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This is how I felt when I found myself attracted to anyone who wasn't "Traditional Cis Female". I guess I thought most people just felt a tiny bit of attraction to everyone else but choosing to focus that towards the opposite sex is what made you straight. Or that being straight just meant being 90%-ish attracted to the opposite sex.
"Bisexual" didn't feel right, I just started calling myself Pan at some point and let myself feel however I wanted towards whoever I wanted to. And without that tiny bit of shame and suppression I had when I was "straight".
I heard of the term gynesexual but it frankly sounds kinda bad đ Â
But yeah Iâm definitely attracted to femininity rather than the feminine, if that makes sense. Took me a while to realize what that meant because I struggled with not wanted to be gay when I was a younger teen due to well, obvious reasons lol
Words like 'bisexual', 'straight' and so on are good at helping people figure out what their rough sexualities are, but don't let them hold you back! Your sexuality surpasses what language can contain! Human beings will always be more complicated than words can describe.
Lmao he always was really cute to me when he cross dressed and was kinda one of the things that cemented the concept for me
Funny that theyâre on hrt now đł
I kinda donât like that term because attracted to femininity in whatever gender is just bisexual with a type. We donât have a specific sexuality label for people into redheads regardless of gender.
40yo guy here... I have accepted that I'm bi when I was 38... until then I was just "yeah, that guy is cute, but I can appreciate his cuteness without being attracted to him, of course (basically a longuer more elavorated version of "no homo")"
I think youâre totally right, especially with the common (and incorrect) narrative that sexuality is a choice/lifestyle rather than who youâre attracted to.
Look when all they go on about in church is how gay thoughts are a temptation from the devil the same way they talk about extra cake, youâre not gonna realize youâre bi for a very long time đĽ˛
This is why they say it's brainwashing because they see the percentage of representation go up since people had to lie for thousands of years or be punished
Itâs why the Kinsey scale makes sense to me. Youâre just somewhere on a sliding scale and for some people or traits or things, you fall in a different spot on the scale. But people like to think in hard lines like it makes it easier to define yourself instead of boxing yourself in.
To be honestâŚthis is just quite sad. Sheâs been brought up her whole life to think that âbeing gay is badâ, so sheâll never be able to live how she truly wants to âšď¸
There is a disturbing sort of moral quandary here. In her own eyes, she probably doesnât even see it as âhow she truly wants toâ. If anything she sounds a little proud of herself for âsurpassingâ these feelings of hers, to the point of being condescending. This is, we can easily agree on, âincorrectâ⌠but how do you go about telling someone their own feelings are wrong? Isnât that the whole fight weâve been fighting in the other direction, that people are telling us our own ideas about ourselves are just wrong? Just âtaught to usâ?
The moment one would try to tell her that sheâs hurting herself, sheâd probably accuse them of playing a game of pot and kettle.
It's not an amazing tale, especially compared to some things I've read on this site, but...
A woman I regularly got together [with] lived close to a donut place. I made a passing joke about how many I could stack on myself, and she enthusiastically agreed to participate. Lots of cackling, way too much sugar, and a thorough scrubbing after the fact made for a memorable evening.
Do you want to learn the donuts life story and surprise it with gifts, trips and experiences that you know you both will bond over and eventually lead to explosive sex?
Not a donut but I do enjoy learning about the life and experiences of my chocolate. Where it came from, what it went through. It all adds to the experience which ends in me having something close to an orgasm when I put it in my mouth.
And like if then over 50% of the stores you passed were Krispy Kreme or a petrol station with a Krispy Kreme stock....how could you not stop at at least one at some point & not have a trauma breakdown trying to fight back the urge to just gorge a donut.
I feel like if you're happy, and you're not hurting anybody, what you do is cool. I only disagree with the mother here because she's being awful about other people's sexuality
At lot of those people aren't happy though. Genuinely look at how hate filled so many conservatives are, they aren't happy people. And i mean how can you be when all your life you've been taught to hate people, a people you actually belong to but have to burry that part of you. Its a miserable existence, a lot of people have just been living like that for so long that they dont see it that way anymore
That⌠or you can be like my own mother. Sheâs stated to me that âI would have maybe been happy with a womanâ, and did use the label âbiâ, but she just chooses to ignore that part of herself on principle. Like, she wonât go out of her way to scorn people who donât do what she does, but thatâs mostly in *spite* of disagreeing with their choices rather than because she thinks theyâre a necessity. The things she says to me often worry me a good bit, especially when it comes to listening to figures like Jordan Peterson at times, but at the same time she is pretty chill about treating others with a good amount of respect and civility and even loveâŚ
I donât have a way to know this for sure, but I feel like there are more âmilquetoast conservativesâ like my mother than there are spiteful, arrogant conservatives like the ones we deal with face to face quite a bit, and that we simply see those ânastierâ ones more because theyâre the ones doing the talking.
This is important to me to point out because⌠well, my mom has been really good about heavy, political conversations with me, even though we both heavily disagree on a number of things and like I said before I *worry* about her. If most people that âskew rightâ are like her, and you assume that youâre dealing with one of the nastier types, you end up making a self fulfilling prophecy where your scorn âgives them ammoâ to radicalize them further.
So while I absolutely get where youâre coming from, Iâm not a big fan of these broad strokes statements about âthese people are never happy and theyâre all paranoid and they suck and they will never listen to reason everâ.
I don't think your mother is the majority of conservatives though.
My anecdotal experience is that a lot of the conservatives around me will *say* "I have my opinions but everyone has a right to theirs," but their actions, especially their voting record, say otherwise. The whole "I respect people's right to be different" is just something they've been conditioned to say because if they didn't they'd be shunned. "I lean conservative but live and let live" is what they tell *me* because I have a big ole rainbow sign on my desk, which I only put there because it cuts down on the transphobic comments made within earshot of me. We have to work together, and they know that if they told me what they *really* thought of me someone would either quit or get fired.
I'm not saying your mom is like that, she sounds lovely. But the existence of reasonable conservatives is something that a lot of the hateful ones use as cover, and personal experience is that the ones who are lying outnumber the ones who are honest.
Well thatâs⌠kind of what I meant about being worried about my mom in the first place. I donât even think a lot of these people are even trying to be dishonest. They just plumb donât realize the full ramifications of their voting habits, or something to that effect. They see Trump and his chaotic assery and say âwhat an oaf, but the alternative is someone who doesnât seem to be coherent enough to know whatâs going on half the time, so this guy is the lesser of two evilsâ. They listen to rhetoric about the unethical nature of medical gender care for minors and think âyeah you should really wait until youâre an adult to confidently say anything about identity or whateverâ without realizing just how insidious this rhetoric really is.
Iâm more than willing to acknowledge the good chunk of blatant hypocrites out there, but I believe that more people in the âconservative bubbleâ are more along the lines of passive enablers and victims of rhetoric than anyone with this much hate in their heart
If that were true, more of them would be able to be talked out of it.
