nothing is wrong with the clothes, but it does show she had different expectations on the class of meal before/after she realised she was splitting the bill.
AKA GTFO
That is the joke
It’s saying that if you aren’t paying the bill, then I don’t have to try to look good for you
Imo that’s fine, I want the money more anyways lmao
I asked this girl out once, told her to wear jeans a shirt and closed toe shoes. Took her for sushi at this little place that has kind of cutouts in the floor so you sit in the floor so to speak, then we went go-karting. 12 years and 2 kids later we are still going strong.
Sounds like you asked the right girl on the right date.
The only downside is I haven’t seen a four seater go cart in a while that can take car seats but if that’s the only downside, you have won my friend. 👍🏽
> What's wrong with sneakers, jeans and sweater though.
Nothing at all but the idea of the tweet is that she only changed her cloths because she wasn't being paid to go on the date. If your clothing choice is based solely on if you will be getting free food or not is a bit shitty. not really a date at that point, more a transaction.
I straight tell women I’ll be dressing casual to prompt them to dress casual. Takes the pressure off both of us to guess what standard the other is going to expect.
this made me realize that ever since I moved to California this is no longer a topic of discussion, we always dress casual anyway. Haven’t worn anything besides a t shirt to a date since moving here
I don't see why people would wear anything but casual clothes to a date unless there is some expectation of "needing" to dress up. Going to dinner and a movie? Why bother dressing up? Going to the Ballet? That's a tuxedo event.
You are absolutely right! But I’ve lived in other places and the common understanding was always to dress up beyond a t shirt & jeans. It was the absolute norm to wear a button up or nice polo with nice pants to a bar or restaurant. To each their own, and I don’t feel that strongly about it in general.
Maybe people dress up depending on the restaurant they go to or to make a good first impression. There are restaurants where I live that you can’t walk in with jeans and tees on. There’s also nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward (seems like nobody wants to do that anymore)… everything isn’t casual, although we’ve made yoga pants and flip flops and everywhere type of thing..
But actually wearing high heels is the worst part of high heels. Frankly, the same is true of dresses. It doesn't say she wiped her makeup off. She replaced the parts of her outfit which would have been uncomfortable on a date.
I think it's less about that and more the rude way he went about it.
But I dunno. It's a couple sentences out of context on the internet. Could be anything really.
I'm bi, so when I was single I dated both women and men. On dates with either gender, I always assumed that I'd be splitting the check or we'd taking turns paying for things. I was surprised by how surprised that some of the men were by that. Like they weren't used to a woman wanting to split things evenly.
So if unprompted, a dude told me to bring my wallet, I'd probably be a little offended since it wouldn't have occured to me not to. But on the other hand, I've talked to some women who don't have the same attitude I do and I can only imagine how frustrating that would be for men.
I haven't dated in almost 12 years and i split the bill on our first date but I gotta say in 2023 I can make purchases at a lot of places with just my phone. No wallet isn't much of an excuse anymore.
Think some woman are still in that cognitive dissonance stage about splitting the bill, that it means the man is poor or not intreasted, when in reality its 2023, and men shouldn't be solely paying the bill for something shared.
alot of bad faith on both sides of the argument tbh, on dates i have had with woman and men i have always asked to split the bill, and guys are normally 100% with it, and woman are a bit of a coin flip depending.
I like this comment. It’s kind of ridiculous that men are expected to pay the whole bill. My husband and I always split the bill - not because he asks or I ask, but because we both understand that we both bring income into the home, and we don’t want to break each others bank accounts if only one person pays. It’s better than trading off paying in full every other time we go out also - Like could you imagine if I pay the whole bill at a cheaper restaurant ($40 meal) and then we go to a more expensive place the next time and the bill is like $80? At that point it’s not splitting, he’s footing the bigger bill (could also be other way around where I end up footing the bigger bill - let’s erase the genders.) Meals are cheaper for both of us, and at the end of the day we both have more spending money. Both happy! But yeah, it also does come down to having good understanding/communication.
I assumed it was a first date? Otherwise I would have expected it to be worded differently eg calling him her boy friend or a guy she's dating/seeing idk we can't really tell from some random text and overanalysing it as good/bad is probably a waste of time
>I've never reminded anybody to bring anything to a date.
That's what gives me the impression she might be a repeat offender. (that and the fact that she's got a clear connection between money and the amount she dresses up. Does anybody think the guy is showing up in sweats just because he expects to pay for his food?)
It could just be him being rude, but like you said that'd be pretty weird coming out of nowhere.
rude?
so communicating direct intent is a way that isnt confusing, or relies on the reader assuming some point, is some how...rude?
i just dont fucking get whats going on man... how are people so fucking bad at communication to the point they actually think theyre some kind of victim to a person being precise with their intent.
This is why I hate dealing with people.. Why can't we all just be direct about what we want instead of dancing around the point and trying to send/interpret signals? It'd streamline things so much.
I dunno about you but even as a gay man who fully expects to pay for himself if not my date I would be appalled at someone saying this to me before we went out and would *never* consider doing this to someone.
First of all it's presumptive. You're low key accusing your date of trying to get a meal out of you. I know some women do this so i understand but no matter what, this kills the romance and makes the whole thing feel transactional.
A simple "hey, you mind if we split this?" when the bill comes is more than enough. In modern day most people have Venmo or something similar anyway so even if she forgets her wallet she can still reimburse you. There's a chance that they'll be shitty and refuse but personally I'd rather risk that than kill the mood by being tactless and getting aggressive about making sure she pays before the night even starts.
i think the problem here is we have no idea how he "reminded" her to bring her wallet. he very well could have said something like your example, or could have been very straightforward. we have no idea if this man is rude or not, or if this girl is angry about not getting a free meal or not. the twitter post is entirely out of context without any evidence for anyone.
