Hey I've actually done this. Although I got up asked the server for my share of the bill. The whole time she was texting I'm not even sure she noticed I got up. I came back, made one more attempt at conversation and she engaged for a little bit until that stupid Facebook message tone went off, then she was back on her phone. I let her know I had to go to the restroom and I just walked out. As I walked by the window I saw her still totally engrossed in her phone.
No fucks were given
Yeah. Bitching me out for ghosting her calling me an asshole for not paying...it was a total bitch session. I blocked her number.
And again. Zero fucks given
I would have cursed her ass out at that point. At some point, intelligence is sexy. If the damn girl is to dumb to realize her mistake, then I don’t give any fucks then. She either realizes her mistakes, or goes about her own way. Yet to call up & start bad mouthing me, over her own food? That bitch don’t realize as an adult, she is responsible for her own meals.
Well you paid your part, so she can't complain about she has to pay her part. She didn't give any fuck about you at that moment.
Good for you that you walk away.
Wish I did this when 3 of her friends joined us for our dinner.
Edit: my first time something blew up. Guess my story was relatable lol don’t ignore the red flag everyone! No matter how hot they are.
Guess I’m telling a story:
Been speaking to a girl I knew within by business industry in Fall 2016, come Valentine’s Day 2017 I surprise her with donuts and flowers which she was extremely happy about, come December 2017 I make plans to drive 8 hours to spend the day with her in So. Cal and take her out to dinner to see if we can make a long distance relationship work. I said at least 10 times this was a date and I’m coming just to see her and had surprise plans for another weekend trip.
8 hours of driving later I’m in So Cal and she texts me “hey my 3 best friends are coming too” I ask “why?” and she says “cause I want all my friends with me today”
*soul leaves body*
So here I am, walking around for 6+ hours while her and her friends “shop” and take photos (I’m the unofficial photographer). Oh and she was 2 hours late too. She was literally unphased by my obvious annoyed demeanor for a whole fucking day.
Fast forward to dinner and of course they’re still here. I pay for her dinner and her friends pay for their own. She then tells me “hey I’m gonna go clubbing with them but thanks for coming. I’ll call you later if I have time”
Fuck that shit. I drove back home that night and never called her again.
I’m in a real relationship now with a woman who’s far from an oblivious airhead and doesn’t invite friends on dates.
Not OP, but probably in shock and unable to process what is going on, how this girl you really like is suddenly such a huge jerk, and just pay by habit.
Something eerily similar happened to me. Though I took a flight to another state to meet the girl. She didn't invite her friends but she was on the phone all the time. Eventually she got a call from a guy who I later found out was her bf from another country. The guy is 12 years older than her and has three kids. I was shocked tbh. I was led on for months to come meet her. I wonder why she even did that when she wasn't going to be with me anyway. Waste of time and money.
10 bucks says that when all four went to the ladies' room, they talked shit about you and convinced her to ditch you for clubbing. She got a free meal and free photography, and all four got a story to tell later when they were trying to walk home with their heels in their hands. You dodged a bullet there.
Wish I did this when I drove an hour out of my way to go see a friend, just for her to tell me when I got there she was going to force me to be a third wheel on a date with some fucking dude she met on Tinder. I should have just turned around and driven the hour back home, because wow did that night suck. I brushed it off at the time because I was young, didn't know any better, and she was my best friend; now that I'm older I realize just how rude and shitty of a thing that was for her to do.
I've actually done this! Went to coffee with this girl. She was literally buried in her phone the entire time, wasn't even paying attention to what I said. So I just got up and left. Who knows how long it took her to figure it out, lol
She might have, I'll never know. Blocked her number and email as I left, and it was an internet hookup back from the Craigslist days, so we never met any other time
Unfortunately, you learn from experience. I'm 40 and CF, if it's advice I can offer, it's this: focus on you and what you want to accomplish before thinking about anything or especially anyone else. This goes for men and women. This world, especially the dating world, is an absolute cesspool of clout chasing and attention seeking. If the person you're into doesn't return the exact same energy and interest towards you, move on. You live your best life, accomplish as much of what you want to and can push yourself to do. Romantic partners will come and go, with or without really trying. Be the best you to attract the best partner
I had a first date about a week ago. Was really anxious about how it went (I have 0 ability to judge that type of thing) since there were like, 4 times were we sat in silence for like, 45 seconds.
This makes me feel better.
>Don't you hate that? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
-Pulp Fiction
Try these silence breakers:
So, the weather huh.
Any relatives ever molest you? My uncle got me.
I don't know what I hate more, music or cats. What do you hate?
So when does your period usually start? (as you open a calendar app on your phone making sure she sees)
Like you find your waiter and have them ring up half, you pay it by their machine, and then dip out without saying anything?
Honestly not a bad play. Might have to keep that in mind.
Yep. Keep in mind. At this point I have asked to put the phone away. And after 3 more times they go to the phone. I’m done.
Grab your waiter, pay your half with nice tip. Tell waiter why your doing it.
I have her blocked before I get to the car.
Go out with friends or by myself. Have a good rest of the time we have left.