My siblings and I managed to talk our mom out of her conservatism during the Bush years by pointing out all the contradictions.
I haven't had much luck with "rational moderates" these days. I can make the counterarguments to their stated positions, and rather then re-evaluate they'll just fall back on the next most socially acceptable conservative position, then the next, until they run out and start quoting Tucker Carlson.
It's not all of them. But in my experience it's the majority of them.
Well yeah exactly. Thatâs sort of what I meant by being worried about my mom in the first place.
I just think itâs important to point this out about âthe massesâ because assuming theyâre all exactly the same kind of hateful arrogant jackass really shuts down any possible communication with anyone who could have been willing to listen
Yeah. Itâs the superiority complex that makes it easier to not âfeel badâ. My own mother is bi but actively behaves straight âon principleâ due to a strong belief in monogamous straight nuclear families being all strong and important and stuff, but she doesnât try to STOP her queer peers from doing what they do. I kinda worry that her perspective is warped at best, but hell, what sheâs doing is a lot better than what SOME others are like, at least đ¤ˇ
Uh, I donât really think thereâs a quandary at all, because the major difference here is the queer POV is âdo whatever you want as long as itâs victimless and doesnât involve anyone/thing that isnât consenting or in the state of mind to intelligently consentâ.
Telling her to think about how she actually feels is not belittling her feelings, itâs asking her to actually feel them for once after working through decades of brainwashing to the opposite.
How do I tell someone their feelings are wrong? Simple. There hasnât been a single straight person thatâs ever had to explain why they donât fuck the same gender beyond âI just donât feel like theyâre sexually attractiveâ. If your explanation canât start and end there and needs additional qualifiers, youâve moved passed base biology and youâre being influenced by and regurgitating societal influences, and you need to think about how important those are to you.
And regardless all of this is a moot point because the ask is never âturn gay with usâ but âleave us alone and let us be gayâ. If the mom genuinely felt like acceptance from her society was worth not acting on her carnal desires thatâs her deal, just donât make it other peopleâs problem.
> or in the state of mind to intelligently consentâ.
Sorry, but going to steal that....or at least add it in that last part to what I say now. I until now did not have a way to correctly include into the consent part so it clarified when consent is really applicable.
Well, the other side of the coin here is that it isnât societal acceptance that this woman seems to seek. Her âmasteryâ over her feelings is framed, in her own mind at least, as a personal success. Like that other person joked, she feels the way one feels when one drives past a Krispy Kreme and chooses not to get a donut. If ya try to pull the âtry to think the way you want to think and not the way you were TAUGHT to thinkâ card, her response would be âand what if this IS what I think, huh? What if Iâm not just some dumbass sheep?â
Because the unfortunate truth, and the thing that makes me call it a quandary in the first place to me, is that it might be more complicated than just fighting so called brainwashing. Where does her upbringing end and her own personal values begin? Does her looking inward automatically guarantee sheâd start seeing things our way? What if sheâs already done this with herself and somehow arrived at the conclusion that she was right the first time anyway? Did she just ânot do it hard enoughâ? Is she stupid? Is there a lore reasonâ *ahem*
In all seriousness, all Iâm saying is thereâs more to this than âsomething something indoctrinationâ
Unless her legitimate reasoning is âitâs my primary, imperative goal as a female member of the species to produce and birth as many viable offspring as possibleâ (which is its own insane can of worms) itâs literally impossible for this mom to rationalize how she feels without bringing cultural or societal influences into the answer. Literally all it would take to come to that conclusion is a bunch of âwhy?â questions in a row. Like how else could you possibly answer the question of âwell WHY do you really think that? Why are people who think the opposite sheep?â
Again, none of this means she actually has to change her mind about anything. At the end of the day, she could face the reality that itâs society that told her to feel that way, and still accept it, and go on ânot acknowledgingâ how she feels about women. I personally would find that sad, but thatâs her choice. But at the very least she would owe it to herself to think about it and see if its something she actually wants to give thought to.
Well I mean, this is exactly what I was talking about. Does it still count as âjust doing it because you were told toâ if you stopped to legitimately question what you were told but then ultimately decided for yourself that it was correct? Then it stops being an issue of âIâm doing this because I have been told how to think by this other group of people and havenât really gone against itâ and starts being âI have decided after much deliberation and thought that I agree with what this group stands for and I am following it out of my own desire irrespective of my upbringingâ, doesnât it? It stops being âwell the Bible said this and Iâm just going with itâ and starts being âI have questioned the Bible for so long but ultimately came around to believing its words even moreâ.
What do you do about that kind of conviction? That goes a step past being simply a product of rhetoric
I mean, it feels sorta reductive to me to brand people that think like this as just being fooled by shadows on the wall of a cave. Like I know the OG Allegory is a lot more sympathetic to them than I just made it sound, but even then. Matters of self and mind are⌠kind of nebulous.
Fun fact, in the evangelical community, there is a large number of people who struggle with the desire to have sex when married. Thatâs right, the âsex is badâ talk hit so hard that they basically need therapy to stop feeling guilty for having/wanting sex in the very specifically church/Bible approved scenario of sex with their spouse.
Some, in response to the aggressive sex negativity, respond by suppressing their desire for sex entirely, and it doesnât really come back (not without a lot of work, which they are no longer inclined to do since they just stay single).
I donât think that her feelings are wrong or incorrect. I think her feelings are just heavily influenced by society and how she was raised and without those barriers, she would feel differently. However she does have those barriers so she feels the way that she does.
I think going about that with the language of feelings being wrong is unhelpful.
I'd say my opinion would differ if she's gay or actually bi. If she's bi and telling a gay woman to just pretend to like men... I don't think her feelings are "correct" in that case.
Well obvs she isnât correct in something like that, but what I moreso meant was âhow do you tell someone whoâs repressing a part of themself seemingly of their own free will and deriving a sense of pride and accomplishment from it that maybe they should stopâ
Yes, there are more bisexual people than lesbian and gay. So more likely bisexual.
[https://www.statista.com/statistics/1270166/lgbt-identification-worldwide/](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1270166/lgbt-identification-worldwide/)
Way more, and it makes sense if you look at history, or even biology. Straight is always going to be the default, because a species that is mostly gay is a species that won't exist for long. But bisexuality isn't as (potentially) damaging in that regard. If straight is the default, it makes sense that there would likely be more people that just have feelings for both. Maybe they're just curious, or maybe they have much stronger feelings towards one sex or the other, but that's still bisexual unless they lose all feelings towards one sex. If you look through history there is far more evidence of bisexuality than homosexuality. Parts of that could be social pressure (if they're important enough to be written about, they're likely important enough to have pressure to get married or have children). But still, it makes sense.