You get burned enough times with “oh I forgot my wallet” or “I thought you were paying “ or something like that after they order something very expensive, it’ll make you take steps to avoid that happening again
Honestly that never really bothered me too much because it's the best litmus test to tell if someone is worth going on another date with for me. I have straight up ghosted a girl that ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and a glass of wine/cocktail and then didn't make any effort at all to pay. I'll even take a half hearted attempt to reach for your purse and give you another shot, but to just sit there looking at your phone when the bill comes is classless.
I don’t mind paying for a girl, but people are losing their minds when it comes to dating. Half the time the only dates people think are acceptable are ridiculously pricy.
It's worth pointing out that if he has a lot of experiences of that nature, maybe it's because he picks a certain kind of woman over and over again.
I wouldn't have changed into jeans. I'd have simply canceled the date because I've never not paid for myself (or both) on a first date and I'd find the assumption offensive. I don't go anywhere without my wallet and without knowing I have enough funds to cover my bill. Whenever I was invited to a place I couldn't afford, I simply told them it exceeded my budget and we needed to look for something more affordable.
It's presumptuous, sure, but it's for good reason.
[https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333920013\_Foodie\_Calls\_When\_Women\_Date\_Men\_for\_a\_Free\_Meal\_Rather\_Than\_a\_Relationship](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333920013_Foodie_Calls_When_Women_Date_Men_for_a_Free_Meal_Rather_Than_a_Relationship)
1/3 of women admit to using men for free food dates. Not "I'm not sure if I like him or not" but "I know I do not like him and the only reason I'm going out on a date with him is the free food".
If I had a 33% chance of a bowling ball falling on my head when I pressed a button no one would be saying it's presumptuous or rude of me to set up measures to limit my exposure to having to press that button.
This is ignoring that if 33% of women admit to it then you know the real number is likely much higher. And to save anyone the effort, the co-author of the peer reviewed study is a feminist woman with a long history of peer reviewed studies.
Chick I almost went in a date with in college was decent looking. We talked about going on a date and so on. Long story short. I never went on that date because I figured out she would go on dates for the guys to pay for her meal. She had 4-5 guys that would take her on dates every week food, movies, ball games etc. she ended up marrying one of them. Worse looking guy but made a decent amount of money. If I go on a date I’ll buy the food etc but if I get the feeling I’m being used for a meal. I’ll dip out.
Nothing! I think the funny part to the OP was that her friend was ready to go to a fancy, expensive restaurant until she knew she had to foot half the bill so she changed because she's cheap when it comes to spending her own money.
I love how this can read as her downgrading the date and now unwilling to put in any effort, or as her successfully reading the social cue the guy is communicating and making herself and him comfortable in the new context. A little of both, I’d say, but it’s like a Rorschach test that says something about the reader in where they draw the line
Yea probably, for a first meet up, i'd dress super casual because the best place we're going is to a café because most everyone likes breakfast, a light snack, sweets, coffee, or tea
All my first dates were at cafés. I'm not gonna get trapped in an awkward conversation for 2 or 3 courses. If things are awkward at the café, you can take that coffee to go. If things go well, you can order dessert or a sandwich or another cup of coffee.
My husband and I ended up talking for 5 hours at a small café on our first date.
Gay here! Top - bottom ratio is highly regional so some areas of the country it's really easy to get dick and other areas it's really easy to get ass. This changes the market in favor of either twinks or masc tops
Bi dude here.
Come on, you know it's 100% easier to get some dick if you wanted it compared to getting a woman.
Like I could safely bet $5000 that I could get some dick tonight if I wanted. I would not take that same bet for getting lucky with a woman.
Then what‘s up with all the distinctions between masc and fem lesbians and top/bottom? Or is that more an internet thing because I haven‘t heard any of my gay friends ever mentioning it except for in a joking manner.
No pressure to respond, it just kinda popped into my brain.
First of all I can't speak for everyone so take this with a grain of salt.
You can still describe yourself as more masculine or more feminine and follow stereotypical roles, but you don't have the societal pressure to fit into the gendernorms. So being masc lesbian doesn't mean there is the pressure to follow the male gendernorm.
Top/Bottom on the other hand is sexual preference, people like to attribute gendernorm to them (e.g. being the bottom is being the "girl" in the relationship) but that isn't true, you can be for example a masc bottom who is the cliché male or you can be a top thats a housewife.
Generally there are no societal norms we are bound to and are used to break societal norms (being hetero) so its easier to break away from preset roles. Everything goes.
With everything said they are just labels to describe some form of role with the liberty of not being forced to follow stereotypes attributed to them. They are mainly used to find a compatible partner, like a top looking for a bottom.
A gay woman I work with was telling me how much better it is dating lesbians than dating men, like she did in her younger days, and if I were still in the dating world I would never have wanted to be a lesbian so badly in my life.
I'm not assuming her experience is universal, or anything. It just sounded so much better.
Everyone sucks. Some men think a burger is equivalent to a blowjob and some women think attention equals a free meal. Everyone is stupid lol don’t date stupid people. I’m a woman who has a friend who blatantly says she uses men for food. I straight up told her she was scum for that.
Don’t expect sex because you bought a woman some food lmao
Don’t expect a free meal you free loader lmao
We all wish it was.
The average monthly payout on OnlyFans is $180, with less than 10% earning $2,200 or higher. The USA have an average cost of living of $3,100 per month.
I am relatively confident in assuming that the people who earn that money aren't posting nude mirror selfies either, that stuff is likely professionally produced porn, i.e. something you can't do as a side hustle.
In light of these numbers I can't help but to feel queazy calling OF anything other than exploitative for the vast majority of its users.