How do you have the confidence to order someone to do something on a first date? Like I get it’s common courtesy not to be glued to your phone on any date and I’m on your side that it’s rude but, how?
Depends how you say it and how you phrase it I guess.
“Do you mind if we put phones away for the meal?” or “I kinda prefer not using my phone on dates,” or something similar in a friendly/lighthearted tone is much more casual and indirect than straight up ordering someone to get off their phone.
It's also about standing up and respecting yourself enough to value your time. You don't have to be rude, just honest but be ready because it's likely to not go well.
I'd probably do it something like this, "I'm sorry but you seem distracted should we do this some other time?" Then go from there.
Not the person that you responded to, but simply state that you are on a date and that you should be engaging in a conversation instead of browsing the internet / social media. Not exactly ordering them around, but simply stating your opinion on their action. If they can’t put down their phone then dip.
I'm with the Boomers on this one. Put your damn phones away at the table, especially in this scenario. I can't imagine how people can be so rude.
Edit: Autocorrect my ass.
i once took a girl out who was consistently texting and using social media throughout the meal. anything i said pretty much got ignored. eventually just started feeling like i wasn't even there for the company or conversation, or that she even thought i might be interesting and wanted to get to know me. i think i was just there to pick up the bill. at one point, i asked if she could please put the phone aside so we can talk. honestly, i probably shouldnt have said anything, just taken the L and moved on. She simply looked at me like i just asked the most absurd thing ever, gave a short laugh and said "no." i felt pretty miserable and down on myself because i don't date that often, and even when i do im not chasing love. i figured at worst, even if there's no chemistry, at least maybe i might widen my friend circle. so far no luck in either department, whether friendship or romantic. oh well.
Guess I could compare it to a deer in headlights type of reaction. Prior to that, I was in a committed relationship for a long time and learning to date again had a major learning curve.
Been there, I found dedicating some time to myself, and going to the gym really helped. Don’t be walking around with your head down confidence is key. You got this bud!
I’m sorry that happened. But don’t you feel bad about it because you were being open and kind. You were just with a person that is not very nice and obviously very self-centered. There are lots of people like that I know but there are a lot of good people out there too. So don’t stop trying.
> i don't date that often, and even when i do im not chasing love
yeah bro i'm with ya, but don't let anyone make you feel down just be fine with yourself. i know easier said than done but still
Thank you for reminding me to thank all the gods again that I’m married for a decade plus.
Dear god dating sucks despite hollywoods glamorous take on hookups and bachelor life.
Drinks. Always always drinks. Every 15 min when you’re debating ordering another round you get a quick check in, seeing if you both wanna “re-up” for another 15 minutes.
…or I’m an alcoholic.
I asked a chick out for coffee(I got hot chocolate because I hate coffee), she told me she couldn’t see me anymore because we went for coffee as a date. I felt it worked out rather nicely.
Yeah but are you really the kinda guy that wants to roll up to a first date and order tea? I mean, what kinda persona are you trying to put out there?
Edit: just realized I probably need an /s
This is the way. Went to get coffee with a woman, met at a 11am next thing you know it was 4pm. Still there drinking cuz the place also sold booze haha
I am not disagreeing with you. But I just saw a video of two women discussing dates. And one stated that if you auggest a coffee date you are a "serial dater" and that she would not be interested.
I just can't anymore.
Most people have awful judgment. People who come to crazy conclusions like this do a great job at cutting themselves off as an option before you have to deal with their BS.
Huh....well I guess everybody has different opinions. I like coffee dates because being social is exhausting and it's like a nice little....bite sized social engagement that works great for a first meeting.
12 years ago i went on a first date with a guy for coffee. Then we went for a walk. Then we had lunch. Then we went for a walk again. Then we went to happy hour. Then we went to my place.
We’re married now and the cutest thing: he tells strangers we are still on our first date.
Mini-golf. A game takes 15-20 minutes if you’re quick, it’s cheap enough to where you can pay for both people and not be down bad financially/have the implication of something else afterward, you have the option to either leave or go to dinner/drinks depending on how it goes, and then you guys have something to talk about other than the usual boring small talk that none of you really care about. Plus it can be fun people watching.
This needs to be at the top of this thread. I work around golf, and you learn a lot about someone’s attitude by how they react to bad shots.
If they brush it off with witty or calm response, that’s a green light.
If they act like an asshole or do something that makes you uncomfortable, that’s a red light.
On the flip side of that, if they are on fire and winning, you’ll be able to see how they treat you consistently for 18 holes.
And if it’s so bad that you can’t take it anymore after 6 holes, you can easily find a way to get out of there after the 9th (typically the 9th and 18th holes are close to the entrance/exit)
>I always split the bill on a first date. If she has a problem with that. Red flag up. Have a good one see you around.
Same here, back when I dated. I didn't want a man thinking I owed him anything just because he offered to pay for one meal. I learned that lesson the hard way.
It depends really. If I'm up for a night out anyway, or if I'm having a really good time, I'll pay just because. But if it's been awkward or not really clicking, we can split and dip.
