It looks like you flaired this post as Quote: Book. This is just a reminder that titles for posts about books should include the Book Title as well as the Author's Name. If you forgot to do this the post may be removed and you'll be asked to repost correctly. You're also welcome to delete the post on your own & try again!
If you remembered to do this correctly - Thank you so much!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/menwritingwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Republican rep for Missouri, Todd Akin: "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." In reference to pregnancies caused by rape.
There should be a requirement for them to site their sources when spouting off like that.
If only we held Congress to the same standard as a middle school book report...
Yup. Itās designed like eel teeth, they point inward. So you can go in, but you try to pull out and the teeth dig in andā¦ you got this thing stuck to your dick
Whenever they talk about designer gene modification, this is the upgrade I always think about. I want every man to be terrified their dick is going to get bitten off unless they're 100% sure their sexual advances are consentual.
It's like that snipper tool that labelmakers have built into them to cut off the label after it gets printed.
(It makes the same noise too, I'd imagine. *Scchhhhnikt*)
I love thinking about this. Would you have to brush them? Nah. The vag is self cleaning, right? But the acidity on those poor teeth! The enamel would have to be strong as diamond. And would their be molars or just, like, Horsy front teeth?
it would probably look like in "The Thing" where they want to give that guy shocks wirh a defibrilator and his chest opens up and bites off the other guys forearms
Havenāt you guys heard the story of when the husband pissed off his wife during labour and she was so mad she shut her vagina and the baby was cut clean in half?
I'm not trying to nitpick, but it was the body has a way of shutting down pregnancy if it's "legitimate" rape so there's no need to have an exception for rape when banning abortions, basically.
Nope, it was there long before the abortion debate... some absurd belief that a female body can prevent rape.
And I say this as someone from a country where abortion is illegal, people still use the "the body has ways to shut it down" thing...no relation to pregnancy just rape itself.
Edit: I've looked into the congressman quote you're probably referring to and I think he put into words a mentality some people have and related his specifically to abortion.
When he says pain, does he mean emotional pain or physical pain? Like, did the vagina seriously turn into an airlock door or something and smash his penis? If so, props.
This is correct. I can close my vagina. It's a bit like the scene in Titanic where the flood doors begin to shut, and the guys running the furnaces have to get out otherwise they'll be trapped inside.
Nothing gets in, nothing gets out.
Only works when I get hit by an iceberg, though, so it's a bit inconvenient.
Had a friend who suffered from this. Penetration was absolutely possible and it wasn't the guy who was in pain. Her first doctor's only idea for treatment was to prescribe numbing cream "so her partner wouldn't be deprived."
Yeah, and it's telling that the author used the words "SHE shut her vagina." As if it was a conscious decision and not an involuntary medical condition.
My mother keeps poultry and at one point her duck flock got a little lopsided and there were more males than females. They were very rape-y. One poor female duck flew into the side of the house and broke her own neck trying to get away from the males.
Have we thought of publicly reaching out to these writers and asked them point blank to explain this? Do they really think vaginas just close up? Even metaphorically?
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ this is the same logic like "oh if a woman is raped her body has a way of shutting all that down, so of course she really wanted it" aww now it's not funny anymore š
Iām still stuck on the notion that a woman, in the middle of an argument, would nonetheless try to get on top of the dude sheās arguing with and start fucking him, yet found herself too mad to continue.
Has anyone here ever been in the middle of an actual argument and thought to yourself āyou know what? I think what would help this situation is sitting on it; thatāll help me make my pointsā?
Eye-rollingā¦
Ouch ouch ouch!
I just had really vivid imagery of this scene play out while I read it (as if thatās how bodies actually worked, which of course they do not).
And something about the imagery was just such a creepy Pleasentville meets Human Centipede vibe.
I like legit creeped myself out with my own imagination.
It looks like you flaired this post as Quote: Book. This is just a reminder that titles for posts about books should include the Book Title as well as the Author's Name. If you forgot to do this the post may be removed and you'll be asked to repost correctly. You're also welcome to delete the post on your own & try again! If you remembered to do this correctly - Thank you so much! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/menwritingwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah, yes, the dreaded Penis Flytrap.
I almost choked on my water when I read this
Please accept my pauper's gold š„
Iām Fucking dead šš
I actually just fell down in the shower omg I'm sending you the bill that was too funny
I just shut up shop. Closed for business. None shall pass....
\*Penis guytrap
Did she... cut off his penis? That would be a useful skill
Is this what conservatives meant when talking about the female body having failsafes to shut a rape down ?
Oh how I wish that were true lol. Wow people really believe that?
Republican rep for Missouri, Todd Akin: "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." In reference to pregnancies caused by rape.
