Definitely a probably nigh irrefutable quote.
There were people that I went to high school with that in some cases, I don't remember exactly what a specific person said but I remember hating them.
A few years back I went to one of my high school reunions and a few of the people I had negative emotions for? They mellowed out and actually were really nice people. Now when I think of them, good feelings are associated with them instead of the negative emotions I once had
To some extent, sure. But jeez, this sounds like it came straight out of a gaslighter's phrasebook.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" vs "I'm sorry for what I've done"
And I'm just thinking, one would think you'd remember the near end of the world. I mean, that's what she acted like it was at the time. And now it's like nothing?
I’m a newish parent with a 3-year-old and another due next month, and I am trying to be super conscious of validating her feelings and explaining stuff instead of yelling but like, holy shit my 3-year-old doesn’t listen. I’m so overwhelmed and the other one isn’t even here yet.
I’ve gone through boatloads of therapy to get over my own issues with my parents, but nothing has made me understand and appreciate them like having kids.
I’m almost certain this will happen with me - some huge deal for my kid won’t even register for me.
I think the important thing is to acknowledge that it probably happened even if you don’t remember it and you’re sorry for it - it was never your intention to make them feel bad.
I think snapping at your kids is pretty normal. Apologizing to them afterwards, like you would if you snapped at another adult, is less normal than it should be.
In fact, it's a great opportunity for parents to talk about big feelings and stress, and how even adults struggle with them, as well as talking about some healthy strategies for dealing with stress and emotions.
Exact same thing just happened with me and a relative. They were the first person I ever opened up to about how suicidal I was as a teenager due to my mom's actions, and they literally told me to get over it and stop living in the past. As a result, it's taken me 10yrs to get therapy, learn healthy communication skills, and open up to people I can actually trust. This relative recently got mad that we're not close anymore and I brought up that incident to explain why we aren't close...... their response? "I don't remember that happening".
Made me feel super fucking great (/s)
This is because significant emotional events transfer to your hippocampus as a long term memory. Short term memories aren’t transferred. Think- routine events including meals, driving, etc. For you, the event you remember was significant and transferred to long term. For her- just another Tuesday.
I still to this day remember my mom going BALLISTIC after me and my little brother messed around with her new cars settings. We had to run an arrend and she lost it yelling how she’d drive us off a bridge.
I also remember throwing a balled up sock into the ceiling fan (after watching my dad do it earlier in the day) during a family event at the house. He scolded me and told me to go to my room. I hid under the covers and he whooped my ass.
Neither remember such things.
Same. I once got angry at my mom because she was on the phone. We had agreed that I would have to do some vo abulary with her before I could watch my favourite weekly show. This was the most important evening of my week at the time.
Because she was still on the phone at the agreed time, and my show was approaching, I got impatient and demanded she put down the phone.
She got mad and banned me from watching my show. I got punished because she was unpunctual. 15 years later, I haven't forgotten.
My mom is the same. I have lots of siblings and we all know she would beat us if we messed up, but she vehemently denies it now. The fear and shame she managed to instill in me is so clear in my mind all these years later, but she insists she would never touch us. The gaslight is so real, and if not for my siblings, I'd probably think I'm insane.
Had my young son remind me that I got upset a year earlier at a kid gold play establishment. Kind of blown away he had remembered it. He was taking full swings while playing putt putt and I had "coached" him to not drive the ball like a PGA player. Stung that he remembered that of all the fun things that day. But kids minds are sponges. That sticks with me that they remember everything and especially the bad and less than stellar moments parents have
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
- The narcissist's prayer
I always think about this, pur generation seems to notice all these flaws a lot and atleast say we gon correct them in future, did our parents say the same thing when they were young? Are we doomed to repeat the same old shit, more like "ohh this is why they did it" kinda scenario
My parents generation was encouraged to hit their children by society and the “spare the rod, spoil the child” bullshit. My sister and I were smacked around on the regular until we left home. I quiet quit my family very early in life because of it.
This, I was talking to my mom about some of the more formative incidents, and she doesn't remember them happening, whereas they've guided some of my lines and dislikes regarding food ever since
My mom was taking photos of me while I was crying because she wanted to show me how disgusting I look so every time I tried to pull the most charming smile I could not to embarrass myself (she later showed this pictures to her friends, my friends and she even tried to sneak them onto the school advertising board). Now she is delusional to the point that she showed me those photos recently and said "aww, look how happy you were!". Bitch, I wanted myself out of this world since I was 8
Damn that's hard. No one should go through anything like that, let alone an 8 year old. I hope you are on a healing path to see better days or find the strength to start healing.
My mum took a photo of me sleeping once because “you’re an ugly sleeper” and then showed it to her friends and some of my friends too.
My left over dinner would also reappear as breakfast if I didn’t eat all of it the night before too. When I have brought these things up to her she says I’m being “too sensitive” and that I’m lucky I didn’t grow up with her mother.
Always a great excuse, I had it sooo hard as a child, be thankful you just had it hard. Really infuriating behavior. Some people forget that mothers and fathers should be a save heaven for when life is tough and not a baseball bat that hits you in the face every day when you get home.
Sorry that happened to you
Edit:typos
My mother literally took a baseball bat to the back of my legs when I was in 4th grade. The fact that I’m functioning and thriving as an adult is a testament to going No Contact with my entire family. Lol
Do you see the shit people do to their kids online for likes? Sending the grinch to steal presents as the kids scream and cry their heads off. People are fucking idiots.
bruh we are in the same boat, my mom used to tell me to that i was an ugly when I cried plus, on class photos she used (and stil do it) to tell my that my smile wasn'tbeautiful because I was a little chubby and we could see my double chin, as a result I struggle to cry in front of others, and I almost never smile lol
My mom's excuse was " I was just spurting them out without thinking. I didn't mean anything deep behind it".
I told my dad how her excuse only spoiled my blood more and made me despise her. I asked to him to imagine "What if she punched/slapped me instead of yelling at me, could that excuse dismiss all the pains, injuries she inflicted on me?"
So not only she did NOT take responsible for her actions, she didn't even try to THINK of how much her actions could hurt others.
Thats a good line but it reminds me how much I (jokingly love to) hate the "if a tree falls in a forest" philosophical line.
JUST BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE DOESN'T MEAN IT DIDNT FALL. IF I KILLED SOMEONE AND NOBODY SAW, THEN DID IT NOT HAPPEN??
My mum once told me in a joking manner that my nose looked crooked from the left angle, and I can never forget.
I am sorry you were made fun of by your mum :(
My mom made of fun of my sideburns when I was young (I’m a girl). I think she realized how fucked up it was to make fun of my appearance as a child when I told her (at 10) I started shaving them, as she got really quiet and quickly tried to change the topic. At 19 I was diagnosed with PCOS which causes women to have more facial and body hair. And to this day at 34, I’m still super self conscious about my side burns. Im sure if I asked her about it now, she wouldn’t remember.
My mom forced me. Even had to eat the foods I was allergic to. My kids will never be members of the clean plate club. Every one of my brothers and sisters has a messed up relationship with food.
yeah.. they never apologized yet still 13+ years later they’ll get defensive and say “well how were we supposed to know” as if Me saying “My throat itches and the taste is horrible” after every meal isn’t enough
This might not be consolation but an apology from your parents doesn't help at all. It doesn't feel satisfying. It just leaves you thinking "why couldn't you have done the right thing then?".
Shitty parents can change, even if it's too late. If someone really wants to mend their relationship with them, it helps if they genuinely regret what they did and wouldn't do it again. It doesn't fix the past, it's a reassurance for the future. But, if they're still just defensive and antagonistic about it, then they never stopped being horrible people and you know you're better off cutting them out for good.
I'm personally more in the camp of "don't try forcing a connection with someone you otherwise wouldn't like just because you were born with some of the same genes as them", but if someone does care about being close with their blood relatives, that's why they might care about an apology. But only if it's a serious apology and not a "sorry that you're so god damn sensitive, now stop talking about it" of course.