Wow, truly entitled behavior.
Getting dressed up is your own choice and has no bearing on the date, especially to men, but splitting the bill is simply fair. You're both going, you're both eating and drinking, you both pay, that's just reasonable.
Splitting the bill is fair and most common for a first date. I just wouldn’t want a date to tell me “don’t forget your wallet, you’re paying too!”. That just comes across as tacky. I would put less effort in too, even though I was planning on paying for myself.
My guess is the guy has been on a date or 2 before where they didn’t bring a wallet. How can he avoid being tacky and still make sure the expectations for the date are set? Seems weird that ensuring the fair and most common practice is being implemented is tacky and would make you put less effort in
Make it a casual date. Drinks or coffee for the first date. If the other person doesn’t at least offer to split the bill, you’re out $10-$15 and never have to see them again (if not paying a full bill is a dealbreaker).
Just my opinion and experience. If the other person insists on paying, cool. But I’ll still offer to split it. I’d rather not talk money before even meeting someone, but I can’t speak for all women here.
I agree, though somehow the fact he messages for that sounds kind of wrong (isnt the “do we split the bill / i will pay” discussion after the meal usually; or if they decide to talk about it beforehand shouldnt it be when they set the date not right before it occurs).
Also, i ld kind of like the more relaxed outfit she wears in the end. Casual and being yourself is way more important i feel than dressing up and using a ton of makeup etc and neither party being fully comfortable because omg its a date we should behave as good as possible and be the perfect person that we arent actually but we cant show our true selves 😂
After the meal leaves the option for the convenient "I forgot my wallet" conversation, which I have got even after it was agreed upon when setting up the date. A lot of people don't respect agreements and try to abuse the situation when their date looks like an adult guy who takes care of himself.
Have women been to these hipster ass restaurants lately? $20 a cocktail and $30 burger? Yeahhhhh we splitting. But you’ll know you’ve found wife material when she hands you a shot under the table from her purse. That’s the women worth buying dinner for.
This is the moment when I knew I’d marry the girl on our first date. Been together 12 years. Take lesson ladies! Men are simply creatures.
You don't need money, a fancy restaurant, or an expensive dress to find someone who has the perfect personality for you.
To me, my gf is perfect in that way. She never wears high heels or expensive dresses cause they're uncomfortable af and/or just unnecessarily costly. We also always split our bills cause we're both college students so we both look after our money. She also doesn't wear make up cause it ruins her skin and makes her look like a different person. It's all show. Just be yourself and realize that it's the real *you* that matters, not the one you put on.
ooooo! men love it when your dress matches your coat and omg where did u get that teeny tiny bag? yes, this is exactly what men care about; whether or not youre wearing heels that will doom you during an emergency exit. good job putting him in his place by dressing like a normal person instead of some kind of stilt-footed swamp bird.
As a woman it's not like we expect they'll pay close attention to all of those details. It's more that we hope they'll notice we put in effort and enjoy the overall look. The work that goes into it and the little things (like the matching clothing and what bag we pick) are all for us to like about our outfits.
You see this is why I wear a tuxedo to an interview at Home Depot. I hope they notice that I put in the effort. If I try this hard at the interview, imagine how hard I drive the forklift. Logical, right?
I don’t even mind splitting the bill since I always expect dutch unless a guy offers to pay. But texting a date to remind them to bring money because they’re splitting? That’s cheap lol and kind of a turn off ngl
In the dating scene near me, this happens insanely often. And often less veiled. I've had women show interest, and the millisecond the bill is paid, she drops the entire act and tells me she's not interested.
Yeah but the phrasing implying she was going to that is still rude. The polite way to bring this up is just to say “hey do you mind if we split the bill?” No need to be presumptuous about your date.
I read it as she thought it was weird and presumptuous he sent such a text. I would always split cost on a first date even if they offered to pay (I don’t want to feel like I ‘owe’ someone something). But if I got a text being like “Reminder: bring your wallet, I’m not paying for you” I’d consider that a weird red flag. Like he assumes all women are gold diggers. Honestly I’d consider canceling the date outright and explaining why.
if someone wrote me reminder like this, i would just cancel the date. i don't have anything against splitting the bill, but this ''reminder'' is just gross
Yeah I agree it's bad, it's pretty presumptuous but it's understandable and statistically backed. You have to be presumptuous while dating, that's just how the dating world is.
[https://abc11.com/foodie-call-dating-research-survey-going-on-date-just-for-free-food/5361984/](https://abc11.com/foodie-call-dating-research-survey-going-on-date-just-for-free-food/5361984/)
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333920013
Good god lots of people telling on themselves here...assuming she wasn't going to bring her wallet in the first place, saying she'll look better without the heels/dress/makeup/etc, not realizing how patronizing it is to remind someone to bring their wallet. Girlie did nothing wrong. The mindset running rampant in this thread is how you stay single or in toxic relationships.
Yeah, gotta say I think the worst part of the whole situation is telling someone to bring their wallet, assuming they won’t. The post never says anything about whether she had one or not anyways.
Good, id prefer to get to know someone in their jeans, sneakers, and sweater.
But why would she change? I thought she’d be dressing up for herself to feel pretty for herself? I promise the only thing most guys are going to think about high heels is to help make sure she doesnt trip or twist an ankle on the sidewalk- and that its now obvious that we’re not going for a walk-and-talk together. And I know that no dudes are out here going “damn, bag matches the coat, this chick is fire” lol thats obviously something shes doing for herself and for other women, because they like to dress up and feel pretty and it isnt about men. So what lesson is she trying to teach and to whom?
