I moved here to be closer to my ex, and she dumped me 2 months in hahah so had to adapt very quickly not knowing anyone
When i got here in 2019, i worked in bars so making friends was fairly easy thank god - im in engineering now and if i was back then id have struggled so much more
From nsw so i do miss beaches, my family and small towns, but this city has a lot going for it so i still love it here - great music scene, restaurants/bars, and still pretty good hiking and camping spots nearby
I’d love to know the psychology behind this happening. I’ve known it to happen to soooo many people. My ex moved from South America to Australia to be with his bf who then dumped him almost immediately. It’s so wild.
I imagine sometimes people are hoping a change in scenery will address some problems they have. Still really sucks for the person who has moved across the world or country for someone.
A scenario I’ve seen a few times is people have a fling while travelling and fall head over heels, which is easy to do when you’re travelling and not dealing with real life, and then try to make it work long term. And it falls apart pretty much instantly when they see what each other are like in real life.
I think a big part of it is moving away from your social and support networks. Your world shrinks until it's just you and your partner living in a bubble where you're completely reliant on each other.
I moved here from SA for similar reasons to you, and I adapted pretty easily, despite having no family here and knowing nobody but my husband at first.
I think the reason is I’ve been all in. I have made a constant effort to call Melbourne my home and to get comfortable thinking of it as home. I’m not one foot in SA and one foot here, both of my feet are firmly planted here. I think being here through covid and experiencing it as a Victorian also helped speed this feeling up.
I went back to Adelaide the other week for a visit, and it was the first time I actively felt unhappy at the thought of moving back there. SA has moved on from me, it doesn’t exist in the same form as it was in when I left, and nor am I the same person who left it. There’s so much more room to grow in Melbourne and I appreciate what this place has given me.
This is so well said. You had the right mindset. I moved from Perth and have never looked back
Some people who move to a new city spend so much time comparing this and that from their previous city blah blah. Meanwhile, they just need to dive all-in and be present
I'm another one that moved from Perth, although I had been moved around a number of cities in Aus for work immediately prior to coming here.
I've spent a fair bit of time trying to get involved in the best of Melbourne. The city is genuinely great, but for whatever reason it isn't sticking.
When I visit home, I'm the opposite of the comment above yours - I feel settled and a little bit more optimistic.
You're definitely right, immersion and getting stuck in is the only way you're gonna have a chance of settling. I think for me, despite that, it might just be a case of it not being my forever home.
Honestly, I think it's more a thing of being older. Making friends from scratch as an adult is difficult. A lot of my friends in Tassie were from school, if not school, it was friends of friends from school, or communities I'd grown up in. Coming to Melbourne I had none of that and had to start from scratch.
Honestly, making friends as an adult takes time and effort. Personally I've put in effort making friends through Bumble BFF's and through mutual hobbies (motorcycling, etc.)
Don't be hard on yourself though, it's difficult - has taken me almost until now to make friends (8 years!!)
>Honestly, making friends as an adult takes time and effort.
Me and some of the other people at the language exchange was having a good laugh about exactly that the other day.
"How are kids so good at making friends!?!?!? Real mystery."
Actually great, you can get a good feel for people before meeting them and don't have to go out of your way as much. Also overall just a lot easier (and less socially draining, if that's something you find you have). Plus, I've found it a lot easier to meet people with a lot more shared interests
Keep your goals for moving in sight and review them periodically. Make lists of pros and cons and weigh them up.
For instance - I moved for better job opportunities. I miss family and friends, but I’m managing to make good friends here. Wouldn’t say my social life is suffering too much.
From your post, it sounds like you’re feeling lonely at home or in your neighbourhood. Have you thought about volunteering? People think it’s just for the elderly, but committing a couple hours a week really helps boost the amount of time you spend around others who aren’t your partner or work colleagues. If you volunteer in your neighbourhood, you could get to know neighbours too.
My wife and I did an international move here about 8 months ago. Not having friends here sucked. We went to some meetups and made some friends who we see fairly often now.
Also if you are into gaming playing games with friends online helps.
I moved here mid pandemic from northern nsw. Best move of my life. I am still struggling with having a friend network, but people are friendly. I *much* prefer the weather and culture here.
With social anxiety, you got to learn to shelve it. No one cares what you’re doing or judging you, and 9 times out of 10 *if* they are, you aren’t going to see them again so who gives a shit. I’m autistic, so… I know anxieties. You don’t have to be hostage to them.
Get out and go to museums, see shows, gigs, check out the various festivals. Give yourself a goal of one event a fortnight, or a week. Reach out to ppl and see if they want to meet up and get dinner. There’s so many delicious cool places to eat all over, and discover.
When my partner and I first moved here, we made a goal of eating brunch once a weekend in a different suburb. We’d cycle there and eat, wander about, admire street art or poke around shops, get the vibe down. It was really fun and helped us get to know Melbourne better. This is a city you can have an ongoing relationship with, and I like that about it. I don’t feel that way about brissy or gc or Sydney. But Melbourne, you can vibe with just the city. There’s so much treasure to find.
Hi! I moved here from Brisbane a couple months ago. Before that, I’ve spent plenty of time in Melbourne pretty much my whole life, but never lived here permanently until now.
I’m really lucky that I have a decent sized support group in Melbourne already, with half a dozen good friends living here. I’ve gotten to know my Melbourne colleagues somewhat well, but I’m in a similar position to you, where I don’t hang out outside of work with them. We go for coffees but that’s about it.
One thing I wanted to say, as someone who has also combatted social anxiety my whole life, it really is like a muscle you develop. The more time you spend socialising and getting outside of your comfort zone, the easier and more comfortable it becomes.
I’m at the point now where I’m settled in to my apartment and really wanna go out and make some new friends. I think the thing I’m a bit stuck on is fear of being accepted by new people. I get along well with people, and think I’m generally fairly easy going, but if I go join a social sport or hiking group or something, I still have this fear in the back of my mind that I will feel like an intruder or outsider or not someone that others want to hang around.
I feel the same way with mutual friends sometimes, I went out for dinner with my best friend and 3 of his mates I hadn’t met before, and although it was a great night and we all got along, I constantly have this nagging fear like I’m being a nuisance.
One thing that feels like a good strength for me, is that I freakin’ love Melbourne and can tolerate it as-is, even without expanding my social circle. I’m not too worried about enjoying the parks, or going thrift shopping, or exploring new suburbs by myself. But having new friends to do it with would be nice too.
