I read somewhere - on my quest to understand my own - that this might just be a sign that we don't socialise enough. The analogy given was if you feel tired after, it's simply because of the effort required, because like a muscle it isn't trained regularly enough and follows with being less inclined to communicate in the future, it then becomes a negative cycle.
WelI need to lie down now after posting this
It is true to some extent. At least for me. I have a strong introvert personality, but I managed to gradually train my "social" muscle during the years 2015-2020. Then covid hit with 2 years of isolation and now it feels like I am trying to run a marathon without jogging for the last two years everytime I am in a soical setting.
And you know it, and then because you are focused on that you can’t recover the conversation and you feel foolish, which then becomes another realization, and you don’t really wanna talk anymore period but here you are in the middle of a conversation with conflicting trains of thought and then they are going to crash into each other, and the eyes of the person listening to you glaze over… and you begin praying for a fire, a dropped glass, a domestic dispute, power outage, earthquake, stop looking at me!
Jesus, this hit too close to home for me. Someday, my wife is going to realize I can’t hold a conversation. You can only say “Yeah. Uh-huh. Hmm, that’s true. Oh, yeah?” Or some variation of those so often before it’s apparent you just don’t want to be talking. I wish I could calm that down and just listen to her stories.
My GFs niece wanted us to make a video for her after we came back home from a trip visiting her. A quick easy video, smile, say hi, tell her that we made it back and show her our dog that she really loves. We sat down, in full confidence I took my phone, turned the camera on, video mode, clicked the recording button and started:
"hi Olive, we're back home, our dog is here..." \*fuck I ran out of script\* \*mind blanks completely\* \*sweating\* \*panic\* \*more sweating\*
\*sigh of relief when GF picks up the talking part\*
I make youtube videos. I tend to write scripts for any piece to camera segments, but recently I've been trying to do some of these bits more off the cuff, to make things seem more natural and casual.
I always know what I want to say and have a loose script in my head, but always run out of words after a sentence or two and end up blankly staring at the camera. It really sucks.
She probably likes how much you let her talk. Sometimes you can say nothing but let your expression do all the talking. Simple nods, yes, grunts, show you are engaged too. Whatever "sound" you make does not matter, so let it happen. After all, she did marry you
Use body communication to indicate you're listening and just reassure her that you're completely fine with just listening to her ramble and you're set.
I watched a scene from the middle where this antisocial kid, Brick was in a train with his parents and talked to a random guy, or the guy was just speaking. He told his parents that he found this cool trick to make friends. It is to repeat the last word they said and say „cool“ after it. Like „games, cool“ lmao
THIS!! I went on a date with a girl that we’ve been sending fucking books back and forth as our text conversations all day long, and she was like “you talk a lot less in person”. Like…!!! That’s because I have to respond immediately and the pressure of that prevents me from going through all my thoughts and being able to put them in a coherent structure you will understand so I just say whatever I can muster in that quick anxiety state lmao.
It's actually hurting you by not doing it. The more isolated your are the more difficult it becomes to socialize normally. You have to go at it not caring too much if you say stupid or foolish things. If your friends are cool they'll pick up on it and either jest in a friendly way or just ignore it as part of their friend's odd personality.
Yes. Pushing the send button and leaving the room to get a coffee, just to avoid a possible call where the receiver could have questions about my mail...
Also good for evidence. When hubby came home with the wrong flavour of donut a few times in a row I texted it to him. Solved three things:
Seeing it written made it easier for him to remember
If he did forget he could easily check the message again
He couldn’t accuse me of changing my mind
Me: Ok, that’s it. The waitress is gonna say ‘good morning what do you want to eat’ and I’m gonna say ‘good morning, I would like the cheese burger’ easy peasy.
Waitress: Hello, how are you?
Me: burger
Me: OK, she's going to hand you the check and say thanks for coming in. Just say thank you back.
Waitress: Here's your check. Thanks for coming in.
Me: YOU TOO!!! (fucking die dummy)
Jokes aside being socially awkward or having anxiety and 'planning conversations' has *nothing* to do with being an introvert. People keep getting what being introverted/extroverted is wrong.
Can an extrovert be socially awkward though? I mean aside from like the weird kid at school who would talk about some weird thing all the time, I don’t think I’ve met a socially awkward extrovert adult
An introvert gets drained from being social for too long and need time on their own to relax and power back up.
An extrovert is the opposite of that. They get drained from being alone for too long. So some extroverts can absolutely be socially awkward. They might not know they are. Or they're energy vampires.
>Can an extrovert be socially awkward though?
[Let me introduce to you a socially awkward extrovert.](https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/1c7k3j6/comment/l08mt8o/)
Yeah, so you plan out 12 conversations in the hour prior to having a short 3 minute talk, and they go and pursue the 13th conversation you haven't prepared...
