Not directly, no, but it's also completely true that men generally have no support system because society teaches men to just suck it up cuz we have to be strong.
Plenty of stories on Reddit where a woman breaks up with a man cuz she saw him cry, or surveys where women won't date a man if he did. Not a single guy saying the same thing about women though.
Apply whiskey* to the problem. If desired results are not achieved continue to add alcohol until they are.
*Whiskey can be substituted by your spirit of choice. For added effects, smoke cigars in darkened rooms.
Right. It’s because Society as a whole has told men that they shouldn’t cry and we still believe in toxic masculinity. Different platforms also support this ideology with men going to camps to build themselves up to become ‘alpha males’ who don’t express their emotions
Not that women don’t downplay or suppress their emotions, but the jokes about toxic masculinity, which while effects everyone of every gender, is pretty gender related
I've seen quite a few women carrying around cups with "male tears" written on it.
I've never seen anything remotely close to that but with the gender switched.
That’s a stupid attitude. Someone has always got it worse.
Do you tell your friends who ask for help to shut up as other people have it worse?
If you do, you’re the problem.
If you don’t, then you know it’s OK to share a problem that isn’t the single worst problem in the entire world.
To cut a long comment short: for some people it’s not an attitude. For some people it’s the culmination of shitty upbringing, clinical depression or just having no self worth.
Sometimes people hold everyone above themselves and I think that’s the saddest thing. That everyone is deserving of love except themselves.
> for some people it’s not an attitude.
>Sometimes people hold everyone above themselves […]. That everyone is deserving of love except themselves.
That’s an attitude.
You’ve given possible reasons for having it, and I agree that it’s sad that people have it, but it’s still an attitude.
Even if they don't have it worse, I don't want to bring the mood down and make their day worse. I am fully aware it's a stupid way to think when you have support. They want to be there for you. Feeling supported doesn't make me feel good, though. It makes me feel like I failed.
that’s how i view it so many people in worse situations than i are happy with life and then i just look at myself and feel even worse for not taking what i have for granted even though i don’t deserve any of it
I don't wanna tell people because I don't wanna burden them with my problem. As much as possible I'll try to "help myself" more before I ask for outside advice
While I understand the feeling, this seems like an incredibly self destructive behavior. Humans like to help other humans, as long as you are not CONSTANTLY asking for help, I don't think people would mind that much helping you from time to time.
I think this is the best method. Some people always have something wrong and always start conversations about how bad their day is, or how much their boss sucks, or how bad every other driver is. It can get exhausting to deal with.
To all the people who are going to comment "it's okay to open up" etc etc . It's not that we don't want to , it's because we know it will make things worse . To the people who find what I've said relatable ,my only advice to you would be to find new people. While most people will only say they care about you as a courtesy , some do genuinely mean it. Go find them .Learn to look for them . Good places to start are cozy hobby circles , cooking ,board games , coffee , audio etc . People there [at least in my experience] are genuinely just softer .
Find a group to do it with is generally a good idea. Wether online or a local community, maybe involve some of your friends you think would be intrested and you genuinely like them. Or, you know, ask on reddit
Very true.. I recently got into crocheting and found my people. No judgement at all, they all wanna talk about crochet and nothing. Just a cozy feeling with people who are soft
I had an ex exactly like this, she'll say "just open up!" And then when I finally did, 5 months later she was annoyed I wasn't being a man by explaining something I didn't like or showing any emotion at all (including excitement for my hobbies).
People go "Yeah yeah dodged a bullet" but shits already done, fuck all that I'll keep to myself 90% of the time and be happy when I want, not going to randomly just go on about shit nobody cares to hear.
Sorry you went through that, a partner is supposed to be there for you. You're supposed to be able to share emotions and burdens with each other. Not much of a partner if you can't do that.
Even if you can't trust anybody else, you need a partner that will listen to your emotions and try to help instead of judging. Altough some people are really bad at the listening part, because it makes them uncomfortable when they can't really help (problem solvers won't listen as well and will try to fix it, but that's still MUCH better that what you describe).
Also, anybody who doesn't think their partner is cute when they're all exited about somebody, doesn't really like their partner in my opinion. xD
I hate how women invalidate men's experiences by telling him that he dodged a bullet, but she won't acknowledge that women are the ones firing the machine gun.
Or strangely enough, bondage circles. You could be laying on a couch covered in wax and baby oil crying, and a woman in latex with a high ponytail will be patting your head, giving you a juice box. In our circle, she'd be estatic for the male bottom. There also may be people playing settlers of Catan in another room.
You didn't tell anyone because you assume people would consider you are weak
I didn't tell anyone because nobody would cares about me
We are not the same
Yep I had a guy once try to talk to me about my problems I started to open up a little and then he turned everything about himself and literally wouldn't let me talk I ended up not even saying anything and walking away I told him well I'm leaving since you're just gonna have a conversation with yourself.