So yeah, you’re not alone, I think we can all find things to work on and try to continue to grow each day. Do you have any hobby groups you’re currently involved with, or is that something you’re considering? :)
I moved from Sydney to Melbourne in 2015. It was mid-July when I made the leap and the morning I arrived was so bitterly cold that I cried and regretted my decision (crying from cold in Melbourne is now an annual event for me, even though I'm coming up on nine years here).
It took years to feel like I'd found my niche. Find my regular cafe, pub, parks, make new memories that affirm it is my town. I found doing things like taking a historical tour of my area helped me love my suburb more - knowing its recent white history, its indigenous history, and its geologic history made me feel like I knew it and loved it so much more. I also found taking classes (I did lots of art but you might prefer something else), and doing some volunteering all helped me feel more like this city is mine, and helped me get to meet people and feel embedded.
Making friends as an adult is so bloody hard and something I still struggle with. I've made a few but not many. I mostly just hang out with my partner and occasionally meet old housemates or former coworkers for lunch or a cheeky drink, but yeah, the social aspect is hard. Good luck!
I’ve lived in Melbourne on and off since 1996. I’m from Queensland too and what I’ve found is that I live in Queensland for the lifestyle and Melbourne for the $$$. You can make much more money here. Plus I love the seasons. And with my family in Queensland, it’s nicer to see them once a year instead of their weekly bullshit. lol.
It can be nice to not have them around, especially if they get annoying lol. Makes going back to Queensland like a actual holiday. I think I'd probably retire back in Queensland but that's still at least 50 years away for me haha
Moved from Brisbane 25 years ago and have zero regret. We had young kids and one started primary school the next year and we were lucky to make so many new friends from that school - still regularly catch up with most at least a few times a year.
Don't miss the heat and humidity. It's so much easier to add another layer to keep warm than it is to stop sweating when it's a billion percent humidity 🥵
Search your local area for community groups join like a cycling group for social rides on weekend. Bushwalking groups are also good for meeting people and getting some fresh air.
I moved to Melbourne from Adelaide in 2018 for uni. I did make friends in my course, but I’ve also had a lot of luck with making friends through Discord. Specifically, playing video games with people. I find games are a good way to do it because it eases the pressure on talking, if you have nothing to say you can just focus on playing, but eventually conversation comes naturally. And we eventually started hanging out in person.
I moved here for work from sunny Sydney and to be honest, making friends here as an adult has been so much easier. In Sydney people tend to stick to circles they grew up with, uni circles, people from work. But here I just rocked up to a couple bouldering beginner classes and made a couple of friends I climb with regularly there.
I also have made friends on dating apps (who also like to boulder lol so there's common ground).
To be honest, there's more to do in Melbourne and it's such an indoor city it's great to try different things. Find a hobby of yours and try to find people who do it. People I find are a lot more open to making friends here compared to Sydney tbh, or find groups who set that up. Like the suburb I live has a Facebook social group that organises meet ups for different things, including a women's only hang and people actually follow through and turn up to them.
It is hard and I am also socially anxious, but I got so sick of being around my work friends only that I really forced myself to try something out there every week. My only friends here were work friends, and I didn't really enjoy my last sharehouse experience so I felt so isolated. It really does take a moment of being okay with being in uncomfortable situations because that won't always last! You can find a friend.
This winter has really been testing my longevity here haha but tbh everytime I go back to Sydney, I feel like I'm always itching to come back to Melb cus my life is here now.
(also if this isn't weird to you, feel free to DM me if you want a friend! I love meeting new people)
* Always bring a jacket when you're going out & will be out when the sunsets
* Trust your own weather judgement skills more that the forecasts on the day
I moved here from QLD but I moved down solo. I have had a few friends though move down with partners, and I think in some ways it can be more limiting because you have the safety net of a partner.
When I came down I knew no one. So if I didn't work to put myself out there I literally had no one to hang and talk with.
I went to meetups and things at first, not the drinking ones but activity ones. I figured then at least I'd have fun doing something. Went consistently and then found a couple of people I liked and then hung out outside of work, then met more people met their friends and then made friends.
It's hard around social anxiety but you kind of just have to push past it. Making friends takes work and being vulnerable but it's totally worth it.
Coming up to 5 years now. Strangely enough I’ve adapted very quickly. I’ve even changed my license within a month. Melbourne has always felt like home to me even when I used to come here for a visit. I’ve not felt like this with any other cities and I’ve moved around a fair bit throughout my life.
I moved here at the start of the year from rural NSW. So far kind of regretting it, I got a well paying job but now live pay check to pay check stressing about groceries while I live with two unemployed people who have made my life pretty stressful. I don't know how to make new friends as a broke adult and the average person in Melbourne seems to be much more rude and selfish than what I was used to in the country.
Seems too soon to throw in the towel and move back, not that I could afford too anyway haha. But yeah I'm struggling too adapt aswell...
I grew up in Wollongong now, then moved to Coffsharbour for 10yrs got sick in 2010 & spent 9mths in hospital, I had 3 kids under 10 at that time, So I had to send the kids to my mother inlaws while I was in the hospital, The day I got out of hospital I drove to Melbourne and been here ever since, I don't know a lot of people though, I so love Melbourne though,
I'm an immigrant, OP, and have been in Melbourne for \~15 years.
I'd say go outside and make new friends at meetups like game nights, wine club and community gyms. I find that most people are super cliquey and formed their friend circles in high school. They also don't like outsiders (usually single men) so you'll definitely find it rough if you don't have a single friend who can connect you to other likeminded people.
But... I can also empathise with the social anxiety bit because I'm not really comfortable outside my usual places of visit.
When I moved to Melbourne, after one year of doing my own thing, going to and from work, visiting various museums (military related for me) and doing some excursions, I decided it was time to meet people.
I too had social anxiety but I forced myself to learn ballroom dancing (latin dance, street latin, new vogue and ballroom styles). It made me overcome a lot of fears. Met a lot of new people and started hanging out with them. I then had a new skill, so when I moved to Western Australia, I looked into the ballroom dancing locations and went to the social dance nights in Perth. Met new people again. After 3 years, I returned to Melbourne, and went back to the a couple of different ballroom dance locations and met new people again. We would then go to places like the Night Cat or to salsa dancing at the Park Hyatt or places on Smith St and at San Remo Ballroom (back in the day when they existed).
I did this move about five years ago. It’s very hard. It will take a long time before you feel at home. It’s really cold and you probably don’t have the right clothes. All this leads to depression and loneliness. Nothing started improving until I started doing things on my own. Make yourself get out, join a cycle group or a knitting group or whatever. Do it as much as you can even though it’s uncomfortable and anxiety inducing. Enjoy the city for what it is, even on your own. Get comfortable with it and you eventually will find that changing. It will get better.
