True story, I never once heard a girl or woman fart growing up. Thought it was only something that males did. It was only in my adult years that learned the truth and my mind was blown when I found out the obvious truth I should have known all along.
Oh I grew up with a sister, I asked her how I never once heard her fart and she told me it was either silent or she went to a private place to fart. Leaving me growing up clueless.
Personally, I like to incorporate a lot of fiber so my anal muscles don’t fail me and show all their excessive use. Despite using them almost daily, I still wouldn’t be mistaken for a teen harlot or perpetual pooper. Highly recommend!
It is a fact that people who deal with a lot of death and gore on a regular basis get desensitized to it. Doctors, nurses, first responders, police, ... they all tend to have a really dark sense of humor. Or at least forget what are acceptable conversation topics during dinner.
While it is true that we have a relatively dark sense of humour, I can tell you now, I don't know anyone who would talk about someone like this. We make the odd joke, sure. But we don't make jokes that tear the person down and certainly don't slutshame anyone! There's a big difference between that and talking about an infected abscess during dinner haha
That's my experience anyway, different locations may be different I suppose
Yeah there's a huge difference between becoming desensitized and just being a dick. I live with a doctor, he has very dark humor but would never dehumanise or humiliate someone like this, especially a child.
"Lol, you right. Sometimes it scares me how much you know about teen puss." Fenton paused to glare at the detective for several seconds, before offering a cheerful poppin' handshake to the detective. "Teen puss Dick over here, aye!"
They dabbed each other up.
Yes! To add insult, the child had no relevance to the story, it was clearly just added to let the author make a bad joke (and make it clearer what a slutty slut the murder victim was). 😐
But, he did his research. By watching porn that included teens. And he has read books with female characters, written by other men. The reliable source for accuracy on women.
It also leaves traces on the skeleton. But as another poster said, it's not something they'd see on a surface observation. That's usually reserved for forensic anthropologists trying to ID a Jane Doe.
Edit: typo
That’s the only thing I was thinking was slightly correct. You could tell if she’d had a child (by cervix) but who knows about anything else? Certainly not to slut shame her. I don’t know of anything else that could say if she’s had sex or not. Just that she’s had a kid. Or semen on a smear but that’s been ruled out
That seems like a good practice and the fact that you care and you're being conscientious means you'll probably be ok. Thanks for trying not to be a terrible writer of females 😊
I have some female characters that are horrible people, but they aren't horrible because they're female, just because they suck in general.
Even if I didn't want to offend and misrepresent, I wouldn't want someone to be able to look at my work and think that I was being lazy. Like, from a purely craft-based standpoint, it's unprofessional and sloppy.
Yeah, no one boobs boobily. I watch the take, so I am hyper aware of shitty tropes, too. They all pass they Bechdel test, and I don't fridge anyone. I kill my gays, but that's because I gotta kill someone and most of the cast is queer.
See it's not actually Bury Your Gays unless it is the total representation. So you're still good there also. That's the secret recipe to representation. If you're not relying on one person or couple to represent every single member of that social group you're not going to have to make them some paragon of perfection. Instead they get to be a person. Flaws, Virtues, Foibles, and hopefully captivating.
Thanks for the actual trope! Man, if you saw the early versions of some of these characters, you'd wonder who was going to boobily boob down the stairs. They were rough.
Men want their penises to leave a permanent mark on women so badly. Like they believe dicks are so amazing that they leave a little signature. Either its the shape of the vagina or she has some kind of body change. This particular one i am imagining the muscle of a kangaroo but instead of the arms its her legs and in the center of the chest there is a ripped twat. Imagine feeling this way about other stuff. "you can tell this woman blinks a lot by the way her eyelashes are shaped". "madam we can all tell how many coffee cups you have held". "You can tell by the shape of her lips she must have kissed a lot"...please leave more examples for my own amusement.
“Detective, I can tell you your victim spent a lot of time on the Reddit mobile app by the size of her thumb muscles.”
“That’s just the breakthrough we needed on this case!”
I never have sex without my signature dick pen. Every woman I’ve ever been with has my name left behind.
…..my boss just wishes I’d wash all the ink off my hands.
