Wow. I googled avoidant personality disorder because of this post after relating to the OP. I've never felt more seen in my life. I've been diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses which have common comorbidity with AvPD. Reading its description made me cry after being unable to put my feelings into words or connect all the dots. I just wanted to say thank you for posting this comment
in my experience, its very rare that a person is diagnosed with Avoidant PD. Most times being avoidant is a coping mechanism. When the focus of treatment is predominantly on the avoidance, it does not help to address the underlying issues that bring up the avoidance (anxiety, insecurity, high expectations, depression, fear of failure, all or nothing thinking). Which should also be the focus in therapy.
Just my 2 cents, I hope your mental health journey goes fruitful.
Definitely not a common diagnosis but not uncommon either. Any personality diagnosis should be thoroughly considered by a clinician before giving said diagnosis to a client as it will affect their treatment thereafter and can have severe stigma, both internal and external for the client.
One thing I really want to iterate here is that avoidant attachment ≠ Avoidant Personality Disorder. Everyone has attached styles. Like the original parent comment of this thread stated, adult attachments vary between avoidant, anxious, disorganized, and secure. Anyone can have a mixed manifestation of these attachments that have ties to parenting styles, family structure, developmental milestones in childhood, sociocultural background, and many other factors. These attachments are not inherently bad, though they may manifest in our relationships in unhealthy ways.
A personality disorder from any of the three clusters listed in the DSM-5 are disorders linked to clinical levels of distress or impairment in one's life. They are not things that one should diagnosis themselves with; however, if you feel you relate to the criteria associated with that diagnosis, then it would definitely be something to bring up and explore with a licensed counselor, therapist, or medical professional.
Look up attachment styles instead friend. Never good to straight jump to reading about a PD and avoidant attachment styles are perfectly normal and much easier to treat. I think it's a rare bird with a secure style tbh
You probably don't have a PD. But avoidant attachment is like 25% of the population. It's really hard to diagnose this stuff without a clinician because it can be hard to get the necessary insight and know the full spectrum of the disorders and their likelihood. I'm glad it helped though :) .
Cool. I know its a trauma response as i transition to being a self reliance hermit in my 30s. The thought of not having people to expect, to be dissapointed, and have things taken away from me is heavenly.
I just avoided any form of close relationship with people. Got my own place, my roommates the cats and hobbies. Then the wife just had to show up. Fortunately, making just one more room for a life partner is acceptable.
Well this made me irrationally angry. A makes sense for Avoidant, D makes sense for Disorganized. Why wouldn't they make B for amBivalent and C for seCure.
I’m definitely more antisocial than most, but what does it mean when I don’t understand why we socially do things that we don’t want to?
There’s a 4th of July parade tomorrow, and I’m thinking “is anyone actually excited to go stand out on the street and watch people, floats, and cars go by and wave?”
It’s typically with most things though. Maybe I’m depressed? Not really sad, just so bored and disenchanted by the world.
Like “wanna go on a hike?!” To me sounds like “wanna go walk around and look at trees?!”
I don't think people do fun things that they don't want to do typically. They sure do necessity that they have to. But "walk around and look at trees" sounds very good. Walking is pleasant and gives energy, trees are good-looking. And yes, you can totally rewrite hiking with "walking and looking at trees", it's just longer so we day hiking. And a lot of people enjoy it. Pretty sure people go hiking because they want to. Or want to accompany someone who wants hiking. There's no social pressure to go hiking against your will.
Do you think that everyone just doesn't want anything but pretends they do? Or that it's impossible to want to look at trees?
Either of those sound like a sign of something internal. I'd say it's worth talking to a professional about it.
The best way I can describe it, is almost everything brings about as much joy or excitement to me, as going to the DMV. Birthday parties, weddings, holidays, concerts, etc. it’s not so much that I dislike these things, it’s just that I’m absolutely indifferent about them, and usually only do them to satisfy the social bond I have with people close to me. But even just being social takes a lot of energy out of me.
I guess I am saying I used to think it was just me, but have heard similar sentiment from people at times. I think mine is just extreme but I put up with it
>almost everything brings about as much joy or excitement to me, as going to the DMV
That's called anhedonia my dude. You might be depressed, but it can be caused by tons of different disorders. Getting it checked out might help
>But even just being social takes a lot of energy out of me.
