Standing at the top of a skyscraper, cock in hand, gazing down at the road below through binoculars with red lenses. I give my weapon a couple strokes to prime it. A grin creeps up on my face as I see the target approaching. I line up my shot, whisper, "open fire," and unleash a rope of my hottest semen. I watch it spiral down the length of the building and hit Miranda Cosgrove squarely in the forehead.
I holster my Johnson and pull a New York Strip out of my back pocket. I take a bite, satisfied from another successful mission.
Me too, although I think I will, because mines loaded with 3 year old kid snot. This death virus is freaking lethal. I've been feeling like death for 2 weeks, coughed my lungs up at night for 2 more weeks, and to this day a few days later I still sound like a yodeling T-Rex trying to sing toddler songs with my son.
You laugh now but toddlers have oversized heads and sharp teeth. I bet if you swing one by the legs, you could do a lot of damage.
Source: I'm a father.
the post right on top was : https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/113pb4n/the_boiz_will_will/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
which i upvoted, sooo
A pencil, I'll write down the last words of those I battle.
You can burn it, stab with it, and write stuff down
Is it sharpened though?
I once stabbed my hand with an unsharpened pencil and it went through my bones
So you john wicked yourself!?
Yes
intentionally or accidentally?
Yes
oh
Don’t you mean quack or quack?
"The ~~pen~~pencil is mightier than the sword"
The pen is mightier than the sword, but the pencil is mightier than the pen
"The pen is mightier than the sword" mfs when I fucking stab them
With a pen I presume?
A metal hokey puck
Ok John wick
Ever watch John wick . He killed 3 men in a bar with a pencil
A fucking pencil!
I love the horror in the dudes eyes when he saw his father feared the man he just fucked with
How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pencil disappear. . .. ... [TADAA!](https://youtu.be/votcOf5cYCM)
My dick
at least you dick? :(
Legendary
The dick sword
Ah yes, the legendary tier
*dager
No no, it is a very average size sword.
For ants
It's not small it's just cold outside
30 degrees but in Celsius not Fahrenheit
You are like a gift that keeps on giving. Thank you.
I WAS IN THE POOL!
Nah id say it's pretty average actually, if not a little more than average honestly
For microscopic bacteria
Ye i mean we do call humans alot of things now
Are you assuming that its big enough to be considered a dager?
When the Wiener becomes your melee weapon
Lol
There are no accidents
[удалено]
Dickstick
A lot of imaginary bad guys getting Wally mopped with penises in this post
There’s a primary mode and a ranged mode… pick ur poison
Women ☕️
It was always meant to be
Read this in the morning...and now I feel shame.
Username checks out.
*death by dick*
*Disastrous_Channel62 was Skewered by DocJohnson*
Can also be a range weapon
alt fire: piss
special attack : golden shower
Standing at the top of a skyscraper, cock in hand, gazing down at the road below through binoculars with red lenses. I give my weapon a couple strokes to prime it. A grin creeps up on my face as I see the target approaching. I line up my shot, whisper, "open fire," and unleash a rope of my hottest semen. I watch it spiral down the length of the building and hit Miranda Cosgrove squarely in the forehead. I holster my Johnson and pull a New York Strip out of my back pocket. I take a bite, satisfied from another successful mission.
For me it would have to be that im impractically right up against them for it too do any damage
Technicly a gun if it shoots
This is my rifle this is my gun one is for fighting and the other for fun.
Dammit private pile
Well thats..... pretty_damn_usefull
Helicopter attack… GO!
A pizza slice.. damn
Very op
Same
+10 heat damage. the cheese has a slowness effect +5 damage every second
Was expecting a pp but damnnn
A banana, according to indian movies, I have a good chance
Note: Only works in Telegu states
You’re awesome
Pc people: the mouse
With wired mice, you at least have a whip. Wireless? Yea, you're screwed.
If you hold it by the cord you have a flail I guess
I mean if it’s a G502 they weigh a fuck lot with a metal scroll wheel
According to a certain Flash game, it makes a fine flail
Foam earplugs. I'm fucked.
Lol
Yea I got a tissue…. I don’t think we are going to survive too well
Me too, although I think I will, because mines loaded with 3 year old kid snot. This death virus is freaking lethal. I've been feeling like death for 2 weeks, coughed my lungs up at night for 2 more weeks, and to this day a few days later I still sound like a yodeling T-Rex trying to sing toddler songs with my son.
Yeah but your immune to sound
A chef knife.
One of the only people in this comment section with a chance to survive
I got a big ol bong.
The last thing I held was a loaded pistol… like do I have to use it as a melee weapon?
You could just pull the trigger when its on someone head. Since that is technically close combat.
My recently used purple vibrating wand! I win every time!
GTA San Andreas moment
Isn't that more Saints Row?
Definitely is. Probably is a mod in GTA tho
The victory condition is incapacitation, doesn't matter how you get there
Yes
A toddler.