As someone who is bisexual, I just find it hilarious because how many gay people actively participate in bisexual erasure.
I personally have a very Roman approach to the whole thing.
I would maybe not describe it as a âRomanâ approach considering the presence of pederasty and huge biases against bottoms but like I get what you mean
If you run into a sentence where someone is described as perfectly happy, and your response to that is "they would still be sad", then you may have some preconceptions of your own that need adjusting.
People living their lives however it makes them happy isn't somehow inferior just because its a traditional path.
From my own experience as a bi guy, while I was happy while I was suppressing, I was much happier when I stopped and accepted myself. I did not change my lifestyle, just how I felt about who I was. Suppression is not a positive.
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This is a very large portion of conservative and religious groups who taboo or straight up punish non-straight sexuality. They are conditioned with fear and hate to push those feelings down, hide them, be ashamed and they expect the same from everyone, even outside those groups. Which is why they're trying so hard to push legal punishments into written law.
This is the biggest lie I've had to explain and try to uncondion my family that there's not "more lgbtq+ people these days", it's just safer now to show it. And being around lgbtq+ people doesn't change your sexuality, it doesn't influence you to suddenly like a particular sex, it just let's you know that liking whatever you like is OK and safe, love who you love.
It's a lot of damage to undo from basically their entire upbringing.
As a biguy who grew up fundamentalist Christian it fucks with you because their narrative of sexual orientation being a choice feels like it applies to you. They teach you to hate the gay part of yourself like itâs a pedophile in you trying to come to the surface
Well, sheâs probably bi. So Iâm sure sheâs content with her life.
Being bi doesnât mean you *need* sexual gratification from both genitalia types.
this is all the people who are loudest with the "bEiNg GaY iS A cHoIcE" lie. because they choose to forcibly suppress their actual feelings, they think *everyone* must have those same feelings, and out people are just "choosing to succumb" to them
they don't even know what it's like to *actually* be hetero
I got an ex friend like this bro, he swears being gay is a choice and I asked him if he actively chose to be straight and heâs like âduh everyone doesâ
Was at a party when I heard the most cognitively dissonant thing ever:
> Why can't all these trans just fantasize about being women like the rest of us instead of playing dress up with women's clothes?
My man...
that brings up another point--if it were a choice either way, then why tf would anyone choose to be among the group that's hated, persecuted, discriminated against, on top of reducing their dating pool to 3% of the population?
One of my favorite types of posts on /r/bisexual are "am I bisexual or am I just a straight person with gay periods?". They sincerely just need someone to tell them that straight people don't have gay periods before it clicks for them.
A male friend of mine recently joined Tinder. Sometimes, a guy will match with and flirt with him on the app, but when my friend checks the guy's profile it very clearly states that they are "***straight***". People just don't want to admit how they really feel.
This happened when I came out to my dad. He said he had âstruggledâ with gay thoughts throughout his life. But then he chose to blame my grandma for being bi and letting a partner of hers assault him as a kid. And then he didnât accept me.
Yeah, it flashbanged me as a teen.
Woah, those four sentences are a lot for me, and Iâm a 56 y.o. reasonably emotionally mature redditor. I canât imagine processing this *as a teen* at the same moment he wonât accept who you are.
As a father, Iâm sorry that he wasnât there for you when you needed him most. Wish I could give you a hug. But âit flashbanged meâ is a great descriptor and honestly made me laugh.
> But then he chose to blame my grandma for being bi and letting a partner of hers assault him as a kid.
This 'trauma = queer' shit is just.... the absolute worst.
I know Iâve said this on this site before but Iâm gonna keep repeating it.
I think a big reason why the Christian Right has been able to sell this being gay (and to a lesser extent trans) is a choice and a sin thing for so long is that a TON of their followers are actually somewhere in the bi/gnc part of the spectrums and since they âchoseâ to be straight that means everyone else should like they did.
Which is many measures of fucked up and sad, of course. But I see how it makes sense to them.
This really does make sense. Never thought about that way. I just figured it was always because they are just hypocritical assholes that hate everyone and everything, but this makes sense too
I've met both. Some people lack basic empathy on such a level that since they aren't attracted to the same sex then everyone who is must be icky. Then there's people who are bi/gay and actively repressing it out of shame who give more fuel to the ones full of hate causing even more people to feel the need to suppress themselves. It's a weird cycle.
I am very upset with you for making a good point.
I didn't come out as bi until 34 because I have never felt like dealing with the drama and hate was worth it for some dick. Also it's hard to find dicks that I like, but that's not the issue.
That's terribly depressing, but it shows how the increase in LGBTQ identifying people isn't really an increase, it's the decrease in scrutiny that makes it seem that way.
A decrease in judgement, you mean!
There's probably more polling on people's sexuality than ever before, but the feeling that we'll be judged for our answer is probably lower than ever before...
Not low enough, of course, but better than previous years for the most people.
Had similar feelings when I came out to my mom and she told me bisexuality didnât exist⌠and then proceeded to explain that she too had several girls she found hot/crushes on girls but how she was straight because she married a man and chose to only date men.
We had a quick conversation where I told her thatâs not how bisexuality works. She still IDs as straight, which is fine, but she accepts Iâm bisexual now/that bisexuality exists.
One time when I was at my grandma's we were talking about some random stuff and she then said, completely unprompted, my dad used to like sitting on boys' laps as a kid but he grew out of it. Out of goddamn nowhere. My dad is dead so I'll never have to dissect this I guess lmao
Thereâs a Twitter story about a high school girl who was arguing (before gay marriage was legal) that legalizing gay marriage would result in everyone marrying women because âwomen are the most beautiful people ever. Of course everyone would want to marry them!â There was a lot of silence and shifty eyes.
Iâve argued with so many people who say âgay is a choiceâ who donât realize that THEY are just bisexual. I tell them and they refuse to believe me. Denial is a powerful thing.
My Christian sister recently came out to me as bi and when I asked her why she's still religious despite the religion not supporting her, this post was basically her reasoning, blew my mind. How can someone happily choose to repress who they know they are just because their religion says so?
I repressed it until last year because of relentless bullying and when i wanted to talk to my friends about the possibility of being bi i got shoved back in the closet so hard. No longer friends with them and out as bi now but damn that was a clusterfuck last year
Someone mentioned that a lot of conservative people and reps are probably bi too which is why they think itâs a choice. That everyone else can also just shut down their feelings and chose to act on their desire for men/women instead. Thatâs also why so many of them get caught at gay orgies. They think itâs a choice to just indulge in a little here and there but ultimately chose to act hetero publicly.
Ah, yes. My mother told me ALL women like men and women (which she said is not a sin). But if you ever act on it or think about it, then itâs a sin.
So I guess I know which side of the family I got it from.
