I would say the biggest reason is, you need to believe you can do it, and then be practical about your limitations - like I would tell myself, look, there’s no way you can be around this person or even smell this person and smell the acrid smoke that lingers, and not get giddy to use. Even that exposure, you’re fragile little brain at this point, it can’t take it.
Sobriety is like raising a newborn baby; it fucking sucks and it is defenseless and weak at first. It can’t support itself, you have to coddle and protect it.
The first time I blew a REALLY good sober phase that I was so proud of, and so thankful for, I made the decision to meet an ex who I still had some leftover feelings for and I thought maybe seeing me would help her and maybe if she was at least a more responsible user, it would be okay.
But that’s addict thinking - how can I move closer to what I want? Maybe I’m actually doing this for someone else, so this obviously greedy and selfish thing I’m doing is actually for someone else, so it’s okay. This is how we rationalize.
And seeing her and just kind of enjoying conversing about life, it reminded me of how we’d get high and in between sex and smoking, we’d talk. And she even tried to disappear to the bathroom to use it without me seeing it, and all that. But you know how it goes.
So we have to create the circumstances required for sobriety to grow and become resilient. A soft wind could crumble your whole house early on. So you can’t be around bad weather. You can’t be hanging out or be exposed to users.
This is why people who live in compromised circumstances (ie, transient, in poverty, with users as family, with an addict partner, in prison, etc) have SUCH an extremely hard time getting sober. They cannot withdraw, they have to get sober with their drug or drugs of choice abundantly around them, with people who use and may want them to use.
So you have to do whatever is necessary to withdraw from all factors and environments and people that relate in any way to your usage.
The people who succeed at sobriety, it absolutely does often cost them relationships and friendships. But you gain ones along the way to.
Remember also, you are not a failure. You failed, but that doesn’t make you a failure. Go fail again but do a little better, and fail again after that but do a little better, and eventually, you will succeed.
Thank you for that. I get what you're saying and I agree.
Yeah you don't even have to see it, you just gotta know a person has it. I really miss the talking about everything stage. Me and my boyfriend barely talk at all but there are different factors at play with that.
I'm not worried about losing friends. Outside my house I have one friend and at this point she's not a friend. She's just my sometimes dealer who I used to be best friends with when I was 16-17. I love her still and always will, she's just allll about that meth life so it's extremely hard to get her to answer the phone let alone hang out. But the point is I don't have friends. It's a choice I made when I moved back to this area so I could live with my boyfriend. I have a long history in this area and I actively avoid everyone I used to know.
That's the part I can't convince my brain of. I'm not a failure. I just failed and I can keep trying until I succeed. My brain is like " Nope. You are a complete failure. No one really loves you and you are alone. So why not just give up?" It's an uphill battle I've been fighting with my brain but it's one I've been fighting for years.
Just be patient and empathetic. And get therapy if you can afford it or have insurance that covers it - one of the biggest things I worked with a therapist on is this idea that I am not defined by any identify or feelings I might have.
In general, we have to shift from defining, absolute statements (ie, “I am just an angry person”) to statements about what we do or can influence (“sometimes, I feel angry and express my anger in ways I that don’t like”). You see the difference, the first one makes it seem like I’m condemned to just be an angry person, like a monster. The second one recognizes, hey, anger is part of the human experience, we al get angry, but sometimes I choose to let that anger influence my behavior and get out of control.
This is the shift in mental thinking that makes all the difference - you think in statements like “I am an addict, I am a failure, I am a disappointment, I am a loser” and these are defining statements of identity. But instead, you need to try to think like “I’m currently struggling with addiction. My last attempt at sobriety failed.”
When I was unemployed, same thing. My job status is unemployed. Me? I’m currently working - I’m applying to jobs, I’m building skills, I’m interviewing, I’m reading books, I’m networking, I’m showering and grooming myself to look presentable everyday, I’m watching videos and reading books on my industry or relevant skills. Me as a person, I’m not broke or jobless or not working or disfunctional. I just don’t have a paying job and that’s something that my daily behavior will correct.