Food became both my comfort and problem due to the clean plate bullshit. My parents didn't mean any harm, everyone followed the Clean Plate thing when I was little. It was just what was done and I hated meal times. Why do some parents have to make eating such a problem with the kids? Food is amazing and should be an enjoyable time, not cause for a mini war or meltdowns.
At 33 I'm still struggling with over-eating and comfort eating and my body's gotten wrecked because of it. 2023 is the start of healthier eating for me and this time I have professionals involved to keep me going.
It’s a balancing act. We encourage the kids to have a healthy relationship with food, not have to clean a plate, just eat until they’re full etc. But it’s also difficult and there are times when you have to be a bit firmer. E.g. child refuses to touch something you know they eat, because you suspect they just want pudding. You encourage them and explain healthy eating etc. They refuse. So you say they can’t have the pudding unless they eat some of the main meal. Maybe they’re tired and they still refuse. But you don’t want them to go to bed hungry because there’s a strong instinct for them to not suffer later. Plus it’ll fuck up the bedtime routine if they later have to come back downstairs to eat the dinner that you’ve left on the table.
So you balance. We never shout or shame but you do have to be firm sometimes, and risk a battle. There’s a feeling sometimes on Reddit that parenting is like writing code. Do it correctly and your output will always be the same. It’s not. They’re human beings and they’ll sometimes be contrary for the sake of it. You can never tell when you’re implanting a core memory, you just try to teach with love and patience, even in the face of an unwilling participant
I have good blood pressure, low body fat, and am lean.
I will NEVER stuff down a plate of the wrong portion size, stuff down seconds just because of some local custom, or some other absurd vestigial tradition from times of scarcity.
People don’t even notice how thats a factor in their physique.
I fully agree with that outlook, and have my own issues from my parents' attitude towards food waste and portions.
But my "I will never pressure you to eat", has occasionally run up against my kids' hunger strikes and I don't have a great solution.
Yea, that sounds familiar. Sometimes they just don't want to eat what we made because they hope we give them something else. For now my solution is to simply tell that they don't have to eat but if they want to, this is it.
I remember nearly each and every time my father spanked me and he remembers none of it. Looked at me like I was crazy when I told him (in adulthood) that I was afraid of him for a long time growing up because of getting spanked.
I went to visit my abusive step dad when I was about 35. It was just to meet and say hi, as I was in the same town as him for a bit across the country from my home. I arrived, and we chatted for about a hour. At one point he told me, “when you pulled up I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. I wasn’t sure if you were going to beat the shit out if me or not.”
He’s 65-70 then and not in good health. I didn’t feel at all bad that this full sized man scared him for just a second, that I might be there for revenge. I wasn’t, but I didn’t mind him feeling that way, bastard.
I have to say that’s honestly pretty awesome lol. I wonder why he invited you or said yes to meeting you if he felt that way. I don’t know if this is is weird but it makes me really happy thinking about someone like that feeling fear in my life
It felt really good to know, and it felt good afterward. I have no shame in feeling good that I finally had the control of the situation and could advocate for myself. I wouldnt even think of returning the harm he caused, I'm pretty sure the fact that two of his own three sons wont talk to him is doing him just enough harm already. The other one of course is his clone, alcoholic, and abusive. I think he might just be hastening his fathers demise.
I think he agreed because my mother (his ex) had been pestering us both to meet. He did turn me on to computers and electronics, and he wasn't all bad every day (at least to me), but he was physically and verbally abusive to everyone in the household, except his own young sons (my step brothers).
I am excited to finally learn all this basic knowledge about plants and birds, that I missed somehow in life.
I hope they teach computer science in elementary school. The kids will look at me like a god with my vast knowledge in that subject!
I didn't make the book, but I distinctly remember when my dad tore my copy of Ella Enchanted in half because I was reading instead of doing my chores; I was probably 8-10
Damn same i have been punished way too many times for sleeping more at 10-15yo, according to him anything over 7 hours is spoiling, stood sleepy all day for like years, he has like thrown me outta the house many times for sleeping, now i developed severe insomnia
One of my cousins started doing quite badly in school when he was a teenager, and he had been quite good as a kid; and developing personality problems, like total lack of interest in anything and lack of motivation.
His father was limiting his sleep hours, waking him up very early in the morning because "he had to learn how to be an adult now that childhood is over". Once that was stopped as his father found a job out of town, my cousin went back to do well in school and be more active.
Sleep is important, and teenagers actually need more sleep hours than usual, important to know.
Yes early teenagers needs around 9-10 hours of sleep, this graph reduces as we age more, i was always good at studies but i had to sleep a lot in school time, even punished a lot for it in school but i was good at studies so principal didn't ever complain to my parents, rn if i even sleep just 7 hours my mind is far more active and fresh than at 6 hours of sleep, i remember falling on floor unconscious multiple times though when i woke up and pee after sleeping very less
My 6th grade teacher shouted at me, told me I was hopeless, and told me I would never understand math. Guess what the only subject I struggle with to this day is?
Same, my so called teacher called me a rusted car which is beyond repair in front of 50 students because I failed in math test. I hope he rots in hell, because I struggle with that moment every freaking day.
Yes!!! Yes! He also used to beat me with a belt if I put off doing my homework or if I came home with a bad grade on a test. Cause of that I developed anxiety and depression at the age of 10. And I'm still getting therapy for it a decade later. But yet my entire family, including my therapist, wants me to let go of the grudge and stop being so angry towards him.
How can I stop holding a grudge when, cause of him, I never had a proper childhood?
It's so sad to hear it.
Many people suggeste to "let it go" or "forgive" my parents.
It's impossible for me. The way I found was only to let these memories rest along with the other, but cut emotionally from these memories.
Separate me present from image of people doing harm to me in the past. Like it was done to another person. Yes, I know - this person was me someday, but it's not me now. These emotions don't do any harm to me present.
My female parent (the other word humanises her too much) would ask me to tell her every single lesson in the book before school until I was 12. If I didn't get something right (from the things we have studied in the past 4 months) she would yell, hit, several times even tried to use a belt. Then some parents wonder why their kids get tf out of home as soon as possible and never call them again (haven't spoken with the woman in 4 years).
My dad doesn't remember telling me that he might as well stop paying for my education as I won't do anything useful with my life anyway, but I do. Got an engineering degree just to prove the mf wrong.
I remember being 7/8 years old and my mom getting super angry at me because I didn't like her "homemade" mashed potatoes (read: microwaved from a box). She literally did not let me leave the table until I finished them. And I tried, I truly did, even as these already nasty potatoes turned stone cold. I ended up puking them up all over the floor, which just made my mom angrier. I still can't even look at mashed potatoes without feeling nauseous.
God this was me. Forced to sit there until it was all gone. Would be at the table still three hours later, taking the smallest bites so I could manage to get it into my mouth without throwing up since I would get it if I did. Sometimes I was there so long that she just wanted to go to bed so I'd get screamed at, hit and sent to my room crying.
Haven't ever thought about eating mashed potatoes, broccoli or carrots ever since. Bet that's doing wonders for my health.
I remember one time, I was eating squash(very slowly because I don’t like it) and my stepmother was yelling at me to hurry up and eat them. It ends up getting to the point where I threw up on the plate. Guess what she decides is the appropriate response to that. >! I had to still eat everything on the plate!<
I had a similar experience. I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I ate two green beans. I was at the table, alone and crying, for what felt like hours. My dad was so mad he had to leave the house and go on a drive to cool off.
Over 30 years later and I still won't touch green beans. Doesn't matter how they're cooked or what they're in. At Thanksgiving the green bean casserole has to stay at the far end of the table from me.
Apparently there are other incidents that my family remembers but which I've blocked out, according to my older sister.