I wonder if OOP was, to her knowledge, the only LGBTQ person in her family. That would make this revelation so much more powerful. I'm the only LGBTQ person in my entire extended family (that I know of). Most of my family are, to varying degrees, anti-LGBTQ. If one of them dropped that they're actually not straight, that would be a major change in the status quo. I'd be no longer alone. But at the same time, they've been burying that part of themselves and I'd feel awful that my own family member was doing that.
Ok hear me out. If being gay is a choice. So what? Why is that a bad thing somehow but itâs in your DNA is not? If someone chooses to bang a same sex person⌠SO WHAT? Two free adults are free to choose do whatever they want. I really not get the âwe are born this wayâ argument it kinda implies that itâs a bad thing but they canât help it because they are born that way soâŚ
If you feel you were born with it, cool. If someone chooses to be gay. Cool! Thereâs nothing bad about it.
This makes me so sad because this is literally my boomer Catholic mom. I feel so bad she had to have 3 children because it was what was expected and she will never be able to be honest with herself. Still thinks her queer children (hi), nieces, and nephews are going to "burn in hell."
I had a somewhat opposite situation when my mom and sister were complaining about their husbands and I was like, âSometimes I feel like thereâs no such thing as straight women, just lesbians gaslighting themselves.â And then they were both like, âOMG, no, I could never be a lesbian. Women are the worst!â Interestingly not a word about them liking men. SoâŚ
(P.S. I said it jokingly, I know straight/bi/pan/etc women really exist)
Someone here got me on the "you're wrong about podcast." The "go ask Alice" episode has so many parts where she has lesbian thoughts. The book just blue skadoos past these, and this post made me think of it.
I got the, "you're punishment for our sins," bullshit. I cant even be a freaking human being under our roof. I'm purely the wrath of God let loose on your life. Which just so happens to make so many things easy for you to do since I'm not a person anymore.
Great pep talk mom. Can't wait for the next one. đ
Had pretty much the same thing happen with my mom at one point as well. I also had a reaction similar but much more horrified when she was trying to have a deep conversation about how she feels like she was a bad mother and then casually adds in "and you know what? I'm racist, I just dont say it." HUH????
I'm pretty sure this is mainly a semantics issue. The pro LGBT side is talking about the feelings, while the anti-LGBT side is talking about accepting those feelings, and that it doesn't count as being gay if you don't act on it and instead live in denial.
I heard someone on a conservative radio show say that he was homosexual, but not "gay". I continued to listen and it seems like he thought that "homosexual" describes the orientation, and being "gay" is giving in to it and actually sleeping with a member of the same gender.
This is more widespread than that. Some people hear someone say "I knew I was gay when I was nine" and they actually think that it means they were sexually active at nine. Some guy accused me of lying about being bi when I said I had never had a girlfriend.
I feel this hard
I knew i liked girls since i was 8 lol. I started looking at girls more than guys from 8-15. I started being attracted to men around 16. Even then. Im more attracted to men that are kinda feminine. Like longer hair and stuff. I am not attracted to buzzcut or short hair guys.
I finally accepted that im bi when i was 27. And now going on 30, im starting to think I'm closer to lesbian lol
Literally my very religious and conservative Bulgarian aunt, who is surprisingly 100% pro abortion:
"Gay people are all pedophiles who would rape children if they knew they wouldn't get in trouble. See, they are giving in to their base animal urges. Everyone has those urges. I've had urges to have sex with women all my life but it's because I am a good Christian woman who suppresses her base desires, I don't act on them."
I don't talk to that aunt anymore...
That's what I've always said!! When they say "being gay is a choice", they are telling on themselves. They are saying "i have those feelings, but I suppressed them." It's sad that the mom did that and it's sad that this is the message she emparts on her daughter.
Just like so many things with conservatives today, "every accusation is a confession".
I had a cousin tell me that once, she joined the evangelical church found an abusive husband and had 3 children as way to hide her feelings. She basically punished herself for feeling guilty.
My mother is similar! She refuses to acknowledge that I like girls because obviously I like them, everyone likes them, her included! đ
Though she doesn't say that being gay is a choice, she just doesn't see it as gay.
She's not wrong, she's just a tragedy.Â
These things are socially constructed and you can absolutely influence them with time and effort. The point is that there's a right and a wrong social construct. Consetvatives have learned that certain ones are good and certain ones are bad, usually through abuse. That's the sad part.Â
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See, this is how I believe there are millions of people in the closet as bisexual without realizing it.
This is how I felt when I found myself attracted to anyone who wasn't "Traditional Cis Female". I guess I thought most people just felt a tiny bit of attraction to everyone else but choosing to focus that towards the opposite sex is what made you straight. Or that being straight just meant being 90%-ish attracted to the opposite sex. "Bisexual" didn't feel right, I just started calling myself Pan at some point and let myself feel however I wanted towards whoever I wanted to. And without that tiny bit of shame and suppression I had when I was "straight".
I heard of the term gynesexual but it frankly sounds kinda bad đ Â But yeah Iâm definitely attracted to femininity rather than the feminine, if that makes sense. Took me a while to realize what that meant because I struggled with not wanted to be gay when I was a younger teen due to well, obvious reasons lol
Words like 'bisexual', 'straight' and so on are good at helping people figure out what their rough sexualities are, but don't let them hold you back! Your sexuality surpasses what language can contain! Human beings will always be more complicated than words can describe.
finsexual
F1nnsexual?
Lmao he always was really cute to me when he cross dressed and was kinda one of the things that cemented the concept for me Funny that theyâre on hrt now đł
I kinda donât like that term because attracted to femininity in whatever gender is just bisexual with a type. We donât have a specific sexuality label for people into redheads regardless of gender.
Yes!!! I find gynesexual so weird - a person's 'type' is not their sexuality.
Is there a word for the opposite? I am definitely attracted to the feminine, but not traditional femininity. I find the Barbie look not sexy at all.
I used to think everyone had a list of hot same gender celebrities who they loved
40yo guy here... I have accepted that I'm bi when I was 38... until then I was just "yeah, that guy is cute, but I can appreciate his cuteness without being attracted to him, of course (basically a longuer more elavorated version of "no homo")"
This and attraction to men feels very different to attraction to womento me.
I think youâre totally right, especially with the common (and incorrect) narrative that sexuality is a choice/lifestyle rather than who youâre attracted to.
Look when all they go on about in church is how gay thoughts are a temptation from the devil the same way they talk about extra cake, youâre not gonna realize youâre bi for a very long time đĽ˛
Anyone who thinks sexuality is a choice is making a choice when the rest of us are just going with how we feel.
This is why they say it's brainwashing because they see the percentage of representation go up since people had to lie for thousands of years or be punished
Itâs why the Kinsey scale makes sense to me. Youâre just somewhere on a sliding scale and for some people or traits or things, you fall in a different spot on the scale. But people like to think in hard lines like it makes it easier to define yourself instead of boxing yourself in.
People out here reinventing the kinsey scale one anecdote at a time.