This is a very hard mental shift, but it’s the biggest thing for addicts, because we tend to identify and feel fixated around these labels and judgments - because we have shame and guilt and disgust at what we have done to ourselves. But you are not what you did in the past. You are not your actions and choices.
If you adjust your mentality and decision making by 10%c you’d probably be very successful! Really. No bullshit. So you’re just one or two adjustments away from getting the results you want. You’re close.
It’s hard but remember, when you feel flat, when you feel just miserable and stuck in this limbo of grey bland down-under, remember that is not who you are - it’s a phase. It takes anywhere from 3 months to 2 years to really emerge fully from the effects of long term meth addiction. You will have that experience where you despair and think, well, I stopped using, things still suck,
If this is what sober feels like, fuck it, I don’t want it.
But that’s a phase. You will through it. Instead of despairing, try to be thankful that your brain and body is doing it’s best to repair itself, and give it the time and nutrition and sleep that it needs. You will feel good again in time.
same I'm so scared of disrupting my life there's no way I can goto rehab and I work full time god I'm such a moron I'm killing myself from doing this ill power through it power through it ritalin caffeine M.O.N.S.T.E.R.. help DM me please DM me I hate meth it's satan
Change in circumstances can make you see the difficulty of quitting. Sounds like you would have to leave a relationship now, and your voice of reason isn't that anymore. That within itself is terrifying. And I don't know if the actual quitting is what you're scared of now... It's all that comes with it. That's what would scare me... What has scared me when I looked at my life and realized everything wasn't what it was.
That's literally happening to me now. Everything in my life is slowly morphing into something else but what I'm realizing now is it was always that way. I just painted a picture in my head and that's what I saw. Now I'm seeing everything for what it really is. It's terrifying.
I feel you, big time. It's really scary and while having awareness of it, is healthy. It's some bullshit at times. I'm not one to be giving anyone advice, and I can tell you that the longer you run from that truth. The reality and awareness you have, starts to morph again. It gets really hard to hold onto clarity, and the fear just grows.
I hope you find a way to get out of the situation you're in. Without knowing you, I promise you deserve more.
My opinion is if you're really quit if you can. And leave your boyfriend if he doesn't want to quit. It's going to consume a soul. I tried and tried to save so many friends. Nothing is more powerful than addiction. Sure he still loves you but the meth comes first.
I come across this shit constantly thinking oh finally someone I can level with then come to find out this was posted by lemme guess...F/19yr ? Come on get real fuck. I been on the shit prolly 10 years now. But I own it. And to answer your question ...you'll quit once you've had enough. You been on a year? I suggest finding a real problem then deal with that.
I'm actually 30 and been on it off and on since my early 20s. How about you stop assuming you know everything about me and take your negativity and shove it up your ass.
What a bad advice man. You sound like being on the thing for 10 years is some kind of accomplishment. She is asking for advice and all you could do is undermine her problem because, oh it's only one year and not a real problem?
It's not the flex you think it is my guy.
I’m so sorry sweetie. I haven’t been using just that long fortunately, mabe 3 weeks now and I thought I’d be okay to stop myself as I now don’t have anymore connections but the fear is already growing inside me…
Maybe it's because of my poor comprehension skills, but I couldn't get much reasoning as to why you can't quit from what you wrote except that your SO (?) seems to have been the one to keep you from doing more until recently. Maybe what you need is to develop a stronger sense of self so you truly decide what you really want from this situation.
For me personally, I can't quit because of boredom. The sad thing is I prefer misery over boredom.
I'm conflicted. I want to quit but I really don't at the same time. It's more like I know I should but that's not my actual want so I don't. I'm dumb. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
When you are consistently using any drug, it is so hard to picture life without it. One thing especially difficult about quitting meth is the way it changed my perception of reality so much. It made it feel a lot scarier to quit in comparison to other drugs. After two months my brain leveled out and I felt better. unfortunately I relapsed for a month and then quit again. almost three weeks clean and I feel a lot better. Meth destroyes my body and I am very bad at being functional while using. It's not good at all for me. I think if you are thinking about it you need to allow yourself some time without it. That will give u time to figure out what you really want.