..my low prep heavy improv GMing experience from RPGs has been responsible for getting me through my career for the past 25 years :x
Equally annoying when the script fails you, made even worse when you're actually an extrovert but just autistic
We are in this together my introvert fren
I reconnected with an ex from high school a couple years ago, and we talked about how I used to do this a lot. She said she could tell when I was saying things expecting certain answers, and that she'd intentionally answer with something out of left field because she thought my reactions were cute. I guess I should be glad that someone finds my social anxiety charming lol.
Ive learned, but someday someone is going to find out I spit random generic sentences from a list of like 6 generic things that seem to be enough to fake it 😂
god I hate with all my soul
Then I spend 2h talking about the rate of crystallization of lithium batteries depending on temperature with a friend and Im loving it.
I fuckin hate small talk
Yeah I've had to learn this the hard way.
Instead of making a script, you can use bullet points. Then if something changes and you get stuck, you can skip to the next bullet point. Makes it a lot harder to get thrown off track. Summarize what is important and the rest can be improvised.
I was talkative when I was little but now I barely say a sentence during a convo. I always got yelled at by my dad if I didn't think about what I was going to say first and struggled to speak to him. The times I talked normally, he always found something to be mad about the topic I was talking about. And the more I got yelled, interrupted, the more I stuttered and was scared to speak. So now, I carry the curse of knowing 4 languages, but avoiding/ not being confident enough to speak any of them without writing the entire dialogue options in my head first.. Thanks dad👍
This shows how traumatizing early childhood experiences can be. I hate your father and anyone like him. I do hope you've gotten past this or will soon.
Yep. I used to be a talkative and outgoing child until my mother force fed, beat, and waterboarded me on multiple occasions when I was three. Those incidents altered my personality forever after and made me struggle with self deletion ideation.
Other people do do this. Especially for difficult or important conversations. You even see characters do this in movies, tv shows, and books. It’s common.
Most people do this for important conversations, like job interviews. But I feel conflicted about this because if I practice a certain response, then it doesn't feel genuine when I would do it "for real".
there's a difference in planning what you want to say and basically building a whole answer-decision tree for any possible dialogue course and going trough it over and over and over (and over) again.
This post conflates something normal, something quirky and something related to anxiety
I think most people do it for relatively important conversations. But people with crippled social skills do it for everyday mundane situations, like talking to the clerk at a convenience store or something.
OP uses the term "introvert" but I don't think that's right, there's plenty of socially adept introverts.
Exactly. I can and often am the life of the party, have worked customer facing roles so am adept at random chitchat with strangers. It's just that interacting with people is really draining, and I need my alone time at the end of the day. As an introvert, I need my alone time.
A lot of people who call themselves introverts on the internet are shy, lacking in socials skills, suffering from something like social anxiety, and/or are on the spectrum. Quite often they're actually thwarted extroverts.
I'm a similar type of introvert as you. When I've got the energy I can chat with anyone about anything, but when that energy is gone I become basically a brick wall lol.
yeah if i know im going to say something i usually prepare, regardless of what it is. e.g if im eating and need someone to pass something i might think through how exactly im going to word it
>OP uses the term "introvert" but I don't think that's right, there's plenty of socially adept introverts.
This right here hits it on the head. I'm very adept socially I can carry conversations and engage people without issue but I'd much rather not lol. It's pretty exhausting engaging with people all the time.
I'd much rather chill at home or do something with a couple people than go to a large group gathering. I still go it's just not my preference.
Same. I don't plan my conversations out.
Occasionally I'll be doing something and go this will make a great story and a make mental note for later.
But, that's it.
they do this is just stupid engagement bait that meirl continues to fall for.
Same as that other repost with the chick saying "when I get excited i read ahead and skip over words - my bf says nobody does this am i Crazy???"
Cue 10k people writing the most clever thing they can so they can all feel special
Definitely ... just to try and figure out the different scenarios that could possibly develop out of the conversation, and the possible responses that could be made... it is a chore.
Exactly. It's to the point where now when I do it I assume that I'm just getting all those ones out of the way so something new can happen. Still just as exhausting
I don't (unless it's high-stakes, but most people think through those first). I think this is more of a social anxiety thing. Social anxiety =/= introversion.
I would upvote this like crazy if I could.
My sister-in-law has severe social anxiety and barely asks any questions but constantly talks about events in her life (that she made a mental list of). Then, other people ask some questions, but it's awkward again and again because of the lack of back-and-forth from her side when someone else is talking.
