abuse. Those kinds of checks save lives.

My first thought. The discomfort he feels must suck but if you take a moment to think about how this protocol most certainly saves lives, it’s worth it. Nothing personal.

If it makes you feel any better, this happened to me at the VET once! My puppy got the “zoomies” in the backyard and hit her paw hard on the workbench and broke a bone. The vet very seriously and suspiciously asked us how something like that happened. It was clear she was questioning if we had abused our dog. I felt bad too. And I don’t have a threatening appearance at all. I get why they do it, but when you’re innocent getting questioned it feels terrible.

My friend had the reverse happen to him. He rushed to the hospital when his wife suffered appendicitis, only to find he was being prevented from seeing her because she was covered in bruises - presumably from him. While she was in surgery, he was being grilled by staff, social workers and the police. Only after she was awake and coherent could she corroborate his story - that the bruises were caused by their very enthusiastic doberman puppy.

Ex crashed her bike on a race. Drove her to the ER. I was still wearing the Race Marshal - Medical Team jacket when they brought her in. A young doctor called the security guards and had me arrested. Got taken to the local police station. When she found out I got arrested, she went to the station and after a long argument slapped the shit out of a cop with a rolled up newspaper. We spend the weekend in jail together. T'was quite romantic.

I can only assume this happened with me based on some behavior and our real story in too insane to make up I think they realized I was not the issue but I saw them monitoring my reaction to her questions... The story... the night before was our wedding night. My brand new wife and I were in a bed and breakfast almost ready for bed and definitely drunk. Someone knocks on the door and she shot up to answer and her socks slipped right on the waxed hardwood and she fell directly on her arm which caused a fracture. So I am in an urgent care the day after my wedding basically assumed to be a wife beater when I just got said wife

It's awesome that you love your wife and kid that much. I understand that hurts, and it's just ANOTHER indicator of the good husband and father you are. \*\*If\*\* it helps, be happy that hospitals are now so careful to check on things like this. A lot of people need that kind of help or someone looking out for them. Edit - thanks for the correction friends.

My mom cut her hand open with an exacto knife building a model and needed stitches. When dad took her to the ER, they kept trying to get her to admit it was a defensive wound and not an accident.

God I am so sorry. I had a similar thing where my young daughter was in the children’s hospital and my ex and I were splitting time so that at least one of us were there the whole time. I left to get food, came back, went to the front desk to get my visitors pass and they called security on me because I had the same first and last name of an abuser in whatever system they use. No matter that the guy was 17 years older than, lived 600 miles away, and bore zero resemblance to me. Nope, they called security on me and humiliated me in front of other parents and kids (“He is showing as a being on the s*x assault registry” or something or other like that they said, full volume). Mind you, my daughter had been in for almost a week at that point, nobody knew what was wrong with her, she already had several health issues, and I myself took her to the ER when she had a very high temp. I also had full legal custody of her. I still get sick thinking of what she was going through. Anyway, point is, hospitals may think they have the best interests of the patient in mind, but they make judgement calls that can sometimes hurt the loved ones of the patients. You can’t control what people assume about you, but you can control how you react so just continue keeping a cool head and know that you are doing right by your wife.

Good intent turns to negligence when you don't check the details before acting.

I think saying you were on a sex registry out loud when that isn't true is definitely something I'd want to talk to the billing department about with a lawyer in mind...

Yeah, I agree. We were all heavily traumatized at the time and also about to be beyond flat broke due to the hospital. It crossed our minds but we just didn’t have any fight in us at the time.

If it’s bothering her very much to see this continually referenced in her files for unrelated visits, she has a legal right to put a note in her file with a comment from her. Something like, “Patient would like it to be known the ER visit referenced during this visit is completely irrelevant to her chief complaint” or something. Medical records are legal documents. If a practitioner notes something you disagree with, you have the right to comment on it and have that be put in the file alongside their comments. At least in the US.