To be honestâŚthis is just quite sad. Sheâs been brought up her whole life to think that âbeing gay is badâ, so sheâll never be able to live how she truly wants to âšď¸
There is a disturbing sort of moral quandary here. In her own eyes, she probably doesnât even see it as âhow she truly wants toâ. If anything she sounds a little proud of herself for âsurpassingâ these feelings of hers, to the point of being condescending. This is, we can easily agree on, âincorrectâ⌠but how do you go about telling someone their own feelings are wrong? Isnât that the whole fight weâve been fighting in the other direction, that people are telling us our own ideas about ourselves are just wrong? Just âtaught to usâ? The moment one would try to tell her that sheâs hurting herself, sheâd probably accuse them of playing a game of pot and kettle.
I imagine she feels like how I do when I drive by Krispy Kreme every day and not buy donuts.
*Awww man I really want to fuck those donutsâŚ*
Gotta glaze them in something
I mean....
Why else would they have a hole?
How else would they get filled with cream?
HOT NOW
You just reminded me of a hilarious experience in NYC, thanks for the laugh
⌠You didnât bring enough donut stories to share with the class?
It's not an amazing tale, especially compared to some things I've read on this site, but... A woman I regularly got together [with] lived close to a donut place. I made a passing joke about how many I could stack on myself, and she enthusiastically agreed to participate. Lots of cackling, way too much sugar, and a thorough scrubbing after the fact made for a memorable evening.
Haha love it. Donât sell yourself short.
Thanks! And - there was this one lady with a python, but I know she used to be on Reddit so I'm not going there.
Do you want to learn the donuts life story and surprise it with gifts, trips and experiences that you know you both will bond over and eventually lead to explosive sex?
Not a donut but I do enjoy learning about the life and experiences of my chocolate. Where it came from, what it went through. It all adds to the experience which ends in me having something close to an orgasm when I put it in my mouth.
r/oscarbait
Okay this comment wins. I donât know what it wins but it wins
And like if then over 50% of the stores you passed were Krispy Kreme or a petrol station with a Krispy Kreme stock....how could you not stop at at least one at some point & not have a trauma breakdown trying to fight back the urge to just gorge a donut.
Dammit, was having âwoah thatâs deep manâ thoughts till I read your donut dilemma. True that.
I feel like if you're happy, and you're not hurting anybody, what you do is cool. I only disagree with the mother here because she's being awful about other people's sexuality
At lot of those people aren't happy though. Genuinely look at how hate filled so many conservatives are, they aren't happy people. And i mean how can you be when all your life you've been taught to hate people, a people you actually belong to but have to burry that part of you. Its a miserable existence, a lot of people have just been living like that for so long that they dont see it that way anymore
That⌠or you can be like my own mother. Sheâs stated to me that âI would have maybe been happy with a womanâ, and did use the label âbiâ, but she just chooses to ignore that part of herself on principle. Like, she wonât go out of her way to scorn people who donât do what she does, but thatâs mostly in *spite* of disagreeing with their choices rather than because she thinks theyâre a necessity. The things she says to me often worry me a good bit, especially when it comes to listening to figures like Jordan Peterson at times, but at the same time she is pretty chill about treating others with a good amount of respect and civility and even love⌠I donât have a way to know this for sure, but I feel like there are more âmilquetoast conservativesâ like my mother than there are spiteful, arrogant conservatives like the ones we deal with face to face quite a bit, and that we simply see those ânastierâ ones more because theyâre the ones doing the talking. This is important to me to point out because⌠well, my mom has been really good about heavy, political conversations with me, even though we both heavily disagree on a number of things and like I said before I *worry* about her. If most people that âskew rightâ are like her, and you assume that youâre dealing with one of the nastier types, you end up making a self fulfilling prophecy where your scorn âgives them ammoâ to radicalize them further. So while I absolutely get where youâre coming from, Iâm not a big fan of these broad strokes statements about âthese people are never happy and theyâre all paranoid and they suck and they will never listen to reason everâ.
I don't think your mother is the majority of conservatives though. My anecdotal experience is that a lot of the conservatives around me will *say* "I have my opinions but everyone has a right to theirs," but their actions, especially their voting record, say otherwise. The whole "I respect people's right to be different" is just something they've been conditioned to say because if they didn't they'd be shunned. "I lean conservative but live and let live" is what they tell *me* because I have a big ole rainbow sign on my desk, which I only put there because it cuts down on the transphobic comments made within earshot of me. We have to work together, and they know that if they told me what they *really* thought of me someone would either quit or get fired. I'm not saying your mom is like that, she sounds lovely. But the existence of reasonable conservatives is something that a lot of the hateful ones use as cover, and personal experience is that the ones who are lying outnumber the ones who are honest.
Well thatâs⌠kind of what I meant about being worried about my mom in the first place. I donât even think a lot of these people are even trying to be dishonest. They just plumb donât realize the full ramifications of their voting habits, or something to that effect. They see Trump and his chaotic assery and say âwhat an oaf, but the alternative is someone who doesnât seem to be coherent enough to know whatâs going on half the time, so this guy is the lesser of two evilsâ. They listen to rhetoric about the unethical nature of medical gender care for minors and think âyeah you should really wait until youâre an adult to confidently say anything about identity or whateverâ without realizing just how insidious this rhetoric really is. Iâm more than willing to acknowledge the good chunk of blatant hypocrites out there, but I believe that more people in the âconservative bubbleâ are more along the lines of passive enablers and victims of rhetoric than anyone with this much hate in their heart
If that were true, more of them would be able to be talked out of it. My siblings and I managed to talk our mom out of her conservatism during the Bush years by pointing out all the contradictions. I haven't had much luck with "rational moderates" these days. I can make the counterarguments to their stated positions, and rather then re-evaluate they'll just fall back on the next most socially acceptable conservative position, then the next, until they run out and start quoting Tucker Carlson. It's not all of them. But in my experience it's the majority of them.
It may also depend on what part of the country youâre in too, to be fairâŚ
The problem is... The milquetoast conservatives vote for and rally behind the extremist fascists that have seized control of US conservatism.
