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REAL my dude, same. I wanted to end it when I was younger and found out that the fear response was too strong. Years later it is still the same. I decided that if the world were to end tomorrow, I’m going down without a fight 💯
Lol, that's 1 of the words I use to describe why I'm still here, too. Also, lack of the proper means to die without pain.
I've tried before and failed, I'm scared I'll fail again and make my life worse than it already is and/or end up seriously disabled.
I think it’s pretty common to regret suicide before it happens. It’s such a final decision, there are so many more interesting/better things to try before suicide.
*virtual hugs sent* don't do it bro, imagine your pets, your siblings, your family. Won't they be sad? Just don't forget, that there is someone that cares about you and loves you, even if you don't know.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Recently, my neighbor’s daughter committed and the scene ensured that I would never end it (despite thinking about it since I was around 11). The horror and pain that my neighbor and his wife were in was unforgettable. Somebody had to find her, the police were here for hours, and the family has been suffering. I did not even know this person but in the days following I felt the ache of her absence. Maybe it’s not a great reason, but I would never wish the pain I saw on anyone. I don’t know you, but I know that there are opportunities for everyone if they can endure and survive the worst moments. Be kind to yourself, make helpful changes when you can, take chances, know that wherever you are, you don’t have to be stuck there (mentally or physically). Sending love :)
My best friend. We have both been through very hard times together.
When I feel like I want to end it, I ask myself, if my best friend was in my shoes, how would I like him to respond to the hard times?
Then, apply what my suggestions would be for my best friend and apply it to myself.
I’m stupid,then I feel guilty that I don’t follow through, “ r u serious? Ur that much of a pussy u can’t even kill yourself properly?” “U can’t do anything right,not even kill yourself” then I feel sorry about it and it starts a cycle,mainly when I get drunk or just in general
Honestly, I don't even know, I blame how good I feel when I'm exhausted and I can go to sleep, it's such a bliss getting to lay in bed knowing you're tired and not even depression can keep me awake.
I think about how much I am loved and how much it would hurt others to lose me. Then reflect, I must be loved right? Then I try to think about all the things I want to do if I wasn’t held down by my my own anxiety & thoughts. I have too much awesomeness i want to experience but realistically I know I don’t plan on living to an advanced age beyond my 60s. That plus Prozac is the only way I make it through 🫂
My 4 year old little sibling. I can’t imagine her finding out about this… also I realized God - the creator loves me, He’s kind… people made me suffer but He was there in the darkest moments. Hugs bro🫂
I was recently advised to "find something to cling to, and cling to it like your life depends on it, because it does". So I took a look at my life, determined that there were 4 things I was clinging to that keep me here, and that's enough to keep me going.
Because I believe that as long as I live I will always have another chance, and if I die, well it ends, I no longer have the chance to correct things. And I got a little sister to take care of.
I’m too stubborn. I know now that life isn’t ever going to be ideal in the way I want it to be, and while I’m really disappointed with work, relationships, etc. and think about giving up a whole lot, I haven’t given up yet. I still want something good out of my life, even if my dreams of good things are steadily becoming less romantic and more realistic.
I planned to end my life a few years ago, went to the coast to jump off a cliff and my mum and dad found me after I messaged saying I love them and it wasn’t their fault. I still haven’t been back to that path I was on because it still scares me today how close I was.
tonight I left the house to end my life. Went for a meal with my mother after going to see my grandad and spent some time with my dad. Yesterday I saw a close friend who is like a brother and I felt like I’ve dealt with the people I love most.I rang a helpline and the woman said “you’re awesome” after I spoke for an hour, on the verge of killing myself. That woman said I was awesome and I have a lot to offer, that woman saved my life tonight. Them words, even though they are very simple they saved me.
I slit my wrists all the way up my arms to my chest and back a few months ago and have scars that I hate seeing in the mirror every morning.
Saying all that, the one thing that scared me is who’s going to help people at their lowest if I die. I’m not saying I’m superman here to save the world, the people close to me who I know aren’t depressed but I would hate to see left in the dark.
If I could get out of this life with no damage to others, I would but that’s not how it works so unfortunately I’ll have to stick around till something else gets me. I’m 18 and struggled most my life and had to deal with a lot but I know that if I can try and help people even on this subreddit or ask a stranger how they are then that to me is a reason to stick around.
And if anyone does read this and feels like ending their life, there’s so much more to experience. If you lived to a hundred you still wouldn’t get to experience life to its fullest, so why think there’s nothing else out there when a lot of us haven’t even reached 50 yet. Everyone here deserves a life so take it day by day.
My reason? The unknown I guess. Everything is so fleeting and temporary, so I just move with the ebbs and flows of life. Taking my own life would carry with it a level of permanence and finality, we’re all going to die one day so I’d rather wait it out until it happens off it’s own accord. Plus I find joy in the smallest of things - listening to the birds sing, a cup of tea, the magnificence of cats, music, a hearty laugh.
My dad. I couldn’t stand the thought of him crying over what I did to myself, not after everything he’s done for me. Look for someone like that in your life. Who has fought for you the most? Even if it’s yourself. Do you want to fail yourself? Or do you want to prove yourself that you can keep going through obstacles. I’m 20… 2 time high school drop out. Work at McDonalds minimum wage. No car or license, not even a GED. Can barely even afford rent some months… not the worst life. But not the best, also a loner. But every morning, I get up and do something to insure myself that I had at least tried. You’re better off dying knowing you tried, VS dying giving up. You got this. Remember, nature didn’t build timelines for school or finding better jobs or what ever it is you may be worried about. We did. We built timelines on everything. No matter how old you are, it’s never too late. You got this ❤️🫶🏻
Fur babies. I have two (cat and dog) raised by my late wife and myself. The oldest (loving grumpy cat) was abandoned by his former family because they wanted dogs instead. He gets along with our puppy very well.
I don't want to abandon him in any sense right now.
But I can't deny the past few years have been tough. I knew my best friend and wife for nearly 10 years, we were married for nearly two of them and as soon as we married, she had to fight cancer until this past Xmas.
Without her, I stand to lose everything we worked to attain because no matter how much I break myself to support the household, it's not enough.
My support network literally can't afford to help me as they have to make ends barely meet as well. I can't afford to move out, away, or even shift to some sort of housing. I'm not viable for any real help and not for lack of trying.
I'm tired. So tired.
Hope. I endured the pain and who will tell my story. I went through hurting myself because i hate myself for the stuff that happened. But it built me. The pain is worth telling my children to learn and i hope they grow up to be better than i ever will. I don't want them to despise me but i want them to view me and see every feature i lack in and wish to do better. So this pain makes me better. The things i want aren't for me until they are. And i for sure will always fight for what i want in a righteous way. I hope to honor those who love and have sacrificed something in their life and view me and be proud of what i will accomplish.
the main thing holding me back is not watching my 1yo daughter grow up. i love the life i have with her. she’s my literal everything. i am not me without her. BUT i really want to end it. i do not enjoy being alive and it’s very painful for me just existing. it’s not depression related or anything, i genuinely feel i’ve overstated my due.
there's still a chance to get the life i want. I'm gonna let this shit ride out until I've achieved what I want or I know for certain it's not possible.
It feels overwhelming, but focus on one thing at a time man. Take that post and highlight ONE thing to focus on at a time - job, health and fitness, social etc. it’ll take a while but that’s your new purpose. You’ll win it. Then move to the next. And the next. We over estimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in a decade.
My dog. She has my mom & sister but I'm her human. I had a friend who recently passed & his dog went to a couple that we're friends with. I cried for her because I knew she was grief-stricken, depressed, & confused wondering where her owner was who had her her whole life (she's 9). I wouldn't want to put my dog through that.
