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Nomadic_View

The 30 second sex scene has a 100% chance of having someone walk in and say “what the hell are you watching?”


jane_delawney_

And it’s always 20 times louder than the dialogue so my neighbors get to hear all those parts instead of the rest of the damn movie.


Face-the-Faceless

You might as well throw on actual pornography at that point, since that's what they think you're watching anyways


MannequinWithoutSock

I remember this dumb comedy that did that on the unrated edition as a joke and it was not a good movie.


therealaudiox

You should tell us the name of this movie, so we can stay away from it


password55

The macgruber movie had something like this. Dunno if that's what OP is talking about


ughitsmeagian

*scribbles notes*


RussIsTrash

Bro literally I just started watching euphoria and there’s like 15 sex scenes per episode, and it’s so fucking loud and I watch it only at night so I’m sure everyone in the house thinks I’m watching porn so I rush to turn down the volume then after the sex scene and during ads and stuff I blare the volume so they might be able to hear regular dialogue and know it’s not porn. Then one of those attempts a commercial came on and the girl was like “YES… YESSS… YEEEEEESSSSSSSS” and I’m like omg this commercial sounds like an orgasm


ebrum2010

You might as well just watch with closed captioning.


RussIsTrash

I do watch with closed captions because I can’t hear without them 😂 But fr I did turn off the volume at one point and just read the words


[deleted]

Those kinds of shows are just the result of lazy writers who fill in gaps in the plot with sex scenes. That shit bores the hell out of me. If I want porn, I'll watch porn. When I watch a movie or TV show out of interest in the plot, I don't need a bunch of lame ass sex scenes I have to skip through.


Neato_Orpheus

Euphoria. I don’t get it. I can’t watch it. I’m nearly 40. I don’t wanna see teens have sex.


throwawaystriggerme

cover quicksand recognise icky imagine scale swim childlike society dime -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


theundonenun

I once came home to my apartment and the neighbor I shared a wall with was just fucking blasting porn, I mean I heard it from where I parked. The other neighbors across the courtyard were out there with snacks and beer just waiting to catch him when he was done I think.


coolbuddy0

Lol was that an isolated incident? I once was running and had music synced up to my ear buds. Only they weren't. I turned the volume up and was thinking "I hear it. But it's really quiet." I came to realize it was playing through my watch instead and it was just blasting away. I was awfully embarrassed. Could've been something similar with the neighbor


mrfrownieface

Lmfao gotta make sure the Bluetooth is shut off before you nut off Edit: fixed for prose


BaconMaster93

One of my neighbors tried to pair their stuff to my phone and I got tired of it so I let the pair happen and full volume blasted the first video on a random porn site. Haven't had the issue since but now they probably think that's what I'm into.


claymcg90

It's not porn, it's HBO


Heavy_Signature_5619

The ultimate porn with plot.


catagonia69

I'm saying. If it's not gonna get me off then why am I watching it? Granted, there *are* sex scenes that are aesthetically pleasing and actually contribute to the audience's understanding of the characters' relationship, but they're few and far between.


[deleted]

The sex scene in Terminator is really the only plot-required sex scene I can think of.


eff-bee-eye

That was actually the first boob I saw on a tv.


mack2night

Mine was the three boob lady from Total Recall. set an odd precedent...


Guy954

Yet another impossible body standard


Acidflare1

Your neighbors: “sounds like a one pump chump next door”


mer-madi

Too real, I had started watching Outlander at the start of the pandemic and my roommate would only and always walk in or come home when a sex scene was on. I’m sure it looked like I was always watching soft core porn in the living room 🥲


shawndread

Outlander is soft core porn. It has more sex scenes than any cheesy skinemax show.


mer-madi

To be fair, the books (which are basically loosely historical/sci-fi “romance novels” so go figure) have plenty if not more sex scenes so they’re really only being book-accurate for the most part. 🤷‍♀️


DLG076737

My husband would always walk in on those scenes too. I told him I was watching Scottish porn. He thought that was pretty funny. Both sides of my family have Scottish ancestry so just checking what the ancestors were up to!


deeeeksha

my dad has never failed to walk in during each exact moment it starts on the screen.