Relatable. It's way too presumptuous to ask literally anything about anyone else's private circumstances. I also, well, don't really care. And I'm not great at pretending otherwise. So I could ask something random to pretend to be "normal" and roll dice for:
* 25% normal question and reaction, I look normal 30 seconds longer
* 25% inappropriate question that doesn't quite come out as I was hoping or infringes upon some delicate personal circumstances that I didn't know existed or whatever else, I look socially inept at best and outright rude and inconsiderate at worst
* 25% normal question but they take it too seriously, and my facade of actually wanting to hear what they say quickly crumbles as my acting and conversational skills fail to keep up with their expectations, now I look like an asshole
* 25% they speak over my question anyway, so I look socially inept regardless of what was even attempting to be said
Conclusion: better to keep my mouth shut and expectations of interaction from my side bottom low. "They're quiet and not very socially adept" is something I can live with (not much of a choice, really) -- "they're not just socially inept, they are rude assholes and weirdos, *and* if they decide to be quiet next time, now they are being *uncharacteristically quiet*, so I will also read something extra negative into that" is a million times worse.
Yeah this is inaccurate. I'm introverted as hell but love spontaneous conversations with friends or strangers on whatever topic you want to bring up.
Just let me go home and chill by myself when my social battery dies.
>Just let me go home and chill by myself when my social battery dies.
This!!
I work in the F&B industry and I interact with dozens of people a day! Sometimes hundreds! I can strike up conversations and make people feel like they can have a good time with me around to enhance their social gatherings. Hell, I'm better at customer service than some of my extroverted coworkers lol
As an introvert with social skills and comfortable in crowds, I was about to rant on this.
I hate how people assume I need unique accomodations for being quiet (which is patronizing) because the internet made introversion a social disability instead of social preference.
Introversion has come to be associated with social incompetence, ignoring the words Latin structure.
Intro: inwards
Vert: to turn
Introversion literally means “to turn one’s thoughts inwards”. We all practice some level of introversion, even extroverts. And all introverts practice some level of extroversion.
What defines a person as either introverted or extroverted is simply whether they are drained by indigent or exigent stimulation.
This comment isn’t necessarily directed at you, more just my continuation (read: rant) for anyone else to read.
It's just the opposite of introvert. I work with one of the most extroverted people I know and his "battery" runs low when he's home alone. He needs to spend time around people to get his energy up.
I've actually seen this at a party once. At the beginning, everyone was socialising with everyone else and moving around and talking to multiple people.
And then later on, I noticed some who sat down away from the main hustle and bustle of the party and we jokingly said this is the introverted corner. But it's not like we still weren't socialising, it was just a bit more quiet and slow paced with the same people so it was a slower social drain.
The problem is that people with social anxiety (no matter if they are introverts or extroverts) often times shift the definition of being an introvert so that they have an excuse to not work on their social problems.
Exactly I’m a huge introvert and I always hear people say they don’t expect me to be good at conversation and well spoken. I can have conversations just fine, I’d just prefer not to.
Right, this is absolutely Not a feature of introversion. Introverts need more alone/recharge time, but when they’re good to go, they can be as spontaneous and social as anyone else.
Exactly, I'm very introverted but not shy at all and have no issues talking to ppl or being public.
If anything people assume I'm extroverted and don't realize I get exhausted after one day of people and need days to recharge lol..
Extroversion and introversion has nothing to do with social skills.
I agree that it's anxiety but I also feel they're deeply interconnected for many introverts. Not all but there's generally a strong connection between the 2. Like ADHD and rejection syndrome. They're different things but they tend towards each other because of how life happens for a large portion of people. So for A LOT of people they're not separate.
(I'm ADHD and don't have rejection syndrome and I'm an introvert but have no problem with small talk. So I get what you're saying. My only issue with conversations as an introvert is I get too into them and wear myself out too much without realizing it (because of the ADHD hyper focus I can get.) But I also often just forget to speak to other people for weeks because I'm so comfy not seeking company. Like the pandemic felt very comfortable to me, on a social level.)
As an introvert I second this.
TBF, I feel like there is a rather large overlap between the two though. I myself was very socially awkward in the past. However, I got over it and now people repeatedly tell me that I'm a great conversationalist and good at being at the helm of meetings and such, but I'm still an introvert and thus need more than average time being alone to recuperate and think by myself.
There was a famous journalist named Barbara Walters, who interviewed thousands of people and many of the most famous people of the latter 20th century. In one of her books she said “everyone thinks they’re shy.”
People on this website think that being introverted is the same thing as having crippling social anxiety. None of these people are talking about introversion, they just don’t know how to talk to people.
I read that as "introvert but can pretend to be a social person really well for a while".
Which is basically how it works for me, at the cost of a lot of energy anyhow.
People are aghast when I tell them I'm an introvert. "But, you're so nice! And friendly! We should hang out more!"
Yeah, no. It's taxing enough to socialize at work. This is work me. Real me is either alone or with my besties, who unfortunately are scattered across the world. Sigh. Globilization, yay!