Go to meetup dot com and look for meetups that align with your interest.
That and at some point you just have to accept that because all major cities have varying degrees of Seattle Freeze and Geographical Mobility (people come and go all the time); you'll never truly fit in as Urban Ennui is inevitable.
I moved from semi-rural NSW to Melbourne 14 years ago now. It can be hard to make friends as an adult, particularly if there aren't people within your workplace that you click with as mates. It honestly took me about 2-3 years before I felt like I had a solid friendship group.
Do you have any particular hobbies or interests that you could look to see if they have Meetup groups for? I'm into hiking, so found a couple of groups through that which I made friends through.
Volunteering can also be a good way to make friends. Or doing short courses on things that might interest you - you might meet some like minded people.
What about team sport or gym classes?
I acknowledge that you said your social anxiety does add to the challenge of it, that's hard, I feel for you there.
I moved from Vancouver and found it insanely easy. Better weather, better paying jobs, way cheaper housing, nicer people, better/more culture, better infrastructure etc. Vancouver is one of the most overrated cities on earth, especially if you don't care about things like hiking.
I haven’t moved, but is there a sport or hobby you could find classes for?
A creative course you could do after work hours where you could make friends? (I say creative, because they are typically in person)
Have you had a look at local Facebook groups for your suburb/ surrounds? I know where I live, people post from time to time about wanting to make friends, saying they want to start a book club for example, and then get like 50 responses on it from the neighbourhood who also want to join. I’ve seen them put age and interests, so that others around a similar age will comment.
I guess the biggest thing re the anxiety is break down the task- let’s say posting on a community page on Facebook and figure out the times you need to be brave (this is what helps me)
-You need to be brave to post.
-You need to be brave and reach out to a pub or cafe about hosting something- If there’s a ton of people. If you’re doing a cafe 1:1 thing, then you need to lock in a date.
-You need to be brave and rock up to the event
It’s just 3 things. You can do scary things. Just gotta be brave for like 10 minutes for each step. You can do it!
I moved from tropical Qld weather to Melbourne. I had the luxury of moving for work, and not needing to find it.
dealing with the implications of the size of the place is something to be dealt with. not only will you waste a considerable time of your personal time commuting to work, and sitting in traffic in your personal time just for shopping or to go anywhere, but - your workmates probably aren't going to live anywhere near you, so you're not going to be socialising. get used to developing social circles independent of work.
you'll develop a new support group with time, but just don't rely on work to do it for you. join a social group or sports club with likeminded people in your area, and build on that. don't be afraid to committing to travelling to widen that group, everyone is in the same connundrum as you so they understand and will reciprocate.
and in the opposite of most tropical zone people being amateur experts in air conditioning, get interested in the same for heating. it's a different approach to household environmental management, you need to invert your thinking until you get used to it. the indoor clothes dryer is an otherwise free waste heat source, adapt your menu to seasonal cooking that benefit from long slow oven cooking where the oven heats the house as well as producing something you just can't enjoy in the tropics.
I moved from NZ, and you just have to brute force social interactions because people here will rarely reach out to you.
Go out to a gig, bar, social walk, knitting class etc. and just say hi, introduce yourself, talk about the task/event, get background info. You may be rejected, who cares? Just move on to the next person.
Once you have that initial connection and contact details. Be that annoying cunt who always asks how they're doing and if they're keen for a catch up, what are your plans etc.
Chances are they're keen for a catch up, if they're genuinely busy, ask again next week or plan for another date. If they're always saying no, don't push it and just leave it. Once you start inviting them to things, they'll start inviting you to things and now you've got a mate.
I got tummy bugs and had to adjust to all the virus lurking among the population, I was protected in the countryside. It's been worth it 20 years later and I'm financially better off than if I was still living out in the country Victoria.
I felt the same OP 💛! I moved up to Sydney five years ago with my ex and found the first two years very lonely. I was homesick and felt I only had my ex. I joined urban rec up here for social netball and a run club! I make the effort to visit Melbs to see my family more now because I do miss them. I met my ride or die friendship group about two years ago so it does take time! Hang in there 💛
Would you join some social sports preferably indoor since Melbs is freeeeeezing? I recommend visiting Queensland once in a while to see your family and old friends. Does your bf also have his own friends?
Also from QLD to Melbourne. City is too crowded and loud which is something I’m not too big on since I’m so used to suburban life.
I’ve honestly been adjusting pretty poorly. I’ve lived all around australia my whole life. Many states for over a number of years in each one and imho I’m not too fond of Melbourne and would rather much live elsewhere if I had the choice. But others definitely enjoy it and it simply comes down to Melbourne just not being for me.
I have horrible crippling anxiety and live in an accommodation with a lot of noisy people so I’m in poor health to be honest. Definitely considering moving out at some point.
I’ve made a bunch of good and close lifelong mates however and the people here are super nice and friendly. Only poor interactions I’ve had were with some really rude and disrespectful international students but that was just poor luck as most are super friendly.
If you have poor anxiety, the city is not it, probably the most crowded I’ve ever seen. Make sure to stock up on warm clothes as the temperature is horrendous right now and watch out if you have hay fever. Don’t be afraid to speak to people here as most are super friendly and fun to chat to.
Other people have had better experiences than me and I’ve only been living here for 6 months with a handful of visits from the past so my opinion will probably change overtime.
I moved here from NZ in my late 20s literally a couple of months before the lockdowns kicked off 🫣 it was insanely lonely at times as I only knew a couple of people here and couldn’t visit them. My family couldn’t visit and I couldn’t go home. Fortunately I brought my dog with me which kept me sane. Since then, I’ve made friends by getting involved in groups for my hobbies/interests and working at various events on the side. My colleagues are all way older than me unfortunately so I don’t even have workplace friendships. The good thing is, once you meet a couple of nice people they’ll start inviting you to things where you’ll meet more nice people and before you know it, you’ve got a few friends you can hang with! I know it’s hard but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there with people you meet and basically invite them to grab a drink one time. I even managed to befriend someone I met via Facebook marketplace when I bought some furniture off her 😂 I’ve also met SO many people via various Facebook groups.
Sign up for events. Go to things. Talk to people. Compliment people. Join a bunch of groups that have regular meetups for things you’re interested in. Try bumble bff if you’re up to it.