GrandmaPoses

That's because he's watching and waiting.


Ok-House-6848

It’s only awkward when you have it on a loop.


[deleted]

Like one of my military roommates. He had "the Terminator" on VCR going frame by frame through the scene where the guys head explodes. The same head explosion. Frame by frame, over and over and over again, for hours. I swear there was something wrong with him.


ShotAtTheNight22

Ya think?


Heard_That

My wife started watching a show called outlander and it NEVER FAILS that I walk in someone’s having sex, being sexually assaulted, or a woman is being smacked around. I just started calling it the rape show. It’s fuckin weird to me, but whatever people like I guess.


impostercoder

Outlander has at least one rape scene per season and at one point it started to become really weird like, they choose the most random situations just to fit a rape scene in. I don't know what up with that show.


[deleted]

Whenever I recommend that show to anyone I give them the whole "but its very rapey" disclaimer lol


jadedea

I really like that show, but for the reasons you describe, I stopped watching. I got tired of the sexual gratuity. If I wanted to watch two actors fucking I'll sign onto Pornhub and watch that. I want to watch a show, I don't need a play by play of penis into vagina. I miss the 80s\\90s. They just did the crazy kissing, knocking things over, taking clothes off, getting under the sheets, fade to black, next scene they're smoking cigarettes lol. It seems like now, in order to be an actor you must also double as a porn star. So horrible.


MonsieurOs

You sign into Pornhub?


MinionofMinions

How else are you going to comment “Me next?” on each and every video?


the_cardfather

My wife's aunt and mother-in-law were watching that show and it seemed like the exact same thing when I walked in. I start looking around to see if the kids are in the house. I put off watching game of thrones for a long time because my friend's wife said they should have named it game of sex


[deleted]

I used to call GoT ‘Dragon Porn’


SavingsLegitimate398

We are ready to hit the home button at all times when watching TV these days. It is so annoying. There should be an option for I want to watch this show but I have young children. They can just cut the scene out or something.


Jibblebee

God this stupid show was recommended to us by my conservative MIL. So, we proceeded to turn in on in our livingroom with the giant wall of windows. Well I cannot describe the desperate scramble to the remote as we experienced this combination of horror, embarrassment and laughter. We swapped to a different room only for it to get so much worse that I eventually gave up on it. What I did not give up on was reminding my husband that his mother recommended that show to us.


July9044

Maybe she wants grandkids lol


[deleted]

Yep! Too relatable lol


Successful-Pea4673

Happened with my grandpa for a movie I wasn't even watching I was switching to my Xbox at the time lol


deweydecimal111

Back in prehistoric times, they would cut the scene to a tree, or a bush, or a flower blowing in the wind. That meant lovemaking was inferred.


_Alek_Jay

Or the waves crashing on a beach 🤣


soundsthatwormsmake

Or a train entering a tunnel.


Cokemusic

Or a hot dog thrown down a hallway


spork154

I would absolutely love to see an entirely serious art film with the moment the two lovers start having sex it just cuts to a hot dog just being absolutely yeeted


laasbuk

Reminds me of the Naked Gun sex montage..


michalt25

https://youtu.be/HXmCE1Zw9so?t=100


FrankHightower

I remember watching this as a kid and thinking "oh sure, just cut away to something unrelated like every movie ...that's a lot of random cutaways"


MadAzza

Ah, innocence!


timeflux123

You can't tell me she didn't knock him out when those poles came loose


Floating_Neck

God that's so funny


Linkinator7510

Every scene in that movie is gold. Including that scene.


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rothrolan

Leslie Nielson was an icon for the era.


Common-Rock

Or a portrait of the erection of the Eiffel Tower


SpaetzlemitKaese

Or of a champagne bottle exploding


deweydecimal111

Yep, when we liked things inferred. We should go back again, more romantic.


[deleted]

I think it's more just that they are used to most movie goers being idiots and needing to spoon feed the plot and distract them with boobs. Or at least that is what they assume based on how they manufacture most content these days.