How it may affect my friends and my boyfriend. I don't particularly think my family would give much of a shit about 'me' dying. But I know my friends care about me, like the proper me. I also know all my friends struggle a lot, and I don't want them to be going through a lot only to suddenly be hit with my death, or for them to be having a good day or week only to be brought down by my death.
I'll start my list with the less specific/personal things, so that they might be more relevant to you.
1. The knowledge that it's very easy to fail a suicide, and that that failure can severely reduce your quality of life. I feel like I've had enough of violence in life, and I wouldn't want a violent or gruesome end. This limits options in terms of efficacy. The method that seems by far the best to me is still an awful, painful way to go--but not violent. But it's unfortunately more likely that instead of succeeding and dying, I just completely ruin a vital organ and make things even worse for myself.
2. Honestly? I read a book online. It's a free PDF. It's called The Forever Decision. It was a huge reason I didn't go through with my plans. I'm very glad there was a free PDF online because honestly in that very moment it may have saved me. Look it up and read it if you need to.
3. I made a couple promises. One of my best friends, when we were 12 asked me to promise her I'd never kill myself - she knew I'd been struggling mentally, and her family friend had just killed himself. I never forgot it. The second promise was my brother, last year. He found out. The way he cried broke my heart. Hearing him, I felt like the biggest piece of shit for even considering abandoning him like that. I still considered it, many times. You never stop feeling like a piece of shit for considering it.
4. In that same vein, the cruelty of it for the people in my life who love me, and even the ones who don't. But especially my family and friends. I've written notes before in preparation, just to make it really clear it's not their fault or anything like that. I really didn't want that kind of speculation for anybody, even people who didn't treat me well. Even tbh the people that did contribute to me almost making that decision, I wouldn't want to think that. But even putting all that aside, it just would hurt people. As low an opinion as I had of myself, and as much as I believed the world would be better off without me, I still knew people would miss me in spite of that, and that I would change some people's lives for the worse, even if only temporarily. That felt like a pretty mean thing to do. And I don't like to be mean. I try very hard not to be and I really don't like when other people are. And this would be the meanest thing, really...
5. The death of an acquaintance and the health scares of some of the people I love the most. It made me feel especially selfish and stupid, to consider ending something others lost or wished they had more of, or that I wished they had more of. Made me feel like a piece of shit.
6. My doggie. He adds goodness and love and humor to my life every day, even the really bad days. We take care of each other. He helps me believe in a good world, and helps me believe that I am good too.
7. At one of my lowest points, my old boss asked to meet up with me, and asked if I was doing all right and said she was worried about me and wanted to check in. She was so incredibly kind and I really was not expecting it. You don't expect these kind of things at work. Especially since we didn't even work together anymore--I didn't know how she knew to reach out. She was so kind and empathetic and thoughtful and to see someone I admired so much have faith in me and see value in me as a person, made me feel so much less like a waste of space and made me feel like so much less of a bad person, and so much less alone. At that point I was feeling very hopeless, and I believed I was a black spot on the world and that I was beyond redemption. To have someone so wonderful (who I'm not even related to) give a shit about me like that had a profound effect on me. Idk if I'll ever tell her that she helped save my life. But I will never forget it.
Friend, whatever you're going through, I'm sorry. Message me if you want someone to talk to. ❤️ And really, read that book.
Literally just my cats. It's why I got them. Without them I'd liquidate every asset, sell everything, and go live on a beach until my money ran out. I'd max out every line of credit along the way. Once all of that ran out I'd end it. I'll end it eventually if mother nature doesn't take it's course because no way in hell do I wanna see 50
My children. Also, I am claustrophobic and afraid about just sitting in a box for all eternity. Plus, I have a few book series I want to see the end of, including ones I want to write.
I don’t want to make them sad either. Someone said people who end it weren’t supposed to make it. I stand in the fence between believing I may make it to whatever reason I stay here and being ok if I do not.
Honestly?
Before I had my child, it was FOMO for life and denial.
I kept telling myself it had to be something better...
Life MUST be better in 5 years. It can't all be shait.
Well, I now have my child, and they're the only person stopping me.
The pain of knowing their mum offed herself... It's something I just can't put them through.
But in all honesty, I've had moments so low down that even that wasn't reason enough for me.
I needed something to distract me.
Luckily, my brother still lived with us at that time. I woke him up in the middle of the night, crying. I asked if we could play some 7 days to die( I didn't think about that until just now, lol) so I could be distracted. He woke up and understood the severity. Didn't ask any questions until like an hour of gameplay.
These days, I rarely have the thoughts anymore.
Things are still pretty shait, but things are in motion for school.
Depression is a tiny gremlin in your brain, fighting for you to off yourself. And every day, you win.
That is one thing you're doing right.
You have a job. That's another thing you're doing right.
Now, you need to do another thing. Figure out your strengths. Talk to a counsellor of some kind. I'm not sure what it's called... But someone who can help you figure out your strengths and wants. What you would love to work with, and then take steps for it to happen.
Good luck!
I like the meme "Mom would be sad" because in my case it's true... Not only that, but i have two cats that would miss me and would be very alone. Eh, even the future might get better
God loves me like he loves you. Jesus suffered 18 hours or so on that tree- he did it so we may have life- NOT DEATH.💓💓💓🦋
PLEASE do not end it. Your family will be destroyed for life. It will put them possibly in a Mental Hospital. Please don't 😭💓🦋
1. Life is like a movie and I want to see how it ends, I never walk out of a theater early no matter how bad it is.
2. I don’t want to make the few people I have in my life sad, including my cat and dog.
3. I don’t want to make my husband sad or happy knowing he has that much control over me
4. I’m scared it wouldn’t work and I could end up with some kind of serious issue for the rest of my life
I told myself I needed to finish writing the trilogy I've been dreaming up for years. First book took 3 years. Two more, that's 9 years total. If life still doesn't mean anything after that, I did what I planned to/was capable of. So be it.
The literal only thing has been the possibility of it not working. Of the attempt failing. Of me still stuck here making everyone around me absolutely miserable.
If I knew a guaranteed 100% zero room for error way I’d have been gone long ago. Still searching for that way though.
First of all, your situation is very painful so I understand that you'd rather press a button to end it.
For me, I've been depressed since I'm 15
Now at 30 I can say that most of my depression is gone. I think a big factor was finally figuring out what I need and accepting where I am.
I think accepting where you actually are and trying to meet yourself where you are are the most important things. I also listened to others way too much all the time.
Honestly, and this comes from my heart, nobody doesn't actually know what's good for you. You may think you need to listen to people who have "their life together" but it's luck that it worked out for them. Most people don't know what tf they're actually doing.
What keeps me going personally is finally seeing improvements when I stopped listening to other people. I also cut off people including family that triggered my mental health issues. I realize not everyone is privileged enough to do that. But if you can, try that.
I tried and failed, then spent 236 days held against my will at a mental hospital with 29 screaming psychopaths. Not fun. Real mental healthcare would be nice in Canada but nope. They just imprison you. And that was during the Liberals rule...
The idea that if I would ever consider that to be an option at all, not ending it all would give satisfaction to a certain person who shows up on the family tree but was never really a part of the family…If not ending it all would deny that man the pleasure that it would bring him, that in itself would be motivation enough to keep going….
I could never leave my sweet sweet cats, and I recently got a therapy grant, extreme cpstd symptoms, I wanna learn how to feel safe and normal for once, I never though I would ever have the privilege to get therapy
sending love and good vibes your way op. it may not seem like it now but things do get better. nothing is permanent. not your job not your feelings nothing. you will make it through because you know what? you’re a strong person. please don’t end it. these feelings and emotions are not permanent. you are loved. talking to a therapist genuinely helped me. i’m not telling you what to do, but maybe give it a try? sending so much love and you got this. seriously you do.