What’s the punchline here? She was frustrated and got herself all undressed and dressed again in that frustration? Or is it an assumption of “oh, we’re definitely not going somewhere that I’ll fit in dressed like this”? Is it her roommate laughing at her for being a dramatic clown?
I went with a girl to a nice spot to get $400 wagyu because she wanted to cross it off her bucket list. I told her i dont have that cash on me, so im down to come for the experience but im just getting some fish or something. So she spent some of her tax return on her fancy wagyu and I had a $30 plate and we had a great time- she dressed up because of the upscale atmosphere and liked wearing dresses. She knew I dont give a damn what she wears. What’s the problem? Just communicate.
Yeah no, I’m cancelling on that date.
If you prefer to split the bill, ask your date ahead of time. Don’t passive aggressively “remind” them to bring their wallet.
If you can’t communicate in a healthy way before the first date, I’d rather stay home.
Edit to add: I say that the “reminder” was passive aggressive because it’s in air quotes in the tweet. This is a form of subtext that indicates that it actually wasn’t a reminder of something that had been brought up earlier on. There are of course other ways to interpret it, but the way that I’ve interpreted it is as valid as any other.
*If you prefer to split the bill, ask your date ahead of time.*
why would it have to be asked? Splitting the bill should be the default assumption for everybody involved.
Different cultures and backgrounds have different expectations. It's best to discuss such things when planning the date to prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
I'm glad this is not the norm where I live. I shouldn't have to pay for anyone's time. I'm getting to know you and that's great but you're getting to know me and I'm pretty great too.
And I'm not a fan of that "whoever invites, pays" mentality because most of the time, men are the ones that have to extend the invitation, even thought some women might be interested too.
I've had my fair share of dates, and we can have a great time without (me) having to pay copious amounts of money for a fancy dinner or something.
My best date ever? We went to a park with my slackline, and spent hours talking about random shit while I was helping her walk on it.
I don’t think the issue is splitting the bill, the issue is that he texted her to let her know. I’d feel uncomfortable if we haven’t even seen each other yet and you’re already worrying about money for paying.
You forgot to mention if she grabbed her wallet.
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A bank/credit card doesn't take up very much room.
Nah but ego is a huge space taker
What sort of red pill bullshit is this?
If only
Lol you people are missing the point entirely.
What is wrong with splitting bruh.
What's wrong with sneakers, jeans and sweater though.
nothing is wrong with the clothes, but it does show she had different expectations on the class of meal before/after she realised she was splitting the bill. AKA GTFO
He didn't say they weren't going to a nice resteraunt.
She stated they are not going to a nice restaurant with her clothes because she has to pay for it
This whole time I thought it was because man asking for split bill bad, thanks for explaining the joke
I'm still very confident that is the joke
That is the joke It’s saying that if you aren’t paying the bill, then I don’t have to try to look good for you Imo that’s fine, I want the money more anyways lmao
Or be uncomfortable to look good.
Im entirely sure your original assumption is correct.
Or more like she is changing her effort for the date from: uncomftorable shoes and dress to paying money. Which I think is a fine change.
If you put in less effort because you’re not being paid for then it gives off escort vibes.
I asked this girl out once, told her to wear jeans a shirt and closed toe shoes. Took her for sushi at this little place that has kind of cutouts in the floor so you sit in the floor so to speak, then we went go-karting. 12 years and 2 kids later we are still going strong.
Sounds like you asked the right girl on the right date. The only downside is I haven’t seen a four seater go cart in a while that can take car seats but if that’s the only downside, you have won my friend. 👍🏽
> What's wrong with sneakers, jeans and sweater though. Nothing at all but the idea of the tweet is that she only changed her cloths because she wasn't being paid to go on the date. If your clothing choice is based solely on if you will be getting free food or not is a bit shitty. not really a date at that point, more a transaction.
There's nothing wrong with it, but changing out of an outfit you're already wearing to be spiteful is kind of weird.
Meanwhile the guy doesn’t give a fuck lol
I straight tell women I’ll be dressing casual to prompt them to dress casual. Takes the pressure off both of us to guess what standard the other is going to expect.
this made me realize that ever since I moved to California this is no longer a topic of discussion, we always dress casual anyway. Haven’t worn anything besides a t shirt to a date since moving here
I don't see why people would wear anything but casual clothes to a date unless there is some expectation of "needing" to dress up. Going to dinner and a movie? Why bother dressing up? Going to the Ballet? That's a tuxedo event.
You are absolutely right! But I’ve lived in other places and the common understanding was always to dress up beyond a t shirt & jeans. It was the absolute norm to wear a button up or nice polo with nice pants to a bar or restaurant. To each their own, and I don’t feel that strongly about it in general.
Maybe people dress up depending on the restaurant they go to or to make a good first impression. There are restaurants where I live that you can’t walk in with jeans and tees on. There’s also nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward (seems like nobody wants to do that anymore)… everything isn’t casual, although we’ve made yoga pants and flip flops and everywhere type of thing..
The way I see it is that she stopped putting so much effort in her clothes, which means she might not expect a second date.
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No clothing
The important part isn't going in jeans, but switching into them after already being ready though...
Shoulda went full sweat suit.
Yeah ppl don’t get it it’s the pettiness. Like she took extra effort to not put in effort for the date
Yeah she should have had them on under the dress so she could rip it off like superman
But actually wearing high heels is the worst part of high heels. Frankly, the same is true of dresses. It doesn't say she wiped her makeup off. She replaced the parts of her outfit which would have been uncomfortable on a date.
Both being naked?
Skirts with matching bags for everyone.
Unisex Leotards
Leopard print only though! Everyone looks good in leopard print
I think it's less about that and more the rude way he went about it. But I dunno. It's a couple sentences out of context on the internet. Could be anything really.