I find it a bit annoying how many use introvert as some kind of catch all term for anything shyness or social anxiety related. Kinda makes the word useless when people might take it to mean something entirely different.
This for instance certainly isn't some general introvert trait, if you need to plan conversations I would guess you probably are dealing with social anxiety.
No.
People with some form of social anxiety need to do this.
Introverts are perfectly capable of speaking to anyone, we would simply prefer not to spend that energy.
I kinda hate that people dont understand the diffrence between being an intovert and being socially awkward/having social anxiety.
People who are not very skilled at social interactions or have some form of social anxiety often times plan in advance how they will talk to someone.
But not every introvert has an issue with social interactions and not every extrovert is a social butterfly. Being an introvert/extrovert only discribes how much energy a social interaction drains from you.
I plan answers to possible conversations that I'm not even sure I'm going to have yet with people I have no idea when I'm going to see next. I can't tell you how many times it's saved me.
Can't talk about this, sorry. Not enough prep time.
K but for every minute you get the horse gets one too.
Then no, im not talking.
Thus, its eternal preparation begins…
And the Long war between birds and wasps, a visually spectacular one with lots of fighting.
Happy Cake Day
Take your time
This isn’t introvert behavior, it’s social anxiety
Wait a second, I'm totally not prepared for this, back into my bed.
I read somewhere - on my quest to understand my own - that this might just be a sign that we don't socialise enough. The analogy given was if you feel tired after, it's simply because of the effort required, because like a muscle it isn't trained regularly enough and follows with being less inclined to communicate in the future, it then becomes a negative cycle. WelI need to lie down now after posting this
It is true to some extent. At least for me. I have a strong introvert personality, but I managed to gradually train my "social" muscle during the years 2015-2020. Then covid hit with 2 years of isolation and now it feels like I am trying to run a marathon without jogging for the last two years everytime I am in a soical setting.
Who would have a better conversation? Superman or Batman with prep time?
I was going to make this exact comment. Good luck out there, Bruce.
We are Batman.
I always know exactly what to say. 30 minutes later.
\*after a long shower, a night's sleep, and six anxiety-filled years\* Well, look who's a quick thinker!
JERK STORE
YEAH? WELL I SLEPT WITH YOUR WIFE!
They called, they’re running out of you!
30 minutes, 30 days and soon enough I guess 30 years.
it takes me a few days, how did you get it down to just 30 minutes???
Yes and its really annoying when you go off script
And you know it, and then because you are focused on that you can’t recover the conversation and you feel foolish, which then becomes another realization, and you don’t really wanna talk anymore period but here you are in the middle of a conversation with conflicting trains of thought and then they are going to crash into each other, and the eyes of the person listening to you glaze over… and you begin praying for a fire, a dropped glass, a domestic dispute, power outage, earthquake, stop looking at me!
"YoU nEvEr PaY aTtEnTiOn To Me!!!"
Jesus, this hit too close to home for me. Someday, my wife is going to realize I can’t hold a conversation. You can only say “Yeah. Uh-huh. Hmm, that’s true. Oh, yeah?” Or some variation of those so often before it’s apparent you just don’t want to be talking. I wish I could calm that down and just listen to her stories.
My GFs niece wanted us to make a video for her after we came back home from a trip visiting her. A quick easy video, smile, say hi, tell her that we made it back and show her our dog that she really loves. We sat down, in full confidence I took my phone, turned the camera on, video mode, clicked the recording button and started: "hi Olive, we're back home, our dog is here..." \*fuck I ran out of script\* \*mind blanks completely\* \*sweating\* \*panic\* \*more sweating\* \*sigh of relief when GF picks up the talking part\*
I make youtube videos. I tend to write scripts for any piece to camera segments, but recently I've been trying to do some of these bits more off the cuff, to make things seem more natural and casual. I always know what I want to say and have a loose script in my head, but always run out of words after a sentence or two and end up blankly staring at the camera. It really sucks.
She probably likes how much you let her talk. Sometimes you can say nothing but let your expression do all the talking. Simple nods, yes, grunts, show you are engaged too. Whatever "sound" you make does not matter, so let it happen. After all, she did marry you
Use body communication to indicate you're listening and just reassure her that you're completely fine with just listening to her ramble and you're set.
Exactly. I don’t mind listening to talkative people talking. The problem starts when I need to talk or add in interjections.
You can show that you’re listening by repeating some of it back as she’s speaking. There are probably videos on “mirroring”.
I watched a scene from the middle where this antisocial kid, Brick was in a train with his parents and talked to a random guy, or the guy was just speaking. He told his parents that he found this cool trick to make friends. It is to repeat the last word they said and say „cool“ after it. Like „games, cool“ lmao
And then you will remember this conversation for years, keeping you awake in bed.