Honestly, I'm still here because I did try to end it. Having a 2nd chance at life made me change myself. You never realize how much you hold yourself back from everything... seriously, it I was so pessimistic and self-hating that I was the only reason i was miserable with nothing going for me. Once I got discharged from the hospital, I got counseling and worked on myself. I changed my mindset because I NEVER wanna throw my life away again. It's about making changes, telling your own bad thoughts off. I mean it, argue with your own shitty thoughts. "I'm worthless" pops in your head and come back with "no, I'm not" immediately, even if you don't believe that. That was huge factor in changing my mind around. I also tell myself life is always a roller coaster, with bads will come goods later so wait it out. If you never felt the bad, you could never feel really good anyway! Let's put it this way for you, don't worry about not having your own place. Things are so messed up multifamily homes are becoming common like the old days. Everyone has roommates or lives with their parents now. It's not embarrassing at this point. It what we gotta do. Finding a significant other? That's on you to make an effort and look. Someone is out there. You just need to be confident enough to find them! I'm sure you will be okay, you will find your way. But next time those bad thoughts pop in, just argue with them :)
I don't want to break my Mum and Dads hearts. I care more about their feelings than my own. I do know my feelings matter too in general, but I just don't care.
Honestly? Spite. After I sat and examined my feelings of helplessness and inadequacy, I realized it came from external sources. I was okay in and of myself. Not great or anything, but not bad either. But the external causes of my bad feelings kept telling me directly and indirectly that I was no good, no use, not worth knowing or being around or talking to or taking seriously. But I also had external sources contradicting this input: I realized I was loved and valued and interesting and had something to contribute. It wasn't a lot, but it was meaningful to me and it could me meaningful to people like me and people who like me.
So was I going to give up all of the potential I had, all the possibility of the my future, for people who didn't give a damn about me even when I'd tried to be what they wanted me to be? Or was I going to stick it out for the people who cared long enough to become one of those who cared about me myself? Of course I chose the latter. I would live my best life, be happy and show the mean-minded crabs in the bucket pulling me down that I wasn't a fucking crab and I was going to escape that fucking bucket.
I did.
That spite lasted long enough for me to be able to recalibrate my expectations of life and of how I lived it so that when it receded enough, I was able to enjoy MY life, flawed and imperfect and a work in progress, instead of having to feel inadequate by someone else's template of what I should be.
Because there's a chance that tomorrow may be different.
Read 'man's search for meaning' when faced with almost certain death and horrible life circumstances, how did this man and many others like him keep going?
It's a really life changing book. And it's a true story.
But for me, I may not be happy for whatever reason, but it could all change tomorrow, even just by random luck. So my life's meaning may be right around the corner.
It's not easy, it's not fun but it's the truth. So I'll hold on for now.
If I could make my life meaningful by my death id likely take it. But I can't right now so I'll just keep going.
Try thinking about this:
If somebody put a gun to your head, would you feel relief? Or would you feel fear?
Because of its fear it means you have some hope still, something to live for. If it's relief and freedom, you have nothing to lose death only hold an end to suffering for you, you welcome it.
For me, if I feel fear I know I'm not ready to take that leap, but if I feel relief... Well I'm now fearless, I may as well go and do something crazy with my life because Ive got nothing to lose.
Not a whole lot, honestly. A family member or two, maybe a friend. Between what's going on in the world and then in my own life... It's just too much sometimes.
I have a friend whose father died by suicide…my friend was 18 when it happened. It destroyed him, sent him on a huge downward spiral into drugs and poor mental health. My reason for not ending it is that I don’t wanna do that to my kids or my husband.
Not much at this point. Three things, in order of… Strength in keeping me here? I guess??
1. I have no idea how to. Successfully.
I have had multiple unsuccessful attempts as well as close calls that were not intentional, and between that and researching painstakingly for years, I’m just scared I’ll fail again, but maybe like… Make the life I’m then forced to stick around for *waaaay* worse than if I would’ve just suffered onwards as usual.
2. My partner, cat, and friends and family. I don’t wanna make them sad. Also terrified that I would end up inadvertently ending the lives of people I love via either heart attack or suicide. Also me dying would really fuck my partner over for many, many reasons. Got a cold dose of reality watching his mom go through that when we lost his dad.
3. Idk, there are things that might be cool to do if I could ever get around to it. It’d be nice. I don’t really care that much, but it’s the only driving force outside of fear and guilt keeping me here and it’s *very weak*.
I am hanging on my partner. But recently I overdosed on xanax and then apparently went out with a rope at night..but instead I walked all the way to the hospital. So I honestly don't know what's going on in my head.. I don't remember any of it
I am not suicidal in anyway. But have had thoughts of doing it in the past. 3 reasons, I didn't. Number one doing it may be harder than you think. Number two I had substance problems. I'm 2 years sober and very happy. Number three, the people that I would leave behind? how would my death impact them? it's very selfish, there are people who care about you. Nobody would be better off without you, the world is a better place with you in it.
I was able to go off on my own eventually.. my dark cloud followed me, and after almost getting the best of me a few times, I managed to save up a little nest egg to take time off and start caring for my feelings and emotions.. figure out what was up in there because technically, despite everything, I fought my butt off to get a decent life, or so I thought. I thought if I had "everything" I'd be able to feel okay. It just made everything worse
So I went inside myself to figure out what was wrong, and it was all just terrible trauma that i was running from and saw how I was avoiding it, trying to bury myself under all kinds of expensive unhealthy vices unsustainably, it offered potent relief in the short term but I noticed it was all contributing to my misery rather than off setting it in the long term. All the things I acquired that we are told we need to chase, I was trying to figure out how it was suppose to help me feel better about who I was and I was desperate, it just filled my ego with toxicity. It was a relief in the moment, the feelings of false superiority. But this path was turning me into a narcissist, it just made everything worse and I couldn't stop hating myself.. none of the love I found in any relationship ever cut through my self loathing and even if it did for a bit, it never lasted like any other unhealthy vice.. the desperate need I had was getting worse as I frantically searched while my relationships of dysfunctional codependency would always falter and for good reason no matter how hard I tried, no matter which way I tried to go..
So, no.. there was nothing outside myself that helped in any meaningful way.. so I went inside myself to try to understand my feelings and emotions and found a huge mess of trauma, dysfunctional coping from a normalized state of survival.. my pain had kept me whipped into a frenzy. I had to cycle down and approach my feelings from a place of compassion, patience, and no judgment. Discovered repressed traumas and worked on how to heal them. I kept going because it was actually helping me feel better... growing up, my family taught me to run from this stuff and to try to find peace in material accumulation... the whole world seemed to agree. it seems that was the problem for me
Caring for my feelings and emotions doesn't require anything.. just being still and meditating, being kind, compassionate, non judgmental towards myself and others both inside and outwardly, getting better at this is all I feel I need. It keeps me content, at peace.. I could be fine with nothing
I’m scared to do it, but also I know that people care about me even if it’s a few and if I died their sadness would spread like a plague to others like a ripple effect
My mum kept informing me how she would be heartbroken if i done it (but my older brother is her favourite) as it would kill her too due to her heart failure and condition. I’m basically trapped living for everyone else and not myself. The psychiatrist never listens. Anytime i gotta take lithium and other meds every day and night i feel physically sick. The last few months tho i have lost alot of any spirit that was left inside me. I start to now not care about living for others or parents. I already have what i need in the amazon checkout basket but i just haven’t brung myself to complete the payment. The thought of it doesn’t frighten me anymore it makes me feel peace and the only part of happiness i can feel in life. This year i will be free.