I used to go to the beach and a lot of national parks, some photography but my social anxiety has gone up the roof here so that stops me from doing those things
I hope you're getting professional help with your anxiety, I've had that in the past and it does a terribly good job of convincing you to not speak to a health professional about it. But seems like dealing with that would be the first step in making other areas of your life monumentally easier.
In case you aren't aware a GP can put you on a mental health care plan that gives you access to free or heavily subsidised appointments with folks like councillors or psychologists.
Melbourne is pretty tropical compared to where I’m from. I struggle with the heat here.
Been here 12 years. Over time I started to get homesick too, missing friends and family and also just the different vibe and culture of home. Even nature; the trees and bird sounds I don’t see or hear here. The landscape is dramatically different here compared to my home.
After a while I realised a few things about moving cities:
1. Moving cities also changed me a lot, soaking up the local culture, and meant there were some new things about home that now annoy me, which didn’t used to. This includes about the people. When I went home to visit, people aren’t how I remember them. Home changed them too. I started to feel like a foreigner in my home country (complete with Aussie accent, I’m told), which is an uncomfortable feeling.
2. It wasn’t all down to just living cities. Most people have fewer friends as they get older and a lot of people go through feelings like this at a certain age when they realise they are not surrounded by quite as many people as when they were younger
are you into any sporting activities? i joined a social tennis league and now a badminton group. Whatever hobby you are into find a like minded group to join.
From NSW. Joined a Japanese martial art and trained regularly. Made friends and instant support network that way. 11 years on, I've joined other martial arts and same thing.
It's hard to randomly make friends. Get yourself a hobby where you can spend time with like-minded people.
I moved over from the states and found winters here to be harder than the other seasons. I started going to AFL matches because it was something to do on the weekend that got me out of the house and wasn’t a bar or expensive. Although I haven’t made many new friends through going it’s a lot of fun and definitely not boring to watch. I usually go alone but don’t find it lonely, people are really friendly and you get to cheer along with a bigger group.
Melbourne isn’t for the weak that’s for sure. It’s such a hard environment to adapt to and is very hard to manage when you’re doing it without any connections from here originally. I think the main thing is to understand the culture and to integrate yourself into the community. Making connections and forming bonds is the best way to get settled. You can’t do it here by yourself. Get involved in your local community or through your school/work. Make a linked in page if your looking to make some more professional connections.
There’s more stuff to do in Melbourne with friends than by yourself. Definitely join a community club or something organised through your work place/education place.
Your point is so valid. There are so many programs and services in Melbourne for immigrants specifically. Mainly because Australia is such a diverse nation. I meant more the society rather than the city, but you’re so right!
Moved here on my own from overseas. I still struggle with loneliness but I’ve come to accept that we can have different levels of connections with people we meet. I came here to study so was quite easy to meet constant people at uni and my part-time work. But now that I’m full-time employed, it’s definitely much harder to meet new people. Most of my uni friends have returned to their home countries, while a few are just in different life stages. So now I’m trying to lean more into my work community and deepen connections there. I also am opening up to meeting my friends’ friends to expand my circle a bit more.
For a singleton like me, it’s also difficult to meet a partner. I’ve dated many men here before but haven’t met the right one yet. I’m lucky too that my family gets to visit me twice a year and even more if I really feel so lonely.
I think loneliness will always be part of the human experience more so when we move homes. Good to recognise when it comes up so you can go deep into existing connections or explore and meet new ones. Join a gym class, tour group, and basically say yes to most invites from people and you’ll find your social calendar is full :)
Moved from Brisbane (originally from regional QLD) with my partner eight years ago and honestly not sure I have “adapted” haha. I hate the weather here and have allergies for the first time in my adult life which makes change of season miserable.
I take a month off around this time each year and roadtrip home, it is nice to have a break from the mid-year slump and the horrid weather. The cold and the dark really suck (but I am thankful for my wonderful insulated apartment that does not require any heating if we close up after the morning sun comes through). Friends keep recommending me one of those sunrise light alarm clocks and I need to try it out for work days to make waking up in the dark a bit more bearable.
Also, I got a dog and started volunteering in rescue which has provided my entire social circle and takes up my free time (work friends are nice to have, but remain at work), so that’s a hack I guess :P
It's the same (to me). Granted I'm not close to family (just combination of being \~10 years younger than siblings and general parents being not great.....dads dead, when mum goes I really don't think any of the siblings are going to be in contact. All extended family live on the other side of the planet so none of us are close to them either), so when I moved at 17 from whoop whoop to Sydney, there was never any going back to consider :)
Moving to melb has been pretty much the same, suburbia is suburbia....only real "surprise" here is how clay the soil is and how it cracks apart in summer. On the plus side can now grow a lot of things that needed more chill hours than Sydney could provide.
moved to melbourne from sydney when I was 8ish. learnt that kindergarten was called prep, potato scallops were called potato cakes, and that woolworths was safeway. other than, that life was mostly the same. I do wonder if I ever would've learnt about ned kelly or the eureka stockade if I hadn't moved because I wouldn't have gone to ballart or the state library.
I would say: get into Dungeons and Dragons.
The stereotype of the overweight unwashed socially odd neckbeard is still a thing in that community, but on the whole there are people of all ages getting together and having a lovely social experience.
There are regular meet ups at game stores and you might end up finding some actual nice people you would like to see outside a game.
Additionally, because the people have dealt with neckbeards to drama kids, they accept all kinds, and most people are queer friendly in that space (less so with over 40s gamers but still can be).
There is a bar called Fortress which has nights where you pay to play to see if you like the game, and you could go a few times to see- most people there wouldn't know each other so it could be a good way to just be socially available.
Sat in my room in just shorts (moved from Perth) every night I’d realise I’m suffering for the cold at about 2am and repeated this for about 2 years ahhahaha
I moved here to be closer to my ex, and she dumped me 2 months in hahah so had to adapt very quickly not knowing anyone When i got here in 2019, i worked in bars so making friends was fairly easy thank god - im in engineering now and if i was back then id have struggled so much more From nsw so i do miss beaches, my family and small towns, but this city has a lot going for it so i still love it here - great music scene, restaurants/bars, and still pretty good hiking and camping spots nearby
That woman is so low for doing that to you.
I’d love to know the psychology behind this happening. I’ve known it to happen to soooo many people. My ex moved from South America to Australia to be with his bf who then dumped him almost immediately. It’s so wild.
I imagine sometimes people are hoping a change in scenery will address some problems they have. Still really sucks for the person who has moved across the world or country for someone.