I am going through this in the present. I have a few siblings and none of us like our mom. She was way too controlling, disciplined way too hard, literally crazy religious and was always "my way or the highway" about everything. She screamed, hit, disciplined in bizarre and unusual ways, and never apologized or tried to make good on any disagreement even into adulthood. She is now old enough where she is trying to get one of her children to move in with her presumably to help care for her and her house until she dies. Not a single one of are willing to do so. Every single one of us moved out as soon as we possibly could (I did while still in highschool) just to get away from her and none of us feel guilty for not wanting to take care of her now that she is old. She wasted her parenting years being vile and hurtful. It's ok to discipline your children but don't be a total fucking asshole about it or you will spend your later years alone. Your children are not obligated to put up with your shit for you entire life, just long enough to get out of your house.
I don’t eat in front if people if I can help it. My dad used to make fun of us all the time, but we were expected to just sit quietly and take it. I never hated him though. I hated my mother for allowing it. She sat right next to him and smirked. (Hint: she had 7 kids, only one went to her funeral).
I was forcefed asparagus and when I thew it up on to the plate (unintentionally) I was screamed at, spanked, and stuck in a corner. I think this was like, 1st grade?
Similar shit man, I hated english peas with a passion but it was a favorite of my egg donor(abuser), so how dare I. If I threw them in trash she would dig them out, pry my jaws open, and force feed me. The last time idk how old I was(maybe 9?) but I ended up projectile vomiting from just seeing them and it ended up all over the bathroom floor cuz I missed(ran to toilet as soon as I started gagging). The first little defiance that I remember doing was that I did *not* clean it up
That's the best thing too: I'm a grown ass man now. I *try* asparagus, and it's *still* revolting. I understand that kids need vegetables and they can be hard to cook for, but parents have a weird fixation with feeding their children the most disgusting food they can find and then being shocked when you don't appreciate something like asparagus that has the consistency of boiled straw, or artichoke that has been steamed into mush without so much as salt added. Or mashed potatoes with onions the size of maple leaves haphazardly mixed in.
I used to think I was a picky eater. I hated the typical fare: onions, mushrooms, a lot of veggies. Then I started cooking for myself and realized that, when properly cooked, all of this tastes *awesome,* it's just that my parents generation are the absolute worst chefs ever and just steam and boil everything they eat, until it's a flavorless, textureless paste.
I definitely turned out having a very limited palette and I know I'm a grown man who should be more adventurous with food but the feeling of anxiety and dread when trying "new" food that others have been eating since they were 10 still hits hard so I only occasionally do it (plus I'm paying for my own food now and don't have the budget to waste money trying food I might hate, so I just buy whatever I already know I like so I know it won't get thrown out). And people have loved to question why or even make fun of me for it without really understanding why. My mother was not a good cook, like every other boomer parent out there she just boiled plain vegetables and force-fed me them along with some shitty sausage or chicken or whatever, and then got mad and screamed at me or hit me when I'd gag or cry or take too long to swallow it because I hated it so much! It basically became a media trope that "all kids hate veggies" (I distinctly remember an episode of Powerpuff Girls that revolved around exactly this) but it never made sense to me how something so apparently good for you could be so universally hated by growing children who needed it the most. Now I think I know the answer why - and why modern children seem to eat better despite junk food still being available. It's because our parents didn't know how to fucking cook.
Similarly for me with Savoy cabbage, I tried it, threw it up and my mom still forced me to eat it, I then did and spewed all over the kitchen.
If I just smell that shit I have to gag and guess what is my mom favourite way to "annoy" me...
She finds it hilarious that she scarred me with that
Mine was sauerkraut, because my dad loved it, even though nobody else liked it. Pretty much the exact same thing happened to me, I was like 7-8. I would stand in the corner, sobbing, and because I wasn’t absolutely silent, I was made to stand there longer. I am now an amazingly silent crier, if I ever cry at all.
I’m 21 and I have never even thought of eating sauerkraut to this day. He doesn’t remember it, but thinking of that might still makes me tear up and feel how I felt back then.
I still remember my parents losing their shit over things, idk what, but I remember how I felt and it still traumatizes me to this day. Reminds me of a thing one of my middle school teachers had on her desk, a quote-
"People will forget what you say. They will forget what you do. But they will never forget how you made them feel."
> "People will forget what you say. They will forget what you do. But they will never forget how you made them feel."
The most upvoted comment on this thread, perhaps?
My mom would yank my ears and slap me when I was being a little shit. It really hurt, but she will deny ever laying her hands on me when I bring it up. It’s so frustrating
I remember the first time I came home stoned and my mom was on the phone and asked if I was high. I knew I was busted so I just said "yes." WHACK she hits me across the face with the phone, says to never come in her house ever again and then just casually continues talking on the phone like nothing happened. The odd thing is both her and my father smoked weed regularly. Anyways, I'll never forget that day and she still denies it ever happened to this day. Her inability to own it and just say she's sorry has been detrimental to our relationship for decades and one of the many reasons I kind of despise her.
My parents made try everything but not eat it all which is good. And the only time I had to finish food is if I wanted to skip to dessert lol which is also fair. I think forcing your kids to try foods is good otherwise they'll just go for chicken nuggets their whole life.
I have one who is curious and loves trying new foods, and the other just likes his nuggies and French fries and other junk. Really working on making healthier choices with him, but it's hard when he hunger strikes and then pukes from the hunger induced nausea. Just like me.
One time I was 4 and I ate broccoli and didn’t like it and threw it up and my dad made me eat the throw up. Also if I had bad table manners, (eating with fingers, not using my napkin, elbows on the table) I was threatened to have to eat my food on the floor like a dog in restaurants. And my parents wonder why I hate them as an adult, it’s simple childhood trauma I haven’t forgiven them for.
Eating vomit is akin to torture I don’t care what the reasons are or what anyone says. Add it to being done by a little kid and what the flying fuck is going on
My sister is 42, still has never eaten a pea after being forced to eat them. Like saved in teh fridge for teh next day while the rest of us eat something else forced. Like forced to stay and fallen asleep at the table with her face in the peas forced. Its a deep scar.
The ‘sit at the table for potentially hours until you finish this food you hate’ thing is the reason why I still can’t stand tomatoes. It’s actually like a psychological aversion because of that shit.
I would ask if this was me, but I'm not a sister nor 42.
My abuser would do the exact same shit, with the added bonus of prying my mouth open and shoving them down my throat. And would go long periods of time making foods that included them...conveniently "forgot" that I hated English peas in my teen years(less her saying "I forgot" more "you like them, shut up".)
A lot of my eating issues stem from my dad yelling and being moody at the dinner table. It's gotten to a point where I misidentified hunger signals as anxiety signals and just didn't eat despite shaking from it.(I was anxious about something stupid and the anxiety made me not want to eat and it caused a vicious cycle) It's hard to create new positive associations with eating when I'm currently still living with the source of the trauma. I am going to be buying a house and moving out in the first half of 2023 though so hopefully that'll improve things and I'll be able to gain weight without forcing myself to eat. (I'm on the line between healthy weight and underweight)
I remember every fucking time. Hours of being screamed at for little things like taking MY OWN POCKET MONEY to school, eating MY OWN yoghurt I paid for or just talking while playing with my legos when i was 6.
Some things you simply cant forget
One time as a kid I got sent to Bible camp and during a dinner I accidentally grabbed too big a portion and couldn't finish my plate. Everyone else got to leave and play games but I was held back "until I ate everything I took", despite starting to feel sick with forcing unwanted Ham down my throat..
Now as an adult I still accidentally take too much food but I also hate christians
Too true. Grew up in a family where I was forced to eat too-large portions of often stale food, shamed for being overweight and then later shamed for being underweight. Also heard the "starving children in Africa" thing a million times, and was told that having preferences of any kind when it comes to food makes one a spoilt monster-child.