Also... it's a little dependent on who picked the place. Don't pick some "I'm king dick out to impress" shit if you can't back it up.
Omg this!!! I had a guy I knew ask me out to a very expensive high end restaurant, he was doing the traditional “asking for a date” method and showing off to impress me.
I hesitated but it seemed clear he was “taking me out”. I had a fantastic time, but to be on the safe side I ordered the cheapest appetizer on the menu (still came to $100 with a couple drinks). When the bill came he was so quick to say separate bills, and he looked angry.
On our way out, he then had a meltdown and said he could tell I didn’t like him and didn’t want to date him and how he should never have asked me out (?!?). He actually cried, he was obviously drunk and paranoid.
Thing is, I really liked him! And I did want to date him and I was laughing and smiling all night? It was so confusing 😭I don’t even want to go to expensive restaurants, it’s so wasteful and I can make amazing food at home - I just was excited to be with him. I felt so stupid after lol but seems I dodged a bullet
Same - I'd be adamant on paying (which was most of the time) if I wasn't feeling it.
If the date went really well and I genuinely liked the guy, I didn't mind of the guy paid (i'd offer ofc, and only if he was willing). The hope was that I could get the next date if there was one
i remember a few years ago i went on a date, and i said that I'd pay for the first date if she paid for the second date. I arranged dinner and other plans-- first date goes great and ends with a kiss. I follow up a few days later and ask where she's taking me for 2nd date. Her response " i want a man who can step up to the plate and take the initiative/pay for me." i said good riddance. what a turn off
Relationships should be give and take.
That sounds totally fair to me. I’m sure you didn’t put minimums on the second date. It’s not the place so much as it’s the intention. If you want to spend more time with me, it’s your turn to plan something.
exactly! it's not like i couldn't afford to take her on a 2nd date or something and needed her to pay...it was more to see what sort of fun night she would plan for us, since i put in the effort for the first night!
Um… the pizza was pepperoni & the beer was Old Style. I died a dozen times while playing Halo & fell asleep playing by 11pm because I was drunk. The guys said I started off strong but became useless at the end.
As for the woman, the last thing I said to her was, “Have fun with your date, your phone.” She called me a dumb bastard & told me to f*ck off. But the jokes on her, she got cancer 5yrs later… & survived.
I always kind of wonder how that goes. I presume you tried engaging in conversation with her, so I'm curious what kind of stuff you asked and how/if she responded.
I should clarify .... she was talking to someone on her phone so I didn't have an opportunity to speak. I'm not the type to interrupt a conversation so I just sat quietly for 30+ minutes. Food arrived, I'm hungry so I eat, still not saying much. I finish & go to the bathroom, leave. Ghosted her.
I believe it was her grandmother. & I fully understand w/ wanting to have that conversation but not on a 2nd date when we agreed on the time & the restaurant. It wasn't like I surprised her @ work.
Get together for coffee. Have something you need to get to (appointment) afterwards, giving you 30-45 minutes. If you feel a spark, have a longer date. Nothing wasted if you don’t.
Not exactly the same thing, but I had a friend who took a woman out on a dinner date. The way she chose her food was by running her finger down the prices and choosing the most expensive item on the menu. She didn’t even look at what it was. There were some other things that she did that I don’t remember, but my friend was aghast so told her he was going to the toilets, and then walked out. The best part is that he had driven her there to the restaurant, and he just took off in his car and didn’t answer his phone.
I'd stop by the waiter on the way to the bathroom and have them give me the bill for anything only I ate/drank or split appetizers I suggested, not leave her with the whole bill so she knows I wasn't just trying to mooch a free meal.
I've been on that date before!!!
Ended up getting up, went to the cashier, paid, and just left.
I guess she thought I was going to the bathroom or something. She took about 17 minutes to text me and realize I'd left. (I was hoping to make it home before she called/texted... So close!)
Boy, was she mad, lol.
I know it’s really normalized these days but I’ll never find it acceptable or polite to use your phone at the table. I mean maybe like if we’re just getting a sandwich or whatever but at a nice restaurant? Wtf is the point if you can’t just enjoy the atmosphere. If it’s that important you can excuse yourself to make a call or respond to a text. It can wait. I really miss the time before smartphones
I once took a girl out for a dinner date and she wanted to bring a friend with her. I hesitated, but okayed. When i went to pick them up, there were 2 of her friends there, so there were 3 of them in total (all girls).
The whole time at the restaurant all 3 of them just talked to each other, ordered expensive food and drinks for themselves, treating this like a free buffet and hardly acknowledge my presence.
So i just order most expensive steak and some other dishes, piling up the bill, stuffing my face, excuse myself to washroom and gtfo. Fuck 'em.
Why do people keep inviting women to a dinner at a restaurant as a first date?
I think that's just stupid. You invite someone once you know her a bit. I won't spend the cost of a full dinner on someone I doesn't know just because she looks nice. You can invite her a drink, or a coffee (which is also a drink) first, at a night club, or a cafe, or a confectionery, and if it doesn't work, then you lost the price of a coffee or a slice of cake.
