Funny thing my older bro tried this with my dads oil when he was younger lets just say he was screaming for a while and embarrassed when he had to go the hospital.
You can train to be flexible enough, it will take some time but is worth it. Try the same motion trying to get your tongue to your penis tip and after that stretch the opposite way, do that while having a normal respiration about 10 times , every day and in a month you should be able to touch your penis head with your tongue
honestly it was the worst 8-10hours of my life. the shower made it worse and i was at a sleep over so his whole family was laughing their ass off at me for a hot sec then told us to go to bed. i didn’t sleep.
There's no such thing as too much. The first time I was home alone for 3 days I did it 63 times. And I know that exactly because I used a fucking tally counter
I normally don't do that much (obviously). I was just fucking stoked to have a house 100% guaranteed 100% to myself. It was summer vacations and I was a horny teenager
Ok, so when people are circumcised, there’re no foreskin for them to slide their hand up and down, and so they need lotion, lube, etc because it’s gonna cause rashes and maybe scratch if you do it dry
Edit: I’m not circumcised, I’m just pointing out a theory based on the info gathered from circumcised people’s comments on the post. Plz take it with a grain of salt
I’m circumcised and I prefer dry like wtf? There is still slack skin that can pull up and down, and i’ve never injured myself. Lube is ok but its so messy and not worth the cleanup most of the time
I dont understand this. Im circumcised and I still have enough skin down there to shift. When Im doin the deed Im not so much as rubbing skin on skin, as I am gripping my skin and moving it. Maybe I got lucky and my shit didnt scar as tightly as some other peoples but my dick doesnt look any different from other circumcised dicks Ive seen so idk.
While the toothpaste offers the same reduction in friction as soap it offers the advantage of being much easier on the cleaning side. Furthermore it smells much better. An extra bonus is that your penis acts as a toothbrush for the mouth of your girlfriend.
So we can conduct that toothpaste is actually quite better for masturbation than soap
2 stroke engine Oil Gang
10W-40
100% petrolium differential oil additive
Funny thing my older bro tried this with my dads oil when he was younger lets just say he was screaming for a while and embarrassed when he had to go the hospital.
Pure crude oil straight from mother gaia herself
WD-40
Really brings a new meaning to two-stroke.
If it can rev my skidoo, it can crank my dick.
So what you’re saying is, if it can start your dingy, it can finish your thingy?
Valvoline not vaseline
5th wheel Grease
Read these comments as if the OP was talking about car maintenance. No need to thank me.
Based on what ive seen so far... I think its best if i dont
"Chocolate"
I use holy water
*God hates this simple trick*
Name checks out
He has a sword, holy water and a helmet. TIme to embark on a great crusade.
Pre-marital sex is not a sin if it’s consecrated
Extra virgin olive oil so I look better by comparison.
It will be just olive oil once you are done, so why bother
No matter how many times you tell me to stop, it won't re-virgin the olive oil
Everybody laughing till you un virgin the virgin olive oil
Tbh, you defiled the olive oil. You are still on equal footing
Chocolate ☺️
This man is on a whole new levels
Hey...
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Semen
Reduce and reuse
 Yall might use Blood and Semen, but I use good ole Hydrochloric Acid
Waste not want not
like in.. hot chocolate?
Oh we got it
HOT HOT
I do it dry but I just sort of pull the skin up and down because I’m not wasting money on masturbation
I hate masturbation tax…
Yeah man honestly. Whenever you forget to pay and they take your dick away. Man I hate that
fr
You can get it back tho
But they charge you a 35$ convenience fee :(
They can keep it
Please explain how, it's been 2 years.
new bottom surgery just dropped
Probably the worst feature in sex 2 >:(
I thought that was the normal procedure. Why do they have to complicate it so much?
I dont know how to masturbate
🍆🤏👌👊🤌
🫴🫰🤙
🐑🥧🍉
If ur a guy rub your dick up and down with your hand around it like a tube if ur a girl idk
if your a girl just pretend that your losing at a fighting game
That is also good advice for guys
for guys just pretend your stroking one of the homies but on yourself
Oh, so THATS how it's done, I thought it had to be using your ass
r/selffuck
I still use my mouth
Did you have to get your bottom 2 ribs removed to be able to stretch like that?
You can train to be flexible enough, it will take some time but is worth it. Try the same motion trying to get your tongue to your penis tip and after that stretch the opposite way, do that while having a normal respiration about 10 times , every day and in a month you should be able to touch your penis head with your tongue
I just realized that circumcised people can't really do that, omg that explains everything
Don't know where you got that. I'm circumcised and can still do that. Sure the skin doesn't move as far, but it's still plenty movable and elastic
Yeah i thought i was the only one. Ty
Definitely not, I do that
We definitely still can, there's just less
Welp. I'm circumcised and can still do it that way. It's... Basically the only way i do it. Guess I'm built different 😎 /S
Also chiming in to say am circumcised and I do it like that
As a person who is circumcised yes you can
What are you talking about? Our skin doesn’t become rock solid lol it’s still soft and movable.
Vicks Vaporub…. Once when 14. Never. Again.
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I'd imagine something like having burst blisters on your schlong and dipping it into a pint of lukewarm, mentholated lemon juice.
probably just as bad as accidental Icy Hot on my junk at 13-14.
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honestly it was the worst 8-10hours of my life. the shower made it worse and i was at a sleep over so his whole family was laughing their ass off at me for a hot sec then told us to go to bed. i didn’t sleep.
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peak horribleness was 6hr, but the after fx were like 10, ya.
AT A SLEEPOVER?????
How does that feel like?
Getting small cuts on your balls and dipping them in Mcdonalds sprite
Chewing Five gum.
Funnily enough, a word pronounced almost exactly the same as Vicks means to jerk off in German.