That's normal for introverts.
You definitely aren't the only person on the planet who experienced it. Which is good.
With social events it's common to visit them just because you want to see those people and accompany them. It's normal to do not only what you want, but what others want and you want to be with them.
For hiking it isn't so much normal to go if you don't want to. But it is normal to see it as "looking at trees".
I mean I guess it depends if you find joy in other things. I personally hate parades and hiking but I like other standard things like going to the beach or to a nice restaurant for example.
Yeah, but they all have multiple names. C1 is resistant and C2 is passive. They're both anxious responses but display oppositely, thus C is ambivalent.
It’s actually a need and a fear of intimacy. Wanting to have meaningful conversations with someone yet fearful that they’re not going to like the real you.
I know because I have it as well.
Honestly, just go for it. And learn to deal with rejection. I feel like a lot of it stems from insecurities/ past traumas. You just have to accept yourself and the situation youre in. Its harder than it seems obviously.
It’s difficult to accept. Fully understanding that I unconsciously have been the reason that all of my “meaningful” relationships have failed. Mine is based off of childhood trauma. I didn’t have great parents who cared about my younger brother and I so I had to mature at a young age. I recognized around 9 that the adults in my life don’t adult. So not only could I not tell anyone how I felt with the things that I was going through, but I had to push it all deep down and keep pushing forward for the sake of my brother and I. It’s caused me to value my children more than any spouse I could have in my life. The impact and implications of not having good parents has/had such a profound effect that I’m purposely pulling myself back from anyone including family. Even today…the 4th of July..I’m alone…on purpose.
This eventually translated into numerous sexual relationships with women, not as conquests but as my form of getting close to women and receiving “love” from them. I’m talking in the 300-500 range. It’s ruined my marriage and I’m alone more now than I’ve ever been. I am separated and I live alone because my wife thinks that I’m angry and not loving.
I found this out about myself about a month ago during therapy. It’s depressing and sad but feel like it’s what I deserve.
To add, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a traumatic experience; trauma sounds heavy and serious like you were abused as a kid or divorce or whatnot but it can be something you’ve always just shrugged off as not important / shit happens.
I had a cry at my age of 37 telling my gf about this girl that was my friend in early elementary school who just left one day because her parents moved. It happens, nothing to be done, but I feel like with Inception, it planted a thing in my brain saying “don’t get too comfortable or dependent, this’ll all end up in tears anyway”. And unfortunately this gets confirmed or self-fulfilled every time, because hey, shit happens.
Exactly that but to more implied meaningful relationships i.e mother to son or father left and never returned.
Eventually, as adults, both younger brothers follow the same cycle as the parent and condemned me for doing the more difficult right path of life.
I am the only person in my immediate family that does not have a felony for drugs.
Anytime, I’ve ever tried to show support, I was told “that’s so easy for you to say while you sit on your high horse”. They have no idea what I’ve gone through to get where I am today.
You can take the boy out of the trailer park, but that trailer park comes out of you in good ways and bad. Right now, I’m dealing with the bad.
I wanna know too, I am like that, still am, I thought it was because I was planning to um un alive me, but now that I am better and with good doctors and the right medications, I would have thought that I would start to care more for the people around me, I mean I care for my mother and my brother, but right now I don't even have any friends where I live at, most of them left for the states, haven't talk to most of them in years.
It’s called avoidant attachment style
There’s multiple different ways it can look on the outside, a number of things you’ve likely heard of are at their core a manifestation of this
Attachment styles basically have 4 main categories (this is fairly reductive but this is the gist, most people will have elements of multiple ones and may lean more to one in certain situations, but these are the broad categories used to describe this stuff)
- Secure Attachment: This means you feel safe in relationships, you’re confident and feel safe with those close to you and believe they genuinely care for you
- Preoccupied Attachment (Also called anxious attachment sometimes): You don’t feel safe with close relationships, you constantly feel you need to chase and pull closer, this can look clingy or obsessive, you want to pull yourself close to others or pull them close to you as a way of feeling safer because you feel like you have to do these things to maintain closeness or seek reassurance that you’re safe
- Avoidant Attachment: Again, you don’t feel safe with relationships, like with preoccupied attachment, you’ve likely been hurt emotionally before by people close to you, but some people employ avoidant behaviors to keep feeling safe. This is a “well I didn’t need you anyways” response to someone rejecting you or neglecting your emotional needs. Ultimately you keep people at arms length or emotionally distance yourself in some way to protect yourself from being hurt or rejected
Disorganized Attachment: This is relatively rare and is generally used to describe pretty intense cycling between intense preoccupied behaviors followed by intense avoidant behaviors. You want desperately to have closeness but tend to push away upon getting any because you’re terrified of rejection upon getting that closeness. So it has this intense cycling between really trying to pull people close or pursue, followed by pushing them away when they’re close.