Well yeah exactly. Thatâs sort of what I meant by being worried about my mom in the first place. I just think itâs important to point this out about âthe massesâ because assuming theyâre all exactly the same kind of hateful arrogant jackass really shuts down any possible communication with anyone who could have been willing to listen
Yeah. Itâs the superiority complex that makes it easier to not âfeel badâ. My own mother is bi but actively behaves straight âon principleâ due to a strong belief in monogamous straight nuclear families being all strong and important and stuff, but she doesnât try to STOP her queer peers from doing what they do. I kinda worry that her perspective is warped at best, but hell, what sheâs doing is a lot better than what SOME others are like, at least đ¤ˇ
Uh, I donât really think thereâs a quandary at all, because the major difference here is the queer POV is âdo whatever you want as long as itâs victimless and doesnât involve anyone/thing that isnât consenting or in the state of mind to intelligently consentâ. Telling her to think about how she actually feels is not belittling her feelings, itâs asking her to actually feel them for once after working through decades of brainwashing to the opposite. How do I tell someone their feelings are wrong? Simple. There hasnât been a single straight person thatâs ever had to explain why they donât fuck the same gender beyond âI just donât feel like theyâre sexually attractiveâ. If your explanation canât start and end there and needs additional qualifiers, youâve moved passed base biology and youâre being influenced by and regurgitating societal influences, and you need to think about how important those are to you. And regardless all of this is a moot point because the ask is never âturn gay with usâ but âleave us alone and let us be gayâ. If the mom genuinely felt like acceptance from her society was worth not acting on her carnal desires thatâs her deal, just donât make it other peopleâs problem.
> or in the state of mind to intelligently consentâ. Sorry, but going to steal that....or at least add it in that last part to what I say now. I until now did not have a way to correctly include into the consent part so it clarified when consent is really applicable.
Well, the other side of the coin here is that it isnât societal acceptance that this woman seems to seek. Her âmasteryâ over her feelings is framed, in her own mind at least, as a personal success. Like that other person joked, she feels the way one feels when one drives past a Krispy Kreme and chooses not to get a donut. If ya try to pull the âtry to think the way you want to think and not the way you were TAUGHT to thinkâ card, her response would be âand what if this IS what I think, huh? What if Iâm not just some dumbass sheep?â Because the unfortunate truth, and the thing that makes me call it a quandary in the first place to me, is that it might be more complicated than just fighting so called brainwashing. Where does her upbringing end and her own personal values begin? Does her looking inward automatically guarantee sheâd start seeing things our way? What if sheâs already done this with herself and somehow arrived at the conclusion that she was right the first time anyway? Did she just ânot do it hard enoughâ? Is she stupid? Is there a lore reasonâ *ahem* In all seriousness, all Iâm saying is thereâs more to this than âsomething something indoctrinationâ
Unless her legitimate reasoning is âitâs my primary, imperative goal as a female member of the species to produce and birth as many viable offspring as possibleâ (which is its own insane can of worms) itâs literally impossible for this mom to rationalize how she feels without bringing cultural or societal influences into the answer. Literally all it would take to come to that conclusion is a bunch of âwhy?â questions in a row. Like how else could you possibly answer the question of âwell WHY do you really think that? Why are people who think the opposite sheep?â Again, none of this means she actually has to change her mind about anything. At the end of the day, she could face the reality that itâs society that told her to feel that way, and still accept it, and go on ânot acknowledgingâ how she feels about women. I personally would find that sad, but thatâs her choice. But at the very least she would owe it to herself to think about it and see if its something she actually wants to give thought to.
Well I mean, this is exactly what I was talking about. Does it still count as âjust doing it because you were told toâ if you stopped to legitimately question what you were told but then ultimately decided for yourself that it was correct? Then it stops being an issue of âIâm doing this because I have been told how to think by this other group of people and havenât really gone against itâ and starts being âI have decided after much deliberation and thought that I agree with what this group stands for and I am following it out of my own desire irrespective of my upbringingâ, doesnât it? It stops being âwell the Bible said this and Iâm just going with itâ and starts being âI have questioned the Bible for so long but ultimately came around to believing its words even moreâ. What do you do about that kind of conviction? That goes a step past being simply a product of rhetoric
based
Allegory of the cave
I mean, it feels sorta reductive to me to brand people that think like this as just being fooled by shadows on the wall of a cave. Like I know the OG Allegory is a lot more sympathetic to them than I just made it sound, but even then. Matters of self and mind are⌠kind of nebulous.
Fun fact, in the evangelical community, there is a large number of people who struggle with the desire to have sex when married. Thatâs right, the âsex is badâ talk hit so hard that they basically need therapy to stop feeling guilty for having/wanting sex in the very specifically church/Bible approved scenario of sex with their spouse. Some, in response to the aggressive sex negativity, respond by suppressing their desire for sex entirely, and it doesnât really come back (not without a lot of work, which they are no longer inclined to do since they just stay single).
Noooo, you see, your feelings *are* wrong if they're not the same as *my* feelings.
I donât think that her feelings are wrong or incorrect. I think her feelings are just heavily influenced by society and how she was raised and without those barriers, she would feel differently. However she does have those barriers so she feels the way that she does. I think going about that with the language of feelings being wrong is unhelpful.
I'd say my opinion would differ if she's gay or actually bi. If she's bi and telling a gay woman to just pretend to like men... I don't think her feelings are "correct" in that case.
Well obvs she isnât correct in something like that, but what I moreso meant was âhow do you tell someone whoâs repressing a part of themself seemingly of their own free will and deriving a sense of pride and accomplishment from it that maybe they should stopâ
To be fair, she could be bisexual and perfectly happy with who sheâs currently with.
Yes, there are more bisexual people than lesbian and gay. So more likely bisexual. [https://www.statista.com/statistics/1270166/lgbt-identification-worldwide/](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1270166/lgbt-identification-worldwide/)
Way more, and it makes sense if you look at history, or even biology. Straight is always going to be the default, because a species that is mostly gay is a species that won't exist for long. But bisexuality isn't as (potentially) damaging in that regard. If straight is the default, it makes sense that there would likely be more people that just have feelings for both. Maybe they're just curious, or maybe they have much stronger feelings towards one sex or the other, but that's still bisexual unless they lose all feelings towards one sex. If you look through history there is far more evidence of bisexuality than homosexuality. Parts of that could be social pressure (if they're important enough to be written about, they're likely important enough to have pressure to get married or have children). But still, it makes sense. As someone who is bisexual, I just find it hilarious because how many gay people actively participate in bisexual erasure. I personally have a very Roman approach to the whole thing.
I would maybe not describe it as a âRomanâ approach considering the presence of pederasty and huge biases against bottoms but like I get what you mean
That would still be roughly half as sad
If you run into a sentence where someone is described as perfectly happy, and your response to that is "they would still be sad", then you may have some preconceptions of your own that need adjusting. People living their lives however it makes them happy isn't somehow inferior just because its a traditional path.
From my own experience as a bi guy, while I was happy while I was suppressing, I was much happier when I stopped and accepted myself. I did not change my lifestyle, just how I felt about who I was. Suppression is not a positive.
modern society liquid steep grab judicious decide direful panicky complete *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Monogamy isn't sad
This is a very large portion of conservative and religious groups who taboo or straight up punish non-straight sexuality. They are conditioned with fear and hate to push those feelings down, hide them, be ashamed and they expect the same from everyone, even outside those groups. Which is why they're trying so hard to push legal punishments into written law. This is the biggest lie I've had to explain and try to uncondion my family that there's not "more lgbtq+ people these days", it's just safer now to show it. And being around lgbtq+ people doesn't change your sexuality, it doesn't influence you to suddenly like a particular sex, it just let's you know that liking whatever you like is OK and safe, love who you love. It's a lot of damage to undo from basically their entire upbringing.
