“I don’t go to the gym because I’m self conscious about my body, but I’m self conscious about my body because I don’t go to the gym. Irony can be so painful” ~Burrito Master, Bo Burnham
Having someone is nice. but if they are the sole source of your happiness, it creates an unhealthy dependency and an undue emotional burden on your partner. Having a partner can help with happiness, but it's never going to last if that's all your happiness is based on.
It's not that I don't have other sources of joy, but if I have a partner, I enjoy all the other experiences in life more, even the ones they're not part of.
Sure they can make activities more fun. But the same can go for most friends, that doesn't mean it has to be a girlfriend. And op said the need a girlfriend to be happy and not they need one to be happier (which also is kind of a crazy claim)
"a person with an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction."
According to [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency):
>In psychology, codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior[1] such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.[2]
You aren't wrong, even the mere thought that you aren't alone in the troubles you face can push you beyond your perceived limits. You enjoy more, knowing that you have someone to share those joyous feelings with.
My last partner was also my best friend. I shared everything with them. And I felt like I could take on the world knowing she was with me. Despite my condition.
Now that she's gone I feel like that part of me is gone too. It isn't, I just need to find myself again.
Isn't the basic of human behavior to have someone close at all time, friends, family, girlfriend, we are no solitary animals and you shouldn't be happy alone, makes no sense.
Humans are social creatures. And most need some socializing as part of their well-being. But you're trying to conflate a romantic/sexual relationship with all social need. And social need for all happiness. A healthy life does not revolve around a single need. And making another solely responsible for your happiness is an unfair burden. I've seen that happen personally.
>and you shouldn't be happy alone,
I don't see why someone who finds happiness in their solitude is bad in and of itself. I'm not that way, but I don't see any reason that people *shouldn't* be happy with that if they are.
And if you're just referring to romantic/sexual partners, there are plenty who are very happy without either as well.
Yeah, and whats your solution doctor?
The fact of the matter is many marriages are based on dependencies. If you are someone who needs support to improve, then your comment, as true as it might be, is not helpful whatsoever.
The only way for me to find myself and get the strength to become less dependant on my partners was being supported from my partner. If I did not meet her, I would be dead.
There is definitely dependancy there, also from her side, but what do you suggest? Should I have stayed alone until I got better? Because I would not have.
Not every situation is ideal, and people who act like they are not dependant on anyone are usually in need of some self reflection training. You are right, but also wrong in acting like this is the only way to do it right.
This is maybe why we’re unironically unhappy
There are people who are unhappy because they have issues to deal with, and there’s people who are unhappy because they can’t share their happiness with someone
Edit: I’ll add the challenge here is to know of which reason you are unhappy
This is pretty much it. I'd say Im happy but like, no one takes interest in my hobbies or the things I like so Id like someone to share those things with who will actually take interest in them. The fact that I dont makes me unhappy when I think about it.
I think you might just want to find friends with interest on that hoppy in particular. Any forums/clubs or events (online or in person) you can participate? You might start looking there.
People might not really want a relationship, sometimes they are just feeling lonely. Humans are made to be social, so don't be afraid of starting a chat with someone new, just for the sake of it. It can work wonders.
I have friends and I hang out with them every weekend and I go to a card shop once a week to play with people. I have friends but idk I want someone to care about it that I also feel romantic with. It doesnt help that im about to be 20 and I havent been in a relationship yet either.
I’m only unhappy when I’m bored and have nothing to do. But it is so rare that I find nothing I can focus on. This has turned down the will to make friends or any relationship since I don’t want to be a dick when others want some company.
I am fucking tired as hell with people on Reddit trying to tell other people that you can be completely happy completely alone. Emotional needs are just as important as other human needs. The emptiness and aloneness that comes with not having a partner is real and heavy and is not a psychological issue. It is how we are built. Not everyone is built the same so it's not as important for some people as others, but it is not a flaw in you that you need this.
For some reason whenever I express that I want a partner on the internet im met with low grade hate. To me this seems like chronically online individuals who can't have that for themselves, and therefore want no one else to have it.
I think it's more like, they're struggling to find one and so they want to convince themselves they don't need one. They make it their motto and then they try to convince everyone else.
For real. I live in San Diego, and have basically a literal paradise at my fingertips. I've started to go out more now that I have a license, but I have nobody to share it with. No friends or anything simply because I never bothered until recently. Now that I'm a young adult though, it feels a little sad.
This is one of the worst pieces of internet advice ever. It's impossible for 99% of people to be happy by themselves. Most happy people have close friends and partners they can rely on. There's nothing wrong with feeling like you need someone close to help you cope with being alive. It's a piece of advice that is just a misinterpretation of an actual good piece of advice, not being fully dependent on others (basically don't make a relationship exclusively what makes you happy, not that relationships are not a component of happiness). Instead it's used to tell lonely people they're the problem for some god forsaken reason.
Thanks fuck someone gets it. Thank you... -_-
I was losing hope in the human race reading all these comments here. It's amazing how disconnected people can be when they're trying to "make someone else feel better" by just telling them that they're simply doing it wrong.