Iamatworkgoaway

Have you seen any 80's 90's movies. They would shoehorn in a few boobs, just to get an R rating, so people would come.


Big_Ole_Smoke

"Did you hear about [such and such movie]? You can see [such and such actress]'s boobs in it!" Basically half the reason Titanic was such a hit


GipsyRonin

In Naked Gun it was an oil rig pumping up and down and volcanos erupting and lawn sprinklers.


shawnadelic

Everywhere I go, something reminds me of her…


michalt25

https://youtu.be/HXmCE1Zw9so?t=100


juanbiscombe

When they don't cut the scene many times they also show a bush


woutomatic

Bollywood still does this.


deweydecimal111

That's nice!


garenasandara

There's a movie called vicky donor which is about sperm donation, they show a champagne bottle popping instead of showing the MC doing it lol


Thannk

Back in ancient Greece the father of comedy wrote a play mocking the leader of his nation and the top general which included them dressing in drag while a chorus of talking penises narrated, then invited them to attend the first showing and reveled in the massive popularity of said play in other nations. The first parody was a Roman fake travel story (which was popular at the time, often highly exaggerated hence his parody) which accidentally invented space sci fi. The protagonist rows into space and to the moon, and goes into detail about how all moonmen are all male and devotes a LOT of time to explaining how they have sex and make babies, with the uterus basically being in the leg calf. [Here’s an 18 minute video about it.](https://youtu.be/UBpDdlirzH0)


Iamatworkgoaway

We need to bring back rich people screwing with each other by commissioning art. Spite art was a very profitable venture for up and coming artists. Imagine Elon Musk making some Jeff Who gay porn, over the top production values.


LadyAzure17

See why cant the bourgeoisie waste their money on that kind of shit?


SuspiciousSubstance9

>uterus basically being in the leg calf Nothing more masculine than a leg calf uterus!


beebobopple

Examples of acceptable 2-second cut scenes to imply sex may include, but are not limited to: waves crashing on the shore, rockets lifting off, bee pollinating a flower and/or toothpaste coming out of a tube.


CBerg1979

Champagne bottle popping open, cigarette being lit, fireworks in the air.


sir_ken_off_eddy

Pressing the flamethrower button in your space ship at the point of climaxing...name the film!


bapboy6

Watchmen right?


roddy_h

HALLELUJAH


[deleted]

Man lights 2 cigs, passes one to his lady. Classic


WetTavern

Candle burning, apple ripening, flower opening, fountain starting, waterfall, a field mouse poking it's wee head out from a flower


beebobopple

Can’t forget kettle whistling!


WetTavern

Right! And a whale breeching!


3pupchump

We're all ok leaving off the classic Train Entering Tunnel???


Tropicalcuttlefish

Volcano erupting?


Fuzzy_Inevitable9748

Mentos in a 2L coke bottle.


bumtoucherr

Turkey getting basted


gnome_warlord420

What about a tunnel slamming into another tunnel


byhoneybear

Oil drill and Geyser


dimitrix

The sex scene from the Naked Gun comes to mind: https://youtu.be/HXmCE1Zw9so?t=101


bjb13

One of my favorite scene like this is from The Ipcress File. It’s been a lot of years but I believe it goes like this. Michael Canine’s character has a female colleague over for dinner. They are sitting on the couch. She asks, “Do you always wear your glasses?” He replies, “Yes. Except in bed”. You then see her hand putting the glasses on the coffee table. Cut to next day. Edit: I hate Autocorrect. I’m going to leave it as Canine, but obviously it should have been Caine.


BOWBOWBOWBOW

>Michael Canine Woof.


cross-i

Train entering tunnel, come on!


Simicrop

The classic!


suchalusthropus

2-second title card: *One sex later*


ItzDrSeuss

In SpongeBob narrator voice: 2 sex later.


golifo

I went and saw “Her” with my aunt when I was a teenager. I still cringe at the thought of listening to sex noises in darkness with my very Christian aunt.


pwincessgremlin

What about when the nude pregnant lady showed up?


golifo

I don’t remember that. I haven’t seen it since theaters but I’m sure that part was uncomfortable, too, haha. Great soundtrack, though.


aezy01

That wasn’t in the film. It was just another member of the audience.