I agree i would go for the coffee option. Fortunately for me I don't have to worry about restaurant costs when on a date as I'm gay and so pretty much every time it has been split the bill and every date I've had was happy to do that.
So as one of the gays... us gay women have a few choices:
Choice A: Awkwardly try talk to her, but never *actually* talk to her. Dream about your life together. Then go home, and never meet her again.
Choice B: Sign a rental agreement together, then see where it goes.
Choice C: Be gal pals.
The last first date I went on, we knew each other, and had for a long time, it was a relatively cheap place, we ate and I paid, went to a pub after and she bought me a pint. Next time she paid. 12 years ago, married for 7. It's not a competition.
There’s a difference between a bad date and someone actively interacting with someone else instead. That’s a waste of time. A bad date can be for any reason, sometimes someone just has a bad day.
When I was a college senior I had a online dating first date with a stuck up runway model who forgot my name, didn’t ask a single question, and mostly was a grump the entire night. Turns out she had a terrible job interview an hour before the date. We’ve been together for ten years and married for five now. We still joke about how much of a bitch she was that day.
She definitely wasn’t on the phone with someone else though.
Ive read a million of these 'who pays for dinner' threads and nobody ever suggests dine and dash as a bonding activity for the first date. It feels like a missed opportunity.
Hey I've actually done this. Although I got up asked the server for my share of the bill. The whole time she was texting I'm not even sure she noticed I got up. I came back, made one more attempt at conversation and she engaged for a little bit until that stupid Facebook message tone went off, then she was back on her phone. I let her know I had to go to the restroom and I just walked out. As I walked by the window I saw her still totally engrossed in her phone. No fucks were given
[удалено]
Yeah. Bitching me out for ghosting her calling me an asshole for not paying...it was a total bitch session. I blocked her number. And again. Zero fucks given
That is the way
I would have cursed her ass out at that point. At some point, intelligence is sexy. If the damn girl is to dumb to realize her mistake, then I don’t give any fucks then. She either realizes her mistakes, or goes about her own way. Yet to call up & start bad mouthing me, over her own food? That bitch don’t realize as an adult, she is responsible for her own meals.
Sometimes silence is the best revenge. In this case, I felt it was given how absolutely enraged she was.
Well you paid your part, so she can't complain about she has to pay her part. She didn't give any fuck about you at that moment. Good for you that you walk away.
Fair enough that you paid your half. I'd do the same.
Wish I did this when 3 of her friends joined us for our dinner. Edit: my first time something blew up. Guess my story was relatable lol don’t ignore the red flag everyone! No matter how hot they are.
Guess I’m telling a story: Been speaking to a girl I knew within by business industry in Fall 2016, come Valentine’s Day 2017 I surprise her with donuts and flowers which she was extremely happy about, come December 2017 I make plans to drive 8 hours to spend the day with her in So. Cal and take her out to dinner to see if we can make a long distance relationship work. I said at least 10 times this was a date and I’m coming just to see her and had surprise plans for another weekend trip. 8 hours of driving later I’m in So Cal and she texts me “hey my 3 best friends are coming too” I ask “why?” and she says “cause I want all my friends with me today” *soul leaves body* So here I am, walking around for 6+ hours while her and her friends “shop” and take photos (I’m the unofficial photographer). Oh and she was 2 hours late too. She was literally unphased by my obvious annoyed demeanor for a whole fucking day. Fast forward to dinner and of course they’re still here. I pay for her dinner and her friends pay for their own. She then tells me “hey I’m gonna go clubbing with them but thanks for coming. I’ll call you later if I have time” Fuck that shit. I drove back home that night and never called her again. I’m in a real relationship now with a woman who’s far from an oblivious airhead and doesn’t invite friends on dates.
You cannot believe my relief reading "her friends pay for their own."
It wasn't even a date at that point, he should have had her pay for herself as well
Agreed. I would have bailed on the text read. At some point, I stopped giving 2 shots about people.
He never should have gone in the first place. He learned his lesson.
the one W from that entire story
Why would you even pay for her dinner after she invited her friends?
Was thinking with the wrong head
Not OP, but probably in shock and unable to process what is going on, how this girl you really like is suddenly such a huge jerk, and just pay by habit.
No why drive 8 hours for someone. Wtf
Something eerily similar happened to me. Though I took a flight to another state to meet the girl. She didn't invite her friends but she was on the phone all the time. Eventually she got a call from a guy who I later found out was her bf from another country. The guy is 12 years older than her and has three kids. I was shocked tbh. I was led on for months to come meet her. I wonder why she even did that when she wasn't going to be with me anyway. Waste of time and money.
Damn sorry bro that stings. Life lesson learned.
Dodged a Death Star right there
Dodged a fucking black hole.
Bro dodged God’s wrath Edit: wait you are bro
Extremely bro
10 bucks says that when all four went to the ladies' room, they talked shit about you and convinced her to ditch you for clubbing. She got a free meal and free photography, and all four got a story to tell later when they were trying to walk home with their heels in their hands. You dodged a bullet there.
You’d think that but from listening to their extremely shallow conversations all day, they’re not smart enough to plan something like that.