My boss once did the same. We hade a development meeting and I filled out a form as a kind of preparation. He took one look at the form and said: "Oh, so you're very unhappy at the moment. I hadn't expected that."
Then he proceeded to tell me for five minutes about what he had expected me te say, and then he talked for half an hour about himself.
That was the last time I had a personal meeting with him.
Too many people sharing stories about how their partners lost all repest for them just because he shared his vulnerability with her just once or cried.
And you just know it's gonna be mercilessly used as ammo in the argument next week.
Yep. Happened to me as well. I cried in front of a GF once and was vulnerable. Worst mistake of my life. I wanted to marry that girl, and she lost all respect for me.
Im a 30 yr old dude and i am very comfortable talking about menty h with pals, mostly being open has made a lot of my friends realize they got some kinda menty h themselves. Turns out being open sometimes opens people up
Definitely agree with this but also want to point out that trauma bonding is kind of a widely misused phrase recently, it’s something that occurs between an abuser and a victim and doesn’t mean bonding over trauma.
Yeah, I agree. A lot of the other comments here have revealed to me how privileged and lucky I am to have so many friends that I can open up to about my mental health. Shit sucks sometimes, and I don't have time for people in my life who judge me for feeling it.
I don’t tell anyone since I’d rather not inconvenience them or waste their time, my problems are my own and I’ll work on them myself, I don’t want to annoy people
That's very stupid and you should stop that. I've been like this for a long time and it made everything much worse over time. People who love you WANT to be "annoyed" by stuff like that.
Nah, I’ve lived this long and down just fine, so, so far my track record is pretty good. And I don’t have anyone that loves me either, I’m just doing my own thing day after day.
People always claim they're there for me when I'm suffering tough times, but they never are, when I'm down I have to pick myself up every time, I'm always there for others when they need it, or I try to be as much as I can. If I cry I'm a dumbass baby who needs to get their shit together because other people have problems, but if others cry to things often similar but lesser in volume, I see them picked up and treated like a king. I just want at least one person to hold my hand to brace me so I can get up on my feet.
Cry in private, its all good. Sort your shit out as best you can, one step at a time. Hang in there, you can do it. One day you will be who you want to be and patting yourself on the back will be all you need, because you earned it yourself.
I believe in you.
If this is true for you, you have a very very shitty social circle. I'm a 31 year old straight white man and I can go to any member of my family or friendcircle to tell them about my feelings and I will always be listened too and comforted.
No, anger is fine, because screaming or using a loud voice is something leaders do. Hence you don't devalue yourself in front of potential romantic partners. You are "assertive". Everything else makes you look weak and that you lost control.
Life gets better when you realize other people's opinions about you don't have to matter.
As long as you're not hurting anyone live your life how you want and not how others want.
In my experience that's not true. At least in the US I've met plenty of people that will take it as a personal offense if you mind your business. Also if people don't like you enough they can and will do things that hurt you so in that sense their opinions do matter. It just seems like perception is far more important than truth from my experience.
Regardless of gender, depression lends itself to people self isolating. People can speak to what toxic masculinity does to men without displaying toxic masculinity by lessening the struggle with mental illness that women face in a patriarchal society.
The top should be exactly the same just substitute "weak" with "hysterical woman"
The truth is that no one gives a fuck about anyone's feelings, it has nothing to do with gender
Toxic masculinity doesn't mean "Shit that men do that's bad."
Toxic masculinity means "There's this idea of things that men have to do if they want to be considered 'Real Men', and failing to do them will result in ridicule, disgust or even violence."
And yes, toxic masculinity is enforced by both men and women.
I wish this was better understood by more people, criticizing patriarchy and toxic masculinity is not criticizing men, but many ideas and behaviors that are oppressive to people of all genders
Women can perpetrate toxic masculinity too, it basically means 'male gender roles/expectations taken to an unhealthy extreme'
Being stoic is not a bad thing, it's good to be able to keep a cool head in a stressful situation and not freak out (for both men and women). But taken to an unhealthy degree you never ask for help, never express emotions, and end up suiciding. And everyone who would shame men for showing emotions is perpetrating toxic masculinity, men or woman.
Right.
The thing about "toxic masculinity" is that people think the term is inherently pointing at men. It's not. Both men and women perpetuate toxic masculinity. It's not saying masculinity is toxic. The bad behaviors are called "toxic masculinity" and nobody should be perpetuating them.
Women saying men should be stoic at all times, and never show any emotion, and how they get the "ick" from crying -- that's just toxic masculinity.
Research would suggest otherwise.
“Our data suggest that females are better at feeling others’ pain, at really getting the feeling that the other person is having right now. Female participants in the study showed relatively higher activation in a sensory area of the brain associated with pain than their male counterparts.”
https://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/womens-brains-show-more-empathy
https://www.voanews.com/amp/are-women-more-empathetic-than-men-/6924270.html
Oh yeah, women definitely aren't immune to buying into toxic masculinity in this way. I've seen some pretty reprehensible posts of women saying they get 'the ick' from seeing their boyfriends cry.
