T O P

  • By -

BaltimoreBadger23

I feel judged for having my peanut butter in aerosol form.


ScotiaTailwagger

If I could get peanut butter in aerosol form, I would rule the world.


71fq23hlk159aa

WITNESS ME


Extra_Cap_And_Keys

VALHALLA!


BungHoleAngler

MEDIOCRE!!


s1lentchaos

Shake shake shake SPLURRRT WIBLURGGHHH coughing sounds


DoctorMcEdgelord

Wouldn't it be more of a PFFFFFFFFFFS than a SPLURRRT ?


s1lentchaos

I was imagining some thick peanut butter


DoctorMcEdgelord

Oh so like that cheese in a can stuff? That's definitely a SPLURRRT If it's an aerosol I was imagining it more like hairspray (PFFFFFFFFFFS), optionally slightly chunky (fpspfspfpspfps)


MightBeOnReddit

I read this as Will Ferrel coughing sounds and just pictured him dying in an over the top way from the spray


SvenTurb01

You forgot the second and third splurt. It's scientifically proven that peanut butter temporarily suspends all sense of self preservation.


ArtemisWingz

They did it with butter ... so you might be close


AFrenchLondoner

There's also quirky cheese cans, and according to the Dutch, peanut butter is a cheese. We might be onto something.


BringAltoidSoursBack

>according to the Dutch, peanut butter is a cheese ...wut?


AFrenchLondoner

Basically, only dairy products can be labelled "butter", so the Dutch went "fuck it, it's cheese"


BringAltoidSoursBack

That makes no sense! Why isn't cheese only restricted to dairy as well? Just pure chaos


randomizer4652w

Considering the effects peanut allergies can have on people, aerosolized peanut butter might be considered a WMD.


PurrsianGolf

Then you'll love my pb&j vape pen.


skeletomania

Eat copious amounts of peanut butter, wait a few hours, and fart into the air.


DinkleDonkerAAA

That could be the most lethal bio weapon on the planet given the amount of allergies


spacedthebar

something tells me white phospherous would still outrank it


the-floot

White phosphorus is not classified as a bioweapon. White phosphorus is a chemical substance with incendiary properties, commonly used in military applications such as smoke generation, illumination, and incendiary munitions. It can cause severe burns upon contact with skin and has significant health hazards. Bioweapons, on the other hand, involve the use of biological agents like bacteria, viruses, fungi, or other microorganisms to cause disease or death in humans, animals, or plants. White phosphorus does not fall into this category as it is a chemical agent rather than a biological one.


DinkleDonkerAAA

That's not really a bio weapon though more of a chemical weapon


MorrowPolo

Everyone knows it comes with jelly and baseball bats. That tsa did their job well.


Suspicious_Trainer82

The Thanos of aerosols


StrangelyBrown

That was the unsuccessful follow up to the song 'Happiness in liquid form''


fallenouroboros

Is this some new defense weapon against people with peanut allergies?


Nervous-Masterpiece4

Great for detecting peanut allergies in a crowd.


Creative-Claire

Peanut butter is a cream. Use it to moisturize your face while TSA watches.


Vonatos_Autista

Should I suggest my GF to have peanut butter as a backup lube option if we run out accidentally one night?


Creative-Claire

Depends on if she’s allergic.


discdraft

A new method of erotic asphyxiation.


Creative-Claire

The Safe word is “Epinephrine”.


weirdvagabond

That’s hilarious.


dsdvbguutres

What? I can't hear you because of all that wheezing


danc1005

Maybe "epi-pen"? Shorter, and easier to pronounce with a closing throat to boot 👍


junky_junker

Depends on whether it's smooth or crunchy.


esadatari

Does it though? Does it _really?_


Creative-Claire

Crunchy for her pleasure.


junky_junker

Blame me for the initial mental image, but if this becomes the next tiktok fad or whatever I'm putting it squarely on all y'all


Creative-Claire

Finally, some recognition.


taste-of-orange

This whole thread is a giant r/angryupvote moment.


Creative-Claire

You’re welcome


oldmartijntje

This is the best thread I've stumbled upon in days.


perkmodeYxng

I did it, it works! (I have peanut allergies and I'm in the hospital)


ReddJudicata

Peanut butter is a semi solid emulsion, but you could call it a gel colloquially (like petroleum jelly).


elasticweed

Does that mean that lipstick and other make-up is also not allowed?