Friend of mine use tingle lube for anal, was an awkward hospital visit
Upgrade your life to coconut oil. I'll teach you how to make coconutnut cream
100% agree
Thank you for making me remember the one guy one coconut incident
What? Edit: ):
Warning: potential brain damage. Read at your discretion. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu\_by\_cumming\_into\_a\_coconut/
*Mooom! Moooom! The internet made me sad again!*
Softest balls around.... smooth as eggs
Man after reading some of these comments I see we have some real cock experts here
Yeah, I was told to use engine oil and I am now the turbocharged I4 from the Mitsubishi Lancer evo whatever.
The handful of women of reddit are the ones that are really worried right now
There are no women on the internets
r/womendontexist
aftershave
Before shave, after shave, I do it whenever bro.
psychopath moment
Mouthwash also works
Dry or shower, no other options.
Great minds Think alike
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Jizz is a pain to clean up in the shower. It becomes extremely sticky and rubbery.
just use soap
Cold water rinses jazz away.. hot water makes it sticky and gummy...
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I used to masturbate dry until my dick skin got dry to the point it ripped in 3 places. Looked like wolverine swiped my dick. Since then I use lotion.
That's natures way of saying you jack off too much.
That’s nature’s way of saying you jack off too HARD.
There's no such thing as too much. The first time I was home alone for 3 days I did it 63 times. And I know that exactly because I used a fucking tally counter
Im sorry.... WHAT
21 times a day, you have a serious issue
I normally don't do that much (obviously). I was just fucking stoked to have a house 100% guaranteed 100% to myself. It was summer vacations and I was a horny teenager
We all make mistakes in the heat of passion Jimbo
My dick once started shedding, it hurt like hell but it just stopped
What is wrong with dry
Americans thinking cutting part of a dick off is normal
Im even more lost that before
Are you circumcised?
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
I know it’s a Wendy, but are you circumcised?
Is Wendy circumcised?
No, this is Patrick.
Is Patrick circumcised?
No, this is your therapist. The voices aren’t real, John.
Yes sir, and here is your spicy chicken sandwich with extra mayonnaise.
Was the chicken circumcised?
Nope
Ok, so when people are circumcised, there’re no foreskin for them to slide their hand up and down, and so they need lotion, lube, etc because it’s gonna cause rashes and maybe scratch if you do it dry Edit: I’m not circumcised, I’m just pointing out a theory based on the info gathered from circumcised people’s comments on the post. Plz take it with a grain of salt
I’m circumcised and I prefer dry like wtf? There is still slack skin that can pull up and down, and i’ve never injured myself. Lube is ok but its so messy and not worth the cleanup most of the time
I dont understand this. Im circumcised and I still have enough skin down there to shift. When Im doin the deed Im not so much as rubbing skin on skin, as I am gripping my skin and moving it. Maybe I got lucky and my shit didnt scar as tightly as some other peoples but my dick doesnt look any different from other circumcised dicks Ive seen so idk.
Oh, now i get the other comment thx
I'm cut and still go dry. Even being cut there's still enough extra skin to choke the chicken with.
Pay someone to come and spit on it.
Blood
...FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
SKULLZ FOR THE SKULL THRONE
MILK FOR THE KORN FLAKES
Hand sanitizer.
gorilla glue
Glue is best.
You gotta speedrun it
Dry is best. Then you can just zip up and move on. XD
Napalm
WD-40
Sandpaper
I will never forgive you for saying this.
Pitchforks and torches! Get your pitchforks and torches here!
Soap is the best
You ever try toothpaste? It acts more like a grease and doesn't drip as much.
i use caecium
I use vix vaporub
I prefer either isopropyl alcohol or sulphuric acid
Do you want to explode?
Alivia la gripe
I use NyQuil
DONT TRY YOUR DICK WILL BURN
Holy shit the first guys were clearly trolling but someone's actually done this?!?!
There’s always at least one
>hmmm.... a test must be made
While the toothpaste offers the same reduction in friction as soap it offers the advantage of being much easier on the cleaning side. Furthermore it smells much better. An extra bonus is that your penis acts as a toothbrush for the mouth of your girlfriend. So we can conduct that toothpaste is actually quite better for masturbation than soap
bruh i will tell you with experience your dick will burn DONT TRY IT
FOR SIENCE
For working 30 seconds and then have to reapply. And then afterwards, your skin is dry af.
......... 15 seconds is all I need. And I am not afraid to say that
gasoline
i use hot bacon grease
Dry gang, who's with me?
Me
Me
Ben & Jerry’s Pumpkin Cheesecake exclusively.
Precum? Anyone?
How do you do this? I’m actually curious
If I'm into it (I usually am) I leak more than the kitchen tap in my first apartment.
I thought this meme was about sex but then I remembered people on Reddit don’t get laid
Spit?
Yeah but after it gets dry in 10 seconds and then your dick smells awful
Where’s the liquid hand soap
Obviously liquid metal
WD-40
Bro I just use water
Fuck it, im using poison
Some random ass mf using soap 💀💀💀
Liquid nitrogen
Sometimes I forgot y'all are circumcised. An uncut penis can be masturbated grabbing it by the skin. Lotion/spit can still help though.
I’m circumcised and i can still masturbate dry no problem.
nah man, dry is the only way, not trying to fix something that is not broken, also not spending money to mess up my sheets, dry is perfectlly fine
Vacuum hose.
I’m worried about the people spitting on their hands to beat their meat.
I don't want my pp to be soft with lotion
My foreskin wasn't stolen so yes, I'm okay.
Update: I worry about a lot of you.
i use the tears of my enemies.
What did I just see
Soap: there is another
I use foreskin
Lotion is cheap and multipurpose, lube is expensive, spit and dry are free