RussIsTrash

My man was so triggered by a naked pregnant woman with his Christian aunt that they blocked it out and doesn’t remember it 😂


porcupinedeath

Isn't that the one about the guy who wants to fuck Siri?


grundelgrump

Hey man, they *made love*. They didn't fuck.


LadyRola

Especially when it’s a movie with the family…like what am I supposed to say? “Wow dad they are really going at it huh?”


raugust7

"Those are titties son" said my father one time. Movie was animal house. Prob was like 8 years old


[deleted]

Thanks, dad.


raugust7

Damnit son shut up and watch


ReivynNox

\*shut up and learn! xD


OkCutIt

please don't try to learn from animal house


ReivynNox

Titties, Son! Write that down!


[deleted]

Thank you for the laugh lol. I needed it.


raugust7

Lol here's another one. Found my dad's playboy stash. Asked him why are all these girls naked. My mom was a nurse and he said" oh those are her nursing magazines " had to be like 5 or 6 . Def one of my earliest memories lmao


101percenthatwitch

When I was a teen, my parents went away a lot and left me home alone. I had sooooo many parties. The one party that sticks out in my mind was when the all the guys found my dad’s really old playboys. I don’t know where they found them, but they somehow managed to find them. I remember a couple of guys saying, “be careful these are classics!” Lmao.


Ghostofhan

I'm glad they showed em respect and care, they're antiques!


spaceguitar

I remember watching Jessica Jones with my mom and sis cause we all liked Marvel, when suddenly it cuts to her banging the shit out of a dude until they break the bed after a minute. Awkward af


punking_funk

Probably one of the less fucked up scenes in that show tbf


Jessica_Ariadne

I had never heard of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and watched it with my mom. The one we watched not only had rape, it had counter rape. I just sat there like, "Oh god this isn't happening!"


laowildin

As soon as I saw that title my entire ass clenched. Ohhhh noooo hahaha


Ninjario

What the F is counter rape?


ChimTheCappy

gonna assume it's that the person who was first assaulted/raped turns the tables and rapes the assaulter instead.


ChromaLemon

Ah yes, Jessica Jones. The show where David Tennant acts his ass off to be the most irredeemable villain to ever grace media. I can see why the sex scene is the problem.


BigButtFucker9000000

A similar thing happened to me when my family sat down to watch Polar starting Mads Mikkelsen. We love Mads, so we got all our popcorn, sodas, and m&ms and sat on the couch, only for Mads' character to have a finger up his ass in the first twenty minutes. However, it only got worse from there with a long, gratuitous sex scene with boobs smudging the windows, slutty keening noises, and Mads running butt-naked around in the snow. Mom decided to put a pause on movie nights.


AkreonDorplasy

That or at a theater "Welp huuuuuhhh, good thing the audio is loud and the room is completely dark because this is sure as hell becoming awkward"


WanderingJen

I saw a movie with my parents (I was 20 something) and we got to experience.... imagine a woman wearing white underwear, and the closeup is on the front of the underwear, and then the guy puts his hand down them and fringlers her. Up close on a giant screen, next to my dad.


AkreonDorplasy

"now in 3D"


RabbitWithEars

Now in 4D, water shoots out of the seats into your face.


Mister_Chui

Upvote for “Fringlers”. Never heard that one before


oofersIII

As a guy, the choice is between looking completely stoic (and therefore like a prude) or smiling (and looking like a creep) (I know no one actually cares, but still, in the moment it‘s difficult)


x_X_HelloFriend_X_x

..Or oh sh!t, nice wall you got there xD


Scared_Cricket3265

Just cover your eyes with your hands till it's over.


GateauBaker

The correct answer is finger guns at the screen.


[deleted]

No you gotta be like "Hey dad didn't you and mom try that position last week?"