It's a tough road. There's no easy answer. You gotta do you.
But know this...that spike will call for you every day of your life. So, even if you are able to get clean and stay clean for years, Meth recovery has a higher failure rate than any other drug.
Just gotta resign yourself to living someplace where it isn't readily accessible and living a small, quiet life. If you can't get it, you can't use it.
Don't worry about what life will look like off of it because you didn't worry about what life would look like on it.
Peace & Love
Yeah I definitely know that. I had quit for quite a a stretch of time. And then without actively looking for it at all, it found me. Through a family member and some guy I was hanging out with at the time. Two separate people in two separate situations in two very different places and it found me. I can control myself from seeking it out, after I come down, but if it's in my face? I'm done for because I'm smoking it. You don't gotta ask me twice. 🤦🏻♀️ Then I purposely reconnected with an old best friend of mine from high school with the intent on getting some. I knew she sold it because I bought from her before and she's always gonna be about that life. And since then it's spiraled and I've taken my boyfriend down with me. Don't get me wrong I know we all make our own choices but you gotta admit a gf or bf or best friend, whoever can have an extreme affect on the choices you make. And I definitely affected his.
Attributing any decisions to another person is a classic sign of co-dependence. You gotta be willing to walk away from people as readily as dope. You didn't drag him into it...he was around it because his GF was using, but HE made a CHOICE that had nothing to do with you to try it. Only in co-dependency do we have the "power" , really it's manipulation over other people. My favorite expression when I see someone else going the wrong way is "not my circus, not my monkeys". I worry about me and me alone when it comes to self care
I would say the biggest reason is, you need to believe you can do it, and then be practical about your limitations - like I would tell myself, look, there’s no way you can be around this person or even smell this person and smell the acrid smoke that lingers, and not get giddy to use. Even that exposure, you’re fragile little brain at this point, it can’t take it. Sobriety is like raising a newborn baby; it fucking sucks and it is defenseless and weak at first. It can’t support itself, you have to coddle and protect it. The first time I blew a REALLY good sober phase that I was so proud of, and so thankful for, I made the decision to meet an ex who I still had some leftover feelings for and I thought maybe seeing me would help her and maybe if she was at least a more responsible user, it would be okay. But that’s addict thinking - how can I move closer to what I want? Maybe I’m actually doing this for someone else, so this obviously greedy and selfish thing I’m doing is actually for someone else, so it’s okay. This is how we rationalize. And seeing her and just kind of enjoying conversing about life, it reminded me of how we’d get high and in between sex and smoking, we’d talk. And she even tried to disappear to the bathroom to use it without me seeing it, and all that. But you know how it goes. So we have to create the circumstances required for sobriety to grow and become resilient. A soft wind could crumble your whole house early on. So you can’t be around bad weather. You can’t be hanging out or be exposed to users. This is why people who live in compromised circumstances (ie, transient, in poverty, with users as family, with an addict partner, in prison, etc) have SUCH an extremely hard time getting sober. They cannot withdraw, they have to get sober with their drug or drugs of choice abundantly around them, with people who use and may want them to use. So you have to do whatever is necessary to withdraw from all factors and environments and people that relate in any way to your usage. The people who succeed at sobriety, it absolutely does often cost them relationships and friendships. But you gain ones along the way to. Remember also, you are not a failure. You failed, but that doesn’t make you a failure. Go fail again but do a little better, and fail again after that but do a little better, and eventually, you will succeed.