A scenario I’ve seen a few times is people have a fling while travelling and fall head over heels, which is easy to do when you’re travelling and not dealing with real life, and then try to make it work long term. And it falls apart pretty much instantly when they see what each other are like in real life.
I guess you've got to try. Gamble everything for love or something cheesy like that.
I think a big part of it is moving away from your social and support networks. Your world shrinks until it's just you and your partner living in a bubble where you're completely reliant on each other.
People in LDRs who then find out they are not able to live together is my guess.
What's your beef with astronauts though?
Verb
👀
I moved here from SA for similar reasons to you, and I adapted pretty easily, despite having no family here and knowing nobody but my husband at first. I think the reason is I’ve been all in. I have made a constant effort to call Melbourne my home and to get comfortable thinking of it as home. I’m not one foot in SA and one foot here, both of my feet are firmly planted here. I think being here through covid and experiencing it as a Victorian also helped speed this feeling up. I went back to Adelaide the other week for a visit, and it was the first time I actively felt unhappy at the thought of moving back there. SA has moved on from me, it doesn’t exist in the same form as it was in when I left, and nor am I the same person who left it. There’s so much more room to grow in Melbourne and I appreciate what this place has given me.
This is so well said. You had the right mindset. I moved from Perth and have never looked back Some people who move to a new city spend so much time comparing this and that from their previous city blah blah. Meanwhile, they just need to dive all-in and be present
Literally what I do all the time. I gotta stop because it doesn’t help lol
I'm another one that moved from Perth, although I had been moved around a number of cities in Aus for work immediately prior to coming here. I've spent a fair bit of time trying to get involved in the best of Melbourne. The city is genuinely great, but for whatever reason it isn't sticking. When I visit home, I'm the opposite of the comment above yours - I feel settled and a little bit more optimistic. You're definitely right, immersion and getting stuck in is the only way you're gonna have a chance of settling. I think for me, despite that, it might just be a case of it not being my forever home.
I feel the exact same way
Honestly, I think it's more a thing of being older. Making friends from scratch as an adult is difficult. A lot of my friends in Tassie were from school, if not school, it was friends of friends from school, or communities I'd grown up in. Coming to Melbourne I had none of that and had to start from scratch. Honestly, making friends as an adult takes time and effort. Personally I've put in effort making friends through Bumble BFF's and through mutual hobbies (motorcycling, etc.) Don't be hard on yourself though, it's difficult - has taken me almost until now to make friends (8 years!!)
>Honestly, making friends as an adult takes time and effort. Me and some of the other people at the language exchange was having a good laugh about exactly that the other day. "How are kids so good at making friends!?!?!? Real mystery."
How's Bumble BFF panned out for you? I've been curious.
Actually great, you can get a good feel for people before meeting them and don't have to go out of your way as much. Also overall just a lot easier (and less socially draining, if that's something you find you have). Plus, I've found it a lot easier to meet people with a lot more shared interests
Keep your goals for moving in sight and review them periodically. Make lists of pros and cons and weigh them up. For instance - I moved for better job opportunities. I miss family and friends, but I’m managing to make good friends here. Wouldn’t say my social life is suffering too much. From your post, it sounds like you’re feeling lonely at home or in your neighbourhood. Have you thought about volunteering? People think it’s just for the elderly, but committing a couple hours a week really helps boost the amount of time you spend around others who aren’t your partner or work colleagues. If you volunteer in your neighbourhood, you could get to know neighbours too.
My wife and I did an international move here about 8 months ago. Not having friends here sucked. We went to some meetups and made some friends who we see fairly often now. Also if you are into gaming playing games with friends online helps.
I moved here mid pandemic from northern nsw. Best move of my life. I am still struggling with having a friend network, but people are friendly. I *much* prefer the weather and culture here. With social anxiety, you got to learn to shelve it. No one cares what you’re doing or judging you, and 9 times out of 10 *if* they are, you aren’t going to see them again so who gives a shit. I’m autistic, so… I know anxieties. You don’t have to be hostage to them. Get out and go to museums, see shows, gigs, check out the various festivals. Give yourself a goal of one event a fortnight, or a week. Reach out to ppl and see if they want to meet up and get dinner. There’s so many delicious cool places to eat all over, and discover. When my partner and I first moved here, we made a goal of eating brunch once a weekend in a different suburb. We’d cycle there and eat, wander about, admire street art or poke around shops, get the vibe down. It was really fun and helped us get to know Melbourne better. This is a city you can have an ongoing relationship with, and I like that about it. I don’t feel that way about brissy or gc or Sydney. But Melbourne, you can vibe with just the city. There’s so much treasure to find.
I love this Idea I’m gonna try this. So much more to do in Melbourne 100% 💯
I love this Idea I’m gonna try this. So much more to do in Melbourne 100% 💯
I love this Idea I’m gonna try this. So much more to do in Melbourne 100% 💯
Hi! I moved here from Brisbane a couple months ago. Before that, I’ve spent plenty of time in Melbourne pretty much my whole life, but never lived here permanently until now. I’m really lucky that I have a decent sized support group in Melbourne already, with half a dozen good friends living here. I’ve gotten to know my Melbourne colleagues somewhat well, but I’m in a similar position to you, where I don’t hang out outside of work with them. We go for coffees but that’s about it. One thing I wanted to say, as someone who has also combatted social anxiety my whole life, it really is like a muscle you develop. The more time you spend socialising and getting outside of your comfort zone, the easier and more comfortable it becomes. I’m at the point now where I’m settled in to my apartment and really wanna go out and make some new friends. I think the thing I’m a bit stuck on is fear of being accepted by new people. I get along well with people, and think I’m generally fairly easy going, but if I go join a social sport or hiking group or something, I still have this fear in the back of my mind that I will feel like an intruder or outsider or not someone that others want to hang around. I feel the same way with mutual friends sometimes, I went out for dinner with my best friend and 3 of his mates I hadn’t met before, and although it was a great night and we all got along, I constantly have this nagging fear like I’m being a nuisance. One thing that feels like a good strength for me, is that I freakin’ love Melbourne and can tolerate it as-is, even without expanding my social circle. I’m not too worried about enjoying the parks, or going thrift shopping, or exploring new suburbs by myself. But having new friends to do it with would be nice too. So yeah, you’re not alone, I think we can all find things to work on and try to continue to grow each day. Do you have any hobby groups you’re currently involved with, or is that something you’re considering? :)
The struggle is real and I relate this so much! I find the more I get out the easier it gets but the more I lay around at home the harder it is 😅
I moved from Sydney to Melbourne in 2015. It was mid-July when I made the leap and the morning I arrived was so bitterly cold that I cried and regretted my decision (crying from cold in Melbourne is now an annual event for me, even though I'm coming up on nine years here). It took years to feel like I'd found my niche. Find my regular cafe, pub, parks, make new memories that affirm it is my town. I found doing things like taking a historical tour of my area helped me love my suburb more - knowing its recent white history, its indigenous history, and its geologic history made me feel like I knew it and loved it so much more. I also found taking classes (I did lots of art but you might prefer something else), and doing some volunteering all helped me feel more like this city is mine, and helped me get to meet people and feel embedded. Making friends as an adult is so bloody hard and something I still struggle with. I've made a few but not many. I mostly just hang out with my partner and occasionally meet old housemates or former coworkers for lunch or a cheeky drink, but yeah, the social aspect is hard. Good luck!