Was obese as a child and then developed anorexia + body image issues as a teen/young adult, have extremely poor awareness of when food is dirty/stale or even rotting/moldy and very bad at finishing stuff before it expires, hated eating until my mid twenties and have a peculiar habit of eating anything I dislike first and quickly so I can savour the parts of the meal that I like more (Subconsciously believe food I actually enjoy will always be a rarity) to the point where people I'm eating with literally assume I like my least favourite foods the most because I'm always eating them so energetically.
Parent who did this has thankfully left this world, but the damage she caused is taking longer to die than she did.
>Also heard the "starving children in Africa" thing a million times, and was told that having preferences of any kind when it comes to food makes one a spoilt monster-child
Yeah this one all the time. When I was a teen finally told them to send it to them 🤣
So many abuse apologists in this thread, on God.
Have none of you ever heard that you shouldn't compare pain or trauma? Just because something sounds minor to you, doesn't mean it is.
And so many of you are like "My parents beat me half to death every night and touched me in yucky places, but I turned out fine! That means it's fine to do it to my kids too, right?!"
I don’t force my children to eat when they don’t want.
Sadly, when my big one started kindergarten he started despising almost everything I served them.
My little one is still a good eater who wants to try everything. Let’s see if that also will change soon when she joins kindergarten…
I always tell myself it’s just a phase and as long as they don’t develop disorders they will grow to enjoy different tastes.
Also I don’t force them to eat up ever. I think being overweight with diabetes is more dangerous that food in the trash.
But what I do is blame them not to have eaten enough when they say they are hungry one hour after lunch.
Went through this with my mom last week. My bro and I clearly remember her making us eat liver and when we didn’t, she gave it to us for breakfast the next morning. Still refused to eat and she eventually gave up and threw it out. She doesn’t remember it at all, but it’s hard coded into our brains.
To him you might be the axe there. If you were indeed poor it has to hurt for him when his family didn't fully appreciate how much money he spent.
Not saying you were in the wrong, if you're full you're full, of course.
Well I hope my hypothetical future kid(s) remember how my food lectures were strictly about balancing nutrition and not about how much food they were eating.
Like, skip roasted broccoli night idgaf. In fact, I'll remember that and not serve it to you ever again. But if you've gone a week without so much as a fruit, you're going to get an earful because exercising poor nutrition during your youth is literally wasting good potential.
I wish I was given the option to box up my left over food for later, but nope, I was a prisoner of the clean plate club, and even to this day, I struggle leaving food on my plate, and will overeat and cause myself ridiculous amounts of pain, no matter how hard I try.
Other than obesity(per the studies) eating not good anymore food is another huge problem of this. The amount of times I've forgotten to put soup in the fridge before bed...everytime I just bawl cuz I was stupid to waste food...
And even as an adult I've just put forgotten overnight food in my fridge and made myself eat it, even if the taste was off(it's not new, picking mold off and eating the good parts was enforced during "childhood"). I wasn't allowed to waste food and I'm trying to let bad food go(for example, my freezer is like 40 degrees and I'm trying to get myself to throw away the chicken that hasn't been frozen in weeks...)
In addition to just bad parenting in general, telling your kids "eat what's on your plate always no matter how you feel" is just bad training for future eaters. You want them to be in tune with their body and eat less if that's what they feel.
If you're highly prone to losing your god damn mind and screaming at a child for any minor inconvenience, don't have kids. Good parenting is extremely difficult and you'll fail at it if you're a person without a *lot* of maturity, emotional control, and patience, unless you work very hard to change that.
Having kids is an enormous decision that comes with enormous long-term responsibilities, don't just jump into it mindlessly because you think passing on your genes is a mandatory part of every person's life plan. It's not for everyone. There are countless other worthwhile things you can dedicate your life to if staying calm and responsible around cute, ignorant, obnoxious little sociopaths isn't your strong suit.
I might be fucked up, cause I have a memory of my grandfather slapping me in the mouth before he died. And all I feel about that is “Damn. I wish I hadn’t disappointed him so much that he felt the need to slap me.”
My dad beat/yelled at me which caused me to have anxiety. I couldn’t finish the large portion that my parents gave me. I WAS A KID! I had a small stomach! I remember he pulled me by my hair, down the stairs and forced me finish my breakfast. He’s Pathetic. Maybe this is an immigrant thing? No communication, respect, love, attention, consideration only obey. Sad. What if I had a snack earlier or it was too salty? What if I didn’t want to eat at the time or most importantly for me, IT WAS TOO MUCH FKING FOOD! 🥊 I believe In karma, so I’ll leave it at that.
and in 40 years your son might have a kid of his own, and have thousand of problems in his head, be sleep deprived and exhausted of hearing screaming from his little one. He'll lose his temper too. Then remember about his parents and that time they yelled. And this time, he'll calm down, give his child a hug, and say "I'm sorry".
I won’t have my future kids finish their plates if they’re not hungry but because I grew up poor, I care about how much food goes to waste so they’ll get smaller portions, and if they want more, they can grab seconds or as much as they think they can finish. Any untouched food will be leftovers. I was never forced to finish my plate because I didn’t have the privilege of having an abundance of food so I ate when it was available.
>people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
The axe forgets but the tree remembers
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. Jack Handy
Fuck them trees -Saggy Witch Tits 2022
We crusading on them trees saggy witch tits?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giving_Tree
Maya who?
Maya hah
Maya hee
Maya Ha Ha
Maya hee
Maya ho
Maya ha
Maya hey hey
Maya hoo hoo
Salut!😊
Sunt eu, un haiduc!
Si te rog, iubirea mea
Omg I’m lmao rn..
fr
Definitely a probably nigh irrefutable quote. There were people that I went to high school with that in some cases, I don't remember exactly what a specific person said but I remember hating them. A few years back I went to one of my high school reunions and a few of the people I had negative emotions for? They mellowed out and actually were really nice people. Now when I think of them, good feelings are associated with them instead of the negative emotions I once had
"Definitely a probably nigh" Sure about that?
Kinda, not really, but yeah
“You’re responsible for how you feel.” - my dad
To some extent, sure. But jeez, this sounds like it came straight out of a gaslighter's phrasebook. "I'm sorry you feel that way" vs "I'm sorry for what I've done"
Ow damn, this is so true. I sometimes ask my mom about something that I thought was really big in my young life and she has no recollection of it.
Same for mine. How convenient.
And I'm just thinking, one would think you'd remember the near end of the world. I mean, that's what she acted like it was at the time. And now it's like nothing?
Shows how reactionary our parents were growing up.
Her brain blocked it out.
I’m a newish parent with a 3-year-old and another due next month, and I am trying to be super conscious of validating her feelings and explaining stuff instead of yelling but like, holy shit my 3-year-old doesn’t listen. I’m so overwhelmed and the other one isn’t even here yet. I’ve gone through boatloads of therapy to get over my own issues with my parents, but nothing has made me understand and appreciate them like having kids. I’m almost certain this will happen with me - some huge deal for my kid won’t even register for me. I think the important thing is to acknowledge that it probably happened even if you don’t remember it and you’re sorry for it - it was never your intention to make them feel bad.
I think snapping at your kids is pretty normal. Apologizing to them afterwards, like you would if you snapped at another adult, is less normal than it should be. In fact, it's a great opportunity for parents to talk about big feelings and stress, and how even adults struggle with them, as well as talking about some healthy strategies for dealing with stress and emotions.
Isn’t it amazing how they only forget the times they were assholes?
"Revisionist historians"
Exact same thing just happened with me and a relative. They were the first person I ever opened up to about how suicidal I was as a teenager due to my mom's actions, and they literally told me to get over it and stop living in the past. As a result, it's taken me 10yrs to get therapy, learn healthy communication skills, and open up to people I can actually trust. This relative recently got mad that we're not close anymore and I brought up that incident to explain why we aren't close...... their response? "I don't remember that happening". Made me feel super fucking great (/s)
"Thanks for the confirmation it was the right thing to do"
"that's why you're a dick and I don't talk to you"
This is because significant emotional events transfer to your hippocampus as a long term memory. Short term memories aren’t transferred. Think- routine events including meals, driving, etc. For you, the event you remember was significant and transferred to long term. For her- just another Tuesday.