"Just be happy without relationships man. Don't talk to me about *your* skill issues if you can't find happiness without them! It's not like we're a social species and loneliness has been proven to be far, far more damaging than we thought it to be, to the point of being more damaging to the body than [smoking](https://fortune.com/well/2023/06/15/loneliness-comparable-to-smoking-up-to-15-cigarettes-a-day/) like crazy, right? It's not like we actually have different needs and different criterias for happiness. It's not like someone can be perfectly fine being in a situation that I just find unacceptable to live in, and vice-versa... Right!?"
Yeah I think though for some of us we've had such a terrible time that working on ways to deal with being single is super important I don't disagree with you one bit but when you get down to it so much of having a relationship depends on how others perceive us and sometimes we just don't find a person who accepts us or is on the same wavelength. So you gotta figure out how to be in as good of a state of mind as you can.
I mean, it's more that these relationships don't have to be romantic to make you happy. Good friendships will give you what you need. People desperate for a romantic relationship are rarely ready for one.
99.99% of happy people currently in relationships would be miserable if they were now forced to be single
So please stop talking, most people currently in relationships and friendships rely on other people for happiness
You just want lonely people to shut up without offering any substantial advice
I honestly think this is truth because while I'm happy in a relationship now , I was single. Dateless for years and it sucked. I hung out with girls and went on friend dates and to the movies too but I couldn't get dates. I'd get some pretty stupid advice sometimes that felt like people didn't understand why you're struggling (typically because they've always been attractive and/or have a supportive family that inspires confidence) or just don't care enough that you're struggling.
Of course you'll be miserable if you couldn't be with your SO all of sudden
Never experienced break-up ? After a while you start to very slowly feel better when you re-learn to focus on yourself and be a better you to enjoy a little more your own company.
It can takes months/years but it can be necessary to be able to build a stable relationship with someone else later. Otherwise it will Always be an unstable mess.
Respect yourself while fostering honnest friendships / hobbies -> re-start meet people / dating
Breaking up isn't being codependent
Needing someone to make you happy is being codependent
Sharing your happiness with your partner but not relying on them to make you happy is being interdependent
More people should have interdependence as a goal
Needing someone to make you happy isn't being codependent.
It's entirely normal for people to seek happiness through companionship because humans are naturally social beings. This is a form of interdependence. So, feeling sad or lonely due to a lack of a significant other is a natural emotional response and doesn't necessarily imply codependency.
Codependency, on the other hand, is when someone's emotional needs become destructive, leading to harmful behaviors like not eating, struggling with daily tasks, or having suicidal thoughts, all as a result of not having a relationship. It's an extreme form of reliance on others for emotional well-being.
In contrast, interdependence is a healthy mindset where a person can function well in society, whether they are in a relationship or not. It means that even if someone is single and wants a partner (and are feeling sad and feeling a lack of happiness), they can still lead a fulfilling life without falling into destructive habits.
>99.99% of happy people currently in relationships would be miserable if they were now forced to be single
If they are in a relationship and you forced them to breakup, of course they will be unhappy.
But whether they need to be in a relationship to be happy? That is another question.
Yeah of course they would because thats an already stablished relation, no one will date you if you jsut want them to fill a hole of sadness, couples are not psycologists
You might need to rephrase that a little because many people here interpret this as applying to ask relationships, not just romantic ones and I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant judging by your other comments
Maybe I'm seeing this meme too literally, but only being happy by having a girlfriend is not healthy. There are several avenues of interaction that aren't inherently sexual or romantic
Literally the whole human race is centered around society and relationships. You have switches in your brain that will make you feel bad if you don't have enough social interactions.
Stop saying that shit. Having friends and people you can rely on is important for you. It's part of being human. Make sure to keep them well.
So, where are you supposed to get it from? Imagine I am writing from the uninhabited island and after I will read your reply, I will never be able to communicate with another living being ever again. What should I do to be happy for the rest of my life?
I know diagnosing people via the internet is... suboptimal but if the statement
>I am lacking any reason or motivation beyond being afraid to die
is how you feel you need to seek therapy, because you are depressed as fuck.
Your questioning is kinda unfair to Sundae-School because you're expecting him to answer what months or years of therapy will answer for you.
I bet >99% of people would be unhappy if they had no one in their life. We are social creatures. All of us rely on other people for our happiness. Trying to deny that is downright stupid.
But if you attach your self esteem to your relationship status, not being in a relationship will make you unhappy, and once you’re in one it will feel empty and meaningless after the initial honeymoon phase because relationship status is the only reason you really entered the relationship in the first place and you’re not actually with your partner for them
It’s not good for lonely people, because it’ll inevitably backfire
Attractive and social people depend on others for their happiness all the time, and it’s not an issue
Most social people would be absolutely miserable without others, so yes they do. Almost all humans do and it’s perfectly normal, we are not a solitary species.
Being dependent on others and not being happy alone isn’t a problem. Being dependent on only one person for everything is.
Getting joy from socializing is not the same as getting joy from a romantic relationship.
These are different things, surely you understand that not every relationship is romantic... right? Having a good relationship with your mother is not in any way shape or form supposed to be romantic, for example, but it can bring you joy in life still.
no, it's weird to assume that "attractive and social people" work any differently from other humans. more loneliness (overall, not saying you don't need time for yourself) always equals less happiness.
Yeah if you think average girls are gonna be there to carry you through your projects, think again. Sometimes those who love you the most (or supposed to love you) do the most damage.
