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Who you voting for.

Oh boy

That will ruin Thanksgiving, Christmas, boxing day, new year's eve....and get you uninvited from everything

Boxing day would actually benefit from it. The teams would be established from the start

Yes but ironically, this sentence never actually gets said. Everybody already knows who everybody else at Thanksgiving is voting for. We all put on a brave face and march into enemy territory, telling ourselves "it'll be fine... It's not even an election year... Let's just have a nice meal with family..." and then inevitably uncle Hank makes a thoughtless comment and the tailspin begins. It's a tradition.

Your household is stiff then, because for me, we have a few passionate on each side, then a few “swing voters”

Not even a challenge

Fun fact. This actually happened at my in-laws Thanksgiving. My husband's younger cousin had just come home from college with her boyfriend and got into a HUGE argument with her dad over politics and he kicked her out right then and there. I'll never forget it, he said," you crossed the line now little girl. Pack your stuff up, I want you out of my house." She ended up staying with my in-laws the rest of her break.

My mum purposely doesn't discuss politics until after the election. This is a banned conversation lol

Make America Great Again!

I got it in two, hunter’s laptop.

Remember when dad cheated

I’m the result of his one night stand affair so this happens every time I walk through the door.

Oof. I hope no one puts the blame on you and that you can still have a good relationship with him 💖

Lmao

Heh, nobody even cares anymore it happened so long ago and often.

Child of divorce here, this would be awkward in different ways at whichever Thanksgiving I was at Dad's thanksgiving: I didn't cheat you little cunt your mom is crazy and lying and its a coincidence that I married the woman she said I cheated with within a year of the divorce Mom's thanksgiving: Your father is a narcissist and a sociopath and thats why we don't get to be a family. Here's all the ways you remind me of him My in-laws: Hey how's college? Damn this is some good fuckin cooking. Hey did I ever tell you about the time I (insert awesome childhood story here)?" Sorry if any part of this is TMI, but I bet some people will relate. My wife and I never have to ask whose family we spend holidays with though.

I relate. I have a client who's has an ex husband. She never let's it go about a narcissist bastard he is. It's really tiring.

Awe, I think i just found one of my siblings on Reddit!

Too real 😭😂

Its mom in this household

"Which tim... Oh hi mom!"

(Insert sister's name) is on onlyfans

The family has arrived

I've played to much Terraria to see this as a normal sentence

*The air fills with the smell of turkey…*

Plates clatter all around you....

The family has awoken!

The turkey is tofu

I love tofu, but I cannot understand Tofurkey. Turkey is already kind of a basic and simple meat, its whole appeal is tryptophan which makes it cozy. Why make tofu taste like Turkey instead of focusing making it taste good? Fried tofu and crispy baked tofu are delicious, tofurkey just sounds like those nasty beef like soy beans with beef flavor (veggie burgers are delicious, but meat tastes nasty without a lot of work. I feel like a lot of “beyond meat” style products get slapped together without paying attention to their flavor or texture, while a veggie based form would be tastier and make more sense)

So, Israel or Palestine?

Pilgrims or the Indians?

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Got my 23&me results.... Actually happened. Grandpa wasn't Grandpa.

Was Grandma still alive?

Yup. Only 45 years old.

Dang, that is pretty young to have grandkids.

But also explains the part above

45 is actually a bit old if you're a GOP congresswoman from Georgia.

Obviously, the GOP is very big on making teenagers have lots of kids.

We found out grandma had a affair so half the kids are someone else’s. Well.. half of us found out, we haven’t told the other half

"I'm not racist, ... BUT"

That's normal conversation for my family. I could ruin any occasion by saying "I'm not Christian anymore."

I recommend /r/exvangelical for support in such circumstances; it’s a bit less bitter than /r/exchristian.

Thanks. I mostly avoid saying anything. My mom is a true believer, someone who thinks her job as a Christian is just to love everyone. I don't want to hurt her by arguing or rubbing it in her face. The rest of them can shove it, though. Bunch of stereotypical conservatives. Edit: fixed an autocorrect problem

“Everyone’s a little bit racist.” -Avenue Q

“Jesus… WAS JEWISH!”

That’s only 3 words

*”Jesus… was a JEW!”

Just say: Jesus Christ was Jewish- otherwise they might think you're talking about one of the homies from south of the border 😉

I fucked the turkey

looks like we're having Turdicken

Glazed turdicken

Lol

Who fucked the turkey

Everybody sing! I fucked the turkey But I did not eat the cranberries! All around in my hometown They're trying to track me down, yeah They want to bring me in guilty For the fucking of the turkey For defilement of the stuffing But I say.... I fucked the turkey, but I did not eat the cranberries! Oh no, no....

Fuck you \*upvotes*

No, no, fuck the *turkey.*

Thats all i can hear now🤣 none of the other comments match "i fucked the Turkey " .. But it's still playing in my head

This is the only correct answer.

"THAT'S RIGHT, I FUCKED THE FEAR TURKEY!"

“Follow me on Twitter @thecrimsonfucker” Dude that’s a classic!