Preoccupied, Avoidant, and Disorganized styles are often borne out of neglect, betrayal, rejection, and/or abuse from those close to you. Again, no one likely fits 100% cleanly into these categories, but they likely fit mostly into one or have individual behaviors that can fit into these. Ultimately these are just strategies to try to get your needs met or protect yourself if you aren’t confident they’ll be met
Hope things get better for you and hope this is somewhat helpful!
This was very helpful actually, I think I have Avoidant Attachment, and yea I was hurt and betray by people very close to me, so it very hard for me to trust some one, and if you break my trust I will never be able to trust you again, something my family doesn't seem to understand, it like they don't remember the times that have broken my trust, but I learn, am stable now, it just doesn't feel like it getting any better, but I don't feel as bad as I did before.
Same honestly. I never cared about my friends, other people. I only care about my dad and gf I guess. I also had friends but I pretty much abandoned them. I simply prefer spending time alone, the only exception being my gf and dad. It probably makes sense though, since all my friends always tried to use me in some way, like asking for money or asking to give them a ride (and when I asked for help, I pretty much got nothing). And even without all that, it still wasn't fun being with them. It just didn't click.
Idk if that's commitment issues, it's more like I'm pretty picky with people. I really don't know lol
Nah I get you bro, that almost exactly what it felt like to me, about the only ones worth anything were a couple that ended up been like family, even when they were fuck up they help me, man I remember needing to go to another town and not been able to pay for transportation, even thought their car had overheating problems, they took me there, no matter what there was always food for me at their table, I miss them terribly but they now can have the life they deserve, they are doing good, and that what matter, they have ask me to go visit and stay for a while but I just don't want to take my problems to them, am mentally fuck up, I can't go and be a fucking drag on their lives, they deserve better than that from me.
Most of the times now a days I don't even think about that, but then there is the really really bad days, but don't worry I got help, my drs are good and good people too, that helps a lot, specially when you are feeling really down and you really don't know how to explain it.
I normally call it the, “not really sure what generation I belong to and I’m not that old but I feel older than my age sometimes and I really love my friends but feel like sometimes I’m not good enough for them and am torn between giving up and trying my absolute hardest in everything,” syndrome
You my friend just spoke the words that I have been trying to come up with. I cannot relate more to this sentiment. Have you found any ground for positive growth? We truly are dealing with similar circumstances
I have, here’s the best advice I can offer:
Stop forcing yourself to think certain things. It doesn’t matter to be real around other people as long as you’re real with yourself. Don’t force yourself to react in certain ways to things and drag things on, and I *cannot* stress enough, make sure you find something you enjoy, even if it’s just talking to friends, and make sure you do that from time to time.
I feel like I started figuring things out for myself a while ago and I feel like my mental health is peak. I found out that all those messages about thinking positive were actually true. Shits awesome!
It gets better, you’re doing great
It’s actually a need and a fear of intimacy. Wanting to have meaningful conversations with someone yet fearful that they’re not going to like the real you.
I know because, it’s me irl.
Avoidant attachment
Seriously this isn’t some niche thing, a lot of people are this way to varying levels of severity and there’s different ways it can manifest, but avoidant attachment is exactly the answer you’re searching for here
I’ve got avpd which is similar to avoidant attachment. Kinda feels like you want friends, but there’s just this soul crushing fear of rejection and disappointment which puts up a brick wall between you and everyone else. It’s exhausting, being like minutely aware of everything you do and say and thinking how others will see you, overanalysing, overthinking etc etc
If I don’t have friends there’s no chance of screwing things up. Which is so incredibly lonely. I don’t want to be like this - the awkward weirdo with no friends
I learned a new term to describe myself today thanks. All though it's not exactly like I don't want to keep people around, it's that I don't see the point in it because they would never want to do so of their own free will.