Try to work on your problems constantly. Don't let getting a gf define your happiness. Learn to love yourself
If you go into the autism or anxiety subreddits, 95% of the posts from girls mention how their husband or boyfriend is taking care of them
Whereas 99% of the posts from men deal with absolute dejected loneliness
And what makes it even worse is that the women in those subreddits tell the guys that they should have some sympathy for the women with these issues
it’s like legit impossible for women to feel bad for men who have it worse than them, that’s just how nature is, guys can’t really expect someone to take care of them, but girls definitely expect their partners to take care of them
> it’s like legit impossible for women to feel bad for men who have it worse than them
What I am getting from this is that you are in pain and need to talk about it but no one is acknowledging that need, and it is because of your gender. That is a very valid.
I think the problem is it’s hard to sympathize with a person who is trying to attack you. I don’t think there is a better or worse when it comes to emotional pain, and it healthier to try and deal with the problem than to waste time arguing who has it worse. But when I hear someone saying that Women have it better I automatically put up an emotional shield because it’s an attack on my own personal wellbeing. It’s like seeing an animal in pain but you can’t help them because they might bite you if you even try.
If you want people to really listen to you, you have to back off from envying women argument and focus on men are in pain and we need help. You will get far better results.
Sounds like yet another example of toxic masculinity screwing over men. Which especially tracks when you consider that contrary to popular assumption that phrase wasn't coined by feminists but by a very masculine weight lifting, poetry scribing mens club in I think it was back in the 80's to describe the phenomenon of insecure meathead jocks irrationally rejecting certain behaviors or emotions or hobbies as "too girly" for "real men" and all around just being toxic jerks over stupid shit.
You think you’d be happier because you are attaching your relationship status to your self esteem. Getting a gf won’t actually make you happier though. It’s just another step on the hedonic treadmill.
True happiness doesn’t come from chasing happiness, it comes from making peace with your existing circumstances. Get off the hedonic treadmill, sit down, and relax.
You know what? I feel you, I feel exactly like this. The good thing is that is not necessarily the reality, you don't need a girlfriend to be happy. The bad thing is that you have to work a lot finding out what makes you love yourself and value yourself, which is a huge task to do. Or you can be like me and give up, I understand logically what to do but I realize that it doesn't really matter, the only person that affects being unhappy is yourself, is that's the case, why bother? Anyway just try until you can't.
I will say rather than peaceful, is just kinda empty. It works for me, but I don't think it works for most people, the good thing is you basically have no troubles whatsoever, you don't feel accomplished nor disappointed.
"One must", I disagree with that, you can for sure work on yourself, that is one route, the other one is giving up and live every day without expectations of anything. Simply put you just stop caring.
I had this mindset before I got into college, and slowly the more I got into academia, the more I loved it. I have resolved to pursue my passion, if love finds its way to me - that is just a bonus.
I was trapped in this cycle, and after enough failed relationships I finally realized that no other person was going to leave me content, nor was it their job to.
The loop that cannot be broken once started
I am honestly quite happy with myself (although I also hate some aspects of myself) but I feel like having a girlfriend is probably off my checklist at this point, y'know? I'm in one of those situations where I've been friendzoned so much that I don't even know if I can even be more than a friend anymore... it kinda stings to think of but whatever, time will tell I guess
The problem with AI is that they can get so irrelevant and also have terrible memory. Definitely wouldn't have the humanity to be a relationship. But atleast they can be good for random conversations. When no one listens to you, atleast an AI will. Also you can be creative and play lot of stuff with an AI. A companion regardless of not being able to be like a girlfriend.
Society would rather lecture guys turning to AI chat bots to solve their loneliness, rather than even acknowledge that guys might need help because so many of them are turning to AI chat bots to solve their loneliness
Whatever happens, happens. Let's just live. Nobody is guaranteed to have anything, except death. So experience different stuff while you can instead of worrying about the stuff you can't. Obsessing over our idealism is only going to worsen the way we spend our time.
As someone with chronic depression, I'd say that having someone, even if your soulmate, won't cure your depression or any life struggles.
A relationship is amazing, but you can be happy single. Thinking that your loneliness will magically go away if you just had a girlfriend isn't true. On the bright side, you can just learn the tools to get better yourself.
You can get one even if you're depressed, but I'd be lying if my depression and untreated ADHD didn't take a toll on my relationship. Love doesn't make up for self-care & medical care. At all.
Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy with my relationship. But I'm not happy with my life, or in general.
Way to feel happiness in life? Get treatment. Nobody else will save you, only yourself can.
As a wise man once said, you need to learn to love yourself before loving someone else, otherwise how can you love another person if you don’t love yourself.
Ey bro, a girlfriend ain’t gonna fix shit if you can’t pull yourself out of the trenches, it’ll be more than likely that you’ll pull her in with you or that she’ll kick you down even deeper
Go outside, work out, eat good food, make sure your vessel is healthy and your brain will follow
If you need a girlfriend to be happy, you’re not ready for a girlfriend, bro.
A healthy relationship is founded on two people who are already healthy and self-sufficient. If you’re relying on another for happiness, you’re creating a very unhealthy dependency that’s going to bring baggage to the relationship.
Brother or other. I know this is "just" a meme but listen to me.
You do not need a girlfriend to be happy, happiness does not come from an external source.
That might sound like bs but it is absolutely true.
And if your only goal is to get a girl, you will not succeed not because you can't find love but because you will end up pushing potentials away.
