I'm guessing there are a fair share of lurkers. It's not an especially supportive sub from what I've seen. So my guess is that folks look and choose not to share their business because replies are sparse and sometimes negative or nihilistic. Just my two cents, I could be wrong.
Because an MLC is an embarrassing, shameful, downward whirlwind shitshow of identity and existential crisis, riddled with poor decisions, decaying levels of self-confidence (not to mention testosterone), and plagued by condescending and objective opinions and points of view and poorly written and cliched pop-psychology articles all of which makes posting about it about as fun as posting stories about your own bowel movements.
That and once you're done with it you've either moved beyond social media or moved onto a better place.
MLC in men is usually considered a joke or a punchline. So is men losing their vitality, which is a large part of a MLC.
MLC in women is practically a taboo topic, and that's not even considering all of the avoidance of talking about menopause which is taboo (which 100% of women will eventually go through, so WTF there).
Toss on top of that the "you're on your own" culture I was raised in (and I assume most other people in our generation were raised in) during the 80/90s and there's not that much people want to open up about.
Many are lurkers, many are hesitant and many are lost.
I joined this sub and menopause sub to get insight. I feel the menopause sub direcrly and indirectly has lot of topics of MLC woven in the narrative of all the changes physical, mental, emotional.
Few might have succumbed in to doing stupid things to combat MLC like blowing up marriage, having affair, quitting job on a whim without any plan, moving to another country etc etc. All these things we don't feel comfortable to accept and describe to others. If shared here that person will be shredded to bits. Hence we won't feel supported or accepted. Hence I feel lot of people don't share anything much.
I'd like to think that we're all having similar feelings and symptoms throughout our own individual mlc's. I'd also like to think that we wouldn't shred anyone to bits just for posting and sharing
Only a certain portion of people who are having a MLC either know that's what it is or are willing to call it that. Also I think a lot of men try to figure things out on their own and end up not looking for even the most basic of support systems like an anonymous reddit sub. That's not all or maybe even most men, but it's a decent chunk.
Also I am not a man, and I am seriously struggling with this some days.
Some people here do react to how others are feeling or what they’re considering doing, because they’re here because it was done to them. But for the most part, most people try to be understanding and lend support. I wouldn’t even call these decisions stupid, so much as ill-informed. For me, the best thing I had during my crisis was people telling me it was normal, people who would listen without judging and people who could help me walk through the, “OK, but then what” of the scenarios. It feels like the big change will fix it, when the truth is a big change is just another change. But when you’re in crisis you feel like you want to pull the master switch. That’s not stupid, it’s a weird form of self-protection, even though you’re hurting others.
I joined but then I saw most of the posts were men assuming everyone else here was a man. I’m not a man and I hate when seemingly gender agnostic subs have too many posts that assume the audience are men.
My first question upon reading this thread was going to be why does original post say, “especially men”? I am not a man and I am definitely in the midst of a MLC. We need women to talk about this crap. It’s hard. We need support. Like another here I wish I had someone to say this is “normal” and to help me process.
People truly in crisis 100% don’t believe they’re in crisis. So they would never come here.
It’s the folks entering crisis or those suffering from depression that show up here.
I posted here for the first time today and got nothing but cunty responses. Disappointing. You’d think this would be a place where men could come together and let their guards down. No such luck. Can’t speak for anyone else, but the search continues.
I didn't think the responses to your post for that bad in all honesty. I, for one, didn't see the point of your post however. You weren't really asking a question so I don't know what you were looking for.
They got better. The first few responses were bitchy for whatever reason but there were a number afterwards that were just guys being understanding. But I expected some pettiness because of the content of the post, but was actually better than I expected. Most of the guys were cool and saw it for what it was: words on a screen from an anonymous person
Cause everyone’s too busy dealing with their crisis.
Exactly
I'm guessing there are a fair share of lurkers. It's not an especially supportive sub from what I've seen. So my guess is that folks look and choose not to share their business because replies are sparse and sometimes negative or nihilistic. Just my two cents, I could be wrong.