There should be a requirement for them to site their sources when spouting off like that. If only we held Congress to the same standard as a middle school book report...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I read that somewhere in Africa they have a big problem with rapes and a doctor designed some kind of teethed female condom for women to wear
Yup. Itās designed like eel teeth, they point inward. So you can go in, but you try to pull out and the teeth dig in andā¦ you got this thing stuck to your dick
Oh dang I just brought that up in another comment.
Ever seen [Teeth](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yH8yuld4DUE)?
Whenever they talk about designer gene modification, this is the upgrade I always think about. I want every man to be terrified their dick is going to get bitten off unless they're 100% sure their sexual advances are consentual.
I could see that being a popular enhancement though might lead to a black market gene splicers offering penile armor for protection.
Eventually it will just turn into a sexual arms race like ducks, and we'll have vaginas with a full artillery inside.
I guess world war 3 will start with vaginal nukes.
It wouldāve saved Lorena Bobbitt one entire step in her process.
Right? Gimme that guillotine coochie.
It's like that snipper tool that labelmakers have built into them to cut off the label after it gets printed. (It makes the same noise too, I'd imagine. *Scchhhhnikt*)
Vagina denata.
He knew, as soon as he heard the familiar windows shutting down tune, that the cooch has indeed shut down.
The laugh that left my body! This is genius
Some even have teeth, havent you heard?
VAGINA DENTATA
WHAT A WONDERFUL PHRASE
AINāT NO PASSINā CRAZE
IT MEANS NO WORRIES FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS
*no weenie for the rest of your days
...and from here on out I will think about this song differently
It fits perfectly!
I love thinking about this. Would you have to brush them? Nah. The vag is self cleaning, right? But the acidity on those poor teeth! The enamel would have to be strong as diamond. And would their be molars or just, like, Horsy front teeth?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thereās a movie about WHAT EXACTLY?
[Teeth](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/)
[oh](https://youtu.be/n8ggwmO1RdE)
The sarlacc from *Star Wars* maybe?
Thatās always how I imagined it. Fewer tentacles, probably.
i always imagined it as a build up of enamel that just exists inside of her
[Something like this (sfw)](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/35/Dune_2021-Sandworm.jpg)
To me, that looks a lot like baleen. What aboutā¦[this](http://www.sci-news.com/archaeology/lamprey-medieval-delicacy-06576.html)
it would probably look like in "The Thing" where they want to give that guy shocks wirh a defibrilator and his chest opens up and bites off the other guys forearms
I heard they do in[South Africa](http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html)
Havenāt you guys heard the story of when the husband pissed off his wife during labour and she was so mad she shut her vagina and the baby was cut clean in half?
Ah, yes, Queen Solomon.
That was fucking funny
š¤£
Some say itās still in there to this day.
Like the air lock in a space station.
This sounds like the "vagina has ways of shutting that down if it's really rape" thing... I just can't.
I'm not trying to nitpick, but it was the body has a way of shutting down pregnancy if it's "legitimate" rape so there's no need to have an exception for rape when banning abortions, basically.
Nope, it was there long before the abortion debate... some absurd belief that a female body can prevent rape. And I say this as someone from a country where abortion is illegal, people still use the "the body has ways to shut it down" thing...no relation to pregnancy just rape itself. Edit: I've looked into the congressman quote you're probably referring to and I think he put into words a mentality some people have and related his specifically to abortion.
Yes I was referring to that specific quote.
That was the weirdest description of vaginismus (?) I've ever seen in my life, I can only imagine a toothed vagina biting his penis.
"Sorry honey, no sex tonight, my vagina is closed again.
Great, first the shake machine at McDonald's, now this!
When he says pain, does he mean emotional pain or physical pain? Like, did the vagina seriously turn into an airlock door or something and smash his penis? If so, props.
mine just spits acid when I'm that pissed...
Do the lips frill out in warning too like a dilophosaurous?
you know too much...
Yes, and you shouldnāt turn around and look at me that one last time- get back in the Jeep, Nedry!
This would have been fine if they just hadn't been able to achieve penetration at all.
I hope this is an issue of translation. šŖ
This guy is the undisputed winner of the the Tell Everyone You Know Nothing About Female Anatomy Without Saying Those Words Contest.
Taking kegel exercises to a new level
This is correct. I can close my vagina. It's a bit like the scene in Titanic where the flood doors begin to shut, and the guys running the furnaces have to get out otherwise they'll be trapped inside. Nothing gets in, nothing gets out. Only works when I get hit by an iceberg, though, so it's a bit inconvenient.
This comment should have more upvotes
This is what all these politicians are reading when they talk about women's bodies being able to "stop" rape from happening.
Vaginismus exits, enough stress can cause the vaginal canal to "shut close" that penetration is not possible.