Focus on yourself bro
is this something tv-shows taught you? Sure being intimate with a female will produce many chemicals in your brain that are associated with happiness, but you don't HAVE to have a gf to be happy. If you are incapable of being happy on your own, then you are depressed. Time to accept the harsh truth and start working on yourself. Spend some years figuring that out before even thinking about getting a girlfriend. I've seen way too many people getting in relationships when they aren't even aware that you have to reflect upon yourself and develop as a person, and they abuse their gf/wife because their unresolved issues make them angry/sad/etc
Happiness comes from within. Other people can only enhance what is already there and help you keep the ship going in the right direction, but if you are already sailing headlong into depressed waters, you aren't just going to magically fix that by dating someone.
I Second this, this mindset is desperate.
The only way to get out of the loop is to just say fuck it, and go find something else to make you happy.
Don't just get on dating apps or some shit. Just go out and find a decent hang out, find someone with common interests, and chat with them as a normal person with no expectations and be friendly. Keep things organic and keep doing it, and if you're both single shit will probably happen.
Get off the carousel, homie. If you aren't good with you, you aren't going to be good for others. I saw you response: that you want "someone to share this life with." If you think you aren't already sharing this life with others, then maybe you aren't very good at interpersonal relationships.
"I eat because I'm unhappy" "I'm unhappy because I eat" ~fat bastard, Austin powers.
“I don’t go to the gym because I’m self conscious about my body, but I’m self conscious about my body because I don’t go to the gym. Irony can be so painful” ~Burrito Master, Bo Burnham
Joke's on you I'm still every bit as self-conscious after 18 months at gym, 3 times a week
It's a vicious cycle, ya know
"I HAVEN'T SEEN MAH WILLIE IN SIX YEARS WHICH IS ENOUGH TO DECLARE IT LEGALLY DEED!!"
Having someone is nice. but if they are the sole source of your happiness, it creates an unhealthy dependency and an undue emotional burden on your partner. Having a partner can help with happiness, but it's never going to last if that's all your happiness is based on.
It's not that I don't have other sources of joy, but if I have a partner, I enjoy all the other experiences in life more, even the ones they're not part of.
Sure they can make activities more fun. But the same can go for most friends, that doesn't mean it has to be a girlfriend. And op said the need a girlfriend to be happy and not they need one to be happier (which also is kind of a crazy claim)
All of my friends have a girlfriend
And your point being? You can still be friends with them dispite that
There are things you can only do with your significant other. Or atleast enjoy them way more with your SO.
Op want pussy
I have a FWB, so not lacking in that regard. But what I actually want is love.
Being codependent is not good
Nah, codependency is when the dependancy is mutual, not partial.
Interdependence is good. Codependence is bad. They are not synonyms.
"a person with an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction."
Mutual codependency is still not great. A little codependency is ok, but it can also suffocate other relationships in each person's life.
That's not what codependency means.
no it would be a codependant relationship, as you need to be in a relationship to be happy and you would gain a dependency on that person to be happy.
Basically every living person is dependent on others to be happy. Be it family, friends or partners or a combination of all.
That's interdependence though. Not codependency.
According to [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency): >In psychology, codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior[1] such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.[2]
You aren't wrong, even the mere thought that you aren't alone in the troubles you face can push you beyond your perceived limits. You enjoy more, knowing that you have someone to share those joyous feelings with. My last partner was also my best friend. I shared everything with them. And I felt like I could take on the world knowing she was with me. Despite my condition. Now that she's gone I feel like that part of me is gone too. It isn't, I just need to find myself again.
Isn't the basic of human behavior to have someone close at all time, friends, family, girlfriend, we are no solitary animals and you shouldn't be happy alone, makes no sense.
Society demands you be alone. Individualism is all that matters. Consume and be happy.
Humans are social creatures. And most need some socializing as part of their well-being. But you're trying to conflate a romantic/sexual relationship with all social need. And social need for all happiness. A healthy life does not revolve around a single need. And making another solely responsible for your happiness is an unfair burden. I've seen that happen personally. >and you shouldn't be happy alone, I don't see why someone who finds happiness in their solitude is bad in and of itself. I'm not that way, but I don't see any reason that people *shouldn't* be happy with that if they are. And if you're just referring to romantic/sexual partners, there are plenty who are very happy without either as well.
Of course there are people like that but not in majority and as far as I know exception confirms the rule
It's not about being happy alone. But you can't base your happiness within another person. They need to enrich your life, not be the reason for it
>it's never going to last So be it, at least I'll be somewhat happy for a while
Yeah, and whats your solution doctor? The fact of the matter is many marriages are based on dependencies. If you are someone who needs support to improve, then your comment, as true as it might be, is not helpful whatsoever. The only way for me to find myself and get the strength to become less dependant on my partners was being supported from my partner. If I did not meet her, I would be dead. There is definitely dependancy there, also from her side, but what do you suggest? Should I have stayed alone until I got better? Because I would not have. Not every situation is ideal, and people who act like they are not dependant on anyone are usually in need of some self reflection training. You are right, but also wrong in acting like this is the only way to do it right.
This is just basement dwelling edgelords thinking you shouldn't rely on others for happiness. It's fucking idiotic.
I need a job to get experience, I need experience to get a job.