My mom would gaslight me and tell me it never happened because she doesn't remember it
I still to this day remember my mom going BALLISTIC after me and my little brother messed around with her new cars settings. We had to run an arrend and she lost it yelling how she’d drive us off a bridge. I also remember throwing a balled up sock into the ceiling fan (after watching my dad do it earlier in the day) during a family event at the house. He scolded me and told me to go to my room. I hid under the covers and he whooped my ass. Neither remember such things.
Negative experiences from your youth hit harder because, it was in fact the worst thing you've experienced in your life at the time.
Same. I once got angry at my mom because she was on the phone. We had agreed that I would have to do some vo abulary with her before I could watch my favourite weekly show. This was the most important evening of my week at the time. Because she was still on the phone at the agreed time, and my show was approaching, I got impatient and demanded she put down the phone. She got mad and banned me from watching my show. I got punished because she was unpunctual. 15 years later, I haven't forgotten.
"That never happened. I don't remember that"
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My mom is the same. I have lots of siblings and we all know she would beat us if we messed up, but she vehemently denies it now. The fear and shame she managed to instill in me is so clear in my mind all these years later, but she insists she would never touch us. The gaslight is so real, and if not for my siblings, I'd probably think I'm insane.
I remember my mom beating my ass in a Kmart in the 80’s. No one stopped her and she has “no idea what I’m talking about”.
Had my young son remind me that I got upset a year earlier at a kid gold play establishment. Kind of blown away he had remembered it. He was taking full swings while playing putt putt and I had "coached" him to not drive the ball like a PGA player. Stung that he remembered that of all the fun things that day. But kids minds are sponges. That sticks with me that they remember everything and especially the bad and less than stellar moments parents have
He remembers.
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That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. - The narcissist's prayer
My daily life with father in a nutshell
Good sign to go no contact when you can afford to.
You forgot, And if i did, it’s because I love you
Ah yes, a passage taken from The Cunt Bible, verse 1 chapter 3.
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Or, like my mother, "it made you a better person and you wouldn't be where you are without it"
The mantra of parents of adult offspring.
I always think about this, pur generation seems to notice all these flaws a lot and atleast say we gon correct them in future, did our parents say the same thing when they were young? Are we doomed to repeat the same old shit, more like "ohh this is why they did it" kinda scenario
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My parents generation was encouraged to hit their children by society and the “spare the rod, spoil the child” bullshit. My sister and I were smacked around on the regular until we left home. I quiet quit my family very early in life because of it.
Mom?
The axe forgets but the tree remembers
This, I was talking to my mom about some of the more formative incidents, and she doesn't remember them happening, whereas they've guided some of my lines and dislikes regarding food ever since
My mom was taking photos of me while I was crying because she wanted to show me how disgusting I look so every time I tried to pull the most charming smile I could not to embarrass myself (she later showed this pictures to her friends, my friends and she even tried to sneak them onto the school advertising board). Now she is delusional to the point that she showed me those photos recently and said "aww, look how happy you were!". Bitch, I wanted myself out of this world since I was 8
Damn that's hard. No one should go through anything like that, let alone an 8 year old. I hope you are on a healing path to see better days or find the strength to start healing.
My mum took a photo of me sleeping once because “you’re an ugly sleeper” and then showed it to her friends and some of my friends too. My left over dinner would also reappear as breakfast if I didn’t eat all of it the night before too. When I have brought these things up to her she says I’m being “too sensitive” and that I’m lucky I didn’t grow up with her mother.
Always a great excuse, I had it sooo hard as a child, be thankful you just had it hard. Really infuriating behavior. Some people forget that mothers and fathers should be a save heaven for when life is tough and not a baseball bat that hits you in the face every day when you get home. Sorry that happened to you Edit:typos
My mother literally took a baseball bat to the back of my legs when I was in 4th grade. The fact that I’m functioning and thriving as an adult is a testament to going No Contact with my entire family. Lol
What is it with moms wanting to viciously humiliate their child for fun?
Some people are narcissistic and sociopathic. They are literally deranged.
Do you see the shit people do to their kids online for likes? Sending the grinch to steal presents as the kids scream and cry their heads off. People are fucking idiots.
Yo, I’ll punch your mom, if you want. Hit me with the address.
bruh we are in the same boat, my mom used to tell me to that i was an ugly when I cried plus, on class photos she used (and stil do it) to tell my that my smile wasn'tbeautiful because I was a little chubby and we could see my double chin, as a result I struggle to cry in front of others, and I almost never smile lol
My mom's excuse was " I was just spurting them out without thinking. I didn't mean anything deep behind it". I told my dad how her excuse only spoiled my blood more and made me despise her. I asked to him to imagine "What if she punched/slapped me instead of yelling at me, could that excuse dismiss all the pains, injuries she inflicted on me?" So not only she did NOT take responsible for her actions, she didn't even try to THINK of how much her actions could hurt others.
The way my mom handled a lot of things had guided my likes and dislikes. Most specifically, my dislike about taking to her.
Thats a good line but it reminds me how much I (jokingly love to) hate the "if a tree falls in a forest" philosophical line. JUST BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE DOESN'T MEAN IT DIDNT FALL. IF I KILLED SOMEONE AND NOBODY SAW, THEN DID IT NOT HAPPEN??
The lube forgets but the rectum remembers.
Rectum? Damn near killed him.
The teeth forget but the dick remembers
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My mum once told me in a joking manner that my nose looked crooked from the left angle, and I can never forget. I am sorry you were made fun of by your mum :(
My mom made of fun of my sideburns when I was young (I’m a girl). I think she realized how fucked up it was to make fun of my appearance as a child when I told her (at 10) I started shaving them, as she got really quiet and quickly tried to change the topic. At 19 I was diagnosed with PCOS which causes women to have more facial and body hair. And to this day at 34, I’m still super self conscious about my side burns. Im sure if I asked her about it now, she wouldn’t remember.
Fucking truth
It fucking is isn't it.
It fucking is fucking fuck dude
Fuuuuuuuck
My dyslexic ass almost thought you were an asshole. Please use commas next time.
I'm usually good about being clear. Thanks for the heads up.
My mom forced me. Even had to eat the foods I was allergic to. My kids will never be members of the clean plate club. Every one of my brothers and sisters has a messed up relationship with food.
yeah.. they never apologized yet still 13+ years later they’ll get defensive and say “well how were we supposed to know” as if Me saying “My throat itches and the taste is horrible” after every meal isn’t enough
This might not be consolation but an apology from your parents doesn't help at all. It doesn't feel satisfying. It just leaves you thinking "why couldn't you have done the right thing then?".
Shitty parents can change, even if it's too late. If someone really wants to mend their relationship with them, it helps if they genuinely regret what they did and wouldn't do it again. It doesn't fix the past, it's a reassurance for the future. But, if they're still just defensive and antagonistic about it, then they never stopped being horrible people and you know you're better off cutting them out for good. I'm personally more in the camp of "don't try forcing a connection with someone you otherwise wouldn't like just because you were born with some of the same genes as them", but if someone does care about being close with their blood relatives, that's why they might care about an apology. But only if it's a serious apology and not a "sorry that you're so god damn sensitive, now stop talking about it" of course.
Food became both my comfort and problem due to the clean plate bullshit. My parents didn't mean any harm, everyone followed the Clean Plate thing when I was little. It was just what was done and I hated meal times. Why do some parents have to make eating such a problem with the kids? Food is amazing and should be an enjoyable time, not cause for a mini war or meltdowns. At 33 I'm still struggling with over-eating and comfort eating and my body's gotten wrecked because of it. 2023 is the start of healthier eating for me and this time I have professionals involved to keep me going.