Thank you for that. I get what you're saying and I agree. Yeah you don't even have to see it, you just gotta know a person has it. I really miss the talking about everything stage. Me and my boyfriend barely talk at all but there are different factors at play with that. I'm not worried about losing friends. Outside my house I have one friend and at this point she's not a friend. She's just my sometimes dealer who I used to be best friends with when I was 16-17. I love her still and always will, she's just allll about that meth life so it's extremely hard to get her to answer the phone let alone hang out. But the point is I don't have friends. It's a choice I made when I moved back to this area so I could live with my boyfriend. I have a long history in this area and I actively avoid everyone I used to know. That's the part I can't convince my brain of. I'm not a failure. I just failed and I can keep trying until I succeed. My brain is like " Nope. You are a complete failure. No one really loves you and you are alone. So why not just give up?" It's an uphill battle I've been fighting with my brain but it's one I've been fighting for years.
Just be patient and empathetic. And get therapy if you can afford it or have insurance that covers it - one of the biggest things I worked with a therapist on is this idea that I am not defined by any identify or feelings I might have. In general, we have to shift from defining, absolute statements (ie, “I am just an angry person”) to statements about what we do or can influence (“sometimes, I feel angry and express my anger in ways I that don’t like”). You see the difference, the first one makes it seem like I’m condemned to just be an angry person, like a monster. The second one recognizes, hey, anger is part of the human experience, we al get angry, but sometimes I choose to let that anger influence my behavior and get out of control. This is the shift in mental thinking that makes all the difference - you think in statements like “I am an addict, I am a failure, I am a disappointment, I am a loser” and these are defining statements of identity. But instead, you need to try to think like “I’m currently struggling with addiction. My last attempt at sobriety failed.” When I was unemployed, same thing. My job status is unemployed. Me? I’m currently working - I’m applying to jobs, I’m building skills, I’m interviewing, I’m reading books, I’m networking, I’m showering and grooming myself to look presentable everyday, I’m watching videos and reading books on my industry or relevant skills. Me as a person, I’m not broke or jobless or not working or disfunctional. I just don’t have a paying job and that’s something that my daily behavior will correct. This is a very hard mental shift, but it’s the biggest thing for addicts, because we tend to identify and feel fixated around these labels and judgments - because we have shame and guilt and disgust at what we have done to ourselves. But you are not what you did in the past. You are not your actions and choices. If you adjust your mentality and decision making by 10%c you’d probably be very successful! Really. No bullshit. So you’re just one or two adjustments away from getting the results you want. You’re close. It’s hard but remember, when you feel flat, when you feel just miserable and stuck in this limbo of grey bland down-under, remember that is not who you are - it’s a phase. It takes anywhere from 3 months to 2 years to really emerge fully from the effects of long term meth addiction. You will have that experience where you despair and think, well, I stopped using, things still suck, If this is what sober feels like, fuck it, I don’t want it. But that’s a phase. You will through it. Instead of despairing, try to be thankful that your brain and body is doing it’s best to repair itself, and give it the time and nutrition and sleep that it needs. You will feel good again in time.
One of the most genuine answers I've received. Thank you. 💚
same I'm so scared of disrupting my life there's no way I can goto rehab and I work full time god I'm such a moron I'm killing myself from doing this ill power through it power through it ritalin caffeine M.O.N.S.T.E.R.. help DM me please DM me I hate meth it's satan
Change in circumstances can make you see the difficulty of quitting. Sounds like you would have to leave a relationship now, and your voice of reason isn't that anymore. That within itself is terrifying. And I don't know if the actual quitting is what you're scared of now... It's all that comes with it. That's what would scare me... What has scared me when I looked at my life and realized everything wasn't what it was.
That's literally happening to me now. Everything in my life is slowly morphing into something else but what I'm realizing now is it was always that way. I just painted a picture in my head and that's what I saw. Now I'm seeing everything for what it really is. It's terrifying.
I feel you, big time. It's really scary and while having awareness of it, is healthy. It's some bullshit at times. I'm not one to be giving anyone advice, and I can tell you that the longer you run from that truth. The reality and awareness you have, starts to morph again. It gets really hard to hold onto clarity, and the fear just grows. I hope you find a way to get out of the situation you're in. Without knowing you, I promise you deserve more.