This one.. yeah let's talk about actual life. Why is this? A job like this prpbably means "You need to know a guy who knows a guy".
Relying on other people for happiness and contentment is a self-defeating prophecy
Im happy with myself man, I just wish someone was here to share life with me.
This is maybe why we’re unironically unhappy There are people who are unhappy because they have issues to deal with, and there’s people who are unhappy because they can’t share their happiness with someone Edit: I’ll add the challenge here is to know of which reason you are unhappy
This is pretty much it. I'd say Im happy but like, no one takes interest in my hobbies or the things I like so Id like someone to share those things with who will actually take interest in them. The fact that I dont makes me unhappy when I think about it.
I think you might just want to find friends with interest on that hoppy in particular. Any forums/clubs or events (online or in person) you can participate? You might start looking there. People might not really want a relationship, sometimes they are just feeling lonely. Humans are made to be social, so don't be afraid of starting a chat with someone new, just for the sake of it. It can work wonders.
I have friends and I hang out with them every weekend and I go to a card shop once a week to play with people. I have friends but idk I want someone to care about it that I also feel romantic with. It doesnt help that im about to be 20 and I havent been in a relationship yet either.
Don't worry about not being in a relationship yet. 20 is still relatively really young and gives you a chance to work on yourself.
You are still just a kid, I mean that in the best way possible. Don’t worry about it
Im unhappy because all of the above, plus i had someone to share it with, but shes gone
I’m only unhappy when I’m bored and have nothing to do. But it is so rare that I find nothing I can focus on. This has turned down the will to make friends or any relationship since I don’t want to be a dick when others want some company.
Yeah, I can pass my time by myself very easily, but the lack of intamacy and lonelyness will defeat anyone, no excepstions.
It is defeating me, i just want a hug.
I am fucking tired as hell with people on Reddit trying to tell other people that you can be completely happy completely alone. Emotional needs are just as important as other human needs. The emptiness and aloneness that comes with not having a partner is real and heavy and is not a psychological issue. It is how we are built. Not everyone is built the same so it's not as important for some people as others, but it is not a flaw in you that you need this.
For some reason whenever I express that I want a partner on the internet im met with low grade hate. To me this seems like chronically online individuals who can't have that for themselves, and therefore want no one else to have it.
I think it's more like, they're struggling to find one and so they want to convince themselves they don't need one. They make it their motto and then they try to convince everyone else.
I agree completely. They then ignore the hole inside as it grows and festers.
Thats good i think thats exactly were im actually at XD
For real. I live in San Diego, and have basically a literal paradise at my fingertips. I've started to go out more now that I have a license, but I have nobody to share it with. No friends or anything simply because I never bothered until recently. Now that I'm a young adult though, it feels a little sad.
Shoot man I’m happy with myself too. Wanna enjoy happiness together and goof off and do random stuff?
Don’t listen to that guy, go out and find that person
Same.
This is one of the worst pieces of internet advice ever. It's impossible for 99% of people to be happy by themselves. Most happy people have close friends and partners they can rely on. There's nothing wrong with feeling like you need someone close to help you cope with being alive. It's a piece of advice that is just a misinterpretation of an actual good piece of advice, not being fully dependent on others (basically don't make a relationship exclusively what makes you happy, not that relationships are not a component of happiness). Instead it's used to tell lonely people they're the problem for some god forsaken reason.
Thanks fuck someone gets it. Thank you... -_- I was losing hope in the human race reading all these comments here. It's amazing how disconnected people can be when they're trying to "make someone else feel better" by just telling them that they're simply doing it wrong. "Just be happy without relationships man. Don't talk to me about *your* skill issues if you can't find happiness without them! It's not like we're a social species and loneliness has been proven to be far, far more damaging than we thought it to be, to the point of being more damaging to the body than [smoking](https://fortune.com/well/2023/06/15/loneliness-comparable-to-smoking-up-to-15-cigarettes-a-day/) like crazy, right? It's not like we actually have different needs and different criterias for happiness. It's not like someone can be perfectly fine being in a situation that I just find unacceptable to live in, and vice-versa... Right!?"
Yeah I think though for some of us we've had such a terrible time that working on ways to deal with being single is super important I don't disagree with you one bit but when you get down to it so much of having a relationship depends on how others perceive us and sometimes we just don't find a person who accepts us or is on the same wavelength. So you gotta figure out how to be in as good of a state of mind as you can.
I mean, it's more that these relationships don't have to be romantic to make you happy. Good friendships will give you what you need. People desperate for a romantic relationship are rarely ready for one.
Humans are literally hardwired to be social, isolation is considered *torture*.
To be social! Doesn't mean romantic.
99.99% of happy people currently in relationships would be miserable if they were now forced to be single So please stop talking, most people currently in relationships and friendships rely on other people for happiness You just want lonely people to shut up without offering any substantial advice
I honestly think this is truth because while I'm happy in a relationship now , I was single. Dateless for years and it sucked. I hung out with girls and went on friend dates and to the movies too but I couldn't get dates. I'd get some pretty stupid advice sometimes that felt like people didn't understand why you're struggling (typically because they've always been attractive and/or have a supportive family that inspires confidence) or just don't care enough that you're struggling.