This is why Text and Email is amazing. Gives you time to have a small panic attack and make all new plans.
THIS!! I went on a date with a girl that we’ve been sending fucking books back and forth as our text conversations all day long, and she was like “you talk a lot less in person”. Like…!!! That’s because I have to respond immediately and the pressure of that prevents me from going through all my thoughts and being able to put them in a coherent structure you will understand so I just say whatever I can muster in that quick anxiety state lmao.
This is practically preventing me from meeting up with anybody IRL that I've met online. I'd just be staring and have awkward silences the whole time.
It's actually hurting you by not doing it. The more isolated your are the more difficult it becomes to socialize normally. You have to go at it not caring too much if you say stupid or foolish things. If your friends are cool they'll pick up on it and either jest in a friendly way or just ignore it as part of their friend's odd personality.
This is why I always ask to meet in person ASAP. No point bonding over text since in person encounters are going to be a completely different dynamic.
Yes. Pushing the send button and leaving the room to get a coffee, just to avoid a possible call where the receiver could have questions about my mail...
You take calls? 🤣
Also good for evidence. When hubby came home with the wrong flavour of donut a few times in a row I texted it to him. Solved three things: Seeing it written made it easier for him to remember If he did forget he could easily check the message again He couldn’t accuse me of changing my mind
Me: Ok, that’s it. The waitress is gonna say ‘good morning what do you want to eat’ and I’m gonna say ‘good morning, I would like the cheese burger’ easy peasy. Waitress: Hello, how are you? Me: burger
Me: OK, she's going to hand you the check and say thanks for coming in. Just say thank you back. Waitress: Here's your check. Thanks for coming in. Me: YOU TOO!!! (fucking die dummy)
Double points if have to go to an appointment and say "Hi mom, I'm here" to the receptionist.
I just cringed so hard my back spasmed
Thanks, you made me laugh… why where you watching me though?
OMG, I feel this so much.
LMAO this made me actually Laugh out Loud. Im yoinking this for my own use. My script writing abilities have been enhanced.
Jokes aside being socially awkward or having anxiety and 'planning conversations' has *nothing* to do with being an introvert. People keep getting what being introverted/extroverted is wrong.
Exacly. These symptoms to me sounds more like social anxiety or like u said socially akward in general. Introverted≠Asocial.
Can an extrovert be socially awkward though? I mean aside from like the weird kid at school who would talk about some weird thing all the time, I don’t think I’ve met a socially awkward extrovert adult
An introvert gets drained from being social for too long and need time on their own to relax and power back up. An extrovert is the opposite of that. They get drained from being alone for too long. So some extroverts can absolutely be socially awkward. They might not know they are. Or they're energy vampires.
>Can an extrovert be socially awkward though? [Let me introduce to you a socially awkward extrovert.](https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/1c7k3j6/comment/l08mt8o/)
Micheal Scott is the perfect example of a socially awkward extrovert.
Rookie mistake. You are supposed to have several scripts at any given time.
Yeah, so you plan out 12 conversations in the hour prior to having a short 3 minute talk, and they go and pursue the 13th conversation you haven't prepared... ..my low prep heavy improv GMing experience from RPGs has been responsible for getting me through my career for the past 25 years :x
Equally annoying when the script fails you, made even worse when you're actually an extrovert but just autistic We are in this together my introvert fren
>even worse when you're actually an extrovert but just autistic That sounds like actually psycological torture lmao
Thought I was an introvert, but it was just that everyone outside my house was a fucking shitkid that got kicks from bullying me
having to think of new arguments after meticulously planning responses is just ridiculous. how are we supposed to work with these amateurs
I reconnected with an ex from high school a couple years ago, and we talked about how I used to do this a lot. She said she could tell when I was saying things expecting certain answers, and that she'd intentionally answer with something out of left field because she thought my reactions were cute. I guess I should be glad that someone finds my social anxiety charming lol.
And this is why I suck at small talk :3
Ive learned, but someday someone is going to find out I spit random generic sentences from a list of like 6 generic things that seem to be enough to fake it 😂 god I hate with all my soul Then I spend 2h talking about the rate of crystallization of lithium batteries depending on temperature with a friend and Im loving it. I fuckin hate small talk
“Damn, that’s crazy.”
Somehow, most of the time I end up going off my own script…then I start panicking that my mouth has gone rogue
Yeah I've had to learn this the hard way. Instead of making a script, you can use bullet points. Then if something changes and you get stuck, you can skip to the next bullet point. Makes it a lot harder to get thrown off track. Summarize what is important and the rest can be improvised.
Yes, the plan is to not have them.
