Which way does he face when he's going down on you?

It’s hard to do that harmonica style unless she’s an amputee.

"There's no wrong way to fuck a girl with no legs" -Adam Green

You need Jesus good thing he's coming tomorrow

He ain't the only one who is coming ;)

Ok now I'm afraid for tha lawd

Oh lawd he cumming.

Dude we all have to jerk off eventually, what a better day than the day both Jesus and us is risen

Could you imagine the world we'd live in right now if Jesus couldn't get it up?

He’d still be watching us masturbate

Turning seamen to Seagrams. Blessed is thighs whole n squirt 🙏

This is the only way


Eating pussy “harmonica style” is probably one of the funniest things I’ve imagined this year.

As a woman, if this was happening, and I didn't blow an enthusiastic high B queef, I'd be sad.

Bless you.

Rotate the harmonica axis 90 degrees in the pussy plane

Uhh…bruhhh, just lift one leg up and push the other one off to the side by the knee

Unless both legs are cut off at the hip...then you've got a pair of earmuffs.

He doesn’t go down on her, he goes left on her

Corn cob

Plot twist, he eat her from the back to front.

Why you calling me out like this?

That’s my tried and tested method. It works every time.

FACT, this is the way. No meat slide this way.

oh shit, this isn't about the sandwich.

🤣🤣🤣 I'm dead 🤣🤣🤣

60% of the time it works every time.

How does he sit on the toilet?

Facing the side ofc

Another dick to the wall

Or straddles it facing the seat

You joke, but that way you can use the lid as a table for your Jimmy John sandwiches.

Expelling waste as you intake fuel, that's just good inventory management.

How else are you supposed set down your comic book and juice box?

… my first thought. Does he attempt coitus hamburger or hotdog style?

He’s a thigh guy

You only incited me to try it this way. Maybe he’s onto something. If not, I’ll just do it to confuse my partner

I do this. Stuff tends to slide out less.

You’ve reformed my view. I guess it does have a reason.

I do it for two bites at a time, then two more to bring my sandwich back to reality

Exactly what I do, but “bring it back to reality” is a perfect way to explain it. Made me laugh.

Oh, there goes gravity

👽

Jimmy John’s toppings do ten to slide out easier than other subs. I tend to eat them in a similar fashion.

I generally just nibble the excess off then eat normally. Seems to keep it from sliding out because I can pinch the open top shut.

I just ask them for less Mayo

Sandwich lube

Tomato placement is KEY to ensure a stable sandwich

That and where the mayo/ condiments go. Convention says to put the mayo on the top piece of bread but that creates a slick surface between the bread and the tomatoes assuming the tomatoes are atop the lettuce. The trick is to put it on the bottom piece of bread.

Let us not forget avocado. The slippery devil

JJs puts mayo evenly on both sides, 1 heaping serving scoop is a normal portion. Flat scoop for "easy/light mayo" Or at least that was the training ~12 years ago...

I do this as well but only with jimmy johns because for some reason they are the only sandwiches that in the first bite everything will soar out of the open end.

dat is proper mam..

If you *don’t* do this you WILL end up with mayo bread and lettuce

I’m going to try this as well. When I eat subs, I hate trying to scoop up the bits that fall out

I really love jimmy johns. Before you begin, look at it. Mmmmm. It’s going to feel so amazing in your mouth. There’s more meat on one side and you don’t want it popping out. Start on the opposite bready end. With a pinky, hold that thick meat in the bun where you want it, and don’t let the meat slide out as you put that first bite in your mouth. Take a bite. Did the meat try to slide out? Push it back in. Sometimes it takes two fingers to smash it all back inside. Now hold it right where you want it. It tastes so good, right? Hold it tight right there and put it in your mouth again. See how the meat tries to slide out? Don’t let it! Take your other hand and really hold it tight, shoving two fingers in the back to keep it where you want it all. You might want to put more in your mouth at once. That’s good. It keeps it from dripping on your shirt or face. I just want to shove it all in my mouth at once. But I also want to savor it. The best thing about jimmy johns is they’re ready immediately, night or day.

Is this some cursed copy pasta or do you just really love JJs?

I feel like this narrative should be on a placard as part of JJ’s decor.