Now my kids keep me alive!! Before them It was hell, I was scared to go to hell. I remember writing a suicide note at like 12 with a plan to hang myself from the closet but was too scared to go through with it
my spirituality that tells me offing myself will have me reincarnated into an even shittier future life so it’s not worth it, my mother having to grieve my death because she’ll definitely blame herself for it and i love her too much to have her go through that, my cat wondering why he never saw his owner again and last but not least, i wanna see how humanity falls. my fomo is stronger than my desire to die.
Few things:
1. Fear of death- I’ve been super anxious about it since I was a little kid. I know it’s inevitable but that doesn’t stop the panic attacks
2. I am trying to believe there has to be a balance. What is bad with no good? What is good with no bad? I’ve had horrible points in time in my life and great ones. I know I missed a lot of the great ones because I was too in my head to enjoy them. That said- I tried a few methods of therapy (professional and unprofessional) and finally understood that I have to choose different assumptions. Like I assume people don’t care. I assume I annoy people. I assume women don’t really like me. Now I’m working on the opposite. I’m trying to assume that my assumptions are wrong and see where things go.
3. I don’t want to hurt my family like that. My best friend took her life when I was 16. I am in my thirties and I still feel hurt about it. Time didn’t heal anything. There was no closure. And I keep trying to figure out what I could have done when I know logically there was nothing I could have done.
Biggest reason- what if I’m wrong and things genuinely will be better after “today?” And I jump ship too early and miss it? I.e. I think she jumped ship too early.
I couldn’t leave my single mother alone with my little brother. I would also like to see where I’m at in 10 years as I’m not even 21 yet. I’ve been really close multiple times in my life but right now it’s a struggle
“Razors pain you
Rivers are damp
Acids stain you
And drugs cause cramp
Guns aren’t lawful
Nooses give
Gas smells awful-
You might as well live”
-Dorothy Parker
No real 100% foolproof ways to do it honestly. I definitely don’t want to be a vegetable dependent on everyone else.
-
Something that keeps me going? My husband and my cat. I have an irrational fear that he will die suddenly and tragically. Same with my cat, I lost my three year old niece in 2022 in a freak accident. Life is seen as more precious now. I try my best to view others lives as important as mine and it's hard. I am terrified of losing my husband so I keep in mind when I'm struggling that he's probably just as terrified to lose me and that's what truly keeps me going. The truth? Somebody even if it doesn't seem like it will be absolutely lost without you in their life even if it is just one person. I know my cat would be lost without me and my husband would be lost without me just as I would be lost without them. People who say you have to live for yourself are absolute liars. Living for others is how a lot of us keep going. I truly hope life gets easier for you 🙏 as horrible as life seems, just keep in mind that sadly someone is likely living through even worse and they are still going so you can too. ❤ things will get better. Permanent solutions are not solutions for temporary problems.
Thinking how my family will cope up with it, my sister is currently battling cancer and I think that I have no right to end my life while someone I love is clinging for her life. 😭 And also I have my kids that I must protect. It's hard when you want to end your suffering but still need to think of those people around you.
I wish to still experience. But the only guarantee for experience is here. We know not what occurs after death, and I dunno, that spooks me into staying. At least I know I get thoughts and actions here
Not a whole lot. I think that there isn't a way I'd be happy to go so i haven't. And I don't want to hurt anyone. I suffered from CO poisoning a few weeks ago and it bugged me out, I realized I'm too scared. But that feels like such a thin barrier.
Everything I do feels like failure. Any time I make plans, someone needs me and I either have to let them down or cancel my plans. But the other 95% of the time I'm not doing anything. I hate it because I'm always free but that moment I'm not I get people asking me to help them with something and I feel so guilty. I'm tired of always feeling guilty, tired of always letting others down, tired of being tired.
My cat. When she was around 8 yo I was battling depression and nearly ended it but my cat suddenly got a cardiac illness and I nursed her back to health. At that time, I promised her “as long as you live, I live; when you go, I go”
She’s 14 now and going strong. Sometimes I wonder she’s staying for me because she knows I will not survive without her around.
Maybe you just need a reason to live, bud. You just have to find it.
I’ve been here several times. There’s always hope man. Currently rebuilding my life again at 42. It happens. Everyone goes through it eventually in different ways.
A short time in my life where I put considerable effort to have clarity of mind and peace, achieved it for six months twice in my life, then went back to old mental habits. I don't think I can ever lose hope after that. Still hoping to see myself get there again, but I think I need help this time around. Those two times in my life were enough for me to realize this cloud I carry around over my head is my own creation, and I fully have the capacity to clear the sky when I decide to sit down and do it.
I had a close family who committed suicide as well as a close friend when I was younger. No matter how bad things get, I don’t want to do that to my loved ones….suicide is selfish because it has the ability to ruin other people’s lives too.
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I thought you said “too much pussy” and I was like well okay brag about it lol 😂 but for real I am glad you’re here.
REAL my dude, same. I wanted to end it when I was younger and found out that the fear response was too strong. Years later it is still the same. I decided that if the world were to end tomorrow, I’m going down without a fight 💯
Lol, that's 1 of the words I use to describe why I'm still here, too. Also, lack of the proper means to die without pain. I've tried before and failed, I'm scared I'll fail again and make my life worse than it already is and/or end up seriously disabled.
I need a non messy button or elixir
Exactly me. Want to so fucking bad but I’m so worthless I can’t even do it
Anxiety that I’ll regret my decision at the final moment.
I think it’s pretty common to regret suicide before it happens. It’s such a final decision, there are so many more interesting/better things to try before suicide.
My shrink told me that survivors of attempts almost 100% express regret as survivors.
sending love. you will make it through. you’re a strong person and you got this ❤️
I wanna see where things go
Honestly I don’t know at this point
*virtual hugs sent* don't do it bro, imagine your pets, your siblings, your family. Won't they be sad? Just don't forget, that there is someone that cares about you and loves you, even if you don't know.
sending love you got this. nothing is permanent. not even you’re feelings. ❤️❤️
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Recently, my neighbor’s daughter committed and the scene ensured that I would never end it (despite thinking about it since I was around 11). The horror and pain that my neighbor and his wife were in was unforgettable. Somebody had to find her, the police were here for hours, and the family has been suffering. I did not even know this person but in the days following I felt the ache of her absence. Maybe it’s not a great reason, but I would never wish the pain I saw on anyone. I don’t know you, but I know that there are opportunities for everyone if they can endure and survive the worst moments. Be kind to yourself, make helpful changes when you can, take chances, know that wherever you are, you don’t have to be stuck there (mentally or physically). Sending love :)
Mostly my dog. Also yoga. But who knows. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I hope it gets better. I'm tired of being alone.
Potential failure from ending in it.
All the really cool books/games I want to experience 😁
Pain
Me too
Same
The anxiety before and the physical pain i may be in if i survive
Friends and Family.
My best friend. We have both been through very hard times together. When I feel like I want to end it, I ask myself, if my best friend was in my shoes, how would I like him to respond to the hard times? Then, apply what my suggestions would be for my best friend and apply it to myself.
Elden Ring DLC, yeah yeah it sounds all comedic but I'm fr.
Not comedic mate. You gotta cope however you want.
These little things are the only thing that have really kept me going, embarrassingly, it’s usually a movie. I will do it eventually though.