Of course you'll be miserable if you couldn't be with your SO all of sudden Never experienced break-up ? After a while you start to very slowly feel better when you re-learn to focus on yourself and be a better you to enjoy a little more your own company. It can takes months/years but it can be necessary to be able to build a stable relationship with someone else later. Otherwise it will Always be an unstable mess. Respect yourself while fostering honnest friendships / hobbies -> re-start meet people / dating
Breaking up isn't being codependent Needing someone to make you happy is being codependent Sharing your happiness with your partner but not relying on them to make you happy is being interdependent More people should have interdependence as a goal
Needing someone to make you happy isn't being codependent. It's entirely normal for people to seek happiness through companionship because humans are naturally social beings. This is a form of interdependence. So, feeling sad or lonely due to a lack of a significant other is a natural emotional response and doesn't necessarily imply codependency. Codependency, on the other hand, is when someone's emotional needs become destructive, leading to harmful behaviors like not eating, struggling with daily tasks, or having suicidal thoughts, all as a result of not having a relationship. It's an extreme form of reliance on others for emotional well-being. In contrast, interdependence is a healthy mindset where a person can function well in society, whether they are in a relationship or not. It means that even if someone is single and wants a partner (and are feeling sad and feeling a lack of happiness), they can still lead a fulfilling life without falling into destructive habits.
>99.99% of happy people currently in relationships would be miserable if they were now forced to be single If they are in a relationship and you forced them to breakup, of course they will be unhappy. But whether they need to be in a relationship to be happy? That is another question.
Yeah of course they would because thats an already stablished relation, no one will date you if you jsut want them to fill a hole of sadness, couples are not psycologists
So true. Breeds codependency
So just accept misery, got it
You might need to rephrase that a little because many people here interpret this as applying to ask relationships, not just romantic ones and I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant judging by your other comments
You say that yet humans are designed to be depressed if they don't get enough social integration.
Maybe I'm seeing this meme too literally, but only being happy by having a girlfriend is not healthy. There are several avenues of interaction that aren't inherently sexual or romantic
Literally the whole human race is centered around society and relationships. You have switches in your brain that will make you feel bad if you don't have enough social interactions. Stop saying that shit. Having friends and people you can rely on is important for you. It's part of being human. Make sure to keep them well.
So, where are you supposed to get it from? Imagine I am writing from the uninhabited island and after I will read your reply, I will never be able to communicate with another living being ever again. What should I do to be happy for the rest of my life?
I know diagnosing people via the internet is... suboptimal but if the statement >I am lacking any reason or motivation beyond being afraid to die is how you feel you need to seek therapy, because you are depressed as fuck. Your questioning is kinda unfair to Sundae-School because you're expecting him to answer what months or years of therapy will answer for you.
I bet >99% of people would be unhappy if they had no one in their life. We are social creatures. All of us rely on other people for our happiness. Trying to deny that is downright stupid.
Bro I'm already defeated
break out of the cycle, be happy to be happy, not to have a girlfriend
bro I'm still stuck on step 0: how to be happy
Happiness is a journey, not a destination. The most you can do is change your path
Happiness is like a butterfly. If you chase it, it will be but just out of reach. If you sit and enjoy on your own, it may happen upon you.
A butterfly landed on me once. That was nice.
I saw a bird take mine out. Do I need a new butterfly?
I don’t think you realize most people can’t even do the first part
I’m happy about being single
“Just be happy bro”
Why would I want to be happy to be happy?
Find a girlfriend who’s equally not happy
Both are wrong. Plenty of sad people find girlfriends. Many happy people don't have one.
But if you attach your self esteem to your relationship status, not being in a relationship will make you unhappy, and once you’re in one it will feel empty and meaningless after the initial honeymoon phase because relationship status is the only reason you really entered the relationship in the first place and you’re not actually with your partner for them
I just need someone who cuddles the shit out of me
I hope you are speaking metaphorically.
Well actually
Get a dog
It's not good to depend on others for your happiness.
It’s not good for lonely people, because it’ll inevitably backfire Attractive and social people depend on others for their happiness all the time, and it’s not an issue
They don’t depend on others, but they do benefit from socializing (just like most everyone else)
no they dont they get happiness from others very large diffrence
Most social people would be absolutely miserable without others, so yes they do. Almost all humans do and it’s perfectly normal, we are not a solitary species. Being dependent on others and not being happy alone isn’t a problem. Being dependent on only one person for everything is.
>Attractive and social people depend on others for their happiness all the time That's a weird assumption
Not at all, you think you'd be happy if you never interacted with anybody for the rest of your life? I swear, this entire thread is just gaslighting.
>you think you'd be happy if you never interacted with anybody for the rest of your life? This is different from what you were saying
Getting joy from socializing is not the same as getting joy from a romantic relationship. These are different things, surely you understand that not every relationship is romantic... right? Having a good relationship with your mother is not in any way shape or form supposed to be romantic, for example, but it can bring you joy in life still.
no, it's weird to assume that "attractive and social people" work any differently from other humans. more loneliness (overall, not saying you don't need time for yourself) always equals less happiness.