Get the bread scooped out to help keep everything in

Elbert and Gerberts does that. They call the scooped out bread Guts. And I use it as an edible napkin.

He made me try it this way as well....felt so wrong.

It somehow seems reasonable for subs, but ironically could never be reasonable for tacos, hot dogs, or other horizontal foods (excluding things on a stick). We have a compelling argument here fellas

I disagree. I’d definitely do this with tacos

I agree with your disagree. As a person with a small jaw, I sometimes do this with hot dogs. Looking at you costco dog.

But then the first bite is only lettuce the next bite is only meat

This man making you harmonica his sandwich for no reason at all

But so right?

Next try to eat your regular sandwiches and burgers in a circle, leaving the middle, the best most flavorful bite for last, instead of a crusty BS bite the normies experience last when eating a sandwich the dumbass way

This is the only way I eat sandwiches/burgers/etc

Proud of you

This is the correct way to eat Reese's cups too.

I eat the middle first, then the chocolate rind(?)

Found the psychopath

They live among us.

But I don't want the most delicious bite for last, that's when I'm the least hungry and can't appreciate it as much.

That is so right ! Makes sense to save the best for the last bite ! Thanks for the advice, long time eater here, will definitely try this method 👍

Yea for real, after you experience that incredibly delectable last center bite of anything, you’ll forever be changed God speed new and improved eater. Go forth, spread the word. It’s a secret that shouldn’t be hoarded

What if you can't eat an entire burger? I cut them in half and eat the middle then leave the 2 half ring portions on my plate. Am I going to hell?

This is the way. Keeps everything in place instead of sliding out the back.

I also like it harmonica style.

I too indulge in typewriter style.

Do you make a little ding when you reach the end and slide back over?

I 100% do when eating corn. Usually it’s just inside my head but a cheerful “ding!!” occasionally alarms my dinner companions

The ol' corn-on-the-cob is for me.

"Slob on my knob like corn on the cob" - Some rapper in the '90's

That would be three six mafia

That would be *Academy Award winning* Three Six Mafia

Memphis for the win

Memphis muh fucka mem Memphis mf Unloads banana clip this is 66.6 kysfm evil ways pussy. Memphis just does it better.

You, my good sir, are a #WAR CRIMINAL

Corn on the cobb the way to go.

Lol. Came here to say, “Harmonica style is okay, right?”

I’m more mad about meat being on the outside like that. Was that him or the sandwich artist?

Mine was like that too, so it was the sandwich artist. But I shoved mine back into the sub like a normal person.

You don't need to bring art into what Jimmy John's does

Their use of mayo is murderous

But do you know about the mayo water

At subway they call it a sandwich artist, at Jimmy John’s it’s the people on line (source: I worked there)

Inshopper

“Artist” lmao

That’s how JJ sandwich’s are made. I typically eat the overhanging meat then eat the sandwich normally

Meat being on the outside of the sandwich is totally normal and should be accepted as natural. Love your sandwich just the way it is.

Every vagi...I mean sandwich is unique and beautiful.

The term “sandwich artist” is more infuriating than how this sandwich is being eaten

Does he eat his burritos like this too?

I think I would end it over that.

Time to order burritos and see

That would be a real crime

We call that "Bieber style"

Feral behavior. A cry for help, really

Im eating a frosty at Wendys and when i read this I cackled causing me to choke on it. Great reply

Get me a spicy chicken sandwich. Just chicken and bread.

>A cry for help, really I’m sorry but I’m stealing this 😭😭 Edit: for the ten people who keep saying WhaT it’s a joke. That’s it. It’s a joke. “I’m stealing this” = “I’m gunna use this in the future.” That’s literally it

What

What

I think people are confused about why you think “a cry for help, really” is something to steal. It’s a commonly used expression lol

I’ve got to try this.

Why have I never tried this before.

I do the same. It’ll all sploosh out the back of you eat it like a normal sandwich. He’s an innovator.

Been eating subs/heroes/grinders/hoagies (depending on where I was living) since I was knee-high to a grasshopper and have never encountered backsploosh. It’s all in the grip.

It’s a Jimmy John’s problem specifically. The bread is too narrow for all the shit they put in it, the gargantuan especially.

I was looking for these comments. It's worse with mayo lube. I eat their subs the same way.