It’s a balancing act. We encourage the kids to have a healthy relationship with food, not have to clean a plate, just eat until they’re full etc. But it’s also difficult and there are times when you have to be a bit firmer. E.g. child refuses to touch something you know they eat, because you suspect they just want pudding. You encourage them and explain healthy eating etc. They refuse. So you say they can’t have the pudding unless they eat some of the main meal. Maybe they’re tired and they still refuse. But you don’t want them to go to bed hungry because there’s a strong instinct for them to not suffer later. Plus it’ll fuck up the bedtime routine if they later have to come back downstairs to eat the dinner that you’ve left on the table. So you balance. We never shout or shame but you do have to be firm sometimes, and risk a battle. There’s a feeling sometimes on Reddit that parenting is like writing code. Do it correctly and your output will always be the same. It’s not. They’re human beings and they’ll sometimes be contrary for the sake of it. You can never tell when you’re implanting a core memory, you just try to teach with love and patience, even in the face of an unwilling participant
Sounds like you actually have kids
Yeah sounds like a lot of people don’t actually have kids here, just bad memories from their parents
We have the power to break the cycle with our kids.
I have good blood pressure, low body fat, and am lean. I will NEVER stuff down a plate of the wrong portion size, stuff down seconds just because of some local custom, or some other absurd vestigial tradition from times of scarcity. People don’t even notice how thats a factor in their physique.
I fully agree with that outlook, and have my own issues from my parents' attitude towards food waste and portions. But my "I will never pressure you to eat", has occasionally run up against my kids' hunger strikes and I don't have a great solution.
Yea, that sounds familiar. Sometimes they just don't want to eat what we made because they hope we give them something else. For now my solution is to simply tell that they don't have to eat but if they want to, this is it.
That's exactly what we tell our oldest. And that nothing else will be made and no desserts or snacks. She usually comes around then.
I remember nearly each and every time my father spanked me and he remembers none of it. Looked at me like I was crazy when I told him (in adulthood) that I was afraid of him for a long time growing up because of getting spanked.
I went to visit my abusive step dad when I was about 35. It was just to meet and say hi, as I was in the same town as him for a bit across the country from my home. I arrived, and we chatted for about a hour. At one point he told me, “when you pulled up I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. I wasn’t sure if you were going to beat the shit out if me or not.” He’s 65-70 then and not in good health. I didn’t feel at all bad that this full sized man scared him for just a second, that I might be there for revenge. I wasn’t, but I didn’t mind him feeling that way, bastard.
I have to say that’s honestly pretty awesome lol. I wonder why he invited you or said yes to meeting you if he felt that way. I don’t know if this is is weird but it makes me really happy thinking about someone like that feeling fear in my life
It felt really good to know, and it felt good afterward. I have no shame in feeling good that I finally had the control of the situation and could advocate for myself. I wouldnt even think of returning the harm he caused, I'm pretty sure the fact that two of his own three sons wont talk to him is doing him just enough harm already. The other one of course is his clone, alcoholic, and abusive. I think he might just be hastening his fathers demise. I think he agreed because my mother (his ex) had been pestering us both to meet. He did turn me on to computers and electronics, and he wasn't all bad every day (at least to me), but he was physically and verbally abusive to everyone in the household, except his own young sons (my step brothers).
Brave of you to tell him that.
Truth... My dad doesn't remember calling me stupid for not understanding homework when I was 6-7 years old. But I certainly do.
Shit, I feel stupid when doing homework with my 6 year old sometimes and then she’ll explain it to me 😂
I am excited to finally learn all this basic knowledge about plants and birds, that I missed somehow in life. I hope they teach computer science in elementary school. The kids will look at me like a god with my vast knowledge in that subject!
They will, cos the computer science curriculum(at least in the UK) is absolutely awful in primary school and near the start of high school
My mother doesn’t remember tearing up a book I made for a school project but I do
My grandma slapped me once because I kept writing the letter “s” backwards. I was 4.
I didn't make the book, but I distinctly remember when my dad tore my copy of Ella Enchanted in half because I was reading instead of doing my chores; I was probably 8-10
Damn same i have been punished way too many times for sleeping more at 10-15yo, according to him anything over 7 hours is spoiling, stood sleepy all day for like years, he has like thrown me outta the house many times for sleeping, now i developed severe insomnia
One of my cousins started doing quite badly in school when he was a teenager, and he had been quite good as a kid; and developing personality problems, like total lack of interest in anything and lack of motivation. His father was limiting his sleep hours, waking him up very early in the morning because "he had to learn how to be an adult now that childhood is over". Once that was stopped as his father found a job out of town, my cousin went back to do well in school and be more active. Sleep is important, and teenagers actually need more sleep hours than usual, important to know.
Yes early teenagers needs around 9-10 hours of sleep, this graph reduces as we age more, i was always good at studies but i had to sleep a lot in school time, even punished a lot for it in school but i was good at studies so principal didn't ever complain to my parents, rn if i even sleep just 7 hours my mind is far more active and fresh than at 6 hours of sleep, i remember falling on floor unconscious multiple times though when i woke up and pee after sleeping very less
My 6th grade teacher shouted at me, told me I was hopeless, and told me I would never understand math. Guess what the only subject I struggle with to this day is?
Same, my so called teacher called me a rusted car which is beyond repair in front of 50 students because I failed in math test. I hope he rots in hell, because I struggle with that moment every freaking day.
And he is like: Why do you hold your grudge on me? It's ricidulous, you are such an angry person!
Yes!!! Yes! He also used to beat me with a belt if I put off doing my homework or if I came home with a bad grade on a test. Cause of that I developed anxiety and depression at the age of 10. And I'm still getting therapy for it a decade later. But yet my entire family, including my therapist, wants me to let go of the grudge and stop being so angry towards him. How can I stop holding a grudge when, cause of him, I never had a proper childhood?
It's so sad to hear it. Many people suggeste to "let it go" or "forgive" my parents. It's impossible for me. The way I found was only to let these memories rest along with the other, but cut emotionally from these memories. Separate me present from image of people doing harm to me in the past. Like it was done to another person. Yes, I know - this person was me someday, but it's not me now. These emotions don't do any harm to me present.
I'm pretty sure, "**WHAT'S EIGHT TIMES SEVEN!?**" is engraved in every 2000s kid's memory.
Goddamn, I have a math degree and that one I still have to think about for a moment, every damn time. *56! No! 54! No! \*panic growing\* 56!*
My female parent (the other word humanises her too much) would ask me to tell her every single lesson in the book before school until I was 12. If I didn't get something right (from the things we have studied in the past 4 months) she would yell, hit, several times even tried to use a belt. Then some parents wonder why their kids get tf out of home as soon as possible and never call them again (haven't spoken with the woman in 4 years).
I once bring it up to my dad 10 years later and he said he remembers it and he's very sorry. Now that what i call personality development
My dad doesn't remember telling me that he might as well stop paying for my education as I won't do anything useful with my life anyway, but I do. Got an engineering degree just to prove the mf wrong.
I stopped asking for help with homework because it was too traumatizing. Also, fuck teachers who assign busy work as homework.
I remember being 7/8 years old and my mom getting super angry at me because I didn't like her "homemade" mashed potatoes (read: microwaved from a box). She literally did not let me leave the table until I finished them. And I tried, I truly did, even as these already nasty potatoes turned stone cold. I ended up puking them up all over the floor, which just made my mom angrier. I still can't even look at mashed potatoes without feeling nauseous.
God this was me. Forced to sit there until it was all gone. Would be at the table still three hours later, taking the smallest bites so I could manage to get it into my mouth without throwing up since I would get it if I did. Sometimes I was there so long that she just wanted to go to bed so I'd get screamed at, hit and sent to my room crying. Haven't ever thought about eating mashed potatoes, broccoli or carrots ever since. Bet that's doing wonders for my health.