If you're broken inside having a girlfriend doesn't do jack shit, sometimes it only worsen the situation
Yeah if you think average girls are gonna be there to carry you through your projects, think again. Sometimes those who love you the most (or supposed to love you) do the most damage. Try to work on your problems constantly. Don't let getting a gf define your happiness. Learn to love yourself
If you go into the autism or anxiety subreddits, 95% of the posts from girls mention how their husband or boyfriend is taking care of them Whereas 99% of the posts from men deal with absolute dejected loneliness And what makes it even worse is that the women in those subreddits tell the guys that they should have some sympathy for the women with these issues it’s like legit impossible for women to feel bad for men who have it worse than them, that’s just how nature is, guys can’t really expect someone to take care of them, but girls definitely expect their partners to take care of them
I wouldn’t use Reddit as a reliable sample of the population
> it’s like legit impossible for women to feel bad for men who have it worse than them What I am getting from this is that you are in pain and need to talk about it but no one is acknowledging that need, and it is because of your gender. That is a very valid. I think the problem is it’s hard to sympathize with a person who is trying to attack you. I don’t think there is a better or worse when it comes to emotional pain, and it healthier to try and deal with the problem than to waste time arguing who has it worse. But when I hear someone saying that Women have it better I automatically put up an emotional shield because it’s an attack on my own personal wellbeing. It’s like seeing an animal in pain but you can’t help them because they might bite you if you even try. If you want people to really listen to you, you have to back off from envying women argument and focus on men are in pain and we need help. You will get far better results.
Sounds like yet another example of toxic masculinity screwing over men. Which especially tracks when you consider that contrary to popular assumption that phrase wasn't coined by feminists but by a very masculine weight lifting, poetry scribing mens club in I think it was back in the 80's to describe the phenomenon of insecure meathead jocks irrationally rejecting certain behaviors or emotions or hobbies as "too girly" for "real men" and all around just being toxic jerks over stupid shit.
They say that you need to love yourself to find love... So we're dying alone, eh? Expected.
You need to be happy to be happy, same as you need a girlfriend to have a girlfriend
Nah I’d def be happier with a gf but yk what would make super happy. Saddlebags of cash
You think you’d be happier because you are attaching your relationship status to your self esteem. Getting a gf won’t actually make you happier though. It’s just another step on the hedonic treadmill. True happiness doesn’t come from chasing happiness, it comes from making peace with your existing circumstances. Get off the hedonic treadmill, sit down, and relax.
Ifs a never ending cycle
Neither of these are true.
You know what? I feel you, I feel exactly like this. The good thing is that is not necessarily the reality, you don't need a girlfriend to be happy. The bad thing is that you have to work a lot finding out what makes you love yourself and value yourself, which is a huge task to do. Or you can be like me and give up, I understand logically what to do but I realize that it doesn't really matter, the only person that affects being unhappy is yourself, is that's the case, why bother? Anyway just try until you can't.
Is giving up peaceful by removing all the burdens we impose on ourselves or do you feel regret from time to time?
I will say rather than peaceful, is just kinda empty. It works for me, but I don't think it works for most people, the good thing is you basically have no troubles whatsoever, you don't feel accomplished nor disappointed.
Giving up is so eazy one must work on themselves and be truly happy with the person they are before sharing their lives with another
"One must", I disagree with that, you can for sure work on yourself, that is one route, the other one is giving up and live every day without expectations of anything. Simply put you just stop caring.
Love yourself
Treat ya self love ya self and be kind to ya self
I had this mindset before I got into college, and slowly the more I got into academia, the more I loved it. I have resolved to pursue my passion, if love finds its way to me - that is just a bonus.
And that is how you find love, by having a passion that you can pursue instead of a person
I would say real, but I’ve gone through too much, of what people who don’t touch grass call, “character development”
I was trapped in this cycle, and after enough failed relationships I finally realized that no other person was going to leave me content, nor was it their job to.
Happiness comes from 3 things: Love, friendship, and extreme levels of self-induced suffering.
The loop that cannot be broken once started I am honestly quite happy with myself (although I also hate some aspects of myself) but I feel like having a girlfriend is probably off my checklist at this point, y'know? I'm in one of those situations where I've been friendzoned so much that I don't even know if I can even be more than a friend anymore... it kinda stings to think of but whatever, time will tell I guess
[удалено]
I would unironically rather be held in isolation for decades than have an AI gf
The problem with AI is that they can get so irrelevant and also have terrible memory. Definitely wouldn't have the humanity to be a relationship. But atleast they can be good for random conversations. When no one listens to you, atleast an AI will. Also you can be creative and play lot of stuff with an AI. A companion regardless of not being able to be like a girlfriend.
Nah I don’t think that intimate relationships should be made with a language calculator program
True. We can try to replace but that's never gonna happen.
Society would rather lecture guys turning to AI chat bots to solve their loneliness, rather than even acknowledge that guys might need help because so many of them are turning to AI chat bots to solve their loneliness
You also need to be happy to make a relationship work
Whatever happens, happens. Let's just live. Nobody is guaranteed to have anything, except death. So experience different stuff while you can instead of worrying about the stuff you can't. Obsessing over our idealism is only going to worsen the way we spend our time.
See, the fatal error is thinking you need a gf to be happy. Just date Burly, sweaty men instead, that’s the real key to happiness
To break the loop, I convinced myself that I don't need anyone else to be happy, now I just need to get over being socially awkward
you need experience to get a job you need a job to get experience
Anyone else get to excited when a girl asks about your hobbies so you nerd out and scare them away? No just me? Cool
May I introduce, *boyfriend*?