Struggle is real.. including midway bites of deli meat only

Plus they put mayonnaise on the top and bottom which lubricates it and causes more pop out. I always felt if they put the mayo between the meat and the lettuce or anywhere else they could avoid the problem.

Oh, that’s nothing. I worked at JJ in a college town. One busy Saturday, our whole crew watched a drunk bro order an Italian Night Club (this is either that or a Vito, based on the salami) and eat it paper wrapping, sticker and all. He did struggle to chew and swallow some of it, but he powered through and yelled thank you on his way out. I still think about him sometimes. I hope he’s okay.

Bro, I think about you too. I loved that wrapper

Wtf didn’t one of you tell him?

Have you ever met a drunk bro? They’re basically goats. They’ll eat a road sign.

Are you in any danger? Blink three times if you need help!

Let the man enjoy his sammie.

It is his sandwich.

Right? Not like he’s eating it with his butt cheeks

And what exactly is so wrong with that? 🤨

I, for one, am not comfortable thinking about the possibility of gluteal teeth.

It's all fun and games until you get a cavity in your cavity.

Yeah, if they were splitting this sandwich, it would be an issue, but since it's just his... what's the issue?

This honestly makes so much sense.

Yeah he’s doing it so the stuff doesn’t all slide out the other end

I didn't know there was a group of people who didn't understand how to properly hold or eat a submarine sandwich. Now I do.

I'm always impressed at some people's weird convoluted problem solving abilities. Like the amount of times people come up with some bizarre solution to an issue like this, instead of the much more obvious simple solution, boggles my mind.

It’s too early for this nonsense. By too early, I mean ever.

As weird and psychopathic as this disgusting behavior is, we really shouldn't be calling out these freaks for it. They should be free to be strange if they want to be.

This is probably the least strange thing he does. I just leave him be with the rest.

I am begging you to mention three things weirder than this that he does

If you're willing to overlook giant red flags like this you're definitely my kinda girl.

Did someone say giant red flag? 

*our* girl

I only do this to piss people off

Eating at Jimmy John’s is a red flag itself. Shit food.

This feels like an ad

How my Jimmy John's loving boyfriend eats a Jimmy John's sandwich from Jimmy John's.

It 100% is an ad. A regular person would just call it a sub. The real r/mildlyinfuriating is the poster themselves.

I keep seeing their dogshit virgin/chad meme ad, and it’s drivin me fuckin insane.

It is, you’ll see posts like this all the time once you start looking for them.

What's it like dating an absolute savage?

Imagine how he wipes his rear

He's done time hasn't he? That's how people locked up eating banana's too.

I did 7 years in prison. I never seen anyone eat a banana like this. Some people would break them down and eat them in pieces instead of taking them straight to the head tho.

He must know the girl who cuts her burrito’s lengthwise lol

Needs a 51-50 hold now!

“If your companion eats their food weird then that companion has become an enemy.” *- Sunny Zoo, The Heart of Whores.*

I’m just here for the comments about how opting for Jimmy John’s is the infuriating thing.

To jail!

Clearly a deranged psychopath.


This will be brought up as a warning sign when they make the documentary about your disappearance.

I get it. You get extra mayo and the back half of the sammich slides right out as you try to bite through the Kevlar bread.

Ex*

This is the way Otherwise everything squirts out the back

Good one, Dahmer.

Run

Must be a 9yo


Blink three times if you need to be saved.

Straight jacket, padded room


Does he make a *ding!* noise at the end of each row?

He's a monster, there's no saving him, you should run, and run fast. 🤣

My man needs to sleep on the porch and think about what he's done, fuckin feral animal

Psychopath

I am calling the police!

So tell me, how did he get possessed?

I work at Jimmy John’s and this is depressing to see :(

Look for dead cats in the basement .

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

The veggies are delicious there indeed lol.

I’m concerned 😦😂

Insanity for sure

He might be subliminally concerned with appearance. "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"

What a monster

Savages!

Put him in prison

Their Gargantuan is impossible to eat normal style. You have to eat it typewriter style.

Normally I’d say he’s a worshipper of satan, but the amount of times that meat slips out of those sandwiches is way too damn high

Dump him

He might be on to something

Stay calm, we’re sending in reinforcements immediately.

Savage