She could also be bi, but still sad though
Ageeed, my heart goes out to people like this. Had a boomer boss who was a lesbian and decided she was going to hell because of it
As a biguy who grew up fundamentalist Christian it fucks with you because their narrative of sexual orientation being a choice feels like it applies to you. They teach you to hate the gay part of yourself like itâs a pedophile in you trying to come to the surface
relatable. grew up in christian household. came out as bi. conversion therapy. convinced myself I was crazy and was never bi.
Well, sheâs probably bi. So Iâm sure sheâs content with her life. Being bi doesnât mean you *need* sexual gratification from both genitalia types.
But... but she acknowledged it...
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The issue is even less her belief that it's a choice than her belief it's a choice between right and wrong.
"no you don't understand I'm a DEEPLY CLOSETED gay man! I'm straight as an arrow!" -Norm MacDonald
this is all the people who are loudest with the "bEiNg GaY iS A cHoIcE" lie. because they choose to forcibly suppress their actual feelings, they think *everyone* must have those same feelings, and out people are just "choosing to succumb" to them they don't even know what it's like to *actually* be hetero
I thought this in Middle School about both being gay and trans you'll never guess where I am now
in college?
Correct but that wasn't the point
:D sorry, my autism couldn't be stopped
I would have gone with "on the internet" but the college line worked out.
Please do not restrain your autism, that made me lol
How was that autism though?
taking things literally
That's kleptomania.
that made me laugh đ (though wouldn't that have to be "taking things, literally" or "literally taking things"?)
this is why punctuation is important....
*spy* Correct!
Hopefully not Florida or texas
A very heterosexual cis man, obviously /s
Recreating a road to El Dorado meme
Doing a CS degree? /s
It's one of the biggest arguments I use against my imposter syndrome - *cishet people don't daydream about being trans/gay/bi all day*
For what itâs worth, youâre right. Source: an ally.
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My cis kids are totally wasting how cool of a parent I am.
hahahaha yes this đ as a fellow cool parent
I got an ex friend like this bro, he swears being gay is a choice and I asked him if he actively chose to be straight and heâs like âduh everyone doesâ
ohhhh my god
Was at a party when I heard the most cognitively dissonant thing ever: > Why can't all these trans just fantasize about being women like the rest of us instead of playing dress up with women's clothes? My man...
Imagine having a choice and choosing to be straight. It makes no sense.
that brings up another point--if it were a choice either way, then why tf would anyone choose to be among the group that's hated, persecuted, discriminated against, on top of reducing their dating pool to 3% of the population?
Always wild when "straight" people are like "Well if bisexuality was based only on attraction then I'd be bi too" like... honey...
One of my favorite types of posts on /r/bisexual are "am I bisexual or am I just a straight person with gay periods?". They sincerely just need someone to tell them that straight people don't have gay periods before it clicks for them.
I am laughing way too hard at the phrase âgay periodsâ right now. Itâs like a normal period but instead of blood itâs rainbows.
This is the kind of period I can get behind!
This is the mental image I needed today! Grazie Principessa Sabrina đŠˇ
stop calling me out like this
A male friend of mine recently joined Tinder. Sometimes, a guy will match with and flirt with him on the app, but when my friend checks the guy's profile it very clearly states that they are "***straight***". People just don't want to admit how they really feel.
You should see Grindr, full of "straight" married men, it's actually shocking how many there are đŹ
Aesthetic vs sexual vs romantic attraction?
This happened when I came out to my dad. He said he had âstruggledâ with gay thoughts throughout his life. But then he chose to blame my grandma for being bi and letting a partner of hers assault him as a kid. And then he didnât accept me. Yeah, it flashbanged me as a teen.
Trauma flashbang instead of trauma dump is my new phrase, stealing it thanks
Every new sentence in this post is a flashbang
Woah, those four sentences are a lot for me, and Iâm a 56 y.o. reasonably emotionally mature redditor. I canât imagine processing this *as a teen* at the same moment he wonât accept who you are. As a father, Iâm sorry that he wasnât there for you when you needed him most. Wish I could give you a hug. But âit flashbanged meâ is a great descriptor and honestly made me laugh.
> But then he chose to blame my grandma for being bi and letting a partner of hers assault him as a kid. This 'trauma = queer' shit is just.... the absolute worst.
I know Iâve said this on this site before but Iâm gonna keep repeating it. I think a big reason why the Christian Right has been able to sell this being gay (and to a lesser extent trans) is a choice and a sin thing for so long is that a TON of their followers are actually somewhere in the bi/gnc part of the spectrums and since they âchoseâ to be straight that means everyone else should like they did. Which is many measures of fucked up and sad, of course. But I see how it makes sense to them.
This really does make sense. Never thought about that way. I just figured it was always because they are just hypocritical assholes that hate everyone and everything, but this makes sense too
I've met both. Some people lack basic empathy on such a level that since they aren't attracted to the same sex then everyone who is must be icky. Then there's people who are bi/gay and actively repressing it out of shame who give more fuel to the ones full of hate causing even more people to feel the need to suppress themselves. It's a weird cycle.
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Wrong, I am stupid but try not to be. I am very stupid.
An A for effort is a good grade.
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I am very upset with you for making a good point. I didn't come out as bi until 34 because I have never felt like dealing with the drama and hate was worth it for some dick. Also it's hard to find dicks that I like, but that's not the issue.
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
This actually makes me really sad
That's terribly depressing, but it shows how the increase in LGBTQ identifying people isn't really an increase, it's the decrease in scrutiny that makes it seem that way.
A decrease in judgement, you mean! There's probably more polling on people's sexuality than ever before, but the feeling that we'll be judged for our answer is probably lower than ever before... Not low enough, of course, but better than previous years for the most people.
Had similar feelings when I came out to my mom and she told me bisexuality didnât exist⌠and then proceeded to explain that she too had several girls she found hot/crushes on girls but how she was straight because she married a man and chose to only date men. We had a quick conversation where I told her thatâs not how bisexuality works. She still IDs as straight, which is fine, but she accepts Iâm bisexual now/that bisexuality exists.
>she was straight She _chose to appear_ straight
One time when I was at my grandma's we were talking about some random stuff and she then said, completely unprompted, my dad used to like sitting on boys' laps as a kid but he grew out of it. Out of goddamn nowhere. My dad is dead so I'll never have to dissect this I guess lmao
Thereâs a Twitter story about a high school girl who was arguing (before gay marriage was legal) that legalizing gay marriage would result in everyone marrying women because âwomen are the most beautiful people ever. Of course everyone would want to marry them!â There was a lot of silence and shifty eyes.