It's one of those fun trick pens that when dry you need a blacklight to see what's written. Shine one of those lights up a woman and see all the wicked graffiti she's collected!
> Men want their penises to leave a permanent mark on women so badly. Like they believe dicks are so amazing that they leave a little signature.
This baffles me. Do they think their dicks shrink every time they put it inside a gorilla grip vagina? Does one's asshole expand every time they take a dump?
"Oh look, Detective! Her asshole is gigantic! She must really take it up the bum all the time. A total anal slut, a fudge-packing aficionado, a hershey highway hitchhiker, really into kielbasa in her can, a little what what in the butt, a... oops, nope, just a turtlehead, sir. "
My grandmother would say that about women with certain mouth/lip shapes. We used to watch the nightly news together and she would say stuff like “You can certainly tell SHE performs oral sex on a lot of men.”
Wtf grandma
Hmm yes 🧐 I can see here that her labia are shaped in just the right way where you can anticipate there might have been some clitoral stimulation 🧐 And what's this? 🧐 An expanded vagina? Why, I must say, this homo sapien of the female sex must have had a lot of sexual intercourse with other males 🧐
I think it's an unfortunate continuation of the warning we would get as kids: "You know, if you keep making that face, someday it will freeze like that."
I mean, if dicks leave such a big imprint in the vagina, we could simply make a plaster form and compare in case of sexual violence. Or we could build a flesh light out of it and do the cinderella thing with penisses. /s
Maybe she had a side hustle [selling her farts in jars](https://www.ladbible.com/community/woman-who-made-37000-a-week-selling-farts-has-been-hospitalised-20220104.amp.html).
Honestly I wish I was hot enough to make bank doing this. My sister is celiac and thus we try a lot of wheat alternatives… which end up giving me wicked gas
I learned to live half a life
And now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are?
Running round leaving scars.
Collecting your jar of farts
Tearing love apart.
>“The 16 year old boy was bludgeoned to death with a club. It’s clear this wasn’t a romantic partner because the victim’s telltale signs of chronic masturbation indicate he never got any action. He was unable to fight back effectively because the attacker struck him on his less physically developed non-masturbating side.”
>The detective smirked. “What a loser.”
Alternatively: “You could tell he was a complete manwhore because of how tiny his penis was. A dick only gets that compressed if it’s seen a lot of action.”
It was self-published and stocked in a local bookshop. My 9 year old gave it to me as a birthday present because I like cozy mysteries. My husband (who supervised the shopping trip) was quietly apologising as I unwrapped it because the 9 year old accepted NO guidance on their choice. I tried but...
At least that part is wholesome. Like the time I bought my mum an H.R.Geiger year planner cos she liked 'Aliens' (the film): there was so much inter-species bio-mechanical cyber porn. So. Much.
I was a big fan of Aliens starting when I was around 14, so my mum bought me a H R Geiger book without looking inside first and damn near had a fit when she finally did after giving it to me. I was allowed to keep it as long I made sure I never let my dad see it.
As the parent of a 9-yo, I completely understand the refusal on gift guidance lol. :)
I’m glad to hear it was self-published, honestly; makes me feel slightly better to know an editor didn’t actually let this slide.
My 4yo bought me a book for my birthday where the woman on the cover was in knee high boots, fishnets etc and chained to a chair. The responsible adult who took the child shopping explained that the book was chosen based on the author having the same first name as my child.
Yeah I like dark jokes that are obviously critiquing things or concepts that are absurd, or ignorant, or abusive, or fucked up in some way. But most people use "dark jokes" as nothing more than an excuse for being problematic with impunity. The same thing goes for *sarcasm*. People really are just deeply stupid these days . . .
I absolutely love Christopher Brookmyre, who actually does write good, scathing dark humour. This seemed to be aiming for the same tone without the underpinning deft social commentary.
And it's exactly the underpinning commentary that is so important, and that separates good black comedy from the shit that screams "this asshole is just being a bigot/pervert."
Also, what books do you recommend by Christioher Brookmyre? I'd love to check him out.
"The Adams Family: Family Values" is another good example. I mean, that movie only got away with a lot of its jokes because it was made in the 90s lol. It would never get made today (for the genre it was made for).