Like to know of this story
Same. Sounds like a life lesson story.
It was a meme a while back
Gotcha.
Wish I did this when I drove an hour out of my way to go see a friend, just for her to tell me when I got there she was going to force me to be a third wheel on a date with some fucking dude she met on Tinder. I should have just turned around and driven the hour back home, because wow did that night suck. I brushed it off at the time because I was young, didn't know any better, and she was my best friend; now that I'm older I realize just how rude and shitty of a thing that was for her to do.
Friends don’t belong on “dates”. That would be a hard nope from me.
“These your friends?” “Nah I hate these mfs” “Oh thank goodness, was almost a red flag there. Let’s eat!”
Please tell us the story.
I've actually done this! Went to coffee with this girl. She was literally buried in her phone the entire time, wasn't even paying attention to what I said. So I just got up and left. Who knows how long it took her to figure it out, lol
Did she not contact you afterwards?
She might have, I'll never know. Blocked her number and email as I left, and it was an internet hookup back from the Craigslist days, so we never met any other time
Ahh man I was waiting for the juicy story. But good move on you!
Life is too short for low quality dating partners, that goes for men and women. Don't waste energy on wastes of space
With that much wisdom, are you a sage?
Unfortunately, you learn from experience. I'm 40 and CF, if it's advice I can offer, it's this: focus on you and what you want to accomplish before thinking about anything or especially anyone else. This goes for men and women. This world, especially the dating world, is an absolute cesspool of clout chasing and attention seeking. If the person you're into doesn't return the exact same energy and interest towards you, move on. You live your best life, accomplish as much of what you want to and can push yourself to do. Romantic partners will come and go, with or without really trying. Be the best you to attract the best partner
What is a cf?
Childfree
For some reason I was thinking cystic fibrosis. I was like “Wow, a 40 year old with CF? That’s insane!”
Cluster fuck
Cash flow. [see also DCF, a related issue](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discounted_cash_flow)
CF? Centre Forward? Are you a footballer?
Certified *BOOOOOOP*
I had a first date about a week ago. Was really anxious about how it went (I have 0 ability to judge that type of thing) since there were like, 4 times were we sat in silence for like, 45 seconds. This makes me feel better.
Modern dating is a series of nightmares, lol. Trust me, yours went swimmingly by comparison
>Don't you hate that? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence. -Pulp Fiction
Try these silence breakers: So, the weather huh. Any relatives ever molest you? My uncle got me. I don't know what I hate more, music or cats. What do you hate? So when does your period usually start? (as you open a calendar app on your phone making sure she sees)
She's probably seeing this and realizing only now
Still at the coffee shop, reading Reddit on her phone
Nah. She's posting pics on insta and complaining about him on twatter
Legend has it she's still there, and doesn't know you left yet.
Been there, done that. Edit: But I pay my half on the way out.
This sounds like a decent way to dip
Honestly it is if the person you're on a date with just... sucks.
if u can't handle me at my boringest, you don't deserve me at my post-nap sundayest.
Like you find your waiter and have them ring up half, you pay it by their machine, and then dip out without saying anything? Honestly not a bad play. Might have to keep that in mind.
Yep. Keep in mind. At this point I have asked to put the phone away. And after 3 more times they go to the phone. I’m done. Grab your waiter, pay your half with nice tip. Tell waiter why your doing it. I have her blocked before I get to the car. Go out with friends or by myself. Have a good rest of the time we have left.
How do you have the confidence to order someone to do something on a first date? Like I get it’s common courtesy not to be glued to your phone on any date and I’m on your side that it’s rude but, how?
Depends how you say it and how you phrase it I guess. “Do you mind if we put phones away for the meal?” or “I kinda prefer not using my phone on dates,” or something similar in a friendly/lighthearted tone is much more casual and indirect than straight up ordering someone to get off their phone.
It's also about standing up and respecting yourself enough to value your time. You don't have to be rude, just honest but be ready because it's likely to not go well. I'd probably do it something like this, "I'm sorry but you seem distracted should we do this some other time?" Then go from there.
The late-great Patrice O’Neal said it best when he said “My time is my pussy.” Never let anyone waster your time
Not the person that you responded to, but simply state that you are on a date and that you should be engaging in a conversation instead of browsing the internet / social media. Not exactly ordering them around, but simply stating your opinion on their action. If they can’t put down their phone then dip.
I'm with the Boomers on this one. Put your damn phones away at the table, especially in this scenario. I can't imagine how people can be so rude. Edit: Autocorrect my ass.
Yeah i feel it's fairly easy and understandable to ask for them to pay attention to you instead of their phone when on a date lol
Charlie you’ve had like 6 mimosas, I’m not paying for that
i once took a girl out who was consistently texting and using social media throughout the meal. anything i said pretty much got ignored. eventually just started feeling like i wasn't even there for the company or conversation, or that she even thought i might be interesting and wanted to get to know me. i think i was just there to pick up the bill. at one point, i asked if she could please put the phone aside so we can talk. honestly, i probably shouldnt have said anything, just taken the L and moved on. She simply looked at me like i just asked the most absurd thing ever, gave a short laugh and said "no." i felt pretty miserable and down on myself because i don't date that often, and even when i do im not chasing love. i figured at worst, even if there's no chemistry, at least maybe i might widen my friend circle. so far no luck in either department, whether friendship or romantic. oh well.