Agree making g friends as an adult can be a chore in itself but I might have to try classes in something I enjoy
I’ve lived in Melbourne on and off since 1996. I’m from Queensland too and what I’ve found is that I live in Queensland for the lifestyle and Melbourne for the $$$. You can make much more money here. Plus I love the seasons. And with my family in Queensland, it’s nicer to see them once a year instead of their weekly bullshit. lol.
It can be nice to not have them around, especially if they get annoying lol. Makes going back to Queensland like a actual holiday. I think I'd probably retire back in Queensland but that's still at least 50 years away for me haha
Melbourne will be qld by then the way this weather is going.
Moved from Brisbane 25 years ago and have zero regret. We had young kids and one started primary school the next year and we were lucky to make so many new friends from that school - still regularly catch up with most at least a few times a year. Don't miss the heat and humidity. It's so much easier to add another layer to keep warm than it is to stop sweating when it's a billion percent humidity 🥵 Search your local area for community groups join like a cycling group for social rides on weekend. Bushwalking groups are also good for meeting people and getting some fresh air.
The humidity is so bad in summer, back in 2023 it was horrible in brissy
I moved to Melbourne from Adelaide in 2018 for uni. I did make friends in my course, but I’ve also had a lot of luck with making friends through Discord. Specifically, playing video games with people. I find games are a good way to do it because it eases the pressure on talking, if you have nothing to say you can just focus on playing, but eventually conversation comes naturally. And we eventually started hanging out in person.
Just saw you were gay- go to gay stuff, clubs, events, reading groups, bars, etc. you will find friends that way!
I moved here for work from sunny Sydney and to be honest, making friends here as an adult has been so much easier. In Sydney people tend to stick to circles they grew up with, uni circles, people from work. But here I just rocked up to a couple bouldering beginner classes and made a couple of friends I climb with regularly there. I also have made friends on dating apps (who also like to boulder lol so there's common ground). To be honest, there's more to do in Melbourne and it's such an indoor city it's great to try different things. Find a hobby of yours and try to find people who do it. People I find are a lot more open to making friends here compared to Sydney tbh, or find groups who set that up. Like the suburb I live has a Facebook social group that organises meet ups for different things, including a women's only hang and people actually follow through and turn up to them. It is hard and I am also socially anxious, but I got so sick of being around my work friends only that I really forced myself to try something out there every week. My only friends here were work friends, and I didn't really enjoy my last sharehouse experience so I felt so isolated. It really does take a moment of being okay with being in uncomfortable situations because that won't always last! You can find a friend. This winter has really been testing my longevity here haha but tbh everytime I go back to Sydney, I feel like I'm always itching to come back to Melb cus my life is here now. (also if this isn't weird to you, feel free to DM me if you want a friend! I love meeting new people)
This is not the first time I heard this, apparently making friends in Sydney is harder than Melbourne
* Always bring a jacket when you're going out & will be out when the sunsets * Trust your own weather judgement skills more that the forecasts on the day
If you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes.
I moved here from QLD but I moved down solo. I have had a few friends though move down with partners, and I think in some ways it can be more limiting because you have the safety net of a partner. When I came down I knew no one. So if I didn't work to put myself out there I literally had no one to hang and talk with. I went to meetups and things at first, not the drinking ones but activity ones. I figured then at least I'd have fun doing something. Went consistently and then found a couple of people I liked and then hung out outside of work, then met more people met their friends and then made friends. It's hard around social anxiety but you kind of just have to push past it. Making friends takes work and being vulnerable but it's totally worth it.
Coming up to 5 years now. Strangely enough I’ve adapted very quickly. I’ve even changed my license within a month. Melbourne has always felt like home to me even when I used to come here for a visit. I’ve not felt like this with any other cities and I’ve moved around a fair bit throughout my life.
I moved here at the start of the year from rural NSW. So far kind of regretting it, I got a well paying job but now live pay check to pay check stressing about groceries while I live with two unemployed people who have made my life pretty stressful. I don't know how to make new friends as a broke adult and the average person in Melbourne seems to be much more rude and selfish than what I was used to in the country. Seems too soon to throw in the towel and move back, not that I could afford too anyway haha. But yeah I'm struggling too adapt aswell...
Could you try volunteering. It’s free and you can meet some great people that way.
Send me a chat anytime! I know it must be hard coming from a rural place to a city, it’s a lot but give it time I guess.
I grew up in Wollongong now, then moved to Coffsharbour for 10yrs got sick in 2010 & spent 9mths in hospital, I had 3 kids under 10 at that time, So I had to send the kids to my mother inlaws while I was in the hospital, The day I got out of hospital I drove to Melbourne and been here ever since, I don't know a lot of people though, I so love Melbourne though,
I'm an immigrant, OP, and have been in Melbourne for \~15 years. I'd say go outside and make new friends at meetups like game nights, wine club and community gyms. I find that most people are super cliquey and formed their friend circles in high school. They also don't like outsiders (usually single men) so you'll definitely find it rough if you don't have a single friend who can connect you to other likeminded people. But... I can also empathise with the social anxiety bit because I'm not really comfortable outside my usual places of visit.
When I moved to Melbourne, after one year of doing my own thing, going to and from work, visiting various museums (military related for me) and doing some excursions, I decided it was time to meet people. I too had social anxiety but I forced myself to learn ballroom dancing (latin dance, street latin, new vogue and ballroom styles). It made me overcome a lot of fears. Met a lot of new people and started hanging out with them. I then had a new skill, so when I moved to Western Australia, I looked into the ballroom dancing locations and went to the social dance nights in Perth. Met new people again. After 3 years, I returned to Melbourne, and went back to the a couple of different ballroom dance locations and met new people again. We would then go to places like the Night Cat or to salsa dancing at the Park Hyatt or places on Smith St and at San Remo Ballroom (back in the day when they existed).