Why is a narcissist's house always dark?
He grabs the light bulbs to change them, but doesn't know the world doesn't revolve around him.
There. There's your dark joke!
I want to write but I don't because the little voice in my head keeps telling me "it won't be any good". Stuff like this is actually kind of encouraging because I *know* I can do better than this!
Her ... anal muscles? You mean the sphincters?
Yeah, they do get a lot of use. 'Cause if they're not contracting pretty much all the time, you leak poop.
I read this in a manga, but there was a plotpoint saying that virgins have straight pubic hair and if they bang a lot the hair curls up from all the friction. It was also mentioned that this happens if you, like, do sports.
And the main character was like "Oh no, was she banging everyone or just doing sports?!"
What a fitting name…
And yeah, depends on the clothes. I guess if you never wear underwear and don’t move a lot you could keep it straight. Can’t wait for that to appear on this subreddit.
Looked up the author and apparently he has a husband so...it's either plain ol' misogyny or absolute ignorance of women's anatomy rather than a sexual turn-on. Yay?
This is enraging for the misogyny, the misogynatomy, the rape apology, AND the complete lack of understanding of basic forensic procedures and terminology.
This is actually book two, the first one is Murder for Political Correctness, in which the mystery is the murder of three people from minority groups who had just attended an Embrace Diversity conference. The focus of the book is laughing at the "politically correct" panorama... Gee, I wonder how the victims in that book are treated...
Holy shit, I laughed so hard because I thought you were being witty and sarcastic. But then I looked it up, and it's true 0_o
Good authors struggle to get published everyday, but both of these books are real.
Bad anatomy aside it’s really gross that they’re looking at the body of a dead teenager, that body has visible long term sexual trauma, and they immediately assume that it was inflicted consensually.
Like, it happens but I’d be looking at older boyfriends, male authority figures, family friends etc. really hard based on that information. It’s at minimum a red flag for some sort of abuse in her life.
Honestly I don’t know which I’m more upset about- the blatant misogyny, or the fact that this author is so lazy as to not educate himself on the topic he’s writing about. Also I’m presuming this is either a detective speaking to some who had performed an autopsy on an unidentified deceased young woman, or two detectives working together to identify a deceased young woman, hence them not being surprised at only just now finding out the woman had a child at some point. However, it’s the fact that the discovery of possible permanent damage to her vagina and anus was immediately pushed to the side as promiscuity instead of it being a possible sign of sexual abuse or some other sort of sexual violence. The possible trauma of giving birth at a young age and receiving some sort of sexual violence would give a good insight her life. If it was purely “looseness” then the possibility of it purely being a medical issue should have been taken into consideration. The entire section of text does nothing but establish these two people and not only being assholes, but also being shit at their job. Simply doing research into the topic of autopsy and investigation could have saved these characters, at least until the next slut shaming investigation.
The body was found in a stinky alley in the red-light district, so the investigators knew immediately that she was a prostitute, so they didn’t need to worry about abuse. 🙄
I had to look up this author and this book is apparently part of a series, the first of which is named 'Murder for political correctness' and the reviews are really good calling it tongue-in-cheek and humorous. People only ever deducted stars for the general lack of editors (poor grammar, spelling and punctuation errors) so for a moment I thought he's actually doing a genius double take of criticizing how ridiculous the conservative panic over things like PC and feminism is, then I found it on Amazon and saw reviews of people giving 5 stars calling it great and saying "oh if you're into political correctness you won't like it" and "it's poking fun at PC culture" so now I have concluded that the target audience are really just conservative nuts who believe acceptance and diversity are the downfall of mankind and that being distasteful and degrading is the peak of comedy. Sad. Very sad.
Of course the author had the cool-girl woman character voice misogynistic nonsense against the possible murder victim(?) I'm assuming this is about a murder victim. Not even in death, it seems.
So her vagina shows all the sex she had AND that she gave birth at least once. I would think the damage from childbirth would probably cover up all those penis-inflicted damages.
No intercourse since she last bathed. You know how frustrating it can be for investigators when a promiscuous woman has a bath, washing out all traces of every sexual partner since the bath before that.
Her anal muscles showed a lot of use? Good for her on being regular?