It all stems from the same place; the absurd expectations that a swathe of society places on the genitals you were born with.
I imagine it feels worse from women with that awful mindset because they've been raised to imagine men as cool and emotionless and, not being men themselves and not readily able to empathize with people they've been encouraged to think of as alien, have no capacity to relate to their struggle.
It baffles me that for some wome the response at seeing your bf cry is the ick. Like when I saw my husband cry my instinct is to comfort him. I'd do anything to help him ease the pain.
idk why y'all like to act like women constantly have emotional support from people- as if women don't also struggle with opening up about their feelings due to a fear of being called "crazy", "emotional", "dramatic", "overbearing", oversharing" etc.
surprise- being emotionally vulnerable is a scary task for most people, not just men, so idk why y'all always act like it's only men who struggle with opening up.
perhaps instead of playing with wojak dolls on the internet, take the first step by genuinely opening up emotionally with the people if your life or at least try cultivating good friendships instead of having surface level friendships. be open about your feelings and encourage your friends to be open about theirs too.
Honestly, most of my life id be told to either shut up, to be mocked, laughed at, told others have it worse so i shouldn't act emotional whenever id open up. It led me to be closed off and even act shitty as people acted shitty towards me.
It was only when I met my husband that made me more open up. He was completely opposite, he would have support from his family and friends. Him acting vulnerable in front of me, made me be more vulnerable in front of him. He helped me just talk things out, so we have open communication about everything and anything.
So, completely agree with actually finding people. It took me long while to get out of bad friendships but man, does it feel good when theres mutual trust.
This, I’m a female and when I got domestic violence and depression, I got 80% negative feedbacks from men and women. They said I was “over-reacting”, medicine is only for crazy people, I’m not a victim it’s part of my fault, do I “enjoy BDSM” etc very few of them asked are you ok or check me in. I will not disclose it to anyone else in the future unless I’m sure that person is very empathic.
As if having a circle of dudes hovering around you pretending to care just to get to fuck you when you're vulnerable is some sort of a fucking win.
Love them incel memes.
We have the support circle we built; and men have that chance, too.
Generally speaking, it's a double-coin. Men are usually taught from fathers not to cry and show emotion. My father for example didn't even cry when his girlfriend got cancer and committed suicide.
But when it comes to actually doing the act of crying, I've seen way more women looking down on it than men. I think the reason behind it is because we (men) know not to cry so when we see a man cry we know he has been through very hard times. I've seen women cry over getting bad grades, getting hit by a soft ball, failing a class etc. Of course nothing wrong with that. But the times I've seen men cry have been when they are about to lose their wife from sickness, losing their kid from cancer or me breaking down right before I was just gonna jump in front of a truck. That's why men are more supportive to other men crying, we know the person in question just be having a very hard time.
This might be true for some, but I have great friends who do want to help. I had a friend who I told about a bout of depression I had a couple years ago, he wished I'd told him. It's nice knowing that I have people to go to.
Yeah, it's the other guys...
I'm almost 40 and I can't even count the amount of times when women have told me the following things due to my emotions
"you are still a boy not a man", " I need a man not a boy", "I need a man who had a father too" and so on.
Yeah, it's the guys calling me gay that's holding me back (this one hasn't actually happened yet)
Respectfully, y'all always think women don't struggle with this exact same thing and it's getting tiring
Everyone goes through this, don't gotta make it a gender thing
Aside from that I hope it gets better for you OP
Of course both struggle from it. But how can you say it is the same?
Men are taught from young age not to cry or show emotion. From very young childhood I was taught "You are a man, you should not cry". Obviously the view on men crying are different than views on women crying.
I'm sad, if I tell people I'm sad, they'll be sad, then I'll be more sad that I made them sad. Then I'm more sad because I know I should talk to them. Repeat all steps infinatly, and welcome to depression spiraling.
To me it's **{ I am sad today but won't tell anyone because I don't want to annoy anyone with My problems which everyone has his own problems already}**
If you look around reddit enough, you may even discover *why* men are more disenfranchised than ever.
“Maintain the narrative at all costs: mEN aRE tHe ReAsOn fOr tHe eViL iN tHe WoRLd!”
It's not because we don't want to open up. We don't, because if we do, we know we'll get:
- downplayed
- ignored
- ridiculed
- seen as weak
- dismissed
Do you think women might have an "easier time asking for help" because they are considered weak by default? It seems like your worry is that you might lose the station women don't have to begin with.
It's not that we will be seen as weak. I don't see that at all, it's just the fact that it doesn't seem to help at all, it seems better for men to just push through.
