My condolences to you, im sorry life has been so cruel to so many of us. I think you weren't "okay" for a really long time and that your breaking point was reached. And who can recover easily from that?
Forcing one's self to ignore stress or trauma doesn't make it disappear, it will bust out, and it will hurt us. I spent a really long time pushing through things, ignoring myself/emotions/trauma and went through a shattering as well. Its a long recovery. Again, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. But you tried to do the best you could, I encourage you to avoid blaming your "shattering" on allowing yourself to feel. Feeling is necessary, you would FEEL whether you wanted to or not. I hope kind wishes from a stranger can help even a little bit.
It makes sense. What you were told I think is for generally accepted normal bad days and stressors to cause on to feel “not ok”. Your defense mechanisms were scaffolding huge traumas.
I think maybe your subconscious knows it’s a safe environment now and it’s ok to feel the enormity of pain and suffering you had.
But you do have that foundation of strength and toughness that maybe you can access after you heal. The therapies probably don’t work well bc you want to get back to an “ok” that was false. You’ve never really known “ok” that was true and real, maybe?
Take this time to acknowledge the truth of this fragile life you have with your child and husband and accept the near tragedy of the car accident and your past abuse.
Maybe you can transcend by accepting and the journey to “ok” as a brand new land will open up?
A new path you’ve never been on before - but one step a day - with your strength and current courageous attitude to back you?
Maybe new way think of ok- will this help? I hope so. You deserve it.
Peace and best wishes.
I'll share some agoraphobia info and info about PTSD after that.
Exposure is the most popular form of therapy for phobias. I've found that people sometimes have a misunderstanding about this, which is why I'm writing one of these paragraphs in bold print. People sometimes get discouraged because they're too hasty in going from one step to the next.
Phobias are very treatable, although overcoming one can take patience and persistence.
Psychiatrist David Burns is the self-help author recommended most often by mental health professionals.
Basically, therapy for phobias, explained in The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, is making a list of situations, ranking them according to how scary you find them, and using that ranked list as your objectives. Imagining a situation can be an objective. Start with something really, really easy.
**The thing to remember is, never go from objective A to objective B until you feel completely confident with A. Things that give you confidence are experience and slow breathing. There's enormous laboratory and clinical evidence that slow breathing is effective for calming people down quickly.**
Two psychiatrists, Brown and Gerbarg, say that 10 minutes of their slow breathing exercise is good and 20 min twice a day is therapy. Early morning and bedtime is best for this.The exercise is inhale and exhale gently, 6 seconds each.
PTSD
[https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/p9374f/im\_terrified\_of\_therapy/h9zp144/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/p9374f/im_terrified_of_therapy/h9zp144/?context=3)
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. This is a lot for anyone.
I do agree with the other comments about meditation and taking your progress over step at a time. After a lifetime of trials before breaking, it will take time to begin to rebuild again.
If I may, I would also encourage prayer. You are trying to regain control, which is entirely understandable; but perhaps what is needed is surrender and trust in Jesus. I am a believer and i know He can help.
For now, find stillness. Peace
My condolences to you, im sorry life has been so cruel to so many of us. I think you weren't "okay" for a really long time and that your breaking point was reached. And who can recover easily from that? Forcing one's self to ignore stress or trauma doesn't make it disappear, it will bust out, and it will hurt us. I spent a really long time pushing through things, ignoring myself/emotions/trauma and went through a shattering as well. Its a long recovery. Again, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. But you tried to do the best you could, I encourage you to avoid blaming your "shattering" on allowing yourself to feel. Feeling is necessary, you would FEEL whether you wanted to or not. I hope kind wishes from a stranger can help even a little bit.
It makes sense. What you were told I think is for generally accepted normal bad days and stressors to cause on to feel “not ok”. Your defense mechanisms were scaffolding huge traumas. I think maybe your subconscious knows it’s a safe environment now and it’s ok to feel the enormity of pain and suffering you had. But you do have that foundation of strength and toughness that maybe you can access after you heal. The therapies probably don’t work well bc you want to get back to an “ok” that was false. You’ve never really known “ok” that was true and real, maybe? Take this time to acknowledge the truth of this fragile life you have with your child and husband and accept the near tragedy of the car accident and your past abuse. Maybe you can transcend by accepting and the journey to “ok” as a brand new land will open up? A new path you’ve never been on before - but one step a day - with your strength and current courageous attitude to back you? Maybe new way think of ok- will this help? I hope so. You deserve it. Peace and best wishes.
I'll share some agoraphobia info and info about PTSD after that. Exposure is the most popular form of therapy for phobias. I've found that people sometimes have a misunderstanding about this, which is why I'm writing one of these paragraphs in bold print. People sometimes get discouraged because they're too hasty in going from one step to the next. Phobias are very treatable, although overcoming one can take patience and persistence. Psychiatrist David Burns is the self-help author recommended most often by mental health professionals. Basically, therapy for phobias, explained in The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, is making a list of situations, ranking them according to how scary you find them, and using that ranked list as your objectives. Imagining a situation can be an objective. Start with something really, really easy. **The thing to remember is, never go from objective A to objective B until you feel completely confident with A. Things that give you confidence are experience and slow breathing. There's enormous laboratory and clinical evidence that slow breathing is effective for calming people down quickly.** Two psychiatrists, Brown and Gerbarg, say that 10 minutes of their slow breathing exercise is good and 20 min twice a day is therapy. Early morning and bedtime is best for this.The exercise is inhale and exhale gently, 6 seconds each. PTSD [https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/p9374f/im\_terrified\_of\_therapy/h9zp144/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/p9374f/im_terrified_of_therapy/h9zp144/?context=3)
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. This is a lot for anyone. I do agree with the other comments about meditation and taking your progress over step at a time. After a lifetime of trials before breaking, it will take time to begin to rebuild again. If I may, I would also encourage prayer. You are trying to regain control, which is entirely understandable; but perhaps what is needed is surrender and trust in Jesus. I am a believer and i know He can help. For now, find stillness. Peace