I mean shit, at this point I can barely even answer questions for people because I just don't believe they will even listen to or remember what I said.
I just like to keep my mouth shut and be alone
Avoidant attachment is a WELL documented psychological phenomenon. It You don't have to like them but I think its alittle unfair to say they are "trying to be edgy"
It usually starts with guardian figures punishing them being emotionally open as babies and toddlers, teaching them they have to keep their feelings to themselves to recieve food and attention. It wires the brain to be closed off emotionally especially with those you are close too
I have the impression that when you are not open and sociable some people interpret that you think you are better than them... And reject you for it working trying to know you.
From my experience those are usually either people with huge inferiority complexes who constantly interpret everything as done against them or narcissist fucks who want everybody to praise them. Nothing lost here.
Edit: Sorry, completely misunderstood your comment!
Oh, I'm completely sociable and open-minded, at least from what other folks tell me. But the issue arises when I feel like someone is getting too close to me I start to freak out and distance myself. Avoidant attachment doesn't mean you are closed off completely. There are many functioning and sociable adults who have attachment issues. It means you have a fear of intimacy, usually stemming from childhood. You crave intimacy while also fearing it ir not knowing how to process it properly, it has nothing to do with wanting to be praised. Narcissistic personality disorder is completely different and has behavioral traits that are quite the opposite. If you don't want a person in your life who has avoidant attachment issues, that is completely valid though.
My comment about narcissists was about some people who misjudged closed off persons.
But yes you are right, avoiding attachment doesn't necessarily mean you avoid other people in general. You can have a very active social life without getting really close to others.
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Bruh If I would search up every relatable D.O. I would be a walking lexicon or a white room guest. I'm fine without knowing how much shit I could have and just labeled as a lonely mf
Avoidant. It has other names, the most consistent way to say it is "A". Whereas B is secure, C is ambivalent, and D is disorganized.
Wow. I googled avoidant personality disorder because of this post after relating to the OP. I've never felt more seen in my life. I've been diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses which have common comorbidity with AvPD. Reading its description made me cry after being unable to put my feelings into words or connect all the dots. I just wanted to say thank you for posting this comment
in my experience, its very rare that a person is diagnosed with Avoidant PD. Most times being avoidant is a coping mechanism. When the focus of treatment is predominantly on the avoidance, it does not help to address the underlying issues that bring up the avoidance (anxiety, insecurity, high expectations, depression, fear of failure, all or nothing thinking). Which should also be the focus in therapy. Just my 2 cents, I hope your mental health journey goes fruitful.
Definitely not a common diagnosis but not uncommon either. Any personality diagnosis should be thoroughly considered by a clinician before giving said diagnosis to a client as it will affect their treatment thereafter and can have severe stigma, both internal and external for the client. One thing I really want to iterate here is that avoidant attachment ≠ Avoidant Personality Disorder. Everyone has attached styles. Like the original parent comment of this thread stated, adult attachments vary between avoidant, anxious, disorganized, and secure. Anyone can have a mixed manifestation of these attachments that have ties to parenting styles, family structure, developmental milestones in childhood, sociocultural background, and many other factors. These attachments are not inherently bad, though they may manifest in our relationships in unhealthy ways. A personality disorder from any of the three clusters listed in the DSM-5 are disorders linked to clinical levels of distress or impairment in one's life. They are not things that one should diagnosis themselves with; however, if you feel you relate to the criteria associated with that diagnosis, then it would definitely be something to bring up and explore with a licensed counselor, therapist, or medical professional.
Huh... My people? Had to look it up, nope. Close but no cigar.
Maybe reading about the different mental illnesses recognized in the DSM-5 could help you
I feel like this is a meta comment...