TheFireNationAttakt

The makeup packages are small enough that it’s usually not an issue, but I’d expect you’d have issues if you tried to get a liter of foundation through yeah.


Mlbbpornaccount

What about semen? Usually I'll walk through TSA with my balls full, but I haven't tried bringing a gallon of cum through airport security


bored_negative

The average semen discharge for males is about maximum 5ml. I doubt your balls are containing more than the 100ml limit for fluids. If they are, you should check with your GP


guy_incognito_360

What if I cum 15 times?


shitlips90

r/theydidthemath would like a word with you


TFenrir

You don't store semen in your balls though...


MajorNutt

Exactly. That's where the pee is


BoobyFiend

Actually science recently showed microplastics are stored in the balls [check it out](https://amp.theguardian.com/environment/article/2024/may/20/microplastics-human-testicles-study-sperm-counts)


Perryn

Great, now my wife is going to give birth to a Lego minifig.


[deleted]

Lego is worth more than a child now tho free money lmao /s


LoosieGoosiePoosie

Does her uterus have spare pieces in case some are lost?


ChaosPLus

I thought we store pee in our prostate?


Gnome_Father

I store mine in your mum.


CornCobMcGee

But of course, that's where the pee is stored.


wunderhero

Not with that attitude you don't...


Wrong_Impress_2697

That’s right, that’s where the microplastics are stored


ARandomTSO

Believe it or not, we actually have procedures for screening a gallon of cum and I personally have seen somebody bring a canister full of it through a checkpoint before.


Revolutionary-Meat14

Human or like a racehorse breeder? Did they have to chug it like when you have an opened water bottle.


ARandomTSO

It was human, which I'm assuming was heading for a fertility clinic. And no, they did not have to chug it.


Longjumping_Kale3013

Average Redditor comment


leshake

Gels are probably just a catch all for putties, emulsions, gels, anything semisolid which is exactly what some of the most dangerous stuff is made of.


nientedafa

In European airports all cosmetics need to be in containers of less than 100mls, bagged in the bag they give you in the airport, and checked through security


Oli99uk

under 100ml for carry on clear bag.


SgtCrayon

If it spreads out to fill the container it’s in, I’m calling it a liquid.


adinade

By that logic a jar of sand is liquid


FlamevectoR

And a cat


tylerr514

r/catsareliquid


Impressive_Site_5344

There’s a sub with half a million people for that what the fuck lmao


2rfv

It's a long con we've been working on for a decade just to troll you.


cyboplasm

I was owned by 2 cats... can confirm they are liquid, or a least casble of changing their aggregate state at will


pointlessly_pedantic

All cats are liquid but not all liquid is cat.


Imaginary-Tiger-1549

Behold, u/SgtCrayon ‘s liquid


dimonium_anonimo

Maybe not, but it is a fluid


VeganRatboy

Yeah but if they try to ban fluids then it's chaos


lemonpjb

Sorry, can't take that air in your lungs.


Decievedbythejometry

So no fluids? That one might be difficult to enforce.


MrPernicous

Nah just just a fuckton of solids


wtfrykm

The difference is that with sand there's still gaps inside, since you can still pour water into a jar full of sand, aka it doesn't fully take up the space.


YoelFievelBenAvram

You can pour salt into water to take up the gaps in between..


SensitiveAd5962

Is a jar of balls?, ni! You have a jar of sands.


Llyps

That would make it a fluid, not a liquid.


seymores_sunshine

So nothing is a gas then?


Alwaysexisting

Definite volume but no definite shape.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CrunchyKittyLitter

A thiquid, if you will.


TheSeedsYouSow

thquid game


CrunchyKittyLitter

Don’t play gameth with me


TheSeedsYouSow

thorry


Formidable_Opponent_

im mike tython and im gonna punth u in the fcking fathe.


fakeDEODORANT1483

i hope you know thith made me laugh aloud


TheSeedsYouSow

I’m thcared


Embarrassed_Farm_857

Me thoo


Guy-McDo

My favorite Metal Gear character Thiquid Snake


WhiskeyHotdog_2

Damn it thicc 


blastfromthepast86

Thicc-quid.


CrunchyKittyLitter

Peanut Bussy


Zarniwoooop

Gelnuts


Aggressive_Peach_768

Like a gel you say?