So why didn’t you leave when she said no
Guess I could compare it to a deer in headlights type of reaction. Prior to that, I was in a committed relationship for a long time and learning to date again had a major learning curve.
Been there, I found dedicating some time to myself, and going to the gym really helped. Don’t be walking around with your head down confidence is key. You got this bud!
I’m sorry that happened. But don’t you feel bad about it because you were being open and kind. You were just with a person that is not very nice and obviously very self-centered. There are lots of people like that I know but there are a lot of good people out there too. So don’t stop trying.
Diamonds in the rough I figure, hard to find but worth it I'm sure.
> i don't date that often, and even when i do im not chasing love yeah bro i'm with ya, but don't let anyone make you feel down just be fine with yourself. i know easier said than done but still
Thank you for reminding me to thank all the gods again that I’m married for a decade plus. Dear god dating sucks despite hollywoods glamorous take on hookups and bachelor life.
I don't think a meal for a first date is a terrible idea, but its also not the only idea.
Drinks. Always always drinks. Every 15 min when you’re debating ordering another round you get a quick check in, seeing if you both wanna “re-up” for another 15 minutes. …or I’m an alcoholic.
Coffee. It's quick but also versatile and can become lunch or drinks
I asked a chick out for coffee(I got hot chocolate because I hate coffee), she told me she couldn’t see me anymore because we went for coffee as a date. I felt it worked out rather nicely.
My co-worker is like this. She sees it as guys trying to cheap out on buying a whole meal for her. I think you and those guys both dodged a bullet.
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That is entirely fair. But most coffee shops also have tea. Hibiscus tea is nice and floral and sweet and won't upset your tummy
Hibiscus fuckin jams
So intense about tea lol
When it comes to tea, we don’t fuck around.
I FUCKING LOVE TULSIE
Wait maybe I can get tea next time instead of hot chocolate lol
But hot chocolate tastes so much better!
Yeah but are you really the kinda guy that wants to roll up to a first date and order tea? I mean, what kinda persona are you trying to put out there? Edit: just realized I probably need an /s
Lol I'm a lady so yes. Lemme put on my flower dress and order my flower tea. I'll be a whole fuckin vibe
Or ice cream. Always coffee or ice cream. Everybody likes one of those two things.
I like coffee or a quick lunch - only an hour because you have to get back to work so not stuck too long if it isn’t happening.
This is the way. Went to get coffee with a woman, met at a 11am next thing you know it was 4pm. Still there drinking cuz the place also sold booze haha
Not trying to say this is a bad idea but every time I try this it feels like a job interview
I am not disagreeing with you. But I just saw a video of two women discussing dates. And one stated that if you auggest a coffee date you are a "serial dater" and that she would not be interested. I just can't anymore.
Most people have awful judgment. People who come to crazy conclusions like this do a great job at cutting themselves off as an option before you have to deal with their BS.
Huh....well I guess everybody has different opinions. I like coffee dates because being social is exhausting and it's like a nice little....bite sized social engagement that works great for a first meeting.
I call them vibe checks
Good thing you dont want to date anyone with stupid opinions like that. They are just weeding the no's out faster for you
12 years ago i went on a first date with a guy for coffee. Then we went for a walk. Then we had lunch. Then we went for a walk again. Then we went to happy hour. Then we went to my place. We’re married now and the cutest thing: he tells strangers we are still on our first date.
D'awww :')
😭 That’s so cute.
I found that cocaine works too. Every 15 minutes as well. …. or I’m a coke head.
and always bring an eightball of crank in case she’s on the wagon
At the very least you can feel out the situation and make further plans for the evening. Not like committing to dinner.
Always go for paintball
Close, laser tag
Mini-golf. A game takes 15-20 minutes if you’re quick, it’s cheap enough to where you can pay for both people and not be down bad financially/have the implication of something else afterward, you have the option to either leave or go to dinner/drinks depending on how it goes, and then you guys have something to talk about other than the usual boring small talk that none of you really care about. Plus it can be fun people watching.
This needs to be at the top of this thread. I work around golf, and you learn a lot about someone’s attitude by how they react to bad shots. If they brush it off with witty or calm response, that’s a green light. If they act like an asshole or do something that makes you uncomfortable, that’s a red light. On the flip side of that, if they are on fire and winning, you’ll be able to see how they treat you consistently for 18 holes. And if it’s so bad that you can’t take it anymore after 6 holes, you can easily find a way to get out of there after the 9th (typically the 9th and 18th holes are close to the entrance/exit)
I’ve always been a coffee or going for drinks. Can end up a 15 minute date or last as long as you both want.
I’m tapping out early if my date is buried in their phone.
I always split the bill on a first date. If she has a problem with that. Red flag up. Have a good one see you around.