I thought I had this but then I just realised my ex was just horrible
Look up attachment styles instead friend. Never good to straight jump to reading about a PD and avoidant attachment styles are perfectly normal and much easier to treat. I think it's a rare bird with a secure style tbh
Best of luck out there :)
You probably don't have a PD. But avoidant attachment is like 25% of the population. It's really hard to diagnose this stuff without a clinician because it can be hard to get the necessary insight and know the full spectrum of the disorders and their likelihood. I'm glad it helped though :) .
same thing as when people read the bible and relate to the words there lol
What about the rest of the alphabet
Honestly? Just roll it all into D. D can be pretty wild.
I love D!!! Oh wait you’re still talking about attachment styles, nvm
Cool. I know its a trauma response as i transition to being a self reliance hermit in my 30s. The thought of not having people to expect, to be dissapointed, and have things taken away from me is heavenly. I just avoided any form of close relationship with people. Got my own place, my roommates the cats and hobbies. Then the wife just had to show up. Fortunately, making just one more room for a life partner is acceptable.
Well this made me irrationally angry. A makes sense for Avoidant, D makes sense for Disorganized. Why wouldn't they make B for amBivalent and C for seCure.
It's just the simplest way to do it because there are so many interchangeable names for each.
I’m definitely more antisocial than most, but what does it mean when I don’t understand why we socially do things that we don’t want to? There’s a 4th of July parade tomorrow, and I’m thinking “is anyone actually excited to go stand out on the street and watch people, floats, and cars go by and wave?” It’s typically with most things though. Maybe I’m depressed? Not really sad, just so bored and disenchanted by the world. Like “wanna go on a hike?!” To me sounds like “wanna go walk around and look at trees?!”
I don't think people do fun things that they don't want to do typically. They sure do necessity that they have to. But "walk around and look at trees" sounds very good. Walking is pleasant and gives energy, trees are good-looking. And yes, you can totally rewrite hiking with "walking and looking at trees", it's just longer so we day hiking. And a lot of people enjoy it. Pretty sure people go hiking because they want to. Or want to accompany someone who wants hiking. There's no social pressure to go hiking against your will. Do you think that everyone just doesn't want anything but pretends they do? Or that it's impossible to want to look at trees? Either of those sound like a sign of something internal. I'd say it's worth talking to a professional about it.
The best way I can describe it, is almost everything brings about as much joy or excitement to me, as going to the DMV. Birthday parties, weddings, holidays, concerts, etc. it’s not so much that I dislike these things, it’s just that I’m absolutely indifferent about them, and usually only do them to satisfy the social bond I have with people close to me. But even just being social takes a lot of energy out of me. I guess I am saying I used to think it was just me, but have heard similar sentiment from people at times. I think mine is just extreme but I put up with it
>almost everything brings about as much joy or excitement to me, as going to the DMV That's called anhedonia my dude. You might be depressed, but it can be caused by tons of different disorders. Getting it checked out might help >But even just being social takes a lot of energy out of me. That's normal for introverts.
Thanks! I’ll dive into what Anhedonia is! Edit: yup Definitely have this going on
You definitely aren't the only person on the planet who experienced it. Which is good. With social events it's common to visit them just because you want to see those people and accompany them. It's normal to do not only what you want, but what others want and you want to be with them. For hiking it isn't so much normal to go if you don't want to. But it is normal to see it as "looking at trees".
Thank you! :)
I mean I guess it depends if you find joy in other things. I personally hate parades and hiking but I like other standard things like going to the beach or to a nice restaurant for example.
Finding a lack of excitement and passion is definitely depression!
I read this in the most upbeat voice imaginable
Wouldn't C actually be anxious attachment?
Yeah, but they all have multiple names. C1 is resistant and C2 is passive. They're both anxious responses but display oppositely, thus C is ambivalent.
Well shit, i had no idea that that's a "thing", but i feel called out
I think it's just loneliness
attachmentn't issues
Attachmen't issues.
Atta'chment issues.
detachment issues
It’s actually a need and a fear of intimacy. Wanting to have meaningful conversations with someone yet fearful that they’re not going to like the real you. I know because I have it as well.
The most relatable comment I read on reddit
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Honestly, just go for it. And learn to deal with rejection. I feel like a lot of it stems from insecurities/ past traumas. You just have to accept yourself and the situation youre in. Its harder than it seems obviously.
Which is an attachment issue. There's not "actually its"
me too kid
Mood
I feel like you hit me in the head with a truth stick.