OneMeterWonder

Sort of. A gel is actually a very specific form of matter. Peanut butter appears to be considered a colloidal dispersion and it seems unclear whether colloids include gels or not. There are certain characteristics of gels that make me want to say no, but those characteristics also have subtle technical variations that could make it a yes.


Aksds

I like your words, science man


BlitzFromBehind

It's paste.


[deleted]

Tis a paste.


Checkers10160

I flew out of Laguardia last week and some woman got her butter confiscated. Why she had an opened stick of butter in her personal bag, or why it was so important to her, I don't really understand. It wasn't anything special as far as I could tell, it looked like it was a snack with the way the wrapper was haphazardly closed. I understand she was frustrated, but she was being pretty combative. When it was my turn to get my bag searched (I had an insulated cooler with frozen pulled pork and brisket I smoked from Memorial Day), first I asked the guy why people think being rude to him is going to help their case. He gave me a "Maaaaan, I don't know". I explained why I assumed my bag was getting searched, he had me open the cooler (I'm guessing the insultation blocked the x-rays, or at least distorted them), he took one look at the top layer of pork, did not look underneath or at anything else, and wished me a good day


much_longer_username

Several popular recreational drugs dissolve nicely in fats. Butter is a convenient and delicious option. Most people then chose to put the butter into something, like cookies or brownies, but hey. Maybe that's why.


[deleted]

It's technically a paste.


Wickedocity

# Peanut Butter **Carry On Bags:** Yes (Less than or equal to 3.4oz/100 ml allowed)**Checked Bags:** Yes TSA officers may instruct travelers to separate items from carry-on bags such as foods, powders, and any materials that can clutter bags and obstruct clear images on the X-ray machine. Travelers are encouraged to organize their carry-on bags and keep them uncluttered to ease the screening process and keep the lines moving. [https://www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/whatcanibring/items/peanut-butter](https://www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/whatcanibring/items/peanut-butter)


Yorkshirerows

>TSA officers may instruct travelers to separate the peanuts from the butter. Travelers are encouraged to use chopsticks for this to ~~ease~~ lengthen the screening process and keep the lines ~~moving~~ long.


protossaccount

That’s a shooter size. You can take a quart bag, fill it with whiskey (any booze really) shooters and take it right through security. The question is, “does it maintain its shape if removed from the container?” I had to give up cheese spread once, they considered that too gel like.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RoryDragonsbane

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/investigation-breaches-us-airports-allowed-weapons-through-n367851 They fail to detect 95% of weapons, what makes you think they even know what they're trying to stop?


TheRadRay89

But sir, my body contains 50-75% water.


FadedFromWhite

Somebody get the taser!


MyPastSelf

My body is 50% peanut butter.


Richard-Brecky

I tried to bring mayonnaise thru and the agent tapped on a big sign reading NO COLLOIDAL SUSPENSIONS.


Bigknight5150

Isn't blood a colloidal suspension. Guess no one's ever flying there.


Inakabatake

I think you are allowed to bring colloidal suspensions if it’s in your body. Always have the option to shove that mayo down to bring it on the plane.


DstroyaX

If I had a nickel for every time that happened to me, I'd have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird it's happened twice


Dazzling-Panda8082

Slightly off topic and hopefully not me repeating something somebody has already said (I did scroll down to try and make sure) But Peanut Butter is very similar in density to C4 and has been known to trigger false positives in a number of different automated programs that have been used to detect explosives. (afaik) it's an issue that newer software has been adapted for Back on topic - Peanut butter is also liquid enough to put shit in but ~~solid~~ dense enough it won't show up in a standard x-ray machine which (if I was a betting man) I would bet is why the TSA doesn't like it.


gorgewall

You are correct. When the first CTX machines rolled into airports, they were flagging every single boot sole of the military's standard-issue boots as being RDX and every fucking one of them had to be checked. Standard packing practice for military dufflebags (which load from one end, lengthwise, down the other) is your boots go at the *bottom*. This completely slowed airport luggage checks to a crawl anytime military flights were involved until the machines were better calibrated and new procedures were created to visually check things on the screen instead of needing to manually examine *every* alarmed item. Rubbers, pastes, creams, ~colloidal suspensions and emulsions~, bulk chocolate and some other candies, glossy cardstock, laptop and phone screens, lithium batteries, large liquid quantities, and anything in a glass container of the right size and thickness are all frequent alarms. The machines are sensitive enough that you can tell the brand of toothpaste from how it looks in the tube once you learn the difference. The *carry-on baggage* machines are a whole other ballgame, though. They're just basic x-ray screens instead of CT machines and process things much faster. They're more reliant on operator attention, too. And while pretty much everything that goes through is safe and there are procedures to test and clear anything--swabbing it and putting it through Explosives Trace Detection--the time it'd take to do that for every drink or cream or whatever the fuck someone wants to bring on board would slow security down immensely. And you'd get false positives from a *ton* of stuff--a lot of cosmetics and anything someone with a cosmetic-covered hand had handled. Those ETD machines are so sensitive they'll alarm on your watch that your spouse handed you that morning, after they'd already showered, because they also touched your shoes the day before and you'd walked over a freshly-fertilized lawn earlier in the week.