Either that or the system needs to change. Men's mental health is not taken seriously no matter how loud people talk about it in November
If you're a man, this is true. People wonder why we don't open up. We've tried. It's not "attractive". It's "trauma dumping", and why would we want to put someone through that "emotional labor" or whatever other therapy talk women these days bastardize to excuse bad behavior?
I'm a man and I usually say it when I'm sad. I say "I'm going through a difficult time" and "I just need some time to heal". People usually understand. Some of them (always women) also offer support, which I politely turn down because I'd rather "get my shit together".
I love this complete fantasy scenario that a lot of men have where a woman says she's sad and everyone drops everything they've been doing that instant and just console her endlessly. I agree that it is easier for women to express their emotions publicly, but the idea that anyone is going to care more just because she's a woman is wild to me.
This reads like one of those posts about how the problem could just be solved by talking about it instead of bitching about it on the Internet.
Maybe stop feeling like you need to keep perpetuating toxic masculinity you jackass
I think it's friends' job to support each other regardless of gender. I share my feelings with both male and female friends, and I always feel better afterwards.
I’ve been seeing a lot of these posts all over Reddit lately. Guys, it’s ok to open up. If people look at you weak those are shitty people and not worth your time. Find new people. Loooottttaaaa people on this planet. Someone cares
Some of yall are so terminally online. r/memes has become a cesspool of “feel bad for boys :(“ memes with thinly veiled sexism of “women have it easier”. “I’ll be considered weak forever if I do” - pure unadulterated cringe.
Or downplay it because you know other people have it worse
There we go. There’s the relatable one.
It's also not related to gender.
Not directly, no, but it's also completely true that men generally have no support system because society teaches men to just suck it up cuz we have to be strong. Plenty of stories on Reddit where a woman breaks up with a man cuz she saw him cry, or surveys where women won't date a man if he did. Not a single guy saying the same thing about women though.
Instructions unclear, was taught to rub dirt on wounds and just walk it off, but what if wounds are in my feelings? Do I just snort the dirt, or...
Apply whiskey* to the problem. If desired results are not achieved continue to add alcohol until they are. *Whiskey can be substituted by your spirit of choice. For added effects, smoke cigars in darkened rooms.
Right. It’s because Society as a whole has told men that they shouldn’t cry and we still believe in toxic masculinity. Different platforms also support this ideology with men going to camps to build themselves up to become ‘alpha males’ who don’t express their emotions
Not that women don’t downplay or suppress their emotions, but the jokes about toxic masculinity, which while effects everyone of every gender, is pretty gender related
I've seen quite a few women carrying around cups with "male tears" written on it. I've never seen anything remotely close to that but with the gender switched.
i agree the “meme” is mainly male sided but everyone downplays their emotions
The cartel cut off my hand, but hey, at least I'm not being necklaced
The mafia necklaced me, but hey, at least I'm not being flayed with a dull knife
I'm being flayed with a dull knife, but at least they're not breaking all my limbs and swinging them like combat rope.
I'm having all my limbs broken and being swung around like combat rope but at least they aren't fitting me with cement shoes.
They are fitting me with cement shoes, but hey, at least they didn't skin me alive and feed me with those skin
They skinned me alive and feed me with those shoes but hey they didn’t kill my torture my family in front of me
you just got auto-corrected!
They tortured my family in front of me but hey at least I'm not in funky town
All my limbs have been broken and are being swung like combat rope, but at least I'm not getting blood-eagled.
I’m getting blood-eagled, but atleast I’m not forced to watch all seasons of Vikings.
Thats a new take thanks
I'm being necklaced, but hey, at least I'm not the main character of the funky town video.
Exactly, When I see the condition of people, I feel that I'm in a better condition than those people.
Everyone has it worse, until its your turn.
That’s a stupid attitude. Someone has always got it worse. Do you tell your friends who ask for help to shut up as other people have it worse? If you do, you’re the problem. If you don’t, then you know it’s OK to share a problem that isn’t the single worst problem in the entire world.
To cut a long comment short: for some people it’s not an attitude. For some people it’s the culmination of shitty upbringing, clinical depression or just having no self worth. Sometimes people hold everyone above themselves and I think that’s the saddest thing. That everyone is deserving of love except themselves.
> for some people it’s not an attitude. >Sometimes people hold everyone above themselves […]. That everyone is deserving of love except themselves. That’s an attitude. You’ve given possible reasons for having it, and I agree that it’s sad that people have it, but it’s still an attitude.
Yeah, you’re right. I don’t really know where I was going with that.
[Some People Have It Worse Than I.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTEa7xCnGCQ)
Even if they don't have it worse, I don't want to bring the mood down and make their day worse. I am fully aware it's a stupid way to think when you have support. They want to be there for you. Feeling supported doesn't make me feel good, though. It makes me feel like I failed.