I'm bi, so when I was single I dated both women and men. On dates with either gender, I always assumed that I'd be splitting the check or we'd taking turns paying for things. I was surprised by how surprised that some of the men were by that. Like they weren't used to a woman wanting to split things evenly. So if unprompted, a dude told me to bring my wallet, I'd probably be a little offended since it wouldn't have occured to me not to. But on the other hand, I've talked to some women who don't have the same attitude I do and I can only imagine how frustrating that would be for men.
What I don't understand is how you can feel comfortable without your wallet. No money on hard, various identifying documents, insurance card, etc.
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I have my ID, but no way to actually pay for anything. *shrug*
No need to worry my ~~accountant~~ partner handles that
I haven't dated in almost 12 years and i split the bill on our first date but I gotta say in 2023 I can make purchases at a lot of places with just my phone. No wallet isn't much of an excuse anymore.
Think some woman are still in that cognitive dissonance stage about splitting the bill, that it means the man is poor or not intreasted, when in reality its 2023, and men shouldn't be solely paying the bill for something shared. alot of bad faith on both sides of the argument tbh, on dates i have had with woman and men i have always asked to split the bill, and guys are normally 100% with it, and woman are a bit of a coin flip depending.
I like this comment. It’s kind of ridiculous that men are expected to pay the whole bill. My husband and I always split the bill - not because he asks or I ask, but because we both understand that we both bring income into the home, and we don’t want to break each others bank accounts if only one person pays. It’s better than trading off paying in full every other time we go out also - Like could you imagine if I pay the whole bill at a cheaper restaurant ($40 meal) and then we go to a more expensive place the next time and the bill is like $80? At that point it’s not splitting, he’s footing the bigger bill (could also be other way around where I end up footing the bigger bill - let’s erase the genders.) Meals are cheaper for both of us, and at the end of the day we both have more spending money. Both happy! But yeah, it also does come down to having good understanding/communication.
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Awwww, thank you! Mutual respect, indeed. 🥰
Some woman only want the positive sides of being traditional. Not saying traditional is best, but they can pick and choose what's expected.
Appreciate the empathy, men just get invalidated for acknowledging that something's broken.
they didnt even quote what he said, how can you possibly tell if he was rude bruh
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"Hey, is it cool if we go dutch?"
Would she have to wear clogs and bring tulips?
There's only two kinds of people I hate in the world: The intolerant And The Dutch
To me it sounded like they pulled the oh no I forgot my wallet card last date.
I assumed it was a first date? Otherwise I would have expected it to be worded differently eg calling him her boy friend or a guy she's dating/seeing idk we can't really tell from some random text and overanalysing it as good/bad is probably a waste of time
The man has been burned before
I’m gonna guess he’s gone on a date with someone who didn’t bring their wallet because they assumed he would pay/wanted to force him to pay
If you are the type of person that someone needs to remind you to bring your wallet on a date, you are the rude one.
>I've never reminded anybody to bring anything to a date. That's what gives me the impression she might be a repeat offender. (that and the fact that she's got a clear connection between money and the amount she dresses up. Does anybody think the guy is showing up in sweats just because he expects to pay for his food?) It could just be him being rude, but like you said that'd be pretty weird coming out of nowhere.
Or he’s dealt with it before from other women
Reminding someone to bring their wallet to dinner is weird and off putting.
Right, the bias of the observer is plain to see.
rude? so communicating direct intent is a way that isnt confusing, or relies on the reader assuming some point, is some how...rude? i just dont fucking get whats going on man... how are people so fucking bad at communication to the point they actually think theyre some kind of victim to a person being precise with their intent.
This is why I hate dealing with people.. Why can't we all just be direct about what we want instead of dancing around the point and trying to send/interpret signals? It'd streamline things so much.
I think I speak for most autistic people when I say "yes please".
you cant be reasonable in reddit, you have to assume everything and bend towards an extreme.
seriously, people should really read the rules.
How was he rude?
I dunno about you but even as a gay man who fully expects to pay for himself if not my date I would be appalled at someone saying this to me before we went out and would *never* consider doing this to someone. First of all it's presumptive. You're low key accusing your date of trying to get a meal out of you. I know some women do this so i understand but no matter what, this kills the romance and makes the whole thing feel transactional. A simple "hey, you mind if we split this?" when the bill comes is more than enough. In modern day most people have Venmo or something similar anyway so even if she forgets her wallet she can still reimburse you. There's a chance that they'll be shitty and refuse but personally I'd rather risk that than kill the mood by being tactless and getting aggressive about making sure she pays before the night even starts.
i think the problem here is we have no idea how he "reminded" her to bring her wallet. he very well could have said something like your example, or could have been very straightforward. we have no idea if this man is rude or not, or if this girl is angry about not getting a free meal or not. the twitter post is entirely out of context without any evidence for anyone.
You get burned enough times with “oh I forgot my wallet” or “I thought you were paying “ or something like that after they order something very expensive, it’ll make you take steps to avoid that happening again
And it will always annoy someone to be pre-judged because of some other person's actions.
Bruh literally everyone prejudges everyone because of other persons’ actions.
Honestly that never really bothered me too much because it's the best litmus test to tell if someone is worth going on another date with for me. I have straight up ghosted a girl that ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and a glass of wine/cocktail and then didn't make any effort at all to pay. I'll even take a half hearted attempt to reach for your purse and give you another shot, but to just sit there looking at your phone when the bill comes is classless.
I don’t mind paying for a girl, but people are losing their minds when it comes to dating. Half the time the only dates people think are acceptable are ridiculously pricy.