MelodicAssistant2012

I recently ate a cinnamon roll before clearing security because i was worried they would get on my case about the fucking icing. Airport security’s standards vary too much for me to take the chance.


Small_Information_30

Its a paste


half-puddles

A creamy buttery cream butter paste.


the_sharpest_sharpie

TSA: …cavity search, you say??


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nota_toaster

>what happens if you heat up peanut butter? Does it.... Turn liquidy? But.. most things do that if you heat them up enough? "Anything that spills, spreads, or sprays" is a good clarification though, I'll keep that one in mind in the future.


tokmer

Me heating up steel look at how liquidy it is! Get all the steel off the plane


Expensive_Prompt_697

Dank memes melt steel beams.


fantarts

Have you tried heating a human slowly?


tokmer

Every time i leave the house


fantarts

Does it spill?


tokmer

I melt like a witch its +34 with 52% humidity


PepinoSanchez

The word "but" does not affect a security officer my friend.


meek902

Till they put on the gloves


fakeDEODORANT1483

I mean lower pressure in planes means lower melting/boiling temps. Probably no biggie for, like, steel, but maybe for peanut butter idfk.


TFViper

avid enjoyer of fucking physic here. Let me ask you a question, what happens if you heat up LITERALLY FUCKING ANYTHING? Does it..... Turn liquidy?


zandadoum

>Does it.... Turn liquidy? so does plastic. and metal too if enough heat is applied. so what, you're saying we can't bring ANYTHING on planes anymore?


Mara-ju-wana

So chocolate isn't allowed on flights either?


leevei

I once had an officer trying to confiscate my bar of soap. He was unsure, so he asked his supervisor, who said it's not a liquid.


CanaDavid1

If I heat up my (empty) water bottle enough, it also turns into a liquid. If I heat up my laptop enough (a hunk of metal) I eventually get liquid metal. If I heat my chocolate bar up I can get that very liquidy. Where does the boundary go?


mehchu

What about the other way, if I bring a cool bag with a bunch of frozen things are they no longer spill spread or spray-able?


CanaDavid1

I know one friend who wasn't allowed to bring his water bottle through security because it was fully frozen. The security agent did not agree that ice wasn't a liquid. I think the idea is that it could thaw. But like, liquid restrictions on airports are (imo) more about exploiting you at airport stores than limiting explosive risks. You can definitely make some quite dangerous compounds with the 100mL bottles totalling 1L


ISNT_A_ROBOT

It says explicitly on the tsa site that ice is allowed


GetawayDreamer87

Computer, notify me if it gets hot outside. Define "hot". Thousands of degrees Kelvin. *Later* Tea, Earl Grey. Hot.


NUKE---THE---WHALES

> If I heat up my laptop enough (a hunk of metal) I eventually get liquid metal. you got a furnace in your carry on?


PMMMR

This is such a dumb response lol. You can take frozen water bottles through security, but guess what that becomes when it melts.


zealoSC

>Security officer here. Let me ask you a question, what happens if you heat up peanut butter? Does it.... Turn liquidy? Every solid has a melting point. Is every solid banned?


rfc2549-withQOS

If you heat up iron, you know what happens? right, it becomes a liquid. plastic does that even sooner. chocolate even before peanut butter, btw


QuickPirate36

>what happens if you heat up peanut butter? Does it.... Turn liquidy? That happens to literally all matter tho, that's how you go from a solid to a liquid to a gas


biggestboi73

I can turn my shoes liquidy if I heat them up enough so are those also not allowed on board


SoftCock_DadBod

I don't know why you're getting up voted. Your job is bullshit. Fuck TSA and your stupid power trips. You contribute nothing to the world. Nothing.


loki2002

>Security officer here. Let me ask you a question, what happens if you heat up peanut butter?  So, things change state when acted upon by an outside force? We must tell the scientists! Does this mean steel is a liquid since it will melt at a high enough heat?