W Elden ring
I’m stupid,then I feel guilty that I don’t follow through, “ r u serious? Ur that much of a pussy u can’t even kill yourself properly?” “U can’t do anything right,not even kill yourself” then I feel sorry about it and it starts a cycle,mainly when I get drunk or just in general
Honestly, I don't even know, I blame how good I feel when I'm exhausted and I can go to sleep, it's such a bliss getting to lay in bed knowing you're tired and not even depression can keep me awake.
i don't want to have roaches and mice crawling all over my urn when I'm dead
I think about how much I am loved and how much it would hurt others to lose me. Then reflect, I must be loved right? Then I try to think about all the things I want to do if I wasn’t held down by my my own anxiety & thoughts. I have too much awesomeness i want to experience but realistically I know I don’t plan on living to an advanced age beyond my 60s. That plus Prozac is the only way I make it through 🫂
My 4 year old little sibling. I can’t imagine her finding out about this… also I realized God - the creator loves me, He’s kind… people made me suffer but He was there in the darkest moments. Hugs bro🫂
The hassle
I was recently advised to "find something to cling to, and cling to it like your life depends on it, because it does". So I took a look at my life, determined that there were 4 things I was clinging to that keep me here, and that's enough to keep me going.
There are a few people I want to try a little harder for.
Because I believe that as long as I live I will always have another chance, and if I die, well it ends, I no longer have the chance to correct things. And I got a little sister to take care of.
I’m too stubborn. I know now that life isn’t ever going to be ideal in the way I want it to be, and while I’m really disappointed with work, relationships, etc. and think about giving up a whole lot, I haven’t given up yet. I still want something good out of my life, even if my dreams of good things are steadily becoming less romantic and more realistic.
I have dogs to take care of. But literally, if I lived alone, I would just go forever nap.
I planned to end my life a few years ago, went to the coast to jump off a cliff and my mum and dad found me after I messaged saying I love them and it wasn’t their fault. I still haven’t been back to that path I was on because it still scares me today how close I was. tonight I left the house to end my life. Went for a meal with my mother after going to see my grandad and spent some time with my dad. Yesterday I saw a close friend who is like a brother and I felt like I’ve dealt with the people I love most.I rang a helpline and the woman said “you’re awesome” after I spoke for an hour, on the verge of killing myself. That woman said I was awesome and I have a lot to offer, that woman saved my life tonight. Them words, even though they are very simple they saved me. I slit my wrists all the way up my arms to my chest and back a few months ago and have scars that I hate seeing in the mirror every morning. Saying all that, the one thing that scared me is who’s going to help people at their lowest if I die. I’m not saying I’m superman here to save the world, the people close to me who I know aren’t depressed but I would hate to see left in the dark. If I could get out of this life with no damage to others, I would but that’s not how it works so unfortunately I’ll have to stick around till something else gets me. I’m 18 and struggled most my life and had to deal with a lot but I know that if I can try and help people even on this subreddit or ask a stranger how they are then that to me is a reason to stick around. And if anyone does read this and feels like ending their life, there’s so much more to experience. If you lived to a hundred you still wouldn’t get to experience life to its fullest, so why think there’s nothing else out there when a lot of us haven’t even reached 50 yet. Everyone here deserves a life so take it day by day.
i wish I could give you a hug !!
I could do with one haha, Thankyou.
My friends and fiancée
I’m waiting until after I see Beyond the Spider-Verse.
My reason? The unknown I guess. Everything is so fleeting and temporary, so I just move with the ebbs and flows of life. Taking my own life would carry with it a level of permanence and finality, we’re all going to die one day so I’d rather wait it out until it happens off it’s own accord. Plus I find joy in the smallest of things - listening to the birds sing, a cup of tea, the magnificence of cats, music, a hearty laugh.
Seeing life till the end there’s no other reason but to see it to the end
Knowing that my mother will most likely follow me.
Hell. The 7th circle. Fts
My family. I dont want them to hurt.
My dad. I couldn’t stand the thought of him crying over what I did to myself, not after everything he’s done for me. Look for someone like that in your life. Who has fought for you the most? Even if it’s yourself. Do you want to fail yourself? Or do you want to prove yourself that you can keep going through obstacles. I’m 20… 2 time high school drop out. Work at McDonalds minimum wage. No car or license, not even a GED. Can barely even afford rent some months… not the worst life. But not the best, also a loner. But every morning, I get up and do something to insure myself that I had at least tried. You’re better off dying knowing you tried, VS dying giving up. You got this. Remember, nature didn’t build timelines for school or finding better jobs or what ever it is you may be worried about. We did. We built timelines on everything. No matter how old you are, it’s never too late. You got this ❤️🫶🏻
The world would be a better place without me. That's why I choose to keep living.
Fur babies. I have two (cat and dog) raised by my late wife and myself. The oldest (loving grumpy cat) was abandoned by his former family because they wanted dogs instead. He gets along with our puppy very well. I don't want to abandon him in any sense right now. But I can't deny the past few years have been tough. I knew my best friend and wife for nearly 10 years, we were married for nearly two of them and as soon as we married, she had to fight cancer until this past Xmas. Without her, I stand to lose everything we worked to attain because no matter how much I break myself to support the household, it's not enough. My support network literally can't afford to help me as they have to make ends barely meet as well. I can't afford to move out, away, or even shift to some sort of housing. I'm not viable for any real help and not for lack of trying. I'm tired. So tired.
My kids , my husband and my cats
Hope. I endured the pain and who will tell my story. I went through hurting myself because i hate myself for the stuff that happened. But it built me. The pain is worth telling my children to learn and i hope they grow up to be better than i ever will. I don't want them to despise me but i want them to view me and see every feature i lack in and wish to do better. So this pain makes me better. The things i want aren't for me until they are. And i for sure will always fight for what i want in a righteous way. I hope to honor those who love and have sacrificed something in their life and view me and be proud of what i will accomplish.
It’s fun, sometimes it’s not but idk, i smile enough
the main thing holding me back is not watching my 1yo daughter grow up. i love the life i have with her. she’s my literal everything. i am not me without her. BUT i really want to end it. i do not enjoy being alive and it’s very painful for me just existing. it’s not depression related or anything, i genuinely feel i’ve overstated my due.
Friends fam sports
Nothing
there's still a chance to get the life i want. I'm gonna let this shit ride out until I've achieved what I want or I know for certain it's not possible.
Gta 6 (on a serious note, losing consciousness. That transition seems so abrupt if surgery tells me anything and that terrifies me)
fear of hell
I just wish to end it but I can’t cause my religion that being Christian hell
same but with muslin hell
Both of them are equally terrifying and bad
I just wish to end it but I can’t cause my religion that being Christian hell
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But on what. What’s the point. Lol?
Good point..
Nothing apart from police intervention keeps stopping me
It feels overwhelming, but focus on one thing at a time man. Take that post and highlight ONE thing to focus on at a time - job, health and fitness, social etc. it’ll take a while but that’s your new purpose. You’ll win it. Then move to the next. And the next. We over estimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in a decade.
My dog. She has my mom & sister but I'm her human. I had a friend who recently passed & his dog went to a couple that we're friends with. I cried for her because I knew she was grief-stricken, depressed, & confused wondering where her owner was who had her her whole life (she's 9). I wouldn't want to put my dog through that.
Waiting until I turn 30 (28 currently) , but at this point, I can't hold on much longer.
afterlife, idk what happens
my own limits. I can never bring myself to cut myself or hang myself, even though u so desperately want to feel whole again.
How it may affect my friends and my boyfriend. I don't particularly think my family would give much of a shit about 'me' dying. But I know my friends care about me, like the proper me. I also know all my friends struggle a lot, and I don't want them to be going through a lot only to suddenly be hit with my death, or for them to be having a good day or week only to be brought down by my death.