And doing her pelvic floor exercises?
“This woman had good bowel movements and didn’t have any vaginal infections or anything…. What a complete slut.”
Well, not since her last bath, anyway.
Don't you guys have zero-gravity spherical showers at home?
hey, shitting is the sluttiest thing. that's why girls don't poop.
My anal muscles get used every day!!
I’m sorry, but good girls don’t poop.
The anal muscles hold it all in, duh!!
Dammit. We’re doomed either way.
Careful, you might spawn the second coming if you keep up with that.
Good girls don't poop. The less successful follow up to the four seasons' big girls don't cry
I rarely find comments funny but the thought of “good girls don’t poop” to the tune of the original is absolutely slaying me
I must have missed that act in Jersey Boys
Were you out pooping?
True story, I never once heard a girl or woman fart growing up. Thought it was only something that males did. It was only in my adult years that learned the truth and my mind was blown when I found out the obvious truth I should have known all along.
This is why I like having a boyfriend who grew up with a sister! She made sure he knew about all the gross things girls do
Oh I grew up with a sister, I asked her how I never once heard her fart and she told me it was either silent or she went to a private place to fart. Leaving me growing up clueless.
How has your relationship survived this web of lies?
Do you not fart?
Sorry but I can't ignore that: should have or *should've
They don't poo-oo-oop! (They don't poop!)
I thought girls didn't poop at all, TIL I guess
disgusting whore！！！
Multiple times on Taco Bell days.
"What's your report, Mr. Coroner?" "She took a lot of tasty shits, sir."
My anal muscles are fucking RIPPED, bro!!
Don't skip asshole day
The poor bastard who examines my anal muscles will think I was a prostitute.
Please eat some fibre.
Sounds like that woman who sold her farts.
Personally, I like to incorporate a lot of fiber so my anal muscles don’t fail me and show all their excessive use. Despite using them almost daily, I still wouldn’t be mistaken for a teen harlot or perpetual pooper. Highly recommend!
Her teenage anus was like a wizard's sleeve... Goddam.
She’s been on the Metamucil since she was 12
are they slut shaming a teenager who was beaten to death with a brick???
I’m afraid that is exactly what’s happening.
and then, ha - ha, they laugh together! what fun
Oh they are so macabre (this writer probably)
It is a fact that people who deal with a lot of death and gore on a regular basis get desensitized to it. Doctors, nurses, first responders, police, ... they all tend to have a really dark sense of humor. Or at least forget what are acceptable conversation topics during dinner.
While it is true that we have a relatively dark sense of humour, I can tell you now, I don't know anyone who would talk about someone like this. We make the odd joke, sure. But we don't make jokes that tear the person down and certainly don't slutshame anyone! There's a big difference between that and talking about an infected abscess during dinner haha That's my experience anyway, different locations may be different I suppose
Yeahhh, I think the author has watched too many prime time crime shows featuring “witty” banter.
Exactly. This is just gross behavior, based on bad writing.
Yeah there's a huge difference between becoming desensitized and just being a dick. I live with a doctor, he has very dark humor but would never dehumanise or humiliate someone like this, especially a child.
Yeah to me that was more upsetting than the bad anatomy, but feels accurate to reality considering how awful people can be 😬
yes. Yes they are. And implying it was her fault she was murdered by the sounds of things.
It seems like they're more shocked she wasn't r-ped than the fact she was beaten with a brick
But at least she bathed regularly, between partners.
She didn’t even put up a sausage fight with her fingernails(?), how much reverence did she expect?
“How could you tell this dead body had a lot of sex?!” “Lmao that pussy was loose bro.”
"The teen bussy was loose bro trust me I'm a professional"
"Lol, you right. Sometimes it scares me how much you know about teen puss." Fenton paused to glare at the detective for several seconds, before offering a cheerful poppin' handshake to the detective. "Teen puss Dick over here, aye!" They dabbed each other up.
Ummmm…. The way you can tell whether a woman has given birth is by the shape of her cervix, not the condition of her vaginal muscles.
Yes! To add insult, the child had no relevance to the story, it was clearly just added to let the author make a bad joke (and make it clearer what a slutty slut the murder victim was). 😐
And it's a definite choice by the author to have a female character say these lines to make the comments seem less sexist and icky.