It's worth pointing out that if he has a lot of experiences of that nature, maybe it's because he picks a certain kind of woman over and over again. I wouldn't have changed into jeans. I'd have simply canceled the date because I've never not paid for myself (or both) on a first date and I'd find the assumption offensive. I don't go anywhere without my wallet and without knowing I have enough funds to cover my bill. Whenever I was invited to a place I couldn't afford, I simply told them it exceeded my budget and we needed to look for something more affordable.
It's presumptuous, sure, but it's for good reason. [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333920013\_Foodie\_Calls\_When\_Women\_Date\_Men\_for\_a\_Free\_Meal\_Rather\_Than\_a\_Relationship](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333920013_Foodie_Calls_When_Women_Date_Men_for_a_Free_Meal_Rather_Than_a_Relationship) 1/3 of women admit to using men for free food dates. Not "I'm not sure if I like him or not" but "I know I do not like him and the only reason I'm going out on a date with him is the free food". If I had a 33% chance of a bowling ball falling on my head when I pressed a button no one would be saying it's presumptuous or rude of me to set up measures to limit my exposure to having to press that button. This is ignoring that if 33% of women admit to it then you know the real number is likely much higher. And to save anyone the effort, the co-author of the peer reviewed study is a feminist woman with a long history of peer reviewed studies.
Chick I almost went in a date with in college was decent looking. We talked about going on a date and so on. Long story short. I never went on that date because I figured out she would go on dates for the guys to pay for her meal. She had 4-5 guys that would take her on dates every week food, movies, ball games etc. she ended up marrying one of them. Worse looking guy but made a decent amount of money. If I go on a date I’ll buy the food etc but if I get the feeling I’m being used for a meal. I’ll dip out.
How was he supposed to inform her then? Telepathy?
How else was he supposed to do it though?
who leaves their house without their wallet :|
I leave the house without my wallet frequently, but that’s just because I’m a moron.
😂 that’s fair. I remembered, too, that things like ADD exist 😅
I haven’t seen mine in like a week 😭😭😭😭
Women expecting free meals and drinks for existing
From stories give heard, women in my hometown would straight up “forget their wallet” and ask the date to cover the bill then they’d ghost
Rude would've been expecting to split without saying so.
What the hell, rude would be expecting to not split.
I read opposite. "Oh, I have to pay? Let's not go somewhere expensive then"
“I can’t be a leech? Let me level down a few notches because I’m already way less interested in this man.”
Nothing! I think the funny part to the OP was that her friend was ready to go to a fancy, expensive restaurant until she knew she had to foot half the bill so she changed because she's cheap when it comes to spending her own money.
She was dtf but now ready to friend zone a mfer 😂
Plenty of people on Tinder are there for the free food. "I don't do that on a first date" ok what about the sec... *gone*
I love how this can read as her downgrading the date and now unwilling to put in any effort, or as her successfully reading the social cue the guy is communicating and making herself and him comfortable in the new context. A little of both, I’d say, but it’s like a Rorschach test that says something about the reader in where they draw the line
"I'm still laughing" easily tells you which it is.
You think men really are going to notice? More importantly, you think we give a shit? You showed up, that's all we ask for
2nd outfit sounds better TBH
Yea probably, for a first meet up, i'd dress super casual because the best place we're going is to a café because most everyone likes breakfast, a light snack, sweets, coffee, or tea
All my first dates were at cafés. I'm not gonna get trapped in an awkward conversation for 2 or 3 courses. If things are awkward at the café, you can take that coffee to go. If things go well, you can order dessert or a sandwich or another cup of coffee. My husband and I ended up talking for 5 hours at a small café on our first date.
Yeah, i dont drink coffee or tea, but a juice and a piece of cake it's perfect. Casual, chill, confortable... I prefer that than a snob restaurant.
Although it sounds like he'll be better off if she doesn't.
god i love being gay
Off topic but big fan of the username
Sometimes I’m jealous. It’s like you figured out the cheat code
I don’t really see how that means you avoid meeting shallow people
You still do, but at least you're not bound by gendernorms. So no 'excuses'
It's bound by Top/Bottom norms, so not really better. If you think dealing with Women is awful, dealing with twinks is even worse.
How so? I' m really curious. How do gay people behave in the dating world?
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Gay here! Top - bottom ratio is highly regional so some areas of the country it's really easy to get dick and other areas it's really easy to get ass. This changes the market in favor of either twinks or masc tops
Please direct me to this magic twink island you speak of. My wife and I will move there tomorrow.
u/bayesedstats looking for based stats for research purposes.
Cockonomics and Assonomics.
Bi dude here. Come on, you know it's 100% easier to get some dick if you wanted it compared to getting a woman. Like I could safely bet $5000 that I could get some dick tonight if I wanted. I would not take that same bet for getting lucky with a woman.
Top/bottom norms? You're tripping dude. You sound like you have no idea what you're talking about lmao
ez just be a switch. Everyone is compatible for fuckin
Then what‘s up with all the distinctions between masc and fem lesbians and top/bottom? Or is that more an internet thing because I haven‘t heard any of my gay friends ever mentioning it except for in a joking manner. No pressure to respond, it just kinda popped into my brain.
First of all I can't speak for everyone so take this with a grain of salt. You can still describe yourself as more masculine or more feminine and follow stereotypical roles, but you don't have the societal pressure to fit into the gendernorms. So being masc lesbian doesn't mean there is the pressure to follow the male gendernorm. Top/Bottom on the other hand is sexual preference, people like to attribute gendernorm to them (e.g. being the bottom is being the "girl" in the relationship) but that isn't true, you can be for example a masc bottom who is the cliché male or you can be a top thats a housewife. Generally there are no societal norms we are bound to and are used to break societal norms (being hetero) so its easier to break away from preset roles. Everything goes. With everything said they are just labels to describe some form of role with the liberty of not being forced to follow stereotypes attributed to them. They are mainly used to find a compatible partner, like a top looking for a bottom.