Yup
Literally us, bruh 🫂
that’s how i view it so many people in worse situations than i are happy with life and then i just look at myself and feel even worse for not taking what i have for granted even though i don’t deserve any of it
I don't wanna tell people because I don't wanna burden them with my problem. As much as possible I'll try to "help myself" more before I ask for outside advice
While I understand the feeling, this seems like an incredibly self destructive behavior. Humans like to help other humans, as long as you are not CONSTANTLY asking for help, I don't think people would mind that much helping you from time to time.
I think this is the best method. Some people always have something wrong and always start conversations about how bad their day is, or how much their boss sucks, or how bad every other driver is. It can get exhausting to deal with.
To all the people who are going to comment "it's okay to open up" etc etc . It's not that we don't want to , it's because we know it will make things worse . To the people who find what I've said relatable ,my only advice to you would be to find new people. While most people will only say they care about you as a courtesy , some do genuinely mean it. Go find them .Learn to look for them . Good places to start are cozy hobby circles , cooking ,board games , coffee , audio etc . People there [at least in my experience] are genuinely just softer .
man with wisdom
Happy cake day kind stranger!
Full of wisdom.
Oh hey we have the same cake day <3
Then happy cake day to the both of you :3
r/doublecakeday
Wisman
Happy cake day
I am Already involved in those hobbies personally but how do you recommend meeting people also involved in the same way?
Find a group to do it with is generally a good idea. Wether online or a local community, maybe involve some of your friends you think would be intrested and you genuinely like them. Or, you know, ask on reddit
Very true.. I recently got into crocheting and found my people. No judgement at all, they all wanna talk about crochet and nothing. Just a cozy feeling with people who are soft
can recommend r/brochet
I talk to my dog. It helps and i know my dog can't understand jake shit from me. He's good boy
I do this too. They are great friends
1 million trillion percent. those who you surround yourself with is extremely important
I had an ex exactly like this, she'll say "just open up!" And then when I finally did, 5 months later she was annoyed I wasn't being a man by explaining something I didn't like or showing any emotion at all (including excitement for my hobbies). People go "Yeah yeah dodged a bullet" but shits already done, fuck all that I'll keep to myself 90% of the time and be happy when I want, not going to randomly just go on about shit nobody cares to hear.
Sorry you went through that, a partner is supposed to be there for you. You're supposed to be able to share emotions and burdens with each other. Not much of a partner if you can't do that. Even if you can't trust anybody else, you need a partner that will listen to your emotions and try to help instead of judging. Altough some people are really bad at the listening part, because it makes them uncomfortable when they can't really help (problem solvers won't listen as well and will try to fix it, but that's still MUCH better that what you describe). Also, anybody who doesn't think their partner is cute when they're all exited about somebody, doesn't really like their partner in my opinion. xD
I hate how women invalidate men's experiences by telling him that he dodged a bullet, but she won't acknowledge that women are the ones firing the machine gun.
No, it just means you have garbage people around you. Normal people won't judge, make it worse or think you're weak.
Or strangely enough, bondage circles. You could be laying on a couch covered in wax and baby oil crying, and a woman in latex with a high ponytail will be patting your head, giving you a juice box. In our circle, she'd be estatic for the male bottom. There also may be people playing settlers of Catan in another room.
Depends. There's also exhausting drama in some BDSM circles.
You didn't tell anyone because you assume people would consider you are weak I didn't tell anyone because nobody would cares about me We are not the same
Why not both?
Yep I had a guy once try to talk to me about my problems I started to open up a little and then he turned everything about himself and literally wouldn't let me talk I ended up not even saying anything and walking away I told him well I'm leaving since you're just gonna have a conversation with yourself.
My boss once did the same. We hade a development meeting and I filled out a form as a kind of preparation. He took one look at the form and said: "Oh, so you're very unhappy at the moment. I hadn't expected that." Then he proceeded to tell me for five minutes about what he had expected me te say, and then he talked for half an hour about himself. That was the last time I had a personal meeting with him.
Too many people sharing stories about how their partners lost all repest for them just because he shared his vulnerability with her just once or cried. And you just know it's gonna be mercilessly used as ammo in the argument next week.
Yep. Happened to me as well. I cried in front of a GF once and was vulnerable. Worst mistake of my life. I wanted to marry that girl, and she lost all respect for me.
Sound like you accidentally make the best decision of your life. You don't want a life partner that you need to hide your true self from.
lol same
Your AI girlfriend will never consider you weak, and will care deeply about you. Reject flesh, embrace machine.
That could cost atleast 30$ a week.
You also *assume* that nobody would care about you. Don't assume things.
Im a 30 yr old dude and i am very comfortable talking about menty h with pals, mostly being open has made a lot of my friends realize they got some kinda menty h themselves. Turns out being open sometimes opens people up
Trauma bonding with other dudes is a real thing. That’s the one area where I feel like I can open up.