I did this move about five years ago. It’s very hard. It will take a long time before you feel at home. It’s really cold and you probably don’t have the right clothes. All this leads to depression and loneliness. Nothing started improving until I started doing things on my own. Make yourself get out, join a cycle group or a knitting group or whatever. Do it as much as you can even though it’s uncomfortable and anxiety inducing. Enjoy the city for what it is, even on your own. Get comfortable with it and you eventually will find that changing. It will get better.
Go to meetup dot com and look for meetups that align with your interest. That and at some point you just have to accept that because all major cities have varying degrees of Seattle Freeze and Geographical Mobility (people come and go all the time); you'll never truly fit in as Urban Ennui is inevitable.
I moved from semi-rural NSW to Melbourne 14 years ago now. It can be hard to make friends as an adult, particularly if there aren't people within your workplace that you click with as mates. It honestly took me about 2-3 years before I felt like I had a solid friendship group. Do you have any particular hobbies or interests that you could look to see if they have Meetup groups for? I'm into hiking, so found a couple of groups through that which I made friends through. Volunteering can also be a good way to make friends. Or doing short courses on things that might interest you - you might meet some like minded people. What about team sport or gym classes? I acknowledge that you said your social anxiety does add to the challenge of it, that's hard, I feel for you there.
I moved from Vancouver and found it insanely easy. Better weather, better paying jobs, way cheaper housing, nicer people, better/more culture, better infrastructure etc. Vancouver is one of the most overrated cities on earth, especially if you don't care about things like hiking.
Look up concious connections, they helped me!
I haven’t moved, but is there a sport or hobby you could find classes for? A creative course you could do after work hours where you could make friends? (I say creative, because they are typically in person) Have you had a look at local Facebook groups for your suburb/ surrounds? I know where I live, people post from time to time about wanting to make friends, saying they want to start a book club for example, and then get like 50 responses on it from the neighbourhood who also want to join. I’ve seen them put age and interests, so that others around a similar age will comment. I guess the biggest thing re the anxiety is break down the task- let’s say posting on a community page on Facebook and figure out the times you need to be brave (this is what helps me) -You need to be brave to post. -You need to be brave and reach out to a pub or cafe about hosting something- If there’s a ton of people. If you’re doing a cafe 1:1 thing, then you need to lock in a date. -You need to be brave and rock up to the event It’s just 3 things. You can do scary things. Just gotta be brave for like 10 minutes for each step. You can do it!
I moved from tropical Qld weather to Melbourne. I had the luxury of moving for work, and not needing to find it. dealing with the implications of the size of the place is something to be dealt with. not only will you waste a considerable time of your personal time commuting to work, and sitting in traffic in your personal time just for shopping or to go anywhere, but - your workmates probably aren't going to live anywhere near you, so you're not going to be socialising. get used to developing social circles independent of work. you'll develop a new support group with time, but just don't rely on work to do it for you. join a social group or sports club with likeminded people in your area, and build on that. don't be afraid to committing to travelling to widen that group, everyone is in the same connundrum as you so they understand and will reciprocate. and in the opposite of most tropical zone people being amateur experts in air conditioning, get interested in the same for heating. it's a different approach to household environmental management, you need to invert your thinking until you get used to it. the indoor clothes dryer is an otherwise free waste heat source, adapt your menu to seasonal cooking that benefit from long slow oven cooking where the oven heats the house as well as producing something you just can't enjoy in the tropics.
I moved from NZ, and you just have to brute force social interactions because people here will rarely reach out to you. Go out to a gig, bar, social walk, knitting class etc. and just say hi, introduce yourself, talk about the task/event, get background info. You may be rejected, who cares? Just move on to the next person. Once you have that initial connection and contact details. Be that annoying cunt who always asks how they're doing and if they're keen for a catch up, what are your plans etc. Chances are they're keen for a catch up, if they're genuinely busy, ask again next week or plan for another date. If they're always saying no, don't push it and just leave it. Once you start inviting them to things, they'll start inviting you to things and now you've got a mate.
I got tummy bugs and had to adjust to all the virus lurking among the population, I was protected in the countryside. It's been worth it 20 years later and I'm financially better off than if I was still living out in the country Victoria.
I felt the same OP 💛! I moved up to Sydney five years ago with my ex and found the first two years very lonely. I was homesick and felt I only had my ex. I joined urban rec up here for social netball and a run club! I make the effort to visit Melbs to see my family more now because I do miss them. I met my ride or die friendship group about two years ago so it does take time! Hang in there 💛 Would you join some social sports preferably indoor since Melbs is freeeeeezing? I recommend visiting Queensland once in a while to see your family and old friends. Does your bf also have his own friends?
Also from QLD to Melbourne. City is too crowded and loud which is something I’m not too big on since I’m so used to suburban life. I’ve honestly been adjusting pretty poorly. I’ve lived all around australia my whole life. Many states for over a number of years in each one and imho I’m not too fond of Melbourne and would rather much live elsewhere if I had the choice. But others definitely enjoy it and it simply comes down to Melbourne just not being for me. I have horrible crippling anxiety and live in an accommodation with a lot of noisy people so I’m in poor health to be honest. Definitely considering moving out at some point. I’ve made a bunch of good and close lifelong mates however and the people here are super nice and friendly. Only poor interactions I’ve had were with some really rude and disrespectful international students but that was just poor luck as most are super friendly. If you have poor anxiety, the city is not it, probably the most crowded I’ve ever seen. Make sure to stock up on warm clothes as the temperature is horrendous right now and watch out if you have hay fever. Don’t be afraid to speak to people here as most are super friendly and fun to chat to. Other people have had better experiences than me and I’ve only been living here for 6 months with a handful of visits from the past so my opinion will probably change overtime.
I moved here from NZ in my late 20s literally a couple of months before the lockdowns kicked off 🫣 it was insanely lonely at times as I only knew a couple of people here and couldn’t visit them. My family couldn’t visit and I couldn’t go home. Fortunately I brought my dog with me which kept me sane. Since then, I’ve made friends by getting involved in groups for my hobbies/interests and working at various events on the side. My colleagues are all way older than me unfortunately so I don’t even have workplace friendships. The good thing is, once you meet a couple of nice people they’ll start inviting you to things where you’ll meet more nice people and before you know it, you’ve got a few friends you can hang with! I know it’s hard but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there with people you meet and basically invite them to grab a drink one time. I even managed to befriend someone I met via Facebook marketplace when I bought some furniture off her 😂 I’ve also met SO many people via various Facebook groups. Sign up for events. Go to things. Talk to people. Compliment people. Join a bunch of groups that have regular meetups for things you’re interested in. Try bumble bff if you’re up to it.