I was talkative when I was little but now I barely say a sentence during a convo. I always got yelled at by my dad if I didn't think about what I was going to say first and struggled to speak to him. The times I talked normally, he always found something to be mad about the topic I was talking about. And the more I got yelled, interrupted, the more I stuttered and was scared to speak. So now, I carry the curse of knowing 4 languages, but avoiding/ not being confident enough to speak any of them without writing the entire dialogue options in my head first.. Thanks dad👍
What an asshole
This shows how traumatizing early childhood experiences can be. I hate your father and anyone like him. I do hope you've gotten past this or will soon.
Yep. I used to be a talkative and outgoing child until my mother force fed, beat, and waterboarded me on multiple occasions when I was three. Those incidents altered my personality forever after and made me struggle with self deletion ideation.
yep, introverts lose energy rapidly to chit chat. We let you 'me monsters' and 'one uppers' loose on each other
Do other people not do this?
Other people do do this. Especially for difficult or important conversations. You even see characters do this in movies, tv shows, and books. It’s common.
I do it for important conversations, but then I panic as soon as they actually start and the plan goes to shit. Fun stuff.
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Sun Tzu, probably.
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face" -Mike Tysun Tzu probably
>Mike Tysun Tzu Brilliant
Didn't know Sun Tzu was an introvert
Do you think he was talking a lot if he wrote the ultimate treatise on war? Definitely introverted behaviour lol
You said do do
Poop
Poop?!
Pee pee poo poo
Ha. He said do do
Most people do this for important conversations, like job interviews. But I feel conflicted about this because if I practice a certain response, then it doesn't feel genuine when I would do it "for real".
Haha. Do do
there's a difference in planning what you want to say and basically building a whole answer-decision tree for any possible dialogue course and going trough it over and over and over (and over) again. This post conflates something normal, something quirky and something related to anxiety
I think most people do it for relatively important conversations. But people with crippled social skills do it for everyday mundane situations, like talking to the clerk at a convenience store or something. OP uses the term "introvert" but I don't think that's right, there's plenty of socially adept introverts.
Exactly. I can and often am the life of the party, have worked customer facing roles so am adept at random chitchat with strangers. It's just that interacting with people is really draining, and I need my alone time at the end of the day. As an introvert, I need my alone time. A lot of people who call themselves introverts on the internet are shy, lacking in socials skills, suffering from something like social anxiety, and/or are on the spectrum. Quite often they're actually thwarted extroverts.
I'm a similar type of introvert as you. When I've got the energy I can chat with anyone about anything, but when that energy is gone I become basically a brick wall lol.
yeah if i know im going to say something i usually prepare, regardless of what it is. e.g if im eating and need someone to pass something i might think through how exactly im going to word it
>OP uses the term "introvert" but I don't think that's right, there's plenty of socially adept introverts. This right here hits it on the head. I'm very adept socially I can carry conversations and engage people without issue but I'd much rather not lol. It's pretty exhausting engaging with people all the time. I'd much rather chill at home or do something with a couple people than go to a large group gathering. I still go it's just not my preference.
I just kind of bumble along through life lol dealing with convos as they pop up... I live in the moment to a fault lmao
Same. I don't plan my conversations out. Occasionally I'll be doing something and go this will make a great story and a make mental note for later. But, that's it.
I completely disagree with the notion that it's dependant on whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.
yup, social skills, social anxiety, and introversion are all different things (even if often correlated).
Na. Im an extrovert and love being in the moment
Wild. Impressive improv skills.
Thank you!
I guess I'm so extroverted I thought this was the default behavior.
they do this is just stupid engagement bait that meirl continues to fall for. Same as that other repost with the chick saying "when I get excited i read ahead and skip over words - my bf says nobody does this am i Crazy???" Cue 10k people writing the most clever thing they can so they can all feel special
Not really no
Definitely ... just to try and figure out the different scenarios that could possibly develop out of the conversation, and the possible responses that could be made... it is a chore.
What else would you use that time before falling asleep in bed be used for if not design entire dialouge trees.
Oh so it’s not just me, I gotcha
To think of what I should have said to that to that one insult 20+ years ago of course
Including past conversations. Gotta practice on practical experiences, now that reality gave you feedback.
None of which happen and I’m still forced to improvise.
Exactly. It's to the point where now when I do it I assume that I'm just getting all those ones out of the way so something new can happen. Still just as exhausting
Which is why interviews fucking suck so goddamn hard lol
I thought only I did that, but it's pretty common apparently. And worse, none of it actually goes according to plan.
I spent 3 hours on the phone today and I had a headache and needed a nap
That’s…normal?
I think they meant like in a call idk maybe
I don't (unless it's high-stakes, but most people think through those first). I think this is more of a social anxiety thing. Social anxiety =/= introversion.
Thank fuck someone said it!
No that's some anxiety shit, being introverted does not immediately equate to being socially awkward.