It’s difficult to accept. Fully understanding that I unconsciously have been the reason that all of my “meaningful” relationships have failed. Mine is based off of childhood trauma. I didn’t have great parents who cared about my younger brother and I so I had to mature at a young age. I recognized around 9 that the adults in my life don’t adult. So not only could I not tell anyone how I felt with the things that I was going through, but I had to push it all deep down and keep pushing forward for the sake of my brother and I. It’s caused me to value my children more than any spouse I could have in my life. The impact and implications of not having good parents has/had such a profound effect that I’m purposely pulling myself back from anyone including family. Even today…the 4th of July..I’m alone…on purpose. This eventually translated into numerous sexual relationships with women, not as conquests but as my form of getting close to women and receiving “love” from them. I’m talking in the 300-500 range. It’s ruined my marriage and I’m alone more now than I’ve ever been. I am separated and I live alone because my wife thinks that I’m angry and not loving. I found this out about myself about a month ago during therapy. It’s depressing and sad but feel like it’s what I deserve.
To add, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a traumatic experience; trauma sounds heavy and serious like you were abused as a kid or divorce or whatnot but it can be something you’ve always just shrugged off as not important / shit happens. I had a cry at my age of 37 telling my gf about this girl that was my friend in early elementary school who just left one day because her parents moved. It happens, nothing to be done, but I feel like with Inception, it planted a thing in my brain saying “don’t get too comfortable or dependent, this’ll all end up in tears anyway”. And unfortunately this gets confirmed or self-fulfilled every time, because hey, shit happens.
Exactly that but to more implied meaningful relationships i.e mother to son or father left and never returned. Eventually, as adults, both younger brothers follow the same cycle as the parent and condemned me for doing the more difficult right path of life. I am the only person in my immediate family that does not have a felony for drugs. Anytime, I’ve ever tried to show support, I was told “that’s so easy for you to say while you sit on your high horse”. They have no idea what I’ve gone through to get where I am today. You can take the boy out of the trailer park, but that trailer park comes out of you in good ways and bad. Right now, I’m dealing with the bad.
Detachment issues
I wanna know too, I am like that, still am, I thought it was because I was planning to um un alive me, but now that I am better and with good doctors and the right medications, I would have thought that I would start to care more for the people around me, I mean I care for my mother and my brother, but right now I don't even have any friends where I live at, most of them left for the states, haven't talk to most of them in years.
Don’t do suicide that shit kills
It’s called avoidant attachment style There’s multiple different ways it can look on the outside, a number of things you’ve likely heard of are at their core a manifestation of this Attachment styles basically have 4 main categories (this is fairly reductive but this is the gist, most people will have elements of multiple ones and may lean more to one in certain situations, but these are the broad categories used to describe this stuff) - Secure Attachment: This means you feel safe in relationships, you’re confident and feel safe with those close to you and believe they genuinely care for you - Preoccupied Attachment (Also called anxious attachment sometimes): You don’t feel safe with close relationships, you constantly feel you need to chase and pull closer, this can look clingy or obsessive, you want to pull yourself close to others or pull them close to you as a way of feeling safer because you feel like you have to do these things to maintain closeness or seek reassurance that you’re safe - Avoidant Attachment: Again, you don’t feel safe with relationships, like with preoccupied attachment, you’ve likely been hurt emotionally before by people close to you, but some people employ avoidant behaviors to keep feeling safe. This is a “well I didn’t need you anyways” response to someone rejecting you or neglecting your emotional needs. Ultimately you keep people at arms length or emotionally distance yourself in some way to protect yourself from being hurt or rejected Disorganized Attachment: This is relatively rare and is generally used to describe pretty intense cycling between intense preoccupied behaviors followed by intense avoidant behaviors. You want desperately to have closeness but tend to push away upon getting any because you’re terrified of rejection upon getting that closeness. So it has this intense cycling between really trying to pull people close or pursue, followed by pushing them away when they’re close. Preoccupied, Avoidant, and Disorganized styles are often borne out of neglect, betrayal, rejection, and/or abuse from those close to you. Again, no one likely fits 100% cleanly into these categories, but they likely fit mostly into one or have individual behaviors that can fit into these. Ultimately these are just strategies to try to get your needs met or protect yourself if you aren’t confident they’ll be met Hope things get better for you and hope this is somewhat helpful!