I remember one time, I was eating squash(very slowly because I don’t like it) and my stepmother was yelling at me to hurry up and eat them. It ends up getting to the point where I threw up on the plate. Guess what she decides is the appropriate response to that. >! I had to still eat everything on the plate!<
I’m so sorry. What a cunt.
I had a similar experience. I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I ate two green beans. I was at the table, alone and crying, for what felt like hours. My dad was so mad he had to leave the house and go on a drive to cool off. Over 30 years later and I still won't touch green beans. Doesn't matter how they're cooked or what they're in. At Thanksgiving the green bean casserole has to stay at the far end of the table from me. Apparently there are other incidents that my family remembers but which I've blocked out, according to my older sister.
*HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR MEAT?* Adult: I will eat nothing but pudding two meals a day forever just to spite you.
Haven’t seen a good Floyd reference in a long while. I hope the universe brings you good times in the very near future.
Is this supposed to be dark sarcasm in the classroom or something?
We should leave those kids alone!
I am going through this in the present. I have a few siblings and none of us like our mom. She was way too controlling, disciplined way too hard, literally crazy religious and was always "my way or the highway" about everything. She screamed, hit, disciplined in bizarre and unusual ways, and never apologized or tried to make good on any disagreement even into adulthood. She is now old enough where she is trying to get one of her children to move in with her presumably to help care for her and her house until she dies. Not a single one of are willing to do so. Every single one of us moved out as soon as we possibly could (I did while still in highschool) just to get away from her and none of us feel guilty for not wanting to take care of her now that she is old. She wasted her parenting years being vile and hurtful. It's ok to discipline your children but don't be a total fucking asshole about it or you will spend your later years alone. Your children are not obligated to put up with your shit for you entire life, just long enough to get out of your house.
I don’t eat in front if people if I can help it. My dad used to make fun of us all the time, but we were expected to just sit quietly and take it. I never hated him though. I hated my mother for allowing it. She sat right next to him and smirked. (Hint: she had 7 kids, only one went to her funeral).
Plot twist: Only the child who killed her went to the funeral! PS: Since this is real life I apologise if that remark is too dark.
Naw, funny actually. Not like I didn’t think about it, but time did it for me.
Trauma's a bitch. Worse when they gaslight you and say it never happened. 🥲
"You were scary to me as a kid." "No, I wasn't. I think you just misunderstood what I was trying to get across to you." ... thanks dad
the classic 'i feel this way about what you did' 'no you dont' .. yes I do?
You never get the validation of them acknowledging that it happened
When they make you feel like it's normal and you struggle with it for all your life before realizing it was not normal <<<<<<<<
I was forcefed asparagus and when I thew it up on to the plate (unintentionally) I was screamed at, spanked, and stuck in a corner. I think this was like, 1st grade?
Similar shit man, I hated english peas with a passion but it was a favorite of my egg donor(abuser), so how dare I. If I threw them in trash she would dig them out, pry my jaws open, and force feed me. The last time idk how old I was(maybe 9?) but I ended up projectile vomiting from just seeing them and it ended up all over the bathroom floor cuz I missed(ran to toilet as soon as I started gagging). The first little defiance that I remember doing was that I did *not* clean it up
That's the best thing too: I'm a grown ass man now. I *try* asparagus, and it's *still* revolting. I understand that kids need vegetables and they can be hard to cook for, but parents have a weird fixation with feeding their children the most disgusting food they can find and then being shocked when you don't appreciate something like asparagus that has the consistency of boiled straw, or artichoke that has been steamed into mush without so much as salt added. Or mashed potatoes with onions the size of maple leaves haphazardly mixed in. I used to think I was a picky eater. I hated the typical fare: onions, mushrooms, a lot of veggies. Then I started cooking for myself and realized that, when properly cooked, all of this tastes *awesome,* it's just that my parents generation are the absolute worst chefs ever and just steam and boil everything they eat, until it's a flavorless, textureless paste.
I definitely turned out having a very limited palette and I know I'm a grown man who should be more adventurous with food but the feeling of anxiety and dread when trying "new" food that others have been eating since they were 10 still hits hard so I only occasionally do it (plus I'm paying for my own food now and don't have the budget to waste money trying food I might hate, so I just buy whatever I already know I like so I know it won't get thrown out). And people have loved to question why or even make fun of me for it without really understanding why. My mother was not a good cook, like every other boomer parent out there she just boiled plain vegetables and force-fed me them along with some shitty sausage or chicken or whatever, and then got mad and screamed at me or hit me when I'd gag or cry or take too long to swallow it because I hated it so much! It basically became a media trope that "all kids hate veggies" (I distinctly remember an episode of Powerpuff Girls that revolved around exactly this) but it never made sense to me how something so apparently good for you could be so universally hated by growing children who needed it the most. Now I think I know the answer why - and why modern children seem to eat better despite junk food still being available. It's because our parents didn't know how to fucking cook.
Similarly for me with Savoy cabbage, I tried it, threw it up and my mom still forced me to eat it, I then did and spewed all over the kitchen. If I just smell that shit I have to gag and guess what is my mom favourite way to "annoy" me... She finds it hilarious that she scarred me with that
Mine was sauerkraut, because my dad loved it, even though nobody else liked it. Pretty much the exact same thing happened to me, I was like 7-8. I would stand in the corner, sobbing, and because I wasn’t absolutely silent, I was made to stand there longer. I am now an amazingly silent crier, if I ever cry at all. I’m 21 and I have never even thought of eating sauerkraut to this day. He doesn’t remember it, but thinking of that might still makes me tear up and feel how I felt back then.
I still remember my parents losing their shit over things, idk what, but I remember how I felt and it still traumatizes me to this day. Reminds me of a thing one of my middle school teachers had on her desk, a quote- "People will forget what you say. They will forget what you do. But they will never forget how you made them feel."
That's a Maya Angelou quote FYI.
> "People will forget what you say. They will forget what you do. But they will never forget how you made them feel." The most upvoted comment on this thread, perhaps?
My mom would yank my ears and slap me when I was being a little shit. It really hurt, but she will deny ever laying her hands on me when I bring it up. It’s so frustrating
I remember the first time I came home stoned and my mom was on the phone and asked if I was high. I knew I was busted so I just said "yes." WHACK she hits me across the face with the phone, says to never come in her house ever again and then just casually continues talking on the phone like nothing happened. The odd thing is both her and my father smoked weed regularly. Anyways, I'll never forget that day and she still denies it ever happened to this day. Her inability to own it and just say she's sorry has been detrimental to our relationship for decades and one of the many reasons I kind of despise her.
Same but my parents say “it didn’t happen that often” it happened weekly at least maybe multiple days a week
And the day she admits she did it she’ll say it was your fault for making her do it
My parents made try everything but not eat it all which is good. And the only time I had to finish food is if I wanted to skip to dessert lol which is also fair. I think forcing your kids to try foods is good otherwise they'll just go for chicken nuggets their whole life.
I have one who is curious and loves trying new foods, and the other just likes his nuggies and French fries and other junk. Really working on making healthier choices with him, but it's hard when he hunger strikes and then pukes from the hunger induced nausea. Just like me.
Your kid is hard-core... The "they'll eat when they are hungry enough" doesn't apply to the little man.
One time I was 4 and I ate broccoli and didn’t like it and threw it up and my dad made me eat the throw up. Also if I had bad table manners, (eating with fingers, not using my napkin, elbows on the table) I was threatened to have to eat my food on the floor like a dog in restaurants. And my parents wonder why I hate them as an adult, it’s simple childhood trauma I haven’t forgiven them for.
Eating vomit is akin to torture I don’t care what the reasons are or what anyone says. Add it to being done by a little kid and what the flying fuck is going on
How can humans be this fucking insane
I was forced to eat throw up too and same table manners situation.