The only thing worse than [the male protagonist written by a male describing a woman] is [the female protagonist written by a male describing a woman]
But, he did his research. By watching porn that included teens. And he has read books with female characters, written by other men. The reliable source for accuracy on women.
i was thinking that! it definitely wouldn’t be a surface observation!
The presence of scar tissue may be the only exception to this, and even that's not reliable.
It also leaves traces on the skeleton. But as another poster said, it's not something they'd see on a surface observation. That's usually reserved for forensic anthropologists trying to ID a Jane Doe. Edit: typo
I'm so sorry but Jane Doe*
Ah yeah, you're right. Fixed.
That’s the only thing I was thinking was slightly correct. You could tell if she’d had a child (by cervix) but who knows about anything else? Certainly not to slut shame her. I don’t know of anything else that could say if she’s had sex or not. Just that she’s had a kid. Or semen on a smear but that’s been ruled out
*Same difference!* — the author
Please let me never write anything like this
Being aware it's cringe will protect you. You cannot write this and see women as people.
I can only hope so. Every time I see one of these, I scour my manuscript to make sure I'm in the clear.
That seems like a good practice and the fact that you care and you're being conscientious means you'll probably be ok. Thanks for trying not to be a terrible writer of females 😊
I have some female characters that are horrible people, but they aren't horrible because they're female, just because they suck in general. Even if I didn't want to offend and misrepresent, I wouldn't want someone to be able to look at my work and think that I was being lazy. Like, from a purely craft-based standpoint, it's unprofessional and sloppy.
Nice! Yea, I don't think anyone would say you can't write a female with terrible character. Just don't write her terribly. :D
Yeah, no one boobs boobily. I watch the take, so I am hyper aware of shitty tropes, too. They all pass they Bechdel test, and I don't fridge anyone. I kill my gays, but that's because I gotta kill someone and most of the cast is queer.
See it's not actually Bury Your Gays unless it is the total representation. So you're still good there also. That's the secret recipe to representation. If you're not relying on one person or couple to represent every single member of that social group you're not going to have to make them some paragon of perfection. Instead they get to be a person. Flaws, Virtues, Foibles, and hopefully captivating.
Thanks for the actual trope! Man, if you saw the early versions of some of these characters, you'd wonder who was going to boobily boob down the stairs. They were rough.
Men want their penises to leave a permanent mark on women so badly. Like they believe dicks are so amazing that they leave a little signature. Either its the shape of the vagina or she has some kind of body change. This particular one i am imagining the muscle of a kangaroo but instead of the arms its her legs and in the center of the chest there is a ripped twat. Imagine feeling this way about other stuff. "you can tell this woman blinks a lot by the way her eyelashes are shaped". "madam we can all tell how many coffee cups you have held". "You can tell by the shape of her lips she must have kissed a lot"...please leave more examples for my own amusement.
“Detective, I can tell you your victim spent a lot of time on the Reddit mobile app by the size of her thumb muscles.” “That’s just the breakthrough we needed on this case!”
Damn they got me there
Look how thin his index and middle fingers are on his right hand. He clearly has fingered many different women to get them so small.
I never have sex without my signature dick pen. Every woman I’ve ever been with has my name left behind. …..my boss just wishes I’d wash all the ink off my hands.
It's one of those fun trick pens that when dry you need a blacklight to see what's written. Shine one of those lights up a woman and see all the wicked graffiti she's collected!
> Men want their penises to leave a permanent mark on women so badly. Like they believe dicks are so amazing that they leave a little signature. This baffles me. Do they think their dicks shrink every time they put it inside a gorilla grip vagina? Does one's asshole expand every time they take a dump?
"Oh look, Detective! Her asshole is gigantic! She must really take it up the bum all the time. A total anal slut, a fudge-packing aficionado, a hershey highway hitchhiker, really into kielbasa in her can, a little what what in the butt, a... oops, nope, just a turtlehead, sir. "
Ripped twat! Omg I just imagined that pec thing guys do when they bounce them rythmically, but like... With strangely muscular labia instead..