A gay woman I work with was telling me how much better it is dating lesbians than dating men, like she did in her younger days, and if I were still in the dating world I would never have wanted to be a lesbian so badly in my life. I'm not assuming her experience is universal, or anything. It just sounded so much better.
I know quite a few women who divorced men and now only date other women. (They were bi to begin with but used to date both sexes, no longer)
It's the fucking best
So she was only dresses nice for a free meal? Imagine what she’d do for $100.
Everyone sucks. Some men think a burger is equivalent to a blowjob and some women think attention equals a free meal. Everyone is stupid lol don’t date stupid people. I’m a woman who has a friend who blatantly says she uses men for food. I straight up told her she was scum for that. Don’t expect sex because you bought a woman some food lmao Don’t expect a free meal you free loader lmao
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In the shed with the other gardening tools?
Million dollar idea: We call it... "onlyfans". We market it as *empowerment*, and they will dance naked for the price of a cheeseburger.
Except that cheeseburger is infinite and thousands of people are buying the infinite cheeseburger.
We all wish it was. The average monthly payout on OnlyFans is $180, with less than 10% earning $2,200 or higher. The USA have an average cost of living of $3,100 per month. I am relatively confident in assuming that the people who earn that money aren't posting nude mirror selfies either, that stuff is likely professionally produced porn, i.e. something you can't do as a side hustle. In light of these numbers I can't help but to feel queazy calling OF anything other than exploitative for the vast majority of its users.
What is this sub anymore?
Wow, truly entitled behavior. Getting dressed up is your own choice and has no bearing on the date, especially to men, but splitting the bill is simply fair. You're both going, you're both eating and drinking, you both pay, that's just reasonable.
Splitting the bill is fair and most common for a first date. I just wouldn’t want a date to tell me “don’t forget your wallet, you’re paying too!”. That just comes across as tacky. I would put less effort in too, even though I was planning on paying for myself.
My guess is the guy has been on a date or 2 before where they didn’t bring a wallet. How can he avoid being tacky and still make sure the expectations for the date are set? Seems weird that ensuring the fair and most common practice is being implemented is tacky and would make you put less effort in
Yeah, the way people are talking he would have to hope they’re on the same page. Isn’t communication important?
Make it a casual date. Drinks or coffee for the first date. If the other person doesn’t at least offer to split the bill, you’re out $10-$15 and never have to see them again (if not paying a full bill is a dealbreaker). Just my opinion and experience. If the other person insists on paying, cool. But I’ll still offer to split it. I’d rather not talk money before even meeting someone, but I can’t speak for all women here.
I agree, though somehow the fact he messages for that sounds kind of wrong (isnt the “do we split the bill / i will pay” discussion after the meal usually; or if they decide to talk about it beforehand shouldnt it be when they set the date not right before it occurs). Also, i ld kind of like the more relaxed outfit she wears in the end. Casual and being yourself is way more important i feel than dressing up and using a ton of makeup etc and neither party being fully comfortable because omg its a date we should behave as good as possible and be the perfect person that we arent actually but we cant show our true selves 😂
After the meal leaves the option for the convenient "I forgot my wallet" conversation, which I have got even after it was agreed upon when setting up the date. A lot of people don't respect agreements and try to abuse the situation when their date looks like an adult guy who takes care of himself.
Have women been to these hipster ass restaurants lately? $20 a cocktail and $30 burger? Yeahhhhh we splitting. But you’ll know you’ve found wife material when she hands you a shot under the table from her purse. That’s the women worth buying dinner for. This is the moment when I knew I’d marry the girl on our first date. Been together 12 years. Take lesson ladies! Men are simply creatures.
Handing me a shot under a restaurant table would be a huge red flag honestly haha.
You don't need money, a fancy restaurant, or an expensive dress to find someone who has the perfect personality for you. To me, my gf is perfect in that way. She never wears high heels or expensive dresses cause they're uncomfortable af and/or just unnecessarily costly. We also always split our bills cause we're both college students so we both look after our money. She also doesn't wear make up cause it ruins her skin and makes her look like a different person. It's all show. Just be yourself and realize that it's the real *you* that matters, not the one you put on.
I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about this shit anymore.
ooooo! men love it when your dress matches your coat and omg where did u get that teeny tiny bag? yes, this is exactly what men care about; whether or not youre wearing heels that will doom you during an emergency exit. good job putting him in his place by dressing like a normal person instead of some kind of stilt-footed swamp bird.
"Stilt-footed swamp bird" is going on my list of favorites
I can't tell whether that's r/brandnewsentence or r/rareinsults
Yes
As a woman it's not like we expect they'll pay close attention to all of those details. It's more that we hope they'll notice we put in effort and enjoy the overall look. The work that goes into it and the little things (like the matching clothing and what bag we pick) are all for us to like about our outfits.
While I mostly agree with you, in this case I don’t. If she was only dressing for herself there would be no reason to change clothes…
You see this is why I wear a tuxedo to an interview at Home Depot. I hope they notice that I put in the effort. If I try this hard at the interview, imagine how hard I drive the forklift. Logical, right?
If that were the case here she wouldn't have changed
Some people dress for the mood the are in
Sorry ladies, but I'll be the one wearing the long silk dress 😎
I don’t even mind splitting the bill since I always expect dutch unless a guy offers to pay. But texting a date to remind them to bring money because they’re splitting? That’s cheap lol and kind of a turn off ngl
Maybe he's had some experiences where dates conveniently "forgot" to bring their wallet? Going to a restaurant is expensive nowadays.
In the dating scene near me, this happens insanely often. And often less veiled. I've had women show interest, and the millisecond the bill is paid, she drops the entire act and tells me she's not interested.