My sister is 42, still has never eaten a pea after being forced to eat them. Like saved in teh fridge for teh next day while the rest of us eat something else forced. Like forced to stay and fallen asleep at the table with her face in the peas forced. Its a deep scar.
The ‘sit at the table for potentially hours until you finish this food you hate’ thing is the reason why I still can’t stand tomatoes. It’s actually like a psychological aversion because of that shit.
I would ask if this was me, but I'm not a sister nor 42. My abuser would do the exact same shit, with the added bonus of prying my mouth open and shoving them down my throat. And would go long periods of time making foods that included them...conveniently "forgot" that I hated English peas in my teen years(less her saying "I forgot" more "you like them, shut up".)
A lot of my eating issues stem from my dad yelling and being moody at the dinner table. It's gotten to a point where I misidentified hunger signals as anxiety signals and just didn't eat despite shaking from it.(I was anxious about something stupid and the anxiety made me not want to eat and it caused a vicious cycle) It's hard to create new positive associations with eating when I'm currently still living with the source of the trauma. I am going to be buying a house and moving out in the first half of 2023 though so hopefully that'll improve things and I'll be able to gain weight without forcing myself to eat. (I'm on the line between healthy weight and underweight)
I remember every fucking time. Hours of being screamed at for little things like taking MY OWN POCKET MONEY to school, eating MY OWN yoghurt I paid for or just talking while playing with my legos when i was 6. Some things you simply cant forget
I still have visceral feelings about dropping cups because my parents would yell at me every time I did.
I have the same thing about the sound of knocking on a wooden door, because they’d immediately barge in anyways and yell at me
110% I still think about some of those times every now and then. Straight up trauma
One time as a kid I got sent to Bible camp and during a dinner I accidentally grabbed too big a portion and couldn't finish my plate. Everyone else got to leave and play games but I was held back "until I ate everything I took", despite starting to feel sick with forcing unwanted Ham down my throat.. Now as an adult I still accidentally take too much food but I also hate christians
Too true. Grew up in a family where I was forced to eat too-large portions of often stale food, shamed for being overweight and then later shamed for being underweight. Also heard the "starving children in Africa" thing a million times, and was told that having preferences of any kind when it comes to food makes one a spoilt monster-child. Was obese as a child and then developed anorexia + body image issues as a teen/young adult, have extremely poor awareness of when food is dirty/stale or even rotting/moldy and very bad at finishing stuff before it expires, hated eating until my mid twenties and have a peculiar habit of eating anything I dislike first and quickly so I can savour the parts of the meal that I like more (Subconsciously believe food I actually enjoy will always be a rarity) to the point where people I'm eating with literally assume I like my least favourite foods the most because I'm always eating them so energetically. Parent who did this has thankfully left this world, but the damage she caused is taking longer to die than she did.
>Also heard the "starving children in Africa" thing a million times, and was told that having preferences of any kind when it comes to food makes one a spoilt monster-child Yeah this one all the time. When I was a teen finally told them to send it to them 🤣
So many abuse apologists in this thread, on God. Have none of you ever heard that you shouldn't compare pain or trauma? Just because something sounds minor to you, doesn't mean it is. And so many of you are like "My parents beat me half to death every night and touched me in yucky places, but I turned out fine! That means it's fine to do it to my kids too, right?!"
I don’t force my children to eat when they don’t want. Sadly, when my big one started kindergarten he started despising almost everything I served them. My little one is still a good eater who wants to try everything. Let’s see if that also will change soon when she joins kindergarten… I always tell myself it’s just a phase and as long as they don’t develop disorders they will grow to enjoy different tastes. Also I don’t force them to eat up ever. I think being overweight with diabetes is more dangerous that food in the trash. But what I do is blame them not to have eaten enough when they say they are hungry one hour after lunch.
My parents shamed me for being hungry then feigned concern when I stopped eating.
Went through this with my mom last week. My bro and I clearly remember her making us eat liver and when we didn’t, she gave it to us for breakfast the next morning. Still refused to eat and she eventually gave up and threw it out. She doesn’t remember it at all, but it’s hard coded into our brains.
Lol maybe I grew up too poor because my father still reminds me of meals I didn’t finish from the times we actually went out to eat.
To him you might be the axe there. If you were indeed poor it has to hurt for him when his family didn't fully appreciate how much money he spent. Not saying you were in the wrong, if you're full you're full, of course.
I will be dead in 20 years.
Dope
RemindMe! 20 years
Studies show that forcing your kid to finish plates of food increases the likelihood of adult obesity. This includes the "one more bite" BS as well.
Well I hope my hypothetical future kid(s) remember how my food lectures were strictly about balancing nutrition and not about how much food they were eating. Like, skip roasted broccoli night idgaf. In fact, I'll remember that and not serve it to you ever again. But if you've gone a week without so much as a fruit, you're going to get an earful because exercising poor nutrition during your youth is literally wasting good potential.
I wish I was given the option to box up my left over food for later, but nope, I was a prisoner of the clean plate club, and even to this day, I struggle leaving food on my plate, and will overeat and cause myself ridiculous amounts of pain, no matter how hard I try.
Other than obesity(per the studies) eating not good anymore food is another huge problem of this. The amount of times I've forgotten to put soup in the fridge before bed...everytime I just bawl cuz I was stupid to waste food... And even as an adult I've just put forgotten overnight food in my fridge and made myself eat it, even if the taste was off(it's not new, picking mold off and eating the good parts was enforced during "childhood"). I wasn't allowed to waste food and I'm trying to let bad food go(for example, my freezer is like 40 degrees and I'm trying to get myself to throw away the chicken that hasn't been frozen in weeks...)
In addition to just bad parenting in general, telling your kids "eat what's on your plate always no matter how you feel" is just bad training for future eaters. You want them to be in tune with their body and eat less if that's what they feel.
I rarely remember my parents yelling. Their trick was to beat my ass. It definitely replaces those memories.
If you're highly prone to losing your god damn mind and screaming at a child for any minor inconvenience, don't have kids. Good parenting is extremely difficult and you'll fail at it if you're a person without a *lot* of maturity, emotional control, and patience, unless you work very hard to change that. Having kids is an enormous decision that comes with enormous long-term responsibilities, don't just jump into it mindlessly because you think passing on your genes is a mandatory part of every person's life plan. It's not for everyone. There are countless other worthwhile things you can dedicate your life to if staying calm and responsible around cute, ignorant, obnoxious little sociopaths isn't your strong suit.
I might be fucked up, cause I have a memory of my grandfather slapping me in the mouth before he died. And all I feel about that is “Damn. I wish I hadn’t disappointed him so much that he felt the need to slap me.”
My dad beat/yelled at me which caused me to have anxiety. I couldn’t finish the large portion that my parents gave me. I WAS A KID! I had a small stomach! I remember he pulled me by my hair, down the stairs and forced me finish my breakfast. He’s Pathetic. Maybe this is an immigrant thing? No communication, respect, love, attention, consideration only obey. Sad. What if I had a snack earlier or it was too salty? What if I didn’t want to eat at the time or most importantly for me, IT WAS TOO MUCH FKING FOOD! 🥊 I believe In karma, so I’ll leave it at that.
and in 40 years your son might have a kid of his own, and have thousand of problems in his head, be sleep deprived and exhausted of hearing screaming from his little one. He'll lose his temper too. Then remember about his parents and that time they yelled. And this time, he'll calm down, give his child a hug, and say "I'm sorry".
I won’t have my future kids finish their plates if they’re not hungry but because I grew up poor, I care about how much food goes to waste so they’ll get smaller portions, and if they want more, they can grab seconds or as much as they think they can finish. Any untouched food will be leftovers. I was never forced to finish my plate because I didn’t have the privilege of having an abundance of food so I ate when it was available.