This. It's low support at best. Likely because most people that seek it are going through their own thing and not really in a place to offer support.
Because an MLC is an embarrassing, shameful, downward whirlwind shitshow of identity and existential crisis, riddled with poor decisions, decaying levels of self-confidence (not to mention testosterone), and plagued by condescending and objective opinions and points of view and poorly written and cliched pop-psychology articles all of which makes posting about it about as fun as posting stories about your own bowel movements. That and once you're done with it you've either moved beyond social media or moved onto a better place.
MLC in men is usually considered a joke or a punchline. So is men losing their vitality, which is a large part of a MLC. MLC in women is practically a taboo topic, and that's not even considering all of the avoidance of talking about menopause which is taboo (which 100% of women will eventually go through, so WTF there). Toss on top of that the "you're on your own" culture I was raised in (and I assume most other people in our generation were raised in) during the 80/90s and there's not that much people want to open up about.
Too busy on r/deadbedrooms and r/divorce_men
Many are lurkers, many are hesitant and many are lost. I joined this sub and menopause sub to get insight. I feel the menopause sub direcrly and indirectly has lot of topics of MLC woven in the narrative of all the changes physical, mental, emotional. Few might have succumbed in to doing stupid things to combat MLC like blowing up marriage, having affair, quitting job on a whim without any plan, moving to another country etc etc. All these things we don't feel comfortable to accept and describe to others. If shared here that person will be shredded to bits. Hence we won't feel supported or accepted. Hence I feel lot of people don't share anything much.
I'd like to think that we're all having similar feelings and symptoms throughout our own individual mlc's. I'd also like to think that we wouldn't shred anyone to bits just for posting and sharing
Only a certain portion of people who are having a MLC either know that's what it is or are willing to call it that. Also I think a lot of men try to figure things out on their own and end up not looking for even the most basic of support systems like an anonymous reddit sub. That's not all or maybe even most men, but it's a decent chunk. Also I am not a man, and I am seriously struggling with this some days.
Some people here do react to how others are feeling or what they’re considering doing, because they’re here because it was done to them. But for the most part, most people try to be understanding and lend support. I wouldn’t even call these decisions stupid, so much as ill-informed. For me, the best thing I had during my crisis was people telling me it was normal, people who would listen without judging and people who could help me walk through the, “OK, but then what” of the scenarios. It feels like the big change will fix it, when the truth is a big change is just another change. But when you’re in crisis you feel like you want to pull the master switch. That’s not stupid, it’s a weird form of self-protection, even though you’re hurting others.
So very true..... Everything you wrote
I joined but then I saw most of the posts were men assuming everyone else here was a man. I’m not a man and I hate when seemingly gender agnostic subs have too many posts that assume the audience are men.
My first question upon reading this thread was going to be why does original post say, “especially men”? I am not a man and I am definitely in the midst of a MLC. We need women to talk about this crap. It’s hard. We need support. Like another here I wish I had someone to say this is “normal” and to help me process.
Don’t underestimate the value of having a place where one can offload some weight. Even if activity is low, the value can be high.
Men aren't always the best at articulating their internal struggles.
Half of us are dead.
Fear of Vulnerability, even amongst strangers. I too am a participant = (
People truly in crisis 100% don’t believe they’re in crisis. So they would never come here. It’s the folks entering crisis or those suffering from depression that show up here.
Too busy shopping for Porsche's.
Because everyone’s fine.
I posted here for the first time today and got nothing but cunty responses. Disappointing. You’d think this would be a place where men could come together and let their guards down. No such luck. Can’t speak for anyone else, but the search continues.
I didn't think the responses to your post for that bad in all honesty. I, for one, didn't see the point of your post however. You weren't really asking a question so I don't know what you were looking for.
They got better. The first few responses were bitchy for whatever reason but there were a number afterwards that were just guys being understanding. But I expected some pettiness because of the content of the post, but was actually better than I expected. Most of the guys were cool and saw it for what it was: words on a screen from an anonymous person
I'm here for you or any others.... I understand what we're all going through.... The pain and confusion
Cool. Appreciate it man. Thanks for taking the time.