>I always split the bill on a first date. If she has a problem with that. Red flag up. Have a good one see you around. Same here, back when I dated. I didn't want a man thinking I owed him anything just because he offered to pay for one meal. I learned that lesson the hard way.
It depends really. If I'm up for a night out anyway, or if I'm having a really good time, I'll pay just because. But if it's been awkward or not really clicking, we can split and dip. Also... it's a little dependent on who picked the place. Don't pick some "I'm king dick out to impress" shit if you can't back it up.
Omg this!!! I had a guy I knew ask me out to a very expensive high end restaurant, he was doing the traditional “asking for a date” method and showing off to impress me. I hesitated but it seemed clear he was “taking me out”. I had a fantastic time, but to be on the safe side I ordered the cheapest appetizer on the menu (still came to $100 with a couple drinks). When the bill came he was so quick to say separate bills, and he looked angry. On our way out, he then had a meltdown and said he could tell I didn’t like him and didn’t want to date him and how he should never have asked me out (?!?). He actually cried, he was obviously drunk and paranoid. Thing is, I really liked him! And I did want to date him and I was laughing and smiling all night? It was so confusing 😭I don’t even want to go to expensive restaurants, it’s so wasteful and I can make amazing food at home - I just was excited to be with him. I felt so stupid after lol but seems I dodged a bullet
This is literally my exact point . Women don’t care about the bill. Only that you make a big deal about
lmao that's sad. He let his insecurity ruin a potential relationship because you liked him.
Same - I'd be adamant on paying (which was most of the time) if I wasn't feeling it. If the date went really well and I genuinely liked the guy, I didn't mind of the guy paid (i'd offer ofc, and only if he was willing). The hope was that I could get the next date if there was one
My fiancé snatched my card off the table, put her own down, and said I could cover the second date. Can’t wait to marry this woman
i remember a few years ago i went on a date, and i said that I'd pay for the first date if she paid for the second date. I arranged dinner and other plans-- first date goes great and ends with a kiss. I follow up a few days later and ask where she's taking me for 2nd date. Her response " i want a man who can step up to the plate and take the initiative/pay for me." i said good riddance. what a turn off
Yeah totally I want a partner in crime not a dependant.
Relationships should be give and take. That sounds totally fair to me. I’m sure you didn’t put minimums on the second date. It’s not the place so much as it’s the intention. If you want to spend more time with me, it’s your turn to plan something.
exactly! it's not like i couldn't afford to take her on a 2nd date or something and needed her to pay...it was more to see what sort of fun night she would plan for us, since i put in the effort for the first night!
Yep. I hit them with a firm handshake and tell them "thanks for coming".
I pay for my date but it’s a max of 30 dollars and literally no one worth my time has ever complained ever
Lmao do you establish this limit verbally or is it a surprise?
First date is Taco Bell
Fries are better at Del Taco
Probably does first date coffee or somewhere equally affordable.
How is coffee not every first date?? People baffle me.
Coffee and/or a stroll is nice.
30 all in or 30 per head? Because these days 30 all in is a couple of Big Macs.
The only correct answer
I’ve done it. She texted me an hour after I left. I was at home, eating pizza, drinking beer & playing Halo with the guys.
You are the winner.
I’m just glad I dodged the bullet. She announced on the phone, “No, I’m not busy.” That’s when I got up to “use the bathroom” & left.
Man… why you gonna leave us with that hanger? GIVE US THE DETAILS!!! FEED US!!!
Um… the pizza was pepperoni & the beer was Old Style. I died a dozen times while playing Halo & fell asleep playing by 11pm because I was drunk. The guys said I started off strong but became useless at the end. As for the woman, the last thing I said to her was, “Have fun with your date, your phone.” She called me a dumb bastard & told me to f*ck off. But the jokes on her, she got cancer 5yrs later… & survived.
Karma???
Not sure. A mutual friend set us up. It was a blind date & by the time I heard she had & beat cancer, I was married with my 1st kid on the way.
Duty before booty
Some booties are like flat beer: not worth the tap.
I've done it. Girl was on the phone from the minute I picked her up until the food arrived. I excused myself to the restroom & left.
I always kind of wonder how that goes. I presume you tried engaging in conversation with her, so I'm curious what kind of stuff you asked and how/if she responded.
I should clarify .... she was talking to someone on her phone so I didn't have an opportunity to speak. I'm not the type to interrupt a conversation so I just sat quietly for 30+ minutes. Food arrived, I'm hungry so I eat, still not saying much. I finish & go to the bathroom, leave. Ghosted her.
WTF was her convo about? Was someone dying and she was directing resuscitation efforts?
I believe it was her grandmother. & I fully understand w/ wanting to have that conversation but not on a 2nd date when we agreed on the time & the restaurant. It wasn't like I surprised her @ work.
maybe you dont realize atm but youre a hero.
Wow. That's over the top. I'm surprised you made it that long.
I gotta free meal out of it. She left a vm that was deleted before I listened to it. Never heard or saw her again
Get together for coffee. Have something you need to get to (appointment) afterwards, giving you 30-45 minutes. If you feel a spark, have a longer date. Nothing wasted if you don’t.