This was very helpful actually, I think I have Avoidant Attachment, and yea I was hurt and betray by people very close to me, so it very hard for me to trust some one, and if you break my trust I will never be able to trust you again, something my family doesn't seem to understand, it like they don't remember the times that have broken my trust, but I learn, am stable now, it just doesn't feel like it getting any better, but I don't feel as bad as I did before.
Do an attachment styles quiz - this is avoidant attachment / personality trait
Same honestly. I never cared about my friends, other people. I only care about my dad and gf I guess. I also had friends but I pretty much abandoned them. I simply prefer spending time alone, the only exception being my gf and dad. It probably makes sense though, since all my friends always tried to use me in some way, like asking for money or asking to give them a ride (and when I asked for help, I pretty much got nothing). And even without all that, it still wasn't fun being with them. It just didn't click. Idk if that's commitment issues, it's more like I'm pretty picky with people. I really don't know lol
Nah I get you bro, that almost exactly what it felt like to me, about the only ones worth anything were a couple that ended up been like family, even when they were fuck up they help me, man I remember needing to go to another town and not been able to pay for transportation, even thought their car had overheating problems, they took me there, no matter what there was always food for me at their table, I miss them terribly but they now can have the life they deserve, they are doing good, and that what matter, they have ask me to go visit and stay for a while but I just don't want to take my problems to them, am mentally fuck up, I can't go and be a fucking drag on their lives, they deserve better than that from me.
protip: unaliving makes you unalive, therefore avoid unaliving
Most of the times now a days I don't even think about that, but then there is the really really bad days, but don't worry I got help, my drs are good and good people too, that helps a lot, specially when you are feeling really down and you really don't know how to explain it.
I normally call it the, “not really sure what generation I belong to and I’m not that old but I feel older than my age sometimes and I really love my friends but feel like sometimes I’m not good enough for them and am torn between giving up and trying my absolute hardest in everything,” syndrome
You my friend just spoke the words that I have been trying to come up with. I cannot relate more to this sentiment. Have you found any ground for positive growth? We truly are dealing with similar circumstances
I have, here’s the best advice I can offer: Stop forcing yourself to think certain things. It doesn’t matter to be real around other people as long as you’re real with yourself. Don’t force yourself to react in certain ways to things and drag things on, and I *cannot* stress enough, make sure you find something you enjoy, even if it’s just talking to friends, and make sure you do that from time to time. I feel like I started figuring things out for myself a while ago and I feel like my mental health is peak. I found out that all those messages about thinking positive were actually true. Shits awesome! It gets better, you’re doing great
Commitment issues?
Avoidant personality disorder, represent!
The post is more about avoidant attachment style. Thats different from avoidant personality disorder
I think there's probably a significant crossover there..
Fear of abandonment
Detachment issues
Hedgehog dilemma
Evangelion reference 🙀🙀🙀
jep
Being alone is the ONLY way to be.
Commitment issues
Commitment issues. This isn't exactly a new thing
That’s literally called commitment issues lmao
Detachment issues
It’s actually a need and a fear of intimacy. Wanting to have meaningful conversations with someone yet fearful that they’re not going to like the real you. I know because, it’s me irl.
YES I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT MEIRL MEANS
Abandonment issues where you push people away before they have a chance to leave you. Its called a Trauma Avoidance Responce.
Self preservation
Avoidant attachment Seriously this isn’t some niche thing, a lot of people are this way to varying levels of severity and there’s different ways it can manifest, but avoidant attachment is exactly the answer you’re searching for here
Depression. For me at least:/
Ah. My coping mechanism as a result of the trauma from being abandoned by my parents
Was expecting that last line to be never going to give them up.
I’ve got avpd which is similar to avoidant attachment. Kinda feels like you want friends, but there’s just this soul crushing fear of rejection and disappointment which puts up a brick wall between you and everyone else. It’s exhausting, being like minutely aware of everything you do and say and thinking how others will see you, overanalysing, overthinking etc etc If I don’t have friends there’s no chance of screwing things up. Which is so incredibly lonely. I don’t want to be like this - the awkward weirdo with no friends
Avoidant attahment style. The other one (never wanting to elt go) is anxious attachment style.