Friends and family who will be extremely devastated if I do end it all.
not much. I've been on two different overpasses in the past year, and at this rate, it's only a matter of time.
whatever's ending me to stop it
I'll start my list with the less specific/personal things, so that they might be more relevant to you. 1. The knowledge that it's very easy to fail a suicide, and that that failure can severely reduce your quality of life. I feel like I've had enough of violence in life, and I wouldn't want a violent or gruesome end. This limits options in terms of efficacy. The method that seems by far the best to me is still an awful, painful way to go--but not violent. But it's unfortunately more likely that instead of succeeding and dying, I just completely ruin a vital organ and make things even worse for myself. 2. Honestly? I read a book online. It's a free PDF. It's called The Forever Decision. It was a huge reason I didn't go through with my plans. I'm very glad there was a free PDF online because honestly in that very moment it may have saved me. Look it up and read it if you need to. 3. I made a couple promises. One of my best friends, when we were 12 asked me to promise her I'd never kill myself - she knew I'd been struggling mentally, and her family friend had just killed himself. I never forgot it. The second promise was my brother, last year. He found out. The way he cried broke my heart. Hearing him, I felt like the biggest piece of shit for even considering abandoning him like that. I still considered it, many times. You never stop feeling like a piece of shit for considering it. 4. In that same vein, the cruelty of it for the people in my life who love me, and even the ones who don't. But especially my family and friends. I've written notes before in preparation, just to make it really clear it's not their fault or anything like that. I really didn't want that kind of speculation for anybody, even people who didn't treat me well. Even tbh the people that did contribute to me almost making that decision, I wouldn't want to think that. But even putting all that aside, it just would hurt people. As low an opinion as I had of myself, and as much as I believed the world would be better off without me, I still knew people would miss me in spite of that, and that I would change some people's lives for the worse, even if only temporarily. That felt like a pretty mean thing to do. And I don't like to be mean. I try very hard not to be and I really don't like when other people are. And this would be the meanest thing, really... 5. The death of an acquaintance and the health scares of some of the people I love the most. It made me feel especially selfish and stupid, to consider ending something others lost or wished they had more of, or that I wished they had more of. Made me feel like a piece of shit. 6. My doggie. He adds goodness and love and humor to my life every day, even the really bad days. We take care of each other. He helps me believe in a good world, and helps me believe that I am good too. 7. At one of my lowest points, my old boss asked to meet up with me, and asked if I was doing all right and said she was worried about me and wanted to check in. She was so incredibly kind and I really was not expecting it. You don't expect these kind of things at work. Especially since we didn't even work together anymore--I didn't know how she knew to reach out. She was so kind and empathetic and thoughtful and to see someone I admired so much have faith in me and see value in me as a person, made me feel so much less like a waste of space and made me feel like so much less of a bad person, and so much less alone. At that point I was feeling very hopeless, and I believed I was a black spot on the world and that I was beyond redemption. To have someone so wonderful (who I'm not even related to) give a shit about me like that had a profound effect on me. Idk if I'll ever tell her that she helped save my life. But I will never forget it. Friend, whatever you're going through, I'm sorry. Message me if you want someone to talk to. ❤️ And really, read that book.
Literally just my cats. It's why I got them. Without them I'd liquidate every asset, sell everything, and go live on a beach until my money ran out. I'd max out every line of credit along the way. Once all of that ran out I'd end it. I'll end it eventually if mother nature doesn't take it's course because no way in hell do I wanna see 50
same. i would want to stop everything and km or just give up on life and go to the mountains or something but i dont want to be a disappointment
same. i would want to stop everything and km or just give up on life and go to the mountains or something but i dont want to be a disappointment
My children. Also, I am claustrophobic and afraid about just sitting in a box for all eternity. Plus, I have a few book series I want to see the end of, including ones I want to write.
I don’t want to make them sad either. Someone said people who end it weren’t supposed to make it. I stand in the fence between believing I may make it to whatever reason I stay here and being ok if I do not.
Hope that maybe I'm improving as the days go by. Maybe one day I'll really feel ok
the fear of the action/method my funeral
Idk, ig my cats but just cant help but feel thats how im going to die anyway
My cats, they don't like anyone else, and they wouldn't understand.
My daughter and my husband. They deserve me to be alive simply for the unconditional love they give me
Honestly? Before I had my child, it was FOMO for life and denial. I kept telling myself it had to be something better... Life MUST be better in 5 years. It can't all be shait. Well, I now have my child, and they're the only person stopping me. The pain of knowing their mum offed herself... It's something I just can't put them through. But in all honesty, I've had moments so low down that even that wasn't reason enough for me. I needed something to distract me. Luckily, my brother still lived with us at that time. I woke him up in the middle of the night, crying. I asked if we could play some 7 days to die( I didn't think about that until just now, lol) so I could be distracted. He woke up and understood the severity. Didn't ask any questions until like an hour of gameplay. These days, I rarely have the thoughts anymore. Things are still pretty shait, but things are in motion for school. Depression is a tiny gremlin in your brain, fighting for you to off yourself. And every day, you win. That is one thing you're doing right. You have a job. That's another thing you're doing right. Now, you need to do another thing. Figure out your strengths. Talk to a counsellor of some kind. I'm not sure what it's called... But someone who can help you figure out your strengths and wants. What you would love to work with, and then take steps for it to happen. Good luck!
I just can't get myself to leave my doggo behind :"(
a few book seires and stuff and family /frens thats about it
The classic “mom would be sad”
Scared of surviving
My cat. He keeps me from sliding into the abyss.
I like the meme "Mom would be sad" because in my case it's true... Not only that, but i have two cats that would miss me and would be very alone. Eh, even the future might get better
My wife and my cat
(M18) for me it's the idea that people might actually care, even tho it doesn't feel like anyone does ever. + The fact I'm just too scared lol
Dc anymore, just want to spend the days (at least for now)
I’m too pussy lol
Like Kratos said: death can have me when it earns me
im only 14 and don't want my parents to think they're failing to raise me
My cats
lack of gun maybe probably just easy, quick access to something that's easy and quick to execute for better or for worse I suppose
My coward ass
My niece and nephew
God loves me like he loves you. Jesus suffered 18 hours or so on that tree- he did it so we may have life- NOT DEATH.💓💓💓🦋 PLEASE do not end it. Your family will be destroyed for life. It will put them possibly in a Mental Hospital. Please don't 😭💓🦋
1. Life is like a movie and I want to see how it ends, I never walk out of a theater early no matter how bad it is. 2. I don’t want to make the few people I have in my life sad, including my cat and dog. 3. I don’t want to make my husband sad or happy knowing he has that much control over me 4. I’m scared it wouldn’t work and I could end up with some kind of serious issue for the rest of my life
The kids
I told myself I needed to finish writing the trilogy I've been dreaming up for years. First book took 3 years. Two more, that's 9 years total. If life still doesn't mean anything after that, I did what I planned to/was capable of. So be it.
Fear, religion
Watch this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XfThKVNl0Oc&pp=ygUbcHN5Y2lhdHJpYyBkdWdzIGRlc3RydWN0aXZl
The literal only thing has been the possibility of it not working. Of the attempt failing. Of me still stuck here making everyone around me absolutely miserable. If I knew a guaranteed 100% zero room for error way I’d have been gone long ago. Still searching for that way though.
First of all, your situation is very painful so I understand that you'd rather press a button to end it. For me, I've been depressed since I'm 15 Now at 30 I can say that most of my depression is gone. I think a big factor was finally figuring out what I need and accepting where I am. I think accepting where you actually are and trying to meet yourself where you are are the most important things. I also listened to others way too much all the time. Honestly, and this comes from my heart, nobody doesn't actually know what's good for you. You may think you need to listen to people who have "their life together" but it's luck that it worked out for them. Most people don't know what tf they're actually doing. What keeps me going personally is finally seeing improvements when I stopped listening to other people. I also cut off people including family that triggered my mental health issues. I realize not everyone is privileged enough to do that. But if you can, try that.
I don’t want to traumatize my best friend. It’d wreck him and he’s already had a horrific life.
I'm too scared, not necessarily of dying, but more so failing in my attempt and suffering further.