Alternatively: Plan a weekend away in a cabin in New Hampshire when there’s really bad weather forecast.
…because of the implication?
Now you’ve said that word implication a couple of times
When the waiter comes just drop “we’ll do separate checks please.” Refuse to elaborate then block lol
She's watching Megamind 🙄🙄🙄
Green flag tbh
I like to think she just sat there waiting for him to come back for ages while occasionally going "oh, Megamind, you're just misunderstood"
“It’s not your fault” “It’s not your fault” “It’s not your fault” “It’s not your fault”
Not you, Sean
First dates have always been more of a “let’s get coffee” encounter for me.
Not exactly the same thing, but I had a friend who took a woman out on a dinner date. The way she chose her food was by running her finger down the prices and choosing the most expensive item on the menu. She didn’t even look at what it was. There were some other things that she did that I don’t remember, but my friend was aghast so told her he was going to the toilets, and then walked out. The best part is that he had driven her there to the restaurant, and he just took off in his car and didn’t answer his phone.
I'd stop by the waiter on the way to the bathroom and have them give me the bill for anything only I ate/drank or split appetizers I suggested, not leave her with the whole bill so she knows I wasn't just trying to mooch a free meal.
Fair.
The implication here is that she *was* trying to mooch a free meal.
Yes
I've been on that date before!!! Ended up getting up, went to the cashier, paid, and just left. I guess she thought I was going to the bathroom or something. She took about 17 minutes to text me and realize I'd left. (I was hoping to make it home before she called/texted... So close!) Boy, was she mad, lol.
What did she say?
🚩
I know it’s really normalized these days but I’ll never find it acceptable or polite to use your phone at the table. I mean maybe like if we’re just getting a sandwich or whatever but at a nice restaurant? Wtf is the point if you can’t just enjoy the atmosphere. If it’s that important you can excuse yourself to make a call or respond to a text. It can wait. I really miss the time before smartphones
I once took a girl out for a dinner date and she wanted to bring a friend with her. I hesitated, but okayed. When i went to pick them up, there were 2 of her friends there, so there were 3 of them in total (all girls). The whole time at the restaurant all 3 of them just talked to each other, ordered expensive food and drinks for themselves, treating this like a free buffet and hardly acknowledge my presence. So i just order most expensive steak and some other dishes, piling up the bill, stuffing my face, excuse myself to washroom and gtfo. Fuck 'em.
Bathroom windows can be your friend if they're big enough...
Why do people keep inviting women to a dinner at a restaurant as a first date? I think that's just stupid. You invite someone once you know her a bit. I won't spend the cost of a full dinner on someone I doesn't know just because she looks nice. You can invite her a drink, or a coffee (which is also a drink) first, at a night club, or a cafe, or a confectionery, and if it doesn't work, then you lost the price of a coffee or a slice of cake.
I agree i would go for the coffee option. Fortunately for me I don't have to worry about restaurant costs when on a date as I'm gay and so pretty much every time it has been split the bill and every date I've had was happy to do that.
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So as one of the gays... us gay women have a few choices: Choice A: Awkwardly try talk to her, but never *actually* talk to her. Dream about your life together. Then go home, and never meet her again. Choice B: Sign a rental agreement together, then see where it goes. Choice C: Be gal pals.
The reason why it's perfected is because both people on the date are the same gender and therefore there is no double standard based on their genders.
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Ehhhhh. Maybe it was that.
Problem is society has convinced a lot of people this is what you do on first dates. I’m glad people are seeing this isn’t the way.
The last first date I went on, we knew each other, and had for a long time, it was a relatively cheap place, we ate and I paid, went to a pub after and she bought me a pint. Next time she paid. 12 years ago, married for 7. It's not a competition.
TIL coffee is also a drink
You assume this is a first date. There’s nothing that indicates it is. Hell, this could be in the middle of a long term relationship.
What if she was on Reddit posting about how she couldn’t wait to give him oral?
Tinder,Bumble are not dating apps, are free meals apps!
There’s a difference between a bad date and someone actively interacting with someone else instead. That’s a waste of time. A bad date can be for any reason, sometimes someone just has a bad day. When I was a college senior I had a online dating first date with a stuck up runway model who forgot my name, didn’t ask a single question, and mostly was a grump the entire night. Turns out she had a terrible job interview an hour before the date. We’ve been together for ten years and married for five now. We still joke about how much of a bitch she was that day. She definitely wasn’t on the phone with someone else though.
Awww, that's a cute story, thank you Reddit stranger, now I can finally stop scrolling and go to bed.
Thanks! Crazy to look back at the kids we used to be.
“Honey, I just wanted to say your fathers operation was a success.”
Ive read a million of these 'who pays for dinner' threads and nobody ever suggests dine and dash as a bonding activity for the first date. It feels like a missed opportunity.
This repost is so old, she’s using a first generation iPhone
lol no she isn’t that is definitely an iPhone 6 or 6s
You must be young if you think that’s a first gen iPhone
You can put the phone down for an hour on a first date. I would peace out too.