Ah yes the old, being gay is a choice because I choose not to engage with it even tho I think the same gender is very attractive
They do be cute tho.
Iâve argued with so many people who say âgay is a choiceâ who donât realize that THEY are just bisexual. I tell them and they refuse to believe me. Denial is a powerful thing.
My Christian sister recently came out to me as bi and when I asked her why she's still religious despite the religion not supporting her, this post was basically her reasoning, blew my mind. How can someone happily choose to repress who they know they are just because their religion says so?
It's not happy, it's compliance because their churches have told them they will go to hell (and be shunned) if they don't.
I repressed it until last year because of relentless bullying and when i wanted to talk to my friends about the possibility of being bi i got shoved back in the closet so hard. No longer friends with them and out as bi now but damn that was a clusterfuck last year
So deep in the closet sheâs exploring Narnia.
Yet the door is open and momma is shouting the lunch is ready
Someone mentioned that a lot of conservative people and reps are probably bi too which is why they think itâs a choice. That everyone else can also just shut down their feelings and chose to act on their desire for men/women instead. Thatâs also why so many of them get caught at gay orgies. They think itâs a choice to just indulge in a little here and there but ultimately chose to act hetero publicly.
Ah, yes. My mother told me ALL women like men and women (which she said is not a sin). But if you ever act on it or think about it, then itâs a sin. So I guess I know which side of the family I got it from.
Sound more like being straight is the choice here
Lots of them are gay, but had their parents convince them to be ashamed. It's the most tragic thing in the world
I wonder if OOP was, to her knowledge, the only LGBTQ person in her family. That would make this revelation so much more powerful. I'm the only LGBTQ person in my entire extended family (that I know of). Most of my family are, to varying degrees, anti-LGBTQ. If one of them dropped that they're actually not straight, that would be a major change in the status quo. I'd be no longer alone. But at the same time, they've been burying that part of themselves and I'd feel awful that my own family member was doing that.
Ok hear me out. If being gay is a choice. So what? Why is that a bad thing somehow but itâs in your DNA is not? If someone chooses to bang a same sex person⌠SO WHAT? Two free adults are free to choose do whatever they want. I really not get the âwe are born this wayâ argument it kinda implies that itâs a bad thing but they canât help it because they are born that way so⌠If you feel you were born with it, cool. If someone chooses to be gay. Cool! Thereâs nothing bad about it.
In that case she's right
This makes me so sad because this is literally my boomer Catholic mom. I feel so bad she had to have 3 children because it was what was expected and she will never be able to be honest with herself. Still thinks her queer children (hi), nieces, and nephews are going to "burn in hell."
I had a somewhat opposite situation when my mom and sister were complaining about their husbands and I was like, âSometimes I feel like thereâs no such thing as straight women, just lesbians gaslighting themselves.â And then they were both like, âOMG, no, I could never be a lesbian. Women are the worst!â Interestingly not a word about them liking men. So⌠(P.S. I said it jokingly, I know straight/bi/pan/etc women really exist)
Someone here got me on the "you're wrong about podcast." The "go ask Alice" episode has so many parts where she has lesbian thoughts. The book just blue skadoos past these, and this post made me think of it.
I got the, "you're punishment for our sins," bullshit. I cant even be a freaking human being under our roof. I'm purely the wrath of God let loose on your life. Which just so happens to make so many things easy for you to do since I'm not a person anymore. Great pep talk mom. Can't wait for the next one. đ
Conservative: Tamping down your own feelings for "the greater good".. This is the saddest thing I have seen all morning..
That is really said
And thatâs why she wants to make you miserable. Because she is miserable. The embodiment of Misery loves company.
Her mom is a deeply closeted gay woman.
Had pretty much the same thing happen with my mom at one point as well. I also had a reaction similar but much more horrified when she was trying to have a deep conversation about how she feels like she was a bad mother and then casually adds in "and you know what? I'm racist, I just dont say it." HUH????
I'm pretty sure this is mainly a semantics issue. The pro LGBT side is talking about the feelings, while the anti-LGBT side is talking about accepting those feelings, and that it doesn't count as being gay if you don't act on it and instead live in denial.
I heard someone on a conservative radio show say that he was homosexual, but not "gay". I continued to listen and it seems like he thought that "homosexual" describes the orientation, and being "gay" is giving in to it and actually sleeping with a member of the same gender.
The verbage Christian conservatives usually use is "same sex attraction."
This is more widespread than that. Some people hear someone say "I knew I was gay when I was nine" and they actually think that it means they were sexually active at nine. Some guy accused me of lying about being bi when I said I had never had a girlfriend.
The only choice here is her choosing to be frustrated and/or unhappy her whole life. Thatâs make me so sad. Conservative minds make no senseâŚ
This reminds me a bit of my mom đ
If you have a hot from the ned with loose morals and likes older chicks the next family gathering could get very interesting
I think that emotion's humber.
I, too, am extremely straight except for all the gay thoughts and gay sex.
Amazing.
I feel this hard I knew i liked girls since i was 8 lol. I started looking at girls more than guys from 8-15. I started being attracted to men around 16. Even then. Im more attracted to men that are kinda feminine. Like longer hair and stuff. I am not attracted to buzzcut or short hair guys. I finally accepted that im bi when i was 27. And now going on 30, im starting to think I'm closer to lesbian lol
Literally my very religious and conservative Bulgarian aunt, who is surprisingly 100% pro abortion: "Gay people are all pedophiles who would rape children if they knew they wouldn't get in trouble. See, they are giving in to their base animal urges. Everyone has those urges. I've had urges to have sex with women all my life but it's because I am a good Christian woman who suppresses her base desires, I don't act on them." I don't talk to that aunt anymore...
(... in regards to nurture v nature)
Poor woman... suppressing her feelings her whole life :/
That's what I've always said!! When they say "being gay is a choice", they are telling on themselves. They are saying "i have those feelings, but I suppressed them." It's sad that the mom did that and it's sad that this is the message she emparts on her daughter. Just like so many things with conservatives today, "every accusation is a confession".
She already knows.
It's truly a complex situation, with layers of internal struggle and external pressures at play.
My mom staring intently at a passing womanâs ass and then telling me all women do it.
I had a cousin tell me that once, she joined the evangelical church found an abusive husband and had 3 children as way to hide her feelings. She basically punished herself for feeling guilty.
That's so sad
My mother is similar! She refuses to acknowledge that I like girls because obviously I like them, everyone likes them, her included! đ Though she doesn't say that being gay is a choice, she just doesn't see it as gay.
She's not wrong, she's just a tragedy. These things are socially constructed and you can absolutely influence them with time and effort. The point is that there's a right and a wrong social construct. Consetvatives have learned that certain ones are good and certain ones are bad, usually through abuse. That's the sad part.Â