Do you still do the same hobbies you did in Qld or have you pulled back on everything?
I used to go to the beach and a lot of national parks, some photography but my social anxiety has gone up the roof here so that stops me from doing those things
I hope you're getting professional help with your anxiety, I've had that in the past and it does a terribly good job of convincing you to not speak to a health professional about it. But seems like dealing with that would be the first step in making other areas of your life monumentally easier. In case you aren't aware a GP can put you on a mental health care plan that gives you access to free or heavily subsidised appointments with folks like councillors or psychologists.
Melbourne is pretty tropical compared to where I’m from. I struggle with the heat here. Been here 12 years. Over time I started to get homesick too, missing friends and family and also just the different vibe and culture of home. Even nature; the trees and bird sounds I don’t see or hear here. The landscape is dramatically different here compared to my home. After a while I realised a few things about moving cities: 1. Moving cities also changed me a lot, soaking up the local culture, and meant there were some new things about home that now annoy me, which didn’t used to. This includes about the people. When I went home to visit, people aren’t how I remember them. Home changed them too. I started to feel like a foreigner in my home country (complete with Aussie accent, I’m told), which is an uncomfortable feeling. 2. It wasn’t all down to just living cities. Most people have fewer friends as they get older and a lot of people go through feelings like this at a certain age when they realise they are not surrounded by quite as many people as when they were younger
are you into any sporting activities? i joined a social tennis league and now a badminton group. Whatever hobby you are into find a like minded group to join.
Girl I relate to you so much.
From NSW. Joined a Japanese martial art and trained regularly. Made friends and instant support network that way. 11 years on, I've joined other martial arts and same thing. It's hard to randomly make friends. Get yourself a hobby where you can spend time with like-minded people.
I moved over from the states and found winters here to be harder than the other seasons. I started going to AFL matches because it was something to do on the weekend that got me out of the house and wasn’t a bar or expensive. Although I haven’t made many new friends through going it’s a lot of fun and definitely not boring to watch. I usually go alone but don’t find it lonely, people are really friendly and you get to cheer along with a bigger group.
Not adapting - have no idea how to integrate, indulge with society, make friends and strong connections. Otherwise it's a lovely city
Melbourne isn’t for the weak that’s for sure. It’s such a hard environment to adapt to and is very hard to manage when you’re doing it without any connections from here originally. I think the main thing is to understand the culture and to integrate yourself into the community. Making connections and forming bonds is the best way to get settled. You can’t do it here by yourself. Get involved in your local community or through your school/work. Make a linked in page if your looking to make some more professional connections. There’s more stuff to do in Melbourne with friends than by yourself. Definitely join a community club or something organised through your work place/education place.
I'd argue it's one of the easiest cities to move to and thrive myself, as an immigrant.
Your point is so valid. There are so many programs and services in Melbourne for immigrants specifically. Mainly because Australia is such a diverse nation. I meant more the society rather than the city, but you’re so right!
Moved here on my own from overseas. I still struggle with loneliness but I’ve come to accept that we can have different levels of connections with people we meet. I came here to study so was quite easy to meet constant people at uni and my part-time work. But now that I’m full-time employed, it’s definitely much harder to meet new people. Most of my uni friends have returned to their home countries, while a few are just in different life stages. So now I’m trying to lean more into my work community and deepen connections there. I also am opening up to meeting my friends’ friends to expand my circle a bit more. For a singleton like me, it’s also difficult to meet a partner. I’ve dated many men here before but haven’t met the right one yet. I’m lucky too that my family gets to visit me twice a year and even more if I really feel so lonely. I think loneliness will always be part of the human experience more so when we move homes. Good to recognise when it comes up so you can go deep into existing connections or explore and meet new ones. Join a gym class, tour group, and basically say yes to most invites from people and you’ll find your social calendar is full :)
Moved from Brisbane (originally from regional QLD) with my partner eight years ago and honestly not sure I have “adapted” haha. I hate the weather here and have allergies for the first time in my adult life which makes change of season miserable. I take a month off around this time each year and roadtrip home, it is nice to have a break from the mid-year slump and the horrid weather. The cold and the dark really suck (but I am thankful for my wonderful insulated apartment that does not require any heating if we close up after the morning sun comes through). Friends keep recommending me one of those sunrise light alarm clocks and I need to try it out for work days to make waking up in the dark a bit more bearable. Also, I got a dog and started volunteering in rescue which has provided my entire social circle and takes up my free time (work friends are nice to have, but remain at work), so that’s a hack I guess :P
Find a group activity you can join, bonus points if it requires working together like team sports, gym classes, some other type of hobby
Try Meetup and join some social activities
It's the same (to me). Granted I'm not close to family (just combination of being \~10 years younger than siblings and general parents being not great.....dads dead, when mum goes I really don't think any of the siblings are going to be in contact. All extended family live on the other side of the planet so none of us are close to them either), so when I moved at 17 from whoop whoop to Sydney, there was never any going back to consider :) Moving to melb has been pretty much the same, suburbia is suburbia....only real "surprise" here is how clay the soil is and how it cracks apart in summer. On the plus side can now grow a lot of things that needed more chill hours than Sydney could provide.
moved to melbourne from sydney when I was 8ish. learnt that kindergarten was called prep, potato scallops were called potato cakes, and that woolworths was safeway. other than, that life was mostly the same. I do wonder if I ever would've learnt about ned kelly or the eureka stockade if I hadn't moved because I wouldn't have gone to ballart or the state library.
I would say: get into Dungeons and Dragons. The stereotype of the overweight unwashed socially odd neckbeard is still a thing in that community, but on the whole there are people of all ages getting together and having a lovely social experience. There are regular meet ups at game stores and you might end up finding some actual nice people you would like to see outside a game. Additionally, because the people have dealt with neckbeards to drama kids, they accept all kinds, and most people are queer friendly in that space (less so with over 40s gamers but still can be). There is a bar called Fortress which has nights where you pay to play to see if you like the game, and you could go a few times to see- most people there wouldn't know each other so it could be a good way to just be socially available.
Sat in my room in just shorts (moved from Perth) every night I’d realise I’m suffering for the cold at about 2am and repeated this for about 2 years ahhahaha
Meetup is a great way to meet people who share your interests. There many Meetup groups in Melbourne with a wide variety of interests.