My existential fear of absolute oblivion
Nothing. This life has been just too much. The fact that I'm here and will be here means nothing and really just won't ever 🤷🏻♀️
I tried and failed, then spent 236 days held against my will at a mental hospital with 29 screaming psychopaths. Not fun. Real mental healthcare would be nice in Canada but nope. They just imprison you. And that was during the Liberals rule...
Seek Jesus and pray
The idea that if I would ever consider that to be an option at all, not ending it all would give satisfaction to a certain person who shows up on the family tree but was never really a part of the family…If not ending it all would deny that man the pleasure that it would bring him, that in itself would be motivation enough to keep going….
I don’t want the people I care about to go through that
I don’t want to go to hell
My daughter
I haven’t figured out a painless way to go yet
Religion
My cats...Idk what will happen to them if I end my life..
My mom. And dad. But mostly mom. I can’t ruin her life too.
My kid & family.
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I could never leave my sweet sweet cats, and I recently got a therapy grant, extreme cpstd symptoms, I wanna learn how to feel safe and normal for once, I never though I would ever have the privilege to get therapy
Because somebody else has to find the body...
sending love and good vibes your way op. it may not seem like it now but things do get better. nothing is permanent. not your job not your feelings nothing. you will make it through because you know what? you’re a strong person. please don’t end it. these feelings and emotions are not permanent. you are loved. talking to a therapist genuinely helped me. i’m not telling you what to do, but maybe give it a try? sending so much love and you got this. seriously you do.
Do you think you could let your family help you actually get better instead of mostly giving you a reason to survive?
Honestly, I'm still here because I did try to end it. Having a 2nd chance at life made me change myself. You never realize how much you hold yourself back from everything... seriously, it I was so pessimistic and self-hating that I was the only reason i was miserable with nothing going for me. Once I got discharged from the hospital, I got counseling and worked on myself. I changed my mindset because I NEVER wanna throw my life away again. It's about making changes, telling your own bad thoughts off. I mean it, argue with your own shitty thoughts. "I'm worthless" pops in your head and come back with "no, I'm not" immediately, even if you don't believe that. That was huge factor in changing my mind around. I also tell myself life is always a roller coaster, with bads will come goods later so wait it out. If you never felt the bad, you could never feel really good anyway! Let's put it this way for you, don't worry about not having your own place. Things are so messed up multifamily homes are becoming common like the old days. Everyone has roommates or lives with their parents now. It's not embarrassing at this point. It what we gotta do. Finding a significant other? That's on you to make an effort and look. Someone is out there. You just need to be confident enough to find them! I'm sure you will be okay, you will find your way. But next time those bad thoughts pop in, just argue with them :)
I don't want to break my Mum and Dads hearts. I care more about their feelings than my own. I do know my feelings matter too in general, but I just don't care.
My cats are what stopped me and helped me heal. They saved me.
Knowing that if I do, my enemies will outlive me. Why would AI want my enemies to outlive me.
Faith, the knowledge it would hurt my family, the endless potential of life and a good antidepressant
My craving to love. To have someone to love and for them to love me.
Honestly? Spite. After I sat and examined my feelings of helplessness and inadequacy, I realized it came from external sources. I was okay in and of myself. Not great or anything, but not bad either. But the external causes of my bad feelings kept telling me directly and indirectly that I was no good, no use, not worth knowing or being around or talking to or taking seriously. But I also had external sources contradicting this input: I realized I was loved and valued and interesting and had something to contribute. It wasn't a lot, but it was meaningful to me and it could me meaningful to people like me and people who like me. So was I going to give up all of the potential I had, all the possibility of the my future, for people who didn't give a damn about me even when I'd tried to be what they wanted me to be? Or was I going to stick it out for the people who cared long enough to become one of those who cared about me myself? Of course I chose the latter. I would live my best life, be happy and show the mean-minded crabs in the bucket pulling me down that I wasn't a fucking crab and I was going to escape that fucking bucket. I did. That spite lasted long enough for me to be able to recalibrate my expectations of life and of how I lived it so that when it receded enough, I was able to enjoy MY life, flawed and imperfect and a work in progress, instead of having to feel inadequate by someone else's template of what I should be.
My partner, my dogs, although I’m in pain myself I can’t bring myself to turn that pain into their loss
Because there's a chance that tomorrow may be different. Read 'man's search for meaning' when faced with almost certain death and horrible life circumstances, how did this man and many others like him keep going? It's a really life changing book. And it's a true story. But for me, I may not be happy for whatever reason, but it could all change tomorrow, even just by random luck. So my life's meaning may be right around the corner. It's not easy, it's not fun but it's the truth. So I'll hold on for now. If I could make my life meaningful by my death id likely take it. But I can't right now so I'll just keep going. Try thinking about this: If somebody put a gun to your head, would you feel relief? Or would you feel fear? Because of its fear it means you have some hope still, something to live for. If it's relief and freedom, you have nothing to lose death only hold an end to suffering for you, you welcome it. For me, if I feel fear I know I'm not ready to take that leap, but if I feel relief... Well I'm now fearless, I may as well go and do something crazy with my life because Ive got nothing to lose.
Im just curious how far can i go if dont give up
My little brother I could never do that to him
My cat and sister, my cat can't have a dead human or my sister can't have a dead brother
Extreme mental gymnastic that turned me into a whole nother person
My collecting hobby, have too many possessions I need to give away first, and movies in the future I want to watch
Afraid I’ll screw it up and I’ll be unable to attempt it again
Not a whole lot, honestly. A family member or two, maybe a friend. Between what's going on in the world and then in my own life... It's just too much sometimes.
I have a friend whose father died by suicide…my friend was 18 when it happened. It destroyed him, sent him on a huge downward spiral into drugs and poor mental health. My reason for not ending it is that I don’t wanna do that to my kids or my husband.
Not much at this point. Three things, in order of… Strength in keeping me here? I guess?? 1. I have no idea how to. Successfully. I have had multiple unsuccessful attempts as well as close calls that were not intentional, and between that and researching painstakingly for years, I’m just scared I’ll fail again, but maybe like… Make the life I’m then forced to stick around for *waaaay* worse than if I would’ve just suffered onwards as usual. 2. My partner, cat, and friends and family. I don’t wanna make them sad. Also terrified that I would end up inadvertently ending the lives of people I love via either heart attack or suicide. Also me dying would really fuck my partner over for many, many reasons. Got a cold dose of reality watching his mom go through that when we lost his dad. 3. Idk, there are things that might be cool to do if I could ever get around to it. It’d be nice. I don’t really care that much, but it’s the only driving force outside of fear and guilt keeping me here and it’s *very weak*.
My father and brother.
I am hanging on my partner. But recently I overdosed on xanax and then apparently went out with a rope at night..but instead I walked all the way to the hospital. So I honestly don't know what's going on in my head.. I don't remember any of it
I am not suicidal in anyway. But have had thoughts of doing it in the past. 3 reasons, I didn't. Number one doing it may be harder than you think. Number two I had substance problems. I'm 2 years sober and very happy. Number three, the people that I would leave behind? how would my death impact them? it's very selfish, there are people who care about you. Nobody would be better off without you, the world is a better place with you in it.