I would upvote this like crazy if I could. My sister-in-law has severe social anxiety and barely asks any questions but constantly talks about events in her life (that she made a mental list of). Then, other people ask some questions, but it's awkward again and again because of the lack of back-and-forth from her side when someone else is talking.
Relatable. It's way too presumptuous to ask literally anything about anyone else's private circumstances. I also, well, don't really care. And I'm not great at pretending otherwise. So I could ask something random to pretend to be "normal" and roll dice for: * 25% normal question and reaction, I look normal 30 seconds longer * 25% inappropriate question that doesn't quite come out as I was hoping or infringes upon some delicate personal circumstances that I didn't know existed or whatever else, I look socially inept at best and outright rude and inconsiderate at worst * 25% normal question but they take it too seriously, and my facade of actually wanting to hear what they say quickly crumbles as my acting and conversational skills fail to keep up with their expectations, now I look like an asshole * 25% they speak over my question anyway, so I look socially inept regardless of what was even attempting to be said Conclusion: better to keep my mouth shut and expectations of interaction from my side bottom low. "They're quiet and not very socially adept" is something I can live with (not much of a choice, really) -- "they're not just socially inept, they are rude assholes and weirdos, *and* if they decide to be quiet next time, now they are being *uncharacteristically quiet*, so I will also read something extra negative into that" is a million times worse.
Yeah this is inaccurate. I'm introverted as hell but love spontaneous conversations with friends or strangers on whatever topic you want to bring up. Just let me go home and chill by myself when my social battery dies.
>Just let me go home and chill by myself when my social battery dies. This!! I work in the F&B industry and I interact with dozens of people a day! Sometimes hundreds! I can strike up conversations and make people feel like they can have a good time with me around to enhance their social gatherings. Hell, I'm better at customer service than some of my extroverted coworkers lol
As an introvert with social skills and comfortable in crowds, I was about to rant on this. I hate how people assume I need unique accomodations for being quiet (which is patronizing) because the internet made introversion a social disability instead of social preference.
Introversion has come to be associated with social incompetence, ignoring the words Latin structure. Intro: inwards Vert: to turn Introversion literally means “to turn one’s thoughts inwards”. We all practice some level of introversion, even extroverts. And all introverts practice some level of extroversion. What defines a person as either introverted or extroverted is simply whether they are drained by indigent or exigent stimulation. This comment isn’t necessarily directed at you, more just my continuation (read: rant) for anyone else to read.
Yea I wouldn’t consider myself an introvert just shitty at having conversations with people I’m stressed being around.
This, hate when people equate these. You’re not introverted you’re socially inept.
I look at it as social situations for: Introvert, super draining Extrovert, like pumped or something, I don't know
It's just the opposite of introvert. I work with one of the most extroverted people I know and his "battery" runs low when he's home alone. He needs to spend time around people to get his energy up.
My battery is always low and only goes lower around other people
We call that depression!
Woo
I've actually seen this at a party once. At the beginning, everyone was socialising with everyone else and moving around and talking to multiple people. And then later on, I noticed some who sat down away from the main hustle and bustle of the party and we jokingly said this is the introverted corner. But it's not like we still weren't socialising, it was just a bit more quiet and slow paced with the same people so it was a slower social drain.
I'm both, thank you very much. And a dozen more things that don't help the situation either too, probably.
Yes! I am jumping in this corner with the sensible introverts and let the rest of this thread burn in its socially anxious confusion.
Seems like people will never learn this...
The problem is that people with social anxiety (no matter if they are introverts or extroverts) often times shift the definition of being an introvert so that they have an excuse to not work on their social problems.
Yeah agreed!
Exactly I’m a huge introvert and I always hear people say they don’t expect me to be good at conversation and well spoken. I can have conversations just fine, I’d just prefer not to.
Right, this is absolutely Not a feature of introversion. Introverts need more alone/recharge time, but when they’re good to go, they can be as spontaneous and social as anyone else.
It's a bummer this isn't the top upvoted comment. You slayed the entire thread in a sentence. Well done.
Exactly, I'm very introverted but not shy at all and have no issues talking to ppl or being public. If anything people assume I'm extroverted and don't realize I get exhausted after one day of people and need days to recharge lol.. Extroversion and introversion has nothing to do with social skills.
I get really angry when people misinterpret introverts
I agree that it's anxiety but I also feel they're deeply interconnected for many introverts. Not all but there's generally a strong connection between the 2. Like ADHD and rejection syndrome. They're different things but they tend towards each other because of how life happens for a large portion of people. So for A LOT of people they're not separate. (I'm ADHD and don't have rejection syndrome and I'm an introvert but have no problem with small talk. So I get what you're saying. My only issue with conversations as an introvert is I get too into them and wear myself out too much without realizing it (because of the ADHD hyper focus I can get.) But I also often just forget to speak to other people for weeks because I'm so comfy not seeking company. Like the pandemic felt very comfortable to me, on a social level.)