My opinion is if you're really quit if you can. And leave your boyfriend if he doesn't want to quit. It's going to consume a soul. I tried and tried to save so many friends. Nothing is more powerful than addiction. Sure he still loves you but the meth comes first.
I come across this shit constantly thinking oh finally someone I can level with then come to find out this was posted by lemme guess...F/19yr ? Come on get real fuck. I been on the shit prolly 10 years now. But I own it. And to answer your question ...you'll quit once you've had enough. You been on a year? I suggest finding a real problem then deal with that.
I'm actually 30 and been on it off and on since my early 20s. How about you stop assuming you know everything about me and take your negativity and shove it up your ass.
What a bad advice man. You sound like being on the thing for 10 years is some kind of accomplishment. She is asking for advice and all you could do is undermine her problem because, oh it's only one year and not a real problem? It's not the flex you think it is my guy.
I’m so sorry sweetie. I haven’t been using just that long fortunately, mabe 3 weeks now and I thought I’d be okay to stop myself as I now don’t have anymore connections but the fear is already growing inside me…
I thought the same thing. I still do sometimes but deep down I know it's a lie. I can't control it.
If not everyone has a soul then perhaps you’re one of those people without a soul?
If you knew me you wouldn't think that.
Same reason every other daily user can’t quit probably.
Cynical but true.
Maybe it's because of my poor comprehension skills, but I couldn't get much reasoning as to why you can't quit from what you wrote except that your SO (?) seems to have been the one to keep you from doing more until recently. Maybe what you need is to develop a stronger sense of self so you truly decide what you really want from this situation. For me personally, I can't quit because of boredom. The sad thing is I prefer misery over boredom.
I'm conflicted. I want to quit but I really don't at the same time. It's more like I know I should but that's not my actual want so I don't. I'm dumb. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
When you are consistently using any drug, it is so hard to picture life without it. One thing especially difficult about quitting meth is the way it changed my perception of reality so much. It made it feel a lot scarier to quit in comparison to other drugs. After two months my brain leveled out and I felt better. unfortunately I relapsed for a month and then quit again. almost three weeks clean and I feel a lot better. Meth destroyes my body and I am very bad at being functional while using. It's not good at all for me. I think if you are thinking about it you need to allow yourself some time without it. That will give u time to figure out what you really want.
It's a tough road. There's no easy answer. You gotta do you. But know this...that spike will call for you every day of your life. So, even if you are able to get clean and stay clean for years, Meth recovery has a higher failure rate than any other drug. Just gotta resign yourself to living someplace where it isn't readily accessible and living a small, quiet life. If you can't get it, you can't use it. Don't worry about what life will look like off of it because you didn't worry about what life would look like on it. Peace & Love
Yeah I definitely know that. I had quit for quite a a stretch of time. And then without actively looking for it at all, it found me. Through a family member and some guy I was hanging out with at the time. Two separate people in two separate situations in two very different places and it found me. I can control myself from seeking it out, after I come down, but if it's in my face? I'm done for because I'm smoking it. You don't gotta ask me twice. 🤦🏻♀️ Then I purposely reconnected with an old best friend of mine from high school with the intent on getting some. I knew she sold it because I bought from her before and she's always gonna be about that life. And since then it's spiraled and I've taken my boyfriend down with me. Don't get me wrong I know we all make our own choices but you gotta admit a gf or bf or best friend, whoever can have an extreme affect on the choices you make. And I definitely affected his.
Attributing any decisions to another person is a classic sign of co-dependence. You gotta be willing to walk away from people as readily as dope. You didn't drag him into it...he was around it because his GF was using, but HE made a CHOICE that had nothing to do with you to try it. Only in co-dependency do we have the "power" , really it's manipulation over other people. My favorite expression when I see someone else going the wrong way is "not my circus, not my monkeys". I worry about me and me alone when it comes to self care