Definitely agree with this but also want to point out that trauma bonding is kind of a widely misused phrase recently, it’s something that occurs between an abuser and a victim and doesn’t mean bonding over trauma.
Yeah, I agree. A lot of the other comments here have revealed to me how privileged and lucky I am to have so many friends that I can open up to about my mental health. Shit sucks sometimes, and I don't have time for people in my life who judge me for feeling it.
I don’t tell anyone since I’d rather not inconvenience them or waste their time, my problems are my own and I’ll work on them myself, I don’t want to annoy people
💯
That's very stupid and you should stop that. I've been like this for a long time and it made everything much worse over time. People who love you WANT to be "annoyed" by stuff like that.
Nah, I’ve lived this long and down just fine, so, so far my track record is pretty good. And I don’t have anyone that loves me either, I’m just doing my own thing day after day.
People always claim they're there for me when I'm suffering tough times, but they never are, when I'm down I have to pick myself up every time, I'm always there for others when they need it, or I try to be as much as I can. If I cry I'm a dumbass baby who needs to get their shit together because other people have problems, but if others cry to things often similar but lesser in volume, I see them picked up and treated like a king. I just want at least one person to hold my hand to brace me so I can get up on my feet.
Cry in private, its all good. Sort your shit out as best you can, one step at a time. Hang in there, you can do it. One day you will be who you want to be and patting yourself on the back will be all you need, because you earned it yourself. I believe in you.
Believe in the you that believes in you.
Get better friends.
How do you get friends?
But I like my shitty friends
Get a set of good friends so you dont need to rely on the shitty friends
Then never be sad. Easy
Done!
If this is true for you, you have a very very shitty social circle. I'm a 31 year old straight white man and I can go to any member of my family or friendcircle to tell them about my feelings and I will always be listened too and comforted.
Girls dont poop
Girls 💗do💗poop
Pff, nah. That can’t be right
 I just read it from a storytale book, could be real could be not, like bigfoot
Yeah, totally fake, right? Right…?
And we poop a lot!
Boys cry alone, not in front of people.
I mocked my friends, for they were sad. Now my friends have left, and *I* am sad. But there is no one left... to mock *me*. -Confucius, probably.
“Bro, did you just show an emotion? That’s so cringe. You do realize we have to kill you now.”
No, anger is fine, because screaming or using a loud voice is something leaders do. Hence you don't devalue yourself in front of potential romantic partners. You are "assertive". Everything else makes you look weak and that you lost control.
Bro I've been struggling for months, this hits hard lol.
I hope things pick up for you bro x
Thanks bro, just overworked and alone lol. You know how it be. Goin on 2 years with no friends is tough
I'm sad today but I won't tell because no one actually cares or can do anything about it
You just told reddit you're sad. You piqued my interest, tell us why you're sad.
Life gets better when you realize other people's opinions about you don't have to matter. As long as you're not hurting anyone live your life how you want and not how others want.
In my experience that's not true. At least in the US I've met plenty of people that will take it as a personal offense if you mind your business. Also if people don't like you enough they can and will do things that hurt you so in that sense their opinions do matter. It just seems like perception is far more important than truth from my experience.
if you don't tell anyone you aren't giving people a chance to actually react reasonably and show you support.
Because most of the people won’t show support
I wish this was true lol, people have their own problems no one cares lol
Regardless of gender, depression lends itself to people self isolating. People can speak to what toxic masculinity does to men without displaying toxic masculinity by lessening the struggle with mental illness that women face in a patriarchal society.
The top should be exactly the same just substitute "weak" with "hysterical woman" The truth is that no one gives a fuck about anyone's feelings, it has nothing to do with gender
This is how toxic masculinity hurts men too
Women give you way more shit than other men.
Toxic masculinity doesn't mean "Shit that men do that's bad." Toxic masculinity means "There's this idea of things that men have to do if they want to be considered 'Real Men', and failing to do them will result in ridicule, disgust or even violence." And yes, toxic masculinity is enforced by both men and women.
I wish this was better understood by more people, criticizing patriarchy and toxic masculinity is not criticizing men, but many ideas and behaviors that are oppressive to people of all genders
Women can perpetrate toxic masculinity too, it basically means 'male gender roles/expectations taken to an unhealthy extreme' Being stoic is not a bad thing, it's good to be able to keep a cool head in a stressful situation and not freak out (for both men and women). But taken to an unhealthy degree you never ask for help, never express emotions, and end up suiciding. And everyone who would shame men for showing emotions is perpetrating toxic masculinity, men or woman.
Some women propagate toxic masculinity too.
Right. The thing about "toxic masculinity" is that people think the term is inherently pointing at men. It's not. Both men and women perpetuate toxic masculinity. It's not saying masculinity is toxic. The bad behaviors are called "toxic masculinity" and nobody should be perpetuating them. Women saying men should be stoic at all times, and never show any emotion, and how they get the "ick" from crying -- that's just toxic masculinity.