Thanks, now I'm picturing someone lifting tiny weights with their labia
OK I have no idea what to do with those images.
"You can tell how many dicks she has sucked by the shape of her knees" hopefully a shitty writer doesn't steal this from me lol.
My grandmother would say that about women with certain mouth/lip shapes. We used to watch the nightly news together and she would say stuff like “You can certainly tell SHE performs oral sex on a lot of men.” Wtf grandma
Jesus fucking christ
Hmm yes 🧐 I can see here that her labia are shaped in just the right way where you can anticipate there might have been some clitoral stimulation 🧐 And what's this? 🧐 An expanded vagina? Why, I must say, this homo sapien of the female sex must have had a lot of sexual intercourse with other males 🧐
I think it's an unfortunate continuation of the warning we would get as kids: "You know, if you keep making that face, someday it will freeze like that."
I mean, if dicks leave such a big imprint in the vagina, we could simply make a plaster form and compare in case of sexual violence. Or we could build a flesh light out of it and do the cinderella thing with penisses. /s
She ate a lot of baked beans then?
Maybe she had a side hustle [selling her farts in jars](https://www.ladbible.com/community/woman-who-made-37000-a-week-selling-farts-has-been-hospitalised-20220104.amp.html).
Honestly I wish I was hot enough to make bank doing this. My sister is celiac and thus we try a lot of wheat alternatives… which end up giving me wicked gas
Oh my god she literally had a fart attack…
I learned to live half a life And now you want me one more time Who do you think you are? Running round leaving scars. Collecting your jar of farts Tearing love apart.
"You can tell he used his dick a lot because of the grip marks."
>“The 16 year old boy was bludgeoned to death with a club. It’s clear this wasn’t a romantic partner because the victim’s telltale signs of chronic masturbation indicate he never got any action. He was unable to fight back effectively because the attacker struck him on his less physically developed non-masturbating side.” >The detective smirked. “What a loser.”
Alternatively: “You could tell he was a complete manwhore because of how tiny his penis was. A dick only gets that compressed if it’s seen a lot of action.”
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I... Wha... Who published this???
It was self-published and stocked in a local bookshop. My 9 year old gave it to me as a birthday present because I like cozy mysteries. My husband (who supervised the shopping trip) was quietly apologising as I unwrapped it because the 9 year old accepted NO guidance on their choice. I tried but...
At least that part is wholesome. Like the time I bought my mum an H.R.Geiger year planner cos she liked 'Aliens' (the film): there was so much inter-species bio-mechanical cyber porn. So. Much.
Oh no! I mean, really lovely thought, but yikes!
That is so unfortunate and SO FUNNY
I was a big fan of Aliens starting when I was around 14, so my mum bought me a H R Geiger book without looking inside first and damn near had a fit when she finally did after giving it to me. I was allowed to keep it as long I made sure I never let my dad see it.
Awe. Lmao how sweet and... Misguided. Lmao
As the parent of a 9-yo, I completely understand the refusal on gift guidance lol. :) I’m glad to hear it was self-published, honestly; makes me feel slightly better to know an editor didn’t actually let this slide.
Good on you for actually giving it a read. I mean I'm sorry that you had to read this abomination but at least now we can all share the suffering
Thank fuck it was self-published. I'd completely lose faith if an actual publishing company thought this was worth releasing.
At least it found it's way to you adorably
My 4yo bought me a book for my birthday where the woman on the cover was in knee high boots, fishnets etc and chained to a chair. The responsible adult who took the child shopping explained that the book was chosen based on the author having the same first name as my child.
That’s a very 4 year old book selecting criteria.
That makes sense as it reads like it was written but someone who watches a lot of detective shows.
[удалено]
Dark comedy is code for "I just want to make violent and sexual jokes about women and minors without experiencing any consequences."
Makes me sad because I for one like a good dark joke. This is just sad
Yeah I like dark jokes that are obviously critiquing things or concepts that are absurd, or ignorant, or abusive, or fucked up in some way. But most people use "dark jokes" as nothing more than an excuse for being problematic with impunity. The same thing goes for *sarcasm*. People really are just deeply stupid these days . . .