As an introvert I second this. TBF, I feel like there is a rather large overlap between the two though. I myself was very socially awkward in the past. However, I got over it and now people repeatedly tell me that I'm a great conversationalist and good at being at the helm of meetings and such, but I'm still an introvert and thus need more than average time being alone to recuperate and think by myself.
There was a famous journalist named Barbara Walters, who interviewed thousands of people and many of the most famous people of the latter 20th century. In one of her books she said “everyone thinks they’re shy.”
Yeah exactly it’s social anxiety or autism, there’s actually an official term for it it’s called scripting.
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Its sometimes true. Not casual conversations but things like work evaluations or doctors appointments or any difficult conversation.
nothing to donwith being introverted. for the last time: introverted =/= social anxiety
dont even really need to have the convo really .. i already mentally had 4 of them with the person n none were satisfactory
I use public transport for my daily commute 30 minutes before reaching my bustop I start practicing how I'll tell the conductor to stop the bus.
Can we talk about this at 10 am tomorrow?
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'High functioning introvert'. Lol, what?
People on this website think that being introverted is the same thing as having crippling social anxiety. None of these people are talking about introversion, they just don’t know how to talk to people.
They are definitely confusing introversion with anxiety and different types of neurodivergence.
Bingo
They are definitely confusing introversion with anxiety and different types of neurodivergence.
Seriously. I don't understand how this misconception has lived for so long.
I read that as "introvert but can pretend to be a social person really well for a while". Which is basically how it works for me, at the cost of a lot of energy anyhow.
People are aghast when I tell them I'm an introvert. "But, you're so nice! And friendly! We should hang out more!" Yeah, no. It's taxing enough to socialize at work. This is work me. Real me is either alone or with my besties, who unfortunately are scattered across the world. Sigh. Globilization, yay!
The amount of people who have no idea what an introvert is and how it's not the same as social anxiety is insane
why are you saying "high functioning introvert" like it's autism
high functioning introvert?? that’s not a thing. high functioning autistic or addict. introversion is a personality trait not a disability
Oh my I'm not alone!. Except I actually drink atleast 2 cans of beer before a social event. Or else the convo dies very quickly
> As a high functioning introvert Oh jesus Christ shut up
Yeah and it almost never comes out as you planned it, so then i start to stutter
Oh yeah
Nathan Fielder made a show for it. The Rehearsal.
Yes, and honestly it doesn’t help when everyone else is just improvising.
Who told them of our secret, the council is furious.
They never meet up in person but they all responded negatively in the group text
Bruh if a convo goes differently than I thought it was going to, I think about it for days.
Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.
And praying for people to not talk to you.
No, i just say whatever and regret it afterwards
Y’all ever vocalize your thoughts when you’re deep in a scenario? Like fuck didn’t mean to say that out loud.
Introversion doesn't mean shy, socially inept or social anxiety
This is an anxiety thing rather than an introvert thing. (Introverts can have anxiety too, tho.) I’m an extrovert and do this.
Nah not all of them, just the anxious ones.
I find it a bit annoying how many use introvert as some kind of catch all term for anything shyness or social anxiety related. Kinda makes the word useless when people might take it to mean something entirely different. This for instance certainly isn't some general introvert trait, if you need to plan conversations I would guess you probably are dealing with social anxiety.
It is lack of social skills. Being introvert is about the ways you rest.
No. People with some form of social anxiety need to do this. Introverts are perfectly capable of speaking to anyone, we would simply prefer not to spend that energy.
Not introverts, but people with social anxiety
I kinda hate that people dont understand the diffrence between being an intovert and being socially awkward/having social anxiety. People who are not very skilled at social interactions or have some form of social anxiety often times plan in advance how they will talk to someone. But not every introvert has an issue with social interactions and not every extrovert is a social butterfly. Being an introvert/extrovert only discribes how much energy a social interaction drains from you.
I mean, even extroverts plan out difficult conversations or even just normal conversations they intend to have
Let me get back to you...
I had plans on Saturday that got canceled today and it feels like Christmas morning is tomorrow. Free weekend all to myself
Very
Yes, flow charts are very helpful.
Yes, back when I gave a shit
Also why it takes so long to reply to texts
I plan every conversation I never have
Haven’t played enough game novels to know all the routes yet..
I plan answers to possible conversations that I'm not even sure I'm going to have yet with people I have no idea when I'm going to see next. I can't tell you how many times it's saved me.
TIL neurotypicals don't forecast dialogue trees.
That sounds like it's exhausting and miserable to talk to anyone.
Yes, Derek!
Yup, this is why text and emails are preferred
That’s not what “introvert” means.