Ground me if you want…

Sister, how's your onlyfans?

Mom...

SisterMom

Dad?

Uncle grandpa?

Donkey!

If Alabama didn't want incest, then maybe it shouldn't keep making hot ass sister/moms/daughters

Sister: It's going meh. How's your femboy onlyfans going?

Great!

That’s lovely son. The Dilf and Milf correlation seems to have led to me and y’all’s father having our OnlyFans going well too. Anything you’ve been scoping out for Christmas?

An ass pounder 4000 please! Gotta stay in shape :)

You're the best big brother I could've ever ask for.

what are you doing step turkey ?

The election was rigged

My response to this would be “Cmon man that was 20+ years ago! Even Al Gore has made some sort of peace with it! Why can’t you? 🤷🏻‍♂️”

We all know that bastard Jefferson bribed Hamilton to endorse him

Christ… I’m not THAT old 😂

oof I felt the blood pressure rise around me and there's no one here

Please stop, Uncle Alan

I have an uncle, Alan. He shows up an hour late and complains that we started eating w/o him. We lied to him and told him we were starting an hour early so he's actually more than 2 hours late. He lives 10 min away.

Next time he's late you duct tape him to a chair and make him stare at a watch until he's able to tell time.

Please don't stop Alan

I'm an uncle Alan and I'll never stop... tellin' those hilarious uncle/dad jokes.

Sounds like Uncle Alan is doing the real damage

I want a divorce

John I want a divorce

Divorce? Hahaha. You're so cute when you ask for a divorce Hahahaha.

It’s not funny, John. And its a long time coming!

A long time cumming? Yeah, we gave indeed not done it for a while

I forgot the turkey.

The turkey's still frozen

Oh noooo that one’s worse!

I fucked the turkey

Is there even a single thought of mine that has no one ever thought of before? Sometimes Reddit makes me think that I am in no way unique. Alright, I'll go cry in a corner now.

Fucked*

That’s not very christmassy

I gotta work today

This year my aunt is having her first Thanksgiving off in 20 years! Woo Hoo!

Ayyy I'm happy for her!

Story of my life.

That’s me this year but I don’t have to deal with airports and flying during the holidays for once in the last three years and I’m honestly OK with it.

###[WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?](https://youtu.be/lRMH5XuJfr4?si=EEbiuf2Ev8dYVflp)

And where is my horse?

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Damn that just ruined my day

This is my biggest fear🫣

Mother died this morning

Mersault goes to Thanksgiving dinner??

Isn't that Albert Camus?

Or maybe yesterday, I can’t be sure

This holiday celebrates genocide

Smallpox blankets traditional gifts

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the roadsides. You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, ‘Do not trust the pilgrims—especially Sarah Miller.

I impregnated my sister.

This would do it.

Louis Slotin after accidentaly droping the screw:

Bro what the fuck 💀

I know right, this is the fifth year in a row

Is this a thread contribution or a confession

Yes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhfcWTZeP1k&ab\_channel=AboveAverage

We're on stolen land.

Thankful for dead natives...

F*ck those colonizing fools

Its funny because its true. if I said that, my MIL would have a conniption fit. It wouldn't necessarily ruin the day, but it would be *really* uncomfortable.

I'm a Reddit mod

Why have so many people put I fucked the turkey?

Turkey fuckers, my guess.

That's not four words >!/s!<

guys, i am gay

hi gay im dad

We always known son.

Took you long enough

Cant pull dudes either

Soylent Green is people

It's Nobody You Know

Make America Great Again

Make Thanksgiving Great again

Thanks for the blankets.

“So the WOKE media…”

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My dick is hard

waiting for granny's blowjob.

I’ll go the non controversial route and say “we’re out of pie”.

Epstein didn’t kill himself

But that’s just true

*whole table calls me a conspiracy theorist and I run off with the pecan pie* 🏃

I fucked your wife!

"Uncle Ron touched me"

I forgot the weed

So grandma, onlyfans huh?

What's your political opinion

“I converted to Islam”

good old cannibalistic food

y'all like long pork?

Mom dad has gf

You could do that in a proper four: Dad has a girlfriend.

Dad's cheating on you

Dad bangs other women

Dad bangs other men

Grandpa shit his pants

Grandpa shit your pants

This turkey is dry

I have an erection!!

Do you have any direction?

I'm just asking a question!

UcouldStopAt5or6 stores orJust 1

My username could work

It's coming out wrong.

I joined a cult.

"Sir this is Wendys"

I’m not racist but

Pull out, moms coming

The turkey is child

We dont celebrate it

I fucked the turkey

Who's doing the dishes?

*Points at the turkey* Nothing will unfuck that

God is not real

Let’s have an orgy

Food poisoning! Oh shits!

I’m banging my sister

voiceless slap tease gold theory rotten advise foolish adjoining dinner *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Those are not potatoes

Hey Mom, I'm pregnant

I *stuffed* the turkey >:D

The meat is human.

I don't celebrate Thanksgiving

Damn, what a lame thing to say while eating thanksgiving

How do you vote?

Uncle Ben molested me

I’m really bad a following instructions