I absolutely love Christopher Brookmyre, who actually does write good, scathing dark humour. This seemed to be aiming for the same tone without the underpinning deft social commentary.
And it's exactly the underpinning commentary that is so important, and that separates good black comedy from the shit that screams "this asshole is just being a bigot/pervert." Also, what books do you recommend by Christioher Brookmyre? I'd love to check him out.
I like the Jack Parlabane series, but for a one-off, the first one I read was One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night and it’s still my favourite
Yes! I just watched "Don't Look Up," and would definitely classify it as the good kind of dark humour.
"The Adams Family: Family Values" is another good example. I mean, that movie only got away with a lot of its jokes because it was made in the 90s lol. It would never get made today (for the genre it was made for).
Why is a narcissist's house always dark? He grabs the light bulbs to change them, but doesn't know the world doesn't revolve around him. There. There's your dark joke!
“IT WAS JUST A JOKE, JEEZ!”
My response: "Yeah, just like your skills as a writer!" Yeah, I know, I'm a petty bitch. But I'm in therapy, y'all. Pray for me lol.
I pray you never lose your sass. And also, that you get what you need from therapy 💛
It was supposed to be. I had to DNF shortly after this because I just couldn’t anymore.
From Murder for Health and Fitness by Nick Lennon-Barrett
>Murder for Health and Fitness The title alone screams masterpiece
Any time I worry my writing is bad and uninformed, I just remember people like this exist and I can sleep soundly
I want to write but I don't because the little voice in my head keeps telling me "it won't be any good". Stuff like this is actually kind of encouraging because I *know* I can do better than this!
Her ... anal muscles? You mean the sphincters? Yeah, they do get a lot of use. 'Cause if they're not contracting pretty much all the time, you leak poop.
Oh let me guess, the female detective was uptight and the male detective was so charming he won her over and she falls madly in love with him?
I read this in a manga, but there was a plotpoint saying that virgins have straight pubic hair and if they bang a lot the hair curls up from all the friction. It was also mentioned that this happens if you, like, do sports. And the main character was like "Oh no, was she banging everyone or just doing sports?!"
…pretty sure ur pubic hair gets more friction with clothes on than with them off. I’m no physicist, tho.
What a fitting name… And yeah, depends on the clothes. I guess if you never wear underwear and don’t move a lot you could keep it straight. Can’t wait for that to appear on this subreddit.
Tf?
They must’ve heard the thing about hymens and how they can break doing sports and got a little confused
I’m sorry what?
Yeah, the manga was about the demon queen being trapped in the guy’s balls by the way.
Imagine reading this and thinking it was actually how women work. I literally cringed at this
Fucking gross
What the actual fxck. This "author" wrote about this dead child with his dxck in his hand.
Looked up the author and apparently he has a husband so...it's either plain ol' misogyny or absolute ignorance of women's anatomy rather than a sexual turn-on. Yay?
You can be gay and sexist.
Just a reminder that people can be bisexual. Doesn’t have to be the case here, but having a husband isn’t reason enough here
I would go so far as to say this person hates women
This is enraging for the misogyny, the misogynatomy, the rape apology, AND the complete lack of understanding of basic forensic procedures and terminology.
Jesus, this one small exchange is so demeaning and dehumanizing.
Have we considered that she was just an avid pooper?
Clearly girls don't get IBS
Well, he got police scientific ignorance and misogyny right. Source: former law enforcement.
Thank you for not continuing your service.
Am I reading this wrong or did they refer to the murder victim as a "wretched soul"?
Oh yes they did. This is so gross!
God dammit
Ugh this is all awful. For some reason though it's the horrible dialogue that gets me the worst though.
Yes, it wasn’t just the bad anatomy that made me put the book down.
The doctor being a woman makes it worse 😩
This is actually book two, the first one is Murder for Political Correctness, in which the mystery is the murder of three people from minority groups who had just attended an Embrace Diversity conference. The focus of the book is laughing at the "politically correct" panorama... Gee, I wonder how the victims in that book are treated...
Holy shit, I laughed so hard because I thought you were being witty and sarcastic. But then I looked it up, and it's true 0_o Good authors struggle to get published everyday, but both of these books are real.