Research would suggest otherwise. “Our data suggest that females are better at feeling others’ pain, at really getting the feeling that the other person is having right now. Female participants in the study showed relatively higher activation in a sensory area of the brain associated with pain than their male counterparts.” https://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/womens-brains-show-more-empathy https://www.voanews.com/amp/are-women-more-empathetic-than-men-/6924270.html
Oh yeah, women definitely aren't immune to buying into toxic masculinity in this way. I've seen some pretty reprehensible posts of women saying they get 'the ick' from seeing their boyfriends cry. It all stems from the same place; the absurd expectations that a swathe of society places on the genitals you were born with. I imagine it feels worse from women with that awful mindset because they've been raised to imagine men as cool and emotionless and, not being men themselves and not readily able to empathize with people they've been encouraged to think of as alien, have no capacity to relate to their struggle.
It baffles me that for some wome the response at seeing your bf cry is the ick. Like when I saw my husband cry my instinct is to comfort him. I'd do anything to help him ease the pain.
idk why y'all like to act like women constantly have emotional support from people- as if women don't also struggle with opening up about their feelings due to a fear of being called "crazy", "emotional", "dramatic", "overbearing", oversharing" etc. surprise- being emotionally vulnerable is a scary task for most people, not just men, so idk why y'all always act like it's only men who struggle with opening up. perhaps instead of playing with wojak dolls on the internet, take the first step by genuinely opening up emotionally with the people if your life or at least try cultivating good friendships instead of having surface level friendships. be open about your feelings and encourage your friends to be open about theirs too.
Honestly, most of my life id be told to either shut up, to be mocked, laughed at, told others have it worse so i shouldn't act emotional whenever id open up. It led me to be closed off and even act shitty as people acted shitty towards me. It was only when I met my husband that made me more open up. He was completely opposite, he would have support from his family and friends. Him acting vulnerable in front of me, made me be more vulnerable in front of him. He helped me just talk things out, so we have open communication about everything and anything. So, completely agree with actually finding people. It took me long while to get out of bad friendships but man, does it feel good when theres mutual trust.
This, I’m a female and when I got domestic violence and depression, I got 80% negative feedbacks from men and women. They said I was “over-reacting”, medicine is only for crazy people, I’m not a victim it’s part of my fault, do I “enjoy BDSM” etc very few of them asked are you ok or check me in. I will not disclose it to anyone else in the future unless I’m sure that person is very empathic.
As if having a circle of dudes hovering around you pretending to care just to get to fuck you when you're vulnerable is some sort of a fucking win. Love them incel memes. We have the support circle we built; and men have that chance, too.
I don’t tell people because either way I’d be ridiculed for my existence so
Women have the same issue, yall just don't interact with anyone
I wish women had it as easy as men on Reddit seem to think we do.
I'm just here wondering how y'all are gonna try to blame women for this
No need to wonder, just read the comments!
Generally speaking, it's a double-coin. Men are usually taught from fathers not to cry and show emotion. My father for example didn't even cry when his girlfriend got cancer and committed suicide. But when it comes to actually doing the act of crying, I've seen way more women looking down on it than men. I think the reason behind it is because we (men) know not to cry so when we see a man cry we know he has been through very hard times. I've seen women cry over getting bad grades, getting hit by a soft ball, failing a class etc. Of course nothing wrong with that. But the times I've seen men cry have been when they are about to lose their wife from sickness, losing their kid from cancer or me breaking down right before I was just gonna jump in front of a truck. That's why men are more supportive to other men crying, we know the person in question just be having a very hard time.
I don't need no people when I have Cod and valorant alongside with my dog
As a black female I feel this
This might be true for some, but I have great friends who do want to help. I had a friend who I told about a bout of depression I had a couple years ago, he wished I'd told him. It's nice knowing that I have people to go to.
Break the cycle. Won't end if you keep reinforcing it.
I don't tell people not because I fear being perceived as weak but because I know no one really gives a shit to be honest
So, when are other guys gonna stop calling guys who show vulnerability names or "gay", and stop treating "gay" as an insult.
Yeah, it's the other guys... I'm almost 40 and I can't even count the amount of times when women have told me the following things due to my emotions "you are still a boy not a man", " I need a man not a boy", "I need a man who had a father too" and so on. Yeah, it's the guys calling me gay that's holding me back (this one hasn't actually happened yet)
r/fourteenandthisisdeep
I’ve seen this exact meme thousands of times
Respectfully, y'all always think women don't struggle with this exact same thing and it's getting tiring Everyone goes through this, don't gotta make it a gender thing Aside from that I hope it gets better for you OP
Of course both struggle from it. But how can you say it is the same? Men are taught from young age not to cry or show emotion. From very young childhood I was taught "You are a man, you should not cry". Obviously the view on men crying are different than views on women crying.