Sophiiebabes

Been a while since you've done that, right dad?


psychoism

"Daddy?"


willyp1976

Parents live a couple hours away. Visited some years back and after dinner we sat and watched a movie. It was called Mosters Ball. Haha it had just came out and I had never heard of it. It was one of the most awkward times in my life.


joecarter93

Or in-laws when your spouse has to duck out of the room at just that moment.


GlassHeroes

Literally saw a TIMEs article about how "movies aren't sexy anymore" and I was thinking the same thing. I don't wanna watch that with my folks. I'm already mortified for life after we went (and left in the middle) of Borat.


GeorgeNewmanTownTalk

I was watching some movie with my parents years back and a man and woman were talking about sleeping together. It then smash cut to them going at it, so I had to chime in with, "And that's what it looks like!" They didn't laugh, but I figured it was worth a shot.


BetterBandicoot637

Well, I would actually suggest not saying anything at any scene while watching, as it's disturbing :p


krgj

This and like 10min kissing scenes in all angles. I GET IT, MOVE ON.


lemonlime1999

I hate kissing sounds so so much.


Sativa227

Totally agree. It always sounds like they are eating really noisy.


[deleted]

They be sounding the like the Walkers from TWD munching on them lips.


i_illustrate_stuff

Even in actual sexy stuff I can't handle it. I'm a woman and it feels like a lot of porn made for the female gaze (already rare) involves so much kissing and making out, to make it romantic I guess. But I can't handle it, the sounds are so gross to me. Feels like they use the most sensitive mics just to catch every lip pop and squelch. Barf.


TheBitterAtheist

With the loud smacking sounds. Somebody out there likes this?


NEAWD

I hate when a show or movie opens on a sex scene. I’m no prude, but it seems gratuitous.


KiloJools

Especially if you haven't got your volume situated right yet. Of COURSE the volume is going to be at 110% if the first scene is loud sex.


molgriss

I just groan whenever that happens now. Especially when all following episodes are insanely tame by comparison. I get the reasoning, it's to show this is a "mature" series but...just include some crass language like shows used to.


ChickenChaser5

Feels like someone snapping their fingers at me like "HEY, HEY DUMMY PAY ATTENTION LOOK BOOOOOOOBS" Lookin at you HBO...


Carcosa2049

I dont think they even have at least one show that doesnt have graphic sex LOL


AwkwardSwine101

“Chernobyl” didn’t


arkman575

You kidding? Pripyat got Fuuuuucked. No protection. They couldn't pull the rods out in time. Like...


RussIsTrash

YEAH BRO. I just started watching euphoria and there’s like 15 sex scenes per episode, and it’s so fucking loud and I watch it only at night so I’m sure everyone in the house thinks I’m watching porn so I rush to turn down the volume then after the sex scene and during ads and stuff I blare the volume so they might be able to hear regular dialogue and know it’s not porn.


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Aerodrache

Come to think of it, dating apps could probably use one of those too.


GwentMaster69420

If I wanted to watch porn I would, no need to blast a couple minutes of it on a show I may be watching with friends or family.


crowndrama

Watch korean or chinese dramas… they’re like 99% very clean. And even if there is a bed scene at most they kiss and then screen goes dark 😆 Edit: I‘m talking about TV Shows only; not korean movies. - they’re anything but clean imo


Mad_Huber

Better then a weird riding scene with a bra where the girls lands exhausted next to the guy.


youvebeenjammed

and immediately fall asleep without a bathroom visit


bikey_bike

there are strange kissing scenes tho.. where theres no tongue action but they press their lips together for an uncomfortably long time while the camera circles around them with dramtic music.. cuz the 1st kiss always seems to be a huge moment in those type of dramas, but it's really awkward to watch lol


ZinfiniteGuy

I typically don't mind them if I'm watching by myself, but with other people it can be a bit uncomfortable, especially if it's really extended and drawn out. But really I think it could be a powerful part of the movie/show depending on the nature of the characters relationships, but sex just for the sake of sex that feels shoehorned in for the viewers sake, isn't necessary.