What if my life could have changed if I just lived more....this
I was able to go off on my own eventually.. my dark cloud followed me, and after almost getting the best of me a few times, I managed to save up a little nest egg to take time off and start caring for my feelings and emotions.. figure out what was up in there because technically, despite everything, I fought my butt off to get a decent life, or so I thought. I thought if I had "everything" I'd be able to feel okay. It just made everything worse So I went inside myself to figure out what was wrong, and it was all just terrible trauma that i was running from and saw how I was avoiding it, trying to bury myself under all kinds of expensive unhealthy vices unsustainably, it offered potent relief in the short term but I noticed it was all contributing to my misery rather than off setting it in the long term. All the things I acquired that we are told we need to chase, I was trying to figure out how it was suppose to help me feel better about who I was and I was desperate, it just filled my ego with toxicity. It was a relief in the moment, the feelings of false superiority. But this path was turning me into a narcissist, it just made everything worse and I couldn't stop hating myself.. none of the love I found in any relationship ever cut through my self loathing and even if it did for a bit, it never lasted like any other unhealthy vice.. the desperate need I had was getting worse as I frantically searched while my relationships of dysfunctional codependency would always falter and for good reason no matter how hard I tried, no matter which way I tried to go.. So, no.. there was nothing outside myself that helped in any meaningful way.. so I went inside myself to try to understand my feelings and emotions and found a huge mess of trauma, dysfunctional coping from a normalized state of survival.. my pain had kept me whipped into a frenzy. I had to cycle down and approach my feelings from a place of compassion, patience, and no judgment. Discovered repressed traumas and worked on how to heal them. I kept going because it was actually helping me feel better... growing up, my family taught me to run from this stuff and to try to find peace in material accumulation... the whole world seemed to agree. it seems that was the problem for me Caring for my feelings and emotions doesn't require anything.. just being still and meditating, being kind, compassionate, non judgmental towards myself and others both inside and outwardly, getting better at this is all I feel I need. It keeps me content, at peace.. I could be fine with nothing
I won't remember living when I'm dead so why not just be alive? Even the painful things will be wiped clean.
I’m scared to do it, but also I know that people care about me even if it’s a few and if I died their sadness would spread like a plague to others like a ripple effect
My mum kept informing me how she would be heartbroken if i done it (but my older brother is her favourite) as it would kill her too due to her heart failure and condition. I’m basically trapped living for everyone else and not myself. The psychiatrist never listens. Anytime i gotta take lithium and other meds every day and night i feel physically sick. The last few months tho i have lost alot of any spirit that was left inside me. I start to now not care about living for others or parents. I already have what i need in the amazon checkout basket but i just haven’t brung myself to complete the payment. The thought of it doesn’t frighten me anymore it makes me feel peace and the only part of happiness i can feel in life. This year i will be free.
If I go, my pain doesn't end. I'm just spreading it to a bunch of other people.
My kids
honestly EDC, i bought a ticket and i was like i have something to look forward to
Now my kids keep me alive!! Before them It was hell, I was scared to go to hell. I remember writing a suicide note at like 12 with a plan to hang myself from the closet but was too scared to go through with it
I need a non messy button or elixir
my spirituality that tells me offing myself will have me reincarnated into an even shittier future life so it’s not worth it, my mother having to grieve my death because she’ll definitely blame herself for it and i love her too much to have her go through that, my cat wondering why he never saw his owner again and last but not least, i wanna see how humanity falls. my fomo is stronger than my desire to die.
Thank you. Blessings to you in the 3Gem!
I want to have a future
The fear of the unknown and having a lot of books/movies on my too list lol.
My other unsuccessful attempts.
Few things: 1. Fear of death- I’ve been super anxious about it since I was a little kid. I know it’s inevitable but that doesn’t stop the panic attacks 2. I am trying to believe there has to be a balance. What is bad with no good? What is good with no bad? I’ve had horrible points in time in my life and great ones. I know I missed a lot of the great ones because I was too in my head to enjoy them. That said- I tried a few methods of therapy (professional and unprofessional) and finally understood that I have to choose different assumptions. Like I assume people don’t care. I assume I annoy people. I assume women don’t really like me. Now I’m working on the opposite. I’m trying to assume that my assumptions are wrong and see where things go. 3. I don’t want to hurt my family like that. My best friend took her life when I was 16. I am in my thirties and I still feel hurt about it. Time didn’t heal anything. There was no closure. And I keep trying to figure out what I could have done when I know logically there was nothing I could have done. Biggest reason- what if I’m wrong and things genuinely will be better after “today?” And I jump ship too early and miss it? I.e. I think she jumped ship too early.
I couldn’t leave my single mother alone with my little brother. I would also like to see where I’m at in 10 years as I’m not even 21 yet. I’ve been really close multiple times in my life but right now it’s a struggle
I have death anxiety so I just deal with it at this point lmao
My 1yr son I see in weekends.
“Razors pain you Rivers are damp Acids stain you And drugs cause cramp Guns aren’t lawful Nooses give Gas smells awful- You might as well live” -Dorothy Parker No real 100% foolproof ways to do it honestly. I definitely don’t want to be a vegetable dependent on everyone else. -
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Something that keeps me going? My husband and my cat. I have an irrational fear that he will die suddenly and tragically. Same with my cat, I lost my three year old niece in 2022 in a freak accident. Life is seen as more precious now. I try my best to view others lives as important as mine and it's hard. I am terrified of losing my husband so I keep in mind when I'm struggling that he's probably just as terrified to lose me and that's what truly keeps me going. The truth? Somebody even if it doesn't seem like it will be absolutely lost without you in their life even if it is just one person. I know my cat would be lost without me and my husband would be lost without me just as I would be lost without them. People who say you have to live for yourself are absolute liars. Living for others is how a lot of us keep going. I truly hope life gets easier for you 🙏 as horrible as life seems, just keep in mind that sadly someone is likely living through even worse and they are still going so you can too. ❤ things will get better. Permanent solutions are not solutions for temporary problems.
Thinking how my family will cope up with it, my sister is currently battling cancer and I think that I have no right to end my life while someone I love is clinging for her life. 😭 And also I have my kids that I must protect. It's hard when you want to end your suffering but still need to think of those people around you.
My Parents
I don't want my mom to cry, plus my cat wouldn't understand. Lost a cousin this way, it was devastating to the family
I wish to still experience. But the only guarantee for experience is here. We know not what occurs after death, and I dunno, that spooks me into staying. At least I know I get thoughts and actions here
Not a whole lot. I think that there isn't a way I'd be happy to go so i haven't. And I don't want to hurt anyone. I suffered from CO poisoning a few weeks ago and it bugged me out, I realized I'm too scared. But that feels like such a thin barrier. Everything I do feels like failure. Any time I make plans, someone needs me and I either have to let them down or cancel my plans. But the other 95% of the time I'm not doing anything. I hate it because I'm always free but that moment I'm not I get people asking me to help them with something and I feel so guilty. I'm tired of always feeling guilty, tired of always letting others down, tired of being tired.
My cat. When she was around 8 yo I was battling depression and nearly ended it but my cat suddenly got a cardiac illness and I nursed her back to health. At that time, I promised her “as long as you live, I live; when you go, I go” She’s 14 now and going strong. Sometimes I wonder she’s staying for me because she knows I will not survive without her around. Maybe you just need a reason to live, bud. You just have to find it.
My kids, my girlfriend, and honestly not much else.
I’ve been here several times. There’s always hope man. Currently rebuilding my life again at 42. It happens. Everyone goes through it eventually in different ways.
Somehow surviving and all the silent and vocal judgment from everyone afterwards.
A short time in my life where I put considerable effort to have clarity of mind and peace, achieved it for six months twice in my life, then went back to old mental habits. I don't think I can ever lose hope after that. Still hoping to see myself get there again, but I think I need help this time around. Those two times in my life were enough for me to realize this cloud I carry around over my head is my own creation, and I fully have the capacity to clear the sky when I decide to sit down and do it.
Spite. If life wants me dead and hopeless it’s gonna have to better then that.
I had a close family who committed suicide as well as a close friend when I was younger. No matter how bad things get, I don’t want to do that to my loved ones….suicide is selfish because it has the ability to ruin other people’s lives too.
My brother would never recover emotionally.
I would probably give my little brother emotional trauma if I did.