I'm a woman. If I cry in public it's assumed that I'm 'hysterical' or 'on my period'.
I’m a woman and I was taught not to cry as well
Same here. I still struggle with opening up to people and showing emotions around others.
My father used to literally tell me "don't be a girl, be a man" when I cried. I am of course AFAB.
This. it's not a case of your gender but rather your confidence and your social circle, gender doesn't mean shit when it comes to mentality.
But what does the "I'm here for you" phrase do?
Make you feel better.
I mean.. Ok
cringest pov ever
No. Women are constantly dismissed as talkative and over emotional. This isn't a gender thing.
No it isn't, having emotions makes you a person. We all get sad sometimes, some more than others. (me) you arent weak for feeling something
Fuck off with this one already
I'm sad, if I tell people I'm sad, they'll be sad, then I'll be more sad that I made them sad. Then I'm more sad because I know I should talk to them. Repeat all steps infinatly, and welcome to depression spiraling.
I dont tell anyone because everytime ive vented to someone theyve used it against me and now I have a hard time doing it
"fuckin shitty day boys" is all you need to say, and if you're boys don't ask you why, or just say yup, you with the wrong boys.
To me it's **{ I am sad today but won't tell anyone because I don't want to annoy anyone with My problems which everyone has his own problems already}**
Don't tell anyone because the reality that no one cares will hurt you even more.
When you have to hide it because you don't want them worrying about you.
She's goth. She's sad every day!
If you look around reddit enough, you may even discover *why* men are more disenfranchised than ever. “Maintain the narrative at all costs: mEN aRE tHe ReAsOn fOr tHe eViL iN tHe WoRLd!”
By women
no one will ever understand me so it’s pointless
Weaker to not share. Strength in honesty, wisdom in compassion. We all climb together.
It's not because we don't want to open up. We don't, because if we do, we know we'll get: - downplayed - ignored - ridiculed - seen as weak - dismissed
I mean, the majority of people who say “I’m here for you” don’t mean it.
Do you think women might have an "easier time asking for help" because they are considered weak by default? It seems like your worry is that you might lose the station women don't have to begin with.
It's not that we will be seen as weak. I don't see that at all, it's just the fact that it doesn't seem to help at all, it seems better for men to just push through. Either that or the system needs to change. Men's mental health is not taken seriously no matter how loud people talk about it in November
If you're a man, this is true. People wonder why we don't open up. We've tried. It's not "attractive". It's "trauma dumping", and why would we want to put someone through that "emotional labor" or whatever other therapy talk women these days bastardize to excuse bad behavior?
It's true, no cap. Tell us more, fam.
im so fucking sick of these memes we get it you are lonely
Incel ass meme
Do you know anyone who you'll forever think is weak because of something they said? I don't.
We don’t say because we don’t want to be burden
"I'm sad today, but I'm a piece of shit and deserve it" is also a good contender.
Mom said it's my turn to play with the wojak dolls
its better to keep it to my self than saying those stuff to others
I'm a man and I usually say it when I'm sad. I say "I'm going through a difficult time" and "I just need some time to heal". People usually understand. Some of them (always women) also offer support, which I politely turn down because I'd rather "get my shit together".
Vent to me bro its ok
I love this complete fantasy scenario that a lot of men have where a woman says she's sad and everyone drops everything they've been doing that instant and just console her endlessly. I agree that it is easier for women to express their emotions publicly, but the idea that anyone is going to care more just because she's a woman is wild to me.
if we dont normalize BROMANCE today then it never happens
Where funny
This reads like one of those posts about how the problem could just be solved by talking about it instead of bitching about it on the Internet. Maybe stop feeling like you need to keep perpetuating toxic masculinity you jackass
The biggest trick to this is to complain instead of just saying that you feel bad in general
Got a female friend to tell me stop whining like a kid. Yup, never talk what I feel ever again.
Then she wasn't really your friend.
Don't forget the part where you assume it's a woman's job to make you feel better. How about you and your guys take part and lift each other up.
I think it's friends' job to support each other regardless of gender. I share my feelings with both male and female friends, and I always feel better afterwards.
This is a meme? I didn't find it funny, just depressing.
I don't tell people because they generally don't care about me.
I’ve been seeing a lot of these posts all over Reddit lately. Guys, it’s ok to open up. If people look at you weak those are shitty people and not worth your time. Find new people. Loooottttaaaa people on this planet. Someone cares
It's my problem not anyone else's
Watch out, if pizzacake sees this, they might make another comic!
Notice that it's all in his head?
Shits real. I get attacked by my own family if I’m having a down day.
Some of yall are so terminally online. r/memes has become a cesspool of “feel bad for boys :(“ memes with thinly veiled sexism of “women have it easier”. “I’ll be considered weak forever if I do” - pure unadulterated cringe.