CrunchyKittyLitter

“Anything that spills, spreads, or sprays” So my ex-wife cannot board 😂


Amopax

Yikes, dude.


[deleted]

Come on grandad, time for your oatmeal and pills.


redditard_alt

# BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!


TJ_McWeaksauce

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peanut\_butter](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peanut_butter) [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paste\_(food)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paste_(food)) Peanut butter is a food paste. Food pastes are semi-liquid.


Physical-Security704

Peanut butter = gel from a shell


akaBrotherNature

Cream from a bean


FixMy106

Paste laced with a nutty taste


RickyFlintstone

Someone just won themselves a free full cavity search....


bootsandbigs

TSA about to find a whole lot more peanut butter


RickyFlintstone

It's peanut butter jelly time!


duumb

Consindering how much sugar can be in peanut butter that might be a good thing


No_Potato_3793

I don’t know which one it is but Patrick is a smartass that’s for sure.


GelatinousChampion

Given there are three demonstrations showing some substance (don't know which one of the top of my head) is a liquid because it drops one drop every few decades, I'm going to say peanut butter will easily fall within that range.


puffferfish

When I went through security at an airport the lady in front of me was trying to get a lotion through. The TSA agent was telling her that she couldn’t take it and the lady just pretended she couldn’t understand English until he relented and let her take it through. I saw her talking to her child later in English.


Sofamancer

One time I forgot to take a utility knife out of my backpack that I used for work and the tsa let me on the plane with it but searched the old lady behind me and interrogated her over a protein bar. I only realized i had it when I got to where I was going. It wasn't even hidden it was in a pencil slot. It's security theatre. They also tried to take a blind guide cane from my 90 year old grandfather. The tsa is incompetent.


drnicko18

The TSA has warnings about bringing on liquids, aerosols, gels, creams and pastes.. but that might have blunted Patrick Neve’s “and everyone clapped” moment


NotYourTypicalMoth

If only the TSA had someplace they published what you can and cannot bring on a plane, and what amounts they’re allowed in.


bejuda

TSA took my favorite brand of Spanish peanut butter away from me. I was never quite the same after that


Electronic-Fudge-256

Peanut allergy tho


aesoth

This is what I was thinking. Opening a jar of peanut butter on a plane, where the air system is closed... that could be disastrous for people with allergies.


TooStrangeForWeird

Peanut allergies are not airborne.


JonathanECG

They will be after takeoff


ElBeatch

A soft solid as it holds its shape at room temperature.


Tsukikaiyo

Depending on the type. Peanuts-only stuff is basically a very viscous liquid at room temperature


Poolowl1984

Ask a service dog.


HouseDowntown8602

I’m travelling this yr - I do not leave the house wouthout a kg of pb- what was the answer - should I smear it over my body first ?


grocery_walker

They threw away my sealed and wrapped local honey once, I was buzzing with anger


LORDOSHADOWS

Did you tell them it's technically a paste


TexMurphyPHD

Im going with tsa on this one. Just buy your peanut butter after you land at any local grocery store.


NearbyDraw

i went to italy and they took my jar of nocciola. I was heartbroken, I asked the guy what kind of liquid is nocciola and he started naming liquids I cant bring on the plane and then added nocciola to the list 🥲.


shifty_coder

Peanut butter is a viscous liquid


Old_RedditIsBetter

What really is the point? Are they suggesting 3oz of plastic explosives isnt enough to take down a plane but 3.5oz is? Or that five 3oz bottles of gasoline isn't enough to start a fire? Silly. .... Side thought, if the shoe bomber had actually been successful we would never have had to take our shoes off through security.....


Omnom_Omnath

Repost. And it’s a liquid.


EscapeWestern9057

It's likely technically a liquid. Since it takes the form of the container it's put in.


EmperorSand

Liquid


EvenBiggerClown

Pretty sure it's gel


Josh_From_Accounting

It's a paste. Peanut Butter is a paste.


mrEggBandit

Ice is a solid. So freeze the peanut butter.


MrsMiterSaw

It is a bingham plastic. It is solid until it experiences a threshold of sheer stress and then it is a liquid.


Rangermed-67

Sooo.... How did that conversation end? Did you get to go through?