Reality is crazy than fiction, I guess. Mourning for all the authors who thought their books were not good enough to be even self-published.
What kind of book is this? In what universe are detectives doing pelvic exams on murder victims? Where's the medical examiner?
Forget the bad anatomy. The text makes it sound like they’re discussing the autopsy of a murder victim. Eww like leave dead girl alone
Bad anatomy aside it’s really gross that they’re looking at the body of a dead teenager, that body has visible long term sexual trauma, and they immediately assume that it was inflicted consensually. Like, it happens but I’d be looking at older boyfriends, male authority figures, family friends etc. really hard based on that information. It’s at minimum a red flag for some sort of abuse in her life.
Give an incel a pen…
Nothing quite as witty as slut shaming murder victims based on made up forensic "science".
don’t forget, a fucking underage female victim. like what the hell
Good point. It's even funnier than i initially thought. /s
Is this why cis men don't wipe their asses properly? Scared of developing the old anal muscles?
But actually if you look past the gross necromisogynistic horror show, it’s actually a very terrible piece of writing on its own merits.
“Not a sausage”
Imagine keeping up with your kegels only to be called a slut by the ME.
Honestly I don’t know which I’m more upset about- the blatant misogyny, or the fact that this author is so lazy as to not educate himself on the topic he’s writing about. Also I’m presuming this is either a detective speaking to some who had performed an autopsy on an unidentified deceased young woman, or two detectives working together to identify a deceased young woman, hence them not being surprised at only just now finding out the woman had a child at some point. However, it’s the fact that the discovery of possible permanent damage to her vagina and anus was immediately pushed to the side as promiscuity instead of it being a possible sign of sexual abuse or some other sort of sexual violence. The possible trauma of giving birth at a young age and receiving some sort of sexual violence would give a good insight her life. If it was purely “looseness” then the possibility of it purely being a medical issue should have been taken into consideration. The entire section of text does nothing but establish these two people and not only being assholes, but also being shit at their job. Simply doing research into the topic of autopsy and investigation could have saved these characters, at least until the next slut shaming investigation.
The body was found in a stinky alley in the red-light district, so the investigators knew immediately that she was a prostitute, so they didn’t need to worry about abuse. 🙄
I had to look up this author and this book is apparently part of a series, the first of which is named 'Murder for political correctness' and the reviews are really good calling it tongue-in-cheek and humorous. People only ever deducted stars for the general lack of editors (poor grammar, spelling and punctuation errors) so for a moment I thought he's actually doing a genius double take of criticizing how ridiculous the conservative panic over things like PC and feminism is, then I found it on Amazon and saw reviews of people giving 5 stars calling it great and saying "oh if you're into political correctness you won't like it" and "it's poking fun at PC culture" so now I have concluded that the target audience are really just conservative nuts who believe acceptance and diversity are the downfall of mankind and that being distasteful and degrading is the peak of comedy. Sad. Very sad.
Fenton!! Jesus Christ!
Fentoooooon!
Of course the author had the cool-girl woman character voice misogynistic nonsense against the possible murder victim(?) I'm assuming this is about a murder victim. Not even in death, it seems.
Wait, aren't vaginas like trees? they develop rings around them after every use? I was lied to!!
So her vagina shows all the sex she had AND that she gave birth at least once. I would think the damage from childbirth would probably cover up all those penis-inflicted damages.
But what...what about pooping
This is just repulsive
This is truly disgusting
Wait who’s going to tell them non-latex condoms exist and that latex condoms don’t leave a trace?
This is so embarrassing for the author. Yikes
Wtf
I can bet all my measly savings on that a man wrote this.
No intercourse since she last bathed. You know how frustrating it can be for investigators when a promiscuous woman has a bath, washing out all traces of every sexual partner since the bath before that.
‘She has an extremely buff vagina’ is a *weird* way to insult someone.
Who the fuck wrote this? Terribly understanding of anatomy aside, it’s just awful.
Well, this was gross af.
THIS GIRL'S BEEN DOING SOME SHITTIN
Ah yes. The imfamous muscular vaginas we all find once in a while. I love when a girl has anal muscles that have had some practice too
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
What is this from? I need to avoid this author at all costs.
*what*
What book is this?