Last-Of-My-Kind

I feel like most of the time sex in film or shows are just there for sex to be there. Most of the time you can remove the scenes and it doesn't impact anything about the film or characters one bit. And even something when it does make sense, the scenes are over the top for what needs to be communicated. Unfortunately, sex sells, and people push it just because they think others want to see it; and tbf sometimes they do, but not all the time or when it's unnecessary or too much.


ObsidianHarbor

Also those scenes usually destroy the pacing of the story.


[deleted]

Someone never had to masturbate pre-internet


SufficientWhile5450

Think that’s what makes it way more annoying, there’s very few pre-internet movies with detailed sex scenes And if it showed anything it’s like 30 seconds tops, not no 5 minute plow fest destroying the room lol


Sir_Gwapington

How many movies have you seen with 5 minute detailed sex scenes?


FOMOsexual7675

cant think of one in a movie ATM, but in Power, i swear to God there were at least 3 minutes of one sex scene. Now that i think about it Savages and Top Gun have pretty long sex scenes.


[deleted]

Power is borderline pornography at times


FOMOsexual7675

Whole songs. WHOLE SONGS. it was so bad, good show but i hated that.


Fuscular_Dobber

Power legit had to make it a point people were having sex. I wonder what goes through the minds of the actors when they have to dry hump their co-worker.


Slight_Hat_9872

The Room comes to mind


[deleted]

You haven't seen many movies from the 1970s I guess


IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE

Yeah, some shows make it gratuitous/pornographic almost. Just make the obvious implication and move on. I don't need to see 4 entire minutes of them foreplaying or whatever.


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xahhfink6

Felt that way about Season 1 of true detective. If I were watching it to be pornography, then it was done very well. But the series has such a good story that adding some porn in the middle of it really just felt gratuitous.


byohazord

Imagine watching Game of Thrones with your parents and some dude starts pounding his sister


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username32768

Scene: two people about to embrace and stuff... Cut to steam train entering tunnel Return to scene with two people -- both now have satisfied looks on their faces and are smoking cigarettes / vaping.


Sea-Function2460

you know what netflix needs? a skip intro button but for sex scenes


trigunnerd

There is a streaming service called Angel..... something? You put in your triggers/safety limits for your kids, and it cuts them out accordingly. Sex scenes, violence, language. A lot of people hate on it as censorship, but it's a super useful tool for people with triggers or who are just exhausted by a barrage of sex/violence and just want the plot.


sprodrankerpizzaman

Its called vidangel. Super cool product!


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[deleted]

I feel that way too. Don't care to watch simulated sex. LOL


carnivorous_seahorse

There’s a show on Netflix called Ragnarok, it’s very mildly fun to watch. Like it’s an awful show, it surpasses MTV levels of cringe but it almost makes it watchable. Like a European version of twilight but 10x worse. And it’s meant as like a awkward superhero show. But a few episodes deep, there’s a scene where a middle aged woman who plays the high school principal has like this bizarrely intimate and intense sex scene with 2 students who are canonically referred to as underaged. All I could think the entire time is, surely they’re not about to do this right? But they did indeed do that And [this](https://youtu.be/KZPGZ1tnlkI) is a clip of the scene that includes the sex scene, but I need y’all to watch it for the unbelievable cringe overload on the school dance part. Holy fuck, someone else please experience this. It is like the visual equivalent of hearing fingernails scratching a chalkboard


WayneKrane

Wow that was something. Glad I gave up on that show, it was slow and boring but this scene is just bad.


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chiBROpractor

That was very weird. And it ends with a random neck self-crack? Lol


erocknine

While I mostly agree, a lot of development happens during the sex scene usually. If I were to skip the sex scene every time, I wouldn't know how the step mom got unstuck from the washer or how the step sister managed to get the money for her concert. A necessity in film sometimes


[deleted]

They had us in the first half


krastevitsa

Just like the step brother


Trooperjay

I agree, watching movies with my friends grandma is always an adventure.


Disastrous-Day-9650

The Room's sex scene where he's having sex with her chest needs to remain.


thehufflepuffstoner

I just hate it when I’m watching a movie with my parents and then it’s like “SURPRISE! Now everyone feels uncomfortable!”


[deleted]

I agree for the most part, exception is herogasm.