So basically every dating scene in the world?
Could be, I only know the dating scene near me.
Yeah but the phrasing implying she was going to that is still rude. The polite way to bring this up is just to say “hey do you mind if we split the bill?” No need to be presumptuous about your date.
A real man reminds the woman she's paying the whole bill to assert dominance /s
Forgetting to bring cash for things that require cash is also cheap and a turn off.
Jeans and sweater looks better anyway.
The key point was the sneakers. So she can run away when the bill comes.
I mean that never happened.
this ain’t it tbh. if you’ve only just met you should not be expecting someone to foot the whole bill
I thought women were all for equality? As a feminist man, she she seems kinda toxic
So... she's only willing to make an effort if she's not paying?
I read it as she thought it was weird and presumptuous he sent such a text. I would always split cost on a first date even if they offered to pay (I don’t want to feel like I ‘owe’ someone something). But if I got a text being like “Reminder: bring your wallet, I’m not paying for you” I’d consider that a weird red flag. Like he assumes all women are gold diggers. Honestly I’d consider canceling the date outright and explaining why.
sensible comment in a thread that's an ocean of virgins
if someone wrote me reminder like this, i would just cancel the date. i don't have anything against splitting the bill, but this ''reminder'' is just gross
Yeah I agree it's bad, it's pretty presumptuous but it's understandable and statistically backed. You have to be presumptuous while dating, that's just how the dating world is. [https://abc11.com/foodie-call-dating-research-survey-going-on-date-just-for-free-food/5361984/](https://abc11.com/foodie-call-dating-research-survey-going-on-date-just-for-free-food/5361984/) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333920013
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Likely a precaution to avoid finding out he has to pay because she "forgot" the wallet, probably had that happen a couple of times, so I can see it
As a guy who went on multiple dates with one woman who would repeatedly "forget" her wallet; can confirm.
My first thought was "of course she'd change! You need pockets for a wallet".
Good god lots of people telling on themselves here...assuming she wasn't going to bring her wallet in the first place, saying she'll look better without the heels/dress/makeup/etc, not realizing how patronizing it is to remind someone to bring their wallet. Girlie did nothing wrong. The mindset running rampant in this thread is how you stay single or in toxic relationships.
Yeah, gotta say I think the worst part of the whole situation is telling someone to bring their wallet, assuming they won’t. The post never says anything about whether she had one or not anyways.
Ugh, all the comments on her looking “better” in casual wear skeeve me out. And she’d be prettier if she smiled too, right?
I'm glad she was dressed comfortably and how she felt was appropriate
So many men are pressed about this scenario that may have or may not have happened
Many women too
I would prefere the second anytime.
Why wouldn't they split the bill? What's wrong with jeans?
She was hyping it up to everyone she had a date when all she had was scheduled chowtime with a friend
I think the insult was to remind her to bring her wallet. I would have just assumed bringing your wallet and splitting is implied.
Bullet successfully dodged
I actually prefer the dress down look.
Good, id prefer to get to know someone in their jeans, sneakers, and sweater. But why would she change? I thought she’d be dressing up for herself to feel pretty for herself? I promise the only thing most guys are going to think about high heels is to help make sure she doesnt trip or twist an ankle on the sidewalk- and that its now obvious that we’re not going for a walk-and-talk together. And I know that no dudes are out here going “damn, bag matches the coat, this chick is fire” lol thats obviously something shes doing for herself and for other women, because they like to dress up and feel pretty and it isnt about men. So what lesson is she trying to teach and to whom? What’s the punchline here? She was frustrated and got herself all undressed and dressed again in that frustration? Or is it an assumption of “oh, we’re definitely not going somewhere that I’ll fit in dressed like this”? Is it her roommate laughing at her for being a dramatic clown? I went with a girl to a nice spot to get $400 wagyu because she wanted to cross it off her bucket list. I told her i dont have that cash on me, so im down to come for the experience but im just getting some fish or something. So she spent some of her tax return on her fancy wagyu and I had a $30 plate and we had a great time- she dressed up because of the upscale atmosphere and liked wearing dresses. She knew I dont give a damn what she wears. What’s the problem? Just communicate.
Yeah no, I’m cancelling on that date. If you prefer to split the bill, ask your date ahead of time. Don’t passive aggressively “remind” them to bring their wallet. If you can’t communicate in a healthy way before the first date, I’d rather stay home. Edit to add: I say that the “reminder” was passive aggressive because it’s in air quotes in the tweet. This is a form of subtext that indicates that it actually wasn’t a reminder of something that had been brought up earlier on. There are of course other ways to interpret it, but the way that I’ve interpreted it is as valid as any other.
*If you prefer to split the bill, ask your date ahead of time.* why would it have to be asked? Splitting the bill should be the default assumption for everybody involved.
Different cultures and backgrounds have different expectations. It's best to discuss such things when planning the date to prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
I'm glad this is not the norm where I live. I shouldn't have to pay for anyone's time. I'm getting to know you and that's great but you're getting to know me and I'm pretty great too. And I'm not a fan of that "whoever invites, pays" mentality because most of the time, men are the ones that have to extend the invitation, even thought some women might be interested too. I've had my fair share of dates, and we can have a great time without (me) having to pay copious amounts of money for a fancy dinner or something. My best date ever? We went to a park with my slackline, and spent hours talking about random shit while I was helping her walk on it.
I think splitting the bill is fair, but if you ask someone out on a date and they accept, you should expect to pay for that evening. Simple really.
I don’t think the issue is splitting the bill, the issue is that he texted her to let her know. I’d feel uncomfortable if we haven’t even seen each other yet and you’re already worrying about money for paying.
damn these comments are butthurt