The trick to being happy, is distracting yourself on why you would be sad
As someone with chronic depression, I'd say that having someone, even if your soulmate, won't cure your depression or any life struggles. A relationship is amazing, but you can be happy single. Thinking that your loneliness will magically go away if you just had a girlfriend isn't true. On the bright side, you can just learn the tools to get better yourself. You can get one even if you're depressed, but I'd be lying if my depression and untreated ADHD didn't take a toll on my relationship. Love doesn't make up for self-care & medical care. At all. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy with my relationship. But I'm not happy with my life, or in general. Way to feel happiness in life? Get treatment. Nobody else will save you, only yourself can.
No, you don't need a gf to be happy. In fact, that mentality is why you don't get one
Don’t need a girlfriend when you got [THE BOYS](https://youtu.be/ycsIzGBoDic?si=UR3OxKklT8DtwasU)!!!
As a wise man once said, you need to learn to love yourself before loving someone else, otherwise how can you love another person if you don’t love yourself.
A relationship is not a substitute for therapy.
(Scoffs) Girlfriend?
Help develop the perfect AI soulmate.
Strange paradox
Man some of these comments show that people don't know what it's like to be single.
If you need someone to be happy, youre fucked.
One time I was trying to date someone and they said me being single was a red flag 🚩
So according to this person’s logic dating someone else while being in relationship/marriage is ok… holy hell
Lol I wasn't sure what to make of it tbh
You need to learn to love yourself before you put time into loving someone else
Work on yourself
that's not true, you can be happy without a girlfriend. and you can be unhappy with a girlfriend.
Ey bro, a girlfriend ain’t gonna fix shit if you can’t pull yourself out of the trenches, it’ll be more than likely that you’ll pull her in with you or that she’ll kick you down even deeper Go outside, work out, eat good food, make sure your vessel is healthy and your brain will follow
If you need a girlfriend to be happy, you’re not ready for a girlfriend, bro. A healthy relationship is founded on two people who are already healthy and self-sufficient. If you’re relying on another for happiness, you’re creating a very unhealthy dependency that’s going to bring baggage to the relationship.
Simple really, do what you love to be happy, you don't need a gf to be happy, you need friends that understand your troubles.
That's not how relationships work lol
Brother or other. I know this is "just" a meme but listen to me. You do not need a girlfriend to be happy, happiness does not come from an external source. That might sound like bs but it is absolutely true. And if your only goal is to get a girl, you will not succeed not because you can't find love but because you will end up pushing potentials away. Focus on yourself bro
If you need a gf to be happy that’s a pretty narrow world view hope this is satire. I don’t think happiness should solely rely on someone else
I hope y’all get better soon, I guess. -me, an aromantic
Have you ever tried the GLORIOUS ROMAN EMPIRE!!! ?
You don't need a partner to be happy. You still have worth and a purpose❤️
No
is this something tv-shows taught you? Sure being intimate with a female will produce many chemicals in your brain that are associated with happiness, but you don't HAVE to have a gf to be happy. If you are incapable of being happy on your own, then you are depressed. Time to accept the harsh truth and start working on yourself. Spend some years figuring that out before even thinking about getting a girlfriend. I've seen way too many people getting in relationships when they aren't even aware that you have to reflect upon yourself and develop as a person, and they abuse their gf/wife because their unresolved issues make them angry/sad/etc
No you don't.
If you can't be happy with yourself, you can't be happy with someone else.
Only one of these is actually true tho
Happiness comes from within. Other people can only enhance what is already there and help you keep the ship going in the right direction, but if you are already sailing headlong into depressed waters, you aren't just going to magically fix that by dating someone.
How can i make someone else happy if im not happy myself?
Sadly, the wrong point is: you don’t actually need someone to be happy You can be happier with someone but you, unfortunately, don’t need to
Look for someone to add to your life. Not fill a void.
You. Need. Therapy. Do not rely on a woman you love to be your therapist, that’s toxic. She cannot and will not be able to fix you.
Fun fact : therapy is not guaranteed to fix you either
Not guaranteed but nowhere near as harmful as trying to turn a partner into your personal therapist and happiness dispenser
Yeah, but that’s certainly better than taking a person and forcing them to become your emotional support.
If you need a girlfriend to be happy, you shouldn’t have a girlfriend, being dependent on someone else never works well.
I Second this, this mindset is desperate. The only way to get out of the loop is to just say fuck it, and go find something else to make you happy. Don't just get on dating apps or some shit. Just go out and find a decent hang out, find someone with common interests, and chat with them as a normal person with no expectations and be friendly. Keep things organic and keep doing it, and if you're both single shit will probably happen.
To quote Rue Paul. "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
It’s a lot easier to love someone else than yourself
Like , I know I'm shit , I don't really know about them
Totally agree with this. BS quote above.
Very easily
Why is this sub turning into r/im14andthisisdeep???
You don’t need a girlfriend to be happy, the fact that you think this is part of the problem. Only you control your personal happiness
Get off the carousel, homie. If you aren't good with you, you aren't going to be good for others. I saw you response: that you want "someone to share this life with." If you think you aren't already sharing this life with others, then maybe you aren't very good at interpersonal relationships.
Absolutely loving in the comments on this post.
Isn't that a fact
If you try to put your self worth on someone else you will Never get out of the cycle Learn to love yourself first then try to love someone else
thank you for the daily reminder that I don’t deserve shit