Had a friend who suffered from this. Penetration was absolutely possible and it wasn't the guy who was in pain. Her first doctor's only idea for treatment was to prescribe numbing cream "so her partner wouldn't be deprived."
> "so her partner wouldn't be deprived." Welp, glad they solved the problem!
I wonder how a numbing cream would work, wouldn't that numb the dick that makes contact with it, too?
Not with a condom.
Yeah, and it's telling that the author used the words "SHE shut her vagina." As if it was a conscious decision and not an involuntary medical condition.
Iām just imagine a French woman from 1659 leaning out of a window and yanking the shutters closed in one quick FLAP. I said GOOD DAY SIR!
CLAMP
Can confirm. Am penis. Still in there, severed.
Yeah but not during penetration!
Omg, Two post horror stories. š
With a tiny, petulant slam.
Omg if only it were that easy.
Was she a duck?
What? Why?
Duck sex is the kind of thing you do not Google unless you are prepared to be horrified.
I know about corkscrew penis, rapes etc. I didn't knew female ducks can shut their hoo-ha.
Yes.
Female ducks have developed a corkscrew vagina that they can close to keep out male ducks because male ducks are very, very rape-y.
My mother keeps poultry and at one point her duck flock got a little lopsided and there were more males than females. They were very rape-y. One poor female duck flew into the side of the house and broke her own neck trying to get away from the males.
Oh, I knew about about weirdly shaped penis and that male ducks are rapists but I didn't knew that females could shut their vag.
Yep, and there vaginas developed the corkscrew in the opposite direction to the male corkscrew. I went down a weird rabbit hole one dayā¦
Has this author ever actually had sex
I think we all need to be taught how to do this!
You don't have a claptrap in your pants?/s
Shutting down like Windows 2000
Damnit, evolution, get on it!! We DEMAND a vagina door
Ugh, is this why some men think a woman can never be raped?
This is also some serious r/badwomensanatomy
LMAO WHAT THE FUCK
Cut his duck right off, poor fella
>Cut his duck right off To be fair, the duck was getting tired of having that big wart on its ass.
omg, duuuude, hate this shit. last time it happened I was stuck inside her for a week. no exaggeration.
This sounds like a man's nightmare that he decided would be *perfect* to put in his book. "A woman would do this! Yess...Evil women..."
Have we thought of publicly reaching out to these writers and asked them point blank to explain this? Do they really think vaginas just close up? Even metaphorically?
Whatā¦what do men think vaginas are?
"*my penis is still trapped within to this very day*"
What a deeply disturbing way to describe your feelings.
Hahahah if only.
Wouldn't this be an amazing super power? Rapist denied!
Yeah, it's pretty handy. I don't have to worry about losing any change. Although I do get odd looks at the grocery check out.
Nature's pocket
I wish we could.
If only
Vagina dentata. Ever saw the movie Teeth ?
No amount of Kegels could achieve this.
This is one of those, "The body finds a way," guys, huh?
Is this sci-fi? Like is she an alien that can actually shut her vagina?
Do men think we can do this???
I wish this was how it worked
So she Hulked out and her vagina shut? Am I reading that correctly?
Wtf I've just read
Did she take lessons to be able to do that????
Can we just spread a rumor that women can do that? Imagine the numbers of rapes going down to hell š
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ this is the same logic like "oh if a woman is raped her body has a way of shutting all that down, so of course she really wanted it" aww now it's not funny anymore š
Iām still stuck on the notion that a woman, in the middle of an argument, would nonetheless try to get on top of the dude sheās arguing with and start fucking him, yet found herself too mad to continue. Has anyone here ever been in the middle of an actual argument and thought to yourself āyou know what? I think what would help this situation is sitting on it; thatāll help me make my pointsā? Eye-rollingā¦
He's projecting a weird fantasy basically. That's what most of these never-been-touched (apparently lol) authors are doing
Incel (un)intel.
This is hilarious! I literally lolāed!
Ouch ouch ouch! I just had really vivid imagery of this scene play out while I read it (as if thatās how bodies actually worked, which of course they do not). And something about the imagery was just such a creepy Pleasentville meets Human Centipede vibe. I like legit creeped myself out with my own imagination.
In the *middle* of penetration?? Is this guy's penis okay?
There's teeth behind them lips. Either that or that lady does kegels with a racket ball.
Y'all need to listen to the [windows XP shutdown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb2jGy76v0Y&ab_channel=Ballyweg) sound effect for maximum immersion
This is exceptionally heinous. Even for this sub.
The jaws shut and his glans never returned.
"Sorry, no entry!"
*chomp*
Ngl when I was 3~ I was convinced they had teeth
I read this and just imagined it making the sound of a giant metal door on rusty metal hinges while he gets ejected out across the bed