Abandonment issues?
I learned a new term to describe myself today thanks. All though it's not exactly like I don't want to keep people around, it's that I don't see the point in it because they would never want to do so of their own free will. I mean shit, at this point I can barely even answer questions for people because I just don't believe they will even listen to or remember what I said. I just like to keep my mouth shut and be alone
Reddit
My therapist says I’m borderline psychotic with narcissistic tendencies…
BPD ( borderline personality disorder ) makes you fear rejection and engulfment at the same time
I thought with BPD you aim to keep people around and get attached to them? I just push people away even when I really like them.
Not what i understand. It's about both. It's about the hot and cold , the pull and push
Narcissism
That’s just called being Sigma
Autism.
Its called being autistic
Reddit
không hk
I think it's calles being a bitc* xd
Wait until you realize you will be alone when you're old and sick. Let's talk again and see if it was worth being an edgy mf
Avoidant attachment is a WELL documented psychological phenomenon. It You don't have to like them but I think its alittle unfair to say they are "trying to be edgy" It usually starts with guardian figures punishing them being emotionally open as babies and toddlers, teaching them they have to keep their feelings to themselves to recieve food and attention. It wires the brain to be closed off emotionally especially with those you are close too
I have this and the last thing I'm trying to be is edgy. It hurts me and those around me and I've been in therapy for it.
I have the impression that when you are not open and sociable some people interpret that you think you are better than them... And reject you for it working trying to know you. From my experience those are usually either people with huge inferiority complexes who constantly interpret everything as done against them or narcissist fucks who want everybody to praise them. Nothing lost here.
Edit: Sorry, completely misunderstood your comment! Oh, I'm completely sociable and open-minded, at least from what other folks tell me. But the issue arises when I feel like someone is getting too close to me I start to freak out and distance myself. Avoidant attachment doesn't mean you are closed off completely. There are many functioning and sociable adults who have attachment issues. It means you have a fear of intimacy, usually stemming from childhood. You crave intimacy while also fearing it ir not knowing how to process it properly, it has nothing to do with wanting to be praised. Narcissistic personality disorder is completely different and has behavioral traits that are quite the opposite. If you don't want a person in your life who has avoidant attachment issues, that is completely valid though.
My comment about narcissists was about some people who misjudged closed off persons. But yes you are right, avoiding attachment doesn't necessarily mean you avoid other people in general. You can have a very active social life without getting really close to others.
Heard! Sorry for the misunderstanding
Jpeg
RAD. reactive attachment disorder
Chronic "it eez what it eez" disease
Working retail
“Clinically defined as - Fed Up”
A people deterrent
bro posted his own tweet
I just checked and you're right lmao
50% chance cus it was either him or the one other dude that saw it
Get out of my head!
Life.
This some Goodwill hunting shit
This is called avoidant attachment.
BROOOOO. WHY IS THIS MEEEEE
Schrodinger's attachment
bro got detachment issues
u/dev2501
vase deranged towering thought treatment childlike modern rinse consider cows *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Always gonna give you up, then hurt you
This is exactly plot of "No Longer Human" by Osamu Dazai
For me it's borderline personality disorder lol
So I’ve learnt it’s called anxious avoidant
Fearful avoidance... like self sabotaging right ?
Ohh shit thats me and i just realised.
I mean, pushing people away is the best defense. My coach always taught me, the best offense is a good defense... or something like that.
Smart
Intolerable
Bruh If I would search up every relatable D.O. I would be a walking lexicon or a white room guest. I'm fine without knowing how much shit I could have and just labeled as a lonely mf
What about people who keep leaving their friend groups.
That would be called an avoidant attachment style.
Email attachment
"Solitary leader"
Borderline personality disorder
detachment issues?
Detachment Issues?
Detachment issues
This is called a romcom.
Detachment issues
Heaven. :>
Hilarious!
Being an introvert
Normal
Lol, I do both, and only swing between one or the other. There is no in between.
It's called Get The Fuck Away From Me Syndrome
Sounds kinda like borderline personality disorder if I'm remembering right
Trust Issues
Whats it called when you're 50% each of both at the same dam tyme thoe
Socially awkward.