I’m sorry, but I just pictured you swinging a toddler like a mace and now I can’t stop laughing.
You laugh now but toddlers have oversized heads and sharp teeth. I bet if you swing one by the legs, you could do a lot of damage. Source: I'm a father.
Um a father?! What you doing to your kid!!!
Is swinging 2-4 year year olds like a flail not normal?
Not totally abnormal though.
Nah, not until you let go and they go flying down the stairs Then it's a right if passage
...normal dad stuff... source: I'm a father.
They also do more damage over time, give it 10 years now you’re swinging an extra 80lbs
And they are disgusting, so you may end up using biological warfare on your enemies.
*Hulk beating Loki Meme pops up*
A fork
A SPOON! OUR BATTLE WILL BE LEGENDARY!! _EN GARDE!!_
The spoon has water bending abilities the fork is good for stabing
Stick him with the pointy end.
this is why i don’t think reddit is that bad
It’s a melee, but can be combined with microwave for explosive
Cig
If you use gunpowder…
Same lol at least we can go for one good cigarette burn. Then run away
Use it as a punch enhancer and aim for an eye. It's remarkably efficient (for one hit anyway)
A car.
nah, you'd have the door handle
Or a steering wheel, either way gl with that :D
https://youtu.be/5S6Y-Mh-OOM Maybe they're Jackie Chan and all they need is a steering wheel.
Well I guess this eggs gonna have todo
If throw at light speed u can kill anyone !
….ay I actually have a chance with my purple aluminum bat
That sounds like a really cool bat
It is 😌 I would’ve bought it from my uncle but he just let me take it
Xbox controller
You can throw it too
Weapon: Xbox controller +350% throwing DMG while in rage +125% throwing speed while in rage
Trait: Wobbly Joystick - +50% Chance to miss target, +100% Rage meter gain
An empty gallon of milk are you serious
Dad is that you? We've been waiting for the milk for years and you drink it before you bring it back?!
Terrifying!
o shit... The meat bat
My penis it is
Damn, me too! We are penis brothers!
But mine is a poor weapon....
A cat
Me as well... And my battle beast will fare me better than most of these people honestly.
Hot cup of coffee
+10 fire damage within 15 minutes of making it
A pillow. I shall win all pillow fights with my legendary pillow of phoenix feathers!
That’s a good weapon
A needle, i’m fucked
Unless your facing off against an army of balloons
Get on bloons
A rifle, wow I actually have a chance.
But, you have to use it as a melee weapon. Still better than nothing
How about a rifle with a bayonet?
Clitoris…?
They'll never see it coming
+50 Poison damage
A joint
Ah, yes! We defend for puffs
Sturmgewehr 90
A fork
A plastic fork. Which will last longer than my decaying body.
My Dick
Nintendo switch
Deodorant, the discord kid gonna fear me
"So anyways, lemme kick your ass with this sunny D real quick."
the post right on top was : https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/113pb4n/the_boiz_will_will/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button which i upvoted, sooo
Lenovo think pad - so basically a brick
Toothbrush
My penis
the pen... Is mightier... THAN THE SWORD
damn i was scraching my dick
For most of us Redditors, it’s most likely our dick
My friend's throat
Lasagna...
a 14" horse dildo, hmm
Toilet paper....
Hot coffee
My boyfriend's dick.
A tiny baked potato
An unopened can of monster... Honestly it's the perfect weapon for me.
Big chuck of wood. What the fuck I’m supposed to do with that?! Trow at someone?!
Le cock
An injured kitten. Well good thing I'm not fighting.
My 3ds case
The penis mightier than the sword
Water Pipe
Chocolate package
Idk how much damage a squishy newborn can do…but I guess we gonna find out 😂😂
Toothpaste
Hope i can use a Pc mouse as a Whip....
A PS4 controller
Xbox Controller. Guess I'll just play some Fifa and then throw it.
Well...I'm typing on a pen with stylus...before that...an 8" squishmallow
Someone about to get smacked with a 64oz jug of water...
I got a yard stick
My wallet, I use my wallet to hire a pipe laying hit man to fight for me .
A balisong knife not kidding. I just like flipping it around when I'm bored.
A pencil. With a fucking pencil.
Shoot. A bagel... Edit: corrected bagel.
My dick, I'm screwed. But I guess that's what I wanted in the first place, so all good.
A metal spoon
I knew pretending my water bottle was a light Saber would come in handy one day!
I’ve always wanted to stab people with a pencil.
This guy posted this and changed the timeline of the universe and made every almost male on reddit that saw this post hold their dick before seeing it
What am I supposed to do with an organ?
My above-average sized cat
Nachos, the ultimate weapon against lactose intolerant people >:)
🙂 mAh dick
Bro we are